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[BURP]
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PETE, BEER ME.
3
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,381
SHARON.
4
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:20,552
[BANG BANG BANG]
5
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YOU'RE WELCOME!
6
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THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
7
00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:58,467
LET'S GO, YOU GUYS.
I'M DOUBLE-PARKED,
8
00:00:58,491 --> 00:01:00,411
AND THE AMBULANCE
DRIVER'S GETTING...
9
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:03,862
SHH!
10
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,730
JUST WAIT. THIS IS IMPORTANT.
11
00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:07,933
IT'S XENA.
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00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:09,600
THE WARRIOR PRINCESS.
13
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SHE'S UNBELIEVABLE.
14
00:01:10,670 --> 00:01:11,903
PSHH. YEAH, I'LL SAY.
15
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IT'S 1603, AND
SHE'S GOT IMPLANTS.
16
00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:19,310
AND RIGHT NOW...
THEY'RE IN PERIL.
17
00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:20,824
WHICH IS WHY THE CELTICS
18
00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:22,881
ARE THE SINGLE
GREATEST FRANCHISE
19
00:01:22,917 --> 00:01:23,982
IN NBA HISTORY.
20
00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:26,218
HEY, NOW WE HAVE
SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE.
21
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:29,554
THAT IS THE 1,000th TIME
YOU'VE TOLD ME THAT.
22
00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:30,889
MM!
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00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,568
COME ON, BERG, LET'S
GO, LET'S GO, LET'S GO!
24
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,071
PETE, THE GAME DOESN'T
START FOR OVER 2 HOURS.
25
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,240
YEAH, I KNOW, BUT YOU NEED
TO BE THERE FOR WARMUPS.
26
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:38,230
WHY?
27
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'CAUSE WE'RE PLAYING THE BULLS!
28
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THE CELTICS ARE
PLAYING THE BULLS.
29
00:01:42,702 --> 00:01:45,737
YOU... DIDN'T MAKE THE TEAM.
30
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,406
OK. CAN WE PLEASE GO?
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00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,152
YOU WATCH THE
CELTICS, I'LL WATCH XENA,
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00:01:49,176 --> 00:01:50,141
AND WE'LL MEET UP LATER.
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WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
34
00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:52,611
YOU HAVE TO GO.
35
00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:53,612
DOUBLE-PARKED!
36
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AMBULANCE STILL BLOCKED.
37
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THEY'RE SLIDING IN THE GURNEY.
38
00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:01,019
BERG, WE HAVE TO GO.
39
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:03,021
AND BELIEVE ME, I'D LOVE TO.
40
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,590
BUT XENA REALLY NEEDS ME.
41
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,927
BERG, I PROMISE THIS
TIME YOU'LL HAVE FUN.
42
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,163
THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID LAST TIME.
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00:02:11,198 --> 00:02:12,530
WELL, I'M SORRY.
44
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,699
YOU JUST WEREN'T SHOWING
ENOUGH CELTIC PRIDE.
45
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:17,269
IT WAS AN EXHIBITION GAME...
46
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AGAINST THE GLOBETROTTERS!
47
00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:21,706
THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO LOSE!
48
00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:23,474
STILL, I THINK THE TEAM...
49
00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:26,278
PETE, LET'S FACE IT. I MEAN...
50
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:29,914
YOU SUCK THE FUN
RIGHT OUT OF IT. I MEAN...
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WHEN THE CELTICS WIN, YOU'RE
AN OBNOXIOUS, BABBLING FOOL,
52
00:02:34,455 --> 00:02:36,721
AND IF THEY LOSE,
YOU POUT FOR 3 HOURS
53
00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:39,958
AND LISTEN TO... AIR SUPPLY.
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WE'RE NOT GONNA LOSE.
55
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WE... ARE NOT PLAYING.
56
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:45,742
WE'RE JUST SITTING THERE,
57
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:47,009
EATING AND DRINKING FOR 2 HOURS
58
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WHILE YOU PRETEND
YOU'RE THE COACH
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FROM 75 ROWS BACK.
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00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:53,338
HA HA! ATTABOY, BERG!
KEEP THAT FIRE UP!
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OK, TEAM!
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LET'S GET 'EM!
63
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WHOO, CELTICS!
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00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,911
GREEN FINGERNAIL
POLISH. THAT'S A START.
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00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:01,691
OK. I'M WEARIN' GREEN PANTIES.
