All language subtitles for Abbott and Costello - 1947 - The Wistful Widow Of Wagon Gap-eng

Whoa.

All out, all out! What's
the matter, a holdup?

Nope, they missed us.
This is as far as we go.

Wait. It says
three miles to Wagon Gap.

That's as close
as we go, partner.

That sign is a warning. Nobody
that ain't loco ever goes closer.

I hope you sell
your wares.

I hear tell there's a lot
of money in Wagon Gap.

The only problem is to live
long enough to get it out.

Partner, which way you say
it was to Wagon Gap? That way.

That way? Come on, Duke. Wait a minute.

What are you scared of? Wagon Gap.

We'll sell our wares tonight and
leave for California in the morning.

If you boys are going into Wagon Gap,
strap on a couple of shootin'irons.

If you can bluff'em,
you might live till morning.

He's got
something there.

How much will you take for
those guns? Fifty dollars.

It's a deal. There you are. Thanks.

Aw, Duke, that ain't fair. What's wrong?

Look. Yours is much
longer than mine! So what?

All you have to do is stand closer
to whoever is shooting at you.

As long as you boys are going into Wagon
Gap, would you mind taking this mail?

Why, certainly!
There you are.

Giddyap, horse.

"Joe Bazzo,
Erskine Lakes.

"Dear Sal, this is
to let you know...

"we are building a new log house
where the old log house stood.

"We are using the logs from the old
log house to build the new log house,

but we are going to let the old log house
stand until the new log house is built. "

I don't get it. What are you
reading other people's mail for?

What are you ducking for?
You scared?

Come on, get with it.

Duke, let's go in here.
It's safe.

Chester, come out of there!
You don't belong in there.

What's the matter? Tired? Sit down. Yeah.

Come on.
Let's go.

Chester, don't let this town
scare you. You gotta keep saying,

"I must be brave. I must be
strong. " Say it to myself?

Certainly! I must be
brave. I must be strong.

Now you're talking!

I must be brave.
I must be strong.

I must be nuts!

Oh, no, you don't!

Come back with that merchandise!
What are you gonna do?

Be just as tough as they are!
You never shot one of those.

What's the difference?
Get out your gun.

I never shot one either. Take
the gun out. We'll fix them.

What am I gonna do with it?
Shoot it off! Up in the air.

But it makes a noise. C'mon, shoot it off!

It's Fred Hawkins!
That's nice shooting, partner.

And you got him
right through the heart.

I got him? I shot over
there. He fell over here.

Then that really is
nice shooting!

Jake Frame's been tryin'
to get rid of this varmint!

C'mon inside.
He'll set up the drinks free.

I told you shooting was the
only way to come into this town.

Wait a minute.
This man's just been killed.

So? Who's upset? I am.

Judge?
Judge Benbow?

Judge?

Jim, what are you and the
Citizens' Committee riled about now?

I demand that those men be charged
with murder and held for trial.

Well, now,
I don't know, Jim.

It looks like a friendly shootin'
affair to me. Self-defense.

Fred there's
got a gun in his hand.

There have been 10
killings in the last week...

and not one man has
been brought to trial.

What sort of law do we have
here? All right, if you insist.

What's the deceased
got on him?

Twelve dollars and this knife
in his hip pocket.

I hereby fine the deceased $12
for carrying concealed weapons.

Just a minute, Judge. You
heard what the judge said.

Yeah, just a minute, Judge.
Stay out of this, Frame.

This is one pair of killers
you're not getting off.

Simmer down.
I'm on your side.

Just what kind of a
trial was that? Jake, I...

Strangers come into town and shoot
down one of our best-beloved citizens...

And you want to let them
get away with it.

What's got into you? That's the
fellow that was gonna buy us a drink?

It isn't safe for a man to
walk the streets of Wagon Gap.

You said it. That
fellow almost fell on me.

If the law won't do something,
we better do something.

I'm thinkin' a little taste
of rope is called for!

Wait a minute.!

Judge Benbow, stop this. You nor anybody
is stopping this hanging, Simpson.

Get outta the way.
You're obstructing justice!

Is that hard to do? No, no.
You'll soon get the hang of it.

Try this on for size.
Sixteen and one-half.

How's that?
That tickles.

Yeah? That did it. It don't tickle no more.

The Citizens' Committee is
headed this way. Get goin', boys.

We gotta stall 'em.
Stall 'em? Oh, stall 'em!

Ever hear the story about the
traveling salesman? They've heard that.

Yes, and it ain't funny. Wait a minute!

What about our
personal possessions?

Don't you want to send something
to your dear mother for a keepsake?

My mother? Yes! To your mother.

Oh, my mother! I would like to
send some stuff to my mother.

Would you take care of this
stuff for me? I'd be happy to.

It's priceless,
this stuff.

Hold that please.
Give it to him.

String 'em up!

Sorry to spoil your party.
This is gonna be done legally.

Since when are you the law? I
don't see the sheriff's badge.

Somebody put a
bullet hole through it.

Till we can keep a live sheriff,
the committee's taking over.

We're seeing that these men
get a fair trial. Fair enough.

And I'll see to it thatJudge
Benbow gives it to 'em.

C'mon, boys!

Just because he don't like you,
he's mad at us. Don't be ungrateful.

If it wasn't for Mr. Simpson,
we'd be dead.

If it wasn't for Mr. Simpson,
we'd be on our way to California.

Give us a couple of horses
and show us the road.

We'll call it even. The only road
you're taking is to Wagon Gap.

You're charged with a killing,
and you're gonna stand trial.

You can figure out
your plea.

I'll plead insanity.

And I can prove it too.

This court
will now come to order.

Close down
that bar!

And quit gambling
for a few minutes!

Will the jury file in.

I object!
Order in the court!

He objected...

to what you said.

