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Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew
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Someone once said that two halves
make a whole.
2
00:00:57,137 --> 00:00:59,264
And when two halves move in together...
3
00:00:59,339 --> 00:01:02,137
it makes a whole lot of stuff.
4
00:01:03,210 --> 00:01:04,541
Hey, what's...
5
00:01:04,611 --> 00:01:07,273
Hi pop-tart, where you been
and what have you been doing?
6
00:01:07,347 --> 00:01:09,975
I got coffee and papers...
7
00:01:10,050 --> 00:01:14,146
but I think the more pressing question is,
what have you been doing?
8
00:01:14,221 --> 00:01:15,688
Made myself an area.
9
00:01:16,022 --> 00:01:17,853
Yes, I can see that.
10
00:01:17,924 --> 00:01:21,451
I needed a space for my work papers
and stuff, you know, so...
11
00:01:21,528 --> 00:01:22,495
is that okay?
12
00:01:22,562 --> 00:01:24,689
Yeah, sure, yes. It's just...
13
00:01:24,965 --> 00:01:26,796
you're blocking the bathroom door.
14
00:01:26,867 --> 00:01:29,267
Yeah, but you got another one.
Who needs two?
15
00:01:29,336 --> 00:01:30,928
I do, me.
16
00:01:31,104 --> 00:01:33,572
Me, the one who loves
her two bathroom doors.
17
00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:35,130
Why do you need two doors?
18
00:01:35,208 --> 00:01:39,008
Sometimes I'm in a hurry and
it's just quicker to go, ping, out that one...
19
00:01:39,079 --> 00:01:41,809
- and it's my escape route in case.
- In case what?
20
00:01:41,882 --> 00:01:44,146
In case rapists
come in my bedroom window...
21
00:01:44,217 --> 00:01:46,651
I see them in the mirror
and then, phew, I'm gone.
22
00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:49,883
There's a whole lot of phewing going on
in that bathroom.
23
00:01:50,223 --> 00:01:54,387
It's just gonna be like this until we're able
to take over the apartment next door...
24
00:01:54,461 --> 00:01:56,122
then we can load the stuff in.
25
00:01:56,196 --> 00:01:59,893
And would that be happening
in the next five minutes please, God?
26
00:01:59,966 --> 00:02:02,298
Closing at the end of next week.
27
00:02:03,703 --> 00:02:05,170
Hello, Petey.
28
00:02:05,238 --> 00:02:08,469
Really, what's the problem, right?
It's just boxes, right?
29
00:02:10,043 --> 00:02:11,271
A plant!
30
00:02:11,344 --> 00:02:13,869
The man brought a living thing
into my apartment.
31
00:02:13,947 --> 00:02:16,575
I don't do plants.
I kill everything I bring in there.
32
00:02:16,650 --> 00:02:18,777
You said yes to moving in, he moved in.
33
00:02:18,852 --> 00:02:20,979
But he's taking over whole areas.
34
00:02:21,054 --> 00:02:23,113
This is why I've never lived with a man.
35
00:02:23,190 --> 00:02:26,250
This, and the fact that I want them out
an hour after I climax.
36
00:02:26,326 --> 00:02:27,987
You let them stay a whole hour?
37
00:02:28,061 --> 00:02:31,497
You'd be surprised how many
are ready to go again after a quick catnap.
38
00:02:31,565 --> 00:02:33,863
And there's no walls,
there's nowhere to hide.
39
00:02:33,934 --> 00:02:35,993
As soon as I walk in, he's all up with:
40
00:02:36,069 --> 00:02:39,129
"Who'd you see? Where'd you go?
Who'd ya meet? What'd ya know?"
41
00:02:39,206 --> 00:02:43,108
What I know is, I need time to decompress.
42
00:02:43,410 --> 00:02:44,468
Just be alone.
43
00:02:44,544 --> 00:02:47,945
But there have to be some adjustments.
Relationships are hard.
44
00:02:48,315 --> 00:02:51,580
You guys,
I miss walking into my apartment...
45
00:02:51,651 --> 00:02:54,211
with no one there and it's all quiet...
46
00:02:54,688 --> 00:02:58,146
and I can do that stuff you do
when you're totally alone...
47
00:02:58,225 --> 00:03:02,252
things you would never want
your boyfriend to see you do.
48
00:03:02,329 --> 00:03:03,523
Like masturbate?
49
00:03:03,597 --> 00:03:06,430
My S.S.B., my Secret Single Behavior.
50
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:09,225
Like, I like to make a stack of saltines.
51
00:03:09,302 --> 00:03:11,031
I put grape jelly on them.
52
00:03:11,171 --> 00:03:14,732
I eat them standing up in the kitchen
reading fashion magazines.
53
00:03:14,808 --> 00:03:15,968
Why standing up?
54
00:03:16,042 --> 00:03:18,374
It's weird, but it just feels great.
