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1
00:00:00,189 --> 00:00:04,451
Virginia? Virginia? Virginia?
2
00:00:04,452 --> 00:00:06,786
Guess how I got this.
3
00:00:06,821 --> 00:00:08,421
Ooh, I love this game!
4
00:00:08,456 --> 00:00:13,059
"Guess how I got this" was a game
my parents had been playing for years.
5
00:00:15,438 --> 00:00:17,806
Guess how I got this.
6
00:00:18,833 --> 00:00:20,366
Guess how I got this.
7
00:00:24,038 --> 00:00:26,673
Guess how I got this.
8
00:00:30,313 --> 00:00:34,380
- Guess how I got this.
- Mm, mm.
9
00:00:34,415 --> 00:00:38,451
I don't want to brag, but I was
sort of the inspiration for this game.
10
00:00:38,486 --> 00:00:40,253
Guess how I got this.
11
00:00:43,357 --> 00:00:46,226
I'm gonna guess that Sarah
McLachlan freed all the lobsters
12
00:00:46,260 --> 00:00:47,660
from the seafood
shack again.
13
00:00:47,695 --> 00:00:48,995
Nope.
14
00:00:49,029 --> 00:00:50,797
You won a bet
with the governor of Maine.
15
00:00:50,831 --> 00:00:52,232
Sabrina, Main Street
doesn't have a governor.
16
00:00:52,266 --> 00:00:53,666
You got to think
before you guess.
17
00:00:53,701 --> 00:00:55,702
You know, you guys
are ruining this game.
18
00:00:55,736 --> 00:00:56,970
Where'd you get
the lobster, Burt?
19
00:00:57,004 --> 00:00:59,873
Tyler couldn't pay me for mowing his
lawn, so he gave me this little fella.
20
00:00:59,907 --> 00:01:03,143
Wow, Burt, I think you got
the better end of that deal.
21
00:01:03,177 --> 00:01:05,011
We could never afford
lobsters at the store.
22
00:01:05,045 --> 00:01:07,621
I know! Tyler says
supermarkets have to overcharge
23
00:01:07,622 --> 00:01:09,833
because of all the middlemen
they have to pay.
24
00:01:09,842 --> 00:01:13,224
The delivery guy, the ice guy,
those useless baggers and checkers.
25
00:01:13,225 --> 00:01:15,905
- Oh, I hate those guys.
- Jimmy, we are those guys.
26
00:01:15,906 --> 00:01:17,406
You should make this
a regular thing with Tyler.
27
00:01:17,441 --> 00:01:21,251
I'm gonna. But I was thinking,
why stop with lobster?
28
00:01:21,252 --> 00:01:22,619
This could be huge.
29
00:01:22,629 --> 00:01:24,643
Think of the other things
I could trade for.
30
00:01:24,644 --> 00:01:26,653
Crabs, shrimp, mollusks.
31
00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:28,689
No. Think bigger.
32
00:01:28,690 --> 00:01:32,094
I don't know. Oysters.
Um, uh... pelicans!
33
00:01:32,095 --> 00:01:33,896
Even bigger.
34
00:01:33,931 --> 00:01:36,465
We could both trade
services for stuff.
35
00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:38,738
We'd be doing
the same amount of work,
36
00:01:38,739 --> 00:01:41,482
but enjoying a much bigger
return on the cool stuff.
37
00:01:41,508 --> 00:01:42,672
That sounds great!
38
00:01:42,673 --> 00:01:45,269
You guys should find some
tradable skills and join us.
39
00:01:45,270 --> 00:01:46,809
Must be something
you're good at.
40
00:01:46,843 --> 00:01:49,782
I've gotten really good at
avoiding ridiculous ideas,
41
00:01:49,783 --> 00:01:51,077
which is why we're
gonna bow out.
42
00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:52,581
Plus, we have Barney's
first aid class tomorrow.
43
00:01:52,616 --> 00:01:54,792
First aid class?
What do you need that for?
44
00:01:54,793 --> 00:01:58,323
Yeah, first aid is just a scam dreamed
up by the gauze and bandage people.
45
00:01:58,324 --> 00:01:59,855
Or a proven life saver.
46
00:01:59,856 --> 00:02:01,719
Yeah, and since Hope spends
so much time here,
47
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,427
we think you guys ought to check out
the class, too, for Hope's sake.
48
00:02:04,461 --> 00:02:07,811
Jimmy, kids get hurt...
They scrape their elbows,
49
00:02:07,812 --> 00:02:10,766
they cut their finger, they fall through
a hole in the bottom of your car.
50
00:02:10,801 --> 00:02:11,934
Nothing you can do
to avoid it.
51
00:02:11,969 --> 00:02:15,236
Besides, we got a perfectly
good first aid kit right here.
52
00:02:15,605 --> 00:02:19,508
See? LA-LA!
