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1
00:00:59,982 --> 00:01:03,318
Today is gonna be
the best day ever.
2
00:01:03,318 --> 00:01:04,820
How do I know that?
3
00:01:04,820 --> 00:01:06,655
Because every day
is the best day ever.
4
00:01:06,655 --> 00:01:08,740
I love my life.
5
00:01:08,740 --> 00:01:11,952
I love sunshine,
I love butterflies,
6
00:01:11,952 --> 00:01:16,248
but more than anything,
I love Doug.
7
00:01:16,248 --> 00:01:18,417
- Hey!
8
00:01:18,417 --> 00:01:20,252
Shut the fuck up.
9
00:01:21,086 --> 00:01:22,421
Fucking piece of shit.
10
00:01:22,421 --> 00:01:24,756
That's Doug, also known as
11
00:01:24,756 --> 00:01:26,508
the best owner in the world.
12
00:01:28,468 --> 00:01:31,221
I still remember
the first day we met.
13
00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:33,849
She was, too, flirting
with you. -
14
00:01:33,849 --> 00:01:36,184
Hey, babies.
15
00:01:36,184 --> 00:01:38,895
The second Doug laid eyes on me,
16
00:01:38,895 --> 00:01:41,231
we knew we were meant
to be together.
17
00:01:41,231 --> 00:01:42,899
Fuck.
18
00:01:42,899 --> 00:01:46,278
Ever since that day,
he and I have been inseparable.
19
00:01:47,070 --> 00:01:48,780
Why is Doug so great?
20
00:01:48,780 --> 00:01:50,198
- Where do I begin?
- Get down.
21
00:01:50,198 --> 00:01:52,576
He loves being around me
so much,
22
00:01:52,576 --> 00:01:54,786
he doesn't even have a job.
23
00:01:55,996 --> 00:01:58,707
Also, Doug doesn't get me
boring dog toys.
24
00:01:58,707 --> 00:02:00,834
He lets me come up
with my own toys.
25
00:02:00,834 --> 00:02:02,252
Hi, Reggie. What you got?
26
00:02:02,252 --> 00:02:04,463
Like this stretchy thing.
27
00:02:04,463 --> 00:02:06,798
- What the fuck?
- Uh...
28
00:02:06,798 --> 00:02:07,924
Those aren't mine.
29
00:02:07,924 --> 00:02:09,801
There is a simple explanation.
30
00:02:09,801 --> 00:02:11,386
This was supposed to be
a Christmas present.
31
00:02:11,386 --> 00:02:12,554
Doug, it's July.
32
00:02:12,554 --> 00:02:14,056
Sometimes I worry
33
00:02:14,056 --> 00:02:15,974
if I'm doing a good job
making Doug happy.
34
00:02:15,974 --> 00:02:17,726
- You don't get it.
- I'm done. Reggie.
35
00:02:17,726 --> 00:02:19,811
But then I realized
I do make Doug happy.
36
00:02:19,811 --> 00:02:22,147
What are you doing?
You don't even like the dog.
37
00:02:22,147 --> 00:02:24,149
I love this dog.
38
00:02:24,149 --> 00:02:25,734
And that makes me happy.
39
00:02:25,734 --> 00:02:28,487
-All that matters
is that you like him,
40
00:02:28,487 --> 00:02:30,739
and I like that
you don't get to have him.
41
00:02:30,739 --> 00:02:33,617
You are a total fucking loser.
42
00:02:33,617 --> 00:02:35,827
- Yeah, a loser with a dog.
43
00:02:35,827 --> 00:02:38,663
Honestly,
the only thing in the world
44
00:02:38,663 --> 00:02:41,375
that Doug maybe loves
more than me
45
00:02:41,375 --> 00:02:44,378
is his favorite toy: his penis.
46
00:02:44,378 --> 00:02:46,171
He gives it haircuts.
47
00:02:46,171 --> 00:02:47,631
He watches TV with it.
48
00:02:47,631 --> 00:02:49,341
WOMAN
Flip it around!
49
00:02:49,341 --> 00:02:50,592
Stop staring. You're ruining it.
50
00:02:50,592 --> 00:02:52,636
And the way he pets that thing,
51
00:02:52,636 --> 00:02:55,263
sometimes I wish I was a penis.
52
00:02:55,263 --> 00:02:56,848
But every time
I try to play with it,
53
00:02:56,848 --> 00:02:58,683
he gets so possessive.
54
00:02:58,683 --> 00:03:00,185
Get off! Get-- Bad dog!
55
00:03:00,185 --> 00:03:01,895
The key to any good relationship
56
00:03:01,895 --> 00:03:03,271
is having things in common.
57
00:03:03,271 --> 00:03:04,523
We both like barking.
58
00:03:08,110 --> 00:03:10,153
We both love a good scratch.
59
00:03:13,907 --> 00:03:18,662
And we can stay up all night
just talking for hours.
60
00:03:19,996 --> 00:03:21,957
You fucked up my life,
didn't you?
61
00:03:21,957 --> 00:03:24,209
Even though I don't
understand what he's saying...
62
00:03:24,209 --> 00:03:28,213
She never would've found out
if it wasn't for your dumb ass.
63
00:03:28,213 --> 00:03:30,549
...I can tell he loves me.
64
00:03:33,051 --> 00:03:35,387
And while I don't know
that many human beings,
65
00:03:35,387 --> 00:03:38,306
I think it's safe to assume
he's one of the best.
66
00:03:38,306 --> 00:03:40,434
Goddamn it.
67
00:03:40,434 --> 00:03:41,935
It's bullshit, Mom.
68
00:03:41,935 --> 00:03:43,395
They're kicking me out
69
00:03:43,395 --> 00:03:45,147
'cause your last check
wasn't enough for rent.
70
00:03:45,147 --> 00:03:47,315
You might say
Doug is messy, but lately...
71
00:03:47,315 --> 00:03:49,317
No, I'm not gonna
move back home.
72
00:03:49,317 --> 00:03:50,694
...he's been much better
73
00:03:50,694 --> 00:03:52,028
at putting his toys away.
74
00:03:52,028 --> 00:03:53,488
No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Look.
75
00:03:53,488 --> 00:03:55,031
It's just, you know that I can't
76
00:03:55,031 --> 00:03:57,242
live that close to a school.
77
00:03:58,201 --> 00:04:00,328
No!
78
00:04:03,582 --> 00:04:07,502
Bad dog! That's my favorite
fucking bong, dude!
79
00:04:13,341 --> 00:04:16,636
Oh. You like that ball,
don't you?
80
00:04:17,888 --> 00:04:19,681
Lately, Doug has been playing
81
00:04:19,681 --> 00:04:22,184
a brand-new game with me
called fetch-and-fuck.
82
00:04:22,184 --> 00:04:23,518
Fetch!
83
00:04:23,518 --> 00:04:25,020
Basically, Doug drops me off
84
00:04:25,020 --> 00:04:26,813
really far away...
85
00:04:26,813 --> 00:04:28,523
Sayonara, ke-mo sah-bee.
86
00:04:28,523 --> 00:04:31,818
...throws the ball
and drives home without me.
87
00:04:31,818 --> 00:04:34,029
Then it's my turn
to get the ball
88
00:04:34,029 --> 00:04:35,614
and find my way back home.
89
00:04:35,614 --> 00:04:37,491
When I bring the ball back,
90
00:04:37,491 --> 00:04:39,201
- he says...
- Fuck.
91
00:04:39,201 --> 00:04:42,245
And that's
how I know I won the game.
92
00:04:42,245 --> 00:04:43,538
Fetch!
93
00:04:44,623 --> 00:04:46,583
We've been playing it
a lot lately.
94
00:04:46,583 --> 00:04:48,084
Fuck!
- Sometimes we play it
95
00:04:48,084 --> 00:04:49,961
three or four times
in the same day.
96
00:04:49,961 --> 00:04:51,171
Fetch!
97
00:04:51,171 --> 00:04:53,507
- Fuck.
98
00:04:53,507 --> 00:04:55,300
Fetch! Fuck!
99
00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:57,511
Fuck! Fuck.
100
00:05:00,388 --> 00:05:02,057
Holy fuck!
101
00:05:02,057 --> 00:05:03,475
"Holy fuck" is right.
102
00:05:03,475 --> 00:05:04,726
I win again!
103
00:05:04,726 --> 00:05:06,603
That's it.
104
00:05:07,395 --> 00:05:10,023
This ends now.
105
00:05:11,608 --> 00:05:14,027
♪ You only got
a couple miles to go ♪
106
00:05:14,027 --> 00:05:16,071
♪ If you're trying
to drive me insane... ♪
107
00:05:16,071 --> 00:05:18,532
These road trips are the best.
108
00:05:18,532 --> 00:05:20,992
Because you get to see
the exciting world
109
00:05:20,992 --> 00:05:22,619
outside our town.
110
00:05:25,622 --> 00:05:27,791
Keep driving, Doug.
111
00:05:27,791 --> 00:05:30,001
Don't make it too easy on me.
112
00:05:30,001 --> 00:05:32,546
I love a challenge.
113
00:05:32,546 --> 00:05:36,299
♪ 'Cause I hide from everyone ♪
114
00:05:36,299 --> 00:05:38,718
♪ Shine on me ♪
115
00:05:39,553 --> 00:05:41,680
♪ Shine on me ♪
116
00:05:42,597 --> 00:05:45,433
♪ Shine on me ♪
117
00:05:46,518 --> 00:05:48,728
♪ Shine on me ♪
118
00:05:51,273 --> 00:05:53,775
This round's gonna be
the hardest one yet,
119
00:05:53,775 --> 00:05:57,862
because we went way further
than we've ever gone before.
120
00:05:57,862 --> 00:06:01,116
In fact, I have no idea
where we are.
121
00:06:01,116 --> 00:06:02,617
And that's exciting.
122
00:06:02,617 --> 00:06:04,327
♪ Shine on me ♪
123
00:06:05,161 --> 00:06:06,913
♪ Shine on me... ♪
124
00:06:06,913 --> 00:06:09,958
I know the world seems like
a scary place sometimes,
125
00:06:09,958 --> 00:06:11,585
but I don't worry.
126
00:06:11,585 --> 00:06:13,128
Good luck fetching this.
127
00:06:13,128 --> 00:06:15,672
Because I'm always
safe at Doug's side.
128
00:06:15,672 --> 00:06:17,507
♪ Shine on me ♪
129
00:06:21,177 --> 00:06:23,555
♪ Shine on me. ♪
130
00:06:59,591 --> 00:07:03,637
Sure, Doug really
challenges me with this game,
131
00:07:03,637 --> 00:07:06,306
but that's just because
he believes in me.
132
00:07:08,266 --> 00:07:10,060
You know what they say.
133
00:07:10,060 --> 00:07:13,521
The best relationships
are the hard ones.
134
00:07:14,397 --> 00:07:16,524
You have to put in the work.
135
00:07:17,359 --> 00:07:19,402
- You got to have courage.
136
00:07:19,402 --> 00:07:23,198
And you always need to remember
that real love...
137
00:07:24,658 --> 00:07:27,077
...is never easy.
138
00:07:49,224 --> 00:07:51,893
But even though
I love this game,
139
00:07:51,893 --> 00:07:54,729
I kind of want it to be over.
140
00:07:54,729 --> 00:07:57,107
Because, well...
141
00:07:57,107 --> 00:07:59,651
I really just want to be home.
142
00:08:12,163 --> 00:08:15,166
Okay. Time to get moving.
143
00:08:15,166 --> 00:08:17,836
Going back to Doug's.
144
00:08:21,965 --> 00:08:23,842
This is a nice neighborhood.
145
00:08:25,468 --> 00:08:27,387
I like all the trash.
146
00:08:27,387 --> 00:08:28,847
And the needles.
147
00:08:28,847 --> 00:08:30,849
So many needles.
148
00:08:31,725 --> 00:08:33,101
Hey, honey.
149
00:08:33,101 --> 00:08:35,603
You ever been
with an Afghan before?
150
00:08:35,603 --> 00:08:39,607
Uh, no, I-I don't
think so, but thank you.
151
00:08:41,609 --> 00:08:45,071
Well, well, well.
What do we have here?
152
00:08:45,071 --> 00:08:46,364
You lost?
153
00:08:46,364 --> 00:08:48,575
Hi there, uh, big dogs.
154
00:08:48,575 --> 00:08:50,618
Yes, I am lost.
155
00:08:50,618 --> 00:08:52,203
I'm trying to get
to Doug's place.
156
00:08:52,203 --> 00:08:54,038
Do you... do you know which way
that is from here?
157
00:08:54,038 --> 00:08:55,457
Hmm...
158
00:08:55,457 --> 00:08:56,958
- You say Doug's place?
- I did. Yeah.
159
00:08:56,958 --> 00:08:58,960
Oh, yeah, yeah,
I know which way that is.
160
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:00,128
Oh, great.
161
00:09:00,128 --> 00:09:01,963
Right up my fucking ass,
you little shit.
162
00:09:01,963 --> 00:09:03,631
Oh, no, that can't be right.
163
00:09:03,631 --> 00:09:06,885
O-O-Okay, well,
I'll just be on my way.
164
00:09:06,885 --> 00:09:09,179
Uh, can-can I please have
my ball back?
165
00:09:09,179 --> 00:09:12,140
Your ball? You'll be lucky if
I let you leave with your life.
166
00:09:12,140 --> 00:09:15,018
Hey! Who in the fuck
is making all that noise
167
00:09:15,018 --> 00:09:17,061
- in my fucking alley?
- Whoa, who's this guy?
168
00:09:17,061 --> 00:09:18,772
Oh, you don't want me
to come around
169
00:09:18,772 --> 00:09:20,648
this fucking corner,
now, do you?
170
00:09:20,648 --> 00:09:22,609
Shit's gonna get crackin'.
Trust me.
171
00:09:22,609 --> 00:09:24,486
You want to dance,
motherfuckers, huh?
172
00:09:24,486 --> 00:09:25,945
You want to dance?
173
00:09:25,945 --> 00:09:28,323
Let's do this.
174
00:09:28,323 --> 00:09:30,575
What's up, bitches? Huh?
175
00:09:30,575 --> 00:09:31,826
Oh, he's tiny.
176
00:09:31,826 --> 00:09:33,203
The shadow--
I thought he was...
177
00:09:33,203 --> 00:09:34,579
I thought he was fucking big.
178
00:09:34,579 --> 00:09:36,414
Yeah, we can destroy
this guy, right?
179
00:09:36,414 --> 00:09:39,125
Yeah, go ahead, bite me,
you raggedy motherfuckers.
180
00:09:39,125 --> 00:09:40,460
I dare you.
181
00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:42,337
You know how many diseases
is up in me?
182
00:09:42,337 --> 00:09:45,006
Rabies, scabies,
whatever disease you can get
183
00:09:45,006 --> 00:09:46,800
from tongue-fucking
a dead squirrel.
184
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:50,178
Which I did last night
'cause I'm crazy, man.
185
00:09:51,221 --> 00:09:53,014
That's a 37-inch vertical.
186
00:09:53,014 --> 00:09:54,974
I'm-a tell you right now,
you run up on me
187
00:09:54,974 --> 00:09:57,727
and I'll stick this paw
right up your ass and in his,
188
00:09:57,727 --> 00:09:59,604
- like a shish kebab.
- Whoa. This guy seems nuts.
189
00:09:59,604 --> 00:10:01,606
Look at the way he's barking
at his own ass.
190
00:10:01,606 --> 00:10:03,024
I'll do it. I'll do it.
191
00:10:03,024 --> 00:10:04,609
I'll bite my own ass off!
192
00:10:04,609 --> 00:10:07,070
Oh, man, the fuck is wrong
with this guy?
193
00:10:07,070 --> 00:10:08,947
I'm so crazy
I'll fuck the trash.
194
00:10:08,947 --> 00:10:10,323
You like it, don't you?
195
00:10:10,323 --> 00:10:11,449
You like it.
196
00:10:11,449 --> 00:10:12,659
You want to get recycled?
197
00:10:12,659 --> 00:10:14,160
Anybody got a twisty tie?
198
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,037
'Cause I'm fucking this bag up.
199
00:10:16,037 --> 00:10:17,288
Okay, who's next?
200
00:10:17,288 --> 00:10:18,790
He's freaking me out.
Let's bounce.
201
00:10:18,790 --> 00:10:20,834
Fight you or I'll fuck you!
Dealer's choice.
202
00:10:20,834 --> 00:10:23,044
But either way,
you're getting worms.
203
00:10:24,379 --> 00:10:26,297
Large breeds, man--
these motherfuckers.
204
00:10:26,297 --> 00:10:30,009
Man, look, always falling for
that crazy little dog trick.
205
00:10:30,009 --> 00:10:31,261
Hey. You with me, kid?
206
00:10:31,261 --> 00:10:32,512
'Cause this block
ain't for dogs like you.
207
00:10:32,512 --> 00:10:33,763
We should get the hell
out of here.
208
00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:35,390
But my tennis ball...
209
00:10:35,390 --> 00:10:37,225
Ah, fuck it.
We'll get you another one.
210
00:10:42,188 --> 00:10:44,941
I'm Bug, by the way.
You got a name?
211
00:10:44,941 --> 00:10:46,150
Oh, uh, right. Sorry.
212
00:10:46,150 --> 00:10:47,402
It's good to meet you, Bug.
213
00:10:47,402 --> 00:10:48,695
M-My name is Shitbag.
214
00:10:48,695 --> 00:10:49,988
What?
215
00:10:49,988 --> 00:10:51,865
Oh, it's short
for Dumbass Shitbag,
216
00:10:51,865 --> 00:10:54,576
but sometimes
Doug pronounces it Fucknugget.
217
00:10:54,576 --> 00:10:57,161
Uh, none of those
sound like names.
218
00:10:57,161 --> 00:11:01,374
Oh. Well, Doug's lady friend
used to call me Reggie.
219
00:11:01,374 --> 00:11:03,835
Reggie. There you go.
Yeah, we're gonna go with that.
220
00:11:03,835 --> 00:11:05,169
Let's keep moving.
221
00:11:05,169 --> 00:11:07,463
So, uh, how long you been
a stray for, Reggie?
222
00:11:07,463 --> 00:11:09,674
- Oh, I... no, I'm not a stray.
- Oh, you're not?
223
00:11:09,674 --> 00:11:11,759
I-I'm just out here
temporarily. -Oh.
224
00:11:11,759 --> 00:11:13,386
I actually have an owner.
225
00:11:13,386 --> 00:11:15,930
We're playing this game where
he drops me off far away...
226
00:11:15,930 --> 00:11:17,140
- Mm-hmm.
- ...throws a ball...
227
00:11:17,140 --> 00:11:18,308
- Right.
- ...and then it's my turn
228
00:11:18,308 --> 00:11:19,767
to bring the ball back home.
229
00:11:25,106 --> 00:11:26,608
Holy shit.
230
00:11:26,608 --> 00:11:28,484
- Yeah.
- That's, uh...
231
00:11:28,484 --> 00:11:29,944
I'm sorry, man,
232
00:11:29,944 --> 00:11:31,613
but that's incredibly tragic.
233
00:11:31,613 --> 00:11:33,281
And the funniest fucking thing
234
00:11:33,281 --> 00:11:35,241
I've heard
in a long fucking time.
235
00:11:35,241 --> 00:11:36,868
Well, I'm glad
you're having a good laugh.
236
00:11:36,868 --> 00:11:39,120
Take it from me, kid,
that owner of yours,
237
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,331
he's not playing
any game with you.
238
00:11:41,331 --> 00:11:43,374
- He left your ass, okay?
- Huh?
239
00:11:43,374 --> 00:11:45,960
You are officially a stray.
240
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,211
D-Don't call me that.
241
00:11:47,211 --> 00:11:48,838
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
242
00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:51,716
I'm a stray, and I'm having
the time of my life.
243
00:11:51,716 --> 00:11:53,635
You'll learn. How old are you?
244
00:11:53,635 --> 00:11:54,844
I'm two.
245
00:11:54,844 --> 00:11:57,347
Well, I'm three,
and I have seen it all.
246
00:11:57,347 --> 00:11:58,640
Paw to God.
247
00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:00,892
I once saw a dog
that was half Labrador
248
00:12:00,892 --> 00:12:02,393
and half poodle.
249
00:12:02,393 --> 00:12:04,270
- A-A labradoodle.
- No, no, no, no.
250
00:12:04,270 --> 00:12:05,980
- A poo-dor.
- A poo-dor?
251
00:12:05,980 --> 00:12:07,190
The other way around.
252
00:12:07,190 --> 00:12:08,816
- Even fucking weirder.
- Yeah.
253
00:12:08,816 --> 00:12:11,319
Point is,
life out here on your own
254
00:12:11,319 --> 00:12:14,656
can be fucking awesome
as long as you go by the rules.
255
00:12:14,656 --> 00:12:16,991
Well, what rules?
256
00:12:16,991 --> 00:12:18,326
Rule number one:
257
00:12:18,326 --> 00:12:20,244
You want something,
you pee on it.
258
00:12:20,244 --> 00:12:22,080
Whatever you pee on,
it's yours.
259
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:23,373
Let's try it out.
260
00:12:23,373 --> 00:12:24,916
You-you see that lamppost
over there?
261
00:12:24,916 --> 00:12:27,001
Yeah. -Why don't you go
over there and pee on that?
262
00:12:27,001 --> 00:12:28,544
And you're sure this is okay?
263
00:12:28,544 --> 00:12:30,463
Go ahead.
Ain't nobody giving a fuck.
264
00:12:30,463 --> 00:12:32,590
You're a fucking stray now.
That's my point.
265
00:12:32,590 --> 00:12:36,135
Well, I'm-I'm not a stray,
but yeah, okay.
266
00:12:36,135 --> 00:12:37,512
Congratulations.
267
00:12:37,512 --> 00:12:39,764
You now own a lamppost.
268
00:12:40,682 --> 00:12:42,016
Oh, wow.
269
00:12:42,016 --> 00:12:43,851
Now, let's talk
rule number two:
270
00:12:43,851 --> 00:12:46,187
You can pretty much fuck
whatever you want.
271
00:12:46,187 --> 00:12:48,022
Have you ever humped
anything before?
272
00:12:48,022 --> 00:12:50,108
Well, I wouldn't say
I've humped, per se,
273
00:12:50,108 --> 00:12:52,360
but I do like to dance
on Doug's leg.
274
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:53,903
Dude, that wasn't dancing.
275
00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:56,614
Baby, you was humping--
the devil's dance.
276
00:12:56,614 --> 00:12:59,909
But now the world
is like a buffet
277
00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:02,078
- for your tiny dog dick.
- Really?
278
00:13:02,078 --> 00:13:04,288
You know what?
I recently fucked this couch.
279
00:13:04,288 --> 00:13:05,581
- No.
- Mm-hmm.
280
00:13:05,581 --> 00:13:07,291
Best sex of my life.
281
00:13:07,291 --> 00:13:08,793
- Wow. Really?
- Yeah.
282
00:13:08,793 --> 00:13:10,378
Oh, a-a-and she's dirty, too.
283
00:13:10,378 --> 00:13:11,879
Oh, well, I-I can tell.
284
00:13:11,879 --> 00:13:14,132
Looks like she hasn't
been washed in years.
285
00:13:14,132 --> 00:13:16,050
I'll see you later, baby.
286
00:13:19,262 --> 00:13:21,222
It was nice to meet you.
287
00:13:22,015 --> 00:13:24,559
Now, rule number three,
288
00:13:24,559 --> 00:13:28,187
and this is the most important,
bar none:
289
00:13:28,187 --> 00:13:31,482
You are on your own.
290
00:13:31,482 --> 00:13:32,734
That's awful.
291
00:13:32,734 --> 00:13:34,152
That's not a bad thing,
all right?
