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1
00:00:58,208 --> 00:01:00,836
Falllng ln love ls beautlful
2
00:01:05,415 --> 00:01:10,250
We do it forone reason: nothlng
ln the world makes us feel so good
3
00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:12,385
-Don't!
-''Don't!''
4
00:01:12,922 --> 00:01:16,414
-That hurts!
-Poor Kate Let me make it better
5
00:01:17,961 --> 00:01:20,521
You're ugly You're ugly!
6
00:01:32,075 --> 00:01:35,533
Flrst love ls the most powerful
because no one's been hurt yet
7
00:01:35,745 --> 00:01:38,680
My flrst love was Bobby Norton
8
00:01:38,915 --> 00:01:41,611
Everythlng he dld
had a sort of maglc to it
9
00:01:41,818 --> 00:01:43,911
The way he smlled, talked
10
00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:47,112
the way he walked llke my
favorite actor,Bllly Jack
11
00:01:47,757 --> 00:01:49,816
Bobby was a movle star
12
00:02:03,973 --> 00:02:05,873
You okay?
13
00:02:06,075 --> 00:02:09,408
Maybe you shouldn't
shove so hard the next time
14
00:02:13,950 --> 00:02:16,748
My heart just got bigger
15
00:02:21,090 --> 00:02:24,753
When l do like this it looks like
you only have one eye
16
00:02:24,961 --> 00:02:26,952
Thank you
17
00:02:39,142 --> 00:02:42,703
One of the dlfferences between men
and women when it comes to love
18
00:02:42,912 --> 00:02:46,404
ls the need to tell the world
every little detall
19
00:02:46,616 --> 00:02:49,084
lf you choose to splll your guts
to someone
20
00:02:49,285 --> 00:02:51,344
just make sure
it lsn't Becky Sussman
21
00:03:00,663 --> 00:03:02,460
Bobby, are you okay?
22
00:03:02,665 --> 00:03:05,657
-How could you do it?
-What did l do?
23
00:03:05,869 --> 00:03:08,804
You told everybody
How could you do that?
24
00:03:09,005 --> 00:03:12,202
All my friends are making fun of me
And now it 's over
25
00:03:12,408 --> 00:03:14,273
lt 's over!
26
00:03:15,245 --> 00:03:16,678
Bobby!
27
00:03:18,748 --> 00:03:21,842
l'll tell you friends l was lying!
28
00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:25,913
l'll let you hit me harder!
Bobby!
29
00:03:29,325 --> 00:03:33,159
Love ls a mlnefleld We take
a step,get blown to pleces
30
00:03:33,363 --> 00:03:37,595
put yourself back together agaln
and stupldly take anotherstep
31
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,665
l guess that's human nature
32
00:03:39,869 --> 00:03:43,361
It hurts so much to be alone that
we'd rather blow up than be slngle
33
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,207
Hey, Frank
34
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:32,185
That doesn't make the elevator
go any faster, Kate
35
00:04:32,455 --> 00:04:35,982
l know, but it makes me feel
more involved
36
00:04:36,292 --> 00:04:38,726
-Are you angry?
-No Why?
37
00:04:38,928 --> 00:04:41,396
l just heard single women
38
00:04:41,597 --> 00:04:44,191
tend to be 8 times angrier
than married women
39
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:48,097
Maybe you should write an article
about it, since you're not married
40
00:04:48,738 --> 00:04:50,899
l would, but
41
00:04:51,107 --> 00:04:56,568
l'm writing about married bald guys
who can't get hard without Viagra
42
00:05:27,877 --> 00:05:30,141
-You're late
-l know
43
00:05:30,380 --> 00:05:33,076
-Not a good day to be late
-Why not?
44
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,509
Because the Anti-Christ
is really pissed at you
45
00:05:35,718 --> 00:05:38,414
She wants to see you
in her office right now
46
00:05:38,621 --> 00:05:42,113
-God Why?
-l'm not supposed to say
47
00:05:46,662 --> 00:05:49,187
-Do you have any stretch marks?
-Not yet
48
00:05:49,399 --> 00:05:52,391
Damn! l have a deadline
on my Vitamin E piece
49
00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:57,062
That bitch in accounting won't talk
Anybody here have stretch marks?
50
00:05:59,876 --> 00:06:01,901
Sit down
51
00:06:06,182 --> 00:06:08,013
God!
52
00:06:08,251 --> 00:06:12,950
Don't get old, Kate
Old is ugly, ugly is death
53
00:06:16,192 --> 00:06:17,557
-You're fired
-What?
54
00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:22,823
Get me Leo Was this a joke? Were
you planning to turn in this thing?
55
00:06:23,032 --> 00:06:25,364
You said l should make
the article my own, so l did
56
00:06:26,836 --> 00:06:29,964
Kate, this is a step-by-step
description of sucking cock
57
00:06:30,173 --> 00:06:33,336
-Yeah, l called it ''Blow by Blow''
-Very clever
58
00:06:33,609 --> 00:06:37,670
''When life sucks, so should you
Oral sex can cure depression''
59
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,745
What the fuck were you thinking?
60
00:06:39,949 --> 00:06:43,885
Maybe the title is a little harsh
But l found a great hook, no?
61
00:06:44,554 --> 00:06:48,786
l meant you should draw from your
own experiences and relationships
62
00:06:48,991 --> 00:06:50,424
That 's what l did
63
00:06:50,626 --> 00:06:54,653
l know ten times more about blow
jobs than l do about relationships
64
00:06:54,864 --> 00:06:57,355
l failed at every relationship
l've ever been in
65
00:06:57,633 --> 00:07:00,363
l don't know about your personal
life, and l don't give a shit
66
00:07:00,570 --> 00:07:03,004
The point is,
our readers still have hope
67
00:07:03,206 --> 00:07:06,232
This is called Monique Magazine
My name is at stake here
68
00:07:06,442 --> 00:07:08,808
lt is not called ''Tired Old
Jaded Dicksucker Review''
69
00:07:09,278 --> 00:07:13,044
What if Mary writes the piece
on perfect relationships
70
00:07:13,249 --> 00:07:16,776
and l do the thing on stretch marks?
l know tons of people with them
71
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:24,626
l'm gonna be completely
honest with you
72
00:07:24,827 --> 00:07:27,352
l can't cope with being fired
73
00:07:27,563 --> 00:07:31,260
This is the only thing in my
entire life l haven't failed at
74
00:07:31,467 --> 00:07:34,027
l can do the assignment,
l know l can
75
00:07:34,237 --> 00:07:37,138
Can you finish 2,5OO happy,
perky words by deadline tonight?
76
00:07:37,673 --> 00:07:40,471
-Absolutely
-Then you are temporarily unfired
77
00:07:40,676 --> 00:07:41,973
Now get the fuck out of here
78
00:07:49,152 --> 00:07:51,120
Shit! Shit!
79
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,515
So were you fired?
80
00:07:54,290 --> 00:07:56,315
Not yet
81
00:07:56,626 --> 00:08:00,357
Somebody made a copy
of your article and circulated it
82
00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:02,394
Pretty good
83
00:08:02,598 --> 00:08:05,089
So you use your hands?
84
00:08:19,048 --> 00:08:23,417
Happy, perky notes
85
00:08:24,053 --> 00:08:27,784
on how to find and keep
that perfect man
86
00:08:36,032 --> 00:08:38,330
We allwant to be loved
87
00:08:38,534 --> 00:08:42,664
It doesn't matter by whom,as long
as they make us feel less alone
88
00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:46,700
What makes a relatlonshlp
last forever?
89
00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:51,406
lf l knew the answer,lwouldn't
be llvlng alone with my fourcats
90
00:08:58,554 --> 00:09:01,614
They say you have to klss
a lot of frogs to get to the prlnce
91
00:09:01,824 --> 00:09:05,487
Rlchard MlItnerwas the most
borlng frog l ever dated
92
00:09:05,695 --> 00:09:08,186
But sometlmes you just
have to get out of the house
93
00:09:08,397 --> 00:09:11,195
You know,
masculine and feminine
94
00:09:12,568 --> 00:09:15,002
We lucked out pretty good
95
00:09:15,204 --> 00:09:18,002
My mother's corns
aren't usually this bad
96
00:09:18,207 --> 00:09:21,768
Lucky for us she wasn't able to walk
well enough to come to the show
97
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:24,845
lt 's haunting, don't you think?
98
00:09:25,281 --> 00:09:27,408
What?
99
00:09:27,617 --> 00:09:29,710
The paintings
They're pretty disturbing
100
00:09:32,388 --> 00:09:35,414
-You think?
-lf l had a kid
101
00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:38,093
l definitely wouldn't put
one of these up his bedroom
102
00:09:39,562 --> 00:09:41,689
Unless l hated him
103
00:09:42,198 --> 00:09:45,690
My father would've hung
stuff like that from my ceilings
104
00:09:46,269 --> 00:09:49,796
He hated me
My mother hated me too
105
00:09:50,873 --> 00:09:55,037
She used to tell me l was dying
of cancer when l was four
106
00:09:56,879 --> 00:09:59,939
lt always sent me in depressions,
which is exactly what she wanted
107
00:10:00,149 --> 00:10:02,413
because then l wouldn't ask her
to make me lunch
108
00:10:02,918 --> 00:10:05,580
She hated it when l bugged her
for food or stuff
109
00:10:09,425 --> 00:10:11,893
-Would you like a champagne?
-What?
110
00:10:12,328 --> 00:10:14,353
A champagne, would you like one?
111
00:10:14,563 --> 00:10:17,031
Yeah, absolutely
112
00:10:30,446 --> 00:10:32,778
Are you looking for me?
113
00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:38,217
l wasn't really looking for anyone
114
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:41,379
Do you mind if l talk to you
for a minute?
115
00:10:41,857 --> 00:10:43,620
Sure
116
00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:46,285
ln the corner
117
00:10:46,495 --> 00:10:48,963
-ln the corner?
-l don't like the middle of rooms
118
00:10:49,165 --> 00:10:52,464
Just come with me to the corner
No one's behind you in the corner
119
00:11:03,813 --> 00:11:06,475
-Who's the guy you're with?
-What guy?
120
00:11:06,682 --> 00:11:09,173
Richard? He's a stand-up comedian
121
00:11:09,385 --> 00:11:11,751
He seems funny
ls he your boyfriend?
122
00:11:11,954 --> 00:11:15,481
Richard? No He's 3O years old
and lives with his mother
123
00:11:16,392 --> 00:11:18,326
So what do you think
of the paintings?
124
00:11:18,527 --> 00:11:20,859
l love the style, but l think
they're a little immature
125
00:11:21,130 --> 00:11:23,963
lmmature? What makes you say that?
126
00:11:24,166 --> 00:11:25,963
Look at that one over there
127
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,700
-What the hell does it mean?
