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1
00:00:03,460 --> 00:00:04,940
[TIRES SQUEALING]
2
00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:11,360
Hey, watch those bumps!
3
00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:14,120
Yeah, keep your
eyes on the road.
4
00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:14,820
Sorry.
5
00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:19,760
Whoa!
6
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:24,700
Hey!
7
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:32,600
OK, how do I look?
8
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,070
Like you should have
retired 10 years ago.
9
00:00:35,070 --> 00:00:37,050
I wasn't asking you.
10
00:00:37,050 --> 00:00:39,060
You look fine, like
the kind of girl I'd like
11
00:00:39,060 --> 00:00:41,130
to bring home to my mother.
12
00:00:41,130 --> 00:00:42,000
Really?
13
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,490
No.
14
00:00:44,490 --> 00:00:48,090
Now, here's a
surveillance microphone.
15
00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:50,330
It's the last one, so
be careful with it.
16
00:00:50,330 --> 00:00:51,160
It's mine.
17
00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:54,060
Hey, wait a minute, it
matches my outfit better.
18
00:00:54,060 --> 00:00:55,440
Give it to Tracy.
19
00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:58,950
You broke the last one from
twirling it around too much.
20
00:00:58,950 --> 00:01:01,950
I was just trying
to get into character.
21
00:01:01,950 --> 00:01:03,730
Hit the brakes, and
put the sign on the van
22
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,100
so we're looking conspicuous.
23
00:01:17,500 --> 00:01:19,980
Ugh, could it be
any colder tonight?
24
00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:23,450
Could this skirt
be any shorter?
25
00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:25,440
Like, hi.
26
00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:27,920
I should be wearing that
skirt [INAUDIBLE] legs.
27
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:29,400
And a big butt.
28
00:01:52,220 --> 00:01:54,200
OK, if we get them
for loitering,
29
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,190
they'll be out by
tomorrow morning.
30
00:01:56,190 --> 00:01:58,530
But if we could get
them for prostitution,
31
00:01:58,530 --> 00:02:01,000
they'll be in jail for
a couple of months.
32
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,630
I know, assault and battery
is a one year sentence.
33
00:02:03,630 --> 00:02:04,980
Why don't you see
if you can get them
34
00:02:04,980 --> 00:02:06,860
to beat the crap out of you.
35
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:08,320
Oh, real funny.
36
00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:09,290
Just cover me.
37
00:02:09,290 --> 00:02:19,500
I'll get [INAUDIBLE]
Hey you two,
38
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:22,230
I hear the mayor wants
to beautify this city.
39
00:02:22,230 --> 00:02:24,030
Why did you put
bags over your faces
40
00:02:24,030 --> 00:02:26,070
and let me work this corner.
41
00:02:26,070 --> 00:02:28,290
Is this too chick
crazy, or what?
42
00:02:28,290 --> 00:02:29,430
Hold her down.
43
00:02:29,430 --> 00:02:31,590
I'm going to show
her some manners.
44
00:02:31,590 --> 00:02:34,310
Now, Candy, now!
45
00:02:34,310 --> 00:02:37,020
Candy Lavelle, is it you?
46
00:02:37,020 --> 00:02:38,130
Huh?
47
00:02:38,130 --> 00:02:40,710
It's a Mrs. Denton,
your history teacher.
48
00:02:40,710 --> 00:02:43,640
I though you were going to
be a nurse when you grew up.
49
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:44,590
What happened?
50
00:02:44,590 --> 00:02:46,380
Candy, what are
you waiting for?
51
00:02:51,850 --> 00:02:54,330
Um, can I explain
this to you later?
52
00:02:54,330 --> 00:02:56,820
You know, this is the
worst-- you're not even
53
00:02:56,820 --> 00:02:59,300
looking in a good neighborhood.
54
00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:00,790
Oh no, you've
got it all wrong.
55
00:03:00,790 --> 00:03:02,780
Look at my handcuffs.
56
00:03:02,780 --> 00:03:06,760
My god, you're into
kinky sex, as well.
57
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:08,250
Come on.
58
00:03:08,250 --> 00:03:10,240
Dr. [INAUDIBLE] Wake up!
59
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:11,730
They got my purse!
60
00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:20,180
Stand up straight
and spit out that gum.
61
00:03:20,180 --> 00:03:22,170
And use less makeup from now on.
62
00:03:22,170 --> 00:03:25,890
Mrs. Denton, I'll see you at
the 10 year high school reunion
63
00:03:25,890 --> 00:03:28,630
and I'll tell you
everything, but I gotta go.
64
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:33,100
Ow!
65
00:03:35,670 --> 00:03:37,200
I'll bet you're proud of me.
66
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:40,520
Assault and battery, I
should get a promotion.
67
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,020
Tracy, your purse!
68
00:03:43,020 --> 00:03:43,980
Oh yeah, right!
69
00:03:53,130 --> 00:03:56,770
What the hell is this stuff?
70
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:59,950
How low can you get
stealing a hooker's purse?
71
00:03:59,950 --> 00:04:02,590
Yeah, well what are
you going to do about it?
72
00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:04,510
Me and my friend
will get her back,
73
00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:07,630
my friend Smith and Wesson.
74
00:04:07,630 --> 00:04:09,280
Um, Tracy?
75
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:10,670
Your friend is your bag.
76
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:15,310
Thanks for the tip, ladies.
77
00:04:15,310 --> 00:04:16,050
Any last requests?
78
00:04:18,730 --> 00:04:20,620
Um, yeah.
79
00:04:20,620 --> 00:04:23,770
I always wanted to die
with a smile on my face.
80
00:04:23,770 --> 00:04:29,560
So how would you like to do us
both right here in this alley,
81
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,340
right now.
82
00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:33,310
What?
83
00:04:33,310 --> 00:04:35,310
You heard the lady.
84
00:04:35,310 --> 00:04:36,930
Would you like to
see our specialties?
85
00:04:36,930 --> 00:04:39,910
She's got more tricks
than a rodeo clown.
86
00:04:39,910 --> 00:04:40,910
Do it, baby.
87
00:04:51,350 --> 00:04:53,830
Wanna see an encore?
88
00:04:53,830 --> 00:05:10,730
[MUSIC PLAYING] Got a
pistol my pocket, and baby,
89
00:05:10,730 --> 00:05:12,720
you can knock it.
90
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:16,690
Put your finger on the trigger,
feel it getting bigger,
91
00:05:16,690 --> 00:05:20,170
move a little closer, let
me stick it in your holster,
92
00:05:20,170 --> 00:05:22,660
let's do it.
93
00:05:22,660 --> 00:05:25,640
Shoot my bullet.
94
00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:31,600
Got a pistol in my pocket,
and baby, you can knock it.
95
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:35,580
It's got a 12-inch shank
and you can make it crank.
96
00:05:35,580 --> 00:05:41,540
Blow it away, just give
it a yank and just do it.
97
00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:44,520
Shoot my bullet.
98
00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:50,490
When you roll up in my Levis,
you can feel my poking 45.
99
00:05:57,450 --> 00:06:03,410
Got a pistol in my pocket,
and baby, you can knock it.
100
00:06:03,410 --> 00:06:10,870
Just [INAUDIBLE] but don't
[INAUDIBLE] let's do it.
101
00:06:14,010 --> 00:06:17,160
At last, a job well
done, convictions
102
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,980
that will stick and no one
around with a video camera
103
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,640
to record your antics.
104
00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:24,000
You know, last time
I dressed as a hooker,
105
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,920
someone followed me
around with a camera.
106
00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:28,310
I watched cops for
months and never saw it.
107
00:06:28,310 --> 00:06:29,010
Really?
108
00:06:29,010 --> 00:06:30,770
I thought even
they had standards.
109
00:06:30,770 --> 00:06:32,880
Oh, shut up.
110
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,040
And I'm particularly
proud of you, Tracy.
111
00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:36,890
First assignment,
not a single mistake.
112
00:06:36,890 --> 00:06:38,640
Hm hm.
113
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,440
Well, I guess you
better give me back
114
00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:41,970
that surveillance microphone.
115
00:06:41,970 --> 00:06:44,620
We need it for another job.
116
00:06:44,620 --> 00:06:45,520
I thought you had it.
117
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:46,800
Don't look at me.
118
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:49,170
It was your outfit that matched.
119
00:06:49,170 --> 00:06:50,490
You lost it?
120
00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:52,940
I should've known it
was too good to be true.
121
00:06:52,940 --> 00:06:55,800
Well, now, now
Tracy, I expected more
122
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:59,790
from you, particularly being
Holly's younger sister.
123
00:06:59,790 --> 00:07:05,070
You mean her much younger
and much prettier sister?
124
00:07:05,070 --> 00:07:08,370
Oh, and by the way, she
has a message for you.
125
00:07:08,370 --> 00:07:11,190
She said she's been in
prison for five years now,
126
00:07:11,190 --> 00:07:15,870
and she'd like you to get her
out before she goes postal.
127
00:07:15,870 --> 00:07:18,460
Well yeah, I will,
when I get around to it.
128
00:07:18,460 --> 00:07:20,530
By the way, Commissioner,
where's your son Irwin today?
129
00:07:20,530 --> 00:07:23,950
He was supposed to shine
my shoes and polish my car.
130
00:07:23,950 --> 00:07:26,260
You make him do all
that stuff for you?
131
00:07:26,260 --> 00:07:30,800
Yeah, he's the next best
thing to having a woman around.
132
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,500
Well, Irwin said he
was staying at home.
133
00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:35,640
He had some
important work to do.
134
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,630
You, uh-- you
promised he'd be moving
135
00:07:37,630 --> 00:07:39,460
out of the basement soon.
136
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,170
When is that going to happen?
137
00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:45,230
Oh, someday, Miss
Devonshire, someday.
138
00:07:45,230 --> 00:07:47,770
See, Irwin just needs
to find the right woman
139
00:07:47,770 --> 00:07:49,470
to settle down with.
140
00:07:55,690 --> 00:07:57,640
All alone with my dream girl.
141
00:08:02,330 --> 00:08:03,030
Oh.
142
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:26,470
Hi, I'm Heidi Ho, your
virtual reality hooker.
143
00:08:26,470 --> 00:08:29,150
What would you like to do?
144
00:08:29,150 --> 00:08:31,550
I want to play a game.
145
00:08:31,550 --> 00:08:34,370
Let's make sure
you're 18, first.
146
00:08:34,370 --> 00:08:37,360
Who was the fifth Beatle?
147
00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:39,350
I don't know.
148
00:08:39,350 --> 00:08:40,670
Cher?
149
00:08:40,670 --> 00:08:43,000
Close enough.
150
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,910
What would you like me to wear?
151
00:08:45,910 --> 00:08:53,810
Hm, halter top, mini
skirt, six inch spike heels.
152
00:08:56,510 --> 00:08:57,460
How's this?
153
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:05,170
Oops, I forgot my underwear.
154
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:07,870
Oh, you must be
able to read my mind.
155
00:09:07,870 --> 00:09:12,490
So how much should I charge?
156
00:09:12,490 --> 00:09:15,900
Five dollars.
157
00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:18,000
Five dollars?
158
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:21,510
Why, you cheap son of a--
159
00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:24,000
I mean, wait.
160
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:28,380
OK, five dollars.
161
00:09:28,380 --> 00:09:36,840
Would you like me to be a
good girl or a bad girl?
162
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,250
Oh, a bad girl,
really bad girl.
163
00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,460
Get ready.
164
00:09:44,460 --> 00:09:47,210
Here comes level one.
165
00:09:47,210 --> 00:09:49,680
Oh, yes!
166
00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:51,650
Oh!
167
00:09:51,650 --> 00:09:53,130
Oh, yes!
168
00:09:53,130 --> 00:10:08,930
[MOANING]
169
00:10:08,930 --> 00:10:10,320
Dad!
170
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:12,500
Well, what in blazes do
you think you're doing here?
171
00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:15,400
You said you had some
very important work to do.
172
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:16,400
How could you do that?
173
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,350
You could have
damaged my hard drive?
174
00:10:18,350 --> 00:10:22,650
I didn't even get a
chance to save the game.
175
00:10:22,650 --> 00:10:23,520
Look at this!
176
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,030
The virtual reality hooker?
177
00:10:26,030 --> 00:10:28,670
She's oversexed and underpaid.
178
00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:30,810
Make her your dream girl.
179
00:10:30,810 --> 00:10:35,330
Oh, who would design a game as
seedy, sleazy, and degrading
180
00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:36,860
as this?
181
00:10:36,860 --> 00:10:40,550
Some egghead with a
200 IQ and no girlfriend.
182
00:10:40,550 --> 00:10:43,430
Yeah, what I can't understand
is how you can waste
183
00:10:43,430 --> 00:10:45,140
your money on trash like this.
184
00:10:45,140 --> 00:10:48,930
Why, isn't pong
good enough for you?
185
00:10:48,930 --> 00:10:52,450
Come on, Dad, pong
is horribly dated.
186
00:10:52,450 --> 00:10:55,110
The graphics don't even
work on my monitor.
187
00:10:55,110 --> 00:10:56,920
Please, shut up.
188
00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:58,520
I don't hear any
more about computers.
189
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,360
Miss Devonshire,
help me out here.
190
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,810
Explain to him why the real
thing is always better?
191
00:11:03,810 --> 00:11:04,530
How would I know?
192
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:06,210
We've been married
for over three months
193
00:11:06,210 --> 00:11:08,670
and you still haven't
laid a hand on me.
194
00:11:08,670 --> 00:11:10,590
Do you have to
bring that up now?
195
00:11:10,590 --> 00:11:11,940
Never mind.
196
00:11:11,940 --> 00:11:13,260
As for you, young
man, we are having
197
00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:14,640
a meeting tomorrow
at 11 o'clock,
198
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,230
and I will expect
you to be there.
199
00:11:16,230 --> 00:11:17,550
You got it?
200
00:11:17,550 --> 00:11:19,450
Yes, dad.
201
00:11:19,450 --> 00:11:21,450
All right, then.
202
00:11:21,450 --> 00:11:22,860
Hm.
203
00:11:22,860 --> 00:11:24,600
Come along, Miss Devonshire.
204
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,160
I want you to get down
on all fours for me.
205
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,420
Oh, I've been
dreaming of this moment.
206
00:11:29,420 --> 00:11:31,830
Yes, I want you to help me
get something off a high shelf.
207
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,710
Oh, Heidi, if only
you were a real girl,
208
00:11:39,710 --> 00:11:42,740
not a graphically
enhanced computer image
209
00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:43,820
with high resolution.
210
00:11:58,390 --> 00:12:00,450
Now remember,
Councilwoman Capri
211
00:12:00,450 --> 00:12:03,460
will be here at any moment now,
and you know what that means.
212
00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:05,790
Time to brown nose again?
213
00:12:05,790 --> 00:12:08,460
No, it's time for you to
be on your best behavior.
214
00:12:08,460 --> 00:12:12,240
I didn't vote for her, so
does that apply to me, as well?
215
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,550
I am asking for additional
funding for the station,
216
00:12:14,550 --> 00:12:15,710
so just behave yourself.
217
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:25,620
Oh, quick, here
she-- here she comes.
218
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:27,330
Good day, councilwoman.
219
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,510
I'm up here.
220
00:12:29,510 --> 00:12:33,930
Well, how was your drive
over here, Councilwoman Capri?
221
00:12:33,930 --> 00:12:36,450
It was fine, until I
pulled into your parking lot,
222
00:12:36,450 --> 00:12:39,410
and there was someone
in my designated space.
223
00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:41,130
Oh, but that's impossible.
224
00:12:41,130 --> 00:12:44,070
You know, I personally roped
off an entire area for you,
225
00:12:44,070 --> 00:12:47,620
put a nice little red carpet
out there and everything.
226
00:12:47,620 --> 00:12:50,540
Oops, was that for her?
227
00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:51,830
It's my birthday
this week, and I
228
00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:53,070
thought you put it out for me.
229
00:12:53,070 --> 00:12:55,490
Sorry.
230
00:12:55,490 --> 00:12:59,900
Um, did you get those
lovely roses that I sent you?
231
00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:00,600
Roses?
232
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:03,580
No, I never received any roses.
233
00:13:03,580 --> 00:13:04,810
Dr. [INAUDIBLE],,
Dr. [INAUDIBLE],,
234
00:13:04,810 --> 00:13:07,200
what happened to those flowers
I asked you to deliver?
235
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,390
Hey, I had a date
last night, so uh--
236
00:13:09,390 --> 00:13:10,890
I figured why waste
them on someone
237
00:13:10,890 --> 00:13:13,110
I didn't know when I
could get lucky with them?
238
00:13:13,110 --> 00:13:15,290
I was right.
239
00:13:15,290 --> 00:13:17,790
Tracy, don't you have
something nice you'd like
240
00:13:17,790 --> 00:13:20,230
to say to the councilwoman?
241
00:13:20,230 --> 00:13:23,830
Well, at least
I voted for you.
242
00:13:23,830 --> 00:13:26,250
That is enough out
of all of you people.
