All language subtitles for S12E01 - Return of the Warrior

Come along! Come along!

Don't loiter! Don't loiter!

This is not my idea
of a good loiter.

I always thought he were a pillock.

Now I know he's a pillock
with too much luggage.

Just time for a quick one before my bus comes.
- Is he paying?

Since I'm the one that's leaving...
- He doesn't think he's paying. He is paying!

We just carted all his luggage.
He's paying!

Oh, well, if that's your attitude...

It was 'is round, any road.
- Have you been counting?

Listen, the one thing tha can rely on,
when in doubt, it's his round.

Sounds reasonable to me.
- He's just treated us as his pack mules.

This is a tendency of the educated classes.
I've noticed it before.

It's all very well my buying these,

but I suspect my bus is going
to come before you can buy me one.

That's true.

Don't let him slide back
into complete slovenliness.

I never knew he'd slid out.

I haven't slid out.
If there's one thing I'm consistent at,

it's complete sloven... ni... ness.

Oh, don't tell me he's not improved
since I came here.

He has not spend all this time under
my influence without improving him.

Look at him.

I don't find him half as bad
as when I arrived.

Maybe you've just
got used to him.

That's it, Seymour.
Tha's just used to me.

Oh, don't say that!

Don't tell me my standards
have been relaxing!

It's a good job I'm going away.

Relax, Seymour.

Tha's just become a bit
more human, that's all.

That's all very well.
But looking at you,

I'm reminded that you can become
too damned human!

Ah, not to worry, I'll soon get

back into the swing of things.

Nothing like beating a few
small boys to underline

your sense of social position.
- I don't think it's allowed.

Nonsense!
Of course you can beat small boys.

That's what they're for.

Now, I want you both to write.

Oh... on second thoughts,
I want you to write.

He can print. And I want you
to address the envelope.

It will not do, for me,
to be seen to be receiving letters,

from anyone with his scrawl like his.

Tha's only going 20 mile!
It's a very important teaching post.

I'll be acting for the headmaster
whenever he's absent.

Did I pack my cane?

It feels as if tha's
packed an electric chair!

It's no good packing your cane,
anyway.

You're not allowed to use it any more.
Not allowed to use it anymore?

Somebody, who probably
has two nannies for their kids,

has decided it's illegal.
- You mean...

Somebody's removed my freedom
to hit back?

Tha's not allowed to beat kids
any more.

Not even here and there?

Especially "there".

What are we gonna do, then?

Well, we can do what we like,
can't we?

Our horizons have suddenly expanded.

There's no longer anyone around
saying, "do this. Do that."

That's true. Nobody telling us what to do.
Nobody yakking at us. - Right.

Nobody trying to... reform us.

Nobody.

No.

We are entirely free.

Absolutely.

A bit boring, though, ain't it?

Absolutely.

I could have sworn
that was Foggy Dewhurst.

Give over! He's in Bridlington,
decorating eggs.

I'm sorry. I was picking my luggage
up and put my stick in the air...

How much?!

Blimey!

Not enough sugar? No!

How long are you two
plotting on staying here, then?

Oh, for ages.

Don't bet on it!

Suddenly,
life is like first-class mail,

there doesn't seem to be
any urgency any more.

Nope.

Time's our own.

We can do what we like.

Well, go and do it somewhere else.

You make folk uneasy,
sitting there...

Not misbehaving.

Do you want to go somewhere else?

To do what?

Nothing.

We could do that here.

It's not natural!

Haven't you got some hobby?

I mean some other kind of hobby!

Right, then. What now?

I think I'll go
and irritate Nora Batty.

Well, that's fine for you,
but what am I going to do?

You could come and watch me
irritating Nora Batty.

Is that your best offer? Huh!
- Come back here.

Good grief! Foggy Dewhurst!

Yes.

Er... have you seen, um...?

They've just gone.
- Any idea where they might be?

I should try Nora Batty's.

