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1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:03,737
The League.
All new, Wednesdays at 10:00.
2
00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:05,806
Only on FXX.
3
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:10,644
FXX presents You're the Worst.
4
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:11,912
[ Man Laughs ]
5
00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:19,720
Hey, hey.
6
00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:22,390
Just a fun thought.
7
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:24,692
If it doesn't sound,
like, too out there,
8
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:27,995
and if you can get over
your fear of hurting me,
9
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,364
do you think it'd be weird
if I asked you to slap me?
10
00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:32,032
Ow!
11
00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:33,701
Jesus Christ!
12
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:34,935
(chuckling):
What? You asked me to.
13
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,370
Ow!
14
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:39,107
Ow!
15
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,875
(both grunting)
16
00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:11,472
What in God's name...?
17
00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:16,043
"Flight itinerary:
Heathrow to L.A.X."
18
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,978
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
19
00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:19,280
This cannot be happening.
20
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:21,315
Why would my family
be flying here?
21
00:01:21,349 --> 00:01:22,416
They can't do that.
22
00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:23,951
So tell 'em to suck your dick.
23
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:26,387
Well, I can't tell them
to suck my dick, Gretchen,
24
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:27,888
because they're
already in the air!
25
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,290
They arrive in
the morning.
26
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:31,259
For four days?!
27
00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:32,760
Why the hell are they...?
28
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:38,399
Gretchen, the, uh, the-the...
the letters that I gave you,
29
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:39,633
you-you didn't...?
30
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:40,468
Yeah, I mailed them
like you asked.
31
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:41,502
No!
32
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:43,237
Why would you
do that?!
33
00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:44,472
They were just threats,
34
00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,474
so if I didn't hit
the page count,
35
00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:48,909
you were to mail the letters!
I don't get it.
36
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,744
Oh, my God,
and the love letter to Becca.
37
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:51,845
And there was
a third one.
38
00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:53,581
What was it?
39
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:56,850
Oh, yeah, it was bad.
I remember that.
40
00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:59,119
I'm already regretting
not slapping you harder.
41
00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:01,822
I cannot have these lunatics
in my house.
42
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:03,524
Gretch, you got to help me.
Promise you'll help me, please.
43
00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:06,194
Can't.
Jesus, I thought you said
you were better.
44
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:07,161
I lied.
45
00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:08,929
Well, fake it and help me!
46
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,031
I don't wanna.
Do you think I "wanna"?
47
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:12,666
Nobody "wanna"!
48
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:15,336
But I need your help! Come on!
49
00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:21,209
See? We can do this,
we can do this.
50
00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:22,843
No, you know what?
51
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:25,513
I shan't be cowed
by a visiting group
52
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:28,182
of soccer hooligans,
feebs and psychotics
53
00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:30,184
with congenital
lead aggression.
54
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:32,186
Except for my younger sister;
she's all right.
55
00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:36,056
Yes, one look at how
inconceivably far I've come,
56
00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:39,360
and they will see
how together I have it all.
57
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:40,994
This came for you.
58
00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:45,499
"Dear Jimmy.
59
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:47,701
"It's donations
like yours that ensure
60
00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:51,572
every young boy gets
the hugs he needs."
61
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,241
Oh, yeah, I knew it was bad.
62
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,542
(gasps)
63
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:56,744
Yo, can I get
this lollipop?
64
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,353
* I'm gonna leave you anyway
65
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:08,188
* I'm gonna leave you
anyway *
66
00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:11,625
* Gonna leave you anyway.
67
00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:33,414
(pounding on door)
68
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:41,121
No, no, you promised.
69
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,694
Oh, come on!
70
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,796
(groans)
71
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,433
Family!
72
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:53,967
Welcome to America.
73
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:55,569
Shut up.
74
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,811
I've forgotten what
soft hands you have.
75
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:06,547
It's like shaking hands
with the royal baby.
76
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,081
Royal girl baby!
77
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:09,116
(laughs)
78
00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:10,083
(coughs)
79
00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:11,885
WOMAN:
Jimmy!
80
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:14,788
Lilly, oh, my God,
look at you!
81
00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:17,425
Uh, you must be
in university by now.