53
00:02:19,543 --> 00:02:23,379
"Shoot flare, eat sandwich,
wait for help."
54
00:02:23,413 --> 00:02:25,047
I don't know.
Maybe they're right.
55
00:02:25,082 --> 00:02:27,134
Maybe we should just
skip the class and...
56
00:02:27,135 --> 00:02:28,569
Jimmy.
57
00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:30,891
Oh, my.
58
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:34,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
59
00:02:38,795 --> 00:02:42,131
Oh, the years have not been kind
to this turkey salad sandwich.
60
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:45,549
Season 4, Episode 2
"Burt Bucks"
61
00:02:46,117 --> 00:02:49,117
Synced by Reef
www.addic7ed.com
62
00:02:49,929 --> 00:02:53,010
The next day, my parents
put their bartering plan into action,
63
00:02:53,011 --> 00:02:54,433
and it actually worked.
64
00:02:54,467 --> 00:02:55,901
They got thingsthey needed.
65
00:02:55,935 --> 00:02:58,770
They got thingsthey didn't need.
66
00:02:58,805 --> 00:03:01,507
And they got thingsthat were long overdue.
67
00:03:01,704 --> 00:03:03,271
Rinse.
68
00:03:06,546 --> 00:03:09,746
Most importantly, they got
things they had always dreamt about.
69
00:03:12,252 --> 00:03:14,753
Oh, if we have maple syrup
this incredible here,
70
00:03:14,787 --> 00:03:16,955
why do we even
talk to Canada?
71
00:03:16,990 --> 00:03:19,291
Oh, man.
72
00:03:19,325 --> 00:03:21,426
Barb, what you're doing
right now is actually
73
00:03:21,461 --> 00:03:23,795
making me look forward
to cleaning your drain hair.
74
00:03:25,398 --> 00:03:29,601
Hey, Virginia, check
out my new lid.
75
00:03:29,636 --> 00:03:31,904
Old lady Stevens made this for me
for cleaning out her pool.
76
00:03:31,938 --> 00:03:34,139
This bartering thing...
it's the greatest thing ever.
77
00:03:34,174 --> 00:03:37,876
I know. Massages,
lobsters, crocheted hats.
78
00:03:37,911 --> 00:03:39,545
It's like we're barter-aires!
79
00:03:39,579 --> 00:03:40,754
I was thinking.
80
00:03:40,755 --> 00:03:44,334
What if the people who are trading
with us started trading with each other?
81
00:03:44,335 --> 00:03:47,103
Yeah. Natesville would become
a place where the good things in life
82
00:03:47,104 --> 00:03:49,339
actually trickle up to
the people who do all the work.
83
00:03:49,353 --> 00:03:52,958
A trickle-up economy.
I think that's a thing.
84
00:03:53,860 --> 00:03:56,662
No. I'm thinking
tickle me Elmo.
85
00:03:58,027 --> 00:04:00,783
You all may wonder why
I'm qualified to teach this class.
86
00:04:00,784 --> 00:04:04,257
Well, I learned a thing or two
from the trusty scouts.
87
00:04:04,266 --> 00:04:08,470
They would often administer first aid
after they beat the tarnation out of me.
88
00:04:08,504 --> 00:04:10,739
I suppose I was
an easy target.
89
00:04:10,773 --> 00:04:14,409
Overweight, asthmatic, anemic
and wildly color blind.
90
00:04:14,443 --> 00:04:16,144
You're late.
Is everything all right?
91
00:04:16,178 --> 00:04:19,414
I just got this
postcard from my mother.
92
00:04:19,448 --> 00:04:21,416
"Ecuador. Wish you were here."
93
00:04:21,450 --> 00:04:24,152
Oh, she's being nice this time.
Yeah. Turn it over.
94
00:04:24,186 --> 00:04:26,654
"Because
forehead reduction surgery
95
00:04:26,689 --> 00:04:28,757
"is super cheap in Ecuador.
Love, Tams."
96
00:04:28,791 --> 00:04:32,260
- Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.
- Yeah. Really, I should be flattered.
97
00:04:32,294 --> 00:04:36,531
I mean, even in tropical paradise,
she's thinking about my flaws.
98
00:04:36,565 --> 00:04:39,034
Unfortunately,
I took six brutal beatings
99
00:04:39,068 --> 00:04:41,736
before I learned there was
no merit badge for cruelty,
100
00:04:41,771 --> 00:04:45,173
and I'd been letting the scouts
pummel me for no real reason.
101
00:04:45,207 --> 00:04:46,941
Hey, everybody.
102
00:04:46,976 --> 00:04:50,011
Check out my big cans.
103
00:04:52,448 --> 00:04:55,085
You all remember Josh.
He's back after a couple years away.
104
00:04:55,117 --> 00:04:56,851
Seal Team Six.
105
00:04:56,886 --> 00:04:58,920
Josh is amazing
with grocery humor.
