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1
00:00:01,788 --> 00:00:03,959
Lily. I heard this great joke
at work today.
2
00:00:04,084 --> 00:00:05,879
Dude, come on.
She's not gonna like it.
3
00:00:06,004 --> 00:00:07,841
It's boy-funny.
It's not girl-funny.
4
00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:09,622
That is sexist!
5
00:00:09,859 --> 00:00:11,551
Funny is funny, Ted.
6
00:00:11,936 --> 00:00:13,638
Lily's cool.
She'll appreciate this.
7
00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:16,906
- You're on your own, man.
- Just tell me the joke.
8
00:00:17,370 --> 00:00:18,470
Okay. Ready?
9
00:00:18,774 --> 00:00:19,574
Lily,
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00:00:20,168 --> 00:00:21,686
what's the difference
11
00:00:21,811 --> 00:00:23,811
between peanut butter and jam?
12
00:00:24,609 --> 00:00:25,869
See?! It's funny.
13
00:00:25,994 --> 00:00:27,869
- It's boy-funny.
- She's not gonna like it.
14
00:00:27,994 --> 00:00:29,654
Why don't you let me decide?
15
00:00:29,905 --> 00:00:32,687
What's the difference
between peanut butter and jam?
16
00:00:34,626 --> 00:00:36,656
And then Barney said the punch line.
17
00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:40,457
To this day, it's still the dirtiest
joke I've ever heard in my life.
18
00:00:40,626 --> 00:00:42,576
And no, I'm not gonna say it.
19
00:00:43,528 --> 00:00:46,078
Yeah, I can't hang out
with you anymore.
20
00:00:46,844 --> 00:00:47,944
Oh, come on.
21
00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:50,816
That's a funny joke.
22
00:00:51,247 --> 00:00:52,847
- That...
- Told you.
23
00:00:53,590 --> 00:00:54,937
She'll be back.
24
00:00:55,382 --> 00:00:57,865
And we didn't see Lily
for four weeks.
25
00:00:59,143 --> 00:01:01,125
Traduction: MiniBen314,
Eomyn et Lino72
26
00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:02,645
Synchro: Mickeyte
27
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:05,395
Relecture: MiniBen314
Transcript: yetts.net
28
00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:09,194
How I Met Your Mother
4x20 - Mosbius Designs
29
00:01:09,362 --> 00:01:11,905
par la "Have You Met Team"
pour www.forom.com
30
00:01:12,368 --> 00:01:13,913
Kids, after getting laid off,
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00:01:14,038 --> 00:01:16,329
I was finally pursuing
my lifelong dream.
32
00:01:16,454 --> 00:01:18,411
Starting my own architecture firm.
33
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,229
All I needed was some clients.
34
00:01:20,354 --> 00:01:23,014
I think it's so great that you're
striking out on your own, Ted.
35
00:01:23,139 --> 00:01:24,984
- I admire that.
- Thanks.
36
00:01:25,109 --> 00:01:27,754
And... thanks for being so cool
with me using the apartment.
37
00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:29,923
Yeah, of course.
Anything you need.
38
00:01:30,763 --> 00:01:33,755
Small thing... do you mind not watching
television during business hours?
39
00:01:33,928 --> 00:01:36,070
- This isn't working!
- I'm sorry. It's just, I....
40
00:01:36,195 --> 00:01:38,513
I can't concentrate while
Wheel of Fortune is...
41
00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:40,850
A penny saved is a
Penny Marshall! Yes!
42
00:01:41,578 --> 00:01:44,942
Ted, I know you're nervous, but
you've got to stop procrastinating.
43
00:01:45,067 --> 00:01:49,317
You've spent the last two days choosing
the official pen of Mosbius Designs.
44
00:01:49,636 --> 00:01:51,750
Hey, I've made some progress, huh?
45
00:01:51,875 --> 00:01:53,625
I've eliminated felt-tip.
46
00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:57,737
Oh, who am I kidding?
Felt's back in the ballgame.
47
00:02:00,539 --> 00:02:02,203
You hear there's gonna be
more layoffs?
48
00:02:02,328 --> 00:02:04,083
I know. I'm freaking out.
49
00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:06,430
- Are you worried?
- Are you kidding?
50
00:02:06,555 --> 00:02:09,638
The things I know about this company.
I won't ever be fired.
51
00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,728
I mean, there's a pretty good
chance one day I'll
52
00:02:11,853 --> 00:02:13,912
wash up on shore
with no fingerprints or teeth,
53
00:02:14,037 --> 00:02:15,325
but I won't be fired.
