All language subtitles for Ally.McBeal.S01E20.1997.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.AAC-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

-Gay?
-Yeah.

He was pretending?

It's a little ridiculous.
Richard brought it in.

-Why would a man pretend to be gay?
-I don't know.

Hey. Just got a call from Marie Hanson.
Her husband's dead.

She's been placed under arrest.

We gotta go to the scene
and meet her. Come on.

Well, what do you mean,
go-- go to the scene?

-The crime scene?
-Yes.

-There-- There's a dead guy there?
-Yes.

Ally, it's a homicide.

I'm-I'm not going anyplace
where there's somebody dead.

-You know I have a thing about that.
-Ally.

You-You go with him.
He's your husband.

Oh, now he's my husband.

Come on. It's a wealthy client.
We gotta go.

[Scoffs]

[Siren Wailing]

[Chattering]

[Man] We're gonna take the murder weapon
out to the evidence locker.

[Man #2]
Go ahead.

Three lawyers?

-She's in custody?
-In the kitchen.

-Says she doesn't remember anything.
-Okay.

She's represented.
No more talking to her.

I'd like to see her, please.

[Man]
Michael.

He's even more dead
than I thought.

That's the most dead person
I've ever seen.

Ally.

-[Gasps, Sighs]
-You two wait here.

-I'll see Mrs. Hanson.
-Okay.

-[Gasps] There's the killer.
-Client, Ally. Client.

Right.

Mrs. Hanson, I'm Billy Thomas
from Cage and Fish.

Don't say anything.
I'll meet you at the police station.

Do not say anything.

-Excuse me.
-[Both Gasping]

Ah. I've got blood on me.
I'm a suspect.

I-- I think, um--

Bye.

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made mistakes
in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love has to bring
Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's
so much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know
I can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

There's nothing to be
embarrassed about, Ally.

A crime scene is shocking.
It's your first homicide.

I'm prone to being
vasovagal.

Though, for whatever reason,
it's triggered by chickens.

They make me nauseous.

There's nothing wrong
with fainting.

-Hey, John.
-Yeah. How you doin'?

-Elaine?
-[Elaine] Yes?

Unacceptable.

[Richard] With an ax?

It was so bloody,
I couldn't even sleep.

-And she did it?
-She claims she remembers nothing.

Right. Killed her husband.
Slipped her mind. It happens.

They got evidence?

Prints on the weapon, blood on
the clothes. It doesn't look very good.

-This is over our heads.
-Why?

-This will be a high profile homicide.
-She did it.

If we win, we're heroes.
We pulled off a miracle.

If we lose, the wacko goes to jail.
Justice is served. Win/win.

I agree with John.
We've never done a homicide.

Criminal law is not our strength.

We should refer this out.

We don't need
to refer it out.

Did you know that John's afraid
of chickens? They make him faint.

[Bailiff] 32771. Commonwealth
versus Marie Hanson.

-Murder in the--
-Waive reading. Plead not guilty.

-We'd be opposing bail.
-Mrs. Hanson has no criminal record.

Your Honor, this is the first charge
she's been involved with.

Well, this would be
quite a debut then.

She has strong ties to the community.
There'd be no risk if--

The community would love to have her back.

Maybe they'll chip in,
buy her a new hatchet.

I don't think we need that, Mr. Dawson.

We'd be willing to post
a substantial bond, Your Honor.

No bail.

The defendant will undergo a psychiatric
examination to determine competency,

and the police will retain
custody of the hatchet.

We will conference on Tuesday
to set schedules.

Adjourned.

You can't fire somebody
because of their sexual identity.

Of course you can. Your client said
he was gay. He's not.

He got fired. See?
It happens.

So you're admitting that he was
discharged for being straight?

-Oh, yeah.
-You're prepared to say that to a judge?

-Yes.
-In open court?

We caught your client at a hockey game.
How gay can he be?

[Scoffs] That'll be
your actual argument?

This is a French bistro.

You need somebody fay
to move the crème brûlée.

We got a business to run.

-[Sighs]
-What?

I don't remember.

-Anything?
-I just remember going to bed.

I woke up, and I was outside.

And this policeman brought me back.

