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♪ Hump me, fuck me ♪
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♪ Daddy, better make me choke ♪
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♪ You better ♪ ♪ Hump me, fuck me ♪
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♪ My tunnel loves to deep throat ♪
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♪ It do ♪ ♪ Lick, lick, lick, lick ♪
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♪ I lick it ♪ ♪ I wanna eat yo dick ♪
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♪ I do ♪ ♪ But I can't fuck up my nails ♪
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♪ I can't ♪
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♪ So I'mma pick it up with chopsticks ♪
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♪ Mouth wide open, mouth wide open ♪
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[ Music distorts ] ♪ Mouth wide open like I was at the dentist ♪
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Nathan: So, does anybody think maybe we should involve
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any kind of adult?
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Most adults I can think of would actually just make this worse.
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I think we just have to pull a Greta Thunberg and step up.
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Arianna: Oh, my God. Greta Thunberg is so funny.
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Just like how she says everything really deadpan.
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Isn't that because she's autistic?
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Oh.
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[ Baby gurgling ]
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Thanks for letting us come.
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It's really nice of you to be so nice.
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Yeah, no, of course.
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Aww, baby.
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You ready?
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[ Cellphone swishes ]
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♪♪
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Sela: But why San Francisco?
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And to spend money on a hotel where it's freezing.
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Greta: It's not freezing.
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It's for a field trip for a club I'm in.
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What club? [ Snaps fingers ]
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Hello? What club?
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Film club. Film club?
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That's a new one. I mean, is there anything else
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I should know about my daughter before I come home?
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Ay, cabrona, ¿no le dijiste?
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You're gonna be a grandmother.
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Oh, my God. Stop.
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She's kidding. Stop.
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If you do that to me again...
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[ Laughter ]
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Oh, look at that ugly thing.
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Calm down. It's just a hat.
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Hey, mira, maybe your rich friends
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at film club talk to their mothers that way,
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but you're not gonna talk to me that way, okay?
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Not everyone gets to go to a good school
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and to go to special field trips.
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You could be cleaning houses
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or doing all kinds of work that you would hate.
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Sorry, Mami.
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I'm sorry too, mija.
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I just miss you.
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And I want you to know that I love you.
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I love you, too, and I miss you, too.
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And that's a boys' hat.
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So tell your tia that clothes is one area
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that I expect a little bit more from her.
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I can't fix all your damage.
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What do you expect? When I get home --
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and the lawyer says it'll be soon --
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there's gonna be some real changes.
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Like, big changes, okay?
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Mamita, I got to go, okay?
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I love you.
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♪ Oh, oh ♪
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Megan: No. No, no, no. No, stop sign, stop sign, stop sign!
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I know. Cripes.
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You have got to stop doing that.
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Doing what? Stopping like that.
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How am I stopping?
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Like you're not going to.
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Except I did. You did, yes, at the end.
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You are so stressful.
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It is so soft. I die.
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Nathan: I use Sleek & Shine leave-in.
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My hand is orgasming.
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Alright, c-can you maybe not right now while I'm driving?
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Megan: Naomi, focus. Yeah, rude.
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Do you hear your son in the back?
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How is it you two can be so sweet to each other one minute,
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and then a split second later,
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you're biting each other's heads off?
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You're changing the subject
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because you obviously do hear him.
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You just don't care 'cause it's with a girl.
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I am tired of this.
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Mom, can she focus on driving so we don't die.
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Shut the bleeping fuck -- Megan: Naomi!
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Oh!
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Get out. I'm driving.
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Naomi. What?
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Be careful this weekend, and look out for your brother.
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Why is that my responsibility?
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Because you are a very responsibly person,
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and I trust you.
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Excuse me.
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Should I rethink my decision to let you go
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on this trip with your friends?
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As far as I can tell,
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you barely even attend meetings for this group.
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Fine, let him go with all the gay kids.
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I hope they make him really gay
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and that he comes home with a pierced ear.
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It's my understanding that there will be plenty
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of heterosexual children there.
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That is what I was told. Was I misinformed?
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Honey, look, I know it's hard.
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And I do, I appreciate that, you know,
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you might be feeling left out right now
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because your brother's dating your best friend.
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They're not dating. Yes, they are.
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They're definitely dating. Not really. No.
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Yes, they definitely are. Not really.
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They definitely are. They're not dating.
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Look, I see what's going on, okay?
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I hear the sexy talk,
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which I'm not crazy about, okay?
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Obviously.
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But I'm looking on the Mr. Brightside of it, you know?
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I think maybe Nathan's finally figured out what he wants.
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So just watch out for him.
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So you want him to hook up with Arianna
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so you can think that he's not the gay part of bi.
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You just don't want him to hook up too much.
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I mean, you know, uh,
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those aren't the exact words I would've chosen.
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It is literally so unfair.
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You wanting them to hook up when you know you'd chew me
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for the same exact thing, it is so hypocritical.
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It is not hypocritical. How?
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Because I don't need to explain it, okay?
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God is my judge here.
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I wish you could hear yourself right now.
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You'd hate it. Can I go now?
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You know what?
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I do hear myself -- all the time.
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And you know what else? I do hate it.
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And guess what else.
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There's another thing.
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I'm the parent!
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♪♪
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Look at her.
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Your girlfriend looks like she's Pocahontas modeling
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for Teen Vogue.
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I bet this whole trip is so you can get in her pants, huh?
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She's not my girlfriend.
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As of and since when, bitch?
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No, no, no, do not let your mother get in your head.
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How? Just, like, how?
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She's gonna come back, and it's gonna suck.
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It just is.
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Even today, even when she's not here
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she has to control everything.
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How am I supposed to live my life when she comes back?
