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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:51,542 Perfect. Mama, come see! 2 00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:56,139 Lucy, where are you? Lucy, we gotta get a move on. 3 00:01:56,216 --> 00:01:58,810 Someone you really want to see is coming to the Five and Dime. 4 00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:00,819 Is it Daddy, Mama? 5 00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:03,219 Well, almost as good. 6 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:06,156 Well, then I hope it's James Brown. 7 00:02:08,328 --> 00:02:10,262 All right. Here we go. 8 00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:40,050 So that's one G.I. Joe action set. 9 00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:44,062 We won't forget. Merry Christmas, young fella. 10 00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:46,496 Right on, Santa! 11 00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:48,625 Right. 12 00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:50,965 Little girl, welcome to Santa's Village. 13 00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:54,529 Hello. What's your name, young lady? 14 00:02:54,607 --> 00:02:58,043 Well, my grams calls me Frankie, 'cause everybody wanted a boy... 15 00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:00,409 and they were really surprised when I wasn't. 16 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:04,211 Whenever I'm in really big trouble with my mama, it's Lucille Francis Cullins. 17 00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:08,414 Then I know I'm in really big trouble, because she never uses my full name. 18 00:03:08,488 --> 00:03:11,286 - But you can call me whatever you like. - Thank you. 19 00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:15,157 I think I'll just call you Lucy. What do you want for Christmas? 20 00:03:15,228 --> 00:03:18,356 Well, I want an Easy-Bake Oven and a Tressie doll. 21 00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:21,161 Her hair pulls out when you push her stomach. 22 00:03:21,234 --> 00:03:26,035 And something for my brother Dwayne, and a nice dress like that one there... 23 00:03:26,105 --> 00:03:28,300 it'd be fine for Mama, 'cause we can't afford it. 24 00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:31,400 What I really want is for my daddy to come home. 25 00:03:31,477 --> 00:03:33,707 Oh. Well, where is your daddy? 26 00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,975 Vietnam. 27 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:39,314 How would you like a nice dolly? 28 00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:41,910 Lucy, can I let you into a little secret? 29 00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:44,957 Even if your daddy can't be with you in person... 30 00:03:45,024 --> 00:03:48,425 do you know how you can have him with you all the time? 31 00:03:48,494 --> 00:03:49,961 No. How? 32 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:54,165 As long as he's right here... 33 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,964 in your thoughts, in your dreams... 34 00:03:57,036 --> 00:03:59,129 he'll be with you always. 35 00:03:59,205 --> 00:04:03,335 As long as you have someone that you love on the inside... 36 00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:07,937 you'll get to know how to live on the outside. 37 00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:13,145 Yes, but I'd rather have my daddy. You can do it, can't you, Santa? 38 00:04:13,219 --> 00:04:16,677 Santa can do anything. 39 00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:26,996 My friend Bobby there double-dog dared me two bars of Bonamo's Turkish Taffy... 40 00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:29,660 to ask you if I could put on your hat. 41 00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:31,795 No, no, no. You can't put on Santa's hat. 42 00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:36,808 Well, we can't have Lucy backing down from a double-dog dare, now, can we? 43 00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:41,910 Jumping jingle bells! It's glowing! 44 00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:45,345 My... 45 00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:51,554 Thanks, Santa. I gotta go. 46 00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:54,189 Merry Christmas, Santa. 47 00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:59,355 This one is going in the book. 48 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,568 Merry Christmas, Lucy. 49 00:05:05,171 --> 00:05:06,763 I bet Santa loves his job. 50 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:10,138 Making kids happy on Christmas would be the coolest job in the whole world. 51 00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:12,871 He let me put on his hat. Did you see that, Mama? 52 00:05:12,945 --> 00:05:16,073 Did you see how I looked? He gets to fly in a sleigh. 53 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:20,586 He sees Rudolph all the time. He's just the nicest man in the whole world. 54 00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:22,777 Wait here. 55 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:29,284 - Ma'am, are you Mrs. Dwayne Cullins? - Yes, I am. 56 00:05:29,362 --> 00:05:33,059 On behalf of a grateful nation, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you. 57 00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:36,226 Oh, no. Please, no. 58 00:05:36,302 --> 00:05:40,238 - We're certainly sorry. - Mama, what is it? What's wrong? 59 00:05:40,306 --> 00:05:42,240 It's Daddy. 60 00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:46,472 I'm afraid he really is coming home for Christmas. 61 00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:29,816 Hey, Southern California. 62 00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:33,689 What's with this warm weather, folks? Eighty-two degrees on December 1? 63 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:38,254 If we keep this up, we're on track for the hottest L.A. Christmas on record. 64 00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:40,765 Come on now! 65 00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:44,599 450,000 miles is no reason to crap out on me now! Come on! 66 00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:48,268 Hey, fool! Don't you see that? 67 00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:51,139 - What? Okay, calm down. - Don't get out. I will hurt you. 68 00:06:51,210 --> 00:06:54,941 How long do you think it took me to get that sign, fool? 69 00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:00,647 Oh, Miss Cullins. The casting director wanted me to remind you... 70 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:04,417 that the Kristmas Korner auditions will be this morning... 71 00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:07,618 - in your office. - Yes, I'm thrilled about it. 72 00:07:07,693 --> 00:07:10,821 - Give me strength. - Shop-A-Lot channel. Good buys. Hello? 73 00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:14,355 Hey, Lucy. Big day. Fun day. You ready to see the Christmas set? 74 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:19,201 - Where is my vanilla latte? - Here I am! The espresso machine broke. 75 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,365 I had to go down the street to get this. 76 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:25,707 I gotta have my morning latte or I get really, really crabby. 77 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:28,742 You're welcome. 78 00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:33,877 Isn't it great? It redresses for the other holiday shows. No fuss, no muss. 79 00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:38,581 Lose the tree! 80 00:07:39,592 --> 00:07:41,583 Drop the menorah! 81 00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:43,288 Easy, easy! 82 00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:47,326 I hate everything about it. Other than that, it's perfect. 83 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,425 Watch this. 84 00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:53,267 We're consistent. We exploit all religions. 85 00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:57,303 So I'm up at the North Pole, bumpin' uglies with the missus... 86 00:07:57,376 --> 00:08:01,472 when all of a sudden she remembers, we forgot to flock the tree. 87 00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:06,610 So I grab my trusty can of Frosty Flock and bada-bing, bada-boom! 88 00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:08,881 I do the deed. You know what I mean? 89 00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:14,624 Interesting choice. I never saw Santa as a Teamster before. 90 00:08:19,098 --> 00:08:21,328 Did I need to see that this early in the morning? 91 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:23,391 Get... Next. Thank you. Thank you very much. Next. 92 00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,044 Next. 93 00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:43,054 Next! 94 00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:46,556 - Merry Christmas. - Next. 95 00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:48,253 Thank you very much. 96 00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:58,998 All right. Thank you very much. Okay, thank you. Next. 97 00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:02,939 Next. Great. Thanks very much. Next! Thank you very much. Next! 98 00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:13,679 Lucy Cullins! Just the woman I wanted to see. 99 00:09:13,753 --> 00:09:15,778 How's the best little producer in the home-shopping biz? 100 00:09:15,855 --> 00:09:17,447 Hi, Cameron. 101 00:09:17,523 --> 00:09:19,821 So have you found my Santa Claus yet? 102 00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:22,326 No, but if you need someone's knees broken, we've got just the guy... 103 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,625 although I do think Miss December might be a callback. 104 00:09:24,697 --> 00:09:28,394 I'm not the least bit worried, even if we do go on the air in 24 hours... 105 00:09:28,467 --> 00:09:30,992 and the holidays are our biggest cash cow. 106 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,004 If anyone can fake a warm, fuzzy Christmas... 107 00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:36,872 and make those couch potatoes cough up their hard-earned bucks... 108 00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:38,934 - it's you, Lucy. - And how. 109 00:09:39,011 --> 00:09:41,479 Now, I know how much you hate the holidays... 110 00:09:41,547 --> 00:09:44,778 but this is our year to knock off QVC... 111 00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:47,444 as king of Christmas home shopping. 112 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,250 If you can help me do that, the minute we wrap Christmas Eve... 113 00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:51,984 I will put you on an airplane... 114 00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:53,855 that will take you as far away from here as you want to go. 115 00:09:54,627 --> 00:09:56,356 - Bora-Bora? - Anywhere you want. 116 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,158 Two cabana boys, lots of lotion. 117 00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:02,624 If you play your cards right, maybe I'll go with you. 118 00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:08,134 Now, you know the only cards I play are solitaire. 119 00:10:12,211 --> 00:10:16,170 She wants me, Tyler. Oh, how she wants me. 120 00:10:16,248 --> 00:10:17,943 It's Taylor. 121 00:10:18,017 --> 00:10:19,279 Whatever. 122 00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:30,719 Hey, old-timer. 123 00:10:32,431 --> 00:10:35,992 I've got a North Polar sausage here. It's got your name on it. 124 00:10:36,068 --> 00:10:37,558 You leave me alone! 125 00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:44,976 You do the right thing, Pops. Armageddon is comin'. The clock is tickin'. 126 00:10:46,779 --> 00:10:50,738 "'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house... 127 00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:54,752 not a creature was stirring," because they were all dead! 128 00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:58,051 All right! Summon the Inquisition. 