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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,131 [grand orchestral fanfare playing] 2 00:00:36,495 --> 00:00:38,497 [dogs barking] 3 00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:53,679 ["Follow You" playing] 4 00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,764 [birds chirping] 5 00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:02,312 [dog] Today is gonna be the best day ever. 6 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:03,522 How do I know that? 7 00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:05,774 Because every day is the best day ever. 8 00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:08,318 I love my life. 9 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:11,238 I love sunshine, I love butterflies. 10 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,240 But more than anything, 11 00:01:13,949 --> 00:01:16,493 I love Doug. 12 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:17,995 -Hey! -[barking] 13 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,204 Shut the fuck up! 14 00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:21,498 Fucking piece of shit. 15 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:25,627 [dog] That's Doug. Also known as the best owner in the world. 16 00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:27,713 -[barks] -[grunts] 17 00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:30,716 [dog] I still remember the first day we met. 18 00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:33,093 -She was too flirting with you. -[dog barks] 19 00:01:33,177 --> 00:01:36,096 [gasps] Hey, babies! 20 00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:40,225 [dog] The second Doug laid eyes on me, we knew we were meant to be together. 21 00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:42,144 Fuck. 22 00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:45,314 [dog] Ever since that day, he and I have been inseparable. 23 00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:48,108 Why is Doug so great? 24 00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:50,485 -Where do I begin? -Get down. 25 00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:53,780 [dog] He loves being around me so much, he doesn't even have a job. 26 00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:57,951 Also, Doug doesn't get me boring dog toys. 27 00:01:58,035 --> 00:01:59,953 He lets me come up with my own toys. 28 00:02:00,037 --> 00:02:01,455 Hi, Reggie. What you got? 29 00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:02,581 [Reggie] Like this stretchy thing. 30 00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:05,876 -What the fuck! -Uh… 31 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,085 Those aren't mine. 32 00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:08,544 There's a simple explanation. 33 00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,589 This was supposed to be a Christmas present. 34 00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:12,216 Doug, it's July. 35 00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:15,260 [Reggie] Sometimes I worry if I'm doing a good job making Doug happy. 36 00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:17,054 -You don't get it. -I'm done. Reggie. 37 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,139 [Reggie] But then I realized I do make Doug happy. 38 00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:21,767 What are you doing? You don't even like the dog. 39 00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:23,268 I love this dog. [kisses] 40 00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:25,020 [Reggie] And that makes me happy. 41 00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:28,357 -[sighs] -All that matters is that you like him. 42 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,317 And I like that you don't get to have him. 43 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,861 You are a total fucking loser. 44 00:02:32,945 --> 00:02:35,572 -Yeah, a loser with a dog. -[door slams shut] 45 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,283 [Reggie] Honestly, the only thing in the world 46 00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:40,536 that Doug maybe loves more than me 47 00:02:40,619 --> 00:02:43,622 is his favorite toy: his penis. 48 00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:47,376 He gives it haircuts, he watches TV with it… 49 00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:50,379 -[actor on computer] Flip it around! -Stop staring. You're ruining it. 50 00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:54,591 [Reggie] And the way he pets that thing, sometimes I wish I was a penis. 51 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:57,886 But every time I try to play with it, he gets so possessive. 52 00:02:57,970 --> 00:02:59,513 Get off! Get-- Bad dog! 53 00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:02,516 [Reggie] The key to any good relationship is having things in common. 54 00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:03,767 We both like barking… 55 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:07,354 -[coughing] -[barking] 56 00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,940 [Reggie] We both love a good scratch. 57 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:10,858 [sniffing] 58 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:17,656 [Reggie] And we can stay up all night, just talking for hours. 59 00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:19,533 [groans] 60 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:22,035 You fucked up my life, didn't you? 61 00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:24,079 [Reggie] Even though I don't understand what he's saying… 62 00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:27,416 She never would have found out if it wasn't for your dumb ass. 63 00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:29,668 …I can tell he loves me. 64 00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:30,878 [knocking on door] 65 00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:34,923 [Reggie] And while I don't know that many human beings, 66 00:03:35,007 --> 00:03:37,551 I think it's safe to assume he's one of the best. 67 00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:39,636 Oh, goddamn. 68 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,513 It's bullshit, Mom. 69 00:03:41,597 --> 00:03:44,308 They're kicking me out 'cause your last check wasn't enough for rent. 70 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,810 [Reggie] You might say Doug is messy, but lately… 71 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,604 No, I'm not gonna move back home. 72 00:03:48,687 --> 00:03:51,273 …he's been much better at putting his toys away. 73 00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:52,691 No, I'm sorry. Look. 74 00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:55,402 It's just you know that I can't live that close to a school. 75 00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:59,489 No! 76 00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:06,455 Bad dog! That's my favorite fucking bong, dude! 77 00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:10,209 [sighs] 78 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,589 Oh. You like that ball, don't you? 79 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:19,968 [Reggie] Lately, Doug has been playing a brand-new game with me 80 00:04:20,052 --> 00:04:21,345 called "Fetch and Fuck"! 81 00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,638 Fetch. 82 00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:26,016 [Reggie] Basically, Doug drops me off really far away… 83 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,893 Sayonara, ke-mo sah-bee. 84 00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:31,104 …throws the ball, and drives home without me. 85 00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:34,858 Then it's my turn to get the ball and find my way back home! 86 00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:38,237 -When I bring the ball back, he says-- -Fuck. 87 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,656 [Reggie laughs] And that's how I know I won the game! 88 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:42,533 [Doug] Fetch! 89 00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:45,786 [Reggie] We've been playing it a lot lately. 90 00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,621 -[Doug] Fuck! -[Reggie] Sometimes we play it 91 00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,665 three or four times in the same day. 92 00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:51,250 -Fetch! -[Reggie barks] 93 00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:52,584 Fuck! 94 00:04:52,668 --> 00:04:54,419 Fetch! Fuck! 95 00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:55,504 Fuck! 96 00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:57,047 Fuck! 97 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,343 Holy fuck! 98 00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,929 [Reggie] "Holy fuck" is right! I win again! 99 00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:05,639 That's it. 100 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,309 This ends now. 101 00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:11,270 ["Shine on Me" playing] 102 00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:13,480 ♪ You only got a couple miles to go ♪ 103 00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:15,482 ♪ If you're trying to drive me insane… ♪ 104 00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:17,860 [Reggie] These road trips are the best! 105 00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:21,572 Because you get to see the exciting world outside our town. 106 00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,493 Keep driving, Doug! 107 00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,829 Don't make it too easy on me. 108 00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:31,748 [Reggie chuckles] I love a challenge. 109 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,918 ♪ 'Cause I hide from everyone ♪ 110 00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,921 ♪ Shine on me ♪ 111 00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:42,009 ♪ Shine on me ♪ 112 00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:44,553 ♪ Shine on me ♪ 113 00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:47,681 ♪ Shine on me ♪ 114 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,228 [Reggie] This round's gonna be the hardest one yet, 115 00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:57,232 because we went way further than we've ever gone before. 116 00:05:57,316 --> 00:06:00,652 In fact, I have no idea where we are. 117 00:06:00,736 --> 00:06:02,196 And that's exciting! 118 00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:09,536 I know the world seems like a scary place sometimes, 119 00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:10,704 but I don't worry. 120 00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:11,830 Good luck fetching this. 121 00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:14,791 [Reggie] Because I'm always safe at Doug's side. 122 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:18,504 -[truck engine starts] -[tires screeching] 123 00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,964 [Reggie] Sure, Doug really challenges me with this game, 124 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,717 but that's just because he believes in me. 125 00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:07,511 [thunder rumbling] 126 00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:12,599 [Reggie] You know what they say: The best relationships are the hard ones. 127 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,143 You have to put in the work. 128 00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:18,772 -[clattering] -[Reggie] You gotta have courage. 129 00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:22,150 And you always need to remember that real love… 130 00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:25,070 is never easy. 131 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,971 But even though I love this game, 132 00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:53,891 I kinda want it to be over. 133 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:58,228 Because, well, I really just wanna be home. 134 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,695 [horn honks] 135 00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:11,241 [dog barking nearby] 136 00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:13,785 Okay, time to get moving. 137 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,747 [singsongy] Going back to Doug's. 138 00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:21,585 [siren wailing in distance] 139 00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,212 [muffled] This is a nice neighborhood. 140 00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,546 -[cat yowling] -[clattering] 141 00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:26,715 I like all the trash. 142 00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:29,468 And the needles. So many needles. 143 00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:34,972 Hey, honey, you ever been with an Afghan before? 144 00:08:35,057 --> 00:08:38,644 [Reggie, muffled] Uh, no, I don't think so, but thank you. 145 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:44,483 Well, well, well. What do we have here? 146 00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:45,567 You lost? 147 00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:49,821 Hi, there, big dogs. Yes, I am lost. 148 00:08:49,905 --> 00:08:51,406 I'm trying to get to Doug's place. 149 00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:53,116 Do-- Do you know which way that is from here? 150 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,578 -Hmm… You say Doug's place? -I did, yeah. 151 00:08:56,662 --> 00:08:59,122 -Oh, yeah, I know which way that is. -Oh, great. 152 00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,625 Right up my fucking ass, you little shit. 153 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:02,876 Oh… No, that can't be right. 154 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:06,213 [stammers] Okay. Well, I'll just be on my way. 155 00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:08,590 Uh, can I please have my ball back? 156 00:09:08,674 --> 00:09:11,426 Your ball? You'll be lucky if I let you leave with your life. 157 00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:14,972 Hey! Who in the fuck is making all that noise in my fucking alley? 158 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,348 Who's this guy? 159 00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:19,893 Oh, you don't want me to come around this fucking corner now, do you? 160 00:09:19,977 --> 00:09:21,895 Shit's gonna get crackin'. Trust me! 161 00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:23,856 You wanna dance, motherfuckers, huh? 162 00:09:23,939 --> 00:09:26,233 You wanna dance? Let's do this. 163 00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:29,653 What's up, bitches? Huh? 164 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,029 Oh, he's tiny. 165 00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:33,657 The shadow. I thought he was fucking big. 166 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,158 Yeah, we can destroy this guy, right? 167 00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:38,495 Yeah, go ahead, bite me, you raggedy motherfuckers. 168 00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:39,705 I dare you! 169 00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:41,582 You know how many diseases is up in me? 170 00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:43,166 Rabies, scabies, 171 00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:46,170 whatever disease you can get from tongue-fucking a dead squirrel, 172 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:49,256 which I did last night, 'cause I'm crazy, man! 173 00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:50,465 [sputters] 174 00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:52,301 That's a 37-inch vertical. 175 00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:54,344 I'ma tell you right now, you run up on me, 176 00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:58,015 and I'll stick this paw right up your ass and in his. Like a shish kebab. 177 00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,141 Whoa. This guy seems nuts. 178 00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:00,809 Look at the way he's barking at his own ass. 179 00:10:00,893 --> 00:10:03,937 I'll do it! I'll do it! I'll bite my own ass off! 180 00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:06,356 Oh, man. The fuck is wrong with this guy? 181 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,817 I'm so crazy I'll fuck the trash! 182 00:10:08,901 --> 00:10:10,569 You like it, don't you? [grunts] You like it. 183 00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:11,987 You wanna get recycled? 184 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:15,115 Anybody got a twisty tie? 'Cause I'm fucking this bag up. 185 00:10:15,199 --> 00:10:16,366 Okay, who's next? 186 00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:17,701 He's freaking me out. Let's bounce. 187 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:20,078 [Boston terrier] I'll fight you or fuck you. Dealer's choice. 188 00:10:20,162 --> 00:10:22,080 But either way, you're getting worms! 189 00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:25,042 [laughs] Large breeds, man. 190 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:29,129 These motherfuckers, man, always falling for that crazy little dog trick. 191 00:10:29,213 --> 00:10:30,255 Hey, you with me, kid? 192 00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:32,966 'Cause this block ain't for dogs like you. We should get the hell outta here. 193 00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:34,718 But my tennis ball… 194 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,261 Ah, fuck it. We'll get you another one. 195 00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,475 [dog barking in distance] 196 00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,644 I'm Bug, by the way. You got a name? 197 00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:46,813 Oh. Right, sorry. It's good to meet you, Bug. 198 00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,774 -My name is Shitbag. -What? 199 00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,109 Oh, it's short for "Dumbass Shitbag." 200 00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:53,737 But sometimes, Doug pronounces it "Fucknugget." 201 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,448 Uh, none of those sound like names. 202 00:10:56,532 --> 00:11:00,661 Oh. Well, Doug's lady friend used to call me "Reggie." 203 00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:02,913 Reggie. There you go. Yeah, we're gonna go with that. 204 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,081 Let's keep moving. 