Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,934 --> 00:00:01,702
(gasps)
No.
2
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:03,704
(laughing)
3
00:00:05,073 --> 00:00:06,407
(grunts)
4
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:13,013
Man Seeking Woman.
An all new season.
(groans)
5
00:00:13,047 --> 00:00:15,749
Premieres Wednesday,
January 6 on FXX.
6
00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:20,654
FXX presents You're the Worst.
7
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:21,755
[ Man Laughs ]
8
00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:27,561
So you kissed,
and then what happened?
9
00:00:27,595 --> 00:00:29,697
Then she showed me
her bronze medal.
10
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,832
She did? Why?
11
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,868
Because she was
understandably proud of it.
12
00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:38,206
She... she was proud
of her bronze medal?
13
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:39,873
It's quite beautiful, close up.
14
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:41,509
What?
15
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:42,710
Why would a person
16
00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,412
just show someone
their butthole?
17
00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:46,280
What? No!
18
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:47,448
A real bronze medal.
19
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:48,716
Oh!
Why would you think
20
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,351
I meant a butthole?
21
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,786
Well, you said "bronze medal."
22
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:54,622
I mean,
it is the third best hole.
23
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,557
Brownish.
(laughs)
24
00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:58,359
So, you're feeling, um...
25
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,128
Human.
26
00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:02,029
A little human.
Huh.
27
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:02,963
So, next time you feel,
28
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:05,466
you know, "it" coming on,
maybe you
29
00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:07,768
should try switching your meds?
Meds?
30
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,637
You're not on anti-depressants?
31
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:11,239
Shit, no. I don't want
to lose my edge.
32
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:12,773
What?
33
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,308
So you're-you're telling me
34
00:01:14,342 --> 00:01:15,809
you could have just taken a pill
35
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,378
this whole time and you didn't?
36
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,412
Nope.
37
00:01:18,446 --> 00:01:20,114
Wow!
38
00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:21,315
Well...
39
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:23,551
Wow!
40
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,953
We just proved
I don't need medication.
41
00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:28,489
(door opens, closes)
You actually can fix me!
42
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:30,558
My bad.
43
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:31,792
(Lindsay gasps)
44
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:32,926
You're upright!
45
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,395
Why do you have two burgers?
46
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:35,829
One's for my baby.
47
00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,298
New Tinder rando?
48
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:38,766
No, the baby in my pussy.
49
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,302
Bye.
Jesus Christ, Lindser!
50
00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:42,470
Are you serious?
51
00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:45,173
That microwave thing
actually worked?
52
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:47,475
Guess so. I just heated it up
like a baked potato.
53
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:50,678
So, you and me, abobo
and then Marie Callender's?
54
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,413
Sure. You know what's funny?
55
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,415
Two weeks ago,
56
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:55,783
I would have trapped Paul
57
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,851
and torpedoed
his gross relationship
58
00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,487
with Crunchy Princess Limp Hair.
59
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:00,954
But I think
I've matured.
60
00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:01,989
Amy was right.
61
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:04,592
I had a perfect man
and I let him go.
62
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,261
Linds, you never liked Paul.
63
00:02:07,295 --> 00:02:09,297
You only referred to him
as dork,
64
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:12,032
Lumpy Hubby, Paul Nye
the Science Homo...
65
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:13,701
Do you think he's going to be
at Becca's baby shower later?
66
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,002
You going to tell him?
67
00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:15,969
No.
68
00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:17,205
I'm moving on.
69
00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:21,008
So, who's this basic ho
70
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:22,343
Jimmy hooked up with?
71
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:23,477
Oh, it doesn't matter.
72
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:24,945
Huh.
If I were you,
73
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,013
I would totally want to see
74
00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:27,648
what brand of slizz
I was up against.
75
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:38,826
* I'm gonna leave you anyway
76
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:41,662
* I'm gonna leave you
anyway *
77
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:45,233
* Gonna leave you anyway.
78
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:51,104
(indistinct chatter)
79
00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:56,277
(cheers)
80
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:00,914
Oh!
