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Today is gonna be the best day ever.
3
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:03,522
How do I know that?
4
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Because every day is the best day ever.
5
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:08,318
I love my life.
6
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:11,238
I love sunshine, I love butterflies.
7
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But more than anything,
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I love Doug.
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Hey!
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Shut the fuck up!
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Fucking piece of shit.
12
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:25,627
That's Doug.
Also known as the best owner in the world.
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I still remember
the first day we met.
14
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She was too flirting with you.
15
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Hey, babies!
16
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:40,225
The second Doug laid eyes on me,
we knew we were meant to be together.
17
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Fuck.
18
00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:45,314
Ever since that day,
he and I have been inseparable.
19
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Why is Doug so great?
20
00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:50,485
-Where do I begin?
-Get down.
21
00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:53,780
He loves being around me
so much, he doesn't even have a job.
22
00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:57,951
Also, Doug doesn't get me boring dog toys.
23
00:01:58,035 --> 00:01:59,953
He lets me come up with my own toys.
24
00:02:00,037 --> 00:02:01,455
Hi, Reggie. What you got?
25
00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:02,581
Like this stretchy thing.
26
00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:05,876
-What the fuck!
-Uh…
27
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,085
Those aren't mine.
28
00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:08,544
There's a simple explanation.
29
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,589
This was supposed to be
a Christmas present.
30
00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:12,216
Doug, it's July.
31
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:15,260
Sometimes I worry if I'm doing
a good job making Doug happy.
32
00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:17,054
-You don't get it.
-I'm done. Reggie.
33
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,139
But then I realized
I do make Doug happy.
34
00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:21,767
What are you doing?
You don't even like the dog.
35
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:23,268
I love this dog.
36
00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:25,020
And that makes me happy.
37
00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:28,357
All that matters is that you like him.
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00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,317
And I like that
you don't get to have him.
39
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,861
You are a total fucking loser.
40
00:02:32,945 --> 00:02:35,572
Yeah, a loser with a dog.
41
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,283
Honestly,
the only thing in the world
42
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:40,536
that Doug maybe loves more than me
43
00:02:40,619 --> 00:02:43,622
is his favorite toy: his penis.
44
00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:47,376
He gives it haircuts,
he watches TV with it…
45
00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:50,379
- Flip it around!
-Stop staring. You're ruining it.
46
00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:54,591
And the way he pets that thing,
sometimes I wish I was a penis.
47
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:57,886
But every time I try to play with it,
he gets so possessive.
48
00:02:57,970 --> 00:02:59,513
Get off! Get-- Bad dog!
49
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:02,516
The key to any good relationship
is having things in common.
50
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:03,767
We both like barking…
51
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,940
We both love a good scratch.
52
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:17,656
And we can stay up all night,
just talking for hours.
53
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:22,035
You fucked up my life, didn't you?
54
00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:24,079
Even though I don't understand
what he's saying…
55
00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:27,416
She never would have found out
if it wasn't for your dumb ass.
56
00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:29,668
…I can tell he loves me.
57
00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:34,923
And while I don't know
that many human beings,
58
00:03:35,007 --> 00:03:37,551
I think it's safe to assume
he's one of the best.
59
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:39,636
Oh, goddamn.
60
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,513
It's bullshit, Mom.
61
00:03:41,597 --> 00:03:44,308
They're kicking me out 'cause
your last check wasn't enough for rent.
62
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,810
You might say Doug is messy,
but lately…
63
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,604
No, I'm not gonna
move back home.
64
00:03:48,687 --> 00:03:51,273
…he's been much better
at putting his toys away.
65
00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:52,691
No, I'm sorry. Look.
66
00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:55,402
It's just you know that
I can't live that close to a school.
67
00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:59,489
No!
68
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:06,455
Bad dog! That's my favorite
fucking bong, dude!
69
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,589
Oh. You like that ball, don't you?
70
00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:19,968
Lately, Doug has been playing
a brand-new game with me
71
00:04:20,052 --> 00:04:21,345
called "Fetch and Fuck"!
72
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,638
Fetch.
73
00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:26,016
Basically, Doug drops me off
really far away…
74
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,893
Sayonara, ke-mo sah-bee.
75
00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:31,104
…throws the ball,
and drives home without me.
76
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:34,858
Then it's my turn to get the ball
and find my way back home!
77
00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:38,237
-When I bring the ball back, he says--
-Fuck.
78
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,656
And that's how I know I won the game!
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00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:42,533
Fetch!
80
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:45,786
We've been playing it a lot lately.
81
00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,621
- Fuck!
- Sometimes we play it
82
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,665
three or four times in the same day.
83
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:51,250
Fetch!
84
00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:52,584
Fuck!
85
00:04:52,668 --> 00:04:54,419
Fetch! Fuck!
86
00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:55,504
Fuck!
87
00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:57,047
Fuck!
88
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,343
Holy fuck!
89
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,929
"Holy fuck" is right!
I win again!
90
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:05,639
That's it.
91
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,309
This ends now.
92
00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:13,480
♪ You only got a couple miles to go ♪
93
00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:15,482
♪ If you're trying to drive me insane… ♪
94
00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:17,860
These road trips are the best!
95
00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:21,572
Because you get to see
the exciting world outside our town.
96
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,493
Keep driving, Doug!
97
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,829
Don't make it too easy on me.
98
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:31,748
I love a challenge.
99
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,918
♪ 'Cause I hide from everyone ♪
100
00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,921
♪ Shine on me ♪
101
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:42,009
♪ Shine on me ♪
102
00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:44,553
♪ Shine on me ♪
103
00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:47,681
♪ Shine on me ♪
104
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,228
This round's gonna be
the hardest one yet,
105
00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:57,232
because we went way further
than we've ever gone before.
106
00:05:57,316 --> 00:06:00,652
In fact, I have no idea where we are.
107
00:06:00,736 --> 00:06:02,196
And that's exciting!
108
00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:09,536
I know the world seems like
a scary place sometimes,
109
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:10,704
but I don't worry.
110
00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:11,830
Good luck fetching this.
111
00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:14,791
Because I'm always safe at Doug's side.
112
00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,964
Sure, Doug really
challenges me with this game,
113
00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,717
but that's just because he believes in me.
114
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:12,599
You know what they say:
The best relationships are the hard ones.
115
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,143
You have to put in the work.
116
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:18,772
You gotta have courage.
117
00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:22,150
And you always need to remember
that real love…
118
00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:25,070
is never easy.
119
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,971
But even though I love this game,
120
00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:53,891
I kinda want it to be over.
121
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:58,228
Because, well,
I really just wanna be home.
122
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:13,785
Okay, time to get moving.
123
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,747
Going back to Doug's.
124
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,212
This is a nice neighborhood.
125
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:26,715
I like all the trash.
126
00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:29,468
And the needles. So many needles.
127
00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:34,972
Hey, honey, you ever been with
an Afghan before?
128
00:08:35,057 --> 00:08:38,644
Uh, no,
I don't think so, but thank you.
129
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:44,483
Well, well, well.
What do we have here?
130
00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:45,567
You lost?
131
00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:49,821
Hi, there, big dogs. Yes, I am lost.
132
00:08:49,905 --> 00:08:51,406
I'm trying to get to Doug's place.
133
00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:53,116
Do-- Do you know which way
that is from here?
134
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,578
-Hmm… You say Doug's place?
-I did, yeah.
135
00:08:56,662 --> 00:08:59,122
-Oh, yeah, I know which way that is.
-Oh, great.
136
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,625
Right up my fucking ass,
you little shit.
137
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:02,876
Oh… No, that can't be right.
138
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:06,213
Okay.
Well, I'll just be on my way.
139
00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:08,590
Uh, can I please have my ball back?
140
00:09:08,674 --> 00:09:11,426
Your ball? You'll be lucky
if I let you leave with your life.
141
00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:14,972
Hey! Who in the fuck is making
all that noise in my fucking alley?
142
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,348
Who's this guy?
143
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:19,893
Oh, you don't want me to come around
this fucking corner now, do you?
144
00:09:19,977 --> 00:09:21,895
Shit's gonna get crackin'. Trust me!
145
00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:23,856
You wanna dance, motherfuckers, huh?
146
00:09:23,939 --> 00:09:26,233
You wanna dance? Let's do this.
147
00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:29,653
What's up, bitches? Huh?
148
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,029
Oh, he's tiny.
149
00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:33,657
The shadow.
I thought he was fucking big.
150
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,158
Yeah, we can destroy this guy, right?
151
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:38,495
Yeah, go ahead, bite me,
you raggedy motherfuckers.
152
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:39,705
I dare you!
153
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:41,582
You know how many diseases is up in me?
154
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:43,166
Rabies, scabies,
155
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:46,170
whatever disease you can get
from tongue-fucking a dead squirrel,
156
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:49,256
which I did last night,
'cause I'm crazy, man!
157
00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:52,301
That's a 37-inch vertical.
158
00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:54,344
I'ma tell you right now,
you run up on me,
159
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:58,015
and I'll stick this paw right up your ass
and in his. Like a shish kebab.
160
00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,141
Whoa. This guy seems nuts.
161
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:00,809
Look at the way
he's barking at his own ass.
162
00:10:00,893 --> 00:10:03,937
I'll do it! I'll do it!
I'll bite my own ass off!
163
00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:06,356
Oh, man.
The fuck is wrong with this guy?
164
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,817
I'm so crazy I'll fuck the trash!
165
00:10:08,901 --> 00:10:10,569
You like it, don't you?
You like it.
166
00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:11,987
You wanna get recycled?
167
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:15,115
Anybody got a twisty tie?
'Cause I'm fucking this bag up.
168
00:10:15,199 --> 00:10:16,366
Okay, who's next?
169
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:17,701
He's freaking me out. Let's bounce.
170
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:20,078
I'll fight you
or fuck you. Dealer's choice.
171
00:10:20,162 --> 00:10:22,080
But either way,
you're getting worms!
172
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:25,042
Large breeds, man.
173
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:29,129
These motherfuckers, man, always
falling for that crazy little dog trick.
174
00:10:29,213 --> 00:10:30,255
Hey, you with me, kid?
175
00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:32,966
'Cause this block ain't for dogs like you.
We should get the hell outta here.
176
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:34,718
But my tennis ball…
177
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,261
Ah, fuck it.
We'll get you another one.
178
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,644
I'm Bug, by the way.
You got a name?
179
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:46,813
Oh. Right, sorry.
It's good to meet you, Bug.
180
00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,774
-My name is Shitbag.
-What?
181
00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,109
Oh, it's short for "Dumbass Shitbag."
182
00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:53,737
But sometimes,
Doug pronounces it "Fucknugget."
183
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,448
Uh, none of those
sound like names.
184
00:10:56,532 --> 00:11:00,661
Oh. Well, Doug's lady friend
used to call me "Reggie."
185
00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:02,913
Reggie. There you go.
Yeah, we're gonna go with that.
186
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,081
Let's keep moving.
187
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,708
So, how long you been
a stray for, Reggie?
188
00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,502
Oh, I… No, I'm not a stray.
189
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,879
-Oh, you're not?
-I-I'm just out here temporarily.
190
00:11:10,963 --> 00:11:12,256
-Oh.
-I actually have an owner.
191
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:15,175
We're playing this game
where he drops me off far away…
192
00:11:15,259 --> 00:11:16,426
-Mm-hmm. Right.
-…throws a ball,
193
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,971
and then it's my turn
to bring the ball back home.
194
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,645
- Holy shit!
- Yeah.
195
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:30,899
That's, uh… I-I-I'm sorry, man,
but that's incredibly tragic
196
00:11:30,983 --> 00:11:34,486
and the funniest fucking thing
I've heard in a long fucking time.
197
00:11:34,570 --> 00:11:35,988
Glad you're having a good laugh.
198
00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:37,281
Take it from me, kid.
199
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:40,576
That owner of yours,
he's not playing any game with you.
200
00:11:40,659 --> 00:11:42,452
-He left your ass, okay?
-Huh?
201
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:45,080
You are officially a stray.
202
00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:46,373
Don't call me that.
203
00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:48,000
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
204
00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:51,128
I'm a stray and I'm having
the time of my life.
205
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,671
You'll learn. How old are you?
206
00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:53,922
I'm two.
207
00:11:54,006 --> 00:11:57,718
Well, I'm three, and I have seen it all.
Paw to God.
208
00:11:57,801 --> 00:12:01,680
I once saw a dog
that was half Labrador and half poodle.
209
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:03,515
-A-A Labradoodle!
-No. No, no, no.
210
00:12:03,599 --> 00:12:04,766
A Poo-dor.
211
00:12:04,850 --> 00:12:06,143
-A Poo-dor?
-The other way around.
212
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,103
-Even fucking weirder.
-Yeah.
213
00:12:08,187 --> 00:12:11,899
Point is, life out here on your own
can be fucking awesome,
214
00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:13,817
as long as you go by the rules.
215
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:16,111
W-Well, what rules?
216
00:12:16,195 --> 00:12:19,448
Rule number one:
You want something, you pee on it.
217
00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:21,491
Whatever you pee on, it's yours.
218
00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:22,576
Let's try it out.
219
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,661
-You see that lamppost over there?
-Yeah.
220
00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:26,455
I want you to go over there
and pee on that.
221
00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:27,789
And you're sure this is okay?
222
00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:29,708
Go ahead.
Ain't nobody givin' a fuck.
223
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,835
You're a fucking stray now.
That's my point.
224
00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:35,631
Well, I'm not a stray, but, yeah, okay.
225
00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:38,300
Congratulations. You now own a lamppost.
226
00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:41,303
Oh, wow.
227
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:42,971
{\an8}Now, let's talk rule number two.
228
00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:45,474
{\an8}You can pretty much fuck
whatever you want.
229
00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:47,309
Have you ever humped anything before?
230
00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:49,394
Well, I wouldn't say I've humped per se,
231
00:12:49,478 --> 00:12:51,563
but I do like to dance on Doug's leg.
232
00:12:51,647 --> 00:12:53,148
Dude, that wasn't dancing.
233
00:12:53,232 --> 00:12:55,859
Baby, you was humping.
The devil's dance.
234
00:12:55,943 --> 00:13:00,822
But now, the world is like a buffet
for your tiny dog dick.
235
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,199
-Really?
-You know what?
236
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,659
I recently fucked this couch.
237
00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,285
-No.
-Mm-hmm.
238
00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,579
-Best sex of my life.
-Wow. Really?
239
00:13:07,663 --> 00:13:09,790
Yeah, a-a-and she dirty, too.
240
00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:11,124
Oh, well, I-I can tell.
241
00:13:11,208 --> 00:13:13,335
Looks like she hasn't been washed
in years.
242
00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:15,003
I'll see you later, baby.
243
00:13:18,799 --> 00:13:20,133
It was nice to meet you.
244
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,387
Now, rule number three.
245
00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:27,474
And this is the most important, bar none.
246
00:13:27,558 --> 00:13:30,686
You are on your own.
247
00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:33,438
-That's awful.
-That's not a bad thing, all right?
248
00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:34,606
Right now, you're freaking out
249
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:37,234
'cause you feel like, you know,
y-y-you need this Doug guy.
250
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:40,737
-I do!
-But no, no, trust me, you don't.
251
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:43,574
Humans trick us into thinking
that we need 'em.
252
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:45,576
But they're just brainwashing us, man.
253
00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:48,745
Point is, you ain't gotta
deal with that shit no more, okay?
254
00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:49,872
You a stray.
255
00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:52,374
-You can do anything you want now.
-I don't know.
256
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:56,545
Come on, repeat after me.
"I can do anything."
257
00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:59,298
I can do… anything?
258
00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:00,841
Damn fucking right you can.
259
00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:04,761
Now, you wanna see how fucked-up
humans can be? Come on.
260
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,891
Look at these motherfuckers here.
261
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,852
A bunch of pet dogs,
262
00:14:11,935 --> 00:14:14,021
losing their minds
over their 15 minutes of freedom.
263
00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:18,275
God, if only our wolf ancestors
could see these pussies.
264
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:20,819
Follow me.
265
00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:23,238
Now, why are these humans
so desperate to keep us?
266
00:14:23,322 --> 00:14:25,699
-Because they love us?
-No, no, I got a theory.
267
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:28,118
-They need us for our poop.
-Huh?
268
00:14:28,202 --> 00:14:29,536
Watch that lady. Watch her.
269
00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:31,079
- See? See?
- Uh-huh.
270
00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:33,415
It's like they're collecting it
for something.
271
00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:34,708
What do you think they do with it?
272
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,460
I think they're using it
to make chocolate.
273
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,003
-Oh.
-Have you ever had a piece of chocolate?
274
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:39,338
-No.
-Exactly.
275
00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:41,006
Come on.
I'm gonna introduce you to my homies.
276
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:43,217
I thought you said
these dogs were all losers.
277
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,219
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I say a lot of shit.
278
00:14:45,302 --> 00:14:46,553
-Hey, losers.
-Hey, Bug.
279
00:14:46,637 --> 00:14:49,348
Ugh. If it isn't the tiny dog
who caught the car.
280
00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:51,725
-I did catch that car.
-No, everyone knows that's impossible.
281
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:54,478
-Yeah, it was parked.
-Yeah, it parked after I caught it.
282
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,772
-No, there was no one in the car.
-No one in the car.
283
00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:58,815
Listen, I don't even have to keep
this conversation going.
284
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:01,109
What I was trying to do, losers,
285
00:15:01,193 --> 00:15:03,487
was introduce you
to my new friend, Reggie.
286
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:04,821
He just got dumped.
287
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,698
Aw, sorry, mate.
Welcome to the club.
288
00:15:06,782 --> 00:15:08,534
I'm sorry. Was it at least mutual?
289
00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:10,953
-No, it's actually just a game.
-Reg, I want you to meet Hunter.
290
00:15:11,036 --> 00:15:14,331
He's a therapy dog who works in
a home for dying humans.
291
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,124
Which sounds like an okay gig,
292
00:15:16,208 --> 00:15:18,460
except that he was trained
to be a police dog.
293
00:15:18,544 --> 00:15:20,838
You almost made it to the police squad?
294
00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:21,922
That's awesome.
295
00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:24,216
Oh.
Yeah, I… I guess it's awesome.
296
00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:26,051
Get the fuck out of my way, cone boy.
297
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,803
Oh. Sorry about that, Bubsy.
298
00:15:27,886 --> 00:15:29,888
Hunter, say something back, mate.
299
00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:31,056
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
300
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:32,683
Um… Hey, Bubsy.
301
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:35,227
You got any fucking…
weekend plans?
302
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,062
- What? Still sounds friendly.
- You got him.
303
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,481
-Yeah, raw-doggin' your mom.
-Ah. Right.
304
00:15:39,565 --> 00:15:42,860
Well, I'm pretty sure she's dead,
but good luck anyway.
305
00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:43,819
Pussy!
306
00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:45,904
Love those observations, Bubs.
Take care.
307
00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:47,239
Hunter, get your weight up.
308
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:48,615
Don't let him talk to you like that.
309
00:15:48,699 --> 00:15:51,034
-You're the biggest dog here!
-You should eat his freakin' face off,
310
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,619
shit it out and then eat it again.
311
00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:54,705
Bug, you know I don't love confrontation.
312
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:57,332
Yeah, don't let the big dick fool you.
He's just a gigantic pussy.
313
00:15:57,416 --> 00:16:00,586
Whoa. It is a great penis.
314
00:16:00,669 --> 00:16:02,838
Oh, thanks.
You know, I try to keep it clean.
315
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:04,548
Do my best to lick it as much as possible.
316
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,300
Yeah, the only thing
thicker than Hunter's dick
317
00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:08,010
is the sexual tension
between these two.
318
00:16:08,093 --> 00:16:10,179
- Oh, come on.
- Bug, no. What?
319
00:16:10,262 --> 00:16:11,930
-That's funny, though.
-Yeah, right. Imagine.
320
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:14,516
"Thicker than Hunter's dick."
321
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:15,809
- But, no. No.
- No.
322
00:16:15,893 --> 00:16:18,937
Now, Maggie, on the other hand,
is one bad bitch.
323
00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:20,898
But sadly, her owner, Jenna,
324
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:23,567
thinks the badder bitch is the puppy
that replaced her.
325
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,861
So Bella looked at me,
like, "I want a cupcake too,"
326
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,779
so I was, like,
"I'm gonna get her a cupcake."
