All language subtitles for Ally.McBeal.S05E01.2001.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.AAC-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

♪♪ (rock: guitar feedback)

(no audible dialogue)

♪ I like to dream ♪
(continues, indistinct)

ALLY (narrating):
It started off perfectly.

Now, I-I've been having
a lot of perfect days, actually,

and this promised to be another one.

-Then, boom.
-(screams)

-I ran into myself.
-You ran into your... self?

Yes. Now, I didn't know it at the time,

but-but she had that lost look.

She didn't know whether she was
coming or going, up or down.

Remind you of anybody?

And then, since I mowed her over--

-(both grunt)
-Is-Is anything broken?

No, it's not broken. (scoffs)

I didn't even love him anymore.

Well, that should have been
my first clue.

So I ask her again how she was.

Oh, no. I'm-- (neck cracks) fine.

-I just--
-What?

I just really miss him.

ALLY: And then she hugged me.

-She just hugged me.
-Mm-hmm.

I mean, think of it.
I run over a strange woman.

I almost kill her,
and then she's hugging me.

And then, to make things worse,
she's-she's--

-She's... you.
-Yes.

And she goes off onto this big
story

about how she and her ex-boyfriend
worked together.

-Ring any bells?
-Ding, ding.

And how she has this huge case,

and the firm suddenly decided
to represent the other side

because there's more money
in it, and the client got dumped,

and then she got fired.

-And n-n-now she's brokenhearted.
-Over losing her job?

No. No, no, no. Her ex-boyfriend.

I'm so... confused.

Well, the thing is, is that she still
really loved her ex-boyfriend.

Ding, ding.

He would rub my feet.
He would give me these reflexologies.

You know--
how every part of your body

is represented by
a specific point on your foot.

-Did you know that?
-I-I read.

Well, he would take his little finger,
and he would tickle my uterus.

-(laughs) Isn't that cute?
-(horn honks)

ALLY: She was like... me.

So I-I... hired her.

-You did what?
-Well, I-- She-- I--

I've just-- I've come to a point
in my life where deep, deep down, I--

I long to be...

a-a mentor.

(groans) Dear God, no.

♪ I've been down down, down ♪

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made mistakes in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love has to bring, yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together, yeah ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's so much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know I can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

-♪ Oh ♪
-♪ Hoo, hoo ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

-♪ Hoo, hoo ♪
-♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

VONDA: ♪ Sometimes I'm right ♪

♪ But I can be wrong ♪

♪ My own beliefs are in my song ♪

♪ The butcher, the baker ♪

♪ The drummer and then ♪

♪ Makes no difference what group I'm in ♪♪

(elevator bell dings)

Ally, they've already started
the staff meeting.

I thought nothing happened
here without you.

She said that?

Oh, never mind, Elaine.
Um, no, I'll take that.

-Sure.
-Come on.

-I love her so far.
-Ally? Ticktock.

-Everybody, this is Jenny Shaw.
-I don't like her.

She's a lawyer, and I've just
hired her to work here.

-Wait. You did what?
-I have a good feeling about her, Richard.

Ally, you're an associate.
We just hired Corretta.

Right. Right. But you were saying
that we needed to hire somebody else.

You were saying that all last week.

And I might have continued
saying it this week

if we hadn't hired somebody this morning.

Oh. Oh, uh--

So, uh, unfortunately,
uh, Jenny, I'm afraid--

-Tell Mr. Fish about your case.
-Well, I was home one evening

making clam linguine for a friend of mine.

-It wasn't a lover. It was just--
-Skip ahead.

And the phone rang, and it was
one of these phone giants

asking what long distance service I use,

and how they're offering
these new low rates.

-Skip ahead.
-And...

this was the fourth time this week
that I had gotten such a call.

Do you ever get those calls?
How many of you ever get those calls?

-(mutters)
-Anyway, I sued them for harassment.

They deliberately call at dinner,
and I don't have a lot of free time.

I don't want to spend
what little time I have

listening to some idiot tell me how I can
call England for 10 cents a minute.

So, I sued them.

(chuckles) Well--
Good. That's, uh, excellent.

-Well--
-Oh, but there's more. Tell him more.

Well, I filed my claim as a class action,

and I put out a notice for other potential
plaintiffs to come forward.

