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1
00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:06,343
[snoring]
2
00:00:06,379 --> 00:00:07,931
[phone vibrating]
3
00:00:11,936 --> 00:00:14,436
[vibrating continues]
4
00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:19,094
_
5
00:00:20,625 --> 00:00:22,252
- [sighs]
- [voice mail]: Hi. You've reached Anja,
6
00:00:22,276 --> 00:00:24,040
and you're probably
my mom, dad or grandma,
7
00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:26,881
so just feel free to leave a message
and I'll get back to you when I can.
8
00:00:26,905 --> 00:00:28,173
Thanks. [beep]
9
00:00:28,197 --> 00:00:30,594
Woman [over phone]: Anja, I wish
you'd change your outgoing message.
10
00:00:30,618 --> 00:00:32,418
It's not very professional.
11
00:00:32,443 --> 00:00:34,828
How do you know it's
me, Dad, or Noni calling?
12
00:00:34,853 --> 00:00:36,979
- Anyway, I sent this in an e-mail,
- [Anja coughs]
13
00:00:37,014 --> 00:00:39,347
that the woman you should
call is Barbara Horne.
14
00:00:39,389 --> 00:00:41,289
- H-O-R-N-E.
- _
15
00:00:41,318 --> 00:00:44,352
She's been at the top of God
knows how many publications
16
00:00:44,387 --> 00:00:46,254
and she's the real
deal, honey. All right?
17
00:00:46,289 --> 00:00:48,423
I told her about your NYU column.
18
00:00:48,459 --> 00:00:51,125
She's expecting your
call, so call her please.
19
00:00:51,161 --> 00:00:53,763
Do not e-mail. But like I said,
20
00:00:53,788 --> 00:00:56,830
just see if you can take her to
lunch, pick her brain, whatever.
21
00:00:56,865 --> 00:01:00,100
She's kind of a pain in the ass,
but, you know, she's very major.
22
00:01:00,127 --> 00:01:03,937
Uh, anyway, there you go.
You're welcome. Um, what else?
23
00:01:03,962 --> 00:01:05,805
Uh, not much happening over here.
24
00:01:05,841 --> 00:01:09,343
Dad and I walked down to the
lake with Rosie this morning.
25
00:01:09,378 --> 00:01:10,844
- She had a tough time.
- _
26
00:01:10,870 --> 00:01:14,444
I think we're gonna have to put her
down soon so of course, Daddy's a wreck.
27
00:01:14,478 --> 00:01:15,868
But if you want to see her,
28
00:01:15,893 --> 00:01:17,761
- you should come visit.
- Ow, ow, ow,
29
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:19,884
Anyway, call us and call Barbara!
30
00:01:19,909 --> 00:01:22,288
? Damn that valley ?
31
00:01:22,323 --> 00:01:24,950
? Damn that valley ?
32
00:01:24,975 --> 00:01:27,276
? Damn that valley ?
33
00:01:27,301 --> 00:01:30,434
? Where is my man? ?
34
00:01:30,459 --> 00:01:33,060
? Damn that valley ?
35
00:01:33,085 --> 00:01:34,985
? Damn that valley ?
36
00:01:38,092 --> 00:01:41,026
? Soldier boy ?
37
00:01:41,051 --> 00:01:43,985
- [line ringing]
- ? Oh, it's over, it's really over ?
38
00:01:44,010 --> 00:01:46,677
- ? Carry me, I can't go it alone ?
- _
39
00:01:46,702 --> 00:01:48,902
? Soldier stares in the valley below ?
40
00:01:48,927 --> 00:01:51,628
? That's the valley that
took my man from me ?
41
00:01:51,926 --> 00:01:53,396
[voice mail] Hello,
this is Barbara Horne.
42
00:01:53,420 --> 00:01:56,165
I'm not available to take your call,
but if you leave a detailed message,
43
00:01:56,189 --> 00:01:58,298
I'll be sure to get back to
you at my earliest convenience.
44
00:01:58,322 --> 00:02:00,470
Have a great day. [beep]
45
00:02:00,694 --> 00:02:04,496
[voice mail]: Hi, Barbara, This is
Anja Jacobs, Judy and Ron's daughter.
46
00:02:04,531 --> 00:02:07,865
I'd love to, uh, set something...
47
00:02:07,901 --> 00:02:09,334
Fuck! [beep]
48
00:02:09,368 --> 00:02:11,675
Automated voice: To save your
message, press the pound key.
49
00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:13,885
To listen to your message, press one.
50
00:02:13,910 --> 00:02:16,241
- To rerecord your message, press three.
- _
51
00:02:16,276 --> 00:02:19,644
Please record your message
after the tone. [beep]
52
00:02:19,689 --> 00:02:21,656
Weird time in the season to shop.
53
00:02:21,681 --> 00:02:24,114
[voice mail]: Hi there.
Uh, this is Anja Jacobs,
54
00:02:24,150 --> 00:02:25,384
- Ron and Judy's daughter.
- Thank you!
55
00:02:25,408 --> 00:02:28,452
I think you're expecting my
call. Uh... [chuckles] hi.
56
00:02:28,479 --> 00:02:31,748
Uh, I'd love to set up a
time to take you out to lunch
57
00:02:31,791 --> 00:02:35,426
and, like, pick your brain about
the business and all of that.
58
00:02:35,461 --> 00:02:37,410
Oh, my mom also gave me your e-mail,
59
00:02:37,435 --> 00:02:40,064
so I can send you my
contact info there as well.
60
00:02:40,099 --> 00:02:43,300
Uh... oh, as well as, uh,
relevant links to me and my work.
61
00:02:43,325 --> 00:02:45,262
- Sorry.
- I have these like, Kardashian recaps
62
00:02:45,287 --> 00:02:47,491
I've been doing sort of
just like, for fun. Um...
63
00:02:47,516 --> 00:02:50,795
All right, so thank you and I
hope to meet you soon. Peace!
64
00:02:50,820 --> 00:02:53,355
? Took my man from me ?