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00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,848
YEAH! YEAH! WAY TO GO!
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00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,817
OH, COME ON, BERG.
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00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:09,588
BERG, BERG... I NEED YOU THERE.
69
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:11,857
OH... ALL RIGHT...
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00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:14,437
IF YOU STOP GIVING ME THE "SPANKY
FORGOT TO FEED PETEY" LOOK.
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00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:16,172
I'LL BE THERE FOR TIPOFF.
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00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:19,597
BERG, WE ARE GONNA
HAVE A GREAT TIME!
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HA HA! GO AWAY.
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00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:22,634
GONE!
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00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:33,245
WELL, TODAY WE LEARNED
ALL ABOUT THE LETTER "B."
76
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:36,181
BE BAKED BREAD, WE
STUDIED BUTTERFLIES...
77
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,950
THE STUDENT OF THE
DAY WAS BILLY BUMSTEAD.
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00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:41,697
WELL, I LEARNED ALL ABOUT
THE LETTER "S" TODAY...
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00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:45,157
THAT I'M A SELF-SERVING SELLOUT
WHO'S GIVING OUR ENVIRONMENT
80
00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:49,527
A SUPER SLAUGHTERING, ALL
FOR A SPORTS CAR AND A SALARY.
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00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,462
THAT WAS EXCELLENT.
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00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:53,731
YOU KNOW, I ENVY YOU.
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YEAH, RIGHT.
84
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,234
NO. I'M SERIOUS.
85
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:58,414
I MEAN, YOU WAKE UP EVERY MORNING
LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR JOB.
86
00:03:58,438 --> 00:03:59,815
YEAH, FOR THE MOST PART.
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00:03:59,839 --> 00:04:02,018
I MEAN, YOU COME HOME EVERY
DAY FEELING GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF.
88
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:03,174
I TRY.
89
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:04,675
YOU MAKE A
DIFFERENCE IN KIDS' LIVES.
90
00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:06,022
I MAKE 18,000 A YEAR.
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00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:09,347
EWW... HEY, SNACKS!
92
00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:12,017
COME ON, COME ON, DEFENSE!
93
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:13,184
THANKS.
94
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:14,364
COME ON, PICK IT UP!
95
00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:15,686
LANES!
96
00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:17,522
LANES!
97
00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:19,202
WHY AREN'T THEY
STAYING IN THEIR LANES?
98
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:20,536
I DON'T KNOW. I'M SORRY.
99
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:22,527
OH, HEY, PETE, LOOK. WHAT? WHAT?
100
00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:24,862
THERE. THERE. WAY,
WAY DOWN THERE.
101
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:28,199
OH! I THINK IT'S A
BASKETBALL GAME!
102
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:29,545
ALL RIGHT, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
103
00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:33,016
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS
A BAD SEAT AT A CELTIC GAME.
104
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,750
YEAH, SHARON, BECAUSE
2 MILES BELOW US
105
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:37,576
IS THE SINGLE GREATEST
FRANCHISE IN NBA HISTORY.
106
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:38,944
THE BULLS?
107
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,479
COME ON, SLOW IT UP.
108
00:04:41,514 --> 00:04:43,481
SLOW IT UP!
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00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:47,819
YEAH! WHOO!
110
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,224
YEAH! SEE? SEE?
111
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:55,605
THIS IS WHY THESE ARE THE
BEST SEATS IN THE HOUSE, RIGHT?
112
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:59,564
UP NEAR THE RAFTERS, NEXT TO
THE CELTIC CHAMPIONSHIP BANNERS,
113
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,343
THIS IS WHERE THE
REAL DIEHARDS ARE.
114
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:02,667
ISN'T HE CUTE?
115
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:06,637
OH... COME ON, REF!
HE WAS ALL OVER HIM!
116
00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:09,508
DEFENSE... DEFENSE...
117
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:12,043
NOT NOW. WE HAVE THE BALL.
118
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:17,415
YEAH! WHOO!
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00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:24,723
MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE
BERG IS MISSING THIS.
120
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,359
ONE MORE TIME,
121
00:05:27,394 --> 00:05:30,340
AND THE TOOTH FAIRY'S
GONNA OWE YOU 24 BUCKS.
122
00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:33,198
P.A. Announcer: LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN,
123
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:36,112
PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO
THIS EVENING'S LUCKY TICKET HOLDER
124
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:40,038
WHO WILL WATCH TONIGHT'S
GAME FROM THE CELTIC BENCH,
125
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:44,643
MR. MICHAEL BERGEN!