-That?
128
00:11:29,905 --> 00:11:34,171
That means there's a woman pulling
a severed head out of her ass
129
00:11:34,977 --> 00:11:37,605
What 's the point?
What do l learn from it?
130
00:11:38,147 --> 00:11:42,345
Maybe that 's it There's no point
You don't have to learn anything
131
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:45,212
l wonder what the artist looks like
132
00:11:45,421 --> 00:11:47,889
He must be scary to make this shit
133
00:11:48,090 --> 00:11:52,720
Maybe he has a highly developed
dark side you don't understand
134
00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:57,190
So how long did it take you
to paint that one?
135
00:12:03,205 --> 00:12:06,436
Gosh, there you are
l've been looking all over for you
136
00:12:06,709 --> 00:12:09,940
You are a doll
Look at this! Thank you
137
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:12,376
Richard, Adam Levy
138
00:12:15,084 --> 00:12:19,521
-You're the artist
-You're the lucky guy
139
00:12:19,855 --> 00:12:23,291
We were just getting around
to discussing our future children
140
00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:25,722
Right, but l don't think you're
gonna have a future together
141
00:12:26,762 --> 00:12:31,028
-l'm sorry Excuse me?
-You'd need to see the person again
142
00:12:31,233 --> 00:12:33,428
You're not gonna be seeing her
anymore 'cause she's my girlfriend
143
00:12:33,636 --> 00:12:35,570
-What?
-What?
144
00:12:35,771 --> 00:12:37,932
When we laid eyes on each other
145
00:12:38,140 --> 00:12:42,201
we had this spark Right?
146
00:12:42,478 --> 00:12:44,412
-Kate
-lsn't that right, Kate?
147
00:12:44,613 --> 00:12:46,012
No, actually
148
00:12:46,816 --> 00:12:48,613
ls this some kind of joke?
149
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:52,116
No, but this is:
two guys walk into a bar
150
00:12:52,455 --> 00:12:56,721
One guy is a 3O-year-old stand-up
comedian who lives with his mother
151
00:12:59,328 --> 00:13:02,525
Could we go now, please?
152
00:13:07,803 --> 00:13:11,534
You know, it is women like you
who turn men into weirdoes
153
00:13:12,141 --> 00:13:15,338
Don't bother Once l've been hurt,
there's no turning back
154
00:13:18,981 --> 00:13:22,178
That wasn't cool l made it weird
155
00:13:22,418 --> 00:13:24,943
-You shouldn't have done that
-l know
156
00:13:27,590 --> 00:13:28,921
So where should we eat?
157
00:13:43,539 --> 00:13:46,508
You are without a doubt the tallest
woman l've ever met in my life
158
00:13:48,043 --> 00:13:49,943
Really?
159
00:13:51,046 --> 00:13:53,981
l've been noticing you have
these
160
00:13:54,183 --> 00:13:56,583
long ET fingers
161
00:13:57,786 --> 00:13:59,981
Like a tree frog
162
00:14:02,525 --> 00:14:05,790
My God! How big?
163
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:08,253
-Size 11
-Size 11?
164
00:14:08,464 --> 00:14:09,988
-Yeah, size 11
-Woman's size 11?
165
00:14:10,199 --> 00:14:12,326
ls this some kind of artist thing?
Focusing on people's flaws?
166
00:14:13,035 --> 00:14:16,095
l don't see them as flaws,
but as God's artistic choices
167
00:14:16,305 --> 00:14:19,763
l guess God decided to give you
this abnormally large head
168
00:14:21,544 --> 00:14:25,139
You know what 's different?
You're being shitty and mean
169
00:14:25,347 --> 00:14:28,578
And l was celebrating
your body, who you are
170
00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:31,014
-You were celebrating my body?
-l was
171
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:35,679
-l like this part normally
-What part is that?
172
00:14:35,891 --> 00:14:38,883
When it 's new, you know
You can ask all the fun questions
173
00:14:39,261 --> 00:14:41,525
-Right
-Let me first
174
00:14:42,898 --> 00:14:46,129
What 's you relationship like
with your dad?
175
00:14:46,535 --> 00:14:48,230
My dad's dead
176
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:51,462
He was hit by a car in front of me
when l was six
177
00:14:51,674 --> 00:14:54,040
God l'm so sorry
178
00:14:54,243 --> 00:14:56,711
Just kidding We get along great
179
00:14:57,813 --> 00:14:59,906
-Any brothers and sisters?
-lt 's my turn
180
00:15:00,115 --> 00:15:02,379
l took your turn away
Any brothers or sisters?
181
00:15:02,585 --> 00:15:05,577
Three older brothers How many
women have you slept with?
182
00:15:06,589 --> 00:15:10,184
-Excuse me?
-l know you've counted How many?
183
00:15:10,392 --> 00:15:14,453
-How many men have you slept with?
-Not that many 13
184
00:15:15,130 --> 00:15:16,859
13?
185
00:15:17,733 --> 00:15:20,668
As like 13 different guys?
186
00:15:20,869 --> 00:15:24,202
Spread out over the years,
that 's not so many
187
00:15:24,773 --> 00:15:27,606
Aren't you gonna
answer the question?
188
00:15:29,445 --> 00:15:32,039
2 Okay?
189
00:15:33,415 --> 00:15:35,906
-2? That 's it?
-That 's it
190
00:15:36,118 --> 00:15:39,519
Some of us actually believe
in having full relationships
191
00:15:39,722 --> 00:15:42,953
l believe in relationships
Mine just happen to be short ones
192
00:15:44,660 --> 00:15:47,561
l'm sorry you're like a whore
193
00:15:50,299 --> 00:15:53,200
-Excuse me?
-13! Jesus Christ!
194
00:15:53,402 --> 00:15:55,302
Give me a break!
195
00:15:56,839 --> 00:15:59,831
-Were you popular in high school?
-What do you think?
196
00:16:02,011 --> 00:16:04,605
-l guess that 's a no
-l don't need this shit
197
00:16:04,813 --> 00:16:07,043
l was very popular in high school
198
00:16:07,249 --> 00:16:11,413
l was an artist, l used to draw all
the pretty girls, made them better
199
00:16:11,620 --> 00:16:13,349
They all loved me
200
00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:16,285
They didn't sleep with me,
but they loved me
201
00:16:16,492 --> 00:16:18,926
How about you?
202
00:16:19,128 --> 00:16:21,460
You must 've been
real popular with that attitude
203
00:16:22,531 --> 00:16:25,432
No, l had huge buck teeth
and bony knees
204
00:16:25,634 --> 00:16:29,502
And l slouched to hide the fact
l hadn't grown any boobs yet
205
00:16:29,938 --> 00:16:32,566
And my hair was all stringy
and everybody called me Horseface
206
00:16:32,775 --> 00:16:34,936
Horseface? lt suits you
207
00:16:35,344 --> 00:16:37,005
-You think so?
-l like it
208
00:16:37,212 --> 00:16:39,703
-You like it?
-What was your longest kiss?
209
00:16:40,983 --> 00:16:42,883
The longest kiss?
210
00:16:43,285 --> 00:16:45,685
Don't, it 'll just make me jealous
211
00:16:45,888 --> 00:16:48,857
Just make sure this one's longer
212
00:16:55,497 --> 00:16:58,295
Adam was unllke
any guy I'd ever know
213
00:16:58,834 --> 00:17:00,802
We were lnstant best frlends
214
00:17:01,003 --> 00:17:04,336
Two people who understood each
other without havlng to say a word
215
00:17:05,174 --> 00:17:07,904
It wasn't llke that at all
ln my flrst relatlonshlp
216
00:17:10,045 --> 00:17:15,005
lwas a bad ldea to glve up my
vlrglnity to my French teacher
217
00:17:20,656 --> 00:17:24,023
lf two people want to be
a couple of them
218
00:17:24,226 --> 00:17:28,686
it is good when they are making love
with each other, they feel nice
219
00:17:28,897 --> 00:17:31,365
-What?
-Let 's make love
220
00:17:33,502 --> 00:17:36,994
We will, Mr Bossard
l promise
221
00:17:37,806 --> 00:17:42,106
l don't think l can tonight though
l'm not really ready yet
222
00:17:42,444 --> 00:17:47,108
Because you feel we don't have
the quality of life together
223
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:50,342
-l am sad for this
-What?
224
00:17:50,552 --> 00:17:54,113
Let 's make love, cheri, please
l am waiting for so long
225
00:17:55,023 --> 00:17:57,890
-Will it hurt?
-Do not be scary
226
00:17:58,093 --> 00:18:01,927
-l am there for you needing me
-What?
227
00:18:12,307 --> 00:18:14,502
Mr Bossard
228
00:18:14,710 --> 00:18:17,338
are you doing it?
229
00:18:17,546 --> 00:18:21,277
l can't believe it lt 's supposed to hurt
230
00:18:21,483 --> 00:18:24,213
Maybe it 's because l've ridden
horses all my life
231
00:18:24,419 --> 00:18:27,047
Are you smaller than most guys?
232
00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:34,460
My older man daddy phase
contlnued on rlght lnto college
233
00:18:34,663 --> 00:18:37,655
lwas not a very evolved person
by the tlme l ran lnto Erlc
234
00:18:45,140 --> 00:18:48,007
-Are you okay?
-Are you blind? Out of your mind?
235
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:51,202
What is wrong with you?
This is a brand new car!
236
00:18:51,413 --> 00:18:54,075
You could've killed me!
What are you doing?
237
00:18:55,250 --> 00:18:58,686
-l said l'm sorry, alright?
-This is a US$ 5OO shirt!
238
00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:01,321
-l didn't see you
-You didn't see me?
239
00:19:01,523 --> 00:19:05,960
-Were you painting you toenails?
-Listen, fuckface! l didn't see you!
240
00:19:06,295 --> 00:19:07,887
l didn't wake up this morning
and go
241
00:19:08,096 --> 00:19:12,157
''Today is the day l'm gonna crash
into some fucking uptight yuppie!''
242
00:19:12,367 --> 00:19:14,528
You know what, lady? Fuck you!
243
00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:16,465
Fuck you!
244
00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:20,037
Shit! Fuck!
245
00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:23,704
-There! You see that?
-How's that?
246
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:27,347
-Take that!
-Okay, break it up!
247
00:19:27,549 --> 00:19:29,676
-Officer, l
-Shut up! Hands behind your back!
248
00:19:29,885 --> 00:19:32,319
-Hit him with your big stick!
-You! Get up there!
249
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:38,822
-We got off on the wrong foot
-What?
250
00:19:39,027 --> 00:19:41,393
You just destroyed my car!
251
00:19:41,630 --> 00:19:45,532
l'm sorry about that
Maybe we could start over again
252
00:19:46,168 --> 00:19:49,831
You got any plans for dinner
tonight after we make bail?
