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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 0 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:08,000 Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked) by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew 1 00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:50,596 One frazzled Friday, four overbooked girlfriends... 2 00:00:50,664 --> 00:00:52,791 came from four different directions. 3 00:00:52,866 --> 00:00:54,231 The East Side... 4 00:00:54,735 --> 00:00:56,202 the West Side... 5 00:00:56,837 --> 00:00:58,236 Park Avenue... 6 00:00:59,106 --> 00:01:00,505 and Samantha. 7 00:01:02,142 --> 00:01:06,272 It was the ultimate New York power lunch, also known as the power catch-up. 8 00:01:06,847 --> 00:01:07,973 I'll start. 9 00:01:08,081 --> 00:01:10,049 I can sum up my life in one breath. 10 00:01:10,117 --> 00:01:12,483 Work, work, Au Bon Pain, work. 11 00:01:12,552 --> 00:01:13,519 And you? 12 00:01:14,054 --> 00:01:15,521 Okay, let's see... 13 00:01:16,022 --> 00:01:18,422 Aidan, Aidan, this pimple, Aidan. 14 00:01:18,825 --> 00:01:20,122 Maybe we don't need an hour. 15 00:01:20,193 --> 00:01:22,423 Charlotte, I can't believe you made this sandwich. 16 00:01:22,763 --> 00:01:25,027 I love you not working, you can be my wife. 17 00:01:25,098 --> 00:01:28,556 I thought I'd have more free time, but redecorating is very stressful. 18 00:01:28,635 --> 00:01:31,661 Did you know there are over 40 different kinds of dimmers? 19 00:01:32,372 --> 00:01:35,637 Remember back when the economy was good and we had a table? 20 00:01:36,543 --> 00:01:38,010 - Carrie? - Yeah? 21 00:01:38,078 --> 00:01:39,739 Are you a janitor now? 22 00:01:41,014 --> 00:01:42,709 I know, it's ridiculous. 23 00:01:42,849 --> 00:01:45,340 I need these seven just to get in Aidan's building. 24 00:01:45,419 --> 00:01:46,647 He gave you his keys? 25 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:48,711 Yeah, but I always make him come to my place. 26 00:01:48,789 --> 00:01:50,757 He buys that two-in-one shampoo. 27 00:01:50,824 --> 00:01:52,792 Does Aidan have your keys now, too? 28 00:01:52,859 --> 00:01:54,850 He does. All two of them. 29 00:01:55,195 --> 00:01:57,527 You exchanged keys, that's big. 30 00:01:57,597 --> 00:01:59,394 No, that's the opposite of Big. 31 00:01:59,566 --> 00:02:00,794 Good for you. 32 00:02:00,867 --> 00:02:03,665 It took me six months to give my cleaning lady a key. 33 00:02:05,005 --> 00:02:08,634 I happen to have the key to a lasting relationship right here. 34 00:02:09,509 --> 00:02:11,340 1001 sexual positions. 35 00:02:11,478 --> 00:02:15,175 I got it on the corner from a guy. $1.50. I love this city. 36 00:02:15,248 --> 00:02:16,272 Whoa, Nellie. 37 00:02:16,349 --> 00:02:19,876 - Whose legs bend back that far? - It's like sex for the boneless. 38 00:02:19,953 --> 00:02:23,445 See, that's what I love about this guy Nick I'm seeing. 39 00:02:23,523 --> 00:02:24,683 He's deboned? 40 00:02:24,758 --> 00:02:26,692 He's the wrestling coach at NYU... 41 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:29,422 and he's like an extra-strength rubber band. 42 00:02:29,796 --> 00:02:32,629 "My congregants, please refer... 43 00:02:32,699 --> 00:02:35,634 "to Position 91 in your prayer books. 44 00:02:35,702 --> 00:02:37,795 "And let us say, 'Amen."' 45 00:02:42,242 --> 00:02:46,975 That night, I came home to find Aidan in the most shocking position of all. 46 00:02:47,047 --> 00:02:48,344 Cooking to the oldies. 47 00:02:48,415 --> 00:02:52,977 You're deflowering my pristine kitchen. 48 00:02:54,187 --> 00:02:55,586 Fajitas! 49 00:02:56,590 --> 00:02:58,717 Meet my new George Foreman... 50 00:02:58,792 --> 00:03:01,818 lean, mean, fat-reducing grilling machine. 51 00:03:02,195 --> 00:03:03,526 George, Carrie. 52 00:03:03,763 --> 00:03:05,230 Charmed, I'm sure. 53 00:03:09,936 --> 00:03:11,801 What are you doing back there, ladybird? 54 00:03:11,872 --> 00:03:13,840 I'm just looking for something. 55 00:03:14,007 --> 00:03:15,668 Not in front of George. 56 00:03:17,143 --> 00:03:19,043 Leave George out of it. 57 00:03:19,412 --> 00:03:20,743 Okay, that's it. 58 00:03:20,881 --> 00:03:22,280 You're going down! 59 00:03:26,953 --> 00:03:28,716 What about the fajitas? 60 00:03:28,955 --> 00:03:30,320 Fuck the fajitas. 