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Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew
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00:00:47,370 --> 00:00:49,600
Two weeks ago,
I had my picture taken.
2
00:00:51,141 --> 00:00:53,507
Look up. Good, good.
3
00:00:59,249 --> 00:01:01,581
It was a promotional photo
for my column...
4
00:01:01,651 --> 00:01:03,949
scheduled to run
on the side of a bus.
5
00:01:06,089 --> 00:01:08,023
I had misgivings...
6
00:01:11,061 --> 00:01:14,326
which were somewhat mollified when
they told me I could keep the dress.
7
00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:20,468
Friday night.
8
00:01:20,537 --> 00:01:23,301
In lieu of any actual social life
of their own...
9
00:01:23,373 --> 00:01:26,001
Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte
had all stopped by...
10
00:01:26,076 --> 00:01:30,137
to live vicariously through
my first official date with Mr. Big.
11
00:01:30,213 --> 00:01:31,646
Carrie!
12
00:01:34,251 --> 00:01:38,153
Honey, it's fabulous.
Bravo.
13
00:01:38,221 --> 00:01:40,519
It's tits on toast, baby,
but you make it work.
14
00:01:40,590 --> 00:01:45,391
Let's just say it. It's the naked dress.
You're obviously gonna have sex tonight.
15
00:01:45,462 --> 00:01:48,295
- Come on. It's our first date.
- She's not gonna have sex.
16
00:01:48,365 --> 00:01:52,131
- She's just gonna look like sex.
- That's right. I'm just the trailer.
17
00:01:52,202 --> 00:01:54,193
Please.
If it happens, it happens.
18
00:01:54,271 --> 00:01:56,603
- Bottoms up.
- Wait a second.
19
00:01:56,673 --> 00:01:58,140
I thought you were serious
about this guy.
20
00:01:58,208 --> 00:02:00,540
You can't sleep with him
on the first date.
21
00:02:00,610 --> 00:02:02,601
Here she goes again
with "The Rules."
22
00:02:02,679 --> 00:02:05,512
The women who wrote that book wrote it
because they couldn't get laid...
23
00:02:05,582 --> 00:02:07,482
so they constructed
this whole bullshit theory...
24
00:02:07,550 --> 00:02:09,916
to make women
who can get laid feel bad.
25
00:02:09,986 --> 00:02:11,977
But if you're serious about a guy,
then you have to keep him...
26
00:02:12,055 --> 00:02:14,523
in a holding pattern
for at least five dates.
27
00:02:14,591 --> 00:02:17,151
- You've gone up.
- Yes...
28
00:02:17,227 --> 00:02:19,491
because the number of dates you wait
to have sex with a man...
29
00:02:19,562 --> 00:02:22,156
is directly proportional
to your age.
30
00:02:22,232 --> 00:02:25,565
Forget the math. Just don't fuck
on a first date, you're fine.
31
00:02:25,635 --> 00:02:27,034
- Third date.
- Too soon.
32
00:02:27,103 --> 00:02:30,004
Reality check.
A guy can just as easily dump you...
33
00:02:30,073 --> 00:02:33,736
if you fuck him on the first date as
he can if you wait until the tenth.
34
00:02:33,810 --> 00:02:35,801
When have you ever
been on a tenth date?
35
00:02:35,879 --> 00:02:38,973
And by then, at least
you're emotionally involved.
36
00:02:39,049 --> 00:02:41,882
I mean, isn't it better to find out
if the sex is good right off the bat...
37
00:02:41,951 --> 00:02:43,782
before anybody's feelings
get hurt?
38
00:02:43,853 --> 00:02:47,118
- It's okay to have hurt feelings.
- And you always handle those so well.
39
00:02:47,190 --> 00:02:49,181
Well, there is something
to be said for restraint.
40
00:02:49,259 --> 00:02:52,422
- When did you become such a Victorian?
- The Victorians were onto something.
41
00:02:52,495 --> 00:02:53,860
They valued romance.
42
00:02:53,930 --> 00:02:56,694
True romance cannot exist
without good sex.
43
00:02:56,766 --> 00:03:00,600
And yet you can have good sex with
someone you don't like or respect...