253
00:19:54,676 --> 00:19:57,338
So this is where writers hang out?
254
00:20:00,015 --> 00:20:01,073
What do you write about?
255
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:04,252
l'm working on a novel between
my journalism classes at UCLA
256
00:20:05,587 --> 00:20:07,418
A novel?
257
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:09,557
-What 's it about?
-Death
258
00:20:11,994 --> 00:20:14,155
That sounds interesting
259
00:20:15,597 --> 00:20:18,088
So what do you do?
260
00:20:18,367 --> 00:20:21,200
l work a lot with
Big Red-Ass Monkeys
261
00:20:22,504 --> 00:20:26,065
lt 's a band You know, the band?
262
00:20:26,341 --> 00:20:29,674
''Big Red-Ass Monkeys are here''
l direct music videos
263
00:20:29,878 --> 00:20:32,870
lsn't that the one where the naked
girl swims with a chimp?
264
00:20:34,049 --> 00:20:35,710
Ape Great ape
265
00:20:35,918 --> 00:20:39,615
Right l guess chimps don't have
those big red asses
266
00:20:40,455 --> 00:20:42,252
l don't know, l never checked
267
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,496
Do you think
maybe l could kiss you?
268
00:20:55,871 --> 00:20:58,669
-Maybe later
-Maybe later when?
269
00:20:58,874 --> 00:21:01,934
Maybe later like 5 seconds
270
00:21:02,244 --> 00:21:06,442
5, 4, 3, 2
271
00:21:58,767 --> 00:22:01,361
l hate when that happens
272
00:22:03,038 --> 00:22:06,007
A toast to our
three-week anniversary
273
00:22:11,613 --> 00:22:14,707
l think this is the longest
relationship l've ever been in
274
00:22:14,950 --> 00:22:19,216
Well, not counting Mr Bossard,
which lasted one semester
275
00:22:19,721 --> 00:22:22,690
-Did l ever tell you?
-Don't mention your French teacher
276
00:22:22,891 --> 00:22:25,189
lt really disturbs me
277
00:22:26,194 --> 00:22:30,062
-Good
-And your last relationship?
278
00:22:30,732 --> 00:22:34,429
-God What about it?
-How long was it again?
279
00:22:34,936 --> 00:22:38,235
-Five miserable years
-What did you have in common?
280
00:22:40,342 --> 00:22:42,037
Nothing
281
00:22:42,244 --> 00:22:44,474
What do we have in common?
282
00:22:44,679 --> 00:22:47,273
-We have a lot in common
-Like what?
283
00:22:50,919 --> 00:22:54,150
Like, how many people do you know
284
00:22:54,356 --> 00:22:57,257
who have sex in public places?
285
00:22:58,026 --> 00:23:00,961
Every guy l've ever met
286
00:23:02,264 --> 00:23:05,529
Good morning You know
what day today is, don't you?
287
00:23:05,734 --> 00:23:09,261
Sunday morning My turn
288
00:23:10,305 --> 00:23:14,935
-l thought it was my turn
-Nope lt 's my turn
289
00:23:18,647 --> 00:23:21,844
You know what?
This game is idiotic
290
00:23:22,050 --> 00:23:25,019
-lt 's not spontaneous
-That 's not true
291
00:23:25,220 --> 00:23:28,553
Scheduled spontaneity is the key
to long-term love
292
00:23:32,594 --> 00:23:34,687
Don't look so happy
293
00:23:35,530 --> 00:23:37,964
l like Sundays
294
00:23:40,769 --> 00:23:42,794
Careful, careful
295
00:23:48,910 --> 00:23:50,707
l'm not getting that
296
00:23:50,912 --> 00:23:53,676
They can wait Come on
297
00:23:54,683 --> 00:23:58,619
-Get it or you're not getting it
-l can't get it
298
00:24:01,022 --> 00:24:02,512
Alright
299
00:24:04,159 --> 00:24:06,150
l'll be back
300
00:24:10,398 --> 00:24:12,992
Don't lose your
concentration, okay?
301
00:24:14,136 --> 00:24:16,297
Where you going?
302
00:24:16,505 --> 00:24:19,963
Now you want some, don't you?
Hold that thought, okay?
303
00:24:20,575 --> 00:24:22,702
Daddy!
304
00:24:24,379 --> 00:24:28,076
-Guess what l did at Kiddieland?
-We're gonna go Come with Mommy
305
00:24:28,283 --> 00:24:32,379
lt 's not what it looks like,
l'll explain Nell, wait! Nell!
306
00:24:33,989 --> 00:24:36,958
Kate, l can explain!
307
00:24:37,192 --> 00:24:39,057
Will you come back?
308
00:24:39,895 --> 00:24:41,362
Will you stop? Stop!
309
00:24:41,563 --> 00:24:45,260
-What are you?
-l understand how you feel
310
00:24:45,467 --> 00:24:48,698
You have no idea how anyone feels
You're a social climber!
311
00:24:48,904 --> 00:24:52,567
-l'm planning on getting a divorce
-Don't ever touch me again!
312
00:24:53,675 --> 00:24:55,643
-Kate!
-Daddy!
313
00:24:58,146 --> 00:25:00,080
Even when bad relatlonshlps end
314
00:25:00,282 --> 00:25:03,479
the paln can be severe enough
to screw you up foryears
315
00:25:03,685 --> 00:25:06,381
We all plck up a little baggage
afterevery breakup
316
00:25:06,588 --> 00:25:09,182
The hope ls that when the bags
start to accumulate
317
00:25:09,391 --> 00:25:12,258
we're stlll able to drag them
lnto the next relatlonshlp
318
00:25:12,527 --> 00:25:15,018
Fortunately when Adam and l
moved ln together
319
00:25:15,230 --> 00:25:17,255
my carry-on baggage
was falrly llght
320
00:25:20,368 --> 00:25:24,168
-Let 's put that one in the bedroom
-l was gonna put ''Paul's Entrails''
321
00:25:24,372 --> 00:25:26,363
lt 's better for the bathroom
322
00:25:26,575 --> 00:25:28,873
lf you want to be obvious
323
00:25:29,077 --> 00:25:31,272
Okay, whatever you want
324
00:25:35,250 --> 00:25:38,083
-l love you, Horseface
-l love you too
325
00:25:38,286 --> 00:25:41,915
l mean l love you more than
l've ever loved anybody ever
326
00:25:42,991 --> 00:25:45,118
in my life
327
00:25:46,895 --> 00:25:48,760
Where are you going?
328
00:25:53,501 --> 00:25:54,900
God
329
00:25:55,103 --> 00:25:57,833
-Say it
-Why do you want me to say it again?
330
00:25:58,039 --> 00:26:00,405
Because it was cute And l want
that cute moment saved forever
331
00:26:00,742 --> 00:26:05,008
lt 's gonna sound forced
And l'm irritated Could we just?
332
00:26:05,213 --> 00:26:07,773
-Just say it
-l love you
333
00:26:09,117 --> 00:26:12,052
-Horseface!
-l love you, Horseface
334
00:26:12,254 --> 00:26:14,085
l love you too Now strip
335
00:26:14,289 --> 00:26:16,348
-Strip?
-Strip
336
00:26:16,558 --> 00:26:19,550
-Put the toy away and we'll
-Come on
337
00:26:20,028 --> 00:26:22,155
-Don't poke the bear in the zoo
-Come on
338
00:26:22,364 --> 00:26:24,525
-Don't poke the bear in the zoo
-Take it off Come on
339
00:26:24,733 --> 00:26:26,564
-Don't poke the bear in the zoo
-Whip it out
340
00:27:18,386 --> 00:27:21,981
When you flnally share your lonely
bed with the one you love
341
00:27:22,190 --> 00:27:24,920
llfe just doesn't get any better
342
00:27:27,996 --> 00:27:32,160
-That was not me
-Stop Stop it
343
00:27:33,735 --> 00:27:37,171
That was the first time you
That was your first fart
344
00:27:37,372 --> 00:27:40,364
That was your first fart
You do love me
345
00:27:40,575 --> 00:27:42,270
Don't blame it on me
346
00:27:42,477 --> 00:27:45,275
That was so cute
You're embarrassed
347
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,971
Come here No woman has ever
farted in front of me before
348
00:28:40,301 --> 00:28:42,531
Hi
349
00:28:48,777 --> 00:28:51,075
-Hi
-What?
350
00:28:51,613 --> 00:28:54,013
-What?
-Why are you smiling like that?
351
00:28:54,382 --> 00:28:57,010
lt 's our one-year anniversary
You should be smiling too
352
00:28:59,487 --> 00:29:01,250
l guess so
353
00:29:01,756 --> 00:29:05,192
Come here Come on
354
00:29:05,393 --> 00:29:08,885
No, come here
Are you a grouchy little bunny?
355
00:29:12,033 --> 00:29:14,968
l'm taking you to some place
very special today
356
00:29:15,170 --> 00:29:17,604
-Where?
-lt 's a surprise
357
00:29:17,972 --> 00:29:20,304
Go fill me the tub
and l'll take you
358
00:29:20,508 --> 00:29:24,774
-Now, in the middle of the day?
-l feel very dirty l need a tub
359
00:29:25,046 --> 00:29:26,570
Forget it
360
00:29:26,781 --> 00:29:31,275
Can you just fill me a tub?
Come on, you big grouch, just go
361
00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:35,788
My God, it 's like pulling teeth
with you to get anything
362
00:29:39,027 --> 00:29:40,654
My God!
363
00:29:43,965 --> 00:29:46,832
Are you insane? What are we
gonna do with all these kittens?
364
00:29:47,035 --> 00:29:49,265
l don't know
Make stew, l figured
365
00:29:50,071 --> 00:29:53,939
What are they doing in there?
They like you, obviously
366
00:29:54,142 --> 00:29:55,871
This one's Louie,
this one's Murray
367
00:29:56,144 --> 00:29:59,272
This is Steve and
this is Mordecai
368
00:30:00,682 --> 00:30:03,150
l got them from
the Chinese restaurant
369
00:30:04,052 --> 00:30:05,713
Hi, Mommy
370
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:08,445
Hello Aren't l cute?
371
00:30:08,656 --> 00:30:11,386
Hi You are my new mommy now
372
00:30:13,528 --> 00:30:17,464
Bet the other 13 guys you slept with
didn't get you a litter of kitties
373
00:30:17,932 --> 00:30:20,662
l'm pregnant
374
00:30:21,536 --> 00:30:26,633
-You're really?
-l took a test and it turned pink
375
00:30:27,675 --> 00:30:30,405
Pink? lsn't it supposed
to be like a plus sign?