106
00:04:58,954 --> 00:05:02,290
He does a similar joke
with jugs.
107
00:05:02,324 --> 00:05:04,986
Once my parents had gathered
all of Natesville's skilled workers,
108
00:05:04,987 --> 00:05:06,812
they attempted
to lay out the plan.
109
00:05:06,813 --> 00:05:09,747
It took a while for someof them to understand.
110
00:05:09,748 --> 00:05:12,267
Hi. My name's Phil,
and I'm an alcoholic.
111
00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:13,768
Hi, Phil.
112
00:05:13,803 --> 00:05:17,056
Phil, for the second time,
that's not why we're here.
113
00:05:17,057 --> 00:05:18,472
Oh. For the
past few days,
114
00:05:18,473 --> 00:05:21,376
Virginia and I have
enjoyed a lifestyle
115
00:05:21,410 --> 00:05:25,341
that previously
was beyond our reach.
116
00:05:25,342 --> 00:05:27,482
How did we do it, Burt?
117
00:05:27,516 --> 00:05:29,651
- Through barter.
- Oh...
118
00:05:29,685 --> 00:05:31,869
In fact, after only
a few hours of lawn work,
119
00:05:31,877 --> 00:05:35,390
I was able to trade for
something that was heretofore
120
00:05:35,424 --> 00:05:38,726
only available
to tycoons and walruses.
121
00:05:38,761 --> 00:05:40,829
- Oh...
- What is it?
122
00:05:41,232 --> 00:05:44,367
Well, look under your chairs
and find out!
123
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:48,205
Is that a lobster?
124
00:05:48,239 --> 00:05:50,879
That's right.
You get a lobster!
125
00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:52,314
You get a lobster!
126
00:05:52,315 --> 00:05:53,949
You get a lobster!
127
00:05:57,515 --> 00:05:59,216
No!
128
00:06:01,085 --> 00:06:02,853
Make it stop!
129
00:06:02,887 --> 00:06:05,121
Sorry about the
paper towel.
130
00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:07,023
I don't believe in gauze.
131
00:06:07,058 --> 00:06:09,459
The thing
we're trying to say is,
132
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:11,228
I was able to trade
for all these lobsters
133
00:06:11,262 --> 00:06:12,829
because we cut out
the middleman.
134
00:06:12,864 --> 00:06:15,010
I didn't have to pay
the delivery guy,
135
00:06:15,011 --> 00:06:17,390
or the claw-rubber banderer guy.
136
00:06:17,715 --> 00:06:19,338
Sorry again, Barb.
137
00:06:19,372 --> 00:06:23,072
And we're inviting you
to do the same thing,
138
00:06:23,073 --> 00:06:25,922
and not just with us,
but with each other.
139
00:06:25,923 --> 00:06:28,759
Because the more people that are
involved, the more people benefit.
140
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:30,914
And again, this is not
a pyramid scheme.
141
00:06:30,915 --> 00:06:33,961
Although if you make pyramids,
you're welcome to join our scheme.
142
00:06:33,995 --> 00:06:35,229
Uh, I mean, system.
143
00:06:35,263 --> 00:06:36,630
So, are you saying
144
00:06:36,664 --> 00:06:38,732
I can trade
old lady Stevens lobsters
145
00:06:38,767 --> 00:06:41,331
for a crocheted suit
in a 42 slim?
146
00:06:41,648 --> 00:06:43,215
Oh, honey, that's
not gonna work.
147
00:06:43,216 --> 00:06:45,572
I'm allergic
to crustaceans.
148
00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:47,897
That's easy.
149
00:06:47,898 --> 00:06:50,333
I mow your lawn,
150
00:06:50,779 --> 00:06:54,148
you give Tyler the suit,
151
00:06:54,182 --> 00:06:56,226
Tyler gives me the lobsters.
152
00:06:59,187 --> 00:07:00,554
Again,
153
00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:02,089
I can't stress enough,
154
00:07:02,123 --> 00:07:04,091
this is not a pyramid scheme.
155
00:07:05,598 --> 00:07:09,408
And Clara Barton said,
"You know what? I will."
156
00:07:11,266 --> 00:07:15,169
And that, I think,
covers the origins of first aid.
157
00:07:15,203 --> 00:07:17,801
Oh, I can't believe that took
an hour and 45 minutes.
158
00:07:17,802 --> 00:07:19,770
Oh, well, let's move
quickly to choking.
159
00:07:19,771 --> 00:07:22,573
Now, here are the most common
choking hazards.
160
00:07:22,811 --> 00:07:26,288
Finally, some food.
I'm starving.
161
00:07:28,116 --> 00:07:31,185
Jimmy? Jimmy? Jimmy?
162
00:07:31,219 --> 00:07:34,421
I think James is really choking!
Okay, nobody panic.
163
00:07:37,292 --> 00:07:39,193
Has anyone here ever
actually done the Heimlich?