82
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:20,394
Oh, I was going to go,
but they pointed out
83
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:22,763
that university is
just a place wankers go
84
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,998
to study poetry and
fist themselves.
85
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:27,167
Ah, well, that's...
86
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:32,340
So, Fiona, what have you
been up to?
87
00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:33,741
Work at the Tesco.
88
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,743
You know, the good one
on the north side.
89
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:36,977
Promoted straight away.
90
00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:39,347
Cashier-- free apron
and everything.
91
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:42,082
Uh, where's Mum?
92
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,984
In Barcelona with Tony.
93
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,486
Who's Tony?
Exactly.
94
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,688
I don't know why she married
the bloody tosser.
95
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,122
Wait, what, married?
96
00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:51,124
I don't understand.
Me neither.
97
00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:52,793
He smokes those
skinny cigarettes
98
00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:54,962
and doesn't wear socks,
if you know what I mean.
99
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:56,964
Wait, you got divorced?
100
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,666
Why did nobody
tell me?!
101
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:01,469
Why, look at Jimmy's
fancy little salt dish.
102
00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:04,304
"Oh, I can only have
a little bit of salt,
103
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:08,342
otherwise me mouth gets too dry
for gobbling knobs."
104
00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:10,778
(laughter)
105
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,012
Uh, just, ah!
106
00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:13,947
Just gonna move
my book there.
107
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,649
It's-it's not
a coaster.
108
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:19,520
Although "CoolBookGirl14"
on GoodReads called it
109
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:22,623
"an emotional roller coaster."
110
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,958
Hello, Shive-Overlys.
111
00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:27,294
I'm Edgar, and, uh,
welcome to our home.
112
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,328
Who's the Paki?
113
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:30,063
(gasps)
Wow.
114
00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:31,999
Di, that is quite offensive.
115
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:34,668
First of all, he's my roommate.
"Roommate."
116
00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:37,004
And secondly, he's not
Pakistani, he's Mexican.
117
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:39,640
Ah, Mexicans--
America's Pakis.
118
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,375
I'll be
right back.
119
00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:42,876
Gretchen!
120
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:47,314
JIMMY:
Gretchen?
121
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,983
TV ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen...
122
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:54,221
Guys, this is my
girlfriend, Gretchen.
123
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,556
Jimmy, where's your gun?
124
00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:57,357
Why would I have a gun?
125
00:05:57,391 --> 00:06:00,728
Just like Shitty Jimmy to move
to America and not own a gun.
126
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:02,195
Wait, what did you
just call him?
127
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,565
What's it to you?!
No, I was genuinely asking.
128
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:07,768
Shitty Jimmy. You don't know
the story of Shitty Jimmy?
129
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:09,770
(laughs)
130
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,071
It's a good story.
131
00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:12,406
So what happened
was, right?
132
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,107
One day,
he slipped in shit.
133
00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:17,210
So from then on, we called him
Shitty Jimmy.
134
00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:19,046
(laughter)
135
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:21,715
We also called him
Cock Bandit,
136
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:24,384
Crybaby Fartface
and Little Jizz Man.
137
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:26,854
Ah, goddamn it.
Well, my job here is done.
138
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,356
No, no, no,
no, no, no.
139
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,792
Lilly! Tea!
140
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:34,027
So...
141
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:38,031
I thought today we could go see
the giant boulder at LACMA,
142
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:40,701
then there's a screening of
Vertigo at the cemetery...
143
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,403
Well, obviously we
can't do any of that.
144
00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:47,240
The Eurotune Song
Contest is on all week.
145
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:49,977
JIMMY: Wait, so you flew
all the way to Los Angeles
146
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,579
just to sit in front
of the telly?
147
00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:53,481
Was it hard to write
a book, Jimmy?
148
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:55,883
I'm so proud of you.
149
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,586
I always tell the other girls
at Fancy Dames
150
00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:00,721
about my famous brother
in America.
151
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:03,891
Fancy Dames, the strip club?
152
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:07,260
Last time I saw you,
you were reading Harry Potter.
153
00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:09,963
Well, I did get a tattoo
of Dobby the House Elf on my...
154
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:11,765
It's okay.
Lilly!
