All language subtitles for Frasier - 8x10 - Cranes Unplugged.HDTV.NoTV.en

FRASlER:
Who's up next, Roz?

We have Cleo
from Redmond on line three.

Hello, Cleo. l'm listening.

CLEO:
Hi, Dr. Crane.

l've been dating three different guys
and l can't choose between them.

ls it that you can't choose
or you don't want to choose?

lt's just hard. One's really funny,

one's adventurous
and one's sensitive.

They're all gorgeous too.

Oh, excuse me, Cleo.

This show is for people
with real problems.

Roz.

Um, it sounds to me as if each suitor
possesses one quality that you admire.

Rather than choose among them,

why not try to find one person
who fits all your criteria?

Why don't you call back
when you're a working single mother

whose choice in dates
is between a guy with eight teeth

and a guy whose hair is painted on?

Sadly, we're out of time.

This is Dr. Frasier Crane

saying good day, Seattle,
and good mental health.

Unless, of course,
Roz has a problem with that.

ls there something wrong, Roz?

Because if there is,

we should discuss it
before it bleeds into your work.

ROZ:
l'm sorry.

l'm just sick of hearing people
complain about their love lives

while l face another weekend
without plans.

- Well, l empathize, but--
- l know. Look who l'm telling.

lt so happens
l have big plans this weekend.

Let me guess:

You and Niles are playing your
zithers again at the Renaissance Faire.

Get real, Roz. The Renaissance Faire
is a fortnight after Saint Swithin's Day.

No, my son is coming to town.

Dad and Daphne should be
picking him up at the airport right now.

l didn't know Freddie was coming.

Well, it was sort of last-minute,
actually.

You know, you remember
l had that reunion of sorts

with my old college mentor,
Dr. Tewksbury.

Well, it led to a lot of soul-searching.

He helped me to realise

that l've been defining myself
by my career,

and it's time
that l rearrange my priorities.

And my first priority is my son.

What is he now, 1 2?

- No, 1 3, Roz.
- Wow.

Gosh, you know,
the years really have flown by.

- l feel like l've missed so much.
- So, what are you guys gonna do?

Lots of things. l thought we'd see
a play and take in the computer show.

He loved that. And, um...

Oh, l've decided
we are going to read Walden together.

- Some vacation.
- No, no, Roz. lt is, actually.

You see, every year, we pick a book
to read and discuss.

lt's-- lt's been sort of a bonding thing
between us.

And, gosh, you know, l hate to brag,

but Freddie
really is a very articulate young man.

He's very imaginative, not to mention
what a great sense of humour he has.

Oh, that reminds me, Frasier.

Alice said the cutest thing
this morning.

Careful, Roz. You don't wanna turn
into one of those mothers

who bores everybody
talking about her child.

At level seven, grab the bio-suit
and then teleport to the acid tank.

Really?

Hey, Grandpa,
put on MTV, channel 46.

All right.

[HlP-HOP MUSlC
PLAYlNG ON TV]

Oh, jeez. What is this?

They're half nude.
That's just not right.

l saw this one already.

Oh, hello, Dad.

Freddie. Ha, ha!
Come give your dad a hug.

l'll call you back.

FRASlER:
God, it's so good to see you. Oh!

Well, so how was your flight?

- Eh.
- Good, good, good.

Did you get all your unpacking done?

- Yeah.
FRASlER: Great.

l've been looking forward
to seeing you.

We're gonna have fun.
What would you like to do first?

Whatever.

[PHONE RlNGS]

Hello? Hey, Zack.

Hang on, let me get some privacy.

Well...

That's certainly not the greeting
l was expecting.

l've never seen such dancing.

What do you think
those shorts are made of?

Some sort of steel mesh.

What the hell are you watching?

- lt's Freddie's programme.
- Good Lord.

He doesn't seem very happy
to be here.

He hardly said two words to me.

Oh, it's perfectly normal.
You're his dad.

Kids that age
don't wanna talk to their dad.

l never stopped talking to you.

l know, buddy.

- Evening.
FRASlER: Oh, hi, Daph.

Dinner will be ready soon.
Niles is joining us.

FRASlER:
Good, good.

Say, Daphne,
did Freddie say anything in the car?

DAPHNE:
Not really.

We put your show on the radio. Heard
Roz give that caller the business.

