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00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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00:00:57,179 --> 00:01:02,436
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
2
00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:39,478
Ah, hey, trouble.
3
00:04:39,562 --> 00:04:41,346
Hey, Tyler.
4
00:04:41,431 --> 00:04:44,066
So what was so urgent
you had to meet me here
5
00:04:44,133 --> 00:04:45,851
a half hour
before your big date?
6
00:04:45,935 --> 00:04:47,302
I'm totally freaking out.
7
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:49,804
I'm so nervous I think
I might wet myself.
8
00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:52,357
And not in a sexy way,
in the adult diaper way.
9
00:04:52,442 --> 00:04:53,722
Tyler, give me
a shot of Tequila.
10
00:04:53,743 --> 00:04:55,477
I need to calm the fuck down.
11
00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:57,779
Make it two.
If it's gonna be one
of those nights again,
12
00:04:57,830 --> 00:04:59,915
maybe we do need
to break out
the adult diapers.
13
00:04:59,982 --> 00:05:02,417
Wait, wait, wait.
14
00:05:02,485 --> 00:05:05,587
What're you
freaking out about?
It's the third date.
15
00:05:05,654 --> 00:05:07,822
Clearly he's into you
or he wouldn't be
coming back for more.
16
00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:09,675
That's what I'm
freaking out about.
It's the third date.
17
00:05:09,759 --> 00:05:10,842
Ah.
18
00:05:10,927 --> 00:05:12,511
So?
19
00:05:12,595 --> 00:05:14,012
Third date's the sex date.
20
00:05:14,097 --> 00:05:15,764
I haven't done it in months.
21
00:05:15,831 --> 00:05:18,333
What if my vagina's
broken or something?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
22
00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:20,168
You're telling me
that you've been out
23
00:05:20,219 --> 00:05:21,503
on two dates with this guy
24
00:05:21,604 --> 00:05:22,521
and you haven't fucked him yet?
25
00:05:22,605 --> 00:05:23,555
No.
26
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:27,008
Oh, Samantha.
27
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,277
You always fuck
on the first date.
28
00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:37,035
But I think
I really like
this guy,
29
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:38,653
I don't wanna scare him off.
30
00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:41,456
Sienna once stalked
this super-sexy
biker boy
31
00:05:41,524 --> 00:05:45,460
for like two whole years
before he finally agreed
to go out with her.
32
00:05:45,528 --> 00:05:48,046
And so they had
this amazing first date
33
00:05:48,131 --> 00:05:50,749
and contrary to everything
that she stands for,
34
00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:52,467
she didn't fuck him.
35
00:05:52,535 --> 00:05:54,136
Because she actually had
some feelings for him
36
00:05:54,203 --> 00:05:55,721
deep down inside
her black heart.
37
00:05:55,805 --> 00:05:57,005
And?
38
00:05:57,056 --> 00:05:59,808
And so they made
some plans for
the following weekend,
39
00:05:59,875 --> 00:06:01,343
only he never showed up.
40
00:06:03,479 --> 00:06:05,981
Because he died
in a motorcycle accident
the night before.
41
00:06:06,899 --> 00:06:07,882
Oh, God.
42
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,484
Yeah.
43
00:06:09,552 --> 00:06:11,603
Not fucking him
was her biggest regret.
44
00:06:11,687 --> 00:06:13,188
And that's why,
from that day forward,
45
00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:15,323
she vowed
to always fuck
on the first date.
46
00:06:15,391 --> 00:06:17,859
And we vowed to carry on
the rules of depravity
47
00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:20,495
after that bitch
got married and retired
her slutty ways.
48
00:06:20,563 --> 00:06:22,497
Who's this sienna bitch?
49
00:06:22,565 --> 00:06:24,533
She sounds fabulous.
50
00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:26,501
The godmother.
51
00:06:26,569 --> 00:06:28,253
But maybe it's time
to let the rules go.
52
00:06:28,337 --> 00:06:31,256
I mean you have
your thing with drew...
No, no.
53
00:06:31,340 --> 00:06:33,925
No, you don't let
the rules go,
not ever.
54
00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:37,990
They're the only things
keeping us safe.
