All language subtitles for Murder.Anyone.2023.10

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German Download
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:37,458 --> 00:01:39,833 Are you going to write any of this? 2 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:40,667 I wrote plenty. 3 00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:41,500 Plenty? 4 00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:43,375 You wrote act one. 5 00:01:43,375 --> 00:01:44,458 Well, there you are then. 6 00:01:44,458 --> 00:01:46,208 I don't mean you wrote act one. 7 00:01:46,208 --> 00:01:48,208 I mean, you wrote the words "Act I" 8 00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:50,292 at the top of the first page. 9 00:01:50,292 --> 00:01:51,750 I'm thinking. 10 00:01:51,750 --> 00:01:53,667 Well, what is it you're thinking? 11 00:01:53,667 --> 00:01:55,833 Do you know that you're never more than six feet away 12 00:01:55,833 --> 00:01:57,792 from a spider? 13 00:01:57,792 --> 00:01:58,625 Sure. 14 00:01:58,625 --> 00:01:59,958 It goes like this. 15 00:01:59,958 --> 00:02:01,250 You're never more than six feet away 16 00:02:01,250 --> 00:02:02,875 from a spider, baby. 17 00:02:02,875 --> 00:02:07,792 So you better stay away from my fly. 18 00:02:07,792 --> 00:02:09,167 That makes no sense. 19 00:02:09,167 --> 00:02:10,167 I liked it. 20 00:02:10,167 --> 00:02:11,792 Well, put it in some other play. 21 00:02:11,792 --> 00:02:12,625 It was your idea. 22 00:02:12,625 --> 00:02:13,833 No. 23 00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,375 My idea was that no matter how secure 24 00:02:15,375 --> 00:02:18,500 you are, how safe you feel, danger could 25 00:02:18,500 --> 00:02:19,875 be right at your shoulder. 26 00:02:19,875 --> 00:02:21,458 Ah, the spider is a metaphor. 27 00:02:21,458 --> 00:02:22,625 Or a simile. 28 00:02:22,625 --> 00:02:23,792 I can never remember the difference. 29 00:02:23,792 --> 00:02:25,542 Me neither. 30 00:02:25,542 --> 00:02:26,625 But whichever it is, it's an important theme for our play, 31 00:02:26,625 --> 00:02:27,250 isn't it? 32 00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:27,792 It is? 33 00:02:27,792 --> 00:02:28,500 Well, yeah. 34 00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:29,958 Think of it. 35 00:02:29,958 --> 00:02:32,333 We have Bridgette, a beautiful young woman in love, 36 00:02:32,333 --> 00:02:34,458 probably for the first time in her life, 37 00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:37,958 with Richard, about whom she knows absolutely nothing. 38 00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:40,333 I mean, he could be an axe murderer. 39 00:02:40,333 --> 00:02:42,375 But he isn't. 40 00:02:42,375 --> 00:02:43,583 Maybe he should be. 41 00:02:43,583 --> 00:02:45,375 An axe murderer? 42 00:02:45,375 --> 00:02:47,542 No, but a spider. 43 00:02:50,583 --> 00:02:52,875 I mean, maybe axe murderer is a bit much. 44 00:02:52,875 --> 00:02:57,667 But he should have, like, a dark side, a dangerous side. 45 00:02:57,667 --> 00:02:59,833 Well, I think he already does. 46 00:02:59,833 --> 00:03:03,667 Well, let's see what we have on him. 47 00:03:03,667 --> 00:03:05,333 "Richard enters. 48 00:03:05,333 --> 00:03:07,333 He is a pleasant-looking chap with a perpetual grin. 49 00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:11,333 He's wearing tennis clothes, holding a bat." 50 00:03:15,250 --> 00:03:17,708 Cricket, anyone? 51 00:03:22,708 --> 00:03:23,625 Wait. 52 00:03:23,625 --> 00:03:25,042 He's playing cricket? 53 00:03:25,042 --> 00:03:26,667 Why is he playing cricket? 54 00:03:26,667 --> 00:03:27,583 Who plays cricket? 55 00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:28,875 He's British. 56 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,667 Why is he British? 57 00:03:30,667 --> 00:03:32,000 Why does it matter? 58 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,042 Well, not scary, for one. 59 00:03:34,042 --> 00:03:36,625 I mean, the scariest thing about the British is their teeth. 60 00:03:36,625 --> 00:03:38,958 You know, they started taking better care of their teeth 61 00:03:38,958 --> 00:03:41,250 after the Austin Powers movies. 62 00:03:41,250 --> 00:03:42,292 Yeah, you're right. 63 00:03:42,292 --> 00:03:44,375 It's weird. 64 00:03:44,375 --> 00:03:44,958 OK. 65 00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:46,417 "Richard enters. 66 00:03:46,417 --> 00:03:47,500 He's a pleasant-looking All-American chap. 67 00:03:48,375 --> 00:03:49,875 He has a perpetual grin. 68 00:03:49,875 --> 00:03:53,458 He's wearing tennis clothes and carries a racket." 