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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,269 --> 00:00:17,864 I've been camming online for money. 2 00:00:17,914 --> 00:00:18,430 [moans] 3 00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:20,390 NARRATOR: Previously on Now Apocalypse. 4 00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:22,851 I told you I could only come if I was finished with my work. 5 00:00:22,901 --> 00:00:23,562 Sev, wait! 6 00:00:23,612 --> 00:00:25,645 ULYSSES: From the moment me and Gabriel met, 7 00:00:25,695 --> 00:00:27,906 there was this supernatural connection between us. 8 00:00:29,324 --> 00:00:31,734 My name's Aja. Ah! Oh! Oh! 9 00:00:31,784 --> 00:00:33,730 -Don't you ever get bizarre premonitions? 10 00:00:33,780 --> 00:00:34,446 -MAN: Help me. 11 00:00:34,496 --> 00:00:37,490 They keep fucking me. They won't stop. 12 00:00:37,540 --> 00:00:39,747 -I'm fucking quitting acting. -Whatever happened to that web 13 00:00:39,797 --> 00:00:40,869 series that you were writing? 14 00:00:40,919 --> 00:00:41,953 I'll help you film it. 15 00:00:42,003 --> 00:00:45,006 You... want me to spank you? 16 00:00:46,799 --> 00:00:48,001 ULYSSES: Fucking, sucking, 17 00:00:48,051 --> 00:00:50,587 hand jobs, rimming, ass stuff, 18 00:00:50,637 --> 00:00:53,631 fingering, nipple play, then double it. 19 00:00:53,681 --> 00:00:56,551 'Cause of course, you can give and receive. So, what is it, like 12? 20 00:00:56,601 --> 00:00:59,053 Maybe you count making out, so it's like 13. 21 00:00:59,103 --> 00:01:01,168 -So, like, let's say like 15. 22 00:01:01,218 --> 00:01:01,890 -OK. 23 00:01:01,940 --> 00:01:04,017 Of the 15 or so... 24 00:01:04,067 --> 00:01:07,604 items on the gay sex menu, I'm into most all of them. 25 00:01:07,654 --> 00:01:11,566 But there's two things you can only do with a girl. 26 00:01:11,616 --> 00:01:13,610 Fucking a vag, and eating one. 27 00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:14,944 -Right. -Mmm. 28 00:01:14,994 --> 00:01:16,613 And I genuinely enjoy both. 29 00:01:16,663 --> 00:01:17,906 Especially fucking a pussy. 30 00:01:17,956 --> 00:01:19,657 It is not at all like fucking an ass. 31 00:01:19,707 --> 00:01:21,451 It's a totally different sensation. 32 00:01:21,501 --> 00:01:25,079 It's the only hole designed to accommodate a cock. 33 00:01:25,129 --> 00:01:26,789 Exactly. 34 00:01:26,839 --> 00:01:28,625 But, I'm still naturally 35 00:01:28,675 --> 00:01:31,628 so much more attracted to guys, so it doesn't even make me bi, 36 00:01:31,678 --> 00:01:34,399 it's just like, every once in a while, you know, I like to 37 00:01:34,449 --> 00:01:35,340 order off the menu. 38 00:01:35,390 --> 00:01:36,966 Plus, Aja was really hot. 39 00:01:37,016 --> 00:01:41,387 It makes sense. I mean, 99% of the time, I am... 40 00:01:41,437 --> 00:01:43,806 all about the "D." But, then, I don't know, 41 00:01:43,856 --> 00:01:45,808 sometimes I'll just randomly end up with a cunt in my mouth. 42 00:01:45,858 --> 00:01:50,063 And I'm all, [exhales sharply] guess I'm progressive. 43 00:01:50,113 --> 00:01:52,982 [both laugh] 44 00:01:53,032 --> 00:01:54,859 ♪ Then life is finite ♪ 45 00:01:54,909 --> 00:01:57,946 [Ford sighs] I'm sorry, Sev. 46 00:01:57,996 --> 00:01:59,656 You know I hate it when we fight. 47 00:01:59,706 --> 00:02:01,449 We're not fighting. 48 00:02:01,499 --> 00:02:03,826 I'm very busy at the moment, and you're unhappy about it. 49 00:02:03,876 --> 00:02:07,956 I understand that work is a priority for you. 50 00:02:08,380 --> 00:02:11,876 I just, I need to make sure that our relationship is a priority, too. 51 00:02:11,926 --> 00:02:13,461 SEV: Of course it is, Ford. 52 00:02:13,511 --> 00:02:15,964 Just because I need to focus on work right now, 53 00:02:16,014 --> 00:02:18,841 doesn't mean I care any less about you. 54 00:02:18,891 --> 00:02:22,011 But I really must go, Lars and Klaus are waiting. 55 00:02:22,061 --> 00:02:23,555 Can I still see you later? 56 00:02:23,605 --> 00:02:25,431 I might be very late, and I need to get up 57 00:02:25,481 --> 00:02:26,558 early in the morning. 58 00:02:26,608 --> 00:02:28,518 That's cool. I, I don't mind. 59 00:02:28,568 --> 00:02:29,852 SEV: All right. 60 00:02:29,902 --> 00:02:31,896 But I need to get to sleep as soon as I get home. 61 00:02:31,946 --> 00:02:33,523 I, I promise, 62 00:02:33,573 --> 00:02:35,066 I just want to sleep next to you. 63 00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:37,151 Fine, I'll see you later then. 64 00:02:37,340 --> 00:02:39,028 Sweet, OK. Bye, babes! 