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1
00:00:00,008 --> 00:00:01,758
"Igloo, yurt, teepee"--
this is crazy.
2
00:00:01,758 --> 00:00:03,633
Who has those things?
Wow, people rent those out?
3
00:00:03,633 --> 00:00:06,008
I don't know.
"Cave"? Cave, for real? That's wild.
4
00:00:06,008 --> 00:00:07,258
Cave?
(laughs)
5
00:00:07,258 --> 00:00:09,591
All right, property type?
Loft.
6
00:00:09,591 --> 00:00:11,591
Room type? Private room.
7
00:00:11,591 --> 00:00:14,216
Let's see... yup. Price?
8
00:00:14,216 --> 00:00:15,633
75?
More.
9
00:00:15,633 --> 00:00:16,758
More?
Yeah.
10
00:00:16,758 --> 00:00:17,758
How much?
11
00:00:17,758 --> 00:00:19,091
150.
12
00:00:19,091 --> 00:00:21,383
150?
What?
13
00:00:21,383 --> 00:00:23,633
Dang. Okay.
Okay, that's steep. Okay.
14
00:00:23,633 --> 00:00:25,758
It's still cheaper
than a damn HoJo. And what's more--
15
00:00:25,758 --> 00:00:27,383
you want to pay our rent
or not?
16
00:00:27,383 --> 00:00:29,091
We gonna be ballin'.
That's cool, that's cool.
17
00:00:29,091 --> 00:00:31,133
Description?
I got this.
18
00:00:31,133 --> 00:00:33,008
"Come stay with us
19
00:00:33,008 --> 00:00:35,466
"in our sleek, hand-built
loft space
20
00:00:35,466 --> 00:00:37,341
two blocks from the L train."
21
00:00:37,341 --> 00:00:38,841
Bienvenido.
Buenas.
22
00:00:38,841 --> 00:00:40,758
My llamo Candy.
Qu� bueno. That's nice.
23
00:00:40,758 --> 00:00:42,633
It's intimate.
Yeah, exactly.
24
00:00:42,633 --> 00:00:44,008
Well, I hope you enjoy.
25
00:00:44,008 --> 00:00:45,508
(Australian accent)
We're going to go see
26
00:00:45,508 --> 00:00:46,716
some free comedy
in Times Square.
27
00:00:46,716 --> 00:00:48,424
Do you want to come?
You should definitely come.
28
00:00:48,424 --> 00:00:49,466
Candy:
Uh, we're busy.
29
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,091
But I'm here.
Yeah, you are.
30
00:00:51,091 --> 00:00:52,549
Time for cocaine, yeah?
31
00:00:52,549 --> 00:00:55,424
Man (muffled):
That's how you like it!
32
00:00:57,716 --> 00:00:59,591
Did you like me
to help you?
33
00:00:59,591 --> 00:01:02,841
-(knocking)
-Man: I'm sorry. What's the wifi password?
34
00:01:02,841 --> 00:01:06,174
It was something
unimaginative. "Internet."
35
00:01:06,174 --> 00:01:07,674
Grab the chicken too.
36
00:01:07,674 --> 00:01:10,716
Awesome.
See ya, Candace.
37
00:01:10,716 --> 00:01:14,341
(man speaking French)
38
00:01:18,549 --> 00:01:19,966
(slurping)
39
00:01:19,966 --> 00:01:22,341
Okay!
40
00:01:22,341 --> 00:01:24,841
(shouting in French)
41
00:01:26,466 --> 00:01:30,091
Will you get
some dish soap when you go to the store tomorrow?
42
00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:31,841
Candy:
I just bought some.
43
00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:33,424
Oh, my god!
44
00:01:33,424 --> 00:01:35,799
I invite you
to my party tonight!
45
00:01:35,799 --> 00:01:37,841
Whoo! It's here.
46
00:01:37,841 --> 00:01:40,966
(music, chatting)
47
00:01:40,966 --> 00:01:43,466
(silence)
48
00:01:50,216 --> 00:01:51,674
Candy:
Oh, awesome.
49
00:01:51,674 --> 00:01:55,341
The Australians used
all of my expensive argan oil as well.
50
00:01:55,341 --> 00:01:58,591
You know the new guy--
the short guy with the beard?
51
00:01:58,591 --> 00:02:00,966
Yeah. What about him?
He leaves his poops in the toilet.
52
00:02:00,966 --> 00:02:03,216
It's like he doesn't know
how to use the flusher.
53
00:02:03,216 --> 00:02:07,091
Oh, fuckin' sick.
Well, why don't you talk to him about it?
54
00:02:08,549 --> 00:02:10,091
Hola? Hello?
55
00:02:10,091 --> 00:02:12,549
I said, could you please
talk to him about it?
56
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:15,549
Boo, you're just
better at it than me.
57
00:02:15,549 --> 00:02:17,966
Are you kidding me, papi?
58
00:02:17,966 --> 00:02:21,091
I can't be the only one
who's the bad guy all the time.