129 00:10:58,124 --> 00:11:00,524 But we must be inconspicuous. 130 00:11:02,094 --> 00:11:05,461 Don't worry. I'm way ahead of you on this one. 131 00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:13,432 Could've picked a place with a bit more atmosphere. 132 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,996 You said "blend in," boss. 133 00:11:15,074 --> 00:11:18,475 I think six guys in lederhosen would've stuck out at Hooter's. 134 00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:21,676 Get on with it. 135 00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:24,739 - This is an official elf intervention. - I know, I know. 136 00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:25,875 Here. 137 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:31,490 "We, the board of directors of the Worldwide Christmas Corporation... 138 00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:34,458 hereby charge one St. Nicholas, AKA Nick... 139 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:37,519 with willful failure to abide by the terms of his employment contract." 140 00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:40,793 Just you wait a moment! Just because I have been methodical... 141 00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:43,733 - Procrastinating! - And careful in my last duties... 142 00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:46,328 there is no reason for maligning my entire term in office. 143 00:11:46,405 --> 00:11:50,239 - You have been a slacker. - I have been no such thing! 144 00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:52,436 - You know the rules. - Yes, I know the rules. 145 00:11:52,511 --> 00:11:56,072 Every 200 years, a new Santa has to be recruited and trained. 146 00:11:56,148 --> 00:11:58,116 You're supposed to be ready to make the switch... 147 00:11:58,184 --> 00:12:01,153 by midnight, this Christmas Eve, or... 148 00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:03,745 Or the "or else" factor kicks in. 149 00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:09,321 You do remember that little item in the fine print about the end of the world... 150 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,488 because of the North Pole melting. 151 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:15,227 - The Waterworld clause. - Did that slip your mind? 152 00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:18,498 No, it has not slipped my mind. 153 00:12:19,171 --> 00:12:21,799 It's not just my love of Christmas. 154 00:12:21,874 --> 00:12:24,399 My dilemma is who. 155 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,206 There is no name on our list... 156 00:12:26,278 --> 00:12:30,271 that has those very special qualities that we're looking for. 157 00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:33,142 There is one other name. 158 00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:37,650 Now, Ralph, you know as well as I do that there's a reason... 159 00:12:37,723 --> 00:12:40,556 why her name is last on the list. 160 00:12:40,626 --> 00:12:42,958 And you have four weeks to make her number one... 161 00:12:43,028 --> 00:12:46,395 or we're going to be cutting up your workshop to make little lifeboats. 162 00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:54,100 Shop-A-Lot channel. Good buys. Hello? 163 00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:57,836 Hey, where have you been? You're late for check-in, you know. 164 00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:05,873 - Uh, excuse me... - Hey! Nice beard. 165 00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:09,185 Looks almost real. 166 00:13:11,090 --> 00:13:14,218 Thank you. I'm looking for Miss Lucy Cullins. 167 00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:17,558 Fill this out and go with the other Santas... 168 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:20,121 and wait until you're called. 169 00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:22,667 Shop-A-Lot channel. Good buys. Hello? 170 00:13:22,935 --> 00:13:26,803 I saw the best elves of my generation destroyed by madness... 171 00:13:26,872 --> 00:13:30,239 dragging themselves through the angry yuppie streets at midnight... 172 00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:33,403 Looking for a fix of Christmas glee... 173 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,209 an eggnog spiked with the screams... 174 00:13:36,282 --> 00:13:40,582 of a million unhappy children. 175 00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:47,686 It's part of a one-act play I've written. I call it Kafka Claus. 176 00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:56,260 - Kafka Claus? - Yes. 177 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:58,530 What kind of lame-ass audition was that? 178 00:13:58,604 --> 00:14:00,936 - Yeah, fine. Okay. - What was that? 179 00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:03,600 Fine. I know when my gifts are not appreciated. 180 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,270 Appreciated? Get yo' ass outta here! 181 00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,609 - What are you tryin' to say? - I'm sayin' get out! 182 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,149 I've auditioned for off-off-Broadway! 183 00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:14,550 - Don't make me come over there! - Don't tell me... 184 00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:17,384 - Don't make me... Just... - How about a change of scenery? 185 00:14:17,456 --> 00:14:19,583 - Why bring these people to me? - Come on. 186 00:14:19,658 --> 00:14:23,924 - What's the matter with you? Crazy. - Just relax, okay? 187 00:14:23,996 --> 00:14:27,227 Oh. Here's Her Majesty. What, what? 188 00:14:27,299 --> 00:14:29,529 Oh, yes! 189 00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:33,094 Yes, I'd recognize her anywhere. 190 00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:37,131 This is cute. The next guy on the list put down St. Nicholas as his real name. 191 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,905 Actually, that's only one of my many names. 192 00:14:39,979 --> 00:14:42,504 In Mexico, they call me Papa Noel. 193 00:14:42,581 --> 00:14:46,779 In Holland, they call me Kris Kringle. Germany, Weinachtsman. 194 00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:50,515 Even in Siberia I've got a name. They call me Father Ice. 195 00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:55,652 Great. Another Froot Loop. 196 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,696 But my friends all call me Nick. 197 00:14:59,098 --> 00:15:03,967 Lucy, it's wonderful to see you again after all these years. 198 00:15:04,036 --> 00:15:08,268 I'm sorry. I don't know who you think I am, but I don't know you at all. 199 00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:12,106 - I was hoping you'd remember me. - Well, I don't. 200 00:15:12,177 --> 00:15:16,375 So if you're here to audition, I suggest we get on with it, okay? 201 00:15:16,448 --> 00:15:17,745 - Audition? - Yeah. 202 00:15:17,816 --> 00:15:20,717 You want a job, you need to make people buy this crap. 203 00:15:21,787 --> 00:15:25,723 You do that and don't piss her off, she might hire you to play Santa Claus... 204 00:15:25,791 --> 00:15:28,282 - for the next four weeks on her show. - Four weeks? 205 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:32,057 - You're auditioning. - Where do I stand? 206 00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:35,658 Right this way, Mr. Claus. Right over here. 207 00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:37,565 Jake, put this up on the monitor for us? 208 00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:38,568 You got it. 209 00:15:38,637 --> 00:15:41,538 Why don't you just ad-lib with one of the products on the set? 210 00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:45,634 - Ad-lib? - Improvise. Make it up as you go. 211 00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:47,201 - Ad-lib, huh? - Here you go. 212 00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:50,407 Just talk right into the camera. 213 00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:52,507 Whenever you're ready, you go ahead. 214 00:15:52,584 --> 00:15:55,576 Whenever you're ready. 215 00:15:55,654 --> 00:15:58,088 Well, everybody... 216 00:15:58,157 --> 00:16:02,389 welcome to Kristmas Korner. 217 00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:06,898 Christmas spelled with a "K"? That's going to take a bit of getting used to. 218 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:10,265 I've been spelling it with a "C" for the past 200 years. 219 00:16:10,336 --> 00:16:13,737 So let's get down to the business... 220 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:17,936 Of course Santa would never endorse the use of tobacco. 221 00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:23,004 But this lighter would come in handy for lighting the candles on Christmas Eve. 222 00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:26,017 Nick, it's not a lighter. It's a sock warmer. 223 00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:27,017 A sock warmer? 224 00:16:29,755 --> 00:16:33,714 Jumping jingle bells. How about that? What an ingenious little gift idea. 225 00:16:33,792 --> 00:16:36,556 I think I'm gonna buy one for each of my boots. 226 00:16:36,628 --> 00:16:40,894 You have no idea how chilly it gets on your toes... 227 00:16:40,966 --> 00:16:44,527 Lucy, where did you find him? He is terrific. 228 00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:49,540 He's a natural. The public is going to eat him up. 229 00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:52,577 Makes me want to buy one of those sock warmers. 230 00:16:52,644 --> 00:16:56,375 I don't even wear socks. Book him. 231 00:16:56,448 --> 00:17:01,476 - Thank you. - All right, Santa. You're hired. 232 00:17:01,553 --> 00:17:04,886 Way to go, Nick. Congratulations. 233 00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:08,916 I just can't believe I passed your test, Lucy. 234 00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:14,199 - Jumping jingle bells. - Okay, let's start with that. 235 00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:17,565 The "jumping jingle bell" thing? Let's stop it. It's really annoying. 236 00:17:17,636 --> 00:17:21,197 Secondly, I don't have a test. You passed my boss' test. 237 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,972 - I can't wait to get to know you better. - You know what? 238 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:28,480 I don't think we are gonna get to know each other better. 239 00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:31,948 The last person I want in my life is Santa Claus. Excuse me. 240 00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:47,657 Cameron, you know I would never turn down a free meal... 241 00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:51,999 but this is $50 a plate at a sushi joint when we could've had a 50-cent hot dog. 242 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,972 What am I doing here? 243 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:59,534 You know how I've looked for the right item to fill our final product slot? 244 00:17:59,611 --> 00:18:00,635 Yeah. 245 00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:07,175 I've been keeping it under wraps. 246 00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:11,120 I didn't want the people from Home Shopping Network to steal it from us. 247 00:18:11,190 --> 00:18:14,956 But I think it's gonna be big... very big. 248 00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:18,929 Lucky number 13. Say hello to the little fella... 249 00:18:18,997 --> 00:18:23,297 that's going to help us kick Home Shopping butt this Christmas. 250 00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:31,907 We put these on TV, every kid in America's gonna want one. 251 00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:36,412 Cameron, I have never complained, ever... 252 00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:39,349 about the crap that we sell on our network. 253 00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:44,321 We all know it's crap. If people wanna buy crap, they can buy crap. 254 00:18:44,389 --> 00:18:48,826 But this... this is the crappiest crap you have ever come up with. 255 00:18:48,894 --> 00:18:51,021 Okay. Talk to me. 256 00:18:51,096 --> 00:18:54,532 You have crapped out on this. Pay the check. 