126
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,044
NO, NO, NO, NO!
127
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:49,714
NO! HE DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO COME!
128
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:50,715
HI, PETE!
129
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:53,918
I MADE IT!
130
00:06:01,227 --> 00:06:03,339
WORST GAME I
EVER SAW IN MY LIFE.
131
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,496
WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING?
132
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,576
THEY WON WITH A
3-POINTER AT THE BUZZER.
133
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,567
LISTEN TO ME!
134
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:12,036
HEY, HEY!
135
00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:15,907
THERE HE IS.
136
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:17,953
MY MAN, BERG, THE
CELTICS' SIXTH MAN
137
00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:21,513
OUT OF BEACON
STREET PIZZA! YEAH!
138
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:22,514
BILL! IT'S OK.
139
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,448
LET'S NOT MAKE IT A BIG THING.
140
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:25,683
DO YOU BELIEVE IT?
141
00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:28,520
YOU... THE BIGGEST
CELTICS FAN IN THE WORLD,
142
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:32,223
AND BERG WINDS UP
ON THE BENCH. HEH HEH...
143
00:06:32,258 --> 00:06:35,660
BILL, YOU HAVE A
KEEN SENSE OF IRONY.
144
00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:37,862
ALL RIGHT. WHAT'S WITH HIM?
145
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,375
I THINK HE'S STILL
A LITTLE MIFFED
146
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:42,300
ABOUT BERG'S BIG OL' MARDI
GRAS HEAD ON THE SCOREBOARD.
147
00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:47,472
THE JUMBO-TRON ADDS 400
POUNDS TO YOUR FACE, OK?
148
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:55,380
OH... I THINK IT'S PAST
SOMEBODY'S BEDTIME.
149
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,948
LOOK, PETE, I TRIED TO GET
YOU DOWN THERE WITH ME.
150
00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:59,717
I BEGGED THE P.R. GUY,
151
00:06:59,752 --> 00:07:01,230
ONLY I DIDN'T KNOW
WHERE YOU WERE SITTING.
152
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:05,189
DID YOU EVER THINK OF
LOOKING AT THE TICKET?
153
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:08,292
HE TOOK THE TICKET
ONCE HE KNEW I WAS...
154
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,895
WELL, THE LUCKY ONE.
155
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:14,132
HONEY, YOU CAN'T BLAME
HIM FOR BEING THE LUCKY ONE.
156
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,967
YEAH, BUT I CAN HATE HIM FOR IT.
157
00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:18,269
THIS BEHAVIOR RIGHT HERE
158
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:20,838
IS EXACTLY WHY I
WANTED TO STAY HOME.
159
00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:25,977
PETE, LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND
TELL ME YOU'RE REALLY UPSET.
160
00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:30,615
I THINK I SEE A SMILE COMING ON.
161
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:31,883
NO.
162
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:37,521
AND YOU SAT RIGHT
NEXT TO LARRY BIRD...
163
00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:39,657
YOUR FAVORITE PLAYER.
164
00:07:39,692 --> 00:07:45,230
BILL, DO YOU HAVE SOME KIND
OF STAKE IN PISSING PETE OFF?
165
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:48,466
LARRY BIRD!
166
00:07:48,502 --> 00:07:49,867
HEH HEH HEH HEH...
167
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:52,670
WELL, YOU KNOW, LARRY
NOW COACHES ANOTHER TEAM,
168
00:07:52,705 --> 00:07:55,106
BUT THEY HAD THE NIGHT OFF.
169
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:58,242
REALLY. I WASN'T AWARE OF THAT.
170
00:07:58,277 --> 00:08:00,845
GO ON, BERG. GO ON. TELL HIM.
171
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:04,949
TELL HIM WHAT YOU TALKED TO
LARRY BIRD ABOUT FOR 2 HOURS.
172
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:05,950
TELL HIM.
173
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:08,153
WELL, STRANGEST THING...
174
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:11,823
LARRY AND I BOTH WENT
TO CAMP POMAHACK,
175
00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:13,158
BUT GET THIS...
176
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:16,027
THE CAMP POMAHACK LARRY
WENT TO WAS IN INDIANA.
177
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:18,196
MINE... WAS IN ALBANY.
178
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,200
TWO CAMP POMAHACKS!
179
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:25,838
I DON'T CARE.
