All language subtitles for S12E06 - Das Welly Boot

How does it feel, Cleggie,
being rehoused?

Well I'm still next door to you,
Howard.

It's a lot like it never happened.

Roses round the door, Cleggie.
Keep smiling, Howard.

What are you doing, peering round corners?!
Shh, not so loud.

There's a man assaulting a woman.

Well, do something about it!

I can't.
- Whyever not?

He's not started yet.

Gerrof.

Bit cheerful this morning.

Hey hey! A good grapple with Nora
sets me up for the day.

Shop!

He has no nerve. It's marvellous
how brave short people can be.

Shop!

Pour yourself a tea
and stop howling.

Serve yourself now, is it, eh?

Don't spill it.
- Wha'?

Sorry!

Eh up, since when have thou
been in charge?

Well I think it's fate, don't you?

Once you've been a leader of men,
it's very difficult to stop.

Leader of men?
When was that then, noddy?

I don't want to talk about it,
it's not the warrior's way.

Besides, many of the details
are still classified.

He does talk some twonk.

But fluently.

He slurps noisily

Yeh Gods, I've had heavily-armed
men tramping through

a swamp making
less noise than that.

Oh. Are you lot still here, then?

I've only just come.
- Well it seems longer than that.

Things not going well this morning,
Ivy?

Me catering toaster's packed in.

Is there anything I can do?
- No!

All right.

No need to be so hasty.

I don't pretend to be
an expert, but I think

I could find my way
round a catering toaster.

- Yeah, but I...

Is he any good?

Now, be honest.

If he's got a screwdriver
in his hand, you phone 999.

Check your fire insurance.

You're just trying to impress me,
aren't you?

Howard...

Yes, love?

There's got to be more to life
than this, Howard.

It's just we've got to be careful,
love.

Careful?

How careful can you get?

Howard, we have been seeing
each other all these years

and careful is as far as we've got.

I'm an expert on careful.

You never know when
people are looking.

Don't you ever feel like
throwing caution to the wind, Howard?

Well yes, I do.

Frequently.

But I don't see why we can't throw
caution to the wind carefully.

How's he doing?

Well, there's nothing smoking.

Maybe he's got better
since he's been painting eggs.

I can't see that being very likely.

He's still a great long dollop.

Don't say things like that
while he's inside my toaster.

What's he doing?

There's still nothing smoking.

He's just whistling quietly.

It's a bit frightening this new,
efficient Foggy.

It's like finding directory
enquiries answering promptly.

I still say he's a great twit.

But that's the only way
we can bear it.

I think you'll find everything
in working order.

Just a basic loose wire or two.
- It's working?!

Of course it's working.

What are you doing out
there, come back inside.

Its all perfectly allright.

I must say I find this lack of
confidence extremely irritating.

It does!

It works!

Just call on me any time.

I don't lay claim to any
great technical skill, it's just

the practical hardiness
of the jungle fighter.

Where did you fight all this jungle, Foggy?
- I can never go by with the garden.

I wasn't fighting the greenery,
I was fighting japs.

Trying to sell thee a motorbike,
were they?

You didn't think I could mend
that toaster, did you?

You're wondering where the skills
come from.

Where they come from is experience.
Battle experience.

Here we go again.

I hope he's not gonna
talk about bayoneting.

I hate it when he gets
all vivid about bayoneting.

Cut off in the jungle,
surrounded by a ruthless enemy.

You have to learn
how to cope with situations.

Cor, by 'eck that must've shaken
the japs.

All these determined englishmen
mending toasters...

Where do you think you're going?

I thought I'd get some...
Well you won't "get some".

..Fresh air. Not on a bicycle.

You're banned from the bicycle.

It's time, at your age,
you had your bicycle removed.

Fair enough, I'll...

I'll just go for a walk.

And if I catch you using your legs
for unseemly purposes,

I'll remove them, an' all.

He mends your toaster, anybody'd think
he'd built the channel tunnel.

From the amount its costing,

I sometimes think he is building
the channel tunnel.

You don't understand, do you?