I figured you might
be wanting a jury...

so, to save time,
I picked one for you.

Look!

That's the gang
that was gonna hang us.

To keep everything legal,

in case you don't like any member
of thejury, you can challenge him.

I'll fight that little shrimp there. Order!

Order in the court!

Young man, in about two shakes,
I'll hold you in contempt.

Judge, quit stalling. Let's
get this over with. Okay, Jake.

Hmm.

As the judge, I hereby
sentence you two coyotes...

Just a minute,
Your Honor.

I'd like the court's permission to
say a few words to the defendants.

I don't know, Jim. We're keeping
Jake's business shut down,

and these delays
are costing him money.

But go ahead and make it
snappy. Thank you, Your Honor.

Boys,

it strikes me mighty curious thatJake
Frame's so anxious to get you hung.

I'd like to know why. Don't
ask us. We're strangers.

If you'll string along with me,
I've got an angle to keep you alive.

All right, Mr. Simpson.
We're in back of you. Good.

Your Honor, the defendants
are willing to plead guilty...

to the charge of killing
Fred Hawkins in a gun duel.

He did it again.
He said we did it.

Now they'll hang me.
Are you guilty?

No. Then what are you worrying about?

Oh.

Jim, the court thanks you
for simplifying matters.

I hereby sentence you
two coyotes... Your Honor,

may I remind you that you have
a jury? I picked them, didn't I?

You picked some
before they were ripe!

Shut up, you.!

You boys want to get your heads
together and bring in a verdict of...

Your Honor, I suggest you
first acquaint the jury...

with the statutes
pertaining to dueling.

Jim, let's not get all
snarled up in legal folderol.

I have the statues. Would
you like me to read them?

Or would you prefer
to quote them from memory?

No, no.
Go ahead.

Section 86-97 of the penal code
of the sovereign state of Montana.

"If any person slays or permanently
disables another person in a duel,

"the slayer must provide
for the maintenance...

of the wife of the slain
and for the minor children. "

And Section 86-98...

"Said slayer must pay all
debts of the person slain. "

What does he mean?
Yes.

Oh. In simpler language, the law
makes these men responsible...

for all the obligations
of the deceased...

both to his family
and his creditors.

Hawkins owed me $50,
Your Honor.

Considering what Hawkins owed me,
I'd say that's a right good law.

As a matter of fact, Jake,
I think so myself.

Especially the part about them
maintaining the widow.

Well, this is it. I don't
see any corn growing.

The widow
don't grow corn.

Then what's that scarecrow doing in
the yard? Who you calling a scarecrow?

You scatterbrained
numskull!

Ah, the Widow Hawkins!

Howdy, Mrs. Hawkins. These
are them. The culprits, huh?

Mrs. Hawkins, I'm awful
sorry. Oh, think nothin' of it!

I ain't hypocrite enough
to shed tears for Hawkins.

He wasn't any good. All he
ever did was drink and gamble.

Hawkins, come here!

All he ever did was drink
and gamble. Come on, Duke!

Nice dog.

Go on, Wolf. You have the
situation well under control, ma'am.

Guess we can get back to
town. Just a minute, Judge.

As long as our main obligation is to
take care of Mrs. Hawkins and the kids,

why can't we make some kind of
a financial arrangement? Such as?

We'll give her some cash now and send
a little every month from California.

How much you got?
Well, let me see.

Hmm, I have $70.

Precisely the amount the deceased
owed me. Poker the other night.

Duke, think of something else. I have.

Judge, there was only one bullet
found in the body of the deceased.

You can't hold both of us.
It's not legal.

Don't get technical.
You got a point, Eagan.

Yes, and he's pointing it at me. Quiet.

Ma'am, we have to keep this thing
legal. We've got to let one go.

Which one do you prefer?

Well... ain't much
to pick from, is there?

The little one looks good, but maybe
the big one would be a better worker.

Ahem. Judge, you have no
objections if we gamble for this?

There's no law against gambling
providing it's honest.

I'll play it as honest
as you would. Go ahead.

Take a card.

Any one? Any card. I won't even look.

Don't look at it! You
didn't give me a chance.

Don't try to cheat.
Play it on the up and up.

What card were you thinking of? What card?

What card were you thinking of?
C'mon, get it over with.

I was thinking of the nine of clubs.
Oh, no. It was the eight of spades.

That's the card you were
thinking of? That was the card.

How do you know it was the
eight of spades? Just a minute!

What does that look
like? The eight of spades.

That ain't fair. Just a minute, please.

You, you, you! I'll leave
it to the judge. Judge?

That's the way I'd have done
it. That's what I thought.

Good-bye, ol' pal.
I'm going to miss you.

On my way to California, I'm
going to be alone and desolate,

left with nothing but fond
memories of our long friendship.

Good-bye, Chester, old
boy. Good-bye, Duke.

Ma'am,
take good care of him.

I feel terrible bein' the cause
of you two good friends partin'.

It'll be hard for me for a
while, but I'll get over it.

Judge, my money.
What money?

You found me innocent. Therefore I
don't have to pay Hawkins's debts.

That's right.

Son, it sort of cracks my heart
to separate you two fellows.

So I'm gonna do you a kindness.

I hereby appoint you
custodian of the guardian.

And as such, you will see...

that he carries out
the terms of his sentence.

What's that for?
Legal fees.

But... that's not...
That's not legal.

Just as legal
as that card trick of yours.

Ma'am, they're both yours. I'll get
back to town. Good afternoon, gents.

All right, men.
Let's go.

Are you satisfied?

Now we're both stuck on this broken-down
ranch with nothing to do but work.

Hey, it could be
pretty nice work too.

Juanita?

Come here.!

This is Juanita, my eldest.
How do you do? I'm Duke Eagan.

This is my pal,
Chester Wooley.

This one's
your new guardian.

