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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Thank you.
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Well, I just want to say...
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that as supportive parents...
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we...
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we sometimes have to make
hard choices for our kids.
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And, um... to my son, Nathan...
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...I want you to know that...
love is complicated.
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Okay.
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♪ Oh, happy day ♪
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♪ Oh, happy day ♪
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- ♪ Oh, happy day ♪
- I'm making French toast!
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So, where do you wanna go?
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Ruby's on the pier?
Or a Mexican restaurant?
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Mi Queso Es Su Queso?
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Or, um... Or Benihana,
for old times' sake?
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Wait, the creepy thing's tonight?
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Mother-Son Date Night has
been on the board for weeks.
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I can't do it. Sorry. I have something.
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What?
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Um, you don't want to know.
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No, I want to know.
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It's gay.
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Oh, well. Okay.
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Can this thing happen another night?
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No. It's a fundraiser for
queer teen suicide prevention.
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My friend's trans aunt is throwing it.
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And there will be drag queens,
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and my gay boyfriend
will be there, so...
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Why do you do this to me?
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I'm not doing anything to you.
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You're doing things.
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You just have to take it out
and flap it in my face.
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What am I flapping exactly? Who I am?
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I'm sorry, but this is not
about you being...
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It's about a commitment you made.
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To me. To us. So, no, you can't go.
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This was supposed to be our night.
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Okay, and I'm just saying can we
do our night another night?
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♪ When Jesus washed ♪
40
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♪ He washed my sins away ♪
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Or you know what? Fine. Fine.
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Let's keep it tonight.
43
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Let's have mother-son date night
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with gays and lesbians and drag queens
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and kinky people.
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But if you forbid me from going,
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I am literally going to go out
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and hook up with
five to six guys right now.
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Oh, stop it. You don't even know
"five to six guys."
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You're right, Mom. That's what
they invented the Internet for.
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♪ He washed my sins away ♪
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♪ Oh, happy day ♪
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♪ Oh, happy day ♪
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♪ Oh, happy day ♪
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♪ Oh, happy day ♪
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♪ Oh, happy day ♪
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I'm sorry, but you
just sitting there...
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- ♪ Oh, happy day ♪
- ...is very frustrating,
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not saying anything.
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Well, I'm not saying anything
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because you're not gonna
like what I have to say.
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- Then don't say it.
- Exactly.
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- It's just...
- So, you're going to say it.
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Yes, I am. He invited you to go.
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He didn't invite me. He dared me.
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Maybe he wants you to go.
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Trust me. He doesn't.
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Here's the thing...
You can't steer the boat
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if you're not in the boat.
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♪ Oh, happy day ♪
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♪ Oh, happy day ♪
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Is this right? Should we be here?
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Yes.
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Pandora?
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Girl, living for the tartan.
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00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,600
Um, no, this is, uh, Nordstrom Rack.
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Girl, you don't remember me?
We worked together in Denver.
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You look like you play golf.
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00:03:48,180 --> 00:03:50,020
- I do.
- Oh, you do?
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00:03:50,100 --> 00:03:52,390
Mm-hmm. Let me guess... seven iron?
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00:03:52,470 --> 00:03:55,028
Girl, I know a nine iron
when I see one.
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Mm-hmm.
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I bet you could teach me
a thing or two.
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- As long as you're real hard on me.
- Mm. Yeah.
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I could use a real ruthless education.
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I-I... I could. I could.
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00:04:04,810 --> 00:04:07,180
You know, it really...
it boils down to your stroke.
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00:04:07,270 --> 00:04:09,612
You know? You just... you need to grip,
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00:04:09,637 --> 00:04:11,238
- but not... you know, not too tight.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
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00:04:11,262 --> 00:04:13,640
Then you just take it straight
back, and you stroke it...
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00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:14,906
- Oh, my gosh!
- ...into the hole
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00:04:14,930 --> 00:04:16,430
and then maybe get a hole in one.
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- I don't know.
- Ahh! Stop it!
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Get outta here!
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That was cute.
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Bye-bye, peach.
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Be in the boat.
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I am. And I'm feeling very seasick.
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Hi, there!
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- Hi.
- Hi, Mrs. Stewart, Mr. Stewart.
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Nice to see you both.
102
00:04:49,020 --> 00:04:50,882
Nice to see you, too.
103
00:04:50,907 --> 00:04:53,230
Oh, my God. Is that
a matching tartan clutch?
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I live! Literal definition of clutch.
105
00:04:56,441 --> 00:04:57,901
Who knew this would be such a hit?
106
00:04:57,981 --> 00:04:59,537
Yeah. Patrick and Joe
are just right over there.
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00:04:59,561 --> 00:05:00,957
Oh, well, I thought we could just...
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Maybe I'll just come
find you guys later.
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00:05:03,441 --> 00:05:05,861
You stole my date, mister.
110
00:05:05,941 --> 00:05:07,997
- Let's go say hi to Naomi.
- I guess I need some tips
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00:05:08,021 --> 00:05:12,401
from you on how to make my son
want to hang out with me.
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I just don't understand why I'm here.
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I'm just gonna sit at another table
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and watch them grope
and goggle each other.
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Hey!
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I can't believe you're here.
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Well, we're being in the boat.
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This is Cooper.
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Hi. So nice to finally meet you guys.
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- Nice to meet you, Cooper.
- Hi.
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Hello, theydies and gentlethems!
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It's starting. We're right over there.
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Thank you all for coming!
