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*
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"As Malcolm bent
the 17-year-old Sally
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00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:13,981
over the lip of his tanker desk,
he thought back to her baptism."
4
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,049
What the shit?!
5
00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:16,717
"That summer day in '73,
every car radio
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00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,586
"blaring
'Search and Destroy,'
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00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:20,421
"a warm rain lashing down
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00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:23,657
like sweat flinging off
a groupie's bouncing tits."
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00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:27,061
It's like being molested by
an audio book. What is this?
10
00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:28,996
"The Width of a Peach."
My masterpiece
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00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,332
of multi-generational
sexploitative literature.
12
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,566
Why the hell
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00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,335
would you read me literature?
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00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,270
You know I don't like
good things.
15
00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:39,073
Last night, you said that
I would never be successful.
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00:00:39,107 --> 00:00:41,041
Well, I stayed up
all night
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00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:45,246
and wrote 35 amazing pages
just to spite you.
18
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:48,616
So, ha! Consider yourself
thoroughly spited.
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00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:49,717
Ha!
20
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,051
Cool.
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00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:53,554
Okay, I take back
the thing I said.
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00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,256
You will be successful.
23
00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:56,624
Thank you!
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00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:59,127
(laptop clatters)
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00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,761
Now it's your turn.
26
00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:02,963
I'm proud of me, too.
27
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:05,133
No, Jimmy! It's your
turn to take back
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00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:06,734
the mega-harsh thing
you said to me.
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00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:08,969
And then, voilà, everything
goes back to Normal Town,
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00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:11,439
et cetera, et cetera--
a little makeup boneage.
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00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,441
Maybe some titty massages
for Jimmy.
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00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:16,744
Wait, what exactly
am I meant to take back?
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(imitates Jimmy): "I can't see
myself having kids with her."
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00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:19,980
Oh, that.
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00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:22,049
No, I'm 100% sticking by that.
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00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,218
Hey, can we do this
titty massage on the patio?
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I just want to keep an eye
on the hummingbird feeder.
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00:01:26,354 --> 00:01:27,988
Jimmy!
You have dropped
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00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:30,758
eight iPhones in the last year,
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one into a vat of ranch
at Souplantation.
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00:01:33,361 --> 00:01:34,662
Child-rearing
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requires skill.
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00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:37,831
It's not the same
as binge-watching
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00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:39,433
a season of Exemplify.
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Oh, my God!
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00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:44,238
That is so sexist
and mansplainy.
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00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:46,474
You a Gamergater?
Am I living with a Gamergater?
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LINDSAY:
Quiet, already!
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00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:50,611
Why is Lindsay here?
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00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,780
She dumped Paul hard.
I said she could crash.
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00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:54,515
Mmm...
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00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:57,251
Oh, my...
(Jimmy sighs)
53
00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:59,787
(sighs):
Ah...
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00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:02,356
What?
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00:02:02,390 --> 00:02:04,358
I'm supposed to wear pajamas
like an old?
56
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:07,961
Mmm...
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00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:10,831
*
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00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:15,703
* I'm gonna leave you anyway
59
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:18,472
* I'm gonna leave you
anyway *
60
00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:21,809
* Gonna leave you anyway.
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00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,616
Wakey-wakey.
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00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,384
I just wrapped up an
early-morning shift
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00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,620
cleaning a frat house
after a "Colonial Bros
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00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,154
and Nava-hos" party.
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00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:35,556
Got the puke
cleaned up,
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00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:36,990
but the racism
and cultural appropriation
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00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:39,126
are gonna leave a stain.
Hey, I brought pastries.
68
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:42,730
Okay, but do you want to talk
about last night?
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00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:44,465
Oh, my God.
I was so drunk.
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00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,700
I think I might have hit up
a Del Taco drive-through.
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00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:49,670
I'm missing my side mirror, and
my fingers smell like hot sauce.
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00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,705
Wait. You drove yourself home?