And other people did come forward.
I'm up to 72,000.

You have a class action
with 72,000 plaintiffs?

-Yes.
-Against which phone companies?

-All of them.
-All of them?

They all do it. It's a trade practice.

Have they answered your complaint?

Yes. They brought a 12-B
to dismiss, and I beat them.

And the phone companies were so impressed
that they went to her firm, hired them,

and then the firm dumped the plaintiffs
and eventually Jenny.

So she has a portable, Richard.
She comes here with 72,000 clients.

And growing.

Oh, well, uh, Jenny,
I-I think I speak for everybody--

and who cares if I don't-- when I say

what a privilege it is
to have you join us. (chuckles)

Richard, Glenn Foy has arrived.

♪♪ (barking, stops)

RICHARD: Ah. Well, Glenn--
Uh, excellent. Uh--

Is this-- Is this a trick?

(laughs nervously)
What are you doing here?

-What are you doing?
-I work here.

-What?
-Well-Well-- Uh, wait.

You-You two know each other?

-(whispers) It's him.
-Him. Him? Him who?

♪♪ (barking, stops)

Oh, the cute uterus tickler?

I-- I don't understand.

Jenny, when they fired you, I quit,
and Richard hired me to work here.

You quit over me?

I didn't know you were
coming to work here.

Well, this is great. Then we can--
We can still work together.

Yeah. Um--

Oh.

Okay. (sighs)

A-A boy. A total boy.

And a pretty boy at that.

I never go for pretty boys,
especially young pretty boys.

I-I just thought he was cute.

Ally, I'm not clear why this is a problem.

-Why do you do that?
-Do what?

Tilt your head like that?
You go, "I'm not clear. I'm confused.

I'm not comfortable."
And it happens a lot on-on... "C" words.

I have a... chronic tic disorder.

Certain words trigger it.

I'm...

cut to the quick that you would mock me.

I'm-I'm-- I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

-Now, I-I had no idea that--
-You still don't trust me.

Well, I-I just don't find
lawyers particularly trustworthy.

And-And that I would hire one
as my therapist is-is--

Gee. (inhales)

I mean, as highly recommended as you are.

You know, I-I went to a lawyer
who I thought was a therapist,

which he was not.

Cost me a year of my life.

-Tell me more about the cute boy.
-Oh, he's so wrong for me.

-Of course. Because?
-Well, for one thing--

(camera shutter clicking)

He's so GQ. Puke.

And-And he's Jenny's ex.

And I've done the whole
love triangle thing, okay? Hello?

Wh-What do they call those people

who-who relive their lives
over and over again?

-The clinical word?
-Yes.

-Pathetic.
-Right.

Right. Well--

Well, I'm not one to relive my past
problems, thank you very much.

I've committed this year to new disasters.

Ally, give me your hand.

(clears throat)

You said you wanted
to talk about the girl.

-Jenny.
-Yes. But you keep bringing up...

the boy.

(camera shutter clicking)

ALLY: Hey.

Hi. Um-- (clears throat)

(sighs) What's wrong?

They won't release the files.

-Who?
-My old firm.

They refuse to release my client files

since they think I should be
disqualified from the case.

And I need those files to prepare
for my decertification motion,

should I win tomorrow
and get to stay on the case.

And I'm not a vulgar person, Ally,

but I really think they're... pricks.

What did you think of Glenn?

Mmm. Oh, um, well, he-he seemed, uh, nice.

He is.

But I really think it's time for me
to find a new best friend.

Mm-hmm.

Are you available?

Well-- (stammers) Well, actually--

-Do you have a boyfriend?
-No, not at the moment.

Do you have any close friends
who are male?

See, I'm just tryin' to get a sense
as to whether I'm aberrant...

to have a male best friend.

No. You know, one of my best
friends is-is male.

No, John Cage. I-- I-I even love him.

John Cage. He's the little one?

(chuckles) Yeah. Well, you know,
he might not be tall,

but-but his-his heart is mammoth.

-And you love him?
-Totally.

Yeah, he gets me-- my weirdness.

And, you know, he loves
all of my little eccentricities, and--

and I love his.

Well, why don't you
date him if you love him?

Can I help you?