FRASlER:
Oh, yeah.

[DOORBELL RlNGS]

- Oh, l'll get that.
- All right.

You know, it's a pity
she hasn't found someone to love.

l mean, what could be sadder
than growing old alone?

Yeah, l wasn't talking about you,
Dr. Crane.

- You got your father to grow old with.
- Ah, yeah.

DAPHNE: Niles.
- Hello.

Hi. Mwah.

Hey, Niles,
l didn't miss a squash date, did l?

No, no,
l was playing with Jack Betcher.

Pummelled me but good.
From now on, l'll stick to playing you.

FRASlER:
Oh, yes.

- Where's Freddie?
FRASlER: l'll go and get him.

You always smell so masculine
after you've finished exercising.

lt's the mango-kiwi shower gel.

[DOORBELL RlNGS]

- Oh, hi there.
- Oh, hello.

l'm Jack. l just dropped Niles off.

NlLES: Jack?
- You left this in my car.

Oh, thank you.
Jack, this is Daphne, my girlfriend.

You're a fine-looking one,
aren't you?

- l don't know.
- Modest, that's good.

- l don't see a ring. Single?
- Yes.

- Looking? For a woman?
- Sure.

Right.

- Employed?
- A surgeon.

- Mm. lmpressive.
JACK: Thanks.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Well, it's good to see you again, Jack.
Thanks, goodbye.

What's happening?
l think l'm having some kind of stroke.

Roz is lonely so l thought l'd try
and set her up with someone.

Oh, maybe Jack.

- There's a thought.
- Okay, l get it now.

- Here we are.
- Oh. Hello, Freddie.

Hi, Uncle Niles.

- Would you give us a moment?
- Sure.

Freddie, about what you just saw...

l know you've always
had special feelings for Daphne.

- There's something l need to tell you.
- l already know about you guys.

Oh. Uh...

And you're okay with that?

l liked her when l was a little kid.

l'm over it now.
l mean, she's like 1 00.

She most certainly is not.

- lt just burns you up that l got her--
FRASlER: Niles.

Why don't you get us both
some sherry?

Well, Freddie, l've made some
wonderful plans for our time together.

l've already chosen the book
we're going to read.

l'll give you a hint.

Published in 1 854,
this paean to self-sufficiency

was known as the cornerstone
of the transcendental movement.

Oh, oh, oh!

Yes, yes, Niles.
l'll let you get the next one.

- Freddie, any thoughts?
- No.

- Niles?
- lt's Walden by Henry David Thoreau.

Of course it is.

''lt is life near the bone
where it is sweetest.''

Should be the source of much
lively discussion, wouldn't you say?

l don't know.

Why don't you just talk about it
with Uncle Niles?

Niles.

Well, yes, if that's what you'd like.

We'll discuss it together.

''lf the engine whistles, let it whistle
till it is hoarse for its pain.''

Oh, shut up, Niles.

Hey, how was the computer expo?

Okay.

Freddie, why don't you tell Grandpa
about the new virtual reality--?

And he's gone.

- So did you have fun?
- Oh, yeah. lt was a blast.

He spent the entire time
trying to ditch me.

You know...

...l only get to see
Freddie a few times a year.

Usually, we make the most of it.

Now all he wants to do
is play that damn computer game.

MARTlN:
Well, you know, Fras,

he's not different
than you were at that age.

Except instead of video screens
and electronics,

you always had your head in books.

- That's entirely different, Dad.
- No, it isn't.

We couldn't get you to do anything.

You know, l remember
when you read that Walden book.

lt was on the family camping trip.

So? Well, what better time
to read about nature?

MARTlN:
That's just it.

While you were in the cabin reading
about it, we were outside enjoying it.

You'd rather read about something
than experience it firsthand.

You know, my mentor remarked
on that very thing.

Freddie.

Freddie, l've made a decision.
We are going to the woods.

- What for?
- We are going camping.

- lt'll be good for the both of us.
- But l don't want to.

Too bad. lt'll be fun.

Fathers and sons
should do fun things together.

You and Grandpa
don't do fun things together.

Hey, leave me out of this.

That's why he's coming along
as well.

There will be no TV,

there will be no electronics,
there will be no distractions.

Just three generations of Cranes

cooking over a fire
and sleeping under the stars.

We leave at daybreak.