55
00:06:40,749 --> 00:06:43,802
I'm gonna put
this momentary insanity
56
00:06:43,886 --> 00:06:45,053
down to you not getting laid.
57
00:06:45,104 --> 00:06:47,022
But tonight, you'll be cured.
58
00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:50,592
What if it's too late
and what if he stands
me up or...
59
00:06:50,643 --> 00:06:51,526
Sam!
60
00:06:52,895 --> 00:06:54,613
Or what if he's dead already?
61
00:06:55,648 --> 00:06:57,365
Well, if he does show up
62
00:06:59,202 --> 00:07:02,070
you better pounce
on him like a fat girl
on a dessert buffet.
63
00:07:02,121 --> 00:07:03,238
Really?
64
00:07:03,289 --> 00:07:04,769
Don't even let him
order an appetizer.
65
00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:06,241
Get him home
as soon as possible.
66
00:07:07,109 --> 00:07:08,109
Okay.
Okay.
67
00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:14,332
How do I look?
68
00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:17,586
Wow.
69
00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:19,888
You look so hot.
If I had a dildo
in my purse,
70
00:07:19,955 --> 00:07:21,723
I'd take you out back
and do you myself.
71
00:07:22,842 --> 00:07:24,810
- Thanks, Lizzie.
- Welcome.
72
00:07:24,894 --> 00:07:26,728
Oh.
73
00:07:26,795 --> 00:07:28,730
Speaking of dildos,
I totally ruined
74
00:07:28,797 --> 00:07:30,398
your home cooked
dinner with drew.
75
00:07:30,466 --> 00:07:32,417
Sorry about that.
Ah, don't worry.
76
00:07:32,485 --> 00:07:35,020
I just threw
something on the stove
and ran over here.
77
00:07:43,112 --> 00:07:44,913
Go get him, tiger.
78
00:07:44,980 --> 00:07:46,448
I think I'm gonna be sick.
79
00:07:46,499 --> 00:07:47,482
Sam.
80
00:07:49,252 --> 00:07:53,288
You look hot,
you look sexy, and...
81
00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:59,177
You are prepared
82
00:08:00,596 --> 00:08:01,930
for anything.
83
00:08:03,132 --> 00:08:04,716
Now,
84
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:07,001
I want you to go
and ride that guy
85
00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:09,054
until the cows come home, okay?
86
00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:18,864
That's our girl.
87
00:08:28,124 --> 00:08:30,125
Uh, that was really nice.
88
00:08:49,562 --> 00:08:50,562
Oh!
89
00:09:03,609 --> 00:09:04,826
Hello.
90
00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:18,290
Aw, man.
91
00:10:03,002 --> 00:10:03,885
Oh, shit!
92
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:10,558
Oh, my God.
93
00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:28,526
Oh, my God.
94
00:10:48,464 --> 00:10:51,016
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
95
00:10:54,687 --> 00:10:57,472
Holy shit!
96
00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:00,225
That was awesome.
97
00:11:02,778 --> 00:11:04,396
Best sex of my life.
98
00:11:08,117 --> 00:11:09,851
You don't know
how much I needed that.
99
00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:33,391
Hey!
100
00:11:38,814 --> 00:11:39,848
Hey.
101
00:11:42,384 --> 00:11:43,451
You got a text.
102
00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:46,020
I shouldn't have looked.
103
00:11:48,657 --> 00:11:51,076
"Sorry sweetie,
I made a big mistake.
104
00:11:51,727 --> 00:11:52,827
"I want you back.
105
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:55,740
"Come over
when you get this."
106
00:11:57,366 --> 00:11:58,950
What the hell?
107
00:11:59,034 --> 00:12:00,552
She wants me back?
108
00:12:04,573 --> 00:12:06,841
Oh, shit. What...
109
00:12:08,210 --> 00:12:09,711
I just cheated on her.
110
00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:17,635
Wait, no.
111
00:12:18,687 --> 00:12:20,772
Officially,
the text came after.
112
00:12:20,856 --> 00:12:22,607
So I'm in the clear.
113
00:12:25,427 --> 00:12:26,444
Uh...
114
00:12:27,613 --> 00:12:28,863
Look, uh...
115
00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:33,118
Please don't say anything.