164
00:07:39,227 --> 00:07:42,029
- Yes. - I've only ever done it
with my special body pillow.
165
00:07:43,586 --> 00:07:45,353
Oh, it's no use.
My hands are slipping!
166
00:07:45,387 --> 00:07:47,069
Damn my vain compulsion
to moisturize!
167
00:07:47,089 --> 00:07:48,790
My hands are beautiful,
but useless!
168
00:07:54,797 --> 00:07:57,333
Oh, my God.
169
00:07:57,334 --> 00:08:00,435
Jimmy's wife
just saved his life.
170
00:08:00,469 --> 00:08:03,571
What a wuss!
Hey, Jimmy, what's next?
171
00:08:03,606 --> 00:08:06,074
Are you gonna start
peeing sitting down?
172
00:08:07,743 --> 00:08:09,911
Okay, you know what?
Can you just cut it out, Josh?
173
00:08:09,945 --> 00:08:12,313
Okay, okay, calm down.
174
00:08:12,348 --> 00:08:15,416
They're not gonna kill him.
They're jokes, not grapes.
175
00:08:23,811 --> 00:08:25,755
I apologize, Jimmy.
176
00:08:25,756 --> 00:08:29,430
If I don't laugh along with his jokes,
he'll start making fun of me again.
177
00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:33,134
As you know, I'm a veritable
minefield of mockable traits.
178
00:08:33,168 --> 00:08:34,636
It's all right, Frank.
179
00:08:34,670 --> 00:08:36,771
Yo, Frank, you coming?
180
00:08:36,805 --> 00:08:41,242
Yeah. I was just pointing Jimmy
towards the sanitary napkins.
181
00:08:42,978 --> 00:08:45,179
I'm so sorry.
182
00:08:48,817 --> 00:08:51,019
Hey, are you okay?
183
00:08:51,053 --> 00:08:53,187
Hey, you know, I'm not a baby,
Sabrina, all right?
184
00:08:53,222 --> 00:08:55,657
I-I can take care of myself.
185
00:08:59,328 --> 00:09:00,928
What was that all about?
186
00:09:00,963 --> 00:09:02,463
I'm afraid you saved his life,
187
00:09:02,498 --> 00:09:04,132
but in the process,
you may have killed his manhood.
188
00:09:04,166 --> 00:09:07,368
Well, he was choking.
What was I supposed to do?
189
00:09:07,403 --> 00:09:09,203
Well, you could have waited for
the professionals to show up.
190
00:09:09,238 --> 00:09:12,040
It's not like a few less brain cells
is gonna cost him a Pulitzer.
191
00:09:12,074 --> 00:09:14,509
Oh, okay, so,
I should just wait for him
192
00:09:14,543 --> 00:09:16,544
to choke in public again,
and then not save him?
193
00:09:16,578 --> 00:09:19,614
Oh, that could take days, and
I don't think he's got that kind of time.
194
00:09:19,648 --> 00:09:21,215
You've got to help him get
his masculinity back.
195
00:09:21,250 --> 00:09:24,018
- How am I supposed to do that?
- Why are you asking me?
196
00:09:24,053 --> 00:09:25,820
I have two mothers, no wife,
197
00:09:25,854 --> 00:09:29,457
and those scouts who used
to beat me up... were girls.
198
00:09:33,896 --> 00:09:35,897
We've got
a problem, Burt.
199
00:09:35,931 --> 00:09:39,113
I gave Barb a lobster, but she only
massaged the left side of my body.
200
00:09:39,114 --> 00:09:41,703
It only took me one to realize
I don't really like lobster.
201
00:09:41,737 --> 00:09:43,882
Turns out, I just really like
melted butter.
202
00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:47,308
But now my left side is relaxed,
and my right side is tense as hell.
203
00:09:47,343 --> 00:09:49,243
Okay, we can figure this out.
204
00:09:49,278 --> 00:09:53,848
Burt, look at this.
I totally get it.
205
00:09:53,882 --> 00:09:55,817
You're a mechanic
with a spare tire.
206
00:09:55,851 --> 00:09:59,520
Apparently, an oil change
is only worth half a sweater now.
207
00:09:59,555 --> 00:10:01,989
Knitting a sweater
takes a long time.
208
00:10:02,024 --> 00:10:04,659
Just be happy
it covers your man boobs.
209
00:10:04,693 --> 00:10:07,995
At least they're not bouncing off
my knees, you useless bag of wrinkles.
210
00:10:09,732 --> 00:10:11,099
We can work this out.
211
00:10:11,133 --> 00:10:14,335
First, Phil,
apologize to your mother.
212
00:10:14,370 --> 00:10:16,780
Unfortunately, there
were more than a few people
213
00:10:16,805 --> 00:10:18,606
that had a problemwith mom and dad's plan.
214
00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:21,570
So they brought everyone together
and tried to figure things out.
