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The League.
All new, Wednesdays at 10:00.
2
00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,606
Only on FXX.
3
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:10,344
FXX presents You're the Worst.
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[ Man Laughs ]
5
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(quiet panting)
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(grunting, moaning)
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Hi.
8
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Morning.
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00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:40,941
Good morning!
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00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:42,310
That was unexpected.
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00:00:45,213 --> 00:00:46,580
Oy.
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00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:47,981
(grunts)
13
00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:02,296
(man urinating)
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MAN:
"And the bear
15
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,611
went to the toilet."
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(baby babbling)
Toilet.
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'Cause he was a good bear.
18
00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:24,918
What's Mommy reading about?
19
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Mommy's reading about
how certain mean politicians
20
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:29,723
have been able
to convince workers
21
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:32,426
that unions are bad for them.
22
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:35,329
What? Why do they hate
overtime and maternity leave?
23
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They're so silly.
And weekends.
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00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,566
Voting against
their self-interest.
25
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,000
Silly voters.
26
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:41,235
Silly willy voters.
27
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:43,437
(both babbling in baby talk)
28
00:01:45,306 --> 00:01:47,641
So I tell Ben we need
another restorer
29
00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,510
'cause the Guy-Blaché one-reel
is completely vinegar.
30
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,912
Soon, we're gonna lose
the Yasujirô Shimazu...
31
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,080
The one about the courtesan?
Yeah.
32
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,482
I love that one.
I mean, sure,
33
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:56,317
we have the transfer.
It's not the same.
34
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:58,319
It's not the same at all!
So, what are you saying?
35
00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:01,622
Budget-- the restorers in China
charge pennies, you know?
36
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:03,591
I'm glad they're lifting
themselves out of poverty,
37
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,526
but...
Oh, remember that?
38
00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,628
MAN:
Yeah.
39
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:08,829
I hate them.
40
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:10,164
Me, too.
41
00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:22,310
* I'm gonna leave you anyway
42
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* I'm gonna leave you
anyway *
43
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:27,748
* Gonna leave you anyway.
44
00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:35,155
*
45
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:39,893
What do you think
of this backsplash?
46
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:41,695
Stop, we didn't
make a mistake.
47
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Come on.
48
00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:43,997
We may have made a mistake.
49
00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:44,965
That's dope.
50
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,200
Goddamn it!
51
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Stupid subway tiles.
52
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:49,169
Find something fun
for date night.
53
00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:50,704
Only if you don't
call it "date night."
54
00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:52,240
Okay, all right,
here we go.
55
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,208
Craft beer thing
in, uh, Eagle Rock.
56
00:02:54,242 --> 00:02:56,143
Eh... Lucha VaVOOM?
57
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,879
We could do
a cemetery screening.
Wine tasting at Barnsdall.
58
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:00,681
Quentin's showing one of
my prints at the New Beverly.
59
00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:02,182
Mike can get us
into the Magic Castle.
60
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:03,851
Papilles prix fixe looks
pretty good this month.
61
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,219
Devendra Banhart
is DJing at the ACE.
62
00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:07,321
We still haven't been
to the new Largo.
63
00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:09,323
Remember our
Largo days?
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00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:11,024
I miss our Largo days.
65
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:12,393
Me, too.
66
00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:13,494
Still can't believe
you flashed Gnarls Barkley
67
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,363
after that Fiona Apple show.
68
00:03:15,396 --> 00:03:17,831
Thank you.
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00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,199
Don't look now.
70
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,668
That girl's
checking you out.
71
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:21,902
What? Where?
72
00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:23,371
What? No, she's not.
73
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:24,438
Well, she was.
74
00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:25,873
Maybe she's
checking you out.
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00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:27,908
You go on one date
with Margaret Cho.
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00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:30,578
(scoffs)
77
00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:36,450
What's happening
after work?
78
00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:38,018
Band rehearsal.
79
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:41,188
Hey, what do you think
of the name Not Penny's Boat?
80
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,923
Hate it.
81
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,592
Just tell Colin
to watch his mouth.
82
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:45,893
He said the "C" word in front
of Harper the other day.
83
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,528
Didn't he, sweet baby?
84
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:48,696
Get it together, Colin.
85
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:49,897
And break up with Emily.
86
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,732
She's never gonna
make a good stepmom.
87
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:52,933
Doing YouTube
makeup tutorials
88
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:54,702
is not a career.
89
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:55,969
Holy shit!