59
00:02:21,091 --> 00:02:23,716
I mean, we've got
all these fuckin' bobos livin' up in our house.
60
00:02:23,716 --> 00:02:25,591
I can't be
the one who's like, "Please don't smoke.
61
00:02:25,591 --> 00:02:26,841
"Please don't eat
all our food.
62
00:02:26,841 --> 00:02:28,216
Please put on
some fucking pants."
63
00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:29,716
I know, I know.
Well, what are you gonna do?
64
00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:31,424
I mean, I need you
to be my teammate here.
65
00:02:31,424 --> 00:02:33,424
We're trying to be adults.
Isn't that what we said?
66
00:02:33,424 --> 00:02:35,466
We're going to
be adults this year and live by ourselves.
67
00:02:35,466 --> 00:02:38,091
And I don't know how else
we're going to pay the rent unless we do this.
68
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:40,049
I mean, seriously,
what do you want to do?
69
00:02:40,049 --> 00:02:41,341
You want to move
to Brownsville?
70
00:02:41,341 --> 00:02:43,091
You want me to move back
to West Virginia? No.
71
00:02:43,091 --> 00:02:45,341
I can just go live
in a trailer and just go live next to my grandma
72
00:02:45,341 --> 00:02:48,466
and we can just end
this whole thing. No, no... Boo, boo, listen.
73
00:02:48,466 --> 00:02:51,466
Why don't we call The Guy?
74
00:02:51,466 --> 00:02:55,216
That doesn't solve
the problem.
75
00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:57,758
But you might like it.
76
00:02:58,883 --> 00:03:02,383
Only if I can
get some titty first.
77
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:04,758
Oh, you gonna have to
do better than that to get some titty.
78
00:03:04,758 --> 00:03:07,091
What you talkin' about?
I can get titty whenever I want.
79
00:03:07,091 --> 00:03:09,008
No, you can't. This is--
I'm not a piece of meat. Yep.
80
00:03:09,008 --> 00:03:11,383
I know how it is, man.
John: Yeah, stress, full-time...
81
00:03:11,383 --> 00:03:13,633
I'll move you last
so that we can hang out.
82
00:03:13,633 --> 00:03:15,216
Aw, that sounds good.
83
00:03:15,216 --> 00:03:17,633
All right, man.
All right. See you, brother.
84
00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:20,383
Is that a good book?
85
00:03:20,383 --> 00:03:22,508
Man:
Think we had a real breakthrough...
86
00:03:22,508 --> 00:03:24,341
Thank you so much.
87
00:03:24,341 --> 00:03:26,508
Oh, Penelope,
excellent work today.
88
00:03:26,508 --> 00:03:28,258
I'll see you next week.
Okay.
89
00:03:29,216 --> 00:03:31,008
You're late.
90
00:03:32,091 --> 00:03:34,883
Uh, Robert, would you
excuse me a minute?
91
00:03:34,883 --> 00:03:38,091
This'll just take
a second. Okay?
92
00:03:38,091 --> 00:03:40,008
Sorry, guys.
93
00:03:40,008 --> 00:03:42,716
Take a look
at chapter eight.
94
00:03:42,716 --> 00:03:44,966
Chapter eight, okay.
95
00:03:44,966 --> 00:03:48,258
Hey, what the fuck?
I'm sorry, dude. It's busy.
96
00:03:48,258 --> 00:03:50,133
Doesn't matter.
That relationship's fucked.
97
00:03:50,133 --> 00:03:51,883
Hey, do you have any more
of that Headband?
98
00:03:51,883 --> 00:03:53,091
I love that Headband.
99
00:03:53,091 --> 00:03:55,133
I'm never doing
a service job again.
100
00:03:55,133 --> 00:03:56,466
Ever.
Mm-mm. Nope.
101
00:03:56,466 --> 00:03:58,008
I mean, this is kind of
a service job,
102
00:03:58,008 --> 00:03:59,633
but it's not--
No, it's different.
103
00:03:59,633 --> 00:04:01,841
It's not really the same thing.
It is nothing like this.
104
00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:06,508
Okay, so it's Sunday,
11:30...
105
00:04:06,508 --> 00:04:08,383
(chuckles)
106
00:04:08,383 --> 00:04:10,466
I'm waiting tables
by myself.
107
00:04:10,466 --> 00:04:13,258
And in come these two people
who, immediately,
108
00:04:13,258 --> 00:04:17,133
I'm like, "Oh, y'all
are Appalachian white trash."
109
00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:18,966
I can say that
because I am that.
110
00:04:18,966 --> 00:04:21,758
Okay, so they're, like,
already wasted. Okay?
111
00:04:21,758 --> 00:04:24,341
But, like, I'm, you know,
bored and alone.
112
00:04:24,341 --> 00:04:25,841
So I'm trying
to engage them.
113
00:04:25,841 --> 00:04:27,383
And I'm like,
"Oh, where y'all from?"