44
00:03:00,670 --> 00:03:02,160
or even remember.
45
00:03:04,207 --> 00:03:06,835
All right. Well, ladies,
I'm just going to dinner.
46
00:03:06,910 --> 00:03:10,141
- Good night.
- Bye! Have fun!
47
00:03:10,914 --> 00:03:12,347
Bye!
48
00:03:16,219 --> 00:03:18,210
The truth is,
I was dying to sleep with him...
49
00:03:18,288 --> 00:03:21,724
but isn't delayed gratification
the definition of maturity?
50
00:03:31,434 --> 00:03:33,425
Interesting dress.
51
00:03:33,503 --> 00:03:36,768
- Meaning?
- Interesting dress.
52
00:03:54,891 --> 00:03:57,951
Don't worry. I'm perfectly capable
of restraining myself.
53
00:03:58,027 --> 00:03:59,460
So am I.
54
00:04:08,471 --> 00:04:11,907
I can't be hemmed in by rules.
I go with my emotions.
55
00:04:11,975 --> 00:04:17,072
Some of the greatest romances of all
time began with sex on the first date.
56
00:04:17,147 --> 00:04:18,739
I bet.
57
00:04:20,316 --> 00:04:22,147
I will not be the first one
to speak.
58
00:04:22,218 --> 00:04:25,517
And if he never calls me again,
I'll always think of him fondly...
59
00:04:25,588 --> 00:04:27,488
as an asshole.
60
00:04:27,557 --> 00:04:29,525
That was really...
61
00:04:30,593 --> 00:04:35,553
I mean, can you believe we...
on the first date?
62
00:04:35,632 --> 00:04:37,862
I mean, I didn't plan that,
you know? L...
63
00:04:42,038 --> 00:04:45,769
- What do you think?
- What? Ow!
64
00:04:49,813 --> 00:04:53,613
I thought it was pretty fuckin' great,
but what do I know?
65
00:04:57,654 --> 00:05:00,316
You feel like
getting some Szechuan?
66
00:05:07,363 --> 00:05:11,823
Had Mr. Big discovered my weakness
for great sex and greasy Chinese?
67
00:05:11,901 --> 00:05:14,392
Or was going out to dinner
simply a diversionary tactic...
68
00:05:14,471 --> 00:05:16,462
to keep me
from spending the night?
69
00:05:16,539 --> 00:05:19,838
Before I was able
to completely indulge my paranoia...
70
00:05:19,909 --> 00:05:22,605
it was my pal Mike Singer.
71
00:05:22,679 --> 00:05:25,614
We've known each other
for ten years but never had sex...
72
00:05:25,682 --> 00:05:28,150
because we want to know each other
for another ten years.
73
00:05:31,554 --> 00:05:35,888
- What are you doing here?
- I'm with... I'll tell you later.
74
00:05:37,460 --> 00:05:38,859
You look great.
75
00:05:38,928 --> 00:05:41,988
- Not too naked?
- Just naked enough.
76
00:05:47,770 --> 00:05:50,261
Hi. I'm Carrie Bradshaw.
I'm an old friend of Mike's.
77
00:05:50,340 --> 00:05:52,808
I'm Libby Biyalick. It's so nice
to finally meet a friend.
78
00:05:52,876 --> 00:05:54,571
So I'll call ya.
79
00:05:56,946 --> 00:05:59,039
Great.
Well, have a good dinner.
80
00:05:59,115 --> 00:06:00,946
Nice to meet you.
81
00:06:01,017 --> 00:06:04,851
I left the table wondering why Mike
didn't want to introduce me to his date.
82
00:06:07,023 --> 00:06:08,513
Again!
83
00:06:09,759 --> 00:06:14,355
That very same night, something
absolutely amazing happened to Miranda.
84
00:06:14,430 --> 00:06:16,625
Really good now.
85
00:06:18,234 --> 00:06:20,429
Oh, my God!
I'm so sorry!
86
00:06:20,503 --> 00:06:22,903
- I didn't mean... Are you okay?
- She met someone in gym class.
87
00:06:22,972 --> 00:06:24,371
Are you... Oh, God.
88
00:06:25,141 --> 00:06:28,440
- Are you sure you're okay?
