All language subtitles for Boston Legal - 5x10 - Thanksgiving.HDTV.NoTV.en

Previously on Boston Legal

- Who is this guy?
- Melvin Palmer.

State of Utah vs. Denny Crane.

I'll represent the hoot brothers.

For once in your life,
let me do the talking.

Denny!

- We were just...
- Do you love him?

I think I do.

This man makes partner or I walk and take my
name off the door with me.

- Edwin Poole.
- Denny Crane.

- Name on the door.
- Mine, too.

- Crane...
- Poole and...

Schmidt.

Drop the bag, and I'll let you live!

Do it, bitch. Don't make me cap you.

Son, of all the places you could stick
me-- you may have already stuck me--

I'd probably be the last to know.

- Drop the bag.
- Turnip!

For god sake, what the hell are you...

- Shirley?
- Edwin?

Put that down. What is wrong with you?

I am so sorry, Shirley.

Of all the people to
mug... I'll deal with him.

This woman is a dear friend of
mine, not to mention a partner.

Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am.

Edwin, who is this... adorable child?

He's my foster--give me
that! He's my foster son.

I am so sorry, Shirley.
God, what is wrong with you?

You adopted a son?

Yeah, it was either that
or take up fly-fishing.

Shame, Turnip. Shame.

Look how full your cart is.

- No wonder your
bottom is so-- - Turnip.

- Full and plump.
- He gets cuter by the second.

Isn't it the truth? Well, that's enough
now. Turnip Graves, Shirley Schmidt.

Very nice to meet you, ma'am.

A true pleasure, sir.

I, it's--it's nice
to see you again.

You look great, and, uh, I'll
deal with him. Come here, you.

Why would you do that and
embarrass me like that?

How was I supposed to
know you'd know the lady?

You're supposed to know you're not
supposed to walk around parking lots

sticking people in the
buttocks with a knife.

What do you mean, you've got plans?

You said you were going out of town.

- I said I might go out of town,
but-- - didn't invite me, did you?

Because I never made o-official plans.

Who are you spending Thanksgiving with?

A friend. Uh, you wouldn't like him.

Who?

- It's personal.
- Personal?

Well, you could come too. I'll ask him.

Who?

Technically, it would be...

Melvin Palmer.

- You must be joking.
- He's a good guy.

You're spending Thanksgiving
with Melvin Palmer?

He's a hoot.

No, y- you're putting me on.

Well, I had no place else
to go, and he called and--

When did you become
friends with that bobo-head?

When he saved our asses.

- He did not save our asses.
- He saved our asses in Utah.

Are you being serious?

He's a decent guy.

No, he is not. He's nothing of the sort.

- Look-- - And you're not
having dinner with him.

We'll find somewhere else to go.

But you will not-- will not-- be
spending Thanksgiving with that vile--

- I like him.
- I don't care.

No, forget it. No.

No. Nope.

Mugged?

You should've seen
the size of the knife.

- Are you okay?
- No, I'm fine.

I-I just can't believe it happened.

Shirley, you have to tell the police.

No, I don't want to do that.

Shirley, it was an
attempted armed robbery.

Well, he's 9 years old, Carl.

Oh, my god. Now the
homecoming is complete.

Carl Sack, how are you, my friend?

Never liked you, but what
the hey? I can be courteous.

Shirl, hi, doll. Sorry I'm late.

I hit some traffic, not to
mention a few pedestrians.

Just mowed 'em right--
I can see I've lost you.

Shirley, I don't know what to
say other than I'm so sorry.

Edwin, how long have you had that boy?

Six months. I've enrolled him in
finishing school, not to worry.

What the hell is this?

You've sued me already?

- Did you read it?
- Why would I?

It's marked "privileged
and confidential."

Edwin, it was hand-delivered to you
because you were meant to read it.

Ah, well, that's different.

What does it say?

It says the firm is going broke.

Funny. Love her. She's just--
the firm is going broke?

