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1
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SOUNDS OF A CAR NOT STARTING
2
00:00:33,559 --> 00:00:37,198
ENGINE STARTS AND BACKFIRES
3
00:00:40,298 --> 00:00:43,418
WORK CONTINUES ON THE CAR
4
00:00:46,998 --> 00:00:50,478
'Ow d'you get marmalade
off a ferret?
5
00:00:51,597 --> 00:00:55,697
I should first ask it nicely
if I could have the jar back.
6
00:00:57,217 --> 00:01:01,837
I wouldn't bother -
if the ferret had the marmalade,
I'd go for the jam.
7
00:01:02,317 --> 00:01:05,257
Yes, that's probably
the best solution.
8
00:01:05,577 --> 00:01:07,536
It 'asn't got the whole jar.
9
00:01:07,536 --> 00:01:09,516
Or possibly honey.
10
00:01:09,516 --> 00:01:15,676
HONEY! Eugh! I don't know 'ow
anybody can eat honey.
11
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:19,016
They'll have to if the ferret's
got the marmalade.
12
00:01:19,016 --> 00:01:22,636
What's wrong with honey?
It's very nutritious.
13
00:01:22,636 --> 00:01:26,415
What's wrong with honey?
D'you know what honey is?
14
00:01:26,415 --> 00:01:29,615
Of course we know what honey is.
15
00:01:30,495 --> 00:01:34,075
Then what is it, Oh, Mighty Mouth?
16
00:01:34,075 --> 00:01:38,655
Well, it's..er... It's that stuff
the ferret hasn't got.
17
00:01:38,655 --> 00:01:42,194
Honey is a natural product.
18
00:01:42,194 --> 00:01:47,574
It's a natural product all right -
it's bee spit!
19
00:01:48,414 --> 00:01:55,733
Well, milk's been in some funny
places too - and God knows where
beefburgers come from!
20
00:01:56,133 --> 00:01:59,253
Well, I don't know 'ow
anyone can put honey
on their bread.
21
00:01:59,673 --> 00:02:03,453
Well, I don't know how anyone can
put marmalade on ferrets.
22
00:02:04,053 --> 00:02:08,133
I 'ad this nosey
young ferret
explorin' me marmalade.
23
00:02:09,933 --> 00:02:13,172
I'd left the lid off
the jar.
24
00:02:14,832 --> 00:02:19,892
What I can't understand, is why
anyone keeps a ferret in a jar.
25
00:02:25,772 --> 00:02:27,571
ENGINE STARTS AGAIN
26
00:02:29,631 --> 00:02:31,571
BACKFIRES AND STOPS
27
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:33,851
ANGRY SHOUTS FROM THE SHED
28
00:02:46,710 --> 00:02:50,530
I were up at half past three this
mornin' dancin' round me bed.
29
00:02:51,850 --> 00:02:54,150
Modern or Olde Tyme?
30
00:02:54,150 --> 00:02:59,449
Cramp, yer daft buttock!
Nasty. It were agony.
31
00:02:59,449 --> 00:03:02,329
Huh! You don't know what agony is.
32
00:03:02,329 --> 00:03:04,289
Well, it gave me gip, I tell thee.
33
00:03:04,289 --> 00:03:09,949
The back of me calf were all
knotted up, like Nora Batty's
stocking leg.
34
00:03:09,949 --> 00:03:17,528
Y'know that's one thing I can't
stand about that woman,
'er wrinkled stockin' legs.
35
00:03:17,528 --> 00:03:22,248
Maybe her stockings are
all right - it could be her legs
that are wrinkled.
36
00:03:22,248 --> 00:03:24,808
Urgh! What a 'orrible thought!
37
00:03:24,808 --> 00:03:28,448
Nobody knows what agony is...
38
00:03:28,448 --> 00:03:33,407
..till they've had trained
knuckles digging into certain
fatal pressure points...
39
00:03:33,407 --> 00:03:39,227
..known only to those of us
who have undergone the ultimate
in combat experience.
40
00:03:39,227 --> 00:03:40,507
COMPO BLOWS A RASPBERRY
41
00:03:40,507 --> 00:03:45,567
That's the last noise they make
before going limp in yer fingers.
42
00:03:45,567 --> 00:03:49,726
Tha were never anywhere near
combat experience.