205 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,708 So, how long you been a stray for, Reggie? 206 00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,502 Oh, I… No, I'm not a stray. 207 00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,879 -Oh, you're not? -I-I'm just out here temporarily. 208 00:11:10,963 --> 00:11:12,256 -Oh. -I actually have an owner. 209 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:15,175 We're playing this game where he drops me off far away… 210 00:11:15,259 --> 00:11:16,426 -Mm-hmm. Right. -…throws a ball, 211 00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,971 and then it's my turn to bring the ball back home. 212 00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:20,639 [laughs] 213 00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:23,183 [chuckling] 214 00:11:23,267 --> 00:11:24,309 [both laughing] 215 00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,645 -[Bug] Holy shit! -Yeah. 216 00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:30,899 That's, uh… I-I-I'm sorry, man, but that's incredibly tragic 217 00:11:30,983 --> 00:11:34,486 and the funniest fucking thing I've heard in a long fucking time. 218 00:11:34,570 --> 00:11:35,988 Glad you're having a good laugh. 219 00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:37,281 Take it from me, kid. 220 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:40,576 That owner of yours, he's not playing any game with you. 221 00:11:40,659 --> 00:11:42,452 -He left your ass, okay? -Huh? 222 00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:45,080 You are officially a stray. 223 00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:46,373 Don't call me that. 224 00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:48,000 It's nothing to be ashamed of. 225 00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:51,128 I'm a stray and I'm having the time of my life. 226 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,671 You'll learn. How old are you? 227 00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:53,922 I'm two. 228 00:11:54,006 --> 00:11:57,718 Well, I'm three, and I have seen it all. Paw to God. 229 00:11:57,801 --> 00:12:01,680 I once saw a dog that was half Labrador and half poodle. 230 00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:03,515 -A-A Labradoodle! -No. No, no, no. 231 00:12:03,599 --> 00:12:04,766 A Poo-dor. 232 00:12:04,850 --> 00:12:06,143 -A Poo-dor? -The other way around. 233 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,103 -Even fucking weirder. -Yeah. 234 00:12:08,187 --> 00:12:11,899 Point is, life out here on your own can be fucking awesome, 235 00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:13,817 as long as you go by the rules. 236 00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:16,111 W-Well, what rules? 237 00:12:16,195 --> 00:12:19,448 Rule number one: You want something, you pee on it. 238 00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:21,491 Whatever you pee on, it's yours. 239 00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:22,576 Let's try it out. 240 00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,661 -You see that lamppost over there? -Yeah. 241 00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:26,455 I want you to go over there and pee on that. 242 00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:27,789 And you're sure this is okay? 243 00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:29,708 Go ahead. Ain't nobody givin' a fuck. 244 00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,835 You're a fucking stray now. That's my point. 245 00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:35,631 Well, I'm not a stray, but, yeah, okay. 246 00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:38,300 Congratulations. You now own a lamppost. 247 00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:41,303 Oh, wow. 248 00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:42,971 {\an8}[Bug] Now, let's talk rule number two. 249 00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:45,474 {\an8}You can pretty much fuck whatever you want. 250 00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:47,309 Have you ever humped anything before? 251 00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:49,394 Well, I wouldn't say I've humped per se, 252 00:12:49,478 --> 00:12:51,563 but I do like to dance on Doug's leg. 253 00:12:51,647 --> 00:12:53,148 Dude, that wasn't dancing. 254 00:12:53,232 --> 00:12:55,859 Baby, you was humping. The devil's dance. 255 00:12:55,943 --> 00:13:00,822 But now, the world is like a buffet for your tiny dog dick. 256 00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,199 -Really? -You know what? 257 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,659 I recently fucked this couch. 258 00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,285 -No. -Mm-hmm. 259 00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,579 -Best sex of my life. -Wow. Really? 260 00:13:07,663 --> 00:13:09,790 Yeah, a-a-and she dirty, too. 261 00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:11,124 Oh, well, I-I can tell. 262 00:13:11,208 --> 00:13:13,335 Looks like she hasn't been washed in years. 263 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:15,003 [smacks lips] I'll see you later, baby. 264 00:13:18,799 --> 00:13:20,133 It was nice to meet you. 265 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,387 Now, rule number three. 266 00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:27,474 And this is the most important, bar none. 267 00:13:27,558 --> 00:13:30,686 You are on your own. 268 00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:33,438 -That's awful. -That's not a bad thing, all right? 269 00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:34,606 Right now, you're freaking out 270 00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:37,234 'cause you feel like, you know, y-y-you need this Doug guy. 271 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:40,737 -I do! -But no, no, trust me, you don't. 272 00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:43,574 Humans trick us into thinking that we need 'em. 273 00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:45,576 But they're just brainwashing us, man. 274 00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:48,745 Point is, you ain't gotta deal with that shit no more, okay? 275 00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:49,872 You a stray. 276 00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:52,374 -You can do anything you want now. -I don't know. 277 00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:56,545 Come on, repeat after me. "I can do anything." 278 00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:59,298 I can do… anything? 279 00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:00,841 Damn fucking right you can. 280 00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:04,761 Now, you wanna see how fucked-up humans can be? Come on. 281 00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:06,263 [people chattering] 282 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,891 [Bug] Look at these motherfuckers here. 283 00:14:08,974 --> 00:14:09,975 [dog barks] 284 00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,852 [Bug] A bunch of pet dogs, 285 00:14:11,935 --> 00:14:14,021 losing their minds over their 15 minutes of freedom. 286 00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:18,275 God, if only our wolf ancestors could see these pussies. 287 00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:20,819 Follow me. 288 00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:23,238 Now, why are these humans so desperate to keep us? 289 00:14:23,322 --> 00:14:25,699 -Because they love us? -No, no, I got a theory. 290 00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:28,118 -They need us for our poop. -Huh? 291 00:14:28,202 --> 00:14:29,536 [Bug] Watch that lady. Watch her. 292 00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:31,079 -See? See? -[Reggie] Uh-huh. 293 00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:33,415 [Bug] It's like they're collecting it for something. 294 00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:34,708 [Reggie] What do you think they do with it? 295 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,460 I think they're using it to make chocolate. 296 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,003 -Oh. -Have you ever had a piece of chocolate? 297 00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:39,338 -No. -Exactly. 298 00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:41,006 Come on. I'm gonna introduce you to my homies. 299 00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:43,217 I thought you said these dogs were all losers. 300 00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,219 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I say a lot of shit. 301 00:14:45,302 --> 00:14:46,553 -Hey, losers. -Hey, Bug. 302 00:14:46,637 --> 00:14:49,348 Ugh. If it isn't the tiny dog who caught the car. 303 00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:51,725 -I did catch that car. -No, everyone knows that's impossible. 304 00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:54,478 -Yeah, it was parked. -Yeah, it parked after I caught it. 305 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,772 -No, there was no one in the car. -No one in the car. 306 00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:58,815 Listen, I don't even have to keep this conversation going. 307 00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:01,109 What I was trying to do, losers, 308 00:15:01,193 --> 00:15:03,487 was introduce you to my new friend, Reggie. 309 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:04,821 He just got dumped. 310 00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,698 Aw, sorry, mate. Welcome to the club. 311 00:15:06,782 --> 00:15:08,534 I'm sorry. Was it at least mutual? 312 00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:10,953 -No, it's actually just a game. -Reg, I want you to meet Hunter. 313 00:15:11,036 --> 00:15:14,331 He's a therapy dog who works in a home for dying humans. 314 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,124 Which sounds like an okay gig, 315 00:15:16,208 --> 00:15:18,460 except that he was trained to be a police dog. 316 00:15:18,544 --> 00:15:20,838 You almost made it to the police squad? 317 00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:21,922 That's awesome. 318 00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:24,216 Oh. [chuckles] Yeah, I… I guess it's awesome. 319 00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:26,051 Get the fuck out of my way, cone boy. 320 00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,803 Oh. [chuckles] Sorry about that, Bubsy. 321 00:15:27,886 --> 00:15:29,888 Hunter, say something back, mate. 322 00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:31,056 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 323 00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:32,683 Um… Hey, Bubsy. 324 00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:35,227 You got any fucking… weekend plans? 325 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,062 -What? Still sounds friendly. -[Reggie] You got him. 326 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,481 -Yeah, raw-doggin' your mom. -Ah. Right. 327 00:15:39,565 --> 00:15:42,860 Well, I'm pretty sure she's dead, but good luck anyway. 328 00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:43,819 Pussy! 329 00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:45,904 [chuckles] Love those observations, Bubs. Take care. 330 00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:47,239 Hunter, get your weight up. 331 00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:48,615 Don't let him talk to you like that. 332 00:15:48,699 --> 00:15:51,034 -You're the biggest dog here! -You should eat his freakin' face off, 333 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,619 shit it out and then eat it again. 334 00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:54,705 Bug, you know I don't love confrontation. 335 00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:57,332 Yeah, don't let the big dick fool you. He's just a gigantic pussy. 336 00:15:57,416 --> 00:16:00,586 Whoa. It is a great penis. 337 00:16:00,669 --> 00:16:02,838 Oh, thanks. You know, I try to keep it clean. 338 00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:04,548 Do my best to lick it as much as possible. 339 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,300 Yeah, the only thing thicker than Hunter's dick 340 00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:08,010 is the sexual tension between these two. 341 00:16:08,093 --> 00:16:10,179 -Oh, come on. [chuckles] -Bug, no. What? 342 00:16:10,262 --> 00:16:11,930 -That's funny, though. -Yeah, right. Imagine. 343 00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:14,516 -[Hunter] "Thicker than Hunter's dick." -[chuckling] 344 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:15,809 -But, no. No. [clears throat] -No. 345 00:16:15,893 --> 00:16:18,937 Now, Maggie, on the other hand, is one bad bitch. 346 00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:20,898 But sadly, her owner, Jenna, 347 00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:23,567 thinks the badder bitch is the puppy that replaced her. 348 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,861 So Bella looked at me, like, "I want a cupcake too," 349 00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,779 so I was, like, "I'm gonna get her a cupcake." 350 00:16:27,863 --> 00:16:29,990 -I am so here for that. -Right? 351 00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:33,785 So, Jenna said, "sit," which I did. 352 00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:35,245 But then I thought, 353 00:16:35,329 --> 00:16:37,164 wouldn't it be cute if I acted all confused 354 00:16:37,247 --> 00:16:39,708 -and tilted my head, like, "Huh?" -[dogs] Oh, my God, stop. 355 00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,502 Man, sure gotta suck to compete with that. 356 00:16:41,585 --> 00:16:42,753 No, it's fine. [chuckles] 357 00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,379 Bella's young and cute and fun, 358 00:16:44,463 --> 00:16:47,216 so of course Jenna loves her more than me right now, and I get that. 359 00:16:47,299 --> 00:16:49,843 Cool. Anyways, I was thinking, if you guys are free later-- 360 00:16:49,927 --> 00:16:52,763 But what I really don't get is why Jenna thinks it's so adorable 361 00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:55,224 when she spins around in circles. I could do that in my sleep. 362 00:16:55,307 --> 00:16:57,142 -You know what, it's totally fine. -Mmm. Okay. 363 00:16:57,226 --> 00:16:59,520 You know what? It doesn't get to me so much anymore. I'm fine. 364 00:16:59,603 --> 00:17:01,730 I'm not jealous or worried or angry or depressed 365 00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:03,899 or confused or fuming or unhinged at all. 366 00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:05,358 Yeah, you seem totally fine. 367 00:17:05,442 --> 00:17:07,486 And now that Jenna's spending so much time with Bella, 368 00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:09,238 it's given me a chance to do a little self-care. 369 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:10,571 I've been going into the digging. 370 00:17:10,656 --> 00:17:12,491 I like the feeling of the soil under my nails. 371 00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:15,493 I'm out in the fresh air again. I'm just connecting to the land. 372 00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:19,205 No, I'm learning I love digging. I love digging! I love it! I love to dig! 373 00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:20,874 [pug whimpers] 374 00:17:20,958 --> 00:17:22,709 -[Hunter clears throat] -What's happening? 375 00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:25,087 [chuckles] See, Reg? Aren't you happy to be a stray now 376 00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:27,214 and not have to deal with all that owner bullshit? 377 00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:29,508 Well, no. As I said, I'm not a stray. 378 00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:30,884 Doug and I are just playing a game. 379 00:17:30,968 --> 00:17:31,885 Mm-hmm. 380 00:17:31,969 --> 00:17:33,804 Look, why don't you come out with us tonight? 381 00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:37,850 And you can learn how beautiful it can be when you're off the leash. 382 00:17:37,933 --> 00:17:41,270 If I can't convince you that being stray is great, 383 00:17:41,353 --> 00:17:43,146 -scraps night will. -[Hunter] Sure will. 384 00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:46,024 Well, thank you, but I really should be getting back to Doug. 385 00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:47,359 What? Why? 386 00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:50,195 So I can make him happy. Isn't that a dog's purpose? 387 00:17:50,279 --> 00:17:53,574 -Don't you ever say that again! -Here we go. 388 00:17:53,657 --> 00:17:58,829 Reggie, your purpose is not to make some stupid human families happy. 389 00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:02,207 It's not to make some single loser feel more complete. 390 00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:04,293 Your purpose is to do 391 00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:06,587 -whatever the fuck you want. -Whatever the fuck you want. 392 00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,172 And when you are a stray, 393 00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:10,716 -there's a lot to fucking do. -[Maggie, Hunter] …a lot to fucking do. 394 00:18:10,799 --> 00:18:12,467 Why do I feel like there's an echo in here? 395 00:18:12,551 --> 00:18:14,386 -You've said this a million times. -[Bug] I know. 396 00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:15,304 I love that spiel. 397 00:18:15,387 --> 00:18:16,889 [Bug] Write your own fucking speeches, okay? 398 00:18:16,972 --> 00:18:17,890 It's fine. Okay. 399 00:18:17,973 --> 00:18:20,851 [Bug] Now, what do you say, guys? Another scraps night? 400 00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:21,977 [Hunter, Maggie] Yes! 401 00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:24,438 All right, meet at the pizza place at sundown, 402 00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:27,274 and we gonna fuck shit up. 403 00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:28,692 ♪ Get wild… ♪ 404 00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:31,028 ["Get Wild" playing] 405 00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,490 So what is scraps night? 406 00:18:35,574 --> 00:18:37,659 It's that one magnificent night of the week 407 00:18:37,743 --> 00:18:40,078 where humans are a lot more willing to give us food 408 00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:41,872 or drop it accidentally or both. 409 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:44,875 That stuff that they're dropping is gold. 410 00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:46,710 I just feel like we're gonna get in trouble. 