Sure.
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00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:53,173
Drunk driving is easy.
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00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:54,242
It's just like
playing a video game.
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00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,977
You totally freaked out
on me last night.
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00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,079
Well, you took me to a wedding,
and then you ditched me
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00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:00,581
to work on sketch ideas.
78
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:02,049
Who are you, Will Sasso?
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00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,717
This is my first writing job.
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00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:05,419
I didn't know anybody,
and you abandoned me.
81
00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:08,522
Yeah. Well, okay,
I can see how that...
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00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:13,160
oh, was really sucky of me.
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It was. Thank you.
84
00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:25,239
You know,
I'm happy for you.
85
00:03:25,273 --> 00:03:27,107
I mean, shit,
I'm a liberal.
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00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:28,609
God knows
I should applaud
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00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:31,445
when an underrepresented
voice gets heard.
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00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:33,814
You mean veterans?
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00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:37,184
Yeah. That, too.
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00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,719
Hey, you want a pastry?
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00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:41,255
I-I just want to make sure
that you aren't implying
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00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:44,091
that I was hired
just because I'm Latino.
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00:03:44,124 --> 00:03:47,127
What? Of course not.
I don't even see race.
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00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:53,801
Hey, when did they put
this awesome eagle
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00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,569
on the Italian flag?
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00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,572
*
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00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:05,813
(knock on door)
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00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,750
(knock on door)
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00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:14,922
Paul?
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00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:19,293
What you did was
unspeakable!
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00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:21,462
Unconscionable!
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00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:24,298
Indefensible!
Indedibble-dobble!
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00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:26,166
How could you abort that baby
without telling me?
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00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:28,802
It wasn't a baby, Paul.
It was just a bunch of cells.
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You destroyed our family!
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00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,406
Name one family
that's just a bunch of cells.
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00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:33,941
Osmosis Jones.
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00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:36,176
Why does everyone
keep doing that?
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00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:38,245
What made you think
you had the right
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00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,947
to make that decision for us?
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00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:41,482
My body, my choice.
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00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:43,984
It's not that cut-and-dried
when you're married.
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00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,285
My body, my choice.
114
00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:46,587
There's a difference between
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00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,121
claiming your
reproductive rights
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00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:49,490
and behaving like a complete...
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My body, my choice.
Stop saying that!
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00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,093
No, Paul. You stop.
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Me and my sisters,
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00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,863
we fought for this right
for millenniums.
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00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:58,131
This is why Margaret Thatcher
went to prison.
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00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:00,334
Can you please
put on some clothes
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00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:01,535
while we have
this conversation?
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00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:03,270
No, Paul. My body, my choice.
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00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,805
And now,
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00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:09,109
I choose to go outside
and smoke.
127
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:12,880
Because it's my body.
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00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:17,985
My choice.
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00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,753
That's right, sucka.
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(door closes)
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*
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00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:41,642
Look, I meant it as
a good thing, okay? Yes,
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00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,310
sometimes minorities
get jobs over white people,
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00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,413
even when they're both
equally qualified,
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00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:47,314
or maybe the minority is
slightly less qualified.
136
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,182
But I think that
that is good for the world,
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00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:52,052
and I simply got you
these cool and funky pastries
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00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:53,654
'cause they're cool and funky,
139
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:56,524
not because they're Latino,
or whatever.
140
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:58,091
Here, try one.
They're "pan dulthes."
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00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,828
(snickers) Wait.
What are you saying?
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00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,396
"Pan dulthes."
143
00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:04,264
Edgar, they're "pan dulthes."
144
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:06,767
I pronounce everything
with a Castilian "S,"
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00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,602
because I studied abroad
in "Barthelona."
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00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:11,539
For you to say that I have
the advantage is insulting.
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00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,243
I mean, if anyone has
the advantage, it's you.
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00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:19,780
How do I have the advantage?
(chuckles)
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00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,882
You're a white girl.