43
00:03:49,726 --> 00:03:55,766
That's true, how did you ever
manage to avoid holy wedlock
in that cunning manner, Foggy?
44
00:03:55,766 --> 00:03:57,766
'E were terrified.
45
00:03:58,866 --> 00:04:02,445
It's one of the sacrifices
you have to make.
46
00:04:02,445 --> 00:04:07,585
No little woman waiting
at the cottage door -
Never the patter of tiny feet.
47
00:04:07,585 --> 00:04:11,505
Not being able to go browsing
round Mothercare.
48
00:04:11,505 --> 00:04:19,244
Just some of the snags
of being a professional killer.
Tha were a corporal signwriter!
49
00:04:19,244 --> 00:04:20,964
Yes...
50
00:04:23,224 --> 00:04:26,724
..but you should've seen him
sharpen his pencils.
51
00:04:38,803 --> 00:04:40,503
I used to do a lot of training...
52
00:04:40,503 --> 00:04:42,943
..in me own time.
Rubbish!
53
00:04:42,943 --> 00:04:45,223
I didn't know y'could speak...
54
00:04:45,223 --> 00:04:47,583
..upside down.
Nothin' to it.
55
00:04:47,583 --> 00:04:51,062
Not for you, you must
have a flair for it.
56
00:04:51,062 --> 00:04:53,862
That's it, I've got
a flair for it.
57
00:04:53,862 --> 00:04:56,862
I didn't waste my time in the army.
58
00:04:56,862 --> 00:05:01,222
I used to take advantage of the
various further education courses.
59
00:05:01,222 --> 00:05:04,962
I used to take advantage
of Gloria Pendleberry.
60
00:05:05,922 --> 00:05:08,521
I thought there was always a queue.
61
00:05:08,521 --> 00:05:10,041
Only in the war.
62
00:05:14,141 --> 00:05:21,481
I took courses in Basic Russian,
Flower Painting and Advanced
Silent Killing.
63
00:05:21,481 --> 00:05:29,080
Y'know, what gets me is,
every time yer go upside down,
yer blood rushes to y'head.
64
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,680
Think it should stop at yer neck?
65
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:36,860
No! What I mean is,
when yer straighten up,
why doesn't it rush to yer feet?
66
00:05:37,020 --> 00:05:40,199
Don't think anything's going to be
in a rush to get to YOUR feet.
67
00:05:44,119 --> 00:05:48,759
Huh! Advanced Silent Killin'!
68
00:05:51,679 --> 00:05:54,298
Tha's never done any Advance
Silent Killin'!
69
00:05:54,298 --> 00:05:55,638
That's not what he's claimed.
70
00:05:55,718 --> 00:05:57,678
Oh, yes it is.
71
00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:03,158
What he claims to have done
is a course on Flower Painting
and Silent Killing.
72
00:06:05,318 --> 00:06:08,478
They weren't the same course.
Oh, sorry.
73
00:06:09,538 --> 00:06:11,477
Come on, get a move on.
74
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:22,417
I never like to make too much
of these things, but,
if the need ever arose...
75
00:06:24,237 --> 00:06:26,996
I could take out a sentry
with one hand.
76
00:06:26,996 --> 00:06:34,516
If the sentry's only
got one hand, he'd be grateful
for being taken out by anybody.
77
00:06:34,516 --> 00:06:37,256
ENGINE STARTS AGAIN
78
00:06:39,596 --> 00:06:43,015
EXCITED SHOUTS FROM INSIDE
79
00:06:52,515 --> 00:06:55,175
Were yer listenin'?
Did yer hear that?
80
00:06:55,175 --> 00:06:59,234
Fighting fit was that!
By hell, she sounds fit.
81
00:06:59,234 --> 00:07:02,874
She's a beast is that -
That's power is that.
82
00:07:02,874 --> 00:07:06,594
She's coupled up to a racing frame.
83
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:09,954
Kee-yowie! That's how she'll go.
84
00:07:09,954 --> 00:07:12,314
Zap! Whoosh!
85
00:07:13,214 --> 00:07:14,913
What d'you think? Zap?
86
00:07:14,913 --> 00:07:15,953
Right!
87
00:07:15,953 --> 00:07:16,993
Whoosh.
88
00:07:16,993 --> 00:07:18,393
Kee-yowie!