243
00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:28,600
I can see now why this
one police station
244
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,790
has never received any funding.
245
00:13:30,790 --> 00:13:32,830
Let's just get down to business.
246
00:13:32,830 --> 00:13:36,190
I would like to know if there is
any sexual harassment going on
247
00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:37,540
around here.
248
00:13:37,540 --> 00:13:40,340
You girls can tell
me, sister to sister.
249
00:13:40,340 --> 00:13:43,060
Does the fact that my husband
refuses uses to consummate
250
00:13:43,060 --> 00:13:44,620
our marriage count?
251
00:13:44,620 --> 00:13:46,030
Miss Devonshire,
must you always
252
00:13:46,030 --> 00:13:47,670
use the "M" word in public?
253
00:13:47,670 --> 00:13:49,870
[INAUDIBLE] with the
restraining devices?
254
00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:51,990
Devonshire!
255
00:13:51,990 --> 00:13:53,920
Well, how about you two girls.
256
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,090
Any problems?
257
00:13:56,090 --> 00:13:58,940
Can you explain
that to me a little?
258
00:13:58,940 --> 00:14:01,900
Well, you know, you're
trying to get your job done,
259
00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:06,340
and a male co-worker comments on
how nice you look in your short
260
00:14:06,340 --> 00:14:10,020
skirt, and then you catch
one peering down your blouse,
261
00:14:10,020 --> 00:14:14,260
trying to get a cheap thrill,
or trying to cop a feel when
262
00:14:14,260 --> 00:14:16,520
you're working on a deadline.
263
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:20,270
Does anything like that
go on around here, hm?
264
00:14:20,270 --> 00:14:22,550
Oh, like I wish.
265
00:14:22,550 --> 00:14:26,830
That just sounds like
a dream job to me.
266
00:14:26,830 --> 00:14:30,680
Let's just get this
meeting over with as quickly
267
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:32,880
as possible, OK?
268
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,430
I have decided that the
way your girls dress
269
00:14:35,430 --> 00:14:38,310
is completely
inappropriate for the job.
270
00:14:38,310 --> 00:14:42,010
You can barely tell them from
the hookers they arrest daily.
271
00:14:42,010 --> 00:14:45,060
I'll have you know that this
outfit is a designer original,
272
00:14:45,060 --> 00:14:48,180
and only a really skilled
hooker could afford one.
273
00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:49,080
Good one.
274
00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:50,950
Keep your opinions
to yourselves.
275
00:14:50,950 --> 00:14:53,010
I think it's a fine idea.
276
00:14:53,010 --> 00:14:54,450
Thank you.
277
00:14:54,450 --> 00:14:57,810
But Councilwoman Capri,
there's a perfectly good reason
278
00:14:57,810 --> 00:14:59,310
our girls dress like that.
279
00:14:59,310 --> 00:15:02,430
Why, they make their living
enticing unsuspecting males
280
00:15:02,430 --> 00:15:04,200
into quick arrests.
281
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:05,370
See, they have to
look like they're
282
00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:08,190
readily available to anyone
who's remotely interested.
283
00:15:08,190 --> 00:15:10,650
Telling you how close
to the truth that is.
284
00:15:10,650 --> 00:15:11,790
[INAUDIBLE] Miss Devonshire.
285
00:15:11,790 --> 00:15:12,960
Nothing.
286
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,510
Now, if you just
go on back stage,
287
00:15:14,510 --> 00:15:17,380
you'll find the two new
uniforms waiting for you.
288
00:15:17,380 --> 00:15:20,260
I use Devonshire
here as a role model.
289
00:15:20,260 --> 00:15:21,330
You used me?
290
00:15:21,330 --> 00:15:23,450
I'm so honored.
291
00:15:23,450 --> 00:15:25,660
Oh, you've got to be kidding.
292
00:15:25,660 --> 00:15:28,200
Yeah, at least when I wear
something retro I make sure
293
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,510
it's in style first.
294
00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:33,240
Just go backstage
and get changed.
295
00:15:36,330 --> 00:15:39,710
Miss Devonshire, how would
you like to help a fellow woman
296
00:15:39,710 --> 00:15:40,950
in uniform find her seat?
297
00:15:40,950 --> 00:15:42,440
Oh, gladly.
298
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:44,240
By the way, would
you happen to know
299
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:47,070
any convicted sex offenders who
might be looking for a place
300
00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:47,770
to work?
301
00:15:47,770 --> 00:15:51,670
[INAUDIBLE]
302
00:15:51,670 --> 00:15:54,600
Where's Irwin?
303
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:55,770
He's late again.
304
00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:03,230
No wonder why the
alarm didn't go off.
305
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:04,470
It's unplugged.
306
00:16:25,750 --> 00:16:27,240
Ready to play a game?
307
00:16:30,210 --> 00:16:31,690
[LAUGHING]
308
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,120
[CHEERING]
309
00:16:46,050 --> 00:16:49,240
Now, if everyone will
please have a seat,
310
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,240
the meeting will now begin.
311
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:52,730
[LAUGHING]
312
00:17:00,700 --> 00:17:04,690
All right, ladies,
time for the shower.
313
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:13,490
Last one in gets
a cavity [INAUDIBLE]
314
00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:17,580
So, is there a new uniform?
315
00:17:17,580 --> 00:17:21,680
These must be them right here.
316
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:23,720
This isn't at all
what I expected.
317
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:25,020
Yeah, I thought we
were going to have
318
00:17:25,020 --> 00:17:27,070
to wear cheap and
tasteless outfits,
319
00:17:27,070 --> 00:17:29,800
not nice ones like these.
320
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,440
Quiet in back, please.
321
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:35,530
I would like to welcome
a Councilwoman Capri.
322
00:17:35,530 --> 00:17:38,050
It isn't often that we get
a chance to see her here,
323
00:17:38,050 --> 00:17:41,360
in fact, once every four years,
when she's up for re-election.
324
00:17:43,970 --> 00:17:45,860
Thank you, thank you.
325
00:17:45,860 --> 00:17:47,740
And remember, the polls
are open this Thursday.
326
00:17:47,740 --> 00:17:49,880
Be sure to show up.
327
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,100
Lovely, lovely.
328
00:17:52,100 --> 00:17:53,770
Oh, and yes, and
any girls who have
329
00:17:53,770 --> 00:17:55,700
any sexual harassment
problems, be
330
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,170
sure to talk to me later today.
331
00:17:57,170 --> 00:17:59,140
I am a sexpert on the subject.
332
00:18:01,850 --> 00:18:05,030
If the city Councilwoman
will please have a seat,
333
00:18:05,030 --> 00:18:06,350
I can continue the meeting.
334
00:18:12,970 --> 00:18:14,400
Thank you.
335
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:17,590
Now, it's my pleasure
to unveil for you
336
00:18:17,590 --> 00:18:21,430
now the brand new vice
academy uniforms, carefully
337
00:18:21,430 --> 00:18:24,040
selected by Miss Capri.
338
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,330
That's right, for
our employees here.
339
00:18:26,330 --> 00:18:29,060
Now, let's take a
look at what an older
340
00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:33,570
woman's taste can bring
to our youthful employees.
341
00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:36,780
I can't promise you anything,
but I know a divorce attorney
342
00:18:36,780 --> 00:18:38,730
who can turn your
sexless marriage
343
00:18:38,730 --> 00:18:41,120
to a financial windfall for you.
344
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,770
If you want to take your
husband for everything he's got,
345
00:18:43,770 --> 00:18:44,830
let know.
346
00:18:44,830 --> 00:18:45,970
I've got a number.
347
00:18:45,970 --> 00:18:48,110
Well, I was thinking of
something more in terms
348
00:18:48,110 --> 00:18:50,540
of a marriage counselor.
349
00:18:50,540 --> 00:18:52,580
Huh, well, whatever
floats your boat.
350
00:18:52,580 --> 00:18:57,610
I present for you now the
future of the Vice Academy.
351
00:19:03,530 --> 00:19:06,600
[GASPS]
352
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:10,220
Yeah, all right!
353
00:19:10,220 --> 00:19:11,970
All right!
354
00:19:11,970 --> 00:19:13,710
Hey, show some skin!
355
00:19:13,710 --> 00:19:16,530
You shut up!
356
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:20,900
What-- what is this,
some kind of sick joke?
357
00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:23,960
You two have straddled the
line of good taste before,
358
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,150
but this really takes the cake.
359
00:19:26,150 --> 00:19:29,100
Well, then whose are these?
360
00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:31,390
Look, there they are!
361
00:19:31,390 --> 00:19:33,880
You thieves stole our clothes?
362
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:34,900
These are yours?
363
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:37,210
Oh, now I'm really embarrassed.
364
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:39,280
I thought these
looked familiar.
365
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:41,470
That's mine, you piece of--
366
00:19:41,470 --> 00:19:43,540
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
367
00:19:43,540 --> 00:19:44,940
I'm sure they'll be
happy to return them
368
00:19:44,940 --> 00:19:46,010
if everyone will remain calm.
369
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:52,860
Come on, more hair flipping!
370
00:20:00,770 --> 00:20:04,220
Do things like this
happen here every day?
371
00:20:04,220 --> 00:20:07,820
Unfortunately, they do.
372
00:20:07,820 --> 00:20:08,790
[GRUNTS]
373
00:20:18,030 --> 00:20:19,480
[INAUDIBLE], you two.
374
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:20,280
Let's go.
375
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,390
Where are the clothes
you wanted us to try on?
376
00:20:38,390 --> 00:20:41,240
Could anything
worse happen now?
377
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,470
Miss Devonshire,
you know very well
378
00:20:42,470 --> 00:20:45,600
that every time you say that,
something worse does happen.
379
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,430
Dad, you're not
going to believe this.
380
00:20:51,430 --> 00:20:53,830
Irwin, when you better
have a darn good reason
381
00:20:53,830 --> 00:20:54,790
for being late.
382
00:20:54,790 --> 00:20:55,590
I do.
383
00:20:55,590 --> 00:20:56,290
Look!
384
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:04,770
Who's ready for cyber sex?
385
00:21:04,770 --> 00:21:06,440
I told you not to
unplug the computer.
386
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:09,370
Look what happened!
387
00:21:09,370 --> 00:21:12,120
Dr. [INAUDIBLE],,
Arrest that woman!
388
00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:21,070
Oh, oh!
389
00:21:38,460 --> 00:21:39,460
[LAUGHING]
390
00:21:44,990 --> 00:21:46,580
Looks like she got away.
391
00:21:46,580 --> 00:21:50,010
I can see that.
392
00:21:50,010 --> 00:21:51,030
She's good.
393
00:21:51,030 --> 00:21:53,010
Just a little too quick.
394
00:21:53,010 --> 00:21:55,630
Oh, you people are pathetic.
395
00:21:55,630 --> 00:21:58,570
Oh god, I have asked very little
of you people in the past,
396
00:21:58,570 --> 00:22:00,240
but I'm asking
you something now.
397
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:04,520
Will you please catch
that crazy woman?
398
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:07,690
And I mean it, sister to sister.
399
00:22:07,690 --> 00:22:09,310
What does she mean by that?
400
00:22:09,310 --> 00:22:11,240
She keeps saying it.
401
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:14,160
Well now, is there anything
else you have to add, Irwin?
402
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:17,530
Well, actually there's a limo
outside with the bumper sticker
403
00:22:17,530 --> 00:22:19,160
"Re-elect Councilwoman Capri."
404
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:20,130
It got broken into.
405
00:22:20,130 --> 00:22:21,210
There's glass everywhere.
406
00:22:21,210 --> 00:22:22,490
You know, whoever owns it
really should have parked
407
00:22:22,490 --> 00:22:23,650
it much closer to the building.
408
00:22:27,550 --> 00:22:29,790
This is the worst police
station I've ever been to.
409
00:22:29,790 --> 00:22:31,500
I'd like to think
my clothing is sacred.
410
00:22:31,500 --> 00:22:33,430
Now I don't know
where it's been.
411
00:22:33,430 --> 00:22:36,420
Hey, I think you've
got my underwear on.
412
00:22:36,420 --> 00:22:40,540
Oh, sorry.
413
00:22:40,540 --> 00:22:42,420
Hey, watch it!
414
00:22:42,420 --> 00:22:45,730
Cookie, Treat, I've been
looking for you all day.
415
00:22:45,730 --> 00:22:48,520
Uh, we got in a little
trouble, Bojangles.
416
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,150
What, somebody stiffed
you for your money?
417
00:22:50,150 --> 00:22:51,460
No, I can take care of that.
418
00:22:51,460 --> 00:22:54,590
I just cut them up
when that happens.
419
00:22:54,590 --> 00:22:57,830
Yeah, we got arrested and
some girl stoled our clothes.
420
00:22:57,830 --> 00:22:59,510
But we got them back.
421
00:22:59,510 --> 00:23:00,680
Arrested?
422
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,750
Doesn't sound like you
had time to do business.
423
00:23:02,750 --> 00:23:04,660
My rent's due today.
424
00:23:04,660 --> 00:23:06,070
We'll get it for you.
425
00:23:06,070 --> 00:23:07,240
Yeah.
426
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,040
Can we have some
money for lunch first?
427
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:13,230
We haven't eaten
since yesterday.
428
00:23:13,230 --> 00:23:14,010
Get to work!
429
00:23:25,210 --> 00:23:29,010
Man, [INAUDIBLE] but
someone has got to be kidding.
430
00:23:29,010 --> 00:23:32,510
Wait a second, was
it worth five bucks?
431
00:23:32,510 --> 00:23:34,890
She's good, just
a bit too quick.
432
00:23:38,290 --> 00:23:44,590
Bojangles [INAUDIBLE]
433
00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:47,300
That woman has become a major
threat to our very existence.
434
00:23:47,300 --> 00:23:48,340
She must be stopped.
435
00:23:48,340 --> 00:23:53,330
I agree that cyber slut
is the biggest nuisance yet.
436
00:23:53,330 --> 00:23:54,140
Oh, yes, of course.
437
00:23:54,140 --> 00:23:54,840
Her, too.
438
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:56,960
But I was talking about
that feminazi councilwoman.
439
00:23:56,960 --> 00:24:00,020
Well, let's deal with
them one at a time.
440
00:24:00,020 --> 00:24:01,070
Very well.
441
00:24:01,070 --> 00:24:02,180
We'll break up into teams.
442
00:24:08,300 --> 00:24:10,940
Do you know what's going on
in your parking lot right now?
443
00:24:10,940 --> 00:24:12,830
No, and I don't
want to know, either.
444
00:24:12,830 --> 00:24:15,380
Haven't we heard enough
from you two today?
445
00:24:15,380 --> 00:24:19,280
Yeah, well some cheap hooker
is giving it away for $5.
446
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:22,030
How are we supposed to
earn an honest living?
447
00:24:22,030 --> 00:24:22,730
That's her.
448
00:24:22,730 --> 00:24:24,670
I programmed Heidi to charge $5.
449
00:24:24,670 --> 00:24:25,580
Oh, great.
450
00:24:25,580 --> 00:24:27,730
Anything else you
programmed her to do?
451
00:24:27,730 --> 00:24:30,010
Not to wear underwear.
452
00:24:30,010 --> 00:24:32,420
Well, we better catch
her before she gets away.
453
00:24:32,420 --> 00:24:34,920
Yeah, catch her so we
can get back to work.
454
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,820
Dr. [INAUDIBLE],, get these
two cheap sluts out of here.
455
00:24:37,820 --> 00:24:39,400
You've got it.
456
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:40,730
Not us, you idiot.
457
00:24:40,730 --> 00:24:42,890
Those two.
458
00:24:42,890 --> 00:24:44,770
Sorry, honest mistake.
459
00:24:47,510 --> 00:24:48,960
Let go, let go!
460
00:24:54,780 --> 00:24:58,180
Hey, watch the dress!
461
00:24:58,180 --> 00:25:01,320
Yeah, kick him
where it counts!
462
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,700
She's good, man,
just a little too fast.
463
00:25:03,700 --> 00:25:06,610
Hurry, hurry, right this way!
464
00:25:06,610 --> 00:25:07,610
There she is!
465
00:25:18,050 --> 00:25:19,430
What do you want?
466
00:25:19,430 --> 00:25:22,410
Get back in your CD-ROM.
467
00:25:22,410 --> 00:25:27,750
Sorry, guys, game over.
468
00:25:27,750 --> 00:25:28,910
Hey, are you
going to be holding
469
00:25:28,910 --> 00:25:30,080
up this line for much longer?
470
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:34,670
Will you please go away
before I have you all arrested?
471
00:25:34,670 --> 00:25:38,730
All right, girls, you've had
a filth worse than this before.
472
00:25:38,730 --> 00:25:40,610
Take her down!
473
00:25:40,610 --> 00:25:42,320
You asked for it.
474
00:25:48,630 --> 00:25:51,080
What the-- you
let her get away!
475
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:52,480
Well, honestly,
Miss Devonshire,
476
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:55,010
we're used to getting
hookers, not Tasmanian devils!
477
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:01,840
Irwin, I've been
looking for you.
478
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:03,130
Oh, you have?