And this is a critter
that needs guarding.

She's got some frisky notions
I'm expecting you to halter.

I don't think you'll be mean
to me, Mr. Wooley,

or can I call you Daddy? Oh, ho-ho.

What's the matter
with you?

I'm a guardian to the guardian, but
you can call me... Call him Duke.

Juanita, get in the house and
rustle up something for supper.

You fellows go to
the pump and wash up.

Go with 'em, Wolf.

I hope this soup's
just right.

If I'm any
judge of character,

the way to Mr. Wooley's
heart is through his stomach.

You don't have to cotton to
him, Ma. He's a prisoner of war.

When a woman gets to be my age, the only
way she can be sure of a man is to marry him.

I've got the young'uns
to think of.

Suppose Mr. Wooley
isn't the marrying kind?

Oh, every man's
the marrying kind!

All you got to know is how
to go about gettin' him.

More flies are caught
with honey than vinegar.

So beginning now, I'm a
woman of honeyed words.

Everything I say to Mr.
Wooley will be sweet as nectar.

My muted voice will be tuned
to the strings of his heart.

My touch will be feathery light
as I stroke those strings...

to bring forth a
dulcet melody of love.

What ifhoney doesn't work
on Mr. Wooley?

Then I'll hog-tie him!
Come and get it!

Come and get it!

Matt, get outta there!

Beginning tonight, Mr. Wooley
sits at the head of the table.

Ma? Git before I take a ladle to you.

Take your rightful place,
Mr. Wooley.

Mr. Eagan, you sit on
Mr. Wooley's left hand...

and, Matt, you sit
on his right hand.

What do I eat with? My feet? Oh, sit down.

Ha-ha.
Fooled ya!

Ha! Ha, ha.
Ha!

Sit down. What's the matter with you? Okay.

Mr. Wooley, help yourself
to some bread, fresh baked,

especially for you.

Duke, can I have
a piece of bread?

Help yourself.
There's none there.

Have a piece of mine.
Hog, don't eat so fast!

Mr. Wooley, have
a piece of my bread.

Thank you.
You're such a good child.

Soup's one of my best dishes.
Try it, Mr. Wooley.

Please excuse
yourself.

I didn't do nothing. See
that it don't happen again.

Go on,
eat your soup.

Go on, eat your soup! Yes, sir.

I told you not to let
that happen again.

Excuse yourself!
I didn't do nothing.

It's the soup. Don't blame it on the soup.

I don't have to brag about my soup,
Mr. Wooley. It speaks for itself.

You can say that again.
Oh, eat your soup.

It's that good, huh? Mm-mmm, delicious.

That's okay with me.
Listen,

don't hurt the widow's
feelings. I won't say nothing.

Look, eat the soup
whether you like it or not.

So I'll make a face. What do
I care? Just eat your soup.

Stop talkin' and let
me eat my soup. Eat it.

Ahem, ahem. You got a frog in your throat?

Of course not.

I'm sorry. It's the way
he eats at home.

What's the matter?
Yeah, the soup.

You can't dive into it.
Just eat it.

What's the matter
with you?

Is something wrong?
What is it?

You've got a tongue,
haven't you?

What? Eh?

You're trying
to say something.

Well, bring it out!

It's a fine
conversation.

Very interesting.
Eat your soup.

Duke, will you eat my soup
and let me eat your soup?

Will that make you happy? Very happy.

My goodness, take it.
Thank you ever so much.

I'll take
care of it.

Thank you very much.
It's all right.

How is it? You heard what the widow said.

Her soup speaks for itself. Not
only that. It will talk back to you.

You don't know what you're
talking about. I don't.

Are you expecting company? No, but you are.

You eat too dainty!
Quiet.

Go on, eat.
Delicious.

Dig right in!

It ain't nice
to do those things.

Will you please
make up your mind?

Eat your soup.
Eat yours.

What a night.

I love the stars

I love the moon

I'd love December

If it came in June

I...
Yi-yi-yi.

Lovely.

Did you like it? Uh-huh.
Sit down, Mr. Wooley.

Thank you.

Ah, loose your tie.

Go ahead! I don't know you that well.

Land sakes, man. I want you
to make yourself to home.

Mr. Wooley, I ain't a person
to beat around the bush.

I'm a woman. You're a man. That's the
nicest thing anybody ever said to me.

Well, Mr. Wooley,
Chester,

a woman means a lot to a man, and
a man can mean a lot to a woman.

Me and Hawkins didn't get
along. He never come home.

I've been a lonesome woman
these past few years.

I know
just how you feel.

I've been awful lonesome myself. Have you?

Haven't you ever
wanted somebody...

waitin' for you when
you come home at night?

Somebody... Somebody to kiss
you when you open the front door?

Someone whose hair you
caress with a loving touch?

Someone whose presence
would cheer and warm you?

Haven't you ever wanted to
embark on the sea of matrimony?

Your boat of bridal wreath
and orange blossoms...

crosses the shoals of acquaintance
into the sea of affection.

The tempest of love causes
the waves of emotion...

to toss you helter-skelter,
hither and thither,

here and yon,
round and round.

Stop, stop.

Stop the boat.
I'm gettin' seasick.

Ah, Mr. Wooley,
I'm not a forward woman.

All my life
I've been shy and bashful,

just a rosebud
afraid to bloom.

But now I'm takin'
the bull by the horns!

Sit down!

I've been tryin' to convey to you in an
indirect way that I'd consider matrimony.

That is, after
you've been here a bit.

You mean,

me and you
get married?

Will ya?

Shh.

We shouldn't let the
children hear this. Uh-uh.

No!

Duke? Duke!

The widow wants to marry
me. Well, congratulations.

My little pal embarking on the
sea of matrimony. Stop, stop.

I just made that trip, and
I am not going to get married.

I wouldn't be so hasty. There's
ways of making you change your mind.