But that was two days ago.
Things have changed.

How?

We are broke.

When you
say broke--

Crane, Poole & Schmidt is bankrupt.
We have no money. Nada. Zilch.

We're busted.

I'll call congress. They'll bail
us out. After all, we're rich.

I know Hank Paulson. Nutty guy.

- Hey, that's mine.
- It's over, Edwin.

We're done.

I don't know what else to
tell you, Edwin, other than--

You can tell me how it happened.

We had investments in the market, we had
massive receivables from banking industries,

we had to take write-offs.

You just beat the tobacco
companies for millions of dollars.

You think we'll ever
see a penny from that?

After all the appeals, that
victory's going to end up costing us.

Edwin...

we may have to shut our doors.

Do people know?

Only a certain few at this point.

So we're really done, then?

Canceled?

Carl may have overstated that.

There are some possibilities.
I still have hope.

I really thought I'd make it back.

I was getting better and, uh...

Listen, I bought a turkey.

I'd love to have you over for Thanksgiving on
Thursday, maybe talk about old times and, uh--

Edwin, thank you. Um, I have plans.

I'm hosting a little thing at my house.

So I'll come to your house, then?

Edwin Poole?

Well, he kind of
invited himself. I--

We were supposed to have a quiet dinner.

I know. I'm
sorry. But--

And his little felon?

Well, he could be joining.

Oh, Shirley.

I know. I wanted a quiet
evening, too. But somehow--

he had no place to go.
Wh-what was I going to say?

Uh, no comes to mind. How about no?

Carl.

A nice quiet Thanksgiving
dinner, just the two of us--

That's how you billed it.

And how I
wanted it--

Shirley, I've got the
research on the McClean--

I thought you'd gone to London.

Oh, yes, I was planning to, but the airline
screwed up with the tickets. It's a long story.

So suffice to say, I'll be staying put.

Oh, well, that's too bad.

I'm having a few people over.
Why don't you come to my house?

Oh, I wouldn't want to put you out.

It wouldn't be any trouble.

Oh, well, sure. I'd quite love that.

- Great. 1:00, then.
- Splendid.

Oh, w-would it be possible
for me to bring Jerry?

I sort of--when I thought
that I didn't have plans--

Jerry would be more than welcome.

Thank you. I'll go tell him.

Sorry.

The idea of spending
a day alone with me--

you just can't bear it, can you?

Oh, you know that's not true.

Can't we just look at this as a
gathering of a big, dysfunctional family?

Can we do that?

- What about us?
- We can be dysfunctional.

- Here.
- Thank you.

- Are you okay? - Yeah,
I'm--I'm fine. I...

just tend to get a little
stressed when I host parties.

Do you not remember?

But this is just a dinner.

It is a Thanksgiving dinner, and let's
face it, with this particular group,

- the possibilities for
catastrophe-- - Oh! What?

Oh, hey, what... we're off
to a good start. Come on.

Surprise.

Hey, Turnip beat you to it.

What were you doing,
staring in my window?

Is this how it's gonna
be, dump on Turnip day?

Ah, Turnip, hi. I'm Mr. Sack.
I've heard a lot about you.

- Hands on the wall.
- Oh, come on.

Now, now, don't worry.
I do this to everybody.

Yeah, try not to enjoy yourself, pops.

- Oh, come on.
- Hello. Welcome. Hello.

Mr. Poole.

Thank you, Carl.

- Oh, what a beautiful home.
- Oh, thank you very much.

- Is it all paid for?
- Turnip.

- Not a bad question,
actually, considering-- - Edwin.

Here, give me your coats.

Here. Let me take those.

Hey, are we late?

- No, you're just perfectly on time.
- Happy Thanksgiving.

Thank you so much, Alan.

Oh, Edwin. Why did they let you out?

They didn't.

- Uh, well, shall we, um, go to the table?
- Already?

- What happened...
- We just got here.

To small talk and mingling and picking
at the turkey when nobody's looking?