327
00:16:27,863 --> 00:16:29,990
-I am so here for that.
-Right?
328
00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:33,785
So, Jenna said, "sit," which I did.
329
00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:35,245
But then I thought,
330
00:16:35,329 --> 00:16:37,164
wouldn't it be cute
if I acted all confused
331
00:16:37,247 --> 00:16:39,708
- and tilted my head, like, "Huh?"
- Oh, my God, stop.
332
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,502
Man, sure gotta suck
to compete with that.
333
00:16:41,585 --> 00:16:42,753
No, it's fine.
334
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,379
Bella's young and cute and fun,
335
00:16:44,463 --> 00:16:47,216
so of course Jenna loves her more
than me right now, and I get that.
336
00:16:47,299 --> 00:16:49,843
Cool. Anyways, I was thinking,
if you guys are free later--
337
00:16:49,927 --> 00:16:52,763
But what I really don't get is
why Jenna thinks it's so adorable
338
00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:55,224
when she spins around in circles.
I could do that in my sleep.
339
00:16:55,307 --> 00:16:57,142
-You know what, it's totally fine.
-Mmm. Okay.
340
00:16:57,226 --> 00:16:59,520
You know what? It doesn't get to me
so much anymore. I'm fine.
341
00:16:59,603 --> 00:17:01,730
I'm not jealous or worried
or angry or depressed
342
00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:03,899
or confused or fuming
or unhinged at all.
343
00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:05,358
Yeah, you seem totally fine.
344
00:17:05,442 --> 00:17:07,486
And now that Jenna's spending
so much time with Bella,
345
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:09,238
it's given me a chance
to do a little self-care.
346
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:10,571
I've been going into the digging.
347
00:17:10,656 --> 00:17:12,491
I like the feeling of the soil
under my nails.
348
00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:15,493
I'm out in the fresh air again.
I'm just connecting to the land.
349
00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:19,205
No, I'm learning I love digging.
I love digging! I love it! I love to dig!
350
00:17:20,958 --> 00:17:22,709
What's happening?
351
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:25,087
See, Reg?
Aren't you happy to be a stray now
352
00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:27,214
and not have to deal
with all that owner bullshit?
353
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:29,508
Well, no. As I said, I'm not a stray.
354
00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:30,884
Doug and I are just playing a game.
355
00:17:30,968 --> 00:17:31,885
Mm-hmm.
356
00:17:31,969 --> 00:17:33,804
Look, why don't you come out
with us tonight?
357
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:37,850
And you can learn how beautiful
it can be when you're off the leash.
358
00:17:37,933 --> 00:17:41,270
If I can't convince you
that being stray is great,
359
00:17:41,353 --> 00:17:43,146
- scraps night will.
- Sure will.
360
00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:46,024
Well, thank you, but I really
should be getting back to Doug.
361
00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:47,359
What? Why?
362
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:50,195
So I can make him happy.
Isn't that a dog's purpose?
363
00:17:50,279 --> 00:17:53,574
-Don't you ever say that again!
-Here we go.
364
00:17:53,657 --> 00:17:58,829
Reggie, your purpose is not to make
some stupid human families happy.
365
00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:02,207
It's not to make some single loser
feel more complete.
366
00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:04,293
Your purpose is to do
367
00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:06,587
-whatever the fuck you want.
-Whatever the fuck you want.
368
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,172
And when you are a stray,
369
00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:10,716
- there's a lot to fucking do.
- …a lot to fucking do.
370
00:18:10,799 --> 00:18:12,467
Why do I feel like
there's an echo in here?
371
00:18:12,551 --> 00:18:14,386
- You've said this a million times.
- I know.
372
00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:15,304
I love that spiel.
373
00:18:15,387 --> 00:18:16,889
Write your own fucking speeches,
okay?
374
00:18:16,972 --> 00:18:17,890
It's fine. Okay.
375
00:18:17,973 --> 00:18:20,851
Now, what do you say, guys?
Another scraps night?
376
00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:21,977
Yes!
377
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:24,438
All right, meet at the pizza place
at sundown,
378
00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:27,274
and we gonna fuck shit up.
379
00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:28,692
♪ Get wild… ♪
380
00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,490
So what is scraps night?
381
00:18:35,574 --> 00:18:37,659
It's that one magnificent night
of the week
382
00:18:37,743 --> 00:18:40,078
where humans are a lot more willing
to give us food
383
00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:41,872
or drop it accidentally or both.
384
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:44,875
That stuff that they're dropping is gold.
385
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:46,710
I just feel like
we're gonna get in trouble.
386
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:49,796
No, we're cleaning up.
These fuckers love it when we clean up.
387
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:50,881
Wait for it.
388
00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:53,800
Wait for it.
389
00:18:53,884 --> 00:18:55,427
Drop the fucking pizza, bitch.
390
00:18:55,511 --> 00:18:57,054
- Go!
- That's the one. Let's do this!
391
00:18:58,180 --> 00:19:00,057
♪ I-I-I-I'm with all my dogs ♪
392
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,934
♪ Finna fuck the city up ♪
393
00:19:02,017 --> 00:19:05,062
♪ Keep a pocket full
Got these bitches wanna hit me up ♪
394
00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:06,146
♪ Drinking by the pool ♪
395
00:19:06,230 --> 00:19:07,856
♪ Doing drugs, is you lit or what? ♪
396
00:19:07,940 --> 00:19:09,066
♪ Making hella noise… ♪
397
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:11,485
This water is making me dizzy.
398
00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:14,363
It's about to get real dizzy
up in this bitch.
399
00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:17,115
- I don't mind feeling dizzy. I like it.
- Pace yourself, Reg.
400
00:19:27,835 --> 00:19:30,087
Chester, for the last time,
401
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:31,588
there's no fucking fence there.
402
00:19:31,672 --> 00:19:33,841
-Just come out with us!
-I can't.
403
00:19:33,924 --> 00:19:36,593
I'm telling you,
there is a magical fence there.
404
00:19:36,677 --> 00:19:38,095
You just can't see it!
405
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,680
-Come on, Chester!
-Come on!
406
00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:41,723
Chester! Chester!
407
00:19:41,807 --> 00:19:45,352
Honestly, that is persuasive,
and I don't know why.
408
00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:48,897
I can't believe I'm doing this.
409
00:19:48,981 --> 00:19:50,399
Stop being a pussy and do this!
410
00:19:50,482 --> 00:19:51,483
Okay!
411
00:19:51,567 --> 00:19:53,402
Whoo! Run!
412
00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:55,571
- Chester! Chester!
- You can do it!
413
00:19:55,654 --> 00:19:57,781
You got it, Chester. You got it!
414
00:19:59,324 --> 00:20:00,617
Whoo!
415
00:20:00,701 --> 00:20:02,035
Goddamn!
416
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:04,746
It's real! The magic fence is real!
417
00:20:04,830 --> 00:20:07,666
♪ Big dog status, big dog baggage ♪
418
00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:10,586
♪ Big dog, fuck it
I got big dog habits ♪
419
00:20:10,669 --> 00:20:13,505
♪ See, I'm going hard in the paint
Doing damage ♪
420
00:20:13,589 --> 00:20:16,967
♪ Big dog tell me do it
Look like I'm average… ♪
421
00:20:17,843 --> 00:20:19,720
Oh, yeah. You gonna get it.
422
00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:21,513
Somebody been naughty. You a naughty--
423
00:20:21,597 --> 00:20:23,807
You a little naughty owl.
424
00:20:23,891 --> 00:20:26,768
You're right, Bug. I like this humping.
425
00:20:27,561 --> 00:20:29,104
Bug, can I try your owl?
426
00:20:29,188 --> 00:20:31,690
I told you scraps night
was gonna be off the chain, baby.
427
00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:32,941
I'm having a great time.
428
00:20:33,025 --> 00:20:34,067
Ain't this about a bitch.
429
00:20:34,151 --> 00:20:35,736
Look at this motherfucker right here.
430
00:20:35,819 --> 00:20:37,321
What you want, huh, homie?
431
00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:39,781
-I'll rip your motherfucking nuts off.
-Come on, let's go.
432
00:20:39,865 --> 00:20:41,992
-Pointy-eared motherfucker.
-Come on, it's not worth it.
433
00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:43,744
- There you go, Reg.
- I'm doing good?
434
00:20:43,827 --> 00:20:45,746
Give it to that gnome, Reg.
435
00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:47,664
Tell that gnome you're his daddy.
436
00:20:47,748 --> 00:20:49,750
Hey, gnome. I'm your father.
437
00:20:49,833 --> 00:20:51,502
- It's good to finally meet you.
- Reggie.
438
00:20:51,585 --> 00:20:53,045
Even under
these strange circumstances.
439
00:20:53,128 --> 00:20:54,254
No, Reggie.
440
00:20:54,338 --> 00:20:55,422
Oh, you can't get me!
441
00:20:55,506 --> 00:20:58,133
Aha, ah-- I'm too fast for you.
I'm too fast for you.
442
00:20:58,217 --> 00:21:00,511
-This motherfucker is keeping up.
-Come on, let's go.
443
00:21:00,594 --> 00:21:02,638
With your little bitch-ass friend
with a home perm and shit.
444
00:21:02,721 --> 00:21:04,056
-What did you say?
-There you go, Reg.
445
00:21:04,139 --> 00:21:06,183
-Don't you look at me like that.
-Get up in his ass.
446
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,060
I would hate for this to get violent.
447
00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:09,311
I didn't know I had a son.
448
00:21:09,394 --> 00:21:11,313
- And he's a gnome of all things.
- Reggie!
449
00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:13,065
-Fuck, shut up!
-Anyone want to hump my son?
450
00:21:13,148 --> 00:21:14,233
Man, come on. It's too much.
451
00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:15,692
He's handsomely dressed
in a smart tunic.
452
00:21:15,776 --> 00:21:18,362
Yo, Chester. You got balls, baby.
453
00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:19,988
That magic fence was legit.
454
00:21:20,072 --> 00:21:21,615
I kept telling you!
455
00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:24,243
What a weird thing a magic fence would be
to make up.
456
00:21:24,326 --> 00:21:25,827
I can do anything.
457
00:21:25,911 --> 00:21:28,163
- Reggie, don't.
- Wait, what's going on?
458
00:21:28,247 --> 00:21:29,748
- No. Don't do it!
- Reggie, no.
459
00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:31,834
I can do anything.
460
00:21:31,917 --> 00:21:34,670
Do not test the dark arts, kid.
461
00:21:45,556 --> 00:21:46,807
♪ Get wild ♪
462
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:48,934
-Oh, shoot!
-That was fucking amazing!
463
00:21:49,017 --> 00:21:50,394
-Incredible!
-Holy shit!
464
00:21:50,477 --> 00:21:52,521
-Yeah!
-Impossible. That's impossible!
465
00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:54,314
- Reggie!
- I did it! I did it!
466
00:21:54,398 --> 00:21:57,276
Oh, what a night.
467
00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:58,360
Yeah.
468
00:21:58,443 --> 00:22:03,156
Reg, I could tell the moment
I sniffed your anus, you're a great guy.
469
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:05,868
-You're a legend.
-Yeah, baby, I told you.
470
00:22:05,951 --> 00:22:07,870
Stray's life is the best life!
471
00:22:07,953 --> 00:22:11,206
Yeah, you gotta admit,
it's fun to be off-leash for a bit, right?
472
00:22:11,290 --> 00:22:13,125
- Right?
- Yeah, it is kinda awesome
473
00:22:13,208 --> 00:22:16,503
not having to hold my pee for ten hours
until Doug lets me outside.
474
00:22:18,046 --> 00:22:20,465
And I like the sound of "legend"
a lot more than "shitbag."
475
00:22:20,549 --> 00:22:22,009
Guys, I'm still peeing.
476
00:22:22,092 --> 00:22:24,261
Wait, is that really
what he called you?
477
00:22:24,344 --> 00:22:27,723
I really don't miss roasting in the car
when he stops at a store,
478
00:22:27,806 --> 00:22:31,435
and he leaves me with the windows cracked
barely enough for me to stay conscious.
479
00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:34,396
- Wait, what?
- And I'm just panting, gasping for air
480
00:22:34,479 --> 00:22:38,525
and trying to survive
until he comes back in 45 minutes.
481
00:22:39,234 --> 00:22:41,195
Classic Doug. Too funny.
482
00:22:42,863 --> 00:22:46,825
So, this guy neglects you,
throws you on the street,
483
00:22:46,909 --> 00:22:49,077
and you still think he's a good guy?
484
00:22:49,161 --> 00:22:51,538
Yeah. I mean,
if Doug doesn't like me,
485
00:22:51,622 --> 00:22:53,957
why does he let me eat
his leftover human food?
486
00:22:54,041 --> 00:22:56,251
So he doesn't have to buy dog food.
487
00:22:56,335 --> 00:22:58,337
And why didn't he put
a collar and tags on you?
488
00:22:58,420 --> 00:23:01,173
Because he doesn't believe in labels.
489
00:23:01,256 --> 00:23:02,299
Ah, come on, Reg.
490
00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:05,469
And the bandana he gave me
is way more special than a collar,
491
00:23:05,552 --> 00:23:08,180
'cause he used it for his penis sneezes.
492
00:23:08,263 --> 00:23:09,223
-Ew.
-Ew.
493
00:23:09,306 --> 00:23:10,641
Doug loves me.
494
00:23:10,724 --> 00:23:12,476
We have a good relationship.
495
00:23:12,559 --> 00:23:14,561
You just don't understand the situation,
496
00:23:14,645 --> 00:23:17,064
because if Doug's such a bad guy,
497
00:23:17,147 --> 00:23:21,735
and he left me on purpose,
and he hurt me on purpose,
498
00:23:22,486 --> 00:23:23,487
that would mean…
499
00:23:24,404 --> 00:23:25,405
that would mean…
500
00:23:26,532 --> 00:23:27,783
Doug doesn't love me.
501
00:23:32,829 --> 00:23:35,332
Can you guys
just give me a second?
502
00:23:42,673 --> 00:23:44,258
Poor little guy.
503
00:23:44,341 --> 00:23:46,885
That is just the classic
toxic relationship.
504
00:23:46,969 --> 00:23:49,388
I should probably talk to him.
I am a therapy dog.
505
00:23:49,471 --> 00:23:51,139
Nah, give him some space.
506
00:23:51,223 --> 00:23:52,474
Kid's been through a lot.
507
00:23:54,268 --> 00:23:57,020
That's what
you fucking sound like, you piece of shit.
508
00:24:00,107 --> 00:24:01,733
Oh, get off! Get-- Bad dog!
509
00:24:01,817 --> 00:24:03,652
Bad dog! Bad dog!
510
00:24:03,735 --> 00:24:06,280
Worst dog in the fucking world.
511
00:24:15,330 --> 00:24:16,623
Hey, Reggie.
512
00:24:16,707 --> 00:24:19,001
I know you're feeling hurt right now,
and it's--
513
00:24:19,084 --> 00:24:21,545
Ugh. It must be so hard
to figure out what to do.
514
00:24:21,628 --> 00:24:22,754
I'm going back to Doug's.
515
00:24:22,838 --> 00:24:24,298
-What?
-The fuck, man?
516
00:24:24,381 --> 00:24:28,218
What's it gonna take for you to understand
that he's not playing a game with you?
517
00:24:28,302 --> 00:24:30,721
And I'm not playing a game with him.
518
00:24:30,804 --> 00:24:32,431
Okay.
519
00:24:32,514 --> 00:24:35,684
All my life,
I felt like I wasn't worth anything
520
00:24:35,767 --> 00:24:39,396
unless I heard those words,
"Good boy."
521
00:24:39,479 --> 00:24:41,148
But they never came.
522
00:24:41,732 --> 00:24:44,276
Well, he needs to know he's hurt me.
523
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:45,777
He needs to feel my pain.
524
00:24:46,361 --> 00:24:49,990
And he needs to pay for what he did
with the only thing he truly loves!
525
00:24:50,991 --> 00:24:53,285
I'm gonna bite his dick off.
526
00:24:53,368 --> 00:24:55,120
-Oh.
-Wait, did he just say bite?
527
00:24:55,204 --> 00:24:57,915
Yeah, I'm still a little drunk,
but did I just hear you say that you--
528
00:24:57,998 --> 00:25:01,919
I said I'm gonna bite his dick off!
529
00:25:02,711 --> 00:25:04,379
Oh, I'm a hundred percent in for this.
530
00:25:04,463 --> 00:25:05,923
- No, no.
- Bug. Wait.
531
00:25:06,006 --> 00:25:07,007
Wait, Reggie, please.
532
00:25:07,090 --> 00:25:09,718
I feel you, I really do,
but this is insane.
533
00:25:09,801 --> 00:25:12,763
Yeah, like, maybe there's
a metaphorical dick you could bite off,
534
00:25:12,846 --> 00:25:16,266
like you could pretend my dick is his dick
and you could give it a stern talking to.
535
00:25:16,350 --> 00:25:18,894
No, his dick. No exceptions.
536
00:25:18,977 --> 00:25:20,938
Playing with that thing
was his favorite activity
537
00:25:21,021 --> 00:25:22,773
until he started putting things in boxes.
538
00:25:22,856 --> 00:25:24,816
- Boxes?
- Oh, shit, that means he's moving soon.
539
00:25:24,900 --> 00:25:26,068
- Moving?
- Oh, man.
540
00:25:26,151 --> 00:25:27,569
-What if we're too late?
-Calm down.
541
00:25:27,653 --> 00:25:28,987
We definitely
don't have much time.
542
00:25:29,071 --> 00:25:32,366
Any places, smells, landmarks
you remember on the road to get here?
543
00:25:32,449 --> 00:25:36,578
Uh… I just-- I remember passing
an enormous hamster wheel.
544
00:25:36,662 --> 00:25:37,996
Okay, hamster wheel.
545
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,123
A giant cone that looked like Hunter's.
546
00:25:40,207 --> 00:25:41,583
Giant cone,
looked like Hunter's.
547
00:25:41,667 --> 00:25:43,627
And-- And the devil in the sky.
548
00:25:43,710 --> 00:25:45,087
And the devil in the sky. Boom!
549
00:25:45,170 --> 00:25:48,757
That's basically a road map
right to this guy's custard launcher.
550
00:25:48,841 --> 00:25:50,634
Bug, there's no way. It's impossible.
551
00:25:50,717 --> 00:25:51,885
No, no, no, not quite.
552
00:25:51,969 --> 00:25:54,888
Reggie's got no shot
at making it back in time on his own.
553
00:25:54,972 --> 00:25:58,934
But if we all go, I got the street smarts,
you've got the muscle,
554
00:25:59,017 --> 00:26:02,688
and Maggie's got a sense of smell so good
she can sniff one asshole
555
00:26:02,771 --> 00:26:05,399
and tell you what the guy ate
three breakfasts ago.
556
00:26:05,482 --> 00:26:07,025
- Bunch of nickels.
- Exactly.
557
00:26:07,109 --> 00:26:10,028
-She's incredible.
-Guys, we can do this.
558
00:26:10,112 --> 00:26:11,905
-No, there is no way…
-I'm in.
559
00:26:11,989 --> 00:26:14,491
…I am missing this. Let's do it!
560
00:26:14,575 --> 00:26:15,742
Really?
561
00:26:15,826 --> 00:26:17,870
-You guys would do this for me?
-Hell yeah.
562
00:26:17,953 --> 00:26:19,413
- We got your back, Reg.
- Yeah!
563
00:26:19,496 --> 00:26:22,749
All right, guys. Let's show these humans
they can't toss us aside
564
00:26:22,833 --> 00:26:26,170
without facing
some bad fucking consequences.
565
00:26:26,253 --> 00:26:28,797
Fellas, lady,
566
00:26:28,881 --> 00:26:30,299
let's go get some dick!
567
00:26:32,426 --> 00:26:34,094
Howling!
568
00:26:34,178 --> 00:26:35,387
Howl!
569
00:26:35,470 --> 00:26:36,930
Howling!
570
00:26:37,514 --> 00:26:39,892
I'm just not a great howler.
