All language subtitles for Ally.McBeal.S01E11.1997.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.AAC-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

Previously on Ally McBeal.

It's okay for a gal to demand
a diamond ring

from a guy before sex,
but not money.

Ah, Whipper likes to say
"diamond ring" to torture me.

How has it come to this?

We're smart women.
We're fairly attractive.

-I'm even hot.
-So, why aren't we with hot men?

-Ally?
-[Gasps]

You-- You--

Do you, uh, find me short?

What?

Well, most women
wouldn't consider...

dating a man, you know,
who isn't taller than--

-But a lot of women would.
-Would you?

You are about to drink this cappuccino
like most men make love--

skipping over
all the foreplay.

Mmm!

[Ally] Usually when you looked
into the mirror like that,

it was something about me.

So, I figure it must be
a problem with Georgia,

and I can understand why
you wouldn't want to share that,

but I am totally here for you.

- [Toilet Flushes]
-[Gasps]

-I can't sing.
-It would just be backup.

I thought you, maybe Georgia.

Backup singers for you?
Like-- Like Ikettes?

It's a Christmas party
tradition. Everybody sings.

We rent out the bar, we have it
during the day for rehearsal.

- Ally?
- Richard.

Elaine says everybody
sings at our Christmas party.

We can discuss it later.

Right now something big
may have fallen into our lap.

I need you, John Cage
in my office, quick. Thanks.

Ally, it's just that

there's been a buzz about you
being so lugubrious.

And I was hoping you could
squash it with a number.

I'm partly looking out
for you here.

Thank you, Elaine.

You touch me.

Ikettes.

- You want to ask for what?
- That we be allowed to marry.

- Legally.
-All three of you?

Yes.

Well, that-that's not
something you can do legally.

Actually, I'm a lawyer
myself, Ms. McBeal.

So is Patti.

We're basically
common-law partners already.

We have children together.

Patti's already changed
her name legally.

We've come to the point
where we want our union

to be recognized by the law.

I mean, this is obviously
a test case,

and we think you two would be
the perfect attorneys to argue it.

Why?

Because we're bringing
it before Whipper...

and she has great respect for John's
legal mind and your sense of romance.

This case bridges the two.
The issue is ripe, it's time.

I'd argue it myself if the judge and I
weren't fornicating. What do you say?

-I say no.
-John?

Well, splendid. They'll do it.
You're in good hands.

-Richard?
-Ally?

-Richard!
-Ally.

Usually it's only about money
with me, I admit.

But this time, piles,
piles and piles of money.

Philosophically I have a problem

championing the constitutional
rights of a threesome.

Come on. The case landed
on Whipper's docket.

How that happened,
anybody's guess.

Probably because I asked her to take it.
Who knew she would?

Now, the clients, they think

we may have some special
influence with the Whip,

probably because
I all but promised it.

Add it to all of this,
the argument is truly viable

from a legal standpoint.

Ally, how can
we possibly say no?

It's Christmas!

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made mistakes
in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love has to bring
Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's
so much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know
I can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

[Man] Two children are
by Mindy and me.

And our third is by all three of us.

Well, what-what do you mean
by "all three"?

James fertilized Patti's egg.

It was implanted in me
and I carried it to term.

♪♪ [Humming]

Sorry. Um--

Well, o-o-obviously,
this has no precedent to it.

But the definition of the nuclear family
is constantly evolving.

The time is coming.
It has to start somewhere.

[Thinking] And it would
have to start with me.

[Ally] I'm gonna have to
let you carry this, John.

I mean, you're the whiz
on unorthodox arguments,

and this-- this--
this one is so you.

[John] Well, I'll do it.
But Richard is right.

- Your presence is vital.
- [Toilet Flushing]

-Why?
-Because in concept,

it will seem very unromantic,
at least conventionally unromantic.

And your presence will take
the curse off that with Whipper.

And I've emerged
without my trousers.

[Gasps]

Chagrined.

-Will I what?
-Sing.

-Now?
-At our Christmas party.

Ally says you have
a great voice and--

I do.

I thought maybe you
and Georgia--

Hey, Georgia!
I love that suit. It's smart.