And he was there... dead.

Was he with you
when you went to bed?

No, I-- I guess
he came home after.

I suffer from blackouts.

I-I could've blacked out,

but--

-God.
-You say you suffer from blackouts.

-Have you ever been treated for this?
-Yes, I have a doctor.

He's a--
He's a psychiatrist.

He's got me on medication.

Was anybody else in the house
besides you and your husband?

-No.
-Nobody else lived there, or--

No.

-Sorry.
-Is there anything else you could tell us?

Do you know of anybody who would
want to harm your husband?

Mr. Thomas, I must've killed him.

I-I don't remember doing it,

but I-- I do remember
swinging a hatchet.

[Gasps] Hmm.

Do me a favor.
Move over a little.

Why? There's a guy by the elevator
who wants to ask me out.

The good-looking one?
Do you know him?

Never seen him before.

And do you think he's just gonna
march over here and ask you out?

Ten bucks.

All right. Bet.

One second.

You wanna ask me out?

Well, um, sure.

Call me.

I will.

That's sort of not fair, Renee.

[Chuckles]

-It's over our heads.
-It's not over our heads.

-Think of the publicity.
-You like publicity.

I don't mind losing, but high profile
losing, not good.

We'll refer it out.

-I can do this case.
-I know. I was with you.

But the more I thought, in the long run,
crime doesn't pay.

At least not for the lawyers.
Let's farm the case.

In victory, we'll take the credit.

In defeat, point the finger.
In either case, take the fee.

John, who's the big hitter
in town on murder?

Oh, God, what an awful place.
Are they themselves criminals?

Can I help you?

Richard Fish. We called.
Uh, client, husband, hatchet. Bygones.

How can we help?

[Nose Squeaks]

Uh, we'd like to talk
about a referral.

Is Mr. Donnell here?

-That's me.
-Ah. Excellent.

Richard Fish.
We represent Marie Hanson--

Rebecca filled me in.
Why don't you wanna do it yourselves?

[Richard] We would. We're just
concerned for our image.

You know what the world
thinks of criminal attorneys.

Bottom-feeding scum suckers.
Can't have that image.

On you, it looks good.

A little soot there.

Client has money, piles and piles,

and single now too if anybody's lookin'.

-A little more--
-Hey, hey, hey!

Ow! Bygones.

What's with you?

Oh, just, um, taking a moment.

Look, this is money and profile.

You can paint the place,
even fumigate. You in?

We'll think about it.

Yeah. I-- Pardon.

Friendly group. They probably take
homicides just to lighten up.

-The big one frightens me.
-He's a big fella.

Mm-hmm.

-Hi.
-Hi.

[Groans]

-You pulled me.
-You weren't comin'.

I'm drawn to her.

You're worse than him,

tellin' me he's comin' back.

Ya lyin' old hag.

[Sinister Chuckling]

No! Untie me!

Let me go! No!

-On a train, huh?
-Hey, where are you goin'?

-No, no!
-This is where I'm goin'.

[Woman]
Untie me! I can't move!

-I'm sick!
-You ain't sick!

-Ally?
-[Screams]

-[Woman Screaming]
-[Screaming]

-Don't you just sneak up on me like that!
-I didn't sneak up.

-You said, "Ally!"
-That's your name.

Even so,you don't just walk
into somebody's office...

and blurt out their name while handicapped
people are getting thrown down stairwells!

[Inhales, Exhales Sharply]

What are you doin'?

[Sighs]

I am trying to desensitize
myself to murder...

so I can become
a better lawyer.

Why don't you just watch the news?

[Groans]

Billy, are we sure we want this case?

Why shouldn't we?

Because we'll mutate.

-We'll what?
-Mutate.

We'll become the kind of lawyers
who can look at a dead body...

and instead of saying "why,"
we'll say "reasonable doubt."

You can't be a good criminal lawyer
if-if murder horrifies you.

And if it doesn't horrify you,
then what are you then?

Well, what are we gonna tellourselves when
we get to that place? That we've arrived?

Ally, we're attorneys.
Sooner or later, it's going to get ugly.

Why? Why can't
we just stay tucked away...

in our little sheltered--

What is so great
about the real world?