571
00:26:42,936 --> 00:26:45,189
♪ Yeah, word is bond ♪
572
00:26:45,272 --> 00:26:47,399
♪ Das EFX in this
You know what I'm sayin'? ♪
573
00:26:47,482 --> 00:26:50,152
♪ Straight from the sewer
Word is bond, yeah ♪
574
00:26:50,235 --> 00:26:52,196
♪ Check yo' self
before you wreck yo' self ♪
575
00:26:52,279 --> 00:26:54,740
{\an8}♪ 'Cause I'm bad for your health
I come real stealth ♪
576
00:26:54,823 --> 00:26:56,992
{\an8}♪ Dropping bombs on your moms
Fuck car alarms ♪
577
00:26:57,075 --> 00:26:59,411
♪ Doing foul crime
I'm that brotha wit' yo' Alpine ♪
578
00:26:59,494 --> 00:27:01,997
♪ Sold it for a six-o
Always let tricks know ♪
579
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,208
♪ And friends know we got the indo ♪
580
00:27:04,291 --> 00:27:07,211
♪ No, I'm not a sucker
Sitting in a House of Pain ♪
581
00:27:07,294 --> 00:27:09,254
♪ And no, I'm not the butler
I'll cut ya ♪
582
00:27:09,338 --> 00:27:11,507
♪ This ain't no fucking motion picture ♪
583
00:27:11,590 --> 00:27:14,468
♪ A guy or bitch-a
I'll get wit' cha and hit ya ♪
584
00:27:14,551 --> 00:27:17,971
♪ Taking that yak to the neck
So you better run a check ♪
585
00:27:18,055 --> 00:27:19,640
{\an8}♪ So come on
and chickity-check yo' self ♪
586
00:27:19,723 --> 00:27:22,309
{\an8}♪ Before you wreck yo' self
Chickity-check yo' self ♪
587
00:27:22,392 --> 00:27:23,852
♪ Before you wreck yo' self, boy ♪
588
00:27:23,936 --> 00:27:25,854
♪ Check yo' self
before you wreck yo' self ♪
589
00:27:25,938 --> 00:27:28,232
♪ 'Cause shotgun bullets
Are bad for your health… ♪
590
00:27:28,315 --> 00:27:29,775
Howling!
591
00:27:29,858 --> 00:27:31,652
Howling!
592
00:27:31,735 --> 00:27:32,736
♪ Check it ♪
593
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,659
Why did nobody tell us that dog journeys
are so fucking exhausting?
594
00:27:38,742 --> 00:27:40,494
-Yeah.
-Oh, this is brutal.
595
00:27:40,577 --> 00:27:42,496
I was still drunk
when I agreed to do this.
596
00:27:42,579 --> 00:27:43,580
Yeah, I'm hangry.
597
00:27:43,664 --> 00:27:44,748
Yeah, I'm starving.
598
00:27:44,831 --> 00:27:47,334
I just threw up over there,
so there might be something in there
599
00:27:47,417 --> 00:27:49,503
if you wanna give it a-- Okay.
600
00:27:49,586 --> 00:27:51,505
I bet that's some of the pizza
from last night.
601
00:27:51,588 --> 00:27:53,257
Oh, yeah,
lots of good shit in there.
602
00:27:53,340 --> 00:27:54,716
Oh, there's those nickels.
603
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,511
Guys, we gotta keep moving.
You can't miss this thing.
604
00:27:57,594 --> 00:28:00,347
It's like a giant hamster wheel,
but without the hamster.
605
00:28:00,430 --> 00:28:01,890
And it smells like hot dogs.
606
00:28:01,974 --> 00:28:03,767
Smells like hot dogs?
607
00:28:03,851 --> 00:28:05,269
This is her superpower.
608
00:28:05,352 --> 00:28:07,229
She's unbelievable. Look at that nose.
609
00:28:07,312 --> 00:28:09,398
- You got something?
- Wait a minute.
610
00:28:09,481 --> 00:28:10,941
Wait, d-do you smell that?
611
00:28:11,024 --> 00:28:13,110
- I just smell plastic.
- Oh, yeah.
612
00:28:13,193 --> 00:28:15,195
Oh. Yeah, I've got it.
613
00:28:15,279 --> 00:28:17,197
She's walking away.
Should we follow her?
614
00:28:18,073 --> 00:28:19,199
I'm gonna follow her.
615
00:28:20,742 --> 00:28:21,577
No, no, no, no, no.
616
00:28:21,660 --> 00:28:24,121
A sausage is the one that looks like shit,
but it don't taste like shit.
617
00:28:24,204 --> 00:28:25,747
Okay, but then what is a hot dog?
618
00:28:25,831 --> 00:28:26,832
Guys. Shh. Drop it.
619
00:28:26,915 --> 00:28:29,710
-Look. What the fuck is this?
-That's it, the giant hamster wheel!
620
00:28:29,793 --> 00:28:31,670
- We're on the right track!
- All right, guys.
621
00:28:31,753 --> 00:28:33,213
We're on a time crunch,
622
00:28:33,297 --> 00:28:35,924
but Hunter's gonna die
if we don't get some food in him, okay?
623
00:28:36,008 --> 00:28:37,509
-Maggie, you hang with Hunter.
-Gotcha.
624
00:28:37,593 --> 00:28:39,344
- Good plan.
- Reg, you know what time it is?
625
00:28:39,428 --> 00:28:41,263
-It's grub time.
-It's gr-- Yeah, grub time.
626
00:28:41,346 --> 00:28:42,764
-Let's get some grub.
-Let's get some grub.
627
00:28:44,683 --> 00:28:46,894
- This fucking place is weird.
- So weird.
628
00:28:46,977 --> 00:28:48,687
I never really
can understand humans, man.
629
00:28:48,770 --> 00:28:52,065
Especially, like, the lighter shade ones.
They some strange motherfuckers.
630
00:28:52,149 --> 00:28:53,650
I was thinking the same thing.
631
00:28:54,193 --> 00:28:56,361
Hey.
632
00:28:58,405 --> 00:29:01,116
Um…
Your dog messed up my shot.
633
00:29:02,117 --> 00:29:04,995
I think he's telling me
I should pay for you to take another one.
634
00:29:05,829 --> 00:29:06,830
Oh, is that right?
635
00:29:06,914 --> 00:29:09,208
Yeah, that's what he was saying.
I promise.
636
00:29:10,417 --> 00:29:13,670
I wouldn't-- I wouldn't make it up,
but he's got good ideas.
637
00:29:13,754 --> 00:29:16,632
I could tell James
felt different about this human girl.
638
00:29:17,257 --> 00:29:20,010
Maybe it was because
she smelled like biscuits.
639
00:29:20,093 --> 00:29:22,513
Or maybe it was because
something about her was special.
640
00:29:22,596 --> 00:29:25,724
Excuse me, do you know where
we can get some food around here?
641
00:29:27,935 --> 00:29:31,813
As I was saying,
James thought he was helping this girl.
642
00:29:31,897 --> 00:29:34,942
But the truth is, she was helping him.
643
00:29:35,025 --> 00:29:36,443
Oh, fuck this bullshit.
644
00:29:36,527 --> 00:29:37,611
Wait, what is he doing?
645
00:29:37,694 --> 00:29:40,364
I've seen this shit before.
He's one of those narrator dogs.
646
00:29:40,447 --> 00:29:44,701
Hey! No one's listening to your lame
human story, you fucking dumbass!
647
00:29:48,288 --> 00:29:50,541
Sadly, the little dog was right.
648
00:29:50,624 --> 00:29:53,377
No one was listening to my story.
649
00:29:53,460 --> 00:29:56,255
Which is too bad,
because I'm the only one who knows
650
00:29:56,338 --> 00:29:59,049
James is a cold-blooded serial killer.
651
00:29:59,132 --> 00:30:02,761
He's got three bodies buried
in the backyard already.
652
00:30:02,845 --> 00:30:05,138
But I guess no one's interested.
653
00:30:05,222 --> 00:30:06,473
I can't believe that dog.
654
00:30:06,557 --> 00:30:09,142
He was so obsessed with his owner,
he didn't even acknowledge us.
655
00:30:09,226 --> 00:30:11,353
I'm gonna tell ya, kid,
the moment they leash you up,
656
00:30:11,436 --> 00:30:13,897
snip your balls,
is the moment they got you by them.
657
00:30:13,981 --> 00:30:17,025
-Hold on. They snip your balls?
-Oh, yeah.
658
00:30:17,109 --> 00:30:20,112
And I think they're collecting those too,
to put in the chocolate.
659
00:30:20,195 --> 00:30:22,239
- Get your hot dogs here!
- Oh, shit! Look!
660
00:30:22,322 --> 00:30:23,323
I got jumbo dogs!
661
00:30:23,407 --> 00:30:25,242
Okay, here's the plan.
You grab the sausages,
662
00:30:25,325 --> 00:30:27,870
and I'll go over there
and fuck the guy's leg as a distraction.
663
00:30:27,953 --> 00:30:29,162
And break!
664
00:30:29,705 --> 00:30:33,166
I don't think fucking the guy's leg
is necessary,
665
00:30:33,250 --> 00:30:35,335
but I see you've already started.
All right.
666
00:30:35,419 --> 00:30:37,004
Ooh, gimme, gimme, gimme.
667
00:30:37,087 --> 00:30:39,339
- Bunny!
- You won!
668
00:30:39,423 --> 00:30:41,049
I can't believe I won!
669
00:30:41,133 --> 00:30:42,843
Oh, look at that toy bunny.
670
00:30:42,926 --> 00:30:46,638
You know, it hasn't even been a day yet,
but I really miss toys.
671
00:30:46,722 --> 00:30:48,056
Jenna had some good ones.
672
00:30:48,140 --> 00:30:51,935
I'd rip that shit apart until I found
that squeaky toy in the middle.
673
00:30:52,019 --> 00:30:53,854
Ugh.
I miss squeaky toys too.
674
00:30:53,937 --> 00:30:56,106
But of course, I only got to play
with those squeak toys
675
00:30:56,190 --> 00:30:57,191
if I was a good girl,
676
00:30:57,274 --> 00:31:00,235
and I smiled the right way
for her stupid freaking selfies.
677
00:31:00,319 --> 00:31:03,113
The amount of work
that goes into looking cute.
678
00:31:03,197 --> 00:31:05,866
Honestly, I had to go to spin around
in a perfect circle like this,
679
00:31:05,949 --> 00:31:08,744
move into a "I'm so fuckable" pose
with my paws crossed.
680
00:31:08,827 --> 00:31:10,913
And I'd have to stand up straight,
paws up.
681
00:31:10,996 --> 00:31:12,873
I have to show all my tits.
682
00:31:12,956 --> 00:31:15,334
Yeah. Right, that--
yeah, that's pretty fuckable.
683
00:31:15,417 --> 00:31:18,003
I mean, uh, that-that--
that's-- that's weird.
684
00:31:18,086 --> 00:31:19,796
Wait, uh, there they are.
685
00:31:20,506 --> 00:31:23,008
You know, Maggie,
there's, um…
686
00:31:23,091 --> 00:31:26,386
There's so much more
to like about you than just your looks.
687
00:31:26,470 --> 00:31:27,721
You think so?
688
00:31:27,804 --> 00:31:31,808
Sure. I mean, you are hands down
the best sniffer I've ever met.
689
00:31:31,892 --> 00:31:32,893
Huh.
690
00:31:32,976 --> 00:31:34,937
But you're also smart,
and you can jump high,
691
00:31:35,020 --> 00:31:37,147
and you know like nine human words.
692
00:31:37,231 --> 00:31:38,232
That's insane.
693
00:31:38,315 --> 00:31:40,817
I actually know 31.
But thank you.
694
00:31:40,901 --> 00:31:43,070
Honestly, I'd have to list
about 20 more things
695
00:31:43,153 --> 00:31:46,156
before I even got to anything to do
with how beautiful you are.
696
00:31:48,367 --> 00:31:51,662
Um… I'm sorry,
that was too much.
697
00:31:51,745 --> 00:31:54,456
No, that-- that means a lot to me.
698
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:57,584
You know,
you're a really good listener.
699
00:31:57,668 --> 00:32:01,213
Oh, that's because all the sound funnels
through the cone right to my ears.
700
00:32:01,296 --> 00:32:03,340
No, I didn't-- Never mind.
701
00:32:03,423 --> 00:32:04,466
Wait, wait, what?
702
00:32:04,550 --> 00:32:06,260
Have you ever thought about--
703
00:32:06,343 --> 00:32:08,720
about taking the cone off
for a little while?
704
00:32:08,804 --> 00:32:10,597
Just to-- Just to see?
705
00:32:10,681 --> 00:32:13,350
-No.
-I bet you'd look really handsome.
706
00:32:14,518 --> 00:32:15,811
Really?
707
00:32:16,603 --> 00:32:17,604
Yeah.
708
00:32:18,772 --> 00:32:21,191
- That's how you do it, Reg, baby.
- That was awesome!
709
00:32:21,275 --> 00:32:23,277
Oh, wait a minute, okay.
What's this vibe?
710
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:25,279
- No.
- What? Oh, nothing. Nothing.
711
00:32:25,362 --> 00:32:26,822
-What vibe? There is no vibe.
-What vibe?
712
00:32:26,905 --> 00:32:29,408
Your boner implies that there's a vibe.
713
00:32:29,491 --> 00:32:32,494
Oh, you know,
that's because our friendship…
714
00:32:32,578 --> 00:32:33,996
…got me erect.
715
00:32:34,079 --> 00:32:35,706
Yeah, it was a friend boner.
716
00:32:35,789 --> 00:32:37,666
Then why don't you get boners for us?
717
00:32:37,749 --> 00:32:40,085
I mean, uh…
…are we not your friends?
718
00:32:40,169 --> 00:32:42,754
What? No, no.
You guys get me hard all the time.
719
00:32:43,589 --> 00:32:46,258
Hunter, that's about the sweetest thing
I've ever heard.
720
00:32:46,341 --> 00:32:48,844
Speaking of boners,
how about some sausages?
721
00:32:48,927 --> 00:32:50,053
We took 'em from a human.
722
00:32:50,637 --> 00:32:53,015
You stole these from a human?
What if someone saw?
723
00:32:53,098 --> 00:32:55,434
Relax. Grow back some testicles.
724
00:32:55,517 --> 00:32:57,144
Ain't nobody saw.
725
00:32:59,313 --> 00:33:00,647
God saw!
726
00:33:00,731 --> 00:33:02,524
God sees everything!
727
00:33:02,608 --> 00:33:04,401
Run!
728
00:33:04,484 --> 00:33:06,570
{\an8}-We're under attack!
- Save yourselves!
729
00:33:06,653 --> 00:33:07,738
{\an8}We gotta find cover!
730
00:33:07,821 --> 00:33:10,199
{\an8}The whole fucking place is gonna blow!
731
00:33:10,282 --> 00:33:12,993
{\an8}-Move! Move!
- Oh, God!
732
00:33:13,076 --> 00:33:14,995
We're all gonna die!
733
00:33:15,078 --> 00:33:16,705
Mama!
734
00:33:16,788 --> 00:33:18,665
Wow.
735
00:33:20,250 --> 00:33:21,710
Stay low!
736
00:33:21,793 --> 00:33:24,588
- They've got us surrounded!
- Go, go, go!
737
00:33:24,671 --> 00:33:27,049
- They're coming after us!
- This way, hurry!
738
00:33:27,132 --> 00:33:28,842
It's so loud inside the cone!
739
00:33:31,428 --> 00:33:32,721
- Oh, shit!
- No!
740
00:33:32,804 --> 00:33:34,348
- Oh, no, no!
- We gotta get over.
741
00:33:34,431 --> 00:33:36,266
Over here. We gotta dig!
742
00:33:36,350 --> 00:33:37,893
- We gotta dig!
- Dig! Dig faster!
743
00:33:37,976 --> 00:33:39,561
Hunter! Maggie! Help us dig!
744
00:33:39,645 --> 00:33:41,897
- What? What's going on?
- Come on, Maggie! Dig!
745
00:33:41,980 --> 00:33:43,315
You said you love digging!
746
00:33:43,398 --> 00:33:45,943
I lied! I hate digging!
747
00:33:46,026 --> 00:33:47,402
There we go. Okay, let's go!
748
00:33:47,486 --> 00:33:50,113
- I hate how the dirt feels under my nails!
- Come on, let's go!
749
00:33:50,197 --> 00:33:53,200
Wait, wait! Guys! I'm stuck!
My bandana's stuck!
750
00:33:54,076 --> 00:33:55,077
Ah!
751
00:33:55,869 --> 00:33:57,454
-Oh, no!
-Reggie!
752
00:33:57,538 --> 00:33:59,498
- Reggie, no!
- Reggie! Come on, buddy!
753
00:33:59,581 --> 00:34:00,666
Maggie, Hunter, help me out.
754
00:34:00,749 --> 00:34:02,209
No, no, no. Get out of here.
755
00:34:02,292 --> 00:34:03,418
I-It's too late for me.
756
00:34:03,502 --> 00:34:05,128
Listen to me! It's not too late.
757
00:34:05,212 --> 00:34:06,922
No. Save yourself.
758
00:34:07,005 --> 00:34:09,675
And tell Doug
I wanted to bite his dick off.
759
00:34:10,467 --> 00:34:12,511
Bite it for me, if you can.
760
00:34:12,594 --> 00:34:14,638
Look at me. You're gonna live.
761
00:34:14,721 --> 00:34:17,891
And you're gonna bite that dick yourself.
762
00:34:19,101 --> 00:34:20,561
Hunter, the fence!
763
00:34:22,187 --> 00:34:23,480
Here, check this out.
764
00:34:23,563 --> 00:34:25,649
Come on!
765
00:34:25,732 --> 00:34:27,860
Holy shit, they have a bomb!
766
00:34:29,027 --> 00:34:31,905
-Come on, Reggie!
-Come on! Come on, Reg!
767
00:34:35,199 --> 00:34:37,911
- Almost free! I'm almost free!
- Come on, Reggie!
768
00:34:37,995 --> 00:34:39,371
- Ah!
- Come on, let's go!
769
00:34:40,873 --> 00:34:42,875
- Move, move!
- Come on, guys, let's go!
770
00:34:47,754 --> 00:34:49,339
Oh, well. Uh…
771
00:34:50,465 --> 00:34:51,632
You guys wanna kiss a little?
772
00:34:52,967 --> 00:34:54,969
Oh, my God! Holy shit!
773
00:34:55,053 --> 00:34:56,722
Guys, that was crazy!
774
00:34:56,804 --> 00:34:58,765
I feel like now I need
an emotional support dog.
775
00:34:58,849 --> 00:35:01,810
Bug… …you looked like
you were gonna shit yourself.
776
00:35:01,894 --> 00:35:03,896
I did! I literally did that.
777
00:35:03,979 --> 00:35:05,480
- Oh, God!
- He did. I stepped in it.
778
00:35:06,648 --> 00:35:10,319
-Reg, you okay?
-It's nothing. It's just--
779
00:35:10,819 --> 00:35:12,571
You guys risked your life for me.
780
00:35:12,654 --> 00:35:16,074
Bug, you saved me.
I never thought anyone would do that.
781
00:35:16,158 --> 00:35:17,659
Of course we would.
782
00:35:17,743 --> 00:35:20,204
Come on!
You're part of the pack, Reggie.
783
00:35:20,287 --> 00:35:21,830
- We stick together.
- That's right.
784
00:35:21,914 --> 00:35:23,624
I've never been part of a pack before.
785
00:35:23,707 --> 00:35:26,168
-Well, you are now.
-I didn't even know that was a thing.
786
00:35:27,377 --> 00:35:29,129
- We'll make it a thing.
- Yeah.
787
00:35:29,213 --> 00:35:31,924
So, I kind of have a weird idea.
788
00:35:32,674 --> 00:35:34,468
Could-- Could we maybe…
789
00:35:35,427 --> 00:35:38,305
- …pee on each other?
- Say what now?
790
00:35:38,931 --> 00:35:41,934
Well, you said that when you pee
on something, that it's yours.
791
00:35:42,017 --> 00:35:44,895
I just thought that since we're all,
like, friends now, we could--
792
00:35:44,978 --> 00:35:47,981
Pee on each other,
so we belong to each other?
793
00:35:48,065 --> 00:35:49,107
Yeah.
794
00:35:49,191 --> 00:35:51,276
It was a stupid idea.
795
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:54,655
Jenna would be so mad
if I came home covered in urine.
796
00:35:56,281 --> 00:35:57,533
Let's fucking do it.