89
00:07:18,513 --> 00:07:21,553
That's a lot of engine,
for driving yer cap.
90
00:07:21,553 --> 00:07:28,413
Not the cap, yer great dollop.
Me car! You heard her -
how did she sound to you?
91
00:07:28,413 --> 00:07:29,813
Noisy.
92
00:07:29,813 --> 00:07:33,252
I told yer, she's a beast!
What a throat on her!
93
00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:37,232
One or 2 wrinkles to be ironed out,
but basically she's....
94
00:07:37,232 --> 00:07:38,592
How DID she sound to yer?
95
00:07:39,552 --> 00:07:40,872
Terrible.
96
00:07:41,952 --> 00:07:43,172
Rubbish!
97
00:07:43,312 --> 00:07:45,532
That's it! That's 'ow she sounded.
98
00:07:49,351 --> 00:07:51,451
She'll go, I tell yer!
99
00:07:54,031 --> 00:07:55,851
She'll REALLY GO!
100
00:07:57,871 --> 00:08:00,771
Obviously a mechanical idiot.
101
00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:07,980
Well, we really made his day.
102
00:08:07,980 --> 00:08:09,340
Whose day?
103
00:08:09,340 --> 00:08:11,740
The fella with the big engine.
104
00:08:11,740 --> 00:08:12,940
What sort?
105
00:08:12,940 --> 00:08:16,540
Don't know, 'e keeps it in a shed.
Up the hill? Aye -
does tha know 'im?
106
00:08:16,540 --> 00:08:18,939
Wesley Pegden, he's retired now.
107
00:08:18,939 --> 00:08:21,019
From being Wesley Pegden?
108
00:08:21,099 --> 00:08:22,599
From work!
109
00:08:22,959 --> 00:08:25,619
I thought 'e looked sensible.
110
00:08:25,619 --> 00:08:30,139
He looked like an idiot, throwing
his cap, getting over excited.
111
00:08:30,139 --> 00:08:33,979
"She'll go y'know!
She'll go!
112
00:08:34,758 --> 00:08:35,878
"A few wrinkles.
113
00:08:35,878 --> 00:08:37,878
"Listen to that engine.
114
00:08:37,978 --> 00:08:42,638
"She's a beast is that -
Oh the beast, the beast.
115
00:08:42,638 --> 00:08:45,278
"Listen to the throat on her."
116
00:08:45,278 --> 00:08:48,178
The only throat I can 'ear is YOU!
117
00:08:51,677 --> 00:08:53,417
Why didn't you tell me?
118
00:08:53,417 --> 00:08:57,537
Has tha ever tried tellin' thee
anythin'? There's no harm done.
119
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,657
She probably thinks I'm an idiot.
120
00:08:59,657 --> 00:09:01,477
She does, she thinks yer'an idiot.
121
00:09:01,477 --> 00:09:04,437
There, how can yer say
no harm's done?
122
00:09:04,437 --> 00:09:07,296
No harm's done, she always thought
you were an idiot.
123
00:09:08,296 --> 00:09:10,736
I've yet to meet the man who isn't.
124
00:09:10,736 --> 00:09:13,196
Why don't we advertise?
125
00:09:13,196 --> 00:09:17,956
What did you say? What did you just
say? Don't you start being clever.
126
00:09:21,975 --> 00:09:23,415
Eyup!
127
00:09:23,415 --> 00:09:25,215
Who ordered flowers?
128
00:09:26,535 --> 00:09:28,295
Oh, well.
129
00:09:33,575 --> 00:09:40,074
And they wonder if there's life
on other planets - I'm still
wonderin' if there's any on this!
130
00:09:40,074 --> 00:09:46,934
Why anybody bothered inventin'
lumps of plastic, when we've
already got the male sex, beats me!
131
00:09:50,654 --> 00:09:53,714
A word with you, in the kitchen.
132
00:09:53,714 --> 00:09:55,073
What about?
133
00:09:55,073 --> 00:09:57,273
In the kitchen.
134
00:09:57,273 --> 00:10:00,013
I was goin' in there anyway.
135
00:10:13,072 --> 00:10:15,592
It's bad when Ivy goes quiet.
136
00:10:15,592 --> 00:10:18,092
Pretty terrible when she's noisy.
137
00:10:18,092 --> 00:10:20,532
When does he ever have it good?
138
00:10:20,532 --> 00:10:21,972
OOH!