292
00:13:34,152 --> 00:13:35,820
Now, right now
you're freaking out
293
00:13:35,820 --> 00:13:37,947
'cause you feel like, you know,
y-you need this Doug guy.
294
00:13:37,947 --> 00:13:40,199
- I do.
- But no, no, trust me.
295
00:13:40,199 --> 00:13:41,659
You don't.
296
00:13:41,659 --> 00:13:44,162
Humans trick us into thinking
that we need 'em,
297
00:13:44,162 --> 00:13:46,247
but they're just
brainwashing us, man.
298
00:13:46,247 --> 00:13:49,292
Point is, you ain't got to deal
with that shit no more, okay?
299
00:13:49,292 --> 00:13:50,835
You a stray.
300
00:13:50,835 --> 00:13:52,920
You can do anything
you want now. -I don't know.
301
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:55,006
Come on! Repeat after me:
302
00:13:55,006 --> 00:13:57,425
I can do anything.
303
00:13:57,425 --> 00:14:00,178
I can do... anything?
304
00:14:00,178 --> 00:14:01,596
Damn fucking right you can.
305
00:14:01,596 --> 00:14:04,265
Now, you want to see
how fucked-up humans can be?
306
00:14:04,265 --> 00:14:05,725
Come on.
307
00:14:06,934 --> 00:14:10,772
Look at
these motherfuckers here.
308
00:14:10,772 --> 00:14:12,482
A bunch of pet dogs
309
00:14:12,482 --> 00:14:14,650
losing their minds over
their 15 minutes of freedom.
310
00:14:14,650 --> 00:14:19,238
God! If only our wolf ancestors
could see these pussies.
311
00:14:20,114 --> 00:14:22,116
Follow me.
312
00:14:22,116 --> 00:14:24,077
Now, why are these humans
so desperate to keep us?
313
00:14:24,077 --> 00:14:26,537
- Because they love us?
- No, no, I-I got a theory.
314
00:14:26,537 --> 00:14:28,915
- They need us for our poop.
- Huh?
315
00:14:28,915 --> 00:14:30,374
Watch that lady. Watch her.
316
00:14:30,374 --> 00:14:31,918
- See? See?
Uh-huh.
317
00:14:31,918 --> 00:14:34,170
It's like they're
collecting it for something.
318
00:14:34,170 --> 00:14:35,755
What do you think
they're doing with it?
319
00:14:35,755 --> 00:14:37,423
I think they're using it
to make chocolate. -Oh.
320
00:14:37,423 --> 00:14:39,217
Have you ever had
a piece of chocolate? -No.
321
00:14:39,217 --> 00:14:41,552
Exactly. Come on. I'm gonna
introduce you to my homeys.
322
00:14:41,552 --> 00:14:43,930
I thought you said
these dogs were all losers.
323
00:14:43,930 --> 00:14:45,640
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I say a lot of shit.
324
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,558
- Hey, losers.
- Hey, Bug.
325
00:14:47,558 --> 00:14:50,144
Oh, if it isn't the tiny dog
who caught the car.
326
00:14:50,144 --> 00:14:51,479
I did catch that car.
327
00:14:51,479 --> 00:14:52,647
No, everyone knows
that's impossible.
328
00:14:52,647 --> 00:14:53,898
Yeah, it was parked.
329
00:14:53,898 --> 00:14:55,650
Yeah, it parked
after I caught it.
330
00:14:55,650 --> 00:14:57,485
No, there was no one in the
car. -Yeah, no one in the car.
331
00:14:57,485 --> 00:14:59,570
Listen, I don't even have to
keep this conversation going.
332
00:14:59,570 --> 00:15:01,823
What I was trying to do, losers,
333
00:15:01,823 --> 00:15:04,325
was introduce you
to my new friend Reggie.
334
00:15:04,325 --> 00:15:05,618
He just got dumped.
335
00:15:05,618 --> 00:15:07,495
Aw. Sorry, mate.
Welcome to the club.
336
00:15:07,495 --> 00:15:09,288
Uh, sorry.
Was it at least mutual?
337
00:15:09,288 --> 00:15:10,581
Oh, no,
it-it's actually just a game.
338
00:15:10,581 --> 00:15:11,833
Reg, I want you to meet Hunter.
339
00:15:11,833 --> 00:15:13,084
He's a therapy dog
340
00:15:13,084 --> 00:15:15,086
who works in a home
for dying humans.
341
00:15:15,086 --> 00:15:17,505
Which sounds like an okay gig,
342
00:15:17,505 --> 00:15:19,257
except that he was trained
to be a police dog.
343
00:15:19,257 --> 00:15:21,676
You almost made it
to the police squad?
344
00:15:21,676 --> 00:15:23,177
- That's awesome.
345
00:15:23,177 --> 00:15:24,929
Yeah, I-I guess it's awesome.
346
00:15:24,929 --> 00:15:26,848
Get the fuck out of my way,
cone boy!
347
00:15:26,848 --> 00:15:28,516
Oh, uh, sorry about that, Bubsy.
348
00:15:28,516 --> 00:15:30,601
Hunter, say something back, mate.
349
00:15:30,601 --> 00:15:32,436
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. Um...
350
00:15:32,436 --> 00:15:35,857
Hey, Bubsy, you got
any fucking... weekend plans?
351
00:15:35,857 --> 00:15:37,900
What? It still sounds
friendly. -REGGIE: You got him.
352
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:39,277
Yeah. Raw-dogging your mom.
353
00:15:39,277 --> 00:15:42,196
Ah, right. Well,
I'm pretty sure she's dead,
354
00:15:42,196 --> 00:15:44,448
- but good luck anyway.
- Pussy!
355
00:15:44,448 --> 00:15:46,784
Love those
observations, Bubs. Take care.
356
00:15:46,784 --> 00:15:48,035
Hunter, get your weight up.
357
00:15:48,035 --> 00:15:49,120
Don't let him talk to you
like that.
358
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:50,496
You're the biggest dog here.
359
00:15:50,496 --> 00:15:51,831
You should eat
his freaking face off,
360
00:15:51,831 --> 00:15:53,374
shit it out
and then eat it again.
361
00:15:53,374 --> 00:15:54,959
Bug, you know
I don't love confrontation.
362
00:15:54,959 --> 00:15:56,836
Yeah, don't let the big dick
fool you.
363
00:15:56,836 --> 00:15:58,296
He's just a gigantic pussy.
364
00:15:58,296 --> 00:16:00,047
Whoa.
365
00:16:00,047 --> 00:16:01,465
It is a great penis.
366
00:16:01,465 --> 00:16:03,342
Oh, thanks. You know,
I try to keep it clean,
367
00:16:03,342 --> 00:16:05,303
do my best to lick it
as much as possible.
368
00:16:05,303 --> 00:16:06,888
Yeah, the only thing thicker
than Hunter's dick
369
00:16:06,888 --> 00:16:08,723
is the sexual tension
between these two.
370
00:16:08,723 --> 00:16:10,850
- Oh, come on.
- Bug, no. What?
371
00:16:10,850 --> 00:16:12,894
- That's funny, though.
- Yeah, right. Imagine.
372
00:16:12,894 --> 00:16:15,313
"Thicker than Hunter's dick."
373
00:16:15,313 --> 00:16:16,731
- But no, no.
- No.
374
00:16:16,731 --> 00:16:19,650
Now, Maggie, on the other hand,
is one bad bitch.
375
00:16:19,650 --> 00:16:21,736
But sadly,
her owner Jenna thinks
376
00:16:21,736 --> 00:16:24,238
the badder bitch is
the puppy that replaced her.
377
00:16:24,238 --> 00:16:26,616
So, Bella looked at me like,
"I want a cupcake, too,"
378
00:16:26,616 --> 00:16:28,576
so I was like,
"I'm gonna get her a cupcake."
379
00:16:28,576 --> 00:16:30,953
- I am so here for that.
- Right?
380
00:16:30,953 --> 00:16:34,665
So, Jenna said, "Sit,"
which I did.
381
00:16:34,665 --> 00:16:36,083
But then I thought,
382
00:16:36,083 --> 00:16:37,835
"Wouldn't it be cute
if I acted all confused
383
00:16:37,835 --> 00:16:39,962
and tilted my head like,
'Huh?'" -Oh, my God, stop.
384
00:16:39,962 --> 00:16:42,381
Man, sure got to suck
to compete with that.
385
00:16:42,381 --> 00:16:44,050
No, it's fine.
386
00:16:44,050 --> 00:16:46,177
Bella's young and cute and fun,
so of course Jenna loves her
387
00:16:46,177 --> 00:16:47,929
more than me right now,
and I get that.
388
00:16:47,929 --> 00:16:50,473
Cool. Anyways, I was thinking,
if you guys are free later...
389
00:16:50,473 --> 00:16:52,516
But what I really don't get
is why Jenna thinks
390
00:16:52,516 --> 00:16:54,477
it's so adorable when
she spins around in circles.
391
00:16:54,477 --> 00:16:56,062
Like, I could do that
in my sleep.
392
00:16:56,062 --> 00:16:57,605
But you know what?
It's totally fine. It's fine.
393
00:16:57,605 --> 00:16:59,148
Mm, okay. -You know what?
It doesn't get to me
394
00:16:59,148 --> 00:17:00,316
so much anymore.
395
00:17:00,316 --> 00:17:01,651
I'm fine.
I'm not jealous or worried
396
00:17:01,651 --> 00:17:03,069
or angry or depressed
or confused
397
00:17:03,069 --> 00:17:04,654
or fuming or unhinged at all.
398
00:17:04,654 --> 00:17:06,197
Yeah, you seem totally fine.
399
00:17:06,197 --> 00:17:07,782
And now that Jenna's spending
so much time with Bella,
400
00:17:07,782 --> 00:17:09,659
it's given me a chance
to do a little self-care.
401
00:17:09,659 --> 00:17:11,244
Like, I've been going
into the digging.
402
00:17:11,244 --> 00:17:12,828
I really like the feeling
of the soil under my nails.
403
00:17:12,828 --> 00:17:14,372
I'm just, like,
out in the fresh air again.
404
00:17:14,372 --> 00:17:15,790
I'm just really connecting
to the land.
405
00:17:15,790 --> 00:17:17,375
No, I'm-I'm learning
I love digging.
406
00:17:17,375 --> 00:17:20,253
I love digging!
I love it! I love to dig!
407
00:17:23,005 --> 00:17:24,215
- What-what's happening?
- See, Reg?
408
00:17:24,215 --> 00:17:25,800
Aren't you happy
to be a stray now
409
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,885
and not have to deal
with all that owner bullshit?
410
00:17:27,885 --> 00:17:30,179
Well, no, as I said,
I'm not a stray.
411
00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:32,556
Doug and I are just
playing a game. -Mm-hmm.
412
00:17:32,556 --> 00:17:34,475
Look, why don't you come out
with us tonight?
413
00:17:34,475 --> 00:17:36,811
And you can learn
how beautiful it can be
414
00:17:36,811 --> 00:17:38,479
when you're off the leash.
415
00:17:38,479 --> 00:17:41,983
If I can't convince you
that being a stray is great,
416
00:17:41,983 --> 00:17:43,317
- scraps night will.
Sure will.
417
00:17:43,317 --> 00:17:44,777
Yeah.
- Well, thank you,
418
00:17:44,777 --> 00:17:46,821
but I really should be
getting back to Doug.
419
00:17:46,821 --> 00:17:48,155
What? Why?
420
00:17:48,155 --> 00:17:49,490
So I can make him happy.
421
00:17:49,490 --> 00:17:51,033
Isn't that a dog's purpose?
422
00:17:51,033 --> 00:17:53,452
Don't you ever say that again!
423
00:17:53,452 --> 00:17:55,746
- -Here we go.
- Reggie, your purpose
424
00:17:55,746 --> 00:17:59,583
is not to make some stupid
human families happy.
425
00:17:59,583 --> 00:18:02,878
It's not to make some single
loser feel more complete.
426
00:18:02,878 --> 00:18:05,089
Your purpose is to do...
427
00:18:05,089 --> 00:18:07,967
BUG, HUNTER and MAGGIE:
Whatever the fuck you want.
428
00:18:07,967 --> 00:18:09,552
And when you are a stray...
429
00:18:09,552 --> 00:18:11,429
BUG, HUNTER and MAGGIE:
There's a lot to fucking do.
430
00:18:11,429 --> 00:18:13,139
Why do I feel like
there's an echo in here?
431
00:18:13,139 --> 00:18:14,682
'Cause you've said this
a million times. -I know.
432
00:18:14,682 --> 00:18:16,434
- I love that spiel.
No, it's fine.
433
00:18:16,434 --> 00:18:17,685
It's fine. -You write your own
fucking speeches, okay?
434
00:18:17,685 --> 00:18:18,686
- Okay.
Yeah.
435
00:18:18,686 --> 00:18:20,563
Now, what do you say, guys?
436
00:18:20,563 --> 00:18:22,648
- Another scraps night?
Yes.
437
00:18:22,648 --> 00:18:25,192
All right, meet at
the pizza place at sundown,
438
00:18:25,192 --> 00:18:28,070
and we gonna fuck shit up.
439
00:18:28,070 --> 00:18:29,572
♪ Get wild... ♪
440
00:18:34,493 --> 00:18:36,203
So, what is scraps night?
441
00:18:36,203 --> 00:18:38,456
It's that one magnificent
night of the week
442
00:18:38,456 --> 00:18:39,999
where humans are
a lot more willing
443
00:18:39,999 --> 00:18:42,626
to give us food or drop it
accidentally or both.
444
00:18:42,626 --> 00:18:44,879
That stuff that
they're dropping is gold.
445
00:18:44,879 --> 00:18:47,506
Oh. I just feel like we're
gonna get in trouble, though.
446
00:18:47,506 --> 00:18:48,799
No, we're cleaning up.
447
00:18:48,799 --> 00:18:50,426
These fuckers love it
when we clean up.
448
00:18:50,426 --> 00:18:51,927
Wait for it.
449
00:18:53,429 --> 00:18:54,722
Wait for it.
450
00:18:54,722 --> 00:18:55,806
Drop the fucking pizza, bitch.
451
00:18:55,806 --> 00:18:57,058
That's the one!
452
00:18:57,058 --> 00:18:58,517
- Let's do this!
453
00:18:58,517 --> 00:19:00,811
♪ I-I-I-I'm with all my dogs ♪
454
00:19:00,811 --> 00:19:02,563
♪ Finna fuck the city up ♪
455
00:19:02,563 --> 00:19:05,149
♪ Keep a pocket full, got these
bitches wanna hit me up ♪
456
00:19:05,149 --> 00:19:06,776
♪ Drinking by the pool ♪
457
00:19:06,776 --> 00:19:08,611
♪ Doing drugs,
is you lit or what? ♪
458
00:19:08,611 --> 00:19:09,820
♪ Making hella noise... ♪
459
00:19:09,820 --> 00:19:12,114
This water is making me dizzy.
460
00:19:12,114 --> 00:19:15,201
Oh, it's about to get
real dizzy up in this bitch.
461
00:19:15,201 --> 00:19:16,577
Oh, I don't mind feeling dizzy.
462
00:19:16,577 --> 00:19:17,953
Pace yourself, Reg.
- I like it.
463
00:19:17,953 --> 00:19:19,413
♪ Get wild ♪
464
00:19:23,959 --> 00:19:26,128
♪ Get wild ♪
465
00:19:28,547 --> 00:19:30,383
Chester, for the last time,
466
00:19:30,383 --> 00:19:31,967
there's no fucking fence there.
467
00:19:31,967 --> 00:19:33,469
Just come out with us.
468
00:19:33,469 --> 00:19:34,720
I can't.
469
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:37,139
I'm telling you,
there is a magical fence there.
470
00:19:37,139 --> 00:19:38,849
You just can't see it.
471
00:19:38,849 --> 00:19:40,184
- Come on, Chester.
- Chester!
472
00:19:40,184 --> 00:19:42,103
BUG, HUNTER and MAGGIE:
Chester! Chester!
473
00:19:42,103 --> 00:19:46,107
Honestly, that is persuasive,
and I don't know why.
474
00:19:47,483 --> 00:19:49,610
Oh, I can't believe
I'm doing this.
475
00:19:49,610 --> 00:19:51,278
Stop being a pussy,
and do this.
476
00:19:51,278 --> 00:19:52,279
Okay.
477
00:19:52,279 --> 00:19:53,489
Run!
478
00:19:53,489 --> 00:19:55,157
Chester!
479
00:19:55,157 --> 00:19:56,700
Chester! Chester!
Come on!
480
00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:58,285
You've got it, Chester!
You've got it!
481
00:20:01,580 --> 00:20:02,873
Goddamn!
482
00:20:02,873 --> 00:20:05,543
It's real!
The magic fence is real!
483
00:20:05,543 --> 00:20:08,379
♪ Big dog status,
big dog baggage ♪
484
00:20:08,379 --> 00:20:11,215
♪ Big dog, fuck it,
I got big dog habits ♪
485
00:20:11,215 --> 00:20:14,218
♪ See, I'm going hard
in the paint, doing damage ♪
486
00:20:14,218 --> 00:20:17,721
♪ Big dog tell me do it,
look like I'm average... ♪
487
00:20:18,556 --> 00:20:20,349
Oh, yeah. You gonna get it.
488
00:20:20,349 --> 00:20:21,725
Somebody been naughty.
489
00:20:21,725 --> 00:20:23,310
You a naughty owl.
You a little naughty owl.
490
00:20:24,645 --> 00:20:25,938
You're right, Bug.
491
00:20:25,938 --> 00:20:27,523
I like this humping.
492
00:20:27,523 --> 00:20:29,692
Bug, can I try your owl?
493
00:20:29,692 --> 00:20:32,319
I told you scraps night was
gonna be off the chain, baby.
494
00:20:32,319 --> 00:20:34,780
- I'm having a great time.
- Ain't this about a bitch.
495
00:20:34,780 --> 00:20:36,490
Look at this motherfucker
right here.
496
00:20:36,490 --> 00:20:38,117
What you want? Huh, homey?
497
00:20:38,117 --> 00:20:39,702
I'll rip
your motherfucking nuts off.
498
00:20:39,702 --> 00:20:41,412
- Come on, let's go.
- Pointy-eared motherfucker.
499
00:20:41,412 --> 00:20:42,788
Come on. It's not worth it.
500
00:20:42,788 --> 00:20:44,498
There you go, Reg.
- I'm doing good?
501
00:20:44,498 --> 00:20:46,584
Give it to him.
Give it to that gnome, Reg.
502
00:20:46,584 --> 00:20:48,502
Tell that gnome
you're his daddy.
503
00:20:48,502 --> 00:20:50,504
Hey, gnome, I'm your father.
504
00:20:50,504 --> 00:20:52,131
- It's good to finally meet you.
- Uh, Reggie...
505
00:20:52,131 --> 00:20:53,799
Even under
these strange circumstances.
506
00:20:53,799 --> 00:20:55,134
- No, Reggie.
- Reggie!
507
00:20:55,134 --> 00:20:56,218
Oh, you can't get me.
508
00:20:56,218 --> 00:20:57,887
Aha, ah-- I'm too fast for you.
509
00:20:57,887 --> 00:20:59,889
I'm too fast for you.
This motherfucker is keeping up.
510
00:20:59,889 --> 00:21:02,099
Come on, let's go. -Who your
little bitch-ass friend
511
00:21:02,099 --> 00:21:03,642
with the motherfucking
home perm and shit?
512
00:21:03,642 --> 00:21:05,352
- What did you just say?
- There you go, Reg.
513
00:21:05,352 --> 00:21:06,854
Don't you look at me
like that. -Get up in his ass.
514
00:21:06,854 --> 00:21:08,856
I would hate for this
to get violent.
515
00:21:08,856 --> 00:21:10,357
I didn't know I had a son.
516
00:21:10,357 --> 00:21:11,984
And he's a gnome of all
things. -MAGGIE: Oh, Reggie!
517
00:21:11,984 --> 00:21:14,028
God, shut up! -Does anyone
want to hump my son?
518
00:21:14,028 --> 00:21:16,405
He's handsomely dressed
in a smart little tunic.
519
00:21:16,405 --> 00:21:19,200
Yo, Chester.
You got balls, baby.
520
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:20,784
That magic fence was legit.
521
00:21:20,784 --> 00:21:22,328
I kept telling you!
522
00:21:22,328 --> 00:21:24,997
What a weird thing a magic
fence would be to make up.
523
00:21:24,997 --> 00:21:26,415
I can do anything.
524
00:21:26,415 --> 00:21:27,791
Reggie, don't.
Wait, wait.
525
00:21:27,791 --> 00:21:29,084
- What's going on?
- Reggie, no.
526
00:21:29,084 --> 00:21:30,628
- Don't do it.
Reggie, no.
527
00:21:30,628 --> 00:21:32,713
I can do anything.
528
00:21:32,713 --> 00:21:35,591
Do not test the dark arts, kid.
529
00:21:46,268 --> 00:21:47,645
♪ Get wild. ♪
530
00:21:47,645 --> 00:21:49,104
Oh, shoot!
531
00:21:49,104 --> 00:21:50,564
- That was fucking amazing!
- Incredible!
532
00:21:50,564 --> 00:21:51,815
- Yeah!
You did it!
533
00:21:51,815 --> 00:21:53,317
- That's impossible.
Reggie!
534
00:21:53,317 --> 00:21:55,152
I did it! I did it!
535
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,572
Oh, what a night.
536
00:21:58,572 --> 00:22:02,618
Reg, I could tell
the moment I sniffed your anus
537
00:22:02,618 --> 00:22:04,161
you're a great guy.
538
00:22:04,161 --> 00:22:05,996
- You're a legend.
Yeah, baby.
539
00:22:05,996 --> 00:22:08,749
I told you strays life
is the best life.
540
00:22:08,749 --> 00:22:10,042
Yeah, you got to admit,
541
00:22:10,042 --> 00:22:11,919
it's fun to be off leash
for a bit, right?
542
00:22:11,919 --> 00:22:13,879
Right? -Yeah, well,
it is kind of awesome
543
00:22:13,879 --> 00:22:15,506
not having to hold my pee
for ten hours
544
00:22:15,506 --> 00:22:18,008
- until Doug lets me outside.
545
00:22:18,008 --> 00:22:19,802
And I like the sound
of "legend"
546
00:22:19,802 --> 00:22:21,262
a lot more than "shitbag."
547
00:22:21,262 --> 00:22:22,763
Guys, I'm still peeing.
548
00:22:22,763 --> 00:22:24,932
Wait, is that really
what he called you?
549
00:22:24,932 --> 00:22:27,476
And I really don't miss
roasting in the car
550
00:22:27,476 --> 00:22:29,311
when he stops at a store
and he leaves me
551
00:22:29,311 --> 00:22:31,105
with the windows cracked
just barely enough
552
00:22:31,105 --> 00:22:32,982
- for me to stay conscious.
Wait, what?
553
00:22:32,982 --> 00:22:35,067
And I'm just panting,
gasping for air
554
00:22:35,067 --> 00:22:39,113
and trying to survive until
he comes back in 45 minutes.
555
00:22:39,113 --> 00:22:41,740
Classic Doug. Too funny.
556
00:22:43,617 --> 00:22:47,705
So, this guy neglects you,
throws you on the street,
557
00:22:47,705 --> 00:22:49,915
and you still think
he's a good guy?
558
00:22:49,915 --> 00:22:52,251
Yeah. I mean,
if Doug doesn't like me,
559
00:22:52,251 --> 00:22:54,753
why does he let me eat
his leftover human food?
560
00:22:54,753 --> 00:22:57,006
So he doesn't have to buy
dog food.
561
00:22:57,006 --> 00:22:59,133
And why didn't he put
a collar and tags on you?
