All language subtitles for The.Nanny.S04E18.720p.HMAX.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV_track3_eng

Fran, my head is so itchy.

I think I'm allergic
to this hat.

Oh, sweetie, I hope not.
I mean, it is so adorable.

Oh, you know what?

Maybe you are allergic to it.

- Bye, angel. Mwah!
- Bye, Fran.

Oh, how dare you order me
about in that manner, sir.

After 30 years of loyal service,

I think I deserve
a little more respect.

God, I wish he was home.

- MAXWELL:I am.
- [GASPS]

Oh, why don't you
cut him some slack?

I mean, he is your boss

and he's under
a lot of pressure.

Oh, stop trying
to butter up the pompous brat.

I turned it off.

No, you turned it up.

Oh, life is just not fair.

I'm as smart as he is,
as talented as he is.

Who thought up this
system of the haves

and the have-nots anyway?

Eh, That would be the haves.

Doesn't working as a menial
laborer ever get to you?

No, this nanny gig
is only temporary.

I got bigger dreams, baby.

Someday I'm gonna be Mrs. Have.

Hmm. And I'll be
Mrs. Have's butler.

Not with that attitude, mister.

I'm sorry.
I'm being a pill.

I can be peppy and make those
chocolate cakes you like--

Oh, this is what it's come
to.
I'm sucking up to the maid.

And you were this close
to working for us.

You know, all this
anger and bitterness

is just a mask
for low self-esteem.

Where does all this come from?

Hey, Niles,
could you wash my underwear?

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

♪♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens ♪♪

♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪♪

♪♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪♪

♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪

♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪

♪♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing to the
Sheffield's door ♪♪

♪♪ She was there to sell
makeup
but the father saw more ♪♪

♪♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there! ♪♪

♪♪ That's how
she became the nanny ♪♪

♪♪ Who would
have guessed that the girl
we've described ♪♪

♪♪ Was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪♪

♪♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling ♪♪

♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪

♪♪ And the kids
are actually smiling ♪♪

♪♪ Such♪♪

♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪

♪♪ When everybody else
is wearing tan ♪♪

♪♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪♪

♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, would you look at this.

Brighton leaves a half-eaten
3Musketeers bar in his pants.

I love him.

I can tell you,
your mother never left
any food in her pockets.

Although, I once
found a chicken carcass.

[PLAYING SOUR NOTES]

- [APPLAUDING]
- Oh, God.

Beautiful.

Thank you.

No wonder the joint is empty.

Oh, Yetta, and to what
do we owe the pleasure?

Sylvia told me
to meet her for lunch.

I assumed here.

Ms. Fine, I have an important
meeting tonight

so I'm afraid I'm gonna have
to reschedule family night.

Reschedule?

But this is when you were
gonna spend quality time
with me and the kids.

Don't you remember
dinner and a romantic
carriage ride

after we dumped the kids
at the movies?

Well, uh, listen, why don't
you take them somewhere?

There you go. I'm sure you'll
all have a wonderful time.

You're spending less and less
time with the kids

and they need
a masculine influence.

I'll go.
I don't have any estrogen.

I'm sorry, but I just
think that it's important

that parents spend time
with their children.

They should talk to them
and take them shopping

and visit them all the time,
and eat them out of house
and home

and nag them about
not being married.

When is Ma moving to Boca?

- [DOORBELL CHIMES]
- Oh, I'll get it!

Oh, hi, Ma.

Fran, I'm sorry
I'm late picking up Yetta.

I was at the gym.

- When did you join a gym?
- When they put in a muffin
bar.

Ma, you know,
when they say do 100 crunches,

they don't mean Nestlés.

Oh, hi, sweetie.

Baby, stop scratching
your head like that.

People are gonna
think you've got lice.

I do. They sent me
home from school.

Oh, my God!

[GASPS, SHRIEKS]

It's a lice epidemic
at your $14,000-a-year school.

Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!