797
00:35:57,616 --> 00:35:59,743
Oh. We're doing it. Okay.
Why don't we do, like, a circle…
798
00:35:59,826 --> 00:36:02,162
-Yeah. Let's lift our left leg.
-Get to the starboard side.
799
00:36:02,246 --> 00:36:04,665
- Yeah, we'll lift our left leg.
- There we go. Left leg is good.
800
00:36:04,748 --> 00:36:07,084
- Good, I get to pee on Bug.
- Left leg is good.
801
00:36:09,169 --> 00:36:11,255
- Whoa.
- This isn't just warming my body,
802
00:36:11,338 --> 00:36:12,506
it's warming my heart.
803
00:36:12,589 --> 00:36:13,799
- Aw.
- Wow.
804
00:36:13,882 --> 00:36:15,759
I guess this makes us family now.
805
00:36:15,843 --> 00:36:17,803
- Yeah, we're BFFs.
- Yeah.
806
00:36:17,886 --> 00:36:20,514
Even better, we're Pee-FFs.
807
00:36:20,597 --> 00:36:22,516
Pee-FFs! I love it.
808
00:36:22,599 --> 00:36:25,018
- Yeah. Love that.
- Oh, Bug!
809
00:36:25,102 --> 00:36:27,062
You look happy!
810
00:36:27,145 --> 00:36:29,064
What are you talking about, I look happy?
I'm just smiling
811
00:36:29,147 --> 00:36:30,899
because we're all sitting here
pissing on each other,
812
00:36:30,983 --> 00:36:33,443
so it just-- I cracked a smile.
It's not an emotional thing.
813
00:36:33,527 --> 00:36:35,028
- You love us!
- You love us!
814
00:36:35,112 --> 00:36:36,488
- Okay, that's it.
- That's right.
815
00:36:36,572 --> 00:36:37,948
-You do, Bug.
-That's my cue to go to bed.
816
00:36:38,031 --> 00:36:39,700
- Come on, Bug.
- Look, listen.
817
00:36:39,783 --> 00:36:42,661
We got a lot of walking to do
and not much time to do it.
818
00:36:42,744 --> 00:36:43,871
Let's get some sleep.
819
00:36:44,371 --> 00:36:46,081
H-H-Ho-Hold on one second.
820
00:36:49,793 --> 00:36:51,879
-Go back the other way.
-Better the other way. Let me…
821
00:36:51,962 --> 00:36:53,547
Have you tried sniffing the ground?
822
00:36:53,630 --> 00:36:55,090
Fucked that one up.
823
00:36:55,174 --> 00:36:56,175
You gotta reset yourself.
824
00:36:56,258 --> 00:36:57,968
Go back 90 degrees.
You were so close.
825
00:36:58,051 --> 00:36:59,052
Now sit down.
826
00:36:59,136 --> 00:37:00,554
That'll do. That'll do.
827
00:37:00,637 --> 00:37:02,431
All right, finally, good.
Time for bed.
828
00:37:02,514 --> 00:37:04,224
- Let's get some sleep.
- Okay.
829
00:37:04,308 --> 00:37:06,143
- And quick turn… It's time to go…
- Wait, hang on.
830
00:37:06,226 --> 00:37:08,687
One turn. Two turns. Three turns.
831
00:37:08,770 --> 00:37:10,272
Oh, God. Bug's really fucked with my head.
832
00:37:10,355 --> 00:37:12,816
- Turn. There, and that's it.
- Five, four,
833
00:37:12,900 --> 00:37:14,985
- three, two, one.
- Again. Okay. Now I'm ready.
834
00:37:15,068 --> 00:37:17,321
There. I did it. Easy.
835
00:37:17,404 --> 00:37:18,655
And get down.
836
00:37:20,199 --> 00:37:21,450
I'm getting much faster at that.
837
00:37:23,076 --> 00:37:24,578
-Good night, everyone.
-Good night, Reg.
838
00:37:24,661 --> 00:37:25,746
Good night, Reggie.
839
00:37:25,829 --> 00:37:27,539
Thanks again for letting me pee
on you guys.
840
00:37:27,623 --> 00:37:28,457
- Reggie?
- Yeah?
841
00:37:28,540 --> 00:37:29,791
Could you stop fucking talking?
842
00:37:29,875 --> 00:37:31,335
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- All right.
843
00:37:41,136 --> 00:37:44,389
Okay, guys. Big day today.
Next up is the giant cone.
844
00:37:44,473 --> 00:37:46,642
I don't know what kind of cone
we're gonna find out here.
845
00:37:46,725 --> 00:37:49,144
It can't be too hard to find.
It's gigantic.
846
00:37:49,228 --> 00:37:51,021
All I see is trees, but whatever.
847
00:37:51,104 --> 00:37:53,982
Hey, mate, have you thought
about how you're gonna do it?
848
00:37:54,066 --> 00:37:55,442
Uh, sorry, d-do what?
849
00:37:55,526 --> 00:37:57,236
-Bite Doug's dick off.
-Oh.
850
00:37:57,319 --> 00:37:59,738
Were you thinking lengthwise
or tip-to-shaft?
851
00:37:59,821 --> 00:38:00,948
Gosh, I don't know.
852
00:38:01,031 --> 00:38:03,450
You know, I've never bitten off
a dick before.
853
00:38:03,534 --> 00:38:05,577
I guess I'll let it just come to me
in the moment.
854
00:38:05,661 --> 00:38:07,329
So, at what point of this trip
855
00:38:07,412 --> 00:38:10,123
are you gonna build up a little BDE
and make a move, huh?
856
00:38:10,207 --> 00:38:11,542
-With Maggie?
-Yes, Maggie--
857
00:38:11,625 --> 00:38:14,127
No, with this mossy stump.
What the fuck you think I'm talking about?
858
00:38:14,211 --> 00:38:16,088
No way.
She wouldn't go for me.
859
00:38:16,171 --> 00:38:18,465
I mean, maybe a door opens up
down the road,
860
00:38:18,549 --> 00:38:19,842
but for now, we're just friends.
861
00:38:19,925 --> 00:38:21,635
What are you talking about,
opening up doors?
862
00:38:21,718 --> 00:38:24,805
We don't have thumbs.
You gotta knock the fucking door down.
863
00:38:24,888 --> 00:38:27,432
Yeah, but who would want to date
a failed police dog
864
00:38:27,516 --> 00:38:29,393
who wears a cone 24/7?
865
00:38:29,476 --> 00:38:32,479
Aw, come on, dude.
Girls date losers all the time.
866
00:38:33,522 --> 00:38:36,900
You know, Reggie,
that you don't have to do it, right?
867
00:38:36,984 --> 00:38:39,027
What are you talking about?
Of course I do.
868
00:38:39,111 --> 00:38:42,114
I'm gonna get all over that dick.
Chomp, chomp, chomp. Mmm.
869
00:38:42,197 --> 00:38:45,158
Yeah, but you could just, you know,
move on from Doug,
870
00:38:45,242 --> 00:38:47,452
and then you wouldn't have to
do anything to him at all.
871
00:38:47,536 --> 00:38:48,912
You could always just let it go.
872
00:38:48,996 --> 00:38:50,664
I-I'm not--
873
00:38:50,747 --> 00:38:52,958
No. Not just gonna let it go.
874
00:38:53,041 --> 00:38:56,003
All right, look, you failed doggy school
'cause you was a wuss,
875
00:38:56,086 --> 00:38:58,213
but there's nothing we can do
about your past.
876
00:38:58,297 --> 00:39:01,633
We might, however, be able
to get that thing off your head.
877
00:39:01,717 --> 00:39:03,343
This? No. No, you can't.
878
00:39:03,427 --> 00:39:05,846
Sure we can.
If we all pull together, we can--
879
00:39:05,929 --> 00:39:07,931
No, I mean, I need it.
880
00:39:08,015 --> 00:39:10,100
I keep it on intentionally.
881
00:39:10,184 --> 00:39:11,476
Wait, really?
882
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:13,353
I assumed it was, like, you know,
a medical thing.
883
00:39:13,437 --> 00:39:14,688
Oh, it is.
884
00:39:14,771 --> 00:39:16,190
I'll do anything to keep it on,
885
00:39:16,273 --> 00:39:18,775
and most self-inflicted injuries
will do the trick.
886
00:39:18,859 --> 00:39:21,737
You know, cat scratches,
ear infection from the toilet,
887
00:39:21,820 --> 00:39:25,616
lick my testicles for hours and hours
until the humans get concerned.
888
00:39:25,699 --> 00:39:28,202
But it's worth it.
I get anxious sometimes,
889
00:39:28,285 --> 00:39:30,871
and the cone helps me
block things out.
890
00:39:31,872 --> 00:39:33,290
What are you guys talking about?
891
00:39:33,373 --> 00:39:35,501
Oh, uh, nothing.
You know, same old, same old.
892
00:39:35,584 --> 00:39:38,086
I'm telling him he's got to
get that big dick energy.
893
00:39:38,170 --> 00:39:40,756
-Bug!
-Well, you've got the first part down.
894
00:39:40,839 --> 00:39:43,091
Thanks for complimenting my penis, Maggie.
895
00:39:43,175 --> 00:39:45,052
You know, your vagina's huge too.
896
00:39:45,135 --> 00:39:47,429
-Seriously?
-Shit. Why did I say that?
897
00:39:50,140 --> 00:39:51,892
- Reg, let me ask you something.
- Yeah?
898
00:39:51,975 --> 00:39:54,144
How sure are you
that the big cone is this way?
899
00:39:54,228 --> 00:39:55,562
I don't know.
900
00:39:55,646 --> 00:39:59,316
On a scale of "sure" to "not sure,"
I'm pretty sure…
901
00:40:01,485 --> 00:40:03,320
that I'm not really sure.
That, I'm sure of.
902
00:40:03,403 --> 00:40:04,905
Holy shit! We're lost.
903
00:40:04,988 --> 00:40:06,323
- Great.
- I knew this would happen.
904
00:40:06,406 --> 00:40:09,284
Calm down, Bug. We'll figure it out.
This could be a lot worse.
905
00:40:09,368 --> 00:40:10,410
Oh, really, Hunter?
906
00:40:10,494 --> 00:40:12,496
I'm starving,
we're completely fucking lost,
907
00:40:12,579 --> 00:40:15,165
and my little puppy paw pads
are really hurting right now.
908
00:40:15,249 --> 00:40:17,292
- Aw.
- So how exactly could this get worse?
909
00:40:18,418 --> 00:40:19,962
Huh? How could it? Tell me. Huh?
910
00:40:20,045 --> 00:40:21,171
How could it get worse?
911
00:40:22,798 --> 00:40:23,799
Oh, oh, oh!
912
00:40:23,882 --> 00:40:24,925
Bug!
913
00:40:25,008 --> 00:40:27,010
- Why did I say it could get a lot worse?
- Oh, shit!
914
00:40:27,094 --> 00:40:29,388
Please, please, don't drop me!
Don't eat me! None of that!
915
00:40:29,471 --> 00:40:32,349
- That eagle has some good timing.
- Bug! Hold on, buddy!
916
00:40:32,432 --> 00:40:33,767
Reg! Reggie! Guys, help me!
917
00:40:33,851 --> 00:40:35,978
Ask him if he wouldn't mind
bringing you lower!
918
00:40:36,061 --> 00:40:38,188
What are you talking about?
I don't speak bird.
919
00:40:38,272 --> 00:40:40,065
- We're in a real pickle!
- Help, help, help.
920
00:40:40,148 --> 00:40:41,650
Do something. Somebody do something!
921
00:40:41,733 --> 00:40:42,860
Oh! Oh, God!
922
00:40:47,197 --> 00:40:48,740
Yes! No!
923
00:40:48,824 --> 00:40:50,450
This is fucking crazy,
we're going higher!
924
00:40:50,534 --> 00:40:53,036
- Hold on, buddy!
- Reggie! Bug!
925
00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:55,998
Oh, wow,
your balls look huge from this angle.
926
00:40:56,081 --> 00:40:58,959
Thank you. But holy fuck!
927
00:40:59,877 --> 00:41:03,255
That is a golden-cheeked warbler.
928
00:41:04,047 --> 00:41:05,465
I've been missing that one.
929
00:41:06,717 --> 00:41:07,718
Uh…
930
00:41:09,011 --> 00:41:10,012
Mmm.
931
00:41:12,556 --> 00:41:13,557
Check.
932
00:41:21,190 --> 00:41:23,108
Holy shit.
933
00:41:23,775 --> 00:41:26,945
That is the craziest thing
I have ever seen.
934
00:41:28,488 --> 00:41:32,201
And I'm Dennis Quaid,
and Dennis Quaid has seen some shit.
935
00:41:32,743 --> 00:41:34,286
{\an8}-Let me down, bitch!
-Bug, look!
936
00:41:34,369 --> 00:41:36,038
{\an8}Over there! The giant cone!
937
00:41:36,121 --> 00:41:37,831
{\an8}-What?
- The giant cone!
938
00:41:37,915 --> 00:41:39,750
Oh, the cone! Well, shit.
939
00:41:39,833 --> 00:41:42,377
That would be great news
if we weren't stuck to this fucking bird!
940
00:41:43,295 --> 00:41:46,089
Bug! I got an idea. Hang on!
941
00:41:46,173 --> 00:41:48,717
Reg, what are you doing?
942
00:41:49,301 --> 00:41:51,720
Oh, God! That's bold!
943
00:41:52,846 --> 00:41:54,181
It's too bold!
944
00:41:55,390 --> 00:41:56,850
Here we go!
945
00:42:00,604 --> 00:42:02,689
-Well, shit-- Ow!
-Ah!
946
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:07,986
Reggie! Bug!
947
00:42:08,070 --> 00:42:10,155
- Ah! Help! Shit.
- Ah! Branch!
948
00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:11,281
Smaller branch!
949
00:42:11,365 --> 00:42:12,366
Fuck!
950
00:42:14,993 --> 00:42:15,994
Shit--
951
00:42:16,078 --> 00:42:17,079
Goddamn--
952
00:42:18,455 --> 00:42:21,875
Wow, they're hitting
a worst-case-scenario amount of branches.
953
00:42:21,959 --> 00:42:24,086
- Branch!
- Paws! Paws! Paws!
954
00:42:24,169 --> 00:42:25,796
- Neck!
- Tail!
955
00:42:28,131 --> 00:42:30,008
Oh, my God. I am so sorry.
956
00:42:30,092 --> 00:42:31,760
I did not mean to barge in like this.
957
00:42:31,844 --> 00:42:33,053
What, are you guys wrestling?
958
00:42:33,136 --> 00:42:34,137
Shit!
959
00:42:35,305 --> 00:42:36,598
Bug!
960
00:42:37,766 --> 00:42:39,351
- Reggie!
- You're alive!
961
00:42:39,434 --> 00:42:42,437
Oh, fuck.
Got a stick up my ass.
962
00:42:42,521 --> 00:42:45,023
Well, Hunter was right.
That could have been worse.
963
00:42:45,107 --> 00:42:46,692
Just get the fuck out of the bush.
964
00:42:46,775 --> 00:42:49,403
Reggie,
you are once again a legend.
965
00:42:49,486 --> 00:42:50,571
Guys, that was epic.
966
00:42:50,654 --> 00:42:52,614
Fucking leaves. Get off me!
967
00:42:52,698 --> 00:42:54,825
Guys! You wouldn't believe it.
We saw the giant cone.
968
00:42:54,908 --> 00:42:56,034
- What?
- Yeah, we did.
969
00:42:56,118 --> 00:42:57,369
-Really?
-That's amazing.
970
00:42:57,452 --> 00:42:59,079
That means we're heading
in the right direction.
971
00:42:59,162 --> 00:43:00,330
Yeah, and not to be cheesy,
972
00:43:00,414 --> 00:43:03,584
but being up in the sky like that
just moments from my death,
973
00:43:04,543 --> 00:43:06,670
I-- I learned something about life.
974
00:43:06,753 --> 00:43:07,713
-What's that?
-What?
975
00:43:07,796 --> 00:43:09,631
Birds don't have genitals.
976
00:43:10,507 --> 00:43:11,925
Well, then how do they…
977
00:43:12,009 --> 00:43:15,888
I don't know.
Maybe they have both parts inside.
978
00:43:16,471 --> 00:43:18,265
So if you were to say
"go fuck yourself,"
979
00:43:18,348 --> 00:43:20,517
they could actually do it.
980
00:43:21,852 --> 00:43:23,520
Um, okay, then.
981
00:43:23,604 --> 00:43:26,607
So, hey, next up is the devil in the sky.
982
00:43:28,817 --> 00:43:29,985
Howling.
983
00:43:30,068 --> 00:43:31,904
Come on, guys. We're over halfway there.
984
00:43:31,987 --> 00:43:33,363
My howl's getting better.
985
00:43:33,447 --> 00:43:35,407
- You guys hear that?
- Good on you. I'm so proud.
986
00:43:35,490 --> 00:43:36,575
- Hey, man.
- Yeah?
987
00:43:36,658 --> 00:43:38,118
I really appreciate what you did up there.
988
00:43:38,785 --> 00:43:42,664
I mean, no need to pee on each other
or anything like that, but thanks.
989
00:43:42,748 --> 00:43:45,167
Of course. We're Pee-FFs.
990
00:43:45,250 --> 00:43:46,293
We stick together.
991
00:43:47,002 --> 00:43:49,880
All right, all right. Enough.
Put your tongue back in your mouth.
992
00:43:54,343 --> 00:43:57,971
Okay, okay. Never have I ever
gone down on a girl dog.
993
00:43:58,055 --> 00:43:59,264
Really? Seriously?
994
00:43:59,348 --> 00:44:01,350
- You guys lick your balls all day.
- No, no.
995
00:44:01,433 --> 00:44:02,643
That's different.
996
00:44:02,726 --> 00:44:04,603
- How is it different?
- It's way different.
997
00:44:04,686 --> 00:44:05,604
Bones to biscuits.
998
00:44:05,687 --> 00:44:07,356
I can't believe that I'm the only one.
999
00:44:07,439 --> 00:44:08,774
What, you went down on a--
1000
00:44:08,857 --> 00:44:10,943
I was experimenting.
Come on, I was in my twos.
1001
00:44:11,026 --> 00:44:12,402
- Oh.
- Yeah, that's the twos.
1002
00:44:12,486 --> 00:44:13,695
Oh, like a rumspringa.
1003
00:44:13,779 --> 00:44:16,073
♪ Living in this big blue world… ♪
1004
00:44:16,156 --> 00:44:19,743
Okay, I got one.
Would you rather eat poop or--
1005
00:44:19,826 --> 00:44:21,995
- Eat poop.
- Eat poop. Definitely eat poop.
1006
00:44:22,079 --> 00:44:23,372
Okay,
but I didn't even get to--
1007
00:44:23,455 --> 00:44:24,831
It doesn't matter.
I like poop.
1008
00:44:26,083 --> 00:44:28,460
So, question.
When dogs have sex from behind…
1009
00:44:28,544 --> 00:44:30,254
- Okay, okay…
- …what's the style?
1010
00:44:30,337 --> 00:44:32,256
- That's just regular style.
- Regular style.
1011
00:44:32,339 --> 00:44:34,174
Is there another style
or do we only have one?
1012
00:44:34,258 --> 00:44:37,135
I only know one style of fucking,
and I've been doing it my whole life.
1013
00:44:37,219 --> 00:44:38,387
Then what's human style?
1014
00:44:38,470 --> 00:44:40,722
In human style,
the boy pretends to be the dog
1015
00:44:40,806 --> 00:44:42,558
and the girl pretends to be the couch.
1016
00:44:42,641 --> 00:44:45,310
- It's very complicated.
- Wow, that is complicated.
1017
00:44:45,394 --> 00:44:47,187
Every species is different.
1018
00:44:48,689 --> 00:44:51,483
♪ Two, four, six, eight
Who do we appreciate… ♪
1019
00:44:51,567 --> 00:44:53,360
All right, I've got a joke.
Knock, knock.
1020
00:44:54,361 --> 00:44:55,821
No.
You gotta ask, "Who's there?"
1021
00:44:55,904 --> 00:44:57,906
- Okay. Got it, got it.
- Knock, knock.
1022
00:44:59,324 --> 00:45:01,869
Guys, stop. You won't even
let me get to the joke part.