376
00:30:31,312 --> 00:30:35,009
Believe me, l know how to pee
on a stick and read directions
377
00:30:38,419 --> 00:30:42,378
-l thought we were being safe
-Yeah, not safe enough
378
00:30:44,425 --> 00:30:48,555
-God, we hardly know each other
-We know each other
379
00:30:48,763 --> 00:30:50,924
l just don't know if l'm ready
to be a mother, Adam
380
00:30:51,132 --> 00:30:55,432
l'm too confused, too immature,
too messy
381
00:30:55,937 --> 00:31:00,271
What about abortion? Did you ever
think about that
382
00:31:00,475 --> 00:31:01,874
possibility?
383
00:31:06,414 --> 00:31:09,383
l just never thought this
would happen to me
384
00:31:09,617 --> 00:31:12,745
-l don't know what to do
-Here, come here
385
00:31:13,521 --> 00:31:18,458
Don't worry A lot of people think
it 's the world's greatest present
386
00:31:19,260 --> 00:31:22,787
-What do you think?
-l'll tell you what l think:
387
00:31:22,997 --> 00:31:27,798
that our baby would be the cutest
thing walking in poo-poo pants
388
00:31:29,671 --> 00:31:31,366
Are you scared?
389
00:31:31,573 --> 00:31:35,407
Of what? Of doing the most
natural thing in the world?
390
00:31:35,944 --> 00:31:40,404
Of bringing a gorgeous little
brilliant genius into the world?
391
00:31:40,615 --> 00:31:42,480
No l wouldn't be scared
392
00:31:42,684 --> 00:31:46,051
What if it wasn't a gorgeous genius?
What if it was an ugly little troll?
393
00:31:46,754 --> 00:31:49,052
l guess we just have to pray to God
394
00:31:49,257 --> 00:31:52,784
that the baby takes after me
395
00:31:54,295 --> 00:31:57,287
We could name it Ned,
after my grandfather
396
00:31:57,498 --> 00:32:00,524
-What if it 's a little girl?
-Nedina, we'll call it
397
00:32:00,868 --> 00:32:05,202
This one needs to be changed l want
you to practice to be a good mommy
398
00:32:06,407 --> 00:32:09,604
God, my stomach is huge!
399
00:32:10,545 --> 00:32:12,570
l look like Buddha
400
00:32:12,780 --> 00:32:15,510
You're the same as always
401
00:32:15,750 --> 00:32:18,150
So l've always had a Buddha gut?
402
00:32:18,353 --> 00:32:22,289
Calm down You've been pregnant
a month The baby's too small
403
00:32:22,490 --> 00:32:26,654
-Soon you'll look like a Volkswagen
-You have an abnormally large head
404
00:32:27,629 --> 00:32:29,529
Come on, Horseface, get over here
405
00:32:29,998 --> 00:32:31,522
Come on
406
00:32:34,335 --> 00:32:36,599
Let 's see what we got here
407
00:32:39,707 --> 00:32:42,175
Ned wants a womb with a view
408
00:32:42,377 --> 00:32:43,674
Ned's not very funny
409
00:32:43,878 --> 00:32:47,780
Well, Ned's just a fetus
We should cut Ned a little slack
410
00:32:50,118 --> 00:32:53,315
And l think you're
more beautiful than ever
411
00:33:32,260 --> 00:33:34,922
Are you okay, baby?
412
00:33:37,965 --> 00:33:42,834
Are you okay?
What 's wrong?
413
00:33:46,207 --> 00:33:48,903
l'm bleeding
414
00:33:49,177 --> 00:33:51,839
Something's wrong
415
00:33:52,580 --> 00:33:54,844
Something is going wrong
416
00:33:55,049 --> 00:33:57,017
Get up Get up
417
00:33:57,652 --> 00:33:59,643
Where's your robe, baby?
418
00:33:59,854 --> 00:34:01,879
-Where's your robe?
-l don't know
419
00:34:36,524 --> 00:34:39,288
Do you think it 's possible
to love the same person forever?
420
00:34:39,494 --> 00:34:42,463
-Sure Don't you?
-l don't know
421
00:34:42,663 --> 00:34:45,860
l haven't seen a relationship that
didn't end one way or another
422
00:34:46,067 --> 00:34:48,797
What about your parents?
They've been together for 35 years
423
00:34:49,003 --> 00:34:53,838
They live together, but they haven't
said ''l love you'' for 2O years
424
00:34:54,041 --> 00:34:57,636
Maybe that 's human nature You spend
that much time around a person
425
00:34:57,845 --> 00:35:02,373
saying ''l love you'' is probably like
saying ''cheese sandwich''
426
00:35:02,784 --> 00:35:05,275
God, l hope not
427
00:35:06,587 --> 00:35:08,748
Katie
428
00:35:09,590 --> 00:35:15,688
-l cheese sandwich you
-l cheese sandwich you too
429
00:35:28,276 --> 00:35:31,643
The longeryou're with someone,
the more annoylng they'll become
430
00:35:31,846 --> 00:35:36,112
You'll become annoylng too So lf
you want perfectlon all the tlme
431
00:35:36,317 --> 00:35:38,683
don't bother havlng
a relatlonshlp
432
00:35:38,886 --> 00:35:40,751
Did you see that little old lady?
433
00:35:42,056 --> 00:35:47,221
-Didn't she look sad and lonely?
-l didn't look l need some shoes
434
00:35:47,461 --> 00:35:49,622
Her eyes were so hollow
435
00:35:49,831 --> 00:35:52,698
Old people have hollow eyes
Especially old women
436
00:35:52,900 --> 00:35:54,663
-What?
-Can we go in here?
437
00:35:54,869 --> 00:35:57,429
What do you mean,
especially old women?
438
00:35:58,406 --> 00:36:01,705
-Women don't age as well as men
-How could you say that?
439
00:36:01,943 --> 00:36:04,309
How many 5O-year-old women
do you see with 2O-year-old guys?
440
00:36:04,545 --> 00:36:07,708
That 's a societal double standard
lt 's got nothing to do with facts
441
00:36:08,416 --> 00:36:11,180
Who looks better,
Sean Connery or Shelley Winters?
442
00:36:12,820 --> 00:36:15,653
lt 's nature Men have thicker skin
That 's why women wrinkle more
443
00:36:15,857 --> 00:36:19,520
-Shut up
-You're afraid to become obsolete
444
00:36:19,727 --> 00:36:23,219
At a certain age men start to notice
younger girls lt freaks you out
445
00:36:24,532 --> 00:36:27,330
Well, you're going bald!
446
00:36:29,103 --> 00:36:32,834
l have the keys!
Where are you going?
447
00:36:42,750 --> 00:36:45,014
l've got one What do you have?
448
00:36:45,219 --> 00:36:47,983
This with topless female ninjas
449
00:36:49,023 --> 00:36:51,389
Let 's just get one 'Cause
we'll forget to return them
450
00:36:51,592 --> 00:36:54,186
and it will be 8OO dollars
for two movies
451
00:36:54,395 --> 00:36:57,091
-And which one do you want?
-''Nosferatu''
452
00:36:57,398 --> 00:37:00,094
You've seen it 5O times,
and every time you get depressed
453
00:37:00,334 --> 00:37:03,565
l like being depressed lt makes
me feel deep and introspective
454
00:37:03,771 --> 00:37:06,968
Wanna see what this is about?
Maybe you might like it
455
00:37:07,241 --> 00:37:10,369
''Nasty naked ninjettes infiltrates
the mob and take over little ltaly
456
00:37:10,578 --> 00:37:13,809
nunchacking their way to Mafia
Don Guido Mantucci''
457
00:37:14,248 --> 00:37:16,546
That sounds incredible
458
00:37:16,751 --> 00:37:18,548
Why do you have to do it?
459
00:37:18,753 --> 00:37:21,347
You think l wanna go home
and snuggle
460
00:37:21,555 --> 00:37:24,080
and read subtitles and
watch in black and white?
461
00:37:24,292 --> 00:37:27,659
Can't we ever go to a goddamn
video store and not argue?
462
00:37:27,862 --> 00:37:29,727
Not as long as you have
such shitty taste in movies
463
00:37:29,931 --> 00:37:33,423
lt 's not true! How can you not
appreciate German Expressionism?
464
00:37:33,634 --> 00:37:35,124
-l love German Expressionism
-Right
465
00:37:35,336 --> 00:37:38,032
What l don't like is what you turn
into when you watch that movie
466
00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:41,731
You get all fixated on death
''l'm gonna die, you're gonna die''
467
00:37:41,943 --> 00:37:45,242
Fine You watch your stupid titty
movie, l'll watch my death movie
468
00:37:45,446 --> 00:37:48,006
-You return yours, l'll return mine
-Fine
469
00:37:51,652 --> 00:37:55,179
lt 's her birthday
One of these should be free
470
00:37:57,024 --> 00:37:58,355
Romance
471
00:37:58,559 --> 00:38:01,722
The most lmportant part of keeplng
a good relatlonshlp golng
472
00:38:01,929 --> 00:38:06,298
Be sure to treasure each one of
those moments together ln bed
473
00:38:06,634 --> 00:38:09,262
We haven't had sex in a while
474
00:38:10,104 --> 00:38:12,629
We haven't had sex
in like three weeks
475
00:38:13,841 --> 00:38:16,071
You're not even listening to me
476
00:38:16,277 --> 00:38:17,835
No, l wasn't
477
00:38:18,045 --> 00:38:20,809
l said we haven't had sex
in like three weeks
478
00:38:21,215 --> 00:38:24,582
Maybe it 's because you clip
your toenails in our bed
479
00:38:26,354 --> 00:38:29,050
What 's the real reason?
480
00:38:29,323 --> 00:38:31,689
l don't know
481
00:38:32,226 --> 00:38:35,059
Do you want to have sex right now?
482
00:38:35,262 --> 00:38:37,457
No Do you?
483
00:38:37,665 --> 00:38:39,565
No
484
00:38:41,068 --> 00:38:44,765
-ls there something wrong with us?
-l don't know
485
00:38:45,473 --> 00:38:47,703
Maybe we should force ourselves
486
00:38:47,908 --> 00:38:52,402
-What? Like mutual rape?
-lt might turn us on
487
00:39:04,258 --> 00:39:06,556
-l'm tired
-Me too
488
00:39:14,235 --> 00:39:17,636
-Love you
-Love you too
489
00:39:21,709 --> 00:39:24,803
Don't do that You don't know
how much that bugs me
490
00:39:29,850 --> 00:39:32,410
l said don't!
491
00:39:37,591 --> 00:39:40,856
lf you do that one more time,
l'm gonna scream
492
00:39:53,374 --> 00:39:55,934
l think it 's over
493
00:39:56,143 --> 00:39:57,974
What 's over?
494
00:39:58,179 --> 00:40:01,148
Us l think we're done
495
00:40:01,348 --> 00:40:03,077
What are you saying?