155
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:13,601
Biscuits!
156
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:22,976
Then we had to move
the half-price section.
157
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,845
And that was a big to-do,
of course.
158
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:28,682
Davey said the half-price was
too close to the posh cheeses,
159
00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:31,919
and it didn't make sense,
customer-wise, of course.
160
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:35,756
Well, I told Davey, "You have
to move the signs then,
161
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,291
'cause obviously
Carrie can't carry 'em."
162
00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:41,161
Why can't Carrie carry them?
163
00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:44,131
Because she's got no arms;
that's why we call her Carrie.
164
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,799
Her real name's Beth.
165
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:48,168
Did I tell you
what Regina said the other day?
166
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,938
I don't know who Regina is.
167
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,607
Or Davey or Carrie.
168
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:56,810
You provide literally no
context to your stories.
169
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:58,612
Regina is Giancarlo's girl.
170
00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:01,615
Anyway, Regina said
that Davey said
171
00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,350
that in American
grocery stores,
172
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:06,019
they play a rain
and thunder sound,
173
00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:10,057
and then a machine
spritzes the vegetables.
174
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:11,391
What a lie.
175
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:12,693
Can you imagine?
176
00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:14,027
DI:
Will you two shut up?
177
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:16,029
The bleeding Belgians
are cheating again.
178
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:18,899
(music plays, crowd cheers)
(door opens, closes)
179
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:23,470
Hey, everyone,
this is Lindsay.
180
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,305
She's, uh, Gretchen's
best friend.
181
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,574
RONNY: Come and sit
on my lap, luv.
182
00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:27,975
Oh, don't mind these stains.
183
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,376
Just a bit
of bean juice.
184
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:32,913
Right, I need you to find
Gretchen and get her up here.
185
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,648
And check the closets.
186
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:35,916
Now, go.
187
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:36,984
(clears throat)
188
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,852
Do gun shows have bazookas?
189
00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:40,888
Always wanted me own bazooka.
JIMMY: No idea.
190
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:43,323
Dad, what happened
with you and Mum?
191
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,225
I don't know.
192
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,327
She just wanted
a bloke like Tony
193
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,997
with his floppy hair
and tight pants.
194
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,364
Bit like you.
195
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:53,533
(chuckles) How'd you get
your hair so floppy?
196
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:55,569
You, uh, have a
special cream?
197
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:57,270
Does it come
out of a tube?
198
00:08:57,304 --> 00:08:59,206
A flesh-colored tube?
199
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:01,041
(laughter)
200
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:02,910
Hey, look who I found.
201
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:11,919
Who's winning the thing?
202
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,721
DI:
Maybe I'd know
203
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,422
if you weren't constantly
yapping in my face
204
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:16,590
like a goddamn Belgian.
205
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:19,292
(cell phone beeps)
206
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:20,861
Ugh.
207
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:25,365
Linds, can you go help Sam
with a wardrobe crisis?
208
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,601
No problem.
209
00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:30,938
I thought all English
people were fancy,
210
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:35,242
but these are like
Alabama English people.
211
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,830
(screams) Jesus.
212
00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:59,432
I have to look extra dope!
213
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,835
Those assholes'
latest track dissed
214
00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:04,104
my wardrobe so thoroughly,
215
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,139
they have me doubting
my signature style
216
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:09,509
that GQ magazine once called
"courageously headache-y."
217
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:11,812
(chuckles) Okay,
leave it to me.
218
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:13,280
I'm really good
at clothes.
219
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,448
Okay, thanks, Linds.
220
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,252
(sighs aggressively)
221
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:21,154
Have to drop a response track
222
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:24,624
on they disturbingly
prolific asses right quick.
223
00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:26,794
But I have no ideas for a hook.
224
00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:31,331
(hip-hop track playing)
225
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:34,434
* Eat all my ass,
eat all my ass... *
226
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,602
Nah, nah.
227
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,637
(cell phone chimes)
228
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:39,539
* Your face is so wide
229
00:10:39,572 --> 00:10:40,974
* Your face is so wide...
230
00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:42,676
Nah.
231
00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:45,212
* Hey, more like
jizz stain, hey... *
232
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:47,214
No.