562
00:22:59,133 --> 00:23:02,052
Because he doesn't believe
in labels.
563
00:23:02,052 --> 00:23:03,137
Oh, come on, Reg.
564
00:23:03,137 --> 00:23:04,430
And the bandanna he gave me
565
00:23:04,430 --> 00:23:06,307
is way more special
than a collar
566
00:23:06,307 --> 00:23:08,976
'cause he used it
for his penis sneezes.
567
00:23:08,976 --> 00:23:10,060
- Ew.
- Ew.
568
00:23:10,060 --> 00:23:11,395
Doug loves me.
569
00:23:11,395 --> 00:23:13,188
We have a good relationship.
570
00:23:13,188 --> 00:23:15,316
You just don't understand
the situation,
571
00:23:15,316 --> 00:23:17,735
because if Doug's
such a bad guy
572
00:23:17,735 --> 00:23:20,821
and he-he left me on purpose
573
00:23:20,821 --> 00:23:24,908
and he hurt me on purpose,
that would mean...
574
00:23:24,908 --> 00:23:27,244
that would mean...
575
00:23:27,244 --> 00:23:29,663
Doug doesn't love me.
576
00:23:33,459 --> 00:23:36,378
Can, uh, you guys
just give me a second?
577
00:23:43,469 --> 00:23:44,887
Oh, poor little guy.
578
00:23:44,887 --> 00:23:47,348
That is just
the classic toxic relationship.
579
00:23:47,348 --> 00:23:50,184
I should probably talk to him.
I am a therapy dog.
580
00:23:50,184 --> 00:23:51,769
Nah, give him some space.
581
00:23:51,769 --> 00:23:53,354
Kid's been through a lot.
582
00:23:54,271 --> 00:23:56,190
That's what
you fucking sound like,
583
00:23:56,190 --> 00:23:57,691
you piece of shit.
584
00:24:00,069 --> 00:24:01,904
Oh, get off! Get--
585
00:24:01,904 --> 00:24:04,323
Bad dog! Bad dog! Bad dog!
586
00:24:04,323 --> 00:24:07,034
Worst dog in the fucking world.
587
00:24:15,668 --> 00:24:17,294
Hey, Reggie.
588
00:24:17,294 --> 00:24:18,796
I know you're feeling hurt
right now
589
00:24:18,796 --> 00:24:20,881
and it's-- ugh--
must be so hard
590
00:24:20,881 --> 00:24:22,383
to figure out what to do...
591
00:24:22,383 --> 00:24:23,634
I'm going back to Doug's.
592
00:24:23,634 --> 00:24:25,052
- What?
- The fuck, man?
593
00:24:25,052 --> 00:24:26,720
What's it gonna take
for you to understand
594
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:28,931
that he's not playing
a game with you?
595
00:24:28,931 --> 00:24:31,558
And I'm not playing a game
with him.
596
00:24:31,558 --> 00:24:33,102
Okay...
597
00:24:33,102 --> 00:24:36,271
All my life, I felt like
I wasn't worth anything
598
00:24:36,271 --> 00:24:39,900
unless I heard those words,
"Good boy,"
599
00:24:39,900 --> 00:24:41,860
but they never came.
600
00:24:41,860 --> 00:24:45,114
Well, he needs to know
he's hurt me.
601
00:24:45,114 --> 00:24:46,490
He needs to feel my pain.
602
00:24:46,490 --> 00:24:49,076
And he needs to pay
for what he did
603
00:24:49,076 --> 00:24:50,994
with the only thing
he truly loves.
604
00:24:51,745 --> 00:24:54,081
I'm gonna bite his dick off.
605
00:24:54,081 --> 00:24:55,916
- Oh.
- Wait, did he just say bite...
606
00:24:55,916 --> 00:24:57,501
Yeah, I-I'm still
a little drunk,
607
00:24:57,501 --> 00:24:59,670
but did I just hear you say
that you were gonna...
608
00:24:59,670 --> 00:25:02,631
I said I'm gonna bite
his dick off.
609
00:25:02,631 --> 00:25:05,676
- Oh, I'm 100% in for this.
No, no, no, no, no.
610
00:25:05,676 --> 00:25:07,720
Bug. Wait, wait, wait.
Reggie, please.
611
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,097
I feel you-- I really do--
but this-this is insane.
612
00:25:10,097 --> 00:25:11,974
Yeah, like, maybe there's
613
00:25:11,974 --> 00:25:13,600
a metaphorical dick
you could bite off.
614
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:15,269
Like-like-like you could
pretend my dick is his dick,
615
00:25:15,269 --> 00:25:17,020
and you could give it
a stern talking-to.
616
00:25:17,020 --> 00:25:19,565
No, his dick-- no exceptions.
617
00:25:19,565 --> 00:25:21,608
Playing with that thing
was his favorite activity
618
00:25:21,608 --> 00:25:23,402
until he started
putting things in boxes.
619
00:25:23,402 --> 00:25:25,571
Boxes? -Oh, shit.
That means he's moving soon.
620
00:25:25,571 --> 00:25:26,947
- Moving? Oh, God.
Oh, man.
621
00:25:26,947 --> 00:25:28,365
- Wh-What if we're too late?
- Calm down.
622
00:25:28,365 --> 00:25:29,908
We definitely
don't have much time.
623
00:25:29,908 --> 00:25:31,869
Any places, smells,
landmarks you remember
624
00:25:31,869 --> 00:25:33,162
on the road to get here?
625
00:25:33,162 --> 00:25:35,456
Uh, I-I just...
I-I remember passing
626
00:25:35,456 --> 00:25:37,332
an enormous hamster wheel.
627
00:25:37,332 --> 00:25:39,334
- Okay, hamster wheel.
- Uh, uh, a giant cone
628
00:25:39,334 --> 00:25:40,878
that looked like Hunter's.
629
00:25:40,878 --> 00:25:42,379
Giant cone that looked
like Hunter's. Okay.
630
00:25:42,379 --> 00:25:44,339
And the...
and the devil in the sky.
631
00:25:44,339 --> 00:25:47,217
And the devil in the sky. Boom!
That's basically a road map
632
00:25:47,217 --> 00:25:49,470
right to this guy's
custard launcher.
633
00:25:49,470 --> 00:25:51,138
Bug, there's no way.
It's impossible.
634
00:25:51,138 --> 00:25:52,639
Nah. No, no, no, not quite.
635
00:25:52,639 --> 00:25:53,932
Reggie's got no shot
636
00:25:53,932 --> 00:25:55,601
of making it back in time
on his own,
637
00:25:55,601 --> 00:25:58,812
but if we all go,
I got the street smarts,
638
00:25:58,812 --> 00:26:00,606
you got the muscle,
and Maggie's got
639
00:26:00,606 --> 00:26:03,317
a sense of smell so good
she could sniff one asshole
640
00:26:03,317 --> 00:26:05,903
and tell you what the guy ate
three breakfasts ago.
641
00:26:05,903 --> 00:26:07,821
- Bunch of nickels.
- Exactly.
642
00:26:07,821 --> 00:26:08,822
She's incredible.
643
00:26:08,822 --> 00:26:10,824
Guys, we can do this.
644
00:26:10,824 --> 00:26:12,785
- No, there is no way...
- I'm in.
645
00:26:12,785 --> 00:26:14,077
...I am missing this.
646
00:26:14,077 --> 00:26:15,370
Let's do it!
647
00:26:15,370 --> 00:26:17,998
Really? You guys would
do this for me?
648
00:26:17,998 --> 00:26:19,374
Hell yeah.
We got your back, Reg.
649
00:26:19,374 --> 00:26:20,876
Yeah.
All right, guys.
650
00:26:20,876 --> 00:26:23,754
Let's show these humans
they can't toss us aside
651
00:26:23,754 --> 00:26:26,423
without facing
some bad fucking consequences.
652
00:26:26,423 --> 00:26:27,716
Fellas.
653
00:26:27,716 --> 00:26:29,635
Lady.
654
00:26:29,635 --> 00:26:31,845
Let's go get some dick.
655
00:26:33,180 --> 00:26:34,848
Howling.
656
00:26:34,848 --> 00:26:37,601
- Howl. Howling.
657
00:26:37,601 --> 00:26:40,270
I'm just not a great howler.
658
00:26:42,940 --> 00:26:45,818
♪ Yeah, word is bond ♪
659
00:26:45,818 --> 00:26:48,070
♪ Das EFX in this,
you know what I'm sayin'? ♪
660
00:26:48,070 --> 00:26:50,823
♪ Straight from the sewer,
word is bond, yeah ♪
661
00:26:50,823 --> 00:26:52,699
♪ Check yo' self
before you wreck yo' self ♪
662
00:26:52,699 --> 00:26:54,117
♪ 'Cause I'm bad
for your health ♪
663
00:26:54,117 --> 00:26:55,494
♪ I come real stealth ♪
664
00:26:55,494 --> 00:26:57,913
Fuck you!
♪ Dropping bombs on your moms,
fuck car alarms ♪
665
00:26:57,913 --> 00:27:00,123
♪ Doing foul crime, I'm that
brotha wit' yo' Alpine ♪
666
00:27:00,123 --> 00:27:02,626
♪ Sold it for a six-o,
always let tricks know ♪
667
00:27:02,626 --> 00:27:04,920
♪ And friends know
we got the indo ♪
668
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,965
♪ No, I'm not a sucker
sitting in a House of Pain ♪
669
00:27:07,965 --> 00:27:09,967
♪ And no, I'm not the butler,
I'll cut ya ♪
670
00:27:09,967 --> 00:27:12,219
♪ This ain't
no fucking motion picture ♪
671
00:27:12,219 --> 00:27:14,972
♪ A guy or bitch-a,
I'll get wit' cha and hit ya ♪
672
00:27:14,972 --> 00:27:18,600
♪ Taking that yak to the neck,
so you better run a check ♪
673
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:20,185
♪ So come on
and chickity-check yo' self ♪
674
00:27:20,185 --> 00:27:22,980
Fuck you!
♪ Before you wreck yo' self,
chickity-check yo' self ♪
675
00:27:22,980 --> 00:27:24,565
♪ Before you wreck yo' self,
boy ♪
676
00:27:24,565 --> 00:27:26,316
♪ Check yo' self
before you wreck yo' self ♪
677
00:27:26,316 --> 00:27:28,485
♪ 'Cause shotgun bullets
are bad for your health... ♪
678
00:27:28,485 --> 00:27:30,696
Howling.
679
00:27:30,696 --> 00:27:32,072
Howling.
680
00:27:32,072 --> 00:27:33,448
♪ Check it. ♪
681
00:27:35,909 --> 00:27:37,870
Why didn't nobody tell us
that dog journeys
682
00:27:37,870 --> 00:27:39,496
are so fucking exhausting?
683
00:27:39,496 --> 00:27:41,248
- Yeah.
- Oh, this is brutal.
684
00:27:41,248 --> 00:27:43,333
I was still drunk
when I agreed to do this.
685
00:27:43,333 --> 00:27:45,502
- Yeah, I'm hangry.
- Yeah, I'm starving.
686
00:27:45,502 --> 00:27:47,212
I just threw up over there,
so there might be
687
00:27:47,212 --> 00:27:49,339
something in there if you want
to give it a... -Ooh.
688
00:27:49,339 --> 00:27:50,674
Okay.
689
00:27:50,674 --> 00:27:52,259
I bet that's some of the pizza
from last night.
690
00:27:52,259 --> 00:27:54,094
Oh, yeah,
lot-lots of good shit in there.
691
00:27:54,094 --> 00:27:55,470
Oh, there's those nickels.
692
00:27:55,470 --> 00:27:57,097
Guys, we-we got to keep moving.
693
00:27:57,097 --> 00:27:58,307
You can't miss this thing.
694
00:27:58,307 --> 00:27:59,975
It's like a giant hamster wheel
695
00:27:59,975 --> 00:28:02,603
but without the hamster
and it smells like hot dogs.
696
00:28:02,603 --> 00:28:04,438
Smells like hot dogs?
697
00:28:04,438 --> 00:28:06,899
This is her superpower.
She's unbelievable.
698
00:28:06,899 --> 00:28:08,692
- Look at that nose.
You got something?
699
00:28:08,692 --> 00:28:10,152
Wait a minute.
700
00:28:10,152 --> 00:28:11,737
Wait, d-do you smell that?
701
00:28:11,737 --> 00:28:13,113
I just smell plastic.
702
00:28:13,113 --> 00:28:14,531
Oh, yeah. Oh.
703
00:28:14,531 --> 00:28:15,991
Yeah, I've got it.
704
00:28:15,991 --> 00:28:18,660
She's walking away.
Should we follow her?
705
00:28:18,660 --> 00:28:20,537
I'm gonna follow her.
706
00:28:21,496 --> 00:28:23,123
No, no, no, no, no.
A sausage is the one
707
00:28:23,123 --> 00:28:24,875
that looks like shit
but it don't taste like shit.
708
00:28:24,875 --> 00:28:26,585
Okay. What is a hot dog?
709
00:28:26,585 --> 00:28:27,961
Guys. Shh. Drop it. Look.
710
00:28:27,961 --> 00:28:29,421
- What the fuck is this?
- That's it.
711
00:28:29,421 --> 00:28:30,923
The giant hamster wheel.
712
00:28:30,923 --> 00:28:32,549
- We're on the right track.
All right, guys.
713
00:28:32,549 --> 00:28:34,885
We're on a time crunch,
but Hunter's gonna die
714
00:28:34,885 --> 00:28:36,637
if we don't get some food
in him, okay?
715
00:28:36,637 --> 00:28:37,930
Maggie, you hang with Hunter.
716
00:28:37,930 --> 00:28:39,306
Gotcha.
Good plan.
717
00:28:39,306 --> 00:28:41,099
- Reg, you know what time it is?
- Uh...
718
00:28:41,099 --> 00:28:42,684
- It's grub time. Damn right.
- It's grub... yeah, grub time.
719
00:28:42,684 --> 00:28:44,937
- Let's get some grub.
- Let's get some grub.
720
00:28:44,937 --> 00:28:46,605
This fucking place is weird.
721
00:28:46,605 --> 00:28:48,106
So weird.
722
00:28:48,106 --> 00:28:49,566
I never really can
understand humans, man,
723
00:28:49,566 --> 00:28:51,193
especially, like,
the lighter-shade ones.
724
00:28:51,193 --> 00:28:52,861
They some strange motherfuckers.
725
00:28:52,861 --> 00:28:54,905
I was thinking the same thing.
726
00:28:54,905 --> 00:28:57,407
- Hey.
727
00:28:59,117 --> 00:29:01,912
Um...
your dog messed up my shot.
728
00:29:01,912 --> 00:29:04,081
- Uh, I think he's telling me
729
00:29:04,081 --> 00:29:05,916
I should pay for you
to take another one.
730
00:29:05,916 --> 00:29:07,626
Oh, is that right?
731
00:29:07,626 --> 00:29:09,086
Yeah, that's what...
that's what he was saying.
732
00:29:09,086 --> 00:29:11,004
- I promise.
733
00:29:11,004 --> 00:29:12,422
I wouldn't...
I wouldn't make it up,
734
00:29:12,422 --> 00:29:14,132
but he's a good...
he's got good ideas.
735
00:29:14,132 --> 00:29:16,259
I could tell
James felt different
736
00:29:16,259 --> 00:29:17,928
about this human girl.
737
00:29:17,928 --> 00:29:20,597
Maybe it was because
she smelled like biscuits.
738
00:29:20,597 --> 00:29:22,182
Or maybe it was because
739
00:29:22,182 --> 00:29:23,892
something about her was special.
740
00:29:23,892 --> 00:29:27,104
Excuse me. Do you know where we
can get some food around here?
741
00:29:27,854 --> 00:29:29,856
As I was saying,
742
00:29:29,856 --> 00:29:32,442
James thought
he was helping this girl,
743
00:29:32,442 --> 00:29:35,696
but the truth is
she was helping him.
744
00:29:35,696 --> 00:29:36,947
Oh, fuck this bullshit.
745
00:29:36,947 --> 00:29:38,198
Wait, what is he doing?
746
00:29:38,198 --> 00:29:39,449
I've seen this shit before.
747
00:29:39,449 --> 00:29:41,284
He's one of those
narrator dogs.
748
00:29:41,284 --> 00:29:44,287
Hey! No one's listening
to your lame human story,
749
00:29:44,287 --> 00:29:45,747
you fucking dumbass.
750
00:29:48,291 --> 00:29:51,294
Sadly, the little dog was right.
751
00:29:51,294 --> 00:29:54,006
No one was listening
to my story.
752
00:29:54,006 --> 00:29:56,591
Which is too bad
because I'm the only one
753
00:29:56,591 --> 00:29:59,761
who knows James is
a cold-blooded serial killer.
754
00:29:59,761 --> 00:30:03,432
He's got three bodies buried
in the backyard already,
755
00:30:03,432 --> 00:30:05,934
but I guess no one's interested.
756
00:30:05,934 --> 00:30:07,185
I can't believe that dog.
757
00:30:07,185 --> 00:30:08,645
He was so obsessed
with his owner
758
00:30:08,645 --> 00:30:09,896
he didn't even acknowledge us.
759
00:30:09,896 --> 00:30:11,398
I'm-a tell you, kid,
760
00:30:11,398 --> 00:30:12,858
the moment they leash you up,
snip your balls
761
00:30:12,858 --> 00:30:14,651
is the moment
they got you by 'em.
762
00:30:14,651 --> 00:30:17,195
Hold on. They snip your balls?
763
00:30:17,195 --> 00:30:18,572
- Oh, yeah.
- Ugh.
764
00:30:18,572 --> 00:30:19,948
And I think they're
collecting those, too,
765
00:30:19,948 --> 00:30:21,408
- to put in the chocolate.
Come on!
766
00:30:21,408 --> 00:30:23,076
- Get your hot dogs here!
- Oh, shit. Look.
767
00:30:23,076 --> 00:30:25,078
- I got jumbo dogs!
- Okay, here's the plan.
768
00:30:25,078 --> 00:30:26,872
You grab the sausages,
and I'll go over there
769
00:30:26,872 --> 00:30:28,749
and fuck the guy's leg
as a distraction.
770
00:30:28,749 --> 00:30:30,333
And... break!
771
00:30:30,333 --> 00:30:33,712
Uh, I don't think fucking
the guy's leg is necessary,
772
00:30:33,712 --> 00:30:36,089
but I see you've
already started. All right.
773
00:30:36,089 --> 00:30:37,632
- Ooh, gimme, gimme, gimme.
774
00:30:37,632 --> 00:30:39,885
- Bunny!
You won!
775
00:30:39,885 --> 00:30:41,344
- I can't believe I won!
- Yeah!
776
00:30:41,344 --> 00:30:43,555
Oh, look at that toy bunny.
777
00:30:43,555 --> 00:30:45,474
You know, it hasn't even
been a day yet,
778
00:30:45,474 --> 00:30:47,142
but I really miss toys.
779
00:30:47,142 --> 00:30:48,769
Jenna had some good ones.
780
00:30:48,769 --> 00:30:50,395
I'd rip that shit apart
781
00:30:50,395 --> 00:30:52,606
until I found that squeaky toy
in the middle.
782
00:30:52,606 --> 00:30:54,274
Ugh, I miss squeaky toys, too.
783
00:30:54,274 --> 00:30:56,109
But, of course,
I only got to play
784
00:30:56,109 --> 00:30:58,070
with those squeak toys
if I was a good girl
785
00:30:58,070 --> 00:31:00,906
and I smiled the right way for
her stupid freaking selfies.
786
00:31:00,906 --> 00:31:03,909
The amount of work
that goes into looking cute.
787
00:31:03,909 --> 00:31:05,202
Honestly,
I had to go spin around
788
00:31:05,202 --> 00:31:06,661
in a perfect circle like this,
789
00:31:06,661 --> 00:31:08,246
move into a
"oh, I'm so fuckable" pose
790
00:31:08,246 --> 00:31:09,748
with my paws crossed,
791
00:31:09,748 --> 00:31:11,875
and then I'd have to
stand up straight, paws up.
792
00:31:11,875 --> 00:31:13,418
I have to show all my tits.
793
00:31:13,418 --> 00:31:16,296
Yeah, right, that--
yeah, that's pretty fuckable.
794
00:31:16,296 --> 00:31:19,132
I mean, uh, that-that...
that's-that's weird.
795
00:31:19,132 --> 00:31:20,550
Wait, uh, there they are.
796
00:31:20,550 --> 00:31:23,637
You know,
Maggie, there's, um...
797
00:31:23,637 --> 00:31:27,140
there's so much more to like
about you than just your looks.
798
00:31:27,140 --> 00:31:28,475
- You think so?
- Sure.
799
00:31:28,475 --> 00:31:30,727
I-I mean, you are hands down
800
00:31:30,727 --> 00:31:32,521
the best sniffer I've ever met.
801
00:31:32,521 --> 00:31:33,939
- Huh.
- But you're also smart
802
00:31:33,939 --> 00:31:35,190
and you can jump high
803
00:31:35,190 --> 00:31:37,651
and you know
like nine human words.
804
00:31:37,651 --> 00:31:38,944
That's insane.
805
00:31:38,944 --> 00:31:40,987
I actually know 31,
but thank you.
806
00:31:40,987 --> 00:31:43,490
Honestly, I-I'd have to list
about 20 more things
807
00:31:43,490 --> 00:31:45,575
before I even got
to anything to do with
808
00:31:45,575 --> 00:31:47,202
how beautiful you are.
809
00:31:49,246 --> 00:31:50,872
Um...
810
00:31:50,872 --> 00:31:52,457
I'm sorry, that was too much.
811
00:31:52,457 --> 00:31:55,585
No, that-that means
a lot to me.
812
00:31:55,585 --> 00:31:58,380
You know,
you're a really good listener.
813
00:31:58,380 --> 00:31:59,798
Oh, that's because
all the sound
814
00:31:59,798 --> 00:32:01,466
funnels through the cone
right to my ears.
815
00:32:01,466 --> 00:32:03,135
No, I didn't...
816
00:32:03,135 --> 00:32:05,178
- Never mind.
- Wait, wait. What?
817
00:32:05,178 --> 00:32:08,348
Have you ever thought about...
about taking the cone off
818
00:32:08,348 --> 00:32:11,434
for a little while
just to... just to see?
819
00:32:11,434 --> 00:32:12,894
No.
820
00:32:12,894 --> 00:32:15,272
I bet you'd look
really handsome.
821
00:32:15,272 --> 00:32:16,690
Really?
822
00:32:16,690 --> 00:32:18,275
Yeah.
823
00:32:18,275 --> 00:32:19,901
BUG
That's how you do it, Reg, baby.
824
00:32:19,901 --> 00:32:21,361
That was awesome!
825
00:32:21,361 --> 00:32:23,989
Oh, wait a minute.
Okay, what's this vibe?
826
00:32:23,989 --> 00:32:25,240
- Oh, no.
- Oh, nothing.
827
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:26,533
- Yeah, what vibe?
- Nothing.
828
00:32:26,533 --> 00:32:27,951
- What vibe?
- There is no vibe.
829
00:32:27,951 --> 00:32:30,120
Your boner implies
that there's a vibe.
830
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:33,123
Oh, uh, well, you know, that's
because our friendship...
831
00:32:33,123 --> 00:32:34,833
got me erect.
832
00:32:34,833 --> 00:32:36,459
Yeah, it was a friend boner.
833
00:32:36,459 --> 00:32:38,378
Then why don't you get boners
for us?
834
00:32:38,378 --> 00:32:40,797
I mean, uh,
are we not your friends?
835
00:32:40,797 --> 00:32:43,466
What? No, no, you guys
get me hard all the time.
836
00:32:43,466 --> 00:32:47,012
Hunter, that's about the
sweetest thing I've ever heard.