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And thank you Hamburger Mary's
for letting me guest host.
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I don't do drag anymore 'cause I
can't be working for pennies...
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...but I still love
my beautiful, dysfunctional,
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incestuous drag family,
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and getting to come back to do
this with you for a good cause
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is the best gift a girl can dream of.
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Besides, like, I don't know,
a real gift.
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- So, first, the house rules.
- We're thrilled you're here.
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- Sign-ups for karaoke end in 10 minutes.
- Well, know thy enemy, right?
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- It's a joke.
- And any video or flash photography
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is strictly required!
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That's right!
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I did not get dressed up
137
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like Selena fell into
a pool of gold glitter
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because I don't want attention!
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Whoo!
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Showing up for Nathan,
I'm so proud of you.
141
00:06:33,021 --> 00:06:36,231
Well, I really believe in kids
not killing themselves.
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Is that a Bahama Mama?
Can I get a Bahama Mama?
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Bahama Mama for my Mama.
I'll take a G&T.
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Tonight, we are raising money
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for the American Foundation
for Suicide Prevention,
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because we all know queer teens
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have a higher rate
of depression and suicide.
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Take it from me... showing up
for your teens at an early age
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can save them from
the worst fate imaginable...
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becoming a drag queen!
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00:07:01,611 --> 00:07:03,521
Oh! I see what you did there, girl!
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No, I'm kidding.
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I leave that to the professionals,
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now that I have my real-estate license.
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Yes! Selling Sunset vibe!
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- I'm happy you're here.
- Oh!
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I feel like our little
talk left its mark.
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Well, it's wonderful the
way you walk through life.
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00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,231
Greta, stand up, please?
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Ah, she hates this.
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Cheer louder.
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Stare more! Compliment her!
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I have to say, getting
to take care of you,
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even if only for a moment,
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was one of the best
things I've ever done.
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I love you, Mija.
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Now, I need a brave volunteer
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for a magic trick I've been working on.
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If anyone has a $20 bill, hold it up.
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- Over here!
- This is your man. Look no further.
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00:07:56,731 --> 00:07:57,981
- What?
- This guy, right here!
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How about you, Papi?
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Why not?
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Oh, I love a thick wallet!
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Bring it here!
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Yeah.
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00:08:14,111 --> 00:08:17,651
- Ooh!
- And so handsome.
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00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:20,651
You look like one of those,
uh, TV doctors.
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Thank you.
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Oh.
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Whoo!
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And give it up for Doctor Papi!
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00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:34,941
Can I be your caddy, Daddy?
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00:08:36,021 --> 00:08:38,981
Now, everyone pay close attention,
185
00:08:39,061 --> 00:08:41,901
'cause I'm gonna make
this $20 disappear.
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00:08:47,691 --> 00:08:50,231
You see? Magic!
187
00:08:53,271 --> 00:08:55,691
Mark, I hope you
take this as a compliment...
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You would do well in West Hollywood.
189
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Very, very well.
190
00:08:59,481 --> 00:09:01,111
I mean, she really took my $20!
191
00:09:01,191 --> 00:09:03,271
- Yeah.
- That's... Boy, that is funny.
192
00:09:03,401 --> 00:09:06,151
Hey, so, uh, Naomi's
going to Winter Formal
193
00:09:06,231 --> 00:09:08,311
with the same boy as Delilah?
194
00:09:08,401 --> 00:09:10,191
- What?
- I think it's that boy.
195
00:09:10,271 --> 00:09:13,311
Arianna was really upset because
they had agreed to go together.
196
00:09:13,401 --> 00:09:15,691
Someone always feels
left out of a threesome.
197
00:09:15,771 --> 00:09:18,811
Not if everyone's playing by the rules.
198
00:09:18,901 --> 00:09:20,691
W-Wait, did Naomi not tell you?
199
00:09:20,771 --> 00:09:22,311
No, of course she did.
200
00:09:22,401 --> 00:09:23,651
Arianna's gotten over it.
201
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:26,311
She doesn't get sucked in
to that mean girl stuff.
202
00:09:26,401 --> 00:09:29,521
But anyway, I-I think
it might make more sense
203
00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:32,061
for us not to host the pre-party.
204
00:09:32,151 --> 00:09:33,651
You guys have so much more space,
205
00:09:33,731 --> 00:09:37,521
a-and Mark is like Ansel Adams
with his new camera.
206
00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:39,311
- Stop it. Stop it. No.
- You are.
207
00:09:39,401 --> 00:09:41,361
No. I mean, we could, though.
208
00:09:41,441 --> 00:09:44,361
Right, hon?
Should we... Should we host?
209
00:09:44,441 --> 00:09:45,941
Stay in the boat?
210
00:09:46,021 --> 00:09:47,771
Again, I want to give a shout-out
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00:09:47,861 --> 00:09:52,151
to all the parents here tonight,
supporting their queer kids.
212
00:09:52,231 --> 00:09:53,611
I think many of us in this room
213
00:09:53,691 --> 00:09:56,521
know people who have not
grown up with this.
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00:09:56,611 --> 00:10:00,151
My very special friend Jorge
died by suicide,
215
00:10:00,231 --> 00:10:03,651
and if he had had parents
like the ones in this room,
216
00:10:03,731 --> 00:10:06,651
it's why I'm here tonight.
217
00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:09,561
Let's go.
I don't want to be here anymore.
218
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:11,731
- Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey...
- No.
219
00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:13,521
I think I let you talk me into it.