- I'm fine.
89
00:06:28,511 --> 00:06:31,275
So what exactly about my head
pissed you off?
90
00:06:32,448 --> 00:06:34,916
I wish there was something
I could do.
91
00:06:34,984 --> 00:06:39,284
Well, you can buy me dinner sometime
and a CAT scan.
92
00:06:40,523 --> 00:06:44,619
His name was Ted Baker.
He was 32, a sports medicine doctor...
93
00:06:44,694 --> 00:06:47,788
with an apartment
overlooking the Natural History Museum.
94
00:06:47,864 --> 00:06:52,301
Three prior serious relationships,
none resulting in marriage.
95
00:06:53,603 --> 00:06:55,537
Kiss to make it better.
96
00:06:56,673 --> 00:07:00,200
So, really,
can I call you sometime?
97
00:07:02,011 --> 00:07:03,444
Sure.
98
00:07:05,949 --> 00:07:09,009
He left a message
on my machine when I got home.
99
00:07:09,085 --> 00:07:10,518
He wants to go out this week.
100
00:07:10,587 --> 00:07:13,784
- That's fantastic.
- No. It's too quick.
101
00:07:13,856 --> 00:07:16,324
I think maybe that kick in his head
scrambled his brains.
102
00:07:16,392 --> 00:07:20,260
No. Too quick is sleeping with him
on the first date. That's too quick.
103
00:07:20,330 --> 00:07:23,424
You both got excited, and you
went for it. Stop blaming yourself.
104
00:07:23,499 --> 00:07:25,433
I don't blame myself.
I blame the dress.
105
00:07:25,501 --> 00:07:29,995
The dress. The dress led me on,
had a life of its own.
106
00:07:30,073 --> 00:07:33,600
Then we went to this Chinese restaurant,
and you'll never guess who I ran into.
107
00:07:33,676 --> 00:07:36,736
- Mike Singer out on a date.
- The whole world's in love.
108
00:07:36,813 --> 00:07:38,303
I'm not sure.
I don't know.
109
00:07:38,381 --> 00:07:43,318
He was acting very weird, like he...
like he didn't want me to meet her.
110
00:07:43,386 --> 00:07:46,719
- What's her name?
- Her name was Libby Biyalick.
111
00:07:46,789 --> 00:07:49,986
Mike told me everything that afternoon
while I helped him pick out sheets...
112
00:07:50,059 --> 00:07:51,549
at Bed, Bath & Beyond.
113
00:07:51,628 --> 00:07:53,994
So how long
have you been seeing her?
114
00:07:54,063 --> 00:07:56,258
A while.
115
00:07:56,332 --> 00:07:58,095
Is this a painful topic?
116
00:07:58,167 --> 00:08:01,136
No. It's just she's not
someone I date openly.
117
00:08:01,204 --> 00:08:03,468
- Why? Is she married?
- No.
118
00:08:03,539 --> 00:08:05,837
- Is she a cousin?
- No.
119
00:08:06,676 --> 00:08:07,608
Look.
120
00:08:07,677 --> 00:08:13,274
The thing is, she's smart,
incredibly sweet, and sex is great.
121
00:08:15,385 --> 00:08:17,012
She's just not the one
I see myself with.
122
00:08:17,086 --> 00:08:19,316
Why not?
123
00:08:19,389 --> 00:08:21,516
It was about three months ago.
124
00:08:21,591 --> 00:08:25,254
Mike had been dumped by Fiona Brooks,
a cellist for the Philharmonic...
125
00:08:25,328 --> 00:08:28,354
who he was trying to forget
as quickly as possible.
126
00:08:29,432 --> 00:08:34,131
They had both loved to cook, and
shopping was a Saturday morning ritual.
127
00:08:34,203 --> 00:08:37,263
So he was feeling
particularly vulnerable when...
128
00:08:37,340 --> 00:08:40,707
Care to try some aged
sheep's milk cheese from the Alps?
129
00:08:41,611 --> 00:08:42,543
Thanks.
130
00:08:48,785 --> 00:08:51,413
- It's good.
- It's made by monks.
131
00:08:51,487 --> 00:08:53,717
- Really?
- Trappist monks.