What's this about?

I-- I'm just afraid...

that this case will rub off on us.

And-And I like the law,

but I prefer soft-core.

Uh, we'll be preparing
most of the case, but for trial,

we'll be letting this other firm
carry the ball.

Okay. And who is this Bobby Donnell?

He's supposed to be the best.

He gets guilty murderers off all the time.

-Oh. I didn't mean it like that.
-Yes, you did.

I know you think I'm some kind of monster.

You? No.
We could be girlfriends.

You're right.
I think you did it.

And if we weren't separated by these bars,
I wouldn't be caught dead with you.

Or maybe I would.
[Nervous Chuckle]

-God.
-[Chair Scrapes Floor]

-[Gasps]
-I want you to talk to my psychiatrist.

No, thank you. I have pips
and I have a theme song.

The last thing I need to do is see
your shrink.

Look how you turned out.

Oh!

I was suggesting
you talk to him about me.

Oh. Oh.

Right.

You cannot make me
go into court and argue that.

-Why?
-Why?

It's okay to fire him
for being straight...

because gay waiters
sell more crème brûlée?

They do.

You are building a niche.

-I know.
-Disregard the supreme court. They're old.

Women, per se, are disabled.
Gays make better waiters.

-And blonds have dark roots.
-What--

Ow! That was corporal.

I enjoyed it.

What are you doing?

I pulled a tricep
when Richard yanked my arm.

The doctor suggested
I use an aid to take my moment.

Oh!

-You know much about these guys?
-I hear they're flush.

That's about it.
Let's just see how it plays out.

[Grunts]

Are you all right?

-Are-Are you okay?
-It's-- I just get--

-I wasn't lookin' where I was goin'.
-It's okay.

-Bobby Donnell.
-Ally Donnell. M-M-McBeal.

-Bobby! Hey.
-Hey.

We can go right into
the conference room.

Sorry.

Temporary insanity
is certainly viable.

She has no memory?

She remembers swinging the
hatchet, but not hitting him.

I've got authorization to meet with
her shrink, which I'll do this afternoon.

-I wanna be in on that. Who's the D.A.?
-Adam Dawson. You know him?

He's good. What's the relationship
between she and the victim?

Not good. They've been
having some problems.

How so?

[Chuckles]

You-You sound like Jack Webb.

Excuse me?

The Dragnet guy. You know how
he talked all clipped and never smiled?

Bygones. The marriage
was not in great shape.

[Thinking] He is so yummy.

[Bobby]
What caused the blackouts?

Well, we're not 100% sure.
She suffers from temporal lobe seizures,

and she has some
other neurological disorders.

Is-Is-Is it possible that
she had some kind of seizure...

and just went wacko?

I'm not a big fan of the term "wacko."

What if she killed him
right before having a seizure?

-Is it possible she wouldn't remember it?
-Yes.

-She could've done it during a blackout.
-While unconscious?

Blackout doesn't mean unconscious.
It's more like sleepwalking.

Do you think she's capable of--

I'm not very comfortable
with this discussion.

She waived privilege.
We're her lawyers, Doctor.

I understand, but there may be some things
that have nothing to do with this case.

-Things she might not--
-It's up to us to decide

what's relevant to this case.

I'm sorry, but I don't agree.

I'm gonna talk to Marie first,
and then I'll talk further with you.

[Georgia] There is no special
protection for heterosexuals.

If a person is fired because of his
or her sexual identity, then--

I'm not saying it's right.
I'm not defending Mr. King on principle.

The law, as written, says you can't
discriminate against gays.

There is no such ban on discriminating
against straight people.

But, Ms. Thomas, we are dealing
with the same principle here. Come on.

Your Honor, the plaintiff was not fired
because of sexual identity.

He was terminated because he couldn't
perform a function of the job.

-Which was?
-Being gay.

-May I--
-Please.

Ah. We just love to live...

in a politically correct world
that's so evolved, isn't it?

But where along the way did we pass
the law against common sense?

-Why don't you tell me.
-This is a French bistro.

When people go there,
it's not just to eat.

It's to dine.
And the ambience of culture--

They wanna feel elite, sophisticated.