69 00:03:53,458 --> 00:03:54,417 Tennis, anyone? 70 00:04:04,583 --> 00:04:07,750 Gee, I'm shaking in my boots. 71 00:04:07,750 --> 00:04:09,375 He does seem kind of bland. 72 00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:10,583 Yeah. 73 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,000 But remember, this is the first time 74 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,375 we're seeing him before the main action of the play. 75 00:04:14,375 --> 00:04:18,583 And his line is an old cliche meant to evoke titters. 76 00:04:18,583 --> 00:04:23,708 I hope no line I ever write evokes titters. 77 00:04:23,708 --> 00:04:24,583 So what then? 78 00:04:24,583 --> 00:04:25,458 OK, OK. 79 00:04:25,458 --> 00:04:26,417 I think I have an idea. 80 00:04:30,375 --> 00:04:32,000 "Richard enters. 81 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:35,708 He's a sly-looking fellow with an odd, almost unnatural smile 82 00:04:35,708 --> 00:04:38,792 and dark, piercing eyes. 83 00:04:38,792 --> 00:04:42,917 He's dressed in tennis clothes and holding a tennis racket. 84 00:04:42,917 --> 00:04:47,333 And we see that it is dripping with blood. 85 00:04:47,333 --> 00:04:50,042 Murder, anyone? 86 00:04:55,792 --> 00:04:57,542 I love it. 87 00:04:57,542 --> 00:04:59,042 And it can set up everything that's going to happen later. 88 00:04:59,042 --> 00:05:00,958 We haven't written what happens later. 89 00:05:00,958 --> 00:05:04,417 But even still, it gives everything we've written so far 90 00:05:04,417 --> 00:05:06,042 kind of foreshadowing. 91 00:05:06,042 --> 00:05:08,583 Something bad is going to happen. 92 00:05:08,583 --> 00:05:11,833 And never more than six feet away from a spider. 93 00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:12,833 I know just what to do. 94 00:05:12,833 --> 00:05:13,458 All right. 95 00:05:19,375 --> 00:05:25,708 You're never more than six feet away from a spider. 96 00:05:25,708 --> 00:05:26,500 Oh, no. 97 00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:28,000 No fucking way. 98 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:28,833 I was just kidding. 99 00:05:28,833 --> 00:05:29,667 Yeah. 100 00:05:40,042 --> 00:05:42,833 Hello? 101 00:05:42,833 --> 00:05:43,792 Hello? 102 00:05:47,667 --> 00:05:49,583 Who's there? 103 00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:50,458 Hello. 104 00:05:50,458 --> 00:05:53,458 I'm from next door. 105 00:05:53,458 --> 00:05:54,708 Next door? 106 00:05:54,708 --> 00:05:55,708 Yes. 107 00:05:55,708 --> 00:05:58,000 I'm staying with the Babcocks. 108 00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,875 Oh. 109 00:05:59,875 --> 00:06:00,500 OK. 110 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:05,708 Hi. 111 00:06:06,542 --> 00:06:08,500 Richard Babcock. 112 00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:10,833 Oh, you're-- 113 00:06:10,833 --> 00:06:14,208 David and Nancy's nephew. 114 00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:16,500 Nephew? 115 00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:19,708 Aren't they a bit old to be your aunt and uncle? 116 00:06:19,708 --> 00:06:22,708 Great aunt and uncle actually. 117 00:06:22,708 --> 00:06:23,875 Of course. 118 00:06:23,875 --> 00:06:25,000 How silly of me. 119 00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:32,042 Why didn't you come to the front door? 120 00:06:32,042 --> 00:06:33,042 Why? 121 00:06:33,042 --> 00:06:36,083 Well, I was on the tennis court. 122 00:06:36,083 --> 00:06:38,125 And I walked across the lawn. 123 00:06:38,125 --> 00:06:41,208 I saw the gate in the fence and came over. 124 00:06:41,208 --> 00:06:42,708 I'm sorry if-- I didn't mean to-- 125 00:06:42,708 --> 00:06:43,583 No, no. 126 00:06:43,583 --> 00:06:45,750 It's quite all right. 127 00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:49,000 I used that gate all the time when I was a girl. 128 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:52,083 I used to go over and have milk and cookies with Nancy 129 00:06:52,083 --> 00:06:53,625 when I was young. 130 00:06:53,625 --> 00:06:56,792 Oh, I do love Aunt Nancy's cookies. 131 00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,167 She still bakes? 132 00:06:58,167 --> 00:06:59,750 I thought she was bedridden. 133 00:07:00,750 --> 00:07:02,792 She is. 134 00:07:02,792 --> 00:07:04,792 I was just remembering that's all. 135 00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,500 You used to visit? 136 00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:09,125 All the time when I was much younger. 137 00:07:09,125 --> 00:07:12,042 Funny how I don't remember seeing you. 138 00:07:12,042 --> 00:07:15,750 Maybe it was when I was away at school. 