257 00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:59,534 Uh, Lucy, the... Check, please. 258 00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:03,939 So all the words I'm supposed to be saying appear on this little screen? 259 00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:08,104 That's absolutely ingenious. 260 00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:10,614 One of these would come in very handy next time I have to speak... 261 00:19:10,682 --> 00:19:13,276 at the Elves Hall of Fame Banquet. 262 00:19:13,352 --> 00:19:16,287 You really like staying in character, don't you? 263 00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:19,290 - In character? - Yeah, just being Santa all the time. 264 00:19:19,358 --> 00:19:23,692 Ah, not all the time, sadly. Only 200 years. 265 00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:27,391 - Oh, well. - Whatever floats your boat. 266 00:19:27,466 --> 00:19:29,832 You got my vote. Excuse me, Nick. 267 00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:31,893 - My queen awaits. - Okay. 268 00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:34,370 - Hey, Luce. - Hey. What don't I need to know? 269 00:19:34,439 --> 00:19:36,930 Let's see... The vending machines have Little Debbies... 270 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:40,376 our interpreter translating the seven principles of Kwanzaa from Swahili... 271 00:19:40,445 --> 00:19:42,709 - quit for a gig at the U. N... - That's amusing. 272 00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:44,715 And your brother Dwayne and his daughter... 273 00:19:44,783 --> 00:19:47,081 have been waiting in your office for over an hour. 274 00:19:53,425 --> 00:19:55,154 Morning, Lucy. 275 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:06,570 Who's this stranger in my office? Somebody's gonna lose their job. 276 00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:10,438 - You know who I am, Aunt Lucy. - Lesha, is that you? 277 00:20:10,509 --> 00:20:15,845 Lesha, give me a hug. I didn't even recognize you, girl! 278 00:20:15,914 --> 00:20:18,849 Look, you brought a big, old ugly man with ya. 279 00:20:18,917 --> 00:20:21,818 What a surprise, baby brother. 280 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:25,448 You know good and well this is no surprise, Lucy. 281 00:20:25,524 --> 00:20:29,426 You never return any of our phone calls at Christmastime. 282 00:20:29,494 --> 00:20:33,430 - Daddy's right. But guess what. - What? 283 00:20:33,498 --> 00:20:36,467 I'm singing a solo at the church on Christmas Eve. 284 00:20:36,535 --> 00:20:39,527 You've gotta get your butt over there to support me. 285 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:44,865 That is such a low blow. Bringing my own niece here to work my conscience. 286 00:20:44,943 --> 00:20:49,846 - If you had a conscience... - I will do my best to get there, okay? 287 00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:53,874 But it's quite possible that I may be going to Bora-Bora... 288 00:20:53,952 --> 00:20:57,718 because the company I'm working for is expanding. 289 00:20:57,789 --> 00:21:02,123 And what I really need you both to help me with... 290 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:04,287 is a present for Ma. 291 00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:06,854 Right. Now who's playin' who? 292 00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:09,867 I am not playing you! I do need your help. 293 00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:14,167 Should I give her cold, hard cash or a Shop-A-Lot gift certificate? 294 00:21:14,239 --> 00:21:17,208 Lucy, stop it. I mean, that is pathetic. 295 00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:19,369 Hindus give better Christmas presents. 296 00:21:21,813 --> 00:21:23,838 Come on, angel. Say good-bye to Aunt Lucy. 297 00:21:23,915 --> 00:21:26,850 - She's busy. - Bye, Aunt Lucy. 298 00:21:26,918 --> 00:21:31,685 You don't know about the Hindu people. They don't even celebrate Christmas. 299 00:21:32,491 --> 00:21:34,356 I know you're gonna be there, Aunt Lucy. 300 00:21:34,426 --> 00:21:38,522 - Hello. You must be lesha. - How do you know that? 301 00:21:38,597 --> 00:21:43,500 I wouldn't be a very good Santa Claus if I didn't know your name, would I? 302 00:21:46,571 --> 00:21:48,937 - Bye, Santa. - Bye. 303 00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:51,367 Bye, honey. 304 00:21:53,512 --> 00:21:55,537 - Bye, lesha. - Bye, Santa. 305 00:21:58,283 --> 00:21:59,215 Bye. 306 00:22:01,286 --> 00:22:04,016 Don't you have somewhere else to be? Like wardrobe? 307 00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:08,088 Wardrobe? Oh, no, no. I have my own Santa suit, thank you. 308 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,287 Well, how about hair and makeup then? 309 00:22:10,362 --> 00:22:13,092 Get the rosy cheeks and cherry nose thing going on. 310 00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:16,266 Excuse me. 311 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:25,467 Attention, ladies and gentlemen and kiddies. 312 00:22:25,544 --> 00:22:30,311 Once we get on the air tomorrow, this won't be Shop-A-Lot. 313 00:22:30,382 --> 00:22:33,146 This will be "work till you drop a lot." 314 00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:40,416 That's clever wordplay, people. Always laugh at the boss' clever wordplay. 315 00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:43,494 Now, that's funny. 316 00:22:43,562 --> 00:22:47,259 We're gonna be working awfully hard. We won't have much time to celebrate. 317 00:22:47,332 --> 00:22:49,732 So tonight is on me. 318 00:22:51,970 --> 00:22:53,232 Yes, thank you. 319 00:22:53,305 --> 00:22:55,398 Before we pop the cork... 320 00:22:55,474 --> 00:22:58,841 it is my great pleasure to introduce to you... 321 00:22:58,910 --> 00:23:01,003 the man of our season... 322 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:06,517 our very own Shop-A-Lot Santa Claus! 323 00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:19,330 The camera. Smile. 324 00:23:39,751 --> 00:23:41,013 The food's good. 325 00:23:45,290 --> 00:23:46,222 We're next. 326 00:23:49,194 --> 00:23:51,890 - Hello. - Santa, this is my brother Jeff. 327 00:23:51,963 --> 00:23:54,363 Hello, Jeff. Nice to meet you. 328 00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:58,301 - Nice to meet you. - Thank you very much. 329 00:23:58,370 --> 00:24:01,862 Now, what's your favorite thing about Christmas? 330 00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:04,374 I like to give my sister a present. 331 00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:07,537 - That's my sister. She's my buddy. - Yeah? 332 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,080 You're gonna give her a present? 333 00:24:11,149 --> 00:24:15,813 So you want something rather special this Christmas, don't you? 334 00:24:16,922 --> 00:24:21,018 I think I know what it is. Can I whisper? 335 00:24:24,996 --> 00:24:29,695 - How do you know my secret? - 'Cause I'm Santa. Remember? 336 00:24:29,768 --> 00:24:33,829 - Yeah! You really are! - I really am! 337 00:24:33,905 --> 00:24:36,135 - Mm-hmm! - I love you, Santa. 338 00:24:36,208 --> 00:24:39,405 I love you, too, Jeff. 339 00:24:42,447 --> 00:24:46,110 Oh, you're a wonderful boy, eh? 340 00:24:46,184 --> 00:24:49,119 Over here, Santa. Look this way. 341 00:24:49,821 --> 00:24:52,585 - There you are. Do you want a present? - Yeah. 342 00:24:54,593 --> 00:24:57,858 - Thank you. - Everybody gets a present from Santa. 343 00:25:01,032 --> 00:25:03,125 - Good night, Lucy. - Oh. 344 00:25:03,201 --> 00:25:05,066 It's you. 345 00:25:06,404 --> 00:25:08,929 Listen. Thank you for what you did tonight. It was very nice... 346 00:25:09,007 --> 00:25:11,840 especially for that kid Jeff. 347 00:25:11,910 --> 00:25:15,107 Oh, Jeff taught me far, far more than I taught him. 348 00:25:15,747 --> 00:25:21,083 He reminded me sometimes it's the most innocent who enjoy Christmas the best. 349 00:25:22,220 --> 00:25:24,245 Well, you didn't have to do it, and it's not in your contract... 350 00:25:24,322 --> 00:25:26,256 and you're not getting extra money. 351 00:25:26,324 --> 00:25:29,657 Well, actually, I have another contract which sort of requires it. 352 00:25:29,728 --> 00:25:33,095 That's right, 'cause you are Santa Claus. 353 00:25:33,164 --> 00:25:37,931 Lucy, I think the world still needs what I stand for. 354 00:25:38,003 --> 00:25:41,439 If people stop believing in Santa, if all they see is an old man in red... 355 00:25:41,506 --> 00:25:45,442 then maybe they'll stop believing in things like kindness, generosity... 356 00:25:45,510 --> 00:25:50,277 You know, you don't have to do all this right now. You ain't on television. 357 00:25:50,348 --> 00:25:53,340 Lucy, your daddy would be so sad to see you like this. 358 00:25:57,589 --> 00:25:59,557 My daddy? 359 00:26:00,659 --> 00:26:03,093 You don't know anything about my daddy. 360 00:26:04,029 --> 00:26:06,259 Don't you remember me? 361 00:26:06,331 --> 00:26:09,494 Hmm? All those years ago at the Five and Dime store when you were just... 362 00:26:09,568 --> 00:26:11,798 Look, old man, let me tell you something. 363 00:26:11,870 --> 00:26:15,067 I don't know who you've been talking to about me, but you better stop. 364 00:26:15,140 --> 00:26:17,973 My personal life is none of your business. 365 00:26:18,043 --> 00:26:19,476 Okay? 366 00:26:28,486 --> 00:26:32,081 Tick tock, Nick. Tick tock. 367 00:26:49,140 --> 00:26:51,404 - Here you go. - Oh, thanks a lot. 368 00:26:58,216 --> 00:27:00,946 Hey, Nick. It's all about red lights. 369 00:27:01,019 --> 00:27:04,216 When a red light is on, that's the camera you want to make love to. 370 00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:06,849 You know, in a "peace on earth, good will toward men" sort of way. 371 00:27:06,925 --> 00:27:09,223 - I think I understand. Thank you. - All right. 372 00:27:09,294 --> 00:27:11,922 Where is my vanilla latte? 373 00:27:11,997 --> 00:27:16,229 Why is it, after all this time, I'm still begging for a vanilla latte? 374 00:27:16,301 --> 00:27:17,825 Why am I latte-free? 375 00:27:17,902 --> 00:27:20,336 Sorry, Luce. I had to take Cameron's dog to the groomer. 376 00:27:20,405 --> 00:27:22,703 What does this have to do with me having no latte? 377 00:27:24,109 --> 00:27:25,576 Nothing. 378 00:27:27,979 --> 00:27:29,412 You're welcome. 379 00:27:30,582 --> 00:27:33,745 Let's sell the hell out of Christmas, people. 380 00:27:36,321 --> 00:27:38,949 In five, four... 381 00:27:39,024 --> 00:27:42,255 three, two, cue jingle. 382 00:27:52,904 --> 00:27:55,065 Happy holidays, everyone. 383 00:27:55,140 --> 00:27:57,131 I'm your host, you know. 384 00:27:57,208 --> 00:28:01,372 Welcome to a brand-new season of Kristmas Korner. 385 00:28:01,446 --> 00:28:06,383 My elves here at Shop-A-Lot have been working overtime... 386 00:28:06,451 --> 00:28:11,445 to bring you the most exciting lineup of holiday merchandise... 387 00:28:11,523 --> 00:28:13,320 you've ever seen. 388 00:28:13,391 --> 00:28:16,554 Let's have a look at one of the gifts. Huh? 389 00:28:16,628 --> 00:28:22,294 A "12 Days of Christmas" musical necktie. 390 00:28:24,035 --> 00:28:27,732 Isn't that handsome? Huh? 391 00:28:27,806 --> 00:28:29,239 Don't you agree? 392 00:28:30,308 --> 00:28:35,769 Push a button and out comes a favorite Christmas tune. 393 00:28:35,847 --> 00:28:40,113 It's $ 15.95, plus shipping and handling. 394 00:28:40,185 --> 00:28:43,450 When the song hits "ten lords a-leaping"... 395 00:28:43,521 --> 00:28:45,113 Oh, he's a good one. 396 00:28:47,025 --> 00:28:51,689 Grandma, that's the Santa I saw at Aunt Lucy's I told you about. 397 00:28:51,763 --> 00:28:53,890 He looks kinda familiar. 398 00:28:55,066 --> 00:28:59,298 Almost like that one years ago that... No. 399 00:28:59,370 --> 00:29:01,463 And what could be more festive than... 400 00:29:02,574 --> 00:29:05,008 No more eggnog for me. 401 00:29:05,076 --> 00:29:08,842 So let's see what new item we have on the agenda. 402 00:29:08,913 --> 00:29:11,381 Oh, my goodness me. 403 00:29:12,684 --> 00:29:16,643 I don't think this was made in Santa's workshop. 404 00:29:16,721 --> 00:29:19,212 I can feel my rosy red cheeks gettin' even rosier. 405 00:29:19,290 --> 00:29:23,056 Santa doesn't normally stock adult items in his... Now, mind you... 406 00:29:23,128 --> 00:29:25,187 Is he ad-libbing? 