Vermin, they give you,
but you still gotta bring
your own juice.

You better be careful.

Your father got lice
from his poker cronies.

Fortunately, I just
threw his hair out.

Oh, Ma, this doesn't reflect
well on me at all.

I mean, how can I not know this?

I'm the closest person
in the world to these kids.

- Fran, it itches--
- That's close enough.
Bugs jump.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Okay, kids, you heard the
doctor. We've all got lice.

Take off your sheets and
pillow
cases. We gotta boil them.

- Well, you want me
to get yours?
- No, mine has to be burned.

I want that gorgeous
Bill Blass comforter set.

Well, isn't it amazing?

The doctor confirmed that all
three of your children have
lice
and me.

But you don't.
Now, what does that say to you?

It says, "Welcome to the Four
Seasons, Maui, Mr. Sheffield."

No. It says you don't spend
enough time at home.

If you cared
about your children,

you'd be covered
in lice like I am.

How did they penetrate
six layers of Final Net?

It's like a biosphere up there.

Ms. Fine, the reason
I'm not with my children

is that I happen
to work very hard.

You don't see me lounging
around the house in my
underwear.

And would it kill you
to give it a shot?

You know, my father
was a butler for 44 years

and I don't remember him
doing any of this crap.

Wait a minute, you dropped this.

Oh, "Secure alibi,
cut phone line

put on gloves, tape mouth...

clean up blood,
dispose of evidence...

pick up bananas"?

Niles, what's with this
cockamamie list?

Oh, give me that.
You didn't read it, did you?

Oh... well, suppose for
argument's sake I did,

what would you do?

Ms. Fine, this is very private.

And if you read it, I would
be
very, very upset with you.

Well, that's why I didn't
read it. Bye-bye.

[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

I'll tell you, Val,
when I saw that list,

I just got chills up my spine.

Well, Fran, your
suspicions are valid.

Obviously, his
schizophrenic tendencies

are about to manifest
themselves
in a homicidal rage.

Yeah, but what
about the bananas?

Well, I'm no expert,

but I'm thinking... a pie.

Excuse me.

I called earlier
about picking up

the special shampoos.

The name's Fran Fine.

[OVER INTERCOM]
Hey, Rick, Fran Fine's here

for her head lice shampoo.

Oh, here it is.

"Fran Fine.
Kills lice, ticks,
fleas--"

Shhh!

Look at this. I'm getting
attitude from a man holding
a Fleet enema?

I'm telling you, Fran,
Niles fits the profile.

Serial killers usually
have menial jobs,

no long-term relationships

and deep-seated issues
with their mother.

[GASPS]

No. Wait, wait.
They usually have high IQs.

- Oh, Val--
- Oh, God....

I'm with you.

Okay. Okay. Let's see.

Most serial killers
have three names.

John Wayne Gacy,
Richard Alan Speck, Son of Sam.

Oh, Val, what are we
talking about here?

We're not dealing
with some sicko stranger.

- Yeah.
- It's Niles.
I know him very well.

I stand behind Mr. Niles...

- ...the killer.
- [GASPS]

Fran, I cannot believe
that you have lived

in the same house
with Niles for four years

and you know nothing
about him.

Have you ever even been
in his bedroom?

Val, that wasn't the bedroom

I was concentrating
on getting into.

Oh, yeah.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, Niles's room is so....

so small and depressing.

No wonder he's always
walking past your room

and looking in, he's envious.

No, he's horny.

Come on, we gotta find
some incriminating evidence.

- [GASPS]
- What?

Look at this. Duct tape.

Oh, wait a minute.
He's not Jewish.

He knows how
to fix things.

Yeah.

- [PHONE RINGS]
- BOTH: Oooh!

Hey, this is Niles.

Leave me a message
and I'll call you back.
Ciao.

[BEEPS]

MAN:It's Jim from the morgue,
returning your call.

In answer to your question,
it takes 24 hours for rigor
mortis to set in.