479
00:26:03,130 --> 00:26:04,560
It's shoeshine day.
480
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:06,570
You want me to look
my best, don't you?
481
00:26:06,570 --> 00:26:11,460
Well, actually, I've got
a lot on my mind right now.
482
00:26:11,460 --> 00:26:13,700
Maybe you didn't
hear me the first time.
483
00:26:13,700 --> 00:26:15,840
I have a date tonight, and
I don't have time to get
484
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:18,120
my uniform fixed for tomorrow.
485
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:21,620
I expect to find it done
and in my locker first thing
486
00:26:21,620 --> 00:26:24,080
in the morning.
487
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:25,060
Whatever you say.
488
00:26:37,330 --> 00:26:40,580
Don't have enough to do.
489
00:26:40,580 --> 00:26:42,990
Ah!
490
00:26:42,990 --> 00:26:44,490
What are you doing here?
491
00:26:44,490 --> 00:26:47,940
You wanted me, so here
I am, all programmed
492
00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:50,340
to do whatever you want.
493
00:26:50,340 --> 00:26:52,650
I thought I'd
never see you again.
494
00:26:52,650 --> 00:26:53,570
This must be a dream.
495
00:26:53,570 --> 00:26:54,270
Pinch me.
496
00:26:57,860 --> 00:27:02,340
Ow, I said pinch
me, not punch me.
497
00:27:02,340 --> 00:27:06,180
I know every little detail
of what pushes your buttons.
498
00:27:06,180 --> 00:27:10,630
Now, let me show
you how good I am.
499
00:27:10,630 --> 00:27:13,260
Oh, where is the
camera when you need one?
500
00:27:17,090 --> 00:27:18,840
I aim to please.
501
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:21,950
You really do
think of everything.
502
00:27:21,950 --> 00:27:23,250
Take as many as you like.
503
00:27:36,070 --> 00:27:37,890
Ready to play a game?
504
00:27:37,890 --> 00:27:39,290
Oh, am I ever.
505
00:27:39,290 --> 00:27:40,730
Let's play strip poker.
506
00:27:40,730 --> 00:27:43,340
I'll make the rules.
507
00:27:43,340 --> 00:27:44,700
No.
508
00:27:44,700 --> 00:27:48,670
Let's see what I can download.
509
00:27:48,670 --> 00:27:49,400
Here.
510
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:50,710
How's this one?
511
00:27:50,710 --> 00:27:53,440
I'll go first.
512
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,160
That isn't what I expected.
513
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,030
I thought you were
an adult game.
514
00:27:57,030 --> 00:27:58,090
I am.
515
00:27:58,090 --> 00:28:00,010
But you never
reached that level.
516
00:28:00,010 --> 00:28:02,680
You didn't know who
the fifth Beatle was.
517
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,360
Next time, I'll
pay more attention
518
00:28:04,360 --> 00:28:06,790
in ancient history class.
519
00:28:06,790 --> 00:28:08,710
We could try another one.
520
00:28:08,710 --> 00:28:11,530
I don't want to play
anymore computer games.
521
00:28:11,530 --> 00:28:13,480
OK.
522
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:17,740
How would you like to go to one
these exotic locales where they
523
00:28:17,740 --> 00:28:21,340
photograph partially nude
women for those magazines
524
00:28:21,340 --> 00:28:23,270
you keep hidden under the bed?
525
00:28:23,270 --> 00:28:24,820
Oh, would I ever.
526
00:28:51,940 --> 00:28:53,410
Any better?
527
00:28:53,410 --> 00:28:55,450
Am I ever.
528
00:28:55,450 --> 00:28:59,100
What buttons do I push to
make your clothes disappear?
529
00:28:59,100 --> 00:29:00,100
You can push all my buttons.
530
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:15,540
COMMISSIONER: Irwin.
531
00:29:22,650 --> 00:29:23,350
Irwin.
532
00:29:23,350 --> 00:29:24,160
Huh?
533
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:24,860
Huh?
534
00:29:27,490 --> 00:29:30,040
Spend some time on Earth, son.
535
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:32,220
Are you through with
this ironing board?
536
00:29:32,220 --> 00:29:32,920
Oh.
537
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:34,300
No, I haven't even started yet.
538
00:29:34,300 --> 00:29:36,180
Well, Ms. Devonshire
just got home,
539
00:29:36,180 --> 00:29:37,730
and she's got lots
of work to do.
540
00:29:37,730 --> 00:29:38,430
There you are.
541
00:29:45,100 --> 00:29:47,980
Maybe it was a dream.
542
00:29:47,980 --> 00:29:48,710
Ah!
543
00:29:48,710 --> 00:29:49,410
Don't do that.
544
00:29:49,410 --> 00:29:50,900
You scared me.
545
00:29:50,900 --> 00:29:52,770
Sorry.
546
00:29:52,770 --> 00:29:54,140
Look, I have a better idea.
547
00:29:54,140 --> 00:29:56,300
Can we go out somewhere
where I'll be seen with you?
548
00:29:56,300 --> 00:29:59,900
Others will be jealous, and
you can take down my enemies.
549
00:29:59,900 --> 00:30:02,510
Irwin, let's watch
the plagiarism here.
550
00:30:02,510 --> 00:30:04,390
I'm not a real girl.
551
00:30:04,390 --> 00:30:05,990
You're close enough.
552
00:30:05,990 --> 00:30:09,220
No, you want a girl that
can give you love bites.
553
00:30:09,220 --> 00:30:11,380
All I can give
you are megabytes.
554
00:30:11,380 --> 00:30:13,000
Want to talk about RAM?
555
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:14,590
I get the idea.
556
00:30:14,590 --> 00:30:18,490
Boy, this CD ROM
sure was a rip-off.
557
00:30:18,490 --> 00:30:20,830
Oh, Irwin, just because
I can't be your girlfriend
558
00:30:20,830 --> 00:30:23,140
doesn't mean I can't
help you find one.
559
00:30:23,140 --> 00:30:25,630
There must be someone
you have your eye on.
560
00:30:25,630 --> 00:30:27,700
Not really.
561
00:30:27,700 --> 00:30:29,110
Let's try a
computer chat line.
562
00:30:29,110 --> 00:30:30,730
I'm sure there's
someone eligible
563
00:30:30,730 --> 00:30:31,630
for you on the internet.
564
00:30:34,500 --> 00:30:36,660
I've never had much
luck with these before.
565
00:30:36,660 --> 00:30:38,510
Look, someone's online.
566
00:30:38,510 --> 00:30:39,210
Talk to them.
567
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:44,260
Come over here quick!
568
00:30:44,260 --> 00:30:46,050
Someone's saying hello to us!
569
00:30:46,050 --> 00:30:47,760
Hurry, before they get away!
570
00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:48,720
Hi there.
571
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:50,910
We're calling from prison.
572
00:30:50,910 --> 00:30:51,740
Quick, hang up.
573
00:30:54,570 --> 00:30:56,170
Don't you want to give
them your phone number?
574
00:30:56,170 --> 00:30:56,870
Oh, no, no.
575
00:30:56,870 --> 00:30:58,800
Just forget it.
576
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,710
Well, there must be someone
from work you have your eye on.
577
00:31:01,710 --> 00:31:02,610
Let me pull the file.
578
00:31:05,790 --> 00:31:06,720
Oh.
579
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:07,740
I don't know.
580
00:31:07,740 --> 00:31:09,840
She's too sweet and
innocent, kind of
581
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:12,090
like having sex with Bambi.
582
00:31:12,090 --> 00:31:13,290
Are you kidding?
583
00:31:13,290 --> 00:31:14,550
Do you know what
she was arrested
584
00:31:14,550 --> 00:31:16,270
for once before she was a cop?
585
00:31:16,270 --> 00:31:17,690
No, tell me.
586
00:31:17,690 --> 00:31:18,390
Sorry.
587
00:31:18,390 --> 00:31:20,480
It's privileged information,
but don't give up yet.
588
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:21,580
Here, let me pull
up another one.
589
00:31:25,450 --> 00:31:26,420
Traci?
590
00:31:26,420 --> 00:31:28,900
Oh, now we're
talking, but she won't
591
00:31:28,900 --> 00:31:31,030
even give me the time of day.
592
00:31:31,030 --> 00:31:32,600
She will with my help.
593
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:35,560
Let me look at her file.
594
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:37,540
Thrown out of prep
school for posing
595
00:31:37,540 --> 00:31:39,460
nude with the school's mascot.
596
00:31:39,460 --> 00:31:43,090
Fired from three jobs
for bad attitude.
597
00:31:43,090 --> 00:31:45,670
Voted most likely to
date a married politician
598
00:31:45,670 --> 00:31:48,830
and then sell her
story to the tabloids.
599
00:31:48,830 --> 00:31:52,240
Boy, you really
picked a winner here.
600
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,680
Do you really think
you can help me get her?
601
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:59,440
If that's the classless
gold digging tramp you want,
602
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:00,390
then you got her.
603
00:32:00,390 --> 00:32:02,720
All right!
604
00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:05,160
[MUSIC PLAYING]
605
00:32:11,970 --> 00:32:13,440
Are you sure this
is going to work?
606
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:14,450
It's fool-proof.
607
00:32:14,450 --> 00:32:16,290
This will only cement
your relationship.
608
00:32:16,290 --> 00:32:17,520
Now show me where
the locker room is.
609
00:32:25,620 --> 00:32:28,770
Hey, Candy, you got a minute?
610
00:32:28,770 --> 00:32:29,680
Like, I'm busy.
611
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:32,670
Do you mind if I ignore
you some other time?
612
00:32:32,670 --> 00:32:33,540
I just need a spot here.
613
00:32:33,540 --> 00:32:36,210
Can you give me a hand?
614
00:32:36,210 --> 00:32:39,220
Yeah, sure.
615
00:32:39,220 --> 00:32:40,550
You do know what a spot is?
616
00:32:40,550 --> 00:32:43,840
I mean, working out
is a man's sport.
617
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:48,160
Just [INAUDIBLE] so I
can get back to my reading.
618
00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:50,080
I've been working
out for years.
619
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:52,460
Using your muscles
really makes [INAUDIBLE]..
620
00:32:52,460 --> 00:32:54,810
Your jaw muscle
must be getting huge
621
00:32:54,810 --> 00:32:56,270
from the workout it's getting.
622
00:32:56,270 --> 00:32:57,270
Can you give me a hand here?
623
00:33:02,930 --> 00:33:05,500
That was some workout.
624
00:33:05,500 --> 00:33:07,100
Next time, try putting
some weight on the bar.
625
00:33:13,350 --> 00:33:16,510
So Candy, have you ever
done it with Petrolino?
626
00:33:16,510 --> 00:33:17,480
Are you kidding?
627
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:18,180
He's a sexist pig.
628
00:33:21,340 --> 00:33:23,080
That's what I like in a man.
629
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:26,140
You know, after all those years
of dating prep school boys,
630
00:33:26,140 --> 00:33:28,910
I want a man who can bring
the gutter into my bedroom.
631
00:33:28,910 --> 00:33:30,640
Have you ever considered
therapy for this?
632
00:33:33,610 --> 00:33:36,090
[MUSIC PLAYING]
633
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:51,610
Oh, what I wouldn't
give to be 25 again.
634
00:33:56,850 --> 00:33:58,670
Why so sad, Mavis?
635
00:33:58,670 --> 00:34:01,840
Oh, I just got a reply
from that inmate on death row
636
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:03,240
I proposed to.
637
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:05,180
He turned me down.
638
00:34:05,180 --> 00:34:07,830
I guess he'd rather take
the chair than marry me.
639
00:34:07,830 --> 00:34:08,950
Well, cheer up.
640
00:34:08,950 --> 00:34:10,330
There'll be others.
641
00:34:10,330 --> 00:34:11,170
I know.
642
00:34:11,170 --> 00:34:13,480
But this one was a catch.
643
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:15,270
It's all right.
644
00:34:15,270 --> 00:34:17,310
We'll just live together
for the rest of our lives
645
00:34:17,310 --> 00:34:20,530
and keep telling
everyone we're sisters.
646
00:34:20,530 --> 00:34:21,780
I should have
known something was
647
00:34:21,780 --> 00:34:24,540
wrong when he requested the
swimsuit edition of "Boy's
648
00:34:24,540 --> 00:34:25,430
Life."
649
00:34:25,430 --> 00:34:30,720
Ms. Devonshire, you're the
only married one between us.
650
00:34:30,720 --> 00:34:36,810
Tell us what it's like getting
it on a semi-regular basis.
651
00:34:36,810 --> 00:34:38,400
How would I know?
652
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:41,580
My husband rolls over and falls
asleep before the lights even
653
00:34:41,580 --> 00:34:43,440
go off.
654
00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:47,590
You're pulling our leg.
655
00:34:47,590 --> 00:34:51,340
All those nights I've longed
to stare at the ceiling,
656
00:34:51,340 --> 00:34:54,010
imagining I'm with someone else.
657
00:34:54,010 --> 00:34:57,100
They've gone unfulfilled.
658
00:34:57,100 --> 00:34:58,910
I can't believe that.
659
00:34:58,910 --> 00:35:00,160
It's true.
660
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:02,080
My nights are so empty.
661
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:05,730
I should start coming to
canasta with you two again.
662
00:35:05,730 --> 00:35:08,230
Oh, we've been
doing that months ago.
663
00:35:08,230 --> 00:35:12,170
Now we go to male strip joints.
664
00:35:12,170 --> 00:35:15,540
Too bad you're married,
or we'd bring you along.
665
00:35:15,540 --> 00:35:18,060
Let's go cash our
paycheck in singles again.
666
00:35:18,060 --> 00:35:18,960
You've got it!
667
00:35:22,190 --> 00:35:26,940
Listen to this, "10 Most
Popular Sexual Positions."
668
00:35:26,940 --> 00:35:28,180
Think you can guess them all?
669
00:35:28,180 --> 00:35:29,290
I bet I've done them all.
670
00:35:29,290 --> 00:35:31,390
Well, except maybe
that last one.
671
00:35:31,390 --> 00:35:34,060
Hey, is upside down on the list?
672
00:35:34,060 --> 00:35:35,240
Not here.
673
00:35:35,240 --> 00:35:38,590
What about the
back seat of a car?
674
00:35:38,590 --> 00:35:41,900
Ms. Devonshire!
675
00:35:41,900 --> 00:35:44,220
Honestly, can't I
even live vicariously?
676
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:58,670
Hey, you all set?
677
00:35:58,670 --> 00:35:59,540
Just watch them find it.
678
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:04,830
Look what someone
stuck in my locker--
679
00:36:04,830 --> 00:36:10,330
a book on Mapplethorpe, 200
pages of male sex organs.
680
00:36:10,330 --> 00:36:11,920
Would you call this art?
681
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:13,990
Considering it's only
one I've seen recently,
682
00:36:13,990 --> 00:36:16,160
I'd call it a masterpiece.
683
00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:17,260
Ms. Devonshire!
684
00:36:17,260 --> 00:36:19,390
Well, it's the truth.
685
00:36:19,390 --> 00:36:21,800
[SNICKERING]
686
00:36:26,620 --> 00:36:29,580
Look what someone
left in my locker.
687
00:36:29,580 --> 00:36:32,150
"Wanted, girl willing
to ruin her looks
688
00:36:32,150 --> 00:36:33,540
for a punk rock video.
689
00:36:33,540 --> 00:36:35,890
Get ready to be
pierced, tattooed, have
690
00:36:35,890 --> 00:36:37,760
your head shaved, and your"--
691
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:39,010
well, I can't make
out that word--
692
00:36:39,010 --> 00:36:39,940
"dyed green.
693
00:36:39,940 --> 00:36:41,770
Possible deferred pay."
694
00:36:41,770 --> 00:36:44,220
You did this, didn't you?
695
00:36:44,220 --> 00:36:46,320
Candy, even though I'm
laughing at your expense,
696
00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:49,430
it does not mean that I did it.
697
00:36:49,430 --> 00:36:52,360
You have to admit, it
is pretty funny, though.
698
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:54,040
She's right.
699
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:57,130
I mean, what's wrong with
a harmless practical joke?
700
00:36:57,130 --> 00:37:00,030
I mean, if you can't laugh
at yourself, who can?
701
00:37:00,030 --> 00:37:01,220
[PHONE RINGS]
702
00:37:01,220 --> 00:37:01,920
Oh.
703
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:02,730
Excuse me.
704
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:07,470
Hello?
705
00:37:07,470 --> 00:37:09,630
WOMAN (ON PHONE): Yes, I was
just there with my husband.
706
00:37:09,630 --> 00:37:11,310
Could you page him for me?
707
00:37:11,310 --> 00:37:15,360
My name is Lois,
last name, Standards.
708
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:16,800
Hold on.
709
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:21,370
I'm looking for the man
with Lois Standards.
710
00:37:21,370 --> 00:37:22,840
Could somebody
please help me find
711
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:24,680
the man with Lois Standards?
712
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:27,130
[LAUGHTER]
713
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:32,730
All right, who is this?