65
00:02:53,951 --> 00:02:57,083
[murmuring voices]
66
00:02:57,148 --> 00:03:01,084
[soothing instrumental music playing]
67
00:03:14,765 --> 00:03:15,931
Psst.
68
00:03:29,132 --> 00:03:30,537
_
69
00:03:41,225 --> 00:03:44,126
[patrons chattering]
70
00:03:48,338 --> 00:03:50,306
_
71
00:03:55,038 --> 00:03:57,049
Carrie Bradshaw [on computer]:
As I contemplated the fact
72
00:03:57,073 --> 00:04:00,675
that my relationship had
gone to pot, literally,
73
00:04:00,710 --> 00:04:03,978
I realized no high or low
74
00:04:04,014 --> 00:04:07,048
would make this day any day other
75
00:04:07,083 --> 00:04:10,351
than the day I got broken
up with by a post-it.
76
00:04:10,425 --> 00:04:12,592
[police siren chirps]
77
00:04:23,899 --> 00:04:28,602
? ?
78
00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:46,952
[police radio chatter]
79
00:04:48,423 --> 00:04:50,190
[overlapping chatter]
80
00:04:58,032 --> 00:04:59,653
Now let's keep the
sidewalk clear. Come on.
81
00:04:59,677 --> 00:05:01,309
Ma'am, I need you to step back.
82
00:05:01,336 --> 00:05:04,436
[phone chirps]
83
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:07,539
Hey, what's up?
84
00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:09,608
Anja: Thanks for agreeing to do this.
85
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,177
Yeah, it's not a big deal.
86
00:05:11,212 --> 00:05:13,598
I mean, as long as I'm
anonymous, I don't really care.
87
00:05:13,623 --> 00:05:15,280
Yeah, no, of course.
88
00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:18,751
Of course. You will be
completely anonymous.
89
00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:21,119
Um... uh...
90
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:24,397
do you mind if I take a
picture of your weed though?
91
00:05:25,827 --> 00:05:27,759
I guess I'd rather you didn't.
92
00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:30,504
It's just I have all
these, you know, labels
93
00:05:30,529 --> 00:05:33,304
and I don't want any identifying things
on the Internet, you know what I mean?
94
00:05:33,328 --> 00:05:36,574
- Uh, yeah. Okay, that's...
- Sorry.
95
00:05:36,599 --> 00:05:39,519
That's fine. Do you want some cold brew?
96
00:05:39,644 --> 00:05:41,701
Uh, no. I actually had two today,
97
00:05:41,726 --> 00:05:43,908
- so I'm good.
- Oh, wow.
98
00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:46,044
This is, like, my sixth cup today.
99
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,567
Um, okay. Ready?
100
00:05:47,592 --> 00:05:49,981
Okay, yeah.
101
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,716
- Okay.
- Cool.
102
00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:54,796
- That's a lot of coffee.
- Gotta find the pages.
103
00:05:54,820 --> 00:05:56,287
One second.
104
00:05:56,322 --> 00:05:58,446
- Shit.
- Yeah.
105
00:05:58,471 --> 00:06:00,524
- There we go.
- There you go.
106
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,024
- Um, all right. Ready?
- Yeah.
107
00:06:03,049 --> 00:06:04,828
This is a safe space.
108
00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:11,201
So... you're a pot dealer.
109
00:06:11,706 --> 00:06:13,239
What's that like?
110
00:06:14,073 --> 00:06:18,275
Uh, I just kind of bike
around and, uh, people call me
111
00:06:18,310 --> 00:06:21,278
and... and then I bring
them weed pretty much.
112
00:06:21,313 --> 00:06:22,880
It's kind of all there is to it.
113
00:06:22,915 --> 00:06:26,082
And, uh, where do you get your weed?
114
00:06:26,906 --> 00:06:30,287
Uh... I'm not gonna
answer that one. Sorry.
115
00:06:30,551 --> 00:06:31,721
- Pass.
- Okay.
116
00:06:31,757 --> 00:06:32,955
- Cool.
- Mm-hmm.
117
00:06:32,991 --> 00:06:35,659
It's totally cool. Um...
118
00:06:35,694 --> 00:06:37,327
Have you ever been arrested?
119
00:06:37,362 --> 00:06:40,153
No, luckily not. Knock on wood.
120
00:06:40,178 --> 00:06:41,398
- Yeah.
- Right?
121
00:06:41,433 --> 00:06:43,332
Yeah. Um...
122
00:06:43,367 --> 00:06:47,636
Do you feel like maybe
that's because you're white?
123
00:06:50,988 --> 00:06:52,676
Uh, maybe.
124
00:06:52,817 --> 00:06:55,611
- Oh, shit.
- Um... I... I mean, yeah, I guess
125
00:06:55,646 --> 00:06:58,214
- it has something to do with it.
- Yeah, maybe.
126
00:06:58,249 --> 00:07:01,512
But, you know, it's also
maybe 'cause I'm small potatoes
127
00:07:01,537 --> 00:07:03,035
- and, uh...
- Yeah.
128
00:07:03,060 --> 00:07:05,176
I just deal a little weed
and sometimes mushrooms,
129
00:07:05,201 --> 00:07:06,755
- so I'm not really...
- Oh. Okay.
130
00:07:06,783 --> 00:07:08,282
So mushrooms as well?
131
00:07:08,609 --> 00:07:10,438
Yeah, I'm not really on their radar.
132
00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:12,628
Okay. Yeah.
133
00:07:12,663 --> 00:07:14,911
What about your, um, client list?
134
00:07:14,936 --> 00:07:18,033
Are they mostly white as well, like you?
135
00:07:18,068 --> 00:07:22,314
Well, uh, yeah, most of
them are white actually.
136
00:07:22,339 --> 00:07:24,768
Now that I think about it. I haven't
really thought about it before.
137
00:07:24,792 --> 00:07:26,441
There's... There's some...