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Why would I even go down this road
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when it literally just can't happen?
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Okay, chula, I'm getting very impatient with you.
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If you want to go out there and be unhappy
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because you're scared of getting what you want,
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be my guest.
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Share these.
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Okay?
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I love you. Now, get out.
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I need to get Angel's truck back to him.
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Have fun on your boring field trip.
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If you end up at Twin Peaks Tavern
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and meet a bouncer named Ken,
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tell him he can suck my clit.
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Aww, I wanted to say hi to Ana.
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Sorry.
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Are you okay?
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You seem kind of somber.
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Mm, family shit.
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Oh.
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Is everything -- I don't --
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I don't really want to get into it.
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Sorry.
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Okay.
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Be discreet.
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Vanessa-Lynn Dolorian?
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That sounds so fake.
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Kelsey Johnston?
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Kelsey?
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Not even, like, Lopez or something?
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Babies, come here.
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Come here, come here. Get on, get on, get on.
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Okay, after bed check,
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we are individually meeting at BART
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by the hotel, then heading to the Mission.
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There are a bunch of bars down there
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that my cousin says are super cool,
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so we'll have our "Girls Gone Wild" moment,
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and then hopefully not get mugged and murdered,
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and be back by 2:30. Boom.
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And, J, you are our Jesus for getting these.
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Mrs. Culpepper: Tigers, everybody, gather.
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Let's focus up. Come on.
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Alright. There you go.
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Don't leave anything behind.
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San Francisco.
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Here we come, huh?
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Alright, claws up.
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Look at him. He just drops everything.
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I love it. Alright, big day, folks.
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We are taking this bus to San Fran
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to see our very special screening of "Paris Is Burning"
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and Q&A with Jennie Livingtson herself.
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Now, we're gonna stop for lunch, and after that we might even
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get to visit a place next door called Ostrichville.
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Sam: Guys, it is a huge privilege to be doing this.
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Okay, if we want to do it every year,
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we need to be adults today,
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meaning no homicides, no robberies, no armed batteries.
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What about arson? Arson is okay.
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You can do a little bit of arson, as a treat.
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So, uh, no crimes except arson.
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Um, listen to each other.
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Listen to Mrs. C and me
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and, basically, don't be fucking assholes. Okay?
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We promise not to be fucking assholes.
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Oh, and no sneaking out.
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Nothing that's gonna get you hurt or me
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in trouble with your parents.
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So what should we name the bus?
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Miss Bus.
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Ooh, she's a lady.
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Oh, my God. Wait, wait.
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The bussy.
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Everyone, get inside this bussy.
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Wow, 15 of us in 1 bussy.
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That's a wide open bussy. -You're insane.
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I hope this bussy doesn't stink.
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What's a bussy? I've never heard that expression. And we're done with this.
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Okay, let's go.
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Seniority. -Juniority.
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Juniority gets back seats.
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-Freshmen up front. -Come on, let's go.
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Sam: Let's make this easy on us.
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Be cool.
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[ Laughter ]
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Sit with us. We need a bodyguard
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against my literal evil twin.
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Okay.
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Mrs. Culpepper: Stuff your stuff way back in there,
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way back in the bussy.
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See, I told you it'd fit.
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Alright, looks like we are all inside the bussy.
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Let's go.
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♪ Girl ♪
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♪ If they don't know your worth ♪
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♪ Tell 'em you're my girl ♪
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♪ And anything you want is yours ♪
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♪ Mm, yo ♪
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♪ Passion burning ♪
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♪ Causing rapture of laughter ♪
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♪ Pressure building ♪
259
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Hey, Kelsey.
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Don't remind me.
261
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Bitch, don't even. Look at this.
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Matt Schwartz.
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Are you fucking kidding me?
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But it's also like, when life gives you a white name,
265
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:22,421
you sneak out, and you go to the fucking club.
266
00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:26,459
And you're gonna be grinding with Riley.
267
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,960
And I'm literally wet,
268
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,630
thinking about you guys sharing a bed after.
269
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,531
I mean, no pressure or anything.
270
00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:34,500
No, just, like, if you don't get pussy tonight,
271
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:36,168
you deserve eternal shame.
272
00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:39,271
[ Chuckles ]
273
00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:41,741
You okay?
274
00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:43,309
'Cause, like, at least you got
275
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,345
a lover you can bone if you wanted.
276
00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:47,613
Wait.
277
00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:50,383
Are you into someone?
278
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,451
Always. Who?
279
00:10:52,451 --> 00:10:59,425
Just this guy from Grindr who's older and bad for me.
280
00:10:59,425 --> 00:11:02,328
How much older?
281
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:03,362
30.
282
00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:08,034
So, like, statutory vibes or whatever.
283
00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:11,504
But it's just unfair 'cause, like, I'm fine, you know?
284
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,938
I can handle my shit.
285
00:11:12,938 --> 00:11:15,641
Like, it makes no sense that it's rape now --
286
00:11:15,641 --> 00:11:18,277
sorry -- but in a year it's fine.
287
00:11:18,277 --> 00:11:20,312
Whatever.
288
00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:22,148
I'm gonna find a new man at the club tonight
289
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:25,017
and the pheromones will be off the chain
290
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:27,086
and he's gonna be obsessed with me,
291
00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:29,455
and I'm gonna forget about this.
292
00:11:29,455 --> 00:11:31,957
Ew, listen to me.
293
00:11:31,957 --> 00:11:33,492
I'm not judging.
294
00:11:33,492 --> 00:11:36,896
Oh, you would be if I told you the whole story.
295
00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:38,097
Well, now you have to tell me.
296
00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:40,733
No, I can't, I can't, I can't.