Oh.

No, thank you. (neck cracks) Just--

No. (cracking continues)

-No chemistry?
-None.

-Mmm.
-(scoffs) You know,

as much as I love him as a friend,
I just-- there is just no heat.

You know? I'm just--
I'm just not attracted to him.

What's up, buddy?

Are you okay?

Ally loves me.

VONDA:
♪ And I think I'm goin' out of my head ♪

♪ And I think I'm goin' out of my head ♪

♪ Over you ♪

-♪ Over-- ♪
-Ally? You ready?

-For what?
-Court?

Court?

C-- Oh! Oh, court.

Court. Yes. Court.

Court. Yes. Let's go... off to court.

Court. Right.

What do you mean, you can't work for me?
You signed a contract.

-I didn't sign a contract.
-We had an oral thing--

-an expressed, binding oral, uh, thing.
-Richard, listen--

I pulled you off the streets
when you were jobless.

This is the thanks I get?

-It was a bidding war.
-My bid won.

It was an orally binding bidding--

Thing. Look, Richard,
Jenny and I had a thing.

So? She can go.

-I don't want her to go.
-Why is it your say?

First you're quitting.
Now you're in charge.

See, you're mixed up, Glenn.

This is what happens when you start
breaching orally binding bidding, uh--

-Things. Ah.
-Mm-hmm.

-I'm sorry.
-(growls)

-Can I make a suggestion?
-(sighs)

You have no place to go.
Why not give it a week?

If you and Jenny can't work together,
then leave. If you can, stay.

See, that's smart, and I don't
even pay her what I pay you.

Richard.

-One second, John--
-It can't wait another second.

I'm irreparably fraught.

Oh. I'm sorry. He's fraught.
Uh, we'll talk later. Hmm?

We're not late.
I promise you, we are not late.

-We're not late?
-We're not late. We're fine.

-Jenny. Hello, dear.
-Oh.

Ally McBeal, this is Simon McAllister,
the man who fired me.

I didn't fire you, sweetheart.
We had a situation. That's all.

You told me I couldn't work there anymore.
That was the situation.

One day you'll run your own firm, Jenny.
I have absolutely no doubt.

And when you do, you'll better appreciate
the economics involved.

-All set, Simon?
-You're arguing?

Hey, Jenny. Hey. Raymond Millbury.

Hi. Hi. Ally, uh, McBeal.

Well, we should head in.

-Nice to meet you.
-You too.

-You thought he was cute.
-(stammers) I-I did not.

You did. You looked down
and gave your outfit a quick glance-over.

I know. I do that too.
When I meet a cute guy, I check my outfit

and my breasts to make
sure they're still there.

Can we just go in, Jenny?

-You checked your outfit.
-I did not.

Did too.

I-I didn't know you had
these feelings for Ally.

Well, neither did I, really,
because I think they were buried.

But when I heard her say she loved me,
everything inside me was just unearthed.

And I'm upended.

John, don't you think
if Ally were interested,

she would have given you
some little sign?

Ah, maybe.

Maybe she's, you know--

Perhaps she's afraid
to jeopardize the friendship or--

-Well, then make the move and--
-Oh, what move?

Declare yourself.

Well, it's not that easy, damn it.

The thing about Ally
is she's riddled with emotional deficits.

One being she can't fathom
being loved by a worthy other.

So when one does pursue her,

he instantly renders himself
unworthy in her lake-like eyes.

So, I can either deny my heart
and let her continue

to covet me, or I can...

reveal my fancy
and extinguish her desires.

I'm upended.

"Lake-like eyes"?

Yeah. Her eyes look like lakes to me.

Ponds, actually.
Placid with deceiving depth.

-Oh, that's nice. (mutters)
-Just never mind.

Well, so what you need to do then is, uh,
get her to pursue you.

Well, how do I do that?

Well, uh, give her hints
that you're accessible.

You got to give her the confidence
to be the aggressor.

-You think so?
-I do.

Though the actual odds
of her liking you-- Hello?

No, she said it.

I heard her, damn it.

Then instead of going to her,

you must find a way to let her know

she can come to you.

-You know-- (mutters)
-No.

(mouths word)

This does seem suspicious, counsel.