LINDSAY: * New phone. Who dis?
233
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:49,382
* New phone. Who dis?
(chuckles)
234
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:51,384
* New phone
235
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:52,986
* Who dis?
236
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,888
* And I said it's a new phone
(music stops)
237
00:10:54,922 --> 00:10:56,156
* Who dis?
238
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:57,958
What you singing?
239
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,960
Oh, sorry.
240
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,528
"New phone. Who dis?"
241
00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:03,196
It's the ultimate
blow-off.
242
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:05,733
See, you pretend
not to know who "dis" is.
243
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,067
Huh.
244
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,401
"New phone.
245
00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:10,403
Who dis?"
246
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:11,404
"New phone.
247
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:12,740
Who dis?"
248
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,141
(hip-hop track playing)
* New phone
249
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,475
* Who dis?
250
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,044
* New phone
251
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:18,946
* Who dis?
(blows whistle)
252
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:25,052
* I wanna go...
253
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:28,021
JIMMY:
Sorry about that.
254
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:30,357
Just had to take an
important work call.
255
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,658
It's my agent.
256
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:34,161
Anyway, he loves
my book proposal!
257
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,163
But I have to do a few tweaks.
258
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,765
Thus, unfortunately,
259
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:39,566
we won't be spending
the whole day together.
260
00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:40,768
(groans):
Ah.
261
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:43,003
Time to put on my hard hat...
262
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,838
It's time for you
to drive us to the store
263
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,907
for cigarettes and booze,
you bloody bell end.
264
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,842
We're going outside?
265
00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:50,944
I'll get ready.
266
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,247
Please take them.
267
00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:56,083
I really do
have to write.
268
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:57,050
(groans)
269
00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,518
And stretch it out, yeah?
270
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,220
Show them some important
Los Angeles landmarks,
271
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:02,122
like where Hugh Grant
got a slob job
272
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,892
or where Mel Gibson called
that lady cop "sugar tits."
273
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:07,260
Fine.
274
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:08,762
All right, English people.
275
00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:10,063
Cover your skin.
276
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:11,264
We're going outside.
277
00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:14,301
Go ahead without me.
278
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:17,304
I'm, uh... gonna take a walk.
279
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:21,942
(sighs)
280
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,944
Oh, man.
281
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:25,813
I'm ready!
282
00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:30,550
Oh, well...
283
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,419
Hey, Lilly?
284
00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:35,055
Uh...
285
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,424
What do you say
to a little tour of the city?
286
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,593
Oh!
(laughs)
287
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:42,662
MAN (over intercom):
Attention, shoppers.
288
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:44,464
There's a special
on kale in produce.
289
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:48,435
Cashier to check stand two,
please.
290
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:49,669
I knew it!
291
00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:51,571
Right.
292
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:55,642
Let's see what else
about this place is bollocks!
293
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,119
Eh...
Hi. Can I help you?
294
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:08,688
Why aren't the eggs near
the cheeses and all that?
295
00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:10,623
Oh, the eggs have their own case
on aisle four.
296
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:11,992
What were you looking for?
297
00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:13,026
Organic?
298
00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:14,194
Cage free?
299
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,463
Locally sourced
flamingo eggs?
300
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:20,267
Sorry, ma'am?
301
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,003
We're not allowed to let
you drink that in here.
302
00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:39,920
Move, twat!
303
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,693
Are these all real?
304
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:52,732
(thunder rumbling)
305
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,845
(thunder continues rumbling)
306
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:16,356
MAN: We need immediate cleanup
on aisle 15, please.
307
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:18,525
An immediate cleanup
on aisle 15.
308
00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:20,027
I can't believe it.
309
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:22,162
Davey wasn't lying!
310
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:25,198
I can't go back to Tesco now!
311
00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:26,599
It's shit!
312
00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:28,401
My whole life
is shit!
313
00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:30,037
Oh, God.
314
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:31,738
What have I done?
315
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:33,773
I've ruined my body!
316
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:35,775
I'm only 36!
317
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:38,545
(mouthing)
318
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:42,749
Wow!
319
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:45,953
It's so big and gray.
320
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:49,957
Don't tell Jimmy,
but I did want
321
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,624
to go to university.