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00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:24,217
There's literally a part
for you in every script
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00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:25,953
that's ever been written.
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00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,788
Not Glengarry Glen Ross
or 700 Sundays.
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00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:30,057
Besides, don't you read?
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00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:31,559
People just, like,
they hate women now.
155
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:33,226
You don't even have
to hide it anymore.
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00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:34,628
Yeah, well, you never read,
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00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:36,897
"Cut to funny brown guy
with perfect features."
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00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:39,933
You have the advantage.
Yeah.
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00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:41,134
Because it's such
an advantage to be
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00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:42,470
constantly
sexually harassed.
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00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,371
And it's so advantageous
to only be cast
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00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,707
as "Pretty Girl Number 3"
or "Overworked Mom."
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00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,576
I thought you didn't book
"Overworked Mom."
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00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:51,278
And it's such an advantage to
be slut-shamed for six years
165
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:53,614
because I accidentally sucked
Brian Dunkleman's dick
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00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:55,382
'cause I thought
he was Chris Hardwick.
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00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,117
Look, can we at
least agree that
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00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,952
the true enemy here
is the white male?
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00:06:58,986 --> 00:06:59,987
JIMMY:
Whoa!
170
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,322
Not me. I'm an immigrant.
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00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:03,323
Our story
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00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:05,058
is so tragic.
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00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:08,328
Do you know how many of us
drown every day
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00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:09,730
trying to get over here?
175
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:13,100
And the true villain is
the white American male.
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00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:16,670
Bad things happen
to white American men, too.
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00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:18,806
Real bad things.
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00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:22,275
You know, why don't I
let you white people
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00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:25,178
tell me how bad you all have it.
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00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,047
Jesus!
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00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,021
Oh, look, wife.
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00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:36,757
I'm about to rip
my lung tissue asunder
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00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,291
with the devil's tobacco
184
00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:42,530
because my life has been
destroyed by the woman I love!
185
00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:44,832
Your body, your choice.
186
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,501
You know, I almost left you.
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00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,369
When Vernon and I were
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00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:50,504
lost in the woods,
189
00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:52,540
he wanted to bail
and go live in Mexico.
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00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:54,007
I should have gone
191
00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:55,709
and started my life anew,
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00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:58,946
like John McAfee,
software millionaire!
193
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,681
Shoulda-woulda-coulda!
JIMMY: Right.
194
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:03,483
Can you two idiots
do this at your place?
195
00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:06,186
No! If you send them home,
her wishy-washy ass
196
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:09,022
will be lured back into that
suck-butt marriage by lunch.
197
00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:10,390
Shut up, Gretchen!
198
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:12,626
You shut up!
Aw, shit!
199
00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:15,395
Fine. Then just go
and fight in my room.
Our room.
200
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:17,397
But don't touch anything,
don't sit,
201
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:19,032
and hands off
the bed booze.
202
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:21,368
(sighs)
203
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:26,740
*
204
00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:37,851
What?!
205
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:40,353
Nothing. I just...
206
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:43,056
Sometimes I look at you
and I think,
207
00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:46,026
"How did this person
get in my house?"
208
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:47,828
It's like I've lost
the thread of a novel,
209
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,496
and all of a sudden,
there's this
210
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,331
messy short woman
211
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,834
who's clearly important
to the story.
212
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,036
So, I'm flipping back, thinking,
213
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:59,039
"I don't remember that character
being introduced."
214
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:01,675
Tell me about it! Some days
it's like I un-blacked out
215
00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:04,878
from a week-long bender, and
now I'm in this weird-ass house
216
00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:06,580
with sharp corners.
217
00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:09,783
My mate was supposed to be
so different.
218
00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:12,519
Classy, unbruised,
219
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,054
a first-chair violinist
220
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:15,956
for the Philharmonic. (chuckles)
221
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,758
God, can you imagine it?
222
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,459
Me in the wings
223
00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:20,894
of Disney Hall.
