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1
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Hey, Peter! Come on, he's calling you!
2
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,360
Hurry it up.
3
00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:10,112
Did you guys try smelling this herb?
4
00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:14,199
I'm taking some to try out later.
It is different.
5
00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:17,786
Guys, heads up. This here is...
6
00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:20,747
a Syrian bread.
You eat it with hummus and stuff.
7
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Everyone breaks their own bread.
Come on, now!
8
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:26,336
Don't sit down. I want to make a toast.
Everybody, up!
9
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:30,924
I'm making a toast!
The night is just getting started!
10
00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:35,595
Watch out, world!
11
00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:27,189
What's going on?
12
00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:33,862
Shut up, Thomas. Just go back to sleep.
13
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:37,157
It's like the Wall of Jericho
came crashing down my head.
14
00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:45,332
What the hell?
15
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,795
What is it?
16
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,550
What the hell is going on?
17
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:59,763
Guess we went a little too hard
at last night's farewell party.
18
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:04,267
We could ask Jesus to do
one of those hangover healing tricks.
19
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:05,352
Where is Jesus?
20
00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,604
Probably laying around here somewhere.
21
00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:12,109
I can't remember a single thing
about last night.
22
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:15,654
I remember we had dinner,
and there was bread...
23
00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:17,531
and a shit ton of wine!
24
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:19,908
Guys, I can't find Jesus.
25
00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,828
-Did you try the toilet?
-Don't go there. There's a tiger in it.
26
00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:24,454
-Say what?
-Yeah.
27
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,331
Judas.
28
00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:30,001
Judas! Hey, Judas!
29
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:33,797
Judas is out cold.
30
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,800
If he's out cold,
then we really went hard last night.
31
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,176
-James.
-Yes?
32
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:40,137
-No, the other James.
-What's going on?
33
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,347
-Think you know where Jesus is?
-I remember him saying...
34
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:45,016
someone here would backstab him
or something.
35
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:50,063
Yeah, he did say that.
That was during dinner.
36
00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:03,285
Can you get us some olive oil?
Bread with nothing on it is shit.
37
00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:05,954
-Are you splitting the bill?
-It's all on him.
38
00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:07,330
Also some butter, come on.
39
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:12,377
Can we begin the supper already?
The food we brought is getting cold.
40
00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:13,837
-The food you brought? What?
-Not yet.
41
00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:17,966
First, I would like to say a few words
because actually,
42
00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,634
this shall be our Last Supper.
43
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:24,765
Truly I tell you,
one of you will betray me.
44
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:29,895
-No way!
-Hey, 'sup, guys? Did I miss anything?
45
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:32,147
Hush, Judas.
Jesus is saying someone's betraying him.
46
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:33,648
Good God! Did he say who?
47
00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:35,734
Not yet. That's when you got here.
48
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:38,278
Give us a hint. Is he a tall guy?
49
00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:42,324
No. The person who'll betray me
knows who they are.
50
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,787
-I'm sorry, Jesus!
-Easy, there...
51
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:49,164
Mary Magdalene said
she wasn't going to tell you!
52
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:51,333
-Say what?
-It happened way before
53
00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:53,168
your "throw the first stone" spiel!
54
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:55,045
I didn't even know you.
It was just one time!
55
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,172
A friend had gone there before.
It was just once!
56
00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:58,882
It's okay, Thomas.
57
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,051
-It was before, and just once...
-Three times.
58
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,595
Three times. No biggie.
59
00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:06,640
-Four, at most!
-Four is perfectly fine.
60
00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:11,394
It was 37 times! Please, forgive me!
61
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:14,272
She does stuff that completes me!
Roman bonfires and stuff!
62
00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:16,608
-I couldn't resist!
-What's a "Roman bonfire"?
63
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:20,403
And it wasn't just me here who did it!
I'm dragging you all down with me!
64
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:23,573
-Just let him speak.
-It wasn't you, Thomas. Relax.
65
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:26,701
Look, Jesus, if this is about your mother,
I was drunk...
66
00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:28,495
Guys, I'm gonna die!
67
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:30,413
-Oh, my God!
-Hang in there!
68
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:31,581
He's choked on something!
69
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,710
Rain your blessings and love over us...
70
00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,921
Cut it out, you nutcases! Just wait!
71
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:41,174
-He's back! It's a miracle!
-A miracle of God!
72
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:45,095
Stop kissing me! Always with the kissing!
73
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:48,014
Calm down! See? I'm fine!
74
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:52,102
I'm saying that soon,
I'll be losing my life.
75
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,479
I told you! It's Jesus' habit
76
00:05:54,563 --> 00:06:00,610
of touching beggars and lepers and stuff!
77
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,487
He hugged Lazarus, for God's sake!
78
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:05,699
He was literally rotten!
Dead for six days!
79
00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:08,118
I said, "Heal him from afar, Jesus!"
80
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:11,913
But no, you just had to hug him,
and be "accessible" and "open."
81
00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:15,709
That habit of kissing feet and the ground?
That's what you get!
82
00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:16,876
Calm down. Let's take it slow.
83
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,880
I'm trying to say
I want you to carry on my word.
84
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,634
-I'm sorry, which word?
-My word.
85
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,678
-You say so many words...
-All of them!
86
00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:29,472
-But which ones shouldn't we carry?
-They're all okay.
87
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:32,183
-You want me to write them down?
-No, thanks.
88
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:35,478
-I'd like that...
-Let's eat! We'll remember it as we go.
89
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:38,315
-Remember what now?
-My words.
90
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,733
-Why?
-Because I'm going to die.
91
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,943
-No way!
-I just said that!
92
00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:44,154
Sorry, my mind was somewhere else.
93
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,574
Guys? Sorry for interrupting
your conversation.
94
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:50,994
-Do you have salt? That other table...
-We can't have anything on the table.
95
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,287
No salt, no straws.
96
00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:53,788
-Sorry.
-It's fine.
97
00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:56,499
You're on edge 'cause you're dying, right?
Sorry, by the way.
98
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:59,377
It's fine. And don't touch me.
Personal space, much?
99
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:00,295
Anyway.
100
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:05,342
So that this moment
is forever remembered...
101
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:09,554
Come here. He's a friend of mine.
A bonafide painter.
102
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:15,226
Good with his hands.
He'll paint us a nice picture.
103
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,394
Right, Jair?
104
00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:18,396
Great guy. He is out there.
105
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:22,817
Come over to this side, you guys.
Let's all line up.
106
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:28,698
Can I ask just one thing?
Can I sit here? Just this once?
107
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,116
Everybody freeze!
108
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,081
Sorry.
109
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,837
-Is this going to take long?
-I'm still on the first Apostle.
110
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:43,797
Calm your tits.
111
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:49,761
Why are we doing this again?
112
00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:52,514
Because my mother
wants a memento from me,
113
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:56,226
and she came with this creepy talk
about shrouds,
114
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,728
pretty morbid stuff.