837
00:32:47,012 --> 00:32:49,764
Speaking of boners,
how about some sausages?
838
00:32:49,764 --> 00:32:51,266
We took 'em from a human.
839
00:32:51,266 --> 00:32:53,727
You stole these from a human?
What if someone saw?
840
00:32:53,727 --> 00:32:55,729
Relax.
Grow back some testicles.
841
00:32:55,729 --> 00:32:57,856
- Ain't nobody saw.
842
00:33:00,108 --> 00:33:01,484
God saw!
843
00:33:01,484 --> 00:33:03,278
God sees everything!
844
00:33:03,278 --> 00:33:05,071
- Run!
845
00:33:05,071 --> 00:33:07,199
- We're under attack!
- Save yourselves!
846
00:33:07,199 --> 00:33:08,658
We got to find cover!
847
00:33:08,658 --> 00:33:10,660
The whole fucking place
is gonna blow!
848
00:33:10,660 --> 00:33:12,370
Move! Move!
849
00:33:12,370 --> 00:33:13,872
Oh, God!
850
00:33:13,872 --> 00:33:15,957
We're all gonna die!
851
00:33:15,957 --> 00:33:17,500
Mama!
852
00:33:17,500 --> 00:33:19,211
- Wow.
853
00:33:20,921 --> 00:33:22,547
- Duck! -Stay low!
854
00:33:22,547 --> 00:33:25,342
- They got us surrounded!
- Go, go, go!
855
00:33:25,342 --> 00:33:26,551
- Run!
- They're coming after us!
856
00:33:26,551 --> 00:33:27,844
This way! Hurry!
857
00:33:27,844 --> 00:33:29,804
It's so loud inside the cone!
858
00:33:32,140 --> 00:33:33,475
- Oh, shit.
- No.
859
00:33:33,475 --> 00:33:35,101
- No, no, no, no, no, no!
- We got to get over.
860
00:33:35,101 --> 00:33:37,687
We got to dig. We got to dig!
861
00:33:37,687 --> 00:33:38,897
Dig. Dig faster.
862
00:33:38,897 --> 00:33:40,357
Hunter, Maggie, help us dig.
863
00:33:40,357 --> 00:33:42,609
- What? What's going on?
- Come on, Maggie, dig!
864
00:33:42,609 --> 00:33:44,611
- You said you love digging.
- I lied!
865
00:33:44,611 --> 00:33:47,489
- I hate digging!
- There we go.
866
00:33:47,489 --> 00:33:48,949
Okay, let's go.
867
00:33:48,949 --> 00:33:50,951
Oh, I hate how the dirt feels
under my nails!
868
00:33:50,951 --> 00:33:52,452
Wait, wait. Guys, I'm stuck!
869
00:33:52,452 --> 00:33:54,955
My bandanna's stuck!
870
00:33:54,955 --> 00:33:56,706
Aah!
871
00:33:56,706 --> 00:33:58,250
- Oh, no.
- Reggie!
872
00:33:58,250 --> 00:34:00,377
- Reggie, no!
- Reggie, come on, buddy.
873
00:34:00,377 --> 00:34:01,544
Maggie, Hunter, help me out.
874
00:34:01,544 --> 00:34:03,046
No, no, no, no.
Get out of here.
875
00:34:03,046 --> 00:34:04,256
It-It's too late for me.
876
00:34:04,256 --> 00:34:06,049
Listen to me.
It's not too late.
877
00:34:06,049 --> 00:34:07,717
No. Save yourself.
878
00:34:07,717 --> 00:34:11,012
And tell Doug I wanted
to bite his dick off.
879
00:34:11,012 --> 00:34:13,265
Bite it for me, if you can.
880
00:34:13,265 --> 00:34:15,475
Look at me. You're gonna live,
881
00:34:15,475 --> 00:34:19,145
and you're gonna bite
that dick yourself.
882
00:34:19,145 --> 00:34:20,772
Hunter, the fence!
883
00:34:22,941 --> 00:34:24,276
Check this out.
884
00:34:24,276 --> 00:34:26,444
Come on.
885
00:34:26,444 --> 00:34:28,863
Holy shit, they have a bomb!
886
00:34:29,781 --> 00:34:32,951
- Come on, Reggie.
- Come on.
887
00:34:35,912 --> 00:34:37,580
I'm almost free.
I'm almost free.
888
00:34:37,580 --> 00:34:38,748
- Come on, Reggie!
- Aah!
889
00:34:38,748 --> 00:34:40,292
Aah! Come on, let's go!
890
00:34:41,001 --> 00:34:42,669
Let's move, move, move, move!
891
00:34:42,669 --> 00:34:44,963
Come on, guys, let's go!
892
00:34:48,300 --> 00:34:50,802
Oh, well, uh...
893
00:34:50,802 --> 00:34:52,387
You guys want to kiss a little?
894
00:34:52,387 --> 00:34:55,724
- Oh, my God! Holy shit.
895
00:34:55,724 --> 00:34:57,350
Guys, that was crazy.
896
00:34:57,350 --> 00:34:59,352
I feel like now I need
an emotional support dog.
897
00:34:59,352 --> 00:35:02,564
Bug, (laughs) you looked like
you were gonna shit yourself.
898
00:35:02,564 --> 00:35:04,566
I did. I literally did that.
899
00:35:04,566 --> 00:35:06,192
Oh, God. -HUNTER: He did.
I stepped in it.
900
00:35:06,192 --> 00:35:08,320
- Reg, you okay?
901
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:10,030
Uh, it's nothing. I-I...
902
00:35:10,030 --> 00:35:13,450
It's just, you guys
risked your life for me.
903
00:35:13,450 --> 00:35:15,118
Bug, you saved me.
904
00:35:15,118 --> 00:35:16,953
I never thought
anyone would do that.
905
00:35:16,953 --> 00:35:19,039
Of course we would. Come on.
906
00:35:19,039 --> 00:35:20,790
You're part of the pack, Reggie.
907
00:35:20,790 --> 00:35:22,625
- We stick together.
That's right.
908
00:35:22,625 --> 00:35:24,502
I've never been part
of a pack before.
909
00:35:24,502 --> 00:35:25,712
Well, you are now.
910
00:35:25,712 --> 00:35:27,464
I didn't even know
that was a thing.
911
00:35:27,464 --> 00:35:29,257
- We'll make it a thing.
912
00:35:29,257 --> 00:35:30,467
Yeah.
913
00:35:30,467 --> 00:35:33,303
So, I kind of have
a weird idea.
914
00:35:33,303 --> 00:35:35,889
Could... could we maybe...
915
00:35:35,889 --> 00:35:38,183
pee on each other?
916
00:35:38,183 --> 00:35:39,059
Say what, now?
917
00:35:39,059 --> 00:35:40,560
Well, you said that
918
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:42,479
when you pee on something
that it's yours.
919
00:35:42,479 --> 00:35:44,064
I just thought that,
since we're all,
920
00:35:44,064 --> 00:35:45,565
like, friends now, we could...
921
00:35:45,565 --> 00:35:48,902
Pee on each other
so we belong to each other?
922
00:35:48,902 --> 00:35:50,028
Yeah.
923
00:35:50,028 --> 00:35:51,905
That was a stupid idea.
924
00:35:51,905 --> 00:35:55,575
Jenna would be so mad if
I came home covered in urine.
925
00:35:56,451 --> 00:35:58,286
- Let's fucking do it.
Oh, we're doing it.
926
00:35:58,286 --> 00:36:00,955
Okay. Why don't we, like,
do, like, a circle thing?
927
00:36:00,955 --> 00:36:02,832
Yeah, and let's just lift
our left leg. -Starboard side.
928
00:36:02,832 --> 00:36:05,377
Yeah, lift our left leg,
and then we'll... -There we go.
929
00:36:05,377 --> 00:36:07,754
- Oh, good, I get to pee on Bug.
- Yeah, that's good.
930
00:36:09,339 --> 00:36:10,548
Whoa.
931
00:36:10,548 --> 00:36:12,008
You know, this isn't just
warming my body.
932
00:36:12,008 --> 00:36:13,301
It's warming my heart.
933
00:36:13,301 --> 00:36:14,594
Aw.
Wow.
934
00:36:14,594 --> 00:36:16,471
I guess this makes us
family now.
935
00:36:16,471 --> 00:36:18,598
- Yeah, we're BFFs.
Yeah.
936
00:36:18,598 --> 00:36:21,267
Even better. We're Pee-FFs.
937
00:36:21,267 --> 00:36:23,269
Pee-FFs! I love it.
938
00:36:23,269 --> 00:36:25,814
- Yeah. Love that.
Oh, Bug!
939
00:36:25,814 --> 00:36:27,732
You look happy.
940
00:36:27,732 --> 00:36:29,275
What are you talking about,
I look happy?
941
00:36:29,275 --> 00:36:30,693
I'm just smiling
because we're all sitting here
942
00:36:30,693 --> 00:36:32,237
pissing on each other,
so I just...
943
00:36:32,237 --> 00:36:34,114
I cracked a smile.
It's not an emotional thing.
944
00:36:34,114 --> 00:36:35,824
- Nah, you love us.
You love us!
945
00:36:35,824 --> 00:36:37,534
Okay, that's it. -HUNTER:
Yeah, that's right. You do.
946
00:36:37,534 --> 00:36:39,202
- That's my cue to go to bed.
- Oh, come on, Bug.
947
00:36:39,202 --> 00:36:41,413
Look, listen, listen,
we got a lot of walking to do
948
00:36:41,413 --> 00:36:42,914
and not much time to do it.
949
00:36:42,914 --> 00:36:45,041
Let's get some sleep.
950
00:36:45,041 --> 00:36:47,127
H-H-Ho-Hold on one second.
951
00:36:50,463 --> 00:36:52,340
- Go back the other way.
- Better the other way.
952
00:36:52,340 --> 00:36:54,217
Try sniffing the ground. H-Have
you tried sniffing the ground?
953
00:36:54,217 --> 00:36:56,344
- Fucked that one up.
- You got to reset yourself.
954
00:36:56,344 --> 00:36:57,846
- Yeah, you go back 90 degrees.
- Fucked that one up, too.
955
00:36:57,846 --> 00:36:59,431
- You were so close.
Now sit down.
956
00:36:59,431 --> 00:37:01,766
- That'll do. That'll do.
- All right, finally, good.
957
00:37:01,766 --> 00:37:04,644
- Time for bed. Yeah. Okay.
Let's get some sleep.
958
00:37:04,644 --> 00:37:06,187
And a quick turn.
959
00:37:06,187 --> 00:37:08,022
- Time to go to sl...
- Wait. Hang on. -One turn.
960
00:37:08,022 --> 00:37:09,649
- Two turns. Three turns.
Oh, God.
961
00:37:09,649 --> 00:37:11,025
Bug's really fucked
with my head. I don't know...
962
00:37:11,025 --> 00:37:12,777
- There.
Five,
963
00:37:12,777 --> 00:37:14,612
- four, three, two, one.
Again. Again. Okay.
964
00:37:14,612 --> 00:37:15,738
Okay, okay, now I'm ready.
965
00:37:15,738 --> 00:37:18,199
Easy.
966
00:37:18,199 --> 00:37:20,285
And... down.
967
00:37:20,285 --> 00:37:22,495
I'm getting much faster
at that.
968
00:37:23,746 --> 00:37:25,248
- Good night, everyone.
- Good night, Reg.
969
00:37:25,248 --> 00:37:26,458
- Good night, Reggie.
- And, uh, thanks again
970
00:37:26,458 --> 00:37:27,959
for letting me pee on you guys.
971
00:37:27,959 --> 00:37:29,294
- Reggie?
- Yeah?
972
00:37:29,294 --> 00:37:30,628
Could you just stop
fucking talking, please?
973
00:37:30,628 --> 00:37:32,589
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- Okay.
974
00:37:40,930 --> 00:37:43,183
Okay, guys. Big day today.
975
00:37:43,183 --> 00:37:44,934
Next up is the giant cone.
976
00:37:44,934 --> 00:37:47,312
I don't know what kind of
cone we're gonna find out here.
977
00:37:47,312 --> 00:37:49,772
It can't be too hard
to find. It's gigantic.
978
00:37:49,772 --> 00:37:51,649
All I see is trees,
but whatever.
979
00:37:51,649 --> 00:37:54,736
Hey, mate, have you thought
about how you're gonna do it?
980
00:37:54,736 --> 00:37:56,196
Uh, sorry. D-Do what?
981
00:37:56,196 --> 00:37:57,864
- Bite Doug's dick off.
- Oh.
982
00:37:57,864 --> 00:38:00,950
Were you thinking lengthwise
or tip-to-shaft?
983
00:38:00,950 --> 00:38:03,620
Gosh, I don't know. I-I've
never bitten off a dick before.
984
00:38:03,620 --> 00:38:06,289
I guess I'll let it
just come to me in the moment.
985
00:38:06,289 --> 00:38:08,791
So, at what point of this trip
are you gonna build up
986
00:38:08,791 --> 00:38:10,460
a little BDE
and make a move, huh?
987
00:38:10,460 --> 00:38:12,295
With Maggie? -Yes, Mag...
No, with this mossy stump.
988
00:38:12,295 --> 00:38:14,255
What the fuck you think
I'm talking about?
989
00:38:14,255 --> 00:38:16,758
No way.
She wouldn't go for me.
990
00:38:16,758 --> 00:38:19,010
I mean, maybe a door opens up
down the road,
991
00:38:19,010 --> 00:38:20,512
but for now we're just friends.
992
00:38:20,512 --> 00:38:22,263
Wh-What are you talking about,
opening up doors?
993
00:38:22,263 --> 00:38:23,556
We don't have thumbs.
994
00:38:23,556 --> 00:38:25,517
You got to knock
the fucking door down.
995
00:38:25,517 --> 00:38:27,227
Yeah, but who would
want to date
996
00:38:27,227 --> 00:38:30,063
a failed police dog
who wears a cone 24/7?
997
00:38:30,063 --> 00:38:33,525
Oh, come on, dude.
Girls date losers all the time.
998
00:38:33,525 --> 00:38:37,445
You know, Reggie, that you
don't have to do it, right?
999
00:38:37,445 --> 00:38:39,739
What are you talking about?
Of course I do.
1000
00:38:39,739 --> 00:38:41,491
I'm gonna get
all over that dick.
1001
00:38:41,491 --> 00:38:42,992
Chomp, chomp, chomp. Mmm!
1002
00:38:42,992 --> 00:38:45,328
Yeah, but you could just,
you know, move on from Doug,
1003
00:38:45,328 --> 00:38:47,747
and then you wouldn't have to
do anything to him at all.
1004
00:38:47,747 --> 00:38:49,749
You could always
just let it go.
1005
00:38:49,749 --> 00:38:51,501
I-I'm not...
1006
00:38:51,501 --> 00:38:53,878
No, I'm not just
gonna let it go.
1007
00:38:53,878 --> 00:38:55,213
All right, look,
1008
00:38:55,213 --> 00:38:56,839
you failed doggie school
'cause you was a wuss,
1009
00:38:56,839 --> 00:38:58,883
but there's nothing
we can do about your past.
1010
00:38:58,883 --> 00:39:02,387
We might, however, be able to
get that thing off your head.
1011
00:39:02,387 --> 00:39:04,556
- This? No, no, you can't.
- Sure, we can.
1012
00:39:04,556 --> 00:39:06,599
If we all pull together,
we could...
1013
00:39:06,599 --> 00:39:08,685
No, no, I mean, I-I need it.
1014
00:39:08,685 --> 00:39:10,853
I keep it on intentionally.
1015
00:39:10,853 --> 00:39:12,438
Wait, really? I just assumed
1016
00:39:12,438 --> 00:39:14,190
it was, like, you know,
a medical thing.
1017
00:39:14,190 --> 00:39:15,400
Oh, it is.
1018
00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:17,026
I-I'll do anything
to keep it on.
1019
00:39:17,026 --> 00:39:19,362
And most self-inflicted
injuries will do the trick.
1020
00:39:19,362 --> 00:39:21,781
You know, cat scratches,
ear infection from the toilet,
1021
00:39:21,781 --> 00:39:23,908
lick my testicles
for hours and hours
1022
00:39:23,908 --> 00:39:26,369
until the humans get concerned.
1023
00:39:26,369 --> 00:39:29,038
But it's worth it.
I get anxious sometimes,
1024
00:39:29,038 --> 00:39:31,708
and the cone helps me
block things out.
1025
00:39:31,708 --> 00:39:34,043
What are you guys
talking about?
1026
00:39:34,043 --> 00:39:36,337
Oh, uh, nothing.
You know, same old, same old.
1027
00:39:36,337 --> 00:39:37,880
I'm telling him he's got to get
1028
00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:39,632
- that big dick energy.
- Bug.
1029
00:39:39,632 --> 00:39:41,509
Well, you got
the first part down.
1030
00:39:41,509 --> 00:39:43,636
Aw, thanks for complimenting
my penis, Maggie.
1031
00:39:43,636 --> 00:39:45,513
You know,
your vagina's huge, too.
1032
00:39:45,513 --> 00:39:48,683
- Seriously?
- Shit. Why did I say that?
1033
00:39:50,018 --> 00:39:51,811
Hey, Reg,
let me ask you something.
1034
00:39:51,811 --> 00:39:53,313
Yeah?
- How sure are you
1035
00:39:53,313 --> 00:39:54,981
that the big cone is this way?
1036
00:39:54,981 --> 00:39:58,484
I don't know, on a scale
of sure to not sure,
1037
00:39:58,484 --> 00:40:00,278
pretty sure...
1038
00:40:02,071 --> 00:40:03,990
...that I'm not really sure.
That I'm sure of.
1039
00:40:03,990 --> 00:40:06,075
- Holy shit. We're lost.
Ah, great.
1040
00:40:06,075 --> 00:40:08,077
- I knew this would happen.
- Hey, calm down, Bug.
1041
00:40:08,077 --> 00:40:10,079
We'll figure it out.
This could be a lot worse.
1042
00:40:10,079 --> 00:40:11,831
Oh, really, Hunter?
I'm starving,
1043
00:40:11,831 --> 00:40:14,334
we're completely fucking lost,
and my little puppy paw pads
1044
00:40:14,334 --> 00:40:15,918
are really hurting right now,
1045
00:40:15,918 --> 00:40:18,338
so how exactly
could this get worse?
1046
00:40:19,172 --> 00:40:20,840
Huh? How could it?
Tell me, huh?
1047
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:22,592
How could it get worse?
1048
00:40:23,426 --> 00:40:24,844
- Oh, oh, oh!
1049
00:40:24,844 --> 00:40:26,596
Bug! -Why did I say
it could get a lot worse?
1050
00:40:26,596 --> 00:40:28,348
Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, please,
please, please don't drop me.
1051
00:40:28,348 --> 00:40:30,058
- Don't eat me. None of that!
Bug!
1052
00:40:30,058 --> 00:40:31,517
That eagle has
some good timing.
1053
00:40:31,517 --> 00:40:33,102
Bug! Hold on, buddy!
1054
00:40:33,102 --> 00:40:34,646
Reg, Reggie, guys, help me.
1055
00:40:34,646 --> 00:40:36,939
Ask him if he wouldn't mind
bringing you lower!
1056
00:40:36,939 --> 00:40:38,358
What?
What are you talking about?
1057
00:40:38,358 --> 00:40:40,068
- I don't speak bird.
- We're in a real pickle!
1058
00:40:40,068 --> 00:40:41,903
Help, help, help. Do something.
Somebody do something.
1059
00:40:41,903 --> 00:40:43,571
Oh! Oh, God!
1060
00:40:47,241 --> 00:40:48,117
Fuck!
1061
00:40:48,117 --> 00:40:50,620
Yes! No!
Shit, this is fucking crazy.
1062
00:40:50,620 --> 00:40:52,163
- We're going higher.
Hold on, buddy.
1063
00:40:52,163 --> 00:40:53,790
Reggie! Bug!
1064
00:40:53,790 --> 00:40:56,918
Oh, wow, your balls look huge
from this angle.
1065
00:40:56,918 --> 00:40:59,879
Thank you, but holy fuck!
1066
00:41:01,089 --> 00:41:04,133
That is
a golden-cheeked warbler.
1067
00:41:04,133 --> 00:41:06,594
I've been missing that one.
1068
00:41:07,512 --> 00:41:09,263
Uh...
1069
00:41:13,226 --> 00:41:14,394
Check.
1070
00:41:22,235 --> 00:41:24,237
Holy shit.
1071
00:41:24,237 --> 00:41:27,907
That is the craziest thing
I have ever seen.
1072
00:41:28,991 --> 00:41:30,535
And I'm Dennis Quaid,
1073
00:41:30,535 --> 00:41:33,413
and Dennis Quaid
has seen some shit.
1074
00:41:33,413 --> 00:41:35,748
- Let me down, bitch!
- Bug, look! Over there!
1075
00:41:35,748 --> 00:41:37,500
- The giant cone!
- What?
1076
00:41:37,500 --> 00:41:39,961
The giant cone!
Oh, the cone.
1077
00:41:39,961 --> 00:41:41,421
Well, shit,
that would be great news
1078
00:41:41,421 --> 00:41:43,423
if we weren't stuck
to this fucking bird.
1079
00:41:44,590 --> 00:41:46,843
Bug, I got an idea. Hang on!
1080
00:41:46,843 --> 00:41:49,595
- Reg, what are you doing?
1081
00:41:49,595 --> 00:41:51,931
Oh, God.
1082
00:41:51,931 --> 00:41:54,434
That's bold. It's too bold.
1083
00:41:56,102 --> 00:41:58,312
Here we go!
1084
00:42:01,441 --> 00:42:03,651
- Well, shit. Ow!
- Aah!
1085
00:42:04,110 --> 00:42:05,528
Fuck! Not again!
1086
00:42:07,613 --> 00:42:08,781
Reggie! Bug!
1087
00:42:08,781 --> 00:42:10,908
Aah! Help!
Aah! Branch!
1088
00:42:10,908 --> 00:42:13,202
Shit! Fuck!
Oh! Smaller branch!
1089
00:42:19,083 --> 00:42:21,210
Wow, they're hitting
a worst-case-scenario
1090
00:42:21,210 --> 00:42:23,212
amount of branches.
1091
00:42:23,212 --> 00:42:25,339
Paws, paws, paws, paws, paws!
1092
00:42:25,339 --> 00:42:26,716
Tail!
1093
00:42:28,885 --> 00:42:30,720
Oh, my God, I am so sorry.
1094
00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:32,930
I did not mean to barge in
like this.
1095
00:42:32,930 --> 00:42:34,182
- What, are you guys wrestling?
1096
00:42:34,182 --> 00:42:35,808
Shit!
1097
00:42:35,808 --> 00:42:38,436
Bug!
1098
00:42:38,436 --> 00:42:40,646
- Reggie!
You're alive!
1099
00:42:40,646 --> 00:42:42,565
Fuck, got a stick up my ass.
1100
00:42:42,565 --> 00:42:44,317
Well, Hunter was right.
1101
00:42:44,317 --> 00:42:46,235
That could've been worse.
1102
00:42:46,235 --> 00:42:47,862
Just get the fuck
out of the bush.
1103
00:42:47,862 --> 00:42:50,156
Reggie, you are
once again a legend.
1104
00:42:50,156 --> 00:42:51,407
Guys, that was epic.
1105
00:42:51,407 --> 00:42:53,493
Fucking leaves. Get off me.
1106
00:42:53,493 --> 00:42:54,869
Guys, you wouldn't believe it.
1107
00:42:54,869 --> 00:42:56,120
- We saw the giant cone.
What?
1108
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:57,163
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
we did, we did.
1109
00:42:57,163 --> 00:42:58,748
- Really?
- That's amazing.
