All language subtitles for Modern Family s10e10 Stuck in a Moment.eng

Merry Christmas Eve, Alex.

So, he's still alive...

Must mean you haven't told Mom
you're pregnant yet.

We want to be careful
to do it right.

Now
you're being careful?

I can't keep this secret
anymore.

Look at me!

Ugh.
She's going gray.

Oh my God,
she is!

I was just gasping at
the haircut.

Apparently,

this is what happens
when I feel stress now.

Well, we're telling them
today, okay?

That way, if Mom freaks,

she'll have 10 days in Bermuda
to calm down.

Okay,
then go now!

She's never in a better
mood than on Christmas Eve.

Wait, is this a good way
to tell her?

We hang a stocking
for "Grandma Claire,"

and when she goes,
"I'm not a grandma,"

we go,
"Tell that to Haley and my's baby."

Promise me you won't
home school this kid.

Hey, Mom.
What are you doing?

Ugh,
Christmas cards are just clutter.

Wa-Wa-Wa-Wait.

You can't throw away
Uncle Cam's card.

You know how sensitive he gets
about his piano placement.

Remember that
one year where his card

was slightly behind the one
from our old babysitter?

Mm, I believe
he spoke the charming phrase,

"And who is this whore?"

Well, Christmas
is at Grandpa's this year,

so Cam
will never see it.

Check out
the sledding polar bear paper.

Can't look at that and not
be in a good mood, huh?

- Yeah.
- I am so sick of that stuff.

I ordered five rolls from
some kid for a school drive.

He shows up
with fifty... his fault.

Kid bursts into tears.

Like it's on me
that he can't count?

- I was six, Mom.
- Mm.

Bermuda just gets it...

formal yet casual.

And home of
the most perfectly tanned

lower thigh,
upper knee region in the world.

Not hard to pick out
a Bermudan in a locker room.

No. Oh, hang on.

Wait.

Well, this can't be right.

This itinerary says
we're on four flights

with three layovers.

Oh, yeah, um...

remember how I found that
amazing airline deal online?

Yeah, but two of
these layovers

are six hours each.

Yes, but the third one's
only 12 minutes.

But it's at O'Hare.

Honey,
we'll have to sprint

from one end of the
airport to the other.

It'll all be worth it when
we wake up on December 27th

in Bermuda,

where the forecast predicts...

hot fog.

Can't we just take
a direct flight?

There's no changes,
the terms were very clear.

It was part of a promotion
for a new website

called Tickets.Plane.

Oh, yeah, I have a showing
right down the street.

Okay. Wait, hang on.

Don't leave. Don't leave.
What is Economy Minus?

A plus, actually,

since no one's jealous of
people with aisle seats,

because it's basically
two innovative 18-person benches

facing each other.

Phil?!

- What?
- Nothing.

*MODERN FAMILY*
Season 10 Episode 10

*MODERN FAMILY*
Episode Title: "Stuck in a Moment"

Who moved Cam's card?

He's gonna be very upset
if he's not on the mantel!

I put it in a drawer
until he gets here.

That glitter was getting
on everything.

I breathed some of that
in.

I cough gold now.

Gloria,
you got a package from Colombia.

Must mean the government
took back the airstrip.

Those are the gifts
from my cousins!

Ow! Beautiful!

Back home we call these
su?teres de Navidad.

So... Christmas sweaters.

Put them on
so we can take a picture.

Wow,
these are really soft.

Damn cozy is
what they are.

Oh, look,
they also sent a banana leaf wreath.

Banana spider!

- What?!
- What is that?!

It's a deadly spider!
It will kill you!

I know what deadly means!

Well, where'd it go?
I'm wearing backless house slippers!

I think it ran over to the...

He took the tree!

Am I the only one
who feels kinda itchy?

- The sweaters.
- Haaah!

Where there's one,
there's many!

- Run! - Run!
- Let's go!

Dear God, he's got the remote.

Oh, ho, hoh!
Okay, smile!

Can we go look at
phones after this?

No, Lily, you are not getting
a cell phone for Christmas.

They're expensive,
and you haven't proven yourself

responsible enough
to own one yet.

Uh, I was responsible enough
to come to a foreign country

and build a life
with two strangers.

Okay, you used that one to get
a later bedtime, all right?

Oh, Cal, you're next.

Ho, ho, ho.

We want Cal to have
a perfect Christmas.

It's tough with his mom
being in prison.

Plus, his holiday season
kind of got off to a rough start.

You know, of all

of our wonderful
ornament selects,

these are my fave.

- Merry Christmas!
- From Mitch and Cam!

- He was fine. Fine!
- He was fine.

We barely got
through three verses

and a repeat chorus before

we realized our mistake.

Although that rainstorm
came out of

- nowhere.
- Yeah.

Merry Christmas, little Cal!