Just be quiet, Turnip.

I don't think I can get through this.

You will get through this.

Time-out.

The--the food is hot, and,
um, the table is set, so--

Thank god for GPS.

That's the first thing
I'm gonna be thankful for.

- Hey, how you doing, Jerry?
- You invited him?

Looks like you've eaten already.

You must be Shirley Schmidt. I
googled you, good, that's what I did.

You need to update your headshot.

- Who's the little guy?
- Edwin Poole.

Melvin Palmer. How are we doing, sport?

Don't touch me.

Hey, I didn't get my hug
yet, that's what I didn't get.

I'll start with you, Al, you
big hoot. Come here! Oh, man!

This is like old home week,
that's what this is like.

Get in here, Denny.

Thanks, Denny.

All right, now look, it's probably
a good thing, whoever that person is.

Why is it a good thing?

He seems like a bit of an ice breaker.

Ice breaker? The man
could've saved the "Titanic."

Who the hell is that guy?

Listen, you said you like
a little noise and chaos.

Seems he'll be able
to contribute to that.

Oh, this is gonna be such a disaster.

It's not going to be a disaster.

All right, look, I'm gonna go
out there, I'll get everybody,

I'll get them to the table you
take a second to collect yourself,

then come in, all right?

It's gonna be great. It's
gonna be a splendid day.

- Okay.
- Good idea. Let's drink.

Uh, D-Denny, I just wanted to say how
nice it is to have all of you here.

The food looks positively delicious.

I don't know where to start.

Well, you can start with a moment
of silence, Melvin, or maybe an hour.

Double hoot, that's what you are.

- I'm a double hoot now.
- Perhaps we should pray.

- Yeah, maybe for peace.
- Or start with grace.

- Any volunteers, or
shall I-- - I'll say grace.

Okay.

Dear
god--

- No, no, no,
- Oh, I think grace was a bad idea.

- Maybe we should skip grace. - You
don't even believe in god. How can you a--

- I do, too.
- A christian god?

- Does it matter?
- Well, it does to me.

I'm not gonna let you pray
to a muslim god, not while I--

why does he have to be
either christian or muslim?

He could be texan,
that's what he could be.

Well, I-I-if he chooses good
over evil, he's christian.

Why couldn't he be jewish?

Are you nuts?

I am not giving thanks to
a jewish god, a muslim god.

Hindu maybe, 'cause then he loves sheep.

- Jew hater.
- What?

- Edwin, Edwin--
- Jew hater.

Enough, enough. Let's
skip grace and let's eat.

And if it's not too much trouble, I'd like to
have a nice Thanksgiving dinner with no fights.

Can we do that, please?

I'm positively famished.

Thank you.

So, Turnip, tell me, what do
little black kids like to eat?

- Oh, for god sake, Denny.
- What do black kids like to eat?

Well, I want to know.

- Well, how about, "hey, Turnip, what sort of food do you like?"
- Koreans like korean food. Greeks like greek food.

Feisty bunch.

- Racist?
- Yes, racist. This is a holiday.

Please, let's not extend the systemic
racism of the firm to the dining room table.

What systemic racism of the firm?

Oh, come on, Shirley.

No, I'd like to hear this.

Well, look around the
table or the office.

You see any black attorneys?

- It doesn't mean we're racist.
- Right.

Did you ever think for one second that maybe
black attorneys don't want to work with us,

maybe they want to be with their own?

Denny, don't help me, please.

- Could you please
pass the-- - No!

We just had a black man elected
president, and you still think--

- Oh, please.
- What, "oh, please"?

- Never mind.
- No, say it.

I-I want to hear this, Alan.

- I-I don't.
- Neither do I.

I do. Say it, Alan. I want
to hear what you have to say.

What, you really think
we've turned the corner?

Of a hundred senators, one is
black, one, and that's Barack Obama.

Come January, there'll be none.

Of 50 governors, 2 are black, and
one of those is in New York, uh,

by default because Eliot Spitzer
got caught with his hooker.