61 00:03:32,158 --> 00:03:34,490 If giving a man the keys to your apartment... 62 00:03:34,561 --> 00:03:38,327 means unlocking the door to home cooking and great sex... 63 00:03:38,398 --> 00:03:40,332 "...why were so many independent women..." 64 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,834 Don't, it's not done yet. 65 00:03:42,903 --> 00:03:44,165 Don't read it. 66 00:03:50,877 --> 00:03:52,105 Oh, my God. 67 00:03:57,083 --> 00:03:58,550 Come on, come back. 68 00:03:59,185 --> 00:04:00,209 What... 69 00:04:00,787 --> 00:04:02,846 - Why is this happening? - What's up? 70 00:04:02,923 --> 00:04:05,949 My computer just crashed right in the middle... I just... 71 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:10,887 Okay, just relax, darling. Breathe and reboot. 72 00:04:16,603 --> 00:04:18,571 It always works on my computer. 73 00:04:18,905 --> 00:04:19,929 Well? 74 00:04:20,006 --> 00:04:23,498 - Let's get your manual out. - I don't have a manual! 75 00:04:23,577 --> 00:04:26,478 I got rid of it in a feng shui attack. 76 00:04:26,546 --> 00:04:28,514 Oh, my God, I want to kill myself. 77 00:04:28,582 --> 00:04:32,245 Just hang in there, sugar. This thing's faking you out, that's all. 78 00:04:32,719 --> 00:04:34,118 Aidan, please. 79 00:04:34,220 --> 00:04:36,745 Please just stop touching it. Stop it! 80 00:04:36,823 --> 00:04:39,348 You don't know what you're doing, just stop! 81 00:04:42,629 --> 00:04:43,926 Two meltdowns later... 82 00:04:43,997 --> 00:04:47,433 we rushed my '98 laptop, in my '99 pashmina, to Tekserve. 83 00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:50,264 Can you please not do that? 84 00:04:53,173 --> 00:04:55,698 - 64! - Oh, God, come on! 85 00:04:56,910 --> 00:04:58,434 - Number 64. - Yes. 86 00:04:58,845 --> 00:05:00,540 Hi, thank God. 87 00:05:00,614 --> 00:05:03,583 - Please tell me... - I tried a few home remedies. 88 00:05:03,950 --> 00:05:05,315 ...that you can fix it. 89 00:05:05,385 --> 00:05:06,511 Whoa! 90 00:05:07,153 --> 00:05:09,246 One at a time. Which one of you crashed? 91 00:05:09,322 --> 00:05:13,122 Me, I did, it's mine. But then he did something to it. 92 00:05:13,193 --> 00:05:15,024 Tell him what you did to it. 93 00:05:15,295 --> 00:05:17,195 I hit the Control-Alt-Delete. 94 00:05:17,330 --> 00:05:18,957 That only works on PCs. 95 00:05:19,032 --> 00:05:20,294 You a PC user? 96 00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:22,531 You're not compatible. 97 00:05:24,137 --> 00:05:27,004 Tell me exactly what happened right before you crashed. 98 00:05:28,775 --> 00:05:32,438 I was typing and then he came over and he kissed me... 99 00:05:32,879 --> 00:05:35,143 and then I got the bomb. 100 00:05:35,548 --> 00:05:36,913 Not "da bomb," you know? 101 00:05:36,983 --> 00:05:38,507 Not the good kind. 102 00:05:38,718 --> 00:05:41,278 Is this funny, do you think that this is funny? 103 00:05:41,354 --> 00:05:42,753 Just trying to... 104 00:05:42,822 --> 00:05:45,120 You are mortifying me. 105 00:05:46,259 --> 00:05:48,955 When was the last time you backed up your work? 106 00:05:50,897 --> 00:05:52,228 I don't do that. 107 00:05:52,298 --> 00:05:53,890 You don't back up? 108 00:05:54,801 --> 00:05:55,790 No. 109 00:05:55,869 --> 00:05:57,803 Anything else before we go in? 110 00:05:58,204 --> 00:05:59,193 Yes! 111 00:05:59,305 --> 00:06:01,500 There was a mean little man who popped up... 112 00:06:01,574 --> 00:06:03,701 and he had "X's" where his eyes should be. 113 00:06:03,777 --> 00:06:05,267 And his tongue... 114 00:06:05,578 --> 00:06:07,603 was hanging out the side of his mouth. 115 00:06:07,681 --> 00:06:09,945 - He didn't have a tongue. - He had a tongue. 116 00:06:10,016 --> 00:06:11,244 That's the Sad Mac. 117 00:06:11,317 --> 00:06:13,751 You Sad Mac'd, you should've told me that before. 118 00:06:13,820 --> 00:06:16,311 Oh, my God, why? What does that mean? 119 00:06:16,389 --> 00:06:19,051 Could be your motherboard, the guts of your computer. 120 00:06:19,125 --> 00:06:20,319 It could be bad RAM. 121 00:06:20,393 --> 00:06:23,157 We'll keep it here for a couple of days, run some tests. 122 00:06:23,229 --> 00:06:24,662 I'm Dmitri. 123 00:06:25,231 --> 00:06:27,256 I'll call you if we find anything. 124 00:06:27,333 --> 00:06:30,734 - If? - Number 78! 