407 00:29:25,263 --> 00:29:29,859 I remember once in the '80s... 1888, I think it was. 408 00:29:29,934 --> 00:29:32,027 We got this mischievous elf. 409 00:29:32,103 --> 00:29:34,037 Oh... Is he... 410 00:29:34,105 --> 00:29:37,836 Oh, no, no, no. No ad-libbing on my show. 411 00:29:37,909 --> 00:29:41,037 - Taylor, get him back on prompter. - There were dolls in my sack. 412 00:29:41,112 --> 00:29:43,012 Nick! Nick! 413 00:29:44,449 --> 00:29:46,542 - What? I'm sorry. - The prompter! 414 00:29:46,618 --> 00:29:50,520 Ladies, now you imagine your husband coming home... 415 00:29:50,588 --> 00:29:54,649 to find you attired in this little number made of the very best silk. 416 00:29:54,726 --> 00:29:59,390 In comes in petite size one to huggable size 22. 417 00:29:59,464 --> 00:30:04,060 Twenty-two? I guess I might put one of these away for Mrs. Claus! 418 00:30:12,977 --> 00:30:16,037 Shop-A-Lot channel, your one-stop, nonstop, shop-till-you-drop shop. 419 00:30:16,114 --> 00:30:18,708 Excuse me. Please hold. Shop-A-Lot channel. 420 00:30:18,783 --> 00:30:21,149 Yes, ma'am. A dozen musical neckties. 421 00:30:21,219 --> 00:30:24,188 Yes, we love our Santa too. Please hold. 422 00:30:24,255 --> 00:30:25,586 Shop-A-Lot channel. 423 00:30:30,562 --> 00:30:31,494 Please hold. 424 00:30:31,563 --> 00:30:33,656 Shop-A-Lot channel. The candy-cane negligee? 425 00:30:33,731 --> 00:30:36,928 No, sir, I'm afraid it does not come in men's sizes. Please hold. 426 00:30:40,839 --> 00:30:44,206 I've been watching from my office. He is gold! 427 00:30:44,275 --> 00:30:47,244 - What's next? What's next? - I think number 13. 428 00:30:48,379 --> 00:30:50,711 Lucky number 13. 429 00:30:50,982 --> 00:30:54,918 Our next item is an authentic recreation... 430 00:30:54,986 --> 00:31:00,856 of yours truly, as you can see, with a price tag of $ 29.95. 431 00:31:00,925 --> 00:31:05,828 That's very expensive. There must be something special about this guy. 432 00:31:05,897 --> 00:31:08,491 With one pull of his arm... 433 00:31:08,566 --> 00:31:12,058 there's a lot more to this fellow than meets the eye. 434 00:31:17,041 --> 00:31:18,133 - You hit the jackpot! - Bingo. 435 00:31:18,209 --> 00:31:21,178 - Jackpot Claus. - Jackpot! Jackpot! 436 00:31:22,313 --> 00:31:24,907 Look, I can't sell this. 437 00:31:24,983 --> 00:31:29,943 - Lucy? What's he doing? - He's ad-libbing again. 438 00:31:30,021 --> 00:31:32,922 I can't... I won't sell it. No. Look, Taylor, I can't do this. 439 00:31:32,991 --> 00:31:35,755 All right. This is bad. This is officially bad. 440 00:31:35,827 --> 00:31:38,853 - I did tell you that that doll was crap. - You... 441 00:31:38,930 --> 00:31:41,797 - You hired this nut case! Yes! - I'm the... 442 00:31:41,866 --> 00:31:44,801 - I can't induce children to... - Fix it! I'm going to telemarketing. 443 00:31:44,869 --> 00:31:48,464 You had better hope that the lines haven't gone cold. Get rid of him! 444 00:31:48,539 --> 00:31:51,804 - Get rid of him! - All right. Let's go to an infomercial. 445 00:31:51,876 --> 00:31:54,811 I don't care which one you put up. Anything. 446 00:31:54,879 --> 00:31:57,507 - Get him off the air. - Isn't there another product... 447 00:31:57,582 --> 00:31:59,174 Okay, let's roll VTR-2. 448 00:31:59,250 --> 00:32:00,979 Howdy, anglers. 449 00:32:01,052 --> 00:32:04,317 Say hello to the Fishin'Ambition, the all-in-one tool that... 450 00:32:04,589 --> 00:32:07,581 - Nick, Nick... - What is going on down here? 451 00:32:07,659 --> 00:32:11,151 Have you lost your mind? We have TelePrompTers for him to read. 452 00:32:11,229 --> 00:32:13,493 Why isn't anybody helping him? What the hell are you doing? 453 00:32:13,564 --> 00:32:16,124 Sorry, Lucy. It's just that that mechanical doll... 454 00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,361 Do you realize that it's not your job... 455 00:32:18,436 --> 00:32:20,631 to decide what we do and do not sell on this show? 456 00:32:20,705 --> 00:32:23,139 But I can't in all conscience ask... 457 00:32:23,207 --> 00:32:26,404 You know what? Let me fix this for you, okay? You're fired. 458 00:32:27,912 --> 00:32:30,005 - What? - You're fired. 459 00:32:30,081 --> 00:32:33,073 Okay? Taylor, get him off my set. 460 00:32:37,956 --> 00:32:39,981 Where is he? Where's Nick? 461 00:32:40,058 --> 00:32:43,755 I want to kiss him on his rosy, red cheek. 462 00:32:43,828 --> 00:32:48,094 The phones are going nuts. America loves our Santa Claus... 463 00:32:48,166 --> 00:32:49,895 and so do I. 464 00:32:49,968 --> 00:32:56,066 That old man did $250,000 in his first 20 minutes on the air. 465 00:32:56,140 --> 00:32:58,074 I'll be right back. 466 00:32:59,744 --> 00:33:03,043 - Where's she going? - Probably to look for Nick. 467 00:33:03,114 --> 00:33:05,412 Santa Claus has left the building. 468 00:33:11,856 --> 00:33:13,687 - There you go. Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. 469 00:33:13,758 --> 00:33:17,387 Excuse me. You haven't seen an old guy lookin' like Santa go past you, have ya? 470 00:33:17,462 --> 00:33:19,828 - What am I, chopped liver? - No, but I'm asking you... 471 00:33:19,897 --> 00:33:22,388 - There's one that went just past me. - Hey, Nick! Nick! 472 00:33:26,471 --> 00:33:29,201 Oh, not Nick. Sorry. 473 00:33:32,443 --> 00:33:33,967 Nothing. Nothing. 474 00:33:34,045 --> 00:33:36,240 Here's his audition sheet, but I don't think it's gonna do much good. 475 00:33:36,314 --> 00:33:38,373 - Why not? - He said his address is the North Pole. 476 00:33:38,449 --> 00:33:42,647 Oh, great. He's delusional. Check all the bars, all the mental hospitals. Go! 477 00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:46,713 - Wait a minute. Why me? - Why you? It's your fault I fired him. 478 00:33:47,592 --> 00:33:51,653 - How is it my fault? - Because this is television... 479 00:33:51,729 --> 00:33:55,961 - and that's the way we do things. - Oh, that makes sense. Sure. 480 00:34:04,275 --> 00:34:05,367 Where's the beer, sweetheart? 481 00:34:05,443 --> 00:34:08,901 - Keep your pants on, Paulie. - Hey, doll face, come on. 482 00:34:08,980 --> 00:34:11,881 Why don't you come up to the North Pole and see my place? 483 00:34:11,949 --> 00:34:15,441 Or better still, come up to my place and check out the North Pole. 484 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:19,479 That's quite enough of that, you lecherous boor! 485 00:34:19,557 --> 00:34:23,152 If it isn't the old geezer who stole my job at the Shop-A-Lot channel. 486 00:34:23,227 --> 00:34:25,161 If you're gonna wear that hat... 487 00:34:25,229 --> 00:34:28,665 you're gonna have to stop behaving like some hormone-crazed schoolboy. 488 00:34:28,733 --> 00:34:33,329 What are you gonna do about it, Pop? Pop out your choppers and gum me to death? 489 00:34:33,404 --> 00:34:36,532 No, I'm gonna teach you a lesson. Prepare to defend yourself. 490 00:34:36,607 --> 00:34:38,973 Why don't you have a drink? This one is on me. 491 00:34:39,043 --> 00:34:41,671 Excuse His Majesty. His crown is in a knot. 492 00:34:41,746 --> 00:34:43,941 If he don't watch out, he's gonna wind up with his nose in a knot. 493 00:34:44,015 --> 00:34:46,210 Please, let's go. 494 00:34:46,284 --> 00:34:48,809 - What were you thinking of? - Trying to save your Christmas cookies. 495 00:34:48,886 --> 00:34:50,820 I'd have had that barfly without breaking a sweat. 496 00:34:50,888 --> 00:34:52,321 That's what I'm worried about. 497 00:34:52,390 --> 00:34:54,984 Sit down. I need to show you something. Now. 498 00:35:04,802 --> 00:35:07,771 The Gunnbjorn glacier in Greenland. 499 00:35:11,008 --> 00:35:14,034 Soon to be the Gunnbjorn ice cube. 500 00:35:14,912 --> 00:35:18,643 The "or else" factor. It's begun. 501 00:35:19,250 --> 00:35:21,150 We're running out of time. 502 00:35:21,219 --> 00:35:25,519 Merry Christmas! 503 00:35:25,590 --> 00:35:29,424 Maybe people don't need Christmas anymore. Merry Christmas, young man. 504 00:35:29,494 --> 00:35:31,689 - Yeah, whatever. - You see what I mean? 505 00:35:31,762 --> 00:35:33,696 Look what I've been driven to... 506 00:35:33,764 --> 00:35:38,667 selling the night of Christmas as though it were some cheap souvenir. 507 00:35:38,736 --> 00:35:41,637 - I can't even do that. She's fired me. - With all due respect... 508 00:35:41,706 --> 00:35:45,665 I won't watch you throw everything away and give yourself a pity party... 509 00:35:45,743 --> 00:35:48,007 especially when I don't know how to dog paddle! 510 00:35:48,079 --> 00:35:50,912 Well, you're so smart. You tell me how to do it. 511 00:35:50,982 --> 00:35:55,749 We have a repressed memory with a touch of the untransacted inner child... 512 00:35:55,820 --> 00:35:59,278 along with some transference of holiday and familial issues. 513 00:35:59,357 --> 00:36:02,622 - No wonder I'm losing weight. - You know what you need, boss? 514 00:36:02,693 --> 00:36:05,560 - What? - A nice Christmas booster shot. 515 00:36:05,630 --> 00:36:06,961 It'd better be good. 516 00:36:07,031 --> 00:36:10,762 Go tell it on the mountain 517 00:36:10,835 --> 00:36:14,430 Over the hills and everywhere 518 00:36:15,806 --> 00:36:17,535 - Go tell it - Yeah, yeah 519 00:36:17,608 --> 00:36:21,044 On the mountain that Jesus Christ was 520 00:36:21,112 --> 00:36:24,980 Born 521 00:36:25,049 --> 00:36:29,315 I said down in a lonely manger 522 00:36:29,387 --> 00:36:33,255 The humble Christ was born 523 00:36:33,324 --> 00:36:37,761 God sent us His salvation 524 00:36:37,828 --> 00:36:40,888 That blessed their Christmas morn 525 00:36:40,965 --> 00:36:43,399 - Go tell it - Go tell it 526 00:36:43,467 --> 00:36:45,435 - Yeah, yeah - On the mountain 527 00:36:45,503 --> 00:36:47,971 - On the mountain - Over the hills and 528 00:36:48,039 --> 00:36:50,007 - Everywhere - Everywhere 529 00:36:50,875 --> 00:36:53,742 - I can't give up now. - Go tell it 530 00:36:53,811 --> 00:36:57,679 This is what Christmas is all about, isn't it? 531 00:36:57,748 --> 00:37:00,478 Born 532 00:37:00,551 --> 00:37:04,248 - Go tell it, go tell it - Yeah 533 00:37:04,322 --> 00:37:07,758 - Yeah - I've got to get Lucy to see that. 534 00:37:07,825 --> 00:37:10,419 - Mountain - Go tell it 535 00:37:10,494 --> 00:37:14,123 Tell it on the mountain Yeah 536 00:37:14,198 --> 00:37:17,133 - Yeah! All right! Yes! - Hallelujah! 537 00:37:18,736 --> 00:37:21,136 You know how much trouble you are gonna be in, Taylor... 538 00:37:21,205 --> 00:37:22,934 if you don't find that old man? 539 00:37:23,007 --> 00:37:26,033 Hold on. Somebody's at the door. 540 00:37:26,110 --> 00:37:27,134 - Well? - Well, what? 541 00:37:27,211 --> 00:37:29,042 I'm talking to Taylor. We haven't found him. 542 00:37:29,113 --> 00:37:32,981 No, Cameron just arrived, which means that life is gonna get hard for you. 543 00:37:33,050 --> 00:37:36,645 You tell Taylor if he doesn't track Nick down, he's fired. 544 00:37:36,721 --> 00:37:40,213 - Tell him his whole family is fired too. - His family doesn't work for you. 545 00:37:40,291 --> 00:37:43,954 Then I'll hire them, then I'll fire them. Give me that. 546 00:37:44,028 --> 00:37:46,963 Taylor. All right. Here's the deal. 547 00:37:47,031 --> 00:37:51,331 If you find Nick, I will give you your own office... 548 00:37:51,402 --> 00:37:53,267 even bigger than Lucy's. 549 00:37:53,337 --> 00:37:57,797 Yes! Well, just keep looking. We go on the air in 12 hours. 550 00:37:57,875 --> 00:38:01,106 Yes, I have to find that old son of a... Nick! 551 00:38:01,178 --> 00:38:02,873 Hello, Mr. Dixon. 552 00:38:02,947 --> 00:38:05,381 Taylor, about that office? Never mind. 553 00:38:05,449 --> 00:38:10,250 - Nick, we are so happy to see you. - Thank you. 554 00:38:10,321 --> 00:38:15,156 I want to apologize for that little misunderstanding we had. 555 00:38:15,226 --> 00:38:20,027 - Oh, you mean me being fired. - Fired? Tha... Fired? 556 00:38:21,299 --> 00:38:23,665 Is that what you thought Lucy said? Fired? 557 00:38:23,734 --> 00:38:27,534 No, no, no. What she meant was "fired up." Fired up, Nick. 558 00:38:27,605 --> 00:38:30,506 Yes, we're fired up by your performance. 559 00:38:30,574 --> 00:38:33,304 America wants you back, Nick, and so do we. 560 00:38:33,377 --> 00:38:36,005 As a matter of fact, I'm going to double your salary. 561 00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:37,206 What? 562 00:38:37,281 --> 00:38:40,182 All right, all right. Triple. 563 00:38:40,251 --> 00:38:45,314 And I'm going to put you up in L.A.'s finest accommodations. 564 00:38:45,389 --> 00:38:46,549 - Where? - Here. 565 00:38:46,624 --> 00:38:48,785 - Here? - Here. 566 00:38:48,859 --> 00:38:53,956 Then Lucy can show you the hospitality a real Santa Claus like you deserves. 567 00:38:54,031 --> 00:38:57,558 - I'm... l... - Plus you don't get lost again. 568 00:38:57,635 --> 00:39:00,798 Oh, well, I think that's just a great idea. I'd love it... 569 00:39:01,505 --> 00:39:02,699 if it's okay with Lucy. 570 00:39:08,679 --> 00:39:09,805 Hey, sure. 571 00:39:11,282 --> 00:39:12,749 My Santa. 