180
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:26,872
ANYBODY?
181
00:08:26,906 --> 00:08:28,339
PETE,
182
00:08:28,374 --> 00:08:32,443
FOUND YOU THAT PHOTO OF LARRY
BIRD ON THE MIKE DOUGLAS SHOW.
183
00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:35,446
MY LIFE IS NOW COMPLETE.
184
00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:39,617
OOH, WITH CHARO...
AND GABE KAPLAN.
185
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:42,987
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
GOT TO SIT ON THE BENCH.
186
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:44,534
MAN, YOU HAD THOUSANDS
187
00:08:44,558 --> 00:08:47,458
OF CELTIC FANS CHEERING YOU ON.
188
00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:49,494
IT MEANT NOTHING TO YOU.
189
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,907
BERG, I'VE BEEN DREAMING
OF THAT MY WHOLE LIFE.
190
00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:53,264
I HAD A DREAM ONCE.
191
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:57,535
DANCE...
192
00:08:57,571 --> 00:09:01,573
I WANTED SO BADLY TO JOIN THIS
ONE COMPANY I COULD TASTE IT.
193
00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:03,352
SURE ENOUGH, ONE
THING LED TO ANOTHER,
194
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,443
I GOT THE AUDITION
OF A LIFETIME.
195
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:08,279
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
196
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:11,482
IT DIDN'T END THERE, DID IT?
197
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:13,885
WHY, NO.
198
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:18,189
WITH MY UNIQUE BLEND
OF CLASSICAL BALLET
199
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:20,825
AND RAW STRIPPER MOVES,
200
00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:23,161
I GOT 'EM DANCING
ON THEIR CHAIRS.
201
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:24,495
BEST OF ALL,
202
00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:27,932
I NEVER HAD TO GO BACK
TO THAT DAMN WELDING JOB.
203
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:32,703
WHAT A FEELING.
204
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,308
OK. THAT'S IT.
205
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,354
LOOK, WE'RE STAYING
AT YOUR PLACE TONIGHT.
206
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:39,956
OK, SWEETIE. THAT'S FINE.
207
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,812
UH, GOOD NIGHT, YOU GUYS.
208
00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:42,888
IT WAS REALLY FUN.
209
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,018
OK.
210
00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:49,721
CAN YOU BELIEVE THE
FART SHE CUT IN THE CAR?
211
00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:54,692
FORGET HER.
212
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:56,105
IS PETE ACTING OUT OR WHAT?
213
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:58,496
OH, COME ON, BERG. WHETHER
YOU MEANT TO OR NOT,
214
00:09:58,532 --> 00:09:59,764
YOU RUINED IT FOR HIM.
215
00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:01,244
I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO GO.
216
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:06,137
WELL, MAYBE YOU CAN FIGURE
OUT SOME WAY TO MAKE IT UP TO HIM.
217
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:08,405
WHAT WOULD XENA DO?
218
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:15,980
NOW... IS IT JUST ME,
219
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:20,752
OR IS HE DANCING LIKE
HE'S NEVER DANCED BEFORE?
220
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,029
BERG!
221
00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:38,104
BERG!
222
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,114
BERG!
223
00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:54,419
THIS IS GREAT!
224
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:56,921
I KNEW YOU'D LOVE IT.
225
00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:59,101
BERG, THIS IS, WITHOUT A DOUBT,
226
00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:03,761
THE BEST GIFT I
HAVE EVER GOTTEN.
227
00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:08,266
AHHHH... HOW ON
EARTH DID YOU GET IT?
228
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:09,812
REMEMBER THE MacGYVER
229
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,380
WHEN HE HAD TO GET
INTO THAT FEDERAL VAULT
230
00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:14,706
USING ONLY A
STAPLER AND A Q-TIP?
231
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:15,907
YES!
232
00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:18,943
THIS IS AMAZING!
233
00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:21,646
IT... IT... IT'S FANTASTIC!
234
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,815
IT'S A FELONY.
235
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,084
ONLY IF THEY FIND OUT.
236
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:27,085
THIS HAS TO GO BACK.
237
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,652
IT BELONGS TO THE CELTICS.
238
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,054
SAYS WHO?
239
00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:32,389
SAYS THE BANNER.
240
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:36,194
BERG, LOOK, THEY
EARNED IT, NOT ME.
241
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:37,896
OH, I GET IT.
242
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:41,131
SO NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN
YOU'RE NOT ON THE TEAM.