90
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:57,204
What?
Oh, no.
91
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,806
Oh, God, Rob!
What?
92
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,608
Our lives just got so cliché.
93
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,242
What?
We got an interview
94
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,545
for the Camelot School
day after tomorrow.
95
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,314
(huffs)
Shit.
96
00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:08,215
Are they gonna know
how much pot we smoke?
97
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,551
They're not gonna drug-test us.
98
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:11,619
Hey, you could probably pass.
99
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:12,486
What's that supposed to mean?
100
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:13,621
Nothing.
(stammers)
101
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:14,788
You don't smoke much these days.
102
00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:15,989
Do you want me to fall asleep?
103
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:17,124
It's not a criticism.
104
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:18,559
You know, more for me.
105
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,728
Are we really gonna become this?
106
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,330
Hey, our job
107
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:26,467
is to present to the world
a human woman of quality.
108
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:27,835
Harper's awesome.
109
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:29,403
She deserves to go
to a great school.
110
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:31,305
If you feel really guilty,
111
00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:33,140
you could cut down on
massages for Sandwiches.
112
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:34,742
It was one time!
113
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,009
He wasn't pooping!
114
00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:38,278
(both moaning)
115
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:39,513
Bye, baby!
Bye, baby.
116
00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:41,682
See you later.
117
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(car engine starts)
118
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* Did not want this to happen
119
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:55,262
* You did not want
this to happen *
120
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:59,533
* I don't want this
to be a thing *
121
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:03,671
* Welcome to the year of flack
122
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:06,540
* Welcome to the year
of flack *
123
00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:11,311
* Welcome to the year
we give away... *
124
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(warbling)
125
00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:15,649
One more?
126
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:16,884
(sighs)
127
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,886
It's late.
But this season is so good.
128
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:20,621
We could mess around.
129
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,222
I'd rather watch
another episode.
130
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:23,557
Oh, God, I'll kill you.
131
00:05:23,591 --> 00:05:24,792
(laughing): Stop!
(Sandwiches barking)
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Sandwiches!
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(shushing)
134
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(whispers):
The baby.
135
00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:29,630
(whispers):
Dumb dog.
136
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:30,631
Dog dummy.
137
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:31,799
Give him a break.
138
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,333
It's tough being
bred so shitty.
139
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,302
Oh, he's probably
barking at a can collector.
140
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,470
So embarrassing.
141
00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:38,305
Like they need that?
142
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,807
All right, one more.
143
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NARRATOR (on TV):
Previously on Exemplified...
144
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,011
(indistinct chatter on TV)
145
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:55,055
(Jimmy speaking indistinctly)
146
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:57,224
...pornography,
epic skateboard fails,
147
00:05:57,257 --> 00:06:00,761
my music,
marathons of Treehouse Masters.
148
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:02,763
I mean, the old lions
had it easy.
149
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,231
The only distraction
from writing
150
00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:06,333
was the encroaching
tide of fascism.
151
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,036
And the occasional
syphilitic seizure.
152
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,538
Are you listening?
153
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:11,905
Of course.
154
00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:14,341
As such, if I am
to have any hope
155
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:17,244
of finishing the sample chapters
for my serious erotic novel,
156
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:18,712
I need your help.
157
00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:21,915
I have here three envelopes
stamped and addressed,
158
00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:24,217
each containing
something horrible
159
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:27,287
I do not want mailed
under any circumstances.
160
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,890
On the back are
dates and page counts.
161
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:33,360
I miss a deadline,
you mail the envelope.
162
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,929
In ascending order
of horribleness,
163
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:38,466
a check to BAMLA,
a love letter
164
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:41,101
to Becca,
and the worst,
165
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,571
an invitation for my family
to come visit,
166
00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:45,138
all expenses paid.
167
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:47,274
I mean, the horror of
any of these being mailed
168
00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:49,209
is so severe
that it will serve
169
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,278
as all the motivation
I need to write.
170
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:53,981
Okay.
171
00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,048
Ah, damn it!
172
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,249
I'm late for work.
173
00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:57,785
The bar opened
20 minutes ago.
174
00:06:57,818 --> 00:06:58,752
I'll drop you off.
175
00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:00,320
I think I'll walk.
176
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:04,091
Um... you forgot something.
177
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:10,097
(indistinct chatter)
178
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:14,735
WOMAN:
What's happening after work?
179
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:15,903
ROB:
Band rehearsal.