224
00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:23,463
And we wave good-bye
to the other musicians,
225
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:25,065
and I joke about
226
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:26,399
what a drag it must be
227
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:29,803
for Igor to haul
that double bass home.
228
00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:31,905
And then Dudamel does
a champagne spit-take
229
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:33,941
and shakes his head at me like,
230
00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:36,910
(Venezuelan accent):
"Oh, Jimmy, you are too much."
231
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:38,746
(laughs)
How am I not
232
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:42,650
arm candy for some international
movie star with a giant dong?
233
00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:44,151
Yeah.
He's part owner of
234
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:45,753
a cool tech company
235
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:48,488
and invents apps when he's not
dick-punching Peter Sarsgaard
236
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:50,257
in his latest movie.
Sometimes,
237
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:53,827
we talk about adopting a kid
from a third-world country,
238
00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:55,362
but we never do it.
239
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:58,165
And we live in
a legit-ass castle
240
00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:01,068
in Malibu with one of those
big modern art pieces
241
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,771
by the guy who does
the big dots.
242
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:04,938
What? Lichtenstein?
243
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:07,440
Yeah. A big old Lichtenstein.
Wow.
244
00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:10,944
How very sophomore year
art history of you. (chuckles)
245
00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:13,914
You definitely shouldn't
decorate your own house.
246
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,015
(laughs, gasps)
247
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,327
(knocking)
Knock, knock.
248
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,330
White lady visiting from
the Aryan zone. You still mad?
249
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:32,966
Maybe you only like me
when I'm struggling.
250
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:38,105
You think that I want you
to struggle?
Think about it.
251
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:41,041
When we first met,
I was your insecure student.
252
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:43,877
Then I was your vet boyfriend
with PTSD.
253
00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:46,313
Then I was a stoner
with no future.
254
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:49,482
But the second I get
a tiny bit of success,
255
00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:51,051
you freak out.
256
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:55,155
You forced me to engage
in acts of sexual deviance.
257
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,790
But you started this!
258
00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:59,993
You threw your bike
onto the street,
259
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:02,562
and said we were new people,
and I put on
260
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,832
that whole Napron-wearing,
good wifey act,
261
00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:07,034
even though I was dying
on the inside.
262
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:09,803
You went along with
it for 20 minutes.
263
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:11,204
And then you stabbed me!
264
00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:13,340
You want me to hide my bees
under a bushel.
265
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:15,642
You use your niceness
to stifle me,
266
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,644
and then you make me
feel guilty.
267
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:18,979
You stabbed me!
268
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:20,580
We both did things we regret.
269
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:22,582
Relationships are messy.
270
00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:25,352
You're actually tearing apart
my hypothetical fantasy.
271
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:26,754
Now you want to tell me
272
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:28,889
what I can and can't imagine?
273
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:30,924
You admitted that
you don't like good things.
274
00:11:30,958 --> 00:11:32,559
I'm just confirming that.
275
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:34,561
You should seriously shut up
276
00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:37,030
sometimes, Jimmy.
Just shut all the way up.
277
00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:40,734
I mean, what if I did
make something of myself? Hmm?
278
00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,035
If I did
279
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:45,605
rise up there
to your level, why?
280
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:47,507
Why would that be so bad?!
281
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:51,178
Because I am not up there!
282
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,245
Okay?
283
00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:53,613
I am down!
284
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:56,549
I am the downest
that I have ever been.
285
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,085
You want messy?!
286
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,553
I'll show you messy!
287
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:03,556
(yells)
288
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,125
Oh, no, Paul!
289
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,593
Now you're going
to have bad luck.
290
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:09,229
I have bad luck!
291
00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:11,198
You're my bad luck!
292
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,700
God! You're so selfish.
293
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:17,137
There is something
seriously wrong with you.
294
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:19,639
Why did I marry you?
295
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:20,808
Why?!
296
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,542
(grunts)
297
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,411
Look, if your fantasy
is so fragile...