496
00:40:03,284 --> 00:40:05,912
l think l need to break up
497
00:40:08,489 --> 00:40:10,116
What did you just say?
498
00:40:10,324 --> 00:40:12,087
l said l think we should break up
499
00:40:12,293 --> 00:40:15,524
No You said you need to break up
500
00:40:15,729 --> 00:40:17,458
-What 's the difference?
-There's a huge difference
501
00:40:17,798 --> 00:40:23,259
Saying ''we'' implies it is mutual
Otherwise it means you're ending it
502
00:40:23,471 --> 00:40:28,499
-Are you ending it?
-l don't know l guess so
503
00:40:29,610 --> 00:40:32,306
Have you met someone else?
504
00:40:34,482 --> 00:40:38,350
Nothing like that lt 's just we're
becoming this old married couple
505
00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:42,052
God lt 's the 13 guys thing,
isn't it?
506
00:40:42,623 --> 00:40:45,023
That 's what it is
507
00:40:45,226 --> 00:40:48,627
You've been obsessed with my past,
now you want to make it even
508
00:40:48,829 --> 00:40:51,593
Shut up about that
lt 's not the 13 guys
509
00:40:51,799 --> 00:40:54,893
l'm over that, l've dealt with that
lt 's a non-issue, l promise you
510
00:40:56,170 --> 00:40:58,365
Then why now?
511
00:40:58,572 --> 00:41:01,871
lt 's that l've never been single
512
00:41:02,009 --> 00:41:05,843
l've spent my whole life going
from one relationship to another
513
00:41:06,046 --> 00:41:07,809
And l've never been alone
514
00:41:08,015 --> 00:41:11,473
Do you realize what you're saying?
Do you realize what this means?
515
00:41:11,685 --> 00:41:14,085
What does this mean?
516
00:41:14,288 --> 00:41:16,381
lt means this is it, the end
517
00:41:16,590 --> 00:41:19,218
And once it 's over, it 's over
518
00:41:19,426 --> 00:41:21,485
Yeah, l guess so
519
00:41:21,695 --> 00:41:25,290
But it 's not like
we won't still be friends
520
00:41:25,499 --> 00:41:27,330
Who said anything
about being friends?
521
00:41:27,535 --> 00:41:30,003
We love each other
l don't wanna lose you from my life
522
00:41:30,204 --> 00:41:34,163
Know that when you get to number 13
l won't be here waiting for you
523
00:41:34,375 --> 00:41:37,867
Give that up, it 's not about that
lt isn't working for either of us
524
00:41:38,078 --> 00:41:40,638
-You're not happy, are you?
-No, l'm not happy
525
00:41:40,848 --> 00:41:45,012
-So neither of us are happy
-You're right l'm miserable
526
00:41:45,219 --> 00:41:48,313
Could you stop?
You're packing my laundry now
527
00:41:48,522 --> 00:41:51,047
Breaking up would be
the best thing for me!
528
00:41:51,659 --> 00:41:54,127
You know what?
529
00:41:55,029 --> 00:41:58,931
-l feel good No, l feel great
-Come back to bed
530
00:41:59,133 --> 00:42:02,500
Already it 's like a weight
has been lifted off my head
531
00:42:03,370 --> 00:42:06,362
-Can't this wait?
-l can breathe, l can think
532
00:42:06,574 --> 00:42:09,441
All of a sudden life is clear
lt 's amazing!
533
00:42:09,643 --> 00:42:11,008
l am so happy!
534
00:42:12,046 --> 00:42:14,173
When l look back
at the love l had with Adam
535
00:42:14,381 --> 00:42:18,215
l see a pathetlc potted plant
nobody bothered to water
536
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:23,884
It started out green and lush, then
eventually became a drled up stlck
537
00:42:31,966 --> 00:42:34,662
Breaklng up ls llke dylng,slowly
538
00:42:34,868 --> 00:42:37,098
with nobody around
539
00:42:37,304 --> 00:42:39,704
That's why ls so lmportant
durlng that dark perlod
540
00:42:39,907 --> 00:42:43,138
to keep yourself busy dolng
the thlngs that don't depress you
541
00:43:06,467 --> 00:43:09,027
Fuck me! Jesus! Kate!
542
00:43:09,236 --> 00:43:10,828
l can't believe it
543
00:43:11,038 --> 00:43:13,438
Our relationship hasn't even
started decomposing yet
544
00:43:13,641 --> 00:43:16,576
-Who's this?
-My friend Kate
545
00:43:17,044 --> 00:43:20,207
Kate, this is my friend
Peaches
546
00:43:20,781 --> 00:43:23,875
This must be the friend
you just broke up with
547
00:43:24,084 --> 00:43:26,746
And this must be the friend
you just started fucking!
548
00:43:36,930 --> 00:43:38,329
Wait, wait
549
00:43:38,532 --> 00:43:40,864
Peaches? My God!
550
00:43:41,068 --> 00:43:43,866
What the fuck
is that thing on your face?
551
00:43:44,071 --> 00:43:46,130
-Keep your voice down
-What are you doing here?
552
00:43:46,340 --> 00:43:50,242
This is my movie! You came to make
out with someone called Peaches?
553
00:43:50,444 --> 00:43:52,969
-How dare you?
-l wanna call you Can l call you?
554
00:43:55,015 --> 00:43:58,382
No l'm gonna get over you
And when l do, l'll call you
555
00:43:58,585 --> 00:44:00,246
That could take days
556
00:44:01,288 --> 00:44:04,416
Okay, let 's see here
557
00:44:05,592 --> 00:44:07,753
That 's hideous
558
00:44:07,995 --> 00:44:10,930
Here you go Kate, how about this?
559
00:44:11,131 --> 00:44:13,793
No That makes me look
like a drug addicted hooker
560
00:44:14,001 --> 00:44:17,493
l wanna look great
Like a drug addicted model
561
00:44:17,705 --> 00:44:20,367
l don't see what the big deal is
lt 's just a birthday party
562
00:44:20,574 --> 00:44:22,269
Adam's gonna be there
563
00:44:22,476 --> 00:44:25,070
-Aren't you over him yet?
-Of course l am
564
00:44:25,279 --> 00:44:29,079
l just want him to feel jealous
when he sees me with Jerome Davis
565
00:44:30,017 --> 00:44:32,178
Jerome Davis? Wait a minute
566
00:44:32,386 --> 00:44:35,617
The perverted basketball player
who was obsessed with your ass?
567
00:44:37,191 --> 00:44:38,180
He was?
568
00:44:38,425 --> 00:44:41,451
You got a great ass
You're a big woman
569
00:44:41,662 --> 00:44:44,961
but your ass is small and compact
to fit your size
570
00:44:45,366 --> 00:44:49,803
And yet if you take that ass and
put it on your little friend here
571
00:44:50,003 --> 00:44:52,301
it would be fucking huge
572
00:44:53,307 --> 00:44:55,502
That 's it, l'm gone
573
00:45:02,282 --> 00:45:04,512
God!
574
00:46:11,819 --> 00:46:13,514
Thought it was you
575
00:46:16,490 --> 00:46:20,392
l didn't expect to see you here
l didn't know Sam invited you
576
00:46:21,028 --> 00:46:25,226
-No Mary invited me
-Mary? Of course
577
00:46:25,432 --> 00:46:26,922
That 's great
578
00:46:27,134 --> 00:46:29,193
lt 's nice to see you
579
00:46:30,838 --> 00:46:33,830
l haven't seen you in a while
l've missed you
580
00:46:34,041 --> 00:46:36,942
lt 's been a long time
581
00:46:39,613 --> 00:46:44,016
-l'm sorry Hi, l'm Adam
-What 's up, Ad? Jerome
582
00:46:44,218 --> 00:46:47,915
lt 's not Ad, it 's Adam
What 's up, Jer?
583
00:46:48,355 --> 00:46:52,155
-Why don't l call you tomorrow?
-Don't make this a weird thing
584
00:46:52,426 --> 00:46:54,519
-l'll give you a call tomorrow
-Give me a call
585
00:46:54,728 --> 00:46:58,186
Give me a call or page me,
'cause my shit 's blowing up now
586
00:46:58,665 --> 00:47:01,600
-Why don't you call me?
-l will
587
00:47:01,802 --> 00:47:06,671
l'm running around a lot Star 82
so l now it 's you, l'm screening
588
00:47:21,221 --> 00:47:24,156
-That was really weird last night
-l know, that was really weird
589
00:47:26,860 --> 00:47:28,987
-So you're in love?
-l should be asking you that
590
00:47:29,196 --> 00:47:32,723
-Why should you ask me that?
-You kept kissing that Lolita!
591
00:47:32,933 --> 00:47:36,892
Come on, Michael Jordan
was sucking your tonsils out
592
00:47:37,104 --> 00:47:39,004
Where did you find
that guy anyway?
593
00:47:39,206 --> 00:47:42,767
-Let 's not get into that
-You're bringing it up
594
00:47:42,976 --> 00:47:46,104
-l'm ready to be mature
-Me too Absolutely
595
00:47:47,381 --> 00:47:50,248
-How could you go with that freak?
-How could you go with that bimbo?
596
00:47:50,450 --> 00:47:52,816
Savannah is not a bimbo
She happens to play the harp
597
00:47:53,020 --> 00:47:55,386
Excuse me A bimbo savant
598
00:47:55,589 --> 00:47:58,456
At least l'm not having a fucking
hot tub party with Dennis Rodman
599
00:47:59,326 --> 00:48:03,023
-l can't believe you're jealous
-l'm not jealous Stop
600
00:48:03,230 --> 00:48:06,996
l don't like her, l don't love her
l'll probably never see her again
601
00:48:11,071 --> 00:48:15,235
-l was waiting for you
-Noon lt was supposed to be
602
00:48:15,442 --> 00:48:19,435
My harp lesson ended a little early
l bought myself some new underwear
603
00:48:21,114 --> 00:48:23,207
-l'm Savannah
-Kate
604
00:48:23,417 --> 00:48:26,443
-Adam told me all about you
-Really?
605
00:48:26,687 --> 00:48:32,125
Go back to the coffee shop and
wait for me l'll be there at noon
606
00:48:32,326 --> 00:48:37,127
-And get me a mochaccino
-Okay Nice meeting you, Cynthia
607
00:48:37,931 --> 00:48:39,899
lt 's Kate
608
00:48:40,100 --> 00:48:42,159
l meant Kate
609
00:48:54,448 --> 00:48:56,439
Noon
610
00:48:57,918 --> 00:49:01,649
-That felt really bad
-l know, l'm sorry
611
00:49:01,922 --> 00:49:05,983
Don't be, we have to get used to it
612
00:49:06,159 --> 00:49:08,855
l have to go and throw up now
613
00:49:09,529 --> 00:49:12,191
Kate, l miss you so much
You're my best friend
614
00:49:13,333 --> 00:49:16,496
-l only feel normal around you
-l know
615
00:49:17,137 --> 00:49:21,073
Hopefully over time
this is all gonna work out
616
00:49:22,242 --> 00:49:27,077
lt will We just have to let go
of those old feelings we had
617
00:49:27,581 --> 00:49:29,481
Fine
618
00:49:35,956 --> 00:49:39,949
So this Jerome guy,
was he just like huge?