54
00:02:15,450 --> 00:02:17,591
Well, I wish I had your confidence.
55
00:02:18,049 --> 00:02:21,094
Look, you just need a way to make
yourself absolutely essential.
56
00:02:21,267 --> 00:02:24,119
Well, I work harder
than anyone in my division.
57
00:02:24,553 --> 00:02:26,965
Keeping your job has nothing to do
with hard work.
58
00:02:27,090 --> 00:02:29,230
- You need a thing.
- What do you mean, a thing?
59
00:02:29,355 --> 00:02:33,027
You know, something that makes you fun
and well-liked, like Marcus Denisco.
60
00:02:33,658 --> 00:02:35,998
Marcus Denisco
worked in account services
61
00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:38,791
and was perhaps the most expendable
employee at the company.
62
00:02:38,916 --> 00:02:40,332
I brought some donuts.
63
00:02:40,457 --> 00:02:41,786
They're probably stupid.
64
00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:43,986
But eventually,
he came to be known as...
65
00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:45,389
Food Guy!
66
00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:49,127
Who wants some pulled pork?!
Of course you do! Come on!
67
00:02:49,684 --> 00:02:51,087
I love Food Guy.
68
00:02:51,381 --> 00:02:54,610
They could never lay him off.
You know what I love about Food Guy?
69
00:02:54,735 --> 00:02:56,926
- He always has food.
- He always has food.
70
00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,899
See? That's what you need.
You need that thing
71
00:03:00,024 --> 00:03:01,476
that makes you a guy.
72
00:03:01,601 --> 00:03:04,209
Oh, I have that thing
that makes me a guy.
73
00:03:04,431 --> 00:03:06,331
Maybe even a guy and a half.
74
00:03:06,689 --> 00:03:07,939
Not that thing.
75
00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:10,250
You know, a thing. Like Toy Guy.
76
00:03:11,011 --> 00:03:12,191
Guys, bad news.
77
00:03:12,666 --> 00:03:16,946
As your HR rep, I got to review the new
overtime scheduling policy with you.
78
00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:21,623
The good news is we're gonna do it
while wearing Wolverine claws!
79
00:03:24,559 --> 00:03:25,700
Section 5A,
80
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,516
overtime will no longer be paid
at time and a half.
81
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:30,741
- This is awesome!
- Claw five!
82
00:03:32,622 --> 00:03:35,472
- Oh, I love Toy Guy.
- See? You need a thing.
83
00:03:35,597 --> 00:03:37,258
Like YouTube Clip Guy.
84
00:03:44,935 --> 00:03:45,932
You're right.
85
00:03:46,247 --> 00:03:49,102
- I do need a thing.
- But choose wisely.
86
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,646
You don't want to be
Creepy Back Rub Guy.
87
00:03:52,236 --> 00:03:55,610
Hey, don't fill up. Food Guy's
got panna cotta in his office.
88
00:03:57,594 --> 00:03:58,644
Hey, buddy.
89
00:04:00,090 --> 00:04:01,438
Hey, Douglas.
90
00:04:04,315 --> 00:04:05,827
You're so tight.
91
00:04:07,116 --> 00:04:09,616
I was...
relaxed about two seconds ago.
92
00:04:11,933 --> 00:04:13,144
You're next.
93
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,947
Hi. Welcome to Mosbius Designs.
94
00:04:19,406 --> 00:04:21,122
- Who the hell are you?
- I'm PJ,
95
00:04:21,247 --> 00:04:22,677
Mr. Mosby's assistant.
96
00:04:23,467 --> 00:04:25,664
- Ted, what the hell is going on?
- I'm sorry. We do not
97
00:04:25,789 --> 00:04:28,422
interrupt Mr. Mosby during
his brainstorming hour.
98
00:04:28,547 --> 00:04:31,297
It's okay, PJ. That's Robin.
She lives here.
99
00:04:32,232 --> 00:04:34,273
Oh, I'm sorry
for the disturbance, sir.
100
00:04:34,589 --> 00:04:36,384
Do you need anything else?
101
00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:37,902
Well, I wouldn't say no to
102
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:40,215
- a cup of coffee.
- You're right there!
103
00:04:40,623 --> 00:04:43,908
So now Ted has an assistant
to help him not do anything.
104
00:04:44,136 --> 00:04:46,436
Hey, PJ's been a huge help to me,
105
00:04:46,561 --> 00:04:48,920
setting up the office,
designing the Web site.
106
00:04:49,045 --> 00:04:52,040
And in return, I'm mentoring
a bright young mind.
107
00:04:52,165 --> 00:04:53,583
Yes, the mentoring.
108
00:04:54,189 --> 00:04:56,934
I want you to go outside today
and simply...
109
00:04:57,059 --> 00:04:59,168
put your hands on buildings.
110
00:04:59,293 --> 00:05:00,293
All right?
111
00:05:00,498 --> 00:05:02,596
Feel the concrete pulse.
112
00:05:03,412 --> 00:05:04,362
Listen...
113
00:05:04,651 --> 00:05:07,557
Listen to the stories
the stones are telling you.
114
00:05:09,460 --> 00:05:11,355
And pick up my dry cleaning.
115
00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:12,330
I will.
116
00:05:13,193 --> 00:05:15,943
- Thank you so much, Mr. Mosby.
- All right.
117
00:05:17,611 --> 00:05:18,561
Hey, Ted?
118
00:05:19,548 --> 00:05:21,988
This table just told me
you're a douche.
119
00:05:23,943 --> 00:05:26,615
This whole mentoring thing
is just another way to procrastinate
120
00:05:26,740 --> 00:05:29,731
- from actually calling clients.
- I'm not procrastinating.
121
00:05:29,856 --> 00:05:30,806
I just...
122
00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:34,078
I want everything to be perfect, okay?
I only get one shot at this.
123
00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,151
Fine, but PJ is not helping.
124
00:05:37,274 --> 00:05:40,230
If Ted says that PJ is important
to the company,
125
00:05:40,355 --> 00:05:42,507
then PJ is not going anywhere.
126
00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:44,427
See?
He's very valuable.
127
00:05:46,230 --> 00:05:47,305
PJ's a guy?
128
00:05:47,784 --> 00:05:49,891
PJ's not some hot chick
you're banging?
129
00:05:50,059 --> 00:05:51,904
No, I'm... mentoring him.
130
00:05:53,365 --> 00:05:54,513
Mentoring.
131
00:05:55,591 --> 00:05:59,150
I mentored a young fellow once.
Even made him my wingman.
132
00:05:59,458 --> 00:06:01,906
Then, one day, he hired an assistant
133
00:06:02,031 --> 00:06:05,250
to work ten feet
from his bedroom who...
134
00:06:05,375 --> 00:06:07,911
get this, isn't a hot chick,
135
00:06:08,273 --> 00:06:10,326
proving he never listened
to a word I said.
136
00:06:10,451 --> 00:06:12,370
And do you know
that young man's name?
137
00:06:13,136 --> 00:06:14,040
Ted Mosby?
138
00:06:14,690 --> 00:06:15,490
Maybe.
139
00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:17,265
I don't remember.
140
00:06:17,390 --> 00:06:19,306
Because he is dead to me!
141
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:27,651
PJ's gonna be getting
a very confusing card in the mail,
142
00:06:28,115 --> 00:06:30,168
along with a garment that he
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00:06:30,293 --> 00:06:34,093
should by no means wear for three days
and then mail back to me.
144
00:06:37,386 --> 00:06:38,486
Hey, Barney.
145
00:06:38,983 --> 00:06:41,813
I thought of a thing to make me
more essential here.
146
00:06:41,987 --> 00:06:45,154
I'm Eco Guy, 'cause everybody
loves a guy who recycles, right?
147
00:06:45,518 --> 00:06:47,156
Fired. What else you got?
148
00:06:47,594 --> 00:06:49,824
I thought of a few others,
Wacky Tie Guy.
149
00:06:50,072 --> 00:06:52,285
- Fired.
- Daily Fun Fact Guy?
150
00:06:52,673 --> 00:06:54,723
Did you know that you're fired?
151
00:06:54,947 --> 00:06:56,891
I Know a Good Stretch for That Guy?
152
00:06:57,016 --> 00:06:58,501
Downward-facing fired.
153
00:06:58,885 --> 00:07:00,265
Monty Python Guy?
154
00:07:00,390 --> 00:07:02,837
We are the knights who say...
You're fired.
155
00:07:03,878 --> 00:07:04,966
Wait! Wait!
156
00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:08,134
I did used to run a fantasy baseball
league back in law school.
157
00:07:08,574 --> 00:07:10,847
That's not bad.
You might be on to something.
158
00:07:11,176 --> 00:07:12,076
Awesome.
159
00:07:12,283 --> 00:07:14,225
Awesome!
I'll be Fantasy Guy!
160
00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:17,042
We'll have to make you Sports Guy.
We already have a Fantasy Guy.
161
00:07:17,167 --> 00:07:19,317
- What's up, bros?
- Hey, Frank.
162
00:07:24,090 --> 00:07:24,902
Hello?
163
00:07:25,122 --> 00:07:26,337
Ah, hey, PJ.
164
00:07:26,462 --> 00:07:28,662
Where are you?
You're never late.
165
00:07:29,775 --> 00:07:32,770
You're on top of the
Empire State Building?
166
00:07:33,948 --> 00:07:37,198
Listen to the old gal.
She's got some stories to tell.
167
00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,433
Take all the time you need.
168
00:07:43,006 --> 00:07:45,217
Wait a second.
"Ted Mosby Home."
169
00:07:47,789 --> 00:07:50,939
Oh, my God, the call's coming
from inside the house.
170
00:08:00,198 --> 00:08:02,605
That's not
the Empire State Building.
171
00:08:07,939 --> 00:08:11,193
Robin, you cannot sleep
with my assistant.
172
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,146
I'm trying to run a business here.
173
00:08:13,271 --> 00:08:14,773
How did this even happen?
174
00:08:14,898 --> 00:08:18,141
Well, at lunch, when you go
on your wisdom walks,
175
00:08:18,266 --> 00:08:20,498
it gives me and PJ
some time alone together.
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00:08:21,078 --> 00:08:22,278
Inspiration...
177
00:08:23,042 --> 00:08:25,253
- do your thing.
- It always does, sir.
178
00:08:25,815 --> 00:08:26,964
It always does.
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00:08:29,973 --> 00:08:33,473
Hey, PJ, I actually have
an architectural question for you.
180
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,306
How does Ted's ass taste?
181
00:08:35,703 --> 00:08:37,003
I wouldn't know,
182
00:08:37,326 --> 00:08:39,576
but I assume it tastes like genius.
183
00:08:44,885 --> 00:08:46,659
Why is the bathroom locked?
184
00:08:46,784 --> 00:08:49,382
Visitors need to sign in
for the bathroom key.
185
00:08:49,641 --> 00:08:50,737
Listen, Peej,
186
00:08:50,862 --> 00:08:52,965
and I want you to think
this over real
187
00:08:53,090 --> 00:08:55,520
good before you answer.
Are you telling me
188
00:08:55,645 --> 00:08:58,412
that I can't go to the bathroom
in my apartment?
189
00:08:59,832 --> 00:09:02,874
I am telling you that you need
to ask permission
190
00:09:02,999 --> 00:09:05,544
to use the bathroom in my office.
191
00:09:06,477 --> 00:09:07,796
Why is that so hot?
192
00:09:09,903 --> 00:09:12,265
Robin, there are billions of guys
in the world.
193
00:09:12,390 --> 00:09:14,436
Why do you have to sleep
with my assistant?
194
00:09:14,561 --> 00:09:16,810
When I get off work,
it's 5:30 in the morning.
195
00:09:16,935 --> 00:09:19,121
Do you have any idea
what kind of guys I'm meeting?
196
00:09:19,648 --> 00:09:21,069
I deliver newspapers.
197
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:23,995
It's a dirty job,
but somebody's got to do it.
198
00:09:25,296 --> 00:09:28,234
Don't worry. I'll wash them
before I handle your business.
199
00:09:29,906 --> 00:09:33,407
I live with my mom.
At night, we watch TV in her bed.
200
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:35,282
We call it "Cuddle Club."
201
00:09:36,666 --> 00:09:40,949
So, you... get up really early to trade
on the European stock exchanges?
202
00:09:41,316 --> 00:09:44,083
- What's that like?
- Look, is this going to happen or not?
203
00:09:45,607 --> 00:09:48,346
Okay, first of all,
I've hung out with Fantasy Guy.
204
00:09:48,471 --> 00:09:50,506
You could do a lot worse.
Secondly,
205
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,069
this has to stop.
206
00:09:52,194 --> 00:09:54,421
Distracting PJ is going to kill
our productivity.
207
00:09:54,596 --> 00:09:57,930
What productivity? You haven't
even called a single client.
208
00:09:58,734 --> 00:10:01,431
Once I get the Web site up,
the brochures printed,
209
00:10:01,556 --> 00:10:04,602
and figure out what trusts games we're
going to play at the corporate retreat,
210
00:10:04,727 --> 00:10:06,127
I am making those calls.
211
00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:08,023
Corporate retreat?
212
00:10:08,345 --> 00:10:11,195
Mr. Mosby and I
are going camping on the roof.
213
00:10:13,252 --> 00:10:14,446
Hey, Sports Guy.
214
00:10:14,616 --> 00:10:16,504
I hear people are raving
about your league.
215
00:10:16,629 --> 00:10:18,614
It's a lot harder
than I thought it would be.
216
00:10:18,739 --> 00:10:22,603
Between entry fees and transaction fees
and penalty fees, I'm actually...
217
00:10:22,728 --> 00:10:24,414
I'm holding on to a lot of money.
218
00:10:25,081 --> 00:10:27,579
Great work, Sports Guy.
That's for last week.
219
00:10:32,075 --> 00:10:32,875
Sixty,
220
00:10:33,339 --> 00:10:34,189
eighty,
221
00:10:34,535 --> 00:10:35,535
a hundred.
222
00:10:37,335 --> 00:10:39,059
This is $18,000 cash.
223
00:10:40,090 --> 00:10:41,353
It's not a big deal.
224
00:10:41,478 --> 00:10:44,059
I'll just... take it home
and put it somewhere safe.
225
00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:48,605
Okay, just walking down the street
with some money in my pocket.
226
00:10:48,775 --> 00:10:50,013
Don't touch the money.
227
00:10:50,138 --> 00:10:52,151
That's so obvious. Just be cool.
228
00:10:54,390 --> 00:10:56,028
The baby's on to me.
229
00:10:56,153 --> 00:10:58,490
Babies can smell money.
Everyone knows that!
230
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,558
I'm carrying a lot of money!
231
00:11:02,427 --> 00:11:05,748
Seriously, dude, I'm not sure
how much longer I can keep doing this.
232
00:11:06,178 --> 00:11:09,973
Marshall, last week you were trash
that no one wanted to look at.
233
00:11:10,098 --> 00:11:11,469
Now, you're Sports Guy.
234
00:11:11,594 --> 00:11:13,422
- I was trash?
- Last week!
235
00:11:15,332 --> 00:11:17,892
There's Ted Mosby
of Mosbius Designs.
236
00:11:18,017 --> 00:11:19,901
How's the home office coming, buddy?
237
00:11:20,026 --> 00:11:23,766
Well, it was going great till Robin
started banging my assistant.
238
00:11:25,828 --> 00:11:27,918
Ted, it's our apartment, okay?
239
00:11:28,043 --> 00:11:30,074
You leave a big chocolate cake
on the counter,
240
00:11:30,199 --> 00:11:31,998
Mama's gonna cut her off a slice.
241
00:11:32,123 --> 00:11:33,227
I told you.
242
00:11:33,495 --> 00:11:36,064
Hire a cute assistant
that you can sleep with,
243
00:11:36,189 --> 00:11:38,835
but instead you hire a cute assistant
that Robin can sleep with.
244
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,242
And of course he's gonna sleep
with her, Ted. Look at her!
245
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,952
She's the greatest woman
on the planet! I'm getting off topic!
246
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,860
You're an idiot! That's my message!
You're an idiot!
247
00:11:50,930 --> 00:11:54,780
One person storming off isn't enough!
Marshall, storm off with me!
248
00:12:00,638 --> 00:12:05,052
Dude, why are this upset about Ted not
having sex with the people he hires?
249
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,575
Because it hurts!
250
00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:08,427
It hurts you how?
251
00:12:08,552 --> 00:12:11,033
It hurts because I love...
252
00:12:11,677 --> 00:12:12,481
Ted...
253
00:12:13,815 --> 00:12:15,453
Having sex with women.
254
00:12:15,578 --> 00:12:17,406
I'm a very dedicated wingman!
255
00:12:17,531 --> 00:12:20,077
Look, Lily's the only person that
I can talk to about this stuff.
256
00:12:20,202 --> 00:12:21,580
Just get her to talk to me.
257
00:12:21,705 --> 00:12:24,760
I'll try, but, look, there's no
guarantees. She's still really
258
00:12:24,885 --> 00:12:26,635
outraged about that joke.
259
00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:29,380
That joke.
260
00:12:30,286 --> 00:12:31,968
Torn our little group apart,
261
00:12:32,093 --> 00:12:34,002
pitted people I love
against each other.
262
00:12:34,347 --> 00:12:35,757
Seriously, I wish...
263
00:12:35,882 --> 00:12:38,757
I wish that joke had never come
into our lives.
264
00:12:41,165 --> 00:12:43,963
- It's kinda of funny though, right?
- It's so funny, man.
265
00:12:45,449 --> 00:12:46,899
Hey, good news, PJ.
266
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,055
The brochures you designed
just came in.
267
00:12:49,180 --> 00:12:51,021
Really interesting choice
for the cover.
268
00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:53,225
I like how instead of one
of my designs,
269
00:12:53,350 --> 00:12:54,600
you chose this.
270
00:12:55,238 --> 00:12:56,438
You know what?
271
00:12:56,739 --> 00:12:59,611
- I must've sent in the wrong photo.
- You think?
272
00:13:00,341 --> 00:13:03,240
Look, PJ,
the Web site's still not done.
273
00:13:03,572 --> 00:13:05,836
You didn't even show up
to the corporate retreat...
274
00:13:05,961 --> 00:13:08,203
by the way, I saw a shooting star...
275
00:13:08,858 --> 00:13:10,463
and you're late every day.
276
00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:13,194
I'm sorry, PJ.
I gotta get focused.
277
00:13:13,319 --> 00:13:14,389
You're fired.
278
00:13:14,514 --> 00:13:16,225
- You can't fire...
- PJ,
279
00:13:16,612 --> 00:13:18,312
- you're fired.
- Fine!
280
00:13:22,372 --> 00:13:23,372
Hey, baby.
281
00:13:24,267 --> 00:13:25,617
I just got fired.
282
00:13:26,828 --> 00:13:29,828
Yeah, I'll wait for you
at your place. Okay, bye.
283
00:13:32,652 --> 00:13:34,002
Wheel of Fortune.
284
00:13:37,604 --> 00:13:40,757
I love having all this free time
to spend with you.
285
00:13:40,882 --> 00:13:42,832
I'm going to kiss you here...
286
00:13:43,528 --> 00:13:44,478
and here.
287
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,390
And here and here.
288
00:13:47,165 --> 00:13:48,086
And...
289
00:13:48,211 --> 00:13:49,984
- One more.
- Please stop.
290
00:13:51,241 --> 00:13:52,842
I'm going to go to the bathroom.
291
00:13:52,967 --> 00:13:55,542
- I'll miss you.
- I'll miss you, too.
292
00:14:00,943 --> 00:14:02,743
You're already sick of him,
aren't you?
293
00:14:02,868 --> 00:14:04,309
He's driving me crazy.
294
00:14:04,517 --> 00:14:06,707
When PJ had a job, he was sexy.
295
00:14:06,832 --> 00:14:09,127
He was guardian of the bathroom key.
296
00:14:09,252 --> 00:14:12,887
A hot guy telling you
when you can and can't pee?
297
00:14:13,736 --> 00:14:15,086
That's the dream.
298
00:14:15,566 --> 00:14:17,016
"That's the dream"?
299
00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:18,247
The dream?
300
00:14:18,694 --> 00:14:21,027
Like what Martin Luther King
was talking about?
301
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:22,761
I have to end it, don't I?
302
00:14:22,886 --> 00:14:24,440
I'm terrible at breakups.
303
00:14:24,565 --> 00:14:26,220
I still have to go a little bit,
304
00:14:26,345 --> 00:14:28,767
but I couldn't be away from you
one second longer.
305
00:14:28,892 --> 00:14:29,842
Listen...
306
00:14:31,910 --> 00:14:33,905
- Dude, I don't know.
- What?
307
00:14:34,030 --> 00:14:35,430
Yeah, it's just...
308
00:14:36,302 --> 00:14:37,702
It's not really...
309
00:14:38,594 --> 00:14:39,944
Ix-nay, you know?
310
00:14:40,773 --> 00:14:42,246
Ix-nay on what?
311
00:14:43,685 --> 00:14:44,883
Not feeling it.
312
00:14:45,191 --> 00:14:46,483
Not feeling what?
313
00:14:46,608 --> 00:14:48,183
But... friends and stuff.
314
00:14:48,308 --> 00:14:51,008
Oh, my God, this is
the worst breakup ever.
315
00:14:51,296 --> 00:14:53,010
You're breaking up with me?
316
00:14:53,135 --> 00:14:55,985
If that's what you want,
I totally understand.
317
00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:01,987
You still haven't activated that
shortstop the Mariners just brought up.
318
00:15:02,112 --> 00:15:03,362
Got to have it.
319
00:15:04,835 --> 00:15:07,156
See, Sports Guy!
People love you.
320
00:15:07,324 --> 00:15:10,319
I can't be Sports Guy anymore, okay?
It's killing me!
321
00:15:10,444 --> 00:15:12,852
I keep getting these constant
texts and e-mails
322
00:15:12,977 --> 00:15:15,144
and phone calls
in the middle of the night.
323
00:15:15,269 --> 00:15:18,169
Sometimes I even think
that I'm being followed.
324
00:15:19,709 --> 00:15:20,820
Hey, buddy.
325
00:15:21,185 --> 00:15:25,035
I need you to push that trade through,
so I can set my new lineup.
326
00:15:25,619 --> 00:15:28,280
You really carry it
in your shoulders, don't you?
327
00:15:28,405 --> 00:15:29,955
Seriously, it's over.
328
00:15:30,644 --> 00:15:32,055
Do you want me to stop?
329
00:15:36,033 --> 00:15:37,716
With Robin and PJ broken up,
330
00:15:37,841 --> 00:15:41,141
I was free to make some
staffing changes in the office.
331
00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:44,151
Hi, welcome to Mosbius Designs.
332
00:15:44,722 --> 00:15:46,472
You got to be kidding me?
333
00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:49,322
And now that PJ was back at work...
334
00:15:50,633 --> 00:15:52,383
You got to be kidding me?
335
00:15:53,858 --> 00:15:54,658
So...
336
00:15:54,783 --> 00:15:57,173
apparently Robin and PJ
are an item again.
337
00:15:57,298 --> 00:15:59,048
You got to be kidding me!
338
00:16:02,691 --> 00:16:04,091
Are you all right?
339
00:16:04,980 --> 00:16:06,676
Okay, since Lily's not
talking to me,
340
00:16:06,801 --> 00:16:08,692
there's something
that I have to tell you.
341
00:16:08,817 --> 00:16:10,608
And this isn't easy to say,
all right?
342
00:16:11,708 --> 00:16:13,258
I'm... wait for it...
343
00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:16,099
in... wait for it...
344
00:16:17,218 --> 00:16:18,644
love... wait for it...
345
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:21,772
with... wait for it...
346
00:16:27,321 --> 00:16:28,771
a... wait for it...
347
00:16:30,226 --> 00:16:31,050
certain...
348
00:16:31,175 --> 00:16:33,083
I know that you're in love
with Robin.
349
00:16:33,208 --> 00:16:34,008
What?!
350
00:16:34,133 --> 00:16:36,283
- Lily told me.
- She told you?!
351
00:16:36,802 --> 00:16:37,602
Great.
352
00:16:39,083 --> 00:16:43,133
I bet you guys have been laughing
at me behind my back the whole time.
353
00:16:43,555 --> 00:16:44,598
Actually...
354
00:16:44,723 --> 00:16:47,798
in a weird way, we both think
you're kind of perfect for each other.
355
00:16:48,746 --> 00:16:49,781
You do?
356
00:16:49,906 --> 00:16:50,960
Matter of fact...
357
00:16:51,085 --> 00:16:53,529
we even try to sit on the same
side of the booth so you two
358
00:16:53,654 --> 00:16:56,352
- will have to sit together.
- Really? That's so sweet.
359
00:16:56,777 --> 00:16:58,311
But let's be clear.
360
00:16:59,283 --> 00:17:01,349
I don't love her. Okay?
361
00:17:02,012 --> 00:17:02,962
I just...
362
00:17:03,728 --> 00:17:06,216
miss her when she's not around.
I think about her all the time,
363
00:17:06,341 --> 00:17:08,964
and I imagine us one day running
towards each other in slow motion,
364
00:17:09,089 --> 00:17:10,946
and I'm wearing a brown Suede vest.
365
00:17:11,272 --> 00:17:13,771
Are you ever going
to tell her how you feel?
366
00:17:13,896 --> 00:17:16,326
Maybe. Never.
I don't know. Look...
367
00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:20,761
I just need to get that
PJ idiot away from her.
368
00:17:20,886 --> 00:17:24,001
If Lily were here, she'd know
exactly how to get rid of him.
369
00:17:24,308 --> 00:17:25,553
Maybe I can help.
370
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:27,326
Marshall, you're no Lily.
371
00:17:27,702 --> 00:17:29,950
Lily is a diabolical puppet master,
372
00:17:30,075 --> 00:17:33,681
subtly manipulating every situation
to get exactly what she wants.
373
00:17:33,806 --> 00:17:35,607
She's pure evil, Marshall.
374
00:17:36,561 --> 00:17:39,161
You got a good one there.
Hang on to her.
375
00:17:39,799 --> 00:17:43,449
Meanwhile, my bizarre tug of war
with Robin over PJ continued.
376
00:17:43,728 --> 00:17:44,758
Hey, PJ.
377
00:17:45,286 --> 00:17:47,315
I was about to go on my wisdom walk.
378
00:17:47,804 --> 00:17:49,066
Want to join me?
379
00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:53,400
I took the bathroom key
without asking.
