All language subtitles for BostonLegal.3.03.DesperatelySeekingShirley.EN

Previously on Boston Legal:
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We're the new guys.

He is officially the grossest
person I've ever met.

–A post-nup?
–My idea.

–She gets my Cigarette boat?
–Only if you cheat.

We met on Facespace.
Today is our first real date.

Denny, it's me,
Bethany.

When you called me a “midget”,
you caused me emotional distress.

Judge Marcia Hooper was
found murdered last night.

We were having an affair.

Could my son actually be arrested?

They wouldn't be hauling him away in
cuffs, if they didn't have the goods on him.

–Maybe I should do it.
–You mean, kill judge Hooper?

Maybe *he* wants me to kill her.

He just happened to be
at the murder scene.

He just happened to be having
a sweet little affair with the victim.

Oh!

And he just happened to be having a
teenie-weenie little dream about killing her.

I might have been born yesterday, folks,
but I wasn't born last night!

Does anybody really think
he didn't kill her?

My God! We need to gag this woman.

I did once.

Best sexual experience of my life.

What are you talking about?

She covered one of my trials.

She's an animal.

You had sex with this reporter?

Please, Paul.

A gentleman never talks.

Get with the program, folks,
this guy is guilty as sin.

She's an animal.

Danny, she seems to be on the attack.

Did it end badly?

Not for me.

Your honour,
Jeffrey Coho.

I wanted to introduce myself,
convey my deepest—

I know who you are, Mr Coho.

You're the man giving representation
to the person who murdered my wife.

Your Honour, I don't believe
Scott Little took the life of your wife.

I wouldn't defend him
if I thought that he did.

Because you don't defend
guilty people, is that it?

–You disgust me.
–Already?

It's not enough that you tried to secure the
freedom of an adulterer and a murderer—

We both want the real killer
brought to justice here.

It's not Scott Little.

Get out!

If I may ask,

there are rumours that your wife's infidelity
extended significantly beyond my client.

Did you know about this?

How dare you come into this room, and
indict not only my late wife—

–Don't want to be insensitive—
–but also my marriage?

…to the person who killed your wife—

Your client murdered my wife.

–…because I'm told—
–Get out of my chambers!

…that you've told other people
that your marriage was in trouble.

–Who told you that?
–They insisted on anonymity.

Your Honour, please.

We all want to get to
the truth of this.

Jonathan, what are you doing here?

I hope nothing ex parte.

One of my staff saw you come here.
What are you doing?

Trying to find out
who killed Marcia Hooper.

Don't you wanna know?
–Are you kidding me?

Certainly I'm allowed to interview
potential witnesses,

don't tell me the tampering
is already begun.

You are out of your mind.

Yes, how nice to remain
so tightly locked inside yours.

Let me tell you something
right now.

If you start to intimidate
my witnesses—

–Why yours? Do you have dibs?

Is this the way
you wanna play it?

Fine.

Doesn't seem we can
settle this with words.

Maybe we should fight.

Why does everyone in Boston
just stare at me?

Hello.

We're looking for—

Shirley Schmidt!

Missy.
Ivan.

Shirley.

We thought we'd share
our good news.

We're having babies.

Congratulations!

Sally Bowles is pregnant.

We're becoming a family, Shirley.
It's all falling into place.

The happy ending, just like I dreamed!

Yes it is, Sally Bowles!
Yes it is!

Honey, get the slobber towel.

♫ “Cause life is a cabaret
old dog…” ♫

She's not really old.

♫ “Life is a cabaret…” ♫

So I hear.

Ivan, I'm gonna leave you
with the girls while I tinkle.

Certainly, sweetheart.

–God, I hate her.
–Oh, boy.

I tried, this time.

I want to love her.
No, I do love her.

She's just too much. Too
much singing, too much sex.

I'm not a young man anymore.

And, well, there's the fact
that she's stupid.

Ivan, you're choking on
your sixth wife.

Have you ever though about slowing down
and chewing them up more carefully?

Shirley, I know that you
and I left on bad terms,

but if you have even a modicum
of forgiveness in you

I need your help.

But… I'm Missy's attorney…

Exactly. You wrote her post-nup.