81
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,686
*
82
00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:10,524
(laughter)
83
00:03:16,364 --> 00:03:17,531
Uh-uh-uh.
84
00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,900
You are not serving your
stale, mail-order popcorn.
85
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:22,936
Babe, people love fancy popcorn,
it's a proven fact.
86
00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:25,873
All right. As long as there's
no trash juice this time.
87
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:26,674
'Course not. I promised.
88
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,109
All right.
89
00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:35,048
Becca, you dummy.
90
00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:38,852
There's Jimmy's car.
91
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,388
You'll feel better
92
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,689
after you tell him.
93
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,791
You know, maybe-maybe
I'll still drive over
94
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,359
every morning
to cook him breakfast
95
00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:47,595
until he eventually
discovers I've moved out,
96
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:49,263
and by then, he'll see
97
00:03:49,297 --> 00:03:50,898
it won't have to change
anything between us.
98
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,800
Things need to change
between you, Edgar.
99
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,134
You're always saying that.
100
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:56,236
Well, I always say I didn't
know it was a school, too.
101
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:57,805
Look, I want you to feel proud
102
00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:59,139
that you're going to be
living with me.
103
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:00,308
You're right.
104
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:01,375
I'll tell him.
105
00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:03,611
Thank you.
106
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:04,612
Wait, about that school...
107
00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:05,546
Oh, kidding.
108
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,981
I totally
didn't know.
109
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,151
You're goddamn pregnant?
110
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,753
I'm not keeping it.
111
00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:15,088
Well, I should hope not.
112
00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:16,324
And I'm gonna be a good sister.
113
00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:17,458
I'm not drinking.
114
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:18,726
I'm gonna make sure
everyone knows
115
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,561
this is your day.
116
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:23,864
I even brought lemons this time,
like you asked.
117
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:25,833
Uh...
118
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,601
Please don't tell Paul.
119
00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:29,169
Of course not.
120
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:32,172
What a disaster.
121
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:37,778
I can have one.
122
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:44,652
The popcorn
is trash juice.
123
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:47,555
Pass it on.
124
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:50,758
I need to tell you something.
125
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,460
Gretchen has never taken meds!
126
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:54,294
Really? After all that?
127
00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:55,796
Exactly.
128
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:58,098
And then she said
she doesn't ever need to now,
129
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,600
because she has me to fix her.
130
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,436
Between her,
you, Killian,
131
00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:04,705
I have to be the
emotional bedrock for everyone.
132
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,774
When's it my turn
to be taken care of?
133
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:07,808
You know what?
134
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:08,842
Today.
135
00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:10,678
Today's my turn.
136
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:13,814
I'm going to get
absolutely snozzelled.
137
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,616
EDGAR:
Well, this is leading
towards something
138
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,050
dangerously misguided.
139
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,819
We'll see how she likes
taking care of me for a change.
140
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:22,990
You probably don't want to get
to "Level Two Jimmy drunk"
141
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:24,958
around all these people.
142
00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:27,595
Or maybe I do.
143
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:30,931
(sighs)
144
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,842
(talking quietly)
145
00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,727
NINA:
It's on the house...
146
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,361
Gretchen.
147
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:06,900
For what it's worth, Jimmy
and I aren't talking right now.
148
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:08,569
You know nothing
really happened.
149
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,438
Eh, we had problems already.
150
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:12,172
I'm sorry anyway.
151
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,507
Relationships are tough.
152
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:15,676
He's just such a child!
153
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,044
The other day,
154
00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:18,879
he bought an $80 toy helicopter
155
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:20,280
which he broke immediately.
156
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:22,215
Do you know what he talked to me
about for an hour straight?
157
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:23,851
Tree houses?
Yes!
158
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:24,952
A full hour!
159
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:26,454
Yeah, you got off easy.
160
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:27,621
(laughs)
161
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:30,724
Let's grab a table.
162
00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:34,962
You're articulate,
brilliant, courageous,
163
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:39,032
dexterous,
enthralling, foxy...
164
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,701
G... galvanizing.