116
00:12:33,202 --> 00:12:35,820
I mean
you were great,
you know, but, uh...
117
00:12:35,905 --> 00:12:37,572
I made a big mistake.
I'm sorry.
118
00:12:37,623 --> 00:12:39,106
I have to go.
119
00:12:39,158 --> 00:12:42,043
But I thought you said
this was the best sex
of your life.
120
00:12:42,110 --> 00:12:44,295
Yeah. But it was
still just sex.
121
00:12:53,722 --> 00:12:55,640
He couldn't get
out of there
fast enough.
122
00:12:55,724 --> 00:12:58,643
- Aw, honey.- I'm so sorry about that.
123
00:12:58,727 --> 00:13:00,145
I can't believe
I wasted three dates
124
00:13:00,229 --> 00:13:02,347
and a brand new
bebe dress on that asshole.
125
00:13:02,431 --> 00:13:04,098
Want me to slash his tires?
126
00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:05,066
No.
127
00:13:06,485 --> 00:13:08,736
God, no.
128
00:13:08,804 --> 00:13:11,439
You're lucky you have
drew even if he's
a douche sometimes.
129
00:13:11,941 --> 00:13:12,907
Yeah.
130
00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:15,610
Maybe this is a sign.
131
00:13:15,661 --> 00:13:17,812
Maybe I should
just close up
the cooch for business,
132
00:13:17,863 --> 00:13:19,614
sign up for online dating,
133
00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:21,749
and find some ugly guyto settle down with.
134
00:13:21,817 --> 00:13:24,619
Oh, yeah, 'cause
that worked so well
for you last time.
135
00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:25,870
What have we learned
over the years
136
00:13:25,955 --> 00:13:28,289
from dating our share
of dicks and douche bags?
137
00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:31,009
That all men leave
whether you meet them
at a bar or online.
138
00:13:31,093 --> 00:13:33,094
And?
139
00:13:33,161 --> 00:13:34,963
And we might as well
have some fun
while we're still young
140
00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:36,514
and relatively good looking.
141
00:13:38,333 --> 00:13:41,970
Extremely good looking.
Look, bottom line,
142
00:13:42,021 --> 00:13:45,506
you are fabulous,
Brad is a pussy.
143
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:47,392
And the last thing
that you should be
doing right now
144
00:13:47,476 --> 00:13:49,644
is neglecting yours.In fact, you should bedoing just the opposite.
145
00:13:49,695 --> 00:13:51,779
Wait, don't tell me.
146
00:13:51,847 --> 00:13:54,181
Rule number 14.
So close.
147
00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:56,234
Number 12.
148
00:13:56,318 --> 00:13:57,685
Wax it, shave it, or pluck it.
149
00:13:57,736 --> 00:13:59,621
We're going out tonight.
We're getting you laid.
150
00:13:59,688 --> 00:14:00,905
So be ready, bitch.
151
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:22,343
What're we doing here?
I thought this place
was condemned.
152
00:14:22,394 --> 00:14:25,480
It is. Let's just get
some free drinks
153
00:14:25,547 --> 00:14:27,098
and check out some fresh meat.
154
00:14:28,350 --> 00:14:30,818
More like aged cheese,
but okay.
155
00:14:30,886 --> 00:14:31,853
Yeah.
156
00:14:41,563 --> 00:14:44,082
You know, I can always tell
if it's gonna be
a successful night
157
00:14:44,166 --> 00:14:46,367
by how quickly
a guy offers
to buy us drinks.
158
00:14:51,707 --> 00:14:54,876
Hmm, that was quick.
159
00:15:00,382 --> 00:15:01,849
Hello, ladies.
160
00:15:01,917 --> 00:15:03,101
Hola.Hey.
161
00:15:03,936 --> 00:15:05,637
What're you two up to?
162
00:15:06,855 --> 00:15:09,607
We're going bar to bar
taking up a collection
163
00:15:09,692 --> 00:15:12,527
for underprivileged alcoholics.
164
00:15:12,594 --> 00:15:13,945
Care to make a donation?
165
00:15:14,029 --> 00:15:15,063
What're you having?
166
00:15:15,764 --> 00:15:16,948
Split of veuve?