180
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:18,038
(indistinct chatter)
181
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:25,579
Didn't he, sweet baby?
182
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:26,780
Get it together, Colin.
183
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:27,981
And break up with Emily.
184
00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:29,149
She's never gonna make
a good stepmom.
185
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,118
ROB:
Doing YouTube makeup tutorials
186
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:32,853
is not a career.
187
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,087
Oh, God.
188
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,123
Oh, Rob,
our lives just got so cliché.
189
00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:38,325
What?
We got an interview
for the Camelot School
190
00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:40,260
day after tomorrow.
191
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,362
Shit.
Are we really
gonna become this?
192
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,297
Hey, Harper's awesome.
193
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:45,599
She deserves to go
to a great school.
194
00:07:45,633 --> 00:07:46,967
If you feel really guilty,
195
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,036
you can cut down
on massages for Sandwiches.
196
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,270
WOMAN:
He wasn't pooping.
197
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:53,006
Oh.
198
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,942
ROB:
Bye, baby!
199
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,177
Bye, baby.
See you later.
200
00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:01,749
(engine starts)
201
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:14,161
Hey, Gretchen.
202
00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:15,796
Do you ever wonder how
your life would be different
203
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,665
if you'd never walked into
that recruiter's office?
204
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,232
It's funny you ask that.
205
00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:21,068
That summer while
I was at basic,
206
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:23,971
there was a drive-by that took
the life of a young baby...
207
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,573
They talk about how if you
make one different decision,
208
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:27,507
your life might be
totally different,
209
00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:29,076
but is that your only shot?!
210
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:31,044
Can you make another decision?
211
00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:33,714
Or-or a series of decisions
that could get you back
212
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:35,248
to the alternative life
that you never got to lead?
213
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:38,018
Okay, maybe I was
not clear earlier.
214
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:39,486
I'm writing!
215
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:42,155
It looks like you're drinking
and playing darts.
216
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,824
(scoffs)
Okay.
217
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,659
Edgar, this is
for you, too.
218
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:49,930
In fact, everyone-- writing is
very seldom actual writing.
219
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:52,933
Like, maybe on the outside,
it looks as though I'm drinking
220
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:55,268
and playing darts
and eating Craisins
221
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:59,039
out of the box in my pocket,
but this is part of the process.
222
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,741
It's all writing.
223
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:05,045
And I need you
to respect my process.
224
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,847
All right.
225
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,149
I'll let you get on
with the writing, then.
226
00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:12,119
Oh, come...
227
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:14,254
Want me to go, too?
228
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:17,057
Can't. You're part
of the process now.
229
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:19,092
(Sandwiches barking)
230
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:24,231
(indistinct chatter)
231
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:25,265
Sandwiches!
232
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:27,467
(Sandwiches barking)
233
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:35,175
(shushing)
234
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,983
Hey, buddy.
(barks)
235
00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:47,254
How's it going?
236
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,389
Here you go.
237
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:52,960
Yeah, that's the stuff.
238
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:55,629
You're a good boy.
239
00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:59,767
See, dogs do eat nachos.
240
00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:30,197
(Harper crying)
241
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:32,599
Okay, honey, here we go.
242
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,768
Num-num.
Mommy's got to go convince
243
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:36,804
a bad developer man
to put roof gardens
244
00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:38,271
on his hideous condos.
245
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,973
(crying)
246
00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:41,675
Have fun at the park.
WOMAN (over P.A.): We need
247
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:43,677
a restock on quinoa, aisle two.
Ready to go...?
248
00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:45,879
Eh, excuse me.
249
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,516
Hi, sorry.
Can I help?
250
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:51,384
Yes, please.
251
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,053
Could you hold her for a second?
252
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,722
Oh, thank you.
253
00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:57,557
I'm so sorry.
254
00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:59,760
Hey.
255
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:05,232
Want to go over there?
256
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,334
Yes.
257
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:11,371
What's this?
258
00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:13,741
(bottle rattling)
259
00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:21,982
Do you like kombucha?
260
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,583
(Harper whines)
261
00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:25,218
Me neither.
262
00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:26,519
Ooh.
263
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:28,388
Oops!
264
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:44,772
Harper? Harper?
265
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:47,574
Harper?
266
00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:51,745
Harper?
267
00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:54,882
Harper?!
268
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,049
Oh, my God.
269
00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:57,050
Hi.