Its not just mending a toaster,
it's the evidence

that I haven't lost my
aptitude as a practical man.

The trained soldier is,
above all else, a practical man.

Turn his hand to anything.

Me mam were like that.

We know. Especially if no-one was
watching her when she was shopping.

What's that sticking out
of the water? More rubbish.

People are always dumping things.

Maybe it's the Yorkshire monster.

Come all the way from Loch Ness
in search of better gravy.

Eh... it's a boat!

It's just a wreck.

Look who's talking.
- It's got holes in it.

Look who's talking.

My objection to it is
that it was so damned heavy.

What are you gonna do with it?
- I'm gonna restore it.

Have you had any
previous experience?

Well, I've mended a toaster.

Hang on. Don't move.

I was only going to...
- Never mind about that.

Come on.

I've got a bone to pick with you.

What have I done now?

Don't you think
we should talk about it?

About what.
Why it is you're planning to leave.

Planning to leave?

Don't think I don't notice.

Notice what?

I saw you sneaking it
past the window.

I weren't sneaking.
I was grunting and sweating

but I weren't sneaking.

Why, after all these years

are you planning to leave?

Nobody's planning to leave.

Then why do you need a boat?!

Now, you see, you can't just leave
a boat like that lying about to rot.

I could.

I'm going to restore it.
It was once somebody's pride and joy.

Nora Batty!
- Pardon?

We could restore Nora Batty.

You can't get the parts.

I see. Some people restore
vintage aircraft,

others vintage cars.
I'm gonna restore this boat.

Eh, if tha's restoring this boat,

why is Wesley doing all the work?

It's my brain behind
the whole project.

I'm just letting Wesley
do the simple work.

All right, the boat's finished.
What use is it?

What use is it?
- That is what I said, Margaret.

What use is it?

We're listening, Foggy.

Get to work.
- All right, I'll tell you what use it is.

Look, I see it as part of
the revival of inline waterways.

Well, slap my pochanickis.

A revival of the inland waterways?

Perhaps even a water taxi.

Oh, you can scoff,

but you'll be impressed
her gleaming new,

and we have our own
thriving water business.

Ships of the Dewhurst line are carrying
my flag to the four corners of the earth.

Pipe all hands.

Yes, you can laugh. You can laugh.

You laughed when I said
I'd mend the toaster.

Here we are. Hey hey!

Two bacon and egg,
one with mushrooms, one tomatoes.

Now, two cups of teas, isn't it?
Don't forget toast.

Oh no, I won't forget.

What the blood and stomach pills?

I'll kill him! Oh!

I will! I'll kill him!

I'll kill him! I'll kill him!

A designed suite.

And not only is she seaworthy,
she's now equipped to proceed under power.

When I say power, I mean power.

Isn't it a bit big?

There's gratitude for you.

You work your socks off
finding an engine that'll fit!

You call that a fit?

With trousers like that, you've no
business telling people what fits.

Where did you find
a spare engine that fits?

Do we have to stand here all day
talking about engines?

How do, Barry?
- How are you doing, mr simonite?

Hello, Barry, lad.

Just in time for our launching.

Can I have word
with you, mr Pegden?

What is it, Barry, you
can see we're very busy.

It's just that I think
something's missing from me car.

What might that be?

An engine.

We can't stop now,

we're very busy.
I shouldn't worry about it, Barry.

I expect it'll soon turn up.

I once lost a wing mirror,

and there was an aerial,
I've lost aerials before.

And once there was a wheel disc,
I lost a wheel disc,

but a whole engine?!

What am I gonna tell our Glenda?

She'll poke her head
round like she usually does

and say, "will you run
me to the shops, Barry?"

They expect to get up and go
whenever they feel like it.

They never think
you might have lost your engine.

How do you long she'll keep your bike, Howard?
I don't know, love.

I've no idea.

I've heard of two becoming one,

but I didn't think
it meant on a bicycle.

Why me?

Because somebody has
to be in the boat to unhook

the thing when the
crane puts it in the water.

Why not thee? Thee!

Can't you see I have to be
here to organise things?