138
00:07:26,476 --> 00:07:28,509
No, there's more than a
few non-white customers.
139
00:07:28,545 --> 00:07:32,179
Why do you think that most
of your clients are white?
140
00:07:32,215 --> 00:07:35,337
Hey, so what's with all
the racial questions?
141
00:07:35,362 --> 00:07:37,267
Well, it's just that a...
142
00:07:37,292 --> 00:07:41,489
a disproportionate amount of people
in prison for marijuana offenses are...
143
00:07:41,524 --> 00:07:45,089
are non-white, and I thought you
might have something to say about that.
144
00:07:45,114 --> 00:07:49,014
I mean, that's cool. I understand.
It's important, but, uh...
145
00:07:49,039 --> 00:07:50,965
just, uh, off the record,
146
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,399
when I sat down to do this,
147
00:07:52,434 --> 00:07:54,672
you said you wanted me to
tell you some fun stories
148
00:07:54,697 --> 00:07:57,571
- about dealing weed, and not, uh...
- Mm-hmm.
149
00:07:58,374 --> 00:07:59,806
race politics.
150
00:07:59,842 --> 00:08:01,837
- Yeah, I know, I know.
- So like, just a heads up, you know?
151
00:08:01,861 --> 00:08:03,810
I'm sor... It's just that, um...
152
00:08:04,603 --> 00:08:08,982
I feel like there's a bigger point
that we... you know, like, it's just...
153
00:08:09,017 --> 00:08:12,619
I'm trying to focus on, like,
the, um, intersectionality
154
00:08:12,654 --> 00:08:16,736
of, like, race and pot
in a post-prohibition era.
155
00:08:16,761 --> 00:08:19,158
And we will get to the anecdotes. Um...
156
00:08:19,186 --> 00:08:22,787
I just felt like I would
be remiss as an interviewer
157
00:08:22,830 --> 00:08:26,165
if I didn't cover this very
important part of the subject.
158
00:08:26,208 --> 00:08:30,269
Like blacks in Iowa are 8.3%
more likely to get arrested
159
00:08:30,294 --> 00:08:33,300
for... for possession and dealing
than... than bla... than whites.
160
00:08:33,325 --> 00:08:36,675
And, and I just... I felt like
it was important to highlight
161
00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:39,812
how race might affect your
experience of your job.
162
00:08:39,847 --> 00:08:40,979
- It is important.
- Yeah.
163
00:08:41,015 --> 00:08:42,948
- [phone rings]
- I'm sorry. Um, uh...
164
00:08:42,983 --> 00:08:44,850
Do you... Would you actually just...
165
00:08:44,886 --> 00:08:47,019
- uh, excuse me for a second?
- [ringing continues]
166
00:08:47,054 --> 00:08:48,737
- Okay.
- Sorry, I just...
167
00:08:48,769 --> 00:08:52,249
I gotta, uh, take this. It's for work
Um, it's just gonna be one second.
168
00:08:52,274 --> 00:08:54,092
I'll be right back.
169
00:08:54,476 --> 00:08:55,538
Hello?
170
00:08:55,865 --> 00:08:57,456
- Whoa, dude.
- Hi, Barbara!
171
00:08:57,481 --> 00:08:59,220
Thanks for calling me back!
172
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,444
Oh, my gosh,
173
00:09:02,469 --> 00:09:04,669
it's like, so nice that
you called back at all!
174
00:09:04,704 --> 00:09:07,272
I mean, my mom's been
talking about you for a while,
175
00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:11,265
and, uh, to be honest, I didn't even
really know who you were, who you are.
176
00:09:11,299 --> 00:09:12,955
But then I Googled you and I was like,
177
00:09:12,980 --> 00:09:14,003
- "Wow...
- Okay, here we go.
178
00:09:14,027 --> 00:09:15,994
"this woman is like fucking legit!"
179
00:09:16,875 --> 00:09:19,784
Right. So I was hoping
to find the time to like,
180
00:09:19,820 --> 00:09:23,242
- buy you coffee and pick your brain.
- The Guy: Oh, fuck you.
181
00:09:24,090 --> 00:09:26,475
- Oh, no.
- Okay, um...
182
00:09:27,327 --> 00:09:28,960
In that case, can I,
183
00:09:28,995 --> 00:09:31,128
um, can I call you tomorrow again?
184
00:09:31,156 --> 00:09:33,756
I'm actually in the middle of...
185
00:09:33,799 --> 00:09:35,836
[conversation continues indistinctly]
186
00:09:35,861 --> 00:09:38,869
No, that's okay. Thank you.
187
00:09:38,904 --> 00:09:41,000
Good night. Oh, and thanks again!
188
00:09:44,510 --> 00:09:48,211
I'm sorry. Um, where... where were we?
189
00:09:49,682 --> 00:09:52,215
Um, uh, is everything okay?
190
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:54,517
I'm gonna need you to
erase that Instagram.
191
00:09:55,588 --> 00:09:58,254
- Right.
- Please.
192
00:10:45,069 --> 00:10:47,036
[crying]
193
00:11:24,444 --> 00:11:27,340
Reporter: Hungary and Croatia
continue to turn away migrants.
194
00:11:27,376 --> 00:11:31,111
Many are finding their way north through
Europe's central eastern corridor,
195
00:11:31,146 --> 00:11:33,213
while countries like Serbia and Bulgaria
196
00:11:33,248 --> 00:11:35,082
are struggling to keep
their borders sealed.
197
00:11:35,709 --> 00:11:39,053
- The European Union continues...
- Is it ready?
198
00:11:39,088 --> 00:11:40,857
Thank you, Ida.
199
00:11:40,882 --> 00:11:43,716
[TV continues indistinctly]
200
00:11:52,468 --> 00:11:55,235
- Good morning, babe.
- [groans]
201
00:11:55,270 --> 00:11:57,704
- What time is it?
- It's around 9:00.
202
00:11:57,739 --> 00:12:01,207
Ida made you those
breakfast perogies you love.