270
00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,685
(speaks Spanish)
271
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,387
She wanted to look
around. (chuckles)
272
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,355
(speaks Spanish)
273
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,724
(Harper crying)
274
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:21,208
Uh-oh, nostalgia box.
275
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,811
Goddamn, this used to be
so much fun.
276
00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:25,779
Now?
Still fun as shit.
277
00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:27,981
All right, gimme.
278
00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:30,183
Gimme, gimme.
279
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,728
(sighs)
280
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,396
All right, sigh-face,
what's wrong?
281
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,465
Nitrate
decomposition.
282
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:48,001
You didn't get the grant?
283
00:12:48,035 --> 00:12:51,604
I told them we've lost
over 75% of all silent film.
284
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:56,009
A major art form
created and destroyed
285
00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:57,444
in the span
of a century.
286
00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:58,778
They didn't care.
287
00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:00,647
Maybe I don't either anymore.
288
00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:03,750
I'm gonna have a gallon
of wine; want some?
289
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,485
We said we wouldn't; we have
the interview tomorrow morning.
290
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:06,820
Oh, goddamn it!
291
00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:07,988
How's Harpoon?
292
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,522
Asleep.
293
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,591
Nanny said she spilled juice
all over herself today.
294
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,460
Likely story, Lupé.
295
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:15,328
Well, what am I supposed
to do now? You took my game.
296
00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:17,330
Tough titties.
297
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:18,798
Sorry about your grant.
298
00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:21,134
Yeah, well...
299
00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:22,335
I'm gonna feed Sandwiches.
300
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:24,437
Okay. Try not to depress him.
301
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,806
Sandwiches!
302
00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:32,212
Here, boy.
303
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:34,915
Sandwiches?
Sandwiches?
304
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:39,486
He's gone.
305
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:42,822
("We Can All Be Friends"
by Iain Archer playing)
306
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,327
* I was thinking
307
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:50,497
* Had a feeling
308
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:55,368
* We can all, we can all,
we can all be friends *
309
00:13:56,703 --> 00:14:00,240
* If 10,000 green leaves
grow on this tree *
310
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:05,045
* We can all, we can all,
we can all be friends... *
311
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,982
(indistinct chatter)
312
00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:11,051
Get the ball... get it,
get it, get it, get it.
Get the ball.
313
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,020
Yay!
314
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:15,822
(overlapping chatter)
315
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:22,429
* The sea of tiny flies
in the stars *
316
00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:27,067
* That's what we are.
317
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,369
Aw, is she friendly?
318
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:30,837
Oh, yes, he.
319
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,539
Oh.
His name's Sandwiches.
320
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:35,042
Aw, cute.
He has to take a pill,
but he's a good dog.
321
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:37,410
Aw.
Who rescued who, right?
322
00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:39,712
I ask myself that
all the time.
323
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:41,248
So does my husband.
324
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:44,251
He has band practice right now,
so I cleared out.
325
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:46,954
The thing is, our daughter has
a school interview tomorrow,
326
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:50,723
so that's a stress,
but it's a good stress.
327
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:53,393
Come on, Lucy.
328
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,963
Bye.
329
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:58,398
I miss our Largo days,
Sandwiches.
330
00:14:58,431 --> 00:14:59,933
Don't you?
331
00:14:59,967 --> 00:15:01,401
Our Largo days.
332
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,243
We will, thank you.
333
00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:12,245
What'd the shelters say?
334
00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:15,582
It's too early for him to be in
the system if anybody found him.
335
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:17,250
I told you we shouldn't
leave him outside alone.
336
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:20,220
He has always gotten to hang
outside when he wants to.
337
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:21,621
That's 'cause
you taught him early on
338
00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:22,622
that's where he belongs.
339
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:23,991
Dogs want jobs.
340
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:26,626
Sandwiches does not want a job!
341
00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:28,828
He-he likes to look at stuff.
342
00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:30,897
And now he's looking
at the inside of a coyote.
343
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,833
Oh, my God,
why would you say that?
344
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:38,171
Jesus, don't say that to me
about my dog.
345
00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:39,572
And there we go.
346
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:41,341
You know what I mean--
I've had him longer.
347
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:44,277
And to accuse me of somehow
not caring for him properly
348
00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:45,845
is stunningly hurtful.
349
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:49,816
Can we please just postpone
this stupid interview?
350
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,818
No. Why would we do that?
351
00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:54,988
Because a family member
is missing, Lexi!