165
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,402
Oh, I love it!
166
00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:44,472
You're articulate,
brilliant, courageous,
167
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:48,075
dexterous, enthralling,
foxy, galvanizing...
168
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,077
and... horny.
169
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,779
Amy!
(giggles)
170
00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:53,413
I have to go
to the little girls' room.
171
00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:54,414
Save my seat?
172
00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:55,649
Always.
173
00:06:58,819 --> 00:06:59,920
Whew!
174
00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:02,656
Mm.
175
00:07:02,690 --> 00:07:05,826
Just know I'm not really mad
at you for ditching Lindsay.
176
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,895
I mean, you...
177
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,229
you dodged
a bullet with that.
178
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,731
And by bullet,
179
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:13,734
I mean... it's way smaller
than a bullet right now,
180
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,804
but probably
just as dumb.
181
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,338
Unless it got
your genes.
182
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:20,240
What?
183
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:21,341
Oh, dang it.
184
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:22,510
I guess you figured it out.
185
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:24,244
My sister
impregnated herself
186
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,513
by heating a condom
187
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,147
full of your sperm
in a microwave.
188
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:30,317
You know, that's
scientifically impossible
189
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:32,185
in ten different ways.
190
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:33,186
Of course.
191
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,088
That's my point.
192
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,624
Knowing her,
she probably seduced
193
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:37,858
the drive-thru guy
at Del Taco
194
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,159
and is just
saying it's yours.
195
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,194
Well, yes.
196
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:45,465
There's literally
no way we...
197
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:46,634
Wait.
198
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,005
Oh...
199
00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:57,711
Oh, my God.
200
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:02,716
Mm!
201
00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:04,451
I can have one.
202
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,452
(laughs)
203
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:08,722
*
204
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,837
Mmm.
205
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,539
Fruity.
206
00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:33,213
I seriously thought
I was going crazy,
207
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:34,414
I was texting and texting,
208
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:36,316
and then I saw him
lying in the bushes.
209
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,719
One time, Jimmy spilled
a bowl of cereal
210
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:40,688
when Edgar wasn't home,
so he hid under his bed
211
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,556
for two hours,
until I finally cleaned it up.
212
00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:44,357
And you date him.
213
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:45,926
Willingly.
214
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:48,696
The heart is
a dumb dumb.
215
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,430
The dumbest dumb
of them all.
216
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:54,001
You're so pretty.
(laughs)
217
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:57,370
I can see why Jimmy almost
went to the cabin with you.
218
00:08:57,404 --> 00:09:00,874
There's something
so captivating about you.
219
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:02,075
What is it?
220
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:04,077
Uh... I don't know.
221
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:05,445
(laughs)
222
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:08,882
How can you be
athletic and funny?
223
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:10,217
Gotta find out.
224
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,952
What are you doing?
What?
What are you doing?
225
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,121
What is wrong with you?
226
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,389
I'm not scared, if that's
what you're worried about.
227
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:17,290
Get out of my bar!
228
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:18,959
Come on,
just kiss me.
229
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:20,260
You kissed
my boyfriend.
230
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,095
Kiss me!
231
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,864
Kiss me!
232
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:24,765
You kiss me, girl!
233
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:26,133
Kiss me!
Stop!
234
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:27,567
What is wrong with you guys?
235
00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:29,737
I am a real person!
Are you?
236
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:32,139
You're a skier
who owns a bar.
237
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,473
You don't think
that sounds
238
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:35,042
just a little bit
like some male fantasy?
239
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,109
Come on,
just kiss my mouth.
240
00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:37,778
Kiss it!
This might
be a mistake,
241
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,279
'cause you could have
crazy-person strength,
Ow.
242
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,148
but if you don't get
the hell out of my bar,
Ow.
243
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:43,250
I'm going to have
to kick your ass.
244
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,118
God, that was so hot.
245
00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:46,987
Can you believe
the sexual tension between us?
246
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,300
(stomach gurgles)
247
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:02,502
(doorknob rattles)
248
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,672
It's occupied.