A good gay waiter can make
the patrons feel that way.

They have that snobbish little entitlement
thing goin', you know? People like that.

Gays are elitist snobs?

The waiter kind are.
First, they're smarter.

-Uh-huh. Gay waiters?
-Yes.

They grow up reading more books,

probably looking to find an answer
as to why they're homosexual.

Plus, they're terrible at sports,
which gives them more time to study.

The point is, they're smart.
They wanna work in the arts.

They end up waiters--
way overqualified, bitter, snobby.

People have come to expect this
when ordering a fruity wine.

[Sighs]

Ow. Bygones.

No bygones. I am never going
to court with you again.

I am not gonna be associated
with your bigotry--

-Georgia, lend me your shoe.
-What?

Are you gonna tie this into my shoe again?

Just give it to me.
Come on, come on, come on.

Yeah!

Come on. Yeah.

Beautiful. If I wanted to sell this,
better to have you model it or me?

-What possible connection--
-Everything is about presentation.

It's the same for restaurants
as it is for shoes.

What's inside doesn't count, Georgia.
It's how things look. Fishism.

♪♪

♪ Dance with me ♪

♪ Hold me closer closer and closer ♪

♪ Much closer ♪

♪ While the music plays ♪

-So he's cute, this Donnell guy?
-Oh, my God.

I would just like to take my thighs
and squeeze his head.

Poughkeepsie?

I'm mainly into patent law,
and it's pretty boring.

Why would anybody be into
something that bores them?

Oh, well, by "into it,"
I mean it's my job.

I didn't mean I'm stimulated by it.

Are you easily stimulated?

Yeah. Yeah.

This-This is the first time I've ever
danced with a district attorney, you know?

♪ Hold me closer
closer and closer ♪

♪ Much closer ♪

She gave you complete consent
to talk to us. You said so yourself.

That doesn't mean I have to.

I'm not comfortable in court.
I'm not comfortable...

getting a reputation as an expert witness.

Doctors compromise their integrity
when they become witnesses for hire.

So we won't pay you.

Doctor, we're only asking you
to help your own patient.

Just testify to the blackouts.

I can do that by affidavit.

I'll swear to her blackouts,
her seizures, the anxiety--

We need to convince a jury.
That will be hard to do with affidavits.

-I'm sorry. I'm not comfortable.
-Doctor--

-No!
-Then I'll subpoena you.

I don't think you wanna do that.

We have a client
charged with murder.

You're the guy who can speak
to her insanity.

[Sighs] If I cooperate,
there's no guarantee--

The guarantee is
that I'll come after you for perjury.

Now, cards on the table,
you seem like a nice guy,

but I only care about Marie Hanson.

We've tried being polite.
If that doesn't work, I'll play ugly.

But I'll have you
in that witness chair.

If I have to beat the truth out of you
as a hostile witness, I'll do that.

You decide.

I don't think you endeared yourself.

Now you "good cop" him.
He's okay. He just needs a push.

That was a little "good cop, bad cop."

Don't you think it would
be better to fill us in on the strategy?

I just decided on the fly.

Uh-huh.

-So is your roommate here?
-No. She's working late.

She's got a very big case.

Hmm. Have you guys ever
gone up against each other?

Actually, we have.

Would you like to be
up against me?

[Chuckles]

Whoa. You know, I love how
you economize for time, hmm?

Mmm.

-[Giggling]
-[Chuckles]

Hey. Hey. Slow down.

Yeah, right.

Michael.

-Well, what are we here for?
-Excuse me?

We practically tore each other's clothes
off on the dance floor, Renee.

Practically? Let's keep it
"practically" for a while.

I get it. It's like
a little tease thing, huh?

I can do that.
[Laughing]

No, 'cause I was serious about that one.

Mmm.

Okay.
Now, you can leave now.

[Laughs] What, are you kidding?
This is your game.

Come on.

Ow! Don't you ever hit me!

[Door Opens, Closes]

[Exhales]

How'd your date go?

[Chattering On Police Radio]

-Is he all right?
-I think, but we need to make sure.

-You say he slipped?
-Yeah.

[Man] Here we go.