352
00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:56,623
(knocking on door)
353
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,294
GRETCHEN:
Hi.
354
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:02,295
Oh, my God!
Oh, Sandwiches!
355
00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:03,496
Ha!
You're back.
356
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:04,797
Hey!
Oh, my God.
357
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:06,366
Oh, no.
Oh, thank you so much.
358
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:07,700
Hey. Hey, dummy.
359
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,169
Did you open the gate?
Thank you so much.
360
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,004
Hey, cutie, do you not
like living here?
361
00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:12,339
I-I live
in the neighborhood.
362
00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:14,274
I pass this guy all the time.
363
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,675
He ran right up to me.
364
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:16,776
We're friends.
365
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,111
Let us give
you a reward.
366
00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:19,712
Oh, God, no,
I'm just glad he's home.
367
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:21,881
Well, uh, gosh,
thank you so much.
368
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:24,484
Hey, I'm sorry.
369
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:25,718
That's a really great chair.
370
00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:27,154
I'm thinking
of redoing my study.
371
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:28,555
Do you know who makes it?
372
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,857
Oh, uh, I have it
written down somewhere.
373
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:31,858
Please, come in.
374
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,460
Oh, thanks.
375
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,628
LEXI:
Uh...
376
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:36,563
Oh, Gretchen.
377
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:38,298
Lexi. This is Rob.
378
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,899
(whispering): We have to keep
our voices down a little,
379
00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:40,867
'cause our daughter is sleeping.
380
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:42,369
Oh. Cute.
381
00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:44,037
C-Can I get you
a glass of wine?
382
00:16:44,071 --> 00:16:45,038
GRETCHEN:
Oh, God, uh...
383
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:46,739
Sure, why not?
384
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:49,409
LEXI:
Amazing ramen.
385
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:51,411
Amazing coffee.
386
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:52,545
Both walking distance.
387
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:54,181
Bars...
388
00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:56,483
Harper can take music lessons
at a place owned by Flea.
389
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:59,018
LEXI: I mean, I get
it, Gretchen, I do.
390
00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:01,054
But we don't
know anything.
391
00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:02,755
We're just a
couple of idiots
392
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:05,058
who boned in the bathroom of
the Echo the first night we met.
393
00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:07,427
Oh...
Trying to
figure it out.
394
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,096
Totally aware
of the pitfalls
395
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,198
and the hazards and
the compromises...
396
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:12,865
In the bathroom
at a secret Primus show.
397
00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,167
...and yet still doing it.
398
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:16,236
Vince Vaughn was there.
399
00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:17,570
Not in the bathroom.
400
00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:18,905
LEXI: Conventional
and scary? Hell yeah.
401
00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:20,907
But the death of fun?
402
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:22,109
Not necessarily.
403
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:24,844
To be a slave to
an idea of coolness
404
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,546
is why some of your
friends never grow
405
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,848
and in the end are
actually less themselves
406
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,918
and counterintuitively
live less authentic lives
407
00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:33,753
than the buyers-in.
408
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:35,888
(knocking on door)
409
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,860
GRETCHEN:
Hey, baby.
410
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,762
JIMMY:
Oh, hello.
411
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:44,097
ROB:
Come in. I'm Rob.
412
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:45,064
That's Lexi.
413
00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:46,099
Oh.
414
00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:47,934
Jimmy Shive-Overly.
Hi.
415
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:49,969
I found their dog.
I heard.
416
00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:51,804
You're quite
the Carolus Linnaeus.
417
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,073
He invented the modern system
418
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,476
for binomial nomenclature
for animals.
419
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,246
It's an imperfect analogy.
420
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:00,713
Thanks for coming
to walk me home.
421
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,615
Oh, no problem.
Ah, vino.
422
00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:04,251
Thank you.
423
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:05,652
So we don't really know
anyone in the neighborhood.
424
00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:07,887
What do you folks do?
425
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,957
ROB: Uh, Lexi's a
green space architect.
426
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:12,659
And I'm a film restorer.
JIMMY: Ah.
427
00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:14,161
You are doing God's work, sir.
428
00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:16,996
But if everything's digitized,
who needs film?
429
00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:19,399
Actually, film is far more
stable than digital storage.
430
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,568
Can't see how that's possible.
It's true.
431
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,603
Okay, well,
agree to disagree.
432
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:26,139
Jimmy's a writer.
For what show?
433
00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:27,440
(scoffs)
434
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:28,841
Not for television.