125 00:06:31,838 --> 00:06:33,772 Oh, God, Miranda, I'm freaking out. 126 00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:36,138 What if everything I've ever written is gone? 127 00:06:36,209 --> 00:06:38,143 When was the last time you backed up? 128 00:06:38,211 --> 00:06:41,237 You know, no one talks about backing up. 129 00:06:41,314 --> 00:06:43,782 You've never used that expression with me before. 130 00:06:43,850 --> 00:06:47,411 But apparently, everybody's secretly running home at night... 131 00:06:47,487 --> 00:06:48,681 and backing up their work. 132 00:06:48,855 --> 00:06:51,483 Dr. Adleman, please call Extension 213. 133 00:06:51,725 --> 00:06:52,783 Where are you? 134 00:06:52,859 --> 00:06:55,384 I'm at the hospital in Philadelphia. 135 00:06:55,862 --> 00:06:57,386 My mom had a heart attack. 136 00:06:57,464 --> 00:06:58,829 Oh, my God. 137 00:06:59,265 --> 00:07:01,563 And you let me go on about my stupid computer? 138 00:07:01,735 --> 00:07:04,067 That's very upsetting, I've been through that. 139 00:07:04,137 --> 00:07:05,126 Is she okay? 140 00:07:05,205 --> 00:07:07,639 How could you go to Philadelphia without telling me? 141 00:07:07,774 --> 00:07:11,733 I had six minutes to get the train. I didn't know how bad it was till I got here. 142 00:07:11,811 --> 00:07:13,244 How bad is it? 143 00:07:13,313 --> 00:07:15,508 They keep telling us different things. 144 00:07:15,582 --> 00:07:17,277 She's pretty out of it. 145 00:07:17,350 --> 00:07:21,047 Although, she did open her eyes just long enough to veto my lipstick. 146 00:07:21,121 --> 00:07:23,851 Can I do anything to help? I'll jump on a train. 147 00:07:23,923 --> 00:07:25,788 I'll come there and keep you company. 148 00:07:25,992 --> 00:07:28,392 No, it's fine, I'm fine. 149 00:07:28,461 --> 00:07:30,725 Miranda, the doctor is waiting. 150 00:07:30,997 --> 00:07:33,488 You can't use a cell phone in the hospital. 151 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:35,392 She called me. 152 00:07:36,970 --> 00:07:39,905 Great. Now my sister's mad at me. I gotta go. 153 00:07:40,140 --> 00:07:41,698 Keep me posted, all right? 154 00:07:41,775 --> 00:07:42,867 Okay, bye. 155 00:07:44,177 --> 00:07:48,477 Meanwhile, Charlotte's afternoon was filled with ovulating and decorating. 156 00:07:50,350 --> 00:07:52,511 She was 12 days into her cycle... 157 00:07:52,585 --> 00:07:55,383 and three rooms into her lighting project. 158 00:08:00,827 --> 00:08:04,126 She had become a bona fide dimmer expert. 159 00:08:07,934 --> 00:08:10,732 Samantha called in a bona fide positions expert... 160 00:08:10,804 --> 00:08:12,772 who came fully equipped. 161 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:30,921 Turns out a half nelson was very much like Position 411. 162 00:08:37,597 --> 00:08:40,896 One half nelson, one full orgasm. 163 00:08:47,340 --> 00:08:48,364 Hello? 164 00:08:48,942 --> 00:08:50,705 It's me, I'm sorry to wake you. 165 00:08:50,977 --> 00:08:52,205 That's okay. 166 00:08:54,113 --> 00:08:55,239 My mom died. 167 00:08:55,481 --> 00:08:56,675 Oh, my God. 168 00:08:58,618 --> 00:09:00,552 She was stable last night. 169 00:09:00,687 --> 00:09:02,348 And we all went home. 170 00:09:02,956 --> 00:09:05,891 And then they called and said she was crashing. 171 00:09:06,292 --> 00:09:08,783 And by the time we got back, she had died. 172 00:09:09,295 --> 00:09:11,422 Miranda, I'm so sorry. 173 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:17,164 I just wish we hadn't gone home, you know? 174 00:09:18,137 --> 00:09:21,470 Nobody wanted to, but they kept telling us we ought to get some sleep. 175 00:09:21,541 --> 00:09:23,634 I'm sure that she knew, on some level... 176 00:09:23,710 --> 00:09:25,439 that you were with her. 177 00:09:25,578 --> 00:09:26,943 But I wasn't with her. 178 00:09:27,146 --> 00:09:28,511 Nobody was! 179 00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:31,376 What can I do? 180 00:09:31,818 --> 00:09:33,979 Nothing, I'm fine. 181 00:09:35,054 --> 00:09:36,521 I'll be fine. 182 00:09:39,025 --> 00:09:42,153 The funeral's on Tuesday and I don't have anything to wear. 183 00:09:42,228 --> 00:09:45,527 I didn't think I would be going to a funeral while I was here. 184 00:09:45,598 --> 00:09:47,088 I'll be there, so I can... 185 00:09:47,166 --> 00:09:49,930 I'll bring you something from your apartment. 