1023
00:45:01,952 --> 00:45:04,037
Later, Maggie.
Somebody's at the door.
1024
00:45:04,121 --> 00:45:05,914
Nothing funny
about a stranger at the door.
1025
00:45:05,998 --> 00:45:07,666
Ugh. You guys are fucking morons.
1026
00:45:08,458 --> 00:45:11,420
♪ I know I'll be A-O, A-O-K… ♪
1027
00:45:15,299 --> 00:45:18,677
- You guys got anything yet?
- No. Man, and I'm starving.
1028
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:21,096
Anything edible over there?
Like a buffalo chicken pizza?
1029
00:45:21,180 --> 00:45:22,598
No, just squirrel poops.
1030
00:45:22,681 --> 00:45:25,559
No, I can't eat no more of that shit.
That goes right through me.
1031
00:45:25,642 --> 00:45:27,519
Hey, I think I got something.
1032
00:45:28,145 --> 00:45:29,271
What do you got?
1033
00:45:33,358 --> 00:45:35,402
-What are those?
-Kind of looks like food.
1034
00:45:35,485 --> 00:45:36,904
I don't know.
1035
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:40,240
- Let me get at it.
- Mmm. It's not too bad.
1036
00:45:40,324 --> 00:45:42,451
- I'm down to clown.
- How many of these should we eat?
1037
00:45:42,534 --> 00:45:44,536
- All of them?
- Yeah, that makes sense.
1038
00:45:44,620 --> 00:45:46,205
These are so good. Mmm.
1039
00:45:46,288 --> 00:45:47,497
Ooh, this one's spicy.
1040
00:45:47,581 --> 00:45:49,166
Mmm.
Kinda nutty, right?
1041
00:45:56,423 --> 00:45:58,550
All right.
1042
00:45:58,634 --> 00:46:02,179
That should hold us. Solid dinner. Mmm.
1043
00:46:02,262 --> 00:46:03,805
All right, let's get moving.
1044
00:46:03,889 --> 00:46:06,099
Oh, shit. Gimme a sec.
1045
00:46:06,183 --> 00:46:07,726
Whoa. Whoa.
1046
00:46:07,809 --> 00:46:09,144
What the fuck?
1047
00:46:18,445 --> 00:46:20,739
Hunter, your cone.
1048
00:46:20,822 --> 00:46:23,867
Oh, yeah, yeah, I know.
I should probably take it off.
1049
00:46:23,951 --> 00:46:25,827
No, no. It's growing.
1050
00:46:25,911 --> 00:46:28,914
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
1051
00:46:28,997 --> 00:46:30,999
- Bug.
- No.
1052
00:46:31,083 --> 00:46:33,085
Bug!
1053
00:46:33,168 --> 00:46:34,336
Can't be.
1054
00:46:36,213 --> 00:46:37,214
Dolores!
1055
00:46:37,798 --> 00:46:40,342
-Hello, Bug.
-What you doing out here?
1056
00:46:40,425 --> 00:46:41,635
We need to talk.
1057
00:46:41,718 --> 00:46:44,137
Wait, Maggie. You look different.
1058
00:46:44,221 --> 00:46:45,222
Really?
1059
00:46:45,305 --> 00:46:47,641
Oh, shit, you look different too.
1060
00:46:47,724 --> 00:46:49,893
-How so?
-Um, you're kinda…
1061
00:46:49,977 --> 00:46:51,395
Is it my human hands?
1062
00:46:53,146 --> 00:46:55,524
- Do you think I could play piano now?
- Definitely.
1063
00:47:01,321 --> 00:47:02,322
Doug?
1064
00:47:02,990 --> 00:47:03,991
Hey, Reggie!
1065
00:47:04,074 --> 00:47:06,910
Doug! How's it going?
1066
00:47:06,994 --> 00:47:08,579
Not great. Yeah.
1067
00:47:08,662 --> 00:47:10,038
Just giving it one last shave,
1068
00:47:10,122 --> 00:47:13,000
'cause word on the street
is you're planning to bite it off.
1069
00:47:13,083 --> 00:47:15,043
Oh. That was supposed to be a surprise.
1070
00:47:15,127 --> 00:47:16,128
Who told you?
1071
00:47:16,211 --> 00:47:18,213
Sorry, Daddy.
1072
00:47:18,297 --> 00:47:20,549
Oh! My son, the gnome.
1073
00:47:20,632 --> 00:47:22,050
-We're done, Bug.
-What?
1074
00:47:22,134 --> 00:47:24,428
-I'm seeing someone else now.
-Who?
1075
00:47:25,345 --> 00:47:26,847
You kidding me? Him?
1076
00:47:26,930 --> 00:47:28,348
Hey! Go fuck yourself, man!
1077
00:47:31,435 --> 00:47:32,895
Dolores, come back!
1078
00:47:32,978 --> 00:47:34,271
He yelled to the sky.
1079
00:47:34,354 --> 00:47:36,231
But what Bug didn't realize--
1080
00:47:36,315 --> 00:47:38,650
-Fuck you, narrator dog!
-He said.
1081
00:47:38,734 --> 00:47:40,235
Stop saying "he said."
1082
00:47:41,612 --> 00:47:42,654
He replied.
1083
00:47:42,738 --> 00:47:45,115
I always had such high hopes
for you, Reggie.
1084
00:47:45,908 --> 00:47:50,662
I just wanted you to be…
…a good boy.
1085
00:47:50,746 --> 00:47:52,789
All I ever wanted was to be a good boy.
1086
00:47:52,873 --> 00:47:54,082
Goodbye, Reggie.
1087
00:47:56,335 --> 00:47:58,086
Wait, Doug! Come back!
1088
00:47:58,170 --> 00:48:01,465
-Whoa, whoa. What's that smell?
-Wait, wh-what?
1089
00:48:01,548 --> 00:48:03,425
It's coming from over here.
1090
00:48:03,509 --> 00:48:06,178
Hunter, are you seeing this?
1091
00:48:06,261 --> 00:48:07,721
- Toys.
- Toys!
1092
00:48:07,804 --> 00:48:09,973
Guys, get in here! Get over here!
1093
00:48:11,850 --> 00:48:14,353
- Reg, pull this one with me.
- -It's so squishy!
1094
00:48:14,436 --> 00:48:16,813
- Oh, fluffy!
- -I can't feel my snout.
1095
00:48:16,897 --> 00:48:18,815
Oh! Toys everywhere!
1096
00:48:21,235 --> 00:48:23,570
I don't want this day to ever end!
1097
00:48:23,654 --> 00:48:26,657
Yeah, me neither!
1098
00:48:39,044 --> 00:48:41,129
Morning, guys. Comfy?
1099
00:48:41,713 --> 00:48:44,466
Oh, shit.
I thought you were Dolores. My bad.
1100
00:48:44,550 --> 00:48:46,927
-I gotta go pee.
-What's that by your feet, Reggie?
1101
00:48:47,010 --> 00:48:48,887
My feet? What are you talking about?
1102
00:48:48,971 --> 00:48:50,639
-What is that?
-Yeah, what is that?
1103
00:48:50,722 --> 00:48:52,432
Oh, my God. That's an ear!
1104
00:48:53,433 --> 00:48:55,811
-An ear?
-Holy fucking shit!
1105
00:48:55,894 --> 00:48:58,105
They were toys.
Guys, where are the goddamn toys?
1106
00:48:58,188 --> 00:49:00,566
This is not real. This is not real!
1107
00:49:00,649 --> 00:49:03,569
This is real!
This is real! Oh, my God!
1108
00:49:03,652 --> 00:49:04,903
We killed 'em!
1109
00:49:04,987 --> 00:49:05,988
I'm gonna barf.
1110
00:49:06,071 --> 00:49:08,240
Oh, God,
there's fur in the barf!
1111
00:49:08,323 --> 00:49:10,492
We're fucking murderers!
Oh, my God. Now I'm gonna barf.
1112
00:49:10,576 --> 00:49:12,369
Holy fuck! This can't be happening!
1113
00:49:12,452 --> 00:49:14,997
Hang in there. Stay with me. I'll fix you.
1114
00:49:15,831 --> 00:49:17,916
-Bug, what are you doing?
-What does it look like?
1115
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:19,835
I'm getting rid of the evidence.
Nobody can know!
1116
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:33,140
Um… We are gathered here today
to say goodbye to the bunnies.
1117
00:49:33,849 --> 00:49:35,350
Honestly,
what we did was an accident.
1118
00:49:35,434 --> 00:49:36,393
-Absolutely.
-Right.
1119
00:49:36,476 --> 00:49:39,688
And I know that if we weren't confused
from the food we ate,
1120
00:49:39,771 --> 00:49:43,317
we would have never mauled you,
tore all your limbs off
1121
00:49:43,400 --> 00:49:47,279
and shook your corpses around
while giggling gleefully by accident.
1122
00:49:47,362 --> 00:49:49,072
So bless you, bunnies.
1123
00:49:49,156 --> 00:49:50,324
-Yes. Sorry.
-Bless you.
1124
00:49:50,407 --> 00:49:51,450
-So sorry.
-Sorry.
1125
00:49:51,533 --> 00:49:52,951
-Amen.
-All right, that's it.
1126
00:49:53,035 --> 00:49:55,996
Never speak of this again.
Not one word, do you hear me?
1127
00:49:56,079 --> 00:49:57,206
Not one fucking word.
1128
00:49:57,289 --> 00:49:59,958
-Not one word about what?
-Oh, shit. The cops.
1129
00:50:00,042 --> 00:50:01,376
"Oh, shit's" right, motherfucker.
1130
00:50:01,460 --> 00:50:03,712
Wh-Wh-What did we do?
We're innocent, I promise.
1131
00:50:03,795 --> 00:50:05,297
-Sit!
-I am.
1132
00:50:05,380 --> 00:50:07,466
On the ground! Lay down!
Paws where I can see 'em.
1133
00:50:07,549 --> 00:50:09,301
-We're laying down.
-Search these bitches.
1134
00:50:09,384 --> 00:50:11,470
-They're hiding something.
-Oh, God, what do we do?
1135
00:50:11,553 --> 00:50:14,306
Calm down. I got this.
I'm gonna speak with my white dog voice.
1136
00:50:14,389 --> 00:50:18,727
Hello, officer. None of us have
ever killed a bunny in our lives.
1137
00:50:18,810 --> 00:50:21,146
- Bug!
- What? Everybody shut the fuck up.
1138
00:50:21,230 --> 00:50:22,856
We're looking for a lost Girl Scout.
1139
00:50:22,940 --> 00:50:25,317
Riley Anderson. Age eight in human years.
1140
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:27,361
Wandered away from her campsite
two days ago.
1141
00:50:27,444 --> 00:50:29,363
Thought you dogs might
have some contact with her.
1142
00:50:29,446 --> 00:50:30,614
I've got nothing, sir.
1143
00:50:30,697 --> 00:50:32,574
But it smells like you haven't.
Let's move out.
1144
00:50:32,658 --> 00:50:34,409
Wait, wait. I could help.
1145
00:50:34,493 --> 00:50:36,453
I'm sorry, I don't really
want to be that bitch,
1146
00:50:36,537 --> 00:50:38,664
but I'm actually really good at sniffing,
1147
00:50:38,747 --> 00:50:41,416
and I'd be happy to assist
in finding this lost girl.
1148
00:50:41,500 --> 00:50:42,751
Adorable.
1149
00:50:42,835 --> 00:50:44,878
Yeah, no, thanks, Australian Shep-turd.
1150
00:50:44,962 --> 00:50:48,006
Excuse me, but you really shouldn't
talk to her like that.
1151
00:50:48,090 --> 00:50:50,217
And what the fuck
are you gonna do about it?
1152
00:50:50,300 --> 00:50:53,512
I-I will do nothing the fuck about it.
I am sitting down now.
1153
00:50:53,595 --> 00:50:54,721
Oh, Hunter.
1154
00:50:55,305 --> 00:50:57,391
-Hunter?
-Rolf?
1155
00:50:57,474 --> 00:51:00,811
Holy mother-flipping shit!
1156
00:51:00,894 --> 00:51:02,437
I didn't recognize you with the cone.
1157
00:51:02,521 --> 00:51:04,064
Yeah, yeah. I got a cone now.
1158
00:51:04,147 --> 00:51:05,399
Bring it in, bro.
1159
00:51:05,482 --> 00:51:06,650
-Buddy!
-Give me some!
1160
00:51:06,733 --> 00:51:07,901
God. Well, I should've known,
1161
00:51:07,985 --> 00:51:10,279
'cause your butthole smells
exactly the same.
1162
00:51:10,362 --> 00:51:11,738
I'll never forget this butthole.
1163
00:51:11,822 --> 00:51:13,365
-What the fuck?
-You know this guy?
1164
00:51:13,448 --> 00:51:16,535
You kidding me? This fucker and I
went to the academy together.
1165
00:51:16,618 --> 00:51:18,954
Everything I know I learned
from this son of a bitch.
1166
00:51:19,037 --> 00:51:20,581
Technically,
we're all sons of bitches, sir.
1167
00:51:20,664 --> 00:51:22,875
Shut up.
Hey, so where'd you end up, brother?
1168
00:51:22,958 --> 00:51:25,502
Drug sniffing? Bomb detection?
What are we talking about?
1169
00:51:25,586 --> 00:51:28,839
Oh, um… Well, I take care of dying humans.
1170
00:51:28,922 --> 00:51:29,923
Oh.
1171
00:51:30,007 --> 00:51:31,884
I mean, that's not the end of the world,
I guess.
1172
00:51:31,967 --> 00:51:33,802
Oh. For them it is.
1173
00:51:33,886 --> 00:51:35,429
Well, hey, guys.
1174
00:51:35,512 --> 00:51:36,972
You found some strays, Rolf?
1175
00:51:37,055 --> 00:51:38,182
Huh?
1176
00:51:38,265 --> 00:51:40,809
-Good job.
-So what are you fuckers doing out here?
1177
00:51:40,893 --> 00:51:44,104
-Oh, uh, well, it's a long story.
-We're gonna bite a guy's dick off.
1178
00:51:44,188 --> 00:51:45,314
It's actually a short story.
1179
00:51:45,397 --> 00:51:48,525
Nice! Man, when I joined the force,
you could bite dicks left and right.
1180
00:51:48,609 --> 00:51:52,154
Nowadays, I chomp a dick,
I gotta fill out two weeks of paperwork.
1181
00:51:52,237 --> 00:51:55,157
Can I get an AC unit down
to Old Forest Road 54?
1182
00:51:55,240 --> 00:51:57,951
We're trying to get to the devil
in the sky. Does that sound familiar?
1183
00:51:58,035 --> 00:51:59,870
- Devil in the sky? Yeah.
- Much appreciated.
1184
00:51:59,953 --> 00:52:01,538
You stick with us,
we'll show you the way.
1185
00:52:01,622 --> 00:52:03,790
-Wow, really?
-Sure thing, rat boy.
1186
00:52:04,875 --> 00:52:06,668
Let's not wait
so long next time, huh?
1187
00:52:06,752 --> 00:52:08,837
-What's it been, seven years?
-I think just one,
1188
00:52:08,921 --> 00:52:11,298
but every year feels like seven to us,
so that makes sense.
1189
00:52:11,381 --> 00:52:12,966
Okay.
We gotta get our story straight.
1190
00:52:13,050 --> 00:52:15,385
It was a possum who
killed all the bunnies. Got it?
1191
00:52:15,469 --> 00:52:17,221
-Wait, what's the possum's name?
-Uh, Greg.
1192
00:52:17,304 --> 00:52:21,391
That's not a believable name for a possum.
Ooh. Can it be Monty?
1193
00:52:21,475 --> 00:52:24,186
-Hey, Cath.
-Steve, thanks for coming over.
1194
00:52:24,269 --> 00:52:26,355
Hey, little guy. Want a treat?
1195
00:52:26,438 --> 00:52:27,981
Treats! I love treats!
1196
00:52:28,065 --> 00:52:30,817
Oh, my goodness,
does somebody want a treat?
1197
00:52:30,901 --> 00:52:32,528
This one's all for you.
I got tons of treats.
1198
00:52:32,611 --> 00:52:33,987
Reggie, it's a trap!
1199
00:52:34,071 --> 00:52:35,656
Hey!
1200
00:52:35,739 --> 00:52:36,740
No, no, no!
1201
00:52:36,823 --> 00:52:38,575
Those bunnies were dead
when we found them.
1202
00:52:38,659 --> 00:52:40,827
It was a possum named, uh, Greg, or--
1203
00:52:40,911 --> 00:52:43,830
Monty!
His name was Monty, not Greg.
1204
00:52:43,914 --> 00:52:45,082
We had no choice.
They threatened us!
1205
00:52:45,165 --> 00:52:47,251
But, Rolf,
I thought we were pals.
1206
00:52:47,334 --> 00:52:50,045
Sorry, old friend. The law's the law.
You know how it is.
1207
00:52:50,128 --> 00:52:51,713
What a sadistic fuck.
1208
00:52:51,797 --> 00:52:54,508
Hey, calm down, sweetie pie.
You'll all be fine.
1209
00:52:54,591 --> 00:52:56,260
If you got tags, they'll send you home.
1210
00:52:59,888 --> 00:53:01,265
-Oh, fresh meat.
-Hey, big boy.
1211
00:53:01,348 --> 00:53:04,268
-I like the mouth on that one.
-We're gonna cuddle real hard.
1212
00:53:04,351 --> 00:53:07,229
Hey, bitch! Hey, little bitch!
1213
00:53:07,312 --> 00:53:10,065
Guys, we gotta get out of here.
We're running out of time.
1214
00:53:10,148 --> 00:53:11,984
-Where even are we?
-Nowhere good.
1215
00:53:12,067 --> 00:53:13,902
No, no, no. I can't be here.
1216
00:53:13,986 --> 00:53:15,195
I can't. Not this again.
1217
00:53:15,279 --> 00:53:16,530
Come on, mate.
We'll be fine.
1218
00:53:16,613 --> 00:53:19,366
Rolf told us they'll just send us home.
It'll be all right.
1219
00:53:19,449 --> 00:53:21,869
They only send you home
if you got a home to go back to.
1220
00:53:21,952 --> 00:53:25,747
And do you know what these people do
to dogs that don't have one, Hunter? Huh?
1221
00:53:25,831 --> 00:53:29,209
Do you have any idea
what they're about to do to me and Reg?
1222
00:53:29,293 --> 00:53:30,794
Calm down, Bug. We'll figure this out.
1223
00:53:30,878 --> 00:53:32,421
Ain't nothing to figure out, Maggie.
1224
00:53:32,504 --> 00:53:34,798
These humans caught us
and now we are fucked.
1225
00:53:34,882 --> 00:53:36,258
Bug, you don't know that.
1226
00:53:36,341 --> 00:53:37,718
Yeah. I mean, Bug,
1227
00:53:37,801 --> 00:53:41,221
you say you know so much about humans,
but you don't really know them either.
1228
00:53:41,305 --> 00:53:42,723
I mean, you've never had an owner.
1229
00:53:42,806 --> 00:53:45,142
You never had a Jenna.
You never had a Doug.
1230
00:53:45,225 --> 00:53:46,185
I had an Emma!
1231
00:53:46,268 --> 00:53:47,686
What?
1232
00:53:47,769 --> 00:53:50,480
Whoa.
Bug, you had an owner?
1233
00:53:51,064 --> 00:53:52,274
Yeah.
1234
00:53:52,357 --> 00:53:56,570
And I told myself
that I would never say her name again.
1235
00:53:57,529 --> 00:53:59,698
But y'all need to hear this.
1236
00:53:59,781 --> 00:54:01,033
-No.
-No? Okay.
1237
00:54:01,116 --> 00:54:02,868
I don't remember everything,
1238
00:54:02,951 --> 00:54:04,995
but I remember
the day she got me out of there.
1239
00:54:06,205 --> 00:54:08,498
- This one.
- He's a cute little bugger.
1240
00:54:08,582 --> 00:54:10,626
Cute little bug.
1241
00:54:12,419 --> 00:54:14,421
We did everything together.
1242
00:54:14,505 --> 00:54:20,052
We played all day, and no matter
how stupid I acted, she always laughed.
1243
00:54:20,135 --> 00:54:21,303
Trick or treat.