249
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:05,605
Occupied!
250
00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:07,641
Vernon, what the heck?
251
00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:08,742
I'm using the toilet!
252
00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:10,610
I need cash.
My cards are maxed.
253
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:11,679
I wrote a bum check
254
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,446
for my latest
malpractice insurance.
255
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,115
Man, I better not mess up
any surgeries!
256
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:18,018
I just gave you $15,000.
257
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:19,486
You're the one who gave money
to a money pig.
258
00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:20,520
That's on you.
259
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,422
This isn't a good time.
260
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,424
I just received
some highly enervating news
261
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:25,959
that has my bowels in a state.
262
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:27,761
You don't know enervating, Paul!
263
00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:28,996
Come talk to me about enervating
264
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:30,831
when you got
a goddamn baby on the way
265
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,666
that's gonna cost
at least a half millie
266
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:33,767
in its stupid life.
267
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:35,268
Just give me that money,
turkey-dick!
268
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:36,704
You shut the hell up,
269
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:37,971
Vernon!
Goddamn it.
270
00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:41,174
Get the hell out of
this bathroom
Where is it?!
271
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:44,211
or I will destroy you and
everything that you love!
272
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:47,280
I will smother you in your
sleep, so help me God!
Ow.
273
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,516
I hate you!
Give me that money, nerd!
274
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:52,119
Get out, get out, get out!
275
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,653
Ah! Stop it!
276
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,188
Get out!
God!
277
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,791
You are such an asshole.
Get out!
278
00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:00,493
I wish you were dead!
279
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,662
(loud farting sounds, splashing)
280
00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:06,533
(indistinct chatter, laughter)
281
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:07,534
Where's Gretchen?
282
00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:09,236
Jimmy, I'm moving out.
283
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:12,039
I'm so sorry,
but the time has come
284
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,974
for me to strike out
on my own, and I...
285
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,043
Ooh, you have to get a place
with a pool. Or a gym.
286
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:18,245
Ac-Actually,
we already have a place.
287
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:18,879
We?
288
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,513
Me and Dorothy.
What?
289
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:22,382
You've only known her
for about an hour, man.
290
00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:25,919
Who else do you know who moved
in with someone way too soon?
291
00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:27,287
Hmm?
292
00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,157
Me!
293
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,159
I got saddled with a lemon.
294
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,193
Guess what I spent
295
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:35,395
all afternoon doing Wednesday?
296
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,765
I sat in a pillow fort
297
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:38,999
while she wept.
298
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,267
So boring.
299
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:41,735
Wait, Wednesday?
300
00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:44,004
That's why you missed my show?
301
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,538
And no one can see
you have a lemon.
302
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:47,040
You pull up to the valet
303
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:49,276
and people are like,
"Ooh, nice car,"
304
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,478
but they can't see all the work
it needs on the interior.
305
00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:53,380
And then...
306
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,015
you find out there was
a factory recall
307
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,250
and that they could've
fixed it themselves?
308
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:00,587
Oh, no.
309
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:02,089
Level Two Jimmy drunk:
310
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:03,791
Angry Jimmy.
311
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,525
Okay, just slow down
312
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,061
before you get yourself
to Level Three.
313
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,097
Whose idea was this?
314
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:11,431
Mine.
315
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:13,266
And when did you have it?
316
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:17,370
When she took me to go see an
apartment that she couldn't...
317
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,907
quite afford on her own.
318
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:30,818
* Play your favorite song
319
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:32,820
* Get your arm ready
(gasps)
320
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:34,454
* Take two deep breaths...
321
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,768
You're scaring me.
322
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,744
Have you seen the
rest of the house?
323
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,312
Yikes.
324
00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:01,581
It is literally
the exact opposite
325
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,150
of how we should
decorate our place.
326
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:05,252
There's a framed poster
of G. Love & Special Sauce.
327
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,519
I shit you not.
328
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:07,754
I can't move in with you.
329
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,389
What? Why?
330
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:16,363
Turns out, Jimmy missed the show
for a really good reason,
331
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:18,031
and-and-and I...