55
00:03:18,445 --> 00:03:20,606
I like to put Vaseline on my hands...
56
00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:23,274
and put them in
Borghese conditioning gloves...
57
00:03:23,350 --> 00:03:24,977
while watching infomercials.
58
00:03:25,051 --> 00:03:26,416
Before I was married...
59
00:03:26,486 --> 00:03:30,445
I used to study my pores in
a magnifying mirror for an hour each night.
60
00:03:30,524 --> 00:03:32,788
But I'm afraid Trey will think it's weird.
61
00:03:32,859 --> 00:03:35,692
He would.
You can't do that stuff in front of men.
62
00:03:36,329 --> 00:03:37,853
What about you, Lolita?
63
00:03:37,931 --> 00:03:40,627
Anything you do
you wouldn't want a man to see?
64
00:03:40,734 --> 00:03:41,758
No.
65
00:03:42,102 --> 00:03:43,797
You know, I believe her.
66
00:03:46,172 --> 00:03:48,868
Hey, didn't we make a rule
about those things at lunch?
67
00:03:48,942 --> 00:03:51,274
It's my boss, I have to take it.
68
00:03:52,012 --> 00:03:53,309
Samantha Jones.
69
00:03:53,847 --> 00:03:55,838
Richard, it's Sunday.
70
00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:57,842
Fine.
71
00:03:58,084 --> 00:03:59,745
I'll see you in an hour.
72
00:04:00,887 --> 00:04:03,355
He wants me to drop
something off this afternoon.
73
00:04:03,423 --> 00:04:04,685
Nice.
74
00:04:04,758 --> 00:04:08,023
A little skyrockets in flight,
afternoon delight?
75
00:04:08,094 --> 00:04:09,891
No, it's just work.
76
00:04:10,096 --> 00:04:12,189
Hardly, you're sleeping with him.
77
00:04:12,766 --> 00:04:14,028
You told them?
78
00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:17,831
I also like to gossip on the phone
while secretly pumicing my calluses.
79
00:04:17,904 --> 00:04:19,201
So, how is he?
80
00:04:19,272 --> 00:04:21,934
And spare no detail,
I'm a horny pregnant person.
81
00:04:22,008 --> 00:04:23,942
I don't want to talk about it.
82
00:04:25,812 --> 00:04:29,145
Samantha likes a guy.
83
00:04:29,282 --> 00:04:31,546
- I do not.
- You do! You do!
84
00:04:31,618 --> 00:04:33,779
Or you would tell us all the dirty details.
85
00:04:33,853 --> 00:04:36,344
My God, we're gonna
have to ice skate home.
86
00:04:36,423 --> 00:04:38,118
Hell just froze over.
87
00:04:38,191 --> 00:04:40,455
Okay, you want details?
88
00:04:42,796 --> 00:04:45,765
He's got the most perfect dick
I've ever seen.
89
00:04:46,032 --> 00:04:48,523
Long, pink, amazing.
90
00:04:50,303 --> 00:04:51,998
It's dick-a-licious.
91
00:04:52,572 --> 00:04:55,473
All right, so,
what should I do about Aidan's stuff?
92
00:04:57,711 --> 00:04:59,838
I'm gonna have the girls over for dinner.
93
00:04:59,913 --> 00:05:02,245
That sounds like fun. What night?
94
00:05:02,315 --> 00:05:03,714
Just the girls.
95
00:05:04,317 --> 00:05:06,683
I'm trying to get my day planner
back together.
96
00:05:06,753 --> 00:05:09,517
I have much more free time
since we left the baby track.
97
00:05:09,589 --> 00:05:12,456
Some apartments are cluttered
with physical stuff...
98
00:05:12,525 --> 00:05:14,516
others, emotional stuff.
99
00:05:14,594 --> 00:05:16,619
It's a big readjustment.
100
00:05:16,763 --> 00:05:19,254
I've wanted a baby
ever since I was a little girl.
101
00:05:19,332 --> 00:05:21,630
We have a baby room and no baby.
102
00:05:23,770 --> 00:05:25,499
I've got some good news.
103
00:05:26,039 --> 00:05:30,169
Bram Pomander thinks
he's snagged us orchestra seats...
104
00:05:30,243 --> 00:05:32,438
to The Producers next week.
105
00:05:35,115 --> 00:05:37,606
Charlotte, yes, we're disappointed.
106
00:05:37,951 --> 00:05:39,578
But life goes on.
107
00:05:39,686 --> 00:05:42,314
We still have to find a way to have a giggle.
108
00:05:42,689 --> 00:05:44,680
Come on, give me a smile.
109
00:05:55,101 --> 00:05:57,296
Hold on! Potential investors in Munich.
110
00:05:57,370 --> 00:05:59,668
I wish I knew how to say
"fuck you" in German.
111
00:05:59,739 --> 00:06:00,797
Fick mich.