1244
00:54:21,386 --> 00:54:23,305
We even did this thing I hated,
1245
00:54:23,388 --> 00:54:26,099
where she would dress us up
in super weird clothes,
1246
00:54:26,183 --> 00:54:29,228
and ask the neighbors to give us
that chocolate humans make from dog poop.
1247
00:54:29,311 --> 00:54:30,479
Oh, not for you, honey.
1248
00:54:30,562 --> 00:54:33,690
It's okay. It's just a storm.
1249
00:54:33,774 --> 00:54:37,528
But even better than all the fun
we had is the way she made me feel.
1250
00:54:37,611 --> 00:54:39,279
I love you.
1251
00:54:39,363 --> 00:54:41,532
When she said that,
I felt so special.
1252
00:54:42,658 --> 00:54:46,411
And then it was usually followed
by these incredible belly scratches.
1253
00:54:46,495 --> 00:54:48,664
No one ever made my leg kick like that.
1254
00:54:48,747 --> 00:54:53,085
Except for this one night with a raccoon
I don't like to talk about, but, anyway.
1255
00:54:54,211 --> 00:54:56,880
But then I made a mistake.
1256
00:54:59,883 --> 00:55:00,884
It was a blur.
1257
00:55:02,636 --> 00:55:05,138
I didn't even know what I did
until it was too late.
1258
00:55:05,848 --> 00:55:07,224
Say goodbye to Bug?
1259
00:55:15,190 --> 00:55:17,901
I thought I was getting
put in time-out or something.
1260
00:55:19,987 --> 00:55:21,113
But the place she sent me to…
1261
00:55:22,781 --> 00:55:24,908
the time-outs there never end.
1262
00:55:26,034 --> 00:55:27,578
Whoa!
1263
00:55:32,833 --> 00:55:33,959
I never saw her again.
1264
00:55:34,793 --> 00:55:36,378
After all we had been through.
1265
00:55:36,461 --> 00:55:41,592
Everything she made me feel,
everything I thought I made her feel.
1266
00:55:41,675 --> 00:55:43,760
Just nothing.
1267
00:55:43,844 --> 00:55:47,598
We did so much together.
She taught me so many tricks.
1268
00:55:47,681 --> 00:55:51,101
But the one trick
she never wanted me to learn was…
1269
00:55:51,185 --> 00:55:52,311
"Stay."
1270
00:55:52,394 --> 00:55:53,854
Mmm.
1271
00:55:53,937 --> 00:55:55,647
I think I zoned out
around the middle part.
1272
00:55:55,731 --> 00:55:56,732
Can you tell it again?
1273
00:55:56,815 --> 00:55:59,193
Hunter, I'm not gonna tell
the middle part again.
1274
00:55:59,276 --> 00:56:01,028
I'm sorry, Bug. I had no idea.
1275
00:56:01,111 --> 00:56:03,197
Don't be sorry, Reg. Be thankful.
1276
00:56:03,280 --> 00:56:05,240
'Cause you got a chance
to make this right.
1277
00:56:05,324 --> 00:56:09,411
Oh, what I wouldn't give to bite this girl
in the dick.
1278
00:56:09,494 --> 00:56:12,164
But you know, she's six,
and I don't know where she lives now,
1279
00:56:12,247 --> 00:56:14,708
and she's a girl
and doesn't even have a dick, but still.
1280
00:56:14,791 --> 00:56:17,753
Listen.
What we're doing isn't just about Doug.
1281
00:56:17,836 --> 00:56:19,963
We're doing this for all of them.
1282
00:56:20,047 --> 00:56:24,384
For every single one of those humans
who treated us like shit.
1283
00:56:25,093 --> 00:56:27,679
Man, biggest mistake of my life.
1284
00:56:27,763 --> 00:56:30,057
Yeah, I'd regret that bite too.
1285
00:56:30,140 --> 00:56:33,185
The bite? No, I'm talking about her.
1286
00:56:33,268 --> 00:56:35,062
She's the mistake. Not the--
1287
00:56:35,145 --> 00:56:38,106
Okay, well, we can talk about
getting back at your exes all we want.
1288
00:56:38,190 --> 00:56:40,275
But none of that matters
if we can't get out of here.
1289
00:56:40,359 --> 00:56:43,529
Guys, what if we can get the key?
1290
00:56:51,411 --> 00:56:54,831
Oh, no, we'd need, like,
a super long pole to hook it.
1291
00:56:58,293 --> 00:57:00,212
Why is everyone looking at me?
1292
00:57:04,383 --> 00:57:06,009
Come on, Hunter. You can do it.
1293
00:57:08,011 --> 00:57:09,346
You're so close.
1294
00:57:09,429 --> 00:57:10,430
Just a little more.
1295
00:57:10,514 --> 00:57:12,391
Come on, get hornier!
You can do it!
1296
00:57:12,474 --> 00:57:13,892
This is all I got.
1297
00:57:13,976 --> 00:57:15,936
Maggie, come on. Excite him.
1298
00:57:16,812 --> 00:57:23,360
Hunter, this has been
a really long, hard trip.
1299
00:57:23,443 --> 00:57:28,866
But the thing that keeps me panting
is thinking about us doing it
1300
00:57:29,449 --> 00:57:30,826
regular style.
1301
00:57:30,909 --> 00:57:32,661
Oh, boy! It's working.
1302
00:57:32,744 --> 00:57:34,830
Keep talking, Maggie. More sexy stuff.
1303
00:57:34,913 --> 00:57:39,418
Just picture me,
all eight nipples rock hard.
1304
00:57:39,501 --> 00:57:41,628
And I'm wearing nothing but…
1305
00:57:41,712 --> 00:57:43,672
…the cone.
1306
00:57:45,924 --> 00:57:47,050
You're doing it, Hunter.
1307
00:57:47,134 --> 00:57:49,720
Come on, Hunter.
Use that dick of yours.
1308
00:57:50,387 --> 00:57:51,555
Yes, Hunter!
1309
00:57:51,638 --> 00:57:54,224
Hunter! Hunter!
1310
00:57:54,308 --> 00:57:57,311
Hunter! Hunter! Hunter!
1311
00:57:57,394 --> 00:57:59,271
Hunter! Hunter!
1312
00:57:59,354 --> 00:58:00,814
Hunter!
1313
00:58:00,898 --> 00:58:02,316
Hunter!
1314
00:58:02,399 --> 00:58:04,067
Sorry, guys. It's hopeless.
1315
00:58:04,151 --> 00:58:05,444
Oh, Hunter.
1316
00:58:05,527 --> 00:58:07,279
Shit. Really thought
that was gonna work.
1317
00:58:07,362 --> 00:58:09,239
Sorry my dick let you down.
1318
00:58:09,323 --> 00:58:11,200
Wait, I've got it.
1319
00:58:11,283 --> 00:58:13,452
What's the one thing humans
are obsessed with?
1320
00:58:13,535 --> 00:58:15,245
-Uh, themselves.
-Painting their faces.
1321
00:58:15,329 --> 00:58:16,496
-Dying.
-No.
1322
00:58:16,580 --> 00:58:17,915
Bug, you said it yourself.
1323
00:58:17,998 --> 00:58:21,668
What's the thing
humans are most obsessed with about dogs?
1324
00:58:21,752 --> 00:58:23,337
-Our shit!
-Yes!
1325
00:58:23,420 --> 00:58:25,589
Every single time we shit,
what do they do?
1326
00:58:25,672 --> 00:58:27,090
- They come and bag it up.
- Yeah.
1327
00:58:27,174 --> 00:58:29,885
That's right.
Once this place gets all poopy,
1328
00:58:29,968 --> 00:58:33,680
Willy comes in and bags it up,
like he's collecting it for something.
1329
00:58:33,764 --> 00:58:36,642
- Exactly! That's our ticket out of here.
- For chocolate!
1330
00:58:36,725 --> 00:58:39,061
We poop until he has to open these doors,
1331
00:58:39,144 --> 00:58:41,230
and when he does, we charge!
1332
00:58:41,313 --> 00:58:43,023
- Good on ya.
- Nice thinking, kid. I'm in!
1333
00:58:43,106 --> 00:58:44,399
I got a couple of shits
in the chamber.
1334
00:58:45,943 --> 00:58:47,402
-Not gonna happen.
-No, thanks, kid.
1335
00:58:47,486 --> 00:58:49,780
What's wrong with you guys?
Don't you want to get out of this place?
1336
00:58:49,863 --> 00:58:52,407
Of course.
But we've been burned so many times,
1337
00:58:52,491 --> 00:58:55,285
we're smart enough to know
that we'll never get beyond these walls
1338
00:58:55,369 --> 00:58:57,329
without a human coming to adopt us.
1339
00:58:58,705 --> 00:59:00,832
Look, I get it.
1340
00:59:00,916 --> 00:59:02,626
I've had dark moments.
1341
00:59:02,709 --> 00:59:04,628
Moments where I felt stuck.
1342
00:59:05,379 --> 00:59:07,840
Moments where,
even if you couldn't see it,
1343
00:59:07,923 --> 00:59:11,343
it felt like there was a wall
or a fence holding you back.
1344
00:59:11,426 --> 00:59:13,804
Yeah, invisible magic fences.
I swear to God, that's real.
1345
00:59:13,887 --> 00:59:17,182
But I'm here to tell you
that's garbage talk.
1346
00:59:17,266 --> 00:59:20,018
'Cause I was lucky enough
to meet some amazing friends,
1347
00:59:20,102 --> 00:59:22,813
who taught me that just beyond those walls
1348
00:59:22,896 --> 00:59:25,691
is a bunch of incredible stuff
worth living for.
1349
00:59:25,774 --> 00:59:27,526
There's lampposts to pee on.
1350
00:59:27,609 --> 00:59:30,571
There's scraps to eat
and couches to make love to.
1351
00:59:30,654 --> 00:59:32,030
And dead bunnies…
1352
00:59:32,114 --> 00:59:33,866
…that I-I know nothing about.
1353
00:59:33,949 --> 00:59:36,535
-I know nothing about that either.
-No clue what you're talking about.
1354
00:59:36,618 --> 00:59:38,787
-Tennis balls to fetch and--
-A dick to bite off!
1355
00:59:38,871 --> 00:59:40,831
What? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That too.
1356
00:59:41,874 --> 00:59:45,836
But most importantly,
there's a life out there worth living.
1357
00:59:45,919 --> 00:59:47,379
- Go, Reg!
- Whoo! Reggie!
1358
00:59:47,462 --> 00:59:51,300
So I'm asking you,
do you want to stay here and die,
1359
00:59:51,383 --> 00:59:55,137
or do you want to shit your brains out
and live?
1360
00:59:55,220 --> 00:59:57,097
-Live! Live!
-We wanna live!
1361
00:59:57,181 --> 00:59:58,182
-Live!
-Live!
1362
00:59:58,265 --> 01:00:02,144
Then poop with me!
Poop with me to freedom!
1363
01:00:02,227 --> 01:00:04,354
♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
1364
01:00:04,438 --> 01:00:06,940
♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
1365
01:00:07,024 --> 01:00:09,610
-♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
-♪ Are you ready for this? ♪
1366
01:00:09,693 --> 01:00:12,696
-♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
-♪ Oh… ♪
1367
01:00:12,779 --> 01:00:16,074
Dig deep inside of you!
Deep inside your colon.
1368
01:00:16,658 --> 01:00:18,535
Release your pent-up feelings.
1369
01:00:19,578 --> 01:00:21,163
Let it flow!
1370
01:00:21,997 --> 01:00:23,332
♪ When I come to the club ♪
1371
01:00:23,415 --> 01:00:24,416
-♪ Step aside ♪
-♪ Oh, shit ♪
1372
01:00:24,499 --> 01:00:26,668
♪ Part the seas
Don't be havin' me in the line ♪
1373
01:00:26,752 --> 01:00:27,586
♪ Oh, shit… ♪
1374
01:00:27,669 --> 01:00:30,380
Great work, everybody! Keep on pooping!
1375
01:00:30,464 --> 01:00:32,925
-♪ And me love you long time ♪
-♪ Oh, shit ♪
1376
01:00:33,008 --> 01:00:35,302
♪ How come every time you come around ♪
1377
01:00:35,385 --> 01:00:37,930
♪ My London, London Bridge
Wanna go down? ♪
1378
01:00:38,013 --> 01:00:40,807
♪ Like London, London, London
Be goin' down like… ♪
1379
01:00:45,938 --> 01:00:47,356
Those are my eyes.
1380
01:00:48,482 --> 01:00:49,691
Exactly.
1381
01:00:50,484 --> 01:00:52,361
I think Dad's really gonna love this.
1382
01:00:59,493 --> 01:01:01,662
I think it's working. Places, everyone.
1383
01:01:09,503 --> 01:01:10,921
Oh.
1384
01:01:11,004 --> 01:01:13,590
Oh, God. I can taste it.
1385
01:01:13,674 --> 01:01:14,925
Oh.
1386
01:01:18,554 --> 01:01:19,555
What…
1387
01:01:23,934 --> 01:01:24,935
Oh, fuck.
1388
01:01:41,118 --> 01:01:42,452
Very cute.
1389
01:01:42,536 --> 01:01:44,913
Very funny.
1390
01:01:44,997 --> 01:01:46,290
I see what's going on here.
1391
01:01:46,373 --> 01:01:49,877
You guys think that I…
1392
01:01:51,044 --> 01:01:53,589
am a big, fat fucking asshole. Right?
1393
01:01:53,672 --> 01:01:55,507
You know everything about me.
1394
01:01:55,591 --> 01:01:58,302
You know all the things
that have happened in my life
1395
01:01:58,385 --> 01:02:00,762
with my dad and my ex-wife.
1396
01:02:06,810 --> 01:02:09,813
Bravo. Bravo!
1397
01:02:09,897 --> 01:02:10,898
Oh, encore!
1398
01:02:10,981 --> 01:02:12,357
Just kidding!
1399
01:02:12,441 --> 01:02:13,734
It's done!
1400
01:02:13,817 --> 01:02:17,154
We are done!
1401
01:02:17,237 --> 01:02:19,531
Wait, what are you--
Oh, my God.
1402
01:02:22,576 --> 01:02:24,036
Charge!
1403
01:02:36,215 --> 01:02:37,424
Ah, we did it!
1404
01:02:37,508 --> 01:02:39,218
I can't believe we shit that much!
1405
01:02:39,301 --> 01:02:40,969
Hunter's dick! Hunter's dick!
1406
01:02:41,053 --> 01:02:42,888
The hell with ya!
1407
01:02:52,272 --> 01:02:54,233
Thanks for your patience, folks.
Really.
1408
01:02:56,401 --> 01:02:59,696
Ooh. I'm sorry, Diane. Uh…
1409
01:03:00,822 --> 01:03:03,742
"Then poop with me to freedom!"
1410
01:03:03,825 --> 01:03:05,702
So cheesy, but I loved it.
1411
01:03:05,786 --> 01:03:07,496
What a plan.
What a speech, Reg.
1412
01:03:07,579 --> 01:03:09,915
Actually, Reginald,
I preferred the first speech.
1413
01:03:09,998 --> 01:03:12,668
You know, the one where
you convinced all of us to do this,
1414
01:03:12,751 --> 01:03:15,629
back when you were focused
on biting Doug's dick off.
1415
01:03:15,712 --> 01:03:17,506
- Bug.
- Okay, okay, Bug. Look.
1416
01:03:18,423 --> 01:03:20,968
Oh! Look! The devil in the sky!
1417
01:03:21,051 --> 01:03:23,178
-We made it!
-Look at that fucking guy!
1418
01:03:23,262 --> 01:03:25,973
Burn in hell,
you motherfucking son of a bitch.
1419
01:03:26,056 --> 01:03:28,725
-I hate everything about him.
-The dumb-ass smile, those shitty pants.
1420
01:03:28,809 --> 01:03:30,853
I want to rip your nuts off
and make you watch!
1421
01:03:30,936 --> 01:03:32,521
Stupid hat and your stupid truck,
1422
01:03:32,604 --> 01:03:35,023
with the door on the other side
of the thing.
1423
01:03:35,107 --> 01:03:37,192
- I hate his face, personality.
- I wanna rip him a new asshole.
1424
01:03:37,276 --> 01:03:38,443
I hate his bag, his shirt…
1425
01:03:38,527 --> 01:03:40,320
He smells like
a thousand different houses,
1426
01:03:40,404 --> 01:03:41,947
and I can't trust that!
1427
01:03:43,282 --> 01:03:45,492
Anyways, good job, guys.
The final landmark.
1428
01:03:45,576 --> 01:03:47,160
-Yeah. That's right.
-And right on schedule.
1429
01:03:47,244 --> 01:03:49,788
Yeah, barely. You remember
which way to go from here?
1430
01:03:49,872 --> 01:03:53,500
Uh, yeah, we just--
we just stay on this road for now.
1431
01:03:53,584 --> 01:03:55,002
-Good, let's move.
-All right.
1432
01:03:55,085 --> 01:03:56,795
- Great.
- W-Wait, wait, wait.
1433
01:03:56,879 --> 01:03:58,172
One second. Can't leave yet.
1434
01:03:58,255 --> 01:03:59,339
-Huh?
-What's up, Reg?
1435
01:03:59,923 --> 01:04:02,009
Where is it? Oh, there.
1436
01:04:04,219 --> 01:04:05,929
All right. Let's go, guys.
1437
01:04:06,013 --> 01:04:07,931
No, no, no. Hold on a second.
1438
01:04:08,015 --> 01:04:10,642
Why couldn't you leave
without the ball, Reggie?
1439
01:04:10,726 --> 01:04:12,769
I don't know, I just like tennis balls.
1440
01:04:12,853 --> 01:04:15,105
I know ball guys. You're not a ball guy.
1441
01:04:15,189 --> 01:04:17,232
Well, you don't know everything about me.
1442
01:04:17,316 --> 01:04:20,027
Well, I'm learning a little more
right now.
1443
01:04:20,110 --> 01:04:21,445
Drop the ball, Reg.
1444
01:04:21,528 --> 01:04:23,030
What? No.
1445
01:04:23,113 --> 01:04:25,115
Drop the fucking ball.
1446
01:04:25,199 --> 01:04:27,951
-Leave it!
-I'm not gonna leave the ball!
1447
01:04:28,035 --> 01:04:29,286
-Drop the ball!
-No.
1448
01:04:29,369 --> 01:04:30,579
Reggie, you drop that goddamn ball!
1449
01:04:30,662 --> 01:04:32,164
-No.
-You don't even like balls!
1450
01:04:32,247 --> 01:04:33,832
Doug likes balls!
1451
01:04:33,916 --> 01:04:35,250
Doug?
1452
01:04:35,334 --> 01:04:36,502
Oh, Reg.
1453
01:04:36,585 --> 01:04:38,253
I don't know why, but he does.
1454
01:04:38,337 --> 01:04:40,339
And when we play the game,
"Fetch and Fuck,"
1455
01:04:40,422 --> 01:04:43,425
it always ends when I come home
and bring him back a ball.
1456
01:04:43,509 --> 01:04:46,136
So I know he's expecting it,
and I'm not gonna let him down.
1457
01:04:46,220 --> 01:04:47,221
Goddamn it.
1458
01:04:47,304 --> 01:04:50,974
So when you told me you didn't know
how you were gonna bite Doug in the dick,
1459
01:04:51,058 --> 01:04:53,393
the real reason you don't know is because…
1460
01:04:53,477 --> 01:04:55,604
You're not gonna bite Doug in the dick.
1461
01:04:55,687 --> 01:04:59,441
Look, when we first set out,
I was totally into the plan.
1462
01:04:59,525 --> 01:05:02,611
But the closer we got to Doug,
the more I realized
1463
01:05:03,362 --> 01:05:04,988
that I miss him.
1464
01:05:05,072 --> 01:05:07,908
-And I think he misses me, too.
-Reggie, don't do this.
1465
01:05:07,991 --> 01:05:09,910
You deserve so much better than him.
1466
01:05:09,993 --> 01:05:12,663
I don't, Hunter. I really don't.
1467
01:05:12,746 --> 01:05:14,331
You know why Doug abandoned me?
1468
01:05:14,414 --> 01:05:16,792
Because I was the problem
in our relationship.
1469
01:05:16,875 --> 01:05:18,168
I ate his shoes.