322
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:54,494
But helping my family was
more important than education.
323
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:59,432
Have you ever been
horseback riding?
324
00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:01,368
No.
325
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,603
The last horse in our town
was used years ago
326
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:06,006
to make gelatin for
the lunatic asylum.
327
00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:10,110
(giggles)
328
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:18,251
What the hell?
329
00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:20,087
You were only gone
for, like, an hour?
330
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,255
Where did you go?
331
00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:23,823
(TV turns on)
332
00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:26,226
What, did we interrupt
your shitty little writing?
333
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:27,927
Uh...
(clears throat)
334
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:30,930
This "shitty little writing"
is my second novel
335
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,932
that will probably
spark a bidding war.
336
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:36,069
Shitty Jimmy
moves to America,
337
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:38,638
and suddenly, he thinks
he's hot fancy shit
338
00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:40,907
and that we'd all be impressed
339
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,510
and somehow forget
that underneath it all,
340
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:46,980
he's still our little crybaby
wanker brother, Shitty Jimmy.
341
00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:49,983
With your stupid house
and your lump of a girlfriend,
342
00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:51,684
who's clearly miserable
343
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:54,988
'cause she has to live this
shitty life with Shitty Jimmy!
344
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:58,158
All right, that's it!
345
00:15:58,191 --> 00:16:00,360
(all three shouting)
346
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:02,029
You don't get to tell me
what do to in my house!
347
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:03,997
Turn that back on
or I'll light your dick on fire!
348
00:16:04,031 --> 00:16:05,999
Everybody, shut up!
349
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:08,401
(gun clicking)
350
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:11,671
You bought a gun?!
351
00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:12,872
Yeah, of course.
352
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:14,174
The dealer came right up
to the door.
353
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:15,908
Thought it come
with bullets though.
354
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:18,945
Did you know
my entire childhood
355
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,647
was spent with the lot of you
356
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,315
incessantly mocking me.
357
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,217
The first time I learned
to ride a bicycle
358
00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:26,053
and fell into
that pile of loose lead.
359
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:27,354
(laughter)
360
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:29,456
My phase of wearing
mum's high heels.
361
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:30,723
And, yeah,
362
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:32,692
the famous
Shitty Jimmy incident,
363
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,194
which, if you remember,
364
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,463
only happened
because Fi pushed me!
365
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:39,666
In my defense, I only pushed you
so you'd fall in shit!
366
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:43,002
And now you've come
to cow me again?
367
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:45,538
Well, it will not work.
368
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:46,739
Do you know why?
369
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:48,007
Because I understand
that you're not
370
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,877
the sisters
I looked up to,
371
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:52,045
or the father whose...
372
00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:54,581
or the father whose approval
373
00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:56,216
I desperately wanted.
374
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,518
You are just unhappy,
375
00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:02,021
uneducated garbage!
376
00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:04,857
And I want you
out of my house!
377
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:07,560
(laughter)
378
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:09,729
It's not funny!
379
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:11,398
(laughter continues)
380
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:15,034
Oh, come on.
381
00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:17,003
Let's go for a drink.
382
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,905
What?
We need to talk.
383
00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:21,574
And maybe stop by the bullet
store on the way home.
384
00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,510
(laughs)
385
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:26,713
(door opens, closes)
386
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,957
*
387
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:42,295
* I see you calling,
but I just keep stalling *
388
00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:43,530
What?
389
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:47,234
* Yeah, new phone, who dis?
390
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:51,104
* Little ninja can call me every
day crying like a doo-doo head *
391
00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:53,440
* Shitstain is the name
'cause he shit his bed *
392
00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:56,243
* Shitstain is insane
if he think he hard *
393
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,245
* I saw him sucking some dick
for a Magic card *
394
00:17:58,278 --> 00:18:01,214
* Honey Nutz is a
punk-skinny fat bitch *
395
00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:03,716
* I had to come for that fool
after Blair Witch *
396
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,453
* I had to muffle that,
too, he's a band ho *
397
00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:08,921
* Fat ho, that four-eyed
punk is wack, yo *
398
00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:11,724
* You're straight-up trolling
'cause your minutes *
399
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,160
* Ain't a-rolling
400
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:17,364
* Yeah, new phone, who dis?