139 00:07:15,750 --> 00:07:17,042 Yes. 140 00:07:17,042 --> 00:07:18,792 I'm sure that's it. 141 00:07:18,792 --> 00:07:20,792 And you're staying with them, you said? 142 00:07:20,792 --> 00:07:21,958 Just for a little while. 143 00:07:21,958 --> 00:07:26,042 And where do you usually stay? 144 00:07:26,042 --> 00:07:28,625 Oh, I'm sorry. 145 00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:30,917 Won't you sit down? 146 00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:33,250 Can I get you anything? 147 00:07:33,250 --> 00:07:34,250 Thank you. 148 00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:38,167 I could use some cold water. 149 00:07:38,167 --> 00:07:44,292 I'm still a little sweaty from hitting all those balls. 150 00:07:48,708 --> 00:07:49,625 I'll be right back. 151 00:08:09,208 --> 00:08:11,667 I just realized I've forgotten to introduce myself. 152 00:08:12,542 --> 00:08:15,667 I'm Bridgette Nelson. 153 00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:19,167 Pleasure to meet you, Bridgette Nelson. 154 00:08:19,167 --> 00:08:21,125 I'll be right back with that water. 155 00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:23,583 Thank you. 156 00:08:23,583 --> 00:08:25,125 Or would you prefer some lemonade? 157 00:08:25,125 --> 00:08:26,000 Wow. 158 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:26,917 Yes. 159 00:08:26,917 --> 00:08:28,167 Yes, lemonade. 160 00:08:28,167 --> 00:08:30,000 Yes. 161 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:30,708 Yeah. 162 00:08:30,708 --> 00:08:33,292 Excuse me? 163 00:08:33,292 --> 00:08:36,167 Not-- I just-- lemonade. 164 00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:38,000 I get excited over lemonade. 165 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,083 That's-- I'm sorry. 166 00:08:40,083 --> 00:08:41,583 Yay, lemonade. 167 00:08:43,792 --> 00:08:44,583 OK then. 168 00:08:57,708 --> 00:08:59,708 What are you doing? 169 00:08:59,708 --> 00:09:00,875 Nothing, nothing, nothing. 170 00:09:00,875 --> 00:09:02,208 I'm sorry. 171 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:07,042 I just-- I like to measure things, everything. 172 00:09:07,042 --> 00:09:10,875 Did you know that your door here is exactly 42 inches wide? 173 00:09:10,875 --> 00:09:13,042 Exactly. 174 00:09:13,042 --> 00:09:15,792 No, I didn't. 175 00:09:15,792 --> 00:09:18,750 Why exactly do you measure everything? 176 00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:22,042 Is it some sort of OCD? 177 00:09:22,792 --> 00:09:24,083 Yes. 178 00:09:24,083 --> 00:09:25,833 Yes. 179 00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:31,042 I absolutely have to know how long and wide everything is. 180 00:09:31,042 --> 00:09:35,125 And I can't stop washing my hands. 181 00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:36,958 That's fascinating. 182 00:09:36,958 --> 00:09:38,333 It is. 183 00:09:38,333 --> 00:09:41,917 I have a friend who won't walk on tile floors. 184 00:09:41,917 --> 00:09:43,250 What a loon. 185 00:09:48,125 --> 00:09:48,750 Thank you. 186 00:09:56,250 --> 00:09:59,208 Well, I hope you enjoy the lemonade. 187 00:09:59,208 --> 00:10:04,125 It's completely homemade, or at least 188 00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:05,708 that's what it says on the bottle. 189 00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:10,208 Oh, I'm sure that I will. 190 00:10:10,208 --> 00:10:16,292 However, there's a little something I have to do first. 191 00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:27,958 Wait a minute. 192 00:10:27,958 --> 00:10:29,458 Isn't it a little early in the play 193 00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:31,792 to show that Richard's a psycho killer? 194 00:10:31,792 --> 00:10:33,167 And we haven't even really decided 195 00:10:33,167 --> 00:10:34,417 that he is a psycho killer. 196 00:10:34,417 --> 00:10:36,958 No, he's a psycho killer all right. 197 00:10:36,958 --> 00:10:38,208 But maybe you're right. 198 00:10:38,208 --> 00:10:40,125 Maybe we should hold back on the violence 199 00:10:40,125 --> 00:10:42,042 and let the tension build. 200 00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,458 If this was a movie-- 201 00:10:43,458 --> 00:10:44,417 That's the thing. 202 00:10:44,417 --> 00:10:46,125 Why isn't it a movie? 203 00:10:46,125 --> 00:10:47,917 Why are we even writing a play? 204 00:10:47,917 --> 00:10:50,083 This is Los Angeles. 