Picking, pick, pick.
298
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,246
...that I'm able
to dismantle it...
Pick at everything I say and do.
299
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,281
...then maybe it wasn't
so great to begin with.
I'm sick of living
300
00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:29,950
underneath your highfalutin
surveillance state.
301
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,418
Plus, "hypothetical fantasy"
is redundant.
302
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:32,652
I just silenced
the judgy mom voice in my head.
303
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,554
I don't need another one
from you.
304
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,423
LINDSAY:
Stop using your big voice at me!
305
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:38,391
DOROTHY: Don't hug me.
Just let me be sad!
306
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:42,295
PAUL: I'll use my big voice
at you whenever I want!
307
00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:45,465
I'm only using my big voice
with you now!
308
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:47,200
(Paul continues shouting)
309
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,438
(scoffs)
310
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:55,976
(sniffles)
311
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:58,345
(chuckles)
312
00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:00,380
You... Come on.
313
00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:04,284
You had a rough month.
314
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,254
You'll bounce back.
315
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,322
I'm a 30-something
failed actress
316
00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:13,626
living in a disgusting
K-Town studio.
317
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,196
I haven't been
to the dentist in years.
318
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:18,531
My agent told me
to gain 20 pounds
319
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:21,201
so that I could at least
audition to be the kooky aunt.
320
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:22,669
(sobs)
321
00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:26,373
(yells) Oh, God!
322
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:28,408
(grunting)
323
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:34,347
Oh, God. You ruined my life!
324
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:37,284
Why?! Why did you do it?!
325
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,319
Paul.
(groaning)
326
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:41,188
Look at me.
327
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:44,124
(panting)
Paul.
328
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:47,827
You knew it was a snake
when you picked it up.
329
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:50,797
What?
330
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,000
You knew who I was.
331
00:13:54,401 --> 00:13:57,237
You don't get
to act surprised now.
332
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:59,272
*
333
00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:06,013
(phone beeps)
334
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:17,357
Becca and Vernon had their baby.
335
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,792
It's a girl.
336
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:23,730
Tallulah.
337
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:26,866
Ew.
(phone vibrates)
338
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,836
(chuckles, sniffles)
339
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,804
Becca had her baby.
340
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,411
(phones chime)
341
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,716
(sighs)
342
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:46,920
Dorothy's crying.
It's very mucous-y.
343
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:49,889
Lindsay's just reciting the
spoken word parts of "Lemonade."
344
00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:51,258
(scoffs)
345
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,093
Such idiots.
346
00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:55,595
We're no better
than them.
347
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:57,464
Oh, speak for yourself.
348
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:59,466
I'm not the one
who flung my sandwich
349
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,935
like a upset chimp at the zoo.
350
00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:03,937
I threw it because
I realized I was living
351
00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:05,472
with an uptight dildo
352
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:07,207
whose personality
unmakes itself
353
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,076
anytime something bad happens.
354
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:13,146
Says the woman who spent weeks
catatonic on the couch
355
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:14,982
in crusty yoga pants.
356
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:17,750
I have a clinical
goddamn illness!
Oh, right.
357
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:21,588
So you just win because your
condition is listed in the DSM?
358
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:24,124
No! I win because I am
doing something about it.
359
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,892
You're just lashing out
360
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,294
and putting me
under a microscope!
361
00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:29,129
It just happened!
362
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:31,965
He just died.
363
00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:33,933
Right, I am still grieving,
Gretchen.
364
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:35,102
Jesus Christ!
365
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:37,004
But I was there first!
Where?!
366
00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:39,006
Here! In shit, miserable!
367
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:41,408
There just isn't room
368
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:44,477
for you to be broken
right now, too.
369
00:15:44,511 --> 00:15:47,014
Oh, that...
370
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:48,781
that is complete...
371
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:49,949
(exhales)
372
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:54,321
How is that okay?
373
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:55,522
It's not.