186 00:09:50,003 --> 00:09:51,664 Don't bother. 187 00:09:52,272 --> 00:09:55,605 I'm just gonna go out and buy a shitty black dress... 188 00:09:55,675 --> 00:09:57,108 I'll never wear again. 189 00:09:57,176 --> 00:09:59,076 Are you sure? I'd be happy to do it. 190 00:09:59,145 --> 00:10:00,339 Don't... 191 00:10:01,114 --> 00:10:02,513 Don't do anything. 192 00:10:04,984 --> 00:10:06,383 I better go. 193 00:10:07,153 --> 00:10:08,711 I'm so sorry. 194 00:10:08,788 --> 00:10:10,779 Thanks, I gotta go. 195 00:10:16,829 --> 00:10:18,660 Miranda's mother died. 196 00:10:27,874 --> 00:10:29,307 Come here, you okay? 197 00:10:29,375 --> 00:10:31,309 I'm fine, actually. 198 00:10:32,712 --> 00:10:35,579 Do you know when the funeral is? I'd like to go if I can. 199 00:10:39,619 --> 00:10:41,086 I don't know. 200 00:10:44,090 --> 00:10:45,614 You don't have to. 201 00:10:46,859 --> 00:10:48,622 I don't really know. 202 00:10:55,568 --> 00:10:58,901 Where have you been, and where's Miranda? I'm starving. 203 00:11:00,373 --> 00:11:01,772 What's wrong? 204 00:11:04,711 --> 00:11:06,406 Miranda's in Philadelphia. 205 00:11:06,579 --> 00:11:09,070 Her mother had a heart attack yesterday... 206 00:11:09,148 --> 00:11:11,582 and she died, early this morning. 207 00:11:13,453 --> 00:11:15,114 She wasn't even sick. 208 00:11:16,956 --> 00:11:18,685 I can't believe it. 209 00:11:18,992 --> 00:11:20,687 Poor Miranda, how is she? 210 00:11:23,663 --> 00:11:25,062 I don't know. 211 00:11:26,632 --> 00:11:28,031 She's not good. 212 00:11:30,203 --> 00:11:32,967 I just felt so awful for her and I just... 213 00:11:34,307 --> 00:11:36,070 I didn't know... 214 00:11:36,142 --> 00:11:37,769 what to say to her and... 215 00:11:39,245 --> 00:11:42,510 You know Miranda, she was trying to be so strong... 216 00:11:42,849 --> 00:11:44,646 but she sounded so alone. 217 00:11:44,817 --> 00:11:47,377 And I just kept saying all the wrong things, I think. 218 00:11:47,453 --> 00:11:50,013 I'm sure you didn't. 219 00:11:50,957 --> 00:11:53,482 - Here. - Thanks, I'm sorry. 220 00:11:54,227 --> 00:11:57,060 I guess the first thing we should do is send some flowers. 221 00:11:57,130 --> 00:11:59,598 - Right. - Or a fruit basket. 222 00:11:59,899 --> 00:12:02,094 Or muffins, what do you think? 223 00:12:04,937 --> 00:12:06,336 You all right? 224 00:12:06,739 --> 00:12:07,831 What? 225 00:12:08,741 --> 00:12:09,935 I'm fine. 226 00:12:10,009 --> 00:12:13,137 Flowers are fine, just tell me who to send the check to. 227 00:12:15,782 --> 00:12:17,374 I'm just hungry. 228 00:12:18,751 --> 00:12:21,549 After breakfast, Charlotte showed her support for Miranda... 229 00:12:21,621 --> 00:12:23,782 by becoming the Martha Stewart of death. 230 00:12:23,856 --> 00:12:26,723 I want the clear cellophane and the navy ribbon. 231 00:12:27,660 --> 00:12:29,855 Samantha, have you called Miranda yet? 232 00:12:29,929 --> 00:12:33,387 She thinks it'd be faster for us to take the train to Philadelphia... 233 00:12:33,466 --> 00:12:34,455 and I agree. 234 00:12:35,134 --> 00:12:36,965 We're going to the funeral? 235 00:12:37,103 --> 00:12:39,469 I thought we were just sending flowers. 236 00:12:39,539 --> 00:12:41,598 Of course we're going to the funeral... 237 00:12:41,674 --> 00:12:43,107 and you should call her. 238 00:12:43,176 --> 00:12:45,144 I think she'd really like to hear from you. 239 00:12:45,411 --> 00:12:47,436 What am I gonna say to her? 240 00:12:47,580 --> 00:12:50,413 You could say, "I'm so sorry for your loss. 241 00:12:50,616 --> 00:12:52,481 "I love you, I'm here for you." 242 00:12:52,552 --> 00:12:54,076 That's enough ribbon. 243 00:12:54,353 --> 00:12:55,752 "You're in my thoughts. 244 00:12:55,822 --> 00:12:57,983 "May she rest in peace, I'm so sorry you lost..." 245 00:12:58,057 --> 00:13:00,082 Fine, I'll call her, good-bye. 246 00:13:02,061 --> 00:13:05,588 In times of sorrow, some people have trouble reaching out. 247 00:13:07,567 --> 00:13:10,058 Samantha wasn't one of those people. 248 00:13:13,739 --> 00:13:15,229 Wanna wrestle? 249 00:13:18,845 --> 00:13:21,507 Keep doing that! 250 00:13:23,583 --> 00:13:24,880 But today... 251 00:13:25,685 --> 00:13:28,051 something was just out of reach. 252 00:13:29,722 --> 00:13:32,657 So they tried another position. 299. 