714
00:37:32,730 --> 00:37:35,960
How dare you play a cruel
and uncalled for joke
715
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:36,910
at my expense?
716
00:37:36,910 --> 00:37:38,230
[GIGGLING]
717
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:39,880
Hello?
718
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:40,680
Hello?
719
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:41,380
Oh.
720
00:37:41,380 --> 00:37:43,430
What if an important
police call were coming in?
721
00:37:43,430 --> 00:37:44,750
[PHONE RINGS]
722
00:37:44,750 --> 00:37:45,780
Hello?
723
00:37:45,780 --> 00:37:47,960
I don't care who's burglarizing
your house right now.
724
00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:50,380
I'm busy.
725
00:37:50,380 --> 00:37:52,800
Somebody's going
to pay for this!
726
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:54,510
What's the matter,
Ms. Devonshire?
727
00:37:54,510 --> 00:37:58,070
I mean, if you can't laugh
at yourself, then who can?
728
00:37:58,070 --> 00:37:59,590
Shut up, Candy!
729
00:37:59,590 --> 00:38:03,160
Who is making a
mockery of our employees?
730
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:04,070
It was me!
731
00:38:04,070 --> 00:38:04,790
It was me!
732
00:38:04,790 --> 00:38:05,870
I confess.
733
00:38:05,870 --> 00:38:08,210
Boy, I really had
you guys going.
734
00:38:08,210 --> 00:38:09,730
You did this?
735
00:38:09,730 --> 00:38:12,650
I hope you have a good
explanation, young man.
736
00:38:12,650 --> 00:38:14,860
Well, I was trying
to impress Traci.
737
00:38:14,860 --> 00:38:17,050
And I figured what better
way than by showing her
738
00:38:17,050 --> 00:38:20,690
I can be both immature and
cruel at the same time?
739
00:38:20,690 --> 00:38:23,450
So now will you go out with me?
740
00:38:23,450 --> 00:38:26,450
Irwin, while I will
admit that finding humor
741
00:38:26,450 --> 00:38:29,430
at others' expense
is amusing, it's
742
00:38:29,430 --> 00:38:31,160
hardly enough to earn a date.
743
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:33,920
Next time, get me a gold card.
744
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:36,440
You mean, I did
all this for nothing?
745
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:38,170
Not for nothing, young man.
746
00:38:38,170 --> 00:38:40,580
You and I are going to
have a long conversation
747
00:38:40,580 --> 00:38:43,600
about you humiliating others
for your own entertainment.
748
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:44,650
Now come with me.
749
00:38:44,650 --> 00:38:45,430
But Dad!
750
00:38:45,430 --> 00:38:49,530
And I've got a lesson for you
for questioning my sexuality.
751
00:38:49,530 --> 00:38:51,320
Uh, if you don't want
that anymore, I'd be
752
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:52,360
glad to take it off your hands.
753
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:53,060
Be my guest.
754
00:38:56,700 --> 00:38:59,700
ALL: No.
755
00:38:59,700 --> 00:39:01,200
Yes.
756
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:02,700
No.
757
00:39:02,700 --> 00:39:04,500
No.
758
00:39:04,500 --> 00:39:05,200
Yes.
759
00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:11,530
And that time when you
were five years old-- flushed
760
00:39:11,530 --> 00:39:13,330
an entire roll of toilet paper.
761
00:39:13,330 --> 00:39:16,690
Now, son, that
wasn't funny, was it?
762
00:39:16,690 --> 00:39:20,690
And don't forget the infamous
cherry bomb incident.
763
00:39:20,690 --> 00:39:23,990
Nor the time that you put
Ex-Lax in the candy dish.
764
00:39:23,990 --> 00:39:25,690
Tsk tsk tsk.
765
00:39:25,690 --> 00:39:26,980
I get the idea.
766
00:39:26,980 --> 00:39:28,850
I won't do it again.
767
00:39:28,850 --> 00:39:30,150
Good boy.
768
00:39:30,150 --> 00:39:31,180
Now run along.
769
00:39:38,340 --> 00:39:39,670
Hi there.
770
00:39:39,670 --> 00:39:41,030
Shut up.
771
00:39:41,030 --> 00:39:43,550
Where's my uniform?
772
00:39:43,550 --> 00:39:44,790
I forgot.
773
00:39:44,790 --> 00:39:46,810
You know, I didn't
have a chance to do it.
774
00:39:46,810 --> 00:39:49,020
Well, you still
seemed to have plenty
775
00:39:49,020 --> 00:39:52,420
of time left for your pranks.
776
00:39:52,420 --> 00:39:57,140
[INAUDIBLE] Why don't
you shine my shoes
777
00:39:57,140 --> 00:40:00,990
right now using your tongue?
778
00:40:00,990 --> 00:40:02,750
You know, if you're
worried about people
779
00:40:02,750 --> 00:40:04,720
questioning your
sexuality, don't
780
00:40:04,720 --> 00:40:06,490
you think that's a bad idea?
781
00:40:06,490 --> 00:40:11,000
Dude, I'll beat the
living crap out of you.
782
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:16,370
Now, I want you to
listen to me carefully.
783
00:40:16,370 --> 00:40:17,850
Who the hell is this?
784
00:40:17,850 --> 00:40:19,760
Shut up and don't turn around!
785
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:22,180
From now on, I want you
to leave Irwin alone.
786
00:40:22,180 --> 00:40:24,460
Because when you mess with
him, you mess with me.
787
00:40:24,460 --> 00:40:25,780
And take my word for it.
788
00:40:25,780 --> 00:40:27,520
You don't want to get me angry.
789
00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:28,470
Give me back my gun.
790
00:40:28,470 --> 00:40:30,310
I'm not finished yet!
791
00:40:30,310 --> 00:40:32,260
No more getting him to
do your chores for you.
792
00:40:32,260 --> 00:40:34,340
If I ever catch you
bothering him again,
793
00:40:34,340 --> 00:40:35,840
I'm going to shoot off
that part of your body
794
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:38,280
you get the most pleasure from.
795
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:39,740
[INAUDIBLE] you don't mean it.
796
00:40:39,740 --> 00:40:41,770
That's right, the finger that
you use on the remote control
797
00:40:41,770 --> 00:40:45,470
to go back and forth between
the football game and adult
798
00:40:45,470 --> 00:40:47,480
movie on Pay-Per-View.
799
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:48,470
Oh god, no.
800
00:40:48,470 --> 00:40:50,520
I would rather be dead.
801
00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:51,880
I'll leave him alone, I promise.
802
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:53,220
Good.
803
00:40:53,220 --> 00:40:55,330
Let's start with a little game.
804
00:40:55,330 --> 00:40:56,990
It's called Lights Out.
805
00:41:00,850 --> 00:41:03,350
Why did you do that?
806
00:41:03,350 --> 00:41:06,820
I'm going to be in so much
trouble when he wakes up.
807
00:41:06,820 --> 00:41:08,060
Don't worry.
808
00:41:08,060 --> 00:41:11,730
He won't remember a thing,
except to leave you alone.
809
00:41:33,230 --> 00:41:34,230
Who's on the floor?
810
00:41:34,230 --> 00:41:35,230
I don't know.
811
00:41:35,230 --> 00:41:36,730
Hey.
812
00:41:36,730 --> 00:41:39,730
Hey!
813
00:41:39,730 --> 00:41:41,230
What happened to you?
814
00:41:41,230 --> 00:41:44,290
Someone snuck up from
behind and cold cocked me.
815
00:41:44,290 --> 00:41:46,350
Who would do
something like that?
816
00:41:46,350 --> 00:41:48,210
Well, I can name a few people.
817
00:41:48,210 --> 00:41:50,840
You come with me, and I'll
make you feel all better.
818
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:52,100
I'd like that.
819
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:58,120
Well, today is Tuesday.
820
00:41:58,120 --> 00:42:00,490
Did anyone vote before
the polls closed?
821
00:42:00,490 --> 00:42:01,190
No.
822
00:42:01,190 --> 00:42:01,980
No.
823
00:42:01,980 --> 00:42:02,680
No.
824
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:03,610
What about you, sir?
825
00:42:03,610 --> 00:42:04,310
No, no.
826
00:42:04,310 --> 00:42:06,400
I didn't have time either.
827
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:09,680
Well, I suppose we should
check the election returns, hm?
828
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:10,900
Hey, don't touch that!
829
00:42:10,900 --> 00:42:11,780
No!
830
00:42:11,780 --> 00:42:16,290
It's Drag Queen Makeover
Day on the Joan Blake Show.
831
00:42:16,290 --> 00:42:19,340
[INAUDIBLE]
832
00:42:19,340 --> 00:42:20,470
REPORTER (ON TV):
Today's campaign
833
00:42:20,470 --> 00:42:22,120
results are finally in.
834
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:24,730
Former councilwoman Capri
lost today's election
835
00:42:24,730 --> 00:42:26,860
by a mere four votes.
836
00:42:26,860 --> 00:42:28,810
It's a sad day for our city.
837
00:42:28,810 --> 00:42:31,540
She had promised to allocate
half a million in funds
838
00:42:31,540 --> 00:42:34,840
to the local police station
if she were re-elected.
839
00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:37,000
Anything you'd like to say
to the public, Ms. Capri?
840
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:41,380
Yes.
841
00:42:41,380 --> 00:42:44,860
It is the fault of those damn
officers in that frickin'
842
00:42:44,860 --> 00:42:45,680
Vice Academy.
843
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:49,450
And they can all kiss my ass!
844
00:42:49,450 --> 00:42:51,880
REPORTER (ON TV): And here's
what she meant to say,
845
00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:53,540
according to her attorney.
846
00:42:53,540 --> 00:42:54,790
Oh, sir.
847
00:42:54,790 --> 00:42:59,320
What you need right
now is a little TLC.
848
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:02,140
Oh, Ms. Devonshire, you
know I hate rap music.
849
00:43:02,140 --> 00:43:04,920
I was talking about
my companionship.
850
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:05,620
Oh.
851
00:43:05,620 --> 00:43:06,710
Oh.
852
00:43:06,710 --> 00:43:08,570
Uh, no, not right now.
853
00:43:08,570 --> 00:43:10,060
Well, if not now, when?
854
00:43:10,060 --> 00:43:12,090
When I have less on my mind!
855
00:43:12,090 --> 00:43:16,570
I think it's time for us
to seek professional therapy.
856
00:43:16,570 --> 00:43:20,410
Ms. Devonshire, any
relationship that needs therapy
857
00:43:20,410 --> 00:43:23,800
is not worth saving.
858
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:25,630
What's the name of
this quack anyway?
859
00:43:25,630 --> 00:43:29,330
Dr. Tiffany Berkowitz.
860
00:43:29,330 --> 00:43:30,640
That name sounds familiar.
861
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:38,840
So how did you hear about me?
862
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:42,620
Did you attend my seminar,
I'm OK, You Need Prozac?
863
00:43:42,620 --> 00:43:45,340
No, we saw your infomercial
on late night television.
864
00:43:45,340 --> 00:43:47,900
No, you mean you saw it.
865
00:43:47,900 --> 00:43:51,420
I don't waste my time watching
such inanities on the tube.
866
00:43:51,420 --> 00:43:53,470
I'm sensing hostility here.
867
00:43:53,470 --> 00:43:54,690
Shut up.
868
00:43:54,690 --> 00:43:55,390
Sit down.
869
00:44:00,230 --> 00:44:03,900
Now, let's see if we
can explore this and get
870
00:44:03,900 --> 00:44:06,980
to the root of your problem.
871
00:44:06,980 --> 00:44:11,440
What brings you to Dr. Tiffany
Berkowitz, sex therapist?
872
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:13,560
Sex therapist?
873
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:15,780
I thought we were going
to a marriage counselor.
874
00:44:15,780 --> 00:44:17,130
Let me do the talking.
875
00:44:17,130 --> 00:44:20,050
My husband refuses to
consummate our marriage.
876
00:44:20,050 --> 00:44:23,770
Do you always have to spit
that out, Ms. Devonshire?
877
00:44:23,770 --> 00:44:25,390
Terrible.
878
00:44:25,390 --> 00:44:28,040
Have you found an outlet
for your frustration?
879
00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:31,150
No, mine's battery-powered.
880
00:44:31,150 --> 00:44:33,790
I'm talking about
other human contact.
881
00:44:33,790 --> 00:44:35,490
Men are a dime a dozen.
882
00:44:35,490 --> 00:44:36,710
I ought to know.
883
00:44:36,710 --> 00:44:37,790
Oh!
884
00:44:37,790 --> 00:44:40,990
Oh, I see you found a
qualified professional here.
885
00:44:40,990 --> 00:44:43,460
Did I say it was
your turn to speak?
886
00:44:43,460 --> 00:44:45,190
[PHONE RINGS]
887
00:44:45,190 --> 00:44:47,600
Excuse me, I'll
be just one minute.
888
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:48,800
Hello?
889
00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:49,850
Oh, Ethel, it's you.
890
00:44:49,850 --> 00:44:51,290
How are you?
891
00:44:51,290 --> 00:44:52,760
I'm right in the middle
of a session, Ethel.
892
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:54,300
I can't talk long.
893
00:44:54,300 --> 00:44:56,690
Now, Ethel, you know
I cannot divulge
894
00:44:56,690 --> 00:44:58,510
that kind of information.
895
00:44:58,510 --> 00:44:59,210
All right.
896
00:44:59,210 --> 00:45:01,700
It's the police
chief and his wife.
897
00:45:01,700 --> 00:45:03,110
Or is it his mother?
898
00:45:03,110 --> 00:45:05,160
I haven't determined it yet.
899
00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:06,400
Yeah.
900
00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:09,140
He's having the
usual man trouble.
901
00:45:09,140 --> 00:45:11,340
Ah, let me get
back to you, Ethel.
902
00:45:11,340 --> 00:45:12,040
All right.
903
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:13,090
All right.
904
00:45:13,090 --> 00:45:13,790
Bye bye.
905
00:45:16,460 --> 00:45:19,530
That Ethel, she
is such a gossip.
906
00:45:19,530 --> 00:45:22,730
Now I have an idea here.
907
00:45:22,730 --> 00:45:26,010
Let's determine if your
husband won't have sex with you
908
00:45:26,010 --> 00:45:27,750
or can't have sex with you.
909
00:45:34,690 --> 00:45:36,670
Hey there, big boy.
910
00:45:36,670 --> 00:45:38,660
Come to mama.
911
00:45:38,660 --> 00:45:40,150
What are you doing?
912
00:45:40,150 --> 00:45:42,630
Get away from him.
913
00:45:42,630 --> 00:45:45,410
Calm down, just trying
to find a solution.
914
00:45:45,410 --> 00:45:47,550
He sees enough women
like you at work.
915
00:45:47,550 --> 00:45:51,150
Try something else.
916
00:45:51,150 --> 00:45:51,850
All right.
917
00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:01,890
OK, commissioner.
918
00:46:01,890 --> 00:46:02,720
Let's hear from you.
919
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:09,920
Well, I don't, um--
920
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:11,120
I don't think that
I have a problem.
921
00:46:13,700 --> 00:46:18,940
It's just that every night,
every night when we go to bed,
922
00:46:18,940 --> 00:46:20,410
she turns into the--
923
00:46:20,410 --> 00:46:22,780
the clown doll
from "Poltergeist."
924
00:46:25,410 --> 00:46:29,760
And she just sits there with
this insane look on her face,
925
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:33,150
just waiting to make her attack.
926
00:46:33,150 --> 00:46:34,440
I do not!
927
00:46:34,440 --> 00:46:38,340
I've never been accused of
being an aggressive woman.
928
00:46:38,340 --> 00:46:40,490
Now I'm beginning
to see the light here.
929
00:46:44,780 --> 00:46:47,320
Maybe she needs to
ease off a little bit.
930
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:48,090
Let you take your time.
931
00:46:50,900 --> 00:46:53,750
You know, it has been very
stressful lately at work.
932
00:46:53,750 --> 00:46:57,040
It's been three
months already.
933
00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:59,170
OK, new idea.
934
00:46:59,170 --> 00:47:05,290
So who turns the lights off
first when you think of sex?
935
00:47:05,290 --> 00:47:07,000
I've-- I've had
enough of this quackery.
936
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:09,450
Can we-- can we
just go home now?
937
00:47:09,450 --> 00:47:10,150
Fine.
938
00:47:10,150 --> 00:47:11,020
Fine.
939
00:47:11,020 --> 00:47:13,550
But don't say I didn't try.
940
00:47:13,550 --> 00:47:15,510
That'll be $150.
941
00:47:15,510 --> 00:47:17,930
$150?
942
00:47:17,930 --> 00:47:20,090
I was under the impression
that you therapists
943
00:47:20,090 --> 00:47:23,380
used a sliding scale.
944
00:47:23,380 --> 00:47:25,450
Where do you think you are?
945
00:47:25,450 --> 00:47:28,840
I am a Beverly Hills
boutique therapist.
946
00:47:28,840 --> 00:47:31,470
Now you can just slide
yourselves right out of here.
947
00:47:33,850 --> 00:47:35,020
Well, let's get
out of here quick
948
00:47:35,020 --> 00:47:36,450
before she raises her rate.