I'd love to be in the boat.

Let go of the crane!

I think we want a bit less engine,
Wesley.

That's it, finished.
- Good grief man, one little setback!

How did you get as wet as that?
- Well, he had some help.

Finished, no more.

Good heavens, what sort of person is it,
that gives up at the first little mishap.

My kind.

He never even looked at me legs.

Poor soul.

He must be in acute discomfort.

You see, you're enjoying it now.

I'm dry now.

How deep is it?

I don't know how deep it is.

Oh, god! I'm out here on the water
and nobody knows how deep it is.

Watch the scenery,
just relax and enjoy the scenery.

What scenery?

I think tha's got to open thy eyes,
Norm.

You see.
It gets trickier and trickier.

I wish I could get Nora on the boat.

Why do you have to go
and spoil everything?

We just get things right
and you go and spoil everything.

I meant me and Nora
alone on the boat.

Oh! Just you and her,
that's all right then.

Cos we don't
have to be near her.

I think it's a great idea.

If he's out there, alone,
on the boat with Nora,

it means that I'm back here,
safely on the land.

I knew tha'd understand.

Wat we've got to do,
is to help him

get alone on the boat with Nora.

It's no good.

I'll never get alone on board with me.
- You give in too easily.

Too easily?

I've been chasing her
for the last 50 years.

You wanna be careful.
It could become a habit.

A trained military mind can find
a solution to every problem.

Go on, how's thou
gonna get her on boat?

Give me a minute. You don't just say
the first thing that comes into your head.

Lifeboat!

Well, it was just the first thing
that came into my head.

These things take planning.
- Right, get planning then.

Just tell me how tha's gonna
get Nora Batty on board.

Right, well, suppose I invited
her to take a little boat trip.

You filthy swine.

Do you hear that, Norm?
He's trying to pinch my girl.

How lucky can you get?

She's not gonna accept
your invitation, is she?

Therefor, we have to lure her aboard.
- You heard that! He's gonna to lure her!

I didn't think he'd have the nerve.
I wouldn't have the nerve.

When she's a board, we've got to find

an excuse for getting you on board.

And you, out of the way.
- Right, correct.

How?

Now, I'm steering,

and Clegg is Nora.

He don't look like Nora.

That's the nicest thing
anybody's ever said to me.

Will you pay attention?

I'm drifting down the waterways
with Nora Batty,

and suddenly an old
war wound starts acting

up and I find myself
disabled at the helm.

Now, the boat is drifting
helplessly and Nora is in trouble.

She will be when I get on board.

It's a dangerous situation but look
who happens to be passing on the bank.

Who? Who?

You, you fool.

You realise Nora's in difficulties
and you come to the rescue.

How?

Although I'm supposed
to be unconscious,

secretly, I'll still
be steering the boat.

I'll steer it close to the bank
and you can step aboard!

I like it! I like it!

Well, here I am unconscious
but still steering the boat.

I steer it in close to the bank...

And you step aboard.
Here we go, step aboard!

We'll dry you off and then
you can borrow a suit of Clegg's.

What's he been up to now?

His neck.

Now, where you went wrong the last time.
- Listening to thee!

You stepped aboard too slowly.
This time, you jump.

How far?

Not far. I'll bring the
boat pretty near to the bank.

She's gonna be very impressed.

I mean, there's Nora, in
distress, and there's you.

What a coincidence!

Her hero just happens to be passing.

In my suit.

But how can you lose a whole engine,
Barry?

Things can fall off.

An entire engine?
- Maybe it was loose.

Help!

Help! Help!

There's somebody in difficulties
in a boat.

Oh, god! What a day!
First of all it's me engine...

Help!

It's ok - there's somebody brave
going to jump in and rescue him.

Help!

You'll be allright this time.
I've got it now.

Forget it! I'll help meself.

Come here, lass. Give us a kiss.

You're all wet!

I know.
Well, hold me till I'm dry!

I wish he wouldn't do that
in my suit.

Of course there's no engine.
- Are you sure? Of course.

You don't think I'd make a mistake
about a thing like an engine, do ya?