139
00:10:21,972 --> 00:10:23,792
Sounds like 'e's gettin' it now.
140
00:10:23,792 --> 00:10:28,871
Come on, Foggy - explain how you
avoided wedlock.
141
00:10:28,871 --> 00:10:32,711
I was quick on me feet like.
Like what? POTS CRASH Like this.
142
00:10:44,050 --> 00:10:47,390
I can't help thinking about Sid.
143
00:10:47,390 --> 00:10:50,290
I can't help thinkin' about
Nora Batty.
144
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:52,750
What's that got to do with Sid?
145
00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:54,810
Nowt, just thought I'd mention it.
146
00:10:54,810 --> 00:10:58,829
Just keep y'mouth closed till you
come up with something practical.
147
00:10:58,829 --> 00:11:00,929
Something practical? Yes.
148
00:11:00,929 --> 00:11:04,329
That's a good idea.
Until you do, just keep quiet.
149
00:11:04,329 --> 00:11:07,509
Norm, we're lookin' for a
good idea. Right.
150
00:11:07,509 --> 00:11:10,169
Right, a good idea.
151
00:11:13,709 --> 00:11:14,908
Got it!
152
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,108
A good idea?
153
00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:19,348
Beauty. Practical? Absolutely.
154
00:11:19,348 --> 00:11:20,568
Well, get on with it.
155
00:11:23,148 --> 00:11:24,908
A pair o' garters.
156
00:11:24,908 --> 00:11:27,808
A pair of what?
157
00:11:27,808 --> 00:11:29,408
A pair o' frilly garters.
158
00:11:29,408 --> 00:11:31,847
How are they going to help Sid?
159
00:11:31,847 --> 00:11:34,687
I don't see Sid in frilly garters.
160
00:11:34,687 --> 00:11:39,587
They're not for Sid!
For Nora Batty! To take
the wrinkles out o' her stockin's.
161
00:11:41,207 --> 00:11:43,767
An' look pretty tasty an'all.
162
00:11:44,827 --> 00:11:51,026
Nora's stockings in
frilly garters? That's like
tying ribbon round the coal bin.
163
00:11:51,026 --> 00:11:54,646
Never mind his
peculiar fantasies.
164
00:11:54,646 --> 00:11:55,786
What can he mean?
165
00:11:55,886 --> 00:11:57,706
What CAN 'e mean?
166
00:11:57,706 --> 00:11:59,706
Can't we spare a thought for Sid?
167
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:04,305
The last time tha spared a thought
for Sid, tha called him a double...
168
00:12:04,305 --> 00:12:06,745
That was when he was in his prime.
169
00:12:06,745 --> 00:12:12,825
Now we find him cut down by near
terminal matrimony, it's our duty
to rally round.
170
00:12:12,825 --> 00:12:20,004
I'll help him any way I can, but
I'm not tackling Ivy physically -
Understood? I'm not tackling Ivy!
171
00:12:20,004 --> 00:12:23,904
Don't panic! I'm in me own house,
I'm entitled to panic.
172
00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:30,844
It'd take a big bloke and a lot of
ale to tackle Ivy physically.
173
00:12:31,704 --> 00:12:33,584
I'd 'ave to be desperate.
174
00:12:33,584 --> 00:12:37,843
But you ARE desperate.
True, but could
I afford the ale?
175
00:12:39,283 --> 00:12:43,043
There'll be no need to tackle
Ivy physically.
176
00:12:43,043 --> 00:12:46,483
That was a near thing.
A narrow squeak.
177
00:12:46,483 --> 00:12:50,042
That's all there'd be left by the
time she'd finished with you!
178
00:12:50,582 --> 00:12:55,602
We've got to help Sid
to make up the prestige he's lost
in Ivy's eyes.
179
00:12:55,602 --> 00:12:58,842
We've got to build him up,
imagewise.
180
00:12:58,842 --> 00:13:03,102
At the moment she seems to see him
as something of a big dick.
181
00:13:03,942 --> 00:13:05,761
Why's that, d'you think?
182
00:13:06,061 --> 00:13:11,541
Well, in my view, it's due, almost
entirely, to the fact that he IS
something of a big dick.
183
00:13:12,101 --> 00:13:14,821
Which leaves us with a problem.
True.