112
00:06:01,341 --> 00:06:02,433
Fick mich.
113
00:06:05,145 --> 00:06:06,271
Impressive.
114
00:06:06,613 --> 00:06:08,080
Why do you speak German?
115
00:06:08,148 --> 00:06:10,139
A gal has her reasons.
116
00:06:10,216 --> 00:06:12,684
Actually, that wasn't "fuck you,"
it was "fuck me."
117
00:06:12,752 --> 00:06:15,277
That's a negotiation ploy
I haven't tried before.
118
00:06:15,355 --> 00:06:16,583
Who are you kidding?
119
00:06:16,656 --> 00:06:19,022
Where's the layout
for the L.A. Magazine spread?
120
00:06:19,092 --> 00:06:21,117
Signed, sealed, delivered.
121
00:06:21,194 --> 00:06:22,661
And one more thing.
122
00:06:26,366 --> 00:06:27,731
It was perfect.
123
00:06:27,801 --> 00:06:30,861
Long, pink, amazing.
124
00:06:33,973 --> 00:06:35,998
I thought about you all weekend.
125
00:06:38,411 --> 00:06:42,177
Let me see if I can give you something
to think about all evening.
126
00:06:44,851 --> 00:06:47,046
Bring out that gorgeous dick.
127
00:06:47,454 --> 00:06:50,150
You're gonna get down on your knees
right here?
128
00:06:50,356 --> 00:06:52,551
What if my assistant should see you?
129
00:06:56,996 --> 00:06:58,088
Oops!
130
00:06:59,499 --> 00:07:01,399
I dropped my portfolio.
131
00:07:03,536 --> 00:07:05,697
That may take some time to pick up.
132
00:07:14,547 --> 00:07:18,244
Das ist einen sch�nen perfekten Schwanz.
133
00:07:25,525 --> 00:07:28,756
Whoops. Better get those,
while you're down there.
134
00:07:30,497 --> 00:07:33,557
If I had known you were gonna
turn out to be so not a loser...
135
00:07:33,633 --> 00:07:36,329
I would have run home
after work and changed.
136
00:07:36,402 --> 00:07:38,996
Or at least put on some fresh deodorant.
137
00:07:40,940 --> 00:07:43,636
Careful. I was a much younger man...
138
00:07:43,710 --> 00:07:45,940
when we started setting up this blind date.
139
00:07:46,012 --> 00:07:48,640
You're the one who kept canceling
to go to...
140
00:07:48,715 --> 00:07:49,773
Where were you?
141
00:07:49,849 --> 00:07:51,510
First time, Spain and Rome...
142
00:07:51,584 --> 00:07:54,212
the second time, Luxembourg and Athens.
143
00:07:54,287 --> 00:07:58,155
Walker Lewis, fluent in five languages,
traveled the world...
144
00:07:58,258 --> 00:08:00,158
as a State Department interpreter.
145
00:08:00,226 --> 00:08:01,955
Seriously, Miranda...
146
00:08:02,395 --> 00:08:04,829
best blind date I have ever had...
147
00:08:05,698 --> 00:08:07,689
in the continental U.S.A.
148
00:08:21,181 --> 00:08:22,273
What?
149
00:08:23,416 --> 00:08:27,079
Listen, any reason I can't see you again
before I go to Brussels?
150
00:08:30,256 --> 00:08:32,656
He is so cute and funny and sexy.
151
00:08:32,725 --> 00:08:35,660
And I really want to have sex with him.
But I don't know.
152
00:08:35,728 --> 00:08:39,528
Is it okay to fuck one guy when
you're pregnant with another guy's baby?
153
00:08:39,599 --> 00:08:42,227
If one more person asks me that today...
154
00:08:42,302 --> 00:08:46,762
I mean, I'm not in a relationship
with the father of the baby or anything.
155
00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:49,638
I've rarely heard that used as a plus,
but go on.
156
00:08:49,709 --> 00:08:51,768
It's just... Is it tacky?
157
00:08:51,845 --> 00:08:54,040
And beyond tacky, is it safe?
158
00:08:54,113 --> 00:08:56,206
Let's assume he's a really great fuck.
159
00:08:56,282 --> 00:08:57,715
Because so many men are.
160
00:08:57,784 --> 00:09:01,311
Could all that poking
shake the baby loose or something?
161
00:09:01,654 --> 00:09:03,281
No, that's silly.
162
00:09:03,656 --> 00:09:06,147
Married couples have sex all the time.
163
00:09:06,359 --> 00:09:07,690
But what if he's huge?
164
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,728
Again, 'cause so many men are.
165
00:09:09,796 --> 00:09:11,696
Could the dick dent the baby?
166
00:09:11,764 --> 00:09:14,028
Where do you think dimples come from?
167
00:09:14,734 --> 00:09:16,099
That is so cute.
168
00:09:16,169 --> 00:09:17,329
I try.