Your firm beats
the phone companies' motion to dismiss.

Now the phone companies
come to you to defend them.

We discovered we previously represented

one of the defendants,
and that posed a conflict.

-Oh, please.
-Please. It was an old antitrust matter

that had nothing to do--

One of the companies was,
nevertheless, a client,

which means we're ethically prohibited
from now prosecuting a claim against them.

That being the case,
they chose to hire us.

Fine,
but why should she be disqualified--

Miss Shaw has been privy

-to files which she might rely upon--
-I never saw any old files.

In the interest of avoiding
even the appearance of impropriety--

BOTH: Oh, please!

First you switch sides
to represent the deeper pockets--

And now you're using this pretext conflict
argument to disqualify her.

Figuring that no other lawyer is gonna
take the time to push this uphill.

What Miss Beal refers to as a pretext
is the law in the commonwealth.

This is bad faith,
and they should be sanctioned.

And it's McBeal, okay?

McBeal.

Look, I can't know their motives,
Miss McBeal.

And without being able
to read their minds--

Your Honor is certainly capable
of exercising common sense.

Now, they are trying to squash Jenny Shaw
in the hopes that it'll

effectively squash the case, and now
they won't even give her the files.

If Miss Shaw should be recused
from representing these clients--

If that happens,
I'll give 'em back, you dink.

Sorry, Your Honor.
You can disregard the "dink" part.

-That's inside information.
-WALSH: Miss Shaw, I'll let you stay on.

But I think this case
is a big waste of time,

suing the phone companies
for soliciting business.

I'll see you both
for the decertification hearing tomorrow.

Adjourned.

♪ Every time I see her
she don't even look my way ♪

♪ Maybe she would notice me ♪

I'm telling you, Richard.
She's good. She's a fighter.

-We should try to find a way to keep her.
-What's with her and Glenn?

Well--

Uh, stuff.

Well, lovers can be friends.

-And friends can be lovers.
-(spits)

That's true, John.

Perhaps one day, uh,
that could be in the cards for you.

(spits, chokes)

Perhaps. Thank you for that.

Indeed.

-That was your move?
-Shh.

-No, you looked like you had gas, John.
-Shh!

♪ Drives me wild ♪

-♪♪ (continues)
-(thinking) Somebody's after me.

I'm not sure who it is.
It-It could be Jenny.

"Lesbionically"?

-No. No.
-Could be the boy.

Ah, ah, ah, ah. See? There.
You brought him up this time, not me.

Ally, I was once a boy.

Thank you. I didn't know therapists

were supposed to reveal
their own guarded secrets.

And it was an older woman
who came to me and first made me...

a man.

Allyson, give me your hand.

I know about life.

When you do find the perfect mate,
you'll marry him.

And you'll commit the rest of your
waking days to trying to change him.

Then, finally-- 10 years, 20 years,
30 years hence-- you'll succeed.

And you'll look across the table at him,

having rehabilitated
every one of his habits,

all of his idiosyncrasies,
and you'll bemoan,

"You're not the man I married."

-Could you hone in on a point?
-The younger men are trainable.

If you find him attractive, if he's smart,
take him home. Take him shopping.

Take him into your bosom.

It's not the man
who makes the man, Allyson.

It's the woman.

-I've decided you're completely wrong.
-About?

About how a woman should find a mate...

who's like a pet that she can house-train.

I just don't think that's what a woman
should be looking for in a man.

But, Ally, we like it.

We live to obey.

(groans) Well, that's not
what I'm looking for in a man.

Ally, give me your hand, please.

Would you like to be able
to stop thinking about Glenn?

-Yes.
-All right.

What I'm about to tell you next

is highly... confidential.

When the attraction is sexual,
and only sexual,

the best way to extinguish it

is to go to your self with him in mind.

-I beg your pardon?
-It puts out the urge.

Are-Are you suggesting
what I think you're suggesting?

Libido is a thirst, Allyson.
Best to quench it.

And if you can do so without him
actually in the room? Much neater.

Do-Do you do that?

It's not... appropriate
to discuss my habits.

Mmm, you're a lewd person.

But I'm a good therapist.

If your attraction for him is
sexual, and only sexual,

the means for beating it
lie in your own hands.