Sweaty cloth, or something.
115
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:03,066
So I suggested a nice picture instead,
so she'll remember me after I die.
116
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:05,235
You're going to die?
117
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,779
For God's sake.
Don't you hear any thing we say?
118
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:10,532
We'll write it down later.
119
00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:13,034
It's all blurred now!
You guys need to stay still!
120
00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:15,578
Jeez! You guys are like little kids.
121
00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:19,416
How are you going to handle my departure?
122
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,459
By hanging your heads against the wall?
123
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,796
Will I have to come back, fix everything,
die again, come back again?
124
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:27,841
Drop that! No eating!
125
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,385
-Everybody, freeze!
-In that same pose?
126
00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:34,723
We'll have a caricature artist later.
You'll love him. Great guy.
127
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:42,522
-Did anyone pay that painter?
-I did.
128
00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:44,315
Well, look at the shit job he did!
129
00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:46,776
Fucking asshole, man.
130
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,029
We spent like an hour stuck in that pose.
131
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:51,489
Thaddaeus sprained his jaw.
He might never speak again!
132
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,408
So, when did things go off the rails?
133
00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,202
-James?
-Yes?
134
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:57,287
-The other one.
-Yeah?
135
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,789
Jesus told us to each bring a dish.
Which one did you bring?
136
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,082
I brought chicken salad.
137
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,376
I brought fish.
138
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,045
I...
139
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:09,549
Thomas!
140
00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:12,677
I...
141
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,763
I can explain it.
142
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,897
Can we set the food on the table
and get this supper started?
143
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,440
God, yes!
144
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:29,319
Oh, we're missing just one thing.
145
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:30,737
Prayer.
146
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,698
We don't need to do it. I'm here.
It's implicit.
147
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:37,452
You were the one who taught me
we should always say our thanks.
148
00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,997
Even with you here,
we should direct it towards Him.
149
00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:43,541
Sweet merciful Father...
150
00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:46,419
Just focus on the pain...
151
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:47,879
Fine. Let's do it. Say your grace.
152
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:50,340
-Can I start?
-Sure.
153
00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:54,010
I'm nervous.
154
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:57,889
-Thank you, O Lord, for...
-He loved it. Great job. Let's eat.
155
00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:00,892
Let's get this shit started!
156
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,355
What's that?
157
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:10,068
This is Jerusalem coke,
Galilean hashish...
158
00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:11,694
Wait, what is that?
159
00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,366
I've brought some vinaigrette.
160
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,993
Is it dosed with something?
161
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:20,787
Just bell peppers and onions.
162
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,038
I thought this was a party!
163
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:25,750
I asked each person
to bring something to eat.
164
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:30,171
-But you said it was a "supper."
-And it is. It is a supper.
165
00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:33,216
You know, a "supper."
I thought that was just a nickname,
166
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,928
since some people here are married
and stuff. So, "Let's eat 'supper'!"
167
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,680
Did I do the air quotes
when I invited you?
168
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,348
Like, "Thomas, let us eat 'supper'?"
169
00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:44,018
No, you didn't.
I mean, that would be too on the nose.
170
00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:47,689
-You just said, "Let's have supper."
-And that's what we're having.
171
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:52,026
Who does suppers anymore?
It's such an old-fashioned thing!
172
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:54,487
-I do.
-We do supper every day at home.
173
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,948
It's a farewell supper. That's it.
174
00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:00,743
I focused on the "farewell" part.
175
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,454
-Too bad I've already called the girls.
-What "girls"?
176
00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:07,375
Is this where there's a "supper" going on?
177
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,711
Look at her. My sexy rogue!
178
00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,212
-I mean...
-Come on, spread out!
179
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:14,716
-What is this, Magdalene?
-I thought you'd left.
180
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:17,927
I told you I was going to leave
on Sunday!
181
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,597
-You just had to invite her?
-She had the others' contact info.
182
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:23,725
You gave everything you had to the poor,
and I had to pay for our candles.
183
00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:26,728
I can handle myself. Buddha's wife
kept waiting for her inheritance
184
00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:30,815
-and that fucked her up good.
-But I was going to give you powers...
185
00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:32,901
I'm quite empowered already, love.
I don't need no man.
186
00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:36,321
Yeah, so. So glad you came and all,
187
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,573
but this was all a misunderstanding.
Grab your friends and...
188
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:43,578
Well, guys, I can take away the girls,
but I can't pay back the money.
189
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:46,539
-It's okay...
-Hold up, guys.
190
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:51,586
-If it's paid for already...
-Exactly!
191
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:53,838
Is this a "supper" or what?
192
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,883
That's the thing, Maddie. It isn't.
193
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,510
It's a fucking farewell party!
194
00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:06,351
Relax, Jesus. By tomorrow morning,
no one will remember a thing.
195
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:13,942
That's when Jesus started drinking!
196
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:18,613
-He was so upset.
-I mean, how could he not be?
197
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:21,699
Sorry, but I'm 42. I'm old.
I could be someone's great-grandparent.
198
00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:23,326
"Farewell" means something else for me!
199
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,495
But seriously, though, where's Jesus?
200
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:28,206
Judas is still blacked out.
201
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:31,250
Forget him. He was the only one
who didn't like the party.
202
00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:32,669
He's fucking lame.
203
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:36,631
Hey, wasn't that when Jesus started
getting all bummed out?
204
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:46,307
-Why does she do that to me, Judas?
-You're too good for her.
205
00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:48,601
Dude, I gave her everything!
206
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:51,813
Women don't like nice guys.
They like assholes!
207
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:53,856
-Where is she?
-She's in the room.
208
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,191
Try talking to her, Thomas!
209
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:59,153
Sure, I'll just wait for Peter to be done
trying to convince her.
210
00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:02,156
She is relentless!
211
00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:04,867
-See?
-I've talked to her three times!
212
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,619
-I'll try talking to her.
-Talk to her!
213
00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:08,371
I'll give her some hard truths!
214
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,288
-James!
-Yes?
215
00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:10,373
-The other James!
-Yes?
216
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:11,749
-Let's convince her together!
-Right.
217
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,127
-You know what? You, too, James.
-Really?
218
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,504
Those are some good pals!
219
00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:19,215
I'm so praising you guys.
You'll go down in history!
220
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:22,260
-Go with them, Judas!
-No, I probably shouldn't.
221
00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:24,637
Why not? Why don't you want to go?
222
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:26,264
There are too many guys there
convincing her.
223
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:30,435
-You can give them a push!
-She can't handle another push.
224
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,812
You don't like me.
You were never my friend.
225
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:36,607
-No, I do. I love you, man!
-Not my friend!
226
00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:39,485
-You've never rooted for us!
-I've always rooted for Jesus.
227
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:43,072
Have I ever told you that love parable
about the man and the donkey?
228
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,033
-Yes.
-With the mountain and the pole?
229
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:49,203
-Multiple times.