253 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:35,793 I'm almost there. 254 00:13:37,930 --> 00:13:40,899 Just hang on one more second. 255 00:13:42,201 --> 00:13:43,759 Hang on, hang in there. 256 00:13:43,836 --> 00:13:45,895 Keep hanging on, stay with me. 257 00:13:45,972 --> 00:13:48,133 Stay just like that. 258 00:13:52,078 --> 00:13:54,046 Get 'em off me! 259 00:13:54,113 --> 00:13:55,978 You're distracting me. 260 00:13:57,817 --> 00:13:59,546 And when none of those worked... 261 00:13:59,619 --> 00:14:03,055 they went back to Old Faithful. Number 17. 262 00:14:03,122 --> 00:14:05,750 Okay, now that's it. 263 00:14:05,825 --> 00:14:08,589 Now we got it. Here we go. 264 00:14:08,661 --> 00:14:10,026 Home free. 265 00:14:10,096 --> 00:14:12,462 Just keep doing exactly what you're doing. 266 00:14:15,768 --> 00:14:18,669 Exactly what you're doing. 267 00:14:19,138 --> 00:14:21,106 Don't stop. 268 00:14:26,612 --> 00:14:29,172 I gotta pick up my stuff at the cleaners by 5:00. 269 00:14:29,248 --> 00:14:30,613 Okay, stop. 270 00:14:31,884 --> 00:14:35,081 I want you to make it very clear to the Philadelphia florist... 271 00:14:35,154 --> 00:14:37,588 Tasteful, all white. 272 00:14:37,890 --> 00:14:41,519 The Casablanca lilies, the calla lilies and the Phalaenopsis. 273 00:14:41,727 --> 00:14:43,490 I don't want any crap. 274 00:14:43,763 --> 00:14:44,889 You told her. 275 00:14:44,964 --> 00:14:47,660 These flowers will be the centerpiece on the church altar. 276 00:14:47,733 --> 00:14:50,566 It's important that they represent us, don't you agree? 277 00:14:52,004 --> 00:14:54,598 I don't know, I'm not even listening. 278 00:14:55,341 --> 00:14:57,138 I lost my orgasm. 279 00:14:57,577 --> 00:14:58,942 In the cab? 280 00:14:59,579 --> 00:15:00,944 What do you mean, "lost"? 281 00:15:01,013 --> 00:15:04,449 I mean, I just spent the last two hours fucking with no finale. 282 00:15:04,517 --> 00:15:07,213 It happens. Sometimes you just can't get there. 283 00:15:07,286 --> 00:15:08,913 I can always get there. 284 00:15:09,021 --> 00:15:10,750 Every time you have sex? 285 00:15:10,823 --> 00:15:12,882 She's exaggerating. 286 00:15:15,094 --> 00:15:17,062 Please say you're exaggerating. 287 00:15:17,129 --> 00:15:19,723 I'll admit I have had to polish myself off... 288 00:15:19,799 --> 00:15:21,528 once or twice, but yes. 289 00:15:21,601 --> 00:15:24,968 When I R.S.V.P. To a party, I make it my business to come. 290 00:15:25,438 --> 00:15:28,305 See, I've been a no-show on more than one occasion. 291 00:15:28,507 --> 00:15:30,941 Sex can still be great without an orgasm. 292 00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:32,568 That is such a crock of shit. 293 00:15:32,645 --> 00:15:33,942 She has a point. 294 00:15:34,113 --> 00:15:35,944 What's wrong with me? 295 00:15:37,083 --> 00:15:38,175 Listen! 296 00:15:38,818 --> 00:15:42,049 You've got plenty of orgasms under your belt. 297 00:15:42,121 --> 00:15:43,918 You're gonna be fine. 298 00:15:44,390 --> 00:15:46,585 Now, let's retrace your steps. 299 00:15:46,659 --> 00:15:48,286 Were you on top? 300 00:15:48,694 --> 00:15:50,059 How is that relevant? 301 00:15:50,129 --> 00:15:51,858 You can have them on the bottom? 302 00:15:51,931 --> 00:15:55,264 - Top, bottom, upside-down. - All right, now you're just showing off. 303 00:15:55,334 --> 00:15:57,734 - I'm asking for help! - Sweetie... 304 00:15:58,137 --> 00:16:01,868 I'm sure it will pop up when you least expect it. 305 00:16:01,941 --> 00:16:03,169 Like... 306 00:16:04,543 --> 00:16:05,805 jury duty. 307 00:16:05,878 --> 00:16:07,743 - Unless... - What? 308 00:16:09,248 --> 00:16:11,341 I read this article about a woman... 309 00:16:11,417 --> 00:16:13,783 who's having orgasms around the clock. 310 00:16:14,620 --> 00:16:15,882 And then, boom! 311 00:16:16,589 --> 00:16:19,422 Orgasms stopped for good. 312 00:16:20,326 --> 00:16:22,817 It was like she had used them all up or something. 313 00:16:24,764 --> 00:16:27,494 That's the meanest thing you've ever said to me. 314 00:16:30,202 --> 00:16:33,228 Meanwhile in Philadelphia, Miranda realized... 315 00:16:33,372 --> 00:16:36,773 she needed a shitty black bra to go with her shitty black dress. 316 00:16:36,842 --> 00:16:38,503 Can I help you find something? 317 00:16:38,577 --> 00:16:41,603 No, I'm looking for this in 36A in black. 