619
00:49:41,528 --> 00:49:45,055
l just wanna know as a friend
ls that bad for a friend?
620
00:49:45,265 --> 00:49:50,202
Was it like, nice surprise big or
you better take me home now big?
621
00:49:52,172 --> 00:49:55,573
Was it like l'm in over my head?
Was it l'm in over my head big?
622
00:50:06,019 --> 00:50:08,146
As you move on
ln your search for love
623
00:50:08,355 --> 00:50:11,449
sex ls the fastest way
to erase the past
624
00:50:34,548 --> 00:50:37,210
Promise you'll never leave me
625
00:50:37,417 --> 00:50:39,510
l promise
626
00:50:52,766 --> 00:50:55,064
What are you doing?
627
00:50:56,403 --> 00:50:57,870
What are you doing?
628
00:51:04,811 --> 00:51:05,971
Great
629
00:51:06,179 --> 00:51:09,205
The only sex l've had in months
and it 's with you
630
00:51:22,395 --> 00:51:26,491
Belng slngle agaln can be dlfflcuIt,
but it can also be empowerlng
631
00:51:26,700 --> 00:51:29,601
After my breakup l got out
of the house as often as l could
632
00:51:29,803 --> 00:51:33,136
golng to places that took my mlnd
off my lonellness
633
00:51:33,340 --> 00:51:39,176
Excuse me l'm looking for
a joke gift for a friend's birthday
634
00:51:39,379 --> 00:51:42,507
-What 's the kinkiest stuff you have?
-Depends
635
00:51:42,716 --> 00:51:46,243
Do you mean kinky up the butt
or just white bread kinky?
636
00:51:46,453 --> 00:51:49,251
Just white bread kinky, please
637
00:51:49,456 --> 00:51:52,823
-Third aisle
-Thank you
638
00:52:09,409 --> 00:52:12,401
lt 's a butt plug
639
00:52:12,746 --> 00:52:15,613
Some guys like to put it
up their butts
640
00:52:17,184 --> 00:52:18,811
Great Thanks
641
00:52:26,426 --> 00:52:31,159
So what 's a nice girl like you
doing at Earl's Pornorama?
642
00:52:31,398 --> 00:52:34,026
l'm here to buy a joke gift
for a friend of mine
643
00:52:34,234 --> 00:52:39,137
-l'm not here to talk to strangers
-Why are you so nervous?
644
00:52:40,340 --> 00:52:42,433
Are you attracted to me?
645
00:52:42,642 --> 00:52:45,270
God, that is so arrogant!
646
00:52:45,745 --> 00:52:49,476
l feel uncomfortable picking up
plastic dicks
647
00:52:49,683 --> 00:52:51,810
with some guy
648
00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:55,420
Wait a minute
649
00:52:55,622 --> 00:52:57,681
Don't l know you?
650
00:52:58,225 --> 00:53:01,058
-Could be
-God
651
00:53:02,863 --> 00:53:07,095
Aren't you that guy in movies
with the topless ninja girls?
652
00:53:07,868 --> 00:53:11,269
Yeah l've done a lot since then
That was some earlier stuff
653
00:53:11,805 --> 00:53:13,830
l'm
654
00:53:15,342 --> 00:53:17,902
-l'm Joey Santino
-l know
655
00:53:18,111 --> 00:53:21,512
My ex-boyfriend forced me
to watch all your movies
656
00:53:21,948 --> 00:53:23,939
Forced you to?
657
00:53:24,150 --> 00:53:26,914
Well he loves you
658
00:53:27,854 --> 00:53:31,255
Well, not after we fall in love,
he won't
659
00:53:31,591 --> 00:53:33,422
l don't date actors
660
00:54:10,297 --> 00:54:13,858
Joey wasn't very brlght
But l loved hls lnnocence
661
00:54:14,167 --> 00:54:15,828
lwas golng through
my non-judgmental phase
662
00:54:16,036 --> 00:54:19,437
and dldn't want to push people
away just for saylng stupld thlngs
663
00:54:19,639 --> 00:54:21,766
l love you
664
00:54:21,975 --> 00:54:24,944
-You've only known me for 14 hours!
-l know
665
00:54:25,145 --> 00:54:28,672
l loved you in the first hour,
but l waited 13 more to tell you
666
00:54:28,882 --> 00:54:33,216
You just think you're in love 'cause
we've been having sex non-stop
667
00:54:35,221 --> 00:54:37,519
How can you be so cynical?
668
00:54:37,724 --> 00:54:40,488
l've never felt this way
in my entire life
669
00:54:40,694 --> 00:54:43,527
You're the most wonderful thing
that 's ever happened to me
670
00:54:43,797 --> 00:54:46,265
You see?
That 's why l don't date actors
671
00:54:46,466 --> 00:54:48,764
And you don't have to say
you love me back Because
672
00:54:48,969 --> 00:54:52,837
l just want you
to know how l feel
673
00:54:53,039 --> 00:54:55,439
that 's all
674
00:54:56,176 --> 00:54:59,771
Unless you want to
l won't stop you from saying
675
00:54:59,980 --> 00:55:03,313
that you love me, if you want to
676
00:55:16,563 --> 00:55:19,225
l like you a lot though
677
00:55:32,012 --> 00:55:33,775
-Hello
-lt 's me
678
00:55:33,980 --> 00:55:36,073
Hey,Adam What's up?
679
00:55:36,282 --> 00:55:39,581
Nothing much l haven't seen you for
weeks Wanna grab dinner tomorrow?
680
00:55:40,020 --> 00:55:42,545
That 's so sweet, but l can't
l'm going out
681
00:55:42,756 --> 00:55:45,623
What about Frlday?
Wanna see a movle on Frlday?
682
00:55:45,825 --> 00:55:47,850
No, l can't l'm going to Malibu
for the weekend
683
00:55:48,061 --> 00:55:49,926
Malibu? What 's in Malibu?
684
00:55:50,363 --> 00:55:52,228
A big beach
685
00:55:52,432 --> 00:55:55,924
l saw that ln a Thomas Gulde
once Who are you golngwith?
686
00:55:56,202 --> 00:55:59,694
Some guy, you don't know him
He's got a house over there
687
00:55:59,906 --> 00:56:03,535
-You like him?
-What's with all the questlons?
688
00:56:03,743 --> 00:56:06,075
No reason l just want to know
if you like this rich Malibu guy
689
00:56:06,946 --> 00:56:09,642
Yeah, l like him
690
00:56:10,417 --> 00:56:13,978
-Do you like him a lot?
-Yeah,he's nlce
691
00:56:16,556 --> 00:56:18,956
-Hello?
-Do you love him?
692
00:56:19,993 --> 00:56:21,961
l think so, yeah
693
00:56:22,162 --> 00:56:25,154
We've been togetherevery day
forthe last couple of weeks
694
00:56:25,365 --> 00:56:28,801
That 's great for you
You know what? l gotta run
695
00:56:29,002 --> 00:56:32,062
'Cause l got a date
with an actress You know
696
00:56:33,039 --> 00:56:36,600
-l'll call you when l get back
-Sure, great
697
00:56:58,398 --> 00:57:00,059
-l can't take it
-What?
698
00:57:00,266 --> 00:57:01,824
l cannot
699
00:57:01,968 --> 00:57:04,300
-l can't take it
-Just get in here
700
00:57:04,504 --> 00:57:08,634
l thought l was over you
l thought l was done
701
00:57:08,842 --> 00:57:12,141
God, this is horrible!
702
00:57:12,479 --> 00:57:16,245
-Please, don't go to Malibu
-Are you crazy? lt 's a joke, right?
703
00:57:16,516 --> 00:57:19,451
This is not a joke This is not
704
00:57:19,652 --> 00:57:23,213
What 's wrong? You've been dating
nonstop This is the first guy
705
00:57:23,423 --> 00:57:26,654
l've even gotten close to
-l know l was wrong, l was silly
706
00:57:26,860 --> 00:57:30,853
l was stupid l didn't know how
l felt about you until right now
707
00:57:31,097 --> 00:57:33,657
-What about the actress?
-lt 's cancelled, it 's over
708
00:57:33,867 --> 00:57:37,132
-You shouldn't Joey's on his way
-Joey?
709
00:57:37,370 --> 00:57:40,430
His name is Joey? How could
you date a guy named Joey?
710
00:57:40,740 --> 00:57:45,040
Let 's get back together again
l love you Let 's have babies
711
00:57:45,245 --> 00:57:48,908
Stop acting like an insane person!
Go home and relax or something
712
00:57:49,115 --> 00:57:52,414
-l love you
-Go on your date, you'll be fine
713
00:57:52,652 --> 00:57:55,519
-Could you just tell me one thing?
-What?
714
00:57:55,922 --> 00:57:58,220
What 's his last name?
715
00:57:58,658 --> 00:58:00,888
Just tell me his last name
716
00:58:01,694 --> 00:58:02,956
Santino
717
00:58:03,163 --> 00:58:05,961
Santino That 's perfect Joey
718
00:58:08,768 --> 00:58:11,828
Joey Santino, the actor?
719
00:58:12,038 --> 00:58:15,474
My the titty ninja?
You fucking hate him!
720
00:58:15,675 --> 00:58:18,235
Actually he's a very good actor
721
00:58:18,444 --> 00:58:20,639
Clearly you haven't seen
any of his later work
722
00:58:20,847 --> 00:58:24,374
What, his later work?
Motherfucker!
723
00:58:24,584 --> 00:58:27,917
My God! You're kidding me!
How could you?
724
00:58:29,155 --> 00:58:31,146
Adam, you have to go
725
00:58:31,357 --> 00:58:34,190
-You shouldn't fall in love
-Quit being such a hypocrite
726
00:58:34,827 --> 00:58:38,957
l'm a guy! l fuck!
l don't fall in love!
727
00:58:39,165 --> 00:58:43,568
-Maybe you don't
-You think Mr ltalian fucking
728
00:58:43,770 --> 00:58:46,500
he's fucking you, he loves you?
l don't think so!
729
00:58:46,873 --> 00:58:50,001
-Whatever
-l'm fucking out of here, alright?
730
00:58:50,443 --> 00:58:52,377
This is fucking horseshit!