243
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:44,736
COME ON, BERG, GET REAL.
244
00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:46,983
THINK OF ALL THE AGGRAVATION
YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH
245
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,484
WATCHING THEIR GAMES.
246
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:49,473
YOU'RE TELLIN' ME.
247
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:51,053
THINK OF THE HOURS
YOU'VE SPENT...
248
00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:54,145
IN LINE WAITING FOR
TICKETS IN THE SNOW.
249
00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:56,347
YEAH. ONE TIME I GOT HOME,
250
00:11:56,382 --> 00:12:01,519
AND MY BODY TEMPERATURE WAS 70.
251
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,588
PETE...
252
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,956
YOU DESERVE THIS
AS MUCH AS ANYONE,
253
00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:11,095
AND ON BEHALF OF THE
BOSTON CELTICS' ORGANIZATION,
254
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:14,398
I HEREBY WANT YOU TO HAVE THIS.
255
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:20,538
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
256
00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:21,906
PETE, COME ON,
257
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:25,376
IT'S JUST A GLORIFIED BEDSPREAD.
258
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,789
THEY'LL NEVER KNOW IT'S GONE.
259
00:12:26,813 --> 00:12:29,046
TV: MORE ON THE
OUTRAGE SWEEPING BOSTON
260
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:32,049
OVER THE CHAMPIONSHIP
BANNER STOLEN LAST NIGHT.
261
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:36,087
WE GO NOW TO JEFF COLLY WITH
TONIGHT'S TOP SPORTS STORY. JEFF?
262
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:37,088
A CITY VIOLATED.
263
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:38,590
LEGIONS OF CELTIC FAITHFUL
264
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:41,092
ARE CARRYING SIGNS
PLEADING FOR THE RETURN
265
00:12:41,127 --> 00:12:43,728
OF THE 1981 CHAMPIONSHIP BANNER.
266
00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:45,763
SOME OFFER FORGIVENESS
FOR ITS SAFE RETURN.
267
00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:49,033
BUT THREATS OF RETALIATION
CAN ALSO BE HEARD.
268
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:52,403
DO YOU BELIEVE THIS?
269
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:53,637
WHAT?
270
00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:54,917
SOME LUNATIC BROKE INTO
THE FLEET CENTER LAST NIGHT
271
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:58,943
AND STOLE THE '81
CHAMPIONSHIP BANNER.
272
00:12:58,978 --> 00:13:01,412
FROM THE CELTICS?
273
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,715
NO. FROM CIRQUE De SOLEIL.
274
00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:08,430
LOOK, BILL, I'M SURE
IT WAS JUST A PRANK.
275
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,687
YEAH, I'LL GIVE YOU A PRANK.
276
00:13:09,723 --> 00:13:10,688
WHEN THEY CATCH THIS CLOWN,
277
00:13:10,724 --> 00:13:11,867
HIS FACE GOES RIGHT
UP ON MY DART BOARD,
278
00:13:11,891 --> 00:13:14,058
WHICH MEANS BANNED
FROM BEACON STREET PIZZA.
279
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:17,695
THIS BOY WILL NEVER GET
A SLICE OF PIE ANYWHERE.
280
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:20,064
BILL, THERE'S OTHER
PIZZA JOINTS IN BOSTON.
281
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:24,169
WHAT, YOU DON'T THINK I
TALK TO LITTLE CAESAR?
282
00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:26,304
OR DOMINO'S?
283
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:27,438
OR THE HUT?
284
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,940
HEY, WE'RE ALL CONNECTED...
285
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:35,045
WWW.ATSA-TASTY-PIZZA.COM.
286
00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:38,449
SO, BILL, WHAT'S
THE, UH, BIG REWARD?
287
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,851
A SMALL PIZZA AND
A MEDIUM BEVERAGE.
288
00:13:40,887 --> 00:13:44,489
I'M SURE THEY'LL
JUST MAKE A NEW ONE.
289
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:45,490
MAKE A NEW ONE.
290
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:47,024
YOU JUST DON'T MAKE A NEW ONE.
291
00:13:47,059 --> 00:13:48,893
THAT'S LIKE XEROXING
THE MONA LISA.
292
00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:50,895
NO. THESE PEOPLE
SHOULD BE CAUGHT
293
00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:53,364
AND STRUNG UP BY
THEIR GO-BETWEENS.
294
00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:58,248
MAYBE WE SHOULD
KEEP THIS TO OURSELVES.
295
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:05,042
ALL RIGHT, WHICH ONE OF YOU
BONEHEADS TOOK MY HAIRDRYER?
296
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:11,282
OH... MY... GOD.
297
00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:12,917
BERG!
298
00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:16,754
WHAT KIND OF CREEP WOULD
STEAL A CELTIC BANNER?
299
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,022
I DON'T KNOW 'BOUT YOU,
300
00:14:18,057 --> 00:14:19,890
BUT I CAN'T GO TO WORK TODAY.
301
00:14:25,998 --> 00:14:29,433
CAN I TALK TO YOU
GUYS FOR A SEC?
302
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,769
SHE KNOWS.
303
00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:32,770
SHE DOES?
304
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:33,771
PLAY DUMB.
305
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:36,374
WE ARE DUMB.
306
00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:38,309
ARE YOU GUYS NUTS?
307
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,211
I'M NUTS.
308
00:14:40,246 --> 00:14:44,983
THIS IS MY PARTNER, PRETZELS.
309
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:46,329
WHAT SEEMS TO BE
THE PROBLEM, MA'AM?
310
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:49,387
Y-Y-YOU KNOW WHAT'S GONNA
HAPPEN WHEN YOU GET CAUGHT?
311
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:50,565
CAUGHT FOR WHAT?
312
00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:51,722
OH, CUT THE CRAP.
313
00:14:51,757 --> 00:14:54,291
YOU ARE NOT DEALING
WITH NORMAL PEOPLE HERE.
314
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,360
I MEAN, THESE PEOPLE
ARE SPORTS FANS.
315
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:59,864
THESE PEOPLE
BARBECUE IN THEIR CARS.
316
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,600
OK, WELL, THAT'S WHY WE'RE
NOT GOING TO TELL ANYONE.
317
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,035
YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT BACK.
318
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:07,004
OH, BUT, SHARON, IT'S IN
POOR TASTE TO RETURN A GIFT.
319
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,406
THANKS TO YOU GUYS,
I'M NOW AN ACCOMPLICE.
320
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:10,407
WHY ARE YOU AN ACCOMPLICE?
321
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:11,554
BECAUSE I NOW KNOW WHO STOLE IT.
322
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,455
WELL, WHO ASKED YOU TO
GO INTO OUR APARTMENT?
323
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:14,724
WHO ASKED YOU TO
STEAL MY HAIRDRYER?
324
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:16,225
WHO ASKED YOU TO TAKE IT BACK?
325
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,648
I WASHED MY HAIR!
326
00:15:17,683 --> 00:15:19,528
AND THAT'S OUR FAULT?
327
00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:21,485
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
328
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:23,821
GOD, DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN.
329
00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:25,690
I STOLE SOMETHING ONCE.
330
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:27,558
MR. BAUER, NOBODY
STOLE ANYTHING.
331
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:30,995
IT WAS ME AND THE NAZIS
IN A RACE AGAINST TIME.
332
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:38,269
THE FUTURE OF MANKIND DEPENDED ON
ME RETRIEVING THE ARK OF THE COVENANT.
333
00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:39,570
EX-EXCUSE US.
334
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:43,240
LISTEN TO ME... GET BACK HERE!
335
00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:48,278
YOU WERE SAYING?
336
00:15:48,314 --> 00:15:52,050
A WORD OF ADVICE... DO
NOT OPEN THAT CHEST.
337
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:55,853
IT HAS UNSPEAKABLE POWERS
THAT NO MAN WAS MEANT TO POSSESS.
338
00:15:58,757 --> 00:16:00,357
PSST.
339
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:02,153
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE HAT?
340
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,433
BERG, WHY CAN'T WE
JUST DROP IT AND RUN?
341
00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:13,037
BECAUSE THEN WE
WON'T GET A REWARD.
342
00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:15,105
WAIT.
343
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,440
I HAVE A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS.
344
00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:21,145
YOU HAD A BAD FEELING
ABOUT SHOPPING CART POLO.
345
00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:23,014
YEAH, AND I BROKE MY WRIST.
346
00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:25,749
YEAH, AND YOU MET A NURSE.
347
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:28,920
WE'RE GONNA GET CAUGHT.
348
00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:30,354
TRUST ME, OK.
349
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:33,557
BERG... I LIKE MY GO-BETWEENS.
350
00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:38,196
YOU'RE FORGETTING...
351
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:41,711
WE'RE THE GUYS WHO RECOVERED
THE ARK OF THE COVENANT.
352
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:49,840
OK. WE'RE GONNA GO TO JAIL.
353
00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:51,208
NO, NO. I'LL GO TO JAIL,
354
00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:52,755
YOU'LL WIND UP WITH THE
LUCKY PRISON NUMBER,
355
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:54,411
AND THEY'LL SEND
YOU ON A CRUISE.
356
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:58,916
JUST RELAX.
357
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:00,451
BERG, I DON'T THINK YOU REALIZE
358
00:17:00,486 --> 00:17:03,187
HOW CUTE WE LOOK TO LARGER MEN.
359
00:17:06,792 --> 00:17:08,092
HEARD FROM THE FANS?
360
00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:11,039
HELL, YOU'D THINK I
STOLE THE DAMN THING.
361
00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:14,176
NO. HOW 'BOUT YOU COME
UP WITH A POSITIVE SPIN
362
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,511
TO PUT ON THIS THING?
363
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,880
AND WHEN YOU DO, I'LL
NAME A CANDY BAR AFTER YOU.
364
00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:19,748
I DON'T KNOW. NUTS, NOUGAT...
365
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:22,673
LOOK, LEAVE ME ALONE.
366
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,008
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
367
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,944
REMEMBER ME? YOU WALKED
ME DOWN TO THE BENCH?
368
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:28,290
OH, YEAH. THE LUCKY TICKET GUY.
369
00:17:28,314 --> 00:17:32,049
WHAT'S THAT, A 4,000-CALORIE
THANK-YOU NOTE?
370
00:17:32,084 --> 00:17:33,596
PERFECT. I'LL DIE TONIGHT,
371
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:35,430
I WON'T HAVE TO
COME IN TOMORROW.
372
00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:37,387
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
373
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,060
THANK GOD!
374
00:17:43,095 --> 00:17:45,797
WHERE'D YOU GET IT?
375
00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:47,631
WE FOUND IT.
376
00:17:47,666 --> 00:17:48,666
YOU FOUND IT?
377
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,034
YES, WE DID.
378
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,514
WELL, LISTEN, IT WAS REALLY
NICE MEETING YOU. TAKE CARE.
379
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:54,705
AND WAIT TILL YOU
HEAR HOW WE GOT IT.
380
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:58,409
GOD... GO AHEAD. TELL ME.
381
00:17:58,444 --> 00:18:01,078
BERG, IT'S SUCH A BORING STORY.
382
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:02,954
THIS MAN IS TOO MODEST.
383
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:08,485
WELL, AFTER THE GAME
384
00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:11,333
WE RAN INTO A GROUP OF
BULLS FANS IN A BAR, RIGHT?
385
00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:14,536
THEY WERE BRAGGING ABOUT
HOW THEY STOLE THE BANNER.
386
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,705
SO WE FOLLOWED
THEM OUT TO THEIR CAR,
387
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:17,973
AND THERE THEY WERE...
388
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:19,842
TYING IT AROUND A BIG ROCK.
389
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:21,365
AND THEY WERE TAUNTING IT.
390
00:18:25,037 --> 00:18:26,703
SURE.
391
00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:29,584
SO WE TAILED THEM
OVER TO THE B.U. BRIDGE
392
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:33,844
WHERE THEY STOPPED AND
HURLED IT INTO THE CHARLES RIVER.
393
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,046
SPLASH!
394
00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:40,318
PETE HERE,
395
00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:43,654
OVERCOMING HIS
CHILDHOOD FEAR OF WATER,
396
00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:49,493
DOVE INTO THE RIVER
AND SAVED THE BANNER.
397
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:53,230
SO... WHAT DO WE GET?
398
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:58,202
WHAT A GREAT STORY.
399
00:18:58,237 --> 00:19:01,772
NOW, UH, LET ME
GET THIS STRAIGHT.
400
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:02,773
YOU STOLE THE BANNER,
401
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,008
GOT SCARED, AND BROUGHT IT BACK.
402
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,513
YES, SIR.
403
00:19:11,383 --> 00:19:12,349
SECURITY...
404
00:19:12,384 --> 00:19:15,853
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, OK?
405
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:17,021
WE DIDN'T STEAL IT.
406
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:23,794
I STOLE IT... FOR HIM.
407
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,629
YOU SEE THIS GUY HERE?
408
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:29,367
THIS IS A CELTIC FAN.
409
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:30,968
THIS GUY SITS IN THE 75th ROW.
410
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,648
HE CAN BARELY MAKE
OUT THE PLAYERS,
411
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,740
MUCH LESS THE
COURT, BUT HE IS THERE
412
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,842
2 HOURS EARLY FOR WARMUPS.
413
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:40,878
WELL, YOU KNOW, THEY PLAY
THE WAY THEY PRACTICE...
414
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:48,753
AND HE TURNED A GUY WHO
COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT THE CELTICS
415
00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:51,355
INTO A REAL FAN.
416
00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:52,689
REALLY?
417
00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:56,494
OH, PETE, WHEN YOU SEE A
GAME FROM THE BENCH LIKE THAT...
418
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,739
WHERE THE HELL IS SECURITY?
419
00:19:57,763 --> 00:20:00,197
LOOK, I DON'T WANT
TO TELL YOU YOUR JOB,
420
00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:03,033
BUT YOU'RE A P.R. GUY, RIGHT?
421
00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:09,240
NOW, YOU CAN EITHER VILIFY THE
MOST DEDICATED FAN IN HISTORY,
422
00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:14,878
OR YOU CAN TURN HIM INTO A HERO.
423
00:20:14,913 --> 00:20:16,647
AFTER ALL, I MEAN...
424
00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:19,850
ISN'T THAT WHAT CELTIC
TRADITION'S ALL ABOUT,
425
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:21,252
MAKING HEROES?
426
00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:26,423
THAT... IS THE BIGGEST
CROCK I'VE EVER HEARD.
427
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:31,362
BUT I THINK I CAN SELL IT
AND SAVE ALL OUR ASSES.
428
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:33,931
[ORGAN PLAYS]
429
00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:41,138
HOW COME YOU CAN NEVER
FIND THE ORGAN PLAYER?
430
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:44,242
THIS IS... THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
431
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:46,744
LOOK, THE PARQUET FLOOR!
432
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,013
BUTTER.
433
00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:50,348
HEY, PETE,
434
00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:52,494
I THOUGHT YOU SAID THE
BEST SEATS ARE UP THERE.
435
00:20:52,518 --> 00:20:54,885
UP THERE ARE THE BEST SEATS...
436
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,120
IF YOU'RE UP THERE.
437
00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:59,123
BUT... DOWN HERE,
THIS IS HEAVEN.
438
00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:00,668
ONLY YOU COULD COMMIT LARCENY
439
00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:03,493
AND WIND UP WITH FLOOR SEATS.
440
00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:06,530
LOOK. WE'RE UP BY 12.
441
00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:08,032
WE?
442
00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:10,078
P.A. Announcer: LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.
443
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:13,604
THE BOSTON CELTICS WOULD
LIKE TO GIVE A WARM WELCOME
444
00:21:13,639 --> 00:21:14,650
TO THE YOUNG MAN WHO RECOVERED
445
00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:18,542
THE 1981 CELTIC
CHAMPIONSHIP BANNER,
446
00:21:18,577 --> 00:21:21,712
MR. PETE DUNVILLE!
447
00:21:21,748 --> 00:21:23,413
YEAH!
448
00:21:38,431 --> 00:21:40,731
HELLO. OH, HEY, LAR.
449
00:21:40,766 --> 00:21:41,732
WHO'S THAT?
450
00:21:41,767 --> 00:21:43,066
LARRY BIRD.
451
00:21:43,102 --> 00:21:45,402
LARRY, LARRY, LARRY,
LARRY... LET IT GO.
452
00:21:45,438 --> 00:21:46,737
GIMME THE PHONE.
453
00:21:46,772 --> 00:21:48,239
OK, SO CAMP POMAHACK HAD A LAKE,
454
00:21:48,274 --> 00:21:49,573
BUT WE HAD TETHERBALL.
455
00:21:49,609 --> 00:21:51,074
WE HAD ARCHERY, LARRY.
456
00:21:51,110 --> 00:21:52,075
GIMME THE PHONE.
457
00:21:52,111 --> 00:21:53,577
WELL, SO WHAT?
458
00:21:53,613 --> 00:21:55,746
FIELD HOCKEY'S FOR SISSIES.
459
00:21:55,781 --> 00:21:58,741
[DIAL TONE] BERG,
GIVE ME THE PHONE!
460
00:22:01,741 --> 00:22:05,741
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