This country hardly seems willing to
elect black leaders on a regular basis.

But the people of this firm are.

They voted overwhelmingly for Obama.

How do you know what the hell went on in
the privacy of all those voting booths?

Get out of this house.

I haven't even eaten yet.

I don't care.

- He will not say things
like that-- - What did I say?

Maybe since Barack
Obama w-was just elected,

we could celebrate the progress that blacks
have made in this country instead of--

Celebrate?

In America, black people are incarcerated
at almost six times the rate of white people.

Turnip here seems already
to be well on his way--

Blacks have double the unemployment rate
of whites and have for over 40 years.

Whether it's that or the government's
underwhelming response to A.I.D.S.

among blacks or racial profiling, the
black community continues to get screwed.

Let's not even discuss, uh, funding for
public schools in black neighborhoods

or our supreme court eviscerating
Brown vs. Board of Education.

We've got that, uh, republican congressman
uh, Lynn Westmoreland from Georgia,

who referred to Obama as "uppity"
not once, twice--"uppity."

E-even Obama's own running
mate, during the primary, Biden,

praised Obama as being "clean"
and "articulate." What was that?

We can give thanks for a
lot of things here today,

but the defeat of racism in
America is not one of them,

especially at liberal, white-collar
law firms like Crane, Poole & Schmidt.

Look around the table.

Bet you don't get invited
to a lot of dinner parties.

I just wanted to have a-a
nice Thanksgiving dinner,

but you--you couldn't let
that happen, could you?

- You just had to screw it up. - Wait, wait,
wait. Let's--come on. Let's change the subject.

Can somebody think of, uh, something
more pleasant to talk about?

I was thinking of taking a dump.

Where's the nearest bathroom?

Through there.

Don't take anything else.

I love the holidays, that's what I love.

You know, if I could just say...

that I'm sorry.

I realize I get worked
up, and I do apologize.

I certainly didn't mean
to ruin anyone's dinner.

You didn't ruin mine, good buddy.

Oh, goody.

Edwin, tell us, what's new with you?

Well, economic
armageddon, for one thing.

- The firm
is-- - Edwin...

That--that's
our secret.

- What secret?
- Nothing.

Sounds very good. Did it not sound good?

- Just let it drop, Alan.
- I love secrets.

We used to play this little game-- I'll
show you mine, you show me yours--

old and fat people excluded, of course.

Denny, you'd be on the bubble there.

Are you trying to be offensive?

That was aggressive.

What the hell is that?

- Edwin-- -
He's a popper.

That's what he is. Get
him to purr, big guy.

Hey, Mel, keep acting like a turkey, you're
gonna get stuffed and carved, hot stuff.

Thank you all... very much.

What'd we do?

Just trying to make conversation.

Oh, by the way, where's the little
black kid? He can't still be crapping.

Excuse me. You're gonna have
to stop that. It's annoying.

- Leave him alone, please.
- Stop it.

One day, we'll look back and laugh.

How about we just try
to make the best of it?

With that group?

I'm so sorry I invited them.

It was such a bad idea.

What was I thinking?

What were you thinking?

I mean, you had to know at some
level this is exactly how it would go.

You just roll with
everything, don't you?

Yeah, I was hoping to roll with you...

until you invited all the children.

- What the hell is this?
- Uh, Denny.

Shirley and Carl are kissing.

Oh, Denny. Could
you give us--

- How could you?
- How could I what?

Kissing him. You're cheating.

- Denny.
- Cheating?

We missed it. Kiss again.

- Oh, get out.
- Damn it.

No, Denny got to see.

- Am I the only who hasn't sucked face with her?
- I haven't.

How about Jerry here? Have you
gotten down with the mascot?

Jerry! Jerry! What is wrong with you?

- Jerry, calm down. Calm down.
- You big freak.

Look, could you--could you
all please just go home?

No, wait. You know what? No, damn it.
This nonsense is gonna stop right now.