949
00:47:47,580 --> 00:47:49,490
Hello, Ethel?
950
00:47:49,490 --> 00:47:51,180
Have I got stories for you.
951
00:47:53,930 --> 00:47:56,880
[MUSIC PLAYING]
952
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:20,270
It's really flattering when
a guy goes to the trouble
953
00:48:20,270 --> 00:48:22,030
of making dinner for me.
954
00:48:22,030 --> 00:48:24,610
Yeah, well, I've always
found it the easiest way to get
955
00:48:24,610 --> 00:48:27,450
a woman out of her clothes.
956
00:48:27,450 --> 00:48:30,080
Oh, I love it when
you talk that way.
957
00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:32,470
You don't mince
your words, do you?
958
00:48:32,470 --> 00:48:34,970
I hate mixed signals.
959
00:48:34,970 --> 00:48:37,910
Do you live here alone?
960
00:48:37,910 --> 00:48:40,730
The only way to go.
961
00:48:40,730 --> 00:48:43,770
What do you say we
skip the second entree
962
00:48:43,770 --> 00:48:45,380
and go straight for dessert?
963
00:48:48,170 --> 00:48:50,820
I didn't make any dessert.
964
00:48:50,820 --> 00:48:51,760
Oh.
965
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:53,950
I always come prepared.
966
00:49:08,860 --> 00:49:12,140
Oh, Petrolino.
967
00:49:12,140 --> 00:49:12,840
Oh, baby.
968
00:49:41,170 --> 00:49:43,450
Oh, yes.
969
00:49:43,450 --> 00:49:44,150
Oh.
970
00:49:58,110 --> 00:50:00,090
Are you still here?
971
00:50:00,090 --> 00:50:01,590
I'm upgrading my libido.
972
00:50:01,590 --> 00:50:03,320
Oh, you are going to get
me in a lot of trouble.
973
00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:05,400
My dad's looking for you.
974
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:07,230
I have some money for you.
975
00:50:07,230 --> 00:50:08,820
Here's today's earnings.
976
00:50:08,820 --> 00:50:10,110
You programmed me.
977
00:50:10,110 --> 00:50:10,810
You deserve it.
978
00:50:13,340 --> 00:50:15,320
There's over $100 here.
979
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:19,010
I was only in business for
a few minutes, but I'm fast.
980
00:50:19,010 --> 00:50:21,160
Buy yourself some new clothes.
981
00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:22,500
Anything else I
can help you with?
982
00:50:22,500 --> 00:50:25,060
Well, do I still have
a shot at getting Traci?
983
00:50:25,060 --> 00:50:30,260
It might be a little
late, but you never know.
984
00:50:30,260 --> 00:50:31,430
Ready for level two?
985
00:50:34,040 --> 00:50:34,980
[SHATTERING]
986
00:50:34,980 --> 00:50:37,040
COMMISSIONER: Irwin,
what's going on down there?
987
00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:47,020
Say, what's all the racket
down here, young man?
988
00:50:47,020 --> 00:50:48,720
Uh, just playing Pong.
989
00:50:51,890 --> 00:50:54,040
Ms. Devonshire, will you
come downstairs please?
990
00:50:59,830 --> 00:51:01,520
What are you supposed to be?
991
00:51:01,520 --> 00:51:03,820
Well, you seem to think
I'm some sort of clown
992
00:51:03,820 --> 00:51:05,370
waiting to pounce on you.
993
00:51:05,370 --> 00:51:07,900
Thought we'd try a
little role playing.
994
00:51:07,900 --> 00:51:10,480
And you wonder why
you're not getting any.
995
00:51:10,480 --> 00:51:12,250
I was hoping that
maybe you could
996
00:51:12,250 --> 00:51:15,490
give Irwin here a few tips
on how to get a girlfriend.
997
00:51:15,490 --> 00:51:18,520
Well, appearance
is very important.
998
00:51:27,150 --> 00:51:28,540
Maybe I'm talking
to the wrong person.
999
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:38,200
What are you looking
at, young man?
1000
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:38,900
Nothing.
1001
00:51:38,900 --> 00:51:43,100
It's just not every day I
have a clown in my bedroom.
1002
00:51:43,100 --> 00:51:44,060
Huh.
1003
00:51:44,060 --> 00:51:46,010
Me neither.
1004
00:51:46,010 --> 00:51:47,930
Well, come on, Ms. Devonshire.
1005
00:51:47,930 --> 00:51:49,690
It's getting late.
1006
00:51:49,690 --> 00:51:51,890
Ready to go play
The Circus is in Town?
1007
00:51:51,890 --> 00:51:52,590
Hm.
1008
00:51:56,860 --> 00:51:58,230
I'm sleeping on
the couch tonight.
1009
00:52:12,710 --> 00:52:14,480
My compliments to the chef.
1010
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:16,080
I could say the same.
1011
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:17,510
So what are you
two laughing about?
1012
00:52:17,510 --> 00:52:19,930
Nothing, you would
have had to been there.
1013
00:52:19,930 --> 00:52:25,380
So Petrolino, how about
another entree tonight?
1014
00:52:25,380 --> 00:52:26,210
Whoa!
1015
00:52:26,210 --> 00:52:28,630
Did you get dressed in the dark?
1016
00:52:28,630 --> 00:52:30,850
What's the matter with it?
1017
00:52:30,850 --> 00:52:33,740
Petrolino, you take this one.
1018
00:52:33,740 --> 00:52:34,540
You look fine.
1019
00:52:37,600 --> 00:52:39,700
Come on, rip into him.
1020
00:52:39,700 --> 00:52:41,330
I don't know what to say.
1021
00:52:41,330 --> 00:52:45,140
Do you think they have the
same outfit in my size?
1022
00:52:45,140 --> 00:52:46,130
You're losing your touch.
1023
00:52:46,130 --> 00:52:48,650
I could always count
on you to make him feel
1024
00:52:48,650 --> 00:52:50,530
bad for a few cheap laughs.
1025
00:52:50,530 --> 00:52:51,710
Try again.
1026
00:52:51,710 --> 00:52:54,080
My mind is blank
on this subject.
1027
00:52:54,080 --> 00:52:57,100
So what are we doing
for dinner tonight?
1028
00:52:57,100 --> 00:52:58,760
Get real.
1029
00:52:58,760 --> 00:53:01,430
Boy, did I misjudge you.
1030
00:53:01,430 --> 00:53:02,580
You do have a kind heart.
1031
00:53:02,580 --> 00:53:04,370
What was I thinking?
1032
00:53:04,370 --> 00:53:05,300
Traci, wait.
1033
00:53:08,230 --> 00:53:09,630
Get lost.
1034
00:53:09,630 --> 00:53:10,330
Give me a minute.
1035
00:53:15,310 --> 00:53:16,930
Don't pay any
attention to them, Irwin.
1036
00:53:16,930 --> 00:53:18,030
I think you look nice.
1037
00:53:18,030 --> 00:53:18,730
You do?
1038
00:53:18,730 --> 00:53:19,440
Yeah.
1039
00:53:19,440 --> 00:53:21,820
Hey, so do you want to maybe
go to the movies later?
1040
00:53:21,820 --> 00:53:23,530
I think "Bambi" is playing.
1041
00:53:23,530 --> 00:53:24,280
You don't say.
1042
00:53:33,340 --> 00:53:37,740
Oh, Fern, your idea
of dressing as a clown
1043
00:53:37,740 --> 00:53:38,800
didn't work either.
1044
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:39,500
You're kidding.
1045
00:53:39,500 --> 00:53:40,500
It was foolproof.
1046
00:53:40,500 --> 00:53:42,090
What am I going to do?
1047
00:53:42,090 --> 00:53:45,450
My honeymoon's over, and
it never even started.
1048
00:53:45,450 --> 00:53:49,200
Your marriage is starting to
sound like a Patsy Cline song.
1049
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:52,130
I'm falling to pieces.
1050
00:53:52,130 --> 00:53:55,950
What about this game
show, "Fit for a Queen"?
1051
00:53:55,950 --> 00:53:57,420
You'd be perfect.
1052
00:53:57,420 --> 00:53:59,430
Contestants go on
and whine about
1053
00:53:59,430 --> 00:54:01,730
all the misery in their lives.
1054
00:54:01,730 --> 00:54:04,950
The one who's the most pitiful
wins [INAUDIBLE] prizes.
1055
00:54:04,950 --> 00:54:05,650
Yeah.
1056
00:54:05,650 --> 00:54:08,310
If your life isn't
pathetic, then whose is?
1057
00:54:08,310 --> 00:54:09,550
You're right.
1058
00:54:09,550 --> 00:54:11,410
But my husband
hates it when I air
1059
00:54:11,410 --> 00:54:13,140
our dirty laundry in public.
1060
00:54:13,140 --> 00:54:15,620
Even if you could win
a toaster oven for it?
1061
00:54:15,620 --> 00:54:16,700
Fair enough.
1062
00:54:16,700 --> 00:54:19,540
It's time I turn my
lemons into lemonade.
1063
00:54:22,460 --> 00:54:23,910
[BUZZ]
1064
00:54:23,910 --> 00:54:26,830
[APPLAUSE]
1065
00:54:30,720 --> 00:54:33,630
Hi, everyone, and welcome
to "Fit for a Queen,"
1066
00:54:33,630 --> 00:54:36,980
the television show where
women embarrass themselves
1067
00:54:36,980 --> 00:54:40,240
for cheap and tasteless prizes.
1068
00:54:40,240 --> 00:54:42,580
Well, it's time to meet
our first contestant.
1069
00:54:42,580 --> 00:54:45,830
Welcome Thelma
Louise Devonshire,
1070
00:54:45,830 --> 00:54:49,710
whose name alone should be
worth a couple of prizes, huh?
1071
00:54:49,710 --> 00:54:50,960
Oh, thank you.
1072
00:54:50,960 --> 00:54:52,520
Now are you ready to
hear about my problem?
1073
00:54:52,520 --> 00:54:53,260
Whoa, hang on.
1074
00:54:53,260 --> 00:54:54,130
Where's the fire?
1075
00:54:54,130 --> 00:54:56,740
Let's introduce you first,
learn a little bit about you.
1076
00:54:56,740 --> 00:54:58,150
Tell us about your job.
1077
00:54:58,150 --> 00:55:01,060
Well, I work with
a bunch of morons.
1078
00:55:01,060 --> 00:55:03,010
I don't know which is
worse, the hookers we arrest
1079
00:55:03,010 --> 00:55:05,200
or the undercover cops
who impersonate them.
1080
00:55:05,200 --> 00:55:08,280
All I know is they make
my life a living hell.
1081
00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:08,980
Oh, I'm sorry.
1082
00:55:08,980 --> 00:55:10,440
Can I say that on television?
1083
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:11,910
We'd prefer that you didn't.
1084
00:55:11,910 --> 00:55:14,490
Well, anyway, these
girls came to my wedding,
1085
00:55:14,490 --> 00:55:15,930
and they broke all my gifts.
1086
00:55:15,930 --> 00:55:17,850
And then I still had to
write thank you notes.
1087
00:55:17,850 --> 00:55:19,830
But that's the worst of it!
1088
00:55:19,830 --> 00:55:24,020
My husband refuses to
consummate our marriage.
1089
00:55:24,020 --> 00:55:25,890
Gee, you wonder why.
1090
00:55:25,890 --> 00:55:28,680
I've even tried dressing
as a clown during sex.
1091
00:55:28,680 --> 00:55:30,700
Nothing seems to work.
1092
00:55:30,700 --> 00:55:33,300
Well, I think it's time
to meet our next contestant.
1093
00:55:33,300 --> 00:55:37,660
Why, my goodness, it's former
councilwoman Jean Capri!
1094
00:55:40,630 --> 00:55:42,390
Oh, you think her life is bad.
1095
00:55:42,390 --> 00:55:43,850
Well, you should
hear about mine.
1096
00:55:43,850 --> 00:55:46,490
I used to be on the
city council until I
1097
00:55:46,490 --> 00:55:50,030
went to her police station,
and her girls humiliated me.
1098
00:55:50,030 --> 00:55:51,960
And I lost the election.
1099
00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:54,440
They only humiliated
her for one afternoon.
1100
00:55:54,440 --> 00:55:56,960
I've had to deal
with it for 12 years.
1101
00:55:56,960 --> 00:56:00,720
Now Ms. Devonshire,
is it your turn?
1102
00:56:00,720 --> 00:56:01,880
Continue, Ms. Capri.
1103
00:56:01,880 --> 00:56:03,170
Thank you.
1104
00:56:03,170 --> 00:56:05,620
I was planning on skimming
taxpayer revenues,
1105
00:56:05,620 --> 00:56:07,520
so I could go on a
trip around the world
1106
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:10,290
with my new boyfriend.
1107
00:56:10,290 --> 00:56:14,250
And then he left me for
another woman who had a job.
1108
00:56:14,250 --> 00:56:17,080
He's a two-bit gigolo.
1109
00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:20,200
My, how will you
ever afford another?
1110
00:56:20,200 --> 00:56:22,500
And then-- and then
my car got broke into.
1111
00:56:22,500 --> 00:56:24,840
And I had to drown my
sorrows in cheap liquor.
1112
00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:26,240
You want some?
1113
00:56:26,240 --> 00:56:28,080
I know what it feels
like to be an alcoholic,
1114
00:56:28,080 --> 00:56:29,790
because I'm a chocoholic.
1115
00:56:29,790 --> 00:56:31,970
Now Ms. Devonshire,
did she interrupt
1116
00:56:31,970 --> 00:56:32,950
when it was your turn?
1117
00:56:32,950 --> 00:56:33,650
Oh, no.
1118
00:56:33,650 --> 00:56:35,130
She was passed out.
1119
00:56:35,130 --> 00:56:37,340
Well, I think it's
clear who our winner is.
1120
00:56:37,340 --> 00:56:40,670
But let's go to the old
applause meter, shall we?
1121
00:56:40,670 --> 00:56:44,720
And for Ms. Devonshire
and her sexless marriage.
1122
00:56:44,720 --> 00:56:46,640
[FAILURE SOUND EFFECT]
1123
00:56:46,640 --> 00:56:48,080
Aw.
1124
00:56:48,080 --> 00:56:52,340
And now Ms. Jean Capri
and her fall from office.
1125
00:56:52,340 --> 00:56:54,270
[TRIUMPHANT FANFARE]
1126
00:56:57,160 --> 00:56:59,260
Yeah, we definitely
have a winner here
1127
00:56:59,260 --> 00:57:05,720
and a great big check for $5,000
paid out to the rehab center
1128
00:57:05,720 --> 00:57:06,420
of your choice.
1129
00:57:10,990 --> 00:57:12,170
Oh, that's good.
1130
00:57:12,170 --> 00:57:16,650
Now I can go dry
out [INAUDIBLE]..
1131
00:57:16,650 --> 00:57:18,270
And don't think
we've forgotten
1132
00:57:18,270 --> 00:57:19,620
about you, Ms. Devonshire.
1133
00:57:19,620 --> 00:57:22,340
As a consolation prize, we
have this lovely package
1134
00:57:22,340 --> 00:57:26,640
of [INAUDIBLE] detox patches
to help with your addiction
1135
00:57:26,640 --> 00:57:27,480
as well.
1136
00:57:27,480 --> 00:57:30,770
Well, anybody out there in TV
land you'd like to say hi to?
1137
00:57:30,770 --> 00:57:32,100
There sure is.
1138
00:57:32,100 --> 00:57:35,060
Thanks a lot, Mavis,
and you, too, Fern.
1139
00:57:42,090 --> 00:57:43,550
Now hurry up and
switch the channels
1140
00:57:43,550 --> 00:57:45,970
before the commissioner
comes in and sees me.
1141
00:57:45,970 --> 00:57:48,820
If he catches me on television
airing our dirty laundry,
1142
00:57:48,820 --> 00:57:50,670
Lord knows what he'll do.
1143
00:57:50,670 --> 00:57:51,810
Well, that's it for now.
1144
00:57:51,810 --> 00:57:54,440
We'll see you next time
on "Fit for a Queen."
1145
00:57:57,900 --> 00:58:00,510
What in blazes
is she up to now?
1146
00:58:00,510 --> 00:58:01,990
Don't be angry with her.
1147
00:58:01,990 --> 00:58:02,690
Yeah.
1148
00:58:02,690 --> 00:58:06,110
She was just trying to win some
cheap prizes behind your back.
1149
00:58:06,110 --> 00:58:07,900
[WHIMPERING]
1150
00:58:10,150 --> 00:58:12,330
She emasculates me
further every day.
1151
00:58:24,110 --> 00:58:29,330
[CLEARING THROAT] Out on
business, Ms. Devonshire, hm?
1152
00:58:29,330 --> 00:58:32,840
Well, uh, yes!
1153
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:36,110
I'm afraid you're not getting
off the hook on this one.
1154
00:58:36,110 --> 00:58:41,100
First it was that clown suit
and now local television.
1155
00:58:41,100 --> 00:58:42,800
When will it stop?