167
00:15:18,567 --> 00:15:21,452
How about I buy you
a couple vodka tonics?
168
00:15:21,537 --> 00:15:22,820
- Sure.
- Thank you.
169
00:15:25,908 --> 00:15:27,241
Great.
170
00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:29,043
Now we have to keep
your gay Uncle company
171
00:15:29,111 --> 00:15:30,878
over a couple of well drinks.
172
00:15:30,946 --> 00:15:32,246
They're free.
173
00:15:34,383 --> 00:15:35,466
Yes.
174
00:15:37,136 --> 00:15:39,253
Free drinks are good but...
175
00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:42,423
Free top shelf drinks
are better.
176
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:46,010
Oh, no.
177
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:48,730
"Oh, no," what?
178
00:15:48,797 --> 00:15:50,815
That's my
annoying neighbor.
Don't let her see me.
179
00:15:50,899 --> 00:15:52,934
She's a hugger,
and I always get
freaked out
180
00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:54,686
when she presses
those ginormous tits
in my chest.
181
00:15:54,770 --> 00:15:56,404
That shit hurts!
182
00:15:56,471 --> 00:15:58,072
Hey, Sam.
183
00:15:58,140 --> 00:15:59,640
Hey, neighbor.
184
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:01,409
So good to see you!
185
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:03,361
Hi.
186
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:05,997
Hi.
187
00:16:06,081 --> 00:16:08,315
Uh, Kaylie,
this is my friend, Lizzie.
You remember her?
188
00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:10,484
Of course,
hey, girl.
Hello!
189
00:16:12,654 --> 00:16:13,755
Hello.
Hi.
190
00:16:15,824 --> 00:16:17,458
Can I buy you a drink?
191
00:16:17,509 --> 00:16:19,594
Shot of herradura,
glass of veuve?
192
00:16:20,495 --> 00:16:21,596
Okay.
193
00:16:23,515 --> 00:16:25,099
That's bullshit!
194
00:16:25,167 --> 00:16:26,934
Is that what it takes
to get top shelf?
195
00:16:27,002 --> 00:16:28,936
A couple of big tits
and a bear hug?
196
00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:31,389
Oh, my God.
197
00:16:31,473 --> 00:16:34,842
There is no way
that fembot rates
better booze than we do.
198
00:16:34,893 --> 00:16:37,228
I swear if I don't get
a guy to buy us
top shelf drinks
199
00:16:37,312 --> 00:16:39,564
by the end of the night,
I'm becoming a lesbian.
200
00:16:39,648 --> 00:16:42,116
But I thought you said
we're trying to get me
under a guy.
201
00:16:42,184 --> 00:16:43,785
Well, we'll divide and conquer.
202
00:16:44,953 --> 00:16:46,904
I look for free drinks,
203
00:16:46,989 --> 00:16:48,706
you hunt for easy sex,
204
00:16:48,791 --> 00:16:50,375
and we will meet
back here in an hour.
205
00:16:50,459 --> 00:16:51,492
Okay?
206
00:16:52,695 --> 00:16:53,745
But I need my wingman.
207
00:17:29,081 --> 00:17:30,998
You don't look
like you belong here.
208
00:17:31,834 --> 00:17:33,451
Ouch.
Aw!
209
00:17:33,535 --> 00:17:35,703
That was a compliment,
by the way.
210
00:17:37,256 --> 00:17:39,573
Well, in that case, thank you.
211
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:42,076
I don't belong here
but my buddy's
the bartender.
212
00:17:42,127 --> 00:17:43,261
Just stopped by
to say, "hi."
213
00:17:44,213 --> 00:17:45,346
Really?
214
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:48,766
Well, good to know the help.
215
00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:53,784
You don't look like
you belong here either.
216
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:55,606
You're missing about
5 layers of makeup.
217
00:17:56,725 --> 00:17:58,392
Asshole.
218
00:17:58,444 --> 00:18:00,111
That was a compliment.
219
00:18:02,564 --> 00:18:05,650
Well, in that case,
why don't you buy me
a drink.
220
00:18:07,936 --> 00:18:09,153
You look like you're a woman
221
00:18:09,238 --> 00:18:11,989
who's perfectly capable
of buying her own drinks.