297
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:42,435
Anyways, I deleted the app.
298
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:43,602
Sorry, molesters.
299
00:11:43,602 --> 00:11:45,671
Chester the molester.
300
00:11:45,671 --> 00:11:46,906
Stop.
301
00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:49,608
I dare you to keep calling me that.
302
00:11:49,608 --> 00:11:50,710
Arianna: Fuck me up.
303
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,978
Have you pet his hair before?
304
00:11:52,978 --> 00:11:54,847
Try it. You'll cum.
305
00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:55,915
No, thank you.
306
00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:58,751
Is September 8th a Virgo?
307
00:11:58,751 --> 00:12:00,720
Luz: What's your sign for real?
308
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,722
Um, Libra. Nice.
309
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:03,956
Wait, do we have to know our signs?
310
00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:05,524
Yes, we do have to know our signs.
311
00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:08,561
My friends got asked this question, and they did not know.
312
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:11,497
They just froze, and they were like, "Bye.
313
00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:13,599
We're gonna call the cops, and we're gonna take your shit."
314
00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:14,600
Fuck. Yeah.
315
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,603
Okay, I'm Scott...
316
00:12:17,603 --> 00:12:18,637
something from somewhere.
317
00:12:18,637 --> 00:12:20,473
Oh, God. Stop it.
318
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:21,507
I'm Melanie Swanson.
319
00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:23,876
You are going to get us so narc'd.
320
00:12:23,876 --> 00:12:26,412
Also, you look the youngest, so if we get carded,
321
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:28,147
that's already on you.
322
00:12:28,147 --> 00:12:30,316
Wait, isn't Delilah also Melanie Swanson?
323
00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:31,851
Are you fucking kidding me?
324
00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:33,753
Oh, my God. I do not look the youngest.
325
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,855
Yes, you do. Oh, baby, no.
326
00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:37,556
With this skin?
327
00:12:37,556 --> 00:12:39,258
Be happy.
328
00:12:46,298 --> 00:12:50,002
Is that the lady that whispers in German and cuts up sand?
329
00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:51,904
@elisa-underscore-crinkles?
330
00:12:51,904 --> 00:12:53,506
Do you follow her? I'm obsessed.
331
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:56,475
Have you seen the ones where they scoop the purple sand?
332
00:12:56,475 --> 00:12:59,078
What? No, show me.
333
00:13:03,315 --> 00:13:05,651
Ah. God, I wish they'd stop soon.
334
00:13:05,651 --> 00:13:08,320
I have to pee so bad.
335
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,556
Oh, why is this so satisfying?
336
00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:13,659
I know. I legit thought I was the only person
337
00:13:13,659 --> 00:13:15,194
who liked this stuff.
338
00:13:15,194 --> 00:13:18,164
Besides, like, the 20 million viewers.
339
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,935
Rude.
340
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:31,410
What the hell?
341
00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:33,479
[ Laughter ] Was that you guys?
342
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,047
I was like, "What the hell?"
343
00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:37,817
[ Laughter ]
344
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:38,818
You guys want some?
345
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,019
-Unh-unh. -Ew.
346
00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:41,320
♪ Hit that pose, take that flick ♪
347
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,488
♪ Check your angle, post that shit ♪
348
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,790
Oh, my God. This fucking song!
349
00:13:44,790 --> 00:13:46,926
Just bury me right now!
350
00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:48,394
♪ Hit that pose, take that flick ♪
351
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:50,196
♪ Check your angle, post that shit ♪
352
00:13:50,196 --> 00:13:51,997
♪ Hit that pose, take that flick ♪
353
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:54,099
♪ Check your angle, post that shit ♪
354
00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:56,068
♪ My bitch will get on the ground ♪
355
00:13:56,068 --> 00:13:57,603
♪ Just to make sure the light is found ♪
356
00:13:57,603 --> 00:13:59,371
♪ The way she make them angles hit ♪
357
00:13:59,371 --> 00:14:00,940
♪ She like Bill Cunningham with that shit ♪
358
00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:02,408
♪ I mean that shot ♪
359
00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:04,210
♪ Richard Avedon, to make me look like a don ♪
360
00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:06,545
♪ I got so many pieces, bitch, why not? ♪
361
00:14:06,545 --> 00:14:08,347
♪ Have me a photo shoot right on the block ♪
362
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:10,049
♪ I put two lanes on gridlock ♪
363
00:14:10,049 --> 00:14:11,951
♪ So I could sit in a fierce squat ♪
364
00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:13,819
♪ Spent big money on a wristwatch ♪
365
00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:15,754
♪ I like to own tip-top ♪
366
00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:17,223
♪ Catch me in McAir, click ♪
367
00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:19,124
♪ The only make two pairs, click ♪
368
00:14:19,124 --> 00:14:21,093
♪ Get into this hair, click ♪
369
00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:23,028
♪ I'm Herb Ritts with the shit ♪
370
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,997
♪ Go on, Diddy, crop that bitch ♪
371
00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:26,465
♪ Annie Leibovitz ♪
372
00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:28,167
♪ Go on, Diddy, crop that bitch ♪
373
00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:30,135
♪ I'm Herb Ritts with the shit ♪
374
00:14:30,135 --> 00:14:31,503
♪ Go on, Diddy, crop that bitch ♪
375
00:14:31,503 --> 00:14:33,239
Together: Ohhh! ♪ Annie Leibovitz ♪
376
00:14:33,239 --> 00:14:35,107
♪ All through the town ♪
377
00:14:35,107 --> 00:14:39,245
Together: ♪ The skanks on the bussy go pound, pound, pound ♪
378
00:14:39,245 --> 00:14:41,213
♪ Pound, pound, pound ♪
379
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:42,681
♪ Pound, pound, pound ♪
380
00:14:42,681 --> 00:14:47,052
♪ The skanks on the bussy go pound, pound, pound ♪
381
00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:50,356
♪ All through the town ♪
382
00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:52,758
♪ Go pound, pound, pound ♪
383
00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:56,028
♪ All through the town ♪
384
00:14:56,028 --> 00:15:00,566
Chiquita, hey, want to try some fruit?