169
00:09:17,403 --> 00:09:20,338
Okay, I really need
to have sex with him now.
170
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:24,508
Next time he comes back in town,
I'll be too big and he won't want to.
171
00:09:24,577 --> 00:09:27,410
Nothing puts a man off sex like pregnancy.
172
00:09:29,148 --> 00:09:31,173
This is my last chance.
173
00:09:32,085 --> 00:09:34,076
Last chance for sex.
174
00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,010
You're not on death row.
175
00:09:36,089 --> 00:09:38,284
Yes, I am, dead woman fucking.
176
00:09:38,524 --> 00:09:41,550
It's your body, your life.
You do what's best for you.
177
00:09:41,628 --> 00:09:43,528
Easier said than done.
178
00:09:43,596 --> 00:09:47,362
You can't even ask Aidan not to talk
when you walk in the front door.
179
00:09:48,401 --> 00:09:51,131
Hi, Mrs. Cohen! Hold on a second.
180
00:09:51,304 --> 00:09:52,794
Here, let me help you.
181
00:09:52,872 --> 00:09:55,602
Hold on, here we go.
182
00:09:56,142 --> 00:09:57,609
Hello. Okay?
183
00:09:57,911 --> 00:09:59,538
That's a crazy outfit.
184
00:10:01,314 --> 00:10:04,772
Okay, Mrs. Cohen,
this is my friend, Miranda.
185
00:10:04,884 --> 00:10:06,545
Hello, Mrs. Cohen.
186
00:10:08,755 --> 00:10:13,283
Listen, you tell your boy
I'm not leaving for 30 days.
187
00:10:13,626 --> 00:10:14,718
What?
188
00:10:15,161 --> 00:10:17,186
But we're closing in a week.
189
00:10:17,397 --> 00:10:19,058
Read the contract!
190
00:10:20,733 --> 00:10:23,896
I didn't think Mrs. Cohen
could move any slower...
191
00:10:24,437 --> 00:10:26,701
but apparently she could.
192
00:10:29,208 --> 00:10:30,835
Gal, what's up?
193
00:10:30,910 --> 00:10:32,901
Where you been? What do you know?
194
00:10:38,318 --> 00:10:40,286
Brace yourself, partner.
195
00:10:40,353 --> 00:10:42,787
I been outside, and what's up...
196
00:10:43,289 --> 00:10:46,622
is Old Lightning Rod
next door informs me...
197
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:50,828
she will not be leaving for 30 days.
198
00:10:52,231 --> 00:10:55,166
I was afraid she was gonna do that. Fuck!
199
00:10:55,501 --> 00:10:56,490
Fuck!
200
00:10:56,569 --> 00:10:59,561
What the fuck
are we gonna fucking do now?
201
00:11:02,041 --> 00:11:03,440
Thank you.
202
00:11:03,843 --> 00:11:06,403
You hate it, too, I'm so relieved!
203
00:11:06,479 --> 00:11:09,175
I thought you'd already changed into a pod.
204
00:11:09,248 --> 00:11:11,648
Invasion of the Single Snatchers.
205
00:11:13,286 --> 00:11:14,844
Of course I hate it.
206
00:11:15,254 --> 00:11:17,688
We cannot live like this.
207
00:11:19,158 --> 00:11:22,821
I mean, I got all my boxes in the hall.
You can't get in the fucking door.
208
00:11:22,895 --> 00:11:24,590
I know, did you see me?
209
00:11:24,664 --> 00:11:28,361
- Every time! Every single time!
- We gotta get this stuff out of here.
210
00:11:28,434 --> 00:11:31,801
We could make some room for it
if we cleaned out your closet.
211
00:11:35,575 --> 00:11:36,803
Careful!
212
00:11:37,210 --> 00:11:39,405
Okay, damn, my ears.
213
00:11:39,879 --> 00:11:41,107
Listen to me.
214
00:11:41,180 --> 00:11:45,276
I have laid out clean towels
on the floor of the bathroom.
215
00:11:45,351 --> 00:11:49,845
Gently place the shoes and boxes on them.
216
00:11:57,530 --> 00:11:59,225
I forgot I had these.
217
00:11:59,298 --> 00:12:01,027
Things are looking up.
218
00:12:01,167 --> 00:12:03,362
How many pairs of shoes
does one person need?
219
00:12:03,436 --> 00:12:06,030
That is not the way to get out of this alive.
220
00:12:07,540 --> 00:12:10,873
I figure I'm gonna need
about half this space.
221
00:12:10,977 --> 00:12:13,207
I figure you've gone mentally ill.
222
00:12:13,279 --> 00:12:15,975
- You never wear most of this stuff.
- Yet!
223
00:12:16,049 --> 00:12:19,143
I never wear most of this stuff yet.
Someday I will.
224
00:12:22,522 --> 00:12:23,546
Like this?