And you too!
Now get to bed.

There's work to be done
in the morning.

Watch 'em, Wolf!

I don't like the looks of
this. Should we make a getaway?

Get down.
Wait a minute.

That dog knows what
we're talking about.

How does the dog know
you said "getaway"?

Duke, don't say
those words.

Nice doggy, nice doggy.

Lie down. Lie down.
Uh-oh!

Hey, Duke,
I think I got him fooled.

When he ain't looking,
we'll make a g-e-t-a-w-a-y.

How do you like that?
He can spell too.

Chester, we've got to find some
way of getting rid of that dog.

Duke, fire stick.

Right.

Nice doggy. Nice doggy. Hold it.

Nice doggy.
Sit still.

You go out and open up the door. Hold him.

Nice doggy.

Don't bite.
Look, doggy.

Show him the stick!

Doggy, c'mon.

Take it easy now.
Nice doggy.

We were just
on our way to bed.

Nighty-nighty-nighty.

Hey! Hey!

That ain't fair. It's cold down
here, and you've got your coat on.

Why haven't you,
Mr. Wooley?

It's time
you were dressed.

There's water to be drawn,
the cow to be milked,

the chicken coop fixed,
the fence whitewashed.

I'll get the children up
to help me. Don't you dare!

After all, you're not
their father, Mr. Wooley.

Or... has
your heart softened?

No, ma'am.
Then get to work.

The lower forty needs plowin',

the harness needs sewin'.

If I do all that today, I'll
have nothing left for tomorrow.

Don't worry,
I'll think of somethin',

unless you've reconsidered
my offer of marriage.

Mrs. Hawkins, marriage is
nothing but a three-ring circus.

First the engagement ring,
then the wedding ring...

and then "suffer-ing. "

Duke? Duke!

I'm not gonna take the
bed. What do you want?

The widow's awful mad.
She's gonna work my head off.

Will you help me? All right, I'll help you.

I'll stay here
and watch the kids.

Ohh!

Here's the water.

Now look
what you've done!

No water, no breakfast.
Now get goin'!

Here's the water.

Pour it in the kettle. Yes, ma'am.

Oh, boy, am I full. Oughta
be after all those pancakes.

How 'bout those six
eggs he ate?

Aw, shut up.

Mrs. Hawkins? Dinner will be at noon.

I haven't had my breakfast. Them
that ain't here on time don't eat.

If I don't eat, I can't
work. It's your own fault.

Mr. Wooley,
I'm a tenderhearted woman.

I'm filled with the milk
of human kindness.

I'm overflowing with
the love of mankind.

Mine is a tender heart, ever
ready to take into its fold...

the tired, the sick,
the weary.

Do you get
what I'm driving at?

Yes, ma'am, but you're trying
to hitch up to the wrong horse.

Why don't you make Duke do
some work? I hate to admit this,

but I had to tell Mrs.
Hawkins about my heart trouble.

Heart trouble? Don't shout like that.

You, you... No, no. Work makes me sick.

I guess I'll just
have to lie around.

That won't be hard. You're the
best liar around these parts.

Don't talk to Mr. Eagan
like that. Get to work.

Betsy needs shoein' so
I can drive her to town.

The children will meet you
in the barn and point her out.

Now git!

Mrs. Hawkins...
Git!

Heart trouble.

Wish I'd have thought
of it.

Which one is Betsy? That
one? Ah, that's Betsy.

Your mother said
I got to shoe her.

Land sakes,
what's the commotion?

Mr. Wooley's shoeing Betsy,
so he thinks.

Mr. Wooley,
what on earth?

I had to
lend her mine.

Ma!

Ma! Ma!

Ma!

Ma.!

Ma!

What are you making all this
noise for? I can't sleep.

Give me that brush.
Ma!

Mrs. Hawkins, I'm not going to do it
anymore. I'm getting dishpan hands.

It's your own fault.
Keep on scrubbing. Ma! Ma!

Get to the front quick.
There's gonna be trouble.

Juanita's talking with Jake Frame,
and I just saw Jim Simpson comin'.

I've had enough trouble
with Jake Frame.

Wooley, chase him off
the place. Get goin'!

Mr. Wooley, when I
tell you to do something,

don't stop and play.
C'mon!

Mr. Wooley, I want you to throw
that ornery skunk off my property.

I was fixin' to do that,
Mrs. Hawkins.

Why don't you start? This is
a family affair. Throw him out!

Mr. Frame?
He don't wanna go.

Jake came to get my answer about
coming to work at the Round-Up.

There's that matter of $1,100
owed me by your late husband.

It's generous ofJake to give me a
chance to pay off the family debt.

Young lady, as long
as I'm your guardian...

you will never step
inside that saloon.

Good for you,
Wooley!

Watch out for the flowers. Hey.

I've got Hawkins's IOUs.

IfJuanita doesn't work for me, somebody
else is going to work off that debt.

Working in a saloon might be good experience
for a girl. According to the law, Wooley,

that's your responsibility.
But I work here all day!

You'll work for me at night.
Be at the Round-Up at 7:00.

The widow's on the warpath.
You better do something.

Do you think she could
use a 75-year-old man? 75?

That's how old I'm gonna be
before I pay backJake Frame.

Talking about money,

this is all the money I've made
since I've been working here.

Some guy tipped me a big penny and
thought he was doing me a big favor.

Say, that's a $20 gold piece.

Chester,
we're on our way.

We'll ride that to California. Ain't it
a little small for both of us to sit on?

I'm going in that poker game. Then
watch my smoke. Suppose you lose.

Oh, no, certainly not.
With your help, I can't.

Come here.

Well, what do
you boys do?

Bet 50.

I'll see that
and up it 100.

I'll call that,
and I'll raise it 100.

Let's bump it again.