1156
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:44,810
We're not feeling so well.
1157
00:58:44,810 --> 00:58:46,820
There's some kind of virus.
1158
00:58:46,820 --> 00:58:49,190
I've been sick since I
had sex in your parking lot.
1159
00:58:49,190 --> 00:58:50,080
We ought to sue.
1160
00:58:50,080 --> 00:58:51,870
Do you want to see my rash?
1161
00:58:51,870 --> 00:58:52,800
Let's get out of here!
1162
00:58:52,800 --> 00:58:53,770
Ah, but we're not finished!
1163
00:58:59,600 --> 00:59:00,900
Whew!
1164
00:59:00,900 --> 00:59:04,530
I thought they'd
never leave us alone.
1165
00:59:04,530 --> 00:59:07,650
I think we need
to go see a doctor.
1166
00:59:07,650 --> 00:59:11,910
Maybe it was your edible
underwear I had last night.
1167
00:59:11,910 --> 00:59:14,490
Shut up, you stupid jerk.
1168
00:59:14,490 --> 00:59:17,810
Does everyone have to know?
1169
00:59:17,810 --> 00:59:19,990
So what's going on here now?
1170
00:59:19,990 --> 00:59:23,420
Well, it seems that everyone
that's had sex with that cyber
1171
00:59:23,420 --> 00:59:25,650
slut is sick now.
1172
00:59:25,650 --> 00:59:27,330
Irwin, when's the
last time you checked
1173
00:59:27,330 --> 00:59:30,610
your computer for viruses?
1174
00:59:30,610 --> 00:59:32,560
I don't know.
1175
00:59:32,560 --> 00:59:35,820
Well, maybe it's time.
1176
00:59:35,820 --> 00:59:37,770
So where did you
get yours, Traci?
1177
00:59:37,770 --> 00:59:39,700
From eating a pork product?
1178
00:59:39,700 --> 00:59:40,410
Oh, shut up.
1179
00:59:40,410 --> 00:59:43,660
Remind me to smack you
one when I feel better.
1180
00:59:43,660 --> 00:59:46,090
I better be getting home.
1181
00:59:46,090 --> 00:59:48,090
Irwin, is there--
1182
00:59:48,090 --> 00:59:51,530
is there something going on
that you should tell us, son?
1183
00:59:51,530 --> 00:59:52,870
Uh, no.
1184
00:59:52,870 --> 00:59:53,920
Nothing.
1185
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:55,060
Do you want me to go with you?
1186
00:59:55,060 --> 00:59:56,490
Oh, no, I can
handle it myself.
1187
01:00:05,720 --> 01:00:08,720
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1188
01:00:56,120 --> 01:00:58,120
[DOG BARKING]
1189
01:01:05,730 --> 01:01:08,760
You got me in really
big trouble this time.
1190
01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:10,350
I've been waiting
to say goodbye.
1191
01:01:10,350 --> 01:01:12,690
It's time to move on
to level three, Irwin.
1192
01:01:12,690 --> 01:01:14,760
I've done everything I can here.
1193
01:01:14,760 --> 01:01:16,490
Level three, what
are you talking about?
1194
01:01:16,490 --> 01:01:17,760
All these people at
the police station
1195
01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:20,530
have a virus after
being with you.
1196
01:01:20,530 --> 01:01:23,440
Boy, there's a lesson
to be learned here.
1197
01:01:23,440 --> 01:01:25,900
Just run a computer
disinfectant program by them,
1198
01:01:25,900 --> 01:01:26,920
and they'll be fine.
1199
01:01:26,920 --> 01:01:30,910
Now, if that's all you
wanted, I'll be seeing you.
1200
01:01:30,910 --> 01:01:32,080
I thought you were mine.
1201
01:01:32,080 --> 01:01:34,570
I bought the game.
1202
01:01:34,570 --> 01:01:37,580
With each day, I move
on to the next level.
1203
01:01:37,580 --> 01:01:39,250
Now I'm on three.
1204
01:01:39,250 --> 01:01:42,820
I am going to become the
Hollywood Cyber Madam.
1205
01:01:42,820 --> 01:01:47,850
I'm going to turn around the
prostitution of this city.
1206
01:01:47,850 --> 01:01:51,810
My father is not
going to like that.
1207
01:01:51,810 --> 01:01:53,540
Too bad.
1208
01:01:53,540 --> 01:01:55,460
He's right about
one thing, though.
1209
01:01:55,460 --> 01:01:57,900
Next time, stick to Pong.
1210
01:02:02,380 --> 01:02:03,380
Ow!
1211
01:02:03,380 --> 01:02:04,150
Ow!
1212
01:02:04,150 --> 01:02:04,850
Oh.
1213
01:02:04,850 --> 01:02:05,830
Ow.
1214
01:02:05,830 --> 01:02:08,280
Ugh, that one
didn't work either.
1215
01:02:08,280 --> 01:02:09,570
Be patient.
1216
01:02:09,570 --> 01:02:10,950
One of them will
make you feel better.
1217
01:02:13,660 --> 01:02:14,920
Ow!
1218
01:02:14,920 --> 01:02:16,750
Can't we do this orally?
1219
01:02:16,750 --> 01:02:19,120
We got to get that
bug where it's bit you.
1220
01:02:19,120 --> 01:02:21,220
This is the worst.
1221
01:02:21,220 --> 01:02:24,270
Well, it looks pretty
funny from this end.
1222
01:02:24,270 --> 01:02:26,660
Ugh, would you shut up?
1223
01:02:26,660 --> 01:02:28,190
Here, just hold this.
1224
01:02:28,190 --> 01:02:30,520
It'll get rid of your virus.
1225
01:02:30,520 --> 01:02:34,300
This is all your fault.
1226
01:02:34,300 --> 01:02:36,540
Oh, I won't be able
to sit down for weeks.
1227
01:02:36,540 --> 01:02:39,190
Hmph, well,
that'll be a first.
1228
01:02:39,190 --> 01:02:41,300
Well, you're not going
to like what's next.
1229
01:02:41,300 --> 01:02:42,880
The virtual reality
hooker's moved
1230
01:02:42,880 --> 01:02:44,310
on to the next game level.
1231
01:02:44,310 --> 01:02:46,240
She's taking over the
city's prostitution,
1232
01:02:46,240 --> 01:02:49,350
becoming the
Hollywood Cyber Madam.
1233
01:02:49,350 --> 01:02:50,050
Great.
1234
01:02:50,050 --> 01:02:51,310
Anything else?
1235
01:02:51,310 --> 01:02:53,190
Yeah, I should
have stuck to Pong.
1236
01:02:53,190 --> 01:02:56,590
How-- how do you know
all this, young man?
1237
01:02:56,590 --> 01:02:58,600
Have you been in
cahoots with her?
1238
01:02:58,600 --> 01:03:00,280
She has been staying
with me in the basement
1239
01:03:00,280 --> 01:03:01,300
for the last couple of days.
1240
01:03:01,300 --> 01:03:02,690
Oh, this is just great.
1241
01:03:02,690 --> 01:03:04,430
She's been living
under our roof.
1242
01:03:04,430 --> 01:03:05,730
She took off today.
1243
01:03:05,730 --> 01:03:07,370
I don't know where she went.
1244
01:03:07,370 --> 01:03:10,080
Just think-- the
city overrun with
1245
01:03:10,080 --> 01:03:12,110
prostitution and corruption.
1246
01:03:12,110 --> 01:03:14,280
You know, we may have to
take to the roof as snipers
1247
01:03:14,280 --> 01:03:15,650
to reinstate law and order.
1248
01:03:15,650 --> 01:03:16,620
Oh, no, you don't.
1249
01:03:16,620 --> 01:03:19,860
I got four flat tires the
last time you tried that.
1250
01:03:19,860 --> 01:03:21,430
We need a different plan.
1251
01:03:21,430 --> 01:03:22,180
Hm.
1252
01:03:22,180 --> 01:03:24,030
How can we get her
back into that computer
1253
01:03:24,030 --> 01:03:25,470
before it's too late?
1254
01:03:25,470 --> 01:03:26,280
You got me.
1255
01:03:26,280 --> 01:03:28,770
But if you have any
ideas, you let me know.
1256
01:03:28,770 --> 01:03:29,610
No, no, no.
1257
01:03:29,610 --> 01:03:31,500
I'm afraid this
is all your fault.
1258
01:03:31,500 --> 01:03:35,490
You are going to have to
come up with the answer.
1259
01:03:35,490 --> 01:03:36,780
Yeah.
1260
01:03:36,780 --> 01:03:41,340
Just think, if I were a
virtual reality hooker,
1261
01:03:41,340 --> 01:03:44,860
where would I be right now?
1262
01:03:44,860 --> 01:03:47,820
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1263
01:03:49,300 --> 01:03:51,770
Come on, two girls.
1264
01:03:51,770 --> 01:03:53,750
No waiting.
1265
01:03:53,750 --> 01:03:55,220
Step right up!
1266
01:03:55,220 --> 01:03:56,220
We're not getting any younger.
1267
01:04:07,090 --> 01:04:08,570
What do you
think you're doing?
1268
01:04:08,570 --> 01:04:11,040
I want you to
meet your new boss.
1269
01:04:11,040 --> 01:04:13,020
I don't work for no one.
1270
01:04:13,020 --> 01:04:15,550
Girls, get this
crazy broad away now.
1271
01:04:25,720 --> 01:04:27,170
[CAR HORN BEEPS]
1272
01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:31,350
I think you should
reconsider my offer.
1273
01:04:31,350 --> 01:04:32,050
I give up.
1274
01:04:32,050 --> 01:04:33,510
I give up.
1275
01:04:33,510 --> 01:04:35,750
I thought you'd see it my way.
1276
01:04:35,750 --> 01:04:37,960
What do you want with
my business anyway?
1277
01:04:37,960 --> 01:04:41,140
You seem to be suffering from
an overinflated marketplace.
1278
01:04:41,140 --> 01:04:45,010
You need to think more
of supply and demand.
1279
01:04:45,010 --> 01:04:47,050
What is she talking about?
1280
01:04:47,050 --> 01:04:48,590
How do we do that?
1281
01:04:48,590 --> 01:04:52,300
By lowering your price
to $5 per customer.
1282
01:04:52,300 --> 01:04:53,670
You've got to be kidding.
1283
01:04:53,670 --> 01:04:56,440
We're worth a little
more than that.
1284
01:04:56,440 --> 01:05:00,040
What you lose in quality
you will make up in quantity.
1285
01:05:00,040 --> 01:05:04,560
And here's a free
sign for advertising.
1286
01:05:10,030 --> 01:05:10,750
Get to work.
1287
01:05:13,400 --> 01:05:14,630
There's a mattress
in the alleyway.
1288
01:05:37,040 --> 01:05:38,030
HOOKER: Oh, yeah.
1289
01:05:38,030 --> 01:05:39,310
Oh, yeah.
1290
01:05:39,310 --> 01:05:40,010
Next!
1291
01:05:43,490 --> 01:05:44,480
Oh.
1292
01:05:44,480 --> 01:05:46,260
You should have
kept your socks on.
1293
01:05:46,260 --> 01:05:46,960
Next!
1294
01:06:06,350 --> 01:06:10,050
We want to turn ourselves in.
1295
01:06:10,050 --> 01:06:12,610
We're giving up
on lives of crime.
1296
01:06:12,610 --> 01:06:14,880
Well, that is very
commendable, girls.
1297
01:06:17,670 --> 01:06:21,900
We want to dedicate
ourselves to community service.
1298
01:06:21,900 --> 01:06:25,400
Yes, giving something back,
something non-communicable.
1299
01:06:25,400 --> 01:06:27,360
Oh, well, this is a first.
1300
01:06:27,360 --> 01:06:29,820
I've never seen
anything like it.
1301
01:06:29,820 --> 01:06:31,260
All right, suckers!
1302
01:06:31,260 --> 01:06:34,810
Put your hands up, and
don't try anything funny.
1303
01:06:34,810 --> 01:06:36,840
I should have known it
was too good to be true.
1304
01:06:36,840 --> 01:06:39,110
We want your wallets, all your
jewelry, and any major credit
1305
01:06:39,110 --> 01:06:39,810
cards you have.
1306
01:06:43,130 --> 01:06:45,090
I've never seen
such brazen behavior.
1307
01:06:45,090 --> 01:06:46,550
Shut up before we
pump some lead into you.
1308
01:06:49,450 --> 01:06:51,730
Do you honestly think you
can rob a police station
1309
01:06:51,730 --> 01:06:52,900
and get away with it?
1310
01:06:52,900 --> 01:06:55,720
[LAUGHS] Other stations, no.
1311
01:06:55,720 --> 01:06:58,080
This one, yes.
1312
01:06:58,080 --> 01:07:00,190
Could anything worse happen?
1313
01:07:00,190 --> 01:07:02,870
[INAUDIBLE] saying that.
1314
01:07:02,870 --> 01:07:03,570
Here, Dad.
1315
01:07:03,570 --> 01:07:04,360
I cashed your check.
1316
01:07:04,360 --> 01:07:07,090
Small unmarked bills,
just like you wanted.
1317
01:07:07,090 --> 01:07:07,870
Thanks, Irwin.
1318
01:07:10,920 --> 01:07:12,100
No, thank you.
1319
01:07:15,340 --> 01:07:17,110
Hey, Ms. Devonshire, here's
the 50 bucks I owe you.
1320
01:07:21,360 --> 01:07:22,290
Thank you.
1321
01:07:22,290 --> 01:07:24,390
Here's your priceless
silver set I borrowed
1322
01:07:24,390 --> 01:07:27,080
that's quite an heirloom.
1323
01:07:27,080 --> 01:07:27,880
HOOKER: We'll take that.
1324
01:07:32,830 --> 01:07:34,530
Hey, Ms. Devonshire, you
know that lottery ticket
1325
01:07:34,530 --> 01:07:35,370
you wanted me to get you?
1326
01:07:35,370 --> 01:07:36,070
It's a winner.
1327
01:07:36,070 --> 01:07:39,610
10,000 bucks can sure
buy you lots of dreams.
1328
01:07:39,610 --> 01:07:41,150
You can sure say that again.
1329
01:07:47,430 --> 01:07:50,210
Ms. Devonshire, a probate
attorney was just here.
1330
01:07:50,210 --> 01:07:52,870
You just inherited a mansion
in England, and it's haunted.
1331
01:07:55,710 --> 01:07:58,500
Was that everyone?
1332
01:07:58,500 --> 01:07:59,200
Candy, my gun!
1333
01:08:02,190 --> 01:08:02,990
It's in my purse.
1334
01:08:02,990 --> 01:08:03,690
Huh?
1335
01:08:09,200 --> 01:08:11,660
Thanks for sharing.
1336
01:08:11,660 --> 01:08:16,270
Now, everyone stay put.
1337
01:08:16,270 --> 01:08:18,900
It's time to say good bye.
1338
01:08:18,900 --> 01:08:19,600
Bye bye.
1339
01:08:24,940 --> 01:08:26,180
Well, don't just stand there!
1340
01:08:26,180 --> 01:08:26,880
After them!
1341
01:08:35,620 --> 01:08:37,780
They did have an
awfully fake gun.
1342
01:08:37,780 --> 01:08:38,910
Well, at least
our debt is even.
1343
01:08:42,680 --> 01:08:46,050
That silver set did
need to be polished.
1344
01:08:46,050 --> 01:08:47,850
Maybe I read the number
wrong on the lottery ticket.
1345
01:08:49,430 --> 01:08:50,870
Who would live in a
haunted house anyway?
1346
01:08:54,580 --> 01:08:55,580
I never did like that purse.
1347
01:09:05,490 --> 01:09:09,110
Boy, did we clean up
today over 10,000 bucks.
1348
01:09:09,110 --> 01:09:10,060
In five minutes?
1349
01:09:10,060 --> 01:09:11,970
You girls are fast.
1350
01:09:11,970 --> 01:09:12,870
Get real.
1351
01:09:12,870 --> 01:09:14,660
We robbed the police station.
1352
01:09:14,660 --> 01:09:16,890
A lot quicker than
5 bucks a trick.
1353
01:09:16,890 --> 01:09:18,000
Smart thinking.
1354
01:09:18,000 --> 01:09:21,810
Come on, hand it over.
1355
01:09:21,810 --> 01:09:23,550
Got anymore ideas?
1356
01:09:23,550 --> 01:09:26,230
This is just the beginning.
1357
01:09:26,230 --> 01:09:28,680
[LAUGHTER]
1358
01:09:37,500 --> 01:09:40,340
I'm afraid things have gotten
just too far out of hand.
1359
01:09:40,340 --> 01:09:42,200
I've decided to call on
a pair of specialists
1360
01:09:42,200 --> 01:09:44,970
to help us get matters back
under our control again.
1361
01:09:44,970 --> 01:09:48,050
Oh, sir, you took my advice
and contacted that doctor
1362
01:09:48,050 --> 01:09:51,140
who does penile implants.
1363
01:09:51,140 --> 01:09:54,690
I'm going to pretend
I didn't hear that.