Go back to the table. Go ahead. Go.

We're all going back
to the table right now.

Come on, we are gonna sit down...

and we're going to be nice to each
other, and we're going to give thanks.

That was not acceptable at all, Jerry.

Did you hear
what he s--

I heard what he said,
and it was offensive,

but that doesn't mean
you resort to violence.

The incident in the caf� was bad enough.

For god sake, Jerry, you're
a partner in a law firm.

- You're an adult.
- Oh, shut up.

I'm sorry.

What's going on with you?

I just thought...

it would all go away when...

You thought what would go away?

The ridicule.

When I made partner, I thought--
and I thought I would feel...

once I was accepted by others,
the esteem-- but it's no better.

I feel no differently about myself.

That word that he used,
what he called me--

- Mascot.
- That's what I am.

That's not true.

Katie treats me like a chia pet.

She all but pats me on the head
and gives me a cookie when I'm g--

How dare you say such a thing.

- Katie, this is a
private-- - No, it isn't.

That was an indictment of
me, my friendship with you,

which I assumed to be
extraordinarily meaningful,

and I'm offended by it.

You may seek to
trivialize yourself, Jerry.

I will not allow you to belittle
me and my feelings in the process.

Katie, if I get one more maternal lecture
from you, I am gonna throw up twice--

not once, but twice. It would take two
full heavings to get all the puke out.

You can go to hell, Jerry.

It's one thing to do it,
but to rub my nose in it.

- Denny, we were not rubbing your nose in it.
- Yes, you were.

Was that the big plan?

Get everybody here under the pretext
of my birthday and humiliate me?

'Cause if that was the goal...

Denny, we're here for
Thanksgiving, not your birthday.

Well, you know what I
mean. Gathering people up and--

Pops and the old lady are doing it?

Denny, you and I are not a couple.

We have not been a
couple for over 25 years.

A-and you and Carl are?
Are you back together?

Yes.

Excuse me a second.

Denny, did you really
think it was your birthday?

What difference does...

Denny, look at me.

Did you think we were assembled here to
celebrate your birthday, which is in January?

Oh, my god.

I... I get a little, uh, confused...

w-when I get agitated.

Has this happened often?

No. But it's happened.

And it's usually when you get upset?

Okay. So we go in for
another test, see--

I don't want another test.

There's nothing they can
tell me that I don't know.

There's no cure.

Okay, look, here's what I know-- I've known you
six years, and during that time, there's an very little progression, if any.

You're 75 now. Like the doctor said, you
probably won't live long enough for the Alz--

mad cow to... get you.

It's already getting me, Alan.

No, it isn't, Denny.

- People get confused sometimes.
- I am slipping, Alan.

You know it.

I know it.

* I know you belong to somebody else *

* but tonight you belong to me *

* although we're apart
you're part of my heart *

I'm sorry.

I never meant to trivialize either
our relationship or feelings.

Well, you did just that, didn't you?

Look, toots, how about you
let me finish a sentence?

That too much work for you or...

I really can't be that objective about
either our friendship or your feelings or--

Why?

Because I love ya, all
right? Have I been too subtle?

I gotta rent a billboard? Get a lousy
plane to fly overhead, pulling...

I love you.

I realize that imposes no obligation
on your part to love me back.

And as consolation prizes go...

I can think of nothing more
extraordinary than your friendship.

You need to know...

that you are...

the most incredible...

generous, charitable...

beautiful woman I have ever met.

And I'm in love with you.

* My honey, I know with the dawn *

* that you will be gone *

* but tonight you belong to me *

* just to little old me *

- Good.
- Say, uh, attention please.

We're gonna make one last
ill-fated attempt at having dinner.

Your presence is requested
in the dining room.

These people like to play with fire.

Tell me about it.

I ain't goin' back in there.

Smart kid.

I have a question, Edwin.

I can't help but think, uh,
you're a bit of a mental, right?

I am. Carrots, please.