BOZ SCAGGS:
♪ Hey, you steppin' on my head ♪

♪ Why you have to throw rocks at my bed ♪

♪ Must you shout ♪ (continues, indistinct)

ALLY (narrating): A woman can just tell
when she's being pursued.

And maybe God made another me--

under the theory that if
at first you don't succeed.

(elevator bell dings)

-Ally?
-Oh, oh.

Jenny. Uh, Raymond Millbury
is in Glenn Foy's office.

He's waiting for you.

Ally? Uh, one second.

Thank you. Thanks.

I need you to help work this out
between Glenn and Jenny.

-We need him to stay.
-Richard, I--

This affects their lives.
It affects our lives.

-What? How does it affect our lives?
-He's a talent.

If he stays, we get more rich.
If he goes, we don't.

More rich, less rich--

Richard, it's just stup-- (gasps) Sorry.

It's all right, pork chop.

"Pork chop"? W--

I-- It's just, uh-- (chuckles)

-I meant to say "lamb chop." Damn it.
-Oh.

(muffled) All right. All right. Nice, huh?

Mm-hmm. (chuckles) Mmm.

-You called me a dink. I heard it.
-Heard it? I said it to you.

All right, Jen. He's got an offer.

-You do?
-Drop the case on the merits.

We agree to pay your clients' legal fees--
sealed, of course.

Which we'll round off to 75,000.

Since you're technically between firms,
all the money goes in your pocket.

That's 75,000 to you, Jen.

Plus, you agree not to sue us
for any wrongful termination nonsense.

How you doin' today?

-What's going on here?
-Nothing's going on. You've got an offer.

Hmm. The phone companies suddenly
agreed to pay her $75,000?

No. Phone companies know nothing about it.
The money comes from us--

Goldman and Burns.

Yes, and exactly what
do you get out of it?

Three very pleased billion-dollar clients

who decide to send more business our way.

Oh, so this is a payoff?

-It's not the term I'd use.
-What about "bribe"?

Antagonistic little thing.
Are you married?

What?

-Raymond.
-Don't you go out with him.

-I'm not about--
-You think he's cute.

I do not think he's cute. Would you--

Jenny, the case will never survive
summary judgment.

This is free money.

Yes, but I have 72,000 clients.

Okay, well so give 'em a dollar apiece
and keep 3,000 for yourself.

But don't walk away.
This is the best I can do for you.

-This was your idea?
-Doesn't matter whose idea it was.

I don't need you
to come in and rescue me.

I'm not--

And you are such a contradiction in terms.
First quitting out of principle,

and then orchestrating a bribe
to seem like a shining knight,

probably hoping that later
I'll go down on your lance.

Oh, nice.

-Do you two still have sex together?
-Please stop.

-Could you give us a second?
-No deal.

So, you're gonna let your pigheaded,
stubborn pride get in the way?

No deal.

Oh, they were-- They were just bickering
like-like little children.

'Cause, you know,
that's what they are, right?

-They're all children.
-Right.

Why do you say "right" like it's "wrong"?

-Ally, give me your hand, please.
-(sighs)

Ally, do you have aging issues?

Me? Why would I have issues about... that?

Can you even say the word "aging"?

Yes, I can say the word "aging." See?

You know, one way women seek
to recapture youth

is to see themselves
through the loving eyes of a younger man.

Perhaps to feel herself
in his strong, muscular arms.

Perhaps feel him inside
her aging, withering--

Don't be gross.

I really think we need to
extinguish our evil urges,

so that we can move on with our life.

You need to surrender
to my wisdom, Allyson.

John?

Corretta, hello.

What are you doing?

I'm working on a new smile.

Oh. Okay.

-(water running)
-Corretta,

could I ask you something as a woman?

You could, but aren't you a man?

Yes, I-- No, I meant you.
Just-- Forgive me. I dangled a modifier.

Do you think that it's possible
for two people

who were once lovers to work
at the same law firm just as friends?

Now, I refer, of course,
to the Jenny-Glenn situation,

which is fraught with emotional pitfalls.

And of which, uh, as a-- as a partner,
I must be concerned.

So, do you think it's possible
that they could just work as friends?

-Yes.
-Oh. Excellent.