Have you ever thought about putting
that natural baritone of yours to a beat?

I'm not singing backup
for you at the party.

I don't sing backup
for anybody.

This is for Christmas.

Jesus Christ, our Lord Savior,
was born.

It kills me how everybody around
here can be so "me, me, me."

I can't go shopping
and I have to push back lunch.

I have to go to court.

Richard wants me there,
too, now.

He does?

Strength in numbers,
given what we're arguing.

[Richard's Voice]
♪ Da, da, da, da. ♪

♪ I don't remember ♪

♪ What day it was ♪

♪ I didn't notice ♪

♪ What time it was ♪

♪ All I know is that ♪

♪ I fell in love with you ♪

♪ And if all my dreams
come true ♪♪

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Why are you on the stage?

Oh, it's just rehearsal.
I'm checking equipment.

Why aren't you singing
a Christmas carol?

I pay for this party, Elaine.
I can sing whatever I want.

Well, obviously.
And this will be the third year running...

that you sing some kind
of ode to Whipper.

She wants a ring, Richard,
not a medley.

Thank you, Elaine. Imagine my comfort,
having you for emotional counsel.

Would that I dye my roots so I could
truly profit from your tutelage.

Richard, you and Whipper barely
survived the last two Christmases.

Now, if you don't want to admit
it's a problem to me, fine.

But at least
admit it to yourself,

or you might not be celebrating
together next year.

Ah. Yeah.

Do they--
As-- As a threesome?

Evidently not.
There's nothing kinky.

It's heterosexual
one-on-one sex.

I guess the women take turns
being too tired.

I don't really get it. I don't get it.
A penis is not a share toy.

Don't say "penis," Renee.

[Georgia]
It is a total man thing.

Ménage à trois.
It's like a harem fetish.

It's not a ménage à trois thing.

He's either with one or the other,
but never with both.

- [Knocks]
- [Ally] So, what are we gonna do, John?

[John]
Well, we have two options.

We can either go
with science or emotion.

What's the difference?

Well, with science we're armed

with several well-accepted
anthropological studies...

which say that man, by nature,
must procreate with multiple partners,

spreading his seed as much as possible,
for the survivability of the human race.

Emotion says he should
follow his heart,

which has a proven incapacity
to be drawn to any one female...

for a long period of time.

Personally, I lean toward science.
What are your thoughts?

I appreciate your not
rushing with your answers.

Do you really believe that--
Science?

Yes.

Men can't stay attracted to the
same female

for a long period of time.
That's a science?

Sexual attraction
is all chemical, Renee.

At some point--
[Moans]

The body stops producing the chemical
for the same partner.

It diminishes
sexual appetite.

Adult videos, lingerie, they can
treat the symptoms, but, uh--

[Exhales]

What a sad way
to look at love.

Married couples cannot
maintain frisk for one another.

Yeah, it troubles me.

I'd been married to Mindy
for eight years when Patti and I--

You and Patti work
in the same firm as lawyers?

-Yes.
-And you fell in love with Patti?

I did.

[Georgia] You were no longer
in love with Mindy?

Well-- Well, the fact is
that my marriage did seem dead.

It was meeting Patti,
I fell in love with her.

I thought about leaving Mindy,

but I realized I couldn't.
I loved her too.

Plus, she is the mother of my
two children,

and I didn't want
to break the family up.

You were in love
with two women?

Yes.

And I could either tear things apart,

or I could try
to bring everything together.

So, the three of us, we--
we sat down and we talked, and,

well, we decided
we would try this.

-This being the three of you?
-Mm-hmm.

Now, that was two years ago.

And since then, Patti
and Mindy have become close.

And, uh, we decided
to have a child together.

And you think that justifies you
in being joined in matrimony?

As a threesome?

Well, we're
a family, Your Honor.

Conventional? No.

But we're happy.
We're devoted to each other.

The kids live in a home where
there's love and trust and security.

How many people in this room
can make the same claim?

[Groans]

♪♪ [Humming]

At first I was devastated.

My husband having an affair.
I was destroyed.

- And how did you respond?
- I cried for about two weeks.

I think one of the reasons
it was so painful,

it came at a time when our relationship
seemed stronger than ever.