203
00:12:02,543 --> 00:12:04,110
I love Ida.
204
00:12:04,145 --> 00:12:05,945
Yeah. Ida loves you.
205
00:12:06,875 --> 00:12:08,280
No, no, no. Ugh.
206
00:12:08,307 --> 00:12:12,384
- My mouth tastes like a cat shit in it.
- Oh, no, I love that. Come here.
207
00:12:12,420 --> 00:12:14,153
- [chuckles]
- Mm...
208
00:12:14,472 --> 00:12:15,839
- Sick.
- Mm.
209
00:12:15,864 --> 00:12:18,171
Mm, it's so good, in fact.
210
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:19,492
- Mm.
- Mm.
211
00:12:19,527 --> 00:12:21,442
- Morning.
- Good morning.
212
00:12:21,467 --> 00:12:22,728
Mm.
213
00:12:22,753 --> 00:12:24,786
- Don't go to work.
- Oh, I know.
214
00:12:24,839 --> 00:12:27,640
I don't want to, but I...
want to marry you right now.
215
00:12:27,668 --> 00:12:29,192
- No, not yet.
- Wanna get married right now?
216
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:31,069
- Not yet.
- I gotta wait? Okay, I'll wait.
217
00:12:31,105 --> 00:12:32,437
I gotta go. Mm. Love you.
218
00:12:32,472 --> 00:12:33,872
- Bye.
- Bye.
219
00:12:39,479 --> 00:12:44,149
Hey, Nihal, are we still going to
Marta for the black truffle pizza?
220
00:12:44,184 --> 00:12:47,982
Hell yeah! Brenda made us
a rezzie for eight. Love ya!
221
00:12:48,087 --> 00:12:49,842
Love you.
222
00:12:50,923 --> 00:12:53,024
Reporter: Now, using a
dating app to find romance
223
00:12:53,059 --> 00:12:56,027
may have become the norm for
finding love in the modern age,
224
00:12:56,054 --> 00:13:00,278
but this next fall comedy might have
you think twice before swiping right.
225
00:13:00,303 --> 00:13:01,583
It's called "Homeless Helga"
226
00:13:01,608 --> 00:13:05,036
and it stars "Orange Is the New
Black's" Kimiko Glenn as Helga,
227
00:13:05,063 --> 00:13:06,763
who's, you guessed it, homeless.
228
00:13:07,290 --> 00:13:10,158
Mm, ain't nobody got time for this.
229
00:13:10,313 --> 00:13:12,376
Can we get the lobster mac and cheese,
230
00:13:12,411 --> 00:13:14,511
lamb face tacos, and a bottle of Dom?
231
00:13:14,547 --> 00:13:17,782
Reporter: Now, on the surface,
Helga looks anything but homeless.
232
00:13:17,817 --> 00:13:19,916
She's adorable and put together,
233
00:13:19,951 --> 00:13:22,519
but she secretly scams
guys she meets online
234
00:13:22,555 --> 00:13:25,422
into buying her meals
and letting her crash.
235
00:13:25,457 --> 00:13:28,625
So I met this girl on "What's Up,
Cupid." I think I'm falling in love.
236
00:13:28,661 --> 00:13:30,794
Her victims are totally oblivious
237
00:13:30,829 --> 00:13:33,197
as Helga blinds them
with her adorable charm.
238
00:13:33,617 --> 00:13:35,198
Almost done, baby.
239
00:13:35,233 --> 00:13:38,338
Yay. Let's order tacos, dum-dum.
240
00:13:38,374 --> 00:13:39,941
- Okay. I'll pay.
- [gasps]
241
00:13:39,966 --> 00:13:43,997
It's working out well for her, but some
people are on to Helga and her tricks.
242
00:13:44,022 --> 00:13:47,896
I play Matt's weed dealer,
and he tells Matt in the pilot
243
00:13:47,921 --> 00:13:51,114
that Helga is actually homeless.
244
00:13:51,149 --> 00:13:54,119
She's called Homeless Helga, bro.
245
00:13:54,144 --> 00:13:56,185
- Uh-uh.
- I would definitely say
246
00:13:56,219 --> 00:13:58,785
that Brooklyn is a character
in this show without a doubt.
247
00:13:58,819 --> 00:13:59,937
Matt: You can stay as long as you want.
248
00:13:59,961 --> 00:14:01,496
Helga: Maybe I should just move in.
249
00:14:01,521 --> 00:14:03,003
- [Helga giggles]
- Reporter: Be sure to tune in
250
00:14:03,027 --> 00:14:04,740
for this hilarious hipster comedy.
251
00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:07,302
Yaaas!
252
00:14:08,232 --> 00:14:10,011
Reporter: That really
does make me think twice
253
00:14:10,035 --> 00:14:12,201
- about online dating.
- What the fuck?
254
00:14:12,236 --> 00:14:13,884
[theme music playing]
255
00:14:14,130 --> 00:14:15,832
_
256
00:14:24,248 --> 00:14:25,813
Oh, my God!
257
00:14:25,849 --> 00:14:28,717
Mark! I thought that was you.
258
00:14:28,752 --> 00:14:30,719
- Hello.
- How's it going, buddy?
259
00:14:30,754 --> 00:14:31,974
It's been so long!
260
00:14:31,999 --> 00:14:34,322
I'm sorry, but do we know each other?
261
00:14:34,358 --> 00:14:35,624
- Uh...
- Oh.
262
00:14:35,659 --> 00:14:37,403
Well, I'm glad you and
your Hollywood friends
263
00:14:37,427 --> 00:14:39,661
finally realized I was gonna
sue your fucking face off
264
00:14:39,696 --> 00:14:41,662
for getting rich off of
my fucking life story!
265
00:14:41,689 --> 00:14:44,616
Yeah, I... I'm sorry, but
I... I don't know who you are.
266
00:14:44,641 --> 00:14:46,667
Oh, okay. Listen, shithead,
267
00:14:47,026 --> 00:14:49,886
pretending that I didn't endure
two weeks of your stupid jokes
268
00:14:49,911 --> 00:14:52,618
and your stupid fucking shitty
railroad apartment, isn't gonna happen.