65 00:02:39,380 --> 00:02:40,163 Bye, Ford. 66 00:02:41,934 --> 00:02:43,180 Sorry about that. 67 00:02:43,389 --> 00:02:46,509 -No problem. -It is why we are both still single. 68 00:02:46,753 --> 00:02:49,005 -Anyway, shall we? -Mm. 69 00:02:51,633 --> 00:02:53,751 Oh, I was meaning to ask. 70 00:02:53,801 --> 00:02:55,804 Have either of you noticed any unusual 71 00:02:55,854 --> 00:02:57,639 vehicles following you recently? 72 00:02:59,974 --> 00:03:01,426 No, why? 73 00:03:01,476 --> 00:03:02,477 Have you? 74 00:03:04,062 --> 00:03:07,065 I thought so, the other day. But, I'm sure it was nothing. 75 00:03:08,691 --> 00:03:10,602 This is, seriously, 76 00:03:10,652 --> 00:03:13,062 our last round. We gotta get up early tomorrow. 77 00:03:13,112 --> 00:03:16,816 The 8:00 a.m. call time was your brilliant idea. Not mine. 78 00:03:16,866 --> 00:03:18,985 We do have a lot of scenes to shoot 79 00:03:19,035 --> 00:03:20,453 in one day. 80 00:03:22,622 --> 00:03:25,742 -What are you doing? -Sorry, uh, it was my cam client. 81 00:03:25,792 --> 00:03:27,744 Worm. Uh, we were sexting earlier. 82 00:03:28,140 --> 00:03:30,455 I didn't think that you gave your number out to these guys. 83 00:03:30,505 --> 00:03:33,418 Yeah, I,I don't normally. But, I, I don't know, 84 00:03:33,468 --> 00:03:35,168 this one is like weirdly... 85 00:03:35,218 --> 00:03:37,045 endearing. 86 00:03:37,095 --> 00:03:38,796 He looks like a dying bird. 87 00:03:38,846 --> 00:03:41,348 -Is this the... Is this the pee guy? 88 00:03:41,398 --> 00:03:42,216 -Mmm. 89 00:03:42,266 --> 00:03:44,801 Did I tell you about him? Yeah, he, uh, he watched me 90 00:03:44,851 --> 00:03:45,762 pee in the bathtub. 91 00:03:45,812 --> 00:03:46,813 Ugh, yeah. 92 00:03:48,231 --> 00:03:49,682 -Mmm. -Was it, like, hot? 93 00:03:49,732 --> 00:03:52,852 Hmm, eh, eh, yeah. 94 00:03:52,902 --> 00:03:55,813 Speaking of, have you heard from Palm Springs guy? 95 00:03:55,863 --> 00:04:00,109 Leif? Oh, no. We-we purposely didn't exchange numbers. 96 00:04:00,159 --> 00:04:02,612 I told him I didn't wanna be tempted, so... 97 00:04:02,662 --> 00:04:04,906 -[phone vibrating] -Sorry. 98 00:04:04,956 --> 00:04:07,992 Oh. And, uh, on that note. 99 00:04:08,042 --> 00:04:09,118 Hey, babe! 100 00:04:09,168 --> 00:04:12,580 -Are you fucking watching it? -Um, yes! 101 00:04:13,380 --> 00:04:14,230 [whispering] He's the worst. 102 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,625 Yeah, uh, American Crime Scene on ABC, right? 103 00:04:16,020 --> 00:04:17,001 CBS! 104 00:04:17,051 --> 00:04:18,753 Yeah, yeah, sorry, of course. Ha ha! 105 00:04:18,803 --> 00:04:19,796 JETHRO: Where are you? 106 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,130 Uh, I just... 107 00:04:22,159 --> 00:04:23,574 I'm just, uh, at home. 108 00:04:23,980 --> 00:04:25,635 Sounds noisy. CARLY: It's, uh... 109 00:04:25,685 --> 00:04:27,553 It's... [chuckles] neighbors. 110 00:04:27,603 --> 00:04:31,599 Uh, oh, oh, oh, baby! Baby! Shh, quiet, quiet. It's my scene. 111 00:04:31,649 --> 00:04:35,812 Ah, ah, ah. Hey-hey, not, not too hard. Just...watch the TV. 112 00:04:35,862 --> 00:04:39,982 Wow, you are so real, and in the moment, bro. 113 00:04:40,032 --> 00:04:41,818 [choking] 114 00:04:41,868 --> 00:04:43,703 Thanks, bro. 115 00:04:59,886 --> 00:05:00,797 Did I wake you? 116 00:05:00,847 --> 00:05:03,631 Sorry, I was trying to be as silent as possible. 117 00:05:03,681 --> 00:05:05,299 That's OK. I just wanted to make sure 118 00:05:05,349 --> 00:05:07,760 to say "good morning" before you go. 119 00:05:07,980 --> 00:05:09,595 That's sweet. 120 00:05:09,645 --> 00:05:11,180 Oh, you're leaving already? 121 00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:14,016 Yes. I told you, I have a very full day today. 122 00:05:14,066 --> 00:05:15,768 -[phone chimes] -All right. 123 00:05:16,180 --> 00:05:17,019 See you later. 124 00:05:17,069 --> 00:05:18,187 Whoa. 125 00:05:18,237 --> 00:05:20,615 -What is it? -Uh... 126 00:05:22,617 --> 00:05:24,193 Otto just... 127 00:05:24,243 --> 00:05:27,697 uh, sent me the photos he took of me from our modeling session. 128 00:05:27,940 --> 00:05:29,081 Oh? 129 00:05:32,180 --> 00:05:34,287 Hmm. OK. 130 00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:36,706 Have a productive day. 131 00:05:36,756 --> 00:05:38,207 Uh, they're good, right? 