318 00:16:41,914 --> 00:16:44,246 You don't look like a 36A to me. 319 00:16:44,550 --> 00:16:45,642 I am. 320 00:16:48,654 --> 00:16:50,781 Excuse me? Lucille? 321 00:16:51,390 --> 00:16:54,689 I've been a 36A my whole life. I think I know what size I am. 322 00:16:55,227 --> 00:16:56,819 Didn't think so. 323 00:16:59,699 --> 00:17:02,793 - Try these. - There is no way that I'm a 34B. 324 00:17:02,968 --> 00:17:04,026 Just try them. 325 00:17:06,806 --> 00:17:08,330 How's it going in there? 326 00:17:08,407 --> 00:17:10,398 Everything's fine. 327 00:17:10,476 --> 00:17:14,071 From the age of 14, Miranda had a strict "no visitors" policy... 328 00:17:14,146 --> 00:17:15,374 in the dressing room. 329 00:17:15,448 --> 00:17:17,382 Let's see how that's working out. 330 00:17:17,450 --> 00:17:20,817 Although her mother never observed it, and neither did Lucille. 331 00:17:20,886 --> 00:17:23,116 I just said that I didn't need any help. 332 00:17:23,189 --> 00:17:26,647 You say you don't want help, but you were picking out the wrong size. 333 00:17:26,726 --> 00:17:28,489 See, this one fits you. 334 00:17:28,561 --> 00:17:31,860 I think that I can adjust my bra straps by myself. 335 00:17:31,931 --> 00:17:34,491 Would you please get your hands off of my breasts? 336 00:17:34,567 --> 00:17:36,330 I'm not being fresh. 337 00:17:36,402 --> 00:17:37,892 I think I know what's best. 338 00:17:37,970 --> 00:17:39,232 You don't! 339 00:17:39,538 --> 00:17:42,234 I think that I know what's best for me! 340 00:17:43,175 --> 00:17:45,006 Suddenly Miranda realized... 341 00:17:45,444 --> 00:17:48,379 she would never have a fight with her mother again. 342 00:17:48,714 --> 00:17:50,909 I'm sorry, it's not you. 343 00:17:51,450 --> 00:17:53,850 My mother just died, and... 344 00:17:55,554 --> 00:17:58,682 - Come here. - No, I'm fine, I... 345 00:17:58,758 --> 00:17:59,782 I'm... 346 00:18:01,227 --> 00:18:04,128 And there, behind the curtain, when no one was looking... 347 00:18:04,196 --> 00:18:07,632 Miranda found a kind of support that actually fit her. 348 00:18:18,944 --> 00:18:20,571 This is perfect. 349 00:18:22,815 --> 00:18:24,282 You were right. 350 00:18:27,153 --> 00:18:28,347 Thanks. 351 00:18:31,056 --> 00:18:33,251 Wait! 352 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,853 Damn, you're always sneaking up on me. 353 00:18:36,929 --> 00:18:38,226 Surprise! 354 00:18:38,964 --> 00:18:40,591 It's your new computer. 355 00:18:44,203 --> 00:18:46,103 - It's blue. - Yeah. 356 00:18:46,338 --> 00:18:48,465 It's a lot more fun than your old one. 357 00:18:48,707 --> 00:18:51,175 It's got this handle, so it's like a little purse. 358 00:18:51,243 --> 00:18:53,768 That's a very expensive purse. 359 00:18:55,748 --> 00:18:58,581 - When did you get that? - Today. 360 00:18:58,651 --> 00:19:00,710 And I got you one of these Zip drives... 361 00:19:00,786 --> 00:19:03,687 so you can start backing up your work now. 362 00:19:03,756 --> 00:19:05,451 I don't even know how to use that... 363 00:19:05,524 --> 00:19:08,357 and I don't need it, I have my own system. 364 00:19:08,427 --> 00:19:10,657 - Works just fine. - Right. 365 00:19:10,930 --> 00:19:12,420 You sure about that? 366 00:19:12,598 --> 00:19:13,963 I am. 367 00:19:14,533 --> 00:19:16,524 I'm not ready for a new computer. 368 00:19:16,602 --> 00:19:19,162 I'm still waiting to hear back about my old one. 369 00:19:19,238 --> 00:19:21,832 My whole life was on that computer. 370 00:19:23,142 --> 00:19:24,336 I get it. 371 00:19:25,845 --> 00:19:27,176 It's all you. 372 00:19:27,313 --> 00:19:30,146 I'm not a part of any of this. You don't want the laptop. 373 00:19:30,216 --> 00:19:32,616 You don't want me to go to the funeral. I feel like... 374 00:19:32,685 --> 00:19:35,153 I gave you my keys, what more do you want? 375 00:19:35,221 --> 00:19:36,449 Your keys? 376 00:19:36,655 --> 00:19:40,489 Great, now I can get into your front door. 377 00:19:41,427 --> 00:19:43,122 How do I get into there? 378 00:19:47,466 --> 00:19:49,957 I'm sorry, but I've been taking care of myself... 379 00:19:50,035 --> 00:19:51,798 for a really long time. 380 00:19:51,871 --> 00:19:55,773 You may not like it, but this is how I deal with things. 381 00:19:56,008 --> 00:19:57,771 This is your receipt. 382 00:19:58,477 --> 00:20:02,277 So you can do whatever you want with that computer, all right? 