374
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,991
It is completely unfair.
375
00:15:58,025 --> 00:16:00,493
No. This is not supposed to...
376
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:03,430
One person is supposed to be
in the hospital bed.
377
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:06,166
And then the other uncomfortably
sleeping on that little couch,
378
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:08,101
just sneaking home
to shower and...
379
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:09,669
(voice breaks):
and walk the dog.
380
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,204
Right?
(exhales)
381
00:16:11,238 --> 00:16:14,807
Right, Jimmy.
382
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:15,908
And yet...
383
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:32,559
JIMMY:
I said don't touch anything!
384
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:34,561
I knew it was a snake.
385
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:35,895
Get out!
386
00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:37,930
(sighs)
387
00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,539
You told me
we could leave any time.
388
00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:48,541
Right.
So why didn't you?
389
00:16:48,575 --> 00:16:50,477
I've been mean.
I have been angry.
390
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,379
I've been judging you.
391
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,881
Which was our one promise,
from the beginning.
392
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:56,583
If you were serious
about leaving,
393
00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:58,085
then you would have gone by now.
394
00:16:58,118 --> 00:16:59,886
You didn't
leave, either.
I know.
395
00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:00,887
I don't know why.
396
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,923
I think this may be impossible.
397
00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:16,403
But can't that be okay?
398
00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:22,041
I mean, the-the vast majority
of all human effort,
399
00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:25,412
however great or miniscule,
ends in failure.
400
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:27,414
So, what are your options?
401
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:31,218
You just ad-admit pre-defeat
402
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:34,121
because the odds are
that you're gonna be right?
403
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:36,323
Or you do it anyway?
404
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,395
(sighs)
405
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:44,964
Maybe we're a success...
406
00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:46,433
(chuckles softly)
407
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,034
...regardless of the outcome,
408
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:51,171
because... we tried.
409
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,074
Maybe there's beauty
in the struggle
410
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:57,244
against near certain failure.
411
00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:58,445
Is that enough?
412
00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:00,247
A beautiful struggle?
413
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,249
Maybe.
It's all gonna
suck one day,
414
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:04,284
so enjoy it now,
stop rocking the boat,
415
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:06,319
and that is goddamn it?!
416
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:15,462
It's like in my book.
417
00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:17,164
Ugh, no more book.
418
00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:18,331
Gretchen tired.
419
00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:19,666
In chapter 12,
420
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,501
Kitty is headed to Lisbon
421
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:22,969
to follow Take That on tour,
422
00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:25,738
but instead
she stays with Simon,
423
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:29,276
though they have
no possible future.
424
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:31,278
Oh, my God!
That's makes perfect sense.
425
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:33,613
That's why they
stay together.
426
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,615
They are mirrors of you and I.
427
00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:37,517
Theirs is
a love forbidden,
428
00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:40,253
thus... doomed.
429
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:41,321
Why is it forbidden?
430
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:42,789
Well, because
they're half-siblings.
431
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:43,790
Wait, what?!
432
00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:44,991
Jimmy, we talking incest?
433
00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:46,659
How did you miss that?
434
00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:47,860
I wasn't listening that good.
435
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:49,296
Look, when I came up
with this story,
436
00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:51,164
I was, I was falling in love
with you...
437
00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:52,632
e-even though it was,
438
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,634
it was scary and-and wrong.
439
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:57,504
I thought that
I was avoiding my feelings
440
00:18:57,537 --> 00:18:59,539
by writing my book,
but it was you
441
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:01,374
who was fueling me
442
00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:02,642
this whole time.
443
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:05,712
Fueling you to write
about a couple of horny sibs?
444
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:07,046
Give me.
445
00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:11,984
Show me the part
you cranked out last night
446
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:13,152
when you were all upset.
447
00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:14,654
Oh, no way.
448
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:17,824
If you're experiencing
the sweeping psychodrama
449
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:19,726
of The Width of a Peach,
450
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:20,993
you're starting
at the beginning.