205 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,917 Because it's a play. 206 00:10:51,917 --> 00:10:53,500 But it doesn't have to be. 207 00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:58,792 Look, why spend the next few weeks, possibly months, writing 208 00:10:58,792 --> 00:11:04,000 a play that'll be put up at some tiny little black box theater 209 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,167 and be seen by maybe a dozen people, 210 00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:08,292 because they know somebody in the cast? 211 00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:10,708 I mean, it'll just be some other fucking play in LA. 212 00:11:10,708 --> 00:11:13,167 We'll be lucky if we get even one review. 213 00:11:13,167 --> 00:11:15,417 Nobody cares about theater in La La Land. 214 00:11:15,417 --> 00:11:18,333 At least in the theater nobody can tell us what to do. 215 00:11:18,333 --> 00:11:20,042 The writer has power. 216 00:11:20,042 --> 00:11:22,375 No studio executive who's taken Robert McKee's course 217 00:11:22,375 --> 00:11:24,500 and now thinks he knows everything there is to know 218 00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:27,000 about writing can tell us what to write. 219 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,917 But you can't make a living as a playwright. 220 00:11:28,917 --> 00:11:31,125 There are thousands of successful playwrights. 221 00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:34,833 In the film business, you can be a lousy writer 222 00:11:34,833 --> 00:11:36,292 and still make a fortune. 223 00:11:36,292 --> 00:11:39,083 There's just as little chance of success, even less. 224 00:11:39,083 --> 00:11:40,917 Most movie scripts just end up taking space 225 00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,375 on your hard drive. 226 00:11:42,375 --> 00:11:44,958 At least we have a chance of someone seeing our play 227 00:11:44,958 --> 00:11:46,542 and nobody can fuck us over. 228 00:11:46,542 --> 00:11:49,208 Not everybody in the film business gets fucked. 229 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,208 And we can negotiate for some real money. 230 00:11:51,208 --> 00:11:54,208 One thing I know is true, in the film industry, 231 00:11:54,208 --> 00:11:55,417 you will get fucked. 232 00:11:55,417 --> 00:11:57,292 The only thing you're ever negotiating 233 00:11:57,292 --> 00:11:58,875 is the amount of the lubricant. 234 00:11:58,875 --> 00:11:59,375 All right. 235 00:11:59,375 --> 00:12:00,042 All right. 236 00:12:00,042 --> 00:12:00,458 Fine. 237 00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:01,375 Fine. 238 00:12:01,375 --> 00:12:03,208 It's a play, for now. 239 00:12:03,208 --> 00:12:04,875 But there's something I got to change. 240 00:12:04,875 --> 00:12:05,750 What? 241 00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:06,542 Richard. 242 00:12:06,542 --> 00:12:09,917 His name, it's too normal. 243 00:12:09,917 --> 00:12:11,250 Don't we want him to seem normal? 244 00:12:11,250 --> 00:12:12,375 No. 245 00:12:12,375 --> 00:12:14,417 I think he should be exceptional. 246 00:12:14,417 --> 00:12:18,042 And I think he's exceptionally good-looking, exceptionally 247 00:12:18,042 --> 00:12:21,583 charming, and he should have an exceptional-sounding name. 248 00:12:21,583 --> 00:12:23,250 What do you have in mind, Aloysius? 249 00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:24,917 OK, not that exceptional. 250 00:12:24,917 --> 00:12:29,083 But it could be something upper crusty, 251 00:12:29,083 --> 00:12:31,917 like one of those first names that can also be a last name. 252 00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:37,000 I went to school with a very WASP-y kid named Cooper. 253 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,167 Cooper? 254 00:12:38,167 --> 00:12:39,917 Cooper. 255 00:12:39,917 --> 00:12:42,875 Cooper Babcock. 256 00:12:42,875 --> 00:12:43,583 I like it. 257 00:12:43,583 --> 00:12:44,333 It's-- 258 00:12:44,333 --> 00:12:45,083 Upper crusty? 259 00:12:45,083 --> 00:12:45,958 Upper crusty. 260 00:12:45,958 --> 00:12:48,458 Cooper Babcock it is. 261 00:12:48,458 --> 00:12:51,583 Search and replace and done. 262 00:12:51,583 --> 00:12:54,250 Maybe it's too upper crusty. 263 00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:55,458 No, it's fine. 264 00:12:55,458 --> 00:12:57,125 Let's move on. 265 00:12:57,125 --> 00:12:58,958 Now, what are we doing about this strangling scene? 266 00:12:58,958 --> 00:12:59,917 OK. 267 00:12:59,917 --> 00:13:01,458 So we know that Richard-- 268 00:13:01,458 --> 00:13:02,458 Cooper. 269 00:13:02,458 --> 00:13:05,167 -Cooper wants the Picasso. 270 00:13:05,167 --> 00:13:08,292 But what if all he wants is the Picasso? 