Good work, Freddie.

Oh! What an idyllic spot.

l'm already beginning to feel
like Thoreau.

We can't sleep here.
This place bites.

lt does not bite.

''lt is shelter, as good as the best,

and sufficient
for its coarser and simpler wants.''

ls that you talking
or that guy from Where's Walden?

Good one, Freddie.

[FRASlER LAUGHS]

Yes, you know,
the two of you may want to immortalise

this good-natured raillery
in these journals that l bought for you.

Thanks, but l wouldn't know
what to write.

Well, Dad, you simply write down
your experiences.

- l have to go to the bathroom.
- Freddie, l-- l don't see a bathroom.

You're surrounded
by 50,000 acres of it.

Ha-ha! How quaintly rustic.

Yes, Frederick,
just pick a tree and make it your own.

So, Dad,
l thought we might do an activity later.

- What kind of activity?
- Oh, l don't know.

Maybe press some leaves
or whittle a birdcall

and see if we can lure some finches
to our sill.

Take it easy now, we wanna save
something for tomorrow.

Dad, could you please
be a little more supportive?

l'd like to, but l tried to get you
to camp a million times

and you had to wait
till playoffs are on.

Dad, you can watch
the playoffs all year.

The kids at the next campsite
built a rope swing.

- Can l go over?
- Don't see why not.

Thanks.

- What the hell was that?
- lt's just a rope swing.

Wait till he sees us
drying leaves in the sun.

He'll come running.

l'm just about fed up
with your sarcasm.

l'm trying to do some father-son
bonding here. Will you just butt out?

You know what? l just thought
of something to write in this thing.

ROZ:
This is a bad idea. My hair's flat.

Never have a good date
when my hair is flat.

lf it's flat after, that's a good date.

[DOORBELL RlNGS]

Your hair's not flat, Roz.
lt's delightfully frizzy.

DAPHNE: Hello.
JACK: Hi.

NlLES: Hey, Jack, come in.
You remember Daphne.

- Yes.
- This is Roz.

- Hi, Jack.
- Hi.

So, uh, where are you two going
for dinner?

l thought we'd try the Pergola.
They have a garden patio.

Unless you'd rather eat inside.
l don't want you to get cold.

Oh, don't you worry about that.

Come on, Roz,
l have a couple of wraps.

You can borrow one.

- What do you think?
- She's pretty.

You know, l should check my service
before we go.

- Okay. Can l pour you some wine?
- Sure.

lt's Dr. Betcher.

Really?
Well, isn't Dr. Unger on call?

l'm kind of busy right now.

All right, l'm on my way.

There's an emergency
with one of my post-op patients.

- Please tell Roz l'm really sorry.
- Of course.

- Thanks, Niles.
- Yeah, good luck.

We need a man's opinion.
The velvet trim or the multicoloured?

- Where's Jack?
- He left.

- He left?
- lt was an emergency.

What kind of an emergency?

Like he saw me
and thought l was a dog emergency?

- No, no, no. He said you were pretty.
- That's it?

Well, he flew out of here
as soon as you left the room.

Oh, God, he was just trying
to get out of this date.

- l've been dumped.
- Oh, l'm sure you weren't dumped.

- He was paged, right, Niles?
- Oh, yeah, the old fake page routine.

No, no, no, not even.
He actually called in.

- l should go.
- We understand, you wanna be alone.

No, Roz, l won't hear of it.
You'll stay right here with us.

Oh, l don't wanna be a pain.
You guys have a big evening planned.

Roz, you are so considerate.

We can have an evening any old time.
You'll stay for dinner.

ROZ: All right.
- Allow me.

Well, what are we having?
Because l don't like fish.

Oh, Freddie, there you are.
Thank goodness.

Can l have dinner with these guys?
They're having sloppy joes.

l'm sorry, but Frederick is having
dinner with his family this evening.

Come on, Dad.

That's okay. Come by later.
We're making S'mores.

Yes, we'll see.
All right, now off you go, young people.

Just sit down, Frederick,
and eat your meal.

- Have a good time?
- l guess.

What'd you do?

We played some Frisbee.

Sucked with all those trees
in the way.

Yes, well, perhaps one day
civilisation will cut down all those trees

and pave over this grand wilderness.
Then you and your friends

can play Frisbee without constraint.
How would that be?

l don't know.

l'm done. Can l go now?