385
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,234
Why do you hate delicious fruit?
386
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:03,869
Did a strawberry kill your father?
387
00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:06,305
[ Laughs ]
388
00:15:06,305 --> 00:15:07,873
Sonrisa bonita.
389
00:15:07,873 --> 00:15:09,508
No me gusta,
390
00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:10,676
pero gracias.
391
00:15:10,676 --> 00:15:12,044
Oh, ¿eres Méxicana?
392
00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:13,579
Pienso que eres Francesa o Cubana.
393
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,447
¿Cubana?
394
00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:16,782
Chicana to the core, fool.
395
00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:18,017
[ Both laugh ]
396
00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:20,519
Lo siento mucho. Perdoname.
397
00:15:20,519 --> 00:15:23,188
¿De dónde eres? Yo soy de aquí.
398
00:15:23,188 --> 00:15:25,190
Pero mi mamá es de Guadalajara.
399
00:15:25,190 --> 00:15:28,193
Yo también. Hace cuatro años en la universidad.
400
00:15:28,193 --> 00:15:29,895
Estudiando como vender fruta.
401
00:15:29,895 --> 00:15:31,230
[ Laughs ]
402
00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:32,598
Vuelve después de comer, y te daré
403
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:35,234
el precio especial para tapatíos.
404
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:40,806
Yo, MAGA alert.
405
00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:42,508
I repeat, MAGA alert.
406
00:15:42,508 --> 00:15:44,410
Shutting down all queer activity.
407
00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:45,911
So this is the day I get murdered.
408
00:15:45,911 --> 00:15:48,347
Of everyone here, you're the one who's gonna say that?
409
00:15:48,347 --> 00:15:49,815
I hope you're right, though.
410
00:15:49,815 --> 00:15:52,251
Go tell that guy you're bi.
411
00:15:52,251 --> 00:15:54,119
Why don't you go tell him you're a virgin?
412
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:57,222
♪♪
413
00:15:57,222 --> 00:16:00,592
[ Indistinct conversations ]
414
00:16:00,592 --> 00:16:03,996
♪♪
415
00:16:03,996 --> 00:16:06,532
[ Camera shutter clicking ]
416
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:14,139
♪♪
417
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,841
Can I help you with something?
418
00:16:15,841 --> 00:16:17,943
You guys photographers?
419
00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:19,712
Fashion bloggers?
420
00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:21,613
'Cause I can't think of any other appropriate reason for you
421
00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:24,216
to take pictures of my kids right now.
422
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:30,389
Okay, here we go.
423
00:16:30,389 --> 00:16:33,158
That's it. Plenty of room.
424
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:34,927
Uh-oh.
425
00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:40,566
I have a feeling I'm about to be a bad girl.
426
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:43,502
It all looks too good. I'm doing it.
427
00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:46,805
Just don't tell Mrs. Culpepper.
428
00:16:46,805 --> 00:16:50,676
Is she married? Or is this a third-person thing?
429
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,544
Married.
430
00:16:52,544 --> 00:16:54,613
But if you're bad, I will tell on you.
431
00:16:54,613 --> 00:16:56,015
Nathan: I would not.
432
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,583
Oh, please. You would --
433
00:16:57,583 --> 00:17:00,152
You would absolutely fuck your clone.
434
00:17:00,152 --> 00:17:02,988
Not only that, actually, you would film it
435
00:17:02,988 --> 00:17:04,490
and then jerk off to it later.
436
00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:06,158
Okay, you're totally right. I would fuck my clone.
437
00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:07,526
At first, I thought I would, too,
438
00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:09,294
but I think if my pussy tastes weird
439
00:17:09,294 --> 00:17:11,330
I'd rather not know. Wait, how about this one?
440
00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:13,766
Would you rather have sex with your boyfriend
441
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:14,967
in your dad's body
442
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:18,303
or have sex with your dad in your boyfriend's body?
443
00:17:18,303 --> 00:17:20,305
I love the Internet. Oh, God.
444
00:17:20,305 --> 00:17:22,941
I guess maybe Dad in boyfriend's body.
445
00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:24,576
'Cause, like, if it looked like my boyfriend,
446
00:17:24,576 --> 00:17:25,978
I could just tell myself that it's him, and, like,
447
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:27,413
I don't know, fuck him real quick, you know?
448
00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:29,248
What if he moves like your father?
449
00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:30,849
What if he smells like your father?
450
00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:32,785
You came to that conclusion way too easily.
451
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:35,421
What about you? It's different for me.
452
00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:37,589
Which dad? Does it matter?
453
00:17:37,589 --> 00:17:38,857
Is there one you'd rather have sex with?
454
00:17:38,857 --> 00:17:40,459
Well, bitch, would you rather bottom
455
00:17:40,459 --> 00:17:41,994
for your dad or eat your mom's coochie?
456
00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:45,464
Ugh, stop. I'm gonna gag. Yeah, on your dad's dick.
457
00:17:45,464 --> 00:17:47,499
No, that's not what I'm saying. We're not saying you're not people.
458
00:17:47,499 --> 00:17:49,101
I'm not saying freshmen aren't people.
459
00:17:49,101 --> 00:17:50,402
I'm just saying, like, when I was a freshman,
460
00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:51,837
I was so fucking naive. Oh, so naive.