Why would social services ever
put a-a child in your care?

What's wrong with me other
than being mentally unbalanced?

This is a country that regulates
everything except Wall Street and the rich,

who we let run amok,
but everything else.

Parenting--that's the
hardest job anywhere.

What's your point?

How can we pass out children to nut
jobs, especially little black children,

who typically are at risk
and need the best parenting?

What?

Do you know, Denny, that the fastest growing
segment of homeless in this country is children?

What's that got to do with anything?

It's got to do with
these kids need homes.

You know, I'm--I'm not sure
I like where this is heading.

Maybe we could change the subject.

We're all out of subjects.

Well, maybe we could talk about
bankruptcy.That might pick up--

Oh, damn it.

There's nothing wrong with bankruptcy,
Shirley. It's the in thing to be these days...

Oh, good, you're gonna
make fun of poverty now.

Hey, how about all those poor
schmucks... Losing their homes?

- I bet that's fun.
- I'm not making fun of those schmucks.

It's the schmucks in suits
that I'm making fun of.

Do we have to fight?

Can we just eat and make small
talk and pretend we like each other?

Hell, we do like each
other. Why these guys--

Will you shut up?

That was aggressive.

I'm sorry. I just...

It was my fault. I should never...

The truth is, Carl, I...

I'm sorry.

I guess I wanted a big, noisy
dinner because sometimes...

when the din is loud, I can... hear him.

Hear who?

My father.

This is my first Thanksgiving
without him, ever, and...

I apologize, but, uh, it's
hard to face the quiet, and I...

I guess I can find comfort in tumult.

Well, once again,
thank you all very much.

She said she liked the tumult.

And why are you making it all about you?

This was supposed to be a quiet
dinner between Shirley and me.

Well, that certainly would've
been dull. Can you imagine?

I wonder what you
might have talked about.

Probably about how the
firm is going broke.

The firm is going broke?

Did I know this... and forget? Did I?

No, Denny. You didn't know.

Well, what's happened?

There he goes, making
it all about him again.

Oh, will you shut up?

No, Carl. It affects us, too.

What's going on?

The firm is broke.

We're exploring a number of
ways to get an influx of capital.

- We believe we can--
- How could this happen?

How? We got hammered, Denny,
just like everybody else.

My name is on the door!

Why wasn't I told, damn it?

They knew you'd be upset.

Next thing, you'd be running around
telling everybody it was your birthday.

Gun!

- I've been hit!
- Denny, for god sake.

That's all I hear. "Denny, for god sake.
Denny, for god sake. Denny, for god sake!"

Why doesn't anybody tell me the truth?

I am telling you the truth.

The half-truth.

Ah, I'm losing blood.

It was just a paintball, dawg.

- No, I'm telling you exactly--
- What about you and Shirley?

What about it?

How serious are you? I want to know.

Actually, we sort of all do.

Okay.

Now you know before even Shirley.

My plan, after our intimate
little dinner together, alone,

without any of you, was
to ask her to marry me.

Can you believe it?

As partner, I'm on the
hook for the firm's debts.

I could be losing money.

Jerry, I'm not quite sure how to
respond to your little revelation.

You don't need to. It's
my problem, not yours.

It's my problem if it
affects our friendship.

I remain committed to the
friendship. I won't let this--

Easier said than done.

Perhaps we should seek out
some sort of couples' therapy.

We're not a couple, remember?

Well, yes, we are.

Perhaps not one romantically
linked, but one just the same--

quite an extraordinary couple
with a fairly complicated problem.

I think you should still ask her.

The moment has slightly passed.

No, it hasn't.

If it's meant to be, Carl,
it's the perfect moment.

You obviously love her.

You must feel confident
that Shirley loves you.

Don't let all of us and our...

foolishness get in your way.

Personally, I'm a little discouraged about what it
means for my own conjugal prospects with her, but...

Clearly she needs cheering up, Carl.

Her father is dead, and
the ice cream's melted.