- No.
- Why not?

This is your first camping trip
and we're gonna enjoy it together.

This isn't my first camping trip.

- You never told me that.
- l don't tell you a lot of things.

Oh. l see.

Well, you may go.

So...

...he's been camping before.

lnstead of this
being something special,

it's just another thing
l've missed out on.

This trip was a bust
from the get-go.

We leave at daybreak.

What's with you and daybreak?

l'm gonna see if those kids have
a generous grandpa with a six-pack.

Sit.

DAPHNE: l once dated a guy
who was so grabby,

l jumped out of his car
while it was still moving.

Did l ever tell you
about this jerk named Nick?

l dated a Nick.

[DOORBELL RlNGS]

My Nick had a silent G
at the beginning of his name.

He was Vietnamese.

l wonder who this could be.

Oh, what an incredible surprise.

lt's Hans. Hans, come in.

Roz, Daphne, this is Hans.
He's a doctor from my building.

Nice to meet you.

Hello, Hans. What brings you by?

l'm a friend of Frasier.

Uh, l was downstairs, so l thought
l'd pop by, see if he was in.

- Yeah, well, he's not.
- You could stay for a drink.

Why don't come here?
Sit next to Roz.

Niles, help me fix those drinks,
will you?

Yes, dear.

Doctor my eye.
That's Ted, the moron from the deli.

- Are you sure?
- Oh, stop it.

You invited him over here for Roz.
She's in no mood to be trifled with.

- Neither am l.
- l'm sorry. l was trying to help.

Yeah, well, if you want to help,
get rid of him.

Love you.

Can you believe this, Daphne?

Roz, l am so sorry.
This evening's been a disaster.

No, l mean, things are looking up.

Hans and l are really hitting it off.
Do you have any mints in here?

- Try the cupboards.
- Thanks.

l have a really good feeling
about Hans.

He's very funny.

He just told me
he was chief doctor of Brainiactrics.

- Where did he go?
- l gave him the boot. He's gone.

- Who's gone?
- Hans. He had an emergency.

- Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
- Oh, Roz--

l thought this one liked me.

Man, l've driven away two doctors
in one night.

No, Hans is just the meat slicer
from the deli.

And that's supposed
to make me feel better?

Oh, God, l just wanna put
this whole night behind me.

l don't blame you one bit.

l'm sure it will all look better
in the morning.

l sure hope so.

You two have listened to enough
of my problems for one night.

Oh, look, Titanic just started.

When you hear that scratching
at your window late at night,

remember that young couple
and Fork Hand.

Oh, come on, that's scary stuff.

l told that to Duke last summer
and he wet his sleeping bag.

Wait a minute.
lsn't this Duke's sleeping bag?

- Now you're scared.
- Ha-ha.

Oh, gosh, Dad.

l'm sorry l snapped at you earlier.

You know, l guess l was just hoping
this trip might give me and Frederick

some sort of,
l don't know, golden moment.

- l guess l'm just disappointed.
- l know.

But you know, none of this
would be happening if we had a TV.

TV makes everyone get along.

MARTlN: Oh, hey, buddy.
FRASlER: Hi, Fred.

- Well, l'll just take a little walk.
FRASlER: All right.

- See you in a bit, Dad.
MARTlN: All right.

Frederick, we're gonna be leaving
in the morning.

But l don't wanna go.

No? l thought you'd be
dying to get back to your Game Boy.

Well, yeah, but l kind of made plans.

Oh, really? With who?

- Nobody.
- Oh, then, you don't have plans.

We leave at-- Nine-ish.

Okay, fine.
l have plans with Melody.

- The S'mores girl?
- Yeah.

She's cute.

She's a cheerleader.

Ho-ho!

l remember a particular cheerleader
from my youth.

Lorna. She was a beautiful girl.

ln fact, l was so intimidated by her,

l could never even work up
the courage to approach her.

- Dad.
- Damn it.

l kissed her.

Oh.

l know. lt was her first time.

lt was my first time too.

l see.

Don't tell Mom about this, okay?
She'd ask all kinds of stupid questions.

Don't worry, son.
lt's just between you and me.

You know,
l think l'll write for a while before bed.

Whoa. Did you see the stuff
that Grandpa wrote about you?

Give me that.