I'll see that...

and up it another 100. That's all for me.

I'll call that.
I got a straight.

All blue, boys. Back to the mines for me.

What do you know?
Sure had a lucky streak.

How much did we win? Well, not
enough to pay off everything,

but a couple more games like this
and we're on our way to California.

Cash me in.

Look, don't let Frame know
that we won this money.

Frame.

That's me.

Frame!

Frame. Here,
put your ashes here.

I'm so busy and so tired,
Mr. Frame.

Looks like you had
a streak of luck, Eagan.

How 'bout you and me sitting
down to a couple of hands?

He can't. He's gotta go home right
away. Mrs. Hawkins is waiting.

Oh, no, I ain't.!
Oh, yes, you...

I'm here to see you,
Frame.

You and me's got to have a showdown
about Wooley. Stay where you are!

This day and night work
ain't a-workin' out.

He no more gets through working for
me, when he goes to work for you.

Then he no more gets through working
for you, when he goes to work for me.

He'll be an old man before his
time. My offer still stands.

I'll be glad to replace him
forJuanita. Juanita's staying home.

In that case,
we can't do business.

I was just talkin' to Eagan
about a poker game.

We'll play it three ways.
We get a stack of chips.

Eagan puts up his roll
against our interest in Wooley.

Whoever wins gets the money
and full possession of Wooley.

You can
count me out.

Duke, go ahead and play. If
you win, I'm free. No, I...

Yeah, yeah.
All right, I'm in!

How 'bout you, Mrs. Hawkins?
I don't believe in gambling.

Gambling's a sinful, crime-breeding
curse. Where are the cards?

Sit down, Mrs. Hawkins.
I'll take over, Joe.

There you are.

Wait a minute.
Women first.

How 'bout
Mrs. Hawkins dealing?

All I know about cards is what
Hawkins told me. I never played before.

We won't have any trouble
with her. Certainly not.

You never
played cards before?

Uh-uh.

Cut 'em. Cut 'em? Where'd you learn that?

Hawkins. Hawkins. You heard
what the lady said, cut 'em.

Ante up.

Hawkins.

Hawkins!
Hawkins!

I'll open.
I'll stay.

What do I do now?

Give me two cards.

I'll take one.

I'm standin' pat.

Hawkins?

Two reds.

Well...

I'll see your two
and I'll raise you two.

I don't want to cast any
reflections, but...

a person has to think twice
before buckin' luck like yours.

You may have me beat
and then again you mightn't.

Wooley, stop skitterin'!
And put that spittoon down.

I gotta...
Put it down!

I'll see your bet...
and sweeten it a little.

I'll stay.

Well...

I'll see that...

and I'll
raise you two.

I'll tell you what.

Let's get this over with
in one hand. Shoot the works.

All I can lose is Wooley,
and that ain't much.

I'm in.

Overworked. Let him lay. He needs the rest.

You pay him.
Sure.

I have invested my cash
in Widow Hawkins's property.

I've got a
fat deal there.

Duke?
Pardon me.

We've got to get out, or I'm
gonna be a bride. Beat it!

I'm tryin' to do a little
promoting. A lot of"symphony" I get.

Go ahead!

Sweetheart, how would you like to
finance an expedition to California?

Wooley, come here.

Would you excuse me, please? Okay, bub.

I thought you went home
with the widow.

I did...
but I came back again.

Mr. Frame, I wish
you'd a-won me in the game.

Working here is much easier
than marrying her. So that's it.

Wooley, I'm beginning to
really feel sorry for you.

How would you like to earn a couple of
fast horses and a stake to California?

If you'd give us the horses,
you can forget the steak.

I'm not hungry,
just tired.

A miner friend is getting worried
about the amount of gold he's got.

If you can get the information
from your friend, Jim Simpson,

as to when the next bullion
shipment is coming through,

I can ship my friend's
gold along with it.

If I ask him that, you'll give
us the horses? That's right.

I'll go over and ask him.
Don't give him any reasons.

My friend wants to keep it
confidential. Oh, a secret.

You don't want the stage-holdup guys
to find out about it.

That's right.
I won't tell them.

I won't tell nobody
but you.

I'm smart.
I got brains I haven't used yet.

Well, don't let 'em
go to your head.

Hello, Chester! Just
the man I'm looking for.

What'll it be? A shot of
milk. Make it a double.

What do you want to talk
to me about? Shh, shh.

When is the next gold shipment
coming in? Why do you want to know?

Mr. Frame says
I mustn't tell.

But if I find out,
he will do me a big favor.

Oh. Well, in that case,
I'll be glad to help.

The next shipment's due
on... Thursday. Thursday?

Oh, good! Let's have
a drink on that.

Thursday.
Good luck.

Thursday.
Thursday.

What's up? You know the gold's
comin' through on Wednesday.

We can set a trap for Frame
and his gang the day after...

and catch 'em robbing
the coach red-handed.

California's the land
of golden opportunity.

You'll have a stocking
full of gold!

I've got that now,
and I'm gonna keep it.

Duke, we're practically on our way to
California. What are you talking about?

The gold shipment
is coming in Thursday.

All I've got to do
is tell Frame.

He'll give us horses
and the money.

You can't tell him that.
He's the one they suspect.

Suspect of what? Of all
the stagecoach robberies.

Oh, what am I gonna do? Tell him the
shipment's going through Wednesday.

You'll be doing yourself and the
Citizens' Committee a big favor.

Tell him Wednesday?
Yes!

When he finds out,
what will he do to me?

We'll be on our way
to California. C'mon.

Mr. Frame... Wednesday. Good.

When do we get the horses? They'll
be in the barn Wednesday night...

after I've checked
your information.

Mr. Frame...
You and your big ideas.

Now I'm in
worse trouble.

If you tell Frame the truth,
think of the hole it'll putJim in.