I just got angry,
332
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:19,632
and I made this rash
decision, and...
333
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:21,935
Okay, honey, listen to me.
334
00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:25,672
This is your chance to
start your life over.
335
00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:27,807
With me.
336
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:29,509
You're ready.
337
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,544
No, but I'm not ready
for what you want from me.
338
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:34,915
You tell me that I am,
but I'm not.
339
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:37,784
Maybe in a few years.
340
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,119
(laughs)
341
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,453
I don't have a few years.
342
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:44,124
I spent four years too goddamn
long in that comedy house
343
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,226
'cause I thought we
were going somewhere.
344
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:48,962
I don't have any
more time to waste.
345
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,197
I'm sorry.
346
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,905
I can't believe this.
347
00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:00,173
Goddamn you, Edgar.
348
00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:16,656
Okay, uh, everyone, hello.
349
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:19,426
Hi, everybody,
gather round, please.
350
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:23,330
Well, the moment
of truth has arrived.
351
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,832
In just a minute, we are gonna
be cutting into that cake,
352
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,534
and depending
on its color,
353
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,202
finding out
if we're gonna raising
354
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:32,205
a-a precious little baby girl
or a macho boy.
355
00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:34,041
(laughing):
Isn't that fun?
356
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:36,209
We want to...
Hello.
357
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:37,444
Sorry.
358
00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:40,080
I'd just like
to say a few words.
359
00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:41,748
Okay, now is not
really the time.
360
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,583
It's cool, Bec--
It's all love.
361
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:44,884
Oh, my God, Level Three.
362
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:46,219
JIMMY:
No, it's not, Becca.
363
00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:47,720
Happy Jimmy.
364
00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:50,523
Becca, y-you...
are so special.
365
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:51,591
No, I'm serious.
366
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,360
You take in
my words.
367
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,762
You accept
how special you are.
368
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:57,797
You are a treasure.
369
00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,532
BECCA: Okay.
(chuckles uncomfortably)
JIMMY: Come here.
370
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:00,934
Come here,
I'm gonna hug on you.
Okay.
371
00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:02,535
(sighs)
(partygoers gasp)
372
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,204
Look at this woman--
373
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:07,474
she's like a lioness
on the savannah,
(chuckles)
374
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,944
just preparing to expel her...
375
00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:12,879
It must have been
my pre-ejaculate.
376
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,282
Goddamn, Becca.
377
00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:18,051
Since we broke up, I
started life-logging.
378
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,719
I record everything.
379
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:23,656
My conversations, bowel
movements, fitness.
380
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,759
My life in searchable data.
381
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:28,295
And according to my records,
382
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:32,399
we did have unprotected vaginal
intercourse for 37 seconds
383
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,001
before I donned a sheath.
384
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:38,471
Though the odds of conception
from pre-ejaculate are narrow,
385
00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:42,175
as you know, I do have
a heavy seminal load
386
00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:44,911
of high viscosity and opacity.
387
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,747
Oh, what happened to your face?
388
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,450
Amy was signing so fast
with her left hand,
389
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:52,119
I didn't see the
right hook coming.
390
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:53,953
She hit you?
And more.
391
00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:56,456
Why?
'Cause I broke up with her.
392
00:15:57,724 --> 00:16:00,027
Do you remember when I told
you the definition of love
393
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:03,130
was putting someone else's
needs above your own,
394
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:04,964
and you said, "Ew"?
395
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:06,199
Ew.
396
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:07,367
I mean, yes.
397
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,002
Tonight, you put me first
398
00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:11,771
when you decided not to
trap me with your pregnancy.
399
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,306
I quit on you.
400
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,308
I was a hypocrite.
401
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:17,844
So, Lindsay...
402
00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:19,446
let's have baby.
403
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:22,282
I don't know, Paul.
404
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:25,652
I was really unhappy.
405
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,654
(Jimmy continues
his speech indistinctly)
406
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,522
Think about it, okay?
407
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,728
It's just so sad, you know?