1110
00:42:58,748 --> 00:42:59,957
Yeah, that means we're heading
in the right direction.
1111
00:42:59,957 --> 00:43:01,250
Yeah, a-and not to be cheesy,
1112
00:43:01,250 --> 00:43:02,919
but being up in the sky
like that
1113
00:43:02,919 --> 00:43:05,296
just moments from my death,
1114
00:43:05,296 --> 00:43:07,507
I-I learned something
about life.
1115
00:43:07,507 --> 00:43:08,591
- Wh-What's that?
- What?
1116
00:43:08,591 --> 00:43:10,510
Birds don't have genitals.
1117
00:43:10,510 --> 00:43:12,762
Well, then how do they...
1118
00:43:12,762 --> 00:43:13,971
I don't know.
1119
00:43:13,971 --> 00:43:16,557
Maybe they have
both parts inside.
1120
00:43:16,557 --> 00:43:18,518
So, if you were to say,
"Go fuck yourself,"
1121
00:43:18,518 --> 00:43:21,354
they could actually do it.
1122
00:43:22,396 --> 00:43:24,190
Um, okay, then.
1123
00:43:24,190 --> 00:43:26,859
So, hey, next up is
the devil in the sky.
1124
00:43:29,529 --> 00:43:30,822
Howling.
1125
00:43:30,822 --> 00:43:32,532
Come on, guys,
we're over halfway there.
1126
00:43:32,532 --> 00:43:34,951
Hey, my howl's getting
better. You guys hear that?
1127
00:43:34,951 --> 00:43:36,911
- Hey, man, uh...
- Yeah?
1128
00:43:36,911 --> 00:43:38,913
I really appreciate
what you did up there.
1129
00:43:38,913 --> 00:43:40,915
I mean, no need to pee
on each other
1130
00:43:40,915 --> 00:43:43,459
or anything like that,
but thanks.
1131
00:43:43,459 --> 00:43:46,045
Of course. We're Pee-FFs.
1132
00:43:46,045 --> 00:43:47,547
We stick together.
1133
00:43:47,547 --> 00:43:49,131
All right, all right,
all right. Enough.
1134
00:43:49,131 --> 00:43:50,675
Put your tongue
back in your mouth.
1135
00:43:54,887 --> 00:43:58,307
Okay, okay. Never have
I ever gone down on a girl dog.
1136
00:43:58,307 --> 00:43:59,559
Really? Seriously?
1137
00:43:59,559 --> 00:44:00,893
You guys lick your balls
all day.
1138
00:44:00,893 --> 00:44:02,562
Oh, no, no, no.
That's different.
1139
00:44:02,562 --> 00:44:04,313
That's different.
That's different.
1140
00:44:04,313 --> 00:44:05,857
H-How is it different?
It's way different.
1141
00:44:05,857 --> 00:44:07,400
Yeah.
Bones to biscuits.
1142
00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:08,860
I can't believe
that I'm the only one.
1143
00:44:08,860 --> 00:44:10,069
What, you went down on a...
1144
00:44:10,069 --> 00:44:11,654
I was experimenting.
1145
00:44:11,654 --> 00:44:13,072
- Come on, I was in my twos.
Ah, yeah, yeah.
1146
00:44:13,072 --> 00:44:14,365
Oh, yeah, that's the twos.
1147
00:44:14,365 --> 00:44:15,825
Oh, like a Rumspringa.
1148
00:44:15,825 --> 00:44:17,451
♪ Living in this
big blue world... ♪
1149
00:44:17,451 --> 00:44:20,288
Okay, I got one.
Would you rather eat poop or...
1150
00:44:20,288 --> 00:44:21,622
BUG, HUNTER and MAGGIE:
Eat poop.
1151
00:44:21,622 --> 00:44:23,040
Definitely eat poop.
1152
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:24,458
Okay.
But I didn't even get to...
1153
00:44:24,458 --> 00:44:25,751
It doesn't matter. I like poop.
1154
00:44:26,669 --> 00:44:28,880
So, question. When dogs
have sex from behind...
1155
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:30,298
Okay, okay.
1156
00:44:30,298 --> 00:44:31,757
- ...what's the style?
That's just called
1157
00:44:31,757 --> 00:44:33,217
- regular style.
Regular style.
1158
00:44:33,217 --> 00:44:34,343
I mean, is there another style,
1159
00:44:34,343 --> 00:44:35,678
or do we only have one style?
1160
00:44:35,678 --> 00:44:36,929
I only know
one style of fucking,
1161
00:44:36,929 --> 00:44:38,180
and I've been doing it
my whole life.
1162
00:44:38,180 --> 00:44:39,765
Then what's human style?
1163
00:44:39,765 --> 00:44:41,267
In human style,
the boy pretends to be the dog
1164
00:44:41,267 --> 00:44:43,060
and the girl pretends
to be the couch.
1165
00:44:43,060 --> 00:44:44,312
It's very complicated.
1166
00:44:44,312 --> 00:44:46,022
Wow, that is complicated.
1167
00:44:46,022 --> 00:44:48,107
Every species is different.
1168
00:44:49,275 --> 00:44:51,444
♪ Two, four, six, eight,
who do we appreciate... ♪
1169
00:44:51,444 --> 00:44:52,862
All right, I've got a joke.
1170
00:44:52,862 --> 00:44:54,447
- Knock, knock.
1171
00:44:54,447 --> 00:44:56,198
No, no, no.
You got to ask, "Who's there?"
1172
00:44:56,198 --> 00:44:58,242
Oh, oh, okay. Got it, got it.
1173
00:44:58,242 --> 00:44:59,952
Knock, knock.
1174
00:44:59,952 --> 00:45:02,371
Guys, stop! You won't even
let me get to the joke part.
1175
00:45:02,371 --> 00:45:04,206
Later, Maggie.
Somebody's at the door.
1176
00:45:04,206 --> 00:45:06,208
Nothing funny about
a stranger at the door.
1177
00:45:06,208 --> 00:45:09,086
Ugh, you guys
are fucking morons.
1178
00:45:09,086 --> 00:45:12,340
♪ I know I'll be A-O, A-OK... ♪
1179
00:45:15,509 --> 00:45:17,219
You guys got anything yet?
1180
00:45:17,219 --> 00:45:19,305
Nah. Man, and I'm starving.
1181
00:45:19,305 --> 00:45:20,765
Anything edible over there?
1182
00:45:20,765 --> 00:45:22,016
Like a buffalo chicken pizza?
1183
00:45:22,016 --> 00:45:23,392
Nah, just squirrel poops.
1184
00:45:23,392 --> 00:45:24,894
Ah, nah, I can't eat
no more of that shit.
1185
00:45:24,894 --> 00:45:26,312
You know what,
that goes right through me.
1186
00:45:26,312 --> 00:45:28,898
Hey, I think I got something.
1187
00:45:28,898 --> 00:45:30,775
What do you got?
1188
00:45:33,986 --> 00:45:36,155
- What are those?
- Kind of looks like food.
1189
00:45:36,155 --> 00:45:37,782
I-I don't... I don't know.
1190
00:45:38,741 --> 00:45:40,326
Mmm.
Oh, it's not too bad.
1191
00:45:40,326 --> 00:45:41,827
I'm down to clown.
1192
00:45:41,827 --> 00:45:43,496
Mmm. How many
of these should we eat?
1193
00:45:43,496 --> 00:45:45,081
Mm, all of them?
Yeah, that makes sense.
1194
00:45:45,081 --> 00:45:47,083
These are so good. Mmm.
1195
00:45:47,083 --> 00:45:48,292
Ooh, this one's spicy.
1196
00:45:48,292 --> 00:45:50,711
Kind of nutty, right?
1197
00:45:56,175 --> 00:45:58,302
All right.
1198
00:45:58,302 --> 00:46:00,096
That should hold us.
1199
00:46:00,096 --> 00:46:01,681
Solid dinner.
1200
00:46:01,681 --> 00:46:04,433
Mmm. All right,
let's get moving.
1201
00:46:04,433 --> 00:46:06,894
Oh, shit. Uh, give me a sec.
1202
00:46:06,894 --> 00:46:08,437
Whoa, whoa.
1203
00:46:08,437 --> 00:46:10,106
What the fuck?
1204
00:46:19,198 --> 00:46:21,450
Hunter, your cone.
1205
00:46:21,450 --> 00:46:24,745
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know.
I should probably take it off.
1206
00:46:24,745 --> 00:46:26,747
No, no. It's growing.
1207
00:46:26,747 --> 00:46:28,207
Oh, my God.
1208
00:46:28,207 --> 00:46:29,750
Oh, my God.
1209
00:46:29,750 --> 00:46:31,794
Bug.
- No.
1210
00:46:31,794 --> 00:46:33,462
FEMALE VOICE
Bug...
1211
00:46:33,462 --> 00:46:34,797
Can't be.
1212
00:46:36,799 --> 00:46:38,134
Dolores.
1213
00:46:38,134 --> 00:46:39,927
Hello, Bug.
1214
00:46:39,927 --> 00:46:41,220
What you doing out here?
1215
00:46:41,220 --> 00:46:42,388
We need to talk.
1216
00:46:42,388 --> 00:46:44,974
Wait, Maggie.
You look different.
1217
00:46:44,974 --> 00:46:46,142
Really?
1218
00:46:46,142 --> 00:46:48,394
Oh, shit.
You look different, too.
1219
00:46:48,394 --> 00:46:50,563
- How so?
- Um, you kind of...
1220
00:46:50,563 --> 00:46:53,733
Is it my human hands?
1221
00:46:53,733 --> 00:46:55,234
Hey, do you think
I could play piano now?
1222
00:46:55,234 --> 00:46:56,402
Definitely.
1223
00:47:01,323 --> 00:47:02,783
Doug?
1224
00:47:03,576 --> 00:47:04,952
Hey, Reggie.
1225
00:47:04,952 --> 00:47:06,412
Doug!
1226
00:47:06,412 --> 00:47:07,830
How's it going?
1227
00:47:07,830 --> 00:47:09,248
Not great.
1228
00:47:09,248 --> 00:47:11,000
Just giving it one last shave,
1229
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:13,753
'cause word on the street is
you're planning to bite it off.
1230
00:47:13,753 --> 00:47:15,504
Oh, that was supposed to be
a surprise.
1231
00:47:15,504 --> 00:47:17,173
Who told you?
1232
00:47:18,007 --> 00:47:19,842
- Sorry, Daddy.
- Oh!
1233
00:47:19,842 --> 00:47:21,385
My son, the gnome.
1234
00:47:21,385 --> 00:47:23,095
- We're done, Bug.
- What?
1235
00:47:23,095 --> 00:47:25,264
- I'm seeing someone else now.
- Who?
1236
00:47:26,307 --> 00:47:27,600
You kidding me? Him?
1237
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:29,310
Hey, go fuck yourself, man!
1238
00:47:30,019 --> 00:47:32,354
I actually can.
I have both parts!
1239
00:47:32,354 --> 00:47:33,606
Dolores, come back!
1240
00:47:33,606 --> 00:47:34,982
He yelled to the sky.
1241
00:47:34,982 --> 00:47:36,984
But what Bug didn't realize...
1242
00:47:36,984 --> 00:47:38,402
Oh, fuck you, narrator dog.
1243
00:47:38,402 --> 00:47:39,445
He said.
1244
00:47:39,445 --> 00:47:41,197
Stop saying, "He said."
1245
00:47:41,989 --> 00:47:43,532
He replied.
1246
00:47:43,532 --> 00:47:46,118
I always had such high hopes
for you, Reggie.
1247
00:47:46,118 --> 00:47:48,037
I just wanted you to be a...
1248
00:47:48,037 --> 00:47:50,414
good boy.
1249
00:47:51,415 --> 00:47:53,709
All I ever wanted
was to be a good boy.
1250
00:47:53,709 --> 00:47:55,127
Goodbye, Reggie.
1251
00:47:57,046 --> 00:47:58,923
Wait! Doug, come back!
1252
00:47:58,923 --> 00:48:00,549
Oh, whoa. What's that smell?
1253
00:48:00,549 --> 00:48:02,218
- What? Wh-What?
1254
00:48:02,218 --> 00:48:04,261
It's coming from over here.
1255
00:48:04,261 --> 00:48:05,805
Hunter, are you seeing this?
1256
00:48:06,931 --> 00:48:08,474
HUNTER and MAGGIE:
Toys!
1257
00:48:08,474 --> 00:48:10,810
Guys, get in here.
Get over here.
1258
00:48:12,061 --> 00:48:14,146
Reg, Reg!
Pull this one with me.
1259
00:48:14,146 --> 00:48:15,856
- It's squishy!
- Oh, fluffy!
1260
00:48:15,856 --> 00:48:17,483
I can't feel my snout.
1261
00:48:17,483 --> 00:48:19,652
Oh, there's toys everywhere!
1262
00:48:20,986 --> 00:48:24,865
Oh, I don't want
this day to ever end.
1263
00:48:24,865 --> 00:48:27,034
Yeah. Me, neither.
1264
00:48:39,004 --> 00:48:41,048
Morning, guys.
1265
00:48:41,048 --> 00:48:42,216
Comfy?
1266
00:48:42,216 --> 00:48:44,135
Oh, shit.
I thought you were Dolores.
1267
00:48:44,135 --> 00:48:45,803
My bad. I got to go pee.
1268
00:48:45,803 --> 00:48:47,680
What's that by your feet,
Reggie?
1269
00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:48,973
My feet?
1270
00:48:48,973 --> 00:48:50,349
What are you talking about?
What is that?
1271
00:48:50,349 --> 00:48:51,392
Yeah, what is that?
1272
00:48:51,392 --> 00:48:53,352
Oh, my God. That's an ear.
1273
00:48:54,061 --> 00:48:56,438
- An ear?
- Holy fucking shit.
1274
00:48:56,438 --> 00:48:58,858
They were toys. Guys,
where are the goddamn toys?
1275
00:48:58,858 --> 00:49:01,360
This is not real.
This is not real.
1276
00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:02,570
Th-This is real.
1277
00:49:02,570 --> 00:49:04,363
This is real. Oh, my God!
1278
00:49:04,363 --> 00:49:05,698
We killed 'em!
1279
00:49:05,698 --> 00:49:07,032
I'm gonna barf.
1280
00:49:07,032 --> 00:49:09,076
Oh, God.
There's fur in the barf.
1281
00:49:09,076 --> 00:49:11,287
We're fucking murderers!
Oh, my God, now I'm gonna barf.
1282
00:49:11,287 --> 00:49:13,205
Holy fuck. Holy fuck.
This can't be happening.
1283
00:49:13,205 --> 00:49:14,623
Hang in there. Stay with me.
1284
00:49:14,623 --> 00:49:15,833
I-I'll fix you.
1285
00:49:15,833 --> 00:49:17,334
Bug, what are you doing?
1286
00:49:17,334 --> 00:49:18,836
What it look like I'm doing?
1287
00:49:18,836 --> 00:49:20,880
I'm getting rid of
the evidence. Nobody can know!
1288
00:49:29,263 --> 00:49:33,851
Um, we are gathered here today
to say goodbye to the bunnies.
1289
00:49:33,851 --> 00:49:36,061
Honestly, what we did
was an accident.
1290
00:49:36,061 --> 00:49:37,771
- Absolutely.
- Mm-hmm. -Right.
1291
00:49:37,771 --> 00:49:40,399
And I know that if we weren't
confused from the food we ate
1292
00:49:40,399 --> 00:49:43,360
we would have never mauled you,
tore all your limbs off
1293
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:46,780
and shook your corpses around
while giggling gleefully...
1294
00:49:46,780 --> 00:49:48,157
by accident.
1295
00:49:48,157 --> 00:49:49,909
So, bless you, bunnies.
1296
00:49:49,909 --> 00:49:50,993
- Yes. Sorry.
- Bless you.
1297
00:49:50,993 --> 00:49:52,286
- So sorry.
- Sorry.
1298
00:49:52,286 --> 00:49:53,829
- Amen.
- All right, that's it.
1299
00:49:53,829 --> 00:49:55,206
Never speak of this again.
1300
00:49:55,206 --> 00:49:56,874
Not one word, you hear me?
1301
00:49:56,874 --> 00:49:58,500
Not one fucking word.
1302
00:49:58,500 --> 00:50:00,753
- Not one word about what?
- Oh, shit. The cops.
1303
00:50:00,753 --> 00:50:02,296
"Oh, shit" is right, motherfucker.
1304
00:50:02,296 --> 00:50:04,590
Wait, wh-what did we do?
We're innocent. I promise.
1305
00:50:04,590 --> 00:50:06,008
- Sit!
- I am.
1306
00:50:06,008 --> 00:50:08,219
On the ground. Lay down,
paws where I can see 'em.
1307
00:50:08,219 --> 00:50:10,012
- We are laying down.
- Search these bitches.
1308
00:50:10,012 --> 00:50:11,430
They're hiding something.
1309
00:50:11,430 --> 00:50:13,182
- Oh, God. What do we do?
- Calm down. I got this.
1310
00:50:13,182 --> 00:50:15,100
I'm-a speak
with my white dog voice.
1311
00:50:15,100 --> 00:50:16,602
Hello, Officer.
1312
00:50:16,602 --> 00:50:18,145
None of us have ever killed
1313
00:50:18,145 --> 00:50:20,064
- a bunny in our lives.
- MAGGIE, REGGIE, HUNTER: Bug!
1314
00:50:20,064 --> 00:50:21,690
What?
Everybody, shut the fuck up.
1315
00:50:21,690 --> 00:50:24,276
We're looking for a lost
Girl Scout, Riley Anderson,
1316
00:50:24,276 --> 00:50:25,945
age eight in human years.
1317
00:50:25,945 --> 00:50:27,988
Wandered away from her campsite
two days ago.
1318
00:50:27,988 --> 00:50:30,115
Thought you dogs might have
some contact with her.
1319
00:50:30,115 --> 00:50:31,700
I've got nothing, sir.
1320
00:50:31,700 --> 00:50:33,452
But it smells like you haven't.
Let's move out.
1321
00:50:33,452 --> 00:50:35,037
Wait, wait. I could help.
1322
00:50:35,037 --> 00:50:37,206
I'm sorry, I don't really want
to be that bitch,
1323
00:50:37,206 --> 00:50:39,291
but I'm actually really good
at sniffing,
1324
00:50:39,291 --> 00:50:42,127
and I'd be happy to assist
in finding this lost girl.
1325
00:50:42,127 --> 00:50:45,714
Adorable. Yeah, no, thanks,
Australian shep-turd.
1326
00:50:45,714 --> 00:50:47,424
Excuse me,
but you really shouldn't
1327
00:50:47,424 --> 00:50:48,801
talk to her like that.
1328
00:50:48,801 --> 00:50:51,011
And what the fuck
are you gonna do about it?
1329
00:50:51,011 --> 00:50:52,680
I-I will do nothing
the fuck about it.
1330
00:50:52,680 --> 00:50:54,348
I am sitting down now.
1331
00:50:54,348 --> 00:50:55,557
Oh, Hunter.
1332
00:50:55,557 --> 00:50:56,850
Hunter?
1333
00:50:56,850 --> 00:50:58,644
Rolf?
1334
00:50:58,644 --> 00:51:01,438
Holy mother-flipping shit!
1335
00:51:01,438 --> 00:51:03,148
I didn't recognize you
with the cone.
1336
00:51:03,148 --> 00:51:04,900
Yeah, yeah, I got a cone now.
1337
00:51:04,900 --> 00:51:06,151
Bring it in, bro.
1338
00:51:06,151 --> 00:51:07,528
- Buddy!
- Give us some.
1339
00:51:07,528 --> 00:51:09,029
God, hey, well,
I should've known,
1340
00:51:09,029 --> 00:51:10,656
'cause your butthole smells
exactly the same.
1341
00:51:10,656 --> 00:51:12,574
You know, I'll never
forget this butthole.
1342
00:51:12,574 --> 00:51:13,742
- The fuck?
- You know this guy?
1343
00:51:13,742 --> 00:51:15,160
You kidding me?
1344
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:17,246
This fucker and I went
to the academy together.
1345
00:51:17,246 --> 00:51:19,707
Everything I know, I learned
from this son of a bitch.
1346
00:51:19,707 --> 00:51:21,542
Technically, we're all
sons of bitches, sir.
1347
00:51:21,542 --> 00:51:22,668
Shut up.
1348
00:51:22,668 --> 00:51:24,378
Hey, so where'd you
end up, brother?
1349
00:51:24,378 --> 00:51:26,297
Drug sniffing, bomb detection?
What are we talking about?
1350
00:51:26,297 --> 00:51:29,550
Oh, um, well, I take care
of dying humans.
1351
00:51:29,550 --> 00:51:32,678
Oh. Well, I mean, that's not
the end of the world, I guess.
1352
00:51:32,678 --> 00:51:34,596
Well, for them it is.
1353
00:51:34,596 --> 00:51:36,181
Well, hey, guys.
1354
00:51:36,181 --> 00:51:37,808
You found some strays, Rolf?
1355
00:51:37,808 --> 00:51:39,852
Huh? Good job.
1356
00:51:39,852 --> 00:51:41,520
So, what are you fuckers doing
out here, huh?
1357
00:51:41,520 --> 00:51:43,689
Oh, uh, well,
it's a long story.
1358
00:51:43,689 --> 00:51:44,857
We're gonna bite
a guy's dick off.
1359
00:51:44,857 --> 00:51:46,233
It's actually a short story.
1360
00:51:46,233 --> 00:51:47,651
Nice.
Man, when I joined the force,
1361
00:51:47,651 --> 00:51:49,278
you could bite dicks
left and right.
1362
00:51:49,278 --> 00:51:50,946
Nowadays, I chomp a dick,
1363
00:51:50,946 --> 00:51:52,823
I got to fill out
two weeks of paperwork.
1364
00:51:52,823 --> 00:51:55,951
Can I get an AC unit
down to Old Forest Road 54?
1365
00:51:55,951 --> 00:51:57,703
We're trying to get
to the devil in the sky.
1366
00:51:57,703 --> 00:51:58,787
Does that sound familiar?
1367
00:51:58,787 --> 00:52:00,622
Devil in the sky? Yeah.
1368
00:52:00,622 --> 00:52:02,291
You stick with us,
we'll show you the way.
1369
00:52:02,291 --> 00:52:04,752
- Wow. Really?
- Sure thing, rat boy.
1370
00:52:05,627 --> 00:52:07,546
Let's not wait so long
next time, huh?
1371
00:52:07,546 --> 00:52:08,881
What's it been, seven years?
1372
00:52:08,881 --> 00:52:10,382
I think just one,
but every year
1373
00:52:10,382 --> 00:52:11,967
feels like seven to us,
so that makes sense.
1374
00:52:11,967 --> 00:52:13,552
Okay, listen. We got to get
our story straight.
1375
00:52:13,552 --> 00:52:14,803
- Uh-huh.
- It was a possum
1376
00:52:14,803 --> 00:52:16,096
who killed all the bunnies,
got it?
1377
00:52:16,096 --> 00:52:17,389
Wait, what's the possum's name?
1378
00:52:17,389 --> 00:52:18,724
Uh, Greg.
1379
00:52:18,724 --> 00:52:21,101
That's not a believable name
for a possum.
1380
00:52:21,101 --> 00:52:22,561
Ooh, can it be Monty?
1381
00:52:22,561 --> 00:52:24,938
- Hey, Cath.
- Steve. Thanks for coming over.
1382
00:52:24,938 --> 00:52:27,107
Hey, little guy. Want a treat?
1383
00:52:27,107 --> 00:52:28,650
Treats! I love treats!
1384
00:52:28,650 --> 00:52:31,487
Oh, my goodness.
Does somebody want a treat?
1385
00:52:31,487 --> 00:52:33,322
This one's all for you.
I got tons of treats.