132
00:08:55,958 --> 00:08:58,722
Fresh goat cheese
from the Napa Valley.
133
00:09:01,731 --> 00:09:03,722
It's delicious.
134
00:09:07,937 --> 00:09:09,768
It's a triple cream from France.
135
00:09:21,317 --> 00:09:24,252
Mike found himself
very uninhibited.
136
00:09:25,555 --> 00:09:27,352
Since he didn't think Libby
was that gorgeous...
137
00:09:27,423 --> 00:09:29,482
there wasn't any pressure.
138
00:09:35,231 --> 00:09:38,132
The next morning,
he woke up and felt at ease...
139
00:09:38,201 --> 00:09:39,759
very relaxed.
140
00:09:39,836 --> 00:09:41,827
I'm a creative director
of an ad agency...
141
00:09:41,904 --> 00:09:45,362
but eventually
I'd love to have my own shop.
142
00:09:46,442 --> 00:09:48,740
I'd love to have my own shop too.
143
00:09:49,746 --> 00:09:52,510
Well, cheese shop, I mean.
144
00:09:52,582 --> 00:09:55,142
She was one of the only women
he'd ever met...
145
00:09:55,218 --> 00:09:57,778
who he felt
he could just be with.
146
00:09:57,854 --> 00:10:00,379
So what's the problem?
147
00:10:00,456 --> 00:10:03,448
Look. She's not beautiful...
148
00:10:03,526 --> 00:10:05,790
and we don't
have a lot in common.
149
00:10:05,862 --> 00:10:08,695
I mean, most of her friends
are in dairy.
150
00:10:08,765 --> 00:10:11,461
But she's warm
and unpretentious...
151
00:10:11,534 --> 00:10:15,527
and it was the best sex
I've ever had in my life.
152
00:10:16,472 --> 00:10:18,599
What are you afraid of?
What are other people going to think?
153
00:10:18,674 --> 00:10:23,168
All I know is that she's not the right
woman for me in the larger sense...
154
00:10:23,246 --> 00:10:25,680
so I keep her a secret.
155
00:10:27,083 --> 00:10:30,678
I couldn't decide whether Mike
was being shallow or honest...
156
00:10:31,754 --> 00:10:34,655
but the question
nagged me for days.
157
00:10:34,724 --> 00:10:37,887
How many of us out there
are having great sex...
158
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,520
with people we're ashamed
to introduce to our friends?
159
00:10:41,731 --> 00:10:45,167
Have I ever had fabulous sex
with someone I didn't want to admit to?
160
00:10:48,404 --> 00:10:52,397
Did I ever tell you about that
jazz musician who lived with his mother?
161
00:10:52,475 --> 00:10:55,103
- Yeah. Alex.
- What about the window washer?
162
00:10:55,178 --> 00:10:57,043
The one who doesn't
wear any underwear?
163
00:10:57,780 --> 00:11:00,772
I met this gorgeous kid
in Spy Bar last year. He was...
164
00:11:00,850 --> 00:11:03,080
He turned out
to be in high school.
165
00:11:04,187 --> 00:11:06,917
Evidently, Samantha
had had lots of sex...
166
00:11:06,989 --> 00:11:09,219
none of which was secret.
167
00:11:09,292 --> 00:11:12,693
Fine. It just proves that I'm not
ashamed of anyone I've slept with.
168
00:11:13,863 --> 00:11:15,990
Here it is.
169
00:11:16,065 --> 00:11:18,431
Up here.
170
00:11:21,938 --> 00:11:24,202
You look...
171
00:11:24,273 --> 00:11:26,969
- Naked.
- There it was...
172
00:11:27,043 --> 00:11:30,535
the dress that led me down
the garden path with Mr. Big.
173
00:11:30,613 --> 00:11:34,413
- I shouldn't be embarrassed?
- No. You look fabulous.
174
00:11:34,483 --> 00:11:36,883
Besides, there's no such thing
as bad publicity.
175
00:11:36,953 --> 00:11:38,818
Yeah. You would say that.
You're a publicist.
176
00:11:38,888 --> 00:11:41,823
You know, we need
to go someplace absolutely fabulous...
177
00:11:41,891 --> 00:11:43,552
where we can toast you
where the bus goes by.