132 00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:39,917 Yes... 133 00:05:40,180 --> 00:05:43,379 Your body's uh, sublime as a Greek sculpture. 134 00:05:43,429 --> 00:05:45,965 Yeah, you think? 135 00:05:46,015 --> 00:05:48,342 -[phone beeps] -Klaus? Yes. 136 00:05:48,392 --> 00:05:49,677 -I'm on my way. -Sev, wait. 137 00:05:49,727 --> 00:05:51,604 -Sev, wait. -What? 138 00:05:52,660 --> 00:05:53,723 I love you. 139 00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:56,058 -Yeah, me too. -Really? 140 00:05:56,108 --> 00:05:57,602 Do you? 141 00:05:57,652 --> 00:06:00,104 -Do I what? -Love me. 142 00:06:00,154 --> 00:06:02,064 Yes, I just said so. Ford, honestly, 143 00:06:02,114 --> 00:06:04,108 I don't have time for this discussion. 144 00:06:04,158 --> 00:06:07,236 I'll call you later. Klaus. 145 00:06:07,286 --> 00:06:09,906 Yes, sorry. I'm leaving right now. 146 00:06:09,956 --> 00:06:11,290 Bye! 147 00:06:15,540 --> 00:06:17,296 [sighs] 148 00:06:29,809 --> 00:06:32,645 MAN: You still don't get it, do you? 149 00:06:35,064 --> 00:06:36,891 Get what? 150 00:06:36,941 --> 00:06:40,978 What this is all about. 151 00:06:41,028 --> 00:06:42,855 Don't play dumb with me, Ulysses. 152 00:06:42,905 --> 00:06:45,024 You are double Sagittarius, after all. 153 00:06:45,074 --> 00:06:47,276 Scorpio. 154 00:06:47,326 --> 00:06:51,197 The point is you know. You've always known. 155 00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:53,249 What, what are you talking about? 156 00:06:56,919 --> 00:06:59,288 The apocalypse is nigh, when, behold, 157 00:06:59,338 --> 00:07:04,260 the archangel Gabriel appears, and blows his golden trumpet. 158 00:07:29,911 --> 00:07:32,029 [sighs] 159 00:07:32,079 --> 00:07:34,206 [phone alarm beeping] 160 00:07:39,795 --> 00:07:41,163 ULYSSES: So, we are rolling. 161 00:07:41,213 --> 00:07:45,092 MAGENTA: Sluts. Scene one, take one. 162 00:07:48,346 --> 00:07:51,132 OK. And... 163 00:07:51,182 --> 00:07:52,391 action! 164 00:07:53,309 --> 00:07:55,344 I am so over acting. 165 00:07:55,394 --> 00:07:57,138 Like, being an actress in L.A. 166 00:07:57,188 --> 00:07:59,849 is like being anorexic at an all girls boarding school. 167 00:07:59,899 --> 00:08:03,102 It's unoriginal, and you're fucking starving. 168 00:08:03,152 --> 00:08:06,898 Not to mention, there's always someone thinner than you. 169 00:08:06,948 --> 00:08:09,400 CARLY: I was thinking, maybe I should do a web series. 170 00:08:09,450 --> 00:08:11,621 I just feel like I really identify as 171 00:08:11,671 --> 00:08:14,330 someone who would be an internet celebrity. 172 00:08:16,415 --> 00:08:18,242 Fuck, I forgot my line, what is it, again? 173 00:08:18,292 --> 00:08:20,119 You say: "Yeah." 174 00:08:20,420 --> 00:08:22,338 Right, sorry, um. 175 00:08:23,422 --> 00:08:24,423 Yeah! 176 00:08:25,925 --> 00:08:28,210 So, what should my show be about? 177 00:08:28,260 --> 00:08:32,131 Hmm, how about transgender runaways... 178 00:08:32,181 --> 00:08:35,885 Um, actually, the line should be gender non-conforming runaways. 179 00:08:35,935 --> 00:08:39,889 Magenta! We are ad-libbing! Just go stand in the corner. 180 00:08:40,180 --> 00:08:42,516 Um, what about me? Am-am I doing OK? 181 00:08:42,566 --> 00:08:43,976 Who are you? 182 00:08:44,026 --> 00:08:47,021 I'm your new roommate, Emily. 183 00:08:47,071 --> 00:08:49,815 Yeah. Right, sorry. 184 00:08:49,865 --> 00:08:54,495 Emily, could you be less enthusiastic with the table wiping? 185 00:08:56,247 --> 00:08:58,074 Let's just pick it up where we left off, OK? 186 00:08:58,124 --> 00:09:00,117 And... action! 187 00:09:00,167 --> 00:09:03,829 Anyway, so, what's new with you, Odysseus? 188 00:09:03,879 --> 00:09:07,583 Well, I've been on a bit of a sex rampage lately. 189 00:09:07,633 --> 00:09:10,252 I fucked this girl Astrid last night 190 00:09:10,302 --> 00:09:13,005 -under a bus. -OMG. 191 00:09:13,055 --> 00:09:14,423 Are you bisexual now? 192 00:09:14,473 --> 00:09:18,302 I'm not bisexual, I'm just a slut. 193 00:09:18,352 --> 00:09:20,313 [both chuckle] 194 00:09:21,939 --> 00:09:23,891 Teach me , baby. 195 00:09:23,941 --> 00:09:26,526 -Teach me. Teach me, baby! Teach me... 196 00:09:26,576 --> 00:09:28,437 -We can hear you in here! 197 00:09:28,740 --> 00:09:31,816 Oh! Sorry, my bad. 198 00:09:31,866 --> 00:09:35,945 [whispering] Teach me, baby. Teach me, baby. 199 00:09:35,995 --> 00:09:39,156 Ooh. Oh, yeah. 200 00:09:39,206 --> 00:09:40,825 Teach me, baby. 201 00:09:40,875 --> 00:09:43,002 [electronic music plays] 202 00:09:45,171 --> 00:09:46,580 -ULYSSES: And... - [camera shutter clicks] 203 00:09:46,630 --> 00:09:48,958 Action! 