269
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,708
Look, I can't say that I know
what you're talking about, Miss.
270
00:14:54,732 --> 00:14:56,856
You see, I recently came into
a bit of monetary success,
271
00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:59,057
and, well, now all sorts of people
are crawling out of the woodwork
272
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:00,586
and it kind of sounds like
you're looking for a payday too.
273
00:15:00,610 --> 00:15:02,241
Does that sound right or...
274
00:15:02,266 --> 00:15:04,032
[screams]
275
00:15:04,793 --> 00:15:06,681
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- Okay, look...
276
00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:08,704
- I don't need your money!
- But I will say that
277
00:15:08,705 --> 00:15:11,395
if you and I were to spend a whole
week in my apartment together, alone,
278
00:15:11,419 --> 00:15:12,879
ordering take-out and
only going out at night
279
00:15:12,903 --> 00:15:14,063
to drink in dark places by ourselves,
280
00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:15,977
then I'm sure there'd be no
one there to back up your story.
281
00:15:16,001 --> 00:15:17,731
- Oh.
- Which never happened.
282
00:15:17,766 --> 00:15:20,333
Oh, well... Oh, you fucking idiot!
283
00:15:20,368 --> 00:15:25,105
Watch out! Watch out 'cause my
fucking lawyer's serving your ass!
284
00:15:25,140 --> 00:15:29,609
Kimiko Glenn's not even
Korean, you fucking racist!
285
00:15:34,703 --> 00:15:36,708
- Ilana: A literal monster.
- Lincoln: I didn't know
286
00:15:36,732 --> 00:15:37,864
- you had it in there.
- [phone rings]
287
00:15:37,888 --> 00:15:39,686
And I'm in that mouth
on a regular basis.
288
00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:41,115
Well, I heard it on a dog phone,
289
00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:43,055
so I don't tell that
many people, to be honest.
290
00:15:43,090 --> 00:15:44,123
What's up?
291
00:15:44,158 --> 00:15:45,825
Heidi: Sup? What you doing?
292
00:15:45,860 --> 00:15:49,661
Yeah, I'm just chilling. Rewatching some
of my epic "Broad City" performances.
293
00:15:49,697 --> 00:15:51,596
Oh. Interesting.
294
00:15:51,632 --> 00:15:53,398
Yeah, hey, quick question:
295
00:15:53,434 --> 00:15:57,102
do you remember that guy,
um, who used to sell us weed
296
00:15:57,138 --> 00:15:59,705
back when I was living with
you? Do you have his number?
297
00:15:59,740 --> 00:16:01,506
? ?
298
00:16:17,458 --> 00:16:19,458
Resetting. Resetting.
299
00:16:21,794 --> 00:16:24,128
Still rolling. Reset please.
Resetting. Still rolling.
300
00:16:24,164 --> 00:16:25,674
Man [over radio]: Okay, that's a reset.
301
00:16:25,698 --> 00:16:28,366
Resetting. We are resetting. Copy that.
302
00:16:32,173 --> 00:16:34,377
Man [over radio]: Okay, guys, those
last couple of cars are passing through,
303
00:16:34,401 --> 00:16:37,808
- so when they do, let's lock it up.
- Cool. Lock it up. Lockin' it up.
304
00:16:37,844 --> 00:16:39,881
We don't have to do anything!
305
00:16:40,498 --> 00:16:43,482
Ready. Here we go. Rolling.
306
00:16:43,507 --> 00:16:45,516
Okay. Rolling. Copy that.
307
00:16:47,553 --> 00:16:49,953
Action. Copy that. Have a good take.
308
00:16:49,989 --> 00:16:51,367
Aaron, don't tell us
to have a good take.
309
00:16:51,391 --> 00:16:53,123
Awesome. Sorry about that. Copy that.
310
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,267
Don't say "copy" to everything.
311
00:17:02,301 --> 00:17:03,500
Oh, I... I... I...
312
00:17:03,535 --> 00:17:06,603
Actually, uh, I can't let you
come through here right now
313
00:17:06,638 --> 00:17:08,338
'cause we're rolling, you know?
314
00:17:08,374 --> 00:17:10,407
Oh.
315
00:17:10,442 --> 00:17:12,942
Okay, I'm going in that
building right there though.
316
00:17:12,977 --> 00:17:14,310
It's behind camera.
317
00:17:14,345 --> 00:17:16,078
- Can I...
- Yeah, let me...
318
00:17:16,114 --> 00:17:17,592
- Do you mind if I check on that?
- Yeah.
319
00:17:17,616 --> 00:17:18,648
Okay.
320
00:17:18,693 --> 00:17:20,427
Hey, um, this is Aaron.
321
00:17:20,452 --> 00:17:25,795
I actually have a bicyclist that needs
to get to a building behind the camera.
322
00:17:25,820 --> 00:17:27,489
Is it okay if I let him through?
323
00:17:28,526 --> 00:17:29,837
Man [over radio]: No, we're rolling.
324
00:17:29,861 --> 00:17:32,328
No, no one's in, so copy that.
I was thinking the same thing.
325
00:17:32,363 --> 00:17:35,398
Actually I have to ask
you to wait till we cut.
326
00:17:35,433 --> 00:17:37,095
If that's okay?
327
00:17:38,261 --> 00:17:40,929
- That guy just walked by.
- Yeah. Sir?
328
00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:43,383
- You can't get 'em every time.
- Yeah.
329
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:46,864
Yeah, but I think actually
my job is to do that.
330
00:17:47,812 --> 00:17:49,044
You got me.
331
00:17:49,079 --> 00:17:50,879
Yeah. [chuckles]
332
00:17:51,055 --> 00:17:53,188
And I'm never letting you go. [chuckles]
333
00:17:55,052 --> 00:17:56,369
No, I'll let you go when they just say
334
00:17:56,393 --> 00:17:58,288
they've stopped rolling,
and then I'll let you go.