While he was engaging
with another woman?

I didn't know that.

All I knew is that we were
laughing together again,

talking, being affectionate.

That had been missing
for a long time.

Sex too.

[Whipper]
Just a second.

You say that you were laughing

and talking and having more sex
with your husband...

once he started
this affair?

Strangely enough.

[John]
Why, do you think?

[Mindy] Well, his relationship with
Patti kind of opened him up.

Maybe that helped
my relationship with him.

It almost made sense.

Come on, Georgia.

What if he wanted
four wives or five?

We should allow polygamy
just as long as it works?

No, but--

What's wrong?

Something's bothering you.

Well, you and I,

these past few months
you have been relaxed,

more intimate,
you're--

- We're--
- What? We're what?

This is the best
we've ever been together--

sexually, emotionally.

Ever since Ally came here.

I beg your pardon?

You've been less--

I don't know--
repressed.

[Laughs]
Because of Ally?

This is good.
This I should write down.

It's not that ridiculous.

-Yes, it is.
-No, it isn't.

You think there's something
going on between me and Ally?

Of course there is
something going on.

Maybe not sexual, but we all know
there is something going on. And--

-And what?
-And-And maybe the reason...

I'm able to live with it
is because you have been--

I don't know.

You do know, obviously.
Let's hear it.

I don't think
you're being unfaithful.

But I think there are little pockets
of intimacy that you can't get to with me,

that you do get to
with her.

And as a result,
you feel less--

Repressed.

That is the best word
I have for it-- "repressed."

You seem less repressed.

And as a result of that,
you and I have been more intimate.

Ally has been good for us
and it pisses me off.

That's--

Crazy.

I know.

I've got them.

Excuse me?

Ikettes. I've got them to
sing backup for my song.

You got the Ikettes?

Well, not the real ones,

but they're sexy and they're black,
and they coincide with my sensuality.

So I'm off the hook then.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, Ally, I believe you should
question Patti on the stand.

Why? You're doing a good job.
I think Whipper is on the fence even.

Exactly, and she needs a nudging
from a romantic idealist.

The problem is is that she can read me,
John, no matter what I say in there.

Well, is it the idea,
two women, one man?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, let me ask you.

Were you swayed
by Mindy's testimony?

Her husband brings
another woman into the home.

To live there.

[Elaine]
A-one, two, three, four.

[All]
♪ I saw Mommy kissing ♪

♪ Santa Claus last night ♪

♪ I saw Mommy kissing ♪

♪ Santa Claus last night ♪♪

Hello.
Hip atrophy?

Come on, girls. We need
to sex it up a little bit.

- It's just a rehearsal.
- And the party is Friday.

Let's do it again.

Are you ready, boys?
A-one, two, three, four.

♪ I saw Mommy kissing ♪

♪ Santa Claus last night ♪

You know, if she ever
caught her mother with Santa,

she'd tell her father.

In a second.

So, what are you
gonna sing, Renee?

Not sure yet.

♪♪ [Continues]

But you don't want
to follow me, Richard.

Trust that.

♪ Underneath the mistletoe
last night ♪

-♪ Last night ♪
-[Singing Flatly] ♪ Last night ♪

♪ She didn't
see me creep ♪

-She said that?
-Yeah.

-Well, it's-it's-it's silly.
-Silly.

And true. Well, it's
not that huge of a--

You know Steve Schwinn?
You know Steve?

Yeah.

He said that his marriage
got better

as soon as his wife
started going to therapy.

It's not she went to counseling

'cause there was anything wrong
with the marriage.

It's just feeling like
talking to somebody else.

She felt like it kind
of decompressed her.

Sometimes feeling as if
you're heard by anybody,

it helps relationships
with everybody.

I read that once.

And sometimes,

having a real
solid friendship,

it can pay dividends
at work, and at home, and--

All over.

And you and I,

I think our friendship
makes us both stronger.

Don't you?

Yep.

And it's just a coincidence
that we used to be lovers.

-What?
-Nothing.

What?

Well, it certainly isn't my plan
to break up your marriage,

but I can't say I'm thrilled

to be the best thing that ever
happened to it either.