-Once upon a time,
230
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:51,205
Isaac told the shepherd--
231
00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:53,291
Would it cost you to go upstairs?
232
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:57,128
-Actually, yes. Ten gold coins.
-Say what?
233
00:13:57,211 --> 00:14:01,632
-God, is it hard to convince her?
-I know! She's full of arguments!
234
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,843
Where's that stuff Thomas brought
by mistake?
235
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:04,969
-Over there.
-No, don't do it...
236
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:09,182
Isn't this a farewell party?
So I'm kissing my shit goodbye!
237
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:16,355
Thomas! You know Jesus
can't hold his stuff.
238
00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:19,484
And Magdalene wasn't holding punches.
239
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,360
So, do we have any kind of evidence?
240
00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:24,781
-I can't find Bartholomew, either.
-Maybe he's with Jesus.
241
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,909
Wasn't he with Jesus during that fight?
242
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,369
Fight?
243
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:31,996
What fight?
244
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,044
Is this your card?
245
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:45,968
Listen to this. I've heard just now
that the Son of God is leaving!
246
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,011
Yep, he is.
247
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,514
What a bummer.
248
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:53,059
But I've got some good news
to cheer you guys up!
249
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:56,312
From today on,
I'll be taking that position!
250
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,272
You go, Bartholomew!
251
00:14:58,356 --> 00:14:59,690
She forgot my name. It's Diego.
252
00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:04,946
-Diego!
-But from now on, call me Messiah!
253
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:08,991
Yeah, a 2.0 version of the old one.
254
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,160
-What's his name again?
-Jesus?
255
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,788
The guy who had that thing--
turning water into wine?
256
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:19,794
Well, look at my hand, guys.
It goes up, and up...
257
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:24,340
a free round of gin and tonics
and martinis for everybody!
258
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,134
-Free?
-I'll pay you later.
259
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:27,677
-You do miracles, too?
-Yes, I do!
260
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,305
Look, thumb's off, thumb's back.
See? It's back already!
261
00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:35,143
-How'd you do that?
-Son of God, baby!
262
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,270
That's a cheap trick!
263
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,313
He just does this with his fingers.
264
00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:43,192
Come here, let me talk to you.
Look, I grabbed his nose!
265
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:44,110
He got his nose!
266
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,529
-It's his nose!
-My nose is right here.
267
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:50,074
No, it's only back there now!
Breathe, child!
268
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:53,077
-My nose was already on my face!
-Chill, yo! And it wasn't.
269
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:57,665
Focus here, guys. Just standard procedure.
270
00:15:57,748 --> 00:16:00,585
I'll need some offerings from you.
271
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:03,588
We'll need some food and money
for the road...
272
00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:06,132
-Can I get a hallelujah?
-Hallelujah!
273
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:09,844
Don't give money to him!
274
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:11,637
-He's a fraud!
-He said he's the Son of God.
275
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:14,390
-Thank you!
-So we just have to say that?
276
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,559
Then sure, I'm the Son of God!
277
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:17,935
He's the Son of God, too!
278
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:22,523
But he can't pull a coin
out of the pretty lady's ear!
279
00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:24,108
What's going on here?
280
00:16:24,192 --> 00:16:27,820
You decided to leave, so Diego and Judas
are trying to take your place.
281
00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:28,779
What the hell, Judas?
282
00:16:28,863 --> 00:16:31,991
You got it all wrong! People think
this guy is the Son of God now.
283
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:35,286
-They said they're Sons of God!
-There's only one Son of God.
284
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,163
See? He recognizes it! Cute, isn't it?
285
00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:41,834
Bro, don't even get me started.
I've healed lepers.
286
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:48,591
Wow, he's healed lepers!
But can you do this?
287
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,761
I've resurrected people.
Can't compare that with the cloth trick.
288
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:56,807
He's resurrected people!
Then I'll do him the card one. Pick one!
289
00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:58,935
-There's only one Son of God!
-That's true!
290
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,312
-And that's me!
-Then we're brothers!
291
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,148
Don't waste your time on him!
292
00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:05,566
-Listen, pal.
-What?
293
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:07,652
-Do you know God?
-Of course, I do!
294
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:10,696
-Then how is He?
-Well... He's good-looking!
295
00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:13,908
-What else?
-He's strong!
296
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:16,744
-What about His face?
-His face...?
297
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:20,748
You're asking a lot of questions.
It seems like you don't know Him.
298
00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:26,879
Asking me about God's face?
Don't you know God, Jesus?
299
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:30,132
-Don't waste your time on him!
-I talk to God all the time!
300
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,801
Do you?
301
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:35,096
-Well, He gave me a chalice.
-Is this guy for real?
302
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:36,931
A Holy Chalice!
303
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:38,766
The chalice was already here!
304
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:42,186
-And here's another chalice!
-He's multiplied the chalices!
305
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,814
The second chalice was already there!
306
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:48,484
-And they're gone now! Where are they?
-They're up in Heaven now!
307
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:51,571
-You're an ass.
-You're the ass!
308
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:54,574
-You're an ass times two.
-You're an ass times infinity.
309
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:56,659
You're an ass infinity times infinity.
310
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:59,245
And you're four times more
of an ass than that. I won!
311
00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:01,247
-Oh, yeah?
-What?
312
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:04,125
-You're a douche.
-No, you. Look, it's a David Sling!
313
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,294
Look, it's a miracle!
314
00:18:06,377 --> 00:18:08,921
Miracle? Here comes the Holy Spirit
all up in your ass!
315
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:12,466
Look, it's an apple! Adam, Eve, and...
316
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:16,721
Let me just take King Solomon's Treasure!
317
00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:23,102
I know what you said. I won't ask "what."
318
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:26,480
-I didn't say "what"!
-Gotcha!
319
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:27,732
Fucked ya in Egypt, say what?
320
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,818
Ditto with rice on top, say what?
321
00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:32,945
-What a fuckwad!
-Dumbass.
322
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:34,071
You're the dumbass!
323
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:40,244
-You should turn the other cheek!
-I'm turning around on his cheek!
324
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,919
Jesus! You always do that!
Want to bring down my tavern?
325
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:52,715
-What the hell do you think you're doing?
-Go back to your stupid tricks!
326
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,508
Diego!
327
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,052
Stupid fucking tricks!
328
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:57,928
Forget this guy. He won't last.
329
00:18:58,012 --> 00:18:59,180
You bet he won't.
330
00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:02,433
Where's the air? Talk about weird!
331
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,477
Bartholomew!
332
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:06,562
You killed the guy!
333
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,064
You can deal with it, right?
334
00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:09,940
-By burying him?
-No, feed him to the tiger.
335
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,026
-What tiger?
-The tiger in the bathroom.
336
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:13,569
There's no tiger in the--
337
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:17,490
-There's a tiger in the bathroom.
-Take him, then I'll undo the tiger.
338
00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:21,243
Here's the thing, Master.
I don't want to overstep my boundaries,
339
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:22,662
but why don't you make the guy vanish?