1364
01:09:54,690 --> 01:09:58,910
Girls, I'd like you to meet
Dilbert Feeney, computer genius
1365
01:09:58,910 --> 01:10:01,190
and creator of the
Virtual Reality Hooker,
1366
01:10:01,190 --> 01:10:05,030
and Captain Hank Grisham, head
of the local SWAT team here,
1367
01:10:05,030 --> 01:10:07,370
in case things get ugly.
1368
01:10:07,370 --> 01:10:08,270
Hello.
1369
01:10:08,270 --> 01:10:10,130
Hi there.
1370
01:10:10,130 --> 01:10:11,710
Now let's keep this simple.
1371
01:10:11,710 --> 01:10:13,010
They're both going
to need new partners
1372
01:10:13,010 --> 01:10:15,290
while on duty here,
so who wants to work
1373
01:10:15,290 --> 01:10:17,400
with the SWAT commander?
1374
01:10:17,400 --> 01:10:19,800
[SQUABBLING INDISTINCTLY]
1375
01:10:19,800 --> 01:10:21,420
Girls, must you fight
over everything?
1376
01:10:25,300 --> 01:10:26,560
I guess he's mine.
1377
01:10:26,560 --> 01:10:27,910
Oh, very well.
1378
01:10:27,910 --> 01:10:30,420
Now, [CLEARS THROAT]
Captain Hank Grisham,
1379
01:10:30,420 --> 01:10:32,830
meet your new partner, Traci.
1380
01:10:32,830 --> 01:10:35,130
The honor's all mine.
1381
01:10:35,130 --> 01:10:35,960
You can say that again.
1382
01:10:35,960 --> 01:10:36,660
Yeah.
1383
01:10:39,030 --> 01:10:41,030
And Dilbert, meet your
new partner, Candy.
1384
01:10:45,260 --> 01:10:45,960
Hi.
1385
01:10:45,960 --> 01:10:48,430
I used to be such a
nerd in high school.
1386
01:10:48,430 --> 01:10:49,700
[INAUDIBLE]
1387
01:10:49,700 --> 01:10:50,400
You don't say.
1388
01:10:54,840 --> 01:10:57,990
Hey, say, Dilbert,
isn't it a rare phenomena
1389
01:10:57,990 --> 01:11:00,540
for a computer-generated
character to break
1390
01:11:00,540 --> 01:11:02,720
out into the real world?
1391
01:11:02,720 --> 01:11:04,320
Well, you'd think so,
but it's happened in six
1392
01:11:04,320 --> 01:11:05,530
or seven other movies so far.
1393
01:11:10,760 --> 01:11:12,340
You know, the Virtual
Reality Hooker
1394
01:11:12,340 --> 01:11:13,870
was my best-selling CD ROM.
1395
01:11:13,870 --> 01:11:15,200
It helped put me
through college and pay
1396
01:11:15,200 --> 01:11:16,640
for my first two houses.
1397
01:11:16,640 --> 01:11:18,860
You know, I'm not used
to a guy with brains.
1398
01:11:18,860 --> 01:11:21,660
I mean, I prefer
them dumb but cute.
1399
01:11:21,660 --> 01:11:23,900
But then what have I got to
offer a relationship, you know?
1400
01:11:23,900 --> 01:11:24,710
Yeah.
1401
01:11:24,710 --> 01:11:27,380
I used to think education was
important, until I discovered
1402
01:11:27,380 --> 01:11:28,970
the lure of making money.
1403
01:11:28,970 --> 01:11:31,370
Now I'm trying to break
into the Fortune 500.
1404
01:11:31,370 --> 01:11:32,300
Break in?
1405
01:11:32,300 --> 01:11:34,460
Can't you get arrested for that?
1406
01:11:34,460 --> 01:11:36,170
No, it's just a
listing of businesses.
1407
01:11:36,170 --> 01:11:37,560
Oh.
1408
01:11:37,560 --> 01:11:40,770
I guess my lack of savvy
really shows now, huh?
1409
01:11:40,770 --> 01:11:42,590
You see, that's
what I like about you.
1410
01:11:42,590 --> 01:11:43,920
You can look deep
inside a person
1411
01:11:43,920 --> 01:11:45,680
and like them for
who they really are,
1412
01:11:45,680 --> 01:11:47,530
not just judging
by their exterior.
1413
01:11:47,530 --> 01:11:48,230
Yep.
1414
01:11:48,230 --> 01:11:50,710
That's me, all right.
1415
01:11:50,710 --> 01:11:51,970
It's OK, Candy.
1416
01:11:51,970 --> 01:11:54,070
I'm not used to being
treated like a piece of meat.
1417
01:11:54,070 --> 01:11:55,850
It'll be a new
experience for me.
1418
01:11:55,850 --> 01:11:57,790
Well, you came
to the right place.
1419
01:11:57,790 --> 01:12:00,740
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1420
01:12:12,030 --> 01:12:16,540
[LAUGHS] Wait.
1421
01:12:16,540 --> 01:12:18,690
Not upside down, I've
done that one already.
1422
01:12:18,690 --> 01:12:20,620
OK.
1423
01:12:20,620 --> 01:12:21,810
Hey.
Hey.
1424
01:12:21,810 --> 01:12:22,910
Not so rough with
that joy stick.
1425
01:12:25,130 --> 01:12:26,410
Oh, [LAUGHS] sorry.
1426
01:12:36,720 --> 01:12:38,560
[MOANING]
1427
01:12:41,980 --> 01:12:43,440
Ugh, some days,
it just doesn't
1428
01:12:43,440 --> 01:12:45,160
pay to get out of your futon.
1429
01:12:45,160 --> 01:12:46,740
Say, you wanna know
what I keep in here
1430
01:12:46,740 --> 01:12:48,700
for those cold lonely nights?
1431
01:12:48,700 --> 01:12:49,470
Would you shut up?
1432
01:12:49,470 --> 01:12:50,970
I'm trying to listen
to something here.
1433
01:12:54,100 --> 01:12:56,900
Hey, Traci, do you know
where the computer genius is?
1434
01:12:56,900 --> 01:12:58,550
Irwin, tell me something.
1435
01:12:58,550 --> 01:12:59,880
How can you tell
that this guy right
1436
01:12:59,880 --> 01:13:01,380
here isn't a computer whiz?
1437
01:13:01,380 --> 01:13:03,780
[CHUCKLES] That's easy.
1438
01:13:03,780 --> 01:13:05,970
He doesn't look like he has a
manual dexterity of someone who
1439
01:13:05,970 --> 01:13:08,130
sits behind a keyboard all day.
1440
01:13:08,130 --> 01:13:12,730
Us computer guys can really
work magic with our fingers.
1441
01:13:12,730 --> 01:13:14,070
You don't say.
1442
01:13:14,070 --> 01:13:15,190
He's right in there.
1443
01:13:15,190 --> 01:13:16,060
Don't bother knocking.
1444
01:13:20,910 --> 01:13:24,240
Uh, like, hi.
1445
01:13:24,240 --> 01:13:26,970
Sorry to interrupt.
1446
01:13:26,970 --> 01:13:28,310
Here's a copy of
the game you wanted.
1447
01:13:28,310 --> 01:13:29,010
Oh, great.
1448
01:13:29,010 --> 01:13:31,550
I'll see if I can find
a bug in the program.
1449
01:13:31,550 --> 01:13:33,010
OK, so you can go now.
1450
01:13:35,970 --> 01:13:38,550
Honestly, Candy, doing
it on a computer table?
1451
01:13:38,550 --> 01:13:40,080
I thought even
you had standards.
1452
01:13:40,080 --> 01:13:41,820
Oh, shut up already.
1453
01:13:41,820 --> 01:13:43,200
Say, didn't I see
you at last month's
1454
01:13:43,200 --> 01:13:44,780
science fiction convention?
1455
01:13:44,780 --> 01:13:45,480
Yeah.
1456
01:13:45,480 --> 01:13:48,430
Yeah, I was terminating fat
girls in the hotel lobby.
1457
01:13:48,430 --> 01:13:49,650
Oh, wait til next month.
1458
01:13:49,650 --> 01:13:51,600
They're showing all the
"Trek" movies in order.
1459
01:13:51,600 --> 01:13:54,140
And then they're discussing how
the bridge changes in each one.
1460
01:13:54,140 --> 01:13:54,880
Really?
1461
01:13:54,880 --> 01:13:56,080
I can't wait.
1462
01:13:56,080 --> 01:13:59,230
Irwin, can't you tell that
we have, like, some work to do?
1463
01:13:59,230 --> 01:14:00,360
You know, you
really should read
1464
01:14:00,360 --> 01:14:02,610
the warning labels on these
before you play these games.
1465
01:14:02,610 --> 01:14:04,110
You know, if you tamper
with them in any way,
1466
01:14:04,110 --> 01:14:05,490
who knows what can happen?
1467
01:14:05,490 --> 01:14:07,560
You know, I always keep
a portable computer game
1468
01:14:07,560 --> 01:14:09,420
with me on those long trips.
1469
01:14:09,420 --> 01:14:12,270
I play a pretty
mean game of Pong.
1470
01:14:12,270 --> 01:14:13,550
Anyone want to try me?
1471
01:14:13,550 --> 01:14:14,250
Huh?
1472
01:14:14,250 --> 01:14:15,840
Uh, no.
1473
01:14:15,840 --> 01:14:17,400
Let me guess, did
you program her to be
1474
01:14:17,400 --> 01:14:19,590
a good girl or a bad girl?
1475
01:14:19,590 --> 01:14:20,480
Bad girl.
1476
01:14:20,480 --> 01:14:22,350
A really bad girl.
1477
01:14:22,350 --> 01:14:25,150
Why do I even bother making
good girl one of the options?
1478
01:14:25,150 --> 01:14:28,210
Let's change her back,
see if it does any good.
1479
01:14:28,210 --> 01:14:30,170
Wait a minute,
something's wrong.
1480
01:14:30,170 --> 01:14:31,650
The access code has been denied.
1481
01:14:31,650 --> 01:14:33,620
[BEEPING]
1482
01:14:36,080 --> 01:14:38,440
You OK?
1483
01:14:38,440 --> 01:14:39,730
Yeah.
1484
01:14:39,730 --> 01:14:43,680
Someone's just pulling
my scuzzy chain.
1485
01:14:43,680 --> 01:14:45,010
It may take a while
to find a new one.
1486
01:14:47,880 --> 01:14:50,810
[SIRENS]
1487
01:14:56,680 --> 01:14:59,020
Honestly, whose
car alarm is that?
1488
01:14:59,020 --> 01:14:59,730
It's not mine.
1489
01:14:59,730 --> 01:15:01,800
My hummer's rigged that
if anyone goes near it
1490
01:15:01,800 --> 01:15:03,850
gets 5,000 volts of electricity.
1491
01:15:03,850 --> 01:15:06,770
Isn't that dangerous
to leave on all the time?
1492
01:15:06,770 --> 01:15:07,750
No, not at all.
1493
01:15:07,750 --> 01:15:09,550
Actually, it's quite
funny when someone tries
1494
01:15:09,550 --> 01:15:11,260
to wash my windows for $1.
1495
01:15:11,260 --> 01:15:12,540
Petrolino, is that yours?
1496
01:15:12,540 --> 01:15:13,240
Hey, hey, hey.
1497
01:15:13,240 --> 01:15:13,940
Don't look at me.
1498
01:15:13,940 --> 01:15:15,340
My corvette alarm
clears when you're
1499
01:15:15,340 --> 01:15:18,230
in love with a beautiful woman
if anyone gets too close.
1500
01:15:18,230 --> 01:15:19,300
Uh, no, it doesn't.
1501
01:15:19,300 --> 01:15:22,190
Traci and I [INAUDIBLE] and
disconnected it this morning.
1502
01:15:22,190 --> 01:15:25,380
Oh, will someone please
turn off that infernal racket?
1503
01:15:25,380 --> 01:15:26,410
I'll do it!
1504
01:15:26,410 --> 01:15:28,310
I just hope the owner is
a handsome millionaire
1505
01:15:28,310 --> 01:15:30,330
who wants to make me
an indecent proposal.
1506
01:15:35,640 --> 01:15:37,570
Who's making that disturbance?
1507
01:15:37,570 --> 01:15:38,480
That'll be me!
1508
01:15:38,480 --> 01:15:40,280
I'm the guilty party.
1509
01:15:40,280 --> 01:15:41,380
What do you
think you're doing?
1510
01:15:41,380 --> 01:15:44,360
You're going to help me
get money in my pocket.
1511
01:15:44,360 --> 01:15:47,540
You already got my silver
set, a mansion in England,
1512
01:15:47,540 --> 01:15:49,460
and a winning lottery ticket.
1513
01:15:49,460 --> 01:15:51,000
Isn't that enough for one day?
1514
01:15:51,000 --> 01:15:52,300
Shut up.
1515
01:15:52,300 --> 01:15:53,510
We've got a [INAUDIBLE].
1516
01:15:56,440 --> 01:15:57,850
Just last week,
there was a hostage
1517
01:15:57,850 --> 01:16:00,310
standoff at the local bank.
1518
01:16:00,310 --> 01:16:02,090
They called in my team.
1519
01:16:02,090 --> 01:16:03,850
I was in charge, of course.
1520
01:16:03,850 --> 01:16:05,700
Two minutes flat, bam bam bam.
1521
01:16:05,700 --> 01:16:07,130
It was over.
1522
01:16:07,130 --> 01:16:09,920
The city sure is lucky
to have you on their side.
1523
01:16:09,920 --> 01:16:11,390
You got that right.
1524
01:16:11,390 --> 01:16:13,600
I may be in court
several months, though.
1525
01:16:13,600 --> 01:16:14,960
[INAUDIBLE] a few
too many civilians
1526
01:16:14,960 --> 01:16:16,520
in the crossfire again.
1527
01:16:16,520 --> 01:16:18,750
Aw.
1528
01:16:18,750 --> 01:16:21,600
I like you, Hank, you know.
1529
01:16:21,600 --> 01:16:23,130
You're-- you're like the
son that I never had.
1530
01:16:23,130 --> 01:16:29,310
I know Oh, sorry, Irwin.
1531
01:16:29,310 --> 01:16:30,460
Didn't see you standing there.
1532
01:16:33,170 --> 01:16:34,970
[PHONE RINGING]
1533
01:16:34,970 --> 01:16:36,790
Oh.
1534
01:16:36,790 --> 01:16:37,490
Yellow?
1535
01:16:40,020 --> 01:16:41,520
Listen up, man.
1536
01:16:41,520 --> 01:16:43,770
I got one of your
employees here.
1537
01:16:43,770 --> 01:16:48,260
And I want $5,000 in
ransom to get her back.
1538
01:16:48,260 --> 01:16:49,560
I'm more than an employee!
1539
01:16:49,560 --> 01:16:51,750
I'm the commissioner's wife!
1540
01:16:51,750 --> 01:16:53,340
Make that 10,000.
1541
01:16:53,340 --> 01:16:55,670
Ow!
1542
01:16:55,670 --> 01:16:56,370
Yes.
1543
01:16:56,370 --> 01:16:57,070
Yes.
1544
01:16:57,070 --> 01:16:57,930
I know right where it is.
1545
01:16:57,930 --> 01:16:58,660
I'll take care of her.
1546
01:17:02,410 --> 01:17:05,750
Somebody has kidnapped
Ms. Devonshire!
1547
01:17:05,750 --> 01:17:09,480
And they want $10,000
for her safe return!
1548
01:17:09,480 --> 01:17:11,750
Where are you going to
get that kind of money from?
1549
01:17:11,750 --> 01:17:13,270
Who says I'm going to pay?
1550
01:17:13,270 --> 01:17:14,900
Why, that's what why
we have Hank here,
1551
01:17:14,900 --> 01:17:16,310
the best sharpshooter around.
1552
01:17:16,310 --> 01:17:19,010
Why, if anyone can get her back,
you can, can't you, Hankie?
1553
01:17:19,010 --> 01:17:21,460
You can count on me, sir.
1554
01:17:21,460 --> 01:17:25,010
When an innocent child is
kidnapped from her family,
1555
01:17:25,010 --> 01:17:26,480
I'll be there.
1556
01:17:26,480 --> 01:17:29,050
When a loyal group of
wholesome employees
1557
01:17:29,050 --> 01:17:33,440
get a surprise visit from a
former worker, I'll be there.
1558
01:17:33,440 --> 01:17:35,340
When our American
embassy is taken
1559
01:17:35,340 --> 01:17:38,200
hostage by angry
revolutionaries, I'll be there.
1560
01:17:41,170 --> 01:17:44,550
Man, you make me proud
of to be an American.
1561
01:17:44,550 --> 01:17:45,510
[PHONE RINGING]
1562
01:17:48,910 --> 01:17:49,640
Yes.
1563
01:17:49,640 --> 01:17:50,800
I see.
1564
01:17:50,800 --> 01:17:52,090
Gotta go.
1565
01:17:52,090 --> 01:17:54,340
I just received
an urgent message.
1566
01:17:54,340 --> 01:17:57,160
My services are needed in
Washington immediately.