572 00:39:13,351 --> 00:39:14,784 My Lucy. 573 00:39:16,153 --> 00:39:18,986 The only thing that would make this moment any sweeter... 574 00:39:19,056 --> 00:39:23,288 would be the actual smell of money. 575 00:39:27,631 --> 00:39:29,565 I'll leave you two. 576 00:39:37,675 --> 00:39:39,609 Don't think you're gonna get into my bed tonight. 577 00:39:39,677 --> 00:39:41,110 Oh, Lucy, please. 578 00:39:41,178 --> 00:39:44,944 Don't "Lucy, please" me. You have a kind of voodoo that makes people buy stuff. 579 00:39:45,015 --> 00:39:46,448 - Lucy. - What? 580 00:39:46,517 --> 00:39:50,510 - We have important things to discuss. - Like? 581 00:39:51,789 --> 00:39:54,781 - I haven't been totally honest with you. - What do you mean? 582 00:39:54,859 --> 00:39:59,023 I have been watching you for many years now... ever since you were a little girl. 583 00:39:59,096 --> 00:40:00,154 What? 584 00:40:02,533 --> 00:40:05,468 - That is... No, that's... - Lucy. Lucy. 585 00:40:05,536 --> 00:40:09,939 My name really is St. Nicholas. I really am Santa Claus. 586 00:40:10,007 --> 00:40:14,000 I feel much better knowing your name is Santa Claus and you're a stalker! 587 00:40:14,078 --> 00:40:16,103 - What are you doing? - Wait. 588 00:40:19,617 --> 00:40:20,743 Look. 589 00:40:26,524 --> 00:40:29,084 That is so cool! 590 00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:31,856 Do you know how much money we could make with those? What? 591 00:40:31,929 --> 00:40:34,796 I didn't want to have to do this, but you have obliged me to. 592 00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:37,729 Close your eyes. 593 00:40:37,802 --> 00:40:40,293 - Close your eyes. - I have mace in my pocket. 594 00:40:40,371 --> 00:40:42,669 Close your eyes! 595 00:40:43,741 --> 00:40:45,675 And that one. 596 00:40:45,743 --> 00:40:47,973 And the other one! 597 00:40:48,045 --> 00:40:49,307 Both! 598 00:40:53,350 --> 00:40:55,409 It's dark in here. 599 00:40:55,486 --> 00:40:59,616 If I had some ruby slippers, I could click myself someplace really cool. 600 00:40:59,690 --> 00:41:01,624 Open your eyes, Lucy. 601 00:41:30,821 --> 00:41:32,152 Hello, Lucy. 602 00:41:32,223 --> 00:41:35,192 I'm Ralph, chief assistant to Santa Claus. 603 00:41:35,259 --> 00:41:38,092 Welcome to the North Pole. 604 00:41:48,138 --> 00:41:51,335 I had the strangest dream. 605 00:41:51,408 --> 00:41:55,640 I dreamt I woke up and I was surrounded by Munchkins, and... 606 00:42:00,651 --> 00:42:02,209 This is not funny anymore. 607 00:42:02,286 --> 00:42:05,483 This is not real, this is not real... Open. 608 00:42:05,556 --> 00:42:07,649 Okay, it is real. 609 00:42:07,725 --> 00:42:10,421 It's getting realer cause my feet are cold... I'm gonna get frostbite... 610 00:42:10,494 --> 00:42:11,825 Why? 611 00:42:13,664 --> 00:42:16,394 Maybe it's because we're on a glacier. 612 00:42:16,467 --> 00:42:20,961 It's not a glacier, Lucy. It's the polar ice cap. 613 00:42:23,741 --> 00:42:26,005 Why didn't I know that? 614 00:42:26,076 --> 00:42:28,636 Perhaps you can tell me why I'm not at my house... 615 00:42:28,712 --> 00:42:30,202 why I'm surrounded by goblins? 616 00:42:31,315 --> 00:42:32,475 Goblins? 617 00:42:33,851 --> 00:42:36,183 Okay, okay, okay, okay. 618 00:42:36,253 --> 00:42:38,483 We're elves. 619 00:42:38,556 --> 00:42:40,285 All right. Cool. 620 00:42:40,357 --> 00:42:43,588 I mean, what's the difference? 621 00:42:43,661 --> 00:42:45,822 Goblins are bad seeds. 622 00:42:45,896 --> 00:42:48,990 They're what happened when gnomes and leprechauns get drunk... 623 00:42:49,066 --> 00:42:51,432 on a beach at night. 624 00:42:51,502 --> 00:42:55,939 When leprechauns and gnomes get drunk on the beach at night? 625 00:42:57,174 --> 00:43:00,268 Oh, I see. You're such a fount of information. 626 00:43:01,712 --> 00:43:05,478 You don't, sort of, fit the elf mode, if you will. 627 00:43:05,549 --> 00:43:08,677 - What's your problem? - Pituitary case. 628 00:43:10,654 --> 00:43:11,951 Pituitary case. 629 00:43:12,923 --> 00:43:15,687 Lucy, it's what I've been trying to tell you. 630 00:43:15,759 --> 00:43:19,456 I can understand it's all overwhelming, but it's all true. 631 00:43:19,530 --> 00:43:23,398 Everything that you've ever heard about Santa is true. 632 00:43:23,467 --> 00:43:27,631 - Okay, where is Rudolph? - Take another look out the window. 633 00:43:34,678 --> 00:43:36,339 So the Rudolph thing is together. 634 00:43:38,349 --> 00:43:43,651 - Mrs. Claus? - Yes, I want you to meet Helga, Lucy. 635 00:43:43,721 --> 00:43:46,315 She'd love to say hello, but she only speaks Norwegian. 636 00:43:47,157 --> 00:43:48,351 Me too! 637 00:43:52,563 --> 00:43:56,761 Boss, we are on a schedule, so can we push this along? 638 00:43:58,569 --> 00:44:01,037 Lucy, would you like to see my workshop? 639 00:44:02,306 --> 00:44:05,173 I don't suppose you'd take "no" for an answer, would ya? 640 00:44:26,397 --> 00:44:29,798 When you said workshop, I thought it was gonna be some little guy... 641 00:44:29,867 --> 00:44:32,233 with lots of tools. 642 00:44:32,302 --> 00:44:35,430 You know, it's gonna be kinda hard to say good-bye to all this. 643 00:44:35,506 --> 00:44:37,736 What do you mean, "good-bye"? 644 00:44:37,808 --> 00:44:40,675 I'll come to that later. 645 00:44:40,744 --> 00:44:42,974 Right now I want to show you something. Come with me. 646 00:44:49,820 --> 00:44:52,084 Excuse me, Santa. Merry Christmas. 647 00:44:57,594 --> 00:45:00,290 - Is this it? - This is it. 648 00:45:00,364 --> 00:45:02,628 This is the sleigh? 649 00:45:02,700 --> 00:45:04,497 This is the sleigh. 650 00:45:04,568 --> 00:45:06,126 - Can I touch it? - Yeah. 651 00:45:06,203 --> 00:45:08,262 - You want to climb on board? - May I? 652 00:45:14,111 --> 00:45:16,170 Look at me "ho"-ing. 653 00:45:18,982 --> 00:45:21,849 Oh, my God! Look at this sound system! 654 00:45:21,919 --> 00:45:25,013 Oh, this is really phat. It has an impulse-activated amplifier. 655 00:45:25,089 --> 00:45:28,320 It puts out about a thousand kilowatts per channel. 656 00:45:28,392 --> 00:45:32,158 There are seven speakers and a really bitchin' powered subwoofer. 657 00:45:34,364 --> 00:45:36,298 In case you want to listen to Christmas carols. 658 00:45:38,368 --> 00:45:40,336 Well, that's... that's phat! 659 00:45:42,372 --> 00:45:45,967 Oh, wait! I gotta ask this question because, you know, I'm here. 660 00:45:46,043 --> 00:45:47,806 How do you guys deliver... 661 00:45:47,878 --> 00:45:50,642 a gazillion Christmas presents all in one night? 662 00:45:50,714 --> 00:45:54,912 Lucy, do you know anything about quantum mechanics... 663 00:45:54,985 --> 00:45:58,352 or the theory of relativity, or the space/time continuum? 664 00:45:59,623 --> 00:46:03,787 - No. - Well, we go fast! 665 00:46:03,861 --> 00:46:05,920 We go really fast! 666 00:46:08,365 --> 00:46:10,731 Now, I have one more question. 667 00:46:10,801 --> 00:46:13,395 Let's say I believe that you are Santa Claus. 668 00:46:13,470 --> 00:46:16,564 What does this have to do with me? 669 00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:18,073 Ralph... 670 00:46:18,142 --> 00:46:20,906 would you and the boys excuse us for a moment, please? 671 00:46:20,978 --> 00:46:23,446 Yeah. Sure, boss. 672 00:46:23,514 --> 00:46:25,880 Okay, people, eggnog break. 673 00:46:25,949 --> 00:46:28,782 And hit the house lights when you go out. 674 00:46:28,852 --> 00:46:30,183 Thank you. 675 00:46:36,193 --> 00:46:39,424 Lucy, as you know, I have been Santa for... 676 00:46:39,496 --> 00:46:42,932 very nearly 200 years, but that's only the half of it. 677 00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:46,026 The Santa before me also served for 200 years... 678 00:46:46,103 --> 00:46:48,401 as did the Santa before him, and so on... 679 00:46:48,472 --> 00:46:52,340 right back to the original St. Nicholas in the 3rd century. 680 00:46:52,409 --> 00:46:53,569 Right. 681 00:46:53,644 --> 00:46:55,475 Sadly... 682 00:46:55,546 --> 00:46:58,344 my term of office is drawing to a close. 683 00:46:58,415 --> 00:47:00,815 And the rules of Christmas decree... 684 00:47:00,884 --> 00:47:03,853 that I have to find somebody to take my place... 685 00:47:03,921 --> 00:47:06,116 before midnight on Christmas Eve. 686 00:47:06,190 --> 00:47:08,124 And if I don't... 687 00:47:08,192 --> 00:47:11,286 the "or else" factor takes effect. 688 00:47:11,361 --> 00:47:13,454 The "or else" factor? 689 00:47:13,530 --> 00:47:17,227 You've heard about the great flood and Noah's Ark? 690 00:47:17,301 --> 00:47:19,633 - Yeah. - This time, there's no ark. 691 00:47:19,703 --> 00:47:23,764 Oh, get outta here! I know you are not trying to convince me... 692 00:47:23,841 --> 00:47:26,605 that that flood happened because you couldn't find a Santa Claus! 693 00:47:29,546 --> 00:47:32,709 Not that I'm puttin' it down, but you don't have to worry about it... 694 00:47:32,783 --> 00:47:35,149 because you're looking for a new Santa, right? 695 00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:39,480 - Right. - And you've come to me... 696 00:47:39,556 --> 00:47:42,616 because you want me to help find one, because I know so many people! 697 00:47:42,693 --> 00:47:44,217 So what do you want me to do? 698 00:47:45,262 --> 00:47:47,526 Close your eyes and I'll show you. 699 00:47:47,598 --> 00:47:51,466 This eye-closing thing's getting a little old, Nick. 700 00:47:58,642 --> 00:48:00,405 Open your eyes, Lucy. 701 00:48:04,915 --> 00:48:07,145 Look closely. 702 00:48:08,352 --> 00:48:10,013 What do you see? 703 00:48:11,421 --> 00:48:13,184 Is that my mother? 704 00:48:13,257 --> 00:48:15,418 My goodness! 705 00:48:16,727 --> 00:48:18,092 And that's me! 706 00:48:19,730 --> 00:48:22,563 Look at me! I was cute! 707 00:48:22,633 --> 00:48:25,761 Look at my brother. I used to call him "OI' Bighead." 708 00:48:27,037 --> 00:48:29,301 My goodness! It's the Five and Dime! 709 00:48:29,373 --> 00:48:33,605 There's that nasty kid Bobby with his finger in his nose, as always. 710 00:48:33,677 --> 00:48:36,237 What are we doing here? 711 00:48:37,414 --> 00:48:39,644 This is what I wanted to show you. 712 00:48:39,716 --> 00:48:43,277 What I need you to remember. 713 00:48:43,353 --> 00:48:46,049 ...backing down from a double-dog dare, can we? 714 00:48:46,123 --> 00:48:48,751 There we are! 715 00:48:48,825 --> 00:48:51,623 That hat only glows... 716 00:48:51,695 --> 00:48:55,131 when it's worn by somebody who believes in Christmas... 717 00:48:55,198 --> 00:48:58,133 with every fiber of their being. 718 00:48:58,201 --> 00:49:00,692 It's you, Lucy. 719 00:49:02,039 --> 00:49:03,063 Take it, Lucy. 720 00:49:04,474 --> 00:49:06,499 You're the one I've been waiting for. 721 00:49:11,081 --> 00:49:14,608 Lucy, I know you blame me, but please, I promise you... 722 00:49:14,685 --> 00:49:17,586 everything will become clear if you just put this on. 723 00:49:17,654 --> 00:49:20,145 - Just give it a chance! - I don't want it! I don't... 724 00:49:20,223 --> 00:49:22,384 No! What do you get about "no"? 725 00:49:22,459 --> 00:49:24,427 I don't want the hat! I don't want the responsibil... 726 00:49:24,494 --> 00:49:27,691 You know what I want? I want you to take me home. 727 00:49:27,764 --> 00:49:30,756 I want you to take me to my life, to my real life, right now. 728 00:49:30,834 --> 00:49:32,199 That's what I want. 729 00:49:34,638 --> 00:49:36,230 If that's really what you want. 730 00:49:38,909 --> 00:49:40,740 Close your eyes... 731 00:49:40,811 --> 00:49:43,780 and everything that you've seen... 732 00:49:43,847 --> 00:49:45,007 all this... 733 00:49:46,249 --> 00:49:48,581 will have just been a dream. 734 00:50:01,131 --> 00:50:04,931 I must have dozed off or something. Had the weirdest dream. 735 00:50:05,002 --> 00:50:07,835 I dreamt you were trying to convince me you were the real Santa Claus. 736 00:50:07,904 --> 00:50:10,600 Do you think we ought to talk about it, Lucy? 737 00:50:10,674 --> 00:50:12,437 - Now, come on, please? - No. 738 00:50:12,509 --> 00:50:15,774 I've had enough Santa Claus to last me a lifetime. 739 00:50:15,846 --> 00:50:17,837 I'm going to bed. Good night. 740 00:50:17,914 --> 00:50:20,405 Listen, if you get chilly, there's... 741 00:50:20,484 --> 00:50:22,748 you know, pillows and blankets and stuff. 742 00:50:22,819 --> 00:50:25,117 They're under the stairs here in the closet. 743 00:50:27,224 --> 00:50:29,215 Hey, boss. Pardon my goblin... 744 00:50:29,292 --> 00:50:32,125 but why didn't you just put the hat on her? 745 00:50:32,195 --> 00:50:35,494 I can't force her to accept her destiny. 746 00:50:35,565 --> 00:50:38,466 If she won't acknowledge who she is, it wouldn't matter anyway. 747 00:50:40,303 --> 00:50:43,568 The Inquisition was right to challenge my affections. 