220
00:10:13,611 --> 00:10:14,981
Well, that would be a first.
221
00:10:15,061 --> 00:10:17,481
I don't need a snarky joke-fest
right now, Mark.
222
00:10:17,561 --> 00:10:19,021
- I just want to go.
- I don't.
223
00:10:19,111 --> 00:10:20,457
I think we should be here for our son.
224
00:10:20,481 --> 00:10:21,747
Do you not hear what she's saying?
225
00:10:21,771 --> 00:10:23,087
It's good for him that we're here.
226
00:10:23,111 --> 00:10:24,731
No. No, it isn't. No, it isn't.
227
00:10:24,811 --> 00:10:26,401
No, it is not. It is not good parenting
228
00:10:26,481 --> 00:10:28,651
to walk your child into a volcano,
229
00:10:28,731 --> 00:10:30,731
and here we are, laughing
and holding his hand
230
00:10:30,811 --> 00:10:33,331
- and walking him straight into hell...
- First victim... Megan!
231
00:10:33,401 --> 00:10:37,981
Our first victim... Megan?
232
00:10:38,061 --> 00:10:41,231
Yes! Whoo!
233
00:10:41,311 --> 00:10:43,561
Yes! Whoo!
234
00:10:48,441 --> 00:10:51,271
♪ Baby, I am America ♪
235
00:10:51,361 --> 00:10:54,811
♪ I'm a stranger just like you ♪
236
00:10:54,901 --> 00:10:58,611
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh baby, I am America ♪
237
00:10:58,691 --> 00:11:00,651
♪ You been begging for the truth ♪
238
00:11:00,731 --> 00:11:03,061
No. I'm going on soon.
239
00:11:03,151 --> 00:11:04,941
It has to be this playlist
in this order,
240
00:11:05,021 --> 00:11:06,901
this loud, or bad luck.
241
00:11:06,981 --> 00:11:08,651
You know I'm superstitious.
242
00:11:08,731 --> 00:11:12,611
You are amazing.
243
00:11:12,691 --> 00:11:15,061
Let me guess... Luz left you on read?
244
00:11:15,151 --> 00:11:17,568
Okay, for the record,
245
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:19,811
I did not expect to be
right about that.
246
00:11:19,901 --> 00:11:22,361
You really like that pendejita?
247
00:11:22,441 --> 00:11:24,361
Should I not?
248
00:11:24,441 --> 00:11:27,271
Hey, your feelings are your feelings.
249
00:11:27,361 --> 00:11:29,861
I just hope you don't
like the idea of her
250
00:11:29,941 --> 00:11:31,481
more than you like her.
251
00:11:31,561 --> 00:11:33,441
Because I love the idea
of a bearded man
252
00:11:33,521 --> 00:11:35,287
that showers me with gifts,
but it doesn't mean
253
00:11:35,311 --> 00:11:36,771
I should date Santa Claus.
254
00:11:36,861 --> 00:11:38,771
Ohh.
255
00:11:38,861 --> 00:11:40,941
Did you hear from your mother?
256
00:11:41,021 --> 00:11:42,561
She's not going to come.
257
00:11:42,651 --> 00:11:44,271
But I genuinely think it's because
258
00:11:44,361 --> 00:11:45,667
she has that Weight Watchers thing.
259
00:11:45,691 --> 00:11:47,111
You know how culty they are.
260
00:11:47,191 --> 00:11:49,611
Your sister's come a long way.
261
00:11:49,691 --> 00:11:51,531
I'm just happy she
remembers your pronouns now.
262
00:11:51,561 --> 00:11:53,651
Mm.
263
00:11:55,401 --> 00:11:57,151
Hi. Hi.
264
00:11:57,231 --> 00:11:58,611
- Hi.
- Hi!
265
00:11:58,691 --> 00:12:01,311
Someone's giving me a
ride home tonight, by the way.
266
00:12:01,401 --> 00:12:02,771
Oh.
267
00:12:02,861 --> 00:12:04,311
Uh, good luck.
268
00:12:04,401 --> 00:12:05,481
Ay, dios fuck.
269
00:12:05,561 --> 00:12:07,651
Why would you say those words?
270
00:12:07,731 --> 00:12:11,191
You need to step outside, turn
around three times, and spit.
271
00:12:12,361 --> 00:12:14,231
- Orale.
- Oh. Okay.
272
00:12:22,191 --> 00:12:24,651
She's just staying a few nights.
I said she could.
273
00:12:24,731 --> 00:12:25,981
You don't know it now,
274
00:12:26,061 --> 00:12:27,587
but you're being
a very good friend to her
275
00:12:27,611 --> 00:12:29,651
by letting your tia help her out.
276
00:12:29,731 --> 00:12:31,811
I'm not allowing you.
You're just doing it.
277
00:12:31,901 --> 00:12:33,191
You didn't even ask.
278
00:12:33,271 --> 00:12:35,611
I am not getting into it
with you right now.
279
00:12:35,691 --> 00:12:37,021
I am not.
280
00:12:37,111 --> 00:12:39,771
I am nervous enough already.
281
00:12:39,861 --> 00:12:41,941
But if tonight goes well,
282
00:12:42,021 --> 00:12:45,231
I need you to come annoy me
before every special occasion.
283
00:12:45,311 --> 00:12:48,061
Now go, find your pendejita.
284
00:12:48,151 --> 00:12:51,231
...Into the hole,
and maybe get a hole in one.