271 00:13:08,292 --> 00:13:12,833 Like we know he's a thief and the audience can know that. 272 00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:15,583 But we don't know that he's a psycho killer, 273 00:13:15,583 --> 00:13:17,458 because we haven't decided whether or not 274 00:13:17,458 --> 00:13:18,917 he's the psycho killer. 275 00:13:18,917 --> 00:13:20,042 What do we have so far? 276 00:13:20,042 --> 00:13:22,458 All right. 277 00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:23,583 We introduce Richard-- 278 00:13:23,583 --> 00:13:24,500 Cooper. 279 00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:26,125 -Cooper Babcock. 280 00:13:26,125 --> 00:13:29,458 And we see that he has done something 281 00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:32,042 bloody with the tennis racket, but we don't know what. 282 00:13:32,042 --> 00:13:36,167 We also don't know what he's done with Nancy and David, 283 00:13:36,167 --> 00:13:39,042 or if he's even related to them at all. 284 00:13:39,042 --> 00:13:42,958 But we do know that he is interested in the Picasso 285 00:13:42,958 --> 00:13:45,250 and he's not at all interested in Bridgette. 286 00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:46,292 Aha. 287 00:13:46,292 --> 00:13:47,500 That's what we have to change. 288 00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:48,875 What? 289 00:13:48,875 --> 00:13:50,167 That he isn't interested in Bridgette. 290 00:13:50,167 --> 00:13:51,667 What if he has plans to take the Picasso, 291 00:13:51,667 --> 00:13:53,250 but he's so taken with Bridgette that it 292 00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:54,292 puts a crimp in his plan? 293 00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:55,333 Hmm. 294 00:13:55,333 --> 00:13:57,000 That could work. 295 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,500 But something's bothered me. 296 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:01,417 I don't think we should show the bloody tennis racket. 297 00:14:01,417 --> 00:14:02,542 No, but it's great. 298 00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:05,000 That's a terrific, horrific image. 299 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,583 Yeah, but it gives away too much. 300 00:14:06,583 --> 00:14:09,125 I mean, the audience should feel some sympathy 301 00:14:09,125 --> 00:14:11,167 for Cooper, at least a little bit. 302 00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:12,167 At first. 303 00:14:12,167 --> 00:14:13,167 But later on-- 304 00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:14,375 Later on is something else. 305 00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:16,417 Let's see where this takes us. 306 00:14:16,417 --> 00:14:17,542 I've got an idea. 307 00:14:17,542 --> 00:14:20,458 But in order for it to work, Cooper 308 00:14:20,458 --> 00:14:23,375 has to be much younger, like Bridgette's age. 309 00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:36,208 So how are you enjoying staying with David and Nancy? 310 00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:37,417 Oh, they're no trouble. 311 00:14:37,417 --> 00:14:39,042 No trouble at all. 312 00:14:39,042 --> 00:14:41,458 And how are you getting on with Milo? 313 00:14:41,458 --> 00:14:42,333 Milo? 314 00:14:42,333 --> 00:14:43,708 Yes. 315 00:14:43,708 --> 00:14:47,250 Don't you find him extraordinarily intelligent? 316 00:14:47,250 --> 00:14:49,000 Yes, of course. 317 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:52,208 We've had many long conversations. 318 00:14:52,208 --> 00:14:55,708 He has a very interesting perspective on life. 319 00:14:57,125 --> 00:14:58,417 You're funny. 320 00:14:58,417 --> 00:15:00,000 Am I? 321 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,625 You've had many long conversations with a dog? 322 00:15:03,958 --> 00:15:06,167 Well, they were rather one-sided. 323 00:15:06,167 --> 00:15:09,083 I could barely get a word in edgewise. 324 00:15:11,958 --> 00:15:13,750 You are funny. 325 00:15:13,750 --> 00:15:16,667 So where do you usually stay when 326 00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:18,458 you're not staying next door? 327 00:15:18,458 --> 00:15:20,042 I was in prison. 328 00:15:20,042 --> 00:15:20,583 Prison? 329 00:15:20,583 --> 00:15:21,542 Prison? 330 00:15:21,542 --> 00:15:22,417 No. 331 00:15:22,417 --> 00:15:23,500 Yes. 332 00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:27,583 At least it felt that way. 333 00:15:27,583 --> 00:15:31,083 So I decided to take a little time off. 334 00:15:31,083 --> 00:15:32,583 Mhm. 335 00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:35,500 For good behavior? 