And as a corollary, I suppose it would be
possible for two people

who have worked together as friends
to suddenly become lovers?

No, no. No. That-That doesn't happen.

Oh.

Oh. But why not?

It just doesn't happen.

Friends don't just slide
into being lovers.

Attraction is instant.
It either happens or it doesn't.

Oh. Well, all right. Thank you.

-Although--
-Although what?

It did happen to me once.
This guy I was friends with--

-One day he just said--
-Oh.

-"Enough of this."
-Mm-hmm.

"I want you, and you want me.
Let's get on with business."

-Uh-huh. Oh.
-I was so startled.

-Oh, I see.
-I suddenly saw him in a different way.

-Yeah, right.
-And we did end up going out.

But that's an exception.

(steam hisses)

Thank you for your input. (clears throat)

-Are they both going to work here?
-Who?

Glenn and Jenny.

Oh. Well, we'll see.

VONDA: ♪ I don't want to lose your love ♪

♪ If you leave me, baby ♪

♪ What would I do ♪

-♪ What would I do ♪
-Corretta said that?

Just prance up and say,
"Let's get on with business."

She could be right about getting Ally
to see you in a new light.

Yeah, but it just seems so sophomoric.

Mmm. As opposed to smiling
at her like you need Maalox.

No, seriously-- John,
why all of a sudden Ally?

Well, it's always been Ally, Richard.
That's the point.

I'm just finally getting around
to admitting it to myself.

Okay. But why Ally,
as opposed to anybody else?

Emphasizing the word "anybody."

Because she's magic.

She understands loneliness. She's afraid.

She's not afraid to be afraid.
She's just... magic.

-Hey.
-(shrieks)

Uh, did you talk to Glenn?

I am not gonna be able to talk Glenn
into staying at the firm, Richard.

-Ally, no, you don't understand.
-More rich, less rich-- I get it.

But what is so damn special about him,
other than he makes rain?

Ally, he's, uh-- He's magic.

I mean, he-- Forget his lawyer skills.

He understands loneliness.

He's afraid.
He's not afraid, uh, to be afraid.

The man's, uh, magic.
Would you agree, uh, John?

-Funny little guy.
-Is he okay?

Personally, I think he's gone mad, but--

No, he's fine.

♪ If you leave me, baby what would I do ♪

♪ Oh, what would I do ♪

♪ I don't want to lose your love ♪

♪ If you leave me, baby ♪♪

(Steven's voice)
Go to yourself with the boy in mind.

Extinguish...

the urge.

♪♪ (R&B)

BARRY WHITE:
♪ I don't wanna feel no clothes ♪

-♪ I don't wanna see no panties ♪♪
-(stereo turns off)

What are you lookin' at?

PARTRIDGE FAMILY:
♪ Hello, world ♪

♪ Hear the song that we're singin' ♪

♪ Come on, get happy ♪

♪ A whole lotta lovin'
is what we'll be bringin' ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

♪ We had a dream
we'd go travelin' together ♪

♪ We'd spread a little lovin'
then we'd keep movin' on ♪♪

-You humiliated me.
-Oh, come on!

-You recite the exact words--
-She didn't know they were your words.

She had to know they came from me.

-You're not capable.
-Let me tell you something, John.

I'm afraid of being afraid sometimes.
I know loneliness. I'm deep--

Deep? You don't even have an outer core.
You end at the mantle.

-That's funny.
-You think this is funny?

I was sharing a--

Do you have any appreciation
of the risk here?

She's one of my very best
friends, Richard.

I could lose all of that
by making a play for her.

So why do it?

Because I love her!

Do you really?

Yeah.

You--

(chuckles) Well, I-I'm sorry.

I'm so-- I didn't--
I-I didn't mean to make fun of you.

Look-- Look--

If these are your feelings,
I guess I agree with Corretta.

Be direct with her.

Richard, I could jeopardize
our entire relationship.

Well, you have to consider
what you lose by trying.

And you have to consider
what you lose if you don't.

I'm gonna walk the plank.

Yeah. (laughing) All right.

-You all set?
-Ready.

Ally, I think I should argue this one
solo, okay?

Sure.

-Hey. Off to court?
-Oh, hey. Hey, Glenn.

-I saw that. You checked your outfit.
-I did not.