222
00:18:12,074 --> 00:18:13,541
Yeah, well,
don't you know
the bartender?
223
00:18:13,608 --> 00:18:16,160
Can't he hook up
the good shit?
Maybe a little chivas?
224
00:18:19,214 --> 00:18:20,665
Would that really
make you happy?
225
00:18:23,719 --> 00:18:25,052
It's a start.
226
00:18:26,421 --> 00:18:28,222
Huh.
Huh.
227
00:18:28,290 --> 00:18:29,724
Well, I wouldn't have
pegged you as the type
228
00:18:29,791 --> 00:18:32,176
who needs a guy
to buy her a drink
to validate herself.
229
00:18:35,130 --> 00:18:36,764
What's your fucking problem?
230
00:18:36,815 --> 00:18:38,566
I just don't think
a sophisticated,
231
00:18:38,633 --> 00:18:40,474
attractive woman like you
should be so insecure
232
00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:42,103
as to need something as trivial
233
00:18:42,154 --> 00:18:44,522
as a man buying her a drink
to make her feel wanted.
234
00:18:45,908 --> 00:18:47,942
And I don't need
a lecture from a poser
235
00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:50,111
who brings a fucking
book to a bar
236
00:18:50,162 --> 00:18:51,779
to appear all aloof and sexy.
237
00:18:54,449 --> 00:18:55,366
Wait a minute.
238
00:18:59,171 --> 00:19:01,255
Did you say, "sexy"?
239
00:19:01,323 --> 00:19:03,708
Oh, my God.
240
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:06,794
Now who's the insecure one?
241
00:19:08,714 --> 00:19:10,047
So what do you do?
242
00:19:11,666 --> 00:19:13,217
I'm a telegraph operator.
243
00:19:14,436 --> 00:19:16,270
Huh.
244
00:19:16,338 --> 00:19:18,005
Didn't know they
still had those,
245
00:19:18,056 --> 00:19:19,473
you know, with
the Internet and all.
246
00:19:22,528 --> 00:19:24,362
I'm an attorney.
247
00:19:24,446 --> 00:19:26,697
Just passed the bar,
got a job at a great firm.
248
00:19:30,035 --> 00:19:32,036
Quick! Laugh like
I just said
something hysterical.
249
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:33,404
What?
Just do it.
250
00:19:41,630 --> 00:19:44,465
- Wait a minute.
- Am I your wingman?
251
00:19:44,532 --> 00:19:46,533
Jason, what are you doing here?
252
00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:48,803
You guys know
each other?
Yeah, he works for me.
253
00:19:50,055 --> 00:19:51,722
We work together
at the same firm.
254
00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:55,042
You girls want some drinks?
255
00:19:55,093 --> 00:19:57,711
Two dulce vida
anejo margaritas.
256
00:19:57,763 --> 00:19:59,313
Coming right up!
257
00:19:59,381 --> 00:20:00,681
Oh, will you look at the time.
258
00:20:00,732 --> 00:20:02,400
I'm late for my abortion.
259
00:20:02,484 --> 00:20:03,565
Can I talk to you?
This way.
260
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:10,658
Hey.
261
00:20:11,743 --> 00:20:13,444
He was gonna go top shelf.
262
00:20:14,896 --> 00:20:17,365
Well, yeah, but...
Listen...
263
00:20:17,416 --> 00:20:20,284
Jason is a stage 5 clinger
264
00:20:20,369 --> 00:20:22,286
and if you let him
buy you a drink,
265
00:20:22,371 --> 00:20:25,873
he will attach himself
like a barnacle for
the rest of the night.
266
00:20:42,140 --> 00:20:43,641
How you like me now?
267
00:20:43,725 --> 00:20:46,777
Well done.
268
00:20:46,862 --> 00:20:48,595
Who's our lucky
benefactor, huh?
269
00:20:49,264 --> 00:20:50,982
Well, he's...
270
00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:53,267
Wait, isn't that...
271
00:20:53,318 --> 00:20:54,652
Oh, shit.
272
00:20:56,872 --> 00:20:57,771
Lizzie.