Duke, if Frame
finds out I'm lying,

think of the hole
he'll put me in!

I was just
coming home.

I'll take care of you later. Where's
Juanita? She should be home in bed.

Keep your hands in your pocket
She should be, but she ain't.

That's her voice! She's
in there. We just left.

Now you're
going back in.

Find Jim Simpson and bring
him here. Lead the way, Wooley.

You heard what Ma said!
"Lead the way, Wooley. "

Make the cash box ring
ting-a-ling

Before the night's
any older

Set 'em up, Bill
and fill up the till

If you have gold
then you're welcome

Juanita? Juanita!

Shut up,
yourselves!

You can have what's nice
if you have the price

Wooley, drag her off
that stage!

Me?
Yes, you!

Ain't you the one that forbid her
to set a foot in this place?

Go on!
Go ahead!

You've got everything I want Juanita?

Your mama wants you to go home! Sit down!

Get her off there,
Wooley!

Juanita, you've gotta
come home with the family.

Juanita, come on home.
Your mama wants you!

Juanita, c'mon home! Wait a
minute. Frame says let her stay.

I say, take her out!
Stop that!

Ow!
Ohhh!

Leave that child alone!

Are you gonna let her
get up on that stage?

Are you? Go ahead and shoot
me and inherit this family.

Go ahead.
Not me.

Oh, c'mon. Oh, no. I don't want 'em.

You don't want 'em?
Quiet, all of you.

He don't want 'em!

Oh.

Anybody else
want my job?

Eh?
No.

Eh? Anybody
wanna take my job?

Juanita, you heard
your mother. Home.

C'mon. Home. Come on!

Wooley!
Look at that.

Not a man in town
who'd dare lay a hand on him.

Jim, are you thinking
the same thing I am?

I am.

There you are, Chester.

Now you can take your place with
the famous sheriffs of the West.

Why didn't you hire one
of them? They're all dead.

They're all dead? Dead!
Don't worry, Chester.

Keep this picture
and show it when you have to,

and you'll bear
a charmed life.

Suppose I should happen to
meet some nearsighted gunman?

That'll be his tough luck. Oh, I see.

If he kills me, he'll have
to take care of the widow.

That would make him
a dead duck.

And me too.

Where's the sheriff?
Where's the sheriff?

There's gonna be lead flyin'.
Some drunk's fixin' for a fight.

Chester?
Where'd he go?

He went thataway.

Chester, get up.
This is your big chance.

Tell 'em to stop the shooting, or you'll
run 'em all in! Show 'em you're not afraid.

Throw out your chest.
They'll fill it full of holes.

Go ahead! Don't push!
All right, don't push.

I didn't get this badge
for nothin'.

Go ahead.

That boy's got what it
takes. I don't wanna go.

I'll go!

You get us some
law and order, Wooley,

and we'll get the railroad
to come through Wagon Gap yet!

I'm donating you in the interest
of good government.

Me and the family are with
you. I'm depending on it.

Oh, yes.
Ohhh.

Mrs. Hawkins? Oh, go on down
there and act like a sheriff,

or I'll send you to the ranch and
really put you to work. All right.

Law and order.

If you had any nerve, you'd go
in there and stop them yourself.

If this doesn't work... You'll think of
something else for somebody else to do.

I'm in town
for a good time, see?

I'll blast your heads
off! Stop disgracin' me!

Haven't you got any red blood in your
veins? Yes, and I'm gonna keep it there.

Go on in!

Don't move, anybody.

If you're tired oflivin',
we'll shoot it out.

I don't want another word
outta any of you!

Oh, no, you don't!

Now you fellows in here will
have to stop shootin'...

because you're makin'
a lot of noise.

The horses are jumpin' up
and down, scarin' the women.

Now remember...

don't aggravate me.
No more shootin'.

Now look, everybody!

This shooting
has gotta stop.

Hey, little boy.
You! Fat little boy.

You!
Come here, little boy.

What're you doin'
wearing a man's pants?

I'm the new sheriff.
I want law and order.

You take care of the law,
and I'll order.

What'll you have? I don't drink
whiskey. It goes to my head.

That's just great.

I'll put it on your head,
and I'll shoot it off.

That's much better.
The other way I get sick.

What am I sayin'? Get it back
up there, or I'll drill you!

Mister, please don't.

I didn't want this mess.
I didn't ask to be sheriff.

It's all her fault.

Go ahead and shoot me.
You can have her.

The Widow Hawkins.!
That drunk I'm not.

Everybody up! Everybody up! You heard...

Shut up. Get those tables up. Yes, sir.

Put your shootin'irons
on the table.

Get 'em up there.!

Hey, you,
get this roof fixed!

You heard the sheriff.
Get this roof... Shut up.!

From now on, I want you all
to treat me with respect...

and very little of that.

Go on back to your tables.
You heard the sheriff.

Shut up!
Yes, sir.

Go on!
You heard the sheriff!

Land sakes,
he's done it.

That's my boy. You can
all go back to your homes.

There'll be no more shootin'
in Wagon Gap.

The sawed-off runt's scared.

What sawed-off runt are you
calling a sawed-off runt?

You, fatso. Any objections? Yeah!

Oh, I must've meant
somebody else.

I guess you did.

Yeah.

Here.

You're too young
to smoke cigarettes!

Just a minute.

I don't want you calling anybody a
sawed-off runt, or I'll run you outta town.

And I'm the sawed-off runt
that can do it too! Yes, sir.

Chester,
you're wonderful!

I'm proud of you. Ma'am, while
I'm wearing this badge of office,

I'll have no huggin'
and chalkin' in public.

And another thing, that goes
for any other place too.

Mr. Wooley,
I'm apologizing.

Don't let it happen again,
ma'am. I won't, Chester.

See what I mean?
I'm not to be trifled with.