204 00:09:49,008 --> 00:09:52,378 Ommm. 205 00:09:52,428 --> 00:09:54,213 Ommm. 206 00:09:54,263 --> 00:09:58,217 Jebediah, I'm so horny. 207 00:09:58,267 --> 00:10:00,636 Please fuck me. Please. 208 00:10:00,686 --> 00:10:03,139 Ommm, get off my jock, Charley. 209 00:10:03,189 --> 00:10:04,876 Can't you see I'm busy trying to 210 00:10:04,926 --> 00:10:06,934 reach a higher plane of consciousness? 211 00:10:06,984 --> 00:10:11,614 Jebediah, please, I am so desperate for your cock. 212 00:10:13,782 --> 00:10:15,192 Wait, wait, wait. 213 00:10:15,274 --> 00:10:15,838 What? 214 00:10:16,994 --> 00:10:20,156 It's just that last line doesn't feel authentic to my character. 215 00:10:20,206 --> 00:10:21,657 Why not? 216 00:10:21,707 --> 00:10:23,993 Sweetie, I wouldn't expect you to understand, but... 217 00:10:24,043 --> 00:10:27,171 someone who meditates couldn't possibly be that condescending. 218 00:10:29,340 --> 00:10:32,001 Look, I think with all the takes that we've done, 219 00:10:32,051 --> 00:10:33,627 -we already got it. -CARLY: OK, whatever. 220 00:10:33,677 --> 00:10:36,172 Let's just move on to the sex scene. 221 00:10:36,222 --> 00:10:38,299 OK, fine, if you say so. 222 00:10:38,349 --> 00:10:40,634 I'll just have to say "I told you so" when all hell breaks loose 223 00:10:40,684 --> 00:10:44,513 in the Zen blogosphere over your flawed representation of the practice. 224 00:10:44,563 --> 00:10:46,390 Um, before we do the sex scene, 225 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,559 I just think it's a good idea for everyone to say out loud 226 00:10:48,609 --> 00:10:51,143 -what they do and do not consent to, as to avoid... 227 00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:52,021 -Shut up! 228 00:10:52,071 --> 00:10:53,072 Magenta! 229 00:10:55,199 --> 00:10:58,694 -Let's continue, shall we? -ULYSSES: OK. 230 00:10:58,744 --> 00:11:00,788 And, action! 231 00:11:02,289 --> 00:11:04,617 Hey, I know you're a feminist, or, 232 00:11:04,667 --> 00:11:07,995 whatever, but I think it is kinda weird that you're using your vibrator 233 00:11:08,045 --> 00:11:10,289 -while we are having sex. -[scoffs] 234 00:11:10,339 --> 00:11:14,210 Fine! If you're so jealous, I won't use it. 235 00:11:14,260 --> 00:11:16,545 -[crashing sound] -JETHRO: Cut, cut, cut, cut. 236 00:11:16,595 --> 00:11:18,759 -Jethro, you cannot say cut, that is my job. 237 00:11:18,809 --> 00:11:19,548 -ULYSSES: I... 238 00:11:19,598 --> 00:11:21,384 [stammering] I thought that was my job. 239 00:11:21,434 --> 00:11:23,260 It's just, just the last vibrator line, 240 00:11:23,310 --> 00:11:26,263 I don't think my character would say something like that. 241 00:11:26,313 --> 00:11:28,149 You literally said that. 242 00:11:29,483 --> 00:11:31,944 No. Don't know what you're talking about. 243 00:11:33,612 --> 00:11:36,115 Lunch. I think that's a lunch. 244 00:11:41,579 --> 00:11:43,205 Oh, oh, wait. 245 00:11:55,551 --> 00:11:58,012 [rock music playing] 246 00:12:02,766 --> 00:12:05,594 JETHRO: So, I've got something that I'd like to say. 247 00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:09,140 It's been a long, and, at times, trying day. 248 00:12:09,190 --> 00:12:11,058 But I think everybody dug deep, 249 00:12:11,108 --> 00:12:12,685 into their well of life experience, 250 00:12:12,735 --> 00:12:14,270 and really delivered the goods. 251 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,605 -So cheers to us actors! -ALL: Cheers! 252 00:12:16,655 --> 00:12:19,984 And congratulations everyone, on a truly amazing day 253 00:12:20,034 --> 00:12:22,653 of creativity and collaboration. 254 00:12:23,060 --> 00:12:25,998 -KAI: To Sluts! -ALL: To Sluts! 255 00:12:27,833 --> 00:12:29,535 You OK? 256 00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:30,586 Whatever. 257 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:38,794 Oh, shit. 258 00:12:38,844 --> 00:12:40,462 My agent called. I've been trying 259 00:12:40,512 --> 00:12:42,131 to get her on the phone all week. 260 00:12:42,181 --> 00:12:44,016 Don't...don't leave me with these people. 261 00:12:48,479 --> 00:12:51,182 Hi, yeah, um, is Velma there? 262 00:12:51,232 --> 00:12:55,144 Uh, she just called me, I'm returning her call. It's Carly Carlson. 