335
00:17:58,312 --> 00:17:59,567
Okay.
336
00:17:59,592 --> 00:18:01,392
[car alarm chirps]
337
00:18:02,065 --> 00:18:03,264
Ooh! [stammers]
338
00:18:03,289 --> 00:18:04,655
Yup. Okay.
339
00:18:06,997 --> 00:18:09,197
Oh, actually, sir...
340
00:18:12,408 --> 00:18:13,579
Man [on radio]: That's
a cut. That's a cut.
341
00:18:13,603 --> 00:18:16,275
Oh, that's a cut. Copy that.
Back to one. Good stuff.
342
00:18:16,300 --> 00:18:18,439
- All right, well, thanks, Aaron.
- Awesome, man.
343
00:18:20,687 --> 00:18:23,444
- You're doing great, man.
- I'm really not.
344
00:18:24,124 --> 00:18:25,045
- Hey, man.
- What's up, man?
345
00:18:25,081 --> 00:18:26,633
- How's it going?
- How are you doing, man?
346
00:18:26,657 --> 00:18:27,794
Doing all right, doing all right.
347
00:18:27,818 --> 00:18:30,051
- They're shooting "Girls" outside.
- I know, man.
348
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:32,815
I tried to get a cameo, but, you
know, per my Comedy Central deal,
349
00:18:32,850 --> 00:18:35,689
I can only do a couple
guest spots per year.
350
00:18:35,724 --> 00:18:37,257
Ah, well. You remember Heidi.
351
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:38,848
- Yeah. Hi.
- Sup?
352
00:18:38,894 --> 00:18:41,058
- How are you doin'?
- Mm, good.
353
00:18:41,518 --> 00:18:44,526
So what do you guys
want today? I got, uh...
354
00:18:44,678 --> 00:18:47,360
- I'm carrying pens now.
- Oh, nice.
355
00:18:47,385 --> 00:18:51,905
And I got some edibles and, uh, of
course I have just plain ol' flowers.
356
00:18:51,950 --> 00:18:54,518
- Heidi: Oh, cool.
- Cool case, man.
357
00:18:54,543 --> 00:18:58,218
Thank you. You know, the cops,
they can't ask you to unlock it.
358
00:18:58,254 --> 00:18:59,541
- Really?
- Yeah.
359
00:18:59,566 --> 00:19:01,019
- Oh, that's cool.
- Yeah. There you go.
360
00:19:01,043 --> 00:19:02,347
- Boom.
- Oh, my God.
361
00:19:02,372 --> 00:19:03,682
- Yeah.
- Beautiful.
362
00:19:03,718 --> 00:19:06,050
Okay, so these are
sativas, these are indicas.
363
00:19:06,075 --> 00:19:10,589
These are 25, 50, 75, 15, 15.
364
00:19:10,625 --> 00:19:15,128
Hey, so remember that guy
Mark that you used to sell to?
365
00:19:15,163 --> 00:19:19,598
Um, I kind of need you to
testify that you saw us together.
366
00:19:20,902 --> 00:19:22,300
What?
367
00:19:22,336 --> 00:19:24,136
I just need you to whatever.
368
00:19:24,171 --> 00:19:26,672
Just say that you saw us
once in front of lawyers.
369
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:29,708
You want me to testify in
court that I'm a weed dealer
370
00:19:29,744 --> 00:19:31,941
and that I saw you
scamming one of my clients?
371
00:19:31,966 --> 00:19:33,913
Not in court, no.
372
00:19:33,948 --> 00:19:38,283
It's a taped deposition, so
you just show up and say, "Hey."
373
00:19:38,318 --> 00:19:39,662
And if they ask you about your weed,
374
00:19:39,686 --> 00:19:41,986
my lawyer says you just
plead the Fifth or whatever.
375
00:19:42,022 --> 00:19:43,866
- Okay. That's... that's...
- It's just like, yeah.
376
00:19:43,890 --> 00:19:44,822
- Cool.
- Yeah.
377
00:19:44,858 --> 00:19:47,466
- I'm not gonna do it.
- [laughs]
378
00:19:47,491 --> 00:19:50,662
I'm calling out the Fifth
Amendment for my rights, I guess.
379
00:19:50,687 --> 00:19:52,540
- Yeah. You invited me.
- Dude!
380
00:19:52,899 --> 00:19:56,834
That fucking dingle-butt
stole my intellectual property
381
00:19:56,870 --> 00:19:58,844
and is making a shit-ton
of money off of me, okay?
382
00:19:58,869 --> 00:20:02,040
- That's not cool. Come on.
- It's like "The Social Network."
383
00:20:02,075 --> 00:20:04,976
He's Mark Zuckerberg and
she's the Winklevoss twins.
384
00:20:05,254 --> 00:20:06,285
I think you mean that...
385
00:20:06,318 --> 00:20:08,285
- she's Mark Zuckerberg...
- She's Mark Zucker...
386
00:20:08,310 --> 00:20:09,605
No, she's the Winklevoss twins.
387
00:20:09,630 --> 00:20:11,166
- She's the... I don't know...
- You're right. Yeah.
388
00:20:11,190 --> 00:20:13,817
- Okay, okay, okay, hey, hey.
- The Guy: I think it works.
389
00:20:14,023 --> 00:20:15,523
I am homeless.
390
00:20:16,755 --> 00:20:19,354
This settlement could change my life.
391
00:20:19,925 --> 00:20:24,427
Yeah, but you're, like,
homeless by choice though, right?
392
00:20:24,927 --> 00:20:27,998
Which is your business
and, I don't know,
393
00:20:28,033 --> 00:20:31,240
I don't want to be on record as
a weed dealer so I can help, a...
394
00:20:31,265 --> 00:20:33,336
Vagabond vagina peddler?
395
00:20:33,620 --> 00:20:35,265
Oh, damn. I didn't...
396
00:20:35,574 --> 00:20:36,782
That's not nice.