411 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:49,796 No, we're cleaning up. These fuckers love it when we clean up. 412 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:50,881 [Bug] Wait for it. 413 00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:53,800 Wait for it. 414 00:18:53,884 --> 00:18:55,427 [Maggie] Drop the fucking pizza, bitch. 415 00:18:55,511 --> 00:18:57,054 -Go! -[Bug] That's the one. Let's do this! 416 00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:58,096 [Reggie yelps] 417 00:18:58,180 --> 00:19:00,057 ♪ I-I-I-I'm with all my dogs ♪ 418 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,934 ♪ Finna fuck the city up ♪ 419 00:19:02,017 --> 00:19:05,062 ♪ Keep a pocket full Got these bitches wanna hit me up ♪ 420 00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:06,146 ♪ Drinking by the pool ♪ 421 00:19:06,230 --> 00:19:07,856 ♪ Doing drugs, is you lit or what? ♪ 422 00:19:07,940 --> 00:19:09,066 ♪ Making hella noise… ♪ 423 00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:11,485 This water is making me dizzy. 424 00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:14,363 It's about to get real dizzy up in this bitch. 425 00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:17,115 -I don't mind feeling dizzy. I like it. -[Maggie] Pace yourself, Reg. 426 00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:19,284 ["Get Wild" continues playing] 427 00:19:27,835 --> 00:19:30,087 [Bug] Chester, for the last time, 428 00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:31,588 there's no fucking fence there. 429 00:19:31,672 --> 00:19:33,841 -Just come out with us! -I can't. 430 00:19:33,924 --> 00:19:36,593 I'm telling you, there is a magical fence there. 431 00:19:36,677 --> 00:19:38,095 You just can't see it! 432 00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,680 -Come on, Chester! -Come on! 433 00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:41,723 [all chanting] Chester! Chester! 434 00:19:41,807 --> 00:19:45,352 Honestly, that is persuasive, and I don't know why. 435 00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:46,687 [chanting continues] 436 00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:48,897 I can't believe I'm doing this. 437 00:19:48,981 --> 00:19:50,399 Stop being a pussy and do this! 438 00:19:50,482 --> 00:19:51,483 Okay! 439 00:19:51,567 --> 00:19:53,402 Whoo! Run! 440 00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:55,571 -[all] Chester! Chester! -[Maggie] You can do it! 441 00:19:55,654 --> 00:19:57,781 You got it, Chester. You got it! 442 00:19:57,865 --> 00:19:59,241 -[electrical crackling] -[screams] 443 00:19:59,324 --> 00:20:00,617 -[Reggie gasps] -[Maggie] Whoo! 444 00:20:00,701 --> 00:20:02,035 Goddamn! 445 00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:04,746 It's real! The magic fence is real! 446 00:20:04,830 --> 00:20:07,666 ♪ Big dog status, big dog baggage ♪ 447 00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:10,586 ♪ Big dog, fuck it I got big dog habits ♪ 448 00:20:10,669 --> 00:20:13,505 ♪ See, I'm going hard in the paint Doing damage ♪ 449 00:20:13,589 --> 00:20:16,967 ♪ Big dog tell me do it Look like I'm average… ♪ 450 00:20:17,843 --> 00:20:19,720 Oh, yeah. You gonna get it. 451 00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:21,513 Somebody been naughty. You a naughty-- 452 00:20:21,597 --> 00:20:23,807 You a little naughty owl. [hooting] 453 00:20:23,891 --> 00:20:26,768 You're right, Bug. I like this humping. 454 00:20:27,561 --> 00:20:29,104 Bug, can I try your owl? 455 00:20:29,188 --> 00:20:31,690 I told you scraps night was gonna be off the chain, baby. 456 00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:32,941 [Reggie] I'm having a great time. 457 00:20:33,025 --> 00:20:34,067 Ain't this about a bitch. 458 00:20:34,151 --> 00:20:35,736 Look at this motherfucker right here. 459 00:20:35,819 --> 00:20:37,321 What you want, huh, homie? 460 00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:39,781 -I'll rip your motherfucking nuts off. -Come on, let's go. 461 00:20:39,865 --> 00:20:41,992 -Pointy-eared motherfucker. -Come on, it's not worth it. 462 00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:43,744 -[Hunter] There you go, Reg. -I'm doing good? 463 00:20:43,827 --> 00:20:45,746 Give it to that gnome, Reg. 464 00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:47,664 Tell that gnome you're his daddy. 465 00:20:47,748 --> 00:20:49,750 Hey, gnome. I'm your father. 466 00:20:49,833 --> 00:20:51,502 -It's good to finally meet you. -[Maggie] Reggie. 467 00:20:51,585 --> 00:20:53,045 Even under these strange circumstances. 468 00:20:53,128 --> 00:20:54,254 [Hunter] No, Reggie. 469 00:20:54,338 --> 00:20:55,422 Oh, you can't get me! 470 00:20:55,506 --> 00:20:58,133 Aha, ah-- I'm too fast for you. I'm too fast for you. 471 00:20:58,217 --> 00:21:00,511 -This motherfucker is keeping up. -Come on, let's go. 472 00:21:00,594 --> 00:21:02,638 With your little bitch-ass friend with a home perm and shit. 473 00:21:02,721 --> 00:21:04,056 -What did you say? -There you go, Reg. 474 00:21:04,139 --> 00:21:06,183 -Don't you look at me like that. -Get up in his ass. 475 00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,060 I would hate for this to get violent. 476 00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:09,311 I didn't know I had a son. 477 00:21:09,394 --> 00:21:11,313 -And he's a gnome of all things. -[Maggie] Reggie! 478 00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:13,065 -Fuck, shut up! -Anyone want to hump my son? 479 00:21:13,148 --> 00:21:14,233 Man, come on. It's too much. 480 00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:15,692 He's handsomely dressed in a smart tunic. 481 00:21:15,776 --> 00:21:18,362 Yo, Chester. You got balls, baby. 482 00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:19,988 That magic fence was legit. 483 00:21:20,072 --> 00:21:21,615 I kept telling you! 484 00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:24,243 What a weird thing a magic fence would be to make up. 485 00:21:24,326 --> 00:21:25,827 I can do anything. 486 00:21:25,911 --> 00:21:28,163 -[Maggie] Reggie, don't. -[Hunter] Wait, what's going on? 487 00:21:28,247 --> 00:21:29,748 -No. Don't do it! -[Hunter] Reggie, no. 488 00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:31,834 I can do anything. 489 00:21:31,917 --> 00:21:34,670 Do not test the dark arts, kid. 490 00:21:34,753 --> 00:21:37,756 ["Get Wild" continues playing] 491 00:21:45,556 --> 00:21:46,807 ♪ Get wild ♪ 492 00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:48,934 -Oh, shoot! -That was fucking amazing! 493 00:21:49,017 --> 00:21:50,394 -Incredible! -Holy shit! 494 00:21:50,477 --> 00:21:52,521 -Yeah! -Impossible. That's impossible! 495 00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:54,314 -[Hunter] Reggie! [laughs] -I did it! I did it! 496 00:21:54,398 --> 00:21:57,276 -[laughter] -[Hunter] Oh, what a night. 497 00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:58,360 [Bug] Yeah. 498 00:21:58,443 --> 00:22:03,156 Reg, I could tell the moment I sniffed your anus, you're a great guy. 499 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:05,868 -You're a legend. -Yeah, baby, I told you. 500 00:22:05,951 --> 00:22:07,870 Stray's life is the best life! 501 00:22:07,953 --> 00:22:11,206 Yeah, you gotta admit, it's fun to be off-leash for a bit, right? 502 00:22:11,290 --> 00:22:13,125 -[Maggie] Right? -Yeah, it is kinda awesome 503 00:22:13,208 --> 00:22:16,503 not having to hold my pee for ten hours until Doug lets me outside. 504 00:22:16,587 --> 00:22:17,963 [laughter] 505 00:22:18,046 --> 00:22:20,465 And I like the sound of "legend" a lot more than "shitbag." 506 00:22:20,549 --> 00:22:22,009 [Hunter] Guys, I'm still peeing. 507 00:22:22,092 --> 00:22:24,261 Wait, is that really what he called you? 508 00:22:24,344 --> 00:22:27,723 I really don't miss roasting in the car when he stops at a store, 509 00:22:27,806 --> 00:22:31,435 and he leaves me with the windows cracked barely enough for me to stay conscious. 510 00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:34,396 -[Maggie] Wait, what? -And I'm just panting, gasping for air 511 00:22:34,479 --> 00:22:38,525 and trying to survive until he comes back in 45 minutes. 512 00:22:39,234 --> 00:22:41,195 Classic Doug. Too funny. 513 00:22:41,278 --> 00:22:42,779 [chuckles, sighs] 514 00:22:42,863 --> 00:22:46,825 So, this guy neglects you, throws you on the street, 515 00:22:46,909 --> 00:22:49,077 and you still think he's a good guy? 516 00:22:49,161 --> 00:22:51,538 Yeah. I mean, if Doug doesn't like me, 517 00:22:51,622 --> 00:22:53,957 why does he let me eat his leftover human food? 518 00:22:54,041 --> 00:22:56,251 So he doesn't have to buy dog food. 519 00:22:56,335 --> 00:22:58,337 And why didn't he put a collar and tags on you? 520 00:22:58,420 --> 00:23:01,173 Because he doesn't believe in labels. 521 00:23:01,256 --> 00:23:02,299 Ah, come on, Reg. 522 00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:05,469 And the bandana he gave me is way more special than a collar, 523 00:23:05,552 --> 00:23:08,180 'cause he used it for his penis sneezes. 524 00:23:08,263 --> 00:23:09,223 -Ew. -Ew. 525 00:23:09,306 --> 00:23:10,641 Doug loves me. 526 00:23:10,724 --> 00:23:12,476 We have a good relationship. 527 00:23:12,559 --> 00:23:14,561 You just don't understand the situation, 528 00:23:14,645 --> 00:23:17,064 because if Doug's such a bad guy, 529 00:23:17,147 --> 00:23:21,735 and he left me on purpose, and he hurt me on purpose, 530 00:23:22,486 --> 00:23:23,487 that would mean… 531 00:23:24,404 --> 00:23:25,405 that would mean… 532 00:23:26,532 --> 00:23:27,783 Doug doesn't love me. 533 00:23:32,829 --> 00:23:35,332 Can you guys just give me a second? 534 00:23:42,673 --> 00:23:44,258 [sighs] Poor little guy. 535 00:23:44,341 --> 00:23:46,885 That is just the classic toxic relationship. 536 00:23:46,969 --> 00:23:49,388 I should probably talk to him. I am a therapy dog. 537 00:23:49,471 --> 00:23:51,139 Nah, give him some space. 538 00:23:51,223 --> 00:23:52,474 Kid's been through a lot. 539 00:23:54,268 --> 00:23:57,020 [Doug, echoing] That's what you fucking sound like, you piece of shit. 540 00:23:57,104 --> 00:23:59,273 -[imitates barking] -[barking] 541 00:24:00,107 --> 00:24:01,733 Oh, get off! Get-- Bad dog! 542 00:24:01,817 --> 00:24:03,652 Bad dog! Bad dog! 543 00:24:03,735 --> 00:24:06,280 Worst dog in the fucking world. 544 00:24:15,330 --> 00:24:16,623 Hey, Reggie. 545 00:24:16,707 --> 00:24:19,001 I know you're feeling hurt right now, and it's-- 546 00:24:19,084 --> 00:24:21,545 Ugh. It must be so hard to figure out what to do. 547 00:24:21,628 --> 00:24:22,754 I'm going back to Doug's. 548 00:24:22,838 --> 00:24:24,298 -What? -The fuck, man? 549 00:24:24,381 --> 00:24:28,218 What's it gonna take for you to understand that he's not playing a game with you? 550 00:24:28,302 --> 00:24:30,721 And I'm not playing a game with him. 551 00:24:30,804 --> 00:24:32,431 Okay. 552 00:24:32,514 --> 00:24:35,684 All my life, I felt like I wasn't worth anything 553 00:24:35,767 --> 00:24:39,396 unless I heard those words, "Good boy." 554 00:24:39,479 --> 00:24:41,148 But they never came. 555 00:24:41,732 --> 00:24:44,276 Well, he needs to know he's hurt me. 556 00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:45,777 He needs to feel my pain. 557 00:24:46,361 --> 00:24:49,990 And he needs to pay for what he did with the only thing he truly loves! 558 00:24:50,991 --> 00:24:53,285 I'm gonna bite his dick off. 559 00:24:53,368 --> 00:24:55,120 -Oh. -Wait, did he just say bite? 560 00:24:55,204 --> 00:24:57,915 Yeah, I'm still a little drunk, but did I just hear you say that you-- 561 00:24:57,998 --> 00:25:01,919 I said I'm gonna bite his dick off! 562 00:25:02,711 --> 00:25:04,379 Oh, I'm a hundred percent in for this. 563 00:25:04,463 --> 00:25:05,923 -[Hunter] No, no. -[Maggie] Bug. Wait. 564 00:25:06,006 --> 00:25:07,007 Wait, Reggie, please. 565 00:25:07,090 --> 00:25:09,718 I feel you, I really do, but this is insane. 566 00:25:09,801 --> 00:25:12,763 Yeah, like, maybe there's a metaphorical dick you could bite off, 567 00:25:12,846 --> 00:25:16,266 like you could pretend my dick is his dick and you could give it a stern talking to. 568 00:25:16,350 --> 00:25:18,894 No, his dick. No exceptions. 569 00:25:18,977 --> 00:25:20,938 Playing with that thing was his favorite activity 570 00:25:21,021 --> 00:25:22,773 until he started putting things in boxes. 571 00:25:22,856 --> 00:25:24,816 -[Maggie] Boxes? -Oh, shit, that means he's moving soon. 572 00:25:24,900 --> 00:25:26,068 -Moving? -[Hunter] Oh, man. 573 00:25:26,151 --> 00:25:27,569 -What if we're too late? -Calm down. 574 00:25:27,653 --> 00:25:28,987 We definitely don't have much time. 575 00:25:29,071 --> 00:25:32,366 Any places, smells, landmarks you remember on the road to get here? 576 00:25:32,449 --> 00:25:36,578 Uh… I just-- I remember passing an enormous hamster wheel. 577 00:25:36,662 --> 00:25:37,996 Okay, hamster wheel. 578 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,123 A giant cone that looked like Hunter's. 579 00:25:40,207 --> 00:25:41,583 [Bug] Giant cone, looked like Hunter's. 580 00:25:41,667 --> 00:25:43,627 And-- And the devil in the sky. 581 00:25:43,710 --> 00:25:45,087 And the devil in the sky. Boom! 582 00:25:45,170 --> 00:25:48,757 That's basically a road map right to this guy's custard launcher. 583 00:25:48,841 --> 00:25:50,634 Bug, there's no way. It's impossible. 584 00:25:50,717 --> 00:25:51,885 No, no, no, not quite. 585 00:25:51,969 --> 00:25:54,888 Reggie's got no shot at making it back in time on his own. 586 00:25:54,972 --> 00:25:58,934 But if we all go, I got the street smarts, you've got the muscle, 587 00:25:59,017 --> 00:26:02,688 and Maggie's got a sense of smell so good she can sniff one asshole 588 00:26:02,771 --> 00:26:05,399 and tell you what the guy ate three breakfasts ago. 589 00:26:05,482 --> 00:26:07,025 -[sniffs] Bunch of nickels. -Exactly. 590 00:26:07,109 --> 00:26:10,028 -She's incredible. -Guys, we can do this. 591 00:26:10,112 --> 00:26:11,905 -No, there is no way… -I'm in. 592 00:26:11,989 --> 00:26:14,491 …I am missing this. Let's do it! 593 00:26:14,575 --> 00:26:15,742 Really? 594 00:26:15,826 --> 00:26:17,870 -You guys would do this for me? -Hell yeah. 595 00:26:17,953 --> 00:26:19,413 -We got your back, Reg. -[Maggie] Yeah! 596 00:26:19,496 --> 00:26:22,749 All right, guys. Let's show these humans they can't toss us aside 597 00:26:22,833 --> 00:26:26,170 without facing some bad fucking consequences. 598 00:26:26,253 --> 00:26:28,797 Fellas, lady, 599 00:26:28,881 --> 00:26:30,299 let's go get some dick! 600 00:26:30,382 --> 00:26:32,342 [howling] 601 00:26:32,426 --> 00:26:34,094 Howling! 602 00:26:34,178 --> 00:26:35,387 Howl! 603 00:26:35,470 --> 00:26:36,930 -Howling! -[others howling] 604 00:26:37,514 --> 00:26:39,892 [clears throat] I'm just not a great howler. 605 00:26:40,642 --> 00:26:42,853 ["Check Yo Self" playing] 606 00:26:42,936 --> 00:26:45,189 ♪ Yeah, word is bond ♪ 607 00:26:45,272 --> 00:26:47,399 ♪ Das EFX in this You know what I'm sayin'? ♪ 608 00:26:47,482 --> 00:26:50,152 ♪ Straight from the sewer Word is bond, yeah ♪ 609 00:26:50,235 --> 00:26:52,196 ♪ Check yo' self before you wreck yo' self ♪ 610 00:26:52,279 --> 00:26:54,740 {\an8}♪ 'Cause I'm bad for your health I come real stealth ♪ 611 00:26:54,823 --> 00:26:56,992 {\an8}♪ Dropping bombs on your moms Fuck car alarms ♪ 612 00:26:57,075 --> 00:26:59,411 ♪ Doing foul crime I'm that brotha wit' yo' Alpine ♪ 613 00:26:59,494 --> 00:27:01,997 ♪ Sold it for a six-o Always let tricks know ♪ 614 00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,208 ♪ And friends know we got the indo ♪ 615 00:27:04,291 --> 00:27:07,211 ♪ No, I'm not a sucker Sitting in a House of Pain ♪ 616 00:27:07,294 --> 00:27:09,254 ♪ And no, I'm not the butler I'll cut ya ♪ 617 00:27:09,338 --> 00:27:11,507 ♪ This ain't no fucking motion picture ♪ 618 00:27:11,590 --> 00:27:14,468 ♪ A guy or bitch-a I'll get wit' cha and hit ya ♪ 619 00:27:14,551 --> 00:27:17,971 ♪ Taking that yak to the neck So you better run a check ♪ 620 00:27:18,055 --> 00:27:19,640 {\an8}♪ So come on and chickity-check yo' self ♪ 621 00:27:19,723 --> 00:27:22,309 {\an8}♪ Before you wreck yo' self Chickity-check yo' self ♪ 622 00:27:22,392 --> 00:27:23,852 ♪ Before you wreck yo' self, boy ♪ 623 00:27:23,936 --> 00:27:25,854 ♪ Check yo' self before you wreck yo' self ♪ 624 00:27:25,938 --> 00:27:28,232 ♪ 'Cause shotgun bullets Are bad for your health… ♪ 625 00:27:28,315 --> 00:27:29,775 -[howling] -[Hunter] Howling! 626 00:27:29,858 --> 00:27:31,652 Howling! 627 00:27:31,735 --> 00:27:32,736 ♪ Check it ♪ 628 00:27:32,819 --> 00:27:35,197 [retching, groaning] 629 00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,659 Why did nobody tell us that dog journeys are so fucking exhausting? 630 00:27:38,742 --> 00:27:40,494 -Yeah. -Oh, this is brutal. 631 00:27:40,577 --> 00:27:42,496 [Hunter] I was still drunk when I agreed to do this. 632 00:27:42,579 --> 00:27:43,580 [Maggie] Yeah, I'm hangry. 633 00:27:43,664 --> 00:27:44,748 [Hunter] Yeah, I'm starving. 634 00:27:44,831 --> 00:27:47,334 I just threw up over there, so there might be something in there 635 00:27:47,417 --> 00:27:49,503 if you wanna give it a-- Okay. 636 00:27:49,586 --> 00:27:51,505 I bet that's some of the pizza from last night. 637 00:27:51,588 --> 00:27:53,257 [Bug] Oh, yeah, lots of good shit in there. 638 00:27:53,340 --> 00:27:54,716 Oh, there's those nickels. [chuckles] 639 00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,511 Guys, we gotta keep moving. You can't miss this thing. 640 00:27:57,594 --> 00:28:00,347 It's like a giant hamster wheel, but without the hamster. 641 00:28:00,430 --> 00:28:01,890 And it smells like hot dogs. 642 00:28:01,974 --> 00:28:03,767 Smells like hot dogs? [sniffing] 643 00:28:03,851 --> 00:28:05,269 This is her superpower. 644 00:28:05,352 --> 00:28:07,229 She's unbelievable. Look at that nose. 645 00:28:07,312 --> 00:28:09,398 -[Reggie] You got something? -Wait a minute. 646 00:28:09,481 --> 00:28:10,941 Wait, d-do you smell that? 647 00:28:11,024 --> 00:28:13,110 -I just smell plastic. -[sniffing] Oh, yeah. 648 00:28:13,193 --> 00:28:15,195 Oh. Yeah, I've got it. [sniffing] 649 00:28:15,279 --> 00:28:17,197 [Reggie] She's walking away. Should we follow her? 650 00:28:18,073 --> 00:28:19,199 I'm gonna follow her. 651 00:28:20,742 --> 00:28:21,577 [Bug] No, no, no, no, no. 652 00:28:21,660 --> 00:28:24,121 A sausage is the one that looks like shit, but it don't taste like shit. 653 00:28:24,204 --> 00:28:25,747 [Reggie] Okay, but then what is a hot dog? 654 00:28:25,831 --> 00:28:26,832 Guys. Shh. Drop it. 655 00:28:26,915 --> 00:28:29,710 -Look. What the fuck is this? -That's it, the giant hamster wheel! 656 00:28:29,793 --> 00:28:31,670 -We're on the right track! -[Bug] All right, guys. 657 00:28:31,753 --> 00:28:33,213 We're on a time crunch, 658 00:28:33,297 --> 00:28:35,924 but Hunter's gonna die if we don't get some food in him, okay? 659 00:28:36,008 --> 00:28:37,509 -Maggie, you hang with Hunter. -Gotcha. 660 00:28:37,593 --> 00:28:39,344 -[Hunter] Good plan. -Reg, you know what time it is? 661 00:28:39,428 --> 00:28:41,263 -It's grub time. -It's gr-- Yeah, grub time. 662 00:28:41,346 --> 00:28:42,764 -Let's get some grub. -Let's get some grub. 663 00:28:44,683 --> 00:28:46,894 -[Maggie] This fucking place is weird. -[Hunter] So weird. 664 00:28:46,977 --> 00:28:48,687 [Bug] I never really can understand humans, man. 665 00:28:48,770 --> 00:28:52,065 Especially, like, the lighter shade ones. They some strange motherfuckers. 666 00:28:52,149 --> 00:28:53,650 [Reggie] I was thinking the same thing. 