215
00:10:21,571 --> 00:10:26,180
Okay, so if Tyler gives
two lobsters to Barb,
216
00:10:26,181 --> 00:10:30,685
and Barb gives a third
of a massage to Dr. Conway,
217
00:10:30,719 --> 00:10:33,121
and Dr. Conway cleans four
218
00:10:33,155 --> 00:10:35,223
of Pam, the fortune teller's
teeth...
219
00:10:35,257 --> 00:10:39,332
Right, and she gives half of next
week's lottery numbers to Phil,
220
00:10:39,333 --> 00:10:41,629
Phil fixes syrup
Sam's truck
221
00:10:41,663 --> 00:10:44,932
in exchange for six pancakes worth
of syrup to old lady Stevens.
222
00:10:44,967 --> 00:10:47,268
Who makes a crocheted
hat for...
223
00:10:47,302 --> 00:10:51,172
Wait. Who needs
a crocheted hat?
224
00:10:54,343 --> 00:10:58,312
Our micro economic group may be
experiencing a hat bubble.
225
00:10:58,347 --> 00:11:02,316
Maybe we don't have to trade
one particular service for another?
226
00:11:02,351 --> 00:11:04,532
Maybe there's something
we can create
227
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:06,821
that represents
the value of services rendered.
228
00:11:06,855 --> 00:11:08,956
Like colored beads
or a piece of paper.
229
00:11:08,991 --> 00:11:11,325
- Paper's a good idea.
- That's pretty cool.
230
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:13,628
But to make it
even more official...
231
00:11:13,662 --> 00:11:15,630
We should put
someone's face on it!
232
00:11:17,666 --> 00:11:21,068
Now, who could that be?
233
00:11:26,209 --> 00:11:28,612
To bring their barter systemto the next level,
234
00:11:28,613 --> 00:11:30,247
my parents went downto Lee's copy shop
235
00:11:30,282 --> 00:11:32,750
and had him print uphundreds of Burt bucks.
236
00:11:38,757 --> 00:11:40,257
There's plenty
to go around.
237
00:11:40,292 --> 00:11:42,714
Trust me, this'll make
everything easier.
238
00:11:42,715 --> 00:11:46,451
They come in threes, sevens and 11's.
Those are Burt's lucky numbers.
239
00:11:46,476 --> 00:11:49,433
___
240
00:11:49,434 --> 00:11:50,734
No...
241
00:11:50,769 --> 00:11:52,569
You are.
242
00:11:52,604 --> 00:11:54,505
Oh, that's good.
243
00:11:54,539 --> 00:11:58,412
Jimmy!
Jimmy, help!
244
00:12:00,712 --> 00:12:03,447
Oh! I'll get you!
245
00:12:05,150 --> 00:12:07,084
Oh, my God!
246
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:10,888
Hey, Frank! Stop!
247
00:12:11,823 --> 00:12:13,424
Frank! Stop!
248
00:12:24,502 --> 00:12:26,136
Oh, my God.
249
00:12:27,572 --> 00:12:29,206
Ha! Classic!
250
00:12:29,519 --> 00:12:30,920
Congratulations, Jimmy.
251
00:12:30,921 --> 00:12:34,290
You're about to go from being
the biggest idiot in the store
252
00:12:34,325 --> 00:12:36,359
to the biggest
on the Internet.
253
00:12:36,393 --> 00:12:38,261
No, you are!
254
00:12:39,172 --> 00:12:41,364
Well done, James.
You're a hero.
255
00:12:41,398 --> 00:12:42,899
If you hadn't caught
the dangling Sabrina,
256
00:12:42,933 --> 00:12:46,002
she may have... broken a log.
257
00:12:46,036 --> 00:12:48,271
Wait, that doesn't
make any sense.
258
00:12:48,272 --> 00:12:49,839
Oh. A leg.
259
00:12:49,873 --> 00:12:52,909
Or... Cut off her head?
260
00:12:52,943 --> 00:12:54,210
Wait a minute.
261
00:12:54,245 --> 00:12:55,979
You guys faked this?
262
00:12:56,013 --> 00:12:58,815
Bet that's not the only thing
she has to fake.
263
00:13:01,218 --> 00:13:04,187
Sorry, I thought Josh
was still here.
264
00:13:05,356 --> 00:13:08,265
Well, I'm off to my mani-pedi.
265
00:13:08,273 --> 00:13:09,993
Can you spot me
a few Burt bucks?
266
00:13:10,027 --> 00:13:12,773
No. I spent my last ones
on a crochet lesson
267
00:13:12,774 --> 00:13:15,399
from old lady Stevens,
so I can make this toilet seat cozy.
268
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:18,587
Ooh, that's gonna be great in winter,
but if you're out of Burt bucks
269
00:13:18,588 --> 00:13:20,770
and I'm out of Burt bucks,
then we got a problem.