-You did too. I just saw you.
-Shh!

I have to go to the girls' room.
I'll be back in a second.

Ally--

No, I tried to talk her
into taking the offer.

Oh, no, that's not what I wanted
to talk to you about.

(thinking) Oh, boy.

Oh.

Well, wh-what is it that you
want to talk to me about?

Well, um--

I'm thinkin' that maybe I should leave.

-Oh.
-So she doesn't have to.

Well, Glenn, you know--

Ally? A second, please?
It's important.

Well, wh-what's going on?

Ally, enough of this.

I want you. You want me.
Let's just get on with business.

You know, I don't really have
time for jokes right now.

(nose whistles)

-All set?
-(whistling continues)

S-Set.

-(whistling continues)
-You looked down.

-Did not.
-(whistling continues)

(whistles twice)

Hello. (nose whistling)

They can't demonstrate any
commonality for the plaintiffs.

She's never even met the plaintiffs.

They've simply filled out questionnaires
and signed their names--

One of the reasons
we allow for class actions, Your Honor,

is some claims would be too
cost-prohibitive

to prosecute individually.

-This would clearly be such a case.
-What are the damages?

Your Honor, harassment damages are,
of course, very hard to quantify.

JUDGE WALSH:
That may be true, but what's the harm?

-Have they ever called you?
-Yes. I hang up. I don't sue over it.

Well, what about the nice people

who don't feel so comfortable
just slamming the receiver down?

Maybe your damages are
they've rendered you rude.

JUDGE WALSH: Is that the harm?
The phone companies put the plaintiffs

in the uncomfortable position
of having to be rude?

Well, I feel like I'm being
forced to argue the merits here,

and this motion isn't about the merits.

No, it's about whether 72,000 plaintiffs
should be certified as a class.

And to determine that, I have to decide
if the damages are the same.

And so far, I don't see
any real damages for anyone.

Okay. So let's just
take a step back here and--

No. I suggest you take a step forward,
Miss Shaw, and show me the damages.

-Uh-- Uh, Your Honor?
-No.

I can do this.

Mmm.

For most people,
life is about trying to cope.

We work all day and we come home,

and if you're lucky, you get a few minutes

to sit back and collect peace of mind

or have dinner with your family...

or just enjoy some privacy
and not be bothered.

And then these people call.

And they do it at dinnertime by design.

And they do it over and over and over.

Why? Because they don't care
whether they bother you.

They don't value the few seconds

that you get to maybe talk
to your child or your spouse.

So what if you've told them six times
before that you're not interested?

They think nothing of interrupting you
again and again and again.

They do it with automated voices even,
and ask you to push a button.

It's at no cost to them.
They are the phone companies.

And who cares what the cost is to you?

Your time doesn't matter-- not to them.

But do you know what, Judge?

It does matter.

Is it a huge deal? Maybe not.

But... let's just make them pay a dollar.

One lousy dollar

for every time they deliberately choose
to annoy somebody in their home.

Is that too much? One dollar?

How about 75 cents?

They make a hundred billion
dollars a year.

How about 75 cents

for willfully harassing people
at the end of the day

when they know we're tired?

You don't have to pick up
the phone, Miss Shaw.

JENNY: I know, but it will keep ringing.

And it will ring again
and again and again.

-Turn off the ringer.
-Well, suppose it's an emergency.

Suppose you're waiting
for somebody to call.

Suppose you've been waiting
and you keep waiting.

And every time you pick it up
thinking it's somebody, it's not.

It's always the damn phone company.

So, that's how it all started.

You were waiting for me to call,
and it was always the phone companies.

Don't flatter yourself.

(sighs) Jenny,

you're always the one who breaks it off.

Because you're a pig
and a schemer and a clown.

And all you care about is sports,
and you're impossible to live with.

You're impossible to be with.

You're just not impossible to love.

So should we just...

be smart about it...

and work in different law firms?

Those teenagers you date
occupy all your free time.

We'd never see each other.

You know, Ally and a former lover
worked here. They did it.

He died, but-- (inhales)

Then let's do it.

Hey, I did agree to an oral contract here.

And you-- They're not
gonna want to lose you.

Oh, really?

And why is that?