397
00:20:36,807 --> 00:20:39,042
- Yeah, I wasn't gonna say that, man.
- Sex gypsy?
398
00:20:39,594 --> 00:20:41,789
- Oh. Well...
- Or like a...
399
00:20:41,822 --> 00:20:43,554
- I didn't say sex gypsy.
- Excuse me.
400
00:20:43,582 --> 00:20:45,393
- I just heard somebody else say it.
- Are you finished
401
00:20:45,417 --> 00:20:46,782
with your slut shaming?
402
00:20:46,818 --> 00:20:48,384
- We're not slut shaming.
- Huh?
403
00:20:48,420 --> 00:20:49,577
- I wouldn't say...
- Uh, I don't know...
404
00:20:49,601 --> 00:20:51,787
Felt like it! Whenever you're finished
405
00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:53,967
shaming me for my sexuality...
406
00:20:53,992 --> 00:20:57,192
- It's just sensitive times.
- I have something to show you.
407
00:20:57,228 --> 00:20:58,794
I play the role of Guy.
408
00:20:58,830 --> 00:21:00,229
- Uh, he is...
- Oh, Brett Gelman.
409
00:21:00,272 --> 00:21:04,033
Matt's weed dealer. And in the pilot,
he tells Matt that Helga is homeless,
410
00:21:04,068 --> 00:21:07,003
and they kind of join
forces to expose her.
411
00:21:07,482 --> 00:21:09,648
No, what do you mean
she's homeless, dude?
412
00:21:10,349 --> 00:21:12,449
- Sin casa, bro.
- And I love the role.
413
00:21:12,476 --> 00:21:14,698
- He's kind of that comic relief. And...
- Oh, fuck.
414
00:21:14,733 --> 00:21:16,356
- the straight man in the show.
- What the fuck?
415
00:21:16,380 --> 00:21:17,964
You know, he gets to be the
guy who goes [imitates fart]
416
00:21:17,988 --> 00:21:21,003
but also the guy who goes,
"Hey, that stinks!" You know?
417
00:21:21,028 --> 00:21:24,653
- [man laughing]
- Yeah! How about Vietnamese?
418
00:21:24,688 --> 00:21:27,789
[laughter continues]
419
00:21:27,824 --> 00:21:29,258
So happy you're amused.
420
00:21:29,293 --> 00:21:30,661
- It's very well-written.
- Thank you.
421
00:21:30,685 --> 00:21:33,285
Yeah, because it's my life, actually.
422
00:21:33,329 --> 00:21:35,897
Listen, Ms. Park, are you
able to offer physical proof
423
00:21:35,932 --> 00:21:37,539
that you ever spent
time with Mr. Greene?
424
00:21:37,564 --> 00:21:40,879
Yes. We have printouts of
all of our correspondences
425
00:21:40,904 --> 00:21:43,071
on OkCupid, and I think you will see
426
00:21:43,106 --> 00:21:45,348
that Mark and I have
had several exchanges
427
00:21:45,373 --> 00:21:47,208
since we, uh... before we met up.
428
00:21:47,245 --> 00:21:51,932
We also have a printout of my inbox
if you'd like to take a look at that...
429
00:21:51,956 --> 00:21:53,501
- Ms. Park?
- as well. Yes?
430
00:21:53,526 --> 00:21:56,034
Ms. Park, do you have
proof that you actually,
431
00:21:56,059 --> 00:21:58,486
physically, spent time together?
432
00:21:58,521 --> 00:22:00,925
My client was, well, let's
just say he was rather active
433
00:22:00,950 --> 00:22:03,919
in the online dating community at
the time you say you were lovers.
434
00:22:04,185 --> 00:22:07,052
He was corresponding with a
number of women three years ago.
435
00:22:07,077 --> 00:22:08,239
Oh.
436
00:22:09,298 --> 00:22:11,381
You mean private stuff,
like he only has one ball?
437
00:22:11,561 --> 00:22:13,094
Stuff like that?
438
00:22:13,736 --> 00:22:15,602
Like personal, private information?
439
00:22:15,637 --> 00:22:19,637
No, I don't know Heidi Park, nor am
I acquainted with her drug dealer.
440
00:22:19,662 --> 00:22:21,908
There are a number of
details in your screenplay
441
00:22:21,943 --> 00:22:24,744
that would tell us
otherwise, Mr. Greene.
442
00:22:24,779 --> 00:22:27,780
It's incredible how many people
think my work is about them.
443
00:22:27,816 --> 00:22:30,226
It's been very surprising, but
I think that just, you know,
444
00:22:30,251 --> 00:22:32,819
speaks to the
universality of my writing.
445
00:22:32,854 --> 00:22:34,688
I am surprised.
446
00:22:35,115 --> 00:22:39,726
The specificity of the details
of your "Homeless Helga" series,
447
00:22:39,761 --> 00:22:42,161
the Germanic first name
that starts with an H,
448
00:22:42,197 --> 00:22:46,674
the family-owned yogurt business,
these details, sir, are...
449
00:22:47,468 --> 00:22:50,245
fabricated from your own imagination?
450
00:22:50,270 --> 00:22:51,436
Yeah.
451
00:22:51,806 --> 00:22:53,004
They were.
452
00:22:53,861 --> 00:22:58,497
? ?
453
00:23:20,060 --> 00:23:21,618
The Guy: Yeah, um...
454
00:23:21,643 --> 00:23:22,774
We, uh...
455
00:23:22,799 --> 00:23:24,903
I did, uh, join him in his apartment
456
00:23:24,938 --> 00:23:27,767
a couple of times this year
and the year before. Yes.
457
00:23:28,226 --> 00:23:31,376
Lawyer: And how would you characterize
your relationship with Mr. Greene?
458
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,011
Would you say you were friends?
459
00:23:34,046 --> 00:23:37,882
I... wouldn't say we were close,
460
00:23:37,917 --> 00:23:41,319
but I would say we hung
out a couple of times, yeah.