263 00:12:55,540 --> 00:12:56,695 Yeah, I can hold. 264 00:12:59,448 --> 00:13:01,817 -VELMA: Hello? -Hey, Velma, it's Carly. 265 00:13:02,340 --> 00:13:03,027 VELMA: Who? 266 00:13:03,660 --> 00:13:05,029 Carly Carlson. 267 00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:06,655 You just called me like an hour ago. 268 00:13:06,705 --> 00:13:08,407 Oh, right. 269 00:13:08,457 --> 00:13:12,536 So, uh, uh, did you get any feedback on my audition last week? 270 00:13:12,586 --> 00:13:14,371 That's not the reason why I called. 271 00:13:15,100 --> 00:13:16,665 Oh, OK. Um... 272 00:13:17,020 --> 00:13:19,692 I just, I actually just finished a, a pretty amazing 273 00:13:19,742 --> 00:13:20,669 shoot, by the way. 274 00:13:20,719 --> 00:13:22,421 Oh, really? On what? 275 00:13:22,860 --> 00:13:24,590 Well, I told you, I'm making my own web series. 276 00:13:24,940 --> 00:13:26,342 Oh, yeah... 277 00:13:26,580 --> 00:13:28,052 Anyway, I'm sorry, Carly, 278 00:13:28,102 --> 00:13:30,179 but I think this relationship has run its course. 279 00:13:30,293 --> 00:13:32,599 Um... what? 280 00:13:32,650 --> 00:13:35,401 I just think you'd be better served elsewhere. 281 00:13:37,152 --> 00:13:40,272 -But I, I, I thought that... -VELMA: Oh, fuck! 282 00:13:40,460 --> 00:13:41,273 What? 283 00:13:41,323 --> 00:13:42,858 I just got outbid on eBay. 284 00:13:43,140 --> 00:13:45,194 Fucking Russian bid bots! 285 00:13:45,380 --> 00:13:48,080 I gotta go, best of luck with your endeavors, Carla. 286 00:13:52,668 --> 00:13:57,089 -[rock music playing] -[party chatter] 287 00:14:03,137 --> 00:14:06,283 All right, I'm gonna head over to the Float Lab and hit the 288 00:14:06,333 --> 00:14:07,675 sensory deprivation tank. 289 00:14:07,860 --> 00:14:09,176 If anyone wants to join me. 290 00:14:09,226 --> 00:14:11,262 Man, I would love to, Jethro, 291 00:14:11,312 --> 00:14:13,722 but unfortunately I have to pass. 292 00:14:13,772 --> 00:14:16,725 Gotta go home and prep for my big audition tomorrow morning. 293 00:14:16,775 --> 00:14:18,811 -EMILY: What? -MAGENTA: Hey, what's that? 294 00:14:18,861 --> 00:14:20,187 What are you auditioning for? 295 00:14:20,237 --> 00:14:22,314 I have no idea. 296 00:14:22,364 --> 00:14:24,681 My manager, Teddy, told me the project is so huge, 297 00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:25,901 it's shrouded in secrecy. 298 00:14:25,951 --> 00:14:28,404 Like, there's no sides, or anything. 299 00:14:28,454 --> 00:14:31,573 I just have this random Hamlet soliloquy to audition with. 300 00:14:31,623 --> 00:14:32,950 [Kai and Magenta laugh] 301 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,244 That's, that's cool, bro, that's really cool. 302 00:14:35,294 --> 00:14:37,802 I mean, luckily for me, Shakespeare is my jam, 303 00:14:37,852 --> 00:14:38,672 so...[laughs] 304 00:14:40,758 --> 00:14:42,876 -MAGENTA: Well, good luck. -Holy shit! 305 00:14:42,926 --> 00:14:46,630 Dude, you must be emanating some crazy powerful vibes, right now. 306 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:50,592 Because my manager, Humberto, just texted me. 307 00:14:50,642 --> 00:14:53,846 I just landed a role in a brand new 308 00:14:53,896 --> 00:14:56,899 premium cable miniseries, starring none other than... 309 00:14:57,900 --> 00:14:59,601 Benedict Cumberbatch! 310 00:14:59,651 --> 00:15:02,271 What the fuck are you talking about? 311 00:15:02,321 --> 00:15:04,999 Me and Ben! Old mate, Benny! We shared this really intense 312 00:15:05,049 --> 00:15:06,400 scene in the opening episode. 313 00:15:06,450 --> 00:15:09,653 He plays a mortician in the 1930s. 314 00:15:09,703 --> 00:15:14,575 And he walks in, and turns on the lights, and then bam! 315 00:15:14,625 --> 00:15:17,911 There...I...am. 316 00:15:17,961 --> 00:15:20,881 Lying...on the table. 317 00:15:21,298 --> 00:15:23,167 And then... 318 00:15:23,217 --> 00:15:25,511 the dude fucking embalms me! 319 00:15:29,848 --> 00:15:33,469 [song fades out] 320 00:15:33,519 --> 00:15:37,147 [dog barking in distance] 321 00:15:42,361 --> 00:15:43,729 [sad music playing] 322 00:15:43,779 --> 00:15:45,814 Argh! 323 00:15:45,864 --> 00:15:49,943 So, I guess the AC still isn't working? 324 00:15:49,993 --> 00:15:51,662 Hey. 325 00:15:55,582 --> 00:15:57,701 Are you... 326 00:15:57,751 --> 00:15:59,453 Are you drunk? 327 00:15:59,503 --> 00:16:00,838 Not really. 328 00:16:02,464 --> 00:16:03,832 Maybe a little. 