Lily, take your cousin over there.
Relax a little.

Okay, go.

- Hi!
- Hi!

Hey, Santa. So, just wondering
if you could you do us a favor

and tell us what... our nephew
just asked for for Christmas?

I know you.
You're that lawyer.

Oh, no.
This is never good.

You're the ADA who charged
me with public intoxication.

Got me sentenced to fifty
hours community service...

working as
a mall Santa is part of it.

Okay. Well, I'm sorry.
But can't we move past that?

We really need to know
what our nephew asked for.

He asked for a more
lenient justice system.

Well, I doubt that.
He's pretty conservative.

We have to pretend to be
roommates.

Can we move this along?

I only have my kids for
four hours this week.

Merry Christmas.

You know what?
As a former mall Santa,

I vowed never to comment
on a sitting Santa,

but you're a disgrace
to the red and white.

Phil, I just got
off the phone with my dad.

We're moving Christmas Eve
to our house.

I got to run out
and get some groceries.

See you soon.
Bye.

Wh...
Where's the tree?

Where are the gifts?

I assumed you canceled Christmas
because you found out that I...

But I interrupted you.

Did your dad take them
to his showing?

He's always doing this...
he steals my decorations

to stage his houses
to make them homier.

He swore
he would stop doing this!

- At least he left the "wreaf."
- Wreath.

Eh, I've heard it both ways.

No, I have, too.
Doesn't make it right.

What are we supposed to do?

We can't host a Christmas
without a tree.

I thought you weren't allowed
to host Christmas anymore

after last year.

I took a swing at a new
way to prepare turkey.

Well, this is frozen.

No, Dad, you just...
you hit a bone.

I saw this
on "Top Chef."

They cooked an entire
turkey in one hour.

Luke had some, you're fine.
Aren't you, buddy?

Check on Joe.

- Oh, no.
- Ohh! Hoi!

Oh, your father
isn't answering.

You knew about this, didn't you?

I could tell
you were hiding something.

Phil?

Phil!

Ph... Oh!

This theater is
totally soundproof,

so no one will hear you
yelling at Jim

to pick up his socks,
Sandy.

She does get loud.

So, all of this,

plus it's in a great school
dist... rict.

Oh my God,
was this house just robbed?

I told you
this was a sketchy area.

I am not going through
another home invasion

with the kids and me banging
on the panic room door.

So, you guys chat,
and I'll, uh, take a minute,

see if I can find a

replacement tree

and nine identically
wrapped gifts.

It's the perfect way to get
your mom in a good mood.

Think about it...
cupcakes are little cakes

just like
babies are little people.

I guess.

I just want this
to go well.

I'm in a really good
place with this baby,

and I want my mom
to be, too.

She wasn't in the
best mood this morning.

It's Christmas Eve.

She can't stay a Grinch
all day.

Thank you.

That was
the exterminator.

He is, uh,
on his way,

but he's gonna have to tent
the house for a couple of days.

And I'm trying to book us a hotel,
but the call keeps dropping.

Joe, let's go to the backyard.
There's better reception.

Hey, listen.
I left something inside.

I need you to get it for me.
This should keep you safe.

Are you crazy?

I'm not going back into
that spider's nest.

Fine, I hate them, too.

The problem is,
they're attracted to my musk.

I went to the insect room
at the zoo a while back,

and they all started banging
on the glass like inmates.

What'd you leave in there
that's so important?

It's a medication.

I'm fine,
but I didn't tell your mom

'cause I didn't want her
to worry.

Can we just stop by a liquor store
and refill your "prescription."

It's a medicine! Look...

I'm sure
our hotel has a top notch spa.

One that might add a,
uh, hot stone massage,

an herbal soak...

Do I look like someone
who can be bought?

No, but you do look like
someone who might enjoy

a four-handed
Balinese seaweed swaddle.

You son of a bitch.

So, Cal, what did you
and Santa talk about?

It's a secret.

Me, I'd be fine with just cash.

You guys have enough
on your plate.

Okay, you're not buying yourself
a phone, all right?

Ooh, Santa's on break.

Okay, Lily, go sit with Cal again.

You guys need me...
maybe throw a please in there.

- Yeah. Hi!
- Hi!

Oh, it really
is the most wonderful

- Beautiful.
- Time of the year. Isn't it?

So, listen, do you mind if...

Do you think
you're the first parents

wanting to take a
peek at my scroll?

Better stick something
in my bootie.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- I'm sorry. What?

Cash in the slipper, perv.

Oh. Do you wanna...

Yeah, yeah, I got...
I got, uh... I've got $10.

Thank you.

No, this is just a list of toys.

None of the kids'
names are next to them.

Oh, oh.
You know what?

Uh, we'll look
at pictures of Cal in line

and then match
the kids up behind him

- with the toys on the list.
- Okay.