Because you have 72,000 clients.

Oh. The ruling came back,
and the judge certified the class.

-He did?
-Mm-hmm.

(both chuckle)

He still wants to take discovery
on damages, but for now...

you've got a class action
against the phone companies.

So, if you're, um,

lookin' for that second chair, I'm ready.

♪ Best of friends ♪

♪ Never part ♪

♪ Best of fools has loved forever ♪

♪ From the bottom of his heart ♪

♪ So why pretend ♪

♪ This is the end ♪

♪ You have to find out for yourself ♪

♪ Go on, ask somebody else ♪

♪ Why can't you just
get it through your head ♪

♪ It's over It's over now ♪

♪ Yes, you heard me clearly now ♪

-So they're both going to work here?
-Uh, seems so.

Thank God.

Yeah, Richard thinks
that, um, Glenn is magic.

Yes. Yes, I-I heard.

I'm gonna make a bar run.

♪ I can't take it ♪

♪ Lord, I swear I just
can't take it no more ♪

So, do you think, uh,
lovers can be friends, or vice versa?

Mmm. I don't know.

But I'll tell you what, John.

If they're lucky, they'll
come to have what we have.

Yeah. Yeah.

What-- What do we have?

Well, you know--
a true platonic friendship.

-♪♪ (slows, stops)
-You know, I don't know very many men

or very many women
who have that kind of relationship--

a healthy, autonomous relationship

without-without the pressure of sex
and-and anything more.

Yeah. Yeah, we are blessed.

We are.

-We are. We are. (babbles)
-(laughs)

Cheers.

-(sighs) Oh, hey. Hey.
-Hi.

-Hi, John.
-Oh. Hello.

-Where's Glenn?
-He said he had some surprise.

♪♪ (big band)

Oh, this is for me!

"Lady Is a Tramp."
That's what he used to call me.

"His little tramp."

-Oh.
-(mutters)

How romantic.

♪ She gets hungry ♪

-(applause)
-♪ For dinner at 8:00 ♪

♪ She loves the theater
Doesn't come late ♪

♪ She'd never bother ♪

♪ With anyone she'd hate ♪

♪ That's why the lady is a tramp ♪

♪ Doesn't like dice games ♪

♪ With barons and earls ♪

-♪ Won't go to Harlem ♪
-(mutters)

-You talk to Ally yet?
-Nah. I decided not to.

-Why not?
-Well, I just decided

it's just a little seasonal infatuation.

-Infatuation? Yesterday she was magic.
-Yeah, Richard.

Well, just drop it, all right?
I mean, I-I just--

I don't really love her.
I think it was hormones.

-Haven't you ever had a lousy hormone?
-Uh-- What's-What's goin' on?

I just don't want to go there.
I thought I did, but I don't.

-Mm-hmm.
-No.

No, I'm just-- I just--

-Yeah.
-Mm-hmm.

♪ Life without a care ♪

♪ She's broke but it's "oke" ♪

♪ She loathes California ♪

♪ It's cold and it's damp ♪

♪ That's why the lady ♪

♪ That is why the lady ♪

♪ That's why ♪

♪ Lady is a tramp ♪♪

Well, he is cute, and-and he sings.
Did I tell you that he sings?

-Three times.
-Well, Jenny still clearly loves him.

And you're not comfortable with that.

If you don't mind my asking,
why do you feel the need to protect Jenny?

Well, it's obvious--
because I used to be her.

Ah.

And what you're trying
to protect her from?

Uh-- Uh, I don't know.
Maybe-Maybe from becoming--

Who you are today?

And who am I today?

It would only be a guess.

Take it.

Somebody who desperately wants love,
but who no longer believes in it.

Hmm.

Hmm. Well, that's a-- (sighs)

pretty offensive thing to say to somebody,
not to mention hurtful.

-I'm sorry.
-Well--

Uh, do you want to fill me in
on why you think that?

Oh, I tend not to say things
my clients don't want to hear.

-It costs me business.
-I'd like to know.

All right.

You're not willing to be with a man
you think is capable of hurting you.

Oh. Really?
And-- And why do you think that?

Only you know why.

Oh, no. Well, you think it.
I want to know why you think it.

You really want that boy.

WOMAN: You stinker!