Well, Renee--

He got all... aggressive.

-I know, but--
-But what?

What were you thinking bringing him here?
You barely know the guy.

He's a patent lawyer.
How dangerous could he be?

-Even so--
-"Even so" what?

I can't bring a guy home for coffee
without expecting to be mauled?

I am saying that you can lead
a man by the penis,

but it's the wrong way
to tame him.

[Scoffs] You're defending him.

Of course I'm not defending him.

I am talking about you.

It's not that I don't want to help her.

-Of course I wanna help her.
-But--

[Sighs, Clears Throat]

Are you familiar with
the past life phenomenon?

-I've read about it.
-Do you believe it?

-Not really.
-Well, let me tell you.

I've always considered it quackery.

But I used hypnotherapy as part
of my treatment on Marie Hanson.

And after a few sessions,

she started talking in a voice from
somebody who lived a hundred years ago.

Who?

Lizzie Borden.

-I beg your pardon?
-Exactly.

The Lizzie Borden who killed
her parents with an ax?

And I believed it.

-The things she started saying--
-I don't mean to sound skeptical--

You should absolutely be skeptical.
How can you not be?

The idea's ridiculous.
And that's why I don't wanna testify.

If I get on the stand and say
"Lizzie Borden," I'm a front page joke.

My practice will be over.

Come in, please.
Have a seat.

Thank you.

And, uh, where's Mr. Fish?

Uh, I convinced him
that since he made such a--

a lasting impression, he wouldn't
actually have to be present today.

Thank you.

But, Your Honor,
deep, deep,

deep inside the absurdity
of the words that leave his mouth,

there is some truth.

Businesses everywhere
lead with window dressing.

I am heterosexual, and the suggestion that
I might know less about wine or pastries--

The idea that I might be deemed
less credible because I'm straight--

Well, I find it all repugnant.
In fact, I'm flat-out sick of it.

Yes, counsel.
The court shares your outrage.

Thank you.

However, Mr. Hurt, you might
wanna work this out.

There are no existing laws protecting
heterosexuals against discrimination.

-And practically speaking--
-What are you saying?

I'm saying that since the law doesn't
help, you'll be relying solely on a jury.

And there are a lot of people
like Richard Fish out there.

Look, I'm not denying that marriage
is an insidious institution.

I don't dispute that love
dies in the short run,

leaving only hate
and contempt to fester.

What I do object to is that every time...

a husband is found chopped to pieces,

we automatically say,
"Had to be the wife."

Marie Hanson is a rich woman.

If she wanted her husband dead, she
would've hired somebody.

It's common sense.

-[TV Shuts Off]
-Good, huh?

It's never too soon
to contaminate a jury pool.

-You think that helps?
-What kind of lawyers are you people?

-All right!
-The guy went on TV!

I'll make sure it doesn't happen again.
Let's talk about Dr. Peters.

-Lizzie Borden?
-It's the doctor saying it, not me.

She's probably faking it
to set up her defense.

If she were faking it,

don't you think she'd use something
a little less far-fetched?

I had a cousin who was convinced
she was Helen Keller in a prior life.

Happiest person I ever met.
She'd walk around all day joyous,

saying, "I can see. I can hear."

I gotta talk to Mrs. Hanson, and I'd like
to speak to Dr. Peters again myself.

You turned him on testifying?

I didn't turn him.
I think I softened him.

[Sighs]

I say we oughta take the case outright,
or we just walk away.

I don't know.
The money's pretty good.

These people are nuts.
That Cage guy--

All that "moment" business--
I did some checking.

He pulls that in court.

What do you mean?

Open court in the middle of trial,
he takes a moment.

And Fish--
Do we even need to discuss Fish?

Now, we're goin' in there
arguin' insanity,

and these people here
are the inmates.

Oh. Hello.

Welcome to our unisex bathroom.

Bobby, I had a dream last night
that you and I had unprotected sex.

I'd tell you more
if I knew you better.

[Stall Door Closes]

Ooh, somebody was just here.
The seat is cozy.

[Toilet Flushing]

I like a fresh bowl.

[Stall Door Closing]

Yeah, sure.
You're kidding, right?

We just wanna
ask you some questions.