- Home? Separate homes?
- I'm tired.

Christmas fatigue syndrome,
and it's only the 15th.

[Sighs]

Whipper, why do you go into this funk
every year around the holidays?

Is it the challenge of it?

Is it more fun bringing
everybody down

when their spirits
are in higher places?

Keep digging yourself a hole, nuckie,
we'll be nose-to-nose any second.

Oh. Hmm.

Yeah, I got a buddy who's a chiropractor.
His business triples in December.

You know why?
Neck injuries.

I can't tell where it's going,
but it sounds like a good one.

[Clears Throat]
See.

People like to take stock
at the holidays.

They look around, they see what
they've got and what they're missing.

All that craning,
what they get is a sore neck.

Whipper, you want to be happy?
Don't look around.

Happiness can be found
in one word-- denial.

Happiness, Richard,
is going to bed at night...

with something a little more
secure than a Fishism.

Look,

Whipper.

You want me to marry you?
I'll marry you.

What's the big deal?

My point is, we love each other.
We're together.

What's so important
about marriage?

What does that really mean?

It must mean something, Richard,
if you're so afraid of it.

Oh.

Isn't it obvious, Richard?
She's just feeling insecure.

Why does she have
to impose it on me?

She's your girlfriend.

Why do single women conclude if they're
unmarried they're necessarily unhappy?

Oh, as opposed to men, who stave off
misery until after their married.

- What was that?
- Nothing.

Billy's happy.
He's never been happier.

That isn't true.
I have definitely seen him happier.

- Oh, God.
- He told you about our conversation.

- What conversation?
- [Both] Richard!

-Cappuccinos?
-Don't you wish.

What?

She told her you told her
about what she told you.

I'm in the middle and clueless.
I feel like Elaine.

-Ally?
-Billy.

- Bygones.
- [All] Quiet!

You and I need to talk.

No, no.
The three of us need to talk.

Can't I just apologize
to everybody and be excused?

No! This has been coming for
a long time.

The three of us
are getting in a room together.

I'm available to take
the minutes.

Do you just sniff trouble
and seek it out?

Yes. And if there's any way
I can complicate it--

Excuse me.

[all shout]
What?

We're late for court.

I would be
the evil other woman, yes.

You seem to wear
the badge proudly.

I work.
I wanted a family.

I didn't really want to turn
my kids over to a nanny.

As nuts as it sounds,
in addition to getting a husband,

I am marrying the mother
of my children.

It-It does sound nuts.

[Patti] You don't
have to tell me that.

And I certainly didn't grow up
picturing this for my marriage.

But the picture
has changed.

Yeah.

Um, you sounded a little sad
with that answer.

[Sighs]

I grew up with the same dreams
as everybody else, Ms. McBeal.

I dreamed of my wedding day.

I had visions of
my little house, my garden.

And it didn't work out
exactly according to plan.

[Chuckles]
But you know what?

It did work out.

I know it's just
a holiday phase, but still,

the whole point
of Christmas cheer is... what?

-Cheer.
-Exactly.

And all she wants under
that tree is a picket fence.

[Exhales]
I'm drawn to her.

Whipper?

Ally.
I'm drawn to her.

Oh.

I'm tempted to invite her
to the Christmas party.

-As my date.
-Oh.

We broached the subject once
and she sort of--

Well, she kissed me
under the mistletoe.

And the moment
was fraught with ambiguity,

but I did sense an overture.

Then ask her.
Your timing couldn't be better.

She seems to be saying yes
to everybody.

[Groans] I'm not good
asking women out.

There's not much to it, John.
You just ask.

You know the way you prepare
for your big negotiating sessions.

Do that.

Just march in there
and demand money?

March in there feeling you're
the strongest man on the planet.

Except instead of being
boned for battle,

you just adjust it.

But what you keep is the idea
that you feel good about yourself,

even if it's a lie.

Somebody has to start!
And since you called the meeting--

I would like to start by protesting

that I've even been brought
into the middle of this.

I second that.
I protest you being in the middle.

Who's under attack here?
Me or him?

-I don't know.
-You don't know?

That's what I said, didn't I?

What are you so angry about?