340
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:27,833
Why make a tiger to eat him,
and then unmake the tiger?
341
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:31,253
Listen up, Bart.
342
00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:34,507
This guy in front of you now
isn't the New Testament of God,
343
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:37,677
who's all cute and fun
and talks to people over mountains,
344
00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:42,223
and who has 12 pals,
like Snow White's seven dwarves.
345
00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:45,017
The God in front of you
is the Old Testament's.
346
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:49,355
The one who throws golden calves
off cliffs and kills whoever touches them.
347
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:51,148
The one who orders Abraham
to kill his son.
348
00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:54,860
But you did stop Abraham
from killing his--
349
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:55,945
No?
350
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,906
You shouldn't believe everything you read.
351
00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:02,576
He did kill him, with great prejudice.
Chopped him up with a butter knife.
352
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,829
But then I gave him a cuter kid to adopt.
353
00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:07,206
-That's true fatherhood. Now go.
-My God...
354
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:11,836
Let's keep the party going
with the only Son of God here!
355
00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:19,593
Shit! Jesus killed that guy.
And fed him to the tiger.
356
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:23,556
Hey, guys. What did I miss?
357
00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:24,974
Where the hell were you, Bartholomew?
358
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:27,351
I was "concealing" a corpse.
359
00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:29,311
-Where's Jesus?
-We thought he was with you!
360
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,981
"Concealing a corpse"?
But isn't the tiger in the toilet?
361
00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:33,232
He's still there?
362
00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:37,486
When I left to bury Diego,
Jesus said he'd solve the tiger thing.
363
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,655
Where did you "conceal" this corpse?
Over at Mesopotamia?
364
00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:42,616
No, in the back.
Have you ever dug a grave by yourselves?
365
00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:45,995
Anyway, when did you last see Jesus?
366
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,955
Let me see. When the Romans came in.
367
00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:49,957
Romans?
368
00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:22,490
Jesus is our King!
369
00:21:22,573 --> 00:21:25,743
-Jesus is our King!
-Say what?
370
00:21:26,035 --> 00:21:28,621
Jesus is our King!
371
00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:32,416
Put me down!
372
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:35,044
-Oh, God!
-Coming!
373
00:21:35,461 --> 00:21:38,547
-Let me answer it.
-No. I'll do it.
374
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:41,926
I'm just fine! I'll solve this in no time!
375
00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:44,887
Everything will work out fine!
376
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:47,556
It's the Romans!
Everybody, leave through the back.
377
00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:49,558
I love them! I'll talk to them.
378
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:56,065
Just tidy things up a little.
It's all good!
379
00:21:57,691 --> 00:21:58,818
Come on, that won't do!
380
00:22:01,237 --> 00:22:03,823
Guys, chill out! How do I look? Fine?
381
00:22:03,906 --> 00:22:05,491
Well, maybe not "fine," but...
382
00:22:05,574 --> 00:22:06,534
How about my breath?
383
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:10,079
-You're in no condition to--
-Don't be silly. Guys!
384
00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:11,872
Chillax!
385
00:22:11,956 --> 00:22:13,499
Now, Jesus will...
386
00:22:13,916 --> 00:22:15,334
take the wheel!
387
00:22:16,210 --> 00:22:20,297
Hello, Mr. Roman.
Welcome to our humble abode.
388
00:22:22,007 --> 00:22:24,260
I choose God
389
00:22:24,343 --> 00:22:27,388
God is my friend
390
00:22:28,681 --> 00:22:31,183
What the fuck is going on here?
391
00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:35,020
We are gathered here to pray,
392
00:22:35,104 --> 00:22:39,775
all with a lot if pomegranate,
dates, gluten-free bread, love,
393
00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:41,485
and zero hashish.
394
00:22:42,653 --> 00:22:44,405
We were informed there was a party here.
395
00:22:44,655 --> 00:22:46,657
Here? No way.
396
00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:49,952
A party? In this peaceful environment?
397
00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:53,914
This must be a mistake.
Maybe some other tavern is throwing it.
398
00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:55,666
It happens to all of us!
399
00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:59,545
This one time, I tried resurrecting a guy,
and it turned out he was just old.
400
00:22:59,628 --> 00:23:00,546
It was here.
401
00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:01,880
Documents, please.
402
00:23:02,590 --> 00:23:05,676
We're good citizens, sir.
403
00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:08,220
Is that wine?
404
00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:11,140
A cup with every meal is good
for the heart.
405
00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:13,309
-One only.
-Poundme!
406
00:23:13,851 --> 00:23:15,978
-Pardon?
-My colleague, Poundme.
407
00:23:16,061 --> 00:23:16,895
Yes?
408
00:23:17,855 --> 00:23:20,858
-Your name's "Pound Me"?
-What's so funny about that?
409
00:23:20,941 --> 00:23:22,026
Is his last name "Hard"?
410
00:23:26,322 --> 00:23:27,197
What's the joke?
411
00:23:27,281 --> 00:23:30,409
-It reminded us of this joke, you know.
-What joke?
412
00:23:30,492 --> 00:23:32,828
Internal joke. You had to be there.
413
00:23:33,454 --> 00:23:37,750
-Now, Poundme!
-Use a nickname, for God's sake!
414
00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:39,918
You better respect me!
I'm a relative of Biggus Dickus!
415
00:23:40,461 --> 00:23:43,213
-Playtime's over, you bozos!
-Hands on the table, now!
416
00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:45,215
Come on!
417
00:23:45,299 --> 00:23:46,925
"Poundme"!
418
00:23:47,009 --> 00:23:49,136
Hands on the table, now!
419
00:23:49,219 --> 00:23:50,346
Look forward, punk!
420
00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:52,848
Come on, dude. Let us off the hook.
421
00:23:52,931 --> 00:23:54,099
Shut up!
422
00:23:54,183 --> 00:23:56,810
-Come on, pal...
-"Pal" my ass! I'm not your pal!
423
00:23:58,354 --> 00:24:00,397
-Son of a bitch!
-That's abuse of power!
424
00:24:02,024 --> 00:24:04,526
I'm gonna raise my little hand, ya hear?
425
00:24:04,610 --> 00:24:06,904
I'll work my magic!
426
00:24:06,987 --> 00:24:09,198
-What's that over there?
-It's nothing.
427
00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:13,827
-It's nothing!
-He's just a buddy of ours!
428
00:24:13,911 --> 00:24:16,121
He doesn't look like he's sleeping.
429
00:24:16,205 --> 00:24:20,209
He just had too much to drink
and passed out!
430
00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:24,505
He is dead.
431
00:24:24,588 --> 00:24:27,549
Dead? What the hell did you do?
432
00:24:27,633 --> 00:24:30,052
-You're all getting stoned and...
-The fuck?
433
00:24:30,386 --> 00:24:33,055
I was taking such a nice nap.
What happened?
434
00:24:33,138 --> 00:24:34,973
-See? He's alive.