178
00:11:43,626 --> 00:11:46,356
- And you can invite Mr. Big.
- No. I don't think so.
179
00:11:46,429 --> 00:11:48,363
I haven't heard from him
since we spent the night together.
180
00:11:48,431 --> 00:11:52,162
Sweetie, forget about him. You
are going to be on the side of a bus.
181
00:11:52,235 --> 00:11:56,831
Ten million men are going to be
drooling over you on their way to work.
182
00:11:56,906 --> 00:11:59,636
It's the best personal ad
I've ever seen in my life.
183
00:11:59,709 --> 00:12:01,802
Samantha
had a particular knack...
184
00:12:01,878 --> 00:12:04,847
for turning a desperate situation
into a hopeless one.
185
00:12:04,914 --> 00:12:07,439
Speaking of secret sex...
186
00:12:07,516 --> 00:12:10,485
did Charlotte ever tell you
about the rabbi?
187
00:12:10,553 --> 00:12:11,542
The rabbi?
188
00:12:11,621 --> 00:12:14,146
- Excuse me?
- You know who I'm talking about.
189
00:12:14,223 --> 00:12:17,351
I cannot believe the two of you came
down here to interrogate me at work.
190
00:12:17,426 --> 00:12:19,917
I'm sorry. It's my fault.
191
00:12:19,996 --> 00:12:22,123
Anyway,
he wasn't a rabbi.
192
00:12:22,198 --> 00:12:25,031
He was a Hasidic folk artist
from Brooklyn.
193
00:12:25,101 --> 00:12:27,092
Close enough.
194
00:12:28,271 --> 00:12:31,536
Evidently, Charlotte had seen
Shmuel's work in an exhibition...
195
00:12:31,607 --> 00:12:34,633
and scheduled an appointment
to meet him at his studio.
196
00:12:36,078 --> 00:12:39,070
These are outstanding.
So much life.
197
00:12:40,182 --> 00:12:41,843
You have a beautiful way
with light.
198
00:12:41,918 --> 00:12:43,510
Thank you.
199
00:12:51,460 --> 00:12:53,519
This one is really special.
200
00:12:54,163 --> 00:12:55,755
That's my yeshiva.
201
00:12:57,633 --> 00:13:00,796
I wanted to
capture the exuberance of youth.
202
00:13:00,870 --> 00:13:04,271
Charlotte quickly became intoxicated
by his talent...
203
00:13:04,340 --> 00:13:07,571
his strangeness
and the smell of his wool.
204
00:13:07,643 --> 00:13:09,076
Magical.
205
00:13:16,152 --> 00:13:18,985
It was so sexy, so forbidden.
206
00:13:19,055 --> 00:13:23,651
Daddy's little Episcopalian princess in
the arms of one of God's chosen people.
207
00:13:25,628 --> 00:13:29,462
So we would talk about art and sex
and the Torah.
208
00:13:29,532 --> 00:13:31,932
Why didn't you introduce him
to anybody?
209
00:13:32,001 --> 00:13:33,662
I was embarrassed.
210
00:13:33,736 --> 00:13:36,933
I mean, I could really date him,
and he couldn't date me.
211
00:13:37,006 --> 00:13:38,837
I mean, what would people think?
212
00:13:38,908 --> 00:13:41,536
If the sex is good,
who cares what anybody thinks?
213
00:13:41,610 --> 00:13:43,908
Now, you cannot put this
in your column.
214
00:13:43,980 --> 00:13:46,141
- Promise.
- I promise.
215
00:13:46,215 --> 00:13:49,275
Was secret sex
the ultimate form of intimacy...
216
00:13:49,352 --> 00:13:53,584
since it existed in a pure state
exempt from the judgment of the world?
217
00:13:53,656 --> 00:13:56,318
Or is it just another way
in which we deny our feelings...
218
00:13:56,392 --> 00:13:58,826
and emotionally
compartmentalize our lives?
219
00:14:04,567 --> 00:14:06,865
- Hello?
- Do you miss me yet?
220
00:14:06,936 --> 00:14:10,030
- Who is this?
- How have you been?
221
00:14:10,106 --> 00:14:11,801
Great.