270
00:13:20,771 --> 00:13:22,438
I guess you're just gonna have
to mow more lawns
271
00:13:22,473 --> 00:13:23,873
and I'm gonna have
to clean more houses.
272
00:13:23,907 --> 00:13:26,109
But my mani-pedi's today.
273
00:13:26,143 --> 00:13:29,212
I've got so many paper cuts from
handling all those Burt bucks,
274
00:13:29,246 --> 00:13:31,080
I'm getting a hot
paraffin wax dip.
275
00:13:31,115 --> 00:13:33,283
I can't miss that,
Virginia, I just can't.
276
00:13:33,317 --> 00:13:35,184
Doesn't seem fair.
277
00:13:35,219 --> 00:13:38,221
If there's anyone who should never
run out of Burt bucks, it's Burt.
278
00:13:38,255 --> 00:13:41,858
There's got to be a way
we can bail ourselves out of this.
279
00:13:41,892 --> 00:13:44,627
What if we just print ourselves
some extra Burt bucks?
280
00:13:44,662 --> 00:13:48,398
I mean, that's good for everyone,
because the more we spend,
281
00:13:48,432 --> 00:13:50,600
the more everyone else
will have to spend.
282
00:13:50,634 --> 00:13:52,802
I'm no Warren "Buffet,"
283
00:13:52,836 --> 00:13:56,139
but I bet that's just the thing
to stimulate our bartering economy.
284
00:13:56,173 --> 00:13:58,207
Reading those money magazines
while you're on the can
285
00:13:58,242 --> 00:14:00,610
in the fancy houses you clean
is really paying off.
286
00:14:05,849 --> 00:14:07,717
♪ I've got the brains
287
00:14:07,751 --> 00:14:10,286
♪ and you've got the looks
288
00:14:10,321 --> 00:14:13,923
♪ let's make lots of money
289
00:14:13,957 --> 00:14:15,792
♪ you've got the brawn
290
00:14:15,826 --> 00:14:18,328
♪ I've got the brains
291
00:14:18,362 --> 00:14:20,796
♪ let's make lots of
292
00:14:21,932 --> 00:14:23,900
♪ I've had enough of scheming
293
00:14:23,934 --> 00:14:25,935
♪ and messing around
with jerks ♪
294
00:14:25,969 --> 00:14:27,904
♪ my car is parked outside
295
00:14:27,938 --> 00:14:29,972
♪ I'm afraid it doesn't work
296
00:14:30,007 --> 00:14:32,108
♪ I'm looking for a partner
297
00:14:32,142 --> 00:14:34,344
♪ someone who
gets things fixed ♪
298
00:14:34,378 --> 00:14:36,145
♪ ask yourself this question
299
00:14:36,180 --> 00:14:38,181
♪ do you want to be rich?
300
00:14:40,284 --> 00:14:42,452
♪ Let's... ♪
♪ I've got the brains
301
00:14:42,486 --> 00:14:44,454
♪ Make... ♪
♪ You got the looks
302
00:14:44,488 --> 00:14:46,356
♪ let's make lots of money
303
00:14:46,390 --> 00:14:48,257
♪ oh, yeah ♪
304
00:14:48,292 --> 00:14:50,460
♪ Let's ♪
♪ You've got the brawn
305
00:14:50,494 --> 00:14:52,628
♪ Make... ♪
♪ I've got the brawn
306
00:14:52,663 --> 00:14:56,632
♪ let's make lots of money...
307
00:14:57,668 --> 00:15:00,007
Oil change is done.
308
00:15:00,637 --> 00:15:02,605
Change it again!
309
00:15:05,909 --> 00:15:07,643
That was amazing.
310
00:15:07,678 --> 00:15:10,680
Yeah. Now that we've made
sweet love on paper money,
311
00:15:10,714 --> 00:15:13,494
it's gonna be really hard
to go back to coins.
312
00:15:17,087 --> 00:15:18,721
I can't believe this.
313
00:15:18,756 --> 00:15:21,023
I'm all over the Internet.
I've got 58 views,
314
00:15:21,058 --> 00:15:23,393
and every time I check it,
it gets higher.
315
00:15:23,427 --> 00:15:24,961
Look at this! 59!
316
00:15:24,995 --> 00:15:26,562
How many times have
you checked it?
317
00:15:26,597 --> 00:15:29,098
I don't know, 50, 55.
318
00:15:30,901 --> 00:15:34,216
I don't want to be dramatic,
about this, but...
319
00:15:34,263 --> 00:15:37,173
Sometimes I wish you had just let
me die in that first aid class.
320
00:15:38,375 --> 00:15:39,742
Jimmy, look...
321
00:15:39,777 --> 00:15:41,244
What was that?
322
00:15:41,278 --> 00:15:43,146
I think there's
somebody in the garage.