Where is the back door?
That's all I'm asking.

...and, as Missy's attorney, I should
be advising her, right now.

My hunch is that she doesn't
even know you want out.

She's been busy decorating
the nursery.

What I can tell you, is…
there is no back door.

That post-nup is as tight as your
soon-to-be-sixth-ex-wife's tushy.

Shirley, you wrote that post-nup
right after you learned that

I was sleeping with you
while still married with Missy.

You must have put in a loophole.

God, that would have been smart!

I must have been too distracted
by that irritating rage.

I'm sorry, Ivan, but that
agreement clearly states that

if you cause a dissolution of
that marriage in any form,

you will lose the bulk of your assets.

Well then, Shirley,
my first love,

it pains me to do this.

You're serving me?

It's the only way I can
nullify the post-nup.

Besides, we'll be
back in court together.

It'll be fun.

What's going on?

Scott, I want you to listen to me.

Just hear me out
for a second, ok?

I'm represented by counsellor.

And if you wish to assert that right,
I will respect it and leave,

but before you do anything,
just hear what I have to say.

You don't have to respond;
in fact, I would advise you not to.

I believe that Jeffrey Coho is placing his
own grandiose interests above yours.

The last thing that
he wants to see here,

is a plea agreement or some deal that
might preempt his 15 minutes.

This is a man who covets,
perhaps thrives on media attention.

He would rather see you
convicted, in my belief,

than give up the chance of
a spectacle that might
maximise his profile.

And Scott, this is a case that
should be put out.

The victim was struck once.

We know this was heat of passion,
we know that you didn't mean to kill her,

but if we go to trial, we will
be charging first degree.

Scott, your semen was there.

You were having an affair with her.

You told your shrink you had
urges to kill her.

There's no way that we lose this one.

Second degree, you could be
out of here in eight years.

First degree, you are looking at life.

The reason I'm in here
telling you all this, is

because someone needs to, and I
suspect that it won't be Jeffrey Coho.

He will never counsel you
to give up his OJ moment.

If his becoming famous means
you spend the rest of your life in jail,

so be it.

Denny Crane! In the flesh.
A lot of flesh.

You look taller.

Oh, I'm just walking on air,
just the thought of suing you.

You said you have an offer?
–Yes, I offer you this.

–It's a depo notice.
–That's right.

I thought, instead of
giving you money,

I would depose and get this complaint
kicked before you even begin.

–Oh, is that what you thought?
–Yeah.

You think you're just gonna
make me go away?

You want a war?
You got a war.

You fat old man.

Let the games begin, small fry.

Well…

certainly his allegations of blackmail
lead to duress and unconscionability,

and if Ivan goes to the press—

I don't think he'll go to the press.
He has his reputation.

Plus, if there's one thing about
Ivan, he doesn't play dirty.

Shirley, Paul.

I believe you've met
my attorney, Alan Shore.

How do you do?

What's going on?

I told Alan my story,
he's agreed to represent me.

–That's ridiculous.
–I'm a fan of ridiculous.

It's also an unwaivable conflict.
We're both attorneys of the same firm.

Oh, please. You used to be
married to Ivan.

Clearly we've already hurdled
the “conflict of interests” bar.

What the hell are you doing?

Shirley, what you did to
my client was unfair.

I'm a man of principle…
or not,

whatever the situation calls for.

Don't be so greedy.

There is enough fun to
go around for everybody.

–I forbid you to represent this man.
–Even better.

Come on, Alan.
Let's prepare.

Uh, this could get ugly.

You think?

I'll inform the executive committee,

and I believe there's one other
person you need to inform.

Missy! Not every marriage
was meant to be.

Not every couple…

The lungs on you!

I learned to project in “Gypsy”.

Missy, I… just want
to assure you that

what happened between Ivan
and me was totally unpremeditated

without malice or intent
to hurt you.

I'm sure just one thing
led to another.

–That's right.
–He's very charming.

He can be.

Oh, Shirley…

Tell me what happened!

–In your marriage?
–In bed with you and Ivan.

–What?
–Tell me.

If I know what you two did,
I'll be able to move past it.

