All language subtitles for S12E09 - Roll On

Morning, lass.

Don't you "good morning" me
dressed like that!

What on earth are you doing out here
dressed like that?

I'm mending me trousers.
- It's your ways you want to mend.

You can't stand outside
people's houses dressed like that.

I know some people have gnomes
in the garden, but this is ridiculous!

What's wrong with
being dressed like this?

What's wrong? In your unmentionables,
in broad daylight?

They're not fit for pitch dark!

There's more material in these
than in some people's overcoats.

It's just like a track suit.
- A track suit?

You don't look like a sportsman
to me,

you look more like
the phantom of the opera.

Why don't you darn
your pants inside?

Because they've cut me electricity
off and it's too dark down there.

Oh, here.
Give it here.

Oh, tha's a great lass,

and, on behalf of my long Johns,
I give thee a kiss.

Feeling musical this morning, Howard?
- It's her idea.

I asked him, why he keeps sneaking off
to her with the false head-lashes.

- They're eyelashes.
Not the length she wears them!

I hope you where able to
face up to such a challenging

question in the finest
tradition of masculine panic.

I'll tell you what he
said. "A man," he said,

"is entitled to some
music in his life."

Well now, he's got it.

Eh-up, Ivy thy's looking lovely.
- Sit down.

What did I say?
- I dunno, but don't say it again.

What do you want?
- Three teas, please.

For two of you?
- Ah, well, he's on his way.

Oh, goody, another one!

What's wrong with that one?

Nothing.

Delicious!

A very good morning to you, Ivy.
- Sit down!

What's wrong with Ivy?
- None of your business!

It's none of our business.
- A fine way to be greeted, I must say!

Don't get her upset. 'Course
she makes you eat a bun.

Do you come here often?

Every day.

Good lord! Is she like this always?
- No.

Sometimes she's in a bad mood.

Why's Ivy in a bad mood?

Because she's lost the catering
for the barrel rolling this year.

good greve,
is it that time of year already?!

Howard's taking up
the double bass.

They've started rehearsing
for the barrel rolling.

I saw Dougie cunliffe and his team.
- It's a huge instrument.

He could hardly get
it through the door.

I think the organisers
might have said something.

It's for charity, isn't it.

They know I like to my time to charity.
- Why should they come to thee?

Well damit, if they're approaching
knot-heads like Dougie cunliffe!

besides, we've got the experience.
We entered before.

That were 30 year ago!

It can't be that long.

Anyway, there was Howard struggling
with this double bass...

It were, it were 30 year ago.
- Well, I don't care.

I think I should have been approached,
with a record like mine in these events.

It's really got you going,
isn't it?

You're really fascinated by this
story of Howard and his double bass.

Hanging on my every word!

Rolling down a hill in a barrel
is a young man's game.

Any road, what makes tha think
they should come to thee?

I'm damned if I think I'm past it, even if they do.
- Well, I am past it!

Nonsense!

In case anybody's listening,
I'm past it.

It's all in the mind. I'd like to
show these people a thing or two.

Youth isn't everything, you know.

What about experience and skill and maturity?
- And deafness.

You what?
- We're not fit.

Somehow, I don't think
you should have said that.

Can you...?

Can you let us have...?

Well, come on,
the suspense is killing me!

They'll have three pints, love,
and I'll make it four.

What's the matter with them?
- They're in training for the barrel rolling.

At their age?!

Madam, I'll have you know there is
nothing wrong with our age.

I love him,
in the smoky-grey track suit.

I told you you should
have borrowed a track suit.

Clegg borrowed a track suit.

He borrowed it from Howard.

He lives next door
to somebody with a track suit.

I live next door to Nora Batty.

Do you think she's got
a track suit?

I dunno, though. Some of her undies
look like a track suit.

Still, I didn't realise you'd come into
the pub without putting your clothes on.

Oh, shut up!
Shut up!

Drink your beer.

Norman,

what are you doing?
- I hate wearing Howard's track suit.

Suppose it starts pulling me
towards Marina.

If it takes me to Marina,
I shall die!

You were all doing a good
impression of dying, any road.

It's early days.

You know, they're just a bit
out of trim.

Listen, even when I was in trim,
I was out of trim.

Don't despair. How fit do you have
to be for rolling downhill in a barrel?

Rolling uphill would be the hard
work, wouldn't it? Wesley...

Which hill are they using
this year?

Did it use to be this steep?

You could fall out of an aeroplane
without it being as steep as that.

I've had a few quotes for
Nora Batty, but never that steep.

No, it's just the angle.

From the bottom,
it wouldn't look half as steep.

From the bottom,
it isn't half as steep.

It's a young man's game.

I wish people'd stop saying that.

Once we've done it a couple of times,
you'll get used to it!

And it won't seem half as fearsome.

I bet it does!
I bet it does!

A bloke would have to be crackers!
- Exactly.

And I don't see why
we should have to do it,

just cos we've got
the right qualifications.

There's an old oil
drum on t' back.

Why don't we roll it down empty,
you'll get some idea of what you're in for.

I don't need any more idea
of what I'm in for.

I've got a fair idea
of what I'm in for.

What we ought to do is get an old
oil drum and send it down empty,

you see, just to see how it rolls.

That will allow me to calculate its natural
path and to work out our best approach.

No, not there.

Here!

Why there?
What's the difference?

I don't know. Some instinct tells
me we ought to start from here.

Call it a... Warrior's intuition.

Now, when I give the word,

let her go.

Right?

Let her go!

I can't look!

Tha won't have to!
Tha'll be inside!

Barrel rolling?