222
00:14:13,409 --> 00:14:15,400
Fabulous. Fantastic, actually.
And you?
223
00:14:15,478 --> 00:14:19,278
Well, at the risk
of sounding trite...
224
00:14:20,983 --> 00:14:23,110
I haven't been able
to stop thinking about you.
225
00:14:23,853 --> 00:14:25,218
I adore trite.
226
00:14:27,923 --> 00:14:31,017
Listen. We should
have a real first date.
227
00:14:31,093 --> 00:14:35,029
You know? The traditional American kind.
Dinner and a movie.
228
00:14:35,097 --> 00:14:37,429
Of course, knowing us,
we'll skip the movie.
229
00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:39,525
Just as long
as we don't skip dinner.
230
00:14:41,470 --> 00:14:44,769
What a relief! I had just escaped
the "sex on the first date" curse.
231
00:14:46,042 --> 00:14:48,135
That weekend,
I was out with a man...
232
00:14:48,210 --> 00:14:50,906
whose name
I wanted to shout from the rooftops.
233
00:14:50,980 --> 00:14:56,111
Let me get this straight.
Your picture is going to be on a bus?
234
00:14:56,185 --> 00:14:57,880
That's right.
235
00:14:57,953 --> 00:15:00,717
A crosstown bus
or a downtown bus?
236
00:15:00,790 --> 00:15:03,156
The M2. Goes right down Fifth.
237
00:15:04,226 --> 00:15:06,251
- That's a good line.
- I'm getting together...
238
00:15:06,328 --> 00:15:08,853
a group of my friends tomorrow afternoon
to watch it go by.
239
00:15:08,931 --> 00:15:11,695
I thought maybe
if you weren't doing anything...
240
00:15:11,767 --> 00:15:13,997
How are you?
241
00:15:15,237 --> 00:15:17,705
- Good to see you.
- You remember Phyllis.
242
00:15:17,773 --> 00:15:20,003
Of course.
Phyllis. How are you?
243
00:15:20,076 --> 00:15:23,307
- Everything good?
- Yeah. Everything's dandy.
244
00:15:23,379 --> 00:15:25,574
That's what I hear.
245
00:15:28,284 --> 00:15:29,979
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you again.
246
00:15:30,052 --> 00:15:32,350
- Good seeing you. Bye.
- Bye-bye. Cheers.
247
00:15:35,691 --> 00:15:39,320
- Who was that?
- Just some guy I skied with in Aspen.
248
00:15:39,395 --> 00:15:43,695
I didn't understand. Had I suddenly
become the invisible woman?
249
00:15:43,766 --> 00:15:45,893
I tried
not to let it bother me.
250
00:15:46,635 --> 00:15:50,162
I also tried not to let it bother me
that he took me back to Fung Wa...
251
00:15:50,239 --> 00:15:53,003
scene of our postcoital dinner.
252
00:15:53,075 --> 00:15:55,009
Oh, I can't
make your party tomorrow.
253
00:15:55,077 --> 00:15:58,274
Oh, no. I wanted to introduce you
to some of my friends.
254
00:15:58,347 --> 00:16:00,941
Well, I'll be home later
if you miss me.
255
00:16:02,451 --> 00:16:04,316
As I surveyed the room...
256
00:16:04,386 --> 00:16:08,345
I realized it smelled like a cheap date
you don't want anyone to meet.
257
00:16:09,458 --> 00:16:11,858
I told Mr. Big I was on a deadline
and I had to get home.
258
00:16:14,797 --> 00:16:16,992
- Hello?
- Listen. I have a question.
259
00:16:17,066 --> 00:16:20,968
Of all the restaurants in Manhattan,
why did you take Libby to Fung Wa?
260
00:16:21,036 --> 00:16:22,901
Well, it's pretty obscure.
261
00:16:22,972 --> 00:16:25,065
There's not much of a chance
of running into anybody I know.
262
00:16:25,141 --> 00:16:26,574
You mean it's the kind of place...
263
00:16:26,642 --> 00:16:29,076
men take women they don't want
to be seen with in public?
264
00:16:29,145 --> 00:16:30,737
Yes. It is perfect for that.