-Look, the guy tried to maul me.
-You slapped him?

Yes. Then he slapped me.

-And that's when you knocked him out?
-Yeah.

Right around that time, yes.

What? The guy wants to press charges?

You broke a bone in his neck, Ms. Raddick.

He deserved it.
The guy was out of line.

It's not a theory
I would expect the jury to accept.

We might consider simply saying blackouts.

I-- I understand.

Now, Mrs. Hanson,

what I'm about to say next
is a little delicate.

It's something I've never said
or-- or done before.

What?

[Door Buzzes]

This, um--
This other firm, Cage and Fish,

I don't believe it's in your best interest
to let them represent you.

I'm very uncomfortable saying this.
Truth be known, I'm betraying them here.

But my ethical obligation
goes to the client.

I just think that the lawyers at this firm
are-- They're just a little odd.

Well, I-I've used them before
with great success.

I understand.

But if we do choose to use
this Lizzie Borden theory--

and it is possible--
credibility will be a challenge,

a challenge this--
this particular firm might not be up to.

Do they know
you're here telling me this?

I-I wanted to tell you first.

I'm off to tell them now.
In the meantime,

just-- just think about it.

It seems to me you're asking me
to trust a person...

who doesn't put
a high premium on trust.

My duty isn't to them.
It's to you.

Where do you get off
going behind our backs?

I get on and off
with the interest of the client.

That divisiveness
does not help the client!

-You have no experience doing homicide.
-That's why we came to you.

-As long as we get our fees.
-Quiet!

We came to you
because of your experience,

and then you run behind our backs.

This place is just
a little too eccentric.

This place is filled with good lawyers.

Poughkeepsie.

What's the point of getting us kicked off?

I didn't go to get you kicked off.
I went--

Look, you people have more influence
with her than I do.

That's what I perceive as the problem.

If we're going to make strategic decisions
that are borderline absurd,

I'd rather she be influenced
by me than you, it's that simple.

If it's that simple,
you could've just said that to us.

Ally.

Who said we weren't prepared
to defer to your judgment?

Who said you'd always consult me?
He just showed up on TV.

You people are loose cannons.

Do you have any idea
what league you're in now?

This woman killed her husband.

She took a hatchet.
He won't free her by taking a moment.

Poughkeepsie.

Look, you brought me in. I'm in.

You want me out,
she wants me out, fine.

But while I'm in, everything I live and
breathe goes into getting her acquitted.

-I'm not the selfish one here.
-Ally.

The police are here.
They wanna talk about Renee.

Her roommate almost killed somebody.

Have you given any thought
to my dream?

You're all crazy.

Hey!

Hey!

I said, "Hey!" You make crazy sound
like it's worse than deceitful.

If I were deceitful,
I wouldn't have come here to tell you--

You only told us 'cause
you know the client would've.

Get out of my face.

-I'm in your face!
-So am I!

I'm-- I'm just shorter.

Look, you people have a nice, friendly
firm here, lots of bright colors.

But if that woman goes down
for first degree,

it's not gonna matter to her whether
all her lawyers were able to hold hands.

It does matter
that her lawyers work together.

Look, I'm prepared to do that--

Then do it!
Either we're a team or we're not.

[Grunting]

It's the shoes!

I've heard about this guy Donnell.

There's nothing more sleazy than a lawyer
who's a stickler for legal ethics.

[Chuckles] You think he should've
gone behind our backs?

-Well--
-[Doorbell Rings]

If he told you first and was afraid that
you'd go running off to tell the client,

you know--

-What's going on?
-I'm sorry. This-- This isn't my call.

What's goin' on?

-[Man] Renee Raddick--
-Never mind.

We gotta book you on assault.

-What?
-You're a trained kickboxer.

-You broke the guy's neck.
-Only a little.

-Renee, this guy's a respected attorney--
-Who came at me!

I'm not gonna argue the merits.

We don't wanna do this, but politically,
Hambrick's afraid if we don't file--

You're taking me in?

I've arranged to do
the arraignment in chambers...

to avoid any confusion.

-You gotta be kidding me.
-We gotta go. No cuffs.