285
00:12:51,311 --> 00:12:54,231
- Hi.
- Hey.
286
00:12:54,311 --> 00:12:56,191
I didn't know if you were gonna come.
287
00:12:56,271 --> 00:12:58,191
So insecure.
288
00:13:06,481 --> 00:13:10,191
♪ A-Amazing, a-a-amazing ♪
289
00:13:10,271 --> 00:13:12,231
♪ A-Amazing, a-a-amazing ♪
290
00:13:12,311 --> 00:13:15,731
Hi. So, it turns out
our friends are pigs
291
00:13:15,811 --> 00:13:17,337
and won't stop ripping up
straw wrappers,
292
00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:20,481
which are so fucking hard to clean up.
293
00:13:20,561 --> 00:13:22,941
So, I'm spitting in their drinks.
294
00:13:23,021 --> 00:13:26,731
I mean, not really, but maybe.
295
00:13:33,191 --> 00:13:37,231
Speaking of family, I want
to introduce you to someone.
296
00:13:37,311 --> 00:13:39,561
Greta, stand up, please?
297
00:13:39,651 --> 00:13:41,151
Ah, she hates this.
298
00:13:42,481 --> 00:13:45,811
Cheer louder. Stare more!
Compliment her!
299
00:13:49,311 --> 00:13:52,731
I have to say,
getting to take care of you,
300
00:13:52,811 --> 00:13:55,061
even if only for a moment,
301
00:13:55,151 --> 00:13:58,401
was one of the best
things I've ever done.
302
00:13:58,481 --> 00:14:00,731
I love you, Mija.
303
00:14:04,521 --> 00:14:07,311
Now, I need a brave
volunteer for a magic trick
304
00:14:07,401 --> 00:14:09,441
I've been working on.
305
00:14:09,521 --> 00:14:12,611
What about you, Papi?
306
00:14:17,111 --> 00:14:18,611
What's up with you?
307
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,111
- I love a thick wallet!
- What do you mean?
308
00:14:21,191 --> 00:14:23,151
Is it 'cause Riley's here?
309
00:14:23,231 --> 00:14:25,691
No. What? No.
310
00:14:25,771 --> 00:14:29,111
Are you actually into girls?
311
00:14:29,191 --> 00:14:31,731
I mean, yeah.
312
00:14:31,811 --> 00:14:34,311
It's weird, 'cause I feel
like you do like me.
313
00:14:34,401 --> 00:14:37,151
Definitely.
314
00:14:39,191 --> 00:14:41,981
I think you'll figure it out.
315
00:14:42,061 --> 00:14:44,191
I'm gonna head out, okay?
316
00:14:44,271 --> 00:14:45,691
Really?
317
00:14:46,691 --> 00:14:50,191
Can I be your caddy, Daddy?
318
00:15:04,561 --> 00:15:10,151
Yeah. I just feel,
like, I don't know, dumb.
319
00:15:10,231 --> 00:15:12,151
Well, I'm the dumb bitch
320
00:15:12,231 --> 00:15:14,941
with two best friends
dating the same guy.
321
00:15:15,021 --> 00:15:17,481
But Luz and you...
322
00:15:17,561 --> 00:15:21,481
She, to me, is like... salt.
323
00:15:21,561 --> 00:15:24,061
And you're more cinnamon.
324
00:15:24,151 --> 00:15:26,151
I don't know.
325
00:15:26,231 --> 00:15:29,521
Maybe it was how
different she is that I liked?
326
00:15:29,611 --> 00:15:32,021
But, um...
327
00:15:34,151 --> 00:15:35,901
I'm starting to feel like
328
00:15:35,981 --> 00:15:39,191
there's something really wrong with me.
329
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:42,361
Maybe you just haven't
figured out what your thing is.
330
00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:44,771
There are people who cum to women
331
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:47,061
squishing cake between their toes.
332
00:15:47,151 --> 00:15:49,861
Yeah, I don't know
if that's gonna be my thing.
333
00:15:49,941 --> 00:15:54,811
My point is, it's okay,
whatever your thing is.
334
00:15:54,901 --> 00:15:57,191
You remember in second grade,
335
00:15:57,271 --> 00:15:59,191
we did that weird Thanksgiving play
336
00:15:59,271 --> 00:16:01,561
and were both
in the same pilgrim family
337
00:16:01,651 --> 00:16:03,771
and had to pretend to be starving?
338
00:16:03,861 --> 00:16:04,941
Yeah?
339
00:16:05,021 --> 00:16:07,401
I don't know why, I just thought of it.
340
00:16:08,941 --> 00:16:12,061
You know, I'm on the Decor
Committee for the Winter Formal,
341
00:16:12,151 --> 00:16:14,151
and I was thinking about not going
342
00:16:14,231 --> 00:16:17,151
just to be petty on multiple levels,
343
00:16:17,231 --> 00:16:20,231
but I actually want to,
if I'm being honest.
344
00:16:20,311 --> 00:16:24,231
Plus, I get two free tickets,
so if you don't have someone,
345
00:16:24,311 --> 00:16:26,561
I'd love to be your sloppy seconds.
346
00:16:26,651 --> 00:16:30,441
It's not a pity ask. That's...
You're doing me a favor.
347
00:16:30,521 --> 00:16:32,941
I would actually really love that.
348
00:16:35,811 --> 00:16:38,361
One sec. I'll meet you
at the table, okay?
349
00:16:40,611 --> 00:16:43,441
Hey. I'm about to be done
for the night.