I wouldn't overdo it. If you get the
widow mad, she'll really pour it on.

Oh. So you're
still hangin' around...

tryin' to tell me what to do. Oh, now...

Listen, you! If you don't start
working and show some means of support,

I'm gonna run you in as a
vagrant! Chester, I'm your pal.

You owe everything to me.
And I'm a man that pays off.

I'm gonna start paying you off.
I'm gonna make you my deputy.

You really are my pal! You like that?

Swell. Your first duty is get to
the ranch and take over my chores.

Me? Yes, you! You've been
bossing me around long enough.

The worm has turned,
and every dog has his day.

Now get out! Just a minute. Ohhh!

Partner,

when you say that, smile.

Morning, Sheriff.
Good morning, Sheriff.

Good morning, ladies.

Howdy, Sheriff.
Hello, Joe.

Juanita, how are you?
Where's your mama?

She just came into town.
She's right over there.

Good-bye.

Yoo-hoo.! Sheriff Wooley.
I brought your dinner.

It's roast beef today. Just when
I was in the mood for chicken!

Now... I got chicken
stewin' for supper.

I'll send Eagan back... Never
mind, no need. Roast beef will do.

You wait here for me. I'm going to
the saloon to stop them from fighting.

They're not fighting. I know, but
why wait until the last minute?

I'll be right back. I've gotta
see somebody about something.

Hey, there's the sheriff.

The sheriff!
The sheriff.

You don't all have to stop talkin'
on account of me. Then c'mon, boys.

Shut up!

What'd you say?

I didn't say nothin'.
Well, don't say it again.

C'mon, folks,
everybody have a good time!

Enjoy yourselves. But don't
nobody sneak up behind me.

Put the gun away! Chester, the
widow is working me to death.

So? We've gotta get out of
town. Tonight, you arrest me.

Then we can get away
while the town's asleep.

You like that? Only the part
about putting you in jail.

You're starting to like it? Yes.
Being sheriff has its advantages.

Listen, Chester. Get your
hands off me. Get 'em off!

Ahem.

I've had enough
of your flirting.

If another man even looks
at you, I'll kill him.

Why, you...

Hello, Sheriff.
Have another one.

It's on me.

Chester, you're living
in a fool's paradise.

It's not you they're
afraid of, it's the widow.

And speaking of the widow,
she's out to marry you or else.

Or else what? Or else she'll
find somebody else to marry.

Then what? Without her protection,
you'd just be another little fat man...

and a lovely target for these
men you've been pushing around.

Who would want
to marry the widow?

Who? Who? Nobody.

C'mon, everybody.
Drinks are on the sheriff!

Who would
marry the widow?

Judge, sit down
and have a drink.

It's a little crowded over
there. But it's free at the bar.

Bartender, milk for everybody. Milk?

What's the matter?
Any objections?

Milk!

Milk. I should've listened
to you in the first place.

I have something else I think
you'd like to listen to.

Have you heard the news about the railroad
coming through the widow's property?

No.

They're buying her property
for a right-of-way.

You don't say.

That'll probably make her
the richest woman in the state.

Hmm.

Bottoms up.

Bottoms up!

Drink up. This stuff
will ruin a man's stomach.

So will this.

Looks like the little fat boy
is gonna keep dealing us misery.

Worry about him later. Right now,
we've got the stage to think of.

Hey, Duke.
What's the matter?

What day is today?
Wednesday.

I thought so.

Jim, is Frame and his gang
gonna be fooled!

What're you getting at? You know you
told me the gold was comin' in tomorrow?

I told 'em it was coming in today.
Pretty smart, huh?

Send 'em
on a wild-goose chase.

The gold is coming today! What?

That wild-goose chase of yours is
gonna lay a golden egg... for Frame.

Head off the stage before
it reaches Dead Man's Pass.

I'll round up the men
and follow.

I get it.
We stop the stage.

The bandits are waiting
for the stage.

And then you show up instead of
the stage. That's well-staged.

Exactly.! Providing
you reach the stage.

Don't worry. I ain't
got that for nothin'.

Madam, you'll have to get down off
that buckboard. We're after the bandits.

C'mon, you'll have
to make it snappy.

What do you mean
we're going after the bandits?

You wanna play tag with
the bandits, go ahead.

Just a minute.
Take it easy.

I deputized you, didn't I?
Now get in there.

Wooley, I'm agin
the whole idea.

When you start ridin' by those bandits,
they're liable to start shootin'.

Don't worry. They're not
crazy. Well, I am worried.

I'm just sentimental enough
not to want my intended shot up.

Madam, it's about time
you and I had an understanding.

You may be intending,
but I'm not.

Now step aside and let me
do my duty! Don't rile me!

It's me protecting you. If you
want to keep that protection,

you better be thinking
about us gettin' wed.

I got all the protection
I need... right here.

Go home before I throw you in the
hoosegow for tryin' to scare the sheriff.

Mrs. Hawkins, I've been considering
making you a proposition.

Ain't got time, Judge. I can wait.

Wedding bells and train whistles...
most melodious.

Yes, indeedy.

What're you slowin' down for?
Let's not pass up this chance.

We have horses and a wagon.
Nobody's watching.

California's out that way. What
kind of a sheriff do you think I am?

I was put in office
to uphold the law.

You're my deputy, and
you're gonna help me!

Sure, the bandits might not shoot
you, but it's open season on me.

You got nothin'
to worry about.

You're safe as long as
I've got this picture.

What's the matter?

What's the matter?
The picture's gone.

Gone?
It's gone.

Duke, don't go another step.
Hold the horses.

Don't go
no further, Duke.

The bandits are right down
that road. Should I keep going?

No. No!

Duke, which way
does that road go?

To California.
California?

California.
Over there.

The widow.!

Just had a faint notion...

you'd be heading this way
once you found the picture gone.