336 00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:38,083 Something like that. 337 00:15:38,083 --> 00:15:40,042 So what do you do? 338 00:15:40,042 --> 00:15:45,292 Well, I was at Bryn Mawr, graduated with highest honors. 339 00:15:45,292 --> 00:15:49,792 And I'm now, like most people, unemployed. 340 00:15:49,792 --> 00:15:52,458 Thank God I am filthy rich. 341 00:15:55,458 --> 00:16:01,167 Well, it does take a bit of the pressure off, doesn't it? 342 00:16:01,167 --> 00:16:03,208 Unfortunately, my parents' trust fund 343 00:16:03,208 --> 00:16:05,500 doesn't kick in until I'm 30. 344 00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,208 That is ghastly. 345 00:16:07,208 --> 00:16:10,458 Ghastly indeed. 346 00:16:10,458 --> 00:16:16,708 So till then, I'll just have to survive however I can. 347 00:16:16,708 --> 00:16:19,042 Maybe tennis. 348 00:16:19,042 --> 00:16:19,750 Are you good? 349 00:16:23,792 --> 00:16:28,833 Well, I usually hit what I'm supposed to. 350 00:16:28,833 --> 00:16:30,208 How's your serve? 351 00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:36,375 Hardly ever returned. 352 00:16:36,375 --> 00:16:37,792 Really? 353 00:16:37,792 --> 00:16:39,667 Then, you are good. 354 00:16:50,833 --> 00:16:51,708 Wait a second. 355 00:16:51,708 --> 00:16:52,750 What the fuck is that? 356 00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:54,167 Someone in a chicken costume. 357 00:16:54,167 --> 00:16:55,500 Yeah. 358 00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:56,750 I can see it's someone in a chicken costume. 359 00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:58,583 Why is it someone in a chicken costume? 360 00:16:58,583 --> 00:17:00,292 I thought it would be cool to introduce 361 00:17:00,292 --> 00:17:02,125 a surreal element to the play. 362 00:17:02,125 --> 00:17:03,625 You see, this is why I like the movies, 363 00:17:03,625 --> 00:17:06,875 because nobody just shows up in a chicken costume. 364 00:17:06,875 --> 00:17:08,458 That's the beauty of theater. 365 00:17:08,458 --> 00:17:09,750 There are no rules. 366 00:17:09,750 --> 00:17:11,583 If you want someone in a chicken costume, 367 00:17:11,583 --> 00:17:13,833 you can have someone in a chicken costume. 368 00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:15,833 Well, I don't want someone in a chicken costume. 369 00:17:15,833 --> 00:17:18,208 What do you got against someone in a chicken costume? 370 00:17:18,208 --> 00:17:19,083 It makes no sense. 371 00:17:19,083 --> 00:17:21,167 What if it made sense? 372 00:17:21,167 --> 00:17:23,667 How is it going to make sense? 373 00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:25,708 Watch and learn. 374 00:17:30,208 --> 00:17:32,458 Huh. 375 00:17:32,458 --> 00:17:34,208 Where is everybody? 376 00:17:34,208 --> 00:17:37,292 The costume party is tomorrow night, Blain. 377 00:17:37,292 --> 00:17:38,542 No, no, no, no, no, no. 378 00:17:38,542 --> 00:17:39,708 That can't be right. 379 00:17:39,708 --> 00:17:41,750 Today is Friday the 16th, is it not? 380 00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:45,375 It's Friday all right, but it's the 15th. 381 00:17:45,375 --> 00:17:48,583 But he's in costume. 382 00:17:48,583 --> 00:17:49,833 Those are tennis clothes. 383 00:17:55,917 --> 00:17:58,167 So they are. 384 00:17:58,167 --> 00:18:00,667 My apologies. 385 00:18:00,667 --> 00:18:03,167 We were just having some lemonade. 386 00:18:03,167 --> 00:18:04,833 Ah. 387 00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:08,875 I think I could use something a little bit stronger. 388 00:18:08,875 --> 00:18:11,667 So could I, come to think of it. 389 00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:12,667 Cooper? 390 00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:14,583 I'm good with this. 391 00:18:14,583 --> 00:18:16,417 Blaine, this is Cooper. 392 00:18:16,417 --> 00:18:18,833 He's staying with the Babcocks. 393 00:18:18,833 --> 00:18:20,583 Really? 394 00:18:20,583 --> 00:18:24,208 My house is just abreast the starboard side of their house. 395 00:18:24,208 --> 00:18:25,583 I haven't seen you. 396 00:18:25,583 --> 00:18:27,458 How long have you been there? 397 00:18:27,458 --> 00:18:30,167 Just a few days. 398 00:18:30,167 --> 00:18:33,833 Cooper says he talks to their dog. 399 00:18:33,833 --> 00:18:38,458 In all fairness, we are speaking to a chicken. 400 00:18:38,458 --> 00:18:39,667 So we are. 401 00:18:39,667 --> 00:18:40,625 How silly. 402 00:18:42,333 --> 00:18:44,500 Well, cheers. 403 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:47,625 The chicken costume was a last-minute decision. 404 00:18:47,625 --> 00:18:50,208 I was going to go as Freddy Krueger. 