184
00:13:14,821 --> 00:13:21,301
We won't change him entirely? The
nicest people I know have always
been something of a big dick.
185
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,640
Not at all, no.
186
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:27,740
All we've got to do is alter Ivy's
opinion of him a bit, that's all.
187
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:33,760
That's all right then, as long as
y'not asking me to reduce
society's most precious commodity.
188
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:40,619
There are far too many boring,
serious beggars about - we need
all the big daft dicks we can get.
189
00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:43,679
Don't worry, there'll still be
a few about.
190
00:13:43,859 --> 00:13:46,179
I wonder who sells
frilly garters.
191
00:13:47,079 --> 00:13:48,879
See what I mean?
192
00:13:54,638 --> 00:13:57,098
SOUNDS OF ENGINE STARTING
193
00:13:57,958 --> 00:14:00,878
LOUD BACKFIRES THEN SILENCE
194
00:14:08,538 --> 00:14:11,437
So she's got a few
teething troubles.
195
00:14:11,437 --> 00:14:15,457
Y'can't expect to crack the 5 sec
barrier without a few troubles.
196
00:14:18,697 --> 00:14:21,077
What's the 5 second barrier?
197
00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:25,017
I think he wants the engine to run
for longer than 5 seconds.
198
00:14:36,316 --> 00:14:40,456
If you look closely, you'll
observe that what we have here...
199
00:14:40,456 --> 00:14:44,075
..is the kind of disorganised
little prawn...
200
00:14:44,075 --> 00:14:50,795
..that is waiting for help to
arrive in the form of persons with
superior leadership ability.
201
00:14:57,654 --> 00:15:01,054
You've been exceptionally
lucky, Wesley.
202
00:15:01,054 --> 00:15:08,114
At exactly the right time you just
happen to have fallen into just
the right sort of capable hands.
203
00:15:08,114 --> 00:15:12,694
Hey, wow, Wesley -
How lucky can you get!
204
00:15:12,694 --> 00:15:14,933
COMPO BLOWS A RASPBERRY
205
00:15:18,673 --> 00:15:23,013
2 years solid I've been at that
machine, it's been me ambition.
206
00:15:23,013 --> 00:15:28,293
I always promised meself, as soon
as I retired, I'd get down to
buildin' this hairy beast.
207
00:15:28,293 --> 00:15:31,412
And then one day - ZA ZOOM!
208
00:15:31,412 --> 00:15:37,532
Nought to 60 in 5 seconds -
That's what I'm after, y'know,
nought to 60 in 5 seconds.
209
00:15:37,532 --> 00:15:38,772
Za zoom?
210
00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:44,332
Like a bat out of... Don't you mean
more like - cough, cough, stoff,
tup, tap, tiff, waarghk!
211
00:15:44,332 --> 00:15:50,071
Teethin' troubles - She'll do it,
y'know - there's 2 years of my life
in that machine.
212
00:15:50,171 --> 00:15:52,951
Ah! But, 'as tha got petrol in it?
213
00:15:58,111 --> 00:16:00,051
Does 'e belong
wi' your party?
214
00:16:00,151 --> 00:16:03,550
Only on a temporary basis -
We're looking after him...
215
00:16:03,550 --> 00:16:07,230
..till the authorities
can find a place for him.
216
00:16:07,230 --> 00:16:11,330
The point is, Wesley, what are you
going to DO with this machine? Do?
217
00:16:11,330 --> 00:16:14,410
Nought to 60 in 5 seconds.
218
00:16:14,410 --> 00:16:16,410
What do you need for that?
219
00:16:16,410 --> 00:16:18,489
Very strong elastic.
220
00:16:19,029 --> 00:16:23,729
I need a bit o' straight road,
free from traffic, then WHOOSH!
221
00:16:23,729 --> 00:16:26,849
An' somebody with a stop watch.
222
00:16:26,849 --> 00:16:28,729
A stop watch!
223
00:16:28,729 --> 00:16:32,589
All y'need for
that old banger
is somebody with a cuckoo clock!
224
00:16:33,248 --> 00:16:37,648
Given time, I'm sure
people can get quite
unattached to you.
225
00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:39,048
That's true.
226
00:16:40,168 --> 00:16:46,348
Relax, Wesley, you are looking at
one of the finest stop watch
operators outside official circles.
227
00:16:46,348 --> 00:16:49,527
That's where he'll have you going
- in circles.