451
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,562
(chuckles)
452
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:23,896
Chapter one.
453
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,898
"A deep, orgasmic moaning
454
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:28,501
"came from behind
the undersized attic door,
455
00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:29,902
"while far above,
456
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:32,572
"a German Sprengbombe
Cylindrisch 1000
457
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:35,041
"was falling towards
Catherine Wheel Alley,
458
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:39,045
City of London,
Post Code EC2N4RQ."
459
00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:40,413
Why do we need
the post...
460
00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:42,815
Good writing is detailed.
461
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,584
Shh.
462
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:49,856
Oh, I've been so
jealous and awful.
463
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:51,524
I've been trying to get a job
for so long,
464
00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:53,192
and then when it happened
for you so quickly,
465
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:55,161
I just... couldn't handle it.
466
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,563
Hey...
467
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:59,899
I was so intimidated by you
in our first class.
468
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:03,303
You did the whole intro
in that fake Norwegian accent.
469
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:06,072
My insecure vampire character.
470
00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:07,039
Mm-hmm.
471
00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:08,207
"Velcome to class.
472
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:09,676
"I vant to suck your blood...
473
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,278
(laughing)
"because I suck.
474
00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:14,547
Does this cape
make my fangs look fat?"
475
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,051
God, I was funny, huh?
476
00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:20,920
You still are.
477
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,791
(phone ringing)
478
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:26,259
I'll be right back.
479
00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:30,797
Edgar. Doug Benson,
DB Industries.
480
00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:32,599
Listen,
I love your sketch ideas.
481
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,033
Still chuckling over
"Lying Lawyer
482
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,702
is a Liar."
I'm putting together
483
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,704
a writers' room for three months
and I need
484
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,071
you in it, starting Monday.
485
00:20:39,105 --> 00:20:41,274
Uh, y-yes.
486
00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:42,975
Y-Yes, Mr. Benson, of course.
487
00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:44,076
Okay, I got to go.
488
00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:45,412
I'm eating sushi
489
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:46,779
off this Israeli model's
naked bod
490
00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:48,415
and the toro is getting warm.
491
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:49,982
(woman giggles)
492
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:51,017
Oh.
493
00:20:52,952 --> 00:20:54,421
DOUG:
Say hi, Tova.
494
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,890
Hmm.
Who was that?
495
00:20:57,924 --> 00:21:00,126
Uh...
496
00:21:00,159 --> 00:21:01,294
my job.
497
00:21:01,328 --> 00:21:02,729
I-I have to go in Monday,
498
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,096
uh, to the gym.
499
00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:06,165
Uh, someone
knocked a door
500
00:21:06,198 --> 00:21:08,234
off of the shower stall...
501
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,403
in the men's locker room.
Colby and Travis?
502
00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:12,805
We'll never know.
503
00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:14,441
But, yeah, obviously.
(laughs)
504
00:21:20,046 --> 00:21:21,481
(whispers):
Yes.
505
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,925
You thought you could master me.
506
00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:35,695
But I'm a person, Paul.
507
00:21:35,728 --> 00:21:37,464
I'm not one of your hobbies.
508
00:21:37,497 --> 00:21:38,765
You're right.
509
00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:42,168
I wanted a family so badly,
I was willing to look past
510
00:21:42,201 --> 00:21:45,538
the septendecillion pieces
of evidence that screamed,
511
00:21:45,572 --> 00:21:47,707
"We are wrong
for each other."
512
00:21:47,740 --> 00:21:50,677
Think you can stay here
a little bit longer?
513
00:21:50,710 --> 00:21:52,712
Just until we get
our affairs in order?
514
00:21:52,745 --> 00:21:54,581
Of course.
515
00:21:59,185 --> 00:22:01,388
I guess... in the end,
516
00:22:01,421 --> 00:22:04,391
we were just two stars
born light-years apart.