350
00:16:43,521 --> 00:16:46,311
But, actually, um,
if this is weird, just tell me,
351
00:16:46,401 --> 00:16:50,771
but, um, I'm happy for you and Luz.
352
00:16:50,861 --> 00:16:51,941
Um... yeah.
353
00:16:52,021 --> 00:16:54,441
I mean, it's kind of strange, but...
354
00:16:54,521 --> 00:16:56,481
Anyway, um, I took a photo of you guys,
355
00:16:56,561 --> 00:16:59,361
um, that I can text you
if... if you want.
356
00:16:59,441 --> 00:17:01,441
I don't want it.
357
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:02,611
Okay. Got it.
358
00:17:02,691 --> 00:17:05,521
No. It's not, um, that.
359
00:17:05,611 --> 00:17:08,441
Um, she's not my...
360
00:17:08,521 --> 00:17:10,271
We're not...
361
00:17:10,361 --> 00:17:12,651
A-Anyway, um,
362
00:17:12,731 --> 00:17:15,271
so that night when...
363
00:17:15,361 --> 00:17:20,231
I mean, like, when we were,
um, on the trip...
364
00:17:20,311 --> 00:17:21,441
Mm.
365
00:17:23,361 --> 00:17:25,271
I don't know what it is exactly,
366
00:17:25,361 --> 00:17:30,691
but one thing I do know is that...
367
00:17:30,771 --> 00:17:33,771
it wasn't me not liking you.
368
00:17:36,981 --> 00:17:39,941
- Hey. What's up?
- Hi.
369
00:17:43,901 --> 00:17:46,600
- I'm sorry.
- Who's ready to have some more fun?
370
00:17:49,481 --> 00:17:53,151
Our first karaoke victim... Megan.
371
00:17:53,231 --> 00:17:55,811
Where is Megan?
372
00:17:55,901 --> 00:17:59,151
- Hey, cuties!
- Hi!
373
00:17:59,231 --> 00:18:00,401
$5 each.
374
00:18:00,481 --> 00:18:03,111
Oh, please.
Let me play a good boyfriend.
375
00:18:03,191 --> 00:18:07,481
Boyfriend. Aww. I love young love.
376
00:18:07,561 --> 00:18:10,111
Come through, high school baby queers!
377
00:18:10,191 --> 00:18:12,361
- Save our world, okay?
- Okay.
378
00:18:12,441 --> 00:18:16,651
But can you tell my boyfriend
that he has to watch "Drag Race"
379
00:18:16,731 --> 00:18:18,441
if he wants to call himself queer?
380
00:18:18,521 --> 00:18:21,021
Oh. You a "Drag Race" ho.
381
00:18:21,111 --> 00:18:23,401
I thought Gen Z
was supposed to be radical.
382
00:18:23,481 --> 00:18:26,191
- Bitch!
- That's Mrs. Bitch to you.
383
00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:27,521
Respect your elders.
384
00:18:27,611 --> 00:18:29,651
- Okay.
- Go on in.
385
00:18:29,731 --> 00:18:32,151
- Okay!
- Also, I mean it.
386
00:18:32,231 --> 00:18:35,111
Please save our world.
387
00:18:35,191 --> 00:18:39,061
Ahh! I've seen so many shows here.
388
00:18:39,151 --> 00:18:42,361
I've seen Raven, Mayhem Miller,
Ariel Versace randomly.
389
00:18:42,441 --> 00:18:46,231
Wait, that is where Laganja
twerked until I had a seizure!
390
00:18:46,311 --> 00:18:48,061
Should I shut up?
391
00:18:48,151 --> 00:18:50,231
You know these words
mean nothing to me, right?
392
00:18:50,311 --> 00:18:52,731
I'm sorry. This place
just, like, transforms me
393
00:18:52,811 --> 00:18:56,521
into my most extreme self,
which might scare even me.
394
00:18:56,611 --> 00:18:59,561
Um, manager! Excuse me, manager!
395
00:18:59,651 --> 00:19:01,061
Manager!
396
00:19:01,151 --> 00:19:04,401
Um, I-I want to be bussed,
and my busser isn't bussing me!
397
00:19:04,481 --> 00:19:06,691
- Stop!
- And I really would like some bussy action!
398
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:09,231
Stop. You are going to get me fired.
399
00:19:09,311 --> 00:19:11,021
Also, Nathan needs you, by the way.
400
00:19:11,111 --> 00:19:13,311
You have a weird expression
on your face.
401
00:19:13,401 --> 00:19:15,231
Who are you texting?
402
00:19:15,311 --> 00:19:17,561
Do you remember Pablo,
from the aquarium?
403
00:19:17,651 --> 00:19:19,561
Mm. Yeah, I don't remember him,
404
00:19:19,651 --> 00:19:22,191
but I remember this really big stain
405
00:19:22,271 --> 00:19:24,561
- that he left on your shirt.
- Stop. Oh, my God.
406
00:19:24,651 --> 00:19:26,361
You suck. Bo, leave him.
407
00:19:26,441 --> 00:19:29,941
How dare you talk
to my boyfriend like that?
408
00:19:30,021 --> 00:19:34,151
Come with me to the bathroom.
409
00:19:46,861 --> 00:19:50,771
Ohh, my God. I should
not have had that third vodka soda,
410
00:19:50,861 --> 00:19:52,651
'cause now I gotta untuck.