Aye, well, I'll just catch
me breath a minute,

then I'll go after them.
I'll have a cup of tea, please.

Now...

Let's see, that's five, seven,

eight... ten.

Twenty.

On the house.

Nice to see you. - Thanks.
I don't think they were expecting you.

I thought I'd give them a surprise.

Oh, lucky them. Are you on holiday?
- No, I'm back for good.

Oh, lucky all of us.

You'll find them just as daft
as when you went.

You'll be able to pick up
where you left off.

Er... did they, er...
Ever mention missing me?

Not to my knowledge.
- Not that I care, of course.

But, I mean... what, not once?

Not a peep.

Ah, that must be the military
training I gave them, you see.

I taught 'em how to keep
their emotions under iron control.

You did a good job.

Yes, well, that's
the Dewhurst legacy, you know.

I leave a trail of stiff upper lips
behind me.

Well, it's nice to know that all
your efforts haven't been wasted.

Yes, I shaped them
in my own hard image, did I?

What, they never said
they missed me once?

I think that's overdoing it.

Well...

What the blood and stomach pills?

Who put them there?
Who left these damn bags here?

You see? She's not there.
Let's do something else.

Maybe she's inside.

How would you know that?
I soon find out. I'll ring the bell.

Come here. Don't be chicken.

Will you let go?
You're ruffling me feathers.

Just stay there.

I dunno. I don't think I'm in the mood
to be clouted with a yard brush.

Good. Why don't you come down here
with us chickens?

Wait! I've changed my mind.

I've told you lot
about disturbing me when I'm busy.

I won't have loiterers on my steps!

You'll try my Patience
once too often.

I'll try anything!

Oh, it's you.

Yes, it's me.

What are you doing back here,
ringing people's bells?

I'm looking for your
scruffy neighbour.

Thats another one,
just been ringing me bell.

Which way did he go?
- Arm over tip down the steps, same as you.

Welcome home.

I thought Nora looked well.
Did tha think Nora looked well?

I thought she looked fierce!

Of course, she always looks fierce.
But I mean, well... really fierce!

Eh-up! It's Howard and Marina.

Never mind us, lad.

I was born in Jade!
Carry on what tha were doing.

I know what you're thinking, but...

I was merely admiring
this young lady's earrings.

That's right, he does.

He's crackers about my earrings.

And how are you, Norman Clegg?

In a hurry.

If you see Pearl, tell her i'm
at this lunchtime recycling organ concert.

That's very inventive, Howard.
But Pearl will make you whistle the music.

I can whistle.
- Not if she bruises tha lips.

Sounds like a challenge.

Howard!

You get this wrong and Pearl
is gonna cut tha whistle clean off!

Come on!

Hasn't he grown?!

Oh, it's you.

Er... did you... did you see that?

Did you see me hanging on
with those trained fingertips?

Everything perfectly under control.

He doesn't change a bit, does he?

Well, his cap used to be straighter.
What?

Did you bring my luggage?
- Pardon?

You've not left my luggage, have you?

You have! You've left my luggage
completely unattended.

I bet you're glad he's back.

Aren't you glad he's back?

I couldn't stand it any longer,

day in, day out, painting eggs.

Not for me.
Well, you know me.

Aye, I know thee. Tha's a great
pillock with all this luggage.

I'm an outdoors type.
Mainstream wilderness.

Well, your basic jungle fighter.

I need wide, open spaces.

Tha's got 'em,
between tha ears!

I looked at it one morning,
my 12,000th painted egg.

And I asked myself,
"what are you doing, Dewhurst?

"You're a samurai."

So I sold up and here I am.

Oh, goody!

Welcome home, Foggy.
- Hear! Hear!

By the way, Foggy,
next time tha comes home,

don't call us, we'll call you.

I see you're still being dressed
by Hardy amies.

Listen. The gear I wear is good enough
for the job I've been doing all day.

It's not all that heavy.

I was carrying it myself,
untill you two came along.

Why didn't we think of that?