323
00:15:43,180 --> 00:15:47,583
Really? Your little stunt in
the grocery store wasn't enough?
324
00:15:52,356 --> 00:15:54,390
- Oh, come on.
- No.
325
00:15:54,425 --> 00:15:57,154
A masked burglar? I mean, what...
What is this, Scooby-doo?
326
00:15:57,180 --> 00:15:58,535
Jimmy, I...
327
00:15:58,994 --> 00:16:00,329
Josh?
328
00:16:00,364 --> 00:16:03,222
How could you hire the guy
who makes the most fun of me
329
00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:05,791
to make me feel even worse
about myself?
330
00:16:05,792 --> 00:16:08,827
I did not hire him. I think
he's actually trying to rob us.
331
00:16:08,828 --> 00:16:12,482
Oh, yeah, like I'm supposed
to believe that this is real.
332
00:16:13,277 --> 00:16:14,477
Jimmy!
333
00:16:27,424 --> 00:16:29,859
Why does this
keep happening?
334
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:38,646
You... should be ashamed.
335
00:16:38,681 --> 00:16:41,991
What would your brothers at Seal Team Six
have to say about this?
336
00:16:41,992 --> 00:16:43,693
Probably, "Who's Josh?"
337
00:16:43,694 --> 00:16:46,897
Because I was obviously
lying about that.
338
00:16:46,987 --> 00:16:48,988
I was in prison, you idiots.
339
00:16:49,022 --> 00:16:52,658
So you just got out of prison and
you're already trying to rob us?
340
00:16:52,693 --> 00:16:55,027
Big house, tiny wife,
wimpy husband...
341
00:16:55,062 --> 00:16:56,829
It's what every
home invader dreams of.
342
00:16:56,864 --> 00:16:59,854
Oh, great. Now the police
and everyone in town
343
00:16:59,855 --> 00:17:02,502
are gonna know that
you saved me one more time.
344
00:17:02,536 --> 00:17:04,203
I'm never gonna be able
to live this down.
345
00:17:04,238 --> 00:17:05,705
Jimmy, we could
just tell everybody
346
00:17:05,739 --> 00:17:07,874
that you saved me, okay?
Who's gonna know?
347
00:17:07,908 --> 00:17:09,690
- I'll know.
- I'll know, too.
348
00:17:10,354 --> 00:17:14,634
You know what? Maybe a little
duct tape is gonna shut you up...
349
00:17:14,673 --> 00:17:16,641
In about...
350
00:17:29,556 --> 00:17:32,492
Jimmy, wha...
What is this?
351
00:17:32,493 --> 00:17:34,527
Oh, those?
Uh... that's...
352
00:17:34,528 --> 00:17:36,268
That's nothing. I'll-I'll get those.
353
00:17:36,269 --> 00:17:38,504
Wait, but these are all addressed
to me... why haven't I seen them?
354
00:17:38,605 --> 00:17:40,907
Maybe Hope put them in here...
you know that she likes
355
00:17:40,941 --> 00:17:42,809
to play mailman and hoarder.
356
00:17:42,843 --> 00:17:45,211
It's more of those postcards
from my mom.
357
00:17:45,245 --> 00:17:47,046
What are they doing out here?
358
00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:50,483
I always, um, hide them in here
before you see them,
359
00:17:50,517 --> 00:17:52,952
because I know
how much they upset you.
360
00:17:54,588 --> 00:17:55,788
I'm sorry.
361
00:18:01,128 --> 00:18:02,228
What was that for?
362
00:18:02,262 --> 00:18:06,032
Because you committed a federal crime
to protect my feelings.
363
00:18:07,311 --> 00:18:09,746
Oh, Jimmy, don't you see?
364
00:18:10,070 --> 00:18:13,239
I may have saved you
a couple times, but...
365
00:18:13,273 --> 00:18:15,942
You save me every day.
366
00:18:19,646 --> 00:18:22,348
I miss my prison husband.
367
00:18:22,382 --> 00:18:24,550
- What?
- Nothin'.
368
00:18:26,286 --> 00:18:28,688
Burt, we've done it!
369
00:18:28,722 --> 00:18:31,023
We are livin' the good life.
370
00:18:31,058 --> 00:18:33,125
And even though I haven't eaten
anything but lobster, butter
371
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,761
and maple syrup for the last three
days, I have never felt better.
372
00:18:35,796 --> 00:18:37,930
You know, I was thinking,
373
00:18:37,965 --> 00:18:40,132
while lobster
is pretty damn good,
374
00:18:40,167 --> 00:18:42,468
what does Tracetown have
that Natesville doesn't?
375
00:18:42,502 --> 00:18:44,770
Reading level
of a third grade country.
376
00:18:44,805 --> 00:18:48,107
No, something we don't have.
Delicious ribs.
377
00:18:48,141 --> 00:18:51,458
It's time to expand our system,
bring other towns in.