731
00:58:52,579 --> 00:58:55,377
Don't fucking call!
732
00:59:31,317 --> 00:59:33,842
-Are you Miss Kate Wells?
-Yeah
733
00:59:34,053 --> 00:59:36,351
l have a message for you
from Adam Levy
734
00:59:38,024 --> 00:59:41,790
Even though we're only pals
Only pals,only pals
735
00:59:41,995 --> 00:59:46,659
l don't llke the other gals
You're my baby
736
00:59:47,433 --> 00:59:51,529
Don't go out with that dumb guy
That dumb guy, that dumb guy
737
00:59:51,738 --> 00:59:54,036
lf you do I'll start to cry
738
00:59:54,240 --> 00:59:58,267
You're my baby
739
01:00:02,015 --> 01:00:04,381
Mr Levy would like you to have
740
01:00:04,584 --> 01:00:08,076
an autographed picture
of himself
741
01:00:08,288 --> 01:00:11,724
and this
Hold on, it gets better
742
01:00:11,924 --> 01:00:16,088
-Cheese sandwich
-Thank you
743
01:00:31,711 --> 01:00:34,009
-Hello
-Dld the little guy slng?
744
01:00:34,847 --> 01:00:36,815
What do you think?
745
01:00:37,016 --> 01:00:38,984
-You got my picture up?
-Adam?
746
01:00:39,185 --> 01:00:41,153
Next to the boys?
747
01:00:41,354 --> 01:00:43,914
Yes, l got the sandwich
and l got your picture
748
01:00:44,123 --> 01:00:46,216
-Could you stop torturlng me?
-Come over
749
01:00:47,160 --> 01:00:50,618
Get rid of him We'll sport,
we'll spoon, we'll do it all
750
01:00:50,997 --> 01:00:53,488
-We'll lay around all day
-Adam
751
01:00:53,700 --> 01:00:55,759
What are you wearing?
752
01:01:03,242 --> 01:01:05,403
God, it 's beautiful here
753
01:01:13,353 --> 01:01:16,379
Are you talking to me?
754
01:01:18,358 --> 01:01:20,952
Are you talking to me?
755
01:01:21,627 --> 01:01:23,492
There's nobody else here
756
01:01:26,165 --> 01:01:29,430
Who the fuck do you think
you're talking to?
757
01:01:30,670 --> 01:01:32,661
-De Niro!
-Right
758
01:01:32,872 --> 01:01:35,602
De Niro is the best
l swear, l love him He's
759
01:01:35,808 --> 01:01:37,901
De Niro
760
01:01:38,111 --> 01:01:40,443
Yeah He's a good actor
761
01:01:42,982 --> 01:01:44,813
Good?
762
01:01:46,352 --> 01:01:49,185
Good? l mean, we're talking
about Robert De Niro here
763
01:01:50,523 --> 01:01:54,357
Good? Come on He's a
764
01:01:54,560 --> 01:01:57,757
Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
are good Asparagus is good
765
01:01:57,964 --> 01:02:00,262
De Niro, he's not
766
01:02:00,933 --> 01:02:04,300
l mean, like ''Cape Fear''
767
01:02:06,572 --> 01:02:08,597
Counselor
768
01:02:08,808 --> 01:02:11,971
Come out,
come out wherever you are
769
01:02:12,311 --> 01:02:16,748
l know you, you piece of shit!
l'm better than you all!
770
01:02:16,949 --> 01:02:20,214
l can outlearn you,
l can outread you
771
01:02:20,420 --> 01:02:22,115
l can outthink you
772
01:02:22,321 --> 01:02:25,586
and l can outphilosophize you
773
01:02:25,792 --> 01:02:28,818
And l'm gonna outlast you!
774
01:02:30,229 --> 01:02:34,188
That 's good, right?
And ''Raging Bull'', which is
775
01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:37,096
the greatest performance
of all time
776
01:02:37,837 --> 01:02:40,397
You're gonna get me down, Ray
You're gonna get me down
777
01:02:42,642 --> 01:02:46,408
Are you alright?
l know the Heimlich
778
01:02:47,780 --> 01:02:51,477
-You wanna ruin my relationship?
-Your nose is so cute
779
01:02:51,684 --> 01:02:54,209
You never tried to get me back
before What ego trip are you on?
780
01:02:54,420 --> 01:02:55,682
-Can l kiss it?
-What?
781
01:02:55,888 --> 01:02:58,379
-Your nose
-Stop screwing up my life
782
01:02:58,591 --> 01:03:00,821
l'm involved with somebody else
783
01:03:01,027 --> 01:03:03,052
Marry me? Please
784
01:03:03,262 --> 01:03:05,890
-Are you listening to me?
-l get it, don't worry
785
01:03:06,098 --> 01:03:08,532
l broke up with you
'cause l was inexperienced
786
01:03:08,734 --> 01:03:12,636
You were my third girlfriend
How was l supposed to know better?
787
01:03:12,839 --> 01:03:16,832
You had it so easy compared to me
l was your 14th You were my 3rd
788
01:03:17,043 --> 01:03:18,567
-Look, you can't
-Just marry me
789
01:03:18,778 --> 01:03:22,270
l'm sorry, l screwed up l can't
live with this kind of mistake
790
01:03:22,482 --> 01:03:24,507
Don't you see?
This is really bad timing
791
01:03:24,717 --> 01:03:27,151
You can't just wait until l'm
involved with somebody else
792
01:03:27,353 --> 01:03:30,288
then suddenly propose marriage
or profess you love for me
793
01:03:30,490 --> 01:03:33,118
l'll change How does that sound?
We're gonna make up a contract
794
01:03:33,326 --> 01:03:35,851
everything you don't like about me
l'm gonna change
795
01:03:36,062 --> 01:03:38,462
Death penalty You're against it,
l'm for it l'm against it now
796
01:03:38,664 --> 01:03:41,292
We're gonna go do candlelight
vigils at the prison
797
01:03:41,501 --> 01:03:44,436
-l don't want you to change
-You know what? l won't change
798
01:03:44,637 --> 01:03:48,471
l'm enough l learned that from you
We're gonna fly, take trips
799
01:03:48,674 --> 01:03:52,474
l'll go to therapy, l'll get over my
fear of planes and we'll travel
800
01:03:52,678 --> 01:03:56,079
Adam, stop it
Stop it right now
801
01:03:58,217 --> 01:04:03,280
Alright Let me just ask you then
Straight out, all kidding aside
802
01:04:03,756 --> 01:04:07,556
Katie will you marry me?
803
01:04:10,897 --> 01:04:13,161
No
804
01:04:16,636 --> 01:04:19,264
l won't torture anymore then
805
01:04:20,072 --> 01:04:22,302
lf you're happy,
l'm happy you're happy
806
01:04:22,808 --> 01:04:24,799
l made you miserable and l'm sorry
807
01:04:27,013 --> 01:04:30,278
-l just want you to know something
-What?
808
01:04:31,284 --> 01:04:35,914
l can't be friends
l'm just too weak
809
01:04:36,122 --> 01:04:39,319
-Adam
-l can't even be around you
810
01:04:39,525 --> 01:04:43,393
You're here like this incredibly
juicy ham sandwich
811
01:04:43,596 --> 01:04:47,692
that l wanna eat, and l can't
because my lips are sewn shut
812
01:04:48,067 --> 01:04:51,400
-That 's a pretty analogy
-You know what l mean
813
01:05:01,948 --> 01:05:03,575
Have a nice life
814
01:05:03,783 --> 01:05:07,617
Don't say that You know
we'll see each other again
815
01:05:07,853 --> 01:05:09,411
Yeah, right
816
01:05:22,935 --> 01:05:27,065
ls lnfatuatlon love?
No But it feels llke it ls
817
01:05:27,273 --> 01:05:31,209
All those chemlcals ln your braln
turn every word he says lnto poetry
818
01:05:31,410 --> 01:05:34,607
Did l ever tell you what l used
to do with my little brother?
819
01:05:35,114 --> 01:05:39,517
Whenever he did something wrong,
l'd put dog shit under his pillow
820
01:05:39,719 --> 01:05:44,281
l'd say ''Jimmy, go put you head
under the pillow and count to 2O''
821
01:05:45,124 --> 01:05:48,184
Half the time he'd get to 1O
before he realized what happened
822
01:05:48,394 --> 01:05:51,420
That was pretty stupid
823
01:05:51,697 --> 01:05:53,358
Jimmy? No
824
01:05:53,566 --> 01:05:57,058
He's a lawyer now
He's the smartest of all of us
825
01:06:04,744 --> 01:06:07,269
Now you remember me?
826
01:06:08,714 --> 01:06:13,117
Relatlons based entlrely on sex
end the mlnute the sex gets borlng
827
01:06:13,319 --> 01:06:15,685
So lf you want it to last
beyond borlng sex
828
01:06:15,888 --> 01:06:18,448
You'd bettertry to connect
on a deeper level
829
01:06:18,658 --> 01:06:21,218
l brought us some cheese sandwich
830
01:06:21,427 --> 01:06:23,327
Thanks
831
01:06:26,899 --> 01:06:30,164
Do you think people can stay
passionate about each other forever?
832
01:06:31,771 --> 01:06:35,138
Yeah As long as they work
on the relationship
833
01:06:35,341 --> 01:06:37,468
and don't get fat
834
01:06:37,677 --> 01:06:39,440
l wonder
835
01:06:39,645 --> 01:06:42,239
l'm not sure it 's natural l'd like
to think it 's possible though
836
01:06:43,115 --> 01:06:47,711
l think that, over time, we'll come
to take each other for granted
837
01:06:47,920 --> 01:06:49,683
And after the years
of staying together saying
838
01:06:49,889 --> 01:06:52,414
''l love you'' is like saying
''cheese sandwich'', you know?
839
01:06:53,125 --> 01:06:56,686
Do you know that Robert De Niro
is lactose intolerant?
840
01:07:03,569 --> 01:07:07,027
Afterthe lnfatuatlon chemlcals
ln my braln stopped muItlplylng
841
01:07:07,239 --> 01:07:09,969
l began to get over
my non-judgmental phase
842
01:07:12,445 --> 01:07:17,007
Joey and lwere gonna have
a real conversatlon soon
843
01:07:18,451 --> 01:07:20,544
l'm gonna die
844
01:07:21,954 --> 01:07:25,287
-Are you listening to me?
-What?
845
01:07:25,491 --> 01:07:27,550
l'm gonna die
846
01:07:27,760 --> 01:07:29,591
When?
847
01:07:29,795 --> 01:07:31,922
Someday
848
01:07:32,131 --> 01:07:35,726
We're all gonna die
Watch the movie
849
01:07:36,936 --> 01:07:39,302
Doesn't that bother you?
850
01:07:39,505 --> 01:07:42,736
-l don't think about these things
-Why not?