383 00:20:10,155 --> 00:20:13,647 Meanwhile, Samantha was troubleshooting her own laptop. 384 00:20:20,299 --> 00:20:22,824 She was determined to just relax... 385 00:20:23,903 --> 00:20:25,165 unwind... 386 00:20:31,677 --> 00:20:34,168 and let the rest of the world fall away. 387 00:20:38,918 --> 00:20:41,409 - What? - Good, you're there. 388 00:20:41,487 --> 00:20:44,217 I'm picking up bagels for the train ride. Sesame, right? 389 00:20:44,390 --> 00:20:46,187 And have you called Miranda yet? 390 00:20:46,258 --> 00:20:47,748 I'm whole wheat... 391 00:20:48,394 --> 00:20:51,659 and I haven't called her because I don't want to bother her. 392 00:20:51,730 --> 00:20:54,893 I'm masturbating. 393 00:20:55,401 --> 00:20:58,234 I told you I'd be doing that all day today. 394 00:21:07,379 --> 00:21:10,712 By nightfall, Samantha called off the search party. 395 00:21:19,825 --> 00:21:23,522 Somewhere in the city of lost dreams and missing persons... 396 00:21:23,596 --> 00:21:26,121 Samantha's orgasm remained at large. 397 00:21:28,601 --> 00:21:30,933 The next morning, my own search party called... 398 00:21:31,003 --> 00:21:32,630 with news of a breakthrough. 399 00:21:32,705 --> 00:21:33,763 Hi. 400 00:21:34,106 --> 00:21:36,973 You remember me? 401 00:21:37,042 --> 00:21:41,001 I'm Number P438W, you have my computer. 402 00:21:42,181 --> 00:21:43,239 Yep. 403 00:21:45,818 --> 00:21:46,910 Okay. 404 00:21:51,323 --> 00:21:53,985 And here's what we could recover from your hard drive. 405 00:21:54,159 --> 00:21:55,922 Any of that look familiar to you? 406 00:21:56,061 --> 00:21:57,926 There it was, my past. 407 00:21:58,130 --> 00:21:59,529 It was a mess. 408 00:22:01,266 --> 00:22:05,134 Can you please tell me why this happened in the first place? 409 00:22:05,204 --> 00:22:06,432 We don't know. 410 00:22:06,505 --> 00:22:08,973 Sometimes these things, they just crash. 411 00:22:09,241 --> 00:22:11,334 We can replace your motherboard... 412 00:22:11,410 --> 00:22:14,573 but you have to get yourself a backup system. 413 00:22:15,214 --> 00:22:17,148 Pick out a Zip drive, start saving. 414 00:22:17,216 --> 00:22:19,411 Next time, you won't lose everything. 415 00:22:21,153 --> 00:22:22,245 Ouch. 416 00:22:22,755 --> 00:22:24,746 You saved your warranty, right? 417 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,037 Hello, furniture company. 418 00:22:43,242 --> 00:22:45,904 It's me, the girl who doesn't back up. 419 00:22:48,313 --> 00:22:51,146 This is my attempt to breathe and reboot. 420 00:22:52,284 --> 00:22:53,911 Are you smiling at all over there? 421 00:22:53,986 --> 00:22:55,715 - I'm listening. - Okay... 422 00:22:58,223 --> 00:23:00,623 I'm just on my way to Philly... 423 00:23:01,293 --> 00:23:03,659 and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. 424 00:23:05,230 --> 00:23:06,561 This is hard. 425 00:23:06,932 --> 00:23:09,423 We're gonna run into stuff that's hard. 426 00:23:10,269 --> 00:23:11,998 That's why I was trying to help. 427 00:23:12,071 --> 00:23:13,299 I know that... 428 00:23:15,607 --> 00:23:17,268 but if you start helping me... 429 00:23:17,342 --> 00:23:20,072 and then I get used to having that help... 430 00:23:20,145 --> 00:23:21,237 Yeah? 431 00:23:22,581 --> 00:23:24,310 No good can come of that. 432 00:23:24,616 --> 00:23:27,642 I mean, then what happens when, you know... 433 00:23:27,986 --> 00:23:29,544 you're not around one day? 434 00:23:29,822 --> 00:23:32,052 - Where am I going? - I don't know. 435 00:23:32,124 --> 00:23:36,151 You could be out of town or be busy or... 436 00:23:37,096 --> 00:23:38,757 Things fall apart. 437 00:23:39,398 --> 00:23:40,558 We could fall apart. 438 00:23:40,632 --> 00:23:41,724 I know that. 439 00:23:42,301 --> 00:23:43,632 Then what? 440 00:23:44,436 --> 00:23:47,234 Then I guess we'd be a couple of Sad Macs. 441 00:23:54,413 --> 00:23:55,539 Philadelphia. 442 00:23:55,614 --> 00:23:59,380 Just a hop, a skip, a cab, a metroliner and another cab away. 443 00:24:09,261 --> 00:24:11,752 I'm not gonna find my orgasm in this town. 444 00:24:11,897 --> 00:24:13,626 We are at a funeral. 445 00:24:31,183 --> 00:24:32,582 Be right back. 446 00:24:40,759 --> 00:24:41,953 I'm so sorry. 447 00:24:46,131 --> 00:24:47,598 I'm so sorry. 448 00:24:52,404 --> 00:24:53,928 You look great. 