265
00:16:32,047 --> 00:16:34,481
- Sorry.
- The evidence was mounting.
266
00:16:34,550 --> 00:16:38,179
Was it possible that I
had become Mr. Big's secret sex girl?
267
00:16:39,321 --> 00:16:43,781
The next morning, Miranda discovered
a shocking sex secret of her own.
268
00:16:43,859 --> 00:16:46,157
She had just
spent a wonderful night with Ted...
269
00:16:46,228 --> 00:16:50,164
who had to leave early in the morning to
catch a flight to D.C. For a conference.
270
00:16:50,232 --> 00:16:54,566
- I can go home. It's no big deal.
- No. Stay. It's 6:00 A.M.
271
00:16:57,306 --> 00:17:00,742
I'll be back tonight.
You want to do something?
272
00:17:00,809 --> 00:17:03,175
- I'd love to.
- I'll call you at work.
273
00:17:03,245 --> 00:17:05,873
Have a good flight.
274
00:17:11,954 --> 00:17:13,888
Miranda waited
for the dead bolt to drop...
275
00:17:13,956 --> 00:17:17,187
and then used the opportunity
to ransack Ted's apartment...
276
00:17:17,259 --> 00:17:19,523
and look for pictures
of old girlfriends.
277
00:17:23,365 --> 00:17:26,129
She was not at all prepared
for what she found.
278
00:17:32,875 --> 00:17:37,608
Yeah. Do you feel your cock
where it wants to be every night?
279
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:39,841
Every single night
when you come home...
280
00:17:39,915 --> 00:17:43,544
and everything's done in the house,
and I've been doing it all day...
281
00:17:43,619 --> 00:17:46,816
I don't know what to do.
I can't admit to having found this...
282
00:17:46,889 --> 00:17:49,449
but now I don't know
if I want to see him again.
283
00:17:49,525 --> 00:17:51,686
How can you judge him
till you spank him?
284
00:17:53,495 --> 00:17:58,125
- I'm only kidding.
- But obviously this is what he's into.
285
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,293
Maybe it's just his fantasy life.
286
00:18:03,105 --> 00:18:05,198
Later that day,
the cream of New York...
287
00:18:05,274 --> 00:18:07,765
gathered to toast
the maiden voyage of my bus.
288
00:18:07,843 --> 00:18:11,040
- Where's Mr. Big?
- He couldn't make it.
289
00:18:11,113 --> 00:18:13,581
- What do you mean, he couldn't make it?
- I don't know. It was a work thing.
290
00:18:14,650 --> 00:18:16,777
But this is your bus party.
291
00:18:16,852 --> 00:18:19,878
I told you you shouldn't have...
Well, never mind.
292
00:18:19,955 --> 00:18:23,550
What? He's not here because
I slept with him on the first date?
293
00:18:23,626 --> 00:18:26,254
Yes. When you sleep with a man
on the first date...
294
00:18:26,328 --> 00:18:29,126
the relationship will never
be anything more than just sex.
295
00:18:30,332 --> 00:18:33,267
- Cheers.
- I didn't want to admit she was right.
296
00:18:33,335 --> 00:18:35,064
Here it comes!
297
00:18:35,137 --> 00:18:37,401
I just wanted to see my bus
and get the hell out of there.
298
00:18:38,874 --> 00:18:41,365
Oh, shit.
299
00:18:41,443 --> 00:18:44,173
Carrie! Did I miss it?
300
00:18:44,246 --> 00:18:46,612
Not yet. No. I thought
you were going to bring Libby.
301
00:18:46,682 --> 00:18:50,140
Yeah. I finally ask her
to join me in public; she turns me down.
302
00:18:50,219 --> 00:18:51,584
Why?
303
00:18:51,654 --> 00:18:54,487
She told me she met somebody else who
doesn't have my problems with intimacy.
304
00:18:54,556 --> 00:18:55,921
I'm sorry.
305
00:18:55,991 --> 00:18:57,618
Quiet.
306
00:18:57,693 --> 00:18:59,217
Here you come.
307
00:19:10,105 --> 00:19:12,300
Don't worry, sweetie.
Don't worry.
308
00:19:13,409 --> 00:19:16,970
Nobody in New York notices a bus
until it's about to him them.