114
00:04:27,383 --> 00:04:30,008
They say, "West Virginia."
And I say, "No shit.
115
00:04:30,008 --> 00:04:31,508
Where in West Virginia?"
116
00:04:31,508 --> 00:04:33,633
They say, "Oak Hill."
I say, "No shit.
117
00:04:33,633 --> 00:04:35,008
My dad is from Fayetteville,"
118
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:36,466
which is, like,
the next town over.
119
00:04:36,466 --> 00:04:38,383
"Maybe we know
the same people?
120
00:04:38,383 --> 00:04:40,508
"Uh, do y'all know Glenn?
He doesn't have any front teeth.
121
00:04:40,508 --> 00:04:42,008
"Do y'all know Allen,
the old Navy Seal?
122
00:04:42,008 --> 00:04:43,883
"Do y'all know Trixie,
my old stepmom?
123
00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:45,966
Do y'all know Cindy?
We used to do our laundry at her house."
124
00:04:45,966 --> 00:04:47,716
And I'm, like, going through
all the people I know.
125
00:04:47,716 --> 00:04:50,008
And finally I say,
"Oh, do y'all know my dad?
126
00:04:50,008 --> 00:04:52,258
"His name is Dwayne.
He used to guide--
127
00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:55,216
white-water rafting guide
at Fayetteville Adventures."
128
00:04:55,216 --> 00:04:57,258
And all of a sudden,
she gets sketchy.
129
00:04:57,258 --> 00:04:59,883
She's like, "I don't--
I don't know any of them people.
130
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:02,133
I don't-- mm-- I don't--
I don't know."
131
00:05:02,133 --> 00:05:06,216
And I'm like,
well, that's weird. "Okay, cool."
132
00:05:06,216 --> 00:05:07,966
And so, like, I bring them
their enchiladas.
133
00:05:07,966 --> 00:05:09,633
End of the evening,
they pay their bill
134
00:05:09,633 --> 00:05:11,508
with their whopping 8% tip
and they leave.
135
00:05:11,508 --> 00:05:13,633
And about 10 minutes later,
I'm, like, sitting there
136
00:05:13,633 --> 00:05:15,091
reading my Jane Austen novel
137
00:05:15,091 --> 00:05:16,508
and all of a sudden,
she comes in
138
00:05:16,508 --> 00:05:18,883
and she's like, "Eh!
Eh, little girl?
139
00:05:18,883 --> 00:05:21,883
Yeah, I know your dad.
140
00:05:21,883 --> 00:05:24,008
Uhhh!"
141
00:05:24,008 --> 00:05:26,758
I mean, for real,
with, like, tablets and iPhones and shit,
142
00:05:26,758 --> 00:05:29,633
I mean, even learning
the typography isn't going to be useful,
143
00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:31,133
let alone cursive.
144
00:05:31,133 --> 00:05:33,466
Like, all of it's just
so freeform, you know?
145
00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:34,966
Mmm. Mm-hmm.
146
00:05:34,966 --> 00:05:37,383
I don't know.
I like handwriting.
147
00:05:37,383 --> 00:05:40,383
Still beautiful to see things
people make by hand.
148
00:05:40,383 --> 00:05:43,091
Well, mine looks
like fuckin' chicken shit.
149
00:05:43,091 --> 00:05:47,008
Hold on a second.
(music thumping)
150
00:05:47,008 --> 00:05:49,133
Hey, guys?
151
00:05:49,133 --> 00:05:51,841
Shut the fuck up!
152
00:05:51,841 --> 00:05:54,341
(music stops)
153
00:06:00,258 --> 00:06:02,508
Thank you, doodoo.
154
00:06:02,508 --> 00:06:05,216
You're welcome.
155
00:06:05,216 --> 00:06:07,133
Can I get some titty now?
156
00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:09,466
No, fuck off.
I'm full, I can't--
157
00:06:09,466 --> 00:06:11,591
Come on,
let me get some titty.
158
00:06:11,591 --> 00:06:12,841
Oh, no, in the morning.
159
00:06:12,841 --> 00:06:14,466
You're too full?
You're too fat?
160
00:06:14,466 --> 00:06:16,383
No, you cook--
Oh! You cook me brunch--
161
00:06:16,383 --> 00:06:18,716
Big mama don't want
to give me no titty?
162
00:06:18,716 --> 00:06:21,008
(laughing) That is so rude.
Come on, baby!
163
00:06:29,883 --> 00:06:31,841
? There's nothing more ?
164
00:06:31,841 --> 00:06:35,008
? But don't you know
what I go through? ?
165
00:06:35,008 --> 00:06:36,841
? Oh, being alone ?
166
00:06:36,841 --> 00:06:40,091
? Go being a logo
that you can't go through ?
167
00:06:40,091 --> 00:06:43,591
? All these troubles,
they've been said to generate ?
168
00:06:43,591 --> 00:06:47,633
? All the loneliness
in you ?
169
00:06:47,683 --> 00:06:52,233
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