748 00:50:46,243 --> 00:50:49,474 I bungled the whole thing from beginning to end. 749 00:50:49,546 --> 00:50:52,242 I waited far too long to try to reach her, and now that I have... 750 00:50:52,315 --> 00:50:54,783 I've driven her further away. 751 00:50:54,851 --> 00:50:57,183 So what are you gonna do now? 752 00:50:57,254 --> 00:50:59,779 Well, I just... 753 00:51:01,591 --> 00:51:03,525 don't know. 754 00:51:06,163 --> 00:51:08,256 Better break out the sun block today, L.A. 755 00:51:08,331 --> 00:51:11,323 We're expecting a high of 92. And if you think it's bad here... 756 00:51:11,401 --> 00:51:13,665 scientists are now predicting no snowfall... 757 00:51:13,737 --> 00:51:16,433 anywhere in the US during the month of December. 758 00:51:16,506 --> 00:51:18,098 Imagine that! 759 00:51:20,744 --> 00:51:24,407 Whoa! You look like sh... Sheena, lovely Queen of the Nile! 760 00:51:24,481 --> 00:51:26,949 Got no sleep last night, and I hate having houseguests. 761 00:51:27,017 --> 00:51:29,713 Your houseguest is quite the toast of the town. 762 00:51:29,786 --> 00:51:31,617 All the papers were talking about him this morning. 763 00:51:31,688 --> 00:51:34,521 One even called him "TV's must-see Santa." 764 00:51:34,591 --> 00:51:37,355 Where's that girl with my latte? Why is she never around when I need her? 765 00:51:37,427 --> 00:51:38,762 - Her name is Lillie. - Fine. 766 00:51:38,762 --> 00:51:40,627 - Her name is Lillie. - Fine. 767 00:51:40,697 --> 00:51:42,824 And my car broke down! God. 768 00:51:42,899 --> 00:51:45,766 I don't get why you're still driving that bucket of bolts, Lucy. 769 00:51:45,836 --> 00:51:48,634 Because it was her Daddy's car. 770 00:51:51,741 --> 00:51:54,039 Family reunion. I'll just leave you two alone. 771 00:51:54,111 --> 00:51:56,671 - Taylor? - Talk to you later. 772 00:51:56,746 --> 00:51:59,806 You... Okay. Hi, Ma. 773 00:51:59,883 --> 00:52:02,044 You're not returnin' my calls. 774 00:52:02,119 --> 00:52:05,816 No, I am. It's not that I'm not returning your calls, see? 775 00:52:05,889 --> 00:52:07,823 - We put in this new phone system... - Come on now. 776 00:52:07,891 --> 00:52:09,552 Don't try to run a game on me. 777 00:52:12,095 --> 00:52:16,225 I know it's a scary time of the year for you... 778 00:52:16,299 --> 00:52:19,530 but you can't keep living like this, Lucy. 779 00:52:19,603 --> 00:52:21,935 - What? - Look at your life. 780 00:52:22,005 --> 00:52:23,666 You live alone in that apartment. 781 00:52:23,740 --> 00:52:29,042 You come, you go, without anybody to love or to love you back. 782 00:52:29,112 --> 00:52:32,946 I know, baby. I've got the same scar as you. 783 00:52:34,284 --> 00:52:38,243 And there's not a Christmas that goes by that it doesn't hurt. 784 00:52:38,321 --> 00:52:40,255 But you know what helps? 785 00:52:41,358 --> 00:52:43,918 - What? - Seeing you. 786 00:52:44,995 --> 00:52:47,259 I see your daddy in you. 787 00:52:49,166 --> 00:52:52,465 You know, I just really can't do this right now. 788 00:52:52,536 --> 00:52:55,300 - I got to get down to work. - All right, baby. 789 00:52:55,372 --> 00:52:58,068 - But I'll call you, okay? - All right. 790 00:52:58,141 --> 00:53:02,475 You know, in a day or so, I'll give you a call. All right. 791 00:53:02,546 --> 00:53:04,514 I'll be waiting. 792 00:53:08,485 --> 00:53:11,921 Folks, one of my favorite traditions... 793 00:53:11,988 --> 00:53:14,923 is counting down the days to Christmas. 794 00:53:14,991 --> 00:53:18,722 And now your family too can enjoy this tradition as well... 795 00:53:18,795 --> 00:53:22,959 with your very own Wise Men Advent Calendar. 796 00:53:23,033 --> 00:53:27,561 Every day, your kids will enjoy moving Baby Jesus... 797 00:53:27,637 --> 00:53:31,937 that's Him... one day closer to His arrival in Bethlehem. 798 00:53:32,008 --> 00:53:35,569 And Mom, no need to worry about your little ones... 799 00:53:35,645 --> 00:53:38,113 breaking this holiday collectible. 800 00:53:38,181 --> 00:53:43,016 Baby Jesus is made out of rugged, durable polystyrene. 801 00:53:43,086 --> 00:53:47,147 Great. Plastic Jesus. That's not too sacrilegious. 802 00:53:47,224 --> 00:53:50,250 Ah, we seem to be in the final minutes of our show. 803 00:53:50,327 --> 00:53:52,056 - That seems to be the last product... - Telephone! 804 00:53:52,128 --> 00:53:54,688 - For today... - Telephone! 805 00:53:54,764 --> 00:53:57,699 Oh! One moment! 806 00:53:57,767 --> 00:53:59,928 They want me to take a phone call from one of our viewers. 807 00:54:00,003 --> 00:54:01,664 No! He's going to the phone. 808 00:54:01,738 --> 00:54:03,968 Excuse me, please. We're on the show, you know. 809 00:54:04,040 --> 00:54:06,736 - Hello? - Hi, Santa. 810 00:54:06,810 --> 00:54:10,177 This is Meredith from Dove Canyon, California. 811 00:54:10,247 --> 00:54:13,148 Hello, Meredith. You want to ask Santa a question? 812 00:54:13,216 --> 00:54:15,776 Not that phone, Nick. 813 00:54:15,852 --> 00:54:18,013 It's coming through the speakers. Okay? 814 00:54:18,088 --> 00:54:19,851 Everybody's a star now. 815 00:54:19,923 --> 00:54:23,222 I was adopted from Korea when I was a baby. 816 00:54:23,293 --> 00:54:27,559 I was wondering if the Santa Claus there is Korean. 817 00:54:27,631 --> 00:54:30,031 Oh, Meredith. 818 00:54:30,100 --> 00:54:31,897 - That is a wonderful question. - Taylor! 819 00:54:31,968 --> 00:54:35,597 - No! No! Camera! - It reminds me of a poem... 820 00:54:35,672 --> 00:54:39,164 my good friend B.J. Wrights once wrote about Santa. 821 00:54:39,242 --> 00:54:41,073 It goes something like this: 822 00:54:41,144 --> 00:54:42,975 "Dear girls, dear boys. 823 00:54:43,046 --> 00:54:47,574 Once a storyteller caught me bringing you toys. 824 00:54:47,651 --> 00:54:50,051 The year he spied me opening my sack... 825 00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:54,079 my skin was white and my boots were black." 826 00:54:54,157 --> 00:54:57,422 You probably know how this story goes. 827 00:54:57,494 --> 00:55:01,555 "At the end of the year, like a Christmas ghost... 828 00:55:01,631 --> 00:55:05,362 I take the shape that's needed most. 829 00:55:05,435 --> 00:55:09,371 Sometimes my skin's red or yellow or brown. 830 00:55:09,439 --> 00:55:14,672 Sometimes my eyes are slanted or crossed or round. 831 00:55:14,744 --> 00:55:18,043 One time, I was even a she. 832 00:55:18,114 --> 00:55:20,674 All these things are a part of me. 833 00:55:20,750 --> 00:55:23,742 Now, you may not believe all this is true... 834 00:55:23,820 --> 00:55:28,086 but that's okay, because I believe in you." 835 00:55:29,426 --> 00:55:31,121 And I believe in you too, Lucy. 836 00:55:32,228 --> 00:55:37,165 You have a wonderful spirit, which I hope one day... 837 00:55:37,233 --> 00:55:39,463 you will show to the world. 838 00:55:39,536 --> 00:55:41,436 Did he say something about... 839 00:55:43,573 --> 00:55:45,973 Did he just say my name? He just said Lucy. 840 00:55:46,042 --> 00:55:48,135 No, I think it was, "little girl." 841 00:55:48,211 --> 00:55:50,873 Uh-uh. He said Lucy. Play that back for me. 842 00:55:54,317 --> 00:55:57,912 I believe in you too, Meredith. You have a wonderful spirit... 843 00:55:59,222 --> 00:56:03,420 which one day I hope you'll show to the rest of the world. 844 00:56:10,767 --> 00:56:12,632 Okay. Let's just... 845 00:56:14,170 --> 00:56:17,071 call it the onset of PMS, shall we? 846 00:56:20,643 --> 00:56:21,803 Every day? 847 00:56:22,979 --> 00:56:25,777 Okay, it's a wrap, everybody. Ready for the next segment. 848 00:56:25,849 --> 00:56:27,908 Test the Chanukah music. Let's go. 849 00:56:31,221 --> 00:56:33,280 That was beautiful, Mr. Santa Claus. 850 00:56:33,356 --> 00:56:35,290 - It was gold. - Thank you, Rabbi. 851 00:56:35,358 --> 00:56:38,885 I think Hooray for Chanukah is going to have a tough act to follow today. 852 00:56:38,962 --> 00:56:41,396 Well, the way I see it, we're both working for the same boss. 853 00:56:41,464 --> 00:56:44,558 - So, mazel tov. - And ho, ho, ho to you, sir. 854 00:56:44,634 --> 00:56:48,195 I'm not speaking to you. No habla Ingles. 855 00:57:01,684 --> 00:57:03,174 Merry Christmas! 856 00:57:29,846 --> 00:57:31,814 Seven more days to shop. 857 00:58:21,564 --> 00:58:23,498 Got it. Perfect. 858 00:58:25,568 --> 00:58:27,160 Put it there. 859 00:58:54,163 --> 00:58:57,155 Hi, Luce. Here's your latte. 860 00:58:57,233 --> 00:58:58,825 Thanks. 861 00:59:01,271 --> 00:59:03,671 You just said "thanks." 862 00:59:03,740 --> 00:59:04,764 - No. I didn't. - Yeah. You did. 863 00:59:04,841 --> 00:59:07,139 - No, I didn't. - Yeah, you did. 864 00:59:07,210 --> 00:59:10,043 Is everybody hearing things? I did not say "thank you." 865 00:59:44,881 --> 00:59:48,180 Folks, things continue to be very warm here in Southern California... 866 00:59:48,251 --> 00:59:51,277 but the weather is also going crazy from pole to pole. 867 00:59:51,354 --> 00:59:54,380 Here we see increasing storms centered around the equator... 868 00:59:54,457 --> 00:59:57,620 and no explanation has been given by the National Weather Center. 869 00:59:57,694 --> 00:59:59,161 Ralph! 870 01:00:00,463 --> 01:00:03,261 - We have a problem. - What are those? 871 01:00:03,333 --> 01:00:04,800 Flood insurance. 872 01:00:06,603 --> 01:00:09,003 I wish I hadn't seen Titanic. 873 01:00:32,128 --> 01:00:37,498 So, here's a novel idea for all you naughty shoppers... 874 01:00:37,567 --> 01:00:39,467 who waited until the last minute. 875 01:00:39,535 --> 01:00:43,437 Now you can send a Shop-A-Lot virtual gift. 876 01:00:45,041 --> 01:00:46,804 Virtual gift. 877 01:00:46,876 --> 01:00:49,037 Imagine that. 878 01:00:49,112 --> 01:00:53,276 Your loved one will get a little animated e-mail. 879 01:00:53,349 --> 01:00:56,443 And when they click on it, it will show them... 880 01:00:56,519 --> 01:01:01,115 a picture of the gift they will be receiving after the holidays. 881 01:01:01,190 --> 01:01:04,455 Well, that's it. That's the final pitch. 882 01:01:04,527 --> 01:01:07,894 Oh, and don't forget. When next you call in... 883 01:01:07,964 --> 01:01:12,765 ask about our special Shop-A-Lot inflatable raft. 884 01:01:12,835 --> 01:01:15,099 Who put the raft on the list? 885 01:01:15,171 --> 01:01:18,800 He liked it. He saw it in the catalog. I threw him a bone. 886 01:01:18,875 --> 01:01:21,742 Before I sign off... 887 01:01:21,811 --> 01:01:24,041 I'd like to... just like to say a few words. 888 01:01:24,113 --> 01:01:25,910 If I may. 889 01:01:27,116 --> 01:01:29,880 Whatever hardships may come your way... 890 01:01:29,952 --> 01:01:33,319 in the years which lie ahead... 891 01:01:34,857 --> 01:01:37,087 don't ever lose hope. 892 01:01:37,160 --> 01:01:41,119 If you just keep the spirit of Christmas... 893 01:01:41,197 --> 01:01:43,256 alive in your hearts... 894 01:01:43,332 --> 01:01:45,994 you can survive anything. 895 01:01:47,203 --> 01:01:49,763 Merry Chris... Christmas. 896 01:01:52,108 --> 01:01:54,042 God bless you. 897 01:01:54,110 --> 01:01:57,477 Good-bye. And good luck. 898 01:01:57,547 --> 01:01:59,640 Why did he say "good luck"? 899 01:02:02,118 --> 01:02:04,552 All right, everyone. That's a wrap. 900 01:02:04,620 --> 01:02:07,714 One hell of a wrap, if you ask me. 901 01:02:09,258 --> 01:02:11,852 All right, people. Gather round. 902 01:02:11,928 --> 01:02:14,453 I have an announcement to make. 903 01:02:14,530 --> 01:02:18,660 Thanks to the very best Santa Claus in the business... 904 01:02:19,435 --> 01:02:21,767 for the first time in our history... 905 01:02:21,838 --> 01:02:25,672 Shop-A-Lot has sold more holiday merchandise... 906 01:02:25,742 --> 01:02:28,540 than any other home-shopping channel! 907 01:02:34,617 --> 01:02:36,847 And as I'm sure you all know, that means... 908 01:02:36,919 --> 01:02:40,980 a little something extra in all of our Christmas stockings this year. 909 01:02:44,861 --> 01:02:47,091 It's weird, but I'm gonna miss all this. 910 01:02:47,163 --> 01:02:49,654 Yeah. I don't know when I've enjoyed sticking America... 911 01:02:49,732 --> 01:02:53,566 with more cheesy merchandise than I have this sea... year. 912 01:03:01,778 --> 01:03:04,906 Wow. Who are you? 913 01:03:07,950 --> 01:03:11,477 Look, I know I'm just a gofer, but... 914 01:03:11,554 --> 01:03:14,216 if you're not doing anything, maybe you can help me trim my tree. 915 01:03:15,792 --> 01:03:19,853 That sounds nice. And possibly kind of naughty. 916 01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:25,194 Champagne, Lillie? 917 01:03:26,302 --> 01:03:28,497 - Absolutely. - So Nick. 918 01:03:28,571 --> 01:03:31,938 What do you say you and I get together after the holidays... 919 01:03:32,008 --> 01:03:33,566 to discuss your future. 920 01:03:33,643 --> 01:03:38,080 I see big things for you and the Shop-A-Lot Channel. 