225
00:12:23,623 --> 00:12:26,615
When and where were you
planning to wear this?
226
00:12:27,693 --> 00:12:30,321
Don't do that. Don't mock the clothes.
227
00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:33,230
And for the record, have worn it.
228
00:12:33,499 --> 00:12:36,161
December, '99, Union Square...
229
00:12:36,436 --> 00:12:37,903
book signing.
230
00:12:38,771 --> 00:12:40,500
We gotta start somewhere.
231
00:12:41,007 --> 00:12:42,804
Come on, I love this outfit.
232
00:12:44,177 --> 00:12:48,409
That's when I realized I was holding onto
a Roberto Cavalli outfit...
233
00:12:48,481 --> 00:12:50,915
and throwing away my relationship.
234
00:12:50,983 --> 00:12:52,814
- Okay, it goes!
- Good.
235
00:12:53,586 --> 00:12:54,644
Bye.
236
00:13:00,726 --> 00:13:01,818
Pete!
237
00:13:03,830 --> 00:13:04,922
Hey, Pete!
238
00:13:04,997 --> 00:13:07,431
Stop it! Pete, stop it!
239
00:13:08,101 --> 00:13:11,229
- Pete, my God!
- Pete, hey!
240
00:13:12,238 --> 00:13:14,832
Don't show it to me,
don't even show it to me!
241
00:13:14,907 --> 00:13:16,602
I think I saw turquoise.
242
00:13:16,676 --> 00:13:19,201
That better not be the pair I think!
243
00:13:19,979 --> 00:13:21,606
Goddamn it!
244
00:13:22,915 --> 00:13:26,442
That dog owes me $380.
245
00:13:26,786 --> 00:13:30,483
- Fine.
- You can't buy it, it's circa 1996!
246
00:13:31,457 --> 00:13:32,822
Goddamn it!
247
00:13:32,892 --> 00:13:37,158
He's a dog, what's he supposed to do
with all your shit lying around here?
248
00:13:37,230 --> 00:13:41,291
My shit wouldn't be lying around
if we weren't making room...
249
00:13:41,367 --> 00:13:43,665
because your shit is lying around.
250
00:13:43,736 --> 00:13:45,966
You got more shit lying around than I got.
251
00:13:46,038 --> 00:13:47,869
What? Look at this place.
252
00:13:47,940 --> 00:13:49,532
It's loaded with your shit.
253
00:13:49,609 --> 00:13:51,736
Just look at this bathroom!
254
00:13:51,911 --> 00:13:54,505
Look at all your shit in my bathroom.
255
00:13:55,081 --> 00:13:59,450
Who needs five almost-empty
Speedstick deodorants?
256
00:13:59,519 --> 00:14:01,146
What are you, a crazy bag man?
257
00:14:01,220 --> 00:14:02,812
They're different smells!
258
00:14:02,889 --> 00:14:05,119
And when have you ever worn musk?
259
00:14:05,191 --> 00:14:08,456
Look at this stuff,
you got old razors, Rogaine...
260
00:14:10,730 --> 00:14:12,630
Wait a minute. You use Rogaine?
261
00:14:12,698 --> 00:14:15,258
- I didn't know you needed...
- It's preventative!
262
00:14:15,334 --> 00:14:18,235
- Is your hair falling out?
- I don't want to talk about it!
263
00:14:18,304 --> 00:14:21,467
It seems it's not only women
who have Secret Single Behavior.
264
00:14:21,541 --> 00:14:24,374
This is my stuff!
Don't be going through my stuff.
265
00:14:24,443 --> 00:14:26,843
You were more than happy
to go through my stuff.
266
00:14:26,913 --> 00:14:28,778
Your stuff, your bathroom.
267
00:14:28,848 --> 00:14:31,373
You always do that,
you never want to let me in.
268
00:14:31,450 --> 00:14:33,850
I don't "always do" anything.
269
00:14:34,086 --> 00:14:36,748
And I have let you in.
270
00:14:36,822 --> 00:14:39,723
You're fighting with me
about a stupid fucking outfit!
271
00:14:40,092 --> 00:14:41,354
Shut up!
272
00:14:41,427 --> 00:14:43,122
It's Roberto Cavalli.
273
00:14:43,196 --> 00:14:45,357
I threw it away and I love it!
274
00:14:45,431 --> 00:14:47,763
- What more do you want?
- Shut up?
275
00:14:48,034 --> 00:14:50,730
- Shut up!
- Yes, shut up!
276
00:14:51,037 --> 00:14:52,937
You're telling me to shut up?
277
00:14:53,005 --> 00:14:55,974
Please, just shut up!
278
00:14:56,042 --> 00:14:59,637
I'm so sick of hearing you talking
all the time!
279
00:14:59,712 --> 00:15:01,703
Don't you ever just shut up?
280
00:15:01,781 --> 00:15:03,874
- I'm gonna take a walk.