405 00:18:50,208 --> 00:18:54,542 But I've gone as old Freddy for every costume party 406 00:18:54,542 --> 00:18:57,375 and Halloween outing since I was nine. 407 00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:03,375 Well, it's a very good chicken costume. 408 00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:04,708 And it suits you. 409 00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:05,958 Mhm. 410 00:19:05,958 --> 00:19:08,625 It does, sort of. 411 00:19:08,625 --> 00:19:10,792 How so, would you say? 412 00:19:10,792 --> 00:19:14,958 Well, you see, I've got a dreadful heart condition. 413 00:19:14,958 --> 00:19:18,875 Any severe shock and I could drop dead right here. 414 00:19:18,875 --> 00:19:21,833 So naturally, I'm timid of things like horror 415 00:19:21,833 --> 00:19:25,500 films and violence, you know. 416 00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:28,667 But you dressed like Freddy Krueger. 417 00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:32,250 Well, if I dress like the scary thing, 418 00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:33,792 I'm not likely to get scared. 419 00:19:33,792 --> 00:19:34,625 Now, am I? 420 00:19:36,458 --> 00:19:39,500 Very clever. 421 00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:43,333 Look, I have all the stuff set up in the kitchen for tomorrow. 422 00:19:43,333 --> 00:19:46,542 Shall I be naughty and get us some snacks? 423 00:19:46,542 --> 00:19:50,042 Caviar, champagne, cocaine? 424 00:19:50,042 --> 00:19:51,750 Why don't you just ring for it? 425 00:19:51,750 --> 00:19:54,000 The staff has the night off. 426 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,292 Oh my God. 427 00:19:56,292 --> 00:19:58,708 You have to actually get things for yourself? 428 00:19:58,708 --> 00:20:00,375 However will you survive? 429 00:20:00,375 --> 00:20:02,000 Very funny. 430 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:02,917 I'll be right back. 431 00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:11,875 Oh, Blain, you and Cooper should get along famously. 432 00:20:11,875 --> 00:20:14,708 He was admiring my father's Picasso before. 433 00:20:14,708 --> 00:20:15,500 Was he? 434 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:24,458 Admiring daddy's Picasso were we? 435 00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:28,333 What the fuck are you doing here? 436 00:20:28,333 --> 00:20:29,917 What the fuck are you doing here? 437 00:20:29,917 --> 00:20:32,583 I'm introducing a plot twist. 438 00:20:32,583 --> 00:20:34,833 So you're saying Blain and Cooper know each other? 439 00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:38,583 Not only know each other, but they're in cahoots. 440 00:20:38,583 --> 00:20:39,542 Cahoots? 441 00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:41,292 Who are you, Buffalo Bill? 442 00:20:41,292 --> 00:20:42,833 It's a perfectly good word. 443 00:20:43,917 --> 00:20:45,375 Yes. 444 00:20:45,375 --> 00:20:46,792 This is where we reveal that something 445 00:20:46,792 --> 00:20:49,917 is going on that the audience didn't realize. 446 00:20:49,917 --> 00:20:52,667 There's something going on that I didn't realize. 447 00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:53,667 Don't worry. 448 00:20:53,667 --> 00:20:54,458 I've got it all worked out. 449 00:20:58,833 --> 00:21:00,000 What the fuck are you doing here? 450 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,333 Imagine my surprise when I come here 451 00:21:02,333 --> 00:21:04,292 and see you sitting there a day early. 452 00:21:04,292 --> 00:21:05,375 It's not part of the plan. 453 00:21:05,375 --> 00:21:06,583 I improvised. 454 00:21:06,583 --> 00:21:07,958 Why leave a house full of witnesses? 455 00:21:07,958 --> 00:21:10,667 Drunk witnesses at a costume party. 456 00:21:10,667 --> 00:21:13,500 I could've taken the painting from right under their noses. 457 00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:14,750 No one would've identified you. 458 00:21:14,750 --> 00:21:15,583 Except you. 459 00:21:15,583 --> 00:21:16,625 You can trust me. 460 00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:17,833 You're in a chicken suit. 461 00:21:17,833 --> 00:21:19,500 Look, it's going to work. 462 00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:22,833 We take the painting tonight, take care of Bridgette. 463 00:21:22,833 --> 00:21:25,958 Then, tomorrow-- listen. --as the guests 464 00:21:25,958 --> 00:21:29,625 arrive, we among them, walk in to discover 465 00:21:29,625 --> 00:21:33,583 a horrible bloody scene. 