408
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:38,731
Level Four.
409
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,667
I've only heard about this.
410
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,669
Edgar.
411
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:45,672
My confidant.
412
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:49,676
A Grumio to my Petruchio.
413
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:52,912
The sweetest man
I've ever known.
414
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:58,718
It's so beautiful that you
and Dorothy found each other.
415
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:01,154
But I just... I just
broke up with her.
416
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:02,889
(sighs)
Why'd you do that?
417
00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:04,824
You told me to.
418
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:07,094
But Dorothy's amazing.
419
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:09,028
You said she
manipulated me.
420
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:11,164
So what?
421
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:13,233
Go!
422
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:17,537
Hey, I know it's cliché,
423
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:20,873
but, really, what-what
if there were no possessions?
424
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:22,342
Can you imagine that?
425
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:25,512
Uh, do you guys know
my girlfriend, Gretchen?
426
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,847
She's supposed
to be here.
427
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,550
She got sad
for a long time.
428
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,185
That was hard.
429
00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:34,454
I'm used to being
the complicated one.
430
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,123
Like, with-with Becca.
431
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:39,559
Becca's, uh, like
a Monday crossword.
432
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:40,927
Gretchen...
433
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,696
(spits scoffingly)
Sunday.
434
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,299
Takes-takes all day,
435
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:49,269
but it's rewarding
as hell.
436
00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:52,539
Gretchen!
437
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:55,942
You had a little too much
to drink, didn't you, buddy?
438
00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:57,244
(microphone feedback echoes)
439
00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:59,579
Gretchen, what the hell
am I doing up here?
440
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,781
Aw, I know.
441
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:07,086
Y-You... have to help me,
442
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,621
'cause my turn.
443
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,823
It is, Jimmy.
444
00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:15,828
(laughing): Okay, oh,
I'm so sorry, everybody.
445
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:17,664
Vernon.
446
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,599
My father was
a petty man.
447
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,469
Demeaning.
448
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:23,936
Stingy.
449
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,273
I think that's why I'm
so scared to be a father.
450
00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:28,608
Vernon, put down
that mic right now.
451
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:31,678
No, I have been
silent too long!
452
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,079
I became a doctor...
453
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,981
because I was born dead,
454
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:37,016
but do you guys
have any idea...
455
00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:38,685
You never came.
456
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:40,653
I tried to kiss Nina, and
she kicked me out of her bar.
457
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:42,322
What?
458
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:44,157
But you're so hot.
459
00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:45,825
I'm so hot.
460
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,827
Did you wear
your booby shirt?
461
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:49,196
Of course I wore
my booby shirt.
462
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,631
Anyway, I can see what
you like about her.
463
00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:52,799
She's hella foxy.
464
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,767
She a'ight.
465
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,337
Ooh.
466
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:58,871
VERNON: I have a
problem, you guys.
467
00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:02,209
I gave control of my finances
to a woman I don't know.
468
00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:03,976
There's nothing
sexual about it.
469
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:05,645
Fine, I jack off
to it sometimes,
470
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:06,946
but that's not
what it's about.
471
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,215
(shouts)
(microphone feedback echoes)
472
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:11,284
I regret being born dead,
473
00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:14,321
and I regret not being ready
to be a father,
474
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:17,156
and I regret going
to see The Babadook.
475
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:19,492
It was so scary, you guys.
476
00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:22,729
But mostly I regret
hurting my wife.
477
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:25,732
I regret, but I am not
ashamed anymore.
478
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:28,067
I am not ashamed.
479
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,302
But I reiterate--
480
00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:32,305
do not see The Babadook.
481
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:33,206
Whatever you do!