273
00:21:06,081 --> 00:21:08,833
Hey, you still gotta
pay for those.
274
00:21:35,861 --> 00:21:37,862
So, your friend Sam...
275
00:21:41,416 --> 00:21:42,500
She's pretty cute.
276
00:21:43,168 --> 00:21:44,919
Forget it.
277
00:21:44,986 --> 00:21:47,004
Sam always goes
for dicks over pussies.
278
00:21:47,089 --> 00:21:49,707
What? I'm not a pussy.
279
00:21:49,791 --> 00:21:51,709
Oh, yeah? Then how come
you're not pissed
280
00:21:51,793 --> 00:21:53,678
we ditched you
when you went
to get us drinks?
281
00:21:53,762 --> 00:21:55,162
Because I'm nice.
282
00:21:55,213 --> 00:21:57,048
That doesn't make me a pussy.
283
00:21:58,467 --> 00:22:00,101
I can see your
camel toe from here.
284
00:22:03,388 --> 00:22:04,388
You can leave now.
285
00:22:08,694 --> 00:22:10,611
Why didn't you
tell me you guys broke up?
286
00:22:12,030 --> 00:22:13,114
I don't know.
287
00:22:13,181 --> 00:22:14,815
After the 15th
time, you told me
288
00:22:14,866 --> 00:22:16,484
that you don't want
to hear it any more.
289
00:22:17,685 --> 00:22:19,520
Hell, I didn't want
to hear it any more.
290
00:22:20,238 --> 00:22:21,855
I didn't mean that.
291
00:22:23,525 --> 00:22:25,326
You can tell me
anything, you know.
292
00:22:26,328 --> 00:22:27,712
Hos before bros.
293
00:22:28,747 --> 00:22:30,631
When did it happen?
294
00:22:30,698 --> 00:22:32,866
A few days ago.
295
00:22:32,918 --> 00:22:35,336
I caught him sexting
with that little girl.
296
00:22:35,387 --> 00:22:37,267
I don't wanna talk
about the fuckups
in our past.
297
00:22:37,305 --> 00:22:39,056
I want to talk
about the fucks
in our future.
298
00:22:39,141 --> 00:22:41,142
What're we doing tonight?
299
00:22:41,209 --> 00:22:44,311
Well, maybe we should
have an old-fashioned
pity party.
300
00:22:44,379 --> 00:22:45,712
I'll bring the ice cream.
301
00:22:47,048 --> 00:22:50,017
No.
302
00:22:50,068 --> 00:22:52,219
Fuck that.
The longer you go
without it,
303
00:22:52,270 --> 00:22:53,404
the harder it is to get it.
304
00:22:53,488 --> 00:22:54,939
We have to think
outside the box
305
00:22:55,023 --> 00:22:57,324
to how we're going
to get a dick in yours.
306
00:22:58,527 --> 00:22:59,660
You ready?
307
00:23:20,215 --> 00:23:22,433
Okay, I'm done.
308
00:23:22,517 --> 00:23:25,553
Well, at least
you got under a guy.
309
00:23:29,424 --> 00:23:32,443
Really? Is that what
we're going with?
310
00:23:34,196 --> 00:23:36,113
Night's still young.
Let's head over
to luna
311
00:23:36,231 --> 00:23:38,649
or maybe hit up el patron,
see who's left.
312
00:23:38,733 --> 00:23:42,069
The only thing I want
to make love to tonight
is my shower head
313
00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:44,488
so that I can get
all of this dirty sweat
off of my body.
314
00:23:45,290 --> 00:23:46,457
Sounds kinky.
315
00:23:48,877 --> 00:23:51,612
But just because
I'm not getting laid,
doesn't mean you can't.
316
00:23:52,247 --> 00:23:53,614
Huh?
317
00:23:53,665 --> 00:23:55,633
Rule number 14.
318
00:23:55,717 --> 00:23:57,051
You need to get
over a guy, too.
319
00:23:58,637 --> 00:24:00,421
And that dirty hot guy
at the end of the bar
320
00:24:00,472 --> 00:24:03,307
has been eye-fucking you
for the last 10 minutes.
321
00:24:03,391 --> 00:24:04,592
What?