1386
00:52:33,322 --> 00:52:34,740
Reggie, it's a trap!
1387
00:52:34,740 --> 00:52:36,492
- Hey!
1388
00:52:36,492 --> 00:52:39,328
Hey, hey! Those bunnies
were dead when we found 'em!
1389
00:52:39,328 --> 00:52:41,580
It was a possum named,
uh, Greg or-or...
1390
00:52:41,580 --> 00:52:43,582
Monty!
His name was Monty, not Greg!
1391
00:52:43,582 --> 00:52:45,876
No choice. They threatened us!
1392
00:52:45,876 --> 00:52:48,003
But, Rolf,
I thought we were pals.
1393
00:52:48,003 --> 00:52:49,505
Sorry, old friend.
The law's the law.
1394
00:52:49,505 --> 00:52:50,881
You know how it is.
1395
00:52:50,881 --> 00:52:53,008
What a sadistic fuck.
1396
00:52:53,008 --> 00:52:55,427
Hey, calm down, sweetie pie.
You'll all be fine.
1397
00:52:55,427 --> 00:52:57,221
You got tags,
they'll send you home.
1398
00:53:00,224 --> 00:53:02,101
- Whoa, fresh meat.
- Hey, big boy.
1399
00:53:02,101 --> 00:53:04,895
- I like the mouth on that one.
- Mm, we gonna cuddle real hard!
1400
00:53:04,895 --> 00:53:07,189
Hey, bitch. Hey, little bitch.
-
1401
00:53:07,189 --> 00:53:09,441
Guys, we got to get
out of here.
1402
00:53:09,441 --> 00:53:10,943
We're running out of time.
1403
00:53:10,943 --> 00:53:12,694
- Where even are we?
- Nowhere good.
1404
00:53:12,694 --> 00:53:14,780
No, no, no, no, no.
I can't be here.
1405
00:53:14,780 --> 00:53:15,948
I can't. Not this again.
1406
00:53:15,948 --> 00:53:17,533
Come on, mate. We'll be fine.
1407
00:53:17,533 --> 00:53:19,368
Yeah, Rolf told us
they'll just send us home.
1408
00:53:19,368 --> 00:53:20,953
- It'll be all right.
- They only send you home
1409
00:53:20,953 --> 00:53:22,663
if you got a home
to go back to.
1410
00:53:22,663 --> 00:53:24,248
And do you know
what these people do
1411
00:53:24,248 --> 00:53:26,458
to dogs that don't have one,
Hunter? Huh?
1412
00:53:26,458 --> 00:53:29,294
Do you have any idea
what they're about to do to me?
1413
00:53:29,294 --> 00:53:30,712
What they're about
to do to Reg?
1414
00:53:30,712 --> 00:53:32,172
Calm down, Bug.
We'll figure this out.
1415
00:53:32,172 --> 00:53:33,715
There ain't nothing
to figure out, Maggie.
1416
00:53:33,715 --> 00:53:35,634
These humans caught us,
and now we are fucked!
1417
00:53:35,634 --> 00:53:37,094
Bug, you don't know that.
1418
00:53:37,094 --> 00:53:38,387
Yeah. Uh, I mean, Bug,
1419
00:53:38,387 --> 00:53:40,389
you say you know
so much about humans,
1420
00:53:40,389 --> 00:53:41,849
but you don't really know them, either.
1421
00:53:41,849 --> 00:53:43,517
I mean, you've never
had an owner.
1422
00:53:43,517 --> 00:53:44,685
You never had a Jenna.
1423
00:53:44,685 --> 00:53:45,978
You never had a Doug.
1424
00:53:45,978 --> 00:53:46,979
I had an Emma.
1425
00:53:46,979 --> 00:53:48,480
- What?
1426
00:53:48,480 --> 00:53:49,940
Whoa, Bug.
1427
00:53:49,940 --> 00:53:51,316
You had an owner?
1428
00:53:51,316 --> 00:53:52,943
Yeah.
1429
00:53:52,943 --> 00:53:58,115
And I told myself that I would
never say her name again,
1430
00:53:58,115 --> 00:54:00,576
but y'all need to hear this.
1431
00:54:00,576 --> 00:54:01,869
- No.
- No? Okay.
1432
00:54:01,869 --> 00:54:03,579
I don't remember everything,
1433
00:54:03,579 --> 00:54:05,747
but I remember the day
she got me out of there.
1434
00:54:05,747 --> 00:54:07,916
- This one.
1435
00:54:07,916 --> 00:54:09,418
He's a cute little bugger.
1436
00:54:09,418 --> 00:54:11,128
Cute little bug.
1437
00:54:11,128 --> 00:54:13,088
♪ When we were on top... ♪
1438
00:54:13,088 --> 00:54:15,299
We did everything together.
1439
00:54:15,299 --> 00:54:16,508
We played all day,
1440
00:54:16,508 --> 00:54:18,927
and no matter how stupid
I acted,
1441
00:54:18,927 --> 00:54:20,846
- she always laughed.
1442
00:54:20,846 --> 00:54:22,181
Trick or treat.
1443
00:54:22,181 --> 00:54:23,891
We even did this thing I hated
1444
00:54:23,891 --> 00:54:26,185
where she would dress us up
in super weird clothes
1445
00:54:26,185 --> 00:54:28,854
and ask the neighbors
to give us that chocolate
1446
00:54:28,854 --> 00:54:31,190
- humans make from dog poop.
- Oh, oh, not for you, honey.
1447
00:54:32,566 --> 00:54:34,359
It's okay. It's just a storm.
1448
00:54:34,359 --> 00:54:36,528
But even better
than all the fun we had
1449
00:54:36,528 --> 00:54:38,363
is, uh, the way
she made me feel.
1450
00:54:38,363 --> 00:54:39,990
I love you.
1451
00:54:39,990 --> 00:54:43,327
When she said that,
I felt so special.
1452
00:54:43,327 --> 00:54:44,786
And then it was usually
followed by
1453
00:54:44,786 --> 00:54:47,164
these incredible
belly scratches.
1454
00:54:47,164 --> 00:54:49,082
No one ever made my leg
kick like that.
1455
00:54:49,082 --> 00:54:51,293
Except for this one night
with this raccoon
1456
00:54:51,293 --> 00:54:54,129
I don't like to talk about,
but, uh... anyway. -
1457
00:54:54,922 --> 00:54:58,300
But then I made a mistake.
1458
00:55:00,511 --> 00:55:02,471
It was a blur.
1459
00:55:03,388 --> 00:55:06,558
I didn't even know what I did
until it was too late.
1460
00:55:06,558 --> 00:55:08,810
Say goodbye to Bug.
1461
00:55:15,442 --> 00:55:18,570
I thought I was getting
put in time-out or something,
1462
00:55:18,570 --> 00:55:22,074
but... but the place
she sent me to...
1463
00:55:23,534 --> 00:55:25,953
...the time-outs there
never end.
1464
00:55:26,787 --> 00:55:28,622
Whoa!
1465
00:55:33,293 --> 00:55:35,420
I never saw her again.
1466
00:55:35,420 --> 00:55:38,840
After all we had been through--
everything she made me feel,
1467
00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:42,678
everything I thought
I made her feel--
1468
00:55:42,678 --> 00:55:44,304
just nothing.
1469
00:55:44,304 --> 00:55:45,931
We did so much together.
1470
00:55:45,931 --> 00:55:48,267
She taught me so many tricks.
1471
00:55:48,267 --> 00:55:53,105
But the one trick she never
wanted me to learn was: stay.
1472
00:55:54,523 --> 00:55:56,066
I think I zoned out
around the middle part.
1473
00:55:56,066 --> 00:55:57,651
Can you tell
the middle part again?
1474
00:55:57,651 --> 00:55:59,945
Hunter, I'm not gonna
tell the middle part again.
1475
00:55:59,945 --> 00:56:01,738
I'm sorry, Bug. I had no idea.
1476
00:56:01,738 --> 00:56:03,865
Don't be sorry, Reg.
Be thankful.
1477
00:56:03,865 --> 00:56:05,951
'Cause you got a chance
to make this right.
1478
00:56:05,951 --> 00:56:10,080
Oh, what I wouldn't give
to bite this girl in the dick.
1479
00:56:10,080 --> 00:56:12,791
But, you know, she's six, and I
don't know where she lives now,
1480
00:56:12,791 --> 00:56:15,460
and she's a girl and doesn't
even have a dick, but still.
1481
00:56:15,460 --> 00:56:18,338
Listen, what we're doing
isn't just about Doug.
1482
00:56:18,338 --> 00:56:20,716
We're doing this
for all of them.
1483
00:56:20,716 --> 00:56:23,093
For every single one
of those humans
1484
00:56:23,093 --> 00:56:25,721
who treated us like shit.
1485
00:56:25,721 --> 00:56:28,473
Man, biggest mistake
of my life.
1486
00:56:28,473 --> 00:56:30,892
Yeah. I'd regret that bite, too.
1487
00:56:30,892 --> 00:56:32,352
The bite? No.
1488
00:56:32,352 --> 00:56:33,937
I'm talking about her.
1489
00:56:33,937 --> 00:56:35,814
She's the mistake, not the...
1490
00:56:35,814 --> 00:56:37,107
Okay, well, we can talk about
1491
00:56:37,107 --> 00:56:38,650
getting back at your exes
all we want,
1492
00:56:38,650 --> 00:56:40,986
but none of that matters
if we can't get out of here.
1493
00:56:40,986 --> 00:56:44,364
Guys, what if we can
get the key?
1494
00:56:51,663 --> 00:56:53,040
Oh, no.
1495
00:56:53,040 --> 00:56:55,876
We'd need, like,
a super long pole to hook it.
1496
00:56:59,087 --> 00:57:01,256
Why is everyone looking at me?
1497
00:57:05,177 --> 00:57:06,970
Come on, Hunter, you can do it.
1498
00:57:08,555 --> 00:57:10,140
Dude, you're so close.
1499
00:57:10,140 --> 00:57:11,433
Just a little more.
1500
00:57:11,433 --> 00:57:13,185
Come on, get hornier.
You can do it.
1501
00:57:13,185 --> 00:57:14,686
This is all I got.
1502
00:57:14,686 --> 00:57:16,855
Maggie, come on. Excite him.
1503
00:57:17,689 --> 00:57:19,775
Hunter, this has been
1504
00:57:19,775 --> 00:57:24,029
a really long, hard trip,
1505
00:57:24,029 --> 00:57:26,657
but the thing
that keeps me panting
1506
00:57:26,657 --> 00:57:31,495
is thinking about us doing it,
regular style.
1507
00:57:31,495 --> 00:57:33,455
Oh, boy. It-It's working.
1508
00:57:33,455 --> 00:57:35,707
Keep talking, Maggie.
More sexy stuff.
1509
00:57:35,707 --> 00:57:36,958
Just picture me,
1510
00:57:36,958 --> 00:57:40,170
all eight nipples rock hard,
1511
00:57:40,170 --> 00:57:44,633
and I'm wearing nothing but...
the cone.
1512
00:57:46,635 --> 00:57:47,969
You're doing it, Hunter!
1513
00:57:47,969 --> 00:57:49,388
Come on, Hunter.
1514
00:57:49,388 --> 00:57:51,098
Use that dick of yours.
1515
00:57:51,098 --> 00:57:52,307
Yes, Hunter!
1516
00:57:52,307 --> 00:57:54,976
Hunter! Hunter!
1517
00:57:54,976 --> 00:57:57,104
Hunter! Hunter!
1518
00:57:57,104 --> 00:58:00,982
Hunter! Hunter! Hunter! Hunter!
1519
00:58:00,982 --> 00:58:03,068
Hunter!
1520
00:58:03,068 --> 00:58:04,695
Sorry, guys. It's hopeless.
1521
00:58:04,695 --> 00:58:06,113
Ugh. Hunter.
1522
00:58:06,113 --> 00:58:07,989
Shit. Really thought
that was gonna work.
1523
00:58:07,989 --> 00:58:10,075
Sorry my dick let you down.
1524
00:58:10,075 --> 00:58:11,952
Wait. I've got it.
1525
00:58:11,952 --> 00:58:14,329
What's the one thing
humans are obsessed with?
1526
00:58:14,329 --> 00:58:15,497
Uh, themselves.
1527
00:58:15,497 --> 00:58:16,748
- Painting their faces.
- Dying.
1528
00:58:16,748 --> 00:58:18,542
No. Bug, you said it yourself.
1529
00:58:18,542 --> 00:58:22,504
What's the thing humans are
most obsessed with about dogs?
1530
00:58:22,504 --> 00:58:24,506
- Our shit.
- Yes.
1531
00:58:24,506 --> 00:58:26,466
Every single time we shit,
what do they do?
1532
00:58:26,466 --> 00:58:27,843
They come and bag it up.
1533
00:58:27,843 --> 00:58:29,678
- Yeah.
- That's right. Once this place
1534
00:58:29,678 --> 00:58:32,180
gets all poopy,
Willy comes in and bags it up
1535
00:58:32,180 --> 00:58:34,433
like he's collecting it
for something. -OTHERS: Mm-hmm.
1536
00:58:34,433 --> 00:58:35,726
- Exactly.
For chocolate.
1537
00:58:35,726 --> 00:58:37,310
And that's our ticket
out of here.
1538
00:58:37,310 --> 00:58:39,855
We poop until
he has to open these doors,
1539
00:58:39,855 --> 00:58:41,857
and when he does, we charge.
1540
00:58:41,857 --> 00:58:43,442
Good idea, Reg.
- Nice thinking, kid. I'm in.
1541
00:58:43,442 --> 00:58:45,110
And I got a couple of shits
in the chamber.
1542
00:58:45,110 --> 00:58:47,612
- No thanks, kid.
1543
00:58:47,612 --> 00:58:48,905
What's wrong with you guys?
1544
00:58:48,905 --> 00:58:50,449
Don't you want to get out
of this place?
1545
00:58:50,449 --> 00:58:53,034
Of course. But we've been
burned so many times
1546
00:58:53,034 --> 00:58:54,411
we're smart enough to know
1547
00:58:54,411 --> 00:58:56,121
that we'll never get
beyond these walls
1548
00:58:56,121 --> 00:58:58,373
without a human coming
to adopt us.
1549
00:58:59,207 --> 00:59:01,501
Look, I get it.
1550
00:59:01,501 --> 00:59:03,503
I've had dark moments.
1551
00:59:03,503 --> 00:59:05,380
Moments where I felt stuck.
1552
00:59:05,380 --> 00:59:08,675
Moments where,
even if you couldn't see it,
1553
00:59:08,675 --> 00:59:11,970
felt like there was a wall
or a fence holding you back.
1554
00:59:11,970 --> 00:59:14,473
Yeah, invisible magic fences.
I swear to God, that's real.
1555
00:59:14,473 --> 00:59:17,642
But I'm here to tell you
that's garbage talk.
1556
00:59:17,642 --> 00:59:20,687
'Cause I was lucky enough
to meet some amazing friends
1557
00:59:20,687 --> 00:59:23,565
who taught me that
just beyond those walls
1558
00:59:23,565 --> 00:59:26,485
is a bunch of incredible stuff
worth living for.
1559
00:59:26,485 --> 00:59:28,153
There's lampposts to pee on.
1560
00:59:28,153 --> 00:59:31,364
There's scraps to eat
and couches to make love to.
1561
00:59:31,364 --> 00:59:32,783
And dead bunnies that...
1562
00:59:32,783 --> 00:59:34,242
- I-I know nothing about.
1563
00:59:34,242 --> 00:59:35,911
Yeah, I know nothing
about that, either.
1564
00:59:35,911 --> 00:59:37,245
Got no clue what you're
talking about on that one.
1565
00:59:37,245 --> 00:59:38,497
And tennis balls to fetch, and...
1566
00:59:38,497 --> 00:59:39,873
A dick to bite off.
1567
00:59:39,873 --> 00:59:42,000
What? Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That, too.
1568
00:59:43,293 --> 00:59:46,588
But most importantly, there's
a life out there worth living.
1569
00:59:46,588 --> 00:59:48,256
Whoo! Reggie!
Go, Reg!
1570
00:59:48,256 --> 00:59:51,843
So I'm asking you, do you want
to stay here and die,
1571
00:59:51,843 --> 00:59:55,931
or do you want to shit
your brains out and live?
1572
00:59:55,931 --> 00:59:57,432
Live!
1573
00:59:57,432 --> 00:59:59,017
We want to live!
1574
00:59:59,017 --> 01:00:00,602
Then poop with me!
1575
01:00:00,602 --> 01:00:02,854
Poop with me to freedom!
1576
01:00:02,854 --> 01:00:05,023
♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit,
oh, shit ♪
1577
01:00:05,023 --> 01:00:07,526
♪ Oh, shit,
oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
1578
01:00:07,526 --> 01:00:10,237
- ♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
- ♪ Are you ready for this? ♪
1579
01:00:10,237 --> 01:00:12,572
- ♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
- ♪ Oh... ♪
1580
01:00:13,532 --> 01:00:16,910
Dig deep inside of you,
deep inside your colon.
1581
01:00:16,910 --> 01:00:20,413
Release your pent-up feelings.
1582
01:00:20,413 --> 01:00:21,957
Let it flow.
1583
01:00:21,957 --> 01:00:23,542
♪ When I come to the club ♪
1584
01:00:23,542 --> 01:00:25,126
- ♪ Step aside ♪
- ♪ Oh, shit ♪
1585
01:00:25,126 --> 01:00:27,420
♪ Part the seas,
don't be havin' me in the line ♪
1586
01:00:27,420 --> 01:00:28,630
♪ Oh, shit... ♪
1587
01:00:28,630 --> 01:00:31,049
Great work, everybody.
Keep on pooping.
1588
01:00:31,049 --> 01:00:33,677
- ♪ And me love you long time ♪
- ♪ Oh, shit ♪
1589
01:00:33,677 --> 01:00:35,720
♪ How come every time
you come around ♪
1590
01:00:35,720 --> 01:00:38,557
♪ My London, London Bridge
wanna go down? ♪
1591
01:00:38,557 --> 01:00:41,768
♪ Like London, London, London,
be goin' down like. ♪
1592
01:00:46,690 --> 01:00:49,150
Those are my eyes.
1593
01:00:49,150 --> 01:00:50,402
Exactly.
1594
01:00:50,402 --> 01:00:53,321
I think Dad's really
gonna love this.
1595
01:00:59,995 --> 01:01:02,706
I think it's working.
Places, everyone.
1596
01:01:10,422 --> 01:01:13,174
Oh... oh, God.
1597
01:01:13,174 --> 01:01:15,969
I can taste it. Oh.
1598
01:01:19,347 --> 01:01:20,974
What?
1599
01:01:24,603 --> 01:01:26,313
Oh, fuck.
1600
01:01:41,453 --> 01:01:43,330
Very cute.
1601
01:01:43,330 --> 01:01:45,540
Very funny.
1602
01:01:45,540 --> 01:01:47,167
I see what's going on here.
1603
01:01:47,167 --> 01:01:51,880
You guys think that I am
1604
01:01:51,880 --> 01:01:54,382
a big fat fucking asshole, right?
1605
01:01:54,382 --> 01:01:56,217
You know everything about me.
1606
01:01:56,217 --> 01:01:59,220
You know all the things
that have happened in my life
1607
01:01:59,220 --> 01:02:01,723
with my dad and my ex-wife.
1608
01:02:07,062 --> 01:02:10,649
Bravo. Bravo.
1609
01:02:10,649 --> 01:02:11,691
Oh, encore!
1610
01:02:11,691 --> 01:02:14,527
Just kidding. It's done.
1611
01:02:14,527 --> 01:02:17,238
We are done!
1612
01:02:17,238 --> 01:02:18,615
- Wait, what are you...
1613
01:02:18,615 --> 01:02:20,992
Oh, my God. Wh-Whoa.
1614
01:02:23,411 --> 01:02:24,913
Charge!
1615
01:02:37,008 --> 01:02:38,343
Ah, we did it!
1616
01:02:38,343 --> 01:02:39,928
I can't believe
we shit that much!
1617
01:02:39,928 --> 01:02:41,846
Hunter's dick! Hunter's dick!
1618
01:02:41,846 --> 01:02:43,723
To hell with you!
1619
01:02:52,524 --> 01:02:54,192
Thanks for your patience, folks.
1620
01:02:54,192 --> 01:02:56,069
Really.
1621
01:02:57,070 --> 01:02:59,364
Ooh. I'm sorry, Diane.
1622
01:02:59,364 --> 01:03:01,491
Uh... uh...
1623
01:03:01,491 --> 01:03:04,619
"Then poop with me to freedom."
1624
01:03:04,619 --> 01:03:06,871
- So cheesy, but I loved it.
- What a plan.
1625
01:03:06,871 --> 01:03:08,456
What a speech, Reg.
1626
01:03:08,456 --> 01:03:10,625
Actually, Reginald,
I preferred the first speech.
1627
01:03:10,625 --> 01:03:13,420
You know, the one where you
convinced all of us to do this,
1628
01:03:13,420 --> 01:03:16,423
back when you were focused
on biting Doug's dick off.
1629
01:03:16,423 --> 01:03:18,466
Bug.
- Okay, okay, Bug, look...
1630
01:03:18,466 --> 01:03:20,301
Oh, look!
1631
01:03:20,301 --> 01:03:22,429
The devil in the sky.
We made it.
1632
01:03:22,429 --> 01:03:23,972
Look at that fucking guy!
1633
01:03:23,972 --> 01:03:26,725
Burn in hell, you
motherfucking son of a bitch.
1634
01:03:26,725 --> 01:03:28,101
I hate everything about him.
1635
01:03:28,101 --> 01:03:29,728
That dumbass smile,
those shitty pants.
1636
01:03:29,728 --> 01:03:31,604
I want to rip your nuts off
and make you watch!
1637
01:03:31,604 --> 01:03:33,189
Stupid hat
and your stupid truck
1638
01:03:33,189 --> 01:03:35,817
with the door
on the other side of the thing.
1639
01:03:35,817 --> 01:03:37,152
I hate his face.
1640
01:03:37,152 --> 01:03:38,820
I hate his personality.
I hate his bag.
1641
01:03:38,820 --> 01:03:41,114
He smells like
a thousand different houses,
1642
01:03:41,114 --> 01:03:43,658
and I can't trust that.
1643
01:03:43,658 --> 01:03:46,286
Anyways, good job, guys.
The final landmark.
1644
01:03:46,286 --> 01:03:47,996
- Yeah. That's right.
- And right on schedule.
1645
01:03:47,996 --> 01:03:50,081
Yeah, barely. You remember
which way to go from here?
1646
01:03:50,081 --> 01:03:54,419
Uh, yeah, we just... we just
stay on this road for now.
1647
01:03:54,419 --> 01:03:55,503
Good. Let's move.
1648
01:03:55,503 --> 01:03:56,463
- All right.
Great.
1649
01:03:56,463 --> 01:03:57,672
W-Wait, wait, wait.
1650
01:03:57,672 --> 01:03:59,007
One second. Can't leave yet.
1651
01:03:59,007 --> 01:04:00,216
- Huh?
- What's up, Reg?
1652
01:04:00,216 --> 01:04:01,634
Where is it?
1653
01:04:01,634 --> 01:04:03,428
Oh, there.
1654
01:04:04,929 --> 01:04:06,264
All right. Let's go, guys.
1655
01:04:06,264 --> 01:04:08,600
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Hold on a second.
1656
01:04:08,600 --> 01:04:10,727
Why couldn't you leave
without the ball, Reggie?
1657
01:04:10,727 --> 01:04:13,480
I don't know.
I-I just like tennis balls.
1658
01:04:13,480 --> 01:04:15,774
I know ball guys.
You're not a ball guy.