667 00:28:54,193 --> 00:28:56,361 -[barks] -Hey. 668 00:28:58,405 --> 00:29:01,116 Um… [chuckles] Your dog messed up my shot. 669 00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:02,034 [dog barks] 670 00:29:02,117 --> 00:29:04,995 I think he's telling me I should pay for you to take another one. 671 00:29:05,829 --> 00:29:06,830 Oh, is that right? 672 00:29:06,914 --> 00:29:09,208 Yeah, that's what he was saying. I promise. 673 00:29:09,291 --> 00:29:10,334 [laughs] 674 00:29:10,417 --> 00:29:13,670 I wouldn't-- I wouldn't make it up, but he's got good ideas. 675 00:29:13,754 --> 00:29:16,632 [Labrador] I could tell James felt different about this human girl. 676 00:29:17,257 --> 00:29:20,010 Maybe it was because she smelled like biscuits. 677 00:29:20,093 --> 00:29:22,513 Or maybe it was because something about her was special. 678 00:29:22,596 --> 00:29:25,724 Excuse me, do you know where we can get some food around here? 679 00:29:27,935 --> 00:29:31,813 [Labrador] As I was saying, James thought he was helping this girl. 680 00:29:31,897 --> 00:29:34,942 But the truth is, she was helping him. 681 00:29:35,025 --> 00:29:36,443 Oh, fuck this bullshit. 682 00:29:36,527 --> 00:29:37,611 Wait, what is he doing? 683 00:29:37,694 --> 00:29:40,364 I've seen this shit before. He's one of those narrator dogs. 684 00:29:40,447 --> 00:29:44,701 Hey! No one's listening to your lame human story, you fucking dumbass! 685 00:29:48,288 --> 00:29:50,541 [Labrador] Sadly, the little dog was right. 686 00:29:50,624 --> 00:29:53,377 No one was listening to my story. 687 00:29:53,460 --> 00:29:56,255 Which is too bad, because I'm the only one who knows 688 00:29:56,338 --> 00:29:59,049 James is a cold-blooded serial killer. 689 00:29:59,132 --> 00:30:02,761 He's got three bodies buried in the backyard already. 690 00:30:02,845 --> 00:30:05,138 But I guess no one's interested. 691 00:30:05,222 --> 00:30:06,473 I can't believe that dog. 692 00:30:06,557 --> 00:30:09,142 He was so obsessed with his owner, he didn't even acknowledge us. 693 00:30:09,226 --> 00:30:11,353 I'm gonna tell ya, kid, the moment they leash you up, 694 00:30:11,436 --> 00:30:13,897 snip your balls, is the moment they got you by them. 695 00:30:13,981 --> 00:30:17,025 -Hold on. They snip your balls? -Oh, yeah. 696 00:30:17,109 --> 00:30:20,112 And I think they're collecting those too, to put in the chocolate. 697 00:30:20,195 --> 00:30:22,239 -[vendor] Get your hot dogs here! -Oh, shit! Look! 698 00:30:22,322 --> 00:30:23,323 [vendor] I got jumbo dogs! 699 00:30:23,407 --> 00:30:25,242 Okay, here's the plan. You grab the sausages, 700 00:30:25,325 --> 00:30:27,870 and I'll go over there and fuck the guy's leg as a distraction. 701 00:30:27,953 --> 00:30:29,162 And break! 702 00:30:29,705 --> 00:30:33,166 I don't think fucking the guy's leg is necessary, 703 00:30:33,250 --> 00:30:35,335 but I see you've already started. All right. 704 00:30:35,419 --> 00:30:37,004 -[bell dinging] -Ooh, gimme, gimme, gimme. 705 00:30:37,087 --> 00:30:39,339 -Bunny! [squealing] -[friend] You won! [laughs] 706 00:30:39,423 --> 00:30:41,049 I can't believe I won! 707 00:30:41,133 --> 00:30:42,843 [Maggie] Oh, look at that toy bunny. 708 00:30:42,926 --> 00:30:46,638 You know, it hasn't even been a day yet, but I really miss toys. 709 00:30:46,722 --> 00:30:48,056 Jenna had some good ones. 710 00:30:48,140 --> 00:30:51,935 I'd rip that shit apart until I found that squeaky toy in the middle. 711 00:30:52,019 --> 00:30:53,854 [Hunter] Ugh. I miss squeaky toys too. 712 00:30:53,937 --> 00:30:56,106 But of course, I only got to play with those squeak toys 713 00:30:56,190 --> 00:30:57,191 if I was a good girl, 714 00:30:57,274 --> 00:31:00,235 and I smiled the right way for her stupid freaking selfies. 715 00:31:00,319 --> 00:31:03,113 The amount of work that goes into looking cute. 716 00:31:03,197 --> 00:31:05,866 Honestly, I had to go to spin around in a perfect circle like this, 717 00:31:05,949 --> 00:31:08,744 move into a "I'm so fuckable" pose with my paws crossed. 718 00:31:08,827 --> 00:31:10,913 And I'd have to stand up straight, paws up. 719 00:31:10,996 --> 00:31:12,873 I have to show all my tits. 720 00:31:12,956 --> 00:31:15,334 Yeah. [chuckles] Right, that-- yeah, that's pretty fuckable. 721 00:31:15,417 --> 00:31:18,003 I mean, uh, that-that-- that's-- that's weird. 722 00:31:18,086 --> 00:31:19,796 Wait, uh, there they are. 723 00:31:20,506 --> 00:31:23,008 [clears throat] You know, Maggie, there's, um… 724 00:31:23,091 --> 00:31:26,386 There's so much more to like about you than just your looks. 725 00:31:26,470 --> 00:31:27,721 You think so? 726 00:31:27,804 --> 00:31:31,808 Sure. I mean, you are hands down the best sniffer I've ever met. 727 00:31:31,892 --> 00:31:32,893 Huh. 728 00:31:32,976 --> 00:31:34,937 But you're also smart, and you can jump high, 729 00:31:35,020 --> 00:31:37,147 and you know like nine human words. 730 00:31:37,231 --> 00:31:38,232 That's insane. 731 00:31:38,315 --> 00:31:40,817 I actually know 31. But thank you. 732 00:31:40,901 --> 00:31:43,070 Honestly, I'd have to list about 20 more things 733 00:31:43,153 --> 00:31:46,156 before I even got to anything to do with how beautiful you are. 734 00:31:48,367 --> 00:31:51,662 Um… I'm sorry, that was too much. 735 00:31:51,745 --> 00:31:54,456 No, that-- that means a lot to me. 736 00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:57,584 You know, you're a really good listener. 737 00:31:57,668 --> 00:32:01,213 Oh, that's because all the sound funnels through the cone right to my ears. 738 00:32:01,296 --> 00:32:03,340 [chuckles] No, I didn't-- Never mind. 739 00:32:03,423 --> 00:32:04,466 Wait, wait, what? 740 00:32:04,550 --> 00:32:06,260 Have you ever thought about-- 741 00:32:06,343 --> 00:32:08,720 about taking the cone off for a little while? 742 00:32:08,804 --> 00:32:10,597 Just to-- Just to see? 743 00:32:10,681 --> 00:32:13,350 -No. -I bet you'd look really handsome. 744 00:32:13,433 --> 00:32:14,434 [chuckles] 745 00:32:14,518 --> 00:32:15,811 Really? 746 00:32:16,603 --> 00:32:17,604 Yeah. 747 00:32:17,688 --> 00:32:18,689 [Bug, Reggie laughing] 748 00:32:18,772 --> 00:32:21,191 -[Bug] That's how you do it, Reg, baby. -[Reggie] That was awesome! 749 00:32:21,275 --> 00:32:23,277 Oh, wait a minute, okay. What's this vibe? 750 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:25,279 -[stammering] No. -What? Oh, nothing. Nothing. 751 00:32:25,362 --> 00:32:26,822 -What vibe? There is no vibe. -What vibe? 752 00:32:26,905 --> 00:32:29,408 Your boner implies that there's a vibe. 753 00:32:29,491 --> 00:32:32,494 Oh, you know, that's because our friendship… 754 00:32:32,578 --> 00:32:33,996 [chuckles] …got me erect. 755 00:32:34,079 --> 00:32:35,706 Yeah, it was a friend boner. 756 00:32:35,789 --> 00:32:37,666 Then why don't you get boners for us? 757 00:32:37,749 --> 00:32:40,085 I mean, uh… [chuckles] …are we not your friends? 758 00:32:40,169 --> 00:32:42,754 What? No, no. You guys get me hard all the time. 759 00:32:43,589 --> 00:32:46,258 Hunter, that's about the sweetest thing I've ever heard. 760 00:32:46,341 --> 00:32:48,844 Speaking of boners, how about some sausages? 761 00:32:48,927 --> 00:32:50,053 We took 'em from a human. 762 00:32:50,637 --> 00:32:53,015 You stole these from a human? What if someone saw? 763 00:32:53,098 --> 00:32:55,434 Relax. Grow back some testicles. 764 00:32:55,517 --> 00:32:57,144 -Ain't nobody saw. -[fireworks exploding] 765 00:32:57,227 --> 00:32:59,229 [Hunter, Maggie gasping, yelping] 766 00:32:59,313 --> 00:33:00,647 God saw! 767 00:33:00,731 --> 00:33:02,524 God sees everything! 768 00:33:02,608 --> 00:33:04,401 -Run! -[Maggie screams] 769 00:33:04,484 --> 00:33:06,570 {\an8}-[Hunter] We're under attack! -[Maggie] Save yourselves! 770 00:33:06,653 --> 00:33:07,738 {\an8}[Hunter] We gotta find cover! 771 00:33:07,821 --> 00:33:10,199 {\an8}[Bug] The whole fucking place is gonna blow! 772 00:33:10,282 --> 00:33:12,993 {\an8}-Move! Move! -[Hunter] Oh, God! 773 00:33:13,076 --> 00:33:14,995 -[Reggie] We're all gonna die! -[bell clangs] 774 00:33:15,078 --> 00:33:16,705 Mama! 775 00:33:16,788 --> 00:33:18,665 -[fireworks popping quietly] -Wow. 776 00:33:18,749 --> 00:33:20,167 [carnival music playing] 777 00:33:20,250 --> 00:33:21,710 -[fireworks exploding] -[Maggie] Stay low! 778 00:33:21,793 --> 00:33:24,588 -[Reggie] They've got us surrounded! -[Bug] Go, go, go! 779 00:33:24,671 --> 00:33:27,049 -[Bug] They're coming after us! -[Maggie] This way, hurry! 780 00:33:27,132 --> 00:33:28,842 [Hunter] It's so loud inside the cone! 781 00:33:31,428 --> 00:33:32,721 -[Bug] Oh, shit! -[Reggie] No! 782 00:33:32,804 --> 00:33:34,348 -Oh, no, no! -[Bug] We gotta get over. 783 00:33:34,431 --> 00:33:36,266 [Reggie] Over here. We gotta dig! 784 00:33:36,350 --> 00:33:37,893 -We gotta dig! -[Bug] Dig! Dig faster! 785 00:33:37,976 --> 00:33:39,561 [Reggie] Hunter! Maggie! Help us dig! 786 00:33:39,645 --> 00:33:41,897 -[Maggie] What? What's going on? -[Bug] Come on, Maggie! Dig! 787 00:33:41,980 --> 00:33:43,315 You said you love digging! 788 00:33:43,398 --> 00:33:45,943 [Maggie] I lied! I hate digging! 789 00:33:46,026 --> 00:33:47,402 There we go. Okay, let's go! 790 00:33:47,486 --> 00:33:50,113 -I hate how the dirt feels under my nails! -[Bug] Come on, let's go! 791 00:33:50,197 --> 00:33:53,200 Wait, wait! Guys! I'm stuck! My bandana's stuck! 792 00:33:54,076 --> 00:33:55,077 Ah! 793 00:33:55,869 --> 00:33:57,454 -Oh, no! -Reggie! 794 00:33:57,538 --> 00:33:59,498 -[Maggie] Reggie, no! -Reggie! Come on, buddy! 795 00:33:59,581 --> 00:34:00,666 Maggie, Hunter, help me out. 796 00:34:00,749 --> 00:34:02,209 No, no, no. Get out of here. 797 00:34:02,292 --> 00:34:03,418 I-It's too late for me. 798 00:34:03,502 --> 00:34:05,128 Listen to me! It's not too late. 799 00:34:05,212 --> 00:34:06,922 No. Save yourself. 800 00:34:07,005 --> 00:34:09,675 And tell Doug I wanted to bite his dick off. 801 00:34:10,467 --> 00:34:12,511 Bite it for me, if you can. 802 00:34:12,594 --> 00:34:14,638 Look at me. You're gonna live. 803 00:34:14,721 --> 00:34:17,891 And you're gonna bite that dick yourself. 804 00:34:19,101 --> 00:34:20,561 Hunter, the fence! 805 00:34:20,643 --> 00:34:22,103 [grunting, growling] 806 00:34:22,187 --> 00:34:23,480 Here, check this out. 807 00:34:23,563 --> 00:34:25,649 [Bug grunting] Come on! 808 00:34:25,732 --> 00:34:27,860 Holy shit, they have a bomb! 809 00:34:29,027 --> 00:34:31,905 -Come on, Reggie! -Come on! Come on, Reg! 810 00:34:33,739 --> 00:34:35,117 [grunting] 811 00:34:35,199 --> 00:34:37,911 -[Reggie] Almost free! I'm almost free! -[Hunter] Come on, Reggie! 812 00:34:37,995 --> 00:34:39,371 -[Reggie] Ah! -[Bug] Come on, let's go! 813 00:34:40,873 --> 00:34:42,875 -[Bug] Move, move! -[Maggie] Come on, guys, let's go! 814 00:34:45,627 --> 00:34:46,628 [sighs] 815 00:34:47,754 --> 00:34:49,339 Oh, well. Uh… 816 00:34:50,465 --> 00:34:51,632 You guys wanna kiss a little? 817 00:34:51,717 --> 00:34:52,885 [all panting] 818 00:34:52,967 --> 00:34:54,969 Oh, my God! Holy shit! 819 00:34:55,053 --> 00:34:56,722 Guys, that was crazy! 820 00:34:56,804 --> 00:34:58,765 I feel like now I need an emotional support dog. 821 00:34:58,849 --> 00:35:01,810 Bug… [laughs] …you looked like you were gonna shit yourself. 822 00:35:01,894 --> 00:35:03,896 I did! I literally did that. 823 00:35:03,979 --> 00:35:05,480 -Oh, God! -[Hunter] He did. I stepped in it. 824 00:35:05,564 --> 00:35:06,565 [all panting] 825 00:35:06,648 --> 00:35:10,319 -Reg, you okay? -It's nothing. It's just-- 826 00:35:10,819 --> 00:35:12,571 You guys risked your life for me. 827 00:35:12,654 --> 00:35:16,074 Bug, you saved me. I never thought anyone would do that. 828 00:35:16,158 --> 00:35:17,659 -Of course we would. -[Hunter chuckles] 829 00:35:17,743 --> 00:35:20,204 Come on! You're part of the pack, Reggie. 830 00:35:20,287 --> 00:35:21,830 -We stick together. -[Hunter] That's right. 831 00:35:21,914 --> 00:35:23,624 I've never been part of a pack before. 832 00:35:23,707 --> 00:35:26,168 -Well, you are now. -I didn't even know that was a thing. 833 00:35:26,251 --> 00:35:27,294 [laughter] 834 00:35:27,377 --> 00:35:29,129 -We'll make it a thing. -[Maggie] Yeah. 835 00:35:29,213 --> 00:35:31,924 So, I kind of have a weird idea. 836 00:35:32,674 --> 00:35:34,468 Could-- Could we maybe… 837 00:35:35,427 --> 00:35:38,305 -[scoffs] …pee on each other? -Say what now? 838 00:35:38,931 --> 00:35:41,934 Well, you said that when you pee on something, that it's yours. 839 00:35:42,017 --> 00:35:44,895 I just thought that since we're all, like, friends now, we could-- 840 00:35:44,978 --> 00:35:47,981 Pee on each other, so we belong to each other? 841 00:35:48,065 --> 00:35:49,107 Yeah. 842 00:35:49,191 --> 00:35:51,276 [scoffs] It was a stupid idea. 843 00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:54,655 Jenna would be so mad if I came home covered in urine. 844 00:35:56,281 --> 00:35:57,533 Let's fucking do it. 845 00:35:57,616 --> 00:35:59,743 Oh. We're doing it. Okay. Why don't we do, like, a circle… 846 00:35:59,826 --> 00:36:02,162 -Yeah. Let's lift our left leg. -Get to the starboard side. 847 00:36:02,246 --> 00:36:04,665 -Yeah, we'll lift our left leg. -[Bug] There we go. Left leg is good. 848 00:36:04,748 --> 00:36:07,084 -[Maggie] Good, I get to pee on Bug. -[Bug] Left leg is good. 849 00:36:07,167 --> 00:36:09,086 [all sighing] 850 00:36:09,169 --> 00:36:11,255 -[Bug] Whoa. -This isn't just warming my body, 851 00:36:11,338 --> 00:36:12,506 it's warming my heart. 852 00:36:12,589 --> 00:36:13,799 -[Reggie] Aw. -[Bug] Wow. 853 00:36:13,882 --> 00:36:15,759 I guess this makes us family now. 854 00:36:15,843 --> 00:36:17,803 -Yeah, we're BFFs. -[Hunter] Yeah. 855 00:36:17,886 --> 00:36:20,514 -[Maggie chuckles] -Even better, we're Pee-FFs. 856 00:36:20,597 --> 00:36:22,516 Pee-FFs! [laughs] I love it. 857 00:36:22,599 --> 00:36:25,018 -Yeah. Love that. -[Maggie] Oh, Bug! 858 00:36:25,102 --> 00:36:27,062 You look happy! 859 00:36:27,145 --> 00:36:29,064 What are you talking about, I look happy? I'm just smiling 860 00:36:29,147 --> 00:36:30,899 because we're all sitting here pissing on each other, 861 00:36:30,983 --> 00:36:33,443 so it just-- I cracked a smile. It's not an emotional thing. 862 00:36:33,527 --> 00:36:35,028 -You love us! -[Maggie] You love us! 863 00:36:35,112 --> 00:36:36,488 -Okay, that's it. -[Hunter] That's right. 864 00:36:36,572 --> 00:36:37,948 -You do, Bug. -That's my cue to go to bed. 865 00:36:38,031 --> 00:36:39,700 -[Hunter] Come on, Bug. -[Bug] Look, listen. 866 00:36:39,783 --> 00:36:42,661 We got a lot of walking to do and not much time to do it. 867 00:36:42,744 --> 00:36:43,871 Let's get some sleep. 868 00:36:44,371 --> 00:36:46,081 H-H-Ho-Hold on one second. 869 00:36:49,793 --> 00:36:51,879 -Go back the other way. -Better the other way. Let me… 870 00:36:51,962 --> 00:36:53,547 [Reggie] Have you tried sniffing the ground? 871 00:36:53,630 --> 00:36:55,090 Fucked that one up. [groans] 872 00:36:55,174 --> 00:36:56,175 You gotta reset yourself. 873 00:36:56,258 --> 00:36:57,968 [Maggie] Go back 90 degrees. You were so close. 874 00:36:58,051 --> 00:36:59,052 [Reggie] Now sit down. 875 00:36:59,136 --> 00:37:00,554 [Bug] That'll do. That'll do. 876 00:37:00,637 --> 00:37:02,431 [Hunter] All right, finally, good. Time for bed. 877 00:37:02,514 --> 00:37:04,224 -[Maggie] Let's get some sleep. -[Hunter] Okay. 878 00:37:04,308 --> 00:37:06,143 -[Hunter] And quick turn… It's time to go… -[Maggie] Wait, hang on. 879 00:37:06,226 --> 00:37:08,687 [Reggie] One turn. Two turns. Three turns. 880 00:37:08,770 --> 00:37:10,272 Oh, God. Bug's really fucked with my head. 881 00:37:10,355 --> 00:37:12,816 -Turn. There, and that's it. -[Maggie] Five, four, 882 00:37:12,900 --> 00:37:14,985 -three, two, one. -[Hunter] Again. Okay. Now I'm ready. 883 00:37:15,068 --> 00:37:17,321 [Maggie] There. I did it. Easy. 884 00:37:17,404 --> 00:37:18,655 And get down. 885 00:37:20,199 --> 00:37:21,450 I'm getting much faster at that. 886 00:37:23,076 --> 00:37:24,578 -Good night, everyone. -Good night, Reg. 887 00:37:24,661 --> 00:37:25,746 [Maggie] Good night, Reggie. 888 00:37:25,829 --> 00:37:27,539 Thanks again for letting me pee on you guys. 889 00:37:27,623 --> 00:37:28,457 -[Bug] Reggie? -Yeah? 890 00:37:28,540 --> 00:37:29,791 Could you stop fucking talking? 891 00:37:29,875 --> 00:37:31,335 -Yeah. Yeah, yeah. -[Bug] All right. 892 00:37:41,136 --> 00:37:44,389 [Reggie] Okay, guys. Big day today. Next up is the giant cone. 893 00:37:44,473 --> 00:37:46,642 [Bug] I don't know what kind of cone we're gonna find out here. 894 00:37:46,725 --> 00:37:49,144 [Reggie] It can't be too hard to find. It's gigantic. 895 00:37:49,228 --> 00:37:51,021 [Bug] All I see is trees, but whatever. 896 00:37:51,104 --> 00:37:53,982 Hey, mate, have you thought about how you're gonna do it? 897 00:37:54,066 --> 00:37:55,442 Uh, sorry, d-do what? 898 00:37:55,526 --> 00:37:57,236 -Bite Doug's dick off. -Oh. 899 00:37:57,319 --> 00:37:59,738 Were you thinking lengthwise or tip-to-shaft? 900 00:37:59,821 --> 00:38:00,948 Gosh, I don't know. 901 00:38:01,031 --> 00:38:03,450 You know, I've never bitten off a dick before. [chuckles] 902 00:38:03,534 --> 00:38:05,577 I guess I'll let it just come to me in the moment. 903 00:38:05,661 --> 00:38:07,329 So, at what point of this trip 904 00:38:07,412 --> 00:38:10,123 are you gonna build up a little BDE and make a move, huh? 905 00:38:10,207 --> 00:38:11,542 -With Maggie? -Yes, Maggie-- 906 00:38:11,625 --> 00:38:14,127 No, with this mossy stump. What the fuck you think I'm talking about? 907 00:38:14,211 --> 00:38:16,088 [laughs] No way. She wouldn't go for me. 908 00:38:16,171 --> 00:38:18,465 I mean, maybe a door opens up down the road, 909 00:38:18,549 --> 00:38:19,842 but for now, we're just friends. 910 00:38:19,925 --> 00:38:21,635 What are you talking about, opening up doors? 911 00:38:21,718 --> 00:38:24,805 We don't have thumbs. You gotta knock the fucking door down. 912 00:38:24,888 --> 00:38:27,432 Yeah, but who would want to date a failed police dog 913 00:38:27,516 --> 00:38:29,393 who wears a cone 24/7? 914 00:38:29,476 --> 00:38:32,479 Aw, come on, dude. Girls date losers all the time. 915 00:38:33,522 --> 00:38:36,900 You know, Reggie, that you don't have to do it, right? 916 00:38:36,984 --> 00:38:39,027 What are you talking about? Of course I do. 917 00:38:39,111 --> 00:38:42,114 I'm gonna get all over that dick. Chomp, chomp, chomp. Mmm. 918 00:38:42,197 --> 00:38:45,158 Yeah, but you could just, you know, move on from Doug, 919 00:38:45,242 --> 00:38:47,452 and then you wouldn't have to do anything to him at all. 920 00:38:47,536 --> 00:38:48,912 You could always just let it go. 921 00:38:48,996 --> 00:38:50,664 I-I'm not-- [chuckles] 922 00:38:50,747 --> 00:38:52,958 No. Not just gonna let it go. 923 00:38:53,041 --> 00:38:56,003 All right, look, you failed doggy school 'cause you was a wuss, 924 00:38:56,086 --> 00:38:58,213 but there's nothing we can do about your past. 925 00:38:58,297 --> 00:39:01,633 We might, however, be able to get that thing off your head. 926 00:39:01,717 --> 00:39:03,343 This? No. No, you can't. 927 00:39:03,427 --> 00:39:05,846 Sure we can. If we all pull together, we can-- 928 00:39:05,929 --> 00:39:07,931 No, I mean, I need it. 929 00:39:08,015 --> 00:39:10,100 I keep it on intentionally. 930 00:39:10,184 --> 00:39:11,476 Wait, really? 931 00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:13,353 I assumed it was, like, you know, a medical thing. 932 00:39:13,437 --> 00:39:14,688 Oh, it is. 933 00:39:14,771 --> 00:39:16,190 I'll do anything to keep it on, 934 00:39:16,273 --> 00:39:18,775 and most self-inflicted injuries will do the trick. 