517
00:22:04,424 --> 00:22:05,792
You need to find someone
518
00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:07,560
in your own constellation,
Lindsay.
519
00:22:07,594 --> 00:22:10,196
Oh, Bear.
520
00:22:10,229 --> 00:22:12,231
Mm.
521
00:22:15,267 --> 00:22:18,237
So you'll throw away
the prenup?
522
00:22:18,270 --> 00:22:20,873
(exhales)
523
00:22:20,907 --> 00:22:22,875
You stabbed me.
524
00:22:22,909 --> 00:22:26,245
You cuckolded me.
525
00:22:26,278 --> 00:22:29,081
You ruined my life.
526
00:22:33,252 --> 00:22:35,021
Better lawyer up, bitch.
527
00:22:35,054 --> 00:22:36,889
(gasps)
528
00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:55,207
JIMMY: "Simon watched
the man exit the motel,
529
00:22:55,241 --> 00:22:57,376
"and they were alone again.
530
00:22:57,410 --> 00:22:59,211
"He, gazing at her,
531
00:22:59,245 --> 00:23:01,681
"she, staring at
her own reflection.
532
00:23:01,714 --> 00:23:04,617
"Both of them were watching
the same thing,
533
00:23:04,651 --> 00:23:07,420
the tears filling Kitty's eyes."
534
00:23:07,454 --> 00:23:09,422
(sighs softly)
535
00:23:10,757 --> 00:23:12,892
Dude, keep going!
536
00:23:12,925 --> 00:23:15,762
I need to know what happens
with Kitty and Simon and Bug.
537
00:23:15,795 --> 00:23:17,464
I'm so worried about Bug.
538
00:23:17,497 --> 00:23:18,598
Well, that's all I wrote.
539
00:23:18,631 --> 00:23:20,433
Well, go finish it.
540
00:23:20,467 --> 00:23:21,801
You know how it ends, right?
541
00:23:21,834 --> 00:23:23,936
I do now.
542
00:23:24,971 --> 00:23:27,574
But first...
543
00:23:27,607 --> 00:23:29,709
I need to rest my eyes.
544
00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:32,411
I've been up for two days.
545
00:23:33,446 --> 00:23:35,448
Come here.
546
00:23:42,321 --> 00:23:44,657
*
547
00:23:44,691 --> 00:23:47,026
We didn't solve anything.
548
00:23:49,295 --> 00:23:51,297
I know.
549
00:23:52,632 --> 00:23:54,634
Okay.
550
00:23:56,202 --> 00:23:59,438
* This year,
I'll spend November *
551
00:23:59,472 --> 00:24:02,408
* In the house
552
00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:04,911
* August sort of stifled...
553
00:24:04,944 --> 00:24:06,946
Shit.
554
00:24:06,979 --> 00:24:08,347
That's nine.
555
00:24:09,381 --> 00:24:11,117
* It's coyness, boy
556
00:24:11,150 --> 00:24:14,453
* That caught you out
557
00:24:14,487 --> 00:24:19,992
* I know you wish for fireworks
to light your July sky *
558
00:24:20,026 --> 00:24:23,329
* I was the dampest
box of matches *
559
00:24:23,362 --> 00:24:26,098
* You could ever hope to find
560
00:24:26,132 --> 00:24:28,835
* I'm sorry, what?
I hear you, yeah *
561
00:24:28,868 --> 00:24:30,770
* I was watching
the skin peeling *
562
00:24:30,803 --> 00:24:33,372
* Off your sunburnt shoulders,
I know *
563
00:24:33,405 --> 00:24:35,842
* I know you only melt
in the middle *
564
00:24:35,875 --> 00:24:37,376
* Like ice cream and sunscreen
565
00:24:37,409 --> 00:24:40,513
* Blisters in the pit
of my heart. *
566
00:24:40,547 --> 00:24:43,516
(dog barks)
567
00:24:46,519 --> 00:24:49,522
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