Original subtitles

Subs created by: David Coleman.

Woman on TV: The shark truly is nature's underwater chainsaw.

(All exclaiming) That was sick!

That was disgusting.

- What? - And so boring.

I thought this was a pool party.

Come on! Last one in's a rotten egg!

Tad? Are you coming?

Cool. Um.. I.. I.. I..

I'm making nachos.

Rows of razor-sharp teeth make the shark..

(Splashing)

I knew you'd change your mind.

(Splashing)

Tad. You can't scare me.

Sharks don't live in pools.

Let's see a shark eat this many nachos!

Am I right?

Seriously, Tad, cut it out.

If you find carnivorous terror machines..

Hey, Heather. You gotta get in on these nachos.

Heather?

She's the girl next door.

Nice, but naughty, a heart that's pure.

She's the girl next door.

Just for me.

What you get is what you see.

No more "maybe it's Maybelline".

She can give you everything you need.

She's the girl next door.

Nice, but naughty, a heart that's pure.

She's the girl next door.

Just for me.

(Shower running) Ethan: I am so clean, do you know what I mean?

My friends are kind of freaky. That doesn't bother me.

(Water stops)

Hey!

What happened to the water?

Hey?

Dad?

Dad!

Nice look, guys!

Yeah, yeah.

Our shower cut out right before we could rinse.

Whole street lost water pressure.

You were both in the shower at the same time?

Different showers, Rory. Different.

Well, actually, I was in the middle of this deep conditioning treatment.

People aren't just born with hair this thick and shiny, all right?

Benny: Hey, 'sup, hottie?

There is no one at this school that's got it worse than us.

Hey, baby freshmen, it's nap time!

(Clearing throat)

That was pathetic!

- Wake up! - Ok.

Nice jacket.

Nap time!

Thanks. I picked it up last night at dinner.

Oh, relax, I didn't drain her!

You're such a square.

Excuse me, your highness.

Can I please go to the bathroom?

Sure. That's what the diaper's for.

Huh?

Hey, Derfnerders! Did I say you could get up?

One hundred jumping jacks!

- Of course you can go. - Oh, thank you!

You could be a little easier on them.

Arms higher!

Please, our seniors did it to us and one day

these little Noobs will abuse their freshmen.

It's the circle of life.

I just think you could be a little bit..

(Farting)

- Was that a.. - Shh! Yes, it was!

I've been volunteering at the Blood Bank. It's like an all-you-can-drink buffet.

What? How much did you drink?

I don't know, like, six pints?

Six? Sarah!

Anything more than a pint every few days can make you nauseous and..

(Farting) Girl: Disgusting!

Wow! That one had some bass in it.

"O-M-G," this is so humiliating!

(All exclaiming in disgust)

What are you looking at?

Nap time!

Good babies!

(Chuckles)

Noodles.

Cheap, easy noodles.

Learning to boil noodles is good because

some of you will be living alone..

For a long time.

Dude, this looks impossible!

- I knew Home-Ec was a bad idea! - Benny. Calm yourself.

We just need water.

See? We're gonna fail noodles!

Sorry! It's an emergency!

(Stomach gurgling) (Groaning)

(Kate groaning)

(Metal rattling)

(Loud banging)

(Kate screaming)

Kate? Are you okay in there?

Kate: Help me! Somebody help me! (Loud clanging)

Okay! I'll try and find a nurse. Just hang in there, okay?

(Kate whimpers) (Noises stop)

(Water gurgling)

(Cell phone chimes)

Oh, as if.

"J.J. Abrams was referential without being reverential".

If you're so worried about failing noodles, you could help me.

"He conjured nostalgia without being constrained by it, Derfnerder".

Whoa!

Benny, something moved down there.

Dude, this is Home-Ec class.

Food gets spilled around here all the time.

See? It's probably just a rat.

(Both exclaiming)

Gentlemen!

Don't make me come over there.

I am not as sweet as I used to be.

Both: Sorry, Mrs. Oppenheimer.

What the heck was that?

Ethan: Wow.

The pipes are wrecked.

What kind of a school system is this?

You'd think they'd have better plumbing.

(Both exclaiming)

I weep for the future of the human race.

(Bell rings)

Okay, what was that?

And how did it make that hole in the sink?

And why won't Mrs. Oppenheimer shave that one hair off her chin?

Whatever it was, it wasn't friendly.

I know. It just points right at you, no matter where you stand.

We have to find Sarah.

In here. She didn't sound good.

Kate? You okay?

(Gasps)

Um, I guess she went home. You really don't want to go in there.

It's the janitor's problem now.

Oh! "O-M-G," you scared me!

- Look, we need to talk. - No, we need to talk.

Benny, we're the same we. What is it?

Something terrible just happened to Kate in the bathroom.

It's like something evil just..

Came up through the pipes?

I think whatever it was came to the Home-Ec room looking for dessert.

(Bell rings)

I found this instead of Kate.

We need to go where the pipes go.

Come on.

Benny: Maybe there's a reason the basement's off-limits.