935 00:39:18,859 --> 00:39:21,737 You know, cat scratches, ear infection from the toilet, 936 00:39:21,820 --> 00:39:25,616 lick my testicles for hours and hours until the humans get concerned. 937 00:39:25,699 --> 00:39:28,202 But it's worth it. I get anxious sometimes, 938 00:39:28,285 --> 00:39:30,871 and the cone helps me block things out. 939 00:39:31,872 --> 00:39:33,290 What are you guys talking about? 940 00:39:33,373 --> 00:39:35,501 Oh, uh, nothing. You know, same old, same old. 941 00:39:35,584 --> 00:39:38,086 I'm telling him he's got to get that big dick energy. 942 00:39:38,170 --> 00:39:40,756 -Bug! -Well, you've got the first part down. 943 00:39:40,839 --> 00:39:43,091 Thanks for complimenting my penis, Maggie. 944 00:39:43,175 --> 00:39:45,052 You know, your vagina's huge too. 945 00:39:45,135 --> 00:39:47,429 -Seriously? -Shit. Why did I say that? 946 00:39:50,140 --> 00:39:51,892 -[Bug] Reg, let me ask you something. -Yeah? 947 00:39:51,975 --> 00:39:54,144 How sure are you that the big cone is this way? 948 00:39:54,228 --> 00:39:55,562 I don't know. 949 00:39:55,646 --> 00:39:59,316 On a scale of "sure" to "not sure," I'm pretty sure… 950 00:40:01,485 --> 00:40:03,320 that I'm not really sure. That, I'm sure of. 951 00:40:03,403 --> 00:40:04,905 Holy shit! We're lost. 952 00:40:04,988 --> 00:40:06,323 -[Maggie] Great. -I knew this would happen. 953 00:40:06,406 --> 00:40:09,284 Calm down, Bug. We'll figure it out. This could be a lot worse. 954 00:40:09,368 --> 00:40:10,410 Oh, really, Hunter? 955 00:40:10,494 --> 00:40:12,496 I'm starving, we're completely fucking lost, 956 00:40:12,579 --> 00:40:15,165 and my little puppy paw pads are really hurting right now. 957 00:40:15,249 --> 00:40:17,292 -[Maggie] Aw. -So how exactly could this get worse? 958 00:40:18,418 --> 00:40:19,962 Huh? How could it? Tell me. Huh? 959 00:40:20,045 --> 00:40:21,171 How could it get worse? 960 00:40:22,798 --> 00:40:23,799 -[bird screeches] -Oh, oh, oh! 961 00:40:23,882 --> 00:40:24,925 [Hunter] Bug! 962 00:40:25,008 --> 00:40:27,010 -Why did I say it could get a lot worse? -[Bug] Oh, shit! 963 00:40:27,094 --> 00:40:29,388 Please, please, don't drop me! Don't eat me! None of that! 964 00:40:29,471 --> 00:40:32,349 -[Hunter] That eagle has some good timing. -Bug! Hold on, buddy! 965 00:40:32,432 --> 00:40:33,767 Reg! Reggie! Guys, help me! 966 00:40:33,851 --> 00:40:35,978 Ask him if he wouldn't mind bringing you lower! 967 00:40:36,061 --> 00:40:38,188 What are you talking about? I don't speak bird. 968 00:40:38,272 --> 00:40:40,065 -We're in a real pickle! -[Bug] Help, help, help. 969 00:40:40,148 --> 00:40:41,650 Do something. Somebody do something! 970 00:40:41,733 --> 00:40:42,860 Oh! Oh, God! 971 00:40:42,943 --> 00:40:44,987 [Reggie shouts] 972 00:40:45,070 --> 00:40:46,154 [grunts] 973 00:40:47,197 --> 00:40:48,740 [Bug] Yes! No! 974 00:40:48,824 --> 00:40:50,450 This is fucking crazy, we're going higher! 975 00:40:50,534 --> 00:40:53,036 -[Hunter] Hold on, buddy! -Reggie! Bug! 976 00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:55,998 Oh, wow, your balls look huge from this angle. 977 00:40:56,081 --> 00:40:58,959 Thank you. But holy fuck! 978 00:40:59,877 --> 00:41:03,255 [bird-watcher] That is a golden-cheeked warbler. 979 00:41:04,047 --> 00:41:05,465 I've been missing that one. 980 00:41:06,717 --> 00:41:07,718 Uh… 981 00:41:09,011 --> 00:41:10,012 Mmm. 982 00:41:10,095 --> 00:41:12,472 [humming] 983 00:41:12,556 --> 00:41:13,557 Check. 984 00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:14,641 [sighs] 985 00:41:15,225 --> 00:41:16,560 [Bug barking in distance] 986 00:41:21,190 --> 00:41:23,108 [bird-watcher] Holy shit. 987 00:41:23,775 --> 00:41:26,945 That is the craziest thing I have ever seen. 988 00:41:28,488 --> 00:41:32,201 And I'm Dennis Quaid, and Dennis Quaid has seen some shit. 989 00:41:32,743 --> 00:41:34,286 {\an8}-Let me down, bitch! -Bug, look! 990 00:41:34,369 --> 00:41:36,038 {\an8}Over there! The giant cone! 991 00:41:36,121 --> 00:41:37,831 {\an8}-What? -[Reggie] The giant cone! 992 00:41:37,915 --> 00:41:39,750 [Bug] Oh, the cone! Well, shit. 993 00:41:39,833 --> 00:41:42,377 That would be great news if we weren't stuck to this fucking bird! 994 00:41:43,295 --> 00:41:46,089 Bug! I got an idea. Hang on! 995 00:41:46,173 --> 00:41:48,717 -[grunting] -Reg, what are you doing? 996 00:41:49,301 --> 00:41:51,720 Oh, God! That's bold! 997 00:41:52,846 --> 00:41:54,181 It's too bold! 998 00:41:54,264 --> 00:41:55,307 [screaming] 999 00:41:55,390 --> 00:41:56,850 [Reggie] Here we go! 1000 00:41:58,185 --> 00:41:59,686 [Bug gasps] 1001 00:42:00,604 --> 00:42:02,689 -Well, shit-- Ow! -Ah! 1002 00:42:04,691 --> 00:42:06,276 [Bug, Reggie grunting, groaning] 1003 00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:07,986 [Maggie] Reggie! Bug! 1004 00:42:08,070 --> 00:42:10,155 -[Bug] Ah! Help! Shit. -[Reggie] Ah! Branch! 1005 00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:11,281 Smaller branch! 1006 00:42:11,365 --> 00:42:12,366 [Bug] Fuck! 1007 00:42:12,449 --> 00:42:14,910 [both grunting, groaning] 1008 00:42:14,993 --> 00:42:15,994 [Reggie] Shit-- 1009 00:42:16,078 --> 00:42:17,079 [Bug] Goddamn-- 1010 00:42:17,162 --> 00:42:18,372 [grunting, groaning continues] 1011 00:42:18,455 --> 00:42:21,875 Wow, they're hitting a worst-case-scenario amount of branches. 1012 00:42:21,959 --> 00:42:24,086 -[Reggie] Branch! -[Bug] Paws! Paws! Paws! 1013 00:42:24,169 --> 00:42:25,796 -[Reggie] Neck! -[Bug] Tail! 1014 00:42:25,879 --> 00:42:28,048 [grunts, sighs] 1015 00:42:28,131 --> 00:42:30,008 Oh, my God. I am so sorry. 1016 00:42:30,092 --> 00:42:31,760 I did not mean to barge in like this. 1017 00:42:31,844 --> 00:42:33,053 What, are you guys wrestling? 1018 00:42:33,136 --> 00:42:34,137 [Bug screaming, grunts] Shit! 1019 00:42:34,221 --> 00:42:35,222 [Bug screams, grunts] 1020 00:42:35,305 --> 00:42:36,598 -[Maggie] Bug! -[Bug screaming] 1021 00:42:36,682 --> 00:42:37,683 [Reggie screaming, grunts] 1022 00:42:37,766 --> 00:42:39,351 -Reggie! -[Reggie] You're alive! 1023 00:42:39,434 --> 00:42:42,437 [Bug] Oh, fuck. Got a stick up my ass. 1024 00:42:42,521 --> 00:42:45,023 [Reggie] Well, Hunter was right. That could have been worse. 1025 00:42:45,107 --> 00:42:46,692 [Bug] Just get the fuck out of the bush. 1026 00:42:46,775 --> 00:42:49,403 [Hunter] Reggie, you are once again a legend. 1027 00:42:49,486 --> 00:42:50,571 Guys, that was epic. 1028 00:42:50,654 --> 00:42:52,614 Fucking leaves. Get off me! 1029 00:42:52,698 --> 00:42:54,825 Guys! You wouldn't believe it. We saw the giant cone. 1030 00:42:54,908 --> 00:42:56,034 -[Hunter] What? -Yeah, we did. 1031 00:42:56,118 --> 00:42:57,369 -Really? -That's amazing. 1032 00:42:57,452 --> 00:42:59,079 That means we're heading in the right direction. 1033 00:42:59,162 --> 00:43:00,330 Yeah, and not to be cheesy, 1034 00:43:00,414 --> 00:43:03,584 but being up in the sky like that just moments from my death, 1035 00:43:04,543 --> 00:43:06,670 I-- I learned something about life. 1036 00:43:06,753 --> 00:43:07,713 -What's that? -What? 1037 00:43:07,796 --> 00:43:09,631 Birds don't have genitals. 1038 00:43:10,507 --> 00:43:11,925 Well, then how do they… 1039 00:43:12,009 --> 00:43:15,888 I don't know. Maybe they have both parts inside. 1040 00:43:16,471 --> 00:43:18,265 So if you were to say "go fuck yourself," 1041 00:43:18,348 --> 00:43:20,517 they could actually do it. 1042 00:43:21,852 --> 00:43:23,520 Um, okay, then. 1043 00:43:23,604 --> 00:43:26,607 So, hey, next up is the devil in the sky. 1044 00:43:26,690 --> 00:43:28,734 [howling] 1045 00:43:28,817 --> 00:43:29,985 Howling. 1046 00:43:30,068 --> 00:43:31,904 Come on, guys. We're over halfway there. 1047 00:43:31,987 --> 00:43:33,363 [Hunter] My howl's getting better. 1048 00:43:33,447 --> 00:43:35,407 -You guys hear that? -[Maggie] Good on you. I'm so proud. 1049 00:43:35,490 --> 00:43:36,575 -[Bug] Hey, man. -Yeah? 1050 00:43:36,658 --> 00:43:38,118 I really appreciate what you did up there. 1051 00:43:38,785 --> 00:43:42,664 I mean, no need to pee on each other or anything like that, but thanks. 1052 00:43:42,748 --> 00:43:45,167 Of course. We're Pee-FFs. 1053 00:43:45,250 --> 00:43:46,293 We stick together. 1054 00:43:47,002 --> 00:43:49,880 All right, all right. Enough. Put your tongue back in your mouth. 1055 00:43:49,963 --> 00:43:54,259 ["A-O-K" playing] 1056 00:43:54,343 --> 00:43:57,971 [Hunter] Okay, okay. Never have I ever gone down on a girl dog. 1057 00:43:58,055 --> 00:43:59,264 [Maggie] Really? Seriously? 1058 00:43:59,348 --> 00:44:01,350 -You guys lick your balls all day. -[Hunter] No, no. 1059 00:44:01,433 --> 00:44:02,643 [Hunter, Reggie] That's different. 1060 00:44:02,726 --> 00:44:04,603 -[Maggie] How is it different? -[Bug] It's way different. 1061 00:44:04,686 --> 00:44:05,604 [Hunter] Bones to biscuits. 1062 00:44:05,687 --> 00:44:07,356 [Maggie] I can't believe that I'm the only one. 1063 00:44:07,439 --> 00:44:08,774 [Hunter] What, you went down on a-- 1064 00:44:08,857 --> 00:44:10,943 [Maggie] I was experimenting. Come on, I was in my twos. 1065 00:44:11,026 --> 00:44:12,402 -[Bug] Oh. -[Hunter] Yeah, that's the twos. 1066 00:44:12,486 --> 00:44:13,695 [Reggie] Oh, like a rumspringa. 1067 00:44:13,779 --> 00:44:16,073 ♪ Living in this big blue world… ♪ 1068 00:44:16,156 --> 00:44:19,743 [Reggie] Okay, I got one. Would you rather eat poop or-- 1069 00:44:19,826 --> 00:44:21,995 -[Maggie] Eat poop. -[Bug] Eat poop. Definitely eat poop. 1070 00:44:22,079 --> 00:44:23,372 Okay, but I didn't even get to-- 1071 00:44:23,455 --> 00:44:24,831 It doesn't matter. I like poop. 1072 00:44:26,083 --> 00:44:28,460 [Reggie] So, question. When dogs have sex from behind… 1073 00:44:28,544 --> 00:44:30,254 -[Hunter] Okay, okay… -…what's the style? 1074 00:44:30,337 --> 00:44:32,256 -[Bug] That's just regular style. -[Maggie] Regular style. 1075 00:44:32,339 --> 00:44:34,174 [Reggie] Is there another style or do we only have one? 1076 00:44:34,258 --> 00:44:37,135 [Bug] I only know one style of fucking, and I've been doing it my whole life. 1077 00:44:37,219 --> 00:44:38,387 [Reggie] Then what's human style? 1078 00:44:38,470 --> 00:44:40,722 [Bug] In human style, the boy pretends to be the dog 1079 00:44:40,806 --> 00:44:42,558 and the girl pretends to be the couch. 1080 00:44:42,641 --> 00:44:45,310 -It's very complicated. -[Reggie] Wow, that is complicated. 1081 00:44:45,394 --> 00:44:47,187 [Hunter] Every species is different. 1082 00:44:48,689 --> 00:44:51,483 ♪ Two, four, six, eight Who do we appreciate… ♪ 1083 00:44:51,567 --> 00:44:53,360 [Maggie] All right, I've got a joke. Knock, knock. 1084 00:44:53,443 --> 00:44:54,278 [others barking] 1085 00:44:54,361 --> 00:44:55,821 [Maggie] No. You gotta ask, "Who's there?" 1086 00:44:55,904 --> 00:44:57,906 -[Bug] Okay. Got it, got it. -[Maggie] Knock, knock. 1087 00:44:57,990 --> 00:44:59,241 [others barking] 1088 00:44:59,324 --> 00:45:01,869 [Maggie] Guys, stop. You won't even let me get to the joke part. 1089 00:45:01,952 --> 00:45:04,037 [Reggie] Later, Maggie. Somebody's at the door. 1090 00:45:04,121 --> 00:45:05,914 [Bug] Nothing funny about a stranger at the door. 1091 00:45:05,998 --> 00:45:07,666 [Maggie] Ugh. You guys are fucking morons. 1092 00:45:08,458 --> 00:45:11,420 ♪ I know I'll be A-O, A-O-K… ♪ 1093 00:45:12,379 --> 00:45:14,715 [sniffing] 1094 00:45:15,299 --> 00:45:18,677 -[Maggie] You guys got anything yet? -No. Man, and I'm starving. 1095 00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:21,096 Anything edible over there? Like a buffalo chicken pizza? 1096 00:45:21,180 --> 00:45:22,598 No, just squirrel poops. 1097 00:45:22,681 --> 00:45:25,559 No, I can't eat no more of that shit. That goes right through me. 1098 00:45:25,642 --> 00:45:27,519 [Reggie] Hey, I think I got something. 1099 00:45:28,145 --> 00:45:29,271 [Hunter] What do you got? 1100 00:45:33,358 --> 00:45:35,402 -What are those? -Kind of looks like food. 1101 00:45:35,485 --> 00:45:36,904 I don't know. 1102 00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:40,240 -[Bug] Let me get at it. -[Reggie] Mmm. It's not too bad. 1103 00:45:40,324 --> 00:45:42,451 -[Bug] I'm down to clown. -[Reggie] How many of these should we eat? 1104 00:45:42,534 --> 00:45:44,536 -[Hunter] All of them? -[Reggie] Yeah, that makes sense. 1105 00:45:44,620 --> 00:45:46,205 [Maggie] These are so good. Mmm. 1106 00:45:46,288 --> 00:45:47,497 Ooh, this one's spicy. 1107 00:45:47,581 --> 00:45:49,166 [Hunter] Mmm. Kinda nutty, right? 1108 00:45:55,255 --> 00:45:56,340 [belches] 1109 00:45:56,423 --> 00:45:58,550 All right. [sighs] 1110 00:45:58,634 --> 00:46:02,179 That should hold us. Solid dinner. Mmm. 1111 00:46:02,262 --> 00:46:03,805 All right, let's get moving. 1112 00:46:03,889 --> 00:46:06,099 Oh, shit. Gimme a sec. 1113 00:46:06,183 --> 00:46:07,726 Whoa. Whoa. 1114 00:46:07,809 --> 00:46:09,144 What the fuck? 1115 00:46:12,981 --> 00:46:15,651 ["Flat Beat" playing] 1116 00:46:18,445 --> 00:46:20,739 Hunter, your cone. 1117 00:46:20,822 --> 00:46:23,867 Oh, yeah, yeah, I know. I should probably take it off. 1118 00:46:23,951 --> 00:46:25,827 No, no. It's growing. 1119 00:46:25,911 --> 00:46:28,914 Oh, my God. [chuckles] Oh, my God. 1120 00:46:28,997 --> 00:46:30,999 -[voice] Bug. -No. 1121 00:46:31,083 --> 00:46:33,085 -[laughter] -[voice] Bug! 1122 00:46:33,168 --> 00:46:34,336 [Bug] Can't be. 1123 00:46:36,213 --> 00:46:37,214 Dolores! 1124 00:46:37,798 --> 00:46:40,342 -Hello, Bug. -What you doing out here? 1125 00:46:40,425 --> 00:46:41,635 We need to talk. 1126 00:46:41,718 --> 00:46:44,137 Wait, Maggie. You look different. 1127 00:46:44,221 --> 00:46:45,222 Really? 1128 00:46:45,305 --> 00:46:47,641 Oh, shit, you look different too. 1129 00:46:47,724 --> 00:46:49,893 -How so? -Um, you're kinda… 1130 00:46:49,977 --> 00:46:51,395 Is it my human hands? 1131 00:46:53,146 --> 00:46:55,524 -Do you think I could play piano now? -[Maggie] Definitely. 1132 00:47:01,321 --> 00:47:02,322 [Reggie] Doug? 1133 00:47:02,990 --> 00:47:03,991 [echoing] Hey, Reggie! 1134 00:47:04,074 --> 00:47:06,910 Doug! How's it going? 1135 00:47:06,994 --> 00:47:08,579 Not great. Yeah. 1136 00:47:08,662 --> 00:47:10,038 Just giving it one last shave, 1137 00:47:10,122 --> 00:47:13,000 'cause word on the street is you're planning to bite it off. 1138 00:47:13,083 --> 00:47:15,043 Oh. That was supposed to be a surprise. 1139 00:47:15,127 --> 00:47:16,128 Who told you? 1140 00:47:16,211 --> 00:47:18,213 -[chiming] -Sorry, Daddy. 1141 00:47:18,297 --> 00:47:20,549 Oh! My son, the gnome. 1142 00:47:20,632 --> 00:47:22,050 -We're done, Bug. -What? 1143 00:47:22,134 --> 00:47:24,428 -I'm seeing someone else now. -Who? 1144 00:47:25,345 --> 00:47:26,847 You kidding me? Him? 1145 00:47:26,930 --> 00:47:28,348 Hey! Go fuck yourself, man! 1146 00:47:28,432 --> 00:47:30,058 {\an8}[screeches] 1147 00:47:31,435 --> 00:47:32,895 Dolores, come back! 1148 00:47:32,978 --> 00:47:34,271 [Labrador] He yelled to the sky. 1149 00:47:34,354 --> 00:47:36,231 But what Bug didn't realize-- 1150 00:47:36,315 --> 00:47:38,650 -Fuck you, narrator dog! -He said. 1151 00:47:38,734 --> 00:47:40,235 Stop saying "he said." 1152 00:47:41,612 --> 00:47:42,654 He replied. 1153 00:47:42,738 --> 00:47:45,115 I always had such high hopes for you, Reggie. 1154 00:47:45,908 --> 00:47:50,662 I just wanted you to be… [distorted] …a good boy. 1155 00:47:50,746 --> 00:47:52,789 All I ever wanted was to be a good boy. 1156 00:47:52,873 --> 00:47:54,082 Goodbye, Reggie. 1157 00:47:56,335 --> 00:47:58,086 Wait, Doug! Come back! 1158 00:47:58,170 --> 00:48:01,465 -Whoa, whoa. What's that smell? -Wait, wh-what? 1159 00:48:01,548 --> 00:48:03,425 [Maggie sniffing] It's coming from over here. 1160 00:48:03,509 --> 00:48:06,178 -Hunter, are you seeing this? -[toy squeaking] 1161 00:48:06,261 --> 00:48:07,721 -[Hunter] Toys. -Toys! 1162 00:48:07,804 --> 00:48:09,973 Guys, get in here! Get over here! 1163 00:48:10,057 --> 00:48:11,767 -[toy squeaking] -[Reggie grunts] 1164 00:48:11,850 --> 00:48:14,353 -[Bug] Reg, pull this one with me. -[Reggie] It's so squishy! 1165 00:48:14,436 --> 00:48:16,813 -[Maggie] Oh, fluffy! -[Bug] I can't feel my snout. 1166 00:48:16,897 --> 00:48:18,815 [Maggie] Oh! Toys everywhere! 1167 00:48:18,899 --> 00:48:21,151 [laughter] 1168 00:48:21,235 --> 00:48:23,570 [Hunter] I don't want this day to ever end! 1169 00:48:23,654 --> 00:48:26,657 [Reggie, echoing] Yeah, me neither! 1170 00:48:33,330 --> 00:48:35,916 [snoring] 1171 00:48:39,044 --> 00:48:41,129 Morning, guys. Comfy? 1172 00:48:41,713 --> 00:48:44,466 Oh, shit. I thought you were Dolores. My bad. 1173 00:48:44,550 --> 00:48:46,927 -I gotta go pee. -What's that by your feet, Reggie? 1174 00:48:47,010 --> 00:48:48,887 My feet? What are you talking about? 1175 00:48:48,971 --> 00:48:50,639 -What is that? -Yeah, what is that? 1176 00:48:50,722 --> 00:48:52,432 Oh, my God. That's an ear! 1177 00:48:53,433 --> 00:48:55,811 -An ear? -Holy fucking shit! 1178 00:48:55,894 --> 00:48:58,105 They were toys. Guys, where are the goddamn toys? 1179 00:48:58,188 --> 00:49:00,566 This is not real. This is not real! 1180 00:49:00,649 --> 00:49:03,569 [Hunter] This is real! This is real! Oh, my God! 1181 00:49:03,652 --> 00:49:04,903 We killed 'em! [exclaims] 1182 00:49:04,987 --> 00:49:05,988 I'm gonna barf. 1183 00:49:06,071 --> 00:49:08,240 [retches] Oh, God, there's fur in the barf! 1184 00:49:08,323 --> 00:49:10,492 We're fucking murderers! Oh, my God. Now I'm gonna barf. 1185 00:49:10,576 --> 00:49:12,369 Holy fuck! This can't be happening! 1186 00:49:12,452 --> 00:49:14,997 Hang in there. Stay with me. I'll fix you. 1187 00:49:15,831 --> 00:49:17,916 -Bug, what are you doing? -What does it look like? 1188 00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:19,835 I'm getting rid of the evidence. Nobody can know! 1189 00:49:25,215 --> 00:49:26,842 [flies buzzing] 1190 00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:33,140 Um… We are gathered here today to say goodbye to the bunnies. 1191 00:49:33,849 --> 00:49:35,350 Honestly, what we did was an accident. 1192 00:49:35,434 --> 00:49:36,393 -Absolutely. -Right. 1193 00:49:36,476 --> 00:49:39,688 And I know that if we weren't confused from the food we ate, 1194 00:49:39,771 --> 00:49:43,317 we would have never mauled you, tore all your limbs off 1195 00:49:43,400 --> 00:49:47,279 and shook your corpses around while giggling gleefully by accident. 1196 00:49:47,362 --> 00:49:49,072 So bless you, bunnies. 1197 00:49:49,156 --> 00:49:50,324 -Yes. Sorry. -Bless you. 1198 00:49:50,407 --> 00:49:51,450 -So sorry. -Sorry. 1199 00:49:51,533 --> 00:49:52,951 -Amen. -All right, that's it. 1200 00:49:53,035 --> 00:49:55,996 Never speak of this again. Not one word, do you hear me? 1201 00:49:56,079 --> 00:49:57,206 Not one fucking word. 1202 00:49:57,289 --> 00:49:59,958 -Not one word about what? -Oh, shit. The cops. 1203 00:50:00,042 --> 00:50:01,376 "Oh, shit's" right, motherfucker. 1204 00:50:01,460 --> 00:50:03,712 Wh-Wh-What did we do? We're innocent, I promise. 1205 00:50:03,795 --> 00:50:05,297 -Sit! -I am. 1206 00:50:05,380 --> 00:50:07,466 On the ground! Lay down! Paws where I can see 'em. 1207 00:50:07,549 --> 00:50:09,301 -We're laying down. -Search these bitches. 1208 00:50:09,384 --> 00:50:11,470 -They're hiding something. -Oh, God, what do we do? 1209 00:50:11,553 --> 00:50:14,306 Calm down. I got this. I'm gonna speak with my white dog voice. 1210 00:50:14,389 --> 00:50:18,727 Hello, officer. None of us have ever killed a bunny in our lives. 