461
00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:53,705
Like, I'm surprised an upperclassmen
462
00:17:53,705 --> 00:17:55,207
didn't straight-up murder me.
463
00:17:55,207 --> 00:17:56,308
They should've just ended my life.
464
00:17:56,308 --> 00:17:57,910
Same. If I had advice for you,
465
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:01,180
it would probably be to respect your elders, basically.
466
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:02,548
Like, the juniors. Just, like, give them
467
00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:04,249
your place in line, don't be in their way,
468
00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:05,717
or, like, if you get nachos at nutrition
469
00:18:05,717 --> 00:18:08,020
and a senior wants them, just give them your nachos.
470
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:09,154
Or buy them nachos.
471
00:18:09,154 --> 00:18:10,355
Which is not hazing, by the way.
472
00:18:10,355 --> 00:18:12,758
It's more of a circle-of-life thing.
473
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:17,763
You're only sophomores, right?
474
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:20,132
I don't get what you're saying.
475
00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:21,834
What? Were you ever a stoner?
476
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:24,703
Mnh-mnh. You know you can't ask me that.
477
00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:25,804
That's a yes.
478
00:18:25,804 --> 00:18:27,806
Okay, so, fine, what can we ask you then?
479
00:18:27,806 --> 00:18:29,975
If it's boring, you can ask it.
480
00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:31,510
If it's boring. Okay.
481
00:18:31,510 --> 00:18:33,812
[ Clears throat ] When did you know
482
00:18:33,812 --> 00:18:37,783
you wanted to be a guidance counselor?
483
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:40,219
But for real, when did you? Uh, for real, for real?
484
00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:41,720
You think you can just waltz up in here
485
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,256
like Little Miss Social Worker and give us nothing?
486
00:18:44,256 --> 00:18:45,724
The nerve of you.
487
00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:47,593
I mean, you be extracting vulnerable stories from us
488
00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:49,561
like you Mariah with the prosthetic nose
489
00:18:49,561 --> 00:18:51,830
and we all Gabourey Sidibe.
490
00:18:51,830 --> 00:18:54,733
This is all based on a novel "Push" by Sapphire,
491
00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:57,169
which, for some reason, is included in the title.
492
00:18:57,169 --> 00:18:58,837
It's already a long title.
493
00:18:58,837 --> 00:19:00,939
Why did they need to include that part, too?
494
00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:02,174
[ Laughter ]
495
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:03,208
You crack me up.
496
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:04,943
I'll be here all day.
497
00:19:06,411 --> 00:19:10,516
-Ah. Regresaste. -[ Laughs ]
498
00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:12,851
¿Ya me perdonaste, chiquita?
499
00:19:12,851 --> 00:19:16,188
[ Speaking Spanish ]
500
00:19:16,188 --> 00:19:17,489
[ Laughs ]
501
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:20,192
Quería ver si ustedes quieren agua.
502
00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:21,360
Hace mucho calor.
503
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:23,595
No necesitamos agua.
504
00:19:23,595 --> 00:19:25,130
[ Chuckles ]
505
00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:27,432
También tengo pan dulce.
506
00:19:27,432 --> 00:19:29,701
¿No te vas a comer esto?
507
00:19:31,303 --> 00:19:33,138
[ Chuckles ]
508
00:19:33,138 --> 00:19:34,573
Me llamo Greta.
509
00:19:34,573 --> 00:19:37,409
Arturo. Mucho gusto.
510
00:19:37,409 --> 00:19:39,878
[ Speaks Spanish ]
511
00:19:39,878 --> 00:19:43,382
Voy a un paseo con el grupo de mi escuela.
512
00:19:43,382 --> 00:19:45,083
Ah, qué fancy.
513
00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:47,219
Field trip. [ Chuckles ]
514
00:19:47,219 --> 00:19:49,021
Eres como mi mamá.
515
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:52,491
Qué bueno, ¿no?
516
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:55,394
Hey! iQuieren pan dulce!
517
00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:56,895
Gracias, señora.
518
00:19:56,895 --> 00:19:58,163
[ Laughs ]
519
00:19:58,163 --> 00:20:05,571
♪ I wonder what the future holds for me ♪
520
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:10,008
♪ I wonder if you'll always love me ♪
521
00:20:10,008 --> 00:20:11,643
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
522
00:20:11,643 --> 00:20:13,045
Mrs. Culpepper: Whereas, in Holland, monks made crude ale.
523
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,680
[ Cellphone chimes ]
524
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:17,616
Okay, if that doesn't tell you about the US versus Europe,
525
00:20:17,616 --> 00:20:20,986
I don't know what does, because that's the way you do it.
526
00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:23,222
We have a great life here.
527
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:29,695
♪ I wonder what the future holds for me ♪
528
00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:31,463
♪♪
529
00:20:31,463 --> 00:20:39,137
♪ You said you would always be true ♪
530
00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:47,479
♪ And that you would never make me blue ♪
531
00:20:47,479 --> 00:20:51,083
♪ Now you tell me lies ♪
532
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:54,553
♪ So many alibis ♪
533
00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:56,989
[ Beep, click ]
534
00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:59,358
Riley: This is porn.
535
00:20:59,358 --> 00:21:01,793
Why can't these really be my ass?
536
00:21:01,793 --> 00:21:04,196
Can I get a close-up of you with one of these shirts?
537
00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:06,365
Yes, yes.
538
00:21:09,901 --> 00:21:11,870
Mm.
539
00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:15,540
Aww.
540
00:21:15,540 --> 00:21:17,576
Ew, I look like I'm 10.
541
00:21:17,576 --> 00:21:19,344
Can I please keep it? Just for me?