But I have to know exactly
what I'm moving past.

You have to know exactly?

Couldn't you just know...
“—ish”?

You're right. I'll just…
imagine the details.

The important part is that you did the
brave, honourable, honest thing
by telling me.

Well, I still want you
to represent me,

so, what happens next?

We go to court.

You approached the defendent
directly with a plea offer?

I did not go there to
elicit any response.

Why did you go there?

Because I have ethical concerns

as to whether he's getting a fair and true
representation from this megalomaniac.

I consider myself first and foremost
an officer of the court.

You're in contempt.

And if I think a defendant's interests
are being undermined

by a narcissistic lawyer's need
for publicity—

If you ever so much as look at the
defendent again outside of counsel,

I will declare prosecutorial misconduct
and direct a verdict for the defendant.

Your Honour, he's gone
to all my witnesses.

Mr Little is the accused,
one with counsel,

and Mr Coho is entitled
to talk to the witnesses.

–You want to rein me in?
–You're not helping yourself, sir.

I will not let this trial
become about the two of you.

We have a canon of legal ethics
which you will both abide by,

or I will remove you both.

Mr Winant…

I am shocked and appalled.

That is all.

Hey, sorry to turn you in, I
just thought he'd wanna know.

I don't mean to sound impatient,

I've been waiting for
close to two hours.

I just want ten minutes.

As you can see, Mr Coho,
Dr Simon is extremely busy.

I explained you he would not
be able to see you today.

I believe I explained it
to you twice.

It's just, um…

I'm a little upset that Dr Simon would
reveal everything that I told him
in a private session.

I would expect that he would not
repeat everything I told him in
the strictest confidence,

and blab to everyone about
my phobias and sexual problems,

and my most intimate insecurities.

And to print it on his website!

Hold on one second, please.

If I lose a single patient as a result
of that flagrant, outrageous outburst,

I will sue you.

Well, that's gonna have to be
a counter claim, cause

we're probably gonna
sue you first.

I got a client sitting
in a jail cell

because you violated doctor-
-patient communication.

That's priviledged information, pal.

You don't think it was
an agonising thing?

–You think it was legal?
–Yes, it was legal.

If I believe somebody's
life is in danger—

Her life was no longer in danger.
She was dead.

No, she wasn't, not when
I turned the tape over!

–When did you turn it over?
–The afternoon of her death.

You gave the tape to the police
the afternoon of her death?

Well, I…

I didn't give it to the police.

I gave it to her husband.

–What?
–He was here, so I gave it to him.

What do you mean, he was here?

Scott Little was referred
to me by Marcia Hooper,

who I used to treat.

I currently treat her husband, Brian.

OK, before we start,

I want it on the record that I am very
uncomfortable deposing a dwarf.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means I'm uncomfortable.

I don't need any victims' rights groups
picketing outside my condo.

Not to mention the fact you obviously
have deep psychological issues,

to accept any date with a 72-year
old man, let alone… him.

Just ask your questions,
bitchy-doo.

I want that attack
on the record.

Is it your testimony,
Ms Horowitz,

that when two people meet
for romantic purposes,

they are not entitled to judge one
another on physical appearance?

That is not my testimony,

but he is not allowed to call me a midget
in a crowded room full of my peers.

–Oh, other people heard this?
–Yes.

–Name six.
–I didn't get names.

I was too shaken.
–I see.

Do you make room for the possibility
that Mr Crane was shaken?

Did you ever mentioned beforehand
that you were a… little person?

–I said that I'm pétite.
–Pétite?

That's what I am.
I am pétite.

You two spoke over the internet
for two weeks,

divulging personal,
intimate details.

You leave out the fact that
you're under three feet tall?

Do you think that's honest?

Look at him!
Did I get Mel Gibson?

Maybe I did.

Why didn't you tell him
you were a dwarf?

Because it shouldn't matter.

–It shouldn't matter?
–No, it shouldn't matter.

I can see you're hurt.

Could you be especially hurt
because

this is the first time you felt
you hooked up with someone

where you being a dwarf
didn't matter?

Who are you, Dr Phil?

During the course of
your internet relationship,

did you happen to fall
for my client a little?