322
00:24:06,812 --> 00:24:08,896
He is sex on a stick.
323
00:24:11,299 --> 00:24:12,433
Oh, my God.
324
00:24:15,654 --> 00:24:17,071
How do I look?
325
00:24:21,643 --> 00:24:22,860
You look amazing.
326
00:24:22,944 --> 00:24:24,078
I'm going home.
327
00:24:27,699 --> 00:24:29,250
Whoa!
328
00:24:33,004 --> 00:24:34,488
Twice in one weekend?
329
00:24:34,539 --> 00:24:36,040
I know.
You're a lucky girl.
330
00:24:37,592 --> 00:24:39,260
Buy you a $3 bottle of beer?
331
00:24:41,713 --> 00:24:43,497
I already have a drink.
332
00:24:43,548 --> 00:24:45,432
Great! Then how about
buying me one?
333
00:24:45,500 --> 00:24:46,861
But not for validation
or anything.
334
00:24:46,885 --> 00:24:48,469
But I'm...
I'm out of cash.
335
00:24:52,023 --> 00:24:52,973
So violent.
336
00:24:54,025 --> 00:24:55,943
A lot of anger issues
towards men?
337
00:24:56,010 --> 00:24:57,862
You know, I could make
338
00:24:57,946 --> 00:24:59,730
some really snide comment
339
00:24:59,814 --> 00:25:02,233
about the fact
that you love
to throw
340
00:25:02,317 --> 00:25:05,870
these really general
psych 101 observations.
341
00:25:05,954 --> 00:25:08,489
As if you
actually have some
insight to my behavior
342
00:25:08,540 --> 00:25:10,824
but I'm too tired
and I've had way
too much to drink
343
00:25:10,876 --> 00:25:13,410
and in this case,
happens to be true.
344
00:25:15,863 --> 00:25:16,914
Well...
345
00:25:18,199 --> 00:25:19,383
Maybe I can help.
Oh.
346
00:25:30,512 --> 00:25:33,046
Did you just say, "mmm"?
347
00:25:33,098 --> 00:25:34,064
Mmm-hmm.
348
00:25:37,852 --> 00:25:38,719
Come here.
349
00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:46,160
What do you say
350
00:25:46,227 --> 00:25:47,728
we go back to my place
351
00:25:48,530 --> 00:25:50,897
and have some really sweaty,
352
00:25:50,949 --> 00:25:52,899
really hot,
353
00:25:52,951 --> 00:25:54,368
no strings attached sex.
354
00:25:56,087 --> 00:26:00,424
I'd say sex never comes
with no strings attached.
355
00:26:06,264 --> 00:26:08,132
You don't know
who you're dealing with.
356
00:26:32,657 --> 00:26:34,908
Hey, just so you know...
357
00:26:36,461 --> 00:26:39,046
I don't spoon
and I don't do sleepovers.
358
00:26:40,382 --> 00:26:41,999
You have a lot of rules.
359
00:26:46,087 --> 00:26:47,972
You come here
to talk or have sex?
360
00:28:15,042 --> 00:28:17,845
We were up till 4
in the morning, easily.
361
00:28:17,896 --> 00:28:20,046
I'm tired.
362
00:28:20,098 --> 00:28:23,383
Oh, best part is,
he left immediately
afterward.
363
00:28:23,435 --> 00:28:25,886
So there wasn't that awkward
early morning kickout,
you know what I mean?
364
00:28:25,937 --> 00:28:27,771
So was the sex
as hot as he looked?
365
00:28:29,107 --> 00:28:30,240
Even hotter.
366
00:28:31,743 --> 00:28:33,410
Are we talking
boyfriend-material hot?
367
00:28:33,495 --> 00:28:34,561
Or fuck-buddy hot?
368
00:28:34,612 --> 00:28:36,229
Please.
369
00:28:36,281 --> 00:28:37,831
This is a one-time
only kind of thing.
370
00:28:37,899 --> 00:28:39,566
I doubt I'll ever
even see him again.
371
00:28:41,035 --> 00:28:42,169
Hey, Sam,
I'll call you back,
okay?
372
00:28:42,236 --> 00:28:43,420
All right.
373
00:29:02,032 --> 00:29:22,354
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