228
00:16:49,527 --> 00:16:55,327
Ignore this constant bickering,
Wesley - place yourself in these
competent hands.
229
00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:07,366
Wesley, wouldn't you feel easier
in your mind, if you could get on
with the mechanical part of it.
230
00:17:07,366 --> 00:17:14,226
And leave the organising and
logistics to some efficient
second party?
231
00:17:14,486 --> 00:17:16,506
I would, I would.
232
00:17:17,126 --> 00:17:19,146
I accept.
233
00:17:36,745 --> 00:17:40,424
Of course what you really need,
Wesley, is a driver.
234
00:17:41,824 --> 00:17:46,364
NO! Definitely not! Forget it!
No way!
235
00:17:46,364 --> 00:17:51,004
I've 'ad enough of your barmy
schemes. Sit down. No thank you.
236
00:17:51,004 --> 00:17:52,584
Him?
237
00:17:52,584 --> 00:17:56,203
No! What sort of an idiot is
going to choose him?
238
00:17:56,203 --> 00:17:58,223
I WAS wonderin'.
239
00:17:58,223 --> 00:18:03,543
If it's not him, would you care
to explain who you've got in mind?
240
00:18:03,543 --> 00:18:07,403
Calm down, it's not you either.
He heard that, I've got a witness.
241
00:18:07,403 --> 00:18:12,202
You've my word, as a corporal and
a gentleman. Hitler was a corporal.
242
00:18:14,382 --> 00:18:16,502
Not in my regiment.
243
00:18:16,502 --> 00:18:22,782
Compo, it's all right, you can
come back now - he's got some
other idiot in mind.
244
00:18:22,782 --> 00:18:28,361
'E's going to involve me, I can
feel it, 'e always ends up with me.
245
00:18:28,361 --> 00:18:31,101
Nobody's going to involve you.
246
00:18:31,101 --> 00:18:34,421
I thought I'd be doin'
me own drivin'.
247
00:18:34,421 --> 00:18:38,801
Ah..well...no - No, it's
not advisable, no.
248
00:18:38,801 --> 00:18:44,760
Needs a younger man -
Razor sharp reflexes -
There'll be some danger.
249
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,660
Aye, some danger.
250
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:50,700
Did you 'ear that?
What did I tell thee?
251
00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:55,980
You leave the choice of
driver to me - I want you to free
your mind of all these details.
252
00:18:55,980 --> 00:18:58,139
Well, if there's going to be danger.
253
00:18:58,139 --> 00:19:01,759
Hey, Tinkerbell! Forget it!
254
00:19:06,299 --> 00:19:10,459
He gives some very clear
hand signals for a non-driver.
255
00:19:22,718 --> 00:19:24,198
HIM?
256
00:19:24,198 --> 00:19:25,458
Him.
257
00:19:27,838 --> 00:19:29,437
What's up wi' you lot?
258
00:19:29,437 --> 00:19:35,257
He doesn't look like a daredevil
driver. 'E certainly doesn't look
like a daredevil driver!
259
00:19:35,477 --> 00:19:36,757
Daredevil driver?
260
00:19:36,757 --> 00:19:39,177
We bring good tidings.
261
00:19:39,177 --> 00:19:43,417
Look, 'ave yer wiped y'feet? She's
raisin' 'ell about the floor. Relax.
262
00:19:43,417 --> 00:19:48,056
Your days of anxious
hatch-watching are nearly over.
263
00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:51,136
What d'you mean? Who goes about
hatch-watchin'?
264
00:19:51,136 --> 00:19:54,676
You think all I've got to worry
about is her watchin'?
265
00:19:54,676 --> 00:19:56,536
'Ow do, Ivy.
266
00:19:58,996 --> 00:20:00,596
Love yer pinny, Sid.
267
00:20:00,756 --> 00:20:02,635
Oh, that's definitely...
268
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:04,375
..a racin' driver's pinny!
269
00:20:04,975 --> 00:20:08,535
You've been making all the wrong
moves, Sidney.
270
00:20:08,535 --> 00:20:12,255
That's what our lass keeps tellin'
me, and tellin' me, and tellin'me.
271
00:20:12,255 --> 00:20:17,274
Help is at hand. What time does
Ivy go out to get her hair done?