329 00:16:03,882 --> 00:16:06,468 -But you hardly ever. -It was hot, and... 330 00:16:08,620 --> 00:16:10,506 I was sad. 331 00:16:10,556 --> 00:16:11,507 Ugh. 332 00:16:11,557 --> 00:16:13,976 What's wrong, man? 333 00:16:16,603 --> 00:16:20,891 Do you think Severine loves me as much as I love her? 334 00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:23,602 I think Sev does love you. 335 00:16:23,652 --> 00:16:27,564 She just maybe expresses it differently than you do. 336 00:16:27,740 --> 00:16:29,691 Yeah, maybe. 337 00:16:29,741 --> 00:16:33,320 It's just, we've been arguing a lot lately, and... 338 00:16:33,370 --> 00:16:36,240 it seems like she barely has time for me anymore. 339 00:16:36,290 --> 00:16:39,243 You know, relationships sometimes, 340 00:16:39,606 --> 00:16:40,982 they go through growing pains. 341 00:16:42,620 --> 00:16:44,381 Yeah, I guess. 342 00:16:47,980 --> 00:16:51,004 So, what are you, uh, what are you looking at? 343 00:16:51,054 --> 00:16:55,058 Pics from that photo shoot I did with that director guy, Otto. 344 00:16:56,852 --> 00:16:59,563 I don't, I don't know. What do you think? 345 00:17:02,941 --> 00:17:06,478 [Ford sighs] Are they too gay looking? I can't tell. 346 00:17:06,700 --> 00:17:08,864 I just, I need your expert opinion. 347 00:17:10,532 --> 00:17:12,735 Umm. 348 00:17:12,785 --> 00:17:14,953 Come on, be honest. 349 00:17:17,456 --> 00:17:18,740 Ford, you, um, 350 00:17:18,790 --> 00:17:21,493 you didn't show your dick, 351 00:17:21,543 --> 00:17:23,454 or anything, in any of these, did you? 352 00:17:23,504 --> 00:17:25,672 What? No! 353 00:17:26,798 --> 00:17:28,592 I don't think so, at least. 354 00:17:29,900 --> 00:17:31,420 Look, uh, Ford. 355 00:17:31,470 --> 00:17:34,840 I, I know that you really like Barnabas, 356 00:17:34,890 --> 00:17:37,593 and going to all the premieres, and the parties and stuff, 357 00:17:37,643 --> 00:17:38,927 that you think is gonna help your career. 358 00:17:38,977 --> 00:17:42,314 But just... watch out. OK? 359 00:17:43,899 --> 00:17:45,976 What are you trying to say? 360 00:17:46,026 --> 00:17:48,770 I'm just saying that there are people out there, who 361 00:17:48,820 --> 00:17:51,448 might not have the best intentions. 362 00:17:51,949 --> 00:17:54,526 And by "people," you mean Barnabas? 363 00:17:54,576 --> 00:17:57,029 And apparently this Otto dude. 364 00:17:57,079 --> 00:17:59,698 Look, you asked for my opinion, Ford, and I'm telling you, 365 00:17:59,748 --> 00:18:01,909 these pics are, are insane! 366 00:18:01,959 --> 00:18:03,952 They're borderline porn, and this stuff, 367 00:18:04,002 --> 00:18:05,662 it lives on the internet forever. 368 00:18:05,712 --> 00:18:07,915 Wait, what are you, what are you talking about? 369 00:18:07,965 --> 00:18:09,500 They're, they're just pictures! 370 00:18:09,550 --> 00:18:10,959 And when you're starting out, like I am, 371 00:18:11,009 --> 00:18:13,629 -you have to pay your dues. -Wait, by doing gay porn? 372 00:18:13,679 --> 00:18:16,507 They're, they're not fucking porn! They're artistic! 373 00:18:16,557 --> 00:18:17,599 All right! 374 00:18:18,892 --> 00:18:22,846 OK, I just... Just please be careful. 375 00:18:22,896 --> 00:18:25,724 I get really, really bad vibes 376 00:18:25,774 --> 00:18:28,685 off of Barnabas. And I wasn't gonna tell you this before, 377 00:18:28,735 --> 00:18:30,562 -but... -But what? 378 00:18:30,612 --> 00:18:33,482 When I walked in on you and him, 379 00:18:33,532 --> 00:18:37,486 in Palm Springs, he had you on the bed, and you were half undressed. 380 00:18:37,536 --> 00:18:40,447 Oh my God! He was taking care of me! 381 00:18:40,497 --> 00:18:42,449 Stop being so paranoid! 382 00:18:42,499 --> 00:18:44,493 You just don't get it, Uly, you never have! 383 00:18:44,543 --> 00:18:47,579 Things, they, they, like, they work a certain way in this town! 384 00:18:47,629 --> 00:18:49,665 -Oh, ho-ho, apparently! -Yeah. 385 00:18:49,715 --> 00:18:52,668 What is that supposed to mean? 386 00:18:52,718 --> 00:18:55,170 Was that some kinda joke? 387 00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:56,672 You know, you, you think you're so... 388 00:18:56,722 --> 00:18:58,507 smart, and above it all. 389 00:18:58,557 --> 00:19:00,676 But sometimes you can be so naive. 390 00:19:00,726 --> 00:19:03,679 [laughs] Really? 391 00:19:03,729 --> 00:19:05,522 You're calling me naive? 