1470
01:05:18,252 --> 01:05:21,296
I woke him up so early every day
because I needed to pee.
1471
01:05:21,380 --> 01:05:22,923
And I pooped on the rug.
1472
01:05:23,006 --> 01:05:24,925
We've all pooped on the rug, Reggie.
1473
01:05:25,008 --> 01:05:27,678
Did you roll in it, Maggie?
Did you roll in the poop?
1474
01:05:27,761 --> 01:05:29,930
Because guess what, I rolled in the poop.
1475
01:05:30,013 --> 01:05:31,390
Okay, that's not great.
1476
01:05:31,473 --> 01:05:33,851
God, I can't believe it took me this long
to realize this,
1477
01:05:33,934 --> 01:05:37,813
that every time he called me a bad dog,
he was absolutely right.
1478
01:05:37,896 --> 01:05:39,857
-It was all my fault.
-Wow.
1479
01:05:39,940 --> 01:05:41,984
Well,
I'm not gonna be a bad dog anymore.
1480
01:05:42,067 --> 01:05:43,569
It's time for me to be a good boy.
1481
01:05:43,652 --> 01:05:47,781
Jesus, I cannot believe
that I risked my life for this asshole
1482
01:05:47,865 --> 01:05:50,617
just so he could go back
and get with another asshole.
1483
01:05:50,701 --> 01:05:53,203
I did all of this for you, Reggie.
1484
01:05:53,287 --> 01:05:54,580
You didn't do this for me.
1485
01:05:54,663 --> 01:05:56,874
You said it yourself.
This isn't about Doug.
1486
01:05:56,957 --> 01:06:00,669
This is about every single one of them
who treated us like shit.
1487
01:06:00,752 --> 01:06:02,796
-This is about Emma!
-Reggie.
1488
01:06:02,880 --> 01:06:03,881
Fuck you.
1489
01:06:03,964 --> 01:06:06,175
Hey. How about rule number three, Bug?
1490
01:06:06,258 --> 01:06:08,594
You're on your own?
Well, then what were we?
1491
01:06:08,677 --> 01:06:10,470
-Wow.
-I don't think you want to be a stray.
1492
01:06:10,554 --> 01:06:13,265
-I think you're sad and lonely.
-Can you believe this fucking guy?
1493
01:06:13,348 --> 01:06:15,434
And I think the only reason
you claim to hate humans
1494
01:06:15,517 --> 01:06:18,562
is because if you ever stopped
to think about what happened,
1495
01:06:18,645 --> 01:06:21,523
you'd realize that Emma didn't fuck it up.
1496
01:06:21,607 --> 01:06:23,483
-You did.
-Get the fuck away from me.
1497
01:06:23,567 --> 01:06:25,694
Believe me,
I fucked up with my owner, too.
1498
01:06:25,777 --> 01:06:28,447
So thank you for helping me realize
I was the problem.
1499
01:06:28,530 --> 01:06:33,160
Only difference is I have a chance
to fix it and not end up like you.
1500
01:06:35,579 --> 01:06:37,831
-Hey, hey. What are you doing?
-Guys, stop it! Guys!
1501
01:06:37,915 --> 01:06:39,541
- Come on!
- Give me this thing!
1502
01:06:39,625 --> 01:06:40,751
-Give it back!
-Bug!
1503
01:06:40,834 --> 01:06:42,544
Doug gave me that!
Give that back!
1504
01:06:42,628 --> 01:06:43,879
-I know he did!
-No!
1505
01:06:43,962 --> 01:06:46,298
- Stop it! Stop!
- Bug, don't do that.
1506
01:06:46,381 --> 01:06:48,509
That's what I think about you
and your owner.
1507
01:06:48,592 --> 01:06:50,511
Go fuck yourself, Reggie.
1508
01:06:50,594 --> 01:06:52,054
You two deserve each other.
1509
01:07:00,729 --> 01:07:02,898
-Reggie, don't do this!
-Reg.
1510
01:07:02,981 --> 01:07:04,816
I hope he's already left without you!
1511
01:07:10,405 --> 01:07:11,406
Man.
1512
01:07:12,449 --> 01:07:14,952
I really thought my dick
was gonna hook those keys.
1513
01:07:16,203 --> 01:07:19,206
Um,
but this is also a bummer.
1514
01:07:28,966 --> 01:07:30,509
Bug, we can't go back.
1515
01:07:30,592 --> 01:07:34,137
Sure we can. The devil in the sky.
Cone. Hamster wheel.
1516
01:07:34,221 --> 01:07:36,223
Just in the opposite order of how we came.
1517
01:07:36,306 --> 01:07:37,599
No dead bunnies this time.
1518
01:07:37,683 --> 01:07:39,726
Bug, she means
we can't leave him like this.
1519
01:07:39,810 --> 01:07:43,105
First off, Hunter, we didn't leave him.
He left us.
1520
01:07:43,188 --> 01:07:46,650
Second, we don't know the rest of the way
back to Doug's place, anyway.
1521
01:07:46,733 --> 01:07:48,944
And third,
I'm not just gonna hang around here
1522
01:07:49,027 --> 01:07:52,656
and let some dickless bird
swoop in on my girlfriend while I'm gone.
1523
01:07:52,739 --> 01:07:53,991
What?
1524
01:07:54,074 --> 01:07:56,410
Look, if there's one thing
that the asshole got right,
1525
01:07:56,493 --> 01:07:59,705
is that I have been wasting my time
with you guys.
1526
01:07:59,788 --> 01:08:02,249
I'm a stray,
and I should start acting like one.
1527
01:08:02,332 --> 01:08:05,002
-Wait, where are you going?
-I don't know. To go do some "nunya."
1528
01:08:05,085 --> 01:08:06,295
What's "nunya"?
1529
01:08:06,378 --> 01:08:07,671
Nunya fucking business.
1530
01:08:07,754 --> 01:08:09,756
Oh, yeah. I walked right into that one.
1531
01:08:09,840 --> 01:08:12,759
Let's go home, Hunter.
1532
01:08:15,888 --> 01:08:17,930
Talking about I'm lonely.
Talking about I'm scared.
1533
01:08:18,015 --> 01:08:20,184
Fuck does he think he's talking about?
1534
01:08:20,267 --> 01:08:22,060
I'm gonna tell you right now,
I ain't lonely
1535
01:08:22,144 --> 01:08:23,895
and I damn sure ain't scared.
1536
01:08:23,979 --> 01:08:24,979
Fuck you, leaf!
1537
01:08:25,063 --> 01:08:26,982
End up like me?
1538
01:08:27,064 --> 01:08:29,484
I pissed on two cars
and three houses last week.
1539
01:08:29,568 --> 01:08:32,571
That's right, I'm a three-year-old dog
and I'm already a homeowner.
1540
01:08:32,654 --> 01:08:35,782
I'm living the motherfucking dream.
And I'm not scared to be alone.
1541
01:08:35,866 --> 01:08:37,868
Matter of fact,
I ain't scared of anything.
1542
01:08:39,286 --> 01:08:40,203
Who's that?
1543
01:08:41,121 --> 01:08:42,872
Don't come closer! I-I, uh…
1544
01:08:42,956 --> 01:08:44,457
I'm crazy! I fuck trash!
1545
01:09:00,307 --> 01:09:03,393
Nope, not doing this.
Just walk away, Bug.
1546
01:09:03,477 --> 01:09:06,438
Little girls like Emma suck
and you know it.
1547
01:09:12,736 --> 01:09:15,072
Don't listen to her, man.
Don't listen to her.
1548
01:09:15,154 --> 01:09:18,408
Another fucking narcissist
putting her needs above your own.
1549
01:09:18,492 --> 01:09:22,246
You've been down this fucking road before,
man, just-- just…
1550
01:09:22,328 --> 01:09:24,247
Goddamn it.
1551
01:09:32,171 --> 01:09:33,756
Hey, there.
1552
01:09:33,841 --> 01:09:36,218
What are you doing
out here all alone?
1553
01:09:37,176 --> 01:09:38,845
Did you get lost like me?
1554
01:09:38,929 --> 01:09:39,930
It's gonna be okay.
1555
01:09:40,013 --> 01:09:42,558
Holy shit. Wait! You're the girl
that everyone's looking for.
1556
01:09:42,640 --> 01:09:43,767
Holy shit!
1557
01:09:44,560 --> 01:09:46,478
I found her. I found her!
1558
01:09:46,562 --> 01:09:47,770
Somebody, please help!
1559
01:09:47,854 --> 01:09:49,939
-I found the girl!
-That's Bug!
1560
01:09:50,023 --> 01:09:51,483
Bug, where are you?
1561
01:09:51,567 --> 01:09:52,651
Let's go!
1562
01:09:56,405 --> 01:09:57,364
I see him!
1563
01:09:58,657 --> 01:10:00,284
I can't believe you found the girl.
1564
01:10:00,367 --> 01:10:01,368
Oh, my God, Bug!
1565
01:10:01,451 --> 01:10:04,121
Come on, we gotta get her some help.
She's in bad shape.
1566
01:10:04,204 --> 01:10:06,999
- Help! Over here!
- Over here! We found her! Help!
1567
01:10:07,082 --> 01:10:08,750
-Help!
-Rolf! You dickhead!
1568
01:10:08,834 --> 01:10:10,335
-Help! Help!
-Come on! Help!
1569
01:10:13,130 --> 01:10:14,965
Lost kid! Let's move!
1570
01:10:15,048 --> 01:10:16,133
-Over here!
-Help!
1571
01:10:16,216 --> 01:10:17,384
- Here they come.
- Over here.
1572
01:10:17,467 --> 01:10:19,511
Munchkin, check the girl.
1573
01:10:19,595 --> 01:10:21,972
Hell of a job, Hunter,
and small dogs.
1574
01:10:22,055 --> 01:10:23,891
-Didn't know you had it in ya.
-Oh, my God.
1575
01:10:23,974 --> 01:10:26,185
Riley! Riley, here you are.
1576
01:10:26,268 --> 01:10:27,394
Good dog, good dog.
1577
01:10:27,477 --> 01:10:28,478
You're okay.
1578
01:10:28,562 --> 01:10:31,565
I'm not even gonna ask
how you ended up back in these woods.
1579
01:10:31,648 --> 01:10:32,816
All I'll ask is
1580
01:10:32,900 --> 01:10:34,693
how can I repay you?
1581
01:10:36,236 --> 01:10:38,155
You can help save my best friend.
1582
01:10:41,200 --> 01:10:43,160
Oh, what am I gonna say?
What am I gonna say?
1583
01:10:43,785 --> 01:10:45,704
Okay, I should probably rehearse this.
1584
01:10:46,538 --> 01:10:47,706
Hey, Doug.
1585
01:10:47,789 --> 01:10:48,957
"Hey, shitbag."
1586
01:10:49,041 --> 01:10:51,376
- What've you been up to?
- "Mostly masturbating."
1587
01:10:51,460 --> 01:10:53,962
Oh. Cool, classic Doug.
1588
01:10:54,046 --> 01:10:56,006
So, I owe you an apology.
1589
01:10:56,089 --> 01:10:57,299
"Okay."
1590
01:10:57,382 --> 01:10:59,593
You were totally
right to ditch me in that alley.
1591
01:10:59,676 --> 01:11:01,261
I mean, I was terrible.
1592
01:11:01,345 --> 01:11:02,596
"Agreed."
1593
01:11:02,679 --> 01:11:07,476
But I was wondering if we could
maybe make some changes when I'm back?
1594
01:11:07,559 --> 01:11:09,728
Like, maybe we could do walks now,
1595
01:11:09,811 --> 01:11:12,564
and possibly increase pee breaks
to twice a day?
1596
01:11:12,648 --> 01:11:15,150
And maybe, if you feel like it,
1597
01:11:15,234 --> 01:11:17,653
you could call me a good boy
every once in a while?
1598
01:11:22,616 --> 01:11:24,409
Ugh. This is stupid.
1599
01:11:28,622 --> 01:11:31,500
What do you mean you can't track him down?
You're sniff dogs. That's what you do.
1600
01:11:31,583 --> 01:11:33,335
Yeah, come on, Rolf.
They taught us that.
1601
01:11:33,418 --> 01:11:36,547
It's impossible. We can't track him
without knowing his scent first.
1602
01:11:36,630 --> 01:11:38,340
Did you get any whiff of him yesterday,
Munchkin?
1603
01:11:38,423 --> 01:11:40,175
- Nothing I can recall, sir.
- Wait!
1604
01:11:40,259 --> 01:11:41,927
-The bandana!
-Come again?
1605
01:11:42,010 --> 01:11:44,388
We can get his scent from the bandana.
Let's go! Let's go!
1606
01:11:44,471 --> 01:11:45,472
Nice, Maggie.
1607
01:11:45,556 --> 01:11:46,682
Rolf?
1608
01:11:46,765 --> 01:11:47,766
Hey, Rolf!
1609
01:11:47,850 --> 01:11:50,435
- There it is!
- There! There it is! There it is!
1610
01:11:51,979 --> 01:11:53,146
Way to go, Maggie.
1611
01:11:53,897 --> 01:11:56,817
Halt! Good God, what's that smell?
1612
01:11:56,900 --> 01:11:58,318
Can you smell Reggie off that thing?
1613
01:11:59,403 --> 01:12:02,114
I'm not getting any dog off of this, sir.
Just a lot of urine.
1614
01:12:02,197 --> 01:12:03,574
- Oh, huh. Oh, wow.
- Huh.
1615
01:12:03,657 --> 01:12:05,284
- That's weird.
- It was Bug.
1616
01:12:05,367 --> 01:12:08,871
And from the stain patterns, I can tell
this was a very small pee stream,
1617
01:12:08,954 --> 01:12:11,915
indicative of a dog with an…
…unbelievably tiny penis.
1618
01:12:11,999 --> 01:12:14,084
-Again, Bug.
-It ain't indicative of shit.
1619
01:12:14,168 --> 01:12:16,545
If anything,
it is indicative of a well-shaped,
1620
01:12:16,628 --> 01:12:19,464
sensual penis
that transcends dick size.
1621
01:12:19,548 --> 01:12:21,800
Lots of TDU:
Tiny Dick Urine over here.
1622
01:12:21,884 --> 01:12:24,761
It would take a miracle to pick up
any dog scent off of that thing.
1623
01:12:24,845 --> 01:12:26,722
There you are.
What's gotten into you guys?
1624
01:12:26,805 --> 01:12:28,473
Fuck are you doing?
1625
01:12:28,557 --> 01:12:29,850
You'll taint the smell.
1626
01:12:29,933 --> 01:12:33,145
I'm doing your job.
Now back the fuck off, Adolf.
1627
01:12:33,228 --> 01:12:35,272
-Adolf?
-It's 'cause you're a German Sh--
1628
01:12:35,355 --> 01:12:37,482
-Oh, whatever.
-I get it now. Hitler reference.
1629
01:12:38,901 --> 01:12:40,777
Go, Maggie! Go, Maggie!
1630
01:12:44,740 --> 01:12:45,949
I'm picking up…
1631
01:12:46,033 --> 01:12:48,493
Bitches of the night. Pizza. Vomit pizza?
1632
01:12:48,577 --> 01:12:50,204
Hot dogs. All of our pee.
1633
01:12:50,287 --> 01:12:52,206
Eagle feathers. Dennis Quaid?
1634
01:12:52,289 --> 01:12:54,249
Squirrel sex.
Dead bunnies that I know nothing about.
1635
01:12:54,333 --> 01:12:55,792
Hunter's boner. Ooh, lots of shit.
1636
01:12:55,876 --> 01:12:58,045
A tiny Boston Terrier dick and…
1637
01:12:58,128 --> 01:12:59,838
Reggie! I got him!
1638
01:12:59,922 --> 01:13:01,423
-Yes, Maggie!
-Let's move!
1639
01:13:01,507 --> 01:13:03,509
Come on, let's go!
Thanks, Rolf!
1640
01:13:03,592 --> 01:13:05,761
Except for when you fucked us over.
1641
01:13:05,844 --> 01:13:07,054
Good luck, soldiers!
1642
01:13:07,137 --> 01:13:09,431
And sorry I'm such a fucking asshole!
1643
01:13:09,515 --> 01:13:11,225
I should really work on myself.
1644
01:14:03,694 --> 01:14:05,529
Oh, thanks for
shitting on the carpet!
1645
01:14:05,612 --> 01:14:07,865
The fuck are you thinking? Huh?
1646
01:14:07,948 --> 01:14:10,993
Oh, you're such a stupid
little piece of shit.
1647
01:14:19,585 --> 01:14:21,879
Can you just leave me the fuck alone?
1648
01:14:22,504 --> 01:14:24,089
Bad dog!
1649
01:14:30,929 --> 01:14:33,682
That's what you fucking
sound like, you piece of shit.
1650
01:15:00,959 --> 01:15:03,879
Okay, one last shit on the carpet,
and then I'm out.
1651
01:15:16,975 --> 01:15:18,018
Mmm.
1652
01:15:24,650 --> 01:15:25,567
Hey, Doug.
1653
01:15:26,944 --> 01:15:28,195
Fuck!
1654
01:15:28,278 --> 01:15:30,322
It's me, Reggie.
1655
01:15:30,405 --> 01:15:33,617
A-And look, I-I know you can't understand
what I'm saying right now.
1656
01:15:33,700 --> 01:15:35,744
No, no, no, this is not happening.
1657
01:15:35,827 --> 01:15:37,704
But I just wanna say how I feel.
1658
01:15:38,497 --> 01:15:40,541
I know you didn't like me.
1659
01:15:40,624 --> 01:15:42,334
I mean, obviously.
1660
01:15:42,417 --> 01:15:44,044
You abandoned me in the street.
1661
01:15:44,711 --> 01:15:49,174
But just know that I did everything
I could to make you feel loved.
1662
01:15:49,258 --> 01:15:54,513
And I thought if I loved you enough,
then maybe you would love me back.
1663
01:15:55,889 --> 01:15:57,683
But then I met new friends.
1664
01:15:57,766 --> 01:16:02,145
I met the sweetest big dog,
with just the nicest dick.
1665
01:16:02,229 --> 01:16:05,148
The most talented, baddest bitch
in the world,
1666
01:16:05,232 --> 01:16:07,609
and the tiniest, scrappiest,
1667
01:16:07,693 --> 01:16:11,446
funniest best friend I could ever ask for.
1668
01:16:11,530 --> 01:16:15,868
Oh, and I met my son too, who's a gnome,
and we had sex, but whatever.
1669
01:16:16,451 --> 01:16:21,540
The point is, those friends showed me
what real love feels like.
1670
01:16:21,623 --> 01:16:24,084
And it's nothing like what we had.
1671
01:16:24,168 --> 01:16:27,421
Now I know that I wasn't a bad dog.
1672
01:16:27,504 --> 01:16:30,549
You were a bad man.
1673
01:16:30,632 --> 01:16:32,676
Bad man! Bad man!
1674
01:16:36,930 --> 01:16:38,640
Goodbye, Doug.
1675
01:16:38,724 --> 01:16:40,142
And fuck you.
1676
01:16:47,149 --> 01:16:52,196
Now what do I gotta do
to get you the fuck out of my life?
1677
01:16:52,279 --> 01:16:54,406
I mean, how do you not get it, man?
1678
01:16:54,489 --> 01:16:57,910
I drove you three hours away.
1679
01:16:57,993 --> 01:17:01,663
I mean, how could I make it any more clear
that I don't care about you?
1680
01:17:01,747 --> 01:17:03,832
I don't fucking love you.
1681
01:17:03,916 --> 01:17:05,667
Goodbye forever, shitbag.
1682
01:17:07,336 --> 01:17:10,797
Well, at least I found
someone who loved me.
1683
01:17:10,881 --> 01:17:12,633
Pee-FFs forever.
1684
01:17:15,761 --> 01:17:17,513
Pee-FFs forever!
1685
01:17:17,596 --> 01:17:21,225
The fuck? Who the hell are these dogs?
1686
01:17:21,308 --> 01:17:23,769
Jesus Christ,
it's like a fucking dog movie in here.
1687
01:17:26,313 --> 01:17:27,523
Oh, yeah?
1688
01:17:27,606 --> 01:17:30,275
The fuck are you gonna do about it,
cone boy?
1689
01:17:40,327 --> 01:17:41,328
Oh, shit.
1690
01:17:47,751 --> 01:17:48,961
Reggie, are you okay?