921 01:03:38,147 --> 01:03:40,809 Well, I appreciate that, Mr. Dixon, but... 922 01:03:40,883 --> 01:03:44,717 I am afraid that my days as Santa Claus are behind me. 923 01:03:44,787 --> 01:03:48,382 Nonsense. You've got what it takes, my friend. 924 01:03:48,457 --> 01:03:54,020 For millions of people, you are Santa. Manny, congratulations! 925 01:03:54,096 --> 01:03:56,564 Looks like you'll get to keep that job after all. 926 01:04:02,738 --> 01:04:05,434 - Lucy, I'm... - Nick, l... 927 01:04:05,508 --> 01:04:07,874 Ladies first. 928 01:04:10,179 --> 01:04:12,613 I know I gave you a hard time in the beginning... 929 01:04:12,682 --> 01:04:15,446 'cause I didn't believe you were right for Kristmas Korner. 930 01:04:15,518 --> 01:04:18,919 But I was wrong. 931 01:04:21,090 --> 01:04:23,581 I believe in you now. 932 01:04:26,529 --> 01:04:28,429 I wish I could be sure that was true. 933 01:04:29,866 --> 01:04:31,060 What do you mean? 934 01:04:33,636 --> 01:04:36,400 I really hope you find what you're looking for. 935 01:06:05,828 --> 01:06:08,854 What is this new sound you're making? 936 01:06:12,768 --> 01:06:16,101 I work my butt off for you, and this is how you repay me? 937 01:06:21,978 --> 01:06:27,678 Lucy! Looks like you're not going anywhere in that classic tonight. 938 01:06:27,750 --> 01:06:30,275 - How about a lift? - Sure. 939 01:06:31,387 --> 01:06:35,585 I'll just leave it here till I come back from Bora Bora. 940 01:06:36,959 --> 01:06:39,621 Well, Luce, you did it. 941 01:06:39,695 --> 01:06:41,959 Oh! That reminds me. 942 01:06:43,766 --> 01:06:45,961 You leave tomorrow. 943 01:06:46,035 --> 01:06:49,493 Plus, there is something a little extra in that envelope. 944 01:06:49,572 --> 01:06:53,633 Tell me it's cash, so I have something to give those cute little cabana boys. 945 01:06:53,709 --> 01:06:57,475 Oh, it's better than cash, Lucy. It's me. 946 01:06:59,181 --> 01:07:02,344 Don't you see? We need each other. 947 01:07:02,418 --> 01:07:04,886 As individuals, we're merely good. 948 01:07:04,954 --> 01:07:07,286 But together, we could be magic. 949 01:07:07,356 --> 01:07:10,189 I don't want to hurt your feelings or anything... 950 01:07:10,259 --> 01:07:12,193 but I don't love you. 951 01:07:12,261 --> 01:07:14,126 I mean, I don't love you at all. 952 01:07:14,196 --> 01:07:17,324 Love! There's better things in the world than love! 953 01:07:17,400 --> 01:07:19,368 - Like what? - Power. 954 01:07:19,435 --> 01:07:22,495 Influence. Having more money than God. 955 01:07:22,571 --> 01:07:24,835 - You shoulda called Oprah. - I know you. 956 01:07:24,907 --> 01:07:27,967 You want the same things that I want. We want to win. 957 01:07:28,044 --> 01:07:30,604 We want to dominate. We want to be a juggernaut. 958 01:07:30,679 --> 01:07:34,479 I don't have any juggernaut in me. I don't even have the juggernaut gene. 959 01:07:34,550 --> 01:07:37,610 I've got it all mapped out, Lucy. First... 960 01:07:37,686 --> 01:07:40,120 I go to the board of directors... 961 01:07:40,189 --> 01:07:43,522 and get them to make you my vice-president. 962 01:07:43,592 --> 01:07:46,686 Then, we take the Shop-A-Lot Channel public... 963 01:07:46,762 --> 01:07:49,560 and turn it into a media empire. 964 01:07:49,632 --> 01:07:52,601 By next year, we'll rule the world. 965 01:07:52,668 --> 01:07:56,035 By next year, we'll own Christmas! 966 01:07:58,007 --> 01:08:00,976 - Pull over. - What? Is something wrong? 967 01:08:01,043 --> 01:08:04,979 Yes. Yeah. I don't know why I'm saying this... 968 01:08:05,047 --> 01:08:07,413 'cause, you know, this is not my thing, but... 969 01:08:08,784 --> 01:08:12,117 nobody... nowhere, nohow, nobody... 970 01:08:12,188 --> 01:08:14,156 nobody can own Christmas. 971 01:08:15,357 --> 01:08:16,449 Why not? 972 01:08:17,660 --> 01:08:20,094 Why not? Because... 973 01:08:20,162 --> 01:08:23,620 I can't let them. 974 01:08:24,900 --> 01:08:26,834 You can't let them? 975 01:08:27,937 --> 01:08:30,633 Yeah. I know that sounds strange coming from me... 976 01:08:30,706 --> 01:08:33,231 but I can't let them. 977 01:08:33,309 --> 01:08:35,777 And if you want to keep your juggernauts... 978 01:08:35,845 --> 01:08:38,177 I'd suggest you pull over now. 979 01:08:38,247 --> 01:08:40,181 All right. All right, all right. 980 01:08:48,657 --> 01:08:50,989 Well, that went pretty well. 981 01:08:55,431 --> 01:08:57,262 Hi, Ms. Cullins... 982 01:09:04,406 --> 01:09:05,600 Listen up, people. 983 01:09:05,674 --> 01:09:07,608 Unless someone has a miracle up their sleeve... 984 01:09:07,676 --> 01:09:11,373 it looks like tonight is gonna be our last hurrah. 985 01:09:11,447 --> 01:09:15,543 So here's the deal. We'll do it the way we always have. 986 01:09:15,618 --> 01:09:19,315 Nick will be here shortly, and we'll start delivering gifts. 987 01:09:19,388 --> 01:09:23,791 The only difference will be, after Nick delivers the last gift... 988 01:09:23,859 --> 01:09:26,794 he will no longer be Santa Claus. 989 01:09:29,365 --> 01:09:31,890 Can someone get Helga a hanky? 990 01:09:33,802 --> 01:09:37,329 Look, whatever fate awaits us... 991 01:09:37,406 --> 01:09:39,169 after tonight... 992 01:09:39,241 --> 01:09:44,110 let's do it the elf way: With chins held high. 993 01:09:44,180 --> 01:09:48,139 Of course we're gonna hold our chins up. We'll be treading water. 994 01:09:48,217 --> 01:09:50,742 Nick? 995 01:09:50,819 --> 01:09:53,151 You here? 996 01:09:53,222 --> 01:09:55,782 Nick! Okay, you're not here. 997 01:09:57,126 --> 01:09:58,650 What's this? 998 01:09:58,727 --> 01:10:01,696 "Lucy, if you're reading this on Christmas Eve... 999 01:10:01,764 --> 01:10:03,197 it may not be too late. 1000 01:10:03,265 --> 01:10:05,165 Please, try on the hat. 1001 01:10:05,234 --> 01:10:08,101 If you do, everything will become clear. 1002 01:10:08,170 --> 01:10:10,195 I'll be waiting at the top of the world for you. 1003 01:10:10,272 --> 01:10:12,763 Just in case. Nick." 1004 01:10:34,463 --> 01:10:37,591 Jumping jingle bells, it's glowing! 1005 01:10:37,666 --> 01:10:39,634 Oh, my! 1006 01:10:41,136 --> 01:10:44,469 Jumpin'jingle bells, it's glowing. 1007 01:10:44,540 --> 01:10:46,371 I'm Santa! I'm... 1008 01:10:49,278 --> 01:10:51,838 I am Santa. I am Santa. 1009 01:11:00,956 --> 01:11:04,790 Jumpin'jingle bells! It's snowing! 1010 01:11:14,136 --> 01:11:16,070 Okay, people. We've been through it. 1011 01:11:16,138 --> 01:11:20,006 Put the heavy stuff on the bottom. Put the breakable stuff on top. 1012 01:11:20,075 --> 01:11:22,009 - Okay? No. - Sorry, boss. 1013 01:11:22,077 --> 01:11:23,476 Ralph! 1014 01:11:24,747 --> 01:11:26,908 I thought you should see this. 1015 01:11:37,293 --> 01:11:39,761 I'm Santa Claus 1016 01:11:45,067 --> 01:11:47,092 Hey, Ms. Cullins. You oughta bundle up. 1017 01:11:47,169 --> 01:11:50,696 It got cold all of a sudden. Maybe this heat wave is finally over. 1018 01:11:50,773 --> 01:11:52,866 - Yeah, maybe. - Are you feeling better? 1019 01:11:52,941 --> 01:11:56,468 Yeah, kinda. I should feel like I'm sittin' on top of the world. 1020 01:11:56,545 --> 01:11:58,035 Except I'm not sure where it is. 1021 01:11:58,113 --> 01:12:00,081 The only "Top o' the World" I know is this little hangout... 1022 01:12:00,149 --> 01:12:02,117 where I have a beer once in a while. 1023 01:12:02,184 --> 01:12:04,914 - It's a bar? - Yeah, on Sunset. 1024 01:12:05,654 --> 01:12:07,622 It's in Hollywood. Why am I not surprised? 1025 01:12:07,690 --> 01:12:09,988 - Do me a favor. Call me a cab. - A cab? 1026 01:12:10,059 --> 01:12:12,857 On Christmas Eve? In L.A.? Are you nuts? 1027 01:12:20,936 --> 01:12:25,066 Hey, Ms. Cullins! All of a sudden you look like Santa Claus. 1028 01:12:25,741 --> 01:12:27,709 Already? 1029 01:12:27,776 --> 01:12:29,903 Works fast. It all works fast. 1030 01:12:29,978 --> 01:12:31,536 Where to, lady? 1031 01:12:31,613 --> 01:12:34,707 Listen, I gotta get to a little dive on Sunset... 1032 01:12:34,783 --> 01:12:37,718 or all hell is gonna break loose. 1033 01:12:37,786 --> 01:12:40,220 - You're telling me. - Robespierre! 1034 01:12:40,289 --> 01:12:44,487 The name is Ralph, and we're not too tall for time. 1035 01:12:44,560 --> 01:12:48,121 Okay, if you're gonna pun me, let me pun you back. You "sleigh" me. 1036 01:12:58,173 --> 01:13:01,108 - You want a refill, Nick? - No, Sally. 1037 01:13:01,176 --> 01:13:04,942 I think five hard apple ciders is plenty for one evening. 1038 01:13:06,382 --> 01:13:08,873 - You owe me an explanation. - Lucy! 1039 01:13:08,951 --> 01:13:11,181 - Yes. - You got my note. 1040 01:13:11,253 --> 01:13:14,222 I got your note. I put on the hat. 1041 01:13:14,289 --> 01:13:16,985 It glowed! It glowed on my head! 1042 01:13:17,059 --> 01:13:21,018 Does this mean I'm the real Santa Claus? Is this legit? 1043 01:13:21,096 --> 01:13:24,122 - The whole shebang. - Oh, my goodness. 1044 01:13:24,199 --> 01:13:27,293 What about the "or else" factor? Is that real? 1045 01:13:27,369 --> 01:13:28,836 It's real. 1046 01:13:28,904 --> 01:13:31,031 Oh, Nick. What am I gonna do? 1047 01:13:31,106 --> 01:13:34,007 I don't want to be responsible for some little kid's heart breakin'... 1048 01:13:34,076 --> 01:13:36,010 because I did the wrong thing, like you... 1049 01:13:38,313 --> 01:13:41,214 Yeah, I know. I hurt you. 1050 01:13:41,283 --> 01:13:45,481 I'm sorry you've had so much pain over so many years. 1051 01:13:45,554 --> 01:13:49,490 But Lucy, Santa Claus is not God. 1052 01:13:49,558 --> 01:13:52,391 Do you remember all those years ago... 1053 01:13:52,461 --> 01:13:55,089 when that beautiful little girl sat on my knee? 1054 01:13:55,164 --> 01:13:56,688 Do you remember? 1055 01:13:56,765 --> 01:14:00,633 What I told her then is still true today. 1056 01:14:01,670 --> 01:14:05,504 If you keep the love your daddy gave to you... 1057 01:14:05,574 --> 01:14:08,338 in your heart... 1058 01:14:08,410 --> 01:14:12,870 and pass on that love to other people... 1059 01:14:12,948 --> 01:14:17,681 your daddy's love will remain alive forever. 1060 01:14:17,753 --> 01:14:20,847 I hate to break up this love-fest, but we have three billion gifts... 1061 01:14:20,923 --> 01:14:24,017 to deliver by sunrise, so speed this up. 1062 01:14:28,297 --> 01:14:32,927 - Merry Christmas, Lucy. - Merry Christmas, Santa. 1063 01:14:39,441 --> 01:14:42,467 - It's gettin' a little chilly out here. - Yes it is. 1064 01:14:42,544 --> 01:14:45,035 The "or else" factor is reversing itself. 1065 01:14:45,113 --> 01:14:48,310 Do you guys want to speed up? I have the meter running, Lucy. 1066 01:14:48,383 --> 01:14:51,181 I mean, "Santa." 1067 01:14:53,722 --> 01:14:58,489 Listen, that's not the toboggan you showed me up at the North Pole. 1068 01:14:58,560 --> 01:15:01,859 How am I supposed to deliver a gazillion gifts in a taxicab? 1069 01:15:01,930 --> 01:15:04,091 What cab are you talking about? 1070 01:15:10,639 --> 01:15:13,665 - Oh, you're good. You're good. - Hey, boss. 1071 01:15:13,742 --> 01:15:15,710 I don't want to be a nudnik, but... 1072 01:15:15,777 --> 01:15:18,541 I don't think kids are going to recognize Santa in the... 1073 01:15:18,614 --> 01:15:20,411 - polycotton coat here. - I'm gonna smack you. 1074 01:15:21,984 --> 01:15:24,009 Now, wait! 1075 01:15:24,086 --> 01:15:26,953 Hate to make you nervous or anything... 1076 01:15:27,022 --> 01:15:28,990 but can we talk about a couple things before we do that? 1077 01:15:29,057 --> 01:15:30,024 Sure. 1078 01:15:30,092 --> 01:15:33,391 First, if you want to scatter some white dreads, I'm happy with that. 1079 01:15:33,462 --> 01:15:35,054 But not a whole head. Okay? 1080 01:15:35,130 --> 01:15:39,191 Secondly, am I gonna be sproutin' any facial hair? 1081 01:15:39,268 --> 01:15:42,795 Lucy, for the next two centuries, you will not change one iota... 1082 01:15:42,871 --> 01:15:45,032 from what you are right now. 1083 01:15:45,107 --> 01:15:47,075 Oh, well come on with it! 1084 01:15:55,517 --> 01:15:58,077 I like everything except for the belt. 1085 01:15:58,153 --> 01:16:01,054 I'm short-waisted. It cuts me at the waist. Must I? 1086 01:16:05,260 --> 01:16:07,751 So much better! 1087 01:16:07,829 --> 01:16:11,458 - Shall we? - Oh, yes. I think we shall. 1088 01:16:12,568 --> 01:16:15,230 My, but your pants are awfully short. 1089 01:16:15,304 --> 01:16:18,637 Guess you're too tall for 'em, huh? Thank you. 1090 01:16:19,575 --> 01:16:24,478 Oh, Rashomon. I'm sure you don't mind driving. I'm just not ready yet. 1091 01:16:26,615 --> 01:16:30,915 - Where's your Santa clothes? - There's only room for one Santa, Lucy. 1092 01:16:32,454 --> 01:16:34,547 Let's say I'm just coming along for your training run. 1093 01:16:34,623 --> 01:16:36,989 Oh. All right then. 1094 01:16:37,059 --> 01:16:40,551 We'll talk about it later. Uh, Rakiki? You don't mind... 1095 01:16:40,629 --> 01:16:44,326 getting in the back seat, do you, 'cause I know it's so small and cramped... 