411
00:19:52,731 --> 00:19:53,997
By the way, do you know what a good
412
00:19:54,021 --> 00:19:55,611
variable rate mortgage is right now?
413
00:19:55,691 --> 00:19:57,731
No, sorry. Ow, fuck!
414
00:19:57,811 --> 00:19:59,981
- I triple-taped.
- Okay, oh, my God.
415
00:20:00,061 --> 00:20:03,887
Speaking of, Tequila's tuck
is looking mea-tee tonight.
416
00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:05,861
- Oh. Yeah, it is, girl.
- Hello.
417
00:20:05,941 --> 00:20:07,337
Has the lighting in here
always been this bad, dude?
418
00:20:07,361 --> 00:20:08,811
No, girl, that's just your makeup.
419
00:20:08,901 --> 00:20:10,811
Okay. Oh. Hello.
420
00:20:10,901 --> 00:20:12,587
Looks like we have
a little company in here.
421
00:20:12,611 --> 00:20:14,561
You charging admission in there, boys?
422
00:20:14,651 --> 00:20:17,151
- I'm already untucked.
- Mm, come on.
423
00:20:17,231 --> 00:20:20,271
- I got a dollar under my titties.
- Room in there for four?
424
00:20:22,111 --> 00:20:24,441
Oh, my God. That was so embarrassing.
425
00:20:24,521 --> 00:20:27,811
- Hi. Hi. Hi.
- You were being so loud.
426
00:20:27,901 --> 00:20:29,481
Uh, hi. Hi.
427
00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:31,241
Um, I'm... I'm so sorry.
I-Is there any way
428
00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:32,787
I could talk to you
privately for a sec?
429
00:20:32,811 --> 00:20:34,611
- Now?
- Please?
430
00:20:34,691 --> 00:20:36,981
I can go find us a table.
431
00:20:37,061 --> 00:20:38,861
- Okay.
- Quite a show, boys.
432
00:20:41,811 --> 00:20:43,731
- Go.
- Okay.
433
00:20:43,811 --> 00:20:44,941
Bye, boyfriend.
434
00:20:45,021 --> 00:20:47,271
So, I-I'm super sorry,
but long story short,
435
00:20:47,361 --> 00:20:48,861
I-I was supposed to do this, like,
436
00:20:48,941 --> 00:20:51,111
mother-son date night thing tonight.
437
00:20:51,191 --> 00:20:52,691
- Oh, my God.
- I know.
438
00:20:52,771 --> 00:20:54,287
And I-I was so creeped out and annoyed,
439
00:20:54,311 --> 00:20:56,861
so I-I dared her to come tonight, um,
440
00:20:56,941 --> 00:20:59,401
and I really didn't think
she was actually going to,
441
00:20:59,481 --> 00:21:01,611
- but she did.
- Mm-hmm.
442
00:21:01,691 --> 00:21:04,691
So, you... you see the problem?
443
00:21:04,771 --> 00:21:06,771
Mm-hmm.
444
00:21:06,861 --> 00:21:09,271
And... And I-I-I don't need you
to be all, like...
445
00:21:09,361 --> 00:21:11,191
like, touchy with me necessarily.
446
00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:12,651
I mean, maybe a little bit.
447
00:21:12,731 --> 00:21:14,087
It's just, I-I feel like
if you're, like,
448
00:21:14,111 --> 00:21:15,877
really touchy with him,
it'll just look weird.
449
00:21:15,901 --> 00:21:17,311
Mm-hmm.
450
00:21:17,401 --> 00:21:19,271
Oh, gosh. She's here.
451
00:21:20,941 --> 00:21:23,191
- I'll talk to Bo.
- Oh, my God.
452
00:21:23,271 --> 00:21:24,651
I will literally buy you gas,
453
00:21:24,731 --> 00:21:26,651
give you hand massages,
whatever you want.
454
00:21:26,731 --> 00:21:28,481
Uh-huh.
455
00:21:33,861 --> 00:21:35,021
Hi.
456
00:21:37,061 --> 00:21:39,941
Uh... everything cool?
457
00:21:40,021 --> 00:21:41,311
Uh, yes.
458
00:21:41,401 --> 00:21:43,901
I mean...
459
00:21:43,981 --> 00:21:45,191
yes.
460
00:21:45,271 --> 00:21:46,861
I love it here.
461
00:21:46,941 --> 00:21:48,901
I'm so excited.
462
00:21:48,981 --> 00:21:51,021
Um...
463
00:21:51,111 --> 00:21:54,981
Okay, so no big deal, but...
464
00:21:55,061 --> 00:21:57,061
So...
465
00:21:57,151 --> 00:21:58,271
Ahh. Okay.
466
00:21:58,361 --> 00:22:01,771
So, basically, um, Nathan's mom
467
00:22:01,861 --> 00:22:03,811
was being really shitty
about him being bi,
468
00:22:03,901 --> 00:22:06,561
so he kinda said that
he was dating someone
469
00:22:06,651 --> 00:22:09,021
to, like, mess with her sort of,
470
00:22:09,111 --> 00:22:11,901
and then that person sort of became me.
471
00:22:11,981 --> 00:22:13,401
Wait, what?
472
00:22:13,481 --> 00:22:14,877
Yeah, it's so no big deal, seriously.
473
00:22:14,901 --> 00:22:16,337
Like, he just wanted to mess with her,
474
00:22:16,361 --> 00:22:18,731
and I was just, like,
being a good friend and...
475
00:22:18,811 --> 00:22:20,111
Yeah. Okay, yeah. Yeah.
