All language subtitles for Dead Boss s01e03.eng

I now sentence you to 12 years.
Objection!

Too long?

I didn't kill Eric Bridges!

Tony Norman is no longer associated
with Helen Stephens and her murder.

Laura? What are you doing there?
I work here now.

You'll be joining Fatty in solitary.

Then it won't be solitary. Get out!

I'm damned if I'm going to be thrown
back on the case.

I'm starting up the lottery
syndicate again.

Mrs Bridges! Yeah, that's right.

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"Dear Maurice, what a relief
to receive your postcard

"from Death Row.
I was fearing the worst.

"Coincidentally, my last pen pal
was also electrocuted,

"but that's because her kite
got caught in a pylon.

"At least I think
that's the translation.

"My Spanish was quite limited.

"Anyway, I'm afraid my news
is of little cheer.

"I'm still denied my basic human
rights of freedom, dignity,

"and decent quality
hair straighteners.

"Each day I think of all
I'm missing on the outside world

"as I watch another
prisoner walk free."

Yeah, that's it, just go!
Go see your family!

You tell them what we did to each
other every Tuesday for four years.

Tell me that didn't mean anything!

I can still taste you!
I can still taste you!

"I've always thought Miley Cyrus has
an exceptionally punchable face,

"but she absolutely nailed it when
she sang that thing about, you know,

"getting through it all and stuff.

"Which is something I need
to remember since my fiance

"and bloody alibi Justin
is still missing,

"and my lawyer's announced
he's now off my case.

"But to be honest, good riddance."

What do you mean, you've been
threatened back on the case?

It doesn't matter.

What matters is that it was
the kick up the arse I needed.

FFS, Tony! No, really.

One minute you're on the case
and then you're off the case.

Anyway, I've done what
I should've done a long time ago...

I've applied for legal aid.

Forget it, Helen.
I'm back on the case.

No, you're not. Yes, I am!

You can't represent me against
my will. Yes, I bloody can.

Get off my case, Tony. I said,
get off it. No!

Oh, is that Justin?

Yes! I'm back on the case!
Do whatever you want

but as far as I'm concerned, Tony,
you're my ex-lawyer.

Look, I think we both know
we could have done a lot of stuff

better the first time. I mean,

that's the beauty
of the appeal process, isn't it?

Second chances all round!

Let it be known that Tony Norman,
Helen Stephens's lawyer,

is back on the case.

Do you mind if I take
this for my stepson? Thanks.

Get a wriggle on, Russell.
Chop chop! The van's waiting, yeah.

Oh, are you going now?
I'm not going to cry.

Stop blubbing.
It's well unattractive.

It's only a week.
You are going to love Germany.

Think of all the prisoners
the Governor could have picked for the prison exchange.

You're like an ambassador
for British... sociopaths!

Oh, Helly, I'm going to miss you.

Are you going to miss me?
Yeah. Really?

Course. Are you sure?
Of course I'll miss you.

Say it. I'll miss you.

Say it with my name.

I'll miss you, Christine.

Really? Oh, let's wrap this up.

I'll bring you back a sausage.

The cell will be empty without you!

It won't. It's a prison exchange,
we get one in return.

That's how an exchange works,
you stupid cow.

You'll be babysitting
Mrs Gertrude Wermers,

43-year-old widowed cannibal.

Oh, and Stephens, keep your toes
tucked in bed tonight. Otherwise...

She's rather shy. This is her first
time away from the Mutterland

and understandably,
she's a little wary.

Moechtest du ping-pong spielen?

Nein. Ping-pong?

Nein. Ping-pong?

Ja?

I was asking her if she likes to play
ping-pong, which naturally she does.

Ich sagte nein.

Stephens, I want you
to give her a tour of the wing,

point out the views, show her where
she can get a souvenir tattoo done,

that sort of thing, give her a taste
of the Great British Penal system.

Britain welcomes...
German cannibals.

Do you want to pop off
and get processed?

We have a very good relationship
with our German counterparts

at Wassenburg Prison.

Wouldn't want to screw that up.

So if anything happens to Gertrude,
and I mean anything,

your legal aid application
will be carefully filed away.

Oh!

So, this is the place
I like to call my prison cell.

Mea casa, tua casa. Is that German?

Er... mein kampf is your kampf.
Is this some kind of joke?

In Germany, we have shower cubicles
bigger than this.

Hang on, I thought
you didn't speak English?