401
00:18:19,031 --> 00:18:21,434
Look, Jimmy,
I know I've never really been
402
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,336
that good at... you know...
403
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:25,138
Staying sober past lunch?
404
00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:26,339
Not being racist?
405
00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:28,608
Gastrointestinal control?
Talking.
406
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:31,010
Well, maybe that's because
whenever I tried to talk to you,
407
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:33,012
you'd just turn
on a football match.
408
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:34,847
Well, I didn't know
what to do with you.
409
00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:36,483
I put a ball
down in front of you,
410
00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:37,984
and you'd sit on the ball
and read a book.
411
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:39,752
Well, you've flown
all the way out here.
412
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:40,920
What do you want
to talk about?
413
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,855
You know...
414
00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:44,424
How are you?
415
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,958
I'm great, Dad.
416
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:47,960
Thanks.
417
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:49,529
How's that girlfriend of yours?
418
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,097
She's fine, yeah.
419
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,799
I mean,
420
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:55,134
recently she's been going
through a bit of a rough patch,
421
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,336
but it'll pass.
422
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,905
It doesn't pass, Jimmy.
What?
423
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:03,876
When we first got married,
it was nice...
424
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:05,678
for a little while.
425
00:19:05,712 --> 00:19:08,515
And then she started getting
dead moody all the time.
426
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:11,551
But then ten years went by,
then 20.
427
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:14,787
And then suddenly, our marriage
was one long rough patch.
428
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:17,824
You've got a career,
a nice house,
429
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:19,125
got your own Paki.
430
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,693
Don't do what I did
431
00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:22,662
and let some black cloud
of a bird screw it up.
432
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:24,497
But I really
like Gretchen, so...
433
00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:25,998
No, there's always more girls.
434
00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:27,600
Hey.
435
00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:30,570
This is my son, Jimmy.
436
00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:31,671
He wrote a novel.
437
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:32,739
Published and all.
438
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:33,840
It's quite good.
439
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,908
You'd date him, right?
440
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:37,844
Eh, I'd snog him.
441
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:40,980
But I wouldn't
tell anyone about it.
442
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,249
You read my book?
443
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:44,251
Yeah, I read it,
you asshole.
444
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:46,853
I just didn't want you
to get a big head about it.
445
00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:50,590
But it seemed like
a right proper story.
446
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:52,091
Just not for me.
447
00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:54,160
So, yeah.
448
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:57,630
I'm proud of you and all that.
449
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,070
Isn't there a football match on?
450
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:10,343
JIMMY:
I've actually been meaning
451
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:11,944
to take an online course.
452
00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:15,181
And I was thinking maybe
we could do it together.
453
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,916
I would love to!
454
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:18,785
Can we sit next to each other?
455
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:20,787
You understand it's online?
456
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:23,256
Oh, right.
457
00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:25,458
(chuckles softly)
458
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,132
Got you a little present.
459
00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:34,767
What?
460
00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:36,536
Ah!
461
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,238
It made me feel like God.
462
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:41,608
I don't want to be God.
463
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:43,943
I paid 250 yesterday,
464
00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:46,546
so I was thinking maybe 225.
465
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,881
I'm not paying you for that gun.
466
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:50,550
Fine!
467
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,019
Stick with your pepper spray
and your rape whistle then!
468
00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:00,226
FIONA:
Bye!
469
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,329
DI:
Bye, Shitty Jimmy!
470
00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:03,863
(door closes)
471
00:21:05,164 --> 00:21:07,033
Oh, my God!
(chuckles)
472
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,238
Really?
473
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,073
Nothing to say
about my family?
474
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:15,775
Well, how about this?
475
00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:19,145
I'm requesting that my
girlfriend let me vent,
476
00:21:19,178 --> 00:21:21,080
because she's interested in
what's going on with me.
477
00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:24,016
I can't.
478
00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:28,821
You mean you won't.
479
00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:35,895
(door opens, slams)
480
00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:45,071
Rough day?
481
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:49,308
It was a rough four days.
482
00:21:49,342 --> 00:21:51,043
My dad bought a gun.