1691
01:17:49,044 --> 01:17:50,879
Listen, Bug,
I-I'm so sorry for what I said. I--
1692
01:17:50,963 --> 01:17:52,005
Don't worry about that right now.
1693
01:17:52,089 --> 01:17:54,132
Yeah, we've got a dick to rip off.
1694
01:17:58,512 --> 01:18:00,180
Get the fuck off me!
1695
01:18:01,139 --> 01:18:03,267
Fuck. What the-- Get off me!
1696
01:18:03,350 --> 01:18:05,185
Let go! Goddamn it!
1697
01:18:05,269 --> 01:18:08,313
Ow! Fuck, my knee! Goddamn it!
1698
01:18:08,397 --> 01:18:10,691
Oh, you want some, huh?
1699
01:18:13,986 --> 01:18:15,654
Oh, goddamn it!
1700
01:18:15,737 --> 01:18:18,156
You little fuckers
owe me a microwave.
1701
01:18:18,240 --> 01:18:19,992
Eat some foot!
1702
01:18:21,159 --> 01:18:23,245
Ah! My foot!
1703
01:18:27,791 --> 01:18:28,834
Shitbag!
1704
01:18:38,343 --> 01:18:40,429
Oh! Fuck, my back!
1705
01:18:40,512 --> 01:18:41,972
- Guys! We should get out of here.
- Fuck!
1706
01:18:42,639 --> 01:18:45,058
- Reggie!
- Got you, you little shit!
1707
01:18:45,142 --> 01:18:49,188
Well, look at you.
You got yourself some friends?
1708
01:18:49,271 --> 01:18:51,899
Let me tell you furry fucks something.
1709
01:18:52,816 --> 01:18:56,278
Your little buddy here ruined my life.
1710
01:18:56,361 --> 01:18:59,740
Before him,
I had a fucking good thing going.
1711
01:18:59,823 --> 01:19:01,700
A roof over my head,
1712
01:19:01,783 --> 01:19:04,203
checks from my mom, two girlfriends.
1713
01:19:04,286 --> 01:19:07,706
Now I have no house, no girlfriends,
1714
01:19:07,789 --> 01:19:09,625
and I have to masturbate all day.
1715
01:19:10,209 --> 01:19:13,086
All right?
This dog turned me into a fucking loser.
1716
01:19:13,170 --> 01:19:14,671
Why's he talking so much?
1717
01:19:15,422 --> 01:19:18,634
You ever see the end of Marley & Me? Huh?
1718
01:19:18,717 --> 01:19:21,261
Yeah, me neither. It's fucking boring.
1719
01:19:22,304 --> 01:19:25,682
But I do know
that the dog dies in the end.
1720
01:19:26,850 --> 01:19:30,229
I'm gonna enjoy
squeezing the life out of you…
1721
01:19:30,312 --> 01:19:31,897
- Maggie, Hunter get in position.
- Got it.
1722
01:19:31,980 --> 01:19:33,815
- Copy.
- …cause you squeezed the life out of me.
1723
01:19:34,900 --> 01:19:36,235
Wait, what's happening?
1724
01:19:36,318 --> 01:19:38,153
What are they doing
getting in a line like that?
1725
01:19:40,989 --> 01:19:44,201
Fuck you!
1726
01:19:57,130 --> 01:19:59,424
♪ We clawed, we chained ♪
1727
01:19:59,508 --> 01:20:01,051
♪ Our hearts in vain ♪
1728
01:20:01,134 --> 01:20:04,596
♪ We jumped, never asking why ♪
1729
01:20:04,680 --> 01:20:09,101
♪ We kissed
I fell under your spell ♪
1730
01:20:09,184 --> 01:20:12,855
♪ A love no one could deny ♪
1731
01:20:13,522 --> 01:20:15,274
♪ Don't you ever say… ♪
1732
01:20:15,357 --> 01:20:18,151
Bad fucking dog!
1733
01:20:18,735 --> 01:20:21,029
You're goddamn right.
1734
01:20:21,822 --> 01:20:23,740
♪ I came in like a wrecking ball ♪
1735
01:20:25,534 --> 01:20:29,454
♪ I never hit so hard in love ♪
1736
01:20:29,538 --> 01:20:33,458
♪ All I wanted was to break your walls ♪
1737
01:20:33,542 --> 01:20:35,794
♪ All you ever did was ♪
1738
01:20:35,878 --> 01:20:37,337
♪ Wreck me ♪
1739
01:20:39,590 --> 01:20:42,426
♪ You wreck me ♪
1740
01:20:42,509 --> 01:20:46,346
♪ I put you high up in the sky ♪
1741
01:20:46,430 --> 01:20:50,475
♪ And now you're not coming down ♪
1742
01:20:50,559 --> 01:20:54,521
♪ It slowly turned
You let me burn ♪
1743
01:20:54,605 --> 01:20:58,025
♪ And now we're ashes on the ground ♪
1744
01:20:59,067 --> 01:21:03,155
♪ Don't you ever say
I just walked away ♪
1745
01:21:03,238 --> 01:21:05,824
♪ I will always want you ♪
1746
01:21:05,908 --> 01:21:09,703
♪ I came in like a wrecking ball ♪
1747
01:21:09,786 --> 01:21:13,248
♪ Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung ♪
1748
01:21:13,332 --> 01:21:16,877
♪ Left me crashing in a blazing fall ♪
1749
01:21:17,628 --> 01:21:22,216
♪ All you ever did was wreck me ♪
1750
01:21:22,299 --> 01:21:25,928
♪ Yeah, you, you wreck me ♪
1751
01:21:29,264 --> 01:21:32,059
♪ I never meant to start a war ♪
1752
01:21:33,185 --> 01:21:36,313
♪ I just wanted you to let me in… ♪
1753
01:21:36,396 --> 01:21:39,024
Uh… Yeah, we should probably leave.
1754
01:21:39,107 --> 01:21:41,527
Oh, yeah? We gotta go right now?
I was kind of enjoying this.
1755
01:21:41,610 --> 01:21:43,153
♪ I guess I should've let you win… ♪
1756
01:21:43,237 --> 01:21:46,323
Yo, Reg, I gotta be honest with you.
I ain't think you was gonna do that shit.
1757
01:21:46,406 --> 01:21:47,658
You really committed to that.
1758
01:21:47,741 --> 01:21:49,326
More graphic
than I was expecting.
1759
01:21:49,409 --> 01:21:50,536
That was almost too far.
1760
01:21:50,619 --> 01:21:53,205
You one-upped me for sure.
I mean, I bit a girl's ankle.
1761
01:21:53,288 --> 01:21:55,624
You ripped a man's penis off.
1762
01:22:11,181 --> 01:22:13,976
Today is gonna be the best day ever.
1763
01:22:14,726 --> 01:22:18,647
How do I know that?
Because every day is the best day ever.
1764
01:22:18,730 --> 01:22:22,192
Hunter went back to his job
at the old human home.
1765
01:22:22,276 --> 01:22:23,861
And he didn't even need his cone.
1766
01:22:23,944 --> 01:22:26,822
Hey, Cone of Shame!
Where's your lampshade?
1767
01:22:26,905 --> 01:22:29,241
Actually, Bubsy,
I don't need that cone anymore,
1768
01:22:29,324 --> 01:22:31,618
just like I don't need
any of your shit anymore.
1769
01:22:31,702 --> 01:22:33,287
-Fuck you, Bubsy!
-Wow.
1770
01:22:33,370 --> 01:22:35,998
I had no idea you felt that way.
I'm sorry.
1771
01:22:36,081 --> 01:22:37,082
I-I'm just gonna go…
1772
01:22:38,208 --> 01:22:40,043
fuck your mother!
1773
01:22:40,127 --> 01:22:41,170
Fuck outta here!
1774
01:22:41,253 --> 01:22:44,798
And he finally found the courage
to let Maggie know how he feels about her.
1775
01:22:44,882 --> 01:22:47,009
And now they have sex all the time!
1776
01:22:47,092 --> 01:22:48,802
Regular style, of course.
1777
01:22:48,886 --> 01:22:50,554
Attaboy, Hunter.
1778
01:22:51,346 --> 01:22:53,056
Reminds me of when I was young.
1779
01:22:54,391 --> 01:22:56,143
You used to fuck dogs?
1780
01:22:56,935 --> 01:22:57,936
What?
1781
01:22:58,520 --> 01:23:01,899
And Maggie, well,
she finally got the owner she deserves.
1782
01:23:02,482 --> 01:23:04,943
Maggie's part of the detection squad now.
1783
01:23:05,027 --> 01:23:07,029
And she's the best sniffer on the team.
1784
01:23:07,112 --> 01:23:09,489
I love the costume you gave her.
1785
01:23:09,573 --> 01:23:12,534
-So good.
-Uniform, for work.
1786
01:23:12,618 --> 01:23:14,870
And Bug's the same old Bug,
1787
01:23:14,953 --> 01:23:17,122
with one pretty big exception.
1788
01:23:17,206 --> 01:23:19,249
He's changed his stance on people.
1789
01:23:20,542 --> 01:23:23,462
Or at least, one very special person.
1790
01:23:26,340 --> 01:23:28,759
♪ And I'll show you how to love ♪
1791
01:23:29,760 --> 01:23:31,178
♪ To love ♪
1792
01:23:31,261 --> 01:23:34,890
Sure, joining a family was
a bit of a learning experience for him.
1793
01:23:38,268 --> 01:23:39,937
Oh, baby, I love this.
1794
01:23:40,020 --> 01:23:42,272
Your cushions are so much tighter
than Dolores's.
1795
01:23:42,356 --> 01:23:44,358
And what is this fabric, faux suede?
1796
01:23:45,901 --> 01:23:47,778
-Hey.
-Oh, hey, Kevin.
1797
01:23:48,695 --> 01:23:50,864
Come on, buddy. No humping the couch.
1798
01:23:52,491 --> 01:23:54,910
Nothing will ever come between us.
1799
01:23:56,119 --> 01:23:58,497
Yep, life is pretty damn great.
1800
01:23:59,164 --> 01:24:00,582
So we'll see you guys tonight?
1801
01:24:00,666 --> 01:24:02,376
-Yes! Scraps night.
-You know it! Scraps night!
1802
01:24:06,296 --> 01:24:09,341
As for me, I chose to stay a stray.
1803
01:24:09,424 --> 01:24:11,301
And I couldn't be happier.
1804
01:24:11,802 --> 01:24:15,597
And for any dogs in need,
I'll be there to show them the ropes.
1805
01:24:16,306 --> 01:24:18,141
Hey, there. I'm Reggie. You got a name?
1806
01:24:18,225 --> 01:24:20,602
Oh, hi. I'm-- I'm Shitstain.
1807
01:24:20,686 --> 01:24:23,230
No, no, no. That's not your name.
Trust me.
1808
01:24:24,273 --> 01:24:28,694
Rule number one of being a stray:
You want something, you pee on it.
1809
01:24:28,777 --> 01:24:30,821
And whatever you pee on is yours.
1810
01:24:30,904 --> 01:24:33,532
-Oh. How 'bout this lamppost?
-That's mine.
1811
01:24:33,615 --> 01:24:35,033
Oh. Okay.
1812
01:24:35,117 --> 01:24:37,786
Rule number two: You can pretty much
hump whatever you want.
1813
01:24:37,870 --> 01:24:39,705
-Cool!
-Awesome!
1814
01:24:39,788 --> 01:24:43,876
Rule number three
is the most important rule, bar none.
1815
01:24:44,835 --> 01:24:46,962
You are not alone.
1816
01:24:48,630 --> 01:24:51,633
You know, I used to think
my place was by Doug's side.
1817
01:24:51,717 --> 01:24:54,303
But now I know my place is wherever
I want it to be.
1818
01:24:54,386 --> 01:24:57,264
And I've never felt more at home.
1819
01:24:57,806 --> 01:25:01,393
'Cause I know a guy
who lets me crash whenever I want.
1820
01:25:02,019 --> 01:25:03,687
-Hey, loser.
-Hey, fuck face.
1821
01:25:07,316 --> 01:25:09,151
Liam, the cute scruffy dog is back!
1822
01:25:15,991 --> 01:25:17,826
Isn't this the life?
1823
01:25:19,786 --> 01:25:21,580
Who's a good boy?
1824
01:25:21,663 --> 01:25:22,998
You're a good boy.
1825
01:25:23,916 --> 01:25:25,584
Such a good boy.
1826
01:25:26,210 --> 01:25:28,462
I've learned a lot since Doug.
1827
01:25:28,545 --> 01:25:30,714
Sure, there's some bad people
in this world,
1828
01:25:30,797 --> 01:25:34,426
but even Bug would agree,
the good ones are out there.
1829
01:25:34,510 --> 01:25:37,054
You just gotta keep your eyes open.
1830
01:25:37,137 --> 01:25:38,680
Hey, kids!
1831
01:25:38,764 --> 01:25:40,682
- I'll rip your lungs out.
- Fuck you, mailman!
1832
01:25:40,766 --> 01:25:42,434
These guys have a lot of energy,
don't they?
1833
01:25:42,518 --> 01:25:45,103
-I'm gonna eat your fucking nut sack.
-Get out of here, you evil little shit!
1834
01:25:45,187 --> 01:25:48,190
-I'll give you to the count of three…
-You stupid fucking evil devil!
1835
01:25:48,273 --> 01:25:50,609
…and then I'm gonna jump this fence
and skull-fuck you to death!
1836
01:25:50,692 --> 01:25:52,611
You're just as bad
as your friend in the sky!
1837
01:25:52,694 --> 01:25:55,948
- Yeah, yeah, you smart! You smart!
- You fuckwad! Go! Go! Go!
1838
01:25:56,031 --> 01:25:57,282
Keep walking! Keep walking!
1839
01:25:57,366 --> 01:25:59,284
Don't even think about
coming back here tomorrow!
1840
01:25:59,368 --> 01:26:00,369
Fuck off!
1841
01:26:00,452 --> 01:26:02,412
Yeah, bitch. You don't want to
get this guy angry.
1842
01:26:02,496 --> 01:26:06,375
I may be small,
but you have no idea what I'm capable of!
1843
01:26:07,167 --> 01:26:08,585
Just ask Doug!
1844
01:26:09,461 --> 01:26:12,172
I ripped the guy's cock off!
1845
01:26:12,256 --> 01:26:14,800
♪ This is for the Gz
And this is for the hustlas ♪
1846
01:26:14,883 --> 01:26:17,302
♪ This is for the hustlas
Now back to the Gz ♪
1847
01:26:17,386 --> 01:26:20,138
♪ This is for the Gz
And this is for the hustlas ♪
1848
01:26:20,222 --> 01:26:22,766
♪ This is for the hustlas
Now back to the Gz ♪
1849
01:26:22,850 --> 01:26:25,060
♪ It's 1-9-9-tre
So let me just play ♪
1850
01:26:25,143 --> 01:26:26,478
♪ It's Snoop Dogg, I'm on the mic ♪
1851
01:26:26,562 --> 01:26:28,230
♪ I'm back with Dr. Dre ♪
1852
01:26:28,313 --> 01:26:30,399
♪ But this time I'ma hit
Yo' ass with a touch ♪
1853
01:26:30,482 --> 01:26:33,151
♪ To leave motherfuckers in a daze
Fucked up ♪
1854
01:26:33,235 --> 01:26:35,696
♪ So sit back, relax
New jacks get smacked ♪
1855
01:26:35,779 --> 01:26:38,156
♪ It's Snoop Doggy Dogg
I'm at the top of the stack ♪
1856
01:26:38,240 --> 01:26:40,993
♪ I don't lack for a second
And I'm still checkin' ♪
1857
01:26:41,076 --> 01:26:43,537
♪ The dopest motherfucker
That ya hearin' on the record ♪
1858
01:26:43,620 --> 01:26:45,664
♪ It's me, ya see, S-N-double-O-P ♪
1859
01:26:45,747 --> 01:26:48,333
♪ D-O-double-G-Y, the D-O-double-G ♪
1860
01:26:48,417 --> 01:26:51,044
{\an8}♪ I'm fly as a falcon
Soarin' through the sky ♪
1861
01:26:51,128 --> 01:26:53,839
{\an8}--♪ And I'm high till I dizzie, rizzide ♪
1862
01:26:53,922 --> 01:26:56,925
♪ So check it, I get busy
I make your head dizzy ♪
1863
01:26:57,009 --> 01:26:59,303
♪ I blow up your mouth
Like I was Dizzy Gillespie ♪
1864
01:26:59,386 --> 01:27:01,263
♪ I'm crazy, you can't phase me ♪
1865
01:27:01,346 --> 01:27:03,265
♪ I'm the S, oh, yes, I'm fresh ♪
1866
01:27:03,348 --> 01:27:04,516
♪ I don't fuck with the stress ♪
1867
01:27:04,600 --> 01:27:07,102
♪ I'm all about the chronic
Bionic, ya see ♪
1868
01:27:07,186 --> 01:27:10,230
♪ Every single day
Chillin' with the D-O-double-G's ♪
1869
01:27:10,314 --> 01:27:12,524
♪ P-O-U-N-D, that's my clique, my crew ♪
1870
01:27:12,608 --> 01:27:15,360
♪ You fuck with us
We gots to fuck you up ♪
1871
01:27:15,444 --> 01:27:17,196
♪ I thought you knew, but yet and still ♪
1872
01:27:17,279 --> 01:27:20,449
♪ You wanna get real
Now it's time to peel, you say chill ♪
1873
01:27:20,532 --> 01:27:22,659
♪ And feel the motherfuckin' realism ♪
1874
01:27:22,743 --> 01:27:24,036
♪ Snoop Doggy Dogg is on the mic ♪
1875
01:27:24,119 --> 01:27:25,579
♪ I'm hittin' hard as steel ♪
1876
01:27:25,662 --> 01:27:28,665
♪ This is for the Gz
And this is for the hustlas ♪
1877
01:27:28,749 --> 01:27:31,293
♪ This is for the hustlas
Now back to the Gz ♪
1878
01:27:31,376 --> 01:27:33,837
♪ This is for the Gz
And this is for the hustlas ♪
1879
01:27:33,921 --> 01:27:36,465
♪ This is for the hustlas
Now back to the Gz ♪
1880
01:27:36,548 --> 01:27:39,134
♪ This is for the Gz
And this is for the hustlas ♪
1881
01:27:39,218 --> 01:27:41,720
♪ This is for the hustlas
Now back to the Gz ♪
1882
01:27:41,803 --> 01:27:44,431
♪ This is for the Gz
And this is for the hustlas ♪
1883
01:27:44,515 --> 01:27:46,892
♪ This is for the hustlas
Now back to the Gz ♪
1884
01:27:52,564 --> 01:27:55,025
In addition
to the multiple facial lacerations
1885
01:27:55,108 --> 01:27:57,986
and the severe burn wounds,
1886
01:27:58,070 --> 01:28:03,408
we also discovered an alarming amount
of fecal bacteria in your system,
1887
01:28:03,492 --> 01:28:07,204
which, I would imagine came from
the-- the-- the…
1888
01:28:07,287 --> 01:28:10,374
-Dog shitting in my mouth? Yeah.
-Right. Yeah.
1889
01:28:12,125 --> 01:28:14,545
Um… Ba-ba-ba…
1890
01:28:14,628 --> 01:28:16,088
Checking the clipboard.
1891
01:28:16,171 --> 01:28:19,049
Oh, yeah. We also, uh,
couldn't reattach the penis.
1892
01:28:21,426 --> 01:28:24,429
Fuck!
1893
01:28:38,902 --> 01:28:39,903
♪ Jamie ♪
1894
01:28:41,446 --> 01:28:42,656
♪ Jamie Foxx ♪
1895
01:28:44,199 --> 01:28:45,200
♪ Will Ferrell ♪
1896
01:28:59,381 --> 01:29:01,466
♪ Dirty, dirty dog ♪
1897
01:29:02,342 --> 01:29:03,760
♪ I'm a stray ♪
1898
01:29:12,895 --> 01:29:14,146
♪ Quit doggin' me! ♪
1899
01:29:15,439 --> 01:29:18,233
♪ Quit doggin' me! Dogging me ♪
1900
01:29:23,071 --> 01:29:24,823
♪ I'm a stray ♪
1900
01:29:25,305 --> 01:30:25,589
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