We are not lazy with our languages
like you Brits.

I speak Irish, actually,

and I know most of the words
to that song, Encore Une Fois, so...

I'm going to lie down now.
That's my bunk.

Listen, lady,
I don't know how to say this without

sounding like I'm up my own asshole

but in Germany,
I'm kind of a big deal.

I've had seven crime books
written about me.

They weren't that accurate,
but the photos were flattering.

I'm, like, totally infamous.

So if I say I'm going to lie
on that bunk,

then that is what is going
to happen.

Really? Well, I don't know
how to say this either,

but in this cell,
I'm kind of a big deal.

So why don't you do us all a favour

and get on the bunk that has
been allocated to you as our guest!

What's all the racket here?
Oh, my God.

Officer Timothy Debben.
You must be...

Ich heisse Gertrude Wermers.

Good Moaning.
Pleasure to meet you.

Do you speak English?

Manchester United?

That's adorable.

Well, Helen, I think you should do
exactly what Gertrude wants.

We are her hosts, after all,

and I shall see you
in the canteen for some lunch, maybe?

Do svidanya. For now.

Why didn't you speak to him
in English?

In German prison, we have two rules.

With authority, keep your head down
and your mouth shut.

With your girlfriend, keep your head
down and your mouth open. Ha ha, joke.

Now, if you don't mind, I don't want
to hear a squeak out of you

for the next hour. I need
complete silence to rest.

Not a peep!

Bingo.

Can we have a bit of hush, please?

I'd like to introduce the new
managing director of Entirely Tiles.

You might know her as the wife
of our dead boss, Eric Bridges.

Please welcome Mrs Elaine Bridges.

Thank you all for coming
to this meeting.

And thank you, Henry, for doing
such a great job of stepping

into my late husband's still warm
shoes, without permission.

Such initiative.

As you know, the events of
the last few months

have shocked this company
to the very core.

I've lost a husband, soulmate,

badminton, tango
and Bikram yoga partner,

lover and sexual equal,

and you have all lost
an extremely adequate boss.

So I have decided that in order
to honour my late husband's name,

I am going to take on
the mantle of this company.

But in order to start afresh,
some things will have to change.

Firstly, I've put a block
on all personal emails,

Facebook, Twitter, Bebo, Linkedln,
Myspace, googling

and celebritydiets.com.

Secondly, no staff discount.

You want tiles, you pay top
dollar like everyone else.

And thirdly, I'm taking away
the Nespresso machine.

This is a tiling firm,
not a Starbucks.

From now on, it's this.

OK. I think that's sorted.
Good morning.

Oh, and a little birdie has told me
that some staff members have been

visiting my husband's murderer
in prison,

so here's a new rule for you.

Anyone caught visiting or contacting
Ms Stephens, in any way,

is fired.

I don't really visit her...
You're fired.

I ate my husband's ball sack,
and his meat wasn't as dry as this.

And he was 70 years old.

She'll have the carbonara.

Hi.

Get your nose out of my ass!

What is this, the Human Centipede
or something?

Gertie, can I give you
a piece of advice?

I was the new girl here myself
until recently and,

I'm not saying I agree
with everything that goes on in this place

but I found that in order to gain
respect, you have to earn respect.

Am I right?

I don't have to respect
these losers.

These women are mentally deficient.

Gertrude, you deep-fried
your husband's feet.

You're not exactly
the full brass band yourself.

That is where you are wrong.

I've been tested by the top
psychologists in my country

and every single one has found me
to be 100% sane.

I'm in complete control of my mental
faculties and I won't have anyone

say anything to the contrary.
Excuse me.

Cover your mouth when you eat,
you are contaminating my food.

My God, you are disgusting.

What did you say? Who wants pudding?

You OK for pudding?
You're OK for pudding.

Everyone's OK for pudding.
We'll go and get some pudding.

Oh, look, it's Angel Delight.
You're going to love this, Gertie.

It's a very famous British dessert.

It's so good,
angels are delighted by it.

Right? What are you doing??
That's Top Dog's posse.

The last time someone stood
up to Lennie,

she left a tooth
embedded in their forehead.

It wasn't even Lennie's
tooth to begin with.

You have a Top Dog?
That is so quaint!

I actually heard that you had
backward power structures in the UK,

but I thought my friends were
joking.

Listen to me, if anyone lays
a finger on you,

then I can kiss goodbye
to my legal aid, OK?