1211 00:50:18,810 --> 00:50:21,146 -[Maggie, Reggie, Hunter] Bug! -What? Everybody shut the fuck up. 1212 00:50:21,230 --> 00:50:22,856 We're looking for a lost Girl Scout. 1213 00:50:22,940 --> 00:50:25,317 Riley Anderson. Age eight in human years. 1214 00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:27,361 Wandered away from her campsite two days ago. 1215 00:50:27,444 --> 00:50:29,363 Thought you dogs might have some contact with her. 1216 00:50:29,446 --> 00:50:30,614 I've got nothing, sir. 1217 00:50:30,697 --> 00:50:32,574 But it smells like you haven't. Let's move out. 1218 00:50:32,658 --> 00:50:34,409 Wait, wait. I could help. 1219 00:50:34,493 --> 00:50:36,453 I'm sorry, I don't really want to be that bitch, 1220 00:50:36,537 --> 00:50:38,664 but I'm actually really good at sniffing, 1221 00:50:38,747 --> 00:50:41,416 and I'd be happy to assist in finding this lost girl. 1222 00:50:41,500 --> 00:50:42,751 Adorable. 1223 00:50:42,835 --> 00:50:44,878 Yeah, no, thanks, Australian Shep-turd. 1224 00:50:44,962 --> 00:50:48,006 Excuse me, but you really shouldn't talk to her like that. 1225 00:50:48,090 --> 00:50:50,217 And what the fuck are you gonna do about it? 1226 00:50:50,300 --> 00:50:53,512 I-I will do nothing the fuck about it. I am sitting down now. 1227 00:50:53,595 --> 00:50:54,721 Oh, Hunter. 1228 00:50:55,305 --> 00:50:57,391 -Hunter? -Rolf? 1229 00:50:57,474 --> 00:51:00,811 Holy mother-flipping shit! 1230 00:51:00,894 --> 00:51:02,437 I didn't recognize you with the cone. 1231 00:51:02,521 --> 00:51:04,064 Yeah, yeah. I got a cone now. 1232 00:51:04,147 --> 00:51:05,399 Bring it in, bro. 1233 00:51:05,482 --> 00:51:06,650 -Buddy! -Give me some! 1234 00:51:06,733 --> 00:51:07,901 God. Well, I should've known, 1235 00:51:07,985 --> 00:51:10,279 'cause your butthole smells exactly the same. 1236 00:51:10,362 --> 00:51:11,738 I'll never forget this butthole. 1237 00:51:11,822 --> 00:51:13,365 -What the fuck? -You know this guy? 1238 00:51:13,448 --> 00:51:16,535 You kidding me? This fucker and I went to the academy together. 1239 00:51:16,618 --> 00:51:18,954 Everything I know I learned from this son of a bitch. 1240 00:51:19,037 --> 00:51:20,581 Technically, we're all sons of bitches, sir. 1241 00:51:20,664 --> 00:51:22,875 Shut up. Hey, so where'd you end up, brother? 1242 00:51:22,958 --> 00:51:25,502 Drug sniffing? Bomb detection? What are we talking about? 1243 00:51:25,586 --> 00:51:28,839 Oh, um… Well, I take care of dying humans. 1244 00:51:28,922 --> 00:51:29,923 Oh. 1245 00:51:30,007 --> 00:51:31,884 I mean, that's not the end of the world, I guess. 1246 00:51:31,967 --> 00:51:33,802 Oh. For them it is. [chuckles] 1247 00:51:33,886 --> 00:51:35,429 Well, hey, guys. 1248 00:51:35,512 --> 00:51:36,972 You found some strays, Rolf? 1249 00:51:37,055 --> 00:51:38,182 Huh? 1250 00:51:38,265 --> 00:51:40,809 -Good job. -So what are you fuckers doing out here? 1251 00:51:40,893 --> 00:51:44,104 -Oh, uh, well, it's a long story. -We're gonna bite a guy's dick off. 1252 00:51:44,188 --> 00:51:45,314 It's actually a short story. 1253 00:51:45,397 --> 00:51:48,525 Nice! Man, when I joined the force, you could bite dicks left and right. 1254 00:51:48,609 --> 00:51:52,154 Nowadays, I chomp a dick, I gotta fill out two weeks of paperwork. 1255 00:51:52,237 --> 00:51:55,157 Can I get an AC unit down to Old Forest Road 54? 1256 00:51:55,240 --> 00:51:57,951 We're trying to get to the devil in the sky. Does that sound familiar? 1257 00:51:58,035 --> 00:51:59,870 -Devil in the sky? Yeah. -[officer] Much appreciated. 1258 00:51:59,953 --> 00:52:01,538 You stick with us, we'll show you the way. 1259 00:52:01,622 --> 00:52:03,790 -Wow, really? -Sure thing, rat boy. 1260 00:52:04,875 --> 00:52:06,668 [Rolf] Let's not wait so long next time, huh? 1261 00:52:06,752 --> 00:52:08,837 -What's it been, seven years? -I think just one, 1262 00:52:08,921 --> 00:52:11,298 but every year feels like seven to us, so that makes sense. 1263 00:52:11,381 --> 00:52:12,966 [Bug] Okay. We gotta get our story straight. 1264 00:52:13,050 --> 00:52:15,385 It was a possum who killed all the bunnies. Got it? 1265 00:52:15,469 --> 00:52:17,221 -Wait, what's the possum's name? -Uh, Greg. 1266 00:52:17,304 --> 00:52:21,391 That's not a believable name for a possum. Ooh. Can it be Monty? 1267 00:52:21,475 --> 00:52:24,186 -Hey, Cath. -Steve, thanks for coming over. 1268 00:52:24,269 --> 00:52:26,355 Hey, little guy. Want a treat? 1269 00:52:26,438 --> 00:52:27,981 Treats! I love treats! 1270 00:52:28,065 --> 00:52:30,817 Oh, my goodness, does somebody want a treat? 1271 00:52:30,901 --> 00:52:32,528 This one's all for you. I got tons of treats. 1272 00:52:32,611 --> 00:52:33,987 Reggie, it's a trap! 1273 00:52:34,071 --> 00:52:35,656 -[Hunter] Hey! -[Maggie screams] 1274 00:52:35,739 --> 00:52:36,740 [Bug] No, no, no! 1275 00:52:36,823 --> 00:52:38,575 Those bunnies were dead when we found them. 1276 00:52:38,659 --> 00:52:40,827 It was a possum named, uh, Greg, or-- 1277 00:52:40,911 --> 00:52:43,830 [Reggie] Monty! His name was Monty, not Greg. 1278 00:52:43,914 --> 00:52:45,082 [Bug] We had no choice. They threatened us! 1279 00:52:45,165 --> 00:52:47,251 But, Rolf, I thought we were pals. 1280 00:52:47,334 --> 00:52:50,045 Sorry, old friend. The law's the law. You know how it is. 1281 00:52:50,128 --> 00:52:51,713 What a sadistic fuck. 1282 00:52:51,797 --> 00:52:54,508 Hey, calm down, sweetie pie. You'll all be fine. 1283 00:52:54,591 --> 00:52:56,260 If you got tags, they'll send you home. 1284 00:52:58,637 --> 00:52:59,805 -[dogs barking] -[wolf whistle] 1285 00:52:59,888 --> 00:53:01,265 -Oh, fresh meat. -Hey, big boy. 1286 00:53:01,348 --> 00:53:04,268 -I like the mouth on that one. -We're gonna cuddle real hard. 1287 00:53:04,351 --> 00:53:07,229 -Hey, bitch! Hey, little bitch! [howls] -[smacking lips] 1288 00:53:07,312 --> 00:53:10,065 Guys, we gotta get out of here. We're running out of time. 1289 00:53:10,148 --> 00:53:11,984 -Where even are we? -Nowhere good. 1290 00:53:12,067 --> 00:53:13,902 No, no, no. I can't be here. 1291 00:53:13,986 --> 00:53:15,195 I can't. Not this again. 1292 00:53:15,279 --> 00:53:16,530 Come on, mate. We'll be fine. 1293 00:53:16,613 --> 00:53:19,366 Rolf told us they'll just send us home. It'll be all right. 1294 00:53:19,449 --> 00:53:21,869 They only send you home if you got a home to go back to. 1295 00:53:21,952 --> 00:53:25,747 And do you know what these people do to dogs that don't have one, Hunter? Huh? 1296 00:53:25,831 --> 00:53:29,209 Do you have any idea what they're about to do to me and Reg? 1297 00:53:29,293 --> 00:53:30,794 Calm down, Bug. We'll figure this out. 1298 00:53:30,878 --> 00:53:32,421 Ain't nothing to figure out, Maggie. 1299 00:53:32,504 --> 00:53:34,798 These humans caught us and now we are fucked. 1300 00:53:34,882 --> 00:53:36,258 Bug, you don't know that. 1301 00:53:36,341 --> 00:53:37,718 Yeah. I mean, Bug, 1302 00:53:37,801 --> 00:53:41,221 you say you know so much about humans, but you don't really know them either. 1303 00:53:41,305 --> 00:53:42,723 I mean, you've never had an owner. 1304 00:53:42,806 --> 00:53:45,142 You never had a Jenna. You never had a Doug. 1305 00:53:45,225 --> 00:53:46,185 I had an Emma! 1306 00:53:46,268 --> 00:53:47,686 -[gasps] -What? 1307 00:53:47,769 --> 00:53:50,480 Whoa. Bug, you had an owner? 1308 00:53:51,064 --> 00:53:52,274 Yeah. 1309 00:53:52,357 --> 00:53:56,570 And I told myself that I would never say her name again. 1310 00:53:57,529 --> 00:53:59,698 But y'all need to hear this. 1311 00:53:59,781 --> 00:54:01,033 -No. -No? Okay. 1312 00:54:01,116 --> 00:54:02,868 [Bug] I don't remember everything, 1313 00:54:02,951 --> 00:54:04,995 but I remember the day she got me out of there. 1314 00:54:05,078 --> 00:54:06,121 [gasps] 1315 00:54:06,205 --> 00:54:08,498 -[child] This one. -[mother] He's a cute little bugger. 1316 00:54:08,582 --> 00:54:10,626 Cute little bug. 1317 00:54:12,419 --> 00:54:14,421 [Bug] We did everything together. 1318 00:54:14,505 --> 00:54:20,052 We played all day, and no matter how stupid I acted, she always laughed. 1319 00:54:20,135 --> 00:54:21,303 Trick or treat. 1320 00:54:21,386 --> 00:54:23,305 [Bug] We even did this thing I hated, 1321 00:54:23,388 --> 00:54:26,099 where she would dress us up in super weird clothes, 1322 00:54:26,183 --> 00:54:29,228 and ask the neighbors to give us that chocolate humans make from dog poop. 1323 00:54:29,311 --> 00:54:30,479 Oh, not for you, honey. 1324 00:54:30,562 --> 00:54:33,690 -[Bug whimpers] -[Emma] It's okay. It's just a storm. 1325 00:54:33,774 --> 00:54:37,528 [Bug] But even better than all the fun we had is the way she made me feel. 1326 00:54:37,611 --> 00:54:39,279 I love you. 1327 00:54:39,363 --> 00:54:41,532 [Bug] When she said that, I felt so special. 1328 00:54:42,658 --> 00:54:46,411 And then it was usually followed by these incredible belly scratches. 1329 00:54:46,495 --> 00:54:48,664 No one ever made my leg kick like that. 1330 00:54:48,747 --> 00:54:53,085 Except for this one night with a raccoon I don't like to talk about, but, anyway. 1331 00:54:54,211 --> 00:54:56,880 But then I made a mistake. 1332 00:54:57,506 --> 00:54:59,800 -[yelps] -[Emma screams] 1333 00:54:59,883 --> 00:55:00,884 [Bug] It was a blur. 1334 00:55:02,636 --> 00:55:05,138 I didn't even know what I did until it was too late. 1335 00:55:05,848 --> 00:55:07,224 Say goodbye to Bug? 1336 00:55:09,226 --> 00:55:10,227 [whimpers] 1337 00:55:10,310 --> 00:55:11,854 [crying] 1338 00:55:11,937 --> 00:55:13,313 [barks] 1339 00:55:15,190 --> 00:55:17,901 [Bug] I thought I was getting put in time-out or something. 1340 00:55:19,987 --> 00:55:21,113 But the place she sent me to… 1341 00:55:22,781 --> 00:55:24,908 the time-outs there never end. 1342 00:55:26,034 --> 00:55:27,578 -[veterinarian screams] -[assistant] Whoa! 1343 00:55:32,833 --> 00:55:33,959 I never saw her again. 1344 00:55:34,793 --> 00:55:36,378 After all we had been through. 1345 00:55:36,461 --> 00:55:41,592 Everything she made me feel, everything I thought I made her feel. 1346 00:55:41,675 --> 00:55:43,760 Just nothing. 1347 00:55:43,844 --> 00:55:47,598 We did so much together. She taught me so many tricks. 1348 00:55:47,681 --> 00:55:51,101 But the one trick she never wanted me to learn was… 1349 00:55:51,185 --> 00:55:52,311 "Stay." 1350 00:55:52,394 --> 00:55:53,854 Mmm. 1351 00:55:53,937 --> 00:55:55,647 I think I zoned out around the middle part. 1352 00:55:55,731 --> 00:55:56,732 Can you tell it again? 1353 00:55:56,815 --> 00:55:59,193 Hunter, I'm not gonna tell the middle part again. 1354 00:55:59,276 --> 00:56:01,028 I'm sorry, Bug. I had no idea. 1355 00:56:01,111 --> 00:56:03,197 Don't be sorry, Reg. Be thankful. 1356 00:56:03,280 --> 00:56:05,240 'Cause you got a chance to make this right. 1357 00:56:05,324 --> 00:56:09,411 Oh, what I wouldn't give to bite this girl in the dick. 1358 00:56:09,494 --> 00:56:12,164 But you know, she's six, and I don't know where she lives now, 1359 00:56:12,247 --> 00:56:14,708 and she's a girl and doesn't even have a dick, but still. 1360 00:56:14,791 --> 00:56:17,753 Listen. What we're doing isn't just about Doug. 1361 00:56:17,836 --> 00:56:19,963 We're doing this for all of them. 1362 00:56:20,047 --> 00:56:24,384 For every single one of those humans who treated us like shit. 1363 00:56:25,093 --> 00:56:27,679 Man, biggest mistake of my life. 1364 00:56:27,763 --> 00:56:30,057 Yeah, I'd regret that bite too. 1365 00:56:30,140 --> 00:56:33,185 The bite? No, I'm talking about her. 1366 00:56:33,268 --> 00:56:35,062 She's the mistake. Not the-- 1367 00:56:35,145 --> 00:56:38,106 Okay, well, we can talk about getting back at your exes all we want. 1368 00:56:38,190 --> 00:56:40,275 But none of that matters if we can't get out of here. 1369 00:56:40,359 --> 00:56:43,529 Guys, what if we can get the key? 1370 00:56:51,411 --> 00:56:54,831 Oh, no, we'd need, like, a super long pole to hook it. 1371 00:56:58,293 --> 00:57:00,212 Why is everyone looking at me? 1372 00:57:04,383 --> 00:57:06,009 Come on, Hunter. You can do it. 1373 00:57:08,011 --> 00:57:09,346 -[Hunter grunting] -[Reggie] You're so close. 1374 00:57:09,429 --> 00:57:10,430 Just a little more. 1375 00:57:10,514 --> 00:57:12,391 Come on, get hornier! You can do it! 1376 00:57:12,474 --> 00:57:13,892 This is all I got. 1377 00:57:13,976 --> 00:57:15,936 Maggie, come on. Excite him. 1378 00:57:16,812 --> 00:57:23,360 [whispering] Hunter, this has been a really long, hard trip. 1379 00:57:23,443 --> 00:57:28,866 But the thing that keeps me panting is thinking about us doing it 1380 00:57:29,449 --> 00:57:30,826 regular style. 1381 00:57:30,909 --> 00:57:32,661 Oh, boy! It's working. 1382 00:57:32,744 --> 00:57:34,830 Keep talking, Maggie. More sexy stuff. 1383 00:57:34,913 --> 00:57:39,418 Just picture me, all eight nipples rock hard. 1384 00:57:39,501 --> 00:57:41,628 And I'm wearing nothing but… 1385 00:57:41,712 --> 00:57:43,672 [gasps] …the cone. 1386 00:57:43,755 --> 00:57:44,715 [grunts] 1387 00:57:45,924 --> 00:57:47,050 [Reggie] You're doing it, Hunter. 1388 00:57:47,134 --> 00:57:49,720 Come on, Hunter. Use that dick of yours. 1389 00:57:50,387 --> 00:57:51,555 Yes, Hunter! 1390 00:57:51,638 --> 00:57:54,224 -[straining] -[Maggie] Hunter! Hunter! 1391 00:57:54,308 --> 00:57:57,311 [all] Hunter! Hunter! Hunter! 1392 00:57:57,394 --> 00:57:59,271 Hunter! Hunter! 1393 00:57:59,354 --> 00:58:00,814 Hunter! 1394 00:58:00,898 --> 00:58:02,316 [dog] Hunter! 1395 00:58:02,399 --> 00:58:04,067 Sorry, guys. It's hopeless. 1396 00:58:04,151 --> 00:58:05,444 [Maggie] Oh, Hunter. 1397 00:58:05,527 --> 00:58:07,279 Shit. Really thought that was gonna work. 1398 00:58:07,362 --> 00:58:09,239 Sorry my dick let you down. 1399 00:58:09,323 --> 00:58:11,200 Wait, I've got it. 1400 00:58:11,283 --> 00:58:13,452 What's the one thing humans are obsessed with? 1401 00:58:13,535 --> 00:58:15,245 -Uh, themselves. -Painting their faces. 1402 00:58:15,329 --> 00:58:16,496 -Dying. -No. 1403 00:58:16,580 --> 00:58:17,915 Bug, you said it yourself. 1404 00:58:17,998 --> 00:58:21,668 What's the thing humans are most obsessed with about dogs? 1405 00:58:21,752 --> 00:58:23,337 -Our shit! -Yes! 1406 00:58:23,420 --> 00:58:25,589 Every single time we shit, what do they do? 1407 00:58:25,672 --> 00:58:27,090 -They come and bag it up. -[Maggie] Yeah. 1408 00:58:27,174 --> 00:58:29,885 That's right. Once this place gets all poopy, 1409 00:58:29,968 --> 00:58:33,680 Willy comes in and bags it up, like he's collecting it for something. 1410 00:58:33,764 --> 00:58:36,642 -Exactly! That's our ticket out of here. -[dog] For chocolate! 1411 00:58:36,725 --> 00:58:39,061 We poop until he has to open these doors, 1412 00:58:39,144 --> 00:58:41,230 and when he does, we charge! 1413 00:58:41,313 --> 00:58:43,023 -[Maggie] Good on ya. -Nice thinking, kid. I'm in! 1414 00:58:43,106 --> 00:58:44,399 I got a couple of shits in the chamber. 1415 00:58:44,483 --> 00:58:45,859 [dogs groaning, murmuring] 1416 00:58:45,943 --> 00:58:47,402 -Not gonna happen. -No, thanks, kid. 1417 00:58:47,486 --> 00:58:49,780 What's wrong with you guys? Don't you want to get out of this place? 1418 00:58:49,863 --> 00:58:52,407 Of course. But we've been burned so many times, 1419 00:58:52,491 --> 00:58:55,285 we're smart enough to know that we'll never get beyond these walls 1420 00:58:55,369 --> 00:58:57,329 without a human coming to adopt us. 1421 00:58:58,705 --> 00:59:00,832 Look, I get it. 1422 00:59:00,916 --> 00:59:02,626 I've had dark moments. 1423 00:59:02,709 --> 00:59:04,628 Moments where I felt stuck. 1424 00:59:05,379 --> 00:59:07,840 Moments where, even if you couldn't see it, 1425 00:59:07,923 --> 00:59:11,343 it felt like there was a wall or a fence holding you back. 1426 00:59:11,426 --> 00:59:13,804 Yeah, invisible magic fences. I swear to God, that's real. 1427 00:59:13,887 --> 00:59:17,182 But I'm here to tell you that's garbage talk. 1428 00:59:17,266 --> 00:59:20,018 'Cause I was lucky enough to meet some amazing friends, 1429 00:59:20,102 --> 00:59:22,813 who taught me that just beyond those walls 1430 00:59:22,896 --> 00:59:25,691 is a bunch of incredible stuff worth living for. 1431 00:59:25,774 --> 00:59:27,526 There's lampposts to pee on. 1432 00:59:27,609 --> 00:59:30,571 There's scraps to eat and couches to make love to. 1433 00:59:30,654 --> 00:59:32,030 And dead bunnies… 1434 00:59:32,114 --> 00:59:33,866 -[Bug clears throat] -…that I-I know nothing about. 1435 00:59:33,949 --> 00:59:36,535 -I know nothing about that either. -No clue what you're talking about. 1436 00:59:36,618 --> 00:59:38,787 -Tennis balls to fetch and-- -A dick to bite off! 1437 00:59:38,871 --> 00:59:40,831 What? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That too. 1438 00:59:41,874 --> 00:59:45,836 But most importantly, there's a life out there worth living. 1439 00:59:45,919 --> 00:59:47,379 -[Hunter] Go, Reg! -[Maggie] Whoo! Reggie! 1440 00:59:47,462 --> 00:59:51,300 So I'm asking you, do you want to stay here and die, 1441 00:59:51,383 --> 00:59:55,137 or do you want to shit your brains out and live? 1442 00:59:55,220 --> 00:59:57,097 -Live! Live! -We wanna live! 1443 00:59:57,181 --> 00:59:58,182 -Live! -Live! 1444 00:59:58,265 --> 01:00:02,144 Then poop with me! Poop with me to freedom! 1445 01:00:02,227 --> 01:00:04,354 ♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit ♪ 1446 01:00:04,438 --> 01:00:06,940 ♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit ♪ 1447 01:00:07,024 --> 01:00:09,610 -♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit ♪ -♪ Are you ready for this? ♪ 1448 01:00:09,693 --> 01:00:12,696 -♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit ♪ -♪ Oh… ♪ 1449 01:00:12,779 --> 01:00:16,074 Dig deep inside of you! Deep inside your colon. 1450 01:00:16,658 --> 01:00:18,535 Release your pent-up feelings. 1451 01:00:19,578 --> 01:00:21,163 Let it flow! 1452 01:00:21,997 --> 01:00:23,332 ♪ When I come to the club ♪ 1453 01:00:23,415 --> 01:00:24,416 -♪ Step aside ♪ -♪ Oh, shit ♪ 1454 01:00:24,499 --> 01:00:26,668 ♪ Part the seas Don't be havin' me in the line ♪ 1455 01:00:26,752 --> 01:00:27,586 ♪ Oh, shit… ♪ 1456 01:00:27,669 --> 01:00:30,380 Great work, everybody! Keep on pooping! 1457 01:00:30,464 --> 01:00:32,925 -♪ And me love you long time ♪ -♪ Oh, shit ♪ 1458 01:00:33,008 --> 01:00:35,302 ♪ How come every time you come around ♪ 1459 01:00:35,385 --> 01:00:37,930 ♪ My London, London Bridge Wanna go down? ♪ 1460 01:00:38,013 --> 01:00:40,807 ♪ Like London, London, London Be goin' down like… ♪ 1461 01:00:45,938 --> 01:00:47,356 Those are my eyes. 1462 01:00:48,482 --> 01:00:49,691 Exactly. 1463 01:00:50,484 --> 01:00:52,361 I think Dad's really gonna love this. 1464 01:00:55,531 --> 01:00:56,532 [sniffing] 1465 01:00:59,493 --> 01:01:01,662 I think it's working. Places, everyone. 1466 01:01:05,541 --> 01:01:06,708 [sighs] 1467 01:01:09,503 --> 01:01:10,921 Oh. 1468 01:01:11,004 --> 01:01:13,590 Oh, God. I can taste it. 1469 01:01:13,674 --> 01:01:14,925 Oh. 1470 01:01:18,554 --> 01:01:19,555 What… 1471 01:01:20,347 --> 01:01:21,849 [sighs] 1472 01:01:23,934 --> 01:01:24,935 Oh, fuck. 1473 01:01:29,189 --> 01:01:30,649 [keys jingling] 1474 01:01:34,945 --> 01:01:37,197 -[lock clicks] -[door opens] 1475 01:01:41,118 --> 01:01:42,452 Very cute. 1476 01:01:42,536 --> 01:01:44,913 Very funny. [scoffs] 1477 01:01:44,997 --> 01:01:46,290 I see what's going on here. 1478 01:01:46,373 --> 01:01:49,877 You guys think that I… 1479 01:01:51,044 --> 01:01:53,589 am a big, fat fucking asshole. Right? 1480 01:01:53,672 --> 01:01:55,507 You know everything about me. 1481 01:01:55,591 --> 01:01:58,302 You know all the things that have happened in my life 1482 01:01:58,385 --> 01:02:00,762 with my dad and my ex-wife. 1483 01:02:02,181 --> 01:02:03,932 [crying] 1484 01:02:06,810 --> 01:02:09,813 Bravo. Bravo! 