Well, I should have thought barrel
drinking was more in their line.

They're too old
for barrel rolling.

Well, they borrowed Howard's
track suit to get some training.

Your Howard has a track suit?

Oh, he's very sporty, is Howard.

If I don't watch him.

I don't think Id let my
Barry go barrel rolling.

I don't think there's much
danger of him volunteering.

I wouldn't say that.

You know what they're like.
They all have secret dreams.

And not so secret.

It's quite true.

When he was younger, Wesley wanted
to buy an old train engine.

Me father?!
- Yes, your father.

A whole engine?
- Whatever for?

So that he could take it all apart
and then put it together again.

Couldn't you buy him a watch?

Oh, they do the daftest things!

He used to lay there at night,
dreaming about the inside of an engine.

He would have had bits
all over the house.

I'm glad Barry likes tropical fish.

Oh? Whose idea was that, then?

Well, I knew he'd like tropical fish.

Good girl! Yes.

Well, don't be surprised
if you come in one day,

and he's got them up on a ramp and
he's fiddling with their suspension.

Cakes?

I can't tell you, how glad I am,

you've put some clothes
on over that track suit.

You see some startling things
in the pub trade,

but I shall long remember
that smoky-grey track suit.

Flatterer!

Who's paying?

Why me?
Have I got to do everything?

I'm doing all the planning.

Two...

Free with his money, isn't he?
- We have to tie him down, sometimes.

He's one of the financial powers
behind the channel tunnel.

Gives you some idea
of how things are going.

Thank you.

I'd better not drink
that. I'm driving.

You might have said something
before I paid for four glases.

Don't worry,
I'll take care of it.

Oh, I don't like him
when he's planning.

I hate it when he's planning things
in his head, never mind on paper.

I've got it all worked out
in military detail.

Let's see if it looks any better
after a couple of pints.

Definitely not.

It's gonna be fine.

Just fine.

Well?
- Why tropical fish?

Because Barry's got some
and he stays home at night.

When you're bored with them,
you can practise your double bass.

Are you sure I'm going
to like tropical fish?

If you know what's good for you,
you're going to like tropical fish!

I've been watching them for 40 minutes
and nothing's happened yet.

What do you think will happen?
You said I'd enjoy watching tropical fish.

You said everybody
enjoys watching tropical fish.

They have them in doctors'
surgeries. They're relaxing.

But they don't do anything.
They just swim round.

What do you want,
bicycle races?

I don't see how this is supposed
to make me want to stay at home.

Watch the fish, Howard.
I'll be asking you questions on them later.

What are you doing in there, Wesley?

You what?

I can never understand you
when you talk posh for t' neighbours.

Why were you
making all that noise?

They've come for a fitting.
- What are you talking about?

Who's come for a fitting?

Maybe I should've let him have
the railway engine.

Can't see!

Follow the pavement.
You can see your feet, follow the pavement.

Isn't that better? Didn't I tell you?
Foggy always knows!

Oi! Get out of it!
Go on!

All right.

All right, back to Wesley's.
I have the solution.

You see the problem, weley.

We can wear them, but
we can't see out of them.

I see your problem. But I'm not
putting you any windows in.

We don't want windows, just eye holes.
Do what? - Eye holes.

My feelings exactly!

Don't take any notice of
the other ranks, Wesley.

Just get your drill out.

I shouldn't think eye holes won't
seriously weaken them, will they?

How's it going, Norm?
- I hate barrel rolling.

And we haven't even rolled
in a barrel yet.

Cheer up. I've solved the problem.

How do, lads.

When I said I'd practise,
I never said a word about indoors.

Couldn't you start
with something like a mouth organ?

Don't you feel conspicuous?

Why should I feel conspicuous?

I'm just a bloke out
with his musical instrument

who happens to be going the same way
as a certain lady.

A flute would have been nice.

Even a banjo, Howard.

Find us a nice, gentle slope,
Wesley.

We'll have to build our
confidence on the nursery slopes.

What confidence?

Tha calls this a nursery slope?!

Yes, well, it's not too bad.

It's a long way down.

Well, you want a decent sort
of trial run, don't you?

It's no good rolling
just a few feet.

Right, then.
On my word of command, lie down.

Right, then, let's concentrate.

Let's have a bit of style about it.

On my command... Go!

All right, don't say anything.

Don't you say anything.
We need some padding, I know.

I was expecting that and I agree.

We want some padding.

You wanted padding,
now you've got padding.

Right, then. Are we ready?

They're never going down there
at their age!

When I pull these chocks away, they
are whether they like it or not.

They'll be all right,
especially that scruffy one there.

It's scruffy ones like him
that never come to any harm.

Should they be barrel rolling
at their age?

Well, why not?
I've found they won't watch fish.

They're going to be dizzy.
Who's going to notice the difference?

I could have sworn
I heard a double bass.

Out here? What would anybody be
doing with a double bass out here?

I wish you hadn't said that.

Let's get on with it.

Chocks... away!

Typical!

Look, don't stand there watching
three old idiots stuck in a barrel.

Give 'em a push.

She's all heart, your mother.

She wouldn't let father
have a railway engine.

Does he want a tank of fish?

Steady on!

What you need is some rhythm, Howard.

Well, I'm not likely to find any
out here!

I thought I heard a drum.

How can you hear a drum out here?

I must be hearing things.

Play it again, Howard.

It's incredible, Howard. You sound
like you're playing drums as well.

I did!
I heard a bass fiddle!

I hope he's all right.

Oh! Nora!

Are you all right?

Oh, Nora! Let me look tha straight
in the knees when tha says that.