And what's next? Straight hairdressers?
Interior decorators?

It's a slippery slope.

Once you start giving
that kind of quid pro,

deus ex affirmative
heterosexual action--

Where does it stop?
It's enough they run the Republican party.

Ah! Potential jury out there.
They heard that.

You think that's funny?
What the hell is wrong with you?

-Billy--
-I have had it!

This firm is a joke.

We do stupid cases.
We look like clowns.

We get a big case,
and look how we act.

Ally faints at the crime scene
and calls our client a killer.

You go on TV and say it's the wifely
thing to pick up a hatchet.

And you, you keep blurting out
"Poughkeepsie"

and flushing toilets by remote!

We're a joke,
and I'm embarrassed to be here!

I'm embarrassed.

What'd you think?

What was that about?

This case, it's a chance for us
to play on another level,

a level I wanna play on,
I can play on.

-Nobody doubts that.
-We all doubt it.

We're Little League.
We practice hit-and-run law.

Our expertise is squeezing
out retainers...

before clients can shop around
for somebody more competent.

I know you can't really believe that.

We shouldn't have to
run outside for help.

Sometimes, we need it.

Billy, we're kids.

Bobby Donnell isn't
that much older than us.

He's five years more experienced.

Didn't you see them laughing at us?

Couldn't you see that?

-So you want a probable cause hearing?
-"Probable cause."

I had probable cause
to break his head.

I assume you're not
entering that into the record?

We don't want probable cause.

Oh, you prosecute
and defend now, Harry?

P.C. is a formality, Renee.
It'll just drag it out.

Unless I win.

You want an outside opinion
from somebody who'll be making that call?

Hmm? Kickboxer.
Broken vertebra.

This will survive probable cause.

We'll plead not guilty.
I'm assuming no bail.

We want an immediate trial. One witness.
We can get through this fast.

Joke.

"He killed my pigeons."

That's what she kept saying
over and over and over.

-"He killed my pigeons."
-What do you think she meant?

I had no idea until I looked it up.

Lizzie Borden had accused her father
of chopping off the heads of her pigeons.

There was an obscure theory, actually,
that that was her motive for killing him.

She said this all under hypnosis?

-She also said he chops off dead feet.
-Dead feet?

There's a Lizzie Borden
Historical Society in Fall River,

and even they didn't know what that meant.

Then three days later,
they called back all excited.

Evidently, Lizzie Borden's father
at one point worked as an undertaker.

He used to chop off the feetof the corpses
to fit them into undersized coffins.

I'm telling you,
Marie Hanson knew all this stuff.

Again, is there any chance she could be
faking this to set up a defense?

Yes. But I really think I would know.
Faking hypnosis is not easy.

Plus which it wouldn't make much sense
to fake Lizzie Borden.

-It's too preposterous.
-And also, l-l--

[Humming]

Let's not forget Lizzie Borden was deemed
innocent of killing her parents.

She did it.
The jury just took pity on an orphan.

Look, before you all get carried away,

I'm prepared to take the stand
to talk about the seizures,

the temporal lobe disorders
and the blackouts.

We may need the other, Doctor.

All I have, Mr. Donnell, is my reputation,
my medical integrity.

If I get up and testify about past life--

If I say, "I think my patient
may have been Lizzie Borden...

in a prior life"--

I don't think that will help her,
but it will definitely ruin me.

Dr. Peters, we wouldn't ask you to stand
up and say something you don't believe in.

But if you do believe it,
how can you not stand up?

Can I think about it
a little more?

Sure.

Okay, I figure we should split things up.
First, past lives.

We should, uh, line up experts
just to see if that's viable.

-Billy.
-I think we should also get mock jurors.

If this thing falls flat, we
needfeedback.

Okay, good.

If you can do that,
I'll handle the witnesses

and Eugene can handle
the investigation.

We should also get our own forensic guys
just to be sure we don't get surprised.

Okay. We all got a lot of work
to do. We should get to it.

Who are you?

-My name is--
-[Woman] Frank!

-Frank, darling, listen!
-I told you if you ever--

-Stop that, you fool!
-Fool, eh?

Frank! Frank, stop!

Stop! Frank!