309
00:19:17,046 --> 00:19:19,207
That's right.
310
00:19:19,281 --> 00:19:23,149
Meanwhile, Miranda spent
another wonderful evening with Ted...
311
00:19:23,218 --> 00:19:25,413
and began
to reevaluate her options.
312
00:19:25,487 --> 00:19:30,515
That was one of the most amazing meals
I have ever had. Thank you.
313
00:19:30,592 --> 00:19:32,184
My pleasure.
314
00:19:33,495 --> 00:19:36,055
You know, I missed you today.
315
00:19:37,266 --> 00:19:38,858
You did?
316
00:19:40,202 --> 00:19:43,194
I guess I've just been waiting all
this time for a good kick in the head.
317
00:19:43,272 --> 00:19:47,333
And here I thought that all
you really wanted was a good spanking.
318
00:19:48,444 --> 00:19:51,845
- Excuse me?
- You heard me.
319
00:20:02,658 --> 00:20:05,456
Ted didn't take Miranda home
that night.
320
00:20:05,527 --> 00:20:08,792
He never took her calls
or returned her messages...
321
00:20:08,864 --> 00:20:11,230
and she never saw him
at the gym again.
322
00:20:13,769 --> 00:20:18,638
Very late that night, fueled by
a massive quantity of champagne...
323
00:20:18,707 --> 00:20:21,505
I decided
to say good-bye to Mr. Big.
324
00:20:27,149 --> 00:20:29,674
I just came here to tell you that
if you're embarrassed...
325
00:20:29,752 --> 00:20:33,017
or ashamed to be
involved with me in any way...
326
00:20:33,088 --> 00:20:35,420
that we can no longer
see each other.
327
00:20:35,491 --> 00:20:37,823
The truth is, I blame myself.
328
00:20:37,893 --> 00:20:40,225
I wore the naked dress
on our first date.
329
00:20:40,295 --> 00:20:42,490
I slept with him too fast...
330
00:20:42,564 --> 00:20:45,795
and now I'm on a Fifth Avenue bus
with a penis on my head.
331
00:20:47,870 --> 00:20:51,601
- What are you talking about?
- You won't introduce me to your friends.
332
00:20:51,673 --> 00:20:53,732
You bring me back
to that restaurant...
333
00:20:53,809 --> 00:20:55,936
where men take women
they don't want to be seen with.
334
00:20:56,545 --> 00:20:58,410
You won't come out
and meet my friends.
335
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:03,315
You have me in a niche. Certain events.
Certain restaurants. Certain people.
336
00:21:03,385 --> 00:21:07,651
Like I'm only a particular fragment
of the kind of person...
337
00:21:07,723 --> 00:21:10,055
you think you should be dating.
338
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,520
But I've only
gotten to know a particular fragment...
339
00:21:14,596 --> 00:21:17,190
although I'm beginning
to know more.
340
00:21:17,266 --> 00:21:21,930
No. This is not me. This is me
reacting to your perception of me.
341
00:21:26,942 --> 00:21:28,204
Well...
342
00:21:29,578 --> 00:21:32,979
I think Fung Wa's
is the best Chinese food in the city...
343
00:21:33,048 --> 00:21:35,073
so that's why we went there.
344
00:21:35,150 --> 00:21:36,412
And...
345
00:21:39,288 --> 00:21:42,348
the guy we met in the street,
and I couldn't remember his name...
346
00:21:42,424 --> 00:21:44,415
which possibly means
I have Alzheimer's...
347
00:21:44,493 --> 00:21:46,256
so that's what that was about.
348
00:21:46,328 --> 00:21:51,391
And this afternoon I had
courtside tickets to the Knicks...
349
00:21:52,468 --> 00:21:56,962
and that's all, folks.
350
00:21:57,039 --> 00:22:01,942
I should have been jumping for joy,
but I only felt a hard knot of fear.
351
00:22:04,513 --> 00:22:06,447
So you and me...
352
00:22:07,749 --> 00:22:09,910
then maybe this is for real?
353
00:22:14,423 --> 00:22:16,015
Could be.
354
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:34,000
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355
00:22:44,000 --> 00:23:46,000
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