851
01:07:42,942 --> 01:07:45,740
Look, we're in the middle
of a movie
852
01:07:45,945 --> 01:07:47,936
That 's when l think
about death the most
853
01:07:48,147 --> 01:07:51,605
All these people staring into
the darkness freaks me out
854
01:07:52,218 --> 01:07:54,743
-Don't you get that?
-No Okay? l don't get that
855
01:07:54,954 --> 01:07:57,980
Why should l get that?
l don't wanna get that
856
01:07:58,324 --> 01:08:02,385
That 's the problem
We are supposed to get each other
857
01:08:02,595 --> 01:08:04,893
You don't get me, l don't get you
858
01:08:05,097 --> 01:08:08,294
What? What the fuck
are you talking about?
859
01:08:08,501 --> 01:08:12,062
You know what my problem is?
l'm a floater
860
01:08:12,271 --> 01:08:15,069
l float through life like
a corpse on a river
861
01:08:15,274 --> 01:08:18,038
bumping into rocks and logs
l don't choose my path
862
01:08:18,244 --> 01:08:20,644
-Shut up!
-l just bump into stuff, like you
863
01:08:20,846 --> 01:08:23,280
l bump into you in a porno shop,
Boom! l have sex with you
864
01:08:23,482 --> 01:08:26,645
Boom! l'm in a relationship with
you l don't think, l just boom!
865
01:08:26,852 --> 01:08:29,446
-Shut the fuck up!
-So that 's what l am to you?
866
01:08:29,655 --> 01:08:32,419
l'm just some goddamn log
you bumped into in a porno store?
867
01:08:32,992 --> 01:08:35,187
You're wearing sunglasses
in a movie theater
868
01:08:35,394 --> 01:08:39,194
-They're subscription
-That 's prescription, you idiot!
869
01:08:39,398 --> 01:08:45,394
Okay, Mrs Thesaurus l'm an idiot
You know, that 's it
870
01:08:46,005 --> 01:08:50,840
Hasta la vista, baby Here is a man
who will no take it anymore
871
01:08:51,644 --> 01:08:53,976
You're all gonna die
Think about it
872
01:08:54,180 --> 01:08:57,149
You're all gonna die
And nobody will remember you
873
01:08:57,349 --> 01:09:00,477
because they'll all be dead too!
Excuse me
874
01:09:05,891 --> 01:09:09,588
Hl, thls ls Adam I'm not home,so
leave your message afterthe beep
875
01:09:10,529 --> 01:09:12,793
Hl,Adam It's me
876
01:09:13,499 --> 01:09:15,797
Adam,are you there?
877
01:09:20,105 --> 01:09:24,906
l dldn't wanna call anybody else
878
01:09:25,110 --> 01:09:26,975
Are you okay?
879
01:09:27,947 --> 01:09:31,280
-What 's wrong, baby?
-We broke up
880
01:09:31,483 --> 01:09:33,610
-God
-l broke upwith Joey
881
01:09:33,819 --> 01:09:36,379
That 's horrible
882
01:09:37,923 --> 01:09:39,584
-l'm such a failure
-You're not a failure
883
01:09:39,792 --> 01:09:42,659
l am l am a relationship leper
884
01:09:43,762 --> 01:09:47,198
Not true You have more relationship
potential than anybody l know
885
01:09:47,399 --> 01:09:49,458
Fuck potential
Anyone can have potential
886
01:09:49,668 --> 01:09:53,399
Are you kidding?
Your only problem is bad timing
887
01:09:53,606 --> 01:09:57,440
Two people could be perfect, and if
the timing's wrong, it won't work
888
01:09:58,377 --> 01:10:01,676
Bad timing is the reason that most
normal people end up single
889
01:10:01,881 --> 01:10:03,815
Normal people?
890
01:10:04,016 --> 01:10:06,280
Weirdoes are single because
they're weird
891
01:10:06,485 --> 01:10:08,112
but people like us
892
01:10:08,320 --> 01:10:11,517
we're single because
we're victims of bad timing
893
01:10:11,824 --> 01:10:14,292
Since when did you have things
so figured out?
894
01:10:14,493 --> 01:10:18,520
Since you fell in love and l've lain in
bed awake every night and wonder
895
01:10:18,731 --> 01:10:21,757
if l'd ever find anybody
who l feel as normal with
896
01:10:30,542 --> 01:10:33,375
No Bad timing, Adam
897
01:10:40,286 --> 01:10:43,881
lf the timing's ever right,
you just let me know, okay?
898
01:10:47,159 --> 01:10:48,990
How about now? You think?
899
01:10:49,194 --> 01:10:52,630
Okay, that 's cool
Take as much time as you want
900
01:11:03,409 --> 01:11:05,934
Love ls ecstasy and agony
901
01:11:06,312 --> 01:11:09,247
freedom and lmprlsonment
902
01:11:09,648 --> 01:11:12,412
longlng and lonellness
903
01:11:12,918 --> 01:11:16,854
lt 's what keeps us together
when life tears us apart
904
01:11:18,958 --> 01:11:25,124
So, when you find that perfect man,
hold on tight
905
01:11:25,331 --> 01:11:29,358
And then call me so l can see
what he looks like and laugh
906
01:11:29,568 --> 01:11:32,264
because he doesn't exist,
you sad, perky
907
01:11:32,471 --> 01:11:35,440
little optimistic suckers
908
01:11:39,111 --> 01:11:41,545
l quit
l couldn't do the assignment
909
01:11:41,847 --> 01:11:45,783
l've always felt like a fraud here
Everything l wrote was crap
910
01:11:46,085 --> 01:11:48,849
And l'm a total sellout,
l can't do it anymore
911
01:11:49,054 --> 01:11:52,922
And honestly l'm sorry
if l've caused you any problems
912
01:11:53,258 --> 01:11:56,887
Wait a minute
She's way too fat
913
01:11:57,096 --> 01:12:00,122
Everything you've written here
has been bullshit?
914
01:12:00,599 --> 01:12:04,660
-Nothing has had a grain of truth?
-Nothing
915
01:12:04,870 --> 01:12:08,738
So your research on blow job
being able to cure depression
916
01:12:08,941 --> 01:12:10,909
is completely made up
917
01:12:11,110 --> 01:12:13,442
No, actually, that one was true
918
01:12:13,645 --> 01:12:15,738
But it only works for the suckee
919
01:12:15,948 --> 01:12:18,416
The sucker always stays depressed
920
01:12:20,185 --> 01:12:22,119
l told you that
921
01:12:42,908 --> 01:12:44,500
l'm here
922
01:12:44,710 --> 01:12:47,679
Actually, could l ask you
a few questions if it 's okay?
923
01:12:48,680 --> 01:12:51,308
Sure Go ahead
924
01:12:51,950 --> 01:12:54,612
-Are you married?
-No
925
01:12:54,820 --> 01:12:57,914
-Do you have any children around?
-No
926
01:12:58,223 --> 01:13:01,420
Do you feel the need to have sex
with a lot of different women?
927
01:13:02,528 --> 01:13:03,995
-No
-Are you a liar?
928
01:13:04,196 --> 01:13:05,458
Yes
929
01:13:05,664 --> 01:13:07,222
Just kidding
930
01:13:08,500 --> 01:13:10,525
Good You've got a sense of humor
931
01:13:10,736 --> 01:13:13,364
That was my next question
Can you listen?
932
01:13:14,173 --> 01:13:16,573
l'm sorry, what?
933
01:13:16,775 --> 01:13:21,212
-You see how l?
-l get it Just one more, l promise
934
01:13:22,548 --> 01:13:26,040
Do you have a problem
with complicated women?
935
01:13:26,251 --> 01:13:28,685
Great Let 's go
936
01:13:28,954 --> 01:13:31,650
May l ask you one question?
937
01:13:31,857 --> 01:13:34,451
Of course l'm sorry,
ask anything you want
938
01:13:35,327 --> 01:13:37,989
Have you allowed Jesus Christ
into your heart?
939
01:13:38,597 --> 01:13:41,964
-God!
-lf l could have one moment
940
01:13:42,167 --> 01:13:44,727
-No Get out!
-May l?
941
01:13:46,004 --> 01:13:49,599
-lf the next knock is the devil
-Go!
942
01:13:49,808 --> 01:13:53,676
-Listen, have you allowed
-Go! Now!
943
01:13:54,580 --> 01:13:56,343
Thank you
944
01:13:56,548 --> 01:13:58,948
Hi, are you Kate Wells?
945
01:13:59,151 --> 01:14:03,281
-Yeah And you're Rob, right?
-That 's right
946
01:14:36,955 --> 01:14:41,119
Thank you
947
01:14:43,061 --> 01:14:45,495
-Thanks for coming
-Nice to meet you
948
01:14:53,505 --> 01:14:56,531
-You're good
-Thank you
949
01:14:57,276 --> 01:14:59,642
And nasty
950
01:15:00,812 --> 01:15:03,838
l like my men good and nasty
951
01:15:04,583 --> 01:15:06,676
Thank you
952
01:15:07,753 --> 01:15:11,416
-You got a girlfriend?
-Yeah, l do
953
01:15:12,157 --> 01:15:15,615
She's on a date now however
954
01:15:45,190 --> 01:15:46,817
So where's your blind date?
955
01:15:47,025 --> 01:15:50,483
-l told him l was sick
-Yeah, you're sick alright
956
01:15:50,696 --> 01:15:53,392
Yeah, from wanting you back
957
01:16:22,227 --> 01:16:24,092
That was incredible
958
01:16:24,296 --> 01:16:27,561
l'm very proud of myself
959
01:16:28,333 --> 01:16:31,496
-l did good, right?
-Yeah, you did alright
960
01:16:32,070 --> 01:16:35,699
-lt was different
-l surprised you, l know it
961
01:16:35,974 --> 01:16:39,842
-You seemed scared
-l wonder where you learned that
962
01:16:40,445 --> 01:16:43,346
We should break up more often
963
01:16:43,815 --> 01:16:45,612
We should
964
01:16:45,817 --> 01:16:48,547
-l love you
-Me too
965
01:16:49,721 --> 01:16:52,155
Get out
966
01:16:54,960 --> 01:16:58,123
-So with Joey, was is it now? 16?
-Shut up
967
01:16:58,330 --> 01:17:00,230
No, seriously
968
01:17:00,465 --> 01:17:02,763
15 l was 14
969
01:17:02,968 --> 01:17:05,095
What about Peaches?
Tell me about Peaches
970
01:17:05,304 --> 01:17:07,329
-l don't wanna know about her
-No, you do
971
01:17:07,539 --> 01:17:09,404
Where do you think
l learned that thing l did?
972
01:22:12,611 --> 01:22:15,603
C APTlONS BY VlDEOLAR
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