- No.
281
00:15:04,951 --> 00:15:06,942
I'm taking a walk!
282
00:15:07,220 --> 00:15:11,213
You can stay here with your boxes of shit
and your shoe-eating dog...
283
00:15:11,390 --> 00:15:15,656
and you can knock yourself out
putting on the Rogaine and the Speedstick!
284
00:15:19,165 --> 00:15:22,225
This is why I need a second door!
285
00:15:25,037 --> 00:15:26,504
I heard that!
286
00:15:29,175 --> 00:15:32,201
I used to think those people
who sat alone at Starbucks...
287
00:15:32,278 --> 00:15:34,838
writing on their laptops
were pretentious poseurs.
288
00:15:35,114 --> 00:15:36,547
Now, I know.
289
00:15:36,616 --> 00:15:39,312
They're people who have recently
moved in with someone.
290
00:15:39,385 --> 00:15:40,682
As I looked around...
291
00:15:40,753 --> 00:15:43,381
I wondered how many of them
were mid-fight...
292
00:15:43,456 --> 00:15:44,855
like myself.
293
00:15:45,925 --> 00:15:50,089
The thing about fighting in relationships,
as opposed to Madison Square Garden...
294
00:15:50,162 --> 00:15:51,151
no referee.
295
00:15:51,230 --> 00:15:54,290
There's no one to tell you
which comments are below the belt...
296
00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:56,426
or when to go to your separate corners.
297
00:15:56,502 --> 00:15:59,130
As a result, someone usually gets hurt.
298
00:15:59,805 --> 00:16:02,000
And it seems, the closer a couple gets...
299
00:16:02,074 --> 00:16:04,440
and the more "stuff"
they have between them...
300
00:16:04,510 --> 00:16:07,968
the harder it is to figure out
exactly why they are yelling.
301
00:16:08,047 --> 00:16:09,810
When it comes to relationships...
302
00:16:09,882 --> 00:16:11,474
I couldn't help but wonder...
303
00:16:11,550 --> 00:16:13,541
what are we fighting for?
304
00:16:17,123 --> 00:16:18,784
Hello, my darling.
305
00:16:20,192 --> 00:16:21,454
I'm home!
306
00:16:25,998 --> 00:16:29,024
What are you... Is that a surprise for me?
307
00:16:29,101 --> 00:16:30,398
Yes, it is.
308
00:16:30,469 --> 00:16:33,370
Don't get all excited,
it's just a little silly something.
309
00:16:33,439 --> 00:16:35,339
- What is it?
- Open it.
310
00:16:41,580 --> 00:16:43,445
It's a cardboard baby.
311
00:16:43,883 --> 00:16:47,250
I saw it in the window of a novelty store
next to the hospital.
312
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,551
See, now we can relax because we have one.
313
00:16:59,765 --> 00:17:00,993
Oh, dear.
314
00:17:01,367 --> 00:17:03,198
It was supposed to be funny.
315
00:17:03,269 --> 00:17:05,499
I thought we'd have a chuckle.
316
00:17:05,671 --> 00:17:07,298
Don't talk to me.
317
00:17:07,707 --> 00:17:09,698
See, it was a novelty store.
318
00:17:10,176 --> 00:17:12,667
And the clerk said that they sell...
319
00:17:13,312 --> 00:17:17,009
But to Charlotte,
it was definitely hitting below the belt.
320
00:17:17,116 --> 00:17:19,983
If the meat is about
a quarter of an inch thick...
321
00:17:21,020 --> 00:17:24,183
And across town,
Miranda decided it was time...
322
00:17:24,256 --> 00:17:27,089
to put on the gloves
and come out swinging.
323
00:17:27,893 --> 00:17:29,121
Leave a message.
324
00:17:29,195 --> 00:17:31,220
Hi, Walker, Miranda.
325
00:17:31,831 --> 00:17:35,790
Before you leave for Brussels on Monday,
how about getting together Friday night?
326
00:17:35,868 --> 00:17:37,631
My apartment, call me.
327
00:17:37,703 --> 00:17:41,935
Pregnant or not, Miranda had needs
and decided to stop fighting them.
328
00:17:45,111 --> 00:17:47,773
And surprisingly, Samantha developed...
329
00:17:47,847 --> 00:17:50,543
some Secret Single Behavior of her own.
330
00:17:59,759 --> 00:18:02,819
Seven hours and a landslide of lattes later...
331
00:18:03,129 --> 00:18:06,496
I vibrated home,
prepared to admit how silly I'd been.
332
00:18:13,305 --> 00:18:14,431
That was...
333
00:18:14,507 --> 00:18:17,943
until he wasn't prepared to admit
how silly he'd been.
334
00:18:27,486 --> 00:18:29,477
He yelled, then I yelled.
335
00:18:29,989 --> 00:18:32,389
It's been three days, and nothing.