542
00:21:19,344 --> 00:21:21,046
I promise I won't show it.
543
00:21:25,550 --> 00:21:27,853
Sorry I was weird this morning.
544
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:29,421
Oh, no, th-that's fine. It's okay.
545
00:21:29,421 --> 00:21:31,423
It's just my mom.
546
00:21:31,423 --> 00:21:34,993
Like, just everything that's going on right now.
547
00:21:37,195 --> 00:21:38,930
I kind of get it.
548
00:21:43,635 --> 00:21:45,671
[ Ostriches chirping ]
549
00:21:45,671 --> 00:21:47,673
Mrs. Culpepper: Aren't they beautiful?
550
00:21:47,673 --> 00:21:50,275
Not only are these birds the world's fastest animal
551
00:21:50,275 --> 00:21:53,578
on two legs, they're the only birds that have a bladder.
552
00:21:53,578 --> 00:21:55,047
Other birds don't have bladders?
553
00:21:55,047 --> 00:21:56,214
No, they have cloacas.
554
00:21:56,214 --> 00:21:58,483
Yeah, it's an all-purpose hole is what that is.
555
00:21:58,483 --> 00:21:59,651
Goals.
556
00:21:59,651 --> 00:22:02,521
Ooh, grab your neck. Ooh, ooh, ooh.
557
00:22:02,521 --> 00:22:04,690
[ Laughs ] Strangle.
558
00:22:07,592 --> 00:22:08,994
What are you doing?
559
00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:10,095
[ Both laugh ]
560
00:22:10,095 --> 00:22:13,365
-Stop. -Ow, bit my face.
561
00:22:13,365 --> 00:22:14,866
She bring it to you every ball.
562
00:22:14,866 --> 00:22:17,469
Why y'all gagging, though?
563
00:22:17,469 --> 00:22:18,704
Ooh, bitch, what?
564
00:22:18,704 --> 00:22:20,572
Ooh, she really did that.
565
00:22:20,572 --> 00:22:23,975
Ooh, she did that, though.
566
00:22:23,975 --> 00:22:26,511
Mrs. Culpepper: Hey, ladies and gentlemen, no horseplay.
567
00:22:26,511 --> 00:22:28,380
Cooper: No. No. Oh, come on.
568
00:22:28,380 --> 00:22:29,648
You messed with the wrong dude.
569
00:22:29,648 --> 00:22:31,049
-Come on, guys. -Hey.
570
00:22:31,049 --> 00:22:33,051
Oh, come on. Alright, alright, that's enough.
571
00:22:33,051 --> 00:22:34,486
Attention, Tigers!
572
00:22:34,486 --> 00:22:35,554
Claws up.
573
00:22:35,554 --> 00:22:37,389
Aah! Oh, shit!
574
00:22:37,389 --> 00:22:38,990
Oh. Motherfucker!
575
00:22:38,990 --> 00:22:40,192
Okay, okay.
576
00:22:40,192 --> 00:22:42,594
Is it bleeding? Uh, yes.
577
00:22:42,594 --> 00:22:44,162
Squeeze it, squeeze it. It's all good.
578
00:22:44,162 --> 00:22:45,864
Shit. Cocksucker.
579
00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:52,537
♪ Back in the city, I'm just another girl in a sweater ♪
580
00:22:52,537 --> 00:22:56,408
♪ Been waiting for regret to hit me ♪
581
00:22:56,408 --> 00:22:58,410
♪ Some kind of reckoning ♪
582
00:22:58,410 --> 00:23:00,912
I feel like this trip would've gone so much faster
583
00:23:00,912 --> 00:23:03,582
if you were sitting with me the whole time.
584
00:23:03,582 --> 00:23:05,851
Me, too.
585
00:23:05,851 --> 00:23:08,153
I hope they put us in the same room tonight.
586
00:23:08,153 --> 00:23:14,226
♪ Back in the city, I'm just another girl in a sweater ♪
587
00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:16,061
♪ Perpetual novice ♪
588
00:23:16,061 --> 00:23:20,031
Do you know that feeling when a song is, like,
589
00:23:20,031 --> 00:23:24,202
not just speaking to you but it, like, is you?
590
00:23:24,202 --> 00:23:25,904
Definitely.
591
00:23:28,673 --> 00:23:30,575
Can I play something for you?
592
00:23:30,575 --> 00:23:37,549
♪ Who is the you who I sing to when the house is empty? ♪
593
00:23:37,549 --> 00:23:40,652
♪ You open the door to another door, to another door ♪
594
00:23:40,652 --> 00:23:43,755
♪ To another door, to another door ♪
595
00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:51,329
♪ And I'm running through to you ♪
596
00:23:51,329 --> 00:23:54,733
♪ You open the door to another door, to another door ♪
597
00:23:54,733 --> 00:23:59,404
♪ To another door, to another door ♪
598
00:23:59,404 --> 00:24:07,712
♪ And I'm running through to you ♪
599
00:24:10,315 --> 00:24:13,018
Wait, who's that? ♪ And we're waking up sore and dizzy ♪
600
00:24:13,018 --> 00:24:13,952
No one.
601
00:24:13,952 --> 00:24:17,656
♪ From a 10-year concussion ♪
602
00:24:17,656 --> 00:24:21,993
♪ And the rainfall makes you miss me ♪
603
00:24:21,993 --> 00:24:23,962
You're good.
604
00:24:23,962 --> 00:24:25,030
Huh?
605
00:24:25,030 --> 00:24:26,865
Didn't realize until two minutes ago
606
00:24:26,865 --> 00:24:29,334
that you completely out of telling us
607
00:24:29,334 --> 00:24:31,503
why you became a counselor.