272
00:20:17,274 --> 00:20:19,094
About three o'clock.
273
00:20:20,874 --> 00:20:22,814
We'll be back.
274
00:20:34,313 --> 00:20:36,913
And get that cooker cleaned.
275
00:20:41,253 --> 00:20:45,453
Don't be makin' a fool of y'self
if that bus conductress comes in.
276
00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:49,552
And don't be lettin' 'er poke my
sandwiches with 'er bell finger.
277
00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:07,071
That's tremendous!
278
00:21:08,951 --> 00:21:11,091
It's ridiculous.
279
00:21:13,151 --> 00:21:18,491
No, only the top half's
ridiculous, it's the bottom half
that's tremendous.
280
00:21:18,491 --> 00:21:22,990
See, 'e thinks it's ridiculous.
I was only joking. He was joking.
281
00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:25,910
Eyup! It's Biggles!
282
00:21:26,630 --> 00:21:28,590
That does it!
283
00:21:28,590 --> 00:21:34,190
Will you kindly handle that gear
carefully - it's taken me years to
collect that military equipment.
284
00:21:34,530 --> 00:21:37,549
Now you shut up -
and where have you been?
285
00:21:37,549 --> 00:21:42,149
Y'told us to see what we
could get for Sid and
'is racin' machine.
286
00:21:42,149 --> 00:21:44,689
I'm not goin' in a racin' machine.
287
00:21:44,689 --> 00:21:47,709
It's just nerves -
What did you find?
288
00:21:47,709 --> 00:21:49,429
These.
289
00:21:50,969 --> 00:21:55,488
But they're not racing equipment.
They look pretty racy to me.
290
00:21:55,908 --> 00:22:01,508
I'm not wearin' those!
Of course you're not wearing those.
Of course you're not wearin' these.
291
00:22:01,508 --> 00:22:04,488
I've got other plans for these!
292
00:22:04,488 --> 00:22:08,008
Didn't you find anything for him?
Are you completely useless?
293
00:22:08,008 --> 00:22:12,327
Norm, does tha think
I'm completely useless?
294
00:22:12,327 --> 00:22:16,327
Oh, every time - it's one of your
most striking features. Ta.
295
00:22:16,327 --> 00:22:20,647
I borrowed this off Wilf -
it's 'is best scarf.
296
00:22:20,647 --> 00:22:21,927
The finishing touch.
297
00:22:21,927 --> 00:22:24,047
What's 'e mean, finishin'?
298
00:22:24,487 --> 00:22:29,986
You're not going to be a big Mary
about this, are you? I think I
might - yes, I think I might.
299
00:22:30,806 --> 00:22:38,126
It's the hint of danger about
driving Wesley's car that'll build
up your image in Ivy's eyes.
300
00:22:38,126 --> 00:22:42,485
And here's the beauty.. No, here's
the beauty, I'm not goin' t'do it.
301
00:22:42,485 --> 00:22:46,745
That's it! Exactly!
You won't have to.
302
00:22:46,745 --> 00:22:53,705
You just have to pretend you're
keen to risk life and limb - it's
not your fault it never starts.
303
00:22:57,184 --> 00:22:58,344
Never?
304
00:22:58,344 --> 00:22:59,764
Never!
Never!
Never!
305
00:22:59,864 --> 00:23:01,204
Oh, well, then.
306
00:23:01,744 --> 00:23:04,864
Genius! A touch of genius.
307
00:23:04,864 --> 00:23:09,564
All we have to do,
is wait for Ivy to find you
in this glamorous outfit.
308
00:23:17,143 --> 00:23:19,863
She's coming.
309
00:23:19,863 --> 00:23:22,383
She's coming, Sidney.
310
00:23:40,742 --> 00:23:42,622
HYSTERICAL SCREAM FROM IVY
311
00:23:46,621 --> 00:23:48,041
It's only me!
312
00:23:53,741 --> 00:23:55,141
I 'ave t'do it, Ivy.
313
00:23:55,141 --> 00:23:57,101
The speed! The danger!
314
00:23:58,161 --> 00:23:59,841
(The challenge)
The challenge!
315
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,040
(A man has to drive himself
to the limits.)
316
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,020
A man has to drive himself
to the limits.
317
00:24:05,100 --> 00:24:07,400
I'm goin' racin'!
318
00:24:08,180 --> 00:24:11,440
A man has to do, what he has to do!