If not for me, then for your own
teeth and kneecaps,

shut your German pie-hole up!

Gertrude! Ola!

Ugh!

I need you to go through these boxes
of Eric's shit and sort them out.

I've got a Groupon for Zizzi's.
I'll be back about four.

Come on, Harvey.

I'm at a loose end,
I'd love to help, if I can.

Oh, Eric.

Ah!

"Dear diary, hope I don't get
tiled to death today!"

That is not funny, Henry.

I wonder if there's anything
about me? What's this?

This is the missing page
from the lottery book.

What's it doing in Eric's box?

What do you mean?
What are you doing?

How are you settling in, Wermers?

I hope Stephens is taking
care of your needs.

I'd love to see her taking
care of some of your needs.

You got frisbee in Germany?

Of course they have
frisbee in Germany.

Oh, God, your hand stinks!

It's all in the wrist.

Bit firmer, that's good.
Grip it hard.

Fast learner, Wermers. Maybe
we can practise a little later, eh?

Oh, my God!

I left my husband's body
to decompose for three months

and he didn't pong that bad.

And can you, like, not waft
your smoke at me?

It's so antisocial!

Look, come on, let's play!
Catch the frisbee!

Seriously, do you know how horrible
it is to...

Oh, shit! Oh my God, Gertrude!

Is she all right? I didn't mean to!

Please don't carefully
file away my application!

It's OK, it's OK.
Let's get you up now.

Danke schoen.

That's adorable. I'll see you
in your cell later, maybe?

Oh, great. Well, that's
not how you play frisbee.

Get your filthy hands off me!

Can you give it...?

Gertie?

Shit!

It's not nothing, Henry.

It looks like we got all
the numbers that week.

It looks like we've won
?930,000.

Hell's Bells, Mary!
They fleeced us.

Helen ran that lottery,
Eric knew about the win.

They took our money, Henry.

How could Eric do that to me?
Us, to us.

What are you doing?
I'm calling the police.

We need to talk.
I'm still connected, Henry.

Oh, cheeseballs.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

Shiiiiit.

So, let's have a look
at Fraulein Von Mouth-off.

Gertrude Wermers?
Oh, my God, it's Gertrude Wermers!

Finally, someone knows who I am!

I don't believe it. I've got, like,
all your books. Look.

Could I have it signed?

No problem, it's great
to touch base with the fans.

"Nice to eat you." Sweet.

Oh, can I have a photo?

Sure.

Oh, you want me...

OK. I need to tell you something,
Mary.

Can you stand a little less close?
Thank you.

Well, in June, when Helen
was on leave,

you know she was going to that
wedding fair near Liverpool to choose a dress.

She'd have looked so pretty in
taffeta fishtail... Get on with it.

Right, OK, well, Mr Bridges asked me
to take over the lottery syndicate.

So, when I came in Thursday morning,
the first thing I did was to check the numbers.

I was gobsmacked, Mary. I went
into Bridges' office, of course.

Amazing news. We won the lottery!

Yes!

Look, check it!

'First thing
he did was lock the door.

'Then he told me to...' Sit down.

Don't tell anyone about this.

But I want to tell everyone
the good news, yes!

If you breathe a word of this,
I'll make sure you never work in tiles again!

'Then he poured himself a Disaronno.'

I tried to tell him it was 8am,

but he just stared at me with
a crazed look in his eyes and said...

I couldn't give a monkey's flange!

I'm a chuffing millionaire and
I didn't think I'd be saying that again after my last divorce.

Why didn't you just let him fire you

and have your share of the winnings,
you bell-end?

All my life, I've been dreaming
of working in the tiling industry.

Money can't buy you a job like this.
So where's the money now?

The only two people who
knew about it were me and Bridges.

What about Stephens? Helen
wasn't back until the week after,

and by that time
he'd covered his tracks.

We'll see what the police
have to say. Wait, Mary!

What if the two of us
found the money?

He didn't put it in his account,
I know that.

And he's definitely not spending it
now, is he? So what do you say?

That money belongs to the syndicate.

If a tree wins the lottery
in a forest

and nobody hears it,
did it really win the lottery?

What are you on about?

The numbers were chosen randomly.
How can they ever miss it?

Nice one, Sherlock.

Stop! Please,
whatever she said, I'm sorry.

Please, please don't harm her.

Shhhhhhhhh.

Sorry about that.
Please continue, Gertrude.

"Chapter funf.
Eine dark night in hell."