608
00:24:31,503 --> 00:24:33,472
Mm. Did I?
609
00:24:33,472 --> 00:24:35,874
You did. Yes.
610
00:24:35,874 --> 00:24:40,178
Got to respect the skill, but people demand answers.
611
00:24:40,178 --> 00:24:44,416
Oh, well, at the risk of disappointing the people,
612
00:24:44,416 --> 00:24:46,618
I, uh --
613
00:24:46,618 --> 00:24:48,320
I never wanted to be a counselor.
614
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,088
What did you want to be?
615
00:24:50,088 --> 00:24:51,156
An architect.
616
00:24:51,156 --> 00:24:55,126
Only, I -- I can't draw -- at all --
617
00:24:55,126 --> 00:24:57,729
and, um, all my ideas were for things like, uh --
618
00:24:57,729 --> 00:24:59,297
like circular houses
619
00:24:59,297 --> 00:25:02,701
or, I don't know, domed garages, you know, underground cities.
620
00:25:02,701 --> 00:25:04,703
And what's wrong with that? I forget.
621
00:25:04,703 --> 00:25:06,471
But a lot. A lot.
622
00:25:06,471 --> 00:25:09,207
And the whole time I was taking, um, sociology and volunteering
623
00:25:09,207 --> 00:25:12,077
at a middle school, and during that time,
624
00:25:12,077 --> 00:25:15,213
I did not want to bang my head against a wall,
625
00:25:15,213 --> 00:25:17,649
so here I am.
626
00:25:17,649 --> 00:25:20,619
"Condragulations. You're a winner, baby."
627
00:25:20,619 --> 00:25:22,854
[ Medicine bottle opens ]
628
00:25:24,155 --> 00:25:27,893
Ugh, oh, ibuprofen time.
629
00:25:29,995 --> 00:25:32,664
You guys want to play "Never Have I Ever"?
630
00:25:32,664 --> 00:25:34,065
Yes. I guess.
631
00:25:34,065 --> 00:25:36,668
Alright, five fingers. Wait, wait, wait.
632
00:25:36,668 --> 00:25:38,436
Can we do the rule where you have to say "ding"
633
00:25:38,436 --> 00:25:41,473
when you put your finger down so you can't be sneaky?
634
00:25:41,473 --> 00:25:42,674
Ooh, fuck yeah.
635
00:25:42,674 --> 00:25:44,543
Oh, that's hot when you say that.
636
00:25:44,543 --> 00:25:46,545
"Fuck yeah"? Yeah.
637
00:25:46,545 --> 00:25:48,547
Fuck yeah.
638
00:25:48,547 --> 00:25:49,648
Fuck yeah.
639
00:25:49,648 --> 00:25:51,349
-Oh, my God. -I'll go.
640
00:25:51,349 --> 00:25:53,718
Uh, never have I ever said "I love you"
641
00:25:53,718 --> 00:25:55,287
in a romantic context.
642
00:25:55,287 --> 00:25:56,454
Wait, have I ever said it?
643
00:25:56,454 --> 00:25:58,657
I must've.
644
00:25:58,657 --> 00:26:01,960
Um, now it's Cooper's turn.
645
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:05,797
Um, never have I ever...
646
00:26:05,797 --> 00:26:08,333
uh...uh...
647
00:26:08,333 --> 00:26:09,935
I don't know. I can't think of one.
648
00:26:09,935 --> 00:26:11,636
Just think, like, what have you never done?
649
00:26:11,636 --> 00:26:18,543
Okay, um, never have I ever tried to suck my own dick.
650
00:26:18,543 --> 00:26:19,945
Ding. Checks out.
651
00:26:19,945 --> 00:26:20,979
Do you always have to take it to a bitchy place?
652
00:26:20,979 --> 00:26:22,380
Chill. I'm just saying
653
00:26:22,380 --> 00:26:24,516
you trying to suck yourself off checks out.
654
00:26:24,516 --> 00:26:29,254
So, uh, what's on the horizon for you after La Palma Cypress?
655
00:26:29,254 --> 00:26:30,755
Too many things.
656
00:26:30,755 --> 00:26:33,725
Um, living in London maybe.
657
00:26:33,725 --> 00:26:37,195
Or Milan or Paris.
658
00:26:37,195 --> 00:26:40,265
I-I-I don't know. I just kinda, like, feel London.
659
00:26:40,265 --> 00:26:44,469
And I kind of think I might study psychology.
660
00:26:44,469 --> 00:26:46,137
I could see that for you.
661
00:26:46,137 --> 00:26:47,772
Because of all the mind games I play?
662
00:26:47,772 --> 00:26:49,708
Because you're perceptive.
663
00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:54,446
Um, but I can't just, like, give up being into fashion
664
00:26:54,446 --> 00:26:56,548
so I don't know.
665
00:26:56,548 --> 00:26:59,551
Uh, I might study art or literature and be, like,
666
00:26:59,551 --> 00:27:01,553
that suburban gay.
667
00:27:01,553 --> 00:27:05,256
But then there's just, like, a lazy, dark part of me
668
00:27:05,256 --> 00:27:06,791
that just wants to say, "Fuck it all,"
669
00:27:06,791 --> 00:27:08,393
and just, like, be an influencer
670
00:27:08,393 --> 00:27:10,061
'cause I know I could do it with both eyes closed.
671
00:27:10,061 --> 00:27:13,365
So literary artist, psychologist, uh,
672
00:27:13,365 --> 00:27:17,335
suburban gay gay influencer -- in London.
673
00:27:17,335 --> 00:27:19,437
[ British accent ] You about to tell me I can't.
674
00:27:19,437 --> 00:27:22,340
[ Laughs ] I was about to praise your vision.