Okay, so, well,
I guess this Asian kid,

he maybe wants the,
uh...

There's no time to be
politically correct.

- He wants the calculator.
- Calculator.

- And he wants it bad.
- Yeah.

Wait, does that mean that this little
boy wants the Barbie Styling Head?

Yep, look at the turned-out foot.

- Oh, of course he wants the Barbie Styling Head.
- Hey!

Which means Cal wants...

- Hot Wheels!
- Hot Wheels!

- Okay, okay.
- Let's go.

- Thank you!
- Thank you.

Uhh...

Don't worry.
They come back.

Please tell me you told Mom and Dad.

No, but we're gonna tell them
in song.

Listen to this part.

Uhh!
I love it!

She's lying. She just wants us to get
it over with so her eczema will go away.

I don't have...
Oh, my God!

Okay, you got this.

You're quicker
than those things.

- I doubt that.
- You're smarter.

I can't make a web
out of nothing.

- Plus, you got a weapon.
- A leaf blower?

Hey, that thing can blow a
Pomeranian through a hedge.

Let's just say little
Mimi from next door

won't be visiting
our lawn anymore.

Now hurry up
before your mom gets back.

We'll be
in constant communication.

Go. Go, go, go.

Keep your head on a swivel.

Head for my bathroom.
Remember.

That spider can sense the
subtlest sign of fear.

Ohh! Something
just ran past my foot.

Damn it, the power's out!

Then so am I!

No! You just leveled
the playing field.

They have eight eyes.

You only have two.

You just took away
their one advantage.

What about their sac of poison?

Okay, I'm in the bathroom.

Good, good.
The medication...

is down below in the cabinet.

You want me to reach my hand
into a dark, damp breeding ground?

It's all the way in the
back on the far right.

Just feel around for the jar.

So, skitter my hand back and forth?

That's basically
a spider mating dance!

Got it.

Whoa! Ow!

Talk to me, over.

Manny!

Not leaving!

Still shopping!

As if getting robbed
wasn't bad enough,

now that
we were hosting Christmas,

I had to get a new tree
and gifts into the house

before Claire got home.

Fortunately,
I-I had a copy of her gift list.

It was eerie
how many of these events

were lining up with the plot of
my children's book in progress,

"The Realtor
Who Saved Christmas."

- Hello?
- Buddy, I need a favor.

Remember that
polar bear wrapping paper

you made us buy so much of
because you can't do math?

- Uh-huh.
- Grab a couple rolls of it,

meet me out in front of
the house in 20 minutes.

We're all out. Mom used the
last of it on this year's gifts.

Damn it! I need a bunch of it.
Where am I supposed to f...

-
Hallelujah

-
Hallelujah

Well, we got what we need.

I'm glad someone's getting
what they want this year.

You know what?
Here, take my phone.

If you can get through a day
without losing it, it's yours.

You must've run through
some hairspray.

Your boots are like flypaper.

That's why
that spray was banned.

Birds were flying over the factory
and getting stuck together.

Hey, wait, wait a second.
Wait a second.

This is your medication?

"Good Old Fashioned
Elbow Grease?"

I suffer from dry elbow.

That's what I risked my life for?

Supple elbows are heavily
featured in every good power pose.

That's how I got the
cover to Closet World.

I literally
elbowed my way to the top.

Uh!
I booked us a hotel.

Manny,
you're sharing a room with Joe.

Fix that.

What are you roasting
on the space heater?

Oh, I threw those cards
in the trash.

They got all soggy.

- Even Uncle Cam's?
- Mm-hmm.

You have to save those for seven years,
like tax returns.

- Hello, Phil.
- Oh!

Oh, that's right.

The tree's back
where it belongs.

You stole it?!

Oh, no, you did.

Just like you stole my family
of plastic Thanksgiving turkeys,

my inflatable Easter bunny,

and my Uncle Sam pi?ata,

all... for your open houses.

Today was my chance to shed
a very unfair reputation.

- Claire...
- I put two people

in
The hospital one time,

and now
I'm a Christmas ruiner.

Fire!

Oh, my God! Get the extinguisher!

Aah!
It's Cam's glitter card!

- I knew it!
- Stand back!

Aah!

The tree!

Phil!
Do the tree, Phil.

Aah!
The gifts!

The... The... Honey...
The...

It's out!

This must be the one Luke and I
used for our jet pack prototype.

You know, we're being crazy.
There is no perfect moment.

We're just going to walk in
there like adults and tell them.

- Honey...
- It's no use.

It's over, Phil.

The house smells like smoke,

we have no tree

and nine scorched,
yet soaking-wet gifts.

Worst of all,
I have to make Mitchell's day

by telling him we're moving
the party to his house

and I'm on permanent
host probation forever.

Who knows?