1567
01:17:57,160 --> 01:17:59,740
It seems someone is flying a
small aircraft a little too
1568
01:17:59,740 --> 01:18:01,670
close to the White House again.
1569
01:18:01,670 --> 01:18:04,360
Aw, too bad.
1570
01:18:04,360 --> 01:18:05,530
Well, that's all right.
1571
01:18:05,530 --> 01:18:08,290
Traci, Candy, they can
take care of it, can't you?
1572
01:18:08,290 --> 01:18:11,410
Girls, grab some tear gas and
a couple of assault rifles.
1573
01:18:11,410 --> 01:18:13,880
Sir, do you think you're
making a wise choice?
1574
01:18:13,880 --> 01:18:14,580
No.
1575
01:18:14,580 --> 01:18:17,900
It's never stopped me before.
1576
01:18:17,900 --> 01:18:22,870
Oh, and, uh, girls, bring her
back as soon as you can, huh?
1577
01:18:25,490 --> 01:18:29,280
Tomorrow's laundry day.
1578
01:18:29,280 --> 01:18:32,600
So Traci, have you ever held
a hostage situation before?
1579
01:18:32,600 --> 01:18:33,620
No, never.
1580
01:18:33,620 --> 01:18:36,820
Well, at least I'm
not the only one.
1581
01:18:36,820 --> 01:18:40,450
Hank, any last minute advice?
1582
01:18:40,450 --> 01:18:44,530
Always wear protection when
visiting a foreign brothel.
1583
01:18:44,530 --> 01:18:45,440
Excuse me, ladies.
1584
01:18:56,780 --> 01:18:58,910
Your husband must
really love you to cough
1585
01:18:58,910 --> 01:19:01,040
up the ransom money so quickly.
1586
01:19:01,040 --> 01:19:02,360
He said he'd pay you?
1587
01:19:02,360 --> 01:19:03,360
Sure did.
1588
01:19:03,360 --> 01:19:04,640
Now I know I'm dead.
1589
01:19:12,920 --> 01:19:15,760
So what are we supposed
to do with this knapsack?
1590
01:19:15,760 --> 01:19:16,540
I don't know.
1591
01:19:16,540 --> 01:19:17,910
It should be full of
things that we need.
1592
01:19:17,910 --> 01:19:18,870
What have we got?
1593
01:19:18,870 --> 01:19:21,260
Um, let's see.
1594
01:19:21,260 --> 01:19:27,130
We got trench foot
cream, penicillin,
1595
01:19:27,130 --> 01:19:30,250
leopard striped
underwear, and a copy
1596
01:19:30,250 --> 01:19:32,560
of the best brothels in Europe.
1597
01:19:32,560 --> 01:19:34,000
Where's the tear gas?
1598
01:19:34,000 --> 01:19:36,680
Oh, Candy, you took
Hank's bag by mistake.
1599
01:19:36,680 --> 01:19:39,850
Oh, he's going to be
one unhappy camper.
1600
01:19:39,850 --> 01:19:43,310
[INAUDIBLE] So do you remember
any of the advice he gave you?
1601
01:19:43,310 --> 01:19:45,540
Something about civilians
in the crossfire, and then
1602
01:19:45,540 --> 01:19:46,470
blah blah blah, it was over.
1603
01:19:58,250 --> 01:20:00,630
Dad, here's the walkie
talkies you wanted.
1604
01:20:00,630 --> 01:20:02,550
Now we can follow what
Candy and Traci are doing.
1605
01:20:02,550 --> 01:20:03,310
Good!
1606
01:20:03,310 --> 01:20:04,010
Good work.
1607
01:20:04,010 --> 01:20:06,160
Of course, you gave them
one before they left, right?
1608
01:20:06,160 --> 01:20:07,290
I was supposed
to give them one?
1609
01:20:17,180 --> 01:20:18,250
Well, at least they showed up.
1610
01:20:26,720 --> 01:20:29,760
OK, I see them
in the distance.
1611
01:20:29,760 --> 01:20:31,130
I have an idea.
1612
01:20:31,130 --> 01:20:33,490
Maybe he'll think the
money is in this bag.
1613
01:20:33,490 --> 01:20:35,360
Throw it far away from him,
so then when he walks away,
1614
01:20:35,360 --> 01:20:36,980
we'll make our move.
1615
01:20:36,980 --> 01:20:38,290
OK.
1616
01:20:38,290 --> 01:20:39,770
Here goes.
1617
01:20:39,770 --> 01:20:41,270
OK, here's the money!
1618
01:20:41,270 --> 01:20:42,590
Get ready to release her.
1619
01:20:42,590 --> 01:20:43,290
Throw it.
1620
01:20:47,900 --> 01:20:49,550
Good shot, huh?
1621
01:20:49,550 --> 01:20:51,600
You were supposed to miss him.
1622
01:20:51,600 --> 01:20:52,940
Oops, sorry.
1623
01:20:52,940 --> 01:20:54,260
God, I wish I
would've been listening
1624
01:20:54,260 --> 01:20:55,730
when Hank was talking.
1625
01:20:55,730 --> 01:20:59,120
Maybe I would have
learned something.
1626
01:20:59,120 --> 01:21:00,590
You people got your money.
1627
01:21:00,590 --> 01:21:03,590
How about letting me go?
1628
01:21:03,590 --> 01:21:05,370
I wasn't born yesterday.
1629
01:21:05,370 --> 01:21:06,520
I want to see it first.
1630
01:21:06,520 --> 01:21:08,450
Hand it to me.
1631
01:21:08,450 --> 01:21:10,340
Here you go.
1632
01:21:10,340 --> 01:21:13,120
Don't you trust the
police department?
1633
01:21:13,120 --> 01:21:13,860
Yeah, right.
1634
01:21:20,350 --> 01:21:23,210
Why, you--
1635
01:21:23,210 --> 01:21:25,650
Now we bring out both barrels.
1636
01:21:25,650 --> 01:21:26,650
Hey, I found a new password.
1637
01:21:31,880 --> 01:21:32,580
We've got her now.
1638
01:21:40,980 --> 01:21:43,460
What's the matter with you?
1639
01:21:43,460 --> 01:21:44,450
I don't know.
1640
01:21:44,450 --> 01:21:49,740
My mind has suddenly gone blank,
and now I'm wearing underwear.
1641
01:21:49,740 --> 01:21:52,130
There goes our bluff.
1642
01:21:52,130 --> 01:21:54,360
Get ready to open fire.
1643
01:21:54,360 --> 01:21:55,350
OK.
1644
01:21:55,350 --> 01:21:57,320
Hey, this gun is jammed.
1645
01:21:57,320 --> 01:21:58,800
Watch it!
1646
01:21:58,800 --> 01:21:59,790
[GUN SHOTS]
1647
01:21:59,790 --> 01:22:01,760
[SCREAMING]
1648
01:22:18,360 --> 01:22:19,060
Stop shooting!
1649
01:22:19,060 --> 01:22:19,780
I give up!
1650
01:22:19,780 --> 01:22:20,480
I give up.
1651
01:22:26,720 --> 01:22:28,090
I wouldn't have
believed it if I hadn't
1652
01:22:28,090 --> 01:22:28,920
seen it with my own eyes.
1653
01:22:32,380 --> 01:22:35,320
How could we have the top
SWAT specialist at our station
1654
01:22:35,320 --> 01:22:37,840
and I get you two to rescue me?
1655
01:22:37,840 --> 01:22:38,770
Just lucky I guess.
1656
01:22:58,410 --> 01:23:01,520
Let go of me, you cyber fool.
1657
01:23:01,520 --> 01:23:02,990
And don't forget these two.
1658
01:23:19,040 --> 01:23:19,940
Well, here we are.
1659
01:23:19,940 --> 01:23:21,260
Another job well done.
1660
01:23:25,030 --> 01:23:28,260
Ms. Devonshire.
1661
01:23:28,260 --> 01:23:31,440
It's good to have
you back again.
1662
01:23:31,440 --> 01:23:34,820
You really mean that?
1663
01:23:34,820 --> 01:23:36,990
Oh, of course I do.
1664
01:23:36,990 --> 01:23:40,890
It's almost time for
you to make dinner.
1665
01:23:40,890 --> 01:23:44,800
Would you believe she
had captured these two?
1666
01:23:44,800 --> 01:23:47,120
I guess my
reprogramming worked.
1667
01:23:47,120 --> 01:23:49,590
COMMISSIONER: Yeah.
1668
01:23:49,590 --> 01:23:50,580
Yeah.
1669
01:23:50,580 --> 01:23:51,490
Yes, yes.
1670
01:23:51,490 --> 01:23:53,440
And now, you two
are going to have
1671
01:23:53,440 --> 01:23:55,430
to give back that lottery
ticket and everything else
1672
01:23:55,430 --> 01:23:56,130
that you have stolen.
1673
01:23:58,850 --> 01:24:00,000
There goes our bail.
1674
01:24:06,340 --> 01:24:08,300
Can I say something?
1675
01:24:08,300 --> 01:24:09,170
What is it?
1676
01:24:09,170 --> 01:24:12,660
You people are crazy.
1677
01:24:12,660 --> 01:24:14,570
I just want to be locked
up and taken away.
1678
01:24:17,730 --> 01:24:18,930
You heard the man.
1679
01:24:18,930 --> 01:24:20,890
We aim to please.
1680
01:24:20,890 --> 01:24:22,440
So are you single?
1681
01:24:25,110 --> 01:24:27,990
Any plans once you get released?
1682
01:24:27,990 --> 01:24:29,910
You're not talking
to me, are you?
1683
01:24:37,620 --> 01:24:38,970
I was worried
about you, Candy.
1684
01:24:38,970 --> 01:24:40,290
It's good to have
you back unharmed.
1685
01:24:43,510 --> 01:24:44,790
That's so sweet.
1686
01:24:44,790 --> 01:24:45,490
You do care.
1687
01:24:49,060 --> 01:24:49,770
Oh.
1688
01:24:53,100 --> 01:24:56,680
So Petrolino, were
you worried about me?
1689
01:24:56,680 --> 01:24:57,830
You're darn right I was.
1690
01:24:57,830 --> 01:24:59,480
You still need to
reconnect my car alarm.
1691
01:25:02,100 --> 01:25:03,890
Well, you're all
just in time to see
1692
01:25:03,890 --> 01:25:08,330
us send that virtual reality
hooker back to the computer.
1693
01:25:08,330 --> 01:25:09,190
No!
1694
01:25:09,190 --> 01:25:10,610
Don't send her back.
1695
01:25:10,610 --> 01:25:13,500
She's the closest thing to a
real girlfriend I ever had.
1696
01:25:16,670 --> 01:25:19,520
Oh, Irwin, be reasonable.
1697
01:25:19,520 --> 01:25:21,350
There's still plenty of
girls out there for you.
1698
01:25:27,480 --> 01:25:28,180
Oh!
1699
01:25:28,180 --> 01:25:29,920
Take Candy, for instance.
1700
01:25:29,920 --> 01:25:33,030
Oh, as if!
1701
01:25:33,030 --> 01:25:35,580
Well, I guess you're right.
1702
01:25:35,580 --> 01:25:38,460
But before you send her back,
can somebody please tell me
1703
01:25:38,460 --> 01:25:40,740
who the fifth Beatle was?
1704
01:25:40,740 --> 01:25:44,870
Hey, here's that new
program I was working on.
1705
01:25:44,870 --> 01:25:47,510
It has all the bugs removed
from the first version.
1706
01:25:47,510 --> 01:25:48,680
Just reinstall it.
1707
01:25:48,680 --> 01:25:51,280
It should be ready to go.
1708
01:25:51,280 --> 01:25:53,140
That's all?
1709
01:25:53,140 --> 01:25:53,980
Yep.
1710
01:25:53,980 --> 01:25:55,170
Well, I've got to go now.
1711
01:25:55,170 --> 01:25:57,040
Doing my first
college lecture today.
1712
01:25:57,040 --> 01:26:00,890
It only pays 10 grand,
but what the heck.
1713
01:26:00,890 --> 01:26:02,360
Well-- well, wait.
1714
01:26:02,360 --> 01:26:04,160
Maybe you need somebody to
hold your pointer for you.
1715
01:26:09,330 --> 01:26:10,030
That's right.
1716
01:26:10,030 --> 01:26:12,240
Get out of here,
you computer geek.
1717
01:26:12,240 --> 01:26:15,770
I used to wipe my feet on nerds
like you back in high school.
1718
01:26:15,770 --> 01:26:17,570
Wow, Petrolino,
I haven't heard
1719
01:26:17,570 --> 01:26:19,580
you talk like that for days.
1720
01:26:19,580 --> 01:26:22,140
Let's have dinner
tonight, on me.
1721
01:26:22,140 --> 01:26:22,840
Now you're talking.
1722
01:26:31,770 --> 01:26:32,790
All right, quit stalling.
1723
01:26:32,790 --> 01:26:34,230
You know what you
have to do, Irwin.
1724
01:26:43,230 --> 01:26:44,820
Can you just give me a minute?
1725
01:26:47,850 --> 01:26:50,350
I'm really going to miss you.
1726
01:26:50,350 --> 01:26:53,630
This was the best
week I've ever had.
1727
01:26:53,630 --> 01:26:58,560
I get kidnapped, and
this was your best week?
1728
01:26:58,560 --> 01:27:00,990
I only have one thing to say.
1729
01:27:00,990 --> 01:27:03,910
Stuart Sutcliffe.
1730
01:27:03,910 --> 01:27:05,160
Huh?
1731
01:27:05,160 --> 01:27:05,860
The fifth Beatle.
1732
01:27:09,270 --> 01:27:11,720
OK.
1733
01:27:11,720 --> 01:27:14,550
I'm ready.
1734
01:27:14,550 --> 01:27:15,250
Bye.
1735
01:27:44,700 --> 01:27:46,630
Very good.
1736
01:27:46,630 --> 01:27:49,300
Sir, when can I get my
winning lottery ticket
1737
01:27:49,300 --> 01:27:51,270
and estate in England back?
1738
01:27:51,270 --> 01:27:51,970
Well, you can't.
1739
01:27:51,970 --> 01:27:54,340
No, we have to hold that as
state's evidence, you know.
1740
01:27:54,340 --> 01:27:57,800
We can never return it to
you, the innocent victim.
1741
01:27:57,800 --> 01:27:59,740
In fact, I was thinking of
using it for the funding
1742
01:27:59,740 --> 01:28:01,650
that we never got
from the councilwoman.
1743
01:28:01,650 --> 01:28:02,350
What?
1744
01:28:02,350 --> 01:28:04,510
But that money belongs to me.
1745
01:28:04,510 --> 01:28:07,930
Ms. Devonshire, don't you
care at all about the future
1746
01:28:07,930 --> 01:28:09,400
of the Vice Academy?
1747
01:28:09,400 --> 01:28:10,150
Yes.
1748
01:28:10,150 --> 01:28:12,990
I'd like to see
it go on forever.
1749
01:28:12,990 --> 01:28:13,690
Good.
1750
01:28:13,690 --> 01:28:14,390
Good.
1751
01:28:14,390 --> 01:28:17,970
That's what I hoped you'd say.
1752
01:28:17,970 --> 01:28:18,670
Dad, don't!
1753
01:28:18,670 --> 01:28:20,790
Remember what
happened last time?
1754
01:28:20,790 --> 01:28:22,670
Oh, good one.
1755
01:28:22,670 --> 01:28:23,600
What's going to happen, huh?
1756
01:28:23,600 --> 01:28:26,020
I'm going to suddenly turn
into the virtual reality pimp?
1757
01:28:31,610 --> 01:28:33,000
I'm smoking.
1758
01:28:33,000 --> 01:28:34,480
Oh, somebody stop him.
1759
01:28:34,480 --> 01:28:35,360
What the--
1760
01:28:35,360 --> 01:28:37,040
I better call Dilbert
and get another disc.
1761
01:28:37,040 --> 01:28:38,450
Oh!
1762
01:28:38,450 --> 01:28:40,250
What's shaking, mama?
1763
01:28:40,250 --> 01:28:43,080
How 'bout a little
motion with the ocean?
1764
01:28:43,080 --> 01:28:44,820
Irwin, put that phone down.
1765
01:28:44,820 --> 01:28:47,190
This is the best thing
that's ever happened.
1766
01:28:47,190 --> 01:28:48,320
You better get
a move on, woman!
1767
01:28:50,960 --> 01:28:55,130
The night is young and it's
time to get done, [INAUDIBLE]
1768
01:28:55,130 --> 01:28:56,910
You don't have
to tell me twice.
1769
01:29:02,510 --> 01:29:06,320
Well, let's see what
computer game she left me.
1770
01:29:06,320 --> 01:29:10,300
WOMAN: Ready to play Global
Thermonuclear Warfare?
1771
01:29:10,300 --> 01:29:11,000
Cool.
1772
01:29:14,600 --> 01:29:15,800
MAN: Irwin!
1773
01:29:15,800 --> 01:29:18,250
[MUSIC PLAYING]
125483
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