1485 01:02:09,897 --> 01:02:10,898 Oh, encore! 1486 01:02:10,981 --> 01:02:12,357 Just kidding! 1487 01:02:12,441 --> 01:02:13,734 It's done! 1488 01:02:13,817 --> 01:02:17,154 -We are done! -[barking] 1489 01:02:17,237 --> 01:02:19,531 Wait, what are you-- [exclaims] Oh, my God. 1490 01:02:19,615 --> 01:02:22,492 [exclaiming, groans] 1491 01:02:22,576 --> 01:02:24,036 Charge! 1492 01:02:24,119 --> 01:02:26,038 [dogs whooping, barking] 1493 01:02:26,121 --> 01:02:27,706 [sobbing] 1494 01:02:31,877 --> 01:02:33,629 [continues sobbing] 1495 01:02:36,215 --> 01:02:37,424 -[dogs clamoring] -Ah, we did it! 1496 01:02:37,508 --> 01:02:39,218 I can't believe we shit that much! 1497 01:02:39,301 --> 01:02:40,969 Hunter's dick! Hunter's dick! 1498 01:02:41,053 --> 01:02:42,888 The hell with ya! 1499 01:02:42,971 --> 01:02:44,973 [panting] 1500 01:02:49,228 --> 01:02:50,646 [chuckles] 1501 01:02:52,272 --> 01:02:54,233 Thanks for your patience, folks. Really. 1502 01:02:55,275 --> 01:02:56,318 [chuckles] 1503 01:02:56,401 --> 01:02:59,696 Ooh. I'm sorry, Diane. Uh… 1504 01:03:00,822 --> 01:03:03,742 [laughs] "Then poop with me to freedom!" 1505 01:03:03,825 --> 01:03:05,702 -So cheesy, but I loved it. -[Hunter laughs] 1506 01:03:05,786 --> 01:03:07,496 What a plan. What a speech, Reg. 1507 01:03:07,579 --> 01:03:09,915 Actually, Reginald, I preferred the first speech. 1508 01:03:09,998 --> 01:03:12,668 You know, the one where you convinced all of us to do this, 1509 01:03:12,751 --> 01:03:15,629 back when you were focused on biting Doug's dick off. 1510 01:03:15,712 --> 01:03:17,506 -[Maggie] Bug. -Okay, okay, Bug. Look. 1511 01:03:18,423 --> 01:03:20,968 Oh! Look! The devil in the sky! 1512 01:03:21,051 --> 01:03:23,178 -We made it! -Look at that fucking guy! 1513 01:03:23,262 --> 01:03:25,973 [Hunter] Burn in hell, you motherfucking son of a bitch. 1514 01:03:26,056 --> 01:03:28,725 -I hate everything about him. -The dumb-ass smile, those shitty pants. 1515 01:03:28,809 --> 01:03:30,853 I want to rip your nuts off and make you watch! 1516 01:03:30,936 --> 01:03:32,521 Stupid hat and your stupid truck, 1517 01:03:32,604 --> 01:03:35,023 with the door on the other side of the thing. 1518 01:03:35,107 --> 01:03:37,192 -I hate his face, personality. -[Reggie] I wanna rip him a new asshole. 1519 01:03:37,276 --> 01:03:38,443 [Bug] I hate his bag, his shirt… 1520 01:03:38,527 --> 01:03:40,320 [Hunter] He smells like a thousand different houses, 1521 01:03:40,404 --> 01:03:41,947 and I can't trust that! 1522 01:03:43,282 --> 01:03:45,492 Anyways, good job, guys. The final landmark. 1523 01:03:45,576 --> 01:03:47,160 -Yeah. That's right. -And right on schedule. 1524 01:03:47,244 --> 01:03:49,788 Yeah, barely. You remember which way to go from here? 1525 01:03:49,872 --> 01:03:53,500 Uh, yeah, we just-- we just stay on this road for now. 1526 01:03:53,584 --> 01:03:55,002 -Good, let's move. -All right. 1527 01:03:55,085 --> 01:03:56,795 -[Maggie] Great. -W-Wait, wait, wait. 1528 01:03:56,879 --> 01:03:58,172 One second. Can't leave yet. 1529 01:03:58,255 --> 01:03:59,339 -Huh? -What's up, Reg? 1530 01:03:59,923 --> 01:04:02,009 Where is it? Oh, there. 1531 01:04:04,219 --> 01:04:05,929 All right. Let's go, guys. 1532 01:04:06,013 --> 01:04:07,931 No, no, no. Hold on a second. 1533 01:04:08,015 --> 01:04:10,642 Why couldn't you leave without the ball, Reggie? 1534 01:04:10,726 --> 01:04:12,769 I don't know, I just like tennis balls. 1535 01:04:12,853 --> 01:04:15,105 I know ball guys. You're not a ball guy. 1536 01:04:15,189 --> 01:04:17,232 Well, you don't know everything about me. 1537 01:04:17,316 --> 01:04:20,027 Well, I'm learning a little more right now. 1538 01:04:20,110 --> 01:04:21,445 Drop the ball, Reg. 1539 01:04:21,528 --> 01:04:23,030 What? No. 1540 01:04:23,113 --> 01:04:25,115 Drop the fucking ball. 1541 01:04:25,199 --> 01:04:27,951 -Leave it! -I'm not gonna leave the ball! 1542 01:04:28,035 --> 01:04:29,286 -Drop the ball! -No. 1543 01:04:29,369 --> 01:04:30,579 Reggie, you drop that goddamn ball! 1544 01:04:30,662 --> 01:04:32,164 -No. -You don't even like balls! 1545 01:04:32,247 --> 01:04:33,832 Doug likes balls! 1546 01:04:33,916 --> 01:04:35,250 -Doug? -[Maggie gasps] 1547 01:04:35,334 --> 01:04:36,502 [Hunter] Oh, Reg. 1548 01:04:36,585 --> 01:04:38,253 I don't know why, but he does. 1549 01:04:38,337 --> 01:04:40,339 And when we play the game, "Fetch and Fuck," 1550 01:04:40,422 --> 01:04:43,425 it always ends when I come home and bring him back a ball. 1551 01:04:43,509 --> 01:04:46,136 So I know he's expecting it, and I'm not gonna let him down. 1552 01:04:46,220 --> 01:04:47,221 Goddamn it. 1553 01:04:47,304 --> 01:04:50,974 So when you told me you didn't know how you were gonna bite Doug in the dick, 1554 01:04:51,058 --> 01:04:53,393 the real reason you don't know is because… 1555 01:04:53,477 --> 01:04:55,604 -You're not gonna bite Doug in the dick. -[sighs] 1556 01:04:55,687 --> 01:04:59,441 Look, when we first set out, I was totally into the plan. 1557 01:04:59,525 --> 01:05:02,611 But the closer we got to Doug, the more I realized 1558 01:05:03,362 --> 01:05:04,988 that I miss him. 1559 01:05:05,072 --> 01:05:07,908 -And I think he misses me, too. -Reggie, don't do this. 1560 01:05:07,991 --> 01:05:09,910 You deserve so much better than him. 1561 01:05:09,993 --> 01:05:12,663 I don't, Hunter. I really don't. 1562 01:05:12,746 --> 01:05:14,331 You know why Doug abandoned me? 1563 01:05:14,414 --> 01:05:16,792 Because I was the problem in our relationship. 1564 01:05:16,875 --> 01:05:18,168 I ate his shoes. 1565 01:05:18,252 --> 01:05:21,296 I woke him up so early every day because I needed to pee. 1566 01:05:21,380 --> 01:05:22,923 And I pooped on the rug. 1567 01:05:23,006 --> 01:05:24,925 We've all pooped on the rug, Reggie. 1568 01:05:25,008 --> 01:05:27,678 Did you roll in it, Maggie? Did you roll in the poop? 1569 01:05:27,761 --> 01:05:29,930 Because guess what, I rolled in the poop. 1570 01:05:30,013 --> 01:05:31,390 Okay, that's not great. 1571 01:05:31,473 --> 01:05:33,851 God, I can't believe it took me this long to realize this, 1572 01:05:33,934 --> 01:05:37,813 that every time he called me a bad dog, he was absolutely right. 1573 01:05:37,896 --> 01:05:39,857 -It was all my fault. -Wow. 1574 01:05:39,940 --> 01:05:41,984 [Reggie] Well, I'm not gonna be a bad dog anymore. 1575 01:05:42,067 --> 01:05:43,569 It's time for me to be a good boy. 1576 01:05:43,652 --> 01:05:47,781 Jesus, I cannot believe that I risked my life for this asshole 1577 01:05:47,865 --> 01:05:50,617 just so he could go back and get with another asshole. 1578 01:05:50,701 --> 01:05:53,203 I did all of this for you, Reggie. 1579 01:05:53,287 --> 01:05:54,580 You didn't do this for me. 1580 01:05:54,663 --> 01:05:56,874 You said it yourself. This isn't about Doug. 1581 01:05:56,957 --> 01:06:00,669 This is about every single one of them who treated us like shit. 1582 01:06:00,752 --> 01:06:02,796 -This is about Emma! -Reggie. 1583 01:06:02,880 --> 01:06:03,881 Fuck you. 1584 01:06:03,964 --> 01:06:06,175 Hey. How about rule number three, Bug? 1585 01:06:06,258 --> 01:06:08,594 You're on your own? Well, then what were we? 1586 01:06:08,677 --> 01:06:10,470 -Wow. -I don't think you want to be a stray. 1587 01:06:10,554 --> 01:06:13,265 -I think you're sad and lonely. -Can you believe this fucking guy? 1588 01:06:13,348 --> 01:06:15,434 And I think the only reason you claim to hate humans 1589 01:06:15,517 --> 01:06:18,562 is because if you ever stopped to think about what happened, 1590 01:06:18,645 --> 01:06:21,523 you'd realize that Emma didn't fuck it up. 1591 01:06:21,607 --> 01:06:23,483 -You did. -Get the fuck away from me. 1592 01:06:23,567 --> 01:06:25,694 Believe me, I fucked up with my owner, too. 1593 01:06:25,777 --> 01:06:28,447 So thank you for helping me realize I was the problem. 1594 01:06:28,530 --> 01:06:33,160 Only difference is I have a chance to fix it and not end up like you. 1595 01:06:33,243 --> 01:06:35,495 [growls, grunts] 1596 01:06:35,579 --> 01:06:37,831 -Hey, hey. What are you doing? -Guys, stop it! Guys! 1597 01:06:37,915 --> 01:06:39,541 -[Hunter] Come on! -[Bug] Give me this thing! 1598 01:06:39,625 --> 01:06:40,751 -Give it back! -Bug! 1599 01:06:40,834 --> 01:06:42,544 [Reggie] Doug gave me that! Give that back! 1600 01:06:42,628 --> 01:06:43,879 -I know he did! -No! 1601 01:06:43,962 --> 01:06:46,298 -[Hunter] Stop it! Stop! -[Maggie] Bug, don't do that. 1602 01:06:46,381 --> 01:06:48,509 That's what I think about you and your owner. 1603 01:06:48,592 --> 01:06:50,511 Go fuck yourself, Reggie. 1604 01:06:50,594 --> 01:06:52,054 You two deserve each other. 1605 01:07:00,729 --> 01:07:02,898 -Reggie, don't do this! -Reg. 1606 01:07:02,981 --> 01:07:04,816 I hope he's already left without you! 1607 01:07:10,405 --> 01:07:11,406 Man. 1608 01:07:12,449 --> 01:07:14,952 I really thought my dick was gonna hook those keys. 1609 01:07:16,203 --> 01:07:19,206 Um, but this is also a bummer. 1610 01:07:28,966 --> 01:07:30,509 Bug, we can't go back. 1611 01:07:30,592 --> 01:07:34,137 Sure we can. The devil in the sky. Cone. Hamster wheel. 1612 01:07:34,221 --> 01:07:36,223 Just in the opposite order of how we came. 1613 01:07:36,306 --> 01:07:37,599 No dead bunnies this time. 1614 01:07:37,683 --> 01:07:39,726 Bug, she means we can't leave him like this. 1615 01:07:39,810 --> 01:07:43,105 First off, Hunter, we didn't leave him. He left us. 1616 01:07:43,188 --> 01:07:46,650 Second, we don't know the rest of the way back to Doug's place, anyway. 1617 01:07:46,733 --> 01:07:48,944 And third, I'm not just gonna hang around here 1618 01:07:49,027 --> 01:07:52,656 and let some dickless bird swoop in on my girlfriend while I'm gone. 1619 01:07:52,739 --> 01:07:53,991 What? 1620 01:07:54,074 --> 01:07:56,410 Look, if there's one thing that the asshole got right, 1621 01:07:56,493 --> 01:07:59,705 is that I have been wasting my time with you guys. 1622 01:07:59,788 --> 01:08:02,249 I'm a stray, and I should start acting like one. 1623 01:08:02,332 --> 01:08:05,002 -Wait, where are you going? -I don't know. To go do some "nunya." 1624 01:08:05,085 --> 01:08:06,295 What's "nunya"? 1625 01:08:06,378 --> 01:08:07,671 Nunya fucking business. 1626 01:08:07,754 --> 01:08:09,756 Oh, yeah. I walked right into that one. 1627 01:08:09,840 --> 01:08:12,759 -[sighs] Let's go home, Hunter. -[Hunter sighs] 1628 01:08:15,888 --> 01:08:17,930 Talking about I'm lonely. Talking about I'm scared. 1629 01:08:18,015 --> 01:08:20,184 Fuck does he think he's talking about? 1630 01:08:20,267 --> 01:08:22,060 I'm gonna tell you right now, I ain't lonely 1631 01:08:22,144 --> 01:08:23,895 and I damn sure ain't scared. [gasps] 1632 01:08:23,979 --> 01:08:24,979 Fuck you, leaf! 1633 01:08:25,063 --> 01:08:26,982 [scoffs] End up like me? 1634 01:08:27,064 --> 01:08:29,484 I pissed on two cars and three houses last week. 1635 01:08:29,568 --> 01:08:32,571 That's right, I'm a three-year-old dog and I'm already a homeowner. 1636 01:08:32,654 --> 01:08:35,782 I'm living the motherfucking dream. And I'm not scared to be alone. 1637 01:08:35,866 --> 01:08:37,868 Matter of fact, I ain't scared of anything. 1638 01:08:37,951 --> 01:08:39,203 [twig snaps] 1639 01:08:39,286 --> 01:08:40,203 Who's that? 1640 01:08:41,121 --> 01:08:42,872 Don't come closer! I-I, uh… 1641 01:08:42,956 --> 01:08:44,457 I'm crazy! I fuck trash! 1642 01:08:46,710 --> 01:08:48,127 [growling] 1643 01:08:50,714 --> 01:08:52,049 [growling] 1644 01:08:56,845 --> 01:08:57,720 [barking] 1645 01:09:00,307 --> 01:09:03,393 Nope, not doing this. Just walk away, Bug. 1646 01:09:03,477 --> 01:09:06,438 Little girls like Emma suck and you know it. 1647 01:09:06,522 --> 01:09:08,148 [whimpering] 1648 01:09:11,401 --> 01:09:12,653 [crying] 1649 01:09:12,736 --> 01:09:15,072 Don't listen to her, man. Don't listen to her. 1650 01:09:15,154 --> 01:09:18,408 Another fucking narcissist putting her needs above your own. 1651 01:09:18,492 --> 01:09:22,246 You've been down this fucking road before, man, just-- just… 1652 01:09:22,328 --> 01:09:24,247 [sighs] Goddamn it. 1653 01:09:32,171 --> 01:09:33,756 Hey, there. [chuckles] 1654 01:09:33,841 --> 01:09:36,218 What are you doing out here all alone? 1655 01:09:37,176 --> 01:09:38,845 Did you get lost like me? 1656 01:09:38,929 --> 01:09:39,930 It's gonna be okay. 1657 01:09:40,013 --> 01:09:42,558 Holy shit. Wait! You're the girl that everyone's looking for. 1658 01:09:42,640 --> 01:09:43,767 Holy shit! 1659 01:09:44,560 --> 01:09:46,478 I found her. I found her! 1660 01:09:46,562 --> 01:09:47,770 Somebody, please help! 1661 01:09:47,854 --> 01:09:49,939 -I found the girl! -That's Bug! 1662 01:09:50,023 --> 01:09:51,483 Bug, where are you? 1663 01:09:51,567 --> 01:09:52,651 Let's go! 1664 01:09:56,405 --> 01:09:57,364 I see him! 1665 01:09:57,447 --> 01:09:58,574 [barks] 1666 01:09:58,657 --> 01:10:00,284 I can't believe you found the girl. 1667 01:10:00,367 --> 01:10:01,368 Oh, my God, Bug! 1668 01:10:01,451 --> 01:10:04,121 Come on, we gotta get her some help. She's in bad shape. 1669 01:10:04,204 --> 01:10:06,999 -[Maggie] Help! Over here! -[Hunter] Over here! We found her! Help! 1670 01:10:07,082 --> 01:10:08,750 -Help! -Rolf! You dickhead! 1671 01:10:08,834 --> 01:10:10,335 -Help! Help! -Come on! Help! 1672 01:10:10,419 --> 01:10:13,046 [Bug, Maggie, Hunter shouting in distance] 1673 01:10:13,130 --> 01:10:14,965 Lost kid! Let's move! 1674 01:10:15,048 --> 01:10:16,133 -Over here! -Help! 1675 01:10:16,216 --> 01:10:17,384 -Here they come. -[Hunter] Over here. 1676 01:10:17,467 --> 01:10:19,511 Munchkin, check the girl. 1677 01:10:19,595 --> 01:10:21,972 Hell of a job, Hunter, and small dogs. 1678 01:10:22,055 --> 01:10:23,891 -Didn't know you had it in ya. -Oh, my God. 1679 01:10:23,974 --> 01:10:26,185 Riley! Riley, here you are. 1680 01:10:26,268 --> 01:10:27,394 Good dog, good dog. 1681 01:10:27,477 --> 01:10:28,478 You're okay. 1682 01:10:28,562 --> 01:10:31,565 I'm not even gonna ask how you ended up back in these woods. 1683 01:10:31,648 --> 01:10:32,816 All I'll ask is 1684 01:10:32,900 --> 01:10:34,693 how can I repay you? 1685 01:10:36,236 --> 01:10:38,155 You can help save my best friend. 1686 01:10:41,200 --> 01:10:43,160 Oh, what am I gonna say? What am I gonna say? 1687 01:10:43,785 --> 01:10:45,704 Okay, I should probably rehearse this. 1688 01:10:46,538 --> 01:10:47,706 Hey, Doug. 1689 01:10:47,789 --> 01:10:48,957 [imitating Doug] "Hey, shitbag." 1690 01:10:49,041 --> 01:10:51,376 [normal] What've you been up to? [imitating Doug] "Mostly masturbating." 1691 01:10:51,460 --> 01:10:53,962 [normal] Oh. Cool, classic Doug. 1692 01:10:54,046 --> 01:10:56,006 So, I owe you an apology. 1693 01:10:56,089 --> 01:10:57,299 [imitating Doug] "Okay." 1694 01:10:57,382 --> 01:10:59,593 [normal] You were totally right to ditch me in that alley. 1695 01:10:59,676 --> 01:11:01,261 I mean, I was terrible. 1696 01:11:01,345 --> 01:11:02,596 [imitating Doug] "Agreed." 1697 01:11:02,679 --> 01:11:07,476 [normal] But I was wondering if we could maybe make some changes when I'm back? 1698 01:11:07,559 --> 01:11:09,728 Like, maybe we could do walks now, 1699 01:11:09,811 --> 01:11:12,564 and possibly increase pee breaks to twice a day? 1700 01:11:12,648 --> 01:11:15,150 And maybe, if you feel like it, 1701 01:11:15,234 --> 01:11:17,653 you could call me a good boy every once in a while? 1702 01:11:22,616 --> 01:11:24,409 Ugh. This is stupid. 1703 01:11:28,622 --> 01:11:31,500 What do you mean you can't track him down? You're sniff dogs. That's what you do. 1704 01:11:31,583 --> 01:11:33,335 Yeah, come on, Rolf. They taught us that. 1705 01:11:33,418 --> 01:11:36,547 It's impossible. We can't track him without knowing his scent first. 1706 01:11:36,630 --> 01:11:38,340 Did you get any whiff of him yesterday, Munchkin? 1707 01:11:38,423 --> 01:11:40,175 -Nothing I can recall, sir. -[Maggie] Wait! 1708 01:11:40,259 --> 01:11:41,927 -The bandana! -Come again? 1709 01:11:42,010 --> 01:11:44,388 We can get his scent from the bandana. Let's go! Let's go! 1710 01:11:44,471 --> 01:11:45,472 Nice, Maggie. 1711 01:11:45,556 --> 01:11:46,682 Rolf? 1712 01:11:46,765 --> 01:11:47,766 Hey, Rolf! 1713 01:11:47,850 --> 01:11:50,435 -[Maggie] There it is! -[Hunter] There! There it is! There it is! 1714 01:11:51,979 --> 01:11:53,146 Way to go, Maggie. 1715 01:11:53,897 --> 01:11:56,817 Halt! Good God, what's that smell? 1716 01:11:56,900 --> 01:11:58,318 Can you smell Reggie off that thing? 1717 01:11:58,402 --> 01:11:59,319 [sniffs] 1718 01:11:59,403 --> 01:12:02,114 I'm not getting any dog off of this, sir. Just a lot of urine. 1719 01:12:02,197 --> 01:12:03,574 -[Bug] Oh, huh. Oh, wow. -[Maggie] Huh. 1720 01:12:03,657 --> 01:12:05,284 -That's weird. -[Hunter] It was Bug. 1721 01:12:05,367 --> 01:12:08,871 And from the stain patterns, I can tell this was a very small pee stream, 1722 01:12:08,954 --> 01:12:11,915 indicative of a dog with an… [chuckles] …unbelievably tiny penis. 1723 01:12:11,999 --> 01:12:14,084 -Again, Bug. -It ain't indicative of shit. 1724 01:12:14,168 --> 01:12:16,545 If anything, it is indicative of a well-shaped, 1725 01:12:16,628 --> 01:12:19,464 sensual penis that transcends dick size. 1726 01:12:19,548 --> 01:12:21,800 Lots of TDU: Tiny Dick Urine over here. 1727 01:12:21,884 --> 01:12:24,761 It would take a miracle to pick up any dog scent off of that thing. 1728 01:12:24,845 --> 01:12:26,722 There you are. What's gotten into you guys? 1729 01:12:26,805 --> 01:12:28,473 -[sniffing] -[Rolf] Fuck are you doing? 1730 01:12:28,557 --> 01:12:29,850 You'll taint the smell. 1731 01:12:29,933 --> 01:12:33,145 I'm doing your job. Now back the fuck off, Adolf. 1732 01:12:33,228 --> 01:12:35,272 -Adolf? -It's 'cause you're a German Sh-- 1733 01:12:35,355 --> 01:12:37,482 -Oh, whatever. -I get it now. Hitler reference. 1734 01:12:37,566 --> 01:12:38,817 [sniffing] 1735 01:12:38,901 --> 01:12:40,777 Go, Maggie! Go, Maggie! 1736 01:12:44,740 --> 01:12:45,949 I'm picking up… 1737 01:12:46,033 --> 01:12:48,493 Bitches of the night. Pizza. Vomit pizza? 1738 01:12:48,577 --> 01:12:50,204 Hot dogs. All of our pee. 1739 01:12:50,287 --> 01:12:52,206 Eagle feathers. Dennis Quaid? 1740 01:12:52,289 --> 01:12:54,249 Squirrel sex. Dead bunnies that I know nothing about. 1741 01:12:54,333 --> 01:12:55,792 Hunter's boner. Ooh, lots of shit. 1742 01:12:55,876 --> 01:12:58,045 A tiny Boston Terrier dick and… 1743 01:12:58,128 --> 01:12:59,838 Reggie! I got him! 1744 01:12:59,922 --> 01:13:01,423 -Yes, Maggie! -Let's move! 1745 01:13:01,507 --> 01:13:03,509 [Hunter] Come on, let's go! Thanks, Rolf! 1746 01:13:03,592 --> 01:13:05,761 Except for when you fucked us over. 1747 01:13:05,844 --> 01:13:07,054 Good luck, soldiers! 1748 01:13:07,137 --> 01:13:09,431 And sorry I'm such a fucking asshole! 1749 01:13:09,515 --> 01:13:11,225 I should really work on myself. 1750 01:13:38,502 --> 01:13:39,837 [door creaks] 1751 01:14:03,694 --> 01:14:05,529 [Doug] Oh, thanks for shitting on the carpet! 1752 01:14:05,612 --> 01:14:07,865 The fuck are you thinking? Huh? 1753 01:14:07,948 --> 01:14:10,993 Oh, you're such a stupid little piece of shit. 1754 01:14:19,585 --> 01:14:21,879 Can you just leave me the fuck alone? 1755 01:14:22,504 --> 01:14:24,089 Bad dog! 1756 01:14:28,594 --> 01:14:30,846 -[Reggie barking] -[Doug imitating barking] 1757 01:14:30,929 --> 01:14:33,682 [Doug] That's what you fucking sound like, you piece of shit. 1758 01:15:00,959 --> 01:15:03,879 Okay, one last shit on the carpet, and then I'm out. 1759 01:15:03,962 --> 01:15:05,589 [door creaking] 1760 01:15:16,975 --> 01:15:18,018 [Doug] Mmm. 1761 01:15:24,650 --> 01:15:25,567 Hey, Doug. 1762 01:15:26,944 --> 01:15:28,195 Fuck! 1763 01:15:28,278 --> 01:15:30,322 It's me, Reggie. 