482
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:34,741
(microphone feedback echoes)
(shouts)
483
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:54,026
*
484
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:04,404
* Look at this face
485
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:08,207
* I know the years
are showing *
486
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:11,544
* Look at this life
487
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:15,615
* I still don't know
where it's going *
488
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:19,252
* I don't know much
489
00:20:19,286 --> 00:20:22,889
* But I know I love you
490
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:28,194
(scoffs)
* And that may be
491
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:32,465
* All I need to know
492
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,370
* Look at these eyes
493
00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:40,973
* They've never seen
what mattered *
494
00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:44,243
* Look at these dreams
495
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:48,548
* So beat and...
and so battered *
496
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:52,151
* I don't know much
497
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:56,122
BOTH:
* But I know I love you
498
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:00,993
* And that may be
499
00:21:01,027 --> 00:21:05,465
* All I need to know
500
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,936
* So many questions
501
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:14,574
* Still left unanswered
502
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:19,779
* So much I've never
broken through *
503
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:25,518
LINDSAY (faintly): * And when I
feel you near me... *
504
00:21:25,552 --> 00:21:27,620
Listen, no, I'm not
ready to live with you,
505
00:21:27,654 --> 00:21:29,589
but does that mean
we have to break up?
506
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:32,592
Because when two people
connect like I think we do,
507
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:35,862
I refuse to believe
that things have to just end.
508
00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:37,630
That's madness.
509
00:21:37,664 --> 00:21:40,099
I-I refuse to believe
that life has to be like that.
510
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:41,668
I simply refuse.
511
00:21:41,701 --> 00:21:44,837
Life has to make
more sense than that.
512
00:21:44,871 --> 00:21:46,873
Dude, we just got
in a little fight.
513
00:21:46,906 --> 00:21:50,142
And now I'm taking the bus home
to show you how mad I am.
514
00:21:50,176 --> 00:21:52,345
You're supposed
to come after me.
Oh.
515
00:21:52,379 --> 00:21:54,180
You thought we broke up?
516
00:21:55,482 --> 00:21:57,216
People don't behave
like that, dummy.
517
00:21:57,249 --> 00:21:58,685
(chuckles)
518
00:22:00,887 --> 00:22:02,455
Want to go get some food,
519
00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:04,557
help me figure out how
to get my deposit back?
520
00:22:04,591 --> 00:22:06,926
Yes. Yes, I do.
521
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,877
BOTH:
* I don't know much
522
00:22:24,911 --> 00:22:29,416
* But I know I love you
523
00:22:32,452 --> 00:22:34,387
* That may be
524
00:22:34,421 --> 00:22:39,592
* All I need to know
525
00:22:45,432 --> 00:22:47,400
How much money?
526
00:22:47,434 --> 00:22:49,902
So much.
527
00:22:49,936 --> 00:22:52,104
Mmm.
528
00:22:52,138 --> 00:22:55,775
* And that may be
529
00:22:55,808 --> 00:22:58,044
* All there is
530
00:22:58,077 --> 00:23:02,982
* To know...
531
00:23:05,084 --> 00:23:09,321
* Whoa-whoa, ah-ah.
532
00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:16,262
(groans)
533
00:23:20,833 --> 00:23:21,801
Good?
534
00:23:21,834 --> 00:23:23,570
Yeah.
535
00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:31,377
* Even though it's gray today
536
00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:34,881
* I can feel you
537
00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:38,985
* Near... me... dear...
538
00:23:39,018 --> 00:23:40,653
I got a new hobby.
539
00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:41,888
What is it?
540
00:23:41,921 --> 00:23:44,457
* Ah...
541
00:23:44,491 --> 00:23:47,426
* Then we both arrive
542
00:23:47,460 --> 00:23:50,763
* At the same time
543
00:23:50,797 --> 00:23:53,032
* Again
544
00:23:55,468 --> 00:23:57,770
* Ah...
545
00:23:57,804 --> 00:24:01,107
* Then we're both alive
546
00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:04,777
* At the same time
547
00:24:04,811 --> 00:24:07,614
* Again.
548
00:24:07,647 --> 00:24:09,949
(groans)
549
00:24:19,726 --> 00:24:21,861
I'm gonna talk
to someone about it.
550
00:24:21,894 --> 00:24:25,665
A doctor someone.
551
00:24:25,698 --> 00:24:28,300
Maybe see about some medication.