476
00:22:20,191 --> 00:22:23,771
Um... but what... what do you mean?
477
00:22:23,861 --> 00:22:25,941
Like, at first, it was just, like, a...
478
00:22:26,021 --> 00:22:27,771
Thank you. At first,
it was just, like, a,
479
00:22:27,861 --> 00:22:29,877
"Oh, could you put your arm
around me kinda type thing?"
480
00:22:29,901 --> 00:22:31,941
And... And then it sorta kept going,
481
00:22:32,021 --> 00:22:33,651
but it's literally nothing.
482
00:22:33,731 --> 00:22:36,111
Also, it was after you and I
had our really bad first date,
483
00:22:36,191 --> 00:22:38,021
you know, before we were
together, so...
484
00:22:38,111 --> 00:22:39,901
Oh.
485
00:22:39,981 --> 00:22:42,981
Except, um
486
00:22:43,061 --> 00:22:46,441
we just found out that
Nathan's mom is coming tonight.
487
00:22:46,521 --> 00:22:47,901
Oh.
488
00:22:47,981 --> 00:22:50,611
So, it would be weird
if we didn't, like,
489
00:22:50,691 --> 00:22:52,611
pretend in front of her.
490
00:22:52,691 --> 00:22:55,771
Wait, so... so this is still happening?
491
00:22:55,861 --> 00:22:57,521
Sort of?
492
00:22:57,611 --> 00:23:01,151
And, um...
493
00:23:01,231 --> 00:23:03,151
how do you pretend?
494
00:23:03,231 --> 00:23:06,441
Usually, um, I pick him up
so his mom sees,
495
00:23:06,521 --> 00:23:10,151
or we take a picture together
or something.
496
00:23:10,231 --> 00:23:12,691
And, like, once, I kissed him
in front of his mom,
497
00:23:12,771 --> 00:23:15,311
but, like... again,
498
00:23:15,401 --> 00:23:20,061
that was, like, the night
of our terrible date, so...
499
00:23:20,151 --> 00:23:24,861
So, you left our bad date
500
00:23:24,941 --> 00:23:27,811
and then went on a
fake date with Nathan?
501
00:23:27,901 --> 00:23:30,771
No. No. No, we...
we weren't fake-dating yet.
502
00:23:30,861 --> 00:23:33,021
That... That was just,
like, when it started.
503
00:23:33,111 --> 00:23:35,731
But that's when you kissed him?
504
00:23:37,271 --> 00:23:42,021
Um... I went home, and I wanted to die.
505
00:23:42,111 --> 00:23:47,111
I need you to know, like,
I feel nothing for Nathan.
506
00:23:47,191 --> 00:23:49,311
Trust me. Like,
h... he's all in with me,
507
00:23:49,401 --> 00:23:52,271
but I do not feel that way at all.
508
00:23:55,441 --> 00:24:01,691
So... you know he's sort of...
in love with you,
509
00:24:01,771 --> 00:24:05,361
but you're just pretending
to be in love with him?
510
00:24:05,441 --> 00:24:07,271
No.
511
00:24:07,361 --> 00:24:09,861
I mean, like, it was his idea.
512
00:24:09,941 --> 00:24:11,667
Like, he told me it wouldn't
be weird for him.
513
00:24:11,691 --> 00:24:14,191
Like, I... You know? Like,
I was just being a good friend.
514
00:24:14,271 --> 00:24:16,901
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
515
00:24:18,481 --> 00:24:20,901
I feel like this is... I'm sorry.
516
00:24:20,981 --> 00:24:23,337
- Like, this is sounding like a bigger deal than it is.
- No, it's f... It's fine. No, it's...
517
00:24:23,361 --> 00:24:26,161
- It's really not that big of a deal.
- Hi. Hi. I'm... I'm super sorry.
518
00:24:26,231 --> 00:24:27,561
This is, like, so weird.
519
00:24:27,651 --> 00:24:30,151
- No.
- Um, it's just that she's coming in.
520
00:24:30,231 --> 00:24:32,061
So...
521
00:24:33,021 --> 00:24:35,061
Maybe we need to forget
the whole thing.
522
00:24:35,151 --> 00:24:36,651
What? Really?
523
00:24:36,731 --> 00:24:39,111
Uh, no. It's... It's... It's fine.
524
00:24:39,191 --> 00:24:42,731
Just, like, put your...
arm around him or whatever.
525
00:24:42,811 --> 00:24:44,441
Thank you.
526
00:24:51,771 --> 00:24:53,611
Hi, there.
527
00:24:53,691 --> 00:24:58,231
Hi, Mrs. Stewart, Mr. Stewart.
Nice to see you both.
528
00:24:58,291 --> 00:25:02,611
Let's start with a karaoke.
First victim... Megan.
529
00:25:02,691 --> 00:25:04,691
Yes! Whoo!
530
00:25:04,771 --> 00:25:08,901
Our first karaoke victim... Megan.
531
00:25:10,361 --> 00:25:13,981
Where is Megan? Megan?
532
00:25:19,561 --> 00:25:22,111
Megan. Megan.
533
00:25:28,651 --> 00:25:31,811
I just want to say that I...
534
00:25:31,901 --> 00:25:33,441
shouldn't have done that.
535
00:25:33,521 --> 00:25:36,271
Like, I get it now.
I should've told you.
536
00:25:36,361 --> 00:25:38,271
But, also, I need you to know
that, like,
537
00:25:38,361 --> 00:25:39,811
he does not matter to me at all.