–Oh, please.
–Then what's the harm?

You seem pretty thick-skinned.

Sure you faced
your share of ridicule.

Were you really damaged by
a callous remark from a buffoon?

Who are you to say what does
or doesn't humiliate me?

You had high hopes for a relat-
ionship with this man, didn't you?

You daydreamed about going up
against him in law school.

You were in awe of him.
And he rejected you.

My client signed this post-nup under
both emotional and carnal duress.

The terms are onerous,
unconscionable—

We negotiated in good faith, your Honour,
there was nothing onerous about it.

Why would anyone
voluntarily sign away

all of his possessions for
virtually no consideration?

He was under a spell or sort
of orgasmic stupour.

The consideration was
sex with Missy.

Oh, please, he was still
getting it on with you.

–Objection! –Which brings us
right back to unconscionable.

–Mr Shore, that's enough.
–Really?

Then I'd like to call a witness.

–What witness?
–You.

–Me?
–You.

–He can't call opposing counsel.
–Of course I can!

Ms Schmidt is a material witness,
in fact she's *the* material witness.

She's perfectly happy to bellow
her position in open court.

I merely ask that
she do so under oath.

I'll allow it.

Ms Schmidt will take
the stand this afternoon.

Your résumé intact?

Shirley, you're being retaliatory.

It becomes you.

The shrink was treating
the victim and her husband?

He saw that tape, he
didn't tell his wife.

–How can you be sure of that?
–She made love to Scott that night.

But would she have done that
if she knew that he harboured
thoughts of killing her?

Would she not have
said something like,

“hey, what's up with
wanting me dead?”

The husband saw the tape;
he sat on it;

he didn't tell her.

What're you thinking?

I'm thinking, “how perfect
if he wanted to kill her”.

The angry bald little husband,
he waits for Scott to come over,

waits for them to make love,
perfect, he comes home,

whacks her once on the head,
dials 911,

hands over the tape.

The angry, bald little husband's
killed his wife…

just like in the movies.

It's very good news.

–The police know about this?
–They must.

The minute he gave them the tape,
they had to ask when he got it.

Whether they know that Dr Simon
treated him and her,

I don't know. But the truth is,
Scott, it doesn't matter.

Because you are the only one they have
a shot at getting for this murder.

You're the target.

In the end, that tape
speaks for itself.

What's this?

I need you to authorise our access

to Dr Simon's notes and records
concerning your treatment.

Why?

We'll have to be able to put
that footage in a context.

There may be things that
you said that I can use.

I can't know that until
I review it all.

I don't think I want you to see or
read everything I said to my shrink.

Scott, it would be for our eyes only.

There's nothing I said
that's really relevant.

You got to let us
decide that, Scott.

No.

That stuff is priviledged.

Scott, I'm the one vested
with saving your life.

That's not shaping up to be
an easy job, right now.

I don't want you looking
at my therapist's records.

–Scott…
–I said, no!

What do you mean,
she won't drop it?

She's hurt.

My advice is, if you really
want this to go away,

you have to apologise, and
this time make it heartfelt.

–Do you do that?
–Never.

I really appreciate your coming.

I'd like a small sandwich
and some coffee.

Not a problem.

You want to talk to me
about the boy, don't you?

Well, yes, but first I'd like to
talk to you about that night.

–The night she died?
–Yes.

He was there, that night…
the boy.

And did you see them make love?

No, but he used the clicker.

The clicker?

The remote, that opens
the garage door.

She gave all her special
lovers, clickers.

That way they could go undetected
by suspecting neighbours.

But I always knew.

Did you see anybody besides
Scott Little go there that night?

No. He left at nine,

and the husband got home sometime
between ten and eleven.

–Between ten and eleven, you're sure?
–Oh, yes.

I was out with my little dog.

I walk my little dog always
between ten and eleven.

And that's when I saw
the husband go in.

–You're sure it was the husband?
–I am.

He drives some sort of little white
convertible, in an attempt, I suppose,

to seem interesting,
which he's not, not at all.

He's a nasty little man.

He made her get that
restraining order against me,

he made her do it.

Well, you are a peeping tom.

Oh, she liked that.

She liked that I looked.
I was a benign peepie.

The other men who had the clickers,
do you think you might recognise them?

I might.

But he was her favourite…
the boy.

Oh, she liked that boy.

Ms Schmidt,

you and my client, Ivan Tiggs, made love
on the night of May 13th, did you not?

Right out of the gate!

Yes, we did.

–Did he satisfy you completely?
–Objection.

Tell us everything,
leave nothing out.

–Objection!
–What? Oh, yes.

It goes to unconscionability.

If Mr Tiggs pleased her
to such an extent—

Mr Shore.

Mr Tiggs did satisfy you,
didn't he?

I'm under oath.
It wasn't his best work.

Mr Shore, what, pray tell,
is your point?

My point is, the parties were… entwined
and in a val— but still very emotional—

moist physical relationship
even after he remarried,

but you two did get
back together, didn't you?

Only because he told me
he left his wife!

And how did that make you feel, when
you discovered Ivan was still married?

Did the fact that he was unfaithful
hurt me? Yes it did.

Did it surprise me?
No it did not.

After all, he's a womanising
slimeball.

And, consumed of anger, perhaps
vengeance, à soupçon de passion,

you then solicited his wife.

–Is that what you think?
–It's what we both know.

I volunteered to represent her…

Whose idea was the
postnuptual agreement?

Mine.

Post-nups are meant to provide support
after a divorce, not prevent one.

–Who is the lawyer here?
–Certainly not you.

…specifically prepared it
to prevent me from doing

what I had done with you.

–I simply wanted to present you with options.
–Options?

They were no options,
this was blackmail.

Your Honour, he is the party,
not the lawyer!

…80% of my net worth you
also attached my boat,

everything I hold dear.
–You need to reassess your priorities.

Are you going to tell us
under oath that this agreement,

which virtually makes me penniless,

has nothing whatsoever to do
with your personal feelings for me?

–Isn't it exciting?
–Objection!

My relations with you had absolutely
no impact on how I represented my client.

My job as attorney, is to
vigorously represent my clients.

In this case, my client
was Mrs Missy Tiggs.

And as her counsel I drafted
a postnuptual agreement,

which both protected her interests
on a personal and a material level.

You, on the other hand,
represented yourself.

You, as both counsel and
client, had full control of this.

You reviewed all the terms,
you ran it past yourself,

and then you voluntarily signed it.

–Now, wait a minute!
–She is magnificent.

You cheated on your wife,
you deceived me, and

now you want this court to invalidate
a perfectly legal agreement,

because you couldn't keep the vows
you made, when you were married.

Your honour, she's lecturing me.

Duress, unconscionability,
gimme a break.

You're just bored and you
don't wanna lose your stuff.

Enough.

First of all, I wanna thank you
for coming back in.

Secondly, I want to apologise…
eh, in a heartfelt way…

I was wrong.

That's very big of you to admit.

What is it you want?
Money, is it?

You wanna make this right?

I'll settle for your law firm.
–Oh, gee, is that all?

I wanna borrow it and you
for a meeting.

I'm trying to settle a case,
and I'm having a hard time

moving the defendant off his
disgusting lowball offer.

If I had Crane, Poole
& Schmidt behind me,

I think they might budge.

A meeting?

Will I have to talk?

You're much more
impressive when you don't.

One meeting?

In these offices.
I'll call it even.

Not quite.
One condition.

Take off your clothes.
–What?

Oh, come on, that
was the initial plan.

We hit it off, eventually
we get together…

naked…

Take off your clothes. Lemme
see that little package.

You are the most disgusting, vulgar
human being I have ever met.

You're right.

Just the top then?

I promised myself that
I wouldn't lose my composure,

but that's exactly what I did.

Shirley, how many promises
have you kept with yourself

when it comes to Ivan Tiggs?

Look.

No evidence of anybody else there,
not a fibre, a print—

Come on, Mary, who else
could have done this but Scott Little?

Hello, how about the husband?

Spousicide is
the most common cau—

Well, they're playing that,
for all that's worth.

Well, of course they are.
Ratings for the war are slipping.

Shirley, we have to settle
this with Ivan Tiggs.

Let's just see how
Missy's testimony goes.

When a person is told
she needs heart surgery,

she does not expect to be
shipped to India to have it.

You say it like she was forced.

Your client's wife was provided
with an option—

Option?

Pay 18,000 dollars here, or go
to India and have it for free?

Does this sound like a real option
for a low income person, Mr Jovanka?

Look, your client wouldn't even
have had health insurance,

if we couldn't make it affordable—
–She died, Mr Jovanka.

Am I expected to get on a plane
now and go sue Indians?

The death had nothing to do with
malpractice or the quality of care provided.

What about the therapeutic value of
having family around during surgery?

–Look—
–You keep saying “look”.

Heart surgery in the United States
costs $90000 all in,

in India it costs $10000.

With a crisis of health care
coverage in this country,

what responsible HMO wouldn't
incentivise its patients to go abroad?

This woman did not die
because of sub-standard care.

And if you think you're gonna
scare us into settling

by sticking this prop at the table
a week before trial,

you are as mistaken as
you are transparent.

What did you call me?

I mean no disrespect.

Get out of my office before
I throw you out of the window.

Fine.

I'll see you at trial.

Great.

Well, I hope that helped.

See you in court.

When we back somebody,
we back him all of the way.

Really?

You have the full resources
of Crane, Poole & Schmidt.

I held up my end of the bargain.

I was a good wife.

I came from a modest background,

and this man came, and
he swept me off my feet.

I entered his world, and I became
accustomed to his life style,

adjusted.

Uh, we were only
married nine months.

–I'm a fast adjuster!
–So, what is your life like now?

I'm comfortable, but
my Sally's having puppies,

I have so much more
responsibility now.

I'm going to be a single mother.

Is she having the puppies?

They're show dogs.

How am I supposed to raise
show dogs by myself?

And how do you feel now that
your husband has ended the marriage?

Objection! This is
ludicrous, your Honour.

I'm not going to throw her out
to become a lovable street urchin'!

I'll make a good settlement,
I'll pay her alimony,

and do the good things
I always do.

However, that is not the
agreement you signed.

An agreement you conceived of
and coerced him to sign.

Oh, please, you have never been
coerced into anything in your entire life.

–You don't know everything about me.
–Yes I do.

In my chambers.

Just Ms Schmidt and Mr Tiggs.

Couldn't I come in
and just watch?

No.

I have had it with you two.

If I wanted to see a couple
bickering, I could just go home.

–We are not a couple.
–Right…

You're playing out your personal
problems in my courtroom.

I can hold you in contempt and
recommend you be sanctioned by the bar.

Your Honour, Mr Tiggs has a history
of ruining women's lives.

There's one out there right now.

It's going to take her years
to get over this.

Oh, she'll get over me.
She's like a goldfish.

She has a three-second memory.

You, on the other hand,
can hold on to things for years.

What are you implying?

You didn't make that post-nup to…

to punish me, or to keep me
faithful to Missy.

You did it to keep me away
from you, because you know…

that you can't trust yourself
with me.

It is always about how much people
want you, isn't it Ivan?

No, just about how much
you want me.

Admit it, Shirley.
You're still in love with me.

You're a very disturbed man.

You know how I feel
about you, Shirley.

I'll tell you what. I'll withdraw
the motion and relinquish everything.

My homes, my country club member-
ship, my Cuban cigars…

Missy can have it all, if you agree
to stop fighting yourself…

and give me one more chance.

I've given you
too many chances.

Alright.

I'll relinquish everything
if you go to dinner with me.

I'll take you to Melville's.

But you may have to pay.

Have the rib-eye.

Jeffrey, little probléma.

Hi.

Scott Little's father's in
the prosecution's witness list.

–What do you mean?
–I mean, they're calling our client's father.

Did you know this?
–Our client?

–Is she on this case?
–What can he possibly say?

He's on his way in.
We can go ask him.

We?

Is she on the case?

I don't have to tell you anything.

Mr Schiller, Scott Little
is your son.

Why isn't his name “Schiller”?

She changed it legally
to her maiden name.

Because she's as spiteful
as she is grotesque.

Tell us what you plan
to say, Michael.