-[Bobby] Ally.
-[Gasping]

[Sighs] Damn it!

Damn it.

Why does everybody come in here
and say "Ally"?

And don't say because it's my name.
I know it's my name.

I don't need to retain outside counsel
to remind me of my name.

I know my name.

[Exhales Sharply]

The doctor is the key to our defense,

and we agreed that you might be
the best person to handhold him.

Assuming, of course,
he doesn't say your name.

You think we're all
from Mars here, don't you?

-I never said which planet.
-Mmm.

I know this is a good place.

But, yes, you-you people--

Different firms have
different ways, Bobby.

And what's your way?

Well, uh,

at the end of a day,
we all go downstairs...

and we... dance.

-That's office policy?
-A little.

But our long-term policy
would be, um--

Well, it's probably...
to bounce our kids on our knees...

with them being able
to look into our eyes...

without seeing anything hard
or-or jaded.

And you think that's what I am?

Well, I wonder.
Do you ever have any fun?

Is that the philosophy
of this firm-- fun?

The philosophy is there's more
to life than being a lawyer.

And I don't mean golf.

Sounds great,
but you can't make a circle...

without first making
the ends meet.

Ah.
And that sounds even better.

Do you ever, um, want kids?

It-It's just a question.

I'm-I'm not volunteering
to carry them to term.

I-- That-- Do you?

Someday.

Well, for the sake of their innocence,

you might wanna cling to your own,
what-what's left of it.

I'm tempted to plead guilty
and just go to jail.

-Things might make more sense in there.
-Renee!

-The guy was out of line, Ally!
-I'm not saying that he wasn't.

Then why do you keep going, "Renee"?
You like the sound of it?

Does it sound like a food item one of your
client's gay waiters would recommend?

Renee--

-What?
-The guy was wrong with what he did.

But if you don't take
some of the responsibility here,

there is something wrong there too.

Thank you.

I'm always here for you
and your problems,

which go on and on and on.

But when I need a little support--

You're also here to tell me where to go
when you think I need to hear it,

and that is what
I'm doing now.

I'm going to my room.

You hurt the guy. You're a kickboxer.
You broke a bone in his neck.

[Sighs]

He's a creep.
It was stupid that you got arrested.

But if you don't look backwards a little
and ask yourself how this happened--

[Sighs] I've talked to the Biscuit.
He's gonna represent you.

This'll all go away.
We're gonna get through this.

I didn't mean to really hurt him.

I know.
And it's okay for you to say that.

You don't have to walk around with this
"I meant to kick his head in" bravado.

Now, come on.
Let's get something to eat.

-I'm not that hungry.
-I am.

Let's go grab a bite... and maybe a twin.

[Making Karate Noises]

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Just a shoulder to cry on ♪

♪ That's all I've been to you ♪

♪ Just someone to rely on ♪

Big criminal defense lawyer now.

-I just wanna know what it feels like.
-Oh, I hope you like it.

-Thanks for reminding me, Georgia.
-About what?

Yeah.

♪ Oh ♪

♪ I'm just someone you run to ♪

-Are we?
-Are we what?

A joke to the outside world?

The outside world just doesn't get
the joke. Fishism. Here's a real question.

-Do you think those twins ever get lucky?
-Not that lucky.

Who has the honors?

John.

-I'm gonna go saunter up to an Ikette.
-Excellent.

♪ I'm just a fool you can love on ♪

♪ Anytime you choose ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ I'm just someone you run to ♪

♪ Someone you run to ♪

-♪ I'm just someone you use ♪
-♪ Someone you use ♪

♪ I'm just someone
you run to ♪

♪ Baby ♪

-♪ I'm just someone you use ♪
-♪ Baby ♪

♪ Don't you know when you need me ♪

♪ When you need me ♪

♪ My heart just can't refuse ♪

-♪ Just can't refuse ♪
-♪ No ♪

♪ I'm just someone who loves you, baby ♪

-♪ I can't win and I can't lose ♪
-♪ I can't lose ♪

♪ I'm just someone you run to ♪

♪ Someone you run to ♪

-♪ Someone you use ♪
-♪ Someone you use ♪♪

[Woman]
You stinker!