1659
01:04:15,774 --> 01:04:17,942
Well, you don't know
everything about me.
1660
01:04:17,942 --> 01:04:20,779
Well, I'm learning
a little more right now.
1661
01:04:20,779 --> 01:04:22,280
Drop the ball, Reg.
1662
01:04:22,280 --> 01:04:23,865
What? No.
1663
01:04:23,865 --> 01:04:25,867
Drop the fucking ball.
1664
01:04:25,867 --> 01:04:28,787
- Leave it.
- I'm not gonna leave the ball.
1665
01:04:28,787 --> 01:04:30,080
- Drop the ball!
- No.
1666
01:04:30,080 --> 01:04:31,372
Reggie, you drop
that goddamn ball!
1667
01:04:31,372 --> 01:04:33,041
- No.
- You don't even like balls!
1668
01:04:33,041 --> 01:04:34,667
Doug likes balls!
1669
01:04:34,667 --> 01:04:36,127
- Doug?
1670
01:04:36,127 --> 01:04:37,212
Oh, Reg.
1671
01:04:37,212 --> 01:04:38,963
I don't know why, but he does.
1672
01:04:38,963 --> 01:04:40,882
And when we play the game
fetch-and-fuck,
1673
01:04:40,882 --> 01:04:44,135
it always ends when I come home
and bring him back a ball.
1674
01:04:44,135 --> 01:04:46,846
So I know he's expecting it,
and I'm not gonna let him down.
1675
01:04:46,846 --> 01:04:48,765
- Goddamn it.
- So, when you told me
1676
01:04:48,765 --> 01:04:51,643
you didn't know how you were
gonna bite Doug in the dick,
1677
01:04:51,643 --> 01:04:54,145
the real reason you don't know
is because...
1678
01:04:54,145 --> 01:04:56,231
You're not gonna bite Doug
in the dick. -
1679
01:04:56,231 --> 01:05:00,068
Look, when we first set out,
I was totally into the plan.
1680
01:05:00,068 --> 01:05:02,028
But the closer we got to Doug,
1681
01:05:02,028 --> 01:05:05,657
the more I realize
that I miss him.
1682
01:05:05,657 --> 01:05:07,784
And I think he misses me, too.
1683
01:05:07,784 --> 01:05:08,993
Reggie, don't do this.
1684
01:05:08,993 --> 01:05:10,829
You deserve so much better
than him.
1685
01:05:10,829 --> 01:05:12,205
I don't, Hunter.
1686
01:05:12,205 --> 01:05:13,581
I really don't.
1687
01:05:13,581 --> 01:05:15,166
You know why Doug abandoned me?
1688
01:05:15,166 --> 01:05:17,669
Because I was the problem
in our relationship.
1689
01:05:17,669 --> 01:05:19,003
I ate his shoes.
1690
01:05:19,003 --> 01:05:20,755
I woke him up so early
every day
1691
01:05:20,755 --> 01:05:22,257
because I needed to pee.
1692
01:05:22,257 --> 01:05:23,716
And I pooped on the rug.
1693
01:05:23,716 --> 01:05:25,593
We've all pooped on the rug, Reggie.
1694
01:05:25,593 --> 01:05:28,304
Oh, did you roll in it, Maggie?
Did you roll in the poop?
1695
01:05:28,304 --> 01:05:30,723
Because guess what,
I rolled in the poop.
1696
01:05:30,723 --> 01:05:32,058
Okay, that's not great.
1697
01:05:32,058 --> 01:05:34,018
God, I can't believe
it took me this long
1698
01:05:34,018 --> 01:05:37,063
to realize this-- that every
time he called me a bad dog,
1699
01:05:37,063 --> 01:05:38,606
he was absolutely right.
1700
01:05:38,606 --> 01:05:40,108
It was all my fault.
1701
01:05:40,108 --> 01:05:41,401
Wow.
1702
01:05:41,401 --> 01:05:42,694
Well, I'm not gonna be
a bad dog anymore.
1703
01:05:42,694 --> 01:05:44,696
It's time for me
to be a good boy.
1704
01:05:44,696 --> 01:05:48,491
Jesus, I cannot believe that I
risked my life for this asshole
1705
01:05:48,491 --> 01:05:51,411
just so he could go back
and get with another asshole.
1706
01:05:51,411 --> 01:05:54,080
I did all of this for you, Reggie.
1707
01:05:54,080 --> 01:05:55,498
You didn't do this for me.
1708
01:05:55,498 --> 01:05:57,625
You said it yourself--
this isn't about Doug.
1709
01:05:57,625 --> 01:05:59,627
This is about
every single one of them
1710
01:05:59,627 --> 01:06:01,379
who treated us like shit.
1711
01:06:01,379 --> 01:06:02,589
This is about Emma.
1712
01:06:02,589 --> 01:06:04,632
- Reggie.
- Fuck you.
1713
01:06:04,632 --> 01:06:06,759
Hey, how about
rule number three, Bug?
1714
01:06:06,759 --> 01:06:08,011
You're on your own?
1715
01:06:08,011 --> 01:06:09,470
Well, then what were we?
1716
01:06:09,470 --> 01:06:11,222
Wow. -I don't think
you really want to be a stray.
1717
01:06:11,222 --> 01:06:12,640
I think you're sad and lonely.
1718
01:06:12,640 --> 01:06:14,225
Can you believe
this fucking guy?
1719
01:06:14,225 --> 01:06:16,561
And I think the only reason
you claim to hate humans
1720
01:06:16,561 --> 01:06:19,105
is because, if you ever stop
to think about what happened,
1721
01:06:19,105 --> 01:06:22,859
you'd realize that Emma
didn't fuck it up; you did.
1722
01:06:22,859 --> 01:06:24,402
Get the fuck away from me.
1723
01:06:24,402 --> 01:06:26,321
Believe me, I-I fucked up
with my owner, too,
1724
01:06:26,321 --> 01:06:28,990
so thank you for helping me
realize I was the problem.
1725
01:06:28,990 --> 01:06:31,868
Only difference is
I have a chance to fix it
1726
01:06:31,868 --> 01:06:34,078
and not end up like you.
1727
01:06:35,288 --> 01:06:36,623
Hey, hey, hey,
what are you doing?
1728
01:06:36,623 --> 01:06:37,832
- Guys, guys, stop.
- Guys, stop it.
1729
01:06:37,832 --> 01:06:39,292
- Guys! -Guys, come on.
- Come on!
1730
01:06:39,292 --> 01:06:40,877
- Give me this fucking thing.
- Give it back!
1731
01:06:40,877 --> 01:06:42,295
- Bug.
Guys.
1732
01:06:42,295 --> 01:06:43,421
Doug gave me that!
Give that back!
1733
01:06:43,421 --> 01:06:45,006
- I know he did.
- No!
1734
01:06:45,006 --> 01:06:46,925
Stop it. Stop.
Bug, don't do that.
1735
01:06:46,925 --> 01:06:49,385
That's what I think
about you and your owner.
1736
01:06:49,385 --> 01:06:51,262
Go fuck yourself, Reggie!
1737
01:06:51,262 --> 01:06:53,514
You two deserve each other.
1738
01:07:01,940 --> 01:07:03,733
- Reggie, don't do this!
- Reg.
1739
01:07:03,733 --> 01:07:06,027
I hope he's already left
without you.
1740
01:07:11,199 --> 01:07:13,076
Man.
1741
01:07:13,076 --> 01:07:16,788
I really thought my dick
was gonna hook those keys.
1742
01:07:16,788 --> 01:07:20,750
Um, but this is also a bummer.
1743
01:07:29,092 --> 01:07:31,386
Bug, we can't go back.
1744
01:07:31,386 --> 01:07:32,679
Sure, we can.
1745
01:07:32,679 --> 01:07:34,764
The devil in the sky,
cone, hamster wheel,
1746
01:07:34,764 --> 01:07:36,766
just in the opposite order
of how we came.
1747
01:07:36,766 --> 01:07:38,268
No dead bunnies this time.
1748
01:07:38,268 --> 01:07:39,811
Bug, she means
we can't leave him like this.
1749
01:07:39,811 --> 01:07:42,355
First off, Hunter,
we didn't leave him.
1750
01:07:42,355 --> 01:07:43,773
He left us.
1751
01:07:43,773 --> 01:07:45,942
Second, we don't know
the rest of the way
1752
01:07:45,942 --> 01:07:47,402
back to Doug's place anyway.
1753
01:07:47,402 --> 01:07:49,779
And third, I'm not just
gonna hang around here
1754
01:07:49,779 --> 01:07:51,322
and let some dickless bird
1755
01:07:51,322 --> 01:07:53,491
swoop in on my girlfriend
while I'm gone.
1756
01:07:53,491 --> 01:07:55,118
- What?
- Look,
1757
01:07:55,118 --> 01:07:57,120
if there's one thing
that the asshole got right,
1758
01:07:57,120 --> 01:07:59,998
it's that I have been
wasting my time with you guys.
1759
01:07:59,998 --> 01:08:03,001
I'm a stray, and I should start
acting like one.
1760
01:08:03,001 --> 01:08:04,877
- Wait, where are you going?
- I don't know.
1761
01:08:04,877 --> 01:08:07,088
- I'm about to go do some nunya.
- What's nunya?
1762
01:08:07,088 --> 01:08:09,090
- Nunya fucking business!
Oh, yeah,
1763
01:08:09,090 --> 01:08:10,675
I walked right into that one.
1764
01:08:10,675 --> 01:08:12,844
Let's go home, Hunter.
1765
01:08:16,556 --> 01:08:18,391
Talking about I'm lonely.
Talking about I'm scared.
1766
01:08:18,391 --> 01:08:20,226
Fuck does he think
he's talking about?
1767
01:08:20,226 --> 01:08:22,353
I'm-a tell you right now,
I ain't lonely,
1768
01:08:22,353 --> 01:08:23,938
and I damn sure ain't scared.
1769
01:08:23,938 --> 01:08:25,732
Fuck you, leaf.
1770
01:08:25,732 --> 01:08:27,358
End up like me?
1771
01:08:27,358 --> 01:08:29,694
I pissed on two cars
and three houses last week.
1772
01:08:29,694 --> 01:08:31,738
That's right,
I'm a three-year-old dog,
1773
01:08:31,738 --> 01:08:33,364
and I'm already a homeowner.
1774
01:08:33,364 --> 01:08:34,741
I'm living
the motherfucking dream, hmm?
1775
01:08:34,741 --> 01:08:36,534
And I'm not scared to be alone.
1776
01:08:36,534 --> 01:08:38,661
Matter of fact,
I ain't scared of anything.
1777
01:08:40,121 --> 01:08:41,122
Who's that?
1778
01:08:41,122 --> 01:08:42,415
Don't come closer.
1779
01:08:42,415 --> 01:08:45,501
I-I, uh... I'm crazy.
I fuck trash!
1780
01:09:00,516 --> 01:09:02,727
Nope, not doing this.
1781
01:09:02,727 --> 01:09:04,103
Just walk away, Bug.
1782
01:09:04,103 --> 01:09:07,273
Little girls like Emma suck,
and you know it.
1783
01:09:13,488 --> 01:09:15,448
Don't listen to her, man.
Don't listen to her.
1784
01:09:15,448 --> 01:09:17,533
Another fucking narcissist
1785
01:09:17,533 --> 01:09:19,118
putting her needs
above your own.
1786
01:09:19,118 --> 01:09:21,079
You've been down
this fucking road before, man.
1787
01:09:21,079 --> 01:09:23,122
Just... just...
1788
01:09:23,122 --> 01:09:25,291
Goddamn it.
1789
01:09:32,131 --> 01:09:34,509
Hey there.
1790
01:09:34,509 --> 01:09:37,178
What are you doing out here
all alone?
1791
01:09:37,887 --> 01:09:39,597
Did you get lost like me?
1792
01:09:39,597 --> 01:09:40,807
It's gonna be okay.
1793
01:09:40,807 --> 01:09:42,183
Holy shit. Wait!
1794
01:09:42,183 --> 01:09:43,393
You're the girl
that everyone's looking for.
1795
01:09:43,393 --> 01:09:44,519
Holy shit.
1796
01:09:44,519 --> 01:09:46,938
I found her! I found her!
1797
01:09:46,938 --> 01:09:48,606
S-Somebody, please help!
1798
01:09:48,606 --> 01:09:49,857
I found the girl!
1799
01:09:49,857 --> 01:09:52,318
- That's Bug.
- Bug! Where are you?
1800
01:09:52,318 --> 01:09:53,986
Let's go.
1801
01:09:56,614 --> 01:09:58,199
I see him!
1802
01:09:59,534 --> 01:10:00,785
I can't believe
you found the girl.
1803
01:10:00,785 --> 01:10:02,370
Oh, my God, Bug.
1804
01:10:02,370 --> 01:10:04,872
Come on. We got to get her
some help. She's in bad shape.
1805
01:10:04,872 --> 01:10:06,499
Help! Over here!
Over here!
1806
01:10:06,499 --> 01:10:07,834
We found her! Help!
1807
01:10:07,834 --> 01:10:10,503
- Help! Help!
- Rolf, you dickhead! Help!
1808
01:10:13,756 --> 01:10:15,800
Lost kid! Let's move!
1809
01:10:15,800 --> 01:10:17,051
- Over here!
- Rolf! -Help!
1810
01:10:17,051 --> 01:10:18,261
- Here they come.
Over here.
1811
01:10:18,261 --> 01:10:20,221
Munchkin, check the girl.
1812
01:10:20,221 --> 01:10:22,557
Hell of a job,
Hunter and small dogs.
1813
01:10:22,557 --> 01:10:25,560
- Didn't know you had it in you.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Riley!
1814
01:10:25,560 --> 01:10:27,937
Riley, here you are.
Good dog. Good dog.
1815
01:10:27,937 --> 01:10:29,272
You're okay.
1816
01:10:29,272 --> 01:10:30,481
I'm not even gonna ask
1817
01:10:30,481 --> 01:10:32,316
how you ended up
back in these woods.
1818
01:10:32,316 --> 01:10:35,653
All I'll ask is:
How can I repay you?
1819
01:10:36,821 --> 01:10:39,532
You can help save
my best friend.
1820
01:10:41,909 --> 01:10:44,412
Oh, what am I gonna say?
What am I gonna say?
1821
01:10:44,412 --> 01:10:47,373
Okay, I should probably
rehearse this.
1822
01:10:47,373 --> 01:10:48,499
Hey, Doug.
1823
01:10:48,499 --> 01:10:49,917
Hey, shitbag.
1824
01:10:49,917 --> 01:10:51,252
What have you been up to?
1825
01:10:51,252 --> 01:10:52,670
Mostly masturbating.
1826
01:10:52,670 --> 01:10:54,839
Oh, cool. Classic Doug.
1827
01:10:54,839 --> 01:10:56,883
So, I owe you an apology.
1828
01:10:56,883 --> 01:10:58,217
Okay.
1829
01:10:58,217 --> 01:10:59,510
You were totally right
1830
01:10:59,510 --> 01:11:00,761
to ditch me in that alley.
1831
01:11:00,761 --> 01:11:02,013
I mean, I was terrible.
1832
01:11:02,013 --> 01:11:03,347
Agreed.
1833
01:11:03,347 --> 01:11:05,016
But I was wondering, um,
1834
01:11:05,016 --> 01:11:07,727
if we could maybe make
some changes when I'm back.
1835
01:11:07,727 --> 01:11:09,687
Like, maybe we could
do walks now
1836
01:11:09,687 --> 01:11:12,773
and possibly increase
pee breaks to twice a day
1837
01:11:12,773 --> 01:11:15,860
and maybe, if you feel like it,
you could call me a...
1838
01:11:15,860 --> 01:11:18,613
a good boy
every once in a while.
1839
01:11:23,409 --> 01:11:25,786
Ugh, this is stupid.
1840
01:11:29,290 --> 01:11:30,833
What you mean,
you can't track him down?
1841
01:11:30,833 --> 01:11:32,293
You're sniff dogs.
That's what you do, right?
1842
01:11:32,293 --> 01:11:34,170
Yeah, come on, Rolf,
they taught us that.
1843
01:11:34,170 --> 01:11:35,588
It's impossible.
1844
01:11:35,588 --> 01:11:37,298
We can't track him without
knowing his scent first.
1845
01:11:37,298 --> 01:11:39,175
Did you get any whiff of him
yesterday, Munchkin?
1846
01:11:39,175 --> 01:11:40,968
Nothing I can recall, sir.
1847
01:11:40,968 --> 01:11:42,595
- Wait! The bandanna!
- Come again.
1848
01:11:42,595 --> 01:11:44,263
We can get his scent
from the bandanna.
1849
01:11:44,263 --> 01:11:46,224
- Let's go! Let's go!
- Nice, Maggie.
1850
01:11:46,224 --> 01:11:48,434
Rolf? Hey, Rolf!
1851
01:11:48,434 --> 01:11:50,394
- There it is!
There! There it is!
1852
01:11:50,394 --> 01:11:52,188
There it is!
1853
01:11:52,188 --> 01:11:53,940
Way to go, Maggie.
1854
01:11:53,940 --> 01:11:55,441
Halt!
1855
01:11:55,441 --> 01:11:57,527
Good God, what's that smell?
1856
01:11:57,527 --> 01:11:58,986
Can you smell Reggie
off that thing?
1857
01:11:58,986 --> 01:12:01,906
I'm not getting
any dog off of this, sir.
1858
01:12:01,906 --> 01:12:03,032
Just a lot of urine.
1859
01:12:03,032 --> 01:12:04,367
- Oh, huh. Oh, wow.
- Huh.
1860
01:12:04,367 --> 01:12:06,035
- That's, uh, weird.
- It was Bug.
1861
01:12:06,035 --> 01:12:07,787
And from the same patterns,
I can tell
1862
01:12:07,787 --> 01:12:09,580
this was
a very small pee stream,
1863
01:12:09,580 --> 01:12:12,667
indicative of a dog with
an unbelievably tiny penis.
1864
01:12:12,667 --> 01:12:14,794
- Again, Bug.
- It ain't indicative of shit.
1865
01:12:14,794 --> 01:12:17,338
If anything, it is indicative
of a well-shaped,
1866
01:12:17,338 --> 01:12:20,216
sensual penis
that transcends dick size.
1867
01:12:20,216 --> 01:12:22,260
Lots of TDU-- tiny dick urine--
over here.
1868
01:12:22,260 --> 01:12:23,886
It would take a miracle
to pick up
1869
01:12:23,886 --> 01:12:25,429
any dog scent
off of that thing.
1870
01:12:25,429 --> 01:12:27,431
There you are.
What's gotten into you guys?
1871
01:12:27,431 --> 01:12:29,267
Fuck are you doing?
1872
01:12:29,267 --> 01:12:30,601
You'll taint the smell!
1873
01:12:30,601 --> 01:12:32,228
I'm doing your job.
1874
01:12:32,228 --> 01:12:33,896
Now, back the fuck off, Adolf.
1875
01:12:33,896 --> 01:12:35,273
- Adolf?
- It's 'cause you're
1876
01:12:35,273 --> 01:12:36,774
a German shep... Oh, whatever.
1877
01:12:36,774 --> 01:12:38,276
I get it now. Hitler reference.
1878
01:12:39,610 --> 01:12:41,612
Go, Maggie. Go, Maggie.
1879
01:12:45,533 --> 01:12:47,034
I'm picking up...
1880
01:12:47,034 --> 01:12:49,287
bitches of the night,
pizza, vomit pizza,
1881
01:12:49,287 --> 01:12:50,913
hot dogs, all of our pee,
1882
01:12:50,913 --> 01:12:52,873
- eagle feathers, Dennis Quaid?
1883
01:12:52,873 --> 01:12:55,042
Squirrel sex, dead bunnies
that I know nothing about,
1884
01:12:55,042 --> 01:12:56,544
Hunter's boner,
oh, lots of shit,
1885
01:12:56,544 --> 01:12:58,921
a tiny Boston terrier dick and...
1886
01:12:58,921 --> 01:13:00,631
Reggie! I got him.
1887
01:13:00,631 --> 01:13:01,799
- Yes, Maggie.
- Let's move!
1888
01:13:01,799 --> 01:13:02,883
Come on, let's go!
1889
01:13:02,883 --> 01:13:04,302
Thanks, Rolf!
1890
01:13:04,302 --> 01:13:06,554
Except for when
you fucked us over!
1891
01:13:06,554 --> 01:13:07,930
Good luck, soldiers.
1892
01:13:07,930 --> 01:13:10,182
And sorry
I'm such a fucking asshole!
1893
01:13:10,182 --> 01:13:12,059
I should really work on myself.
1894
01:14:03,402 --> 01:14:06,238
Oh, thanks
for shitting on the carpet.
1895
01:14:06,238 --> 01:14:08,532
The fuck are you thinking, huh?
1896
01:14:08,532 --> 01:14:12,036
Oh, you're such a stupid
little piece of shit.
1897
01:14:20,211 --> 01:14:23,130
Can you just leave me
the fuck alone?
1898
01:14:23,130 --> 01:14:25,424
Bad dog!
1899
01:14:31,097 --> 01:14:34,308
That's what you fucking
sound like, you piece of shit.
1900
01:15:01,711 --> 01:15:05,047
Okay, one last shit on
the carpet, and then I'm out.
1901
01:15:24,900 --> 01:15:26,527
Hey, Doug.
1902
01:15:27,361 --> 01:15:29,029
Fuck.
1903
01:15:29,029 --> 01:15:30,781
It's me, Reggie.
1904
01:15:30,781 --> 01:15:33,868
A-And look, I-I know
you can't understand
1905
01:15:33,868 --> 01:15:35,161
what I'm saying right now...
1906
01:15:35,161 --> 01:15:36,537
This is not happening.
1907
01:15:36,537 --> 01:15:39,248
...but I just want to say
how I feel.
1908
01:15:39,248 --> 01:15:41,250
I know you didn't like me.
1909
01:15:41,250 --> 01:15:43,169
I mean, obviously.
1910
01:15:43,169 --> 01:15:45,212
You abandoned me in the street.
1911
01:15:45,212 --> 01:15:48,132
But just know that
I did everything I could
1912
01:15:48,132 --> 01:15:49,967
to make you feel loved.
1913
01:15:49,967 --> 01:15:52,386
And I thought,
if I loved you enough,
1914
01:15:52,386 --> 01:15:55,473
then maybe you would
love me back.
1915
01:15:56,348 --> 01:15:58,309
But then I met new friends.
1916
01:15:58,309 --> 01:16:02,563
I met the sweetest big dog
with just the nicest dick,
1917
01:16:02,563 --> 01:16:05,649
the most talented,
baddest bitch in the world,
1918
01:16:05,649 --> 01:16:08,277
and the-the tiniest, scrappiest,
1919
01:16:08,277 --> 01:16:11,947
funniest best friend
I could ever ask for.
1920
01:16:11,947 --> 01:16:15,785
Oh, and I met my son, too,
who's a gnome, and we had sex.
1921
01:16:15,785 --> 01:16:17,077
But whatever.
1922
01:16:17,077 --> 01:16:20,122
The point is
those friends showed me
1923
01:16:20,122 --> 01:16:22,166
what real love feels like,
1924
01:16:22,166 --> 01:16:24,752
and it's nothing
like what we had.
1925
01:16:24,752 --> 01:16:28,214
Now I know that
I wasn't a bad dog.
1926
01:16:28,214 --> 01:16:31,592
You were a bad man.
1927
01:16:31,592 --> 01:16:33,594
Bad man! Bad man!
1928
01:16:37,765 --> 01:16:39,600
Goodbye, Doug.
1929
01:16:39,600 --> 01:16:41,143
And fuck you.
1930
01:16:47,566 --> 01:16:49,527
Now, what do I got to do
1931
01:16:49,527 --> 01:16:52,905
to get you the fuck
out of my life?