336
00:18:32,625 --> 00:18:35,822
Not a word.
And I'll be damned if I say I'm sorry first.
337
00:18:35,895 --> 00:18:37,760
Trey and I hardly ever yell.
338
00:18:37,830 --> 00:18:40,731
We're Wasps. Wasps don't yell, it's genetic.
339
00:18:41,300 --> 00:18:44,792
- Would anyone like more salad?
- No, we're done, what's the main course?
340
00:18:45,337 --> 00:18:49,137
Relax. Chew. You'll get laid.
You're not meeting until 10:00.
341
00:18:49,208 --> 00:18:51,108
Beef with Thai noodles.
342
00:18:51,177 --> 00:18:54,442
Richard is thinking of opening
a hotel in Thailand.
343
00:18:57,149 --> 00:18:58,377
Sweetie?
344
00:18:58,551 --> 00:19:00,644
It's perfectly okay to like a guy.
345
00:19:00,719 --> 00:19:04,280
For the last time,
the only thing I like about Richard...
346
00:19:04,356 --> 00:19:08,190
is his big, throbbing, rock-hard,
perfect dick.
347
00:19:10,729 --> 00:19:12,321
Forgot it was ladies' night.
348
00:19:12,398 --> 00:19:14,798
Trey, you're not supposed to be here.
349
00:19:14,867 --> 00:19:16,835
- Good evening, everyone.
- Hello.
350
00:19:16,902 --> 00:19:19,234
- Hi.
- Hello, Mrs.
351
00:19:20,873 --> 00:19:22,500
Still mad, I see.
352
00:19:23,909 --> 00:19:27,003
- I suppose she told you about the baby.
- No, I didn't.
353
00:19:27,079 --> 00:19:29,673
I never want to think about it again.
354
00:19:30,115 --> 00:19:31,275
See...
355
00:19:31,650 --> 00:19:35,347
- I was trying to make Charlotte laugh...
- It's not funny!
356
00:19:35,421 --> 00:19:37,912
Wait a minute now,
maybe they'll think it's funny.
357
00:19:37,990 --> 00:19:41,517
See, we were so tense about
not being able to have one...
358
00:19:41,594 --> 00:19:44,427
that I gave Charlotte a cardboard baby.
359
00:19:44,730 --> 00:19:46,357
Isn't that funny?
360
00:19:51,237 --> 00:19:53,068
Carrie, you're funny.
361
00:19:54,273 --> 00:19:56,798
Cardboard baby, that's funny, right?
362
00:19:57,309 --> 00:20:00,710
I mean, it's not funny "ha-ha," but silly.
363
00:20:03,449 --> 00:20:06,350
See, they sell them in novelty stores...
364
00:20:07,286 --> 00:20:11,245
and other people buy them,
and the clerk said that it was funny.
365
00:20:11,457 --> 00:20:14,620
- Maybe you have to see it.
- Don't you bring that thing in here!
366
00:20:14,727 --> 00:20:15,751
It's silly.
367
00:20:15,828 --> 00:20:17,455
Not to me it isn't!
368
00:20:17,530 --> 00:20:21,626
How would you feel if I gave you
a cardboard cut out of a big flaccid penis?
369
00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:23,725
It's not so funny now, is it?
370
00:20:23,802 --> 00:20:27,329
Don't you bring that flat baby in here,
I will kill you!
371
00:20:27,740 --> 00:20:30,265
How dare you talk to me like that
in front of them?
372
00:20:30,342 --> 00:20:33,505
They know about your penis problems!
They're sick of hearing it!
373
00:20:33,579 --> 00:20:36,070
There we were,
right in the middle of a Wasp nest.
374
00:20:36,148 --> 00:20:37,376
This is unforgivable!
375
00:20:37,449 --> 00:20:40,680
No, what's unforgivable
is you denying me my baby...
376
00:20:40,753 --> 00:20:43,017
because of your own selfish, spoiled needs.
377
00:20:43,088 --> 00:20:44,214
- I'm spoiled?
- Yes!
378
00:20:44,290 --> 00:20:45,882
You are spoiled!
379
00:20:46,025 --> 00:20:49,290
Ever since we moved back in here,
it's been nothing but "baby, baby"!
380
00:20:49,361 --> 00:20:52,694
- What about me?
- Richard, hello.
381
00:20:53,699 --> 00:20:56,293
No, it's not too late to call.
382
00:20:56,368 --> 00:20:57,733
Everything but a baby!
383
00:20:57,803 --> 00:21:00,431
- We're gonna go.
- Good!
384
00:21:00,506 --> 00:21:04,499
Don't you talk to my friends like that!
Without a baby, they're all I have!
385
00:21:04,577 --> 00:21:05,635
And what am I?
386
00:21:05,711 --> 00:21:09,112
You are the man who gave me
a cardboard baby!
387
00:21:09,181 --> 00:21:11,979
- It was funny!