I'm not your little dog, I don't
have to obey your commands.

You didn't tell me this
hideous witch would be here.

This is a pathetic attempt
to be relevant in your son's life.

Testifying against him!

You denied my relevance.

You wouldn't even
let me see him!

I was afraid he'd
grow up to be you!

You know, I can't stay here.
Seeing her breathe and speak,

makes it too difficult
to pretend she's dead.

I pretended to be dead
during sex.

You seem to prefer it.

Because you as a corps…

that's something to be
excited about.

Ok.

I'm sure it's lovely
catching up like this,

but, Mr Schiller,
this is your son.

We only have
her word on that.

How can you give
testimony against him?

I'm not; at least,
not on the murder.

Then why is the prosecutor
calling you?

He told me I didn't have
to talk to you, people.

Did he advise you
not to talk to us?

I'm leaving.

You think this makes you
a man, Michael?

You've never been a man.

Ok.

Well, this is exciting.

Bethany, Brad will be
your point man here.

If you need anything,
go to him.

If you're not satisfied…

you come to me.

Thank you.

I'll arrange to have
your files sent over…

set up a command centre.
–Ok.

I wanna thank you
for doing this.

I could never take on
a big HMO myself,

which is why they've
offered me nothing.

Bethany, I wanna apologise
for objectifying you.

The truth is,

I do it to most women.

As…

as I was looking at you,
in that room,

going head to head
with that opposing counsel,

I thought to myself, “I'll bet
there goes a little sexual dynamo”!

Would you like
to try lunch again?

Let's just get through
the trial, Denny.

We're going out to dinner, so…
hopefully we can work it all out.

Excellent. Congratulations,
Shirley.

Alan, why?

I deserve an explanation.

Yes.

First of all, the post-nup was
irrationally lop-sided.

Would be a shame
to see Ivan destitute,

but even more shameful to see
Missy at the helm of a Cigarette boat.

And second of all?

Well…

that's private.

But, something I'll continue to dwell on
as I gaze at that lovely photo of you

that hangs on the wall
of my powder room.

Careful, Alan.

Oh, Shirley, I assure you,
I always take the greatest of care.

But, the thing about the photo is…
as a young woman you were divine.

And in maturity… sublime.

Well, I…

I guess I'm happy
to have made you happy.

Shirley, the truth is,

I only took this case
to be in court with you.

I enjoy your company.

So, if I can't join you on cases,
I'll just have to oppose you.

Or I could just oppose you
right now against the wall.

That would certainly
make me happy.

I was almost there.

Was this lawsuit about
sexual antagonism?

Shirley…

if I thought I could
sexually profit from this,

I would have dragged this thing through
family court for years and years.

This... is just about having
a fine rib-eye... with lovely company.

Shall we leave it at that?

You can't have me back.

Ah… well…

we've both seen this movie, Shirley,
we both know how it ends.

You and I, living
happily ever after.

At least for a few weeks.

I can't love you anymore.

So…

you and Ivan were in it…
for the same thing.

Shirley.

Joanna made me realise it as she
was fitting me for a dress shirt…

Denny, somehow I've grown
rather fond of Shirley.

Well, you can't have her.

Besides, a man doesn't…
eat where his friends…

–‘Schmidts’.
–Exactly. I worked that turf a long time ago.

Let's talk about you, suddenly
co-counselling the woman who sued you.

She's a little powder-cake.

You were once involved with a…

a little person, weren't you?
–I was.

How was she?

As a person… in bed.

Infatigable.

Her nickname…
is “the badger”.

I wonder if she's
a badger in the sack.

Could be painful.

Do you think she'd mind you
talking about her this way?

No idea. Why?

Well, perhaps you should
look down, Denny.

–Do not tell me…
–Oh, yes.

–Oh no…
–Yes.

Having a greater appreciation
for who and... what you are,

I'm not offended.

–You snuck up on me.
–No.

I came to tell you that the court
assigned a trial date.

Opening arguments on Monday.

She got a cute little ass,
doesn't she?

She certainly does.

Here's to all shapes
and sizes, my friend.

And to new and
exciting adventures.

Except for Shirley.