(Loud clanging)

(Gasps)

Whatever it is must have hit a power line or something.

I don't like this.

Okay, come on.

Benny: Sure, dying young could be fun.

Benny, Sarah, we'll just take a look.

Benny: That's what they always say in scary movies before they get eaten alive!

(Clattering)

That thing is nature's greatest klutz.

- Hey, guys! - (All gasping)

What are you doing here?

Looking for a snack. What else?

We thought you were..

That!

Dah!

(Creature growling)

Was that an alligator?

How was that an alligator?

Benny: I mean, in Whitechapel?

Uh, guys? Remember that locker search a couple of months back?

Goodbye super jock potion.

Come on, Benny. I gotta go!

Woman: (On P.A.) Attention, all students must comply with the random locker search.

Don't worry guys. I'll be back to get you as soon as this raid's over.

(Creatures chattering)

Rory! You have to flush it!

No, wait! (Flushing)

Duh!

You flushed live alligators?

I didn't mean to!

What? They obviously survived.

- Where did you get them? - Uh, Florida.

I thought they were iguanas!

When they called the locker raid, I panicked.

I thought they'd be safe in there.

Yeah, because nothing says "home" like a school toilet.

Sarah: Yeah, it definitely went this way.

Uh, how do you know?

Vampires have a really good sense of smell.

She's right. It was here.

(Liquid sloshing)

Ugh!

Is this normal for an alligator?

Ugh.

It's grown a lot in four months.

This is no normal alligator.

The potion must have mutated them.

Potion? What potion?

The potion I dumped that day was called Jock Star.

It gives you the combined athletic mojo of

Sidney Crosby, Kobe Bryant, and a circus dolphin.

Ethan: A dolphin?

What? Chicks dig dolphins.

Sarah: I need new friends.

I can't believe you were going to take something like that!

- I'm telling your Grandmother. - No, no, no! Please don't tell her!

- I'm telling her! - Guys!

Not now. We're trying to find a huge alligator.

(Alligator growling)

Don't surprise it. They don't like to be surprised.

- Okay. - Benny: I've got a bad feeling about this.

We got it cornered. Let's go.

What?

Yeah okay, no, we don't have it cornered!

Sarah: Rory, get back!

- Got you! - Rory! What are you doing?

No, let him do it! Or else we'll have to do it!

(In Australian accent) Guys! I saw this on The Crocodile Hunter!

Help me burrito this thing!

Rory: Hold still, buddy!

- I'll get his tail! - Watch his teeth!

Ethan: That's it, you got him!

Benny: You're not so bad.

- Get his head! - Yeah!

Stop with the flashlight, Benny!

(All grunting)

Yeah! Woo! Yes!

Bring it in.

- Humans 1, gator, 0. - Zero!

That's what happens when you mess with thumbs!

(Loud bang)

I think we made our point.

This is the gator that attacked Kate!

How did it get through those pipes?

Well, grown mice can flatten themselves down to half an inch to get under doorways.

It must have evolved.

You evolved? Aw. Daddy's so proud!

(Loud growling)

Man on TV: A large, scaly creature was spotted

lurking outside a Hunter Hills home two nights ago.

Police warn if anyone spots it.. (Door slams)

Erica? What happened to you?

You guys are the ones with your finger on

all that's weird around here. You tell me.

I was driving the freshmen through the car

wash in the back of my Dad's pickup..

You drove them through a car wash?

Well, after she made them all roll around in manure someone had to hose them off.

Right?

And then something huge and scaly jumped out of the pipes and attacked me!

Hey, hey, is this a dig on Sheila Botner?

Because she's actually a really nice girl who

just happens to have a minor skin condition.

No! It was some kind of mutant alligator thing..

And it came out biting!

Now I know how my food feels. And I don't like it.

Are the girls okay?

They're fine. My new leather jacket is trashed, though.

Hey, guys, looks like they found Thor's buddy.

This just in. The 250-pound gator was captured in a local

pool after a close encounter with a Mother and her toddler.

The rampageous reptile was heavily sedated

and sent to a local zoo for testing.

Local officials say all city pools are now considered safe

and gator-free.

Well, that's both my little guys.

It's all over.

Who wants pretzels?

That's not the one that attacked me.

The one that I saw was bigger than that.

That means Thor didn't have a buddy.

He had a special lady.

They're breeding. And if Erica's right, them babies ain't pretty.

Yes! I'm a matchmaker!

We're talking about an entirely different species.

One capable of incredible strength, of growing to who knows what size.

The possibilities are endless.

And thanks to the dork squad, they're

loose in our city sewer system!

(Cell phone ringing)

Erica, are you calling me?

No.

Oh, darn it! That swamp thing must have taken

my new phone when it tried to bite my arm off!

I just got that phone!

Let me guess, you got it while you were trying to bite somebody else's arm?

Yeah. It's a 6G!

Erica, you need to stop stealing from your dinner guests, okay?

You're gonna draw too much attention to yourself!

Fine. Okay. They're just souvenirs.

(Farting)

Did you hear something?

No! Nobody did!