1764 01:15:30,405 --> 01:15:33,617 A-And look, I-I know you can't understand what I'm saying right now. 1765 01:15:33,700 --> 01:15:35,744 No, no, no, this is not happening. 1766 01:15:35,827 --> 01:15:37,704 But I just wanna say how I feel. 1767 01:15:38,497 --> 01:15:40,541 I know you didn't like me. 1768 01:15:40,624 --> 01:15:42,334 I mean, obviously. 1769 01:15:42,417 --> 01:15:44,044 You abandoned me in the street. 1770 01:15:44,711 --> 01:15:49,174 But just know that I did everything I could to make you feel loved. 1771 01:15:49,258 --> 01:15:54,513 And I thought if I loved you enough, then maybe you would love me back. 1772 01:15:55,889 --> 01:15:57,683 But then I met new friends. 1773 01:15:57,766 --> 01:16:02,145 I met the sweetest big dog, with just the nicest dick. 1774 01:16:02,229 --> 01:16:05,148 The most talented, baddest bitch in the world, 1775 01:16:05,232 --> 01:16:07,609 and the tiniest, scrappiest, 1776 01:16:07,693 --> 01:16:11,446 funniest best friend I could ever ask for. 1777 01:16:11,530 --> 01:16:15,868 Oh, and I met my son too, who's a gnome, and we had sex, but whatever. 1778 01:16:16,451 --> 01:16:21,540 The point is, those friends showed me what real love feels like. 1779 01:16:21,623 --> 01:16:24,084 And it's nothing like what we had. 1780 01:16:24,168 --> 01:16:27,421 Now I know that I wasn't a bad dog. 1781 01:16:27,504 --> 01:16:30,549 You were a bad man. 1782 01:16:30,632 --> 01:16:32,676 Bad man! Bad man! 1783 01:16:32,759 --> 01:16:33,844 [barking] 1784 01:16:33,927 --> 01:16:35,179 [sighs] 1785 01:16:36,930 --> 01:16:38,640 Goodbye, Doug. 1786 01:16:38,724 --> 01:16:40,142 And fuck you. 1787 01:16:47,149 --> 01:16:52,196 Now what do I gotta do to get you the fuck out of my life? 1788 01:16:52,279 --> 01:16:54,406 I mean, how do you not get it, man? 1789 01:16:54,489 --> 01:16:57,910 I drove you three hours away. 1790 01:16:57,993 --> 01:17:01,663 I mean, how could I make it any more clear that I don't care about you? 1791 01:17:01,747 --> 01:17:03,832 I don't fucking love you. 1792 01:17:03,916 --> 01:17:05,667 Goodbye forever, shitbag. 1793 01:17:07,336 --> 01:17:10,797 Well, at least I found someone who loved me. 1794 01:17:10,881 --> 01:17:12,633 Pee-FFs forever. 1795 01:17:12,716 --> 01:17:14,343 [barking] 1796 01:17:14,426 --> 01:17:15,677 [Hunter grunts] 1797 01:17:15,761 --> 01:17:17,513 [all] Pee-FFs forever! 1798 01:17:17,596 --> 01:17:21,225 The fuck? Who the hell are these dogs? 1799 01:17:21,308 --> 01:17:23,769 Jesus Christ, it's like a fucking dog movie in here. 1800 01:17:23,852 --> 01:17:26,230 [growling] 1801 01:17:26,313 --> 01:17:27,523 Oh, yeah? 1802 01:17:27,606 --> 01:17:30,275 The fuck are you gonna do about it, cone boy? 1803 01:17:40,327 --> 01:17:41,328 Oh, shit. 1804 01:17:41,411 --> 01:17:43,497 [growls, barks] 1805 01:17:45,374 --> 01:17:47,668 [snarling] 1806 01:17:47,751 --> 01:17:48,961 Reggie, are you okay? 1807 01:17:49,044 --> 01:17:50,879 Listen, Bug, I-I'm so sorry for what I said. I-- 1808 01:17:50,963 --> 01:17:52,005 Don't worry about that right now. 1809 01:17:52,089 --> 01:17:54,132 Yeah, we've got a dick to rip off. 1810 01:17:54,216 --> 01:17:56,093 -[grunting] -[snarling] 1811 01:17:58,512 --> 01:18:00,180 Get the fuck off me! 1812 01:18:01,139 --> 01:18:03,267 Fuck. What the-- Get off me! 1813 01:18:03,350 --> 01:18:05,185 Let go! Goddamn it! 1814 01:18:05,269 --> 01:18:08,313 Ow! Fuck, my knee! Goddamn it! 1815 01:18:08,397 --> 01:18:10,691 -[barks] -Oh, you want some, huh? 1816 01:18:10,774 --> 01:18:12,109 [barking] 1817 01:18:13,986 --> 01:18:15,654 Oh, goddamn it! 1818 01:18:15,737 --> 01:18:18,156 You little fuckers owe me a microwave. 1819 01:18:18,240 --> 01:18:19,992 -[barking] -Eat some foot! 1820 01:18:21,159 --> 01:18:23,245 Ah! My foot! 1821 01:18:23,328 --> 01:18:25,372 [panting] 1822 01:18:27,791 --> 01:18:28,834 Shitbag! 1823 01:18:31,837 --> 01:18:35,090 [grunting] 1824 01:18:36,091 --> 01:18:37,301 [screams] 1825 01:18:38,343 --> 01:18:40,429 Oh! Fuck, my back! 1826 01:18:40,512 --> 01:18:41,972 -Guys! We should get out of here. -[Doug] Fuck! 1827 01:18:42,639 --> 01:18:45,058 -[Hunter] Reggie! -Got you, you little shit! 1828 01:18:45,142 --> 01:18:49,188 Well, look at you. You got yourself some friends? 1829 01:18:49,271 --> 01:18:51,899 Let me tell you furry fucks something. 1830 01:18:52,816 --> 01:18:56,278 Your little buddy here ruined my life. 1831 01:18:56,361 --> 01:18:59,740 Before him, I had a fucking good thing going. 1832 01:18:59,823 --> 01:19:01,700 A roof over my head, 1833 01:19:01,783 --> 01:19:04,203 checks from my mom, two girlfriends. 1834 01:19:04,286 --> 01:19:07,706 Now I have no house, no girlfriends, 1835 01:19:07,789 --> 01:19:09,625 and I have to masturbate all day. 1836 01:19:10,209 --> 01:19:13,086 All right? This dog turned me into a fucking loser. 1837 01:19:13,170 --> 01:19:14,671 Why's he talking so much? 1838 01:19:15,422 --> 01:19:18,634 You ever see the end of Marley & Me? Huh? 1839 01:19:18,717 --> 01:19:21,261 Yeah, me neither. It's fucking boring. 1840 01:19:22,304 --> 01:19:25,682 But I do know that the dog dies in the end. 1841 01:19:25,766 --> 01:19:26,767 [barking] 1842 01:19:26,850 --> 01:19:30,229 I'm gonna enjoy squeezing the life out of you… 1843 01:19:30,312 --> 01:19:31,897 -[Bug] Maggie, Hunter get in position. -Got it. 1844 01:19:31,980 --> 01:19:33,815 -[Hunter] Copy. -…cause you squeezed the life out of me. 1845 01:19:34,900 --> 01:19:36,235 Wait, what's happening? 1846 01:19:36,318 --> 01:19:38,153 What are they doing getting in a line like that? 1847 01:19:40,989 --> 01:19:44,201 [distorted] Fuck you! 1848 01:19:49,706 --> 01:19:52,543 ["Wrecking Ball" playing] 1849 01:19:57,130 --> 01:19:59,424 ♪ We clawed, we chained ♪ 1850 01:19:59,508 --> 01:20:01,051 ♪ Our hearts in vain ♪ 1851 01:20:01,134 --> 01:20:04,596 ♪ We jumped, never asking why ♪ 1852 01:20:04,680 --> 01:20:09,101 ♪ We kissed I fell under your spell ♪ 1853 01:20:09,184 --> 01:20:12,855 ♪ A love no one could deny ♪ 1854 01:20:13,522 --> 01:20:15,274 ♪ Don't you ever say… ♪ 1855 01:20:15,357 --> 01:20:18,151 Bad fucking dog! 1856 01:20:18,735 --> 01:20:21,029 You're goddamn right. 1857 01:20:21,822 --> 01:20:23,740 ♪ I came in like a wrecking ball ♪ 1858 01:20:23,824 --> 01:20:25,450 [distorted screaming] 1859 01:20:25,534 --> 01:20:29,454 ♪ I never hit so hard in love ♪ 1860 01:20:29,538 --> 01:20:33,458 ♪ All I wanted was to break your walls ♪ 1861 01:20:33,542 --> 01:20:35,794 ♪ All you ever did was ♪ 1862 01:20:35,878 --> 01:20:37,337 ♪ Wreck me ♪ 1863 01:20:37,421 --> 01:20:39,506 [distorted screaming] 1864 01:20:39,590 --> 01:20:42,426 ♪ You wreck me ♪ 1865 01:20:42,509 --> 01:20:46,346 ♪ I put you high up in the sky ♪ 1866 01:20:46,430 --> 01:20:50,475 ♪ And now you're not coming down ♪ 1867 01:20:50,559 --> 01:20:54,521 ♪ It slowly turned You let me burn ♪ 1868 01:20:54,605 --> 01:20:58,025 ♪ And now we're ashes on the ground ♪ 1869 01:20:59,067 --> 01:21:03,155 ♪ Don't you ever say I just walked away ♪ 1870 01:21:03,238 --> 01:21:05,824 ♪ I will always want you ♪ 1871 01:21:05,908 --> 01:21:09,703 ♪ I came in like a wrecking ball ♪ 1872 01:21:09,786 --> 01:21:13,248 ♪ Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung ♪ 1873 01:21:13,332 --> 01:21:16,877 ♪ Left me crashing in a blazing fall ♪ 1874 01:21:17,628 --> 01:21:22,216 ♪ All you ever did was wreck me ♪ 1875 01:21:22,299 --> 01:21:25,928 ♪ Yeah, you, you wreck me ♪ 1876 01:21:26,011 --> 01:21:29,181 [whimpering] 1877 01:21:29,264 --> 01:21:32,059 ♪ I never meant to start a war ♪ 1878 01:21:33,185 --> 01:21:36,313 ♪ I just wanted you to let me in… ♪ 1879 01:21:36,396 --> 01:21:39,024 Uh… Yeah, we should probably leave. 1880 01:21:39,107 --> 01:21:41,527 Oh, yeah? We gotta go right now? I was kind of enjoying this. 1881 01:21:41,610 --> 01:21:43,153 ♪ I guess I should've let you win… ♪ 1882 01:21:43,237 --> 01:21:46,323 [Bug] Yo, Reg, I gotta be honest with you. I ain't think you was gonna do that shit. 1883 01:21:46,406 --> 01:21:47,658 [Maggie] You really committed to that. 1884 01:21:47,741 --> 01:21:49,326 [Hunter] More graphic than I was expecting. 1885 01:21:49,409 --> 01:21:50,536 [Maggie] That was almost too far. 1886 01:21:50,619 --> 01:21:53,205 [Bug] You one-upped me for sure. I mean, I bit a girl's ankle. 1887 01:21:53,288 --> 01:21:55,624 You ripped a man's penis off. 1888 01:22:05,676 --> 01:22:07,803 ["Follow You" playing] 1889 01:22:11,181 --> 01:22:13,976 [Reggie] Today is gonna be the best day ever. 1890 01:22:14,726 --> 01:22:18,647 How do I know that? Because every day is the best day ever. 1891 01:22:18,730 --> 01:22:22,192 Hunter went back to his job at the old human home. 1892 01:22:22,276 --> 01:22:23,861 And he didn't even need his cone. 1893 01:22:23,944 --> 01:22:26,822 Hey, Cone of Shame! Where's your lampshade? [laughs] 1894 01:22:26,905 --> 01:22:29,241 Actually, Bubsy, I don't need that cone anymore, 1895 01:22:29,324 --> 01:22:31,618 just like I don't need any of your shit anymore. 1896 01:22:31,702 --> 01:22:33,287 -Fuck you, Bubsy! -Wow. 1897 01:22:33,370 --> 01:22:35,998 I had no idea you felt that way. I'm sorry. 1898 01:22:36,081 --> 01:22:37,082 I-I'm just gonna go… 1899 01:22:38,208 --> 01:22:40,043 fuck your mother! [laughs] 1900 01:22:40,127 --> 01:22:41,170 Fuck outta here! 1901 01:22:41,253 --> 01:22:44,798 [Reggie] And he finally found the courage to let Maggie know how he feels about her. 1902 01:22:44,882 --> 01:22:47,009 And now they have sex all the time! 1903 01:22:47,092 --> 01:22:48,802 Regular style, of course. 1904 01:22:48,886 --> 01:22:50,554 Attaboy, Hunter. 1905 01:22:51,346 --> 01:22:53,056 Reminds me of when I was young. 1906 01:22:54,391 --> 01:22:56,143 You used to fuck dogs? 1907 01:22:56,935 --> 01:22:57,936 What? 1908 01:22:58,520 --> 01:23:01,899 [Reggie] And Maggie, well, she finally got the owner she deserves. 1909 01:23:02,482 --> 01:23:04,943 Maggie's part of the detection squad now. 1910 01:23:05,027 --> 01:23:07,029 And she's the best sniffer on the team. 1911 01:23:07,112 --> 01:23:09,489 I love the costume you gave her. 1912 01:23:09,573 --> 01:23:12,534 -So good. -Uniform, for work. 1913 01:23:12,618 --> 01:23:14,870 [Reggie] And Bug's the same old Bug, 1914 01:23:14,953 --> 01:23:17,122 with one pretty big exception. 1915 01:23:17,206 --> 01:23:19,249 He's changed his stance on people. 1916 01:23:19,333 --> 01:23:20,459 [Riley laughing] 1917 01:23:20,542 --> 01:23:23,462 [Reggie] Or at least, one very special person. 1918 01:23:23,545 --> 01:23:26,256 -[Bug barking] -[Riley laughing] 1919 01:23:26,340 --> 01:23:28,759 ♪ And I'll show you how to love ♪ 1920 01:23:29,760 --> 01:23:31,178 ♪ To love ♪ 1921 01:23:31,261 --> 01:23:34,890 [Reggie] Sure, joining a family was a bit of a learning experience for him. 1922 01:23:38,268 --> 01:23:39,937 Oh, baby, I love this. 1923 01:23:40,020 --> 01:23:42,272 Your cushions are so much tighter than Dolores's. 1924 01:23:42,356 --> 01:23:44,358 And what is this fabric, faux suede? 1925 01:23:45,901 --> 01:23:47,778 -Hey. -Oh, hey, Kevin. 1926 01:23:48,695 --> 01:23:50,864 Come on, buddy. No humping the couch. 1927 01:23:52,491 --> 01:23:54,910 Nothing will ever come between us. 1928 01:23:56,119 --> 01:23:58,497 Yep, life is pretty damn great. 1929 01:23:59,164 --> 01:24:00,582 So we'll see you guys tonight? 1930 01:24:00,666 --> 01:24:02,376 -Yes! Scraps night. -You know it! Scraps night! 1931 01:24:06,296 --> 01:24:09,341 [Reggie] As for me, I chose to stay a stray. 1932 01:24:09,424 --> 01:24:11,301 And I couldn't be happier. 1933 01:24:11,802 --> 01:24:15,597 And for any dogs in need, I'll be there to show them the ropes. 1934 01:24:16,306 --> 01:24:18,141 Hey, there. I'm Reggie. You got a name? 1935 01:24:18,225 --> 01:24:20,602 Oh, hi. I'm-- I'm Shitstain. 1936 01:24:20,686 --> 01:24:23,230 No, no, no. That's not your name. Trust me. 1937 01:24:24,273 --> 01:24:28,694 Rule number one of being a stray: You want something, you pee on it. 1938 01:24:28,777 --> 01:24:30,821 And whatever you pee on is yours. 1939 01:24:30,904 --> 01:24:33,532 -Oh. How 'bout this lamppost? -That's mine. 1940 01:24:33,615 --> 01:24:35,033 Oh. Okay. 1941 01:24:35,117 --> 01:24:37,786 Rule number two: You can pretty much hump whatever you want. 1942 01:24:37,870 --> 01:24:39,705 -Cool! -Awesome! 1943 01:24:39,788 --> 01:24:43,876 Rule number three is the most important rule, bar none. 1944 01:24:44,835 --> 01:24:46,962 You are not alone. 1945 01:24:48,630 --> 01:24:51,633 [Reggie] You know, I used to think my place was by Doug's side. 1946 01:24:51,717 --> 01:24:54,303 But now I know my place is wherever I want it to be. 1947 01:24:54,386 --> 01:24:57,264 And I've never felt more at home. 1948 01:24:57,806 --> 01:25:01,393 'Cause I know a guy who lets me crash whenever I want. 1949 01:25:02,019 --> 01:25:03,687 -Hey, loser. -Hey, fuck face. 1950 01:25:05,522 --> 01:25:07,232 [Riley giggling] 1951 01:25:07,316 --> 01:25:09,151 Liam, the cute scruffy dog is back! 1952 01:25:11,486 --> 01:25:13,071 [laughter] 1953 01:25:13,822 --> 01:25:14,907 [barks] 1954 01:25:15,991 --> 01:25:17,826 Isn't this the life? 1955 01:25:17,910 --> 01:25:19,203 [sighs] 1956 01:25:19,786 --> 01:25:21,580 [Liam] Who's a good boy? 1957 01:25:21,663 --> 01:25:22,998 You're a good boy. 1958 01:25:23,916 --> 01:25:25,584 Such a good boy. 1959 01:25:26,210 --> 01:25:28,462 [Reggie] I've learned a lot since Doug. 1960 01:25:28,545 --> 01:25:30,714 Sure, there's some bad people in this world, 1961 01:25:30,797 --> 01:25:34,426 but even Bug would agree, the good ones are out there. 1962 01:25:34,510 --> 01:25:37,054 You just gotta keep your eyes open. 1963 01:25:37,137 --> 01:25:38,680 Hey, kids! 1964 01:25:38,764 --> 01:25:40,682 -[Bug] I'll rip your lungs out. -[Reggie] Fuck you, mailman! 1965 01:25:40,766 --> 01:25:42,434 These guys have a lot of energy, don't they? 1966 01:25:42,518 --> 01:25:45,103 -I'm gonna eat your fucking nut sack. -Get out of here, you evil little shit! 1967 01:25:45,187 --> 01:25:48,190 -I'll give you to the count of three… -You stupid fucking evil devil! 1968 01:25:48,273 --> 01:25:50,609 …and then I'm gonna jump this fence and skull-fuck you to death! 1969 01:25:50,692 --> 01:25:52,611 [Reggie] You're just as bad as your friend in the sky! 1970 01:25:52,694 --> 01:25:55,948 -[Bug] Yeah, yeah, you smart! You smart! -[Reggie] You fuckwad! Go! Go! Go! 1971 01:25:56,031 --> 01:25:57,282 [Bug] Keep walking! Keep walking! 1972 01:25:57,366 --> 01:25:59,284 [Reggie] Don't even think about coming back here tomorrow! 1973 01:25:59,368 --> 01:26:00,369 Fuck off! 1974 01:26:00,452 --> 01:26:02,412 [Bug] Yeah, bitch. You don't want to get this guy angry. 1975 01:26:02,496 --> 01:26:06,375 [Reggie] I may be small, but you have no idea what I'm capable of! 1976 01:26:07,167 --> 01:26:08,585 Just ask Doug! 1977 01:26:09,461 --> 01:26:12,172 I ripped the guy's cock off! 1978 01:26:12,256 --> 01:26:14,800 ♪ This is for the Gz And this is for the hustlas ♪ 1979 01:26:14,883 --> 01:26:17,302 ♪ This is for the hustlas Now back to the Gz ♪ 1980 01:26:17,386 --> 01:26:20,138 ♪ This is for the Gz And this is for the hustlas ♪ 1981 01:26:20,222 --> 01:26:22,766 ♪ This is for the hustlas Now back to the Gz ♪ 1982 01:26:22,850 --> 01:26:25,060 ♪ It's 1-9-9-tre So let me just play ♪ 1983 01:26:25,143 --> 01:26:26,478 ♪ It's Snoop Dogg, I'm on the mic ♪ 1984 01:26:26,562 --> 01:26:28,230 -♪ I'm back with Dr. Dre ♪ -[eagle screeches] 1985 01:26:28,313 --> 01:26:30,399 ♪ But this time I'ma hit Yo' ass with a touch ♪ 1986 01:26:30,482 --> 01:26:33,151 ♪ To leave motherfuckers in a daze Fucked up ♪ 1987 01:26:33,235 --> 01:26:35,696 ♪ So sit back, relax New jacks get smacked ♪ 1988 01:26:35,779 --> 01:26:38,156 ♪ It's Snoop Doggy Dogg I'm at the top of the stack ♪ 1989 01:26:38,240 --> 01:26:40,993 ♪ I don't lack for a second And I'm still checkin' ♪ 1990 01:26:41,076 --> 01:26:43,537 ♪ The dopest motherfucker That ya hearin' on the record ♪ 1991 01:26:43,620 --> 01:26:45,664 ♪ It's me, ya see, S-N-double-O-P ♪ 1992 01:26:45,747 --> 01:26:48,333 ♪ D-O-double-G-Y, the D-O-double-G ♪ 1993 01:26:48,417 --> 01:26:51,044 {\an8}♪ I'm fly as a falcon Soarin' through the sky ♪ 1994 01:26:51,128 --> 01:26:53,839 {\an8}-[eagle screeches] -♪ And I'm high till I dizzie, rizzide ♪ 1995 01:26:53,922 --> 01:26:56,925 ♪ So check it, I get busy I make your head dizzy ♪ 1996 01:26:57,009 --> 01:26:59,303 ♪ I blow up your mouth Like I was Dizzy Gillespie ♪ 1997 01:26:59,386 --> 01:27:01,263 ♪ I'm crazy, you can't phase me ♪ 1998 01:27:01,346 --> 01:27:03,265 ♪ I'm the S, oh, yes, I'm fresh ♪ 1999 01:27:03,348 --> 01:27:04,516 ♪ I don't fuck with the stress ♪ 2000 01:27:04,600 --> 01:27:07,102 ♪ I'm all about the chronic Bionic, ya see ♪ 2001 01:27:07,186 --> 01:27:10,230 ♪ Every single day Chillin' with the D-O-double-G's ♪ 2002 01:27:10,314 --> 01:27:12,524 ♪ P-O-U-N-D, that's my clique, my crew ♪ 2003 01:27:12,608 --> 01:27:15,360 ♪ You fuck with us We gots to fuck you up ♪ 2004 01:27:15,444 --> 01:27:17,196 ♪ I thought you knew, but yet and still ♪ 2005 01:27:17,279 --> 01:27:20,449 ♪ You wanna get real Now it's time to peel, you say chill ♪ 2006 01:27:20,532 --> 01:27:22,659 ♪ And feel the motherfuckin' realism ♪ 2007 01:27:22,743 --> 01:27:24,036 ♪ Snoop Doggy Dogg is on the mic ♪ 2008 01:27:24,119 --> 01:27:25,579 ♪ I'm hittin' hard as steel ♪ 2009 01:27:25,662 --> 01:27:28,665 ♪ This is for the Gz And this is for the hustlas ♪ 2010 01:27:28,749 --> 01:27:31,293 ♪ This is for the hustlas Now back to the Gz ♪ 2011 01:27:31,376 --> 01:27:33,837 ♪ This is for the Gz And this is for the hustlas ♪ 2012 01:27:33,921 --> 01:27:36,465 ♪ This is for the hustlas Now back to the Gz ♪ 2013 01:27:36,548 --> 01:27:39,134 ♪ This is for the Gz And this is for the hustlas ♪ 2014 01:27:39,218 --> 01:27:41,720 ♪ This is for the hustlas Now back to the Gz ♪ 2015 01:27:41,803 --> 01:27:44,431 ♪ This is for the Gz And this is for the hustlas ♪ 2016 01:27:44,515 --> 01:27:46,892 ♪ This is for the hustlas Now back to the Gz ♪ 2017 01:27:46,975 --> 01:27:48,310 [barking] 2018 01:27:52,564 --> 01:27:55,025 In addition to the multiple facial lacerations 2019 01:27:55,108 --> 01:27:57,986 and the severe burn wounds, 2020 01:27:58,070 --> 01:28:03,408 we also discovered an alarming amount of fecal bacteria in your system, 2021 01:28:03,492 --> 01:28:07,204 which, I would imagine came from the-- the-- the… 2022 01:28:07,287 --> 01:28:10,374 -Dog shitting in my mouth? Yeah. -Right. Yeah. 2023 01:28:10,457 --> 01:28:11,458 [sighs] 2024 01:28:12,125 --> 01:28:14,545 Um… Ba-ba-ba… 2025 01:28:14,628 --> 01:28:16,088 Checking the clipboard. 2026 01:28:16,171 --> 01:28:19,049 Oh, yeah. We also, uh, couldn't reattach the penis. 2027 01:28:21,426 --> 01:28:24,429 [Doug] Fuck! 2028 01:28:24,513 --> 01:28:29,518 [beatboxing] 2029 01:28:38,902 --> 01:28:39,903 ♪ Jamie ♪ 2030 01:28:41,446 --> 01:28:42,656 ♪ Jamie Foxx ♪ 2031 01:28:44,199 --> 01:28:45,200 ♪ Will Ferrell ♪ 2032 01:28:46,076 --> 01:28:48,495 [barking rhythmically] 2033 01:28:50,455 --> 01:28:53,458 [beatboxing continues] 2034 01:28:59,381 --> 01:29:01,466 ♪ Dirty, dirty dog ♪ 2035 01:29:02,342 --> 01:29:03,760 ♪ I'm a stray ♪ 2036 01:29:04,761 --> 01:29:06,763 [barking rhythmically] 2037 01:29:12,895 --> 01:29:14,146 ♪ Quit doggin' me! ♪ 2038 01:29:15,439 --> 01:29:18,233 ♪ Quit doggin' me! Dogging me ♪ 2039 01:29:18,317 --> 01:29:22,988 [beatboxing, barking rhythmically] 2040 01:29:23,071 --> 01:29:24,823 ♪ I'm a stray ♪ 160964

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