Oh, just so you know, they get so
many details wrong in this chapter,

but I'll read it for you anyway.

"As she had found out during
the two months' training at the delicatessen,

"the cheese wire was the strongest
of all the cutting implements.

"After slicing through his knee cap
like a soft ball of mozzarella,

"she calmly ate him with
a teaspoon of mint sauce."

Now, that's inaccurate.
It's a very porky meat.

I always used to eat my husband
with the apple sauce.

Ha, you crazy bitch.

What did you call me?

I called you a crazy bitch.
You crazy bitch.

No-one, but no-one, calls
Gertrude Wermers eine crazy bitch.

Gertrude, I think...

How dare you question my sanity?

Do you sink these authors
would write these books

if I was just a crazy lady?
No, they wouldn't.

That is the beauty of my story.
I'm just the girl next door

who turned my husband's
nostrils into pate.

And I will not have some jumped up
playground bully say that

Gertrude Wermers is unhinged.

So, take it back,
you crazy bitch.

Shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit.

Scheisse, scheisse, scheisse,
scheisse, scheisse, scheisse.

There better be a damn good reason
why you've just barged in

to the governor's office unannounced.
There better be a damn good reason

why Gertrude Wermers's safety
has been compromised

in this scheisse hole. I see.

Stephens, perhaps you could shed
some light on this?

Last thing I remember was telling you
she was entirely your responsibility.

Hang on! I've spent my entire day

preventing this woman from being
used as a human pinata!

I have done everything in my power
to keep her safe

but the truth is, and I'm sorry
to say this, but she's a dick!

I will not be spoken
about in these terms.

I can't believe the way I've
been treated since I've been here.

This prison should be
privileged to have me.

Broadmarsh Prison
was voted number eight

in Channel Five's Top 50
Best Prisons Ever Of All Time, Ms Wermers.

Well, I've had not one, but two
TV films made of my crime.

One was even a Christmas special.

So when this prison wins a GTVS,

which is the equivalent
of your BAFTA, then we can talk.

What the hell are you painting?
Where's the perspective, woman?

Your composition is a joke.

You look nice. That grey sweatshirt
really brightens your teeth.

Have you managed to find out
anything about that address I gave you?

Mashta Fembwick? Yes!
No. Sorry.

I'm actually really putting my neck
on the line even being here.

Mrs Bridges put a ban on anyone
visiting you.

But don't worry, I'm willing
to take that risk. For you.

So, what about Justin? Any leads?

He wouldn't just leave me here
to rot, Henry. We were engaged.

I meant something to him.

What is that?

Polish coal.
It's a semi-solid stone.

Right. Thing is, Helen, I feel
that if I knew a bit more about him,

it might help me predict
his movements better.

What do you want to know?
I don't know, really,

I suppose... I mean, had you two
been going out long?

Nearly six months, on and off.

Engaged for two of those,
on and off.

I'm just going to write this down.
Six months.

Nearly.

And did he have any funny
little habits or foibles?

Well, he used to use the phrase
"apropos of nothing" a lot.

And did Justin have any nicknames
for you, like Helly, or Hell's Bells?

Did he appreciate it when you made
an effort with your make-up?

Would he listen to your voicemail
messages over and over again

just so he could hear the sound
of your voice?

Did he think about you all the time?

Did he once get a pebble
with your name painted on it,

and then get paranoid
and not give it to you?

Would Justin have ever done that?

You probably need some time
to think about those.

I'd better go. Thanks for all
the hours you're putting in on this.

When I get out of here... Shhh.

We're not going to rush this, Helen.

We're going to get it right, OK?

I'll see you next week.

I love that perfume you're
wearing by the way, what is it?

Vosene.

Wear it next time.
Makes you smell like...

the inside of a taxi.

"Dear Maurice, if there's one thing
I've learned from my time in prison,

"it's that when life knocks you
down, like a Weeble,

"you have to come straight back up,
also like a Weeble.

"Saying that,
I've never felt more homesick.

"I'd give anything to be back in my
slanket on the sofa watching Cash In The Attic.

"Maybe I was a bit hasty telling
Tony to piss the piss off."

"Anyhoo, write soon. Helen.

"Oh, PS, I was born in 1974, which
is the year of the tiger.

"I don't think there is a year of
the pussy in the Chinese calendar."

Who are you?

I'm Laura. Helen's sister.
Who are you?

I'm Justin.

What are you doing in my flat?

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