449 00:24:56,008 --> 00:24:57,305 She does. 450 00:24:59,211 --> 00:25:01,236 - How are you? - I'm fine. 451 00:25:01,513 --> 00:25:03,879 But everybody else is very concerned about me... 452 00:25:03,949 --> 00:25:05,507 because I'm here alone. 453 00:25:05,584 --> 00:25:08,610 I didn't realize I needed a date for my mother's funeral. 454 00:25:09,888 --> 00:25:11,549 My sister and her husband... 455 00:25:11,623 --> 00:25:14,353 want me to third-wheel with them down the aisle... 456 00:25:14,426 --> 00:25:16,656 God forbid that I should walk it alone... 457 00:25:16,728 --> 00:25:19,026 because that would be the real tragedy, right? 458 00:25:19,097 --> 00:25:20,257 Ignore the coffin. 459 00:25:20,332 --> 00:25:23,392 There's a single 35-year-old woman walking behind it. 460 00:25:23,702 --> 00:25:25,636 - Miranda? - Coming, Betsy. 461 00:25:31,109 --> 00:25:32,576 This is hard. 462 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,147 "You look great"? 463 00:25:36,215 --> 00:25:39,013 That was not one of the things I told you to say. 464 00:25:41,687 --> 00:25:43,018 Excuse me, Betsy? 465 00:25:43,088 --> 00:25:45,579 Hi, I'm Charlotte, we spoke on the phone. 466 00:25:46,158 --> 00:25:48,626 I just wanted to say again how sorry I am. 467 00:25:48,694 --> 00:25:51,663 And to make sure that everything worked out with the flowers. 468 00:25:51,730 --> 00:25:53,254 Yes, thank you. 469 00:25:54,299 --> 00:25:56,563 In fact, there they are now. 470 00:26:04,877 --> 00:26:06,504 I said tasteful! 471 00:26:08,413 --> 00:26:11,644 I think now we know what $500 worth of glitter looks like. 472 00:26:12,851 --> 00:26:15,877 Death is the eternal mystery. 473 00:26:16,655 --> 00:26:19,089 It defies our comprehension. 474 00:26:19,591 --> 00:26:22,924 There are no explanations, no answers. 475 00:26:23,362 --> 00:26:26,490 No magic words to soothe us. 476 00:26:26,798 --> 00:26:29,665 You're a spiritual leader, can't you make something up? 477 00:26:29,735 --> 00:26:31,862 Those flowers were supposed to say: 478 00:26:31,937 --> 00:26:35,737 "We're so sorry, we love you." Not "you're dead, let's disco." 479 00:26:35,807 --> 00:26:38,002 ...so many wonderful stories about her... 480 00:26:38,076 --> 00:26:41,603 from her daughter Betsy and her husband, David... 481 00:26:41,980 --> 00:26:44,949 her son John and his wife, Miranda... 482 00:26:45,550 --> 00:26:46,983 her daughter Catherine... 483 00:26:47,052 --> 00:26:48,610 Did he just say... 484 00:26:49,121 --> 00:26:53,285 No spiritual stuff and he can't keep the family tree straight? 485 00:26:53,992 --> 00:26:55,584 This guy's a hack. 486 00:26:55,727 --> 00:27:00,494 Sara, Alexandra, Nathan, and little Emily. 487 00:27:01,934 --> 00:27:03,595 After the burial... 488 00:27:04,002 --> 00:27:08,496 John and his wife, Miranda, invite you back to their home. 489 00:27:08,941 --> 00:27:13,139 Directions can be found as you exit the sanctuary. 490 00:27:16,682 --> 00:27:17,774 I'm sorry. 491 00:27:19,051 --> 00:27:20,040 Thank you. 492 00:27:25,624 --> 00:27:28,752 Finally, Samantha found the release she really needed. 493 00:27:28,860 --> 00:27:31,090 She cried for everything she couldn't say... 494 00:27:31,163 --> 00:27:33,256 and for things she didn't even know she felt. 495 00:28:00,726 --> 00:28:01,750 It's okay. 496 00:28:01,827 --> 00:28:04,022 There's the kind of support you ask for... 497 00:28:04,096 --> 00:28:06,724 and a kind of support you don't ask for. 498 00:28:09,067 --> 00:28:12,002 And then there's the kind that just shows up. 499 00:28:16,274 --> 00:28:17,263 Thank you. 500 00:28:32,491 --> 00:28:36,086 After all, computers crash, people die... 501 00:28:36,161 --> 00:28:37,890 relationships fall apart. 502 00:28:38,797 --> 00:28:41,630 The best we can do is breathe and reboot. 503 00:28:45,303 --> 00:28:46,702 And when that fails... 504 00:28:46,772 --> 00:28:48,899 a little gizmo called a Zip drive... 505 00:28:48,974 --> 00:28:51,499 can provide a surprising amount of comfort. 506 00:28:59,985 --> 00:29:01,714 So can a boyfriend. 507 00:29:03,221 --> 00:29:05,314 If you can learn to let him. 508 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:15,000 Subtitles conformed by SOFTITLER 509 00:29:25,000 --> 00:30:01,000 Ripped by RavyDavy part of the [RL] Crew36776

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