675
00:27:22,340 --> 00:27:24,142
My closeted self was so inside-the-box,
676
00:27:24,142 --> 00:27:26,044
I was designing the blueprints for the box.
677
00:27:26,044 --> 00:27:27,812
[ Normal voice ] You sad, sad Millennial.
678
00:27:27,812 --> 00:27:29,381
Put it on my tombstone.
679
00:27:29,381 --> 00:27:30,782
Nathan: Okay, here's one.
680
00:27:30,782 --> 00:27:33,018
Never have I ever,
681
00:27:33,018 --> 00:27:35,020
oh, gotten period stains on my pants while rock climbing.
682
00:27:35,020 --> 00:27:37,422
Seriously? Yeah. Anyone? Anybody?
683
00:27:37,422 --> 00:27:39,924
No? Ding. Alright, I'll go next.
684
00:27:39,924 --> 00:27:42,727
Never have I ever had a JoJo Siwa sweatshirt
685
00:27:42,727 --> 00:27:44,362
two years ago when I was 14.
686
00:27:44,362 --> 00:27:45,797
[ Laughter ]
687
00:27:45,797 --> 00:27:47,465
Are you gonna say "ding"?
688
00:27:47,465 --> 00:27:48,733
Ding. Never have I ever --
689
00:27:48,733 --> 00:27:50,001
Never have I ever shown my vagina to
690
00:27:50,001 --> 00:27:51,236
the mailman when we were kids. -Why?
691
00:27:51,236 --> 00:27:52,737
-What? -Never have I ever hooked up
692
00:27:52,737 --> 00:27:54,305
with my sister's childhood best friend
693
00:27:54,305 --> 00:27:56,041
'cause I think with my tiny dick instead of my tiny brain.
694
00:27:56,041 --> 00:27:57,342
Okay, that's kind of mean.
695
00:27:57,342 --> 00:27:59,010
Never have I crashed into a garbage can
696
00:27:59,010 --> 00:28:00,245
'cause I can't fucking drive and started sobbing
697
00:28:00,245 --> 00:28:01,813
in the car literally this morning.
698
00:28:01,813 --> 00:28:05,517
Never have I ever gotten cum in my eye.
699
00:28:05,517 --> 00:28:08,219
-What? -Wait. Wait.
700
00:28:08,219 --> 00:28:11,222
Cooper: Wait, Nathan, so, was it yours or someone else's?
701
00:28:11,222 --> 00:28:16,061
And by my 40s, I'mma have a full London townhouse and all that.
702
00:28:16,061 --> 00:28:18,697
Butler, coat of arms.
703
00:28:18,697 --> 00:28:20,965
How old are you now? 17?
704
00:28:20,965 --> 00:28:24,069
Not for much longer, but yeah.
705
00:28:24,069 --> 00:28:25,603
Just 'cause, you know, how kids want to pretend
706
00:28:25,603 --> 00:28:30,075
they're older, get away with things, you know?
707
00:28:30,075 --> 00:28:31,910
[ Rattling, thudding ]
708
00:28:31,910 --> 00:28:34,079
[ Tires squealing ]
709
00:28:34,079 --> 00:28:36,848
Sam: Is everyone okay? Is anyone hurt?
710
00:28:36,848 --> 00:28:38,416
[ Indistinct conversations ]
711
00:28:38,416 --> 00:28:41,920
Can you all please check on each other?
712
00:28:58,002 --> 00:29:00,305
♪ I've been looking for someone ♪
713
00:29:00,305 --> 00:29:02,507
♪ And you might be the one ♪
714
00:29:02,507 --> 00:29:04,776
♪ I can't describe the feeling ♪
715
00:29:04,776 --> 00:29:07,278
♪ So I wrote you this song ♪
716
00:29:07,278 --> 00:29:09,080
♪ I've been looking for someone ♪
717
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,750
♪ And you might be the one ♪
718
00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:15,019
♪ I can't describe the feeling, so I wrote you this song ♪
719
00:29:15,019 --> 00:29:16,554
[ Rapping ] ♪ Yeah, told you that I'm fine, I'm alright ♪
720
00:29:16,554 --> 00:29:18,456
♪ You don't have to ask me twice ♪
721
00:29:18,456 --> 00:29:20,091
♪ I've been looking for someone, but no one to be my wife ♪
722
00:29:20,091 --> 00:29:21,459
♪ I been feeling hella hungry ♪
723
00:29:21,459 --> 00:29:22,727
♪ With some food still on my knife ♪
724
00:29:22,727 --> 00:29:24,462
♪ I say ♪
725
00:29:24,462 --> 00:29:26,998
[ Singing ] ♪ We could stay at mine ♪
726
00:29:26,998 --> 00:29:30,802
♪ But you don't say you like me ♪
727
00:29:30,802 --> 00:29:32,871
♪ I pray you might be ♪
728
00:29:32,871 --> 00:29:37,509
♪ The one I should stay with for the rest of my life ♪
729
00:29:37,509 --> 00:29:40,011
♪ I've been looking for someone ♪
730
00:29:40,011 --> 00:29:42,180
♪ And you might be the one ♪
731
00:29:42,180 --> 00:29:44,349
♪ I can't describe the feeling ♪
732
00:29:44,349 --> 00:29:46,951
♪ So I wrote you this song ♪
733
00:29:46,951 --> 00:29:49,287
♪ I've been looking for someone ♪
734
00:29:49,287 --> 00:29:51,456
♪ And you might be the one ♪
735
00:29:51,456 --> 00:29:53,792
♪ I can't describe the feeling ♪
736
00:29:53,792 --> 00:29:56,394
♪ So I wrote you this song ♪
52589
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