392 00:19:06,982 --> 00:19:08,600 Fuck you, Uly! 393 00:19:08,650 --> 00:19:10,018 You're just jealous because I'm going somewhere 394 00:19:10,068 --> 00:19:11,445 and you're not! 395 00:19:18,911 --> 00:19:19,953 CARLY: Fucking shit! 396 00:19:31,715 --> 00:19:32,799 [exasperated sigh] 397 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:37,504 ♪ Destroy everything you touch today ♪ 398 00:19:37,554 --> 00:19:39,548 Why?! Oh, my fucking... 399 00:19:39,598 --> 00:19:42,759 -God! -♪ Destroy me this way ♪ 400 00:19:42,809 --> 00:19:46,763 Oh my... Fuck! I'm gonna fucking kill myself! 401 00:19:46,813 --> 00:19:49,600 ♪ So it cannot hurt you ♪ 402 00:19:49,650 --> 00:19:50,976 Hey, Ford? 403 00:19:51,026 --> 00:19:52,686 FORD: Go Away! 404 00:19:52,736 --> 00:19:55,439 ♪ You only have to look behind you ♪ 405 00:19:55,489 --> 00:19:58,525 ♪ At who's underlined you ♪ 406 00:19:58,575 --> 00:20:02,988 ♪ Destroy everything you touch today ♪ 407 00:20:03,038 --> 00:20:06,658 ♪ Destory me this way ♪ 408 00:20:06,708 --> 00:20:10,454 ♪ Everything you touch you don't feel ♪ 409 00:20:10,504 --> 00:20:12,089 EMILY: Are you OK? 410 00:20:13,799 --> 00:20:15,250 My vibrator is out of batteries, 411 00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:17,753 and I just bought a fucking family pack! 412 00:20:17,803 --> 00:20:20,005 Vibrators come in family packs? 413 00:20:20,055 --> 00:20:22,633 ♪ Walks you out of the sun ♪ 414 00:20:22,683 --> 00:20:26,511 ♪ What you touch, you don't feel ♪ 415 00:20:26,561 --> 00:20:30,265 ♪ Do not know what you steal ♪ 416 00:20:30,315 --> 00:20:35,062 ♪ Destroy everything you touch today ♪ 417 00:20:35,112 --> 00:20:37,939 -♪ Please destroy me this way ♪ - [song fades out] 418 00:20:37,989 --> 00:20:40,242 [phone ringing] 419 00:20:47,833 --> 00:20:49,751 Oh, fuck. 420 00:20:54,548 --> 00:20:56,958 Hey. Hey. Bob, what's up? 421 00:20:57,008 --> 00:21:00,212 No, no. Tonight's my night off. 422 00:21:00,262 --> 00:21:04,257 Huh? No. I'm not... 423 00:21:04,307 --> 00:21:06,727 I'm not feeling so hot myself. 424 00:21:10,772 --> 00:21:12,190 [sighs] 425 00:21:13,567 --> 00:21:15,644 Yeah, all right. Whatever. 426 00:21:15,694 --> 00:21:18,188 [sighs] 427 00:21:18,238 --> 00:21:19,781 Bye. 428 00:21:32,043 --> 00:21:33,912 The fuck? 429 00:21:33,962 --> 00:21:35,706 [knocking] 430 00:21:35,756 --> 00:21:37,257 Come in! 431 00:21:40,051 --> 00:21:41,837 Whoa! 432 00:21:41,887 --> 00:21:44,723 You look like a hot lady from the past. 433 00:21:45,599 --> 00:21:46,842 Where have you been? 434 00:21:46,892 --> 00:21:49,561 What are you talking about? I came right over. 435 00:21:51,271 --> 00:21:53,940 You didn't finish your homework. 436 00:21:56,276 --> 00:21:59,062 Yeah. Sorry about that. 437 00:21:59,112 --> 00:22:01,323 Sit down. 438 00:22:04,326 --> 00:22:06,695 Why did you think... 439 00:22:07,020 --> 00:22:08,959 that it was OK for you to go out and 440 00:22:09,009 --> 00:22:10,949 play before finishing your homework? 441 00:22:10,999 --> 00:22:12,709 I, uh... 442 00:22:14,085 --> 00:22:15,295 I don't know. 443 00:22:16,755 --> 00:22:20,008 Do you know what happens to bad little boys in this house? 444 00:22:21,635 --> 00:22:23,378 -They get spanked? -That's right. 445 00:22:23,428 --> 00:22:26,214 They get spanked. 446 00:22:26,264 --> 00:22:27,933 Hand me that ruler. 447 00:22:40,779 --> 00:22:43,732 What do you think... 448 00:22:43,782 --> 00:22:47,110 Daddy would say, if he found out about this? 449 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,863 -Ooh, please don't tell Daddy. -[slapping noise] 450 00:22:49,913 --> 00:22:51,156 Ahh. 451 00:22:51,206 --> 00:22:52,866 But you leave me no choice. 452 00:22:52,916 --> 00:22:54,701 Don't tell him, please. I'll do anything. 453 00:22:54,751 --> 00:22:57,954 -[slap] -Then why didn't you finish your homework? 454 00:22:58,004 --> 00:23:00,382 -Hmm? [slap] Why don't you ever do... 455 00:23:00,432 --> 00:23:01,208 -[moans] 456 00:23:01,272 --> 00:23:02,737 what Mommy tells you to do? 457 00:23:03,460 --> 00:23:05,879 Why do you always have to open your big fucking mouth 458 00:23:05,929 --> 00:23:09,132 and say annoying shit that makes me want to strangle you 459 00:23:09,540 --> 00:23:11,927 -[slap] with an electric cord?! -Oh! 460 00:23:11,977 --> 00:23:13,970 -[slap] -You never do your homework! 461 00:23:14,020 --> 00:23:16,640 -[slap] -You constantly make excuses for yourself. 462 00:23:16,690 --> 00:23:19,267 [slap] And then you wonder why you'll never amount to anything. 463 00:23:19,317 --> 00:23:22,312 You need to get your fucking shit together. What, you wanna end up 464 00:23:22,362 --> 00:23:24,022 -[slapping intensifies] -back at Carney's waiting tables 465 00:23:24,072 --> 00:23:25,816 -or some fucking shit?! -[moaning] 466 00:23:25,866 --> 00:23:27,067 Wait, wait, wait, didn't you work at Carney's? 467 00:23:27,117 --> 00:23:28,652 -Shut up! -[slap] 468 00:23:28,702 --> 00:23:30,111 You need to stop being such a stupid,[slap] 469 00:23:30,161 --> 00:23:31,863 -annoying, [slap] shithead! [slap] -[gasps] 470 00:23:31,913 --> 00:23:33,114 Shut up and listen to Mommy! 471 00:23:33,164 --> 00:23:34,783 [intense, punctuated slapping] 472 00:23:34,833 --> 00:23:38,286 And you need to do your goddamn, motherfucking homework! 473 00:23:38,336 --> 00:23:40,672 [both panting] 474 00:23:43,187 --> 00:23:44,397 Fuck. 475 00:23:54,660 --> 00:23:56,680 Are you OK, Mommy? 476 00:23:56,730 --> 00:23:58,139 Yes. 477 00:23:58,189 --> 00:24:00,141 Mommy's OK. 478 00:24:00,780 --> 00:24:03,937 I won't tell Daddy how bad you've been. 479 00:24:03,987 --> 00:24:06,481 But as punishment... 480 00:24:06,843 --> 00:24:10,235 You're gonna have to make Mommy come, OK? 481 00:24:10,583 --> 00:24:11,709 Yes, Mommy. 482 00:24:14,331 --> 00:24:17,075 Like this? 483 00:24:17,125 --> 00:24:20,128 -[sighing] -Yes, baby, just like that. 484 00:24:21,212 --> 00:24:23,832 Oh, good job, sweetheart. 485 00:24:23,882 --> 00:24:27,719 Fuck, that feels so good, oh my God. Oh yes! 486 00:24:28,970 --> 00:24:30,889 Yes, that's what Mommy likes! 487 00:24:35,260 --> 00:24:36,895 I was just... 488 00:24:44,778 --> 00:24:46,021 Get back to work, little boy. 489 00:24:46,071 --> 00:24:48,106 Yes, yes Mommy. Am I doing good? 490 00:24:48,156 --> 00:24:51,359 Ah, yes, you're doing so good. 491 00:24:51,409 --> 00:24:53,778 Oh, Mommy loves it. 492 00:24:53,828 --> 00:24:57,115 Oh, fuck! Oh, that feels so good! 493 00:24:57,165 --> 00:24:59,451 Oh, fuck! Mommy's gonna come! 494 00:24:59,501 --> 00:25:01,953 Oh my god! Fuck! 495 00:25:02,003 --> 00:25:06,967 Oh! Oh, Mommy's coming! Fuck! Oh! 496 00:26:10,196 --> 00:26:12,365 [panting] 497 00:26:15,535 --> 00:26:17,829 [panting harder] 498 00:26:19,122 --> 00:26:21,416 [moaning] 499 00:26:34,345 --> 00:26:36,464 ULYSSES: What the fuck is happening? 500 00:26:36,821 --> 00:26:39,300 I posted a thread about the lightning bolt hieroglyph. 501 00:26:39,350 --> 00:26:41,177 You know, the one from my dream? 502 00:26:41,227 --> 00:26:44,597 The one that Gabriel has tattooed on his arm. And it's gone. 503 00:26:44,647 --> 00:26:47,934 U. The moderator probably just deleted it, 504 00:26:47,984 --> 00:26:50,186 'cause it made no fucking sense. 505 00:26:50,236 --> 00:26:52,230 Are you doing something right now? 'Cause it, 506 00:26:52,580 --> 00:26:53,898 it seems like you're not paying attention. 507 00:26:53,948 --> 00:26:55,442 Yeah. Sorry, I'm, uh, 508 00:26:55,492 --> 00:26:57,360 I'm just editing the footage that we shot today. 509 00:26:58,100 --> 00:26:59,987 ULYSSES: Really, you are? How's it going? 510 00:27:00,045 --> 00:27:01,573 Shockingly well. 511 00:27:01,749 --> 00:27:03,221 It actually looks kinda good. 512 00:27:03,780 --> 00:27:06,119 Really? Cool. 513 00:27:06,500 --> 00:27:08,121 CARLY: So, dude, seriously, you should 514 00:27:08,171 --> 00:27:10,915 maybe consider laying off the weed for a bit. 515 00:27:11,140 --> 00:27:14,210 You are seething with existential paranoia as it is. 516 00:27:14,620 --> 00:27:16,546 OK. Thanks, Mom. 517 00:27:16,596 --> 00:27:19,174 I don't mean to nag, just think about it, OK? 518 00:27:19,224 --> 00:27:21,342 Yeah, all right, well, I, I gotta... 519 00:27:21,392 --> 00:27:23,636 finish my rounds. Talk to you later? 520 00:27:23,686 --> 00:27:25,180 CARLY: Love you! 521 00:27:25,900 --> 00:27:27,398 Bye. 522 00:27:28,691 --> 00:27:30,151 [phone beeps] 523 00:27:42,580 --> 00:27:44,532 ULYSSES: Hey! 524 00:27:44,582 --> 00:27:47,043 You're not supposed to be here! 525 00:27:48,294 --> 00:27:49,629 Wait! 526 00:28:10,108 --> 00:28:11,601 Hey! 527 00:28:11,651 --> 00:28:14,062 Stop! 528 00:28:14,112 --> 00:28:15,280 Come back! [metal clangs] 529 00:28:21,053 --> 00:28:23,122 Aah, oh...no. 530 00:28:29,310 --> 00:28:30,366 Aaah! 531 00:28:30,420 --> 00:28:33,581 ♪ Everything you touch you don't feel ♪ 532 00:28:33,631 --> 00:28:37,335 ♪ Do not know what you steal ♪ 533 00:28:37,385 --> 00:28:42,215 ♪ Destroy everything you touch today ♪ 534 00:28:42,265 --> 00:28:46,186 ♪ Please destroy me this way ♪ 38054

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