483
00:21:51,077 --> 00:21:53,245
Wait, what?
484
00:21:57,584 --> 00:21:59,619
Back up.
485
00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:01,754
Start from the beginning.
486
00:22:04,357 --> 00:22:05,892
Okay.
487
00:22:05,925 --> 00:22:09,161
So my oldest sister, Fiona,
488
00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:10,463
she's obsessed
with her job.
489
00:22:10,497 --> 00:22:11,864
Kept talking about
all these people
490
00:22:11,898 --> 00:22:13,332
that she was
working with.
491
00:22:13,366 --> 00:22:15,001
She works in
a supermarket.
492
00:22:15,034 --> 00:22:18,304
And then my youngest
sister Lilly...
493
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:21,007
* Every morning came
494
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:25,011
* I don't like
that you could hide in *
495
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:31,584
* We expect the same
496
00:22:31,618 --> 00:22:34,754
* But I've no one
to confide in *
497
00:22:39,225 --> 00:22:40,927
* And I want you...
498
00:22:41,794 --> 00:22:43,763
(dog barks)
499
00:22:43,796 --> 00:22:45,932
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
500
00:22:54,106 --> 00:22:57,343
You're the Worst.
All new, Wednesday at 10:30.
501
00:22:57,376 --> 00:22:58,578
On FXX.
502
00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:03,015
Determination,
503
00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:04,584
tenacity,
504
00:23:04,617 --> 00:23:06,385
endurance...
505
00:23:06,419 --> 00:23:07,954
may produce champions,
506
00:23:07,987 --> 00:23:10,790
but legends
really come to life...
507
00:23:10,823 --> 00:23:12,391
when they get hard.
508
00:23:14,326 --> 00:23:17,296
The League.
All new, Wednesdays at 10:00.
509
00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:20,199
Only on FXX.
510
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,903
(engines idling)
511
00:23:32,612 --> 00:23:34,581
Well, back on the clock.
512
00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:38,284
Yeah, okay.
513
00:23:47,494 --> 00:23:51,163
Fargo. All-new,
Mondays at 10:00 on FX.
514
00:23:53,432 --> 00:23:55,067
-This January--
-(cackling)
515
00:23:55,101 --> 00:23:57,003
-(laughs)
-Sunny is back--
516
00:23:57,036 --> 00:23:58,771
-(giggling)
-(laughing)
-Ha-ha-ha!
517
00:23:58,805 --> 00:24:02,408
-for an all new season.
-(high-pitched laughing)
518
00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:04,644
(mock high-pitched
laughing)
519
00:24:04,677 --> 00:24:06,913
It's Sunny. Premieres January.
520
00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:08,247
Only on FXX.
521
00:24:10,850 --> 00:24:12,118
(chattering)
522
00:24:12,151 --> 00:24:14,286
-MAN:
Hey, lock up your daughters.
-Ugh.
523
00:24:16,222 --> 00:24:17,690
(cork pops)
524
00:24:17,724 --> 00:24:20,627
And that was the last time
I ate Indian food before a date.
525
00:24:20,660 --> 00:24:23,129
(all groaning)
526
00:24:23,162 --> 00:24:26,165
What do I do-do?
Currently I am...
527
00:24:27,199 --> 00:24:29,969
-a temp.
-(screaming)
528
00:24:30,002 --> 00:24:32,038
And you must be
from Tennessee
529
00:24:32,071 --> 00:24:34,273
-because you're
the only "10 I see."
-(screams)
530
00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:36,042
ANNOUNCER:
Man Seeking Woman.
531
00:24:36,075 --> 00:24:37,777
An all new season, January.
532
00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:39,712
-(screaming)
-On FXX.
533
00:24:41,714 --> 00:24:43,215
So this is
where you live?
534
00:24:43,249 --> 00:24:44,617
Yeah.
It's only permanent.
535
00:24:44,651 --> 00:24:46,786
Thanks for everything.
536
00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:48,320
(horn honking)
537
00:24:51,057 --> 00:24:53,292
You left
all your stuff!
538
00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:55,061
Right. Right.
Sorry.
539
00:24:55,094 --> 00:24:56,495
Knee-jerk reaction.
36601
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