Let's ride
back together.

You and me can discuss terms
for keepin' my protection.

What do you say? Giddyap!

Mr. Wooley?
Mr. Wooley!

Hurry up.
Get down off of there.

Keep your hands up.
Get over here.

Frame.
Frame!

The sheriff!
Mr. Wooley?

Mr. Wooley!

The widow!
Giddyap!

Wooley!

Now we lost the gold. Why
didn't you shoot the sheriff?

Why didn't you?
Me?

And have her chasin' me
instead of him? Uh-uh!

Where's the sheriff?

It's here, Jim.
He did it!

He saved the gold! If I wouldn't have
seen it, I wouldn't have believed it.

Aw, shucks.
It was nothing.

I went for my guns, and they went
for the hills. Or vice versa. Wooley.!

Wooley. Wooley!

You're a hero.
I seen it with my own eyes.

You don't need my picture
to be brave. How'd...

But I'd like you
to have it, Chester,

to keep close to your heart.

Thank you, ma'am.
I sure will.

Those bandits were Frame and
his gang! I recognized 'em.

This is it. They're probably on
their way back to the Round-Up.

Phil, take a bunch of men and
ride ahead. We're gonna get 'em.

There's no need
of bloodshed.

I'm gonna bring that gang in
single-handed. You're only one man!

There's only one gang.
I'll see you all later.

What happened? How do you get
outta here? Get on your horse.

Fine bunch of softheaded
idiots I tied in with.

I didn't notice you taking a
shot at him. Leaving town, I see.

It's all your fault.
You and your laws!

That sheriff's
got everyone hog-tied.

Not necessarily. If someone
would marry the widow,

that would relieve the culprit of
his responsibilities, also his power.

Any of you boys want to cut
yourselves in? I'd rather leave.

I was speaking of myself. I
thought you could hold your liquor.

I'm cold sober, Jake. It's just I desire
to settle down in my declining years.

Although the money the little woman
will receive from the railroad...

which is coming through
her property...

has a slight attraction.
So that's it.

If anybody's in line
for that money, it's me.

As the one who really killed
Hawkins, it's high time I confessed.

I'll thank you to appoint me the
family guardian. No deal, Jake.

That's hearsay testimony,
and I can't accept it as evidence.

I'll shoot the butterball and
inherit the family from him!

You'll have
to beat me to it.

Hey, the sheriff is coming
to take you in.

Order! If we're not careful,
we'll be shooting each other.

The judge is right.
It's every man for himself.

But the shot closest to the heart wins.
To avoid argument, mark your bullets.

This thing's got to be done
nice and legal.

Wait a minute!

Chester, go on in there,
but bring 'em out alive.

Don't worry 'bout me.
Worry about yourselves.

Take cover. I don't want
any of you gettin' hurt.

Go on,
take cover!

Here's to the widow. And her money.

May the best shot win.
Here's where I get rich.

I never missed a sheriff
in my life. Here's to it!

Hey!
Here he comes.

Frame, you and your gang
come out with your hands up,

or I'm a-comin' in
a-shootin'!

Now listen, Frame,

someone is liable
to get hurt!

Those dirty skunks,
shootin' at Mr. Wooley!

Isn't it about time somebody
on our side used a gun? It is.

Phil, take 10 men and
break in through the back.

Come with me. We'll draw their
fire to keep 'em up front.

Wooley, you stay here
with the women. Thanks.

Jim Simpson and
the Citizens' Committee.

Barricade the doors
and windows.

Get back here,
you yellow-livered skunks!

This brawl's gonna decide who runs this
town, and it's time you started picking sides.

Unless something or somebody
draws their attention,

Jim and them fellers
are goners!

I'll do it! They won't dare shoot a woman.

No. You have a family to think of.
Chester here'll do it.

Shut up!
But I didn't say...

I didn't say anything.
That's in case you do.

Duke, tell Phil to hurry.
Jim needs help.

When Chester gets there, they'll
stop shooting atJim, but I'll go.

You sure this is gonna work?
Even Frame wouldn't shoot a woman.

Why don't we all go? That's a good...

Wooley, get goin'.

Pick up the clubs, girls.
Lead the way, Wooley.

Go on,
lead the way!

Hold your fire, men.
Hold it.

Hold your fire!

You women go home where you
belong. This is a man's fight.

All right, girls. Forward.
Frame, we're coming in.

The sheriff.

Ohhh!

Hey... Hey...

Hawkins.

Duke!
Oh!

I'll show you we'll have
law and order in this place.

Oh, you poor
little thing.

Frame!

Come on.

Come on.

You might as well quit, boys.
You're all through in this town.

Corral 'em all and take 'em
to the hoosegow.

I'll see that you all get life
and maybe longer!

The federal marshal
will take care of that.

We're ridin' the bunch
into Butte to turn 'em over.

Okay,
you got my permission.

C'mon, everybody.

You better come along.
I wanna talk to you.

Mr. Wooley, the citizens of Wagon
Gap are deeply indebted to you.

You're a fine man, and you've
been carrying another man's burden.

Frame just confessed he was
the man that killed Hawkins.

Chester, at last
we're on our way.

Mr. Wooley, I was kinda hoping
you might have reconsidered...

about hitchin' up. California, here I come.

In that case,
Judge Benbow,

I accept your
proposal of marriage.

Let's go.
Just a minute.

Judge, in regards
to the railroad...

How'd you know? Just got
the offer this morning.

It's gonna make me the
richest woman in these parts.

You chump. If you'd
a-married the widow,

we wouldn't have had to work
the rest of our lives.

You wouldn't, but she have found somethin'
for me. You never do anything right.

I don't? Didn't I
clean up all the bandits?

Didn't I make the town of Wagon
Gap safe for women and children?

So safe that nobody
even has to carry a gun?

Giddyap!