552
00:24:30,202 --> 00:24:32,805
It's always been
just me, you know?
553
00:24:32,839 --> 00:24:34,340
Now it's not anymore.
554
00:24:36,509 --> 00:24:38,010
Thank you.
555
00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:45,017
You know,
556
00:24:45,051 --> 00:24:47,153
after I cleaned the fries off
your face and put you to bed,
557
00:24:47,186 --> 00:24:51,190
you said something to me
that was pretty dark.
558
00:24:51,223 --> 00:24:53,392
(groans)
Don't tell me.
559
00:24:55,227 --> 00:24:57,396
Okay, I won't.
560
00:24:59,666 --> 00:25:01,433
I love you, too.
561
00:25:03,570 --> 00:25:06,839
*
562
00:25:21,087 --> 00:25:26,025
* This is all I ever need
563
00:25:29,729 --> 00:25:35,201
* The air is all
I want to breathe *
564
00:25:35,234 --> 00:25:37,804
* You're my air...
565
00:25:39,972 --> 00:25:42,642
* You're my air.
566
00:25:45,244 --> 00:25:48,047
(dog barks)
567
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,216
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
568
00:25:52,418 --> 00:25:54,921
(engines idling)
569
00:26:03,630 --> 00:26:05,598
Well, back on the clock.
570
00:26:07,767 --> 00:26:09,301
Yeah, okay.
571
00:26:18,510 --> 00:26:22,081
Fargo. All-new,
Mondays at 10:00 on FX.
572
00:26:23,515 --> 00:26:25,484
Hey, you must be
the new neighbors.
573
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,757
-Okay.
-This January--
574
00:26:30,790 --> 00:26:32,625
Top of the mornin',
you filthy lads.
575
00:26:32,659 --> 00:26:34,560
-the all new season--
-Oh!
576
00:26:34,593 --> 00:26:37,329
This whole thing's gonna be
a fiasco, and I'm gonna enjoy
every second of it.
577
00:26:37,363 --> 00:26:39,231
No, it's gonna go fine.
No, it isn't.
578
00:26:39,265 --> 00:26:41,433
Sunny. Premieres
Wednesday, January 6.
579
00:26:41,467 --> 00:26:43,269
Only on FXX.
580
00:26:45,037 --> 00:26:46,305
(chattering)
581
00:26:46,338 --> 00:26:48,474
-MAN:
Hey, lock up your daughters.
-Ugh.
582
00:26:50,442 --> 00:26:51,911
(cork pops)
583
00:26:51,944 --> 00:26:54,814
And that was the last time
I ate Indian food before a date.
584
00:26:54,847 --> 00:26:57,316
(all groaning)
585
00:26:57,349 --> 00:27:00,352
What do I do-do?
Currently I am...
586
00:27:01,387 --> 00:27:04,156
-a temp.
-(screaming)
587
00:27:04,190 --> 00:27:06,258
And you must be
from Tennessee
588
00:27:06,292 --> 00:27:08,460
-because you're
the only "10 I see."
-(screams)
589
00:27:08,494 --> 00:27:10,096
ANNOUNCER:
Man Seeking Woman.
590
00:27:10,129 --> 00:27:11,964
An all new season,
Wednesday, January 6.
591
00:27:11,998 --> 00:27:13,900
-(screaming)
-On FXX.
592
00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:18,805
I'll have
the number 57.
593
00:27:18,838 --> 00:27:21,373
-That's the price.
-In that case, I'll have
the number four.
594
00:27:21,407 --> 00:27:22,975
A carrot.
595
00:27:23,910 --> 00:27:25,411
Yes, the carrot,
please.
596
00:27:27,847 --> 00:27:28,715
(clinks on plate)
597
00:27:32,819 --> 00:27:34,821
MAN:
Don't feel sorry for me.
598
00:27:34,854 --> 00:27:37,356
I've had a great life.
599
00:27:37,389 --> 00:27:40,960
(voice whispering)
Thanks for making
my life special.
600
00:27:40,993 --> 00:27:42,494
Peace and love.
39900
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof