Original subtitles

[Music]

greetings gentlemen I assume your wives

greetings gentlemen I assume your wives

are not with you the very title of our

are not with you the very title of our

piece is sufficient to strike terror in

piece is sufficient to strike terror in

the hearts and cause them to remain at

the hearts and cause them to remain at

home in their kitchens where they belong

home in their kitchens where they belong

in any case Ted you have come here

in any case Ted you have come here

tonight to learn and so you shall

tonight to learn and so you shall

so you shall

we will begin by considering the case

we will begin by considering the case

mr. Stanley Ford

mr. Stanley Ford

unlike you was old mr. Fortas at the

unlike you was old mr. Fortas at the

wisdom never to marry he is therefore a

wisdom never to marry he is therefore a

completely a gay man this is mr. Ford's

completely a gay man this is mr. Ford's

car

car

[Music]

[Music]

this is mr. Ford's town

this is mr. Ford's town

[Music]

you

you

this is the terrace sports car huh

you

look at the dots Paco the racist living

look at the dots Paco the racist living

in a world gone mad man oh by the way my

in a world gone mad man oh by the way my

name is Charles mr. Ford's man I second

name is Charles mr. Ford's man I second

myself that I'm also his coffee table

myself that I'm also his coffee table

and friends like everybody else in New

and friends like everybody else in New

York mr. Ford hasn't hide it if

York mr. Ford hasn't hide it if

construction going on next

actually it's not that real we've always

actually it's not that real we've always

come to like these little cries of the

come to like these little cries of the

word firming and the kilometer-long

word firming and the kilometer-long

catenoid is which emanates from the

catenoid is which emanates from the

cloppety cloppety machine anything

cloppety cloppety machine anything

interior the house is soundproof so

interior the house is soundproof so

light goes on

mr. Ford's living room notice issue will

mr. Ford's living room notice issue will

complete absence of the so called

complete absence of the so called

woman's touch no gay assurances no big

woman's touch no gay assurances no big

donkey laps in fact everything is

donkey laps in fact everything is

masculine and perfect in fact before

masculine and perfect in fact before

this you could have had don't you have

this you could have had don't you have

the sense not to get married I would say

the sense not to get married I would say

one lonely man how does he spend his

one lonely man how does he spend his

evening I should imagine beyond a day

evening I should imagine beyond a day

having danced all night its relation

having danced all night its relation

walking there

and this is the nerve center of the

and this is the nerve center of the

entire action my quarter if you were

entire action my quarter if you were

fortunate that they had rooms such as

fortunate that they had rooms such as

this your wife would undoubtedly have

this your wife would undoubtedly have

taken it over to house her aged and

taken it over to house her aged and

disagreeable manner

disagreeable manner

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[Music]

this is mr. Ford's martini glass should

this is mr. Ford's martini glass should

be properly chilled by seven o'clock

be properly chilled by seven o'clock

this evening

this evening

[Music]

Oh

this is mr. forth char

this is mr. forth char

thermostatically-controlled at least for

thermostatically-controlled at least for

body temperature 98 point to yes

now it is time to review mr. fall in

now it is time to review mr. fall in

health or a mist for water it's 10:30

health or a mist for water it's 10:30

sun shining pierre odd never try to

sun shining pierre odd never try to

speak until you had your shower r0z

speak until you had your shower r0z

there oh very good very good hundred and

there oh very good very good hundred and

sixty right on the back I don't know how

sixty right on the back I don't know how

you do it cause I - no I'll do it

you do it cause I - no I'll do it

your color is accounted Derek Apple you

your color is accounted Derek Apple you

Eliza

Eliza

it's the constants of ants of battles in

it's the constants of ants of battles in

use in this house

Charles do you know what day this is

Charles do you know what day this is

I do very did I do and exactly 12 22 the

I do very did I do and exactly 12 22 the

Faberge diamond will be ours it is

Faberge diamond will be ours it is

exciting adventure 7 I should be glad

exciting adventure 7 I should be glad

when it's over so we can move on to the

when it's over so we can move on to the

next caper

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

Oh

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[Music]

[Music]

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you

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

you

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

hold it

hold it

[Music]

[Applause]

Oh

[Music]

Comancheros

pardon geezer

pardon geezer

mr. bass did indeed telephone the Port

mr. bass did indeed telephone the Port

Authority is livid the frita t+ furious

Authority is livid the frita t+ furious

and Stetson himself is terribly upset of

and Stetson himself is terribly upset of

course he's upset he's a lawyer he's

course he's upset he's a lawyer he's

paid to be upset at any rate wallah yet

paid to be upset at any rate wallah yet

one dazzling burst of brilliance bash

one dazzling burst of brilliance bash

Brannigan has successfully concluded the

Brannigan has successfully concluded the

case of the Faberge navel aha brilliant

case of the Faberge navel aha brilliant

absolutely brilliant especially careful

absolutely brilliant especially careful

with spunk and what has to be our next

with spunk and what has to be our next

key person I'd better practically all

key person I'd better practically all

worked out is the story of a man who

worked out is the story of a man who

gets murdered while staring at the top

gets murdered while staring at the top

of the Empire State Building I think

of the Empire State Building I think

I'll call it the skyscraper gaper caper

I'll call it the skyscraper gaper caper

I'm really excited so but you'll have to

I'm really excited so but you'll have to

shoot most of it from a helicopter and

shoot most of it from a helicopter and

it will involve closing off Fifth Avenue

it will involve closing off Fifth Avenue

from 34th of 59th Street wouldn't it be

from 34th of 59th Street wouldn't it be

great if we could figure out a way to

great if we could figure out a way to

blow up one of those glass office

blow up one of those glass office

buildings I borrow tinkle tinkle tinkle

buildings I borrow tinkle tinkle tinkle

tinkle tinkle pickles ah what's a

tinkle tinkle pickles ah what's a

manager as you don't like it she's a

manager as you don't like it she's a

pizza but I'm speaking to death Oh Steph

pizza but I'm speaking to death Oh Steph

Stanley okay just stop for just a minute

Stanley okay just stop for just a minute

Stanley I'm speaking to you now not as a

Stanley I'm speaking to you now not as a

lawyer but it's a friend and you're a

lawyer but it's a friend and you're a

grown man and grown man simply can't

grown man and grown man simply can't

repeat can i go around spreading terror

repeat can i go around spreading terror

on the New York streets at the height of

on the New York streets at the height of

the noon hour our company will you stop

the noon hour our company will you stop

just I'm gonna stand by naked women she

just I'm gonna stand by naked women she

wasn't naked she had a diamond in a

wasn't naked she had a diamond in a

naval all right uh no cemented butlers

naval all right uh no cemented butlers

and criminals would live Sally

and criminals would live Sally

you simply can't continue California's

you simply can't continue California's

up in an animal stable and Brannigan

up in an animal stable and Brannigan

sacred agent is syndicated 463

sacred agent is syndicated 463

newspapers you know why no I know

newspapers you know why no I know

because of hardcore pornography soften

because of hardcore pornography soften

slightly ever so slightly by excessive

slightly ever so slightly by excessive

violence

violence

and sadism - predators enjoyed by

and sadism - predators enjoyed by

millions because my readers know it's

millions because my readers know it's

absolutely authentic I'd never write

absolutely authentic I'd never write

back to do anything I hadn't already

back to do anything I hadn't already

done myself and Stan Stan I want to

done myself and Stan Stan I want to

remind you guys that you're now 37 years

remind you guys that you're now 37 years

old and quite frankly it's time that you

old and quite frankly it's time that you

settle down now Edna and I we're

settle down now Edna and I we're

discussing it last night

discussing it last night

and at the field frankly I agree with

and at the field frankly I agree with

her that there's something almost

her that there's something almost

immoral about a man of your age who is

immoral about a man of your age who is

it Mary doesn't go to an office sits

it Mary doesn't go to an office sits

around drawing an infantile comic strip

around drawing an infantile comic strip

the appeals only The Moron Stanley

the appeals only The Moron Stanley

family family are you listening

family family are you listening

hey Stan you know I happen to mention

hey Stan you know I happen to mention

that the kids that I was going to be

that the kids that I was going to be

meeting with you this afternoon as well

meeting with you this afternoon as well

we we kind of have a little family

we we kind of have a little family

argument there that we want you to

argument there that we want you to

settle that the point is that he'll and

settle that the point is that he'll and

Tommy both think that the microfilm is

Tommy both think that the microfilm is

hidden in the diamond in the girls navel

hidden in the diamond in the girls navel

okay because I told him that they were

okay because I told him that they were

crazed as a matter of fact I went a

crazed as a matter of fact I went a

little bit out on a limb I told that I

little bit out on a limb I told that I

was your lawyer and I know damn well

was your lawyer and I know damn well

that the microphone wasn't hitting in

that the microphone wasn't hitting in

the time in the girls navel and by the

the time in the girls navel and by the

way they were really quite impressed I I

way they were really quite impressed I I

must say I need quite a little character

must say I need quite a little character

there being a lawyer you know knowing

there being a lawyer you know knowing

how this trip was coming out more and

how this trip was coming out more and

for a moment there they were actually

for a moment there they were actually

well kind of proud of their old man

well kind of proud of their old man

at least then the girl doesn't have the

at least then the girl doesn't have the

microfilm in the diamond enable dishy

honest a God Stan you know that you

honest a God Stan you know that you

ought to put yourself together you lost

ought to put yourself together you lost

all touch with reality you know what you

all touch with reality you know what you

really should do and Edna and I were

really should do and Edna and I were

discussing this stuff the other night

discussing this stuff the other night

what you should really do is settle down

what you should really do is settle down

find some nice girl and get married oh

find some nice girl and get married oh

oh yeah there you know what it's all

oh yeah there you know what it's all

about

hey judges I'm upset but not told sorry

hey judges I'm upset but not told sorry

that a CPU combines for building for

that a CPU combines for building for

Boeing Athena how can I put it

Boeing Athena how can I put it

impending disaster disaster when other

impending disaster disaster when other

what's nothing is just my natural

what's nothing is just my natural

reaction to the unhappy nature of it

reaction to the unhappy nature of it

event you are attending flowers to

event you are attending flowers to

Cygnus a bachelor dinner of promise

Cygnus a bachelor dinner of promise

royal is really getting management's

royal is really getting management's

right so you know Tory and I never

right so you know Tory and I never

thought they'd nail him because I feel a

thought they'd nail him because I feel a

little guilty about it I wasn't wanted

little guilty about it I wasn't wanted

introduced it was nice mustn't blame

introduced it was nice mustn't blame

yourself

yourself

he's pulling well man what's true and

he's pulling well man what's true and

this James news after all a lot in it

this James news after all a lot in it

yes that's true

yes that's true

now Sarah do you think she might need

now Sarah do you think she might need

the girl shoes for the wedding journey I

the girl shoes for the wedding journey I

think not

think not

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[Music]

would you be good enough to extend in

would you be good enough to extend in

the Tyroleans by heartiest

the Tyroleans by heartiest

congratulations

congratulations

of course Charles you need wait up for

of course Charles you need wait up for

me you know how these things are I do

me you know how these things are I do

sir

sir

I'm doing d3v jet black stone afraid

I'm doing d3v jet black stone afraid

this is somewhat mournful occasion not

this is somewhat mournful occasion not

at all my boy not at all been married 38

at all my boy not at all been married 38

years myself and I don't regret one day

years myself and I don't regret one day

of it the one day of it I don't regret

of it the one day of it I don't regret

was August 2nd 1936 she was all visiting

was August 2nd 1936 she was all visiting

her ailing mother at the die gentlemen

her ailing mother at the die gentlemen

your attention please

your attention please

[Laughter]

[Laughter]

miss Valerie James wonderful wonderful

miss Valerie James wonderful wonderful

girl by the way here here thank you

miss Bowery James has decided not to

miss Bowery James has decided not to

marry me after all she gave me back the

marry me after all she gave me back the

ring

[Applause]

Oh

Oh

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]

Oh

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

new very versatile your honor you're

new very versatile your honor you're

absolutely - nice

absolutely - nice

nonsense Bogart and the silver to judge

nonsense Bogart and the silver to judge

hence the origin of the phrase

hence the origin of the phrase

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

we will

[Music]

[Music]

Oh

Oh

[Music]

[Music]

do it

[Music]

[Music]

come on Charles

come on Charles

good morning sir lay in a bedroom likely

good morning sir lay in a bedroom likely

our break this to you the amount of a

our break this to you the amount of a

cake seem to be married

oh you're awake

oh you're awake

that's fine crazy serious talk now first

that's fine crazy serious talk now first

of all I would like to apologize for

of all I would like to apologize for

last night obviously a mistake has been

last night obviously a mistake has been

made on my life it's nothing that can't

made on my life it's nothing that can't

be rectified it certainly can be

be rectified it certainly can be

directed by quite some people all

directed by quite some people all

justify it

let's begin by just very calmly

let's begin by just very calmly

discussing the facts huh

discussing the facts huh

last night at old Toby's bachelor dinner

last night at old Toby's bachelor dinner

you came out of a cake that's perfectly

you came out of a cake that's perfectly

natural young ladies people think about

natural young ladies people think about

Acacia bachelor dinners so far so good

Acacia bachelor dinners so far so good

you and I were attracted to each other

you and I were attracted to each other

well that's also perfectly natural we

well that's also perfectly natural we

happen to be extremely attracted people

happen to be extremely attracted people

at any rate I followed you back to your

at any rate I followed you back to your

dressing room and on some insane impulse

dressing room and on some insane impulse

I asked you to marry me while I was

I asked you to marry me while I was

intoxicated I don't

intoxicated I don't

apparently you accepted at which point

apparently you accepted at which point

is I remember yeah we went back to the

is I remember yeah we went back to the

dining room to announce our betrothal

dining room to announce our betrothal

which was readed with some enthusiasm by

which was readed with some enthusiasm by

my friend to friends so right away the

my friend to friends so right away the

mayor gets on the phone and he wakes up

mayor gets on the phone and he wakes up

the license clerk and waves the blood

the license clerk and waves the blood

tests and before I knew what hit me

tests and before I knew what hit me

there's Judge Blackstone two guys

there's Judge Blackstone two guys

holding him up now pronouncing your

holding him up now pronouncing your

Marilyn wife and well anyway that's

Marilyn wife and well anyway that's

where things stand

where things stand

my dear at the moment as I said yes

my dear at the moment as I said yes

nothing like that that can't be

nothing like that that can't be

rectified

rectified

quite simply you'll get a handsome

quite simply you'll get a handsome

so very well off six weeks and

so very well off six weeks and

mouselings way over a stoic marital you

mouselings way over a stoic marital you

determine TLO capito una parada de lo

determine TLO capito una parada de lo

que dit pero cuando parley conquest

que dit pero cuando parley conquest

affair a cozy cozy maravilloso cozy

affair a cozy cozy maravilloso cozy

splendid over

splendid over

vanyo para siempre Philly Chitra pencil

vanyo para siempre Philly Chitra pencil

a pencil como moko me tha to present a

a pencil como moko me tha to present a

donde para ser a Somali

donde para ser a Somali

da questa troppo

da questa troppo

New York acidity like oh oh oh very

New York acidity like oh oh oh very

Merry Tamiya Bradley committed to an

Merry Tamiya Bradley committed to an

octopus had a string Jimmy Porter for

octopus had a string Jimmy Porter for

default

default

I got your Italian una política you

I got your Italian una política you

don't though speak the English we know

don't though speak the English we know

is not at all

is not at all

pero your sauce - Django it's tasty -

pero your sauce - Django it's tasty -

party mood to piano yo capisco to tow

party mood to piano yo capisco to tow

you tell you yes oh my god me I'll be

you tell you yes oh my god me I'll be

right back you get him dressed me go

right back you get him dressed me go

Topham butler's salad really Charl chart

Topham butler's salad really Charl chart

Charles Charles

Charles Charles

you can't do this but I do not work for

you can't do this but I do not work for

married couples knew that before you

married couples knew that before you

entered into this curious alarm for now

entered into this curious alarm for now

Charles please Charles would you look at

Charles please Charles would you look at

me Gaja how did it happen really wasn't

me Gaja how did it happen really wasn't

my fault I swear it wasn't and you

my fault I swear it wasn't and you

better believe me now you've got to

better believe me now you've got to

course I believe you fell oh poor

course I believe you fell oh poor

Charles Goodson

Charles Goodson

what is to become of us now I don't know

what is to become of us now I don't know

I don't know

if you can keep your head when all

if you can keep your head when all

around losing theirs and blaming it on

around losing theirs and blaming it on

you as a matter of fact you're right

you as a matter of fact you're right

Charles we had nothing to worry about

Charles we had nothing to worry about

nothing to worry about it all I've

nothing to worry about it all I've

already explained the situation to the

already explained the situation to the

young lady I told her I expected to be

young lady I told her I expected to be

on an airplane to Las Vegas this

on an airplane to Las Vegas this

afternoon but I guess a good novice

afternoon but I guess a good novice

uh-oh

uh-oh

what was the young lady's reaction Oh a

what was the young lady's reaction Oh a

little difficult to sage doesn't sin to

little difficult to sage doesn't sin to

speak English

speak English

[Music]

Charles Josh good God doesn't speak and

Charles Josh good God doesn't speak and

yet when we have a hand if one yoga

yet when we have a hand if one yoga

around many lessons who pop out of cakes

around many lessons who pop out of cakes

it don't be well mother catches catch

it don't be well mother catches catch

cancer

Charles yeah surely Charles you can

Charles yeah surely Charles you can

realize how ridiculous this whole thing

realize how ridiculous this whole thing

is now I'll call Carol Anson I'll run

is now I'll call Carol Anson I'll run

down to see him and it'd all be

down to see him and it'd all be

straightened out in about five minutes

straightened out in about five minutes

look Chuck I promise you by three

look Chuck I promise you by three

o'clock assessment should be on a plane

o'clock assessment should be on a plane

to LA yeah I yeah it's reason now look

to LA yeah I yeah it's reason now look

why don't you now just go back to your

why don't you now just go back to your

room you're beautiful beautiful room

room you're beautiful beautiful room

where you've been so happy with your

where you've been so happy with your

books music hmm well just unpacked

books music hmm well just unpacked

Charles nothing has changed I promise

Charles nothing has changed I promise

you get everything usual time Charles

for one please Charles

ah there you are the road Restless so

ah there you are the road Restless so

until you well get wait outside while I

until you well get wait outside while I

get dressed huh you know and then you

get dressed huh you know and then you

need we go talk them lawyer the second

need we go talk them lawyer the second

boot Herald having trouble deep I don't

boot Herald having trouble deep I don't

think it's anything you can't handle

think it's anything you can't handle

something weekend but I'm in terrible

something weekend but I'm in terrible

terrible trouble

terrible trouble

worse than that Harold I'm I'm married

worse than that Harold I'm I'm married

married that's right

married that's right

I'm married no now there's lots to do to

I'm married no now there's lots to do to

take lawyer's office gotta go to the

take lawyer's office gotta go to the

whores office come on we've got a

whores office come on we've got a

separation agreement get your lawyer Las

separation agreement get your lawyer Las

Vegas hotel reservation

oh well well I wanna see the little lay

oh well well I wanna see the little lay

that finally nailed old Stan you don't

that finally nailed old Stan you don't

mind if I kiss the bride do you boy

mind if I kiss the bride do you boy

Oh congratulations mrs. Ford

Oh congratulations mrs. Ford

Oh gotcha gotcha gotcha thunder oh

Oh gotcha gotcha gotcha thunder oh

you're right kiss Italian mean that she

you're right kiss Italian mean that she

doesn't speak ate my Engl ah Sh not one

doesn't speak ate my Engl ah Sh not one

word not a word

word not a word

oh you're lucky devil oh please I would

oh you're lucky devil oh please I would

got one day of my song but don't let

got one day of my song but don't let

million thinks that you'll get her at

million thinks that you'll get her at

airport now Stanley you've got to make

airport now Stanley you've got to make

out a new will and get a lawyer in Las

out a new will and get a lawyer in Las

Vegas then you've got to get your prison

Vegas then you've got to get your prison

like your physical I'm gonna have doctor

like your physical I'm gonna have doctor

come in here and check you out right

come in here and check you out right

here in the office I'll only take a

here in the office I'll only take a

moment

moment

Tahereh what the hell are you talking

Tahereh what the hell are you talking

about I am talking to you about gas

about I am talking to you about gas

rooms insurance Stan you are that be

rooms insurance Stan you are that be

enough I can you may go now you're a

enough I can you may go now you're a

married man now with responsibilities no

married man now with responsibilities no

what if you were to get hit by a truck

what if you were to get hit by a truck

not going to get hit by a truck well

not going to get hit by a truck well

Stan the point is this no matter what

Stan the point is this no matter what

happens to you you are going to want to

happens to you you are going to want to

know that mrs. Ford mrs. Ford hey that

know that mrs. Ford mrs. Ford hey that

sounds booth is being cared for all I

sounds booth is being cared for all I

want to know is that mrs. Ford is on an

want to know is that mrs. Ford is on an

airplane to Las Vegas this afternoon oh

please will you please in fact your

please will you please in fact your

little thing you got their lives look at

little thing you got their lives look at

them okay adorable together

them okay adorable together

no thought I better save the day as am i

no thought I better save the day as am i

love this is Stan's wife it

love this is Stan's wife it

doesn't speak a wrd of English Oh mrs.

doesn't speak a wrd of English Oh mrs.

Ford this my wife but she speak mucho

Ford this my wife but she speak mucho

good Italian Berlin dollars dollars many

good Italian Berlin dollars dollars many

many lyrics I'll apparel you sound like

many lyrics I'll apparel you sound like

a people minded Indian congratula

a people minded Indian congratula

Tiernan your Yahoo a wonderfully she's

Tiernan your Yahoo a wonderfully she's

very simple I want to know I do not like

very simple I want to know I do not like

being married

being married

how do you know but I don't know any

how do you know but I don't know any

years you haven't managed to it

years you haven't managed to it

alright Ryder and it's be much sir Oh

alright Ryder and it's be much sir Oh

Stanley your wife as the puter sense of

Stanley your wife as the puter sense of

humor you know what you just said she

humor you know what you just said she

said that she met you last night when

said that she met you last night when

she came out of a cake that's right she

she came out of a cake that's right she

did

did

he's door for Johnny where's his house

he's door for Johnny where's his house

Amina's your vision whatever what does

Amina's your vision whatever what does

that mean oh you know what you have to

that mean oh you know what you have to

do you like then that's what she was

do you like then that's what she was

doing how about I take in the first

doing how about I take in the first

place

place

Oh see AB I'm a mighty trove of e

Oh see AB I'm a mighty trove of e

Network a unique akiko copter to toe

Network a unique akiko copter to toe

trove are a turkey turkey mary bono

trove are a turkey turkey mary bono

robot on TV sticky which is a position

robot on TV sticky which is a position

she said that time that was the only job

she said that time that was the only job

she could get because because all her

she could get because because all her

clothes were stolen oh oh the good

clothes were stolen oh oh the good

doctor I stand you know dr. pepper here

doctor I stand you know dr. pepper here

gets here to give you your Christmas

gets here to give you your Christmas

yeah just a minute let me get this right

yeah just a minute let me get this right

now who stole her clothes who stole the

now who stole her clothes who stole the

clothes it

clothes it

oh holy mandala plan de smet what'd she

oh holy mandala plan de smet what'd she

say what'd she say and she said all our

say what'd she say and she said all our

cousin star might need recline whoever

cousin star might need recline whoever

she may be

she may be

all right gorgeous left aah

all right gorgeous left aah

40 times his way on all I want is your

40 times his way on all I want is your

wage anyway

wage anyway

how old do you have to be to get a job

how old do you have to be to get a job

or just walk right after you tell this

or just walk right after you tell this

lunatic I'm not interested in his

lunatic I'm not interested in his

insurance I'm getting a divorce

insurance I'm getting a divorce

give us yes give us uh no no II that

give us yes give us uh no no II that

you're not divorced No

you're not divorced No

the divorce Vyacheslav awesome film a

the divorce Vyacheslav awesome film a

commercial Oh Mastroianni Oh master Ani

commercial Oh Mastroianni Oh master Ani

into the photography me boy

after where where did all of this happen

after where where did all of this happen

we're women we're full of door day honey

we're women we're full of door day honey

ha ha mr. galaxy Concorso galaxy what

ha ha mr. galaxy Concorso galaxy what

did she say

did she say

miss galaxy contest by sector switches

miss galaxy contest by sector switches

miss galaxy contest look look oh hey

miss galaxy contest look look oh hey

address of your control command &

address of your control command &

Conquer to the musical acts each other I

Conquer to the musical acts each other I

already vaca so Concorso arrived

already vaca so Concorso arrived

acoustic encore so it too - sorry bandit

acoustic encore so it too - sorry bandit

obeys an orifice Elena's an acoustic

obeys an orifice Elena's an acoustic

allure oppression Americana

allure oppression Americana

leo mission is born open a quest Oh

leo mission is born open a quest Oh

memento quack - till yeoman esposo

memento quack - till yeoman esposo

esposo esposo

esposo esposo

yo Prez Oh Leela Tanya das or no friend

yo Prez Oh Leela Tanya das or no friend

Olli lasagna soup little foreign oh yeah

Olli lasagna soup little foreign oh yeah

do concussed oh hey sigue sigue kusuda

do concussed oh hey sigue sigue kusuda

to Tigger well sheshe mmm well uh Wow

to Tigger well sheshe mmm well uh Wow

she said she would have won the contest

she said she would have won the contest

except for one thing that was the talent

except for one thing that was the talent

part and her talent was cooking she made

part and her talent was cooking she made

a key copy pasta lasagna - please behind

a key copy pasta lasagna - please behind

your little sleigh my god I've got to go

your little sleigh my god I've got to go

back to Berlin Ronnie wait when she bent

back to Berlin Ronnie wait when she bent

down to take the souffle out of the oven

down to take the souffle out of the oven

all the men in the audience started

all the men in the audience started

jumping you know but oh fuck off the

jumping you know but oh fuck off the

rope and Alan screaming Oh Dom with your

rope and Alan screaming Oh Dom with your

questions well I've also got neighbors

questions well I've also got neighbors

oh no and I haven't been hit by a truck

oh no and I haven't been hit by a truck

yet either Harold

yet either Harold

I walked on these always loves a good

I walked on these always loves a good

box will be clubbed yes

box will be clubbed yes

yeah I brought up your Leslie please why

yeah I brought up your Leslie please why

can't you get me a divorce okay what

can't you get me a divorce okay what

other clients get divorces from their

other clients get divorces from their

lawyers other clients give their

lawyers other clients give their

attorneys grounds to work off to get the

attorneys grounds to work off to get the

divorce don't think about that a little

divorce don't think about that a little

bit like they have dizziness fainting

bit like they have dizziness fainting

spells headaches asthma no grounds

spells headaches asthma no grounds

grounds like adultery mental cruelty

grounds like adultery mental cruelty

desertion insanity how would you

desertion insanity how would you

evaluate your drinking habits not at all

evaluate your drinking habits not at all

occasional social cocktail Emily except

occasional social cocktail Emily except

just once

just once

yeah just one you're gonna need one now

yeah just one you're gonna need one now

oh you're gonna call ya back aches liver

oh you're gonna call ya back aches liver

kidney intestinal ailments rhyme spell

Oh living creature family you know what

Oh living creature family you know what

you just told me all chairs life is what

you just told me all chairs life is what

she's wearing a bathing under the

she's wearing a bathing under the

raincoat be any noise Andiamo pair

raincoat be any noise Andiamo pair

program also cookies oh oh

program also cookies oh oh

then have a bar your darling light for

then have a bar your darling light for

the next few hours and we're going to

the next few hours and we're going to

buy her everything from large red with

buy her everything from large red with

mink coat I can't get a reasonable

mink coat I can't get a reasonable

compromise with the dolly Mouton Dina

compromise with the dolly Mouton Dina

Angie acha DeVito Oh Oh call me so much

Angie acha DeVito Oh Oh call me so much

thank you

thank you

pero pero yo yo jacket you know Jay I

pero pero yo yo jacket you know Jay I

[Applause]

would resent that Rudy has a coat and

would resent that Rudy has a coat and

she doesn't wear underwear Anika I come

she doesn't wear underwear Anika I come

with me I'll take care of everything

with me I'll take care of everything

everything gave Annie Oh Angus will be

everything gave Annie Oh Angus will be

boys

boys

you remember the club now had a

you remember the club now had a

full-fledged member

full-fledged member

[Music]

delivery

delivery

[Music]

[Music]

sister board residence

sister board residence

yeah yeah whoo you know what he wants

yeah yeah whoo you know what he wants

this is for for people with this stuff

this is for for people with this stuff

in the kitchen

yes delivery I think you're part of the

yes delivery I think you're part of the

for president

for president

yes but cat what this is for to just

yes but cat what this is for to just

replace this directly in her bedroom

replace this directly in her bedroom

there must be some left

there must be some left

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

what if change to say they can't imagine

what if change to say they can't imagine

holding you fellows your fault

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

oh oh well I may be attached but what

oh oh well I may be attached but what

the hell is going on Charles but I'm

the hell is going on Charles but I'm

afraid this new arrangement isn't going

afraid this new arrangement isn't going

to work

to work

yes well I oz actor for this woman is

yes well I oz actor for this woman is

mad stark raving mad she is nothing be

mad stark raving mad she is nothing be

preparing a lasagna souffle what

preparing a lasagna souffle what

Nathaniel soup but look at the spaghetti

Nathaniel soup but look at the spaghetti

sauce green onion brownie and it needs a

sauce green onion brownie and it needs a

roundabout Hey it comes when you are

roundabout Hey it comes when you are

smells good so I am I am not given their

smells good so I am I am not given their

tour you swing out to meet her but it's

tour you swing out to meet her but it's

really this simple you will have to take

really this simple you will have to take

your choice either she goes or I you

your choice either she goes or I you

know lying to settle if you just won't

know lying to settle if you just won't

be so arbitrary now really the kids

be so arbitrary now really the kids

first day you're out you I got a row you

first day you're out you I got a row you

know more I'm gonna think why don't you

know more I'm gonna think why don't you

understand sir never had I thought that

understand sir never had I thought that

it might come to this I therefore they

it might come to this I therefore they

took the precaution of repacking my bags

took the precaution of repacking my bags

on Kuwait look let's not Charles when

on Kuwait look let's not Charles when

you started now where do you think

you started now where do you think

you're gonna go what would you possibly

you're gonna go what would you possibly

do actually that mr. Rollins own this

do actually that mr. Rollins own this

afternoon what unit were old tobe

afternoon what unit were old tobe

yes he has decided not to marry and you

yes he has decided not to marry and you

would have decided to reverse it was his

would have decided to reverse it was his

feeling that perhaps I might feel

feeling that perhaps I might feel

happier working for him and I could not

happier working for him and I could not

agree with him more sir a child with

agree with him more sir a child with

Oh Oh Chinese did 20 years ago is

Oh Oh Chinese did 20 years ago is

goodbye not a chance in Tsukuba no days

goodbye not a chance in Tsukuba no days

to go by yes

to go by yes

non-si preoccupied no te preocupe REO po

non-si preoccupied no te preocupe REO po

so far FST questo è molto molto DTA

so far FST questo è molto molto DTA

mamma mamma mia Daruma Quinta it was

mamma mamma mia Daruma Quinta it was

already second tank Academy your mother

already second tank Academy your mother

is coming here I should oh my god

is coming here I should oh my god

not do not cocktail and message machine

not do not cocktail and message machine

not cocktail and child child child child

not cocktail and child child child child

[Music]

there all the time

there all the time

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

look please hello

look please hello

when please there's one thing I cannot

when please there's one thing I cannot

stand it is a woman crying I just go on

stand it is a woman crying I just go on

please please

please please

what connection would oh oh

thank you please PLEASE lost I'm sorry

thank you please PLEASE lost I'm sorry

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

doli doli young Republican and we have

doli doli young Republican and we have

only four do we know so far

lunch

lunch

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

Sally sandy I can't forget the ones with

Sally sandy I can't forget the ones with

the white hats are they the good guys of

the white hats are they the good guys of

the bad guys

the bad guys

white hats good guys okay thank you very

white hats good guys okay thank you very

much

ah what's the matter with you boy just

ah what's the matter with you boy just

the walk and he's austere that's what

the walk and he's austere that's what

you man having a to our fleeting last we

you man having a to our fleeting last we

wish newlyweds

wish newlyweds

well it isn't that isn't that at all

well it isn't that isn't that at all

well not entirely that the tan

well not entirely that the tan

television she's got it going all night

television she's got it going all night

long oh well she does treasure it helps

long oh well she does treasure it helps

her with her English

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

oh damn oh good the delicate and highly

oh damn oh good the delicate and highly

complex mechanism in our being

complex mechanism in our being

overwhelmed overwhelmed

overwhelmed overwhelmed

oh poor dog is so work work pressure

oh poor dog is so work work pressure

pressure the tension mounts and before

pressure the tension mounts and before

you know it he takes right oh they talk

you know it he takes right oh they talk

less about this on TV okay tomorrow

ah

[Music]

[Music]

Oh

[Music]

[Music]

anybody home home study today is almost

anybody home home study today is almost

ready oh oh my god I do mine please all

ready oh oh my god I do mine please all

I want is just some dry toast and black

I want is just some dry toast and black

coffee I weigh 182 pounds on my clothes

coffee I weigh 182 pounds on my clothes

don't fit anymore oh thank you good Oh

don't fit anymore oh thank you good Oh

Stanley look look the light boxes is a

Stanley look look the light boxes is a

go to Indian debate with electric

go to Indian debate with electric

electrician to fix oh just a moment why

electrician to fix oh just a moment why

can't we get an electrician no no this

can't we get an electrician no no this

is smaller they got a very strong Union

is smaller they got a very strong Union

I don't want to they are bound to change

I don't want to they are bound to change

that ice about every day's it's very

that ice about every day's it's very

good for you to walk with your hands

good for you to walk with your hands

nice with us okay you know you can get a

nice with us okay you know you can get a

shock book around electricity if you

shock book around electricity if you

don't know what you're doing and I don't

don't know what you're doing and I don't

when I was two years old I don't you

when I was two years old I don't you

have to cover up all the outlets in the

have to cover up all the outlets in the

room and electricity would lead out

room and electricity would lead out

it's cover up all right I'll do it I

it's cover up all right I'll do it I

know what'll happen I'll screw the thing

know what'll happen I'll screw the thing

in oh oh

[Music]

Oh family it's fun it's very very funny

Oh family it's fun it's very very funny

yes very funny I have a good idea

yes very funny I have a good idea

the burning out of the testicles for

the burning out of the testicles for

dinner everything to go home in the body

dinner everything to go home in the body

not I might take away their own Oh mrs.

not I might take away their own Oh mrs.

for sorry one egg but it's all

for sorry one egg but it's all

herald-leader it's usually best ready

herald-leader it's usually best ready

and I'll before was puzzled leaves many

and I'll before was puzzled leaves many

patients up and out in front of my room

patients up and out in front of my room

looking at his watch makes me so nervous

looking at his watch makes me so nervous

to wonder undressed at all oh you're

to wonder undressed at all oh you're

looking mighty good in there love them

looking mighty good in there love them

pyjamas I picked them out oh my tell me

pyjamas I picked them out oh my tell me

putting on a little it is a necessary

putting on a little it is a necessary

you speak English

you speak English

Miri because you all know because no

Miri because you all know because no

less known em that all right you're at

less known em that all right you're at

all all family you've marriages of the

all all family you've marriages of the

Treasury rockin man oh look a look at us

Treasury rockin man oh look a look at us

for me show oh oh well I like I love it

for me show oh oh well I like I love it

love it love it

love it love it

Oh Carol yeah I checked with Tiffany's

Oh Carol yeah I checked with Tiffany's

and your real presence going to be ready

and your real presence going to be ready

next weeks it's just nothing I bought it

next weeks it's just nothing I bought it

wrong Tammis but it's so cute we got one

wrong Tammis but it's so cute we got one

for our part huh Oh Stanley I just love

for our part huh Oh Stanley I just love

the place now I really do it used to be

the place now I really do it used to be

attractive in a way but well I always

attractive in a way but well I always

thought it was rather cold and austere

thought it was rather cold and austere

now is it's a more accessable Oh ding

now is it's a more accessable Oh ding

Jim men men with drinking yes I know

Jim men men with drinking yes I know

just where to go to danger men drinking

just where to go to danger men drinking

yeah it's cute Stan it's pretty cute

yeah it's cute Stan it's pretty cute

it reminds me of all the fellas down in

it reminds me of all the fellas down in

the office he has one up there that

the office he has one up there that

reads think for a whim yeah generally

reads think for a whim yeah generally

there will be an expert on prefabricated

there will be an expert on prefabricated

American humor dangerously yeah

wonderful to see Stanley so happy really

wonderful to see Stanley so happy really

I can't tell you how great glad that

I can't tell you how great glad that

somebody finally nailed them

somebody finally nailed them

you nailed a bad as fucked up as fossil

you nailed a bad as fucked up as fossil

bull's-eyes photo I see well one of them

bull's-eyes photo I see well one of them

is running around loose nobody's safe

is running around loose nobody's safe

you know Harold is come home have three

you know Harold is come home have three

drinks and start talking about is

drinks and start talking about is

freedom freedom give us back deeper

freedom freedom give us back deeper

parable there they were children in it

parable there they were children in it

Pecola piccola bambina but I think they

Pecola piccola bambina but I think they

are very generous sweet sweet huh oh I

are very generous sweet sweet huh oh I

like very much yes of course they are

like very much yes of course they are

but you see with us it's different a

but you see with us it's different a

woman is never really free until she

woman is never really free until she

isn't married now she's free to enjoy

isn't married now she's free to enjoy

the good things in life she can spend

the good things in life she can spend

money there are many many money and whom

money there are many many money and whom

have little affairs and still be taken

have little affairs and still be taken

care of that's why men have to be

care of that's why men have to be

controlled

controlled

controller controller called horizon hi

controller controller called horizon hi

good of the home is actually it's just a

good of the home is actually it's just a

matter of us keeping them off balance

matter of us keeping them off balance

mmm-hmm look I'll show you something

mmm-hmm look I'll show you something

the door is closed huh

the door is closed huh

they can't hear us and we can't hear

they can't hear us and we can't hear

them right

them right

what hello hello

what hello hello

that's right uh yes dear I heard that I

that's right uh yes dear I heard that I

heard what they're you know very well

heard what they're you know very well

what no I don't what if you want to do

what no I don't what if you want to do

look let's not discuss it in front of

look let's not discuss it in front of

strangers

strangers

yeah but you to you it we'll talk about

yeah but you to you it we'll talk about

it when we get home

they're always guilty as hell about

they're always guilty as hell about

something so II says Sam you can't but I

something so II says Sam you can't but I

I can do it Sam you know I do my the

I can do it Sam you know I do my the

funny part of her hey sandy Eddie yes

funny part of her hey sandy Eddie yes

but you are have helped because I know

but you are have helped because I know

it might burn I'll tell you look Dutch

it might burn I'll tell you look Dutch

and expect if she's experiment how you

and expect if she's experiment how you

have another drink when we were in the

have another drink when we were in the

kitchen I can tell by that quantity look

kitchen I can tell by that quantity look

in your eye now what's the point of her

in your eye now what's the point of her

cooking all day if you want to be too

cooking all day if you want to be too

drunk to enjoy it no she's right and how

drunk to enjoy it no she's right and how

did he do please

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

I'm here hee-hee-hee

I'm here hee-hee-hee

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

very funny

very funny

whoa

[Music]

hi this is mr. poor would you put a

hi this is mr. poor would you put a

little Anson on the phone please what

little Anson on the phone please what

you do you think it's cute and it's so

you do you think it's cute and it's so

typical you just loved it when I spare

typical you just loved it when I spare

willingly spilt this but could I remind

willingly spilt this but could I remind

you of something you were just a

you of something you were just a

secretary and a very inefficient one at

secretary and a very inefficient one at

that and not only that you're a woman

that and not only that you're a woman

and as such your opinions mean nothing

and as such your opinions mean nothing

to me nothing whatsoever now but that's

to me nothing whatsoever now but that's

relaxing on the phone Harold if Stan

relaxing on the phone Harold if Stan

listen there's gonna be some changes

listen there's gonna be some changes

around here I want a full-scale meeting

around here I want a full-scale meeting

and I want it this morning you me the

and I want it this morning you me the

guys from the syndicate the accountants

guys from the syndicate the accountants

and everybody eleven o'clock what no not

and everybody eleven o'clock what no not

here

here

I hate I hate your office at the

I hate here I hate your office at the

club Jimmy I'm a cop

hello oh hi here listen I'm sorry to

hello oh hi here listen I'm sorry to

wake you but I think this is an

wake you but I think this is an

emergency

emergency

what yes I just called Harold's office

what yes I just called Harold's office

and they told me he's in a meeting with

and they told me he's in a meeting with

Stanley at the club I do not see what is

Stanley at the club I do not see what is

wrong with the club well you can't keep

wrong with the club well you can't keep

track of them when they're in the club

track of them when they're in the club

that's what's wrong with the club you

that's what's wrong with the club you

can't even be sure that they're there of

can't even be sure that they're there of

course he is there I recalled him on the

course he is there I recalled him on the

telephone

telephone

Haho store go ahead chrome on the

Haho store go ahead chrome on the

Taliban I'll tell you what you get

Taliban I'll tell you what you get

you'll get em under thorough but mr.

you'll get em under thorough but mr.

Ford cannot be reached at the moment

Ford cannot be reached at the moment

he's in a gymnasium gymnasium he's

he's in a gymnasium gymnasium he's

probably off hand-holding with her movie

probably off hand-holding with her movie

starlet I think maybe I call him I think

starlet I think maybe I call him I think

maybe I call him right now

maybe I call him right now

good luck thank you goodbye

hello mr. Sallyport please I'm sorry I

hello mr. Sallyport please I'm sorry I

can't reach mr. Fogg just at the moment

can't reach mr. Fogg just at the moment

he's in the gymnasium mm-hmm

he's in the gymnasium mm-hmm

thank you very much I'll admit it stance

thank you very much I'll admit it stance

at first down at the shot we all touch

at first down at the shot we all touch

for crazy Mary bash Brannigan off is

for crazy Mary bash Brannigan off is

just in Seema

just in Seema

well it wasn't doctor are they bad boy I

well it wasn't doctor are they bad boy I

was wrong they were all wrong sure

was wrong they were all wrong sure

America has taken the Brannigan's to its

America has taken the Brannigan's to its

heart and for the first time women for

heart and for the first time women for

reading the strip my wife just loves it

reading the strip my wife just loves it

now you know this morning when he

now you know this morning when he

spilled the soup she says it reminds her

spilled the soup she says it reminds her

of me anyway stand by the thing is we

of me anyway stand by the thing is we

were all wrong no you worked all wrong

were all wrong no you worked all wrong

it was a mistake tragic mistake that's

it was a mistake tragic mistake that's

why I called the knee well I still don't

why I called the knee well I still don't

understand why do we have to have the

understand why do we have to have the

meeting here Stan I must have call me at

meeting here Stan I must have call me at

least 15 times at the office right now

least 15 times at the office right now

you see Edna doesn't like it when I'm

you see Edna doesn't like it when I'm

someplace where she can't reach me by

someplace where she can't reach me by

phone that's the beautiful part about

phone that's the beautiful part about

the club they can't reach us here it's

the club they can't reach us here it's

the one place left it's safe

the one place left it's safe

[Music]

just a moment I'm sorry but the ladies

just a moment I'm sorry but the ladies

allowed inside the club well thank you

allowed inside the club well thank you

[Music]

[Music]

I'm sorry I can't reach mr. head with

I'm sorry I can't reach mr. head with

just now he's in the gymnasium and Sam

just now he's in the gymnasium and Sam

the big thing to remember now is the

the big thing to remember now is the

Brannigan's are a natural for toss fish

Brannigan's are a natural for toss fish

sure all we need is something beautiful

sure all we need is something beautiful

intelligent girl play the wife I'm

intelligent girl play the wife I'm

drooling people might an idiot to play

drooling people might an idiot to play

bash you've got yourself a built-in

bash you've got yourself a built-in

audience of 80 million and not only that

audience of 80 million and not only that

but merchandize wise Stan I think

but merchandize wise Stan I think

they've come up with some sensational

they've come up with some sensational

attires get this official bash Brannigan

attires get this official bash Brannigan

is an earth matching cooking aprons the

is an earth matching cooking aprons the

family that sautes together stays

family that sautes together stays

together I think that's the slogan Oh

together I think that's the slogan Oh

[Music]

Oh on that day a nightstand hobby

Oh on that day a nightstand hobby

Oh golly Oh beautiful belt unit one

Oh golly Oh beautiful belt unit one

moment mr. horse in the 123 proud years

moment mr. horse in the 123 proud years

of his club's existence not once not

of his club's existence not once not

once as a female of any description set

once as a female of any description set

foot on these premises now we're an

foot on these premises now we're an

understanding lunch here at the club mr.

understanding lunch here at the club mr.

Ford fella has one too many at the bar

Ford fella has one too many at the bar

we see to it that he gets to his train

we see to it that he gets to his train

all right Phil has a little hokey pokey

all right Phil has a little hokey pokey

going in the afternoon his wife calls we

going in the afternoon his wife calls we

say he's in the gym but this mr. Ford is

say he's in the gym but this mr. Ford is

too much as chairman of the Rules

too much as chairman of the Rules

Committee I suggest you spare yourself

Committee I suggest you spare yourself

the embarrassment of an open hearing and

the embarrassment of an open hearing and

submit your resignation at once I'd do

submit your resignation at once I'd do

something back

I mean take this lying down like that

I mean take this lying down like that

ruling people minded idiot that I am but

ruling people minded idiot that I am but

back back and will not tell us how that

back back and will not tell us how that

[Applause]

child she's in love so she's never going

child she's in love so she's never going

to agree to a divorce so I live with

to agree to a divorce so I live with

only one choice murder man huh murder

only one choice murder man huh murder

I say oh absolutely

I say oh absolutely

bang off exactly six weeks from today

bang off exactly six weeks from today

chuckle so boom mrs. Ron again is gone -

chuckle so boom mrs. Ron again is gone -

can get back to being a secret agent

can get back to being a secret agent

there was a matter well if you forget

there was a matter well if you forget

that it is mrs. Brannigan your games

that it is mrs. Brannigan your games

murder in the comics tears were they

murder in the comics tears were they

yeah what is it oh nothing sir only just

yeah what is it oh nothing sir only just

for one moment one man God s moment I

for one moment one man God s moment I

thought however is - anything compared

thought however is - anything compared

to his wife and get away with it

to his wife and get away with it

well who knew sir

Farnham the scene again please and this

Farnham the scene again please and this

time see that the glasses are decently

time see that the glasses are decently

chilled

[Music]

at food this is the most powerful single

at food this is the most powerful single

remote control device created by the

remote control device created by the

Western world

[Music]

[Music]

an actual in tranquilizer mr. bored

an actual in tranquilizer mr. bored

gentle fast-acting eliminates tension

gentle fast-acting eliminates tension

removes excessive inhibitions and is

removes excessive inhibitions and is

almost completely without harmful side

almost completely without harmful side

effects almost almost

effects almost almost

alka deck Sebenza theropod izella mine

alka deck Sebenza theropod izella mine

as your doctor calls it and in this case

as your doctor calls it and in this case

is I happen to be your doctor that's

is I happen to be your doctor that's

what I call it is dangerous only when

what I call it is dangerous only when

taken in conjunction with alcohol even a

taken in conjunction with alcohol even a

sip of alcohol after taking one of these

sip of alcohol after taking one of these

pills and and hopped right up the wall

pills and and hopped right up the wall

and as you doctors call it and then and

and as you doctors call it and then and

then black right down again rule black

then black right down again rule black

thank you dr. Betty you're welcome

thank you dr. Betty you're welcome

[Music]

[Music]

you

you

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Laughter]

[Music]

this is for they I have the trial

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

can I be of any assistance

can I be of any assistance

don't be silly you're smashed I'm a

don't be silly you're smashed I'm a

Sobers judge you see tell me I had to do

Sobers judge you see tell me I had to do

the same thing for our last new easy so

the same thing for our last new easy so

I know exactly home okay okay I could

I know exactly home okay okay I could

maybe put some cold water on hand at

maybe put some cold water on hand at

make some coffee

make some coffee

I'll call you in a few minutes bye Brian

I've been looking all over to be mrs.

I've been looking all over to be mrs.

Ford miss James

[Music]

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[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

yes broken old back wonderful because

yes broken old back wonderful because

she will remember that tomorrow may 97

she will remember that tomorrow may 97

water

water

[Music]

come on you silly fuckin meddlesome old

come on you silly fuckin meddlesome old

battle-ax yes

battle-ax yes

Oh bad as my retinol better Steinman

Oh bad as my retinol better Steinman

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

you

[Music]

you

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

yeah

yeah

[Music]

[Music]

by all

well how could she have disappeared Stan

well how could she have disappeared Stan

wives don't just suddenly up and

wives don't just suddenly up and

disappear like that what I mean is it's

disappear like that what I mean is it's

not that easy boy I mean it's not that

not that easy boy I mean it's not that

easy you and I both know what women are

easy you and I both know what women are

mr. Ford they're sensitive little

mr. Ford they're sensitive little

creatures their masters or should I say

creatures their masters or should I say

mistresses of the fancied slight some

mistresses of the fancied slight some

little teeny thing goes wrong and whoop

little teeny thing goes wrong and whoop

off they go home to mother and that's

off they go home to mother and that's

probably where your wife is now with her

probably where your wife is now with her

mother yeah somewhere in Italy thank you

[Music]

which concludes our report from

which concludes our report from

Washington in the lighter vein readers

Washington in the lighter vein readers

of 463 newspapers from Bangor Maine to

of 463 newspapers from Bangor Maine to

Honolulu are asking this question will

Honolulu are asking this question will

bash brenigan hero of America's favorite

bash brenigan hero of America's favorite

comic strip the brenigan really murdered

comic strip the brenigan really murdered

his wife if the answer is yes is this

his wife if the answer is yes is this

than the beginning of a trend well Jack

than the beginning of a trend well Jack

would murder blondie little Abner and

would murder blondie little Abner and

knockoff dizzy named the answer remains

knockoff dizzy named the answer remains

a secret of cartoonist Stanley Ford and

a secret of cartoonist Stanley Ford and

mrs. Ford said to be the real-life

mrs. Ford said to be the real-life

prototype of mrs. Brannigan is

prototype of mrs. Brannigan is

unavailable for comment on the budget

unavailable for comment on the budget

picture in New York tonight

offer

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

it's perfectly clear what happened she

it's perfectly clear what happened she

saw the drawings of Branigan murdering

saw the drawings of Branigan murdering

his wife and in a typically idiotic

his wife and in a typically idiotic

female way she took it as some kind of a

female way she took it as some kind of a

personal insult there's nothing I don't

personal insult there's nothing I don't

know

know

anyway delicti no Carol if we're both

anyway delicti no Carol if we're both

gonna pace we got to work on a traffic

gonna pace we got to work on a traffic

pattern you go this way I'll go that way

pattern you go this way I'll go that way

all right anyway she just picked up for

all right anyway she just picked up for

a raincoat and or is bathing suit and

a raincoat and or is bathing suit and

our dog and she left look Stan I'm sure

our dog and she left look Stan I'm sure

that's exactly the way it happened but

that's exactly the way it happened but

there is an awful lot of evidence is

there is an awful lot of evidence is

circumstantial I'll admit it's a lot of

circumstantial I'll admit it's a lot of

it

it

well you can't try anybody for murder

well you can't try anybody for murder

house unless you produce a body well

house unless you produce a body well

normally stand yes that would be true

normally stand yes that would be true

but in this case and you see you and I

but in this case and you see you and I

and then and the police and 80 million

and then and the police and 80 million

readers of 463 newspapers from Maine to

readers of 463 newspapers from Maine to

Honolulu they all go and even my kids

Honolulu they all go and even my kids

all know that you murdered her and

all know that you murdered her and

buried her in the goop from the

buried her in the goop from the

competent club in a machine Stan what I

competent club in a machine Stan what I

mean is I'm going to be doing my very

mean is I'm going to be doing my very

best for this thing but it's only fair

best for this thing but it's only fair

to warn you that it doesn't look good it

to warn you that it doesn't look good it

does not look good

[Applause]

[Applause]

murdered his wife fiendishly and in cold

murdered his wife fiendishly and in cold

blood but even beyond this I ask you to

blood but even beyond this I ask you to

consider the arrogance of the man not

consider the arrogance of the man not

content with his tribe he then proceeded

content with his tribe he then proceeded

to publish in 463 newspapers from Bangor

to publish in 463 newspapers from Bangor

Maine to honor Lulu he shocking detail

Maine to honor Lulu he shocking detail

of his murder plan he regretted his

of his murder plan he regretted his

marriage from the very beginning and

marriage from the very beginning and

made every effort to worm his way out of

made every effort to worm his way out of

it I object your honor

it I object your honor

Harold how many times have I told you

Harold how many times have I told you

not to interrupt me when I'm talking but

not to interrupt me when I'm talking but

there listen you were shut up you know

there listen you were shut up you know

he killed her as well as I do what dear

he killed her as well as I do what dear

and let me tell you something else

and let me tell you something else

Harold Lampson if you go on defending

Harold Lampson if you go on defending

known murderers you're going to wake up

known murderers you're going to wake up

one morning and find yourself disbarred

one morning and find yourself disbarred

and it is your opinion that this drug

and it is your opinion that this drug

alpha deck Sebenza thorough father's

alpha deck Sebenza thorough father's

alibi as your doctor calls it in this

alibi as your doctor calls it in this

case of course as I don't happen to be

case of course as I don't happen to be

your doctor you could just call them

your doctor you could just call them

goofballs anyway doctor it is your

goofballs anyway doctor it is your

opinion that these goofballs can under

opinion that these goofballs can under

certain conditions be extremely

certain conditions be extremely

dangerous Oh only if taken in

dangerous Oh only if taken in

conjunction with alcohol otherwise

conjunction with alcohol otherwise

harmless absolutely harmless oh you'll

harmless absolutely harmless oh you'll

get a little high I have a few laughs

get a little high I have a few laughs

and occasional bursts in the song

and occasional bursts in the song

wouldn't be good enough to describe the

wouldn't be good enough to describe the

effect of these things when taken

effect of these things when taken

without all certainly huh right up to

without all certainly huh right up to

all and then laughs right top again

black and you contend mr. Burbank that

black and you contend mr. Burbank that

mr. Ford was simply conducting a dry run

mr. Ford was simply conducting a dry run

merely testing a murder plan for his

merely testing a murder plan for his

comic strip precisely sir you see mr.

comic strip precisely sir you see mr.

Ford would never ask

Ford would never ask

- banning him to do anything that he's

- banning him to do anything that he's

involve idiot and himself including

involve idiot and himself including

murder his wife

there's it occur to you mr. Burbank that

there's it occur to you mr. Burbank that

mr. Ford perhaps wanted you to think it

mr. Ford perhaps wanted you to think it

was only a dry run the night was dark

was only a dry run the night was dark

was it her

was it her

yeah but died and by your own admission

yeah but died and by your own admission

you observed and photographed the entire

you observed and photographed the entire

operation from a hotel window no closer

operation from a hotel window no closer

than a block away quite sir back then

than a block away quite sir back then

for all you know it was mrs. Ford's body

for all you know it was mrs. Ford's body

buried in the wet cement in

hey you don't actually mean recourse so

hey you don't actually mean recourse so

absolutely right

absolutely right

so what a silly didn't any I was not -

so what a silly didn't any I was not -

since when - 400 stations

since when - 400 stations

brilliant you can read

brilliant you can read

did you know you ahead make a cricket

did you know you ahead make a cricket

ball I thought it was a damn it even I

ball I thought it was a damn it even I

does that makes me a little bit damages

does that makes me a little bit damages

I can't how happy I am do this wrong

I can't how happy I am do this wrong

fine notice I'll be everything happens

fine notice I'll be everything happens

next week the prosecution read

[Music]

[Music]

no I don't think that's one chance in 10

no I don't think that's one chance in 10

that they'll actually send you to the

that they'll actually send you to the

chair stand oh maybe but personally I

chair stand oh maybe but personally I

think will be somewhere between or say

think will be somewhere between or say

20 years in life which isn't so terribly

20 years in life which isn't so terribly

bad when you come right down think of it

bad when you come right down think of it

I mean you always like simple food

I mean you always like simple food

regulated well watered life and looking

regulated well watered life and looking

at it from my point of view well if I

at it from my point of view well if I

had got you off dead no one event just

had got you off dead no one event just

furious I mean he wouldn't spoken to me

furious I mean he wouldn't spoken to me

for a couple of months you know how she

for a couple of months you know how she

is when she gets into one of those

is when she gets into one of those

things she makes my life an absolute

things she makes my life an absolute

living hell

living hell

no kidding Stan losing this case

no kidding Stan losing this case

tomorrow may be a little tough on you

tomorrow may be a little tough on you

that's one of the best things that's

that's one of the best things that's

happened to my whole life in years

hear ye hear ye hear ye a part of

hear ye hear ye hear ye a part of

General Sessions is now in session

if it was to come a like all of your

if it was to come a like all of your

honor but from this point forward I like

honor but from this point forward I like

to dispense with counsel and conduct my

to dispense with counsel and conduct my

own defense what are you talking on my

own defense what are you talking on my

first and only witness I would like to

first and only witness I would like to

call my friend and former attorney mr.

call my friend and former attorney mr.

Harold Lance I will allow you much

Harold Lance I will allow you much

before you please approach the bench

before you please approach the bench

gentlemen William hey Larry

gentlemen William hey Larry

and you yeah let me understand this mr.

and you yeah let me understand this mr.

Ford

Ford

hey you wish to serve as your own

hey you wish to serve as your own

counsel call mr. Lampson as a witness

counsel call mr. Lampson as a witness

the defense yeah I do your honor

the defense yeah I do your honor

right I really don't know what to say

right I really don't know what to say

well how about this is most irregular

well how about this is most irregular

but he may take a stand

but he may take a stand

oh thank you this is most irregular but

oh thank you this is most irregular but

he may take the stand

oh and this is ridiculous

oh and this is ridiculous

you don't even know how to cook button I

you don't even know how to cook button I

got I got you off from 20 years to life

got I got you off from 20 years to life

but this way you're going to wind up in

but this way you're going to wind up in

the electric chair

the electric chair

raise your right hand please you

raise your right hand please you

solemnly swear to tell the truth the

solemnly swear to tell the truth the

whole truth and nothing but the truth so

whole truth and nothing but the truth so

help you God I do be seated

help you God I do be seated

state your full name please our lives

state your full name please our lives

unite how'd you know damn well have it

unite how'd you know damn well have it

today yes yes how many years you been

today yes yes how many years you been

nine well let's see

nine well let's see

uh hell jr. is ten and we were living on

uh hell jr. is ten and we were living on

West 11th Street at the time so that

West 11th Street at the time so that

would make it there in the neighborhood

would make it there in the neighborhood

over 11 years you it is Oh 11 glorious

over 11 years you it is Oh 11 glorious

wonderful years yeah that's right 11

wonderful years yeah that's right 11

glorious wonderful years your honor I

glorious wonderful years your honor I

fail to see your honor I'm here trying

fail to see your honor I'm here trying

to establish the witness's

to establish the witness's

qualifications and voila as it typically

qualifications and voila as it typically

is that was a happily married American

is that was a happily married American

male that's what you are isn't it our a

male that's what you are isn't it our a

happily married American male yes I

happily married American male yes I

suppose so

suppose so

Stan look you're doing this Oh wrong you

Stan look you're doing this Oh wrong you

are two lovely children

are two lovely children

yes house in Scarsdale a late-model

yes house in Scarsdale a late-model

station wagon a Great Dane right yes

station wagon a Great Dane right yes

therefore Your Honor I submit that the

therefore Your Honor I submit that the

witness is eminently qualified now

witness is eminently qualified now

Harold I'm going to ask you a question I

Harold I'm going to ask you a question I

want you to think it over very carefully

want you to think it over very carefully

and then answer me as honestly as you

and then answer me as honestly as you

possibly can okay well do you believe in

possibly can okay well do you believe in

marriage well do you believe in marriage

marriage well do you believe in marriage

is an institution do you believe in it

well no yes sure of course I believe in

well no yes sure of course I believe in

ah tell me what what kind of a question

ah tell me what what kind of a question

is that anyway Stan where I said Harold

is that anyway Stan where I said Harold

which as you pointed out is quite likely

which as you pointed out is quite likely

to be in electric chairs rather a

to be in electric chairs rather a

central one I say however let me put it

central one I say however let me put it

to you a slightly different way

to you a slightly different way

let us assume for a moment that this dot

let us assume for a moment that this dot

I have just drawn is a buck but mm-hmm

I have just drawn is a buck but mm-hmm

bucket all right it's a button let's

bucket all right it's a button let's

further assume that if you were to push

further assume that if you were to push

that button your wife had not only urban

that button your wife had not only urban

I 411 wonderful and glorious years would

I 411 wonderful and glorious years would

suddenly and magically disappear as a

suddenly and magically disappear as a

birthday present vanish not be here no

birthday present vanish not be here no

longer exist I object

longer exist I object

overruled that's right overruled and

overruled that's right overruled and

will you please shut up

will you please shut up

this is beginning to get interesting oh

this is beginning to get interesting oh

thank you your honor let me add two

thank you your honor let me add two

important things Herald her

important things Herald her

disappearance would be absolutely and

disappearance would be absolutely and

completely harmless but what's more

completely harmless but what's more

important

important

no one repeat no one would ever know

no one repeat no one would ever know

that it was you who pushed that button

no one would ever know to Tolkien thank

no one would ever know to Tolkien thank

you I don't believe it you know look a

you I don't believe it you know look a

day over for it but you will to look a

day over for it but you will to look a

day over 40 if you lost your little

day over 40 if you lost your little

weights add up straight well well there

weights add up straight well well there

you are here you are in the prime of

you are here you are in the prime of

life I have some figure of a man

life I have some figure of a man

successful in business adored by one and

successful in business adored by one and

all in fact it could be said that you

all in fact it could be said that you

had it made except for the one thing

had it made except for the one thing

lousy lawyer you're married yeah but

lousy lawyer you're married yeah but

being married is the normal way totally

being married is the normal way totally

and then who says so Harold I think

and then who says so Harold I think

you've been brainwashed you're missing a

you've been brainwashed you're missing a

very important point

very important point

marriage is not a basic fact of nature

marriage is not a basic fact of nature

it's an invention it's like the infield

it's an invention it's like the infield

fly rule it exists only because the

fly rule it exists only because the

women say so and like idiots we just go

women say so and like idiots we just go

following right along no no no uh Stan I

following right along no no no uh Stan I

I don't know what I would do without

I don't know what I would do without

Edna she G Oh

Edna she G Oh

he plans the meals since my shirts to

he plans the meals since my shirts to

the laundry Browns are making another

the laundry Browns are making another

basic common masculine mistake you're

basic common masculine mistake you're

confusing love and laundry welcome let

confusing love and laundry welcome let

me tell you something the years now a

me tell you something the years now a

very nice gentleman who operates for

very nice gentleman who operates for

reasons I shall never understand under

reasons I shall never understand under

the name of Madame Renee has been

the name of Madame Renee has been

picking up my shirts every Monday and

picking up my shirts every Monday and

bringing him back beautifully done every

bringing him back beautifully done every

Thursday and that once not once in all

Thursday and that once not once in all

those years if I felt the slightest urge

those years if I felt the slightest urge

to marry him how much might be me

to marry him how much might be me

between seventy and eighty thousand a

between seventy and eighty thousand a

year how much of that 70 or 80,000 do

year how much of that 70 or 80,000 do

you get to spend on yourself well that

you get to spend on yourself well that

you know of course with that nothing the

you know of course with that nothing the

kids the payments house in Scarsdale and

kids the payments house in Scarsdale and

then of course I do carry a lot of life

then of course I do carry a lot of life

insurance yeah I understand the

insurance yeah I understand the

housetops for one month and think what

housetops for one month and think what

life could be like right now if you

life could be like right now if you

gentlemen of the jury this concerns you

gentlemen of the jury this concerns you

stop and think what your life could be

stop and think what your life could be

like right now if you had the common

like right now if you had the common

sense not to marry

sense not to marry

Josephine our Hilda or Mary or Peggy

Josephine our Hilda or Mary or Peggy

your Rochelle Edna

your Rochelle Edna

think what you could be doing with all

think what you could be doing with all

that money right now yeah have little

that money right now yeah have little

Chris Kraft baby

Chris Kraft baby

get rid of that broken-down money pit of

get rid of that broken-down money pit of

a house in Scarsdale

a house in Scarsdale

oh my the Aral all you get to do is poke

oh my the Aral all you get to do is poke

the button but I grow a mustache of

the button but I grow a mustache of

course put wax on the ends who could

course put wax on the ends who could

stop you I used to wear one before I was

stop you I used to wear one before I was

married I mean then be quite a dashing

married I mean then be quite a dashing

for you really think so

for you really think so

Bevin well that was always a little

Bevin well that was always a little

sparse on the left side higher like

sparse on the left side higher like

Barbie the trend Nancy you never even

Barbie the trend Nancy you never even

know there's a bunch of push a button

know there's a bunch of push a button

yeah I never could afford a really good

yeah I never could afford a really good

but then I became good now yeah oh but I

but then I became good now yeah oh but I

could not

could not

and you started thinking about girls the

and you started thinking about girls the

girls whole world full of girls just

girls whole world full of girls just

think on that a world pulsating with

think on that a world pulsating with

girls models hmm actresses you know it

girls models hmm actresses you know it

insurance man's new secretary Oh Oh

insurance man's new secretary Oh Oh

girls teen girls all girls round girls

pin-up girl so they don't pin up anymore

pin-up girl so they don't pin up anymore

they just fold up its you're giving me

they just fold up its you're giving me

idea and instead of that broken-down

idea and instead of that broken-down

money good of a house in Scarsdale you

money good of a house in Scarsdale you

get a townhouse off yourself with a

get a townhouse off yourself with a

butler

butler

like Charles push the button to have the

like Charles push the button to have the

martini glasses chilling when I come

martini glasses chilling when I come

home that's right exactly just come with

home that's right exactly just come with

me that's all you have to do is just

me that's all you have to do is just

push the button push nobody will ever

push the button push nobody will ever

know

know

just one little push and she's gone just

just one little push and she's gone just

push the button

no one won't ever know if you think I've

no one won't ever know if you think I've

made your life a living hell in the back

made your life a living hell in the back

you haven't even begun to learn the

you haven't even begun to learn the

meaning of the word supper shut up you

meaning of the word supper shut up you

old bat besides you won't feel a thing

old bat besides you won't feel a thing

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

hi everybody

Felix better remove them over here good

Felix better remove them over here good

idea from remover Oh Harold Harold is

idea from remover Oh Harold Harold is

what you put time would you be over

what you put time would you be over

dinner

dinner

Oh be home but you know whatever time it

Oh be home but you know whatever time it

pleases me to be offered and of course I

pleases me to be offered and of course I

may stop off at the club to have a

may stop off at the club to have a

couple of quickies on the way so among

couple of quickies on the way so among

you may call just take her out better

you may call just take her out better

put her in the tank if necessary all

put her in the tank if necessary all

right gentlemen

gentlemen I address you not as judge and

gentlemen I address you not as judge and

jury but as a fellow American mayor the

jury but as a fellow American mayor the

crime that you have just seen how

crime that you have just seen how

Lansing commits in his imagination I

Lansing commits in his imagination I

have been accused of committing in

have been accused of committing in

reality too long as the American man

reality too long as the American man

allowed himself to be bullied coddled

allowed himself to be bullied coddled

and mothers and tyrannize and in general

and mothers and tyrannize and in general

meant to feel like a feeble-minded idiot

meant to feel like a feeble-minded idiot

by the female of the species do you

by the female of the species do you

realize the power that you have in your

realize the power that you have in your

hand here today if one man just one man

hand here today if one man just one man

can stick his wife in a goop from my

can stick his wife in a goop from my

daughter product or upon a machine and

daughter product or upon a machine and

get away oh boy we got it made

get away oh boy we got it made

we have got it made oh yes gentlemen I

we have got it made oh yes gentlemen I

did it thank you

did it thank you

I murdered my wife every single tribe

I murdered my wife every single tribe

that the district attorney has leveled

that the district attorney has leveled

against me is true indeed I did sliver

against me is true indeed I did sliver

on the keeper I call gladly then stare

on the keeper I call gladly then stare

into what Toma cut from a popular coffee

into what Toma cut from a popular coffee

machine

machine

I ask you to equip me equip me on the

I ask you to equip me equip me on the

grounds of justifiable homicide for my

grounds of justifiable homicide for my

sake

yours if we do letter more that'll scare

yours if we do letter more that'll scare

the hell out of old Shari I could go

the hell out of old Shari I could go

around the world on a tramp steamer I

around the world on a tramp steamer I

could buy a motorcycle gentlemen of the

could buy a motorcycle gentlemen of the

jury have you reached a verdict

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

ah Thank You Belle

ah Thank You Belle

congratulations it's gonna be just like

congratulations it's gonna be just like

old times again

Charles I hope you don't get upset I

Charles I hope you don't get upset I

have a confession to make I didn't do it

[Music]

[Music]

you pick to it sir

you pick to it sir

well I mean if you didn't further huh

well I mean if you didn't further huh

where did she know I don't know your

where did she know I don't know your

mother somewhere in Italy I don't know

that you put some fun day she may come

that you put some fun day she may come

back yard again I also

back yard again I also

[Music]

[Music]

it doesn't matter

it doesn't matter

sir under American law

it doesn't matter sir under American law

you cannot be tried for the same crime

you cannot be tried for the same crime

twice

twice

they were really acquitted you of her

they were really acquitted you of her

murder so if she did come back quite

murder so if she did come back quite

giggly killed not again

giggly killed not again

it will be open season that's just

it will be open season that's just

something about one cow right between

something about one cow right between

the eyes it's supposed to be home again

the eyes it's supposed to be home again

I'll have a whole place back to normal

I'll have a whole place back to normal

in the metal days

in the metal days

goodbye big donkey lamps well a little

goodbye big donkey lamps well a little

chinses and I'll have you tipping the

chinses and I'll have you tipping the

scale at a hundred singing upon in their

scale at a hundred singing upon in their

time

time

[Music]

did you not wanna hear it on joint

did you not wanna hear it on joint

finish off I suppose if he think what

finish off I suppose if he think what

happen I can

[Music]

[Music]

Sarah son Donna mama de la signora

you

you

[Music]