- [LINE CLICKS]
- [DIAL TONE]

Oh, my God, what does he
need to know that for?

Maybe it's to bake
a banana pie, Val.

- [SCREAMS]
- What? What?

His closet's twice
as big as mine!

Look at this. He wears
the same thing every day.

He's like Fred Flintstone.

- NILES: I'll be
right there, sir.
- [BOTH GASP]

I'm just getting my coat!

So I can trudge six blocks
through snow and sludge

because you had a craving
for bloody string cheese.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

You know, Nanny Fine,
I always suspected

you studied child care
with Dian Fossey.

Yeah, honey, I think
the tar shampoo took care
of all of the lice.

[SNIFFS] And it smells
so nice and fresh too,

like a newly filled pothole.

- Thanks, Fran.
- Love you.

- Oh, look at this.
- What?

No coffee.
Where the heck is Rubbermaid?

Shh!

Ms. Babcock, don't
antagonize him.
He's on the edge.

Good. How can we
get him to jump?

Ms. Babcock, I'm serious.
He hasn't been himself.

He's acting very weird,
strange.
Haven't you noticed?

There's not one toilet bowl
in this entire house

with blue water in it.

You know, Nanny Fine,
listening
to you talk about Niles

makes me just want to hit my
head against a brick wall.

Ms. Babcock, you know,
I am not going to tell
you what I know

if you're not
a little bit nicer to me.

- Oh, buzz off.
- That's close enough.

I think Niles might be
a murderer.

Nanny Fine,
Niles would never kill
anyone.

Because then he'd make a mess
and he'd have to clean it up.

I'm serious.
I read the list.

It had gloves,
wire cutters, blood and....

You bake it in a nine-inch
pan
at 300 degrees

and you got yourself
a gorgeous kugel.

Ms. Fine.

Miss Fine,
what were you doing in my room?

Um, what makes you think
I was in your room?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, I gotta tell Mr. Sheffield.

Out of my way!
Dead man walking!

Oh, my God,
this is all so surreal.

How am I gonna tell him?

I'll just have to lay the
whole
thing out in black and white.

[SULTRY JAZZ PLAYING]

Oh, boss, thank God,
you're here.

[IN CARY GRANT ACCENT]
Hello, monkey face.
How's tricks?

Well, you look frightened.
Whatever's the matter?

Oh, for one thing,
there's no venetian
blinds in here.

I'll have the butler
fix you a highball.

No, no.
Not the butler.

I think our butler's
trying to ice me.

Our?

Ours, yours, don't mince words
with me now, you chump.

He's trying to kill me.
I think he poisoned me.

I'm seeing spots
in front of my eyes.

Well, maybe he's not
poisoning me,

but I want him out of the
house
I tell you, out of the house.

Darling, I've known
the butler 30 years.

We've had many
gay times together.

Shared a fag
or two between us.

And I can tell you,
if there was anything queer
about him, I'd know it.

In other words, you had some
fun, smoked a few cigarettes

and there's nothing strange
about him?

- Of course.
- Just making sure.

Oh, you think I'm ready
for the looney bin, don't
you?

The booby hatch,
the rubber room.

Don't ya? Don't ya?

[SOBBING]

Frankly, darling, yes.

And I find it very
disconcerting.

I was thinking of asking you
to be my wife.

But I could never marry someone
I thought was insane.

No sense opening up
that can of worms.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[THUNDER CRASHING]

Oh, Val, Val, he's not
gonna try anything with
a house full of people.

I mean, what's he gonna do,
sneak up behind me and grab me?

Oh, let's stop talking
about Mr. Sheffield already.

Niles knows we were in his room.

- [THUNDER RUMBLING]
- Val?

Val?

Oy.

Boo!

Well, I sort of had that coming.

Ms. Fine, I've been
thinking about what you said

and you're absolutely right.

I do need to spend more time
alone with the children.

Oh, that's great, Mr. Sheffield,

because, you know,
children really need

the attention of their father.