1096 01:16:44,399 --> 01:16:46,993 cause it's meant for an elf, and you got a pituitary problem. 1097 01:16:47,069 --> 01:16:48,764 I'm so sorry to hear about it. 1098 01:16:48,837 --> 01:16:51,135 Boss? 1099 01:16:51,206 --> 01:16:54,039 Why don't you have the honors one last time? 1100 01:16:54,109 --> 01:16:56,873 Thank you, Ralph. I'd like that. 1101 01:16:58,714 --> 01:17:00,682 Ready, Rudolph? 1102 01:17:01,516 --> 01:17:04,076 Now, Dasher, now Dancer... 1103 01:17:04,152 --> 01:17:06,814 now Prancer and Vixen... 1104 01:17:06,888 --> 01:17:09,152 on, Comet, on Cupid... 1105 01:17:09,224 --> 01:17:11,419 on Donner and Blitzen. 1106 01:17:11,493 --> 01:17:15,759 Now dash away, dash away all! 1107 01:17:33,382 --> 01:17:37,443 I can't believe I'm flyin'! It's just too much! 1108 01:17:55,671 --> 01:17:57,605 We made it. 1109 01:17:58,740 --> 01:18:01,937 Well, Lucy. Are you ready for your first delivery? 1110 01:18:03,345 --> 01:18:05,142 - Yeah, yeah. - Go on, then. 1111 01:18:05,213 --> 01:18:08,944 Okay. Are they gonna be okay up here by themselves? 1112 01:18:09,017 --> 01:18:11,281 - The reindeer? Yeah. Fine, fine. - Oh, good. 1113 01:18:11,353 --> 01:18:13,617 - You don't suffer from vertigo, do you? - Not anymore. 1114 01:18:13,689 --> 01:18:17,682 Thank you. All right, children! Merry Christmas! 1115 01:18:22,097 --> 01:18:24,258 Oh, wait a minute. 1116 01:18:24,332 --> 01:18:26,994 - What, what? - This is a real chimney! 1117 01:18:27,069 --> 01:18:30,129 - What are we doing in a real chimney? - What did you expect? 1118 01:18:30,205 --> 01:18:32,139 Well, I just... I didn't... 1119 01:18:32,207 --> 01:18:34,368 I thought it was just a story. 1120 01:18:34,443 --> 01:18:37,139 It's the rules, and you have to go down. 1121 01:18:37,212 --> 01:18:40,204 - No, wait! Okay. Okay. - Wait till we get to England. 1122 01:18:40,282 --> 01:18:42,773 - Why? - The chimney pots start like this. 1123 01:18:42,851 --> 01:18:45,615 - This is going to be a long night. - Now the other foot. 1124 01:18:45,687 --> 01:18:47,655 - Now, stand on the ledges. - What ledge? 1125 01:18:47,723 --> 01:18:49,782 - The brick ledge... - There's a wall! Okay! 1126 01:18:49,858 --> 01:18:53,055 - Okay. Okay. - Right, one, two... 1127 01:18:53,128 --> 01:18:55,562 Wait, wait, wait! What if there's a fire? 1128 01:18:55,630 --> 01:18:57,825 - There won't be a fire! - How do you know? 1129 01:18:57,899 --> 01:19:00,732 - I've been doing this for 200 years! - I know, but... 1130 01:19:00,802 --> 01:19:02,861 you're you, and I'm just me. 1131 01:19:03,905 --> 01:19:06,203 I'm smelling sugar cookies. 1132 01:19:06,274 --> 01:19:08,367 I don't think that's sugar cookies you're smellin'. 1133 01:19:09,878 --> 01:19:12,438 - I can't do that. - Come on, come on. 1134 01:19:12,514 --> 01:19:14,448 Lucy, come on! 1135 01:19:14,516 --> 01:19:16,108 It's gonna be easy. 1136 01:19:16,184 --> 01:19:18,482 - It's fun, it goes like that! - Like that! 1137 01:19:18,553 --> 01:19:20,544 Like that? I just want you to know... 1138 01:19:20,622 --> 01:19:22,954 I'm doing this under duress! 1139 01:19:28,697 --> 01:19:31,928 Wait till we get to the Kwanzaa huts. 1140 01:19:32,000 --> 01:19:37,302 That was so not fun. So not fun! 1141 01:19:37,372 --> 01:19:40,637 Don't think I don't know you did that on purpose, Rakiki. 1142 01:19:40,709 --> 01:19:43,769 - Hello. - Hi. Hi. 1143 01:19:43,845 --> 01:19:47,906 - Don't you be afraid, okay? - I'm not. 1144 01:19:47,983 --> 01:19:51,578 Well, I would be if I saw some stranger in my living room. 1145 01:19:51,653 --> 01:19:55,783 But, not to panic, because I'm what they call a "Santa in training." 1146 01:19:55,857 --> 01:19:58,018 You don't look like Santa. 1147 01:19:58,093 --> 01:20:01,961 - What do you mean? - Because you're a girl. 1148 01:20:02,030 --> 01:20:06,262 I am a girl. And you are so sweet to notice! 1149 01:20:06,334 --> 01:20:08,495 And because you're so sweet, you know what I'm going to do? 1150 01:20:08,570 --> 01:20:11,903 I'm gonna give you the bestest present I have in my great, big bag. 1151 01:20:15,977 --> 01:20:18,445 - How'd that bike get in there? - That's just what I wanted! 1152 01:20:19,781 --> 01:20:20,941 How'd I do that? 1153 01:20:21,016 --> 01:20:23,917 - You're Santa. - That's right. 1154 01:20:23,985 --> 01:20:26,453 I'm Santa. 1155 01:20:26,521 --> 01:20:30,685 - And you�re James. - Right. 1156 01:20:30,759 --> 01:20:33,956 Now, how cool is that? I knew your name immediately! 1157 01:20:40,168 --> 01:20:41,567 You better go now. 1158 01:20:41,636 --> 01:20:43,661 I think I hear my dad coming. 1159 01:20:43,738 --> 01:20:46,002 You landed kind of hard coming down the chimney. 1160 01:20:46,074 --> 01:20:47,871 Yeah, tell me about it. 1161 01:20:47,943 --> 01:20:51,811 The thing is, James, I can't go back the way I came. 1162 01:20:51,880 --> 01:20:55,043 - Any suggestions? - Front door? 1163 01:21:02,524 --> 01:21:04,583 Residue, you could have been a lot more helpful... 1164 01:21:04,659 --> 01:21:06,718 on how to get back up that chimney. 1165 01:21:06,795 --> 01:21:09,593 If you knew my name, I might. 1166 01:21:09,664 --> 01:21:12,189 Why, Risotto, I don't know what you mean. 1167 01:21:12,267 --> 01:21:14,394 And if you're not careful, I could fire you. 1168 01:21:14,469 --> 01:21:19,202 It's a lifetime contract, and elves age slowly. 1169 01:21:19,274 --> 01:21:22,801 But in your case, they grow quickly. 1170 01:21:22,878 --> 01:21:25,745 Oh, look, Rapscallion... 1171 01:21:25,814 --> 01:21:29,079 there's the Hollywood sign! 1172 01:21:31,953 --> 01:21:33,784 And over there's the Staples Center. 1173 01:21:33,855 --> 01:21:37,791 If you fell out, we might be able to trade you for Shaq. 1174 01:21:37,859 --> 01:21:40,293 It's gonna be a long night going up and down those chimneys. 1175 01:21:40,362 --> 01:21:43,593 You just couldn't wait to say that, could you? 1176 01:21:43,665 --> 01:21:47,294 Well, all right. In the spirit of Christmas... 1177 01:21:47,369 --> 01:21:50,099 and since I'm your new boss, I'll call you Ralph. 1178 01:21:50,171 --> 01:21:51,604 Thank you. 1179 01:21:51,673 --> 01:21:54,369 So, Ralph, when are we gonna get to China? 1180 01:21:54,442 --> 01:21:57,570 Because I'm so peckish for some Peking duck. 1181 01:21:57,646 --> 01:22:00,638 Lucy, do you think there's one last stop you'd like to make... 1182 01:22:00,715 --> 01:22:03,047 before we continue with our deliveries? 1183 01:22:06,121 --> 01:22:10,148 Yeah. Yeah, there is. 1184 01:22:10,258 --> 01:22:14,319 A thrill of hope 1185 01:22:14,396 --> 01:22:19,095 The weary world rejoices 1186 01:22:19,167 --> 01:22:24,002 For yonder breaks 1187 01:22:24,072 --> 01:22:28,600 A new and glorious morn 1188 01:22:28,677 --> 01:22:32,477 Fall 1189 01:22:32,547 --> 01:22:36,005 On your knees 1190 01:22:38,019 --> 01:22:41,682 O hear 1191 01:22:41,756 --> 01:22:47,126 The angel voices 1192 01:22:47,195 --> 01:22:51,461 O night 1193 01:22:52,701 --> 01:22:56,193 Divine 1194 01:22:56,271 --> 01:23:01,140 O night 1195 01:23:01,209 --> 01:23:04,975 When Christ was born 1196 01:23:06,047 --> 01:23:10,882 O night 1197 01:23:10,952 --> 01:23:15,048 Divine 1198 01:23:15,123 --> 01:23:20,026 O night 1199 01:23:20,095 --> 01:23:23,030 O night 1200 01:23:23,098 --> 01:23:26,431 Divine 1201 01:23:32,607 --> 01:23:34,370 She was really great. 1202 01:23:39,514 --> 01:23:42,642 - How'd I do, Grandma? - You were part of heaven's choir. 1203 01:23:42,717 --> 01:23:44,651 - You rocked, girl. - Oh, yes. 1204 01:23:45,754 --> 01:23:47,051 Merry Christmas, Mom. 1205 01:23:49,958 --> 01:23:52,518 Oh, baby, you come home for Christmas. 1206 01:23:52,594 --> 01:23:55,893 - Yeah. - Hey, sis. Come here! 1207 01:23:55,964 --> 01:23:58,091 What's up with the Santa suit? 1208 01:23:58,166 --> 01:24:01,135 I wish I could explain it to you, but... 1209 01:24:01,202 --> 01:24:04,137 Lucy, when tonight is over... 1210 01:24:04,205 --> 01:24:07,902 you'll have Christmas day to do whatever your heart desires. 1211 01:24:07,976 --> 01:24:09,807 Now you're Santa, anything is possible. 1212 01:24:09,878 --> 01:24:12,369 - Great. - Lucy, what's goin' on? 1213 01:24:12,447 --> 01:24:15,939 Ma, do you have your heart medication with you? 1214 01:24:16,718 --> 01:24:19,380 Hey, everybody, you're not gonna believe it! 1215 01:24:19,454 --> 01:24:21,422 It's snowing outside! 1216 01:24:27,462 --> 01:24:32,331 This is amazing! It hasn't snowed in Los Angeles for... never! 1217 01:24:32,400 --> 01:24:36,564 Hey, check it out! It's Santa's sleigh, and Rudolph! 1218 01:24:40,141 --> 01:24:44,134 Not much to look at, folks. Just a sleigh with nine tiny reindeer. 1219 01:24:50,718 --> 01:24:53,653 Now, listen. I can't explain everything right now. 1220 01:24:53,721 --> 01:24:56,690 So I'm gonna drop by for Christmas brunch. 1221 01:24:56,758 --> 01:24:59,784 And Mom, when I say I'm gonna drop in for Christmas brunch... 1222 01:24:59,861 --> 01:25:02,989 don't stand anywhere near the fireplace. 1223 01:25:08,069 --> 01:25:12,335 Lucy, is this a reindeer doin' his business on my leg? 1224 01:25:14,175 --> 01:25:18,407 - Yeah. - And why is it snowin' in L.A.? 1225 01:25:18,480 --> 01:25:23,247 Oh, well, that's a pretty long story, my brother. 1226 01:25:23,318 --> 01:25:25,411 I'm confused. 1227 01:25:25,487 --> 01:25:27,682 It's okay. 1228 01:25:27,755 --> 01:25:30,053 Daddy? I don't know why... 1229 01:25:30,125 --> 01:25:32,958 but I think Aunt Lucy might be Santa Claus. 1230 01:25:35,029 --> 01:25:38,328 Well, I think I'm ready to rock and roll. 1231 01:25:39,634 --> 01:25:43,502 Where's Nick? Come on, Nick. We're gonna be late. 1232 01:25:44,806 --> 01:25:48,640 I'm afraid this is my stop, Lucy. From now on, you're on your own. 1233 01:25:48,710 --> 01:25:50,575 What are you talkin' about? 1234 01:25:50,645 --> 01:25:54,411 Helga and I plan to live in Saint-Tropez. She likes the sun... 1235 01:25:54,482 --> 01:25:57,417 - Oh, no. No, no. - I need to settle down, Lucy. 1236 01:25:57,485 --> 01:25:59,851 You are not leaving me out here by myself. 1237 01:25:59,921 --> 01:26:02,754 This is my first night as Santa Claus! I don't know how to do this job! 1238 01:26:02,824 --> 01:26:06,225 I don't know how to go up the chimney, what to do about this bag... 1239 01:26:06,294 --> 01:26:09,889 that keeps throwin' toys, and I don't know anything about these reindeers! 1240 01:26:09,964 --> 01:26:13,866 - Now Dasher, now Dancer, now Prancer... - You know what I'm saying. 1241 01:26:13,935 --> 01:26:16,597 I need your help here. You cannot leave. 1242 01:26:16,671 --> 01:26:20,664 And since you told me that I'm the great, mammy-jammy Santa Claus... 1243 01:26:20,742 --> 01:26:22,710 I'm makin' an edict. 1244 01:26:22,777 --> 01:26:26,269 I'm declarin' you Santa Claus emeritus. 1245 01:26:26,347 --> 01:26:30,283 Which means that you are are gonna help me over the next 200 years... 1246 01:26:30,351 --> 01:26:33,343 find the next Santa Claus so I don't have to go through... 1247 01:26:33,421 --> 01:26:37,084 what you went through looking for me. 1248 01:26:37,158 --> 01:26:39,718 Now, do we have a deal? 1249 01:26:40,762 --> 01:26:46,462 Come on, Nick. Please? Please? 1250 01:26:47,602 --> 01:26:50,298 - Deal. - Deal. All right. 1251 01:26:50,371 --> 01:26:53,238 Look, we're burning daylight on the international dateline. 1252 01:26:53,308 --> 01:26:55,538 Okay, right now you are burnin' my last nerve. 1253 01:26:55,610 --> 01:26:58,477 Get your behind in the back of the sled, okay? 1254 01:27:00,949 --> 01:27:03,474 I'm ready for this. 1255 01:27:03,551 --> 01:27:06,486 Now Dancer and... 1256 01:27:06,554 --> 01:27:08,988 Prancer and... 1257 01:27:09,057 --> 01:27:10,581 Nixon and... 1258 01:27:10,658 --> 01:27:12,853 Blitzen and... 1259 01:27:12,927 --> 01:27:16,158 Dash away, dash away, dash away all! 1260 01:27:17,465 --> 01:27:22,630 Now dash away, dash away... We're not dashing at all. 1261 01:27:25,673 --> 01:27:29,040 - Take up the reins, Lucy. - How am I supposed to know that? 1262 01:27:29,110 --> 01:27:31,340 This is just my first time bein' Santa Claus. 1263 01:27:31,412 --> 01:27:34,813 You been Santa Claus for 200 years! All right. 1264 01:27:39,654 --> 01:27:42,521 Merry Christmas! 1265 01:27:44,926 --> 01:27:48,225 - Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas! 1266 01:27:48,296 --> 01:27:50,127 That's my little sister! Go, Lucy! 1267 01:28:21,629 --> 01:28:23,654 Merry Christmas! 1268 01:28:26,768 --> 01:28:29,032 She is Santa, Daddy! 1269 01:28:36,411 --> 01:28:38,379 Merry Christmas! 1270 01:28:38,446 --> 01:28:41,244 - Merry Christmas! - Bye, Aunt Lucy! 1271 01:28:49,957 --> 01:28:53,324 Merry Christmas! 1272 01:30:00,957 --> 01:30:03,324 5@y3 103131