-Forget the drunkard. Poundme.
435
00:24:35,599 --> 00:24:37,476
"Pound Me"? Your name is...
436
00:24:37,559 --> 00:24:39,061
That hurts!
437
00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:40,229
He's the one doing that!
438
00:24:41,355 --> 00:24:44,066
-Messing with my insides...
-Are you okay?
439
00:24:44,942 --> 00:24:48,654
I'm not! Just when I'm getting near
the light, he brings me back...
440
00:24:48,737 --> 00:24:49,905
There it is!
441
00:24:53,492 --> 00:24:56,662
It is his doing!
God, this burns like shit!
442
00:24:56,745 --> 00:24:59,415
Just let me go already, you bastard!
443
00:24:59,498 --> 00:25:02,751
I'm getting there now! Someone pull me...
444
00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:04,336
Legs open, smartass!
445
00:25:04,420 --> 00:25:07,840
-Come on...
-Legs, open!
446
00:25:07,923 --> 00:25:12,302
-What are you guys up to?
-What's this in your pocket?
447
00:25:12,386 --> 00:25:14,680
Just a loaf of bread I keep there.
448
00:25:15,180 --> 00:25:19,017
Two buns. Three buns. Four buns.
449
00:25:19,101 --> 00:25:21,770
Are you making fun of me, damn it?
You want to get it?
450
00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:25,274
Bun it up. All up in my buns.
451
00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:28,110
You messing with me?
Want to say that to my fists?
452
00:25:28,193 --> 00:25:30,612
Who do you think you're talking to?
453
00:25:30,821 --> 00:25:33,198
Who the fuck you think you're talking to?
454
00:25:34,032 --> 00:25:35,159
Excuse me?
455
00:25:35,242 --> 00:25:36,243
Do you know who my father is?
456
00:25:36,577 --> 00:25:38,787
Hope it's God, 'cause you're in deep shit.
457
00:25:39,163 --> 00:25:40,497
It's Joseph!
458
00:25:42,666 --> 00:25:45,586
-Joseph the carpenter?
-Joseph the carpenter!
459
00:25:46,837 --> 00:25:48,130
You're Joseph the carpenter's son?
460
00:25:49,006 --> 00:25:50,424
How's that for you?
461
00:25:50,507 --> 00:25:51,675
Hey, Poundme.
462
00:25:51,759 --> 00:25:53,761
You know that table in my place?
His dad made it!
463
00:25:53,844 --> 00:25:57,264
-And I bet it was with patina.
-It was a combo deal.
464
00:25:57,347 --> 00:25:59,892
-He's great with patina.
-Best in the land!
465
00:25:59,975 --> 00:26:02,186
I stopped buying from him
because he became expensive.
466
00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:03,937
'Course it did!
Quality comes with a price.
467
00:26:04,021 --> 00:26:06,356
Bet that table will last
'till your next generation.
468
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,193
I'll abstain from kicking your ass
out of respect for Joseph.
469
00:26:09,777 --> 00:26:12,362
-Are we clear?
-Yes, we are clear.
470
00:26:12,446 --> 00:26:13,447
Good.
471
00:26:13,530 --> 00:26:17,367
Thank you, sir, but what can we do
to settle things on our end
472
00:26:17,451 --> 00:26:20,078
so everyone can go home nice and happy?
473
00:26:20,621 --> 00:26:23,165
Well, that's up to you.
474
00:26:23,248 --> 00:26:25,459
The Legion needs some funds.
Hard times and all.
475
00:26:25,542 --> 00:26:28,212
Whatever you need, just say the word.
476
00:26:28,670 --> 00:26:31,507
I don't know. What do you have to offer?
477
00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:34,927
What a coincidence!
Our buddy there, the drunk one,
478
00:26:35,010 --> 00:26:37,971
just before he blacked out, he said
his dream was to make a donation.
479
00:26:38,055 --> 00:26:39,598
-Right, James?
-Yeah!
480
00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:41,099
-The other James.
-Yes?
481
00:26:41,183 --> 00:26:43,602
-Wasn't his dream to make a donation?
-Which one?
482
00:26:43,685 --> 00:26:47,105
-That bag of coins Diego had...
-Oh, yes!
483
00:26:47,189 --> 00:26:50,400
The donation he wanted to make
to the Roman Legion!
484
00:26:50,484 --> 00:26:52,277
-Of course!
-Now we're talking!
485
00:26:52,361 --> 00:26:53,529
Just let me find it.
486
00:26:53,612 --> 00:26:56,448
Altruism's great.
Helping thy neighbor and all.
487
00:26:56,532 --> 00:26:58,617
-Here it is!
-There we go.
488
00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:01,161
Come on, Poundme! Have a nice one, guys,
489
00:27:01,245 --> 00:27:03,455
-but this smartass is coming with me.
-What? Why?
490
00:27:03,539 --> 00:27:06,041
I need something to show to the Legion.
491
00:27:06,124 --> 00:27:09,086
-That's excessive!
-Come on, we had a deal!
492
00:27:09,586 --> 00:27:10,921
No!
493
00:27:11,755 --> 00:27:14,925
You can't leave, not before...
494
00:27:15,008 --> 00:27:16,635
-Using our restroom!
-Restroom?
495
00:27:16,718 --> 00:27:20,848
It's great stuff.
Porcelain walls, just amazing.
496
00:27:20,931 --> 00:27:24,893
There's even ice cubes and lemon
in the urinal. It's fun!
497
00:27:24,977 --> 00:27:27,062
Plus, there's not a single decent bathroom
498
00:27:27,145 --> 00:27:29,064
-from here to Jerusalem!
-True that!
499
00:27:29,147 --> 00:27:31,400
You'll have to poop in the woods
and wipe it with myrrh...
500
00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:34,653
So just use our restroom. It has candy!
501
00:27:34,778 --> 00:27:35,988
Good idea.
502
00:27:36,071 --> 00:27:38,448
Gotta fire some torpedoes.
503
00:27:38,532 --> 00:27:41,410
Bust a grumpy one.
504
00:27:41,493 --> 00:27:43,287
If you need to go, go now, Poundme!
505
00:27:43,370 --> 00:27:45,706
No toilets on the road!
506
00:27:45,789 --> 00:27:49,751
Okay. Fill this bag.
It's only got 30 coins.
507
00:27:49,835 --> 00:27:50,794
You betcha!
508
00:27:50,878 --> 00:27:54,089
-Where's the bathroom door?
-Right there!
509
00:27:54,172 --> 00:27:55,716
Can't miss it.
510
00:27:55,799 --> 00:27:58,093
-This one?
-Yes, that one!
511
00:27:58,176 --> 00:28:01,013
-But shut the door behind you!
-Right.
512
00:28:08,312 --> 00:28:11,440
Happy now? Now the tiger's full
513
00:28:11,523 --> 00:28:13,775
and won't eat stupid Diego!
514
00:28:13,859 --> 00:28:17,279
-Bartholomew! Bury that sack of crap.