So you and Niles have the house
to yourselves tonight.

- I'm taking them out.
- Oh, you're smothering them!

You are gonna turn them
into wimps, mister.

What are you talking about?
This was your idea.

Need I say more?

Ms. Fine, I have cleared
my entire evening to bond
with my children.

Now move it!
We're going for seafood!

- We're going for lobster.
- Here we go. Great.

- Bye.
- Oh, Mr. Sheffield,

I don't care if you do think
I'm insane. I'm coming with
you.

I believe Niles is a murderer.

And if you leave me alone here,
I'm in danger of being killed.

Is there anything you
wouldn't
do for a four-pound
lobster?

I don't care what you say.
I'm going with you.

There is no way you are
leaving me alone with that man

- because it's just too...
- [DOOR SHUTS]

[THUNDER CRASHES]

You're not going anywhere,
are you?

No. What makes
you say that?

I'm glad we're alone.

Oh, yeah. You, me
and that piercing voice

that carries to the neighbors.

- Miss Fine, I know you know.
- Nothing, I know nothing.

Oh, Ms. Fine, you found my list.

You went into my closet.

It's obvious you figured it out.

Oh! Ooh, look at this.
Texas has the death penalty.

Boy, they're frying them
like chickens down there.

So you are going
to be my first victim.

Who knows? If tonight
goes really well,

you might be
the first of many.

I think I finally found
my true calling.

Oh, but you make
a great cheesecake.

I say stick
with what you know.

[THUNDERCLAP]

Ms. Fine? Ms. Fine?

[SCREAMING]

[THUDDING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, Ms. Fine, Ms. Fine,
please wake up.

Why is she acting like
such a lunatic?

Well, have you gotten
a load of the birth mother?

She thinks you're a killer.
She even thought you were
trying to kill me.

Oh, I wouldn't dream
of touching you,

like any other normal man.

- Oh, Ms. Fine.
- Stay away from me.

Oh, Ms. Fine,
I'm not a murderer.

All I did was write a play.

I was going to ask you
to read it.

Oh, please,
you expect me to believe that?

I read the list.
You explain "secure alibi."

- That was the title.
- Why'd you call the morgue?

- I was doing research.
- Well, what about the bananas?

I was making a pie!

Well, where is it?

Your mother was here.

Oh, I'm so embarrassed.

Boy, I see everything
so clearly now.

- [CHUCKLES]
- How could I be such a yenta?

Meanwhile, what was that
magazineS&M

Oh, Ms. Fine, that is a
professional publication

for butlers,
sweeping and mopping?

Oh. [LAUGHS]

Now that we're friends again,

I would be honored
if you read my play.

After all, you were
the inspiration.

Oh, you mean
my newfound independence

gave you the confidence
to try something new?

Well, that and the main
character is driven to madness

by unrequited love
for her employer,

for whom she gives up her
youth and beauty.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
what are you doing
home so early?

Well, unfortunately,
some uninvited pests
joined us for dinner.

Oh, you ran into my parents?

No. Lice.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,

you've got lice.

Mazel tov.

That means you've really bonded
with your children.

Dad, we're starving.
Can't we at least order a
pizza?

Sweetie, your father
promised you lobster

and lobster you shall have,

even if I've gotta take you
for it myself.

No, that's okay.
Pizza's fine.

Honey, we don't wanna insult
your father. Let's go, let's
go.

Sure you don't wanna come?

Ms. Fine, I've got lice.
It itches like mad.

I've just got home. Why on
earth
would I want to go back out?

[QUIETLY] Because Niles
wrote a play.

After you.

You know, Niles, this heroine
that you loosely based off of
me, I'm not seeing it.

Well, why?
She's exactly like you.

New Yorker, street smart,
brunette, 24 years old....

Seeing it.

Isn't it time to pick up
Yetta at the amusement park?

Oh, let her have
a few more rides.

Whee!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]