It was wrong of me to pull
this ring out in front of Denny.

What ring?

Just kidding.

Ask her to marry you, Carl.

I want her to be happy, really.

We all do.

Shirley deserves a good
man. You're a good man, Carl.

I know that even if
I don't much like you.

Why is everybody in here?

Oh, you know what? Could everybody just
clear out? I'd like a little privacy.

What's wrong with having it with us?

What's going on? Why
is everybody in here?

- Carl has news.
- No, he doesn't.

What news?

Oh, this is not how I planned it.

Planned what? Will somebody
tell me what is going on?

Shirley, I...

No, never mind. We'll discuss it later.

No, we won't. We'll
discuss it right now.

Hell, where I come from, we
grab the bull by the horns,

- that's what we do.
- No, no, no, no. Here, I'll do it. I'll do it.

Shirley...

- will you marry...
- Carl?

He loves you.

He wants to spend the
rest of his life with you.

Carl, i-is this for real?

Uh, except the execution.

I didn't mean for
Denny to do my bidding.

Yeah, I'm Cyrano de Bushwhack.

Shirley, I have never
loved a woman like I...

As of this morning, our
relationship was a secret.

Secret's out, toots. Just...

Denny.

Please, Shirley...

will you marry me?

I'll give you away.

I have had...

six marriage proposals,

but this is by far the most bizarre.

- We're a bizarre group.
- Yeah.

Do me the honor of spending
the rest of your life with me.

I would love to marry you, Carl.

Really?

- May I kiss--
- Denny...

I-I would like to kiss Carl, so...

Um, is the day rescued?

Consider it saved.

All right, contrary to vicious rumors,
the ice cream is not all melted.

Jerry, one scoop or two?

Just one, thank you.

There you are.

Katie, this your slice.

Thank you.

I am a 2-scoop kind of
guy, if you don't mind.

Really? And I've always
thought you were a scoop short.

- Say it for me, Jerry.
- Hoot.

So everybody have a slice now?

- Yes.
- Thank you.

- May I just
say-- - No!

Well, I'm gonna say it just the same.

I grew up in a very estranged...

unhappy... house.

Most Thanksgivings, my mother spent
serving dinner at other people's homes,

and my father would spend it...

I spent many of Thanksgivings in my room,

imagining what big family
dinners were like and--

Alan, is this gonna be like a closing?

And as I imagined it...

it was almost exactly like... this.

A whole bunch of people actually talking,
right there in each other's faces,

laughing one second and
angry the next and...

look what we've
covered today--

race, politics...

god, marriage, love, death.

What fun.

Thank you for having us, Shirley.

This is... some family.

- Thank god for pie.
- Thank god for pie.

Everybody put something in their
mouth so we can't talk anymore.

Denny, are you really okay
with them getting married?

I don't know.

I will be.

I harbored this fantasy that we'd...

Imagine my loss. It could
be the love I never knew.

I'll tell it to you.

Unless I forget.

How often have you been...

getting confused like that?

Well, n-not, uh, not too.

God, if I go the way
Shirley's father did--

You won't.

- How do you know that?
- Because I'll shoot you.

- You wouldn't actually-- -
I've already bought the gun.

You promise?

Denny, you have defied
the odds your entire life.

You'll continue to defy the odds.

You're probably gonna out live us all.

We'll all be dead and buried,
and you'll still be out there,

doing priceline commercials.

All the topics we covered
today, we left out...

the afterlife.

Think there is one?

Oh, I don't...

think we'll be together
somewhere else, on a--on a--

on a bigger balcony, together again?

I do.

Will we be naked?

I ask because I wonder,
are there clothes in heaven?

And are we as we were when we were
young, or are we as we were when we died?

Is that important?

Well, it is to me.

I don't want to go through the rest
of eternity with the, uh, mad cow.

I think you are in heaven as you were
in the best of times here on earth.

- Like right now?
- Like right now.

Thanks.

Thanks.