380
00:17:53,695 --> 00:17:55,895
What are you going to do about it?
381
00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:57,262
Look...
382
00:17:57,443 --> 00:17:59,403
you guys are both great.
But...
383
00:17:59,528 --> 00:18:01,828
the truth is I'm taking another job.
384
00:18:02,179 --> 00:18:03,517
These are for you.
385
00:18:03,642 --> 00:18:06,042
Robin, I hope this letter
offers some closure.
386
00:18:07,726 --> 00:18:09,676
I'm really going to miss you.
387
00:18:11,805 --> 00:18:13,991
You can't trade Manny Ramirez
for two middle relievers!
388
00:18:14,116 --> 00:18:16,539
If you veto that trade,
I am out of the league!
389
00:18:17,069 --> 00:18:18,727
I'll figure it out.
390
00:18:21,633 --> 00:18:23,809
Hire the kid to be a paralegal.
391
00:18:24,323 --> 00:18:27,355
He gets to do all the work,
and you still get to be Sports Guy.
392
00:18:27,663 --> 00:18:29,899
Pure evil, Eriksen. Pure evil.
393
00:18:34,691 --> 00:18:35,541
Thanks.
394
00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:41,417
You okay?
395
00:18:44,410 --> 00:18:46,660
What if I don't think of the books?
396
00:18:46,957 --> 00:18:48,009
Excuse me?
397
00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:50,146
There's this famous
architecture story
398
00:18:50,271 --> 00:18:52,641
about an architect
who designed this library.
399
00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:54,425
It was perfect.
400
00:18:54,865 --> 00:18:57,631
But every year,
the whole thing would sink
401
00:18:57,756 --> 00:18:59,856
a couple inches into the ground.
402
00:19:00,404 --> 00:19:02,885
Eventually,
the building was condemned.
403
00:19:03,357 --> 00:19:06,658
He forgot to account
for the weight of the books.
404
00:19:08,197 --> 00:19:09,447
This company...
405
00:19:09,890 --> 00:19:11,040
it's just me.
406
00:19:12,502 --> 00:19:14,486
What if I don't think of the books?
407
00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:15,950
Okay...
408
00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:18,220
first of all, nobody goes
to libraries anymore,
409
00:19:18,345 --> 00:19:20,076
so who cares about that guy?
410
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:23,745
Secondly, you need to get on the phone
and start calling clients.
411
00:19:24,473 --> 00:19:26,575
The longer I put off starting
my own firm,
412
00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:28,995
the longer it can remain a dream and
413
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:30,836
not something I screwed up at.
414
00:19:31,977 --> 00:19:34,966
I mean, it's like I'm giving up
before I even started.
415
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:36,939
You want to talk about giving up?
416
00:19:37,107 --> 00:19:39,451
I used to describe my ideal guy as
417
00:19:39,576 --> 00:19:42,717
"funny, smart, passionate,
challenging."
418
00:19:42,842 --> 00:19:45,212
And now, apparently,
I will settle for
419
00:19:45,337 --> 00:19:46,737
"in my apartment."
420
00:19:48,243 --> 00:19:50,793
Didn't you think you'd have it
all more figured out by now?
421
00:19:50,918 --> 00:19:54,215
Are you kidding? By 30, I was going
to be annoyingly successful,
422
00:19:54,340 --> 00:19:57,121
married to the perfect woman,
maybe a kid on the way.
423
00:19:57,246 --> 00:20:00,391
Instead, I'm just some guy
sitting in his apartment,
424
00:20:00,516 --> 00:20:03,066
having a staring contest
with his phone.
425
00:20:04,109 --> 00:20:05,159
And losing.
426
00:20:08,512 --> 00:20:10,212
You can take that thing.
427
00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:29,926
Hi, this is Ted Mosby of
Mosbius Designs. I'm calling to
428
00:20:30,051 --> 00:20:32,828
to inquire about any design needs
you may have now or in the future.
429
00:20:32,996 --> 00:20:35,431
- That sounds great, buddy.
- Really? I sound confident?
430
00:20:35,556 --> 00:20:37,956
- Now call an actual client.
- Great.
431
00:20:41,421 --> 00:20:42,621
Hey, Food Guy!
432
00:20:44,111 --> 00:20:45,261
Hey, Toy Guy!
433
00:20:51,270 --> 00:20:52,520
Who's that guy?
434
00:20:53,983 --> 00:20:55,533
He doesn't work here.
435
00:20:55,882 --> 00:20:58,402
- I think we should leave the building.
- Really?
436
00:20:58,527 --> 00:21:00,277
This has happened before.
33002
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