- No, it wasn't!
388
00:21:12,051 --> 00:21:13,575
Goodnight!
389
00:21:24,029 --> 00:21:27,988
Okay, what's so important
that it couldn't wait until...
390
00:21:28,067 --> 00:21:29,159
This.
391
00:21:35,307 --> 00:21:37,207
Let's get something straight.
392
00:21:37,276 --> 00:21:39,176
I want no part of that.
393
00:21:39,612 --> 00:21:42,479
That turns everything into
a big screaming mess.
394
00:21:42,548 --> 00:21:44,982
We are work and sex, nothing more.
395
00:21:46,018 --> 00:21:47,178
Now...
396
00:21:48,153 --> 00:21:51,350
kindly take off those pants
and show me your dick.
397
00:22:01,467 --> 00:22:04,197
I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
398
00:22:22,388 --> 00:22:24,618
That's what I'm talking about.
399
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:51,972
Seeing a bantamweight championship
fight like Charlotte and Trey's...
400
00:22:52,051 --> 00:22:55,885
made me feel thankful that Aidan and I
were still in the banter weight division.
401
00:22:55,954 --> 00:22:57,285
I'm sorry.
402
00:22:58,090 --> 00:22:59,648
I'm sorry, too.
403
00:23:04,296 --> 00:23:06,628
That night, I slept in my clothes.
404
00:23:14,606 --> 00:23:17,439
Trey and his baby slept in the guest room.
405
00:23:18,444 --> 00:23:21,675
And Charlotte no longer
cared what Trey thought.
406
00:23:29,054 --> 00:23:30,385
Fuck me!
407
00:23:30,456 --> 00:23:32,356
Fuck me like there's no tomorrow!
408
00:23:32,424 --> 00:23:33,789
Yeah!
409
00:23:33,859 --> 00:23:37,158
For her last meal,
the condemned woman had seconds...
410
00:23:38,697 --> 00:23:40,062
and thirds.
411
00:23:42,167 --> 00:23:45,398
Samantha met the dawn
after a night of S.S.B.
412
00:23:46,338 --> 00:23:48,238
Sexy Swimming Behavior.
413
00:23:58,884 --> 00:24:00,374
Dance with me.
414
00:24:00,953 --> 00:24:02,477
What did I say?
415
00:24:05,724 --> 00:24:07,214
I'm your boss.
416
00:24:08,727 --> 00:24:10,217
It's an order.
417
00:24:20,639 --> 00:24:21,970
Richard...
418
00:24:57,976 --> 00:25:00,501
Samantha finally threw in the towel.
419
00:25:00,712 --> 00:25:03,306
All this time,
she'd been trying to make him...
420
00:25:03,382 --> 00:25:06,215
just a perfect dick, fighting her feelings...
421
00:25:06,285 --> 00:25:08,879
that he might be the perfect Richard.
422
00:25:23,902 --> 00:25:26,598
And back at the Bradshaw-Shaw residence...
423
00:25:26,672 --> 00:25:28,663
it was pretty much business as usual.
424
00:25:28,740 --> 00:25:31,436
What's up? Where you been?
Who did you see?
425
00:25:42,187 --> 00:25:45,156
Buddy, I need you to do something.
426
00:25:47,292 --> 00:25:48,384
What?
427
00:25:49,828 --> 00:25:53,924
I've never lived with anybody before you,
so don't know how to say this correctly...
428
00:25:55,934 --> 00:25:58,425
but I need you to not talk to me...
429
00:25:59,137 --> 00:26:00,866
for one whole hour.
430
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,965
I know that sounds pretty selfish...
431
00:26:04,443 --> 00:26:06,911
but it's just what I need. Is that okay?
432
00:26:08,146 --> 00:26:09,511
Okay, good.
433
00:26:10,983 --> 00:26:13,850
We don't have any other rooms yet...
434
00:26:14,419 --> 00:26:16,546
so, I'm gonna close these...
435
00:26:16,722 --> 00:26:19,190
and then it's like I'm not here.
436
00:26:19,524 --> 00:26:22,721
For one whole hour, I'm not here.
437
00:26:24,496 --> 00:26:25,690
Thanks.
438
00:26:27,132 --> 00:26:28,565
I love you.
439
00:26:59,965 --> 00:27:02,297
So, what are you doing out here?
440
00:27:10,542 --> 00:27:14,501
That's the thing about needs,
sometimes when you get them met...
441
00:27:14,579 --> 00:27:16,706
you don't need them anymore.
442
00:27:17,950 --> 00:27:19,850
As our 30 days wore on...
443
00:27:20,018 --> 00:27:23,545
Aidan and I miraculously managed
to not kill each other.
444
00:27:23,755 --> 00:27:25,620
But, as I predicted...
445
00:27:27,826 --> 00:27:29,919
the plant was not so lucky.
446
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:57,000
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447
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