538
00:25:39,901 --> 00:25:42,731
I mean, he is pretty great,
so m-maybe you...
539
00:25:42,811 --> 00:25:45,311
I don't love him. I love you.
540
00:25:45,401 --> 00:25:48,651
To my son, Nathan,
541
00:25:48,731 --> 00:25:53,811
I want you to know love is complicated.
542
00:25:55,651 --> 00:25:57,651
Okay.
543
00:25:57,731 --> 00:26:00,111
Oh, thank God.
544
00:26:00,191 --> 00:26:02,231
I know this one.
545
00:26:05,401 --> 00:26:07,941
♪ Listen as your day unfolds ♪
546
00:26:08,021 --> 00:26:10,481
♪ Challenge what the future holds ♪
547
00:26:10,561 --> 00:26:14,811
♪ Try and keep your head
up to the sky ♪
548
00:26:14,901 --> 00:26:18,231
♪ Lovers, they may cause you tears ♪
549
00:26:18,311 --> 00:26:20,901
♪ Go ahead, release your fears ♪
550
00:26:20,981 --> 00:26:22,561
♪ Stand up and be counted ♪
551
00:26:22,651 --> 00:26:25,151
♪ Don't be ashamed to cry ♪
552
00:26:25,231 --> 00:26:26,521
♪ You gotta be ♪
553
00:26:26,611 --> 00:26:29,191
♪ You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold ♪
554
00:26:29,271 --> 00:26:31,361
♪ You gotta be wiser ♪
555
00:26:31,441 --> 00:26:33,981
♪ You gotta be hard,
you gotta be tough ♪
556
00:26:34,061 --> 00:26:36,311
♪ You gotta be stronger ♪
557
00:26:36,401 --> 00:26:39,191
♪ You gotta be calm,
you gotta stay cool ♪
558
00:26:39,271 --> 00:26:41,521
♪ You gotta stay together ♪
559
00:26:41,611 --> 00:26:45,811
♪ All I know, all I know
is love will save the day ♪
560
00:26:45,901 --> 00:26:48,731
♪ Herald what your mother said ♪
561
00:26:48,811 --> 00:26:51,401
♪ Read the books your father read ♪
562
00:26:51,481 --> 00:26:56,191
♪ Try to solve the puzzles
in your own way ♪
563
00:26:56,271 --> 00:26:58,981
♪ Some may have more cash than you ♪
564
00:26:59,061 --> 00:27:01,691
♪ Others take a different view ♪
565
00:27:01,771 --> 00:27:03,861
♪ My, oh, my ♪
566
00:27:03,941 --> 00:27:06,311
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
567
00:27:06,401 --> 00:27:09,061
♪ You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold ♪
568
00:27:09,151 --> 00:27:11,401
♪ You gotta be wiser ♪
569
00:27:11,481 --> 00:27:14,191
♪ You gotta be tough,
you gotta be strong ♪
570
00:27:14,271 --> 00:27:16,561
♪ You gotta be stronger ♪
571
00:27:16,651 --> 00:27:19,441
♪ You gotta be cool,
you gotta be calm ♪
572
00:27:19,521 --> 00:27:21,481
♪ You gotta stay together ♪
573
00:27:21,561 --> 00:27:26,191
♪ All I know, all I know,
love will save the day ♪
574
00:27:26,271 --> 00:27:32,061
♪ Time asks no questions,
it goes on without you ♪
575
00:27:32,151 --> 00:27:37,061
♪ Leaving you behind
if you can't stand the pace ♪
576
00:27:37,151 --> 00:27:39,481
♪ The world keeps on spinning ♪
577
00:27:39,561 --> 00:27:42,651
♪ You can't stop it if you tried to ♪
578
00:27:42,731 --> 00:27:45,611
♪ The best part is
danger staring you in... ♪
579
00:27:45,691 --> 00:27:48,191
♪ In the face ♪
580
00:27:48,271 --> 00:27:51,151
♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪
581
00:27:51,231 --> 00:27:55,111
♪ Remember, listen
as your day unfolds ♪
582
00:27:55,191 --> 00:27:57,611
♪ Challenge what the future holds ♪
583
00:27:57,691 --> 00:28:02,401
♪ Try to keep your head up to the sky ♪
584
00:28:02,481 --> 00:28:05,271
♪ Lovers, they may cause you tears ♪
585
00:28:05,361 --> 00:28:07,981
♪ Go ahead, release your fears ♪
586
00:28:08,061 --> 00:28:10,401
♪ My, oh, my ♪
587
00:28:10,481 --> 00:28:13,191
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
588
00:28:13,271 --> 00:28:16,111
♪ You gotta be bold,
you gotta be tough ♪
589
00:28:16,191 --> 00:28:18,441
♪ You gotta be wiser ♪
590
00:28:18,521 --> 00:28:21,111
♪ You gotta be hard,
you gotta be strong ♪
591
00:28:21,191 --> 00:28:23,651
♪ You gotta be stronger ♪
592
00:28:23,731 --> 00:28:26,401
♪ You gotta be cool,
you gotta be calm ♪
593
00:28:26,481 --> 00:28:28,481
♪ You gotta stay together ♪
594
00:28:28,561 --> 00:28:32,311
♪ All I know, all I know
is love will save the day ♪
595
00:28:32,401 --> 00:28:33,521
♪ Hey ♪
596
00:28:34,614 --> 00:28:40,614
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