378
00:18:51,459 --> 00:18:53,412
Which would mean more
goods and services.
379
00:18:53,447 --> 00:18:54,813
And not just ribs.
380
00:18:54,814 --> 00:18:56,677
We could get pies.
381
00:18:56,854 --> 00:18:58,822
Or a dermatologist.
382
00:18:59,582 --> 00:19:02,442
A guy who makes keys.
383
00:19:02,856 --> 00:19:04,223
Hey, Chances.
384
00:19:04,258 --> 00:19:06,926
Hey, Tyler.
Lookin' sharp!
385
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,628
Pour yourself a glass
of maple syrup.
386
00:19:08,662 --> 00:19:10,596
Oh, I'm good.
Uh, let me ask you,
387
00:19:10,631 --> 00:19:13,439
you didn't print up
any extra Burt bucks, did you?
388
00:19:14,627 --> 00:19:16,502
We're not saying we did,
389
00:19:16,536 --> 00:19:19,972
but if we did...
Why would that be a problem?
390
00:19:20,007 --> 00:19:22,742
I had a feeling.
You flooded the market.
391
00:19:22,776 --> 00:19:24,010
You're welcome.
392
00:19:24,044 --> 00:19:27,742
It's not good. I sold my last
lobster for 4,000 Burt bucks.
393
00:19:27,743 --> 00:19:31,150
Didn't you learn anything from
the hyper-inflation fiasco in Zimbabwe?
394
00:19:31,184 --> 00:19:34,153
We didn't do it the Zim-Bob-way,
we did it our way.
395
00:19:34,187 --> 00:19:36,355
I'm sorry, guys,
396
00:19:36,390 --> 00:19:39,812
Burt bucks are worthless;
I can't accept them anymore.
397
00:19:40,394 --> 00:19:42,395
See you around.
398
00:19:43,497 --> 00:19:45,031
Well, that's
just one guy.
399
00:19:45,065 --> 00:19:48,868
It shouldn't matter. System's too big...
It can't fail.
400
00:19:48,902 --> 00:19:51,277
But it wasn't just one guy,
401
00:19:51,278 --> 00:19:54,507
and it only took a couple hoursfor the entire system to fail.
402
00:19:54,541 --> 00:19:56,642
Once lobster was out,big syrup fell,
403
00:19:56,677 --> 00:19:59,312
and then the entirecrochet industry unraveled.
404
00:19:59,346 --> 00:20:02,715
Pretty soon, my parentswere left holding the bag...
405
00:20:02,749 --> 00:20:07,053
Or, in this case, several wheelbarrows
filled with worthless paper.
406
00:20:12,826 --> 00:20:15,795
I guess if you think about this
purely in terms of wheelbarrows,
407
00:20:15,828 --> 00:20:17,339
we came out way ahead.
408
00:20:17,340 --> 00:20:20,466
- And... nobody really got hurt.
- True.
409
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:23,069
Hello?
Oh, hello!
410
00:20:23,103 --> 00:20:25,037
Mr. Lee? What are
you doing here?
411
00:20:25,072 --> 00:20:26,872
Well, I need to get paid
for the printing.
412
00:20:26,907 --> 00:20:28,908
No problem.
Can I pay you in Burt bucks?
413
00:20:28,942 --> 00:20:31,510
That's very funny!
414
00:20:31,545 --> 00:20:33,746
What can I do
with all the play money?
415
00:20:33,780 --> 00:20:35,548
I can't pay rent,
I can't buy ink,
416
00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:38,540
and it's far too rough
for toilet paper.
417
00:20:38,541 --> 00:20:42,355
- You need to take care of this.
- Okay.
418
00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:48,859
Interesting. Mm-hmm.
419
00:20:50,897 --> 00:20:52,865
Let me ask you this.
420
00:20:52,899 --> 00:20:55,067
Do you take wheelbarrows?
421
00:20:55,102 --> 00:20:57,903
Mom and dad's bartering systemfinally worked...
422
00:20:57,938 --> 00:20:59,905
Just not how they planned.
423
00:20:59,940 --> 00:21:02,174
They lived the high lifefor one week,
424
00:21:02,209 --> 00:21:05,044
but it cost them 50,000 hoursof landscaping and cleaning.
425
00:21:05,078 --> 00:21:08,225
Burt, when you're done, there are
more hedges behind the building.
426
00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:09,827
Nice!
427
00:21:11,084 --> 00:21:15,761
Well, on the bright side,
this won't be our problem forever.
428
00:21:15,777 --> 00:21:18,024
After we're gone, our children
and our children's children
429
00:21:18,058 --> 00:21:20,393
will be paying off our debts
to the Chinese printer.
430
00:21:20,427 --> 00:21:24,469
Well, it's a good thing people smarter
than us are running the real government.
431
00:21:28,028 --> 00:21:31,028
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00:21:35,149 --> 00:21:39,699
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