319
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,220
You great tomfool!
320
00:24:16,639 --> 00:24:19,859
I leave you for 2 minutes!
Is the cooker cleaned?
321
00:24:26,679 --> 00:24:31,319
You were right, Foggy - that's
done wonders for his image.
322
00:24:31,319 --> 00:24:34,938
Eyup! I 'ope she don't strangle
'im with Wilf's scarf.
323
00:24:36,598 --> 00:24:41,938
Unreasonable sort of woman.
Well, back to the drawing board.
324
00:24:43,318 --> 00:24:47,818
It's embarrassing for me, y'know -
I promised Wesley a driver.
325
00:25:11,096 --> 00:25:12,396
NO!
326
00:25:13,016 --> 00:25:15,316
What are you worried about?
327
00:25:17,016 --> 00:25:19,096
It's never going to go.
328
00:25:19,176 --> 00:25:21,735
Not with me in it, it's not.
329
00:25:27,755 --> 00:25:31,515
You drive it.
No, no, no, I'm on the stop watch.
330
00:25:31,515 --> 00:25:36,314
Eyup! Dicin' wi' death, single
'anded on the stop watch.
331
00:25:36,314 --> 00:25:40,614
Don't you want to make an
impression on Nora Batty?
332
00:25:40,614 --> 00:25:41,654
No.
333
00:25:41,654 --> 00:25:45,254
Does 'e know what 'e's doin'?
334
00:25:45,254 --> 00:25:51,374
Judging by his faintly green
colour, I'd say, yes, he knows
what he's doing.
335
00:25:52,134 --> 00:25:54,133
I never knew 'e 'ad it in 'im.
336
00:25:54,393 --> 00:25:57,313
It's almost like knowin'
somebody famous.
337
00:25:58,293 --> 00:25:59,693
'E's quiet.
338
00:25:59,933 --> 00:26:01,813
In't 'e quiet?
339
00:26:01,813 --> 00:26:03,733
'E's 'ardly said a rude word.
340
00:26:03,733 --> 00:26:06,693
Somethin' else on 'is mind.
341
00:26:09,932 --> 00:26:13,052
No 'e 'asn't - Same old thing.
342
00:26:13,132 --> 00:26:15,612
Got to admire 'is nerve.
343
00:26:15,612 --> 00:26:17,692
Wear this for me, Nora.
344
00:26:21,392 --> 00:26:26,431
'Ow can yer refuse 'im - it might
be 'is last bit o' pleasure.
345
00:26:34,111 --> 00:26:37,291
Dammit!
Me goggles are steamin' up!
346
00:26:46,770 --> 00:26:50,870
Hey, it's not goin' t'go, is it?
No, it's not going to go.
347
00:26:58,029 --> 00:27:03,689
That's my neighbour, y'know - yes,
we've been quite close for years.
348
00:27:18,728 --> 00:27:25,148
Ooh, 'e's terrible - 'e's always
doin' that. Mind you,
never anythin' improper.
349
00:27:35,867 --> 00:27:39,967
Wear this for me.
Oh, Nora!
350
00:27:43,987 --> 00:27:47,506
I'm 'avin' a great day, so don't
let anythin' spoil it.
351
00:27:47,506 --> 00:27:51,726
Like some daft buttock
gettin' this thing started.
352
00:27:51,726 --> 00:27:58,626
I admire your nerve, kid - I never
thought I'd see anyone kiss Nora
Batty without a safety belt on.
353
00:28:00,325 --> 00:28:04,705
Righty ho! CON-TACT!
354
00:28:06,445 --> 00:28:08,265
Stand clear.
355
00:28:25,644 --> 00:28:26,844
Is he on fire?
356
00:28:27,324 --> 00:28:28,724
Probably just...
357
00:28:28,724 --> 00:28:30,604
..smouldering a bit.
358
00:28:30,604 --> 00:28:32,043
Sounds fun.
359
00:29:04,801 --> 00:29:07,761
I've never seen anythin' so brave.
360
00:29:11,161 --> 00:29:13,461
Give 'im air, give 'im air!
361
00:29:14,521 --> 00:29:18,341
Never mind about air,
let's 'ave a flash of yer garter.
362
00:29:27,900 --> 00:29:31,460
So, I've still got a few wrinkles
to iron out.
29827
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