Maybe in a couple years they'll
toss me a pity holiday...

"Welcome to my non-alcoholic
Earth Day brunch."

In brighter news,

I am getting on a prop
plane in a couple hours.

Bermuda Triangle's
still a thing, right?

Claire.

Honey, I just can't right now.

I'm not in the mood for...

How?

Merry Christmas from me.

Did you sneak out earlier and buy
all this stuff to cover your tracks?

Or you can choose to believe
it's a Christmas miracle.

I choose miracle.

Happy holidays!

- Hey!
- Hey!

Thank you for taking over.

- You saved the day!
- Merry Christmas.

Well, you know,
it's kind of what I do.

Come on,
drinks in the kitchen.

- Yay! All right!
- All right!

Ooh, Manny,
what's up with the noggin bump?

What? Where?
Oh, no.

That looks like
a banana spider bite!

It's not a bite,
he bumped his head.

No, that looks like a bite.

My sister got bit by a Missouri
Silo Spider... lost a toe.

Happy ending...
she was born with eleven.

Manny, we need
to get that checked.

There is an antidote,

but if you have never
been bitten by the spider,

it might kill you.

- Let's go to the car.
- I... Jay.

Stop! He wasn't bitten.

He bumped his head when
he went back in the house

to grab my... medication.

What medication?

Oh, my God, Dad,
are you okay?

We're gonna get through this,
buddy.

It's an elbow cream
that I secretly use

every night
after Gloria falls asleep.

You sent our son into the
nest of a deadly spider

for a beauty cream?

It's a medicine

that treats the heartbreaking
condition of dry elbow!

It requires a
veterinarian's prescription

because it's primarily used
on rhinos and elephants.

I see on our march to
become a perfect society,

elbow shaming is still allowed.

I get a little dry sometimes.

Hey! You're just as much
a person as everybody else.

I can't believe that
you're so vain that you...

Wait, is that my Christmas card
stuck on the bottom of your shoe?

And why... why is it singed?

Ugh, you got to be less
about the cards.

We all think it.

Didn't you empty
a can of powerful

hairspray in the bathroom?

And did you go in there,
too?

Fine! I needed something, okay?

But at least
I went in myself.

After you offered me $20
and I said no.

Some of us
can't be bought.

What did you need?

Whatever it is,
we're gonna get through this.

A night guard.

I didn't want to tell you,
but every night,

I wait for you to fall asleep,
so I put it on.

It's so unattractive.

That's it?

Ith not thex-thee.
I look hideouth!

Oh, that really humanizes her.

I don't care for it.

Okay, one of my teeth is loose.

I am begging you
to tell them.

That's what this is.

I'm coming down the chimney
as Santa,

delighting Joe and Cal.

Mom will see
how good he is with kids

and then be super chill
with us being pregnant.

Ugh...

Uh-oh.

I'm stuck.

Okay, everybody,
come on, picture time!

In front of the tree,
let's go.

Oh, God.
Just be quiet!

There you are.
Okay, where's Dylan?

Aww, Mom.

What? We need somebody
to take the picture.

Harsh.

What was that?

Don't we always have
the fire on?

- No!
- I'm sure we do.

Last year we used it to finish
cooking Claire's turkey pieces.

Jay, go turn it on.

Wait! Wait, wait, wait.

Every...
Everybody 12 and under, out.

What? Honey,
what's going on?

Dylan's stuck in the chimney.

Why?

He's dressed up as Santa.

He was gonna hand
presents out to the kids.

Aww.

Don't tell them now.
I want to be with you!

Tell us what?

Nothing. It can wait.

No, it can't! Please!

My organs are shutting down!

Okay, fine. I...

We have an announcement.

Dylan and I are having a baby.

Are they smiling?

You're pregnant?

Yes.

And w-we're really happy
about it.

Why wouldn't you be?

Wow!

Mom?

It's... it's a lot
to process at once, and...

A baby. Unbelievable!

- Oh!
- Hi!

- Congratulations!
- Oh, my gosh! A baby!

Oh, God.

You handled that a lot better
than I did back in the day.

Ohh!
Outside.

- On the inside, I'm you.
- Mm-hmm.

Can somebody save
my life?

- Oh, Ho! Cam, grab a foot.
- Yep.

God,
he's really wedged in there.

Ah, if only we had some
kind of award-winning,

placenta-based lubricant.

Fine!

Here, Dylan, use a little bit of this.

I can't believe a little
Dylan is gonna pop out of you!

What would
that even look like?

Oh!

Everybody
come on in for the picture!

I'll set the timer.

This is all gonna work out,
right?

Definitely.
Yeah.

Hang on.
Let me get my elbows ready.

Okay, everybody smile,
say "baby!"

- Baby! - Baby! - Baby!
- Baby! - Baby! - Baby!

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