Nope, me neither.

(Cell phone chimes)

Is the gator's stomach calling you again?

No, stomach-texting, actually.

But I just got an idea.

Okay, as long as Erica's phone is still in the alligator's stomach..

Then we call anyone who got eaten, and find out where they were!

That'll never work! The reception inside an alligator would be like, one bar, max!

That's just enough to track the phone's GPS signal.

I can hack into the satellite and pinpoint the exact location of the alligator.

And..

Voila!

Oh, come on!

No reactions?

That was a lot harder than it looks.

Sarah: That thing's working its way up into Hunter Hills mansion country.

Mm, very high class. Lots of hot tubs.

That was 126-bit encryption I just hacked through!

I thought it was awesome.

Thank you, Benny!

Wait. Where was Heather last seen again?

Tad McGillis' mansion.

That's it!

Where else would a tropical sewer-dwelling

lizard be able to make it through the winter?

Under a hot tub! That's where the nest is!

Isn't Tad having another party today?

A pool party.

And the baby is heading right home. Right back to Tad's! We have to warn them!

Hot girls in danger, here we come!

Are the costumes really necessary?

What? We need to be prepared when we get down and dirty with this croc.

Hey, I refuse to enter a senior party with them dressed like this.

Hey. Dude.

- Great. - What up?

Dudes. Where's the party at?

No? Well..

We're with the girls!

Great.

Whatever. Let's go in the back way.

(House music playing)

So many dining choices.

Kind of like picking your own lobster at Captain Pinchy's.

(Farting)

Hey.

Oh! Ugh! What is that?

Ugh, it smells like a burning tire!

I'm going to go to the bathroom!

She's gassy. It's an overeating thing.

I'm going to go find a snack.

I think I'm in the mood for a blonde.

"T-M-I".

Come on. Let's give these seniors "J-E-I".

Just enough information?

You know, to save themselves?

- From the alligator.. - Just go do it!

(Feedback whining) Hey!

Uh, hey, sorry about that. Um..

There is a man-eating mutant alligator headed right toward this house!

(All laughing)

Girl: Yeah!

Everyone get out of the water!

(Feedback whining)

Get!

Okay. I guess we're gonna have to do it the old-fashioned way.

Run and call the police.

No.

We wait for it to show itself,

then we give that mutant gator some wicked indigestion.

Good snacks at this party.

Anyone got any more SPF 1,000?

Not me, I'm all out.

No?

So, what's the dork squad up to now?

Well, the alligator should come up right under the hot tub.

Then, all we have to do is get it to come up through the grate and open wide.

Then in goes the liquid kaboom.

You know it's pathetic how good you guys are at this stuff.

But your proportions are off.

You need more soda.

Rory: She's right.

How did you know that?

Because before she was a smoking-hot vampire,

she was a mega nerd, remember?

(Hissing)

Remind anyone of that again and you're toast, get it?

- Got it! - Good.

Whoa, that thing's getting close.

Who's the bait?

Okay, who's gonna be the bait, guys?

All: Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock!

- Darn it! - Yes!

See, I win because lizard poisons Spock.

- Ergo, I'm the champion. - Yeah, I don't care.

I don't care.

Hello, my fellow tubbies.

No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait!

I meant we all like hot tubs!

Oh, good, you got rid of them.

The less bodies at risk, the better.

Guys, it's right under us. (Beeping)

Maybe we're doing this wrong.

I mean what if the cell phone's just drifting underneath and we..

(Growling) (All exclaim)

(Growling)

- Now! Ethan, now! - I'm not ready!

Rory! Grab that hot-tub cover!

- Why? - Just do it!

(Both screaming)

I don't like this plan!

- Hurry up! - Ready!

(Growling)

I forgot about the biting!

I'll do it.

Eat science! (Hisses)

Benny: Run!

Did we win?

We're alive.

(Shudders)

I got my phone back!

We kicked that alligator's..

(Gasps)

We won't be seeing you later, alligator.

I just peed my swimsuit, can you tell?

It's cool. Just go with it.

We took a vote and you nerds can stay!

- Yes! - Yes!

But you gotta tell your girlfriend to stop polluting the bathroom..

Because it smells like a dead skunk in there.

Ewe!

He thinks Sarah's my girlfriend!

Benny: Yes!

Yeah.

Ow.

So, did you fix that little problem you had?

Problem is solved. I'm eating a lot less now.

- Mm-hum. - No more blood buffets.

Oh, boy.

Wow. I can't unsee this.

Pretty sweet boots, huh?

I have alligator socks.

I'm wearing alligator under..

Wah! Okay, normally, I have a problem with wearing animal skins..

But since it was an evil mutant toilet gator, I guess it's okay.

Oh, sure, so they're allowed to steal things from their victims?

What a double standard.

So, Fashionistas, everything's good..

Except for one thing.

What are you going to do about that gator locked in the supply closet?

- Uh.. - We gotta go.

Subs created by: David Coleman.

She's the girl next door.

Nice but naughty, a heart that's pure.

She's the girl next door.

Just for me.