-Aw, man...!
515
00:28:17,362 --> 00:28:18,739
-I'm sorry.
-Shut up.
516
00:28:19,281 --> 00:28:23,577
Guys! Automatic wine refill!
517
00:28:23,660 --> 00:28:26,038
Whoever chugs it first wins! Let's do it!
518
00:28:26,830 --> 00:28:29,583
Stop! This is the last round, you hear?
519
00:28:29,833 --> 00:28:34,046
-Aw, shit!
-How could you lose Jesus?
520
00:28:34,129 --> 00:28:36,423
That's what we're trying to figure out.
521
00:28:36,506 --> 00:28:37,799
-James?
-Yes?
522
00:28:37,883 --> 00:28:40,344
Dude, it's never you!
Whenever someone says, "James,"
523
00:28:40,427 --> 00:28:42,804
it's the other James!
No one cares about you! Or likes you!
524
00:28:42,888 --> 00:28:44,640
You're the most uninteresting person here!
525
00:28:44,723 --> 00:28:47,017
"Soraya" would be more evocative of you
than "James"!
526
00:28:47,100 --> 00:28:50,062
People say "James"?
It's always the other one!
527
00:28:50,145 --> 00:28:52,439
-Don't listen to him.
-Thomas is so rude today!
528
00:28:52,522 --> 00:28:54,358
I did mean the smaller James.
529
00:28:54,441 --> 00:28:56,026
See? What is it?
530
00:28:56,109 --> 00:28:58,445
-Get me some water, yeah?
-Okay.
531
00:28:58,528 --> 00:29:01,615
Maybe some more Romans came in
and took Jesus.
532
00:29:01,698 --> 00:29:03,617
-We would know if they did.
-Would we?
533
00:29:03,700 --> 00:29:06,662
And now news from Judas. Wake up, damn it!
534
00:29:06,745 --> 00:29:09,957
When did Judas get drunk?
When I left, he was still sober.
535
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:11,500
Here's your water.
536
00:29:17,214 --> 00:29:19,549
What the fuck?
537
00:29:20,509 --> 00:29:22,552
-Jesus?
-No, it's the tavern's owner.
538
00:29:22,970 --> 00:29:24,930
How did he end up
hanging from the ceiling?
539
00:29:26,139 --> 00:29:27,891
I'm gonna fucking murder you--
540
00:29:27,975 --> 00:29:30,560
Easy there! Temper!
541
00:29:30,644 --> 00:29:34,439
I'd be mad, too. By the smell of it,
he tried crapping before pissing on us.
542
00:29:34,523 --> 00:29:36,817
-There, speak.
-I'ma shove a cactus up your asses!
543
00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:40,946
-Easy, man.
-"Easy," my ass!
544
00:29:41,029 --> 00:29:42,197
I was stuck up there for eight hours!
545
00:29:42,281 --> 00:29:45,033
-How did you get up there?
-It was that son of a bitch's idea!
546
00:29:45,409 --> 00:29:47,244
-What son of a bitch?
-Jesus!
547
00:29:49,162 --> 00:29:51,206
You can't call Jesus a son of a bitch!
548
00:29:51,290 --> 00:29:53,000
-Whose idea?
-One of your drunk asses, maybe?
549
00:29:53,333 --> 00:29:55,043
So you're saying we tied you up there?
550
00:29:55,419 --> 00:29:57,379
-It was James's dare.
-Me?
551
00:29:57,462 --> 00:29:59,214
No, the other one. He gave Jesus the idea.
552
00:29:59,298 --> 00:30:03,343
-I'm fucking clueless again.
-James can't do dares.
553
00:30:03,427 --> 00:30:05,637
You're after Jesus, right? You should.
554
00:30:05,721 --> 00:30:08,515
After that "spin the bottle,"
shit got real.
555
00:30:12,102 --> 00:30:16,273
Spin it, and... stop!
556
00:30:16,356 --> 00:30:18,817
Truth or dare?
557
00:30:22,237 --> 00:30:23,989
I dunno. Truth. Why not?
558
00:30:27,534 --> 00:30:30,620
Peter, which Apostle would you screw?
559
00:30:33,790 --> 00:30:36,960
Come on, guys, don't ask that.
It's not cool.
560
00:30:37,044 --> 00:30:38,795
Oh, no, now it's getting fun!
561
00:30:38,879 --> 00:30:42,924
He can't answer that. We're all pals here,
how could we choose...?
562
00:30:43,008 --> 00:30:46,678
-Thaddaeus.
-You go, Thaddaeus!
563
00:30:46,762 --> 00:30:49,056
You're getting some tonight!
564
00:30:51,516 --> 00:30:52,809
Thaddaeus?
565
00:30:52,893 --> 00:30:56,104
Yeah, Thaddaeus.
I had to choose, so I chose him.
566
00:30:56,188 --> 00:31:00,025
You had 11 options
and you chose Thaddaeus,
567
00:31:00,108 --> 00:31:02,319
the Apostle who hasn't
said a thing all night?
568
00:31:02,402 --> 00:31:04,404
A supporting character at best,
an extra at worst?
569
00:31:04,488 --> 00:31:07,282
Sorry, but you are.
You're just here 'cause Jesus wanted 12.
570
00:31:07,366 --> 00:31:08,950
Hey, Thaddaeus is cool!
571
00:31:09,034 --> 00:31:11,953
Yeah, he's cool,
but you know, so is Thomas.
572
00:31:12,037 --> 00:31:14,373
James is cool, too. We all are.
Don't you think so?
573
00:31:14,456 --> 00:31:17,042
Come on, man, relax. It's just a game!
574
00:31:17,125 --> 00:31:20,504
Fuck that! If Peter has a fling
with Thaddaeus, I want to know why!
575
00:31:20,587 --> 00:31:24,007
Answer it, Peter!
You picked "truth," so tell it.
576
00:31:24,091 --> 00:31:26,051
What is going on here?
577
00:31:26,134 --> 00:31:29,054
Well, Jesus,
Peter is throwing away four years of...
578
00:31:29,137 --> 00:31:30,347
Hey! Guys! Look at the bottle!
579
00:31:30,430 --> 00:31:33,558
-It's Judas's turn!
-Judas!
580
00:31:35,268 --> 00:31:38,772
-Sorry. I was about to leave.
-Wait up! What gives?
581
00:31:38,855 --> 00:31:41,608
I'm tired. I have to get up
early tomorrow, so...
582
00:31:41,691 --> 00:31:44,694
-Just one last drink!
-I didn't even have a first drink.
583
00:31:44,778 --> 00:31:48,490
-You're such a stick in the mud!
-No, I just can't handle my alcohol.
584
00:31:48,573 --> 00:31:52,411
You little faggot! Faggot!
585
00:31:52,494 --> 00:31:55,539
-Faggot!
-Faggot!
586
00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:58,125
That is not a cool thing to say, Jesus.