I'm angry that in order to have
a meaningful discussion...

about our marriage, I've gotta
have her in the room!

I'm angry because I don't
even know who to blame.

I'm angry because I like you better
since she came back into your life.

I am angry because somehow she
has managed to make you and I closer.

I'm angry because I'm not sure
that I want her out of your life.

I am angry because I don't know
how to handle this,

and on top of it all,
I like her, damn it!

I'm angry about that too!

Okay.

Um, I'm really glad
that we cleared the air.

And, um, bye.

Get back here.

I think we need to get
really honest with each other.

Georgia, husbands, wives,
ex-girlfriends.

That is not a combination
that calls for honesty.

That is a combination
that calls for pretending.

Which I was
quite capable of.

But you and me and him being
in this office together?

The things I've
heard in this trial,

some of it is going on here.

She has made you more
emotionally accessible.

-Do you deny that?
-Not for a second.

[Thinking]
Should have denied it.

Look, I am getting
out of this room.

And whether or not
my friendship with Billy

has made your relationship
better or not,

it doesn't matter.

And whatever you two decide
to do about that,

I shouldn't be in this room.

I'm sorry.

Please, um, disregard
that one.

[Door Closes]

-Oh! ♪ I saw Mommy ♪
-♪♪ [Singers Harmonizing]

♪ Tickle Santa Claus ♪

♪ Underneath the big
soft, snowy ♪

-She's not bad.
-We'll be better.

♪ Oh, what a laugh
it would have been ♪

♪ If Daddy had only seen ♪

♪ Mommy kissing Santa Claus
last night ♪♪

[Renee] Is it close?

If we win this case,
I swear, I'll kill myself.

Three-way marriage.

Everything I grew up
believing in,

and I don't care
if it was a giant myth.

Ally, you grew up dreaming

that you'd be a mother
and have a career.

Maybe this three-way thing
is what you dreamed about.

Oh.

Good night, honey.

-Good night.
-Good night.

Relationships
should be in twos.

Or-Or at least
in even numbers.

I mean, why do you think
women feel the need

to be married anyway?

I mean, it can't just
be the security thing,

because men are just
as insecure as women.

Being unmarried
isn't a stigma to men.

Eligible bachelor.
Old maid.

Society drills it into us
that women should be married.

Society drills it into us
smart people should have careers.

Society drills it into us that
women should have children

and mothers should stay at home.

And society condemns the working mother
that doesn't stay at home.

So, what chance do we really have
when society keeps on drilling us?

We could change it, Renee.
Society is made up of more women than men.

And if women really wanted
to change society, they could do it.

I plan to change it.

I just want to get
married first.

[Doorbell Rings]

Uh, Your Honor?

I'm sorry for the intrusion.

Um, would you mind if I--
if I came in for just a second?

Uh, no.

Thank you.

Uh, honey.

Honey.

Oh, I didn't mean
to disturb anybody.

-You don't have to get up.
-Oh, that's okay.

Is something the matter?

Oh, no, no, no, no.
I just came to--

to get a peek
of your... home.

I'm sorry. I don't want
to bother anyone.

Good night.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

[Engine Starts]

[Phones Ringing]

-Did you ask her yet?
-I'm still steeling myself.

Strong. Assured.
Fresh. Bold.

You just described
a breath mint.

I don't know what else
to really say.

I'm gathering that.

All last night and all today

you've been saying you
don't know what else to say.

I'm inclined to think
you have nothing else to say.

Georgia, if you tell me...

to dial back my friendship with Ally,
I will do it.

If it is a threat to us,
I will do it,

whether you ask me to or not.

Maybe I should leave this firm.
That's the easiest solution.

I don't want that.

What I do want is
to completely trust you.

You don't now?

No.

Are you technically faithful?
Yeah.

Are you totally?

No.

When you go to her and repeat
things I have said to you--

When you go to her
as a sounding board for stuff...

that involves you and me,
that is not fidelity.

She understands that.
Why can't you?

But even...

when, by your own admission,

me using her as a sounding board
helps you and me?

I need to feel...

that-that whatever
our successes or failures,

she's got no part of them.

[Sighs]
Okay.

I get that.