1932
01:16:52,905 --> 01:16:55,199
I mean, how do you
not get it, man?
1933
01:16:55,199 --> 01:16:58,661
I drove you three hours away.
1934
01:16:58,661 --> 01:17:00,538
I mean, how could I make it
any more clear
1935
01:17:00,538 --> 01:17:02,540
that I don't care about you?
1936
01:17:02,540 --> 01:17:04,708
I don't fucking love you.
1937
01:17:04,708 --> 01:17:06,710
Goodbye forever, shitbag.
1938
01:17:08,003 --> 01:17:11,715
Well, at least I found
someone who loved me.
1939
01:17:11,715 --> 01:17:13,592
Pee-FFs forever.
1940
01:17:16,428 --> 01:17:18,389
Pee-FFs forever!
1941
01:17:18,389 --> 01:17:19,890
The fuck?
1942
01:17:19,890 --> 01:17:21,642
Who the hell are these dogs?
1943
01:17:21,642 --> 01:17:24,562
Jesus Christ, it's like
a fucking dog movie in here.
1944
01:17:27,064 --> 01:17:28,399
Oh, yeah?
1945
01:17:28,399 --> 01:17:31,235
The fuck are you gonna do
about it, cone boy?
1946
01:17:40,828 --> 01:17:42,204
Oh, shit.
1947
01:17:48,502 --> 01:17:50,004
Reggie, you okay?
1948
01:17:50,004 --> 01:17:51,672
Listen, Bug, I-I'm so sorry
for what I said. I...
1949
01:17:51,672 --> 01:17:53,215
Don't worry about that
right now.
1950
01:17:53,215 --> 01:17:54,925
Yeah, we've got a dick
to rip off.
1951
01:17:59,263 --> 01:18:01,140
Get the fuck off me!
1952
01:18:01,891 --> 01:18:03,225
Fuck. What the...
1953
01:18:03,225 --> 01:18:05,978
Get off me! Let go! Goddamn it.
1954
01:18:05,978 --> 01:18:07,771
Ow! Fuck, my knee!
1955
01:18:07,771 --> 01:18:09,690
- Goddamn it!
1956
01:18:09,690 --> 01:18:12,192
Oh, you want some, huh?
1957
01:18:14,612 --> 01:18:16,447
Oh, goddamn it!
1958
01:18:16,447 --> 01:18:18,490
You little fuckers owe me
a microwave!
1959
01:18:19,617 --> 01:18:21,535
Eat some foot!
1960
01:18:22,328 --> 01:18:24,204
Aah, my foot!
1961
01:18:28,459 --> 01:18:29,877
Shitbag.
1962
01:18:38,594 --> 01:18:41,138
Oh, fuck, my back!
1963
01:18:41,138 --> 01:18:42,765
Fuck! -Guys, we should
get out of here.
1964
01:18:42,765 --> 01:18:44,016
Reggie!
1965
01:18:44,016 --> 01:18:45,851
Got you, you little shit.
1966
01:18:45,851 --> 01:18:47,811
Well, look at you.
1967
01:18:47,811 --> 01:18:49,855
You got yourself some friends?
1968
01:18:49,855 --> 01:18:53,317
Let me tell you furry fucks something.
1969
01:18:53,317 --> 01:18:56,946
Your little buddy here
ruined my life.
1970
01:18:56,946 --> 01:19:00,491
Before him, I had
a fucking good thing going.
1971
01:19:00,491 --> 01:19:03,619
A roof over my head,
checks from my mom,
1972
01:19:03,619 --> 01:19:04,995
two girlfriends.
1973
01:19:04,995 --> 01:19:08,791
Now I have no house,
no girlfriends,
1974
01:19:08,791 --> 01:19:10,709
and I have to masturbate
all day.
1975
01:19:10,709 --> 01:19:13,963
All right, this dog turned me
into a fucking loser!
1976
01:19:13,963 --> 01:19:15,422
Why's he talking so much?
1977
01:19:15,422 --> 01:19:19,510
You ever see the end
of Marley & Me? Huh?
1978
01:19:19,510 --> 01:19:20,928
Yeah. Me, neither.
1979
01:19:20,928 --> 01:19:23,013
It's fucking boring.
1980
01:19:23,013 --> 01:19:26,392
But I do know that
the dog dies in the end.
1981
01:19:26,392 --> 01:19:28,185
- I'm gonna enjoy
1982
01:19:28,185 --> 01:19:30,729
squeezing the life out of you.
1983
01:19:30,729 --> 01:19:32,648
Maggie, Hunter,
get in position.
1984
01:19:32,648 --> 01:19:34,066
Got it.
Copy.
1985
01:19:34,066 --> 01:19:35,609
'Cause you squeezed
the life out of me.
1986
01:19:35,609 --> 01:19:37,152
Wait, what's happening?
1987
01:19:37,152 --> 01:19:39,196
What are they doing getting in
a line like that? What...
1988
01:19:41,699 --> 01:19:44,535
Fuck you!
1989
01:19:57,631 --> 01:20:00,300
- ♪ We clawed, we chained ♪
1990
01:20:00,300 --> 01:20:01,969
♪ Our hearts in vain ♪
1991
01:20:01,969 --> 01:20:05,264
♪ We jumped, never asking why ♪
1992
01:20:05,264 --> 01:20:09,059
♪ We kissed, I fell
under your spell ♪
1993
01:20:09,059 --> 01:20:14,231
♪ A love no one could deny ♪
1994
01:20:14,231 --> 01:20:16,400
♪ Don't you ever say... ♪
1995
01:20:16,400 --> 01:20:18,944
Bad fucking dog.
1996
01:20:18,944 --> 01:20:21,822
You're goddamn right.
1997
01:20:22,531 --> 01:20:24,616
♪ I came in
like a wrecking ball ♪
1998
01:20:26,243 --> 01:20:30,205
♪ I never hit so hard in love ♪
1999
01:20:30,205 --> 01:20:34,334
♪ All I wanted was
to break your walls ♪
2000
01:20:34,334 --> 01:20:36,670
♪ All you ever did was ♪
2001
01:20:36,670 --> 01:20:38,213
♪ Wre-e-eck me ♪
2002
01:20:39,381 --> 01:20:42,968
♪ Yeah, you, you wre-e-eck me ♪
2003
01:20:42,968 --> 01:20:46,930
♪ I put you high up in the sky ♪
2004
01:20:46,930 --> 01:20:51,060
♪ And now
you're not coming down ♪
2005
01:20:51,060 --> 01:20:55,230
♪ It slowly turned,
you let me burn ♪
2006
01:20:55,230 --> 01:20:58,901
♪ And now
we're ashes on the ground ♪
2007
01:20:59,777 --> 01:21:03,113
♪ Don't you ever say
I just walked away ♪
2008
01:21:03,113 --> 01:21:06,408
♪ I will always want you ♪
2009
01:21:06,408 --> 01:21:10,370
♪ I came in
like a wrecking ball ♪
2010
01:21:10,370 --> 01:21:14,208
♪ Yeah, I just closed my eyes
and swung ♪
2011
01:21:14,208 --> 01:21:17,628
♪ Left me crashing
in a blazing fall ♪
2012
01:21:17,628 --> 01:21:22,966
♪ All you ever did was
wre-e-eck me ♪
2013
01:21:22,966 --> 01:21:26,386
♪ Yeah, you, you wre-e-eck me ♪
2014
01:21:29,932 --> 01:21:33,393
♪ I never meant to start a war ♪
2015
01:21:33,393 --> 01:21:37,022
♪ I just wanted you
to let me in... ♪
2016
01:21:37,022 --> 01:21:39,733
Uh, yeah,
we should probably leave.
2017
01:21:39,733 --> 01:21:41,151
Oh, yeah, we got to go
right now?
2018
01:21:41,151 --> 01:21:42,486
I was kind of enjoying this.
2019
01:21:42,486 --> 01:21:43,987
♪ I guess I should've
let you win... ♪
2020
01:21:43,987 --> 01:21:45,489
Yo, Reg, I got to be
honest with you, man.
2021
01:21:45,489 --> 01:21:46,949
I ain't think
you was gonna do that shit.
2022
01:21:46,949 --> 01:21:48,742
You really committed to that.
2023
01:21:48,742 --> 01:21:50,244
Yeah, that was more
graphic than I was expecting.
2024
01:21:50,244 --> 01:21:51,495
That was almost too far.
2025
01:21:51,495 --> 01:21:52,746
You one-upped me, for sure.
2026
01:21:52,746 --> 01:21:54,081
I mean, I bit a girl's ankle.
2027
01:21:54,081 --> 01:21:56,792
You ripped a man's penis off.
2028
01:22:11,682 --> 01:22:15,018
Today is gonna be
the best day ever.
2029
01:22:15,018 --> 01:22:16,520
How do I know that?
2030
01:22:16,520 --> 01:22:19,231
Because every day
is the best day ever.
2031
01:22:19,231 --> 01:22:22,693
Hunter went back to his job
at the old human home,
2032
01:22:22,693 --> 01:22:24,653
and he didn't even need
his cone.
2033
01:22:24,653 --> 01:22:25,904
Hey, Cone of Shame.
2034
01:22:25,904 --> 01:22:27,489
Where's your lampshade?
2035
01:22:27,489 --> 01:22:29,950
Actually, Bubsy,
I don't need that cone anymore,
2036
01:22:29,950 --> 01:22:32,494
just like I don't need
any of your shit anymore.
2037
01:22:32,494 --> 01:22:33,745
Fuck you, Bubsy.
2038
01:22:33,745 --> 01:22:35,664
Wow. I had no idea
you felt that way.
2039
01:22:35,664 --> 01:22:38,125
I'm sorry. I-I'm just gonna go.
2040
01:22:39,042 --> 01:22:40,460
Fuck your mother!
2041
01:22:40,460 --> 01:22:41,962
Fuck out of here!
2042
01:22:41,962 --> 01:22:43,547
And he finally
found the courage
2043
01:22:43,547 --> 01:22:45,340
to let Maggie know
how he feels about her.
2044
01:22:45,340 --> 01:22:47,176
And now they have sex
all the time.
2045
01:22:47,176 --> 01:22:49,720
Regular style, of course.
2046
01:22:49,720 --> 01:22:51,513
Attaboy, Hunter.
2047
01:22:52,764 --> 01:22:54,933
Reminds me of when I was young.
2048
01:22:54,933 --> 01:22:57,561
You used to fuck dogs?
2049
01:22:57,561 --> 01:22:58,729
What?
2050
01:22:58,729 --> 01:23:00,147
And Maggie, well,
2051
01:23:00,147 --> 01:23:02,566
she finally got
the owner she deserves.
2052
01:23:02,566 --> 01:23:05,569
Maggie's part of
the detection squad now,
2053
01:23:05,569 --> 01:23:07,738
and she's the best sniffer
on the team.
2054
01:23:07,738 --> 01:23:10,449
Oh, I love the costume
you gave her.
2055
01:23:10,449 --> 01:23:11,658
So good.
2056
01:23:11,658 --> 01:23:13,827
Uniform. For work.
2057
01:23:13,827 --> 01:23:15,662
And Bug's the same old Bug.
2058
01:23:15,662 --> 01:23:17,831
With one pretty big exception.
2059
01:23:17,831 --> 01:23:20,167
He's changed his stance
on people.
2060
01:23:21,501 --> 01:23:24,171
Or at least
one very special person.
2061
01:23:24,171 --> 01:23:25,839
- ♪ And you're feeling down ♪
2062
01:23:25,839 --> 01:23:27,174
♪ You can follow me ♪
2063
01:23:27,174 --> 01:23:29,593
♪ And I'll show you
how to love ♪
2064
01:23:30,552 --> 01:23:31,762
♪ To love... ♪
2065
01:23:31,762 --> 01:23:33,805
Sure, joining a family
was a bit
2066
01:23:33,805 --> 01:23:36,725
of a learning experience
for him.
2067
01:23:38,143 --> 01:23:39,937
Oh, baby, I love this.
2068
01:23:39,937 --> 01:23:42,356
Your cushions are so much
tighter than Dolores's.
2069
01:23:42,356 --> 01:23:46,109
Now, what is this fabric?
Faux suede?
2070
01:23:46,109 --> 01:23:47,277
Hey.
2071
01:23:47,277 --> 01:23:48,654
Oh, hey, Kevin.
2072
01:23:49,529 --> 01:23:51,823
Come on, buddy.
No humping the couch.
2073
01:23:53,200 --> 01:23:55,911
Nothing will ever
come between us.
2074
01:23:56,870 --> 01:23:59,623
Yep, life is pretty damn great.
2075
01:23:59,623 --> 01:24:01,416
So we'll see you guys tonight?
2076
01:24:01,416 --> 01:24:02,542
- Yep.
- You know it.
2077
01:24:02,542 --> 01:24:04,378
Scraps night.
2078
01:24:06,838 --> 01:24:10,217
As for me,
I chose to stay a stray,
2079
01:24:10,217 --> 01:24:12,052
and I couldn't be happier.
2080
01:24:12,052 --> 01:24:14,221
And for any dogs in need,
2081
01:24:14,221 --> 01:24:16,306
I'll be there
to show them the ropes.
2082
01:24:16,306 --> 01:24:18,934
Hey there. I'm Reggie.
You got a name?
2083
01:24:18,934 --> 01:24:21,270
Oh, hi. I'm-I'm Shitstain.
2084
01:24:21,270 --> 01:24:24,189
No. No, no, no.
That's not your name. Trust me.
2085
01:24:25,023 --> 01:24:27,025
Rule number one
of being a stray:
2086
01:24:27,025 --> 01:24:29,319
You want something,
you pee on it.
2087
01:24:29,319 --> 01:24:31,154
And whatever you pee on
is yours.
2088
01:24:31,154 --> 01:24:33,323
Oh. How about this lamppost?
2089
01:24:33,323 --> 01:24:35,951
- That's mine!
- Oh. Okay.
2090
01:24:35,951 --> 01:24:37,244
Rule number two:
2091
01:24:37,244 --> 01:24:39,079
You can pretty much hump
whatever you want.
2092
01:24:39,079 --> 01:24:40,706
- Cool! Sweet!
- Awesome! Yes!
2093
01:24:40,706 --> 01:24:45,544
Rule number three is the most
important rule, bar none:
2094
01:24:45,544 --> 01:24:47,671
You are not alone.
2095
01:24:48,547 --> 01:24:50,632
You know,
I used to think my place
2096
01:24:50,632 --> 01:24:52,884
was by Doug's side,
but now I know
2097
01:24:52,884 --> 01:24:55,095
my place is
wherever I want it to be,
2098
01:24:55,095 --> 01:24:58,348
and I've never felt
more at home.
2099
01:24:58,348 --> 01:25:00,517
'Cause I know a guy
who lets me crash
2100
01:25:00,517 --> 01:25:02,686
whenever I want.
2101
01:25:02,686 --> 01:25:04,646
- Hey, loser.
- Hey, fuckface.
2102
01:25:07,941 --> 01:25:10,110
Liam, the cute scruffy dog
is back!
2103
01:25:16,783 --> 01:25:19,536
- Isn't this the life?
2104
01:25:20,537 --> 01:25:22,456
Who's a good boy?
2105
01:25:22,456 --> 01:25:24,041
You're a good boy.
2106
01:25:24,875 --> 01:25:26,960
Such a good boy.
2107
01:25:26,960 --> 01:25:29,171
I've learned a lot since Doug.
2108
01:25:29,171 --> 01:25:31,006
Sure, there are some bad people
in this world,
2109
01:25:31,006 --> 01:25:34,843
but even Bug would agree--
the good ones are out there.
2110
01:25:34,843 --> 01:25:37,012
You just got to keep
your eyes open.
2111
01:25:37,012 --> 01:25:38,555
Hey, kids.
2112
01:25:38,555 --> 01:25:40,057
I'll rip your fucking lungs
out through your mouth!
2113
01:25:40,057 --> 01:25:41,683
- Fuck you, mailman! Fuck you!
- Son of a bitch!
2114
01:25:41,683 --> 01:25:43,435
Oh, these guys have
a lot of energy, don't they?
2115
01:25:43,435 --> 01:25:45,145
I'm-a eat your fucking nut
sack... -You're a bad person!
2116
01:25:45,145 --> 01:25:46,563
Get out of here, you evil,
evil little shit! -Aw.
2117
01:25:46,563 --> 01:25:47,939
I'll give you
to the count of three,
2118
01:25:47,939 --> 01:25:49,733
and then I'm gonna jump
this fence
2119
01:25:49,733 --> 01:25:51,610
- and skull-fuck you to death!
- You stupid fucking evil devil!
2120
01:25:51,610 --> 01:25:53,362
You're just as bad as your
friend in the sky! -One, two...
2121
01:25:53,362 --> 01:25:55,280
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. You smart.
- You fuckwad, go! Go!
2122
01:25:55,280 --> 01:25:56,573
- You smart.
- Go! Keep moving!
2123
01:25:56,573 --> 01:25:58,325
Smart move. Keep walking.
2124
01:25:58,325 --> 01:26:00,160
Don't even think about
coming back here tomorrow.
2125
01:26:00,160 --> 01:26:01,495
- Fuck off!
Yeah, bitch.
2126
01:26:01,495 --> 01:26:03,080
You don't want to get
this guy angry.
2127
01:26:03,080 --> 01:26:05,665
I may be small,
but you have no idea
2128
01:26:05,665 --> 01:26:07,918
what I'm capable of.
2129
01:26:07,918 --> 01:26:10,170
Just ask Doug!
2130
01:26:10,170 --> 01:26:12,839
I ripped the guy's cock off!
2131
01:26:12,839 --> 01:26:15,509
♪ This is for the Gz
and this is for the hustlas ♪
2132
01:26:15,509 --> 01:26:18,011
♪ This is for the hustlas,
now back to the Gz ♪
2133
01:26:18,011 --> 01:26:20,597
♪ This is for the Gz
and this is for the hustlas ♪
2134
01:26:20,597 --> 01:26:22,974
♪ This is for the hustlas,
now back to the Gz ♪
2135
01:26:22,974 --> 01:26:25,268
♪ It's one-nine-nine-trey,
so let me just play ♪
2136
01:26:25,268 --> 01:26:26,978
♪ It's Snoop Dogg,
I'm on the mic ♪
2137
01:26:26,978 --> 01:26:28,647
- ♪ I'm back with Dr. Dre ♪
2138
01:26:28,647 --> 01:26:30,982
♪ But this time I'm-a hit
yo' ass with a touch ♪
2139
01:26:30,982 --> 01:26:33,610
♪ To leave motherfuckers
in a daze, fucked up ♪
2140
01:26:33,610 --> 01:26:36,113
♪ So sit back, relax,
new jacks get smacked ♪
2141
01:26:36,113 --> 01:26:38,782
♪ It's Snoop Doggy Dogg,
I'm at the top of the stack ♪
2142
01:26:38,782 --> 01:26:41,576
♪ I don't lack for a second
and I'm still checkin' ♪
2143
01:26:41,576 --> 01:26:44,204
♪ The dopest motherfucker
that ya hearin' on the record ♪
2144
01:26:44,204 --> 01:26:46,373
♪ It's me, ya see,
S-N-double-O-P ♪
2145
01:26:46,373 --> 01:26:48,667
♪ D-O-double-G-Y,
the D-O-double-G ♪
2146
01:26:48,667 --> 01:26:52,379
♪ I'm fly as a falcon
soarin' through the sky ♪
2147
01:26:52,379 --> 01:26:54,256
♪ And I'm high
till I dizzie, rizzide ♪
2148
01:26:54,256 --> 01:26:57,384
♪ So check it, I get busy,
I make your head dizzy ♪
2149
01:26:57,384 --> 01:26:59,928
♪ I blow up your mouth
like I was Dizzy Gillespie ♪
2150
01:26:59,928 --> 01:27:01,972
♪ I'm crazy,
you can't phase me ♪
2151
01:27:01,972 --> 01:27:03,640
♪ I'm the S, oh, yes,
I'm fresh ♪
2152
01:27:03,640 --> 01:27:05,142
♪ I don't fuck
with the stress ♪
2153
01:27:05,142 --> 01:27:07,811
♪ I'm all about the chronic,
bionic, ya see ♪
2154
01:27:07,811 --> 01:27:10,814
♪ Every single day, chillin'
with the D-O-double-Gs ♪
2155
01:27:10,814 --> 01:27:13,066
♪ P-O-U-N-D,
that's my clique, my crew ♪
2156
01:27:13,066 --> 01:27:15,485
♪ You fuck with us,
we gots to fuck you up ♪
2157
01:27:15,485 --> 01:27:17,487
♪ I thought you knew,
but yet and still ♪
2158
01:27:17,487 --> 01:27:20,907
♪ You wanna get real, now it's
time to peel, you say chill ♪
2159
01:27:20,907 --> 01:27:23,076
♪ And feel
the motherfuckin' realism ♪
2160
01:27:23,076 --> 01:27:24,911
♪ Snoop Doggy Dogg
is on the mic ♪
2161
01:27:24,911 --> 01:27:26,580
♪ I'm hittin' hard as steel ♪
2162
01:27:26,580 --> 01:27:29,166
♪ This is for the Gz
and this is for the hustlas ♪
2163
01:27:29,166 --> 01:27:31,918
♪ This is for the hustlas,
now back to the Gz ♪
2164
01:27:31,918 --> 01:27:34,421
♪ This is for the Gz
and this is for the hustlas ♪
2165
01:27:34,421 --> 01:27:36,840
♪ This is for the hustlas,
now back to the Gz ♪
2166
01:27:36,840 --> 01:27:39,676
♪ This is for the Gz
and this is for the hustlas ♪
2167
01:27:39,676 --> 01:27:42,262
♪ This is for the hustlas,
now back to the Gz ♪
2168
01:27:42,262 --> 01:27:44,848
♪ This is for the Gz
and this is for the hustlas ♪
2169
01:27:44,848 --> 01:27:47,684
♪ This is for the hustlas,
now back to the Gz. ♪
2170
01:27:53,523 --> 01:27:55,734
In addition to the multiple
facial lacerations
2171
01:27:55,734 --> 01:27:58,653
and the, uh,
severe burn wounds,
2172
01:27:58,653 --> 01:28:01,615
we also discovered
an alarming amount of, um,
2173
01:28:01,615 --> 01:28:03,783
fecal bacteria in your system,
2174
01:28:03,783 --> 01:28:08,038
um, which I would imagine came
from the... the... the-the...
2175
01:28:08,038 --> 01:28:09,623
Dog shitting in my mouth?
2176
01:28:09,623 --> 01:28:11,458
- Right. Yeah.
- Yeah.
2177
01:28:12,292 --> 01:28:16,463
Um, ba-ba-ba...
checking the clipboard.
2178
01:28:16,463 --> 01:28:20,091
Uh, oh, yeah, we also, uh, uh,
couldn't reattach the penis.
2179
01:28:21,676 --> 01:28:25,096
Fuck...!
2180
01:28:39,236 --> 01:28:41,112
♪ Jamie ♪
2181
01:28:42,155 --> 01:28:44,824
♪ Jamie Foxx ♪
2182
01:28:44,824 --> 01:28:46,701
♪ Will Ferrell ♪
2183
01:29:00,298 --> 01:29:03,260
♪ Dirty, dirty dog ♪
2184
01:29:03,260 --> 01:29:05,220
♪ I'm a stray ♪
2185
01:29:13,311 --> 01:29:15,397
♪ Quit doggin' me! ♪
2186
01:29:16,273 --> 01:29:18,275
♪ Quit doggin' me! ♪
2187
01:29:21,403 --> 01:29:23,947
♪ I'm a str-str-stray ♪
2188
01:29:23,947 --> 01:29:25,740
♪ I'm a stray. ♪
160073
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