587
00:31:58,208 --> 00:32:01,503
-I have a lot to do tomorrow morning.
-Have a glass of water at least!
588
00:32:01,586 --> 00:32:02,754
Do that and I'll let you go.
589
00:32:03,213 --> 00:32:06,049
-A glass of water?
-Yeah, just to humor us.
590
00:32:06,133 --> 00:32:08,593
Oh, I see. You'll turn it to wine
on its way to my stomach.
591
00:32:08,677 --> 00:32:09,803
No, I won't.
592
00:32:10,137 --> 00:32:14,933
-I've seen you do it before.
-I'm not going to this time!
593
00:32:15,016 --> 00:32:16,726
-It's just a glass of water?
-Yes.
594
00:32:16,810 --> 00:32:18,353
-You won't turn it into wine?
-I won't.
595
00:32:18,437 --> 00:32:19,563
Okay, then.
596
00:32:19,980 --> 00:32:23,984
I turned it into absinthe, bitches!
597
00:32:25,026 --> 00:32:27,612
Come on! It's James's turn!
598
00:32:28,947 --> 00:32:31,741
-I'll tell the truth.
-It isn't your turn!
599
00:32:31,825 --> 00:32:33,785
-Truth or dare?
-Dare.
600
00:32:33,869 --> 00:32:36,663
Playtime's over!
I need you out of here now!
601
00:32:36,746 --> 00:32:37,873
The Romans are coming back at any minute.
602
00:32:38,206 --> 00:32:40,959
-Come on, just 30 more minutes.
-Two minutes.
603
00:32:41,042 --> 00:32:45,046
People have died here!
And look how Judas is!
604
00:32:45,255 --> 00:32:47,924
He's in a coma!
And the toilet's clogged with blood!
605
00:32:48,008 --> 00:32:50,218
It's over. Out of here, now!
606
00:32:50,302 --> 00:32:53,263
-Now, Jesus!
-Hey, don't you talk to me like this,
607
00:32:53,346 --> 00:32:55,098
or I'm raising my little hand!
608
00:32:55,182 --> 00:32:57,517
-Calm down.
-I'll raise my hand...
609
00:32:57,601 --> 00:33:01,521
Easy, Jesus! Bartholomew isn't even back
from his first grave digging yet!
610
00:33:01,605 --> 00:33:04,357
You said "dare," right?
So here's what we'll do.
611
00:33:04,441 --> 00:33:07,527
I dare you to tie the tavern's owner
to the ceiling.
612
00:33:07,611 --> 00:33:09,571
-What?
-Or else...?
613
00:33:09,654 --> 00:33:13,366
Or else I'll write in the New Testament
that James the Apostle
614
00:33:13,450 --> 00:33:15,744
-was a cocksucker!
-That's just being an asshole!
615
00:33:15,827 --> 00:33:16,745
That's it!
616
00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:19,498
-Just specify which James, please.
-I'll leave it ambiguous!
617
00:33:19,748 --> 00:33:22,709
People in the future will decide!
618
00:33:23,418 --> 00:33:26,296
Spin the bottle!
619
00:33:35,889 --> 00:33:38,141
It's pointing at me!
620
00:33:39,768 --> 00:33:41,144
Truth or dare?
621
00:33:41,228 --> 00:33:45,690
Ask him what the Devil did
to tempt him in the desert.
622
00:33:45,774 --> 00:33:49,528
Dare! I'm not falling for that!
623
00:33:49,778 --> 00:33:53,615
-Just spin that bottle again.
-Wait, what's the dare?
624
00:33:53,698 --> 00:33:55,825
-Forget it, Jesus.
-Why?
625
00:34:00,163 --> 00:34:01,790
Well, you're Jesus.
626
00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:05,919
So what? Did you forget my origins?
627
00:34:06,294 --> 00:34:08,880
We're all birds of a feather, dude!
628
00:34:08,964 --> 00:34:11,967
It's me! Jesus Christ!
629
00:34:12,050 --> 00:34:14,261
JC Superstar! Come on.
630
00:34:14,344 --> 00:34:15,845
-You want to fuck shit up?
-I do!
631
00:34:15,929 --> 00:34:19,975
-You're gonna fuck shit up!
-I'm all for it!
632
00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:23,562
I dare you! I double dare you...
633
00:34:23,645 --> 00:34:26,982
-to say the alphabet backwards!
-What?
634
00:34:28,108 --> 00:34:30,151
-That's hardcore!
-It's a hard one.
635
00:34:30,235 --> 00:34:32,946
It is pretty hard. Let me try.
636
00:34:33,530 --> 00:34:36,825
Z, Y, M...
637
00:34:36,908 --> 00:34:39,035
Oops, got it wrong already!
638
00:34:39,119 --> 00:34:40,829
What the hell are you talking about?
639
00:34:40,912 --> 00:34:44,499
Are you scared of daring me
to do something?
640
00:34:44,583 --> 00:34:47,085
-Of course not!
-No, no.
641
00:34:47,168 --> 00:34:51,172
-I'll dare you again to prove it.
-Lay it on me.
642
00:34:51,256 --> 00:34:54,342
I dare you to wash everybody's feet!
Especially Simon's!
643
00:34:54,426 --> 00:34:56,469
I just threw up on my foot!
644
00:34:56,553 --> 00:34:57,971
I dare you to that!
645
00:34:58,597 --> 00:35:00,557
-Cut it out!
-The fuck?
646
00:35:02,392 --> 00:35:04,394
The fuck is this? What's going on?
647
00:35:04,603 --> 00:35:06,896
I don't even recognize you anymore!
648
00:35:06,980 --> 00:35:10,900
It'll be in the Bible, "Jesus had
12 Apostles who were 12 lame fuckers."
649
00:35:11,192 --> 00:35:14,613
Where are those 12 badass Apostles
who'd follow me
650
00:35:14,696 --> 00:35:15,905
and always test me?
651
00:35:16,364 --> 00:35:18,950
Our relationship
is getting samey as hell!
652
00:35:19,034 --> 00:35:22,370
It became a boring routine!
I say "amen," you say "hallelujah"!
653
00:35:22,454 --> 00:35:28,168
I want you to say, "Fuck 'amen.'
I'm all up in this shit!"
654
00:35:28,251 --> 00:35:30,253
Where's the ping-pong?
I'm pinging and getting no pong!
655
00:35:30,337 --> 00:35:33,548
I want you to dare me to do crazy shit!
656
00:35:33,632 --> 00:35:35,342
Look at this nail!
657
00:35:35,425 --> 00:35:38,637
-This is so unnecessary.
-Jesus, don't.
658
00:35:38,720 --> 00:35:40,305
I want a crazy-ass game!
659
00:35:40,388 --> 00:35:41,389
Eyes closed!
660
00:35:41,473 --> 00:35:44,893
That's dangerous, Jesus!
661
00:35:44,976 --> 00:35:46,811
Call Mary.