♪♪ [Funk]

[Man] ♪ I've been
really trying, baby ♪

♪ Trying to hold back
this feeling for so long ♪

♪ And if you feel
like I feel, baby ♪

♪ Then come on ♪

♪ Oh, come on
Whoo ♪

♪ Let's get it on ♪

♪ Ah, baby ♪

♪ Let's get it on ♪

♪ Let's love, baby ♪

♪ Let's get it on ♪

-♪ Sugar ♪
-Ally.

- Hey, John.
- ♪ Let's get it on ♪

May I be so bold
as to ask you something?

Sure. Sure, but, um--

But before you do,
your-your fly, um--

[Funk Abruptly Stops]

Chagrined.

Um, you think Whipper
will rule today?

She led us to believe
she would.

Um, listen, Ally, about this,
um, Christmas party--

[Stammering]

Would you be interested in
coming with me as my date?

[Wind Gusting]

Well, see, John, I--

I actually have been
thinking about that, and, um,

you are my boss.

- Okay, I understand.
- Well, see, it's just that--

I understand.

[Elaine, Ikettes]
♪ I saw Mommy kissing ♪

♪ Santa Claus last night ♪

♪ I saw Mommy kissing ♪

♪ Santa Claus last night ♪

♪ I-I saw Mommy ♪

♪ Kissing Santa Claus ♪

Look at her.
What is this? Pop?

It's like '70s slut rock.

[Richard]
I like it.

-Where's Whipper?
-She should be here any--

- [Pager Beeping]
-Whoop.

♪ Down the stairs
to have a peep ♪

-John Cage.
-What's he want?

You. Whipper has
the verdict on your case.

-Now? Tonight?
-She's doing it on purpose.

She wants to kill my party.
I'll go with you.

The Biscuit says
he'll meet you there.

♪ I saw Mommy tickle
Santa Claus ♪

♪ Underneath the beard ♪

♪ So snowy white ♪

♪ Oh, what a laugh
it would have been ♪

♪ If Daddy had only seen ♪

♪ Mommy kissing Santa Claus ♪

♪ Last night ♪♪

You know, I've been married
twice.

Both marriages
failed miserably.

But when I went
into your home last night,

I saw something I never had.

Something I still want.

There's really no good reason
for the Commonwealth

not to recognize
a union of three.

What's the big deal?

I know the institution
of marriage is changing.

Maybe I know that
there are a lot of people

who may not consider it
a sanctity,

but I also know
this isn't an erosion

I'm willing to contribute to.

Your timing may be right
on this issue,

but you picked
the wrong judge.

-Plaintiff's motion denied.
- [Gavel Raps]

-We tried.
-Yeah.

-I'm sorry.
-Yeah.

She-She just--
You know.

Made the right decision?

[Richard]
Hey.

There's a rumor going around
you're naked under that robe.

- [Laughs]
- Hi, Richard.

I thought
I'd pick you up at 8:00.

I'm singing a great song
for you tonight.

It's gonna be
our best party yet.

That's nice.

[Chuckles]

We laugh together,
we love together--

why introduce the notion
that it could all work out?

That would be
a holiday Fishism.

I'm afraid.

- Of what?
- My parents.

All they did was fight.

Scream.

I grew up in my room...

wearing headphones,
blaring music so I wouldn't hear.

My-- My heart...

would actually
quicken a little...

near the end of songs 'cause I-I knew
during that little gap,

you know, I'd be able
to hear, you know--

So you equate marriage
with that?

I equate depending
on anybody with that.

Whipper, the fact that
you're so much older than me--

I chirp so proudly "doesn't matter."
It does matter.

It's an automatic
built-in defense.

So much age difference, this could never
lead to anything permanent.

It's automatic. There's a guardrail
there from day one.

That aside,

I love you.

I just don't work well
with guardrails, Richard.

Yeah, I know.

Maybe we could get, uh--
I don't know-- some counseling.

Or I could get it.

But for now, let's just--

let's just get through
Christmas, okay?

Sure. Let's just
get through Christmas.