435
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:29,942
Gah, can you imagine?
436
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:32,679
No, I'm a...
I'm a novelist.
437
00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:34,147
Why live out here?
438
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:36,149
Yeah, right?
439
00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:37,517
Right.
440
00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:39,419
Anyway, I've recently devised
441
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,422
a flawless punishment-based
productivity solution,
442
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,157
if either of you are having
any trouble.
443
00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:45,458
Who knows when they might air
444
00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:47,427
another marathon
of Treehouse Masters?
445
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,128
Rob built a tree house
for our daughter.
446
00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:51,698
What?!
She's a little too young
for it, but...
447
00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:53,433
Uh, may I see it?!
448
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,134
ROB:
Sure, sure.
449
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:57,136
It's a dual-tree platform
structure, no electric yet.
450
00:18:57,170 --> 00:19:00,006
Uh, may I see it immediately?!
451
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:01,308
Follow me.
452
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,646
(chuckles)
All right.
453
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:08,315
Yeah.
(scoffs)
454
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:10,517
(door opens, closes)
455
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:13,786
Hey, thanks for everything.
456
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:16,456
I don't want to bore
you with the details,
457
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,990
but, seriously, this was exactly
what I needed.
458
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:20,527
You like LCD Soundsystem?
Not really.
459
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,161
I know what you mean.
460
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:25,398
Anyway, I just want you to know,
you guys are great.
461
00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:26,866
Hmm? Are we?
462
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,535
Yeah, you are.
463
00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:29,636
Trust me.
464
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:30,903
(sighs)
465
00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:32,572
I don't know.
466
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:35,007
Sometimes I just
look around and wonder,
467
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:37,176
like, how did this happen?
468
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:39,246
I mean, Lexi just
got this Mini.
469
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:41,214
It's a really good car.
470
00:19:41,248 --> 00:19:42,882
Gas mileage is great.
471
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:45,218
But I see it in the driveway,
472
00:19:45,252 --> 00:19:48,255
and it's like, "Ugh, what?!"
473
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:49,889
(chuckles)
474
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,891
I mean, one minute I'm living
in this cute little studio
475
00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:54,594
near Beachwood,
interning at New Line,
476
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:55,895
swing dancing at the Derby.
477
00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:59,766
Just me and my dog
and pizza and condoms.
478
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:01,701
Remember those?
479
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:04,704
Suddenly I have a child and a
mortgage, and it's like, "What?"
480
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:06,706
Hey, if you ever want
to go to Cha Cha's
481
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:09,776
and get a drink,
I would be totally down.
482
00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:11,177
I don't even know anymore.
483
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:14,414
Lexi's always like,
"School, Harper's school."
484
00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:17,083
And it's, like, fine,
but on the other hand,
485
00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:19,386
I don't want to be having
that conversation, you know?
486
00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:21,554
Like, I love the kid,
obviously.
487
00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:23,923
I'm not gonna say she stole
my life, but come on.
488
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:27,594
I mean, what, if we get
a divorce, I'd only be 44.
489
00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:30,263
Just check into
one of those motels,
490
00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:32,699
get a bottle of Jack,
like, invite whoever.
491
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,701
Your boyfriend seems
really cool.
492
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,736
Seriously, Lexi goes
to bed crazy early,
493
00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:38,705
so if you guys are
ever going out,
494
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,607
just shoot me a text;
she doesn't care.
495
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,610
JIMMY (laughing):
That's what I thought!
496
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,412
Very nice work
on the tree house, Rob.
497
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:49,616
Thank you. I downloaded
the instructions from the Web.
498
00:20:49,649 --> 00:20:51,584
Single malt?
499
00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:53,653
Ah, twist my arm.
Rob, we have the Camelot
interview in the morning.
500
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:55,288
Too late.
501
00:20:55,322 --> 00:20:56,823
And I guess we're
drinking Scotch now.
502
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:58,257
Actually, we should go.
503
00:20:58,291 --> 00:20:59,659
What? No!
Oh, okay.
504
00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:01,828
LEXI:
Thank you again.
505
00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:02,962
Seriously.
506
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:04,331
Yeah, no problem.
507
00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:05,832
All right, bye.
508
00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,968
Hey, seriously, we should
get dinner sometime.
509
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:10,136
The four of us.
510
00:21:10,169 --> 00:21:11,471
I'll find you online.
511
00:21:11,504 --> 00:21:12,739
That's got...