662
00:35:47,145 --> 00:35:49,856
That's right, yo! Who else wants to try?
663
00:35:50,940 --> 00:35:53,193
-Come on.
-Jesus.
664
00:35:53,276 --> 00:35:54,819
Take the nail, Simon.
665
00:35:54,903 --> 00:35:57,364
Take it!
666
00:35:57,447 --> 00:35:58,907
-Come on.
-Let's not...
667
00:35:58,990 --> 00:36:00,992
Now! Nail between the fingers!
668
00:36:01,076 --> 00:36:03,411
And I want it 500 fucking miles an hour!
669
00:36:04,746 --> 00:36:06,665
I said now!
670
00:36:07,248 --> 00:36:11,461
Guess I'll have to ask Thaddaeus
to nail Peter, 'cause, boy, can he nail!
671
00:36:11,544 --> 00:36:13,463
Fucking asshole!
672
00:36:13,546 --> 00:36:17,717
You know blood gets me a little nervous...
673
00:36:19,844 --> 00:36:21,846
What have you done, Simon?
674
00:36:22,263 --> 00:36:25,308
Isn't he the big shot?
Then big shoot this!
675
00:36:25,809 --> 00:36:28,645
-Help me remove the nail...
-No, don't.
676
00:36:28,728 --> 00:36:31,064
Didn't he want something
that'd surprise him?
677
00:36:31,147 --> 00:36:34,401
He said we weren't daring, that we had
to do something to test him.
678
00:36:34,484 --> 00:36:37,237
Here's the thing.
You, get three more nails.
679
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:39,114
You, get those two beams that fell down.
680
00:36:39,197 --> 00:36:40,782
-I'm lost...
-Listen!
681
00:36:40,865 --> 00:36:44,703
We're going to do what we did
to the kids in boarding school.
682
00:36:44,786 --> 00:36:47,288
When they drank too much,
we'd make them into scarecrows.
683
00:36:47,372 --> 00:36:49,999
Tying them up, so that the next day,
684
00:36:50,083 --> 00:36:52,669
they'd wake up with vultures
pecking at their heads!
685
00:36:52,752 --> 00:36:55,171
That's just low blood pressure!
686
00:36:55,255 --> 00:36:57,590
-Isn't that prank kind of extreme?
-He'll love it!
687
00:36:57,966 --> 00:37:00,260
Jesus has a sense of humor.
He won't get mad.
688
00:37:00,343 --> 00:37:02,429
We'll show him the daring Apostles!
689
00:37:02,512 --> 00:37:05,223
-He can regenerate that wound.
-He can, can't he?
690
00:37:05,306 --> 00:37:07,350
Let's just do it. What could go wrong?
691
00:37:08,601 --> 00:37:11,646
What the shit have we done?
692
00:37:12,439 --> 00:37:14,232
He's going to kill us!
693
00:37:14,315 --> 00:37:16,234
Great idea, Thomas!
694
00:37:16,317 --> 00:37:19,779
You agreed to it!
It made sense at the time.
695
00:37:20,488 --> 00:37:22,282
And who are those two other guys?
696
00:37:22,532 --> 00:37:25,201
They look like those beggars
who sleep in front of the bar.
697
00:37:27,454 --> 00:37:29,789
That crown of thorns,
I think it could've done without it.
698
00:37:29,873 --> 00:37:32,667
Too much detail ruins it.
699
00:37:32,876 --> 00:37:35,044
Oh, Magdalene. Hey, you.
700
00:37:35,128 --> 00:37:38,715
-Cheer up.
-He changed my life!
701
00:37:39,340 --> 00:37:42,010
He changed ours, too.
702
00:37:42,093 --> 00:37:44,053
You knew Dimas, too?
703
00:37:44,137 --> 00:37:46,556
-Who's Dimas?
-The one in the right.
704
00:37:47,307 --> 00:37:50,810
No, we're talking about Jesus.
The one in the middle.
705
00:37:50,894 --> 00:37:52,562
Where do you know Dimas from?
706
00:37:52,645 --> 00:37:54,731
He was my first customer!
707
00:37:54,814 --> 00:37:56,816
I am who I am today
because of his word of mouth.
708
00:37:57,150 --> 00:37:59,360
My head is killing me!
709
00:37:59,903 --> 00:38:02,614
I've never been this hung over!
710
00:38:02,697 --> 00:38:04,157
What are you...?
711
00:38:04,824 --> 00:38:06,826
What happened here?
712
00:38:07,118 --> 00:38:09,120
Who did this to the Messiah?
713
00:38:09,204 --> 00:38:12,665
-It was...
-Actually...
714
00:38:12,749 --> 00:38:13,917
It was you!
715
00:38:15,084 --> 00:38:18,338
-Me?
-Happy now, Judas?
716
00:38:18,421 --> 00:38:21,299
-Yeah!
-It was you!
717
00:38:21,382 --> 00:38:24,552
-When?
-After you chugged that drink!
718
00:38:24,636 --> 00:38:29,015
Oh, God! I don't remember a thing
after that drink!
719
00:38:29,098 --> 00:38:31,476
You monster!
720
00:38:31,559 --> 00:38:33,228
-Hold on, there!
-"Hold on"?
721
00:38:33,311 --> 00:38:36,856
Our King stands there crucified,
by your Judas hands!
722
00:38:36,940 --> 00:38:38,274
How can we "hold on"?
723
00:38:38,358 --> 00:38:39,609
Yeah!
724
00:38:39,692 --> 00:38:41,653
But why would I do that?
725
00:38:42,070 --> 00:38:44,322
-For money!
-Damn it, Judas!
726
00:38:44,405 --> 00:38:46,658
He did it for money!
727
00:38:46,741 --> 00:38:48,284
-Traitor!
-I'm sorry, my Lord...
728
00:38:48,368 --> 00:38:51,746
-Out of our sight!
-Leave!
729
00:38:51,830 --> 00:38:55,166
Get that traitor now!
730
00:38:55,250 --> 00:38:57,043
-Murderer!
-Murderer!
731
00:38:57,752 --> 00:39:03,132
Bartholomew, just hide that old corpse
for three days until things settle down.
732
00:39:03,967 --> 00:39:04,801
James!
733
00:39:05,885 --> 00:39:08,304
Jesus? You're alive?
734
00:39:08,388 --> 00:39:09,848
Did Judas believe I was dead?
735
00:39:09,931 --> 00:39:12,934
'Course he did!
He was just chased off by a mob!
736
00:39:13,017 --> 00:39:15,854
Is that a dare or what?
737
00:39:15,937 --> 00:39:17,730
Judas just got a rope.
That don't look good.
738
00:39:17,814 --> 00:39:20,149
-Gotta learn with the master!
-He just wants attention!
739
00:39:20,233 --> 00:39:23,987
Now get me down from here.
My hernia's acting up.
740
00:39:24,070 --> 00:39:26,698
Good God...
741
00:39:28,698 --> 00:39:30,698
iDelete~
57618
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