♪ Santa Claus is coming ♪

♪ Santa Claus is coming ♪

♪ Santa Claus is coming
to town ♪

♪ Oh, you better watch out
You better not cry ♪

♪ You better not pout
I'm telling you why ♪

- ♪ Santa Claus is coming to town ♪
-I really thought we'd win.

Yeah. Well, marriages
should be in twos, not threes.

And that was the ruling.
We thought you should handle the appeal.

I'm sorry
if I came off a lunatic.

Mm-mmm. You didn't.

No, no, no. The truth is
is that I do use him.

-What?
-Billy.

I mean, whenever I feel insecure
or-- I don't know-- unsteady,

I tend to grab hold of things
that steady me and--

and Billy does that.

I know.

I mean, the weird thing
is that so do you.

-Me?
-Sometimes.

I admire you, Georgia.

Oh, how awful.

[Laughs]

Here's to you, Barbie.

Oh, to you, Skipper.

♪ He knows if you've been
bad or good ♪

♪ So be good
for goodness' sake ♪♪

[Footsteps Approaching]

Hey.
The party's happening.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I'll be down shortly.

You know, uh, Mindy,

I think her only shot
at holding onto her husband,

or her children's father,

was saying yes to
this arrangement with Patti.

This I know.

Well, what, did she, uh--
did she tell you that?

She didn't have to.

John, let's go
to the party together.

As dates.

I think your first instinct
was correct.

Well, um, I'd kind of like
to go with my current one.

Uh-- Maybe a glass
of wine up here.

I just-- Noise troubles me.

Well, wouldn't you
like to dance?

Oh-- [Laughs]

I'm not rhythmic.

Well, maybe a slow dance.

-Well--
-No, no, no.

I mean, 'cause slow dancing
isn't really like dancing at all.

It's just two people kind
of leaning on each other.

Almost as if they'd fall down
without the other one to hang onto.

It's very Christmas.

Do you know
that you're odd?

I do.

♪♪ [Upbeat]

♪ I don't remember ♪

♪ What day it was ♪

♪ I didn't notice ♪

♪ What time it was ♪

♪ All I know is that ♪

♪ I fell in love with you ♪

[Singing Along]
♪ And if all my dreams come true ♪

♪ I'll be spending time
with you ♪

You didn't tell me
what you do.

I, uh-- I run a network.

[Laughs]
That's a good one.

♪ With each day comes
a new way of loving you ♪

♪ Every time
I kiss your lips ♪

♪ My mind starts to wander ♪

♪ And if all
my dreams come true ♪

♪ I'll be spending time
with you ♪

♪ Oh, I love you
more today than ♪

[All]
♪ Yesterday ♪

♪ But not as much
as tomorrow ♪

♪ I love you more
today than ♪

♪ Yesterday ♪

♪ But, darling
not as much ♪

♪ As tomorrow ♪

♪ Tomorrow's date
means springtime ♪♪

To me, the true meaning
of Christmas has always been Santa.

-Hmm.
-It still is.

You're allowed to believe
in something you know doesn't exist.

I actually still did believe
till I was 12 years old.

-[Chuckles]
-I just wouldn't give it up.

And what made you
stop believing?

My mother.

She told me
he fondled the elves.

Some therapist told her step one

was to at least undermine
my admiration for him.

Next year
she told me he died.

Heart attack.
Cholesterol.

I blamed myself
for leaving the cookies.

Fat man trying to squeeze
through a narrow chimney,

and I taunt him with Oreos
and a glass of whole milk.

And you call me odd.

♪♪ [Slow]

[Vonda]
♪ Bells will be ringing ♪

♪ The glad, glad news ♪

♪ Oh, what a Christmas ♪

♪ To have the blues ♪

♪ My baby's gone ♪

♪ And I have no friends ♪

[Ally Narrating] The other
thing about the slow dance

is the surrender of it all.

Sometimes people
just need to surrender.

♪ Choirs will be singing ♪

♪ "Silent Night" ♪

♪ Christmas carols ♪

♪ By candlelight ♪

♪ Please come home
for Christmas ♪

♪ Please come home for
Christmas ♪

♪ If not for Christmas ♪

♪ By New Year's night ♪

♪ Friends and relations ♪

♪ Send salutations ♪♪

[Woman]
You stinker!