512
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,173
Uh, that's a,
um, childproof...
513
00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:16,175
Okay, good,
you got it.
514
00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:22,682
(Lexi and Rob arguing
indistinctly)
515
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:29,989
JIMMY: Well, I would just
like to thank you
516
00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:32,024
from the bottom of my heart
for inviting me.
517
00:21:32,058 --> 00:21:33,993
They were hilarious.
518
00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:36,996
Did you notice their
matching anchor tattoos?
519
00:21:37,029 --> 00:21:38,998
And he must have
spent months
520
00:21:39,031 --> 00:21:42,669
on literally the most boring
tree house in the world.
521
00:21:42,702 --> 00:21:45,372
(chuckles)
Oh, and I made my deadline.
522
00:21:45,405 --> 00:21:46,673
As of today.
523
00:21:46,706 --> 00:21:50,009
You may tear up
the envelopes, thank God.
524
00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:52,044
(fading): Yeah, this was
a lovely present for that.
525
00:21:52,078 --> 00:21:54,013
So thank you.
526
00:21:54,046 --> 00:21:57,016
And they named
their dog Sandwiches.
527
00:21:57,049 --> 00:22:00,019
I mean, at some point, you have
to look at your lives and say...
528
00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:02,955
(Jimmy's voice fades out)
529
00:22:02,989 --> 00:22:06,893
* And it seems
530
00:22:06,926 --> 00:22:09,762
* There's no end
531
00:22:11,998 --> 00:22:16,836
* 'Cause the window
532
00:22:16,869 --> 00:22:19,406
* Is closed.
533
00:22:22,909 --> 00:22:25,878
(dog barks)
534
00:22:25,912 --> 00:22:28,548
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
535
00:22:39,959 --> 00:22:41,461
[ Clears Throat ]
536
00:22:48,267 --> 00:22:51,971
You know, if you lowered me
about three feet--
537
00:23:00,747 --> 00:23:04,050
[ Crowd Cheering ]
You know,
I grew up in a town,
538
00:23:04,083 --> 00:23:06,385
a town where a little boy
could have big dreams.
539
00:23:06,419 --> 00:23:08,254
Not a town
where the Jets go for two...
540
00:23:08,287 --> 00:23:11,057
when my kicker needs
one freakin' point,
541
00:23:11,090 --> 00:23:15,361
so, for once in my life,
I'm not left festering
in misery, please!
542
00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:18,197
The League.
All new, Wednesdays at 10:00.
543
00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:20,332
Only on FXX.
544
00:23:22,101 --> 00:23:24,504
* (funk intro)
545
00:23:26,005 --> 00:23:27,907
MAN:
* I been in the right place
546
00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:31,944
Fargo. All-new,
Mondays at 10:00 on FX.
547
00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:35,047
-This January--
-Yow!
548
00:23:35,081 --> 00:23:37,149
-Yikes.
-Ha-ha!
549
00:23:37,183 --> 00:23:38,818
-Hoo!
-Ow!
550
00:23:38,851 --> 00:23:41,320
R-R-R-Remix!
Oh!
551
00:23:41,353 --> 00:23:43,355
-The all new season.
-Yaah!
552
00:23:43,389 --> 00:23:44,223
-(thunderclap)
-Aaah!
553
00:23:44,256 --> 00:23:46,358
Sunny returns January.
554
00:23:46,392 --> 00:23:47,827
Only on FXX.
555
00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:50,530
Who are you guys?
556
00:23:50,563 --> 00:23:52,264
-(together) We have come
to have sex with you.
-Holy--
557
00:23:54,634 --> 00:23:56,803
What are you
looking for exactly?
558
00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:00,940
(screams)
559
00:24:02,542 --> 00:24:04,544
Why not get
surgically conjoined?
560
00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:08,881
Man Seeking Woman.
An all new season
January on FXX.
561
00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:12,952
You just sit around all day
thinking of nice things
to say to people?
562
00:24:12,985 --> 00:24:15,888
I do like
to be nice to people.
You should try it.
563
00:24:17,123 --> 00:24:19,291
I like how you
564
00:24:19,325 --> 00:24:21,360
took a shower curtain
and made it into a dress.
565
00:24:28,835 --> 00:24:30,369
(dings)
566
00:24:32,171 --> 00:24:34,340
American Horror Story: Hotel.
567
00:24:34,373 --> 00:24:36,075
All new Wednesdays at 10:00.
38714
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