461
00:23:41,419 --> 00:23:44,032
Well, what were you doing when you
would go to Mr. Greene's residence?
462
00:23:44,056 --> 00:23:45,615
You don't have to answer that.
463
00:23:46,754 --> 00:23:48,159
I don't have to answer that.
464
00:23:48,194 --> 00:23:50,694
Can you offer any proof that
you have had any connection
465
00:23:50,729 --> 00:23:52,663
with Mr. Greene outside of this room?
466
00:23:52,947 --> 00:23:54,380
Oh, yeah.
467
00:23:55,768 --> 00:23:57,134
Right here.
468
00:23:58,082 --> 00:23:59,685
Do you have a photo of
the two of you together?
469
00:23:59,709 --> 00:24:01,109
- Hold on, hold on. Hold on.
- Okay.
470
00:24:05,411 --> 00:24:08,578
[phone rings]
471
00:24:11,378 --> 00:24:12,916
Uh-oh.
472
00:24:13,276 --> 00:24:14,918
So that's me, right?
473
00:24:14,953 --> 00:24:17,760
And my name comes up on
there. It should be, like...
474
00:24:18,389 --> 00:24:20,656
- something to do with...
- Yeah.
475
00:24:20,871 --> 00:24:23,405
Camera should get that too, right?
476
00:24:24,955 --> 00:24:26,411
The Guy: Yeah, so there you go.
477
00:24:32,523 --> 00:24:33,866
What you looking at?
478
00:24:34,249 --> 00:24:36,271
- Wedding pics.
- Aww.
479
00:24:36,421 --> 00:24:38,841
- Look how cute I am.
- I'm cute.
480
00:24:38,876 --> 00:24:41,143
- Oh, you are cute. Mm.
- Look, I'm cute again here.
481
00:24:41,178 --> 00:24:43,512
- Look! You're not looking.
- You look beautiful.
482
00:24:43,645 --> 00:24:45,326
You gonna take the Jitney
out this morning or no?
483
00:24:45,350 --> 00:24:47,114
- Or you wanna come with me after work?
- Mm, no, I'll meet you there.
484
00:24:47,138 --> 00:24:49,168
- I have a little thingy.
- Yeah? Mm.
485
00:24:49,286 --> 00:24:51,053
- Mwah.
- Okay.
486
00:24:51,088 --> 00:24:52,321
All right, I gotta go.
487
00:24:52,356 --> 00:24:54,022
- Okay, bye.
- I love you. I love you.
488
00:24:54,058 --> 00:24:55,527
Both: Mm...
489
00:24:55,552 --> 00:24:57,059
- Mwah.
- You're stupid.
490
00:24:57,084 --> 00:24:58,994
[laughs] Yes, I am.
491
00:24:59,357 --> 00:25:00,923
- Bye.
- Bye.
492
00:25:05,744 --> 00:25:06,868
[sighs]
493
00:25:06,903 --> 00:25:09,838
? ?
494
00:25:21,087 --> 00:25:22,907
- Look what we did.
- No.
495
00:25:22,946 --> 00:25:25,381
No kitties. Well then
let's try this again.
496
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:47,374
Oh, my God, thank you so much.
497
00:25:48,724 --> 00:25:50,744
You hold it, press it.
498
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:52,579
There you go.
499
00:25:52,615 --> 00:25:54,505
And now do auto set. Boop.
500
00:25:57,395 --> 00:26:00,144
[gasps] Look at that.
501
00:26:00,188 --> 00:26:01,914
Look. I got it open.
502
00:26:01,939 --> 00:26:05,091
I know. Look what you did.
503
00:26:05,127 --> 00:26:07,660
- Oh, no.
- And I got this.
504
00:26:07,695 --> 00:26:09,335
You sure did. Hey,
can you back up please?
505
00:26:09,364 --> 00:26:12,331
- Thank you.
- I can't believe that I got it.
506
00:26:12,366 --> 00:26:15,000
- You did.
- How did it do that?
507
00:26:15,036 --> 00:26:16,502
I don't know.
508
00:26:16,538 --> 00:26:18,404
It could be one of the kitties.
509
00:26:19,407 --> 00:26:20,840
Did you open it?
510
00:26:20,875 --> 00:26:23,576
No, I didn't because I'm not in there.
511
00:26:23,611 --> 00:26:25,812
- You're not in the phone?
- Yup.
512
00:26:25,847 --> 00:26:27,512
? ?
513
00:26:32,153 --> 00:26:35,487
? Girl, somebody's watchin' ?
514
00:26:35,522 --> 00:26:37,522
? When you're walkin' down the street ?
515
00:26:38,974 --> 00:26:41,827
? When you move your butt ?
516
00:26:42,037 --> 00:26:44,796
? And then it skips to the beat ?
517
00:26:45,866 --> 00:26:49,033
? I got feeling in mind ?
518
00:26:49,069 --> 00:26:52,504
? Like New York time ?
519
00:26:52,539 --> 00:26:55,774
? And you move your butt ?
520
00:26:55,809 --> 00:26:59,377
? And then my Benz break down ?
521
00:26:59,412 --> 00:27:01,645
? I wanna save ya, persuade ya ?
522
00:27:01,681 --> 00:27:04,315
? To do the 99 ?
523
00:27:06,486 --> 00:27:10,888
? Like ice, your butt
is like dice now, damn ?
524
00:27:16,929 --> 00:27:20,063
? It's the way you feel ?
525
00:27:20,364 --> 00:27:22,432
? When your body kneel ?
526
00:27:26,908 --> 00:27:30,407
? So now you choose me ?
527
00:27:30,705 --> 00:27:32,476
? It's the whisper that I miss ?
528
00:27:32,512 --> 00:27:34,844
? When you do it like this ?
529
00:27:37,730 --> 00:27:41,584
? Like ice, your butt
is like dice now, damn ?
530
00:27:45,604 --> 00:27:49,650
Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com
531
00:27:49,700 --> 00:27:54,250
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