466 00:21:33,583 --> 00:21:34,333 But-- 467 00:21:34,333 --> 00:21:35,667 Bloody scene? 468 00:21:35,667 --> 00:21:37,333 Does it-- does it have to be a bloody scene? 469 00:21:37,333 --> 00:21:39,750 Doesn't have to be, but I really, 470 00:21:39,750 --> 00:21:42,958 really, really want it to be. 471 00:21:42,958 --> 00:21:45,708 You're a sick fuck, Blain. 472 00:21:45,708 --> 00:21:48,958 Hey, you were down with the plan before. 473 00:21:48,958 --> 00:21:52,500 Remember robbery, murder, something Manson-esque? 474 00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:55,000 That was before. 475 00:21:55,750 --> 00:21:57,458 Before what? 476 00:22:00,083 --> 00:22:03,125 Before I met her. 477 00:22:03,125 --> 00:22:05,917 I like her. 478 00:22:05,917 --> 00:22:09,708 She's a real person. 479 00:22:09,708 --> 00:22:13,083 She's a stuck-up real bitch who deserves everything 480 00:22:13,083 --> 00:22:14,667 that's coming to her. 481 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:15,500 Who's that? 482 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:19,125 Oh, no. 483 00:22:19,125 --> 00:22:21,833 Just this chick from the club, walks 484 00:22:21,833 --> 00:22:23,500 around acting like a princess just 485 00:22:23,500 --> 00:22:26,667 because her parents are rich. 486 00:22:26,667 --> 00:22:29,542 I utterly loathe people like that. 487 00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:32,417 OK. 488 00:22:32,417 --> 00:22:34,542 Dig in. 489 00:22:34,542 --> 00:22:39,000 There's caviar, Scottish salmon, blinis, 490 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,917 and grapes from my father's vineyard, food 491 00:22:41,917 --> 00:22:43,125 for the common folk. 492 00:22:44,833 --> 00:22:45,708 Common folk. 493 00:22:45,708 --> 00:22:46,917 Poors. 494 00:22:46,917 --> 00:22:50,208 Those poor people. 495 00:22:50,208 --> 00:22:53,958 I saw you admiring my father's Picasso before. 496 00:22:53,958 --> 00:22:57,500 It's his pride and joy. 497 00:22:57,500 --> 00:23:00,792 I thought you were his pride and joy. 498 00:23:00,792 --> 00:23:02,542 Don't make me laugh. 499 00:23:02,542 --> 00:23:05,000 He couldn't auction me off for $50 million. 500 00:23:08,042 --> 00:23:08,875 It'll be OK. 501 00:23:08,875 --> 00:23:09,667 Wrong pipe. 502 00:23:09,667 --> 00:23:10,958 Wrong pipe. 503 00:23:10,958 --> 00:23:11,833 You'll be all right. 504 00:23:11,833 --> 00:23:12,708 Won't you, buddy? 505 00:23:12,708 --> 00:23:13,667 Yes. 506 00:23:13,667 --> 00:23:15,083 $50 million you say? 507 00:23:15,083 --> 00:23:16,625 Yes. 508 00:23:16,625 --> 00:23:18,833 He had an offer for that for some art dealer. 509 00:23:18,833 --> 00:23:21,083 But dad turned him down. 510 00:23:21,083 --> 00:23:25,167 Now, if the father of some boy from a good family 511 00:23:25,167 --> 00:23:30,042 offered that for me, well, he'd sell in the blink of an eye. 512 00:23:30,042 --> 00:23:31,542 Oh, that's absurd. 513 00:23:31,542 --> 00:23:33,542 People don't sell people. 514 00:23:33,542 --> 00:23:34,917 Don't they? 515 00:23:34,917 --> 00:23:37,833 I mean, after all, it's the ruling class' 516 00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:39,458 most popular commodity. 517 00:23:39,458 --> 00:23:41,583 They sell each other their children, 518 00:23:41,583 --> 00:23:44,583 sell each other to the country. 519 00:23:44,583 --> 00:23:47,208 It's called American politics. 520 00:23:47,208 --> 00:23:48,708 Yes. 521 00:23:48,708 --> 00:23:53,083 Well, aren't you philosophical for a chicken? 522 00:23:53,083 --> 00:23:57,500 I thought of having someone steal the Picasso. 523 00:23:59,292 --> 00:24:04,250 As you were saying, steal the Picasso? 524 00:24:04,250 --> 00:24:08,833 Yes, just to spite my father and, of course, for the money. 525 00:24:08,833 --> 00:24:10,667 You need money? 526 00:24:10,667 --> 00:24:11,917 Absolutely. 527 00:24:11,917 --> 00:24:15,125 None of this is mine. 528 00:24:15,125 --> 00:24:17,958 I don't even really live here anymore. 529 00:24:17,958 --> 00:24:20,708 My parents are at their house on Martha's Vineyard 530 00:24:20,708 --> 00:24:22,917 and I'm crashing here. 531 00:24:22,917 --> 00:24:26,042 If they knew I was here, well, they'd call the cops. 532 00:24:26,042 --> 00:24:27,625 Why is that? 533 00:24:27,625 --> 00:24:31,958 Because I'm a bad, bad girl. 534 00:24:31,958 --> 00:24:33,292 Didn't you know? 535 00:24:33,292 --> 00:24:35,208 I don't believe I did. 536 00:24:39,167 --> 00:24:41,000 Bad how? 537 00:24:46,167 --> 00:24:47,833 Where have you been all my life? 538 00:24:54,917 --> 00:24:55,917 OK. 539 00:24:55,917 --> 00:24:57,542 She's the worst type of bad. 540 00:24:57,542 --> 00:24:59,208 One, she slept with a Mexican. 541 00:24:