Don't be like that. I mean, I was
handling all the other baggage.

You know your trouble, don't you?

You've got out of
condition since I left you.

I mean, look at you! You
both need sharpening up.

What chuffin' muffin left this lot here?
- He did.

Is that sharp enough for you?
- You great dozy twallop!

If you weren't so stupid-looking twit,
I could get very very nasty!

Now, look here!
There's no need to take that tone with me.

I warn you,
I am a trained soldier.

I wonder if you realise
how near you just come.

You were on the edge, sir.

You'll be hearing
from my solicitors.

They want their wings clipping,
these chickens.

Move away, lad,
otherwise you'll get covered in feathers.

You think Foggy the same old idiot,
or is he getting better at it?

Yes, well, I thought I dominated
that situation rather well.

Did you see that?
Did you see how I manoeuvred him?

It's in the eyes, you know.

It's the same principle
as training animals.

They know who's master.

I mean, you saw how I kept it from
escalating into actual violence.

Nothing, really.

It's just something you get used to.

Aye, well, I reckon tha were
about two inches from sudden death.

Death is no stranger to me.

Well, he is to me,
and I'd like to keep it that way.

Looks like we're lumbered again, Norm.

Why do we seem to attract
these lunatics?

With me, it's personality.

Come here!

That man, we could use his bike
for carrying the luggage.

Hey, Eli - can we borrow the bike?

You might as well.
There seems to be something missing.

There he was, large as life,

Foggy Dewhurst, the well-known idiot,
walking into my cafe.

His mother was
of a nervous disposition,

but a great believer in flannelette.

Oh, I shouldn't.

You must've been surprised
when mr Dewhurst walked in.

He rang my bell.

Not always easy, at our age.

Surprised?!

I was even more surprised,

when my other customers came flying
in all over the place.

He'd left his damned luggage
in my door-hole.

He had it with him
when he rang my bell.

They pick up so many useless things
when they've never been married.

You should see what they pick up
when they are married.

A good woman in his life will get rid of
half that stuff he's carting about.

Well, that's true.

If I didn't keep an eye on Wesley,
he'd have bits

of old motor cars in every draw and
cupboard in the house.

Mother, he loves bits of old motor cars.

Well, he can love them outside,
in his shed.

Is he back for good, then?

He said so.

Yes, well... they say trouble
always comes in threes.

There you are, you see?
A little planning.

That's what distinguishes
the trained military mind

from all that fuzzy civilian stuff.

I like fuzzy civilian stuff.

I was deeply committed
to being an ovaltiney.

How come we get involved with
this luggage in the first place?

It's sort of like an act of god.

God?

I thought he were a corporal.

All right.

All right. If you're going to moan,
let's see what we can do about it.

Must keep the staff happy. Now...

Let's see.

No, no, no! Get hold of it.
Show it who's boss!

Tha want to try it!
You're determined not to do it properly!

I'm not wide enough in the legs.
Steady!

Please, no details, on an empty stomach
I can't deal with that kind of detail.

Put the brake on or something!

It's not your legs,
it's your attitude wants improving.

Listen, Audrey, tha's got legs
from here to huddersfield. Thee try it!

Well, all right, yes.
I'll show you if I must.

I thought I was giving you
the easier job.

Our Seymour was a steadying influence.
- I never noticed. Oh, yes.

He had a first-class education
and some beautiful knitwear.

Maybe mr Dewhurst will be a steadying
influence on them, now he's back.

He never was before.

And he not gonna be again,
if he keeps ringing people's bells.

But he has five years of running
his own business in Brislington.

Its bound to have
improved him managerially.

He's daft as a brush,
if you ask me.

Makes that one of mine
look almost human.

What was that?
-What was what?

I can't stop it!
Help!

A very nice noise for an area
of high property values.

I wouldn't say he's all that much
improved managerially.

He's faster than he used to be.

He let us carry his luggage
all this way

and all the time
he had a furniture Van!