Original subtitles

(woman singing over radio)

I swear this is the last bottle of this I'm ever buying.

Do you know these are five dollars now?

That's ridiculous.

Well, it's alkalizing. You gotta stop buying that shit.

You're wasting your money. I know. I hate myself.

We should make our own. Oh, yeah, let's get a SCOBY.

Like bootleggers.

Yeah! (music stops)

Oh, can you tell Pandora we're still listening?

Yeah. Put on Fleet Foxes.

I know. Okay.

(squeaking)

Did you hear that? Yes.

Fuck.

Where is it?

(both gasp)

Nast! Oh, I gotta go order some weed.

(synthetic music playing)

(phone chirping)

Yeah?

Hey, it's Molly on Moore Street?

Yeah, 406 Moore Street, yeah.

Give me like 15 or--

mmm, it's gonna be, like, 45 minutes.

Really? All right, see you then.

Okay.

"Pour a little vegetable oil over the mouse,

"coating it lightly. Make sure the mouse's mouth and nose

are not submerged in the oil." Oh, no!

"And then use a padded cloth, like an old pot-holder,

"to get the mouse free. The cloth should be thick enough

that you can't get bitten!" What!

We're gonna ruin a pot-holder.

Oh! Oh, I don't want to look at it.

No, no, no! Sarah Greenfield brought that back

from the vineyard in South Africa.

You are not using that. Oh, my god. Who cares?

No! It's chili-infused. It will hurt Jamie.

Who's Jamie? Really?

Yeah. Oh, God.

How about this? What?

Why do we even have Pam?

I think my mom bought it when we were making cookies last time--

Fine, fine, fine.

Pam it, here we go. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my-- Ah!

? Only love is all maroon... ?

(ringing) ? Sky is womb and she... ?

He's here.

(buzzing)

(music blaring) Hi.

Hey. Sorry, I didn't hear the buzzer over the music.

Yeah, I've never heard this song played so loud.

Yeah, well, we had a little problem. I guess.

(music stops) We're so fucking stressed out.

There's a mouse. Oh, well, just set a trap, guys.

That's the problem. There is a trap

and it's a glue trap and the mouse is stuck in it

and it's screaming and it's very clearly suffering

and we don't know what to do.

You just kill it.

No, it's inhumane.

Well, it's not actually inhumane.

I mean, we caught a mouse in a glue trap

and we didn't see it till a couple hours later

and then it chewed its fucking leg off

like James Franco in that rock-climbing movie

and it dragged itself off and expired in the dog dish.

So it's like, it might be more humane to kill it.

No. This is not an apartment where things die.

This is an apartment where things live.

We do not torture in this apartment and we do not kill.

I mean, to be fair, we already gassed it.

And it's, like, totally covered in Pam.

So... That sounds like torture.

Yeah, I mean, it's-- it's doused in Pam.

So I think maybe we should just kill it.

Okay, fine. Will you do it?

Yes, I will do it. Okay.

But you have to do it humanely.

Like, peacefully. Like...

Put it in a pillowcase, put it in an exhaust pipe.

No.

(mouse squeaking)

(both blowing)

(squeaking stops)

Hey! Oh, my god!

Hey, how about that?

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

I can't believe that worked, yeah.

Thank you, thank you. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Molly, do you have some money for this man?

Yeah. Um, I'm not sure if I have 50. Let me check.

Okay, I think I have some.

Oh, god!

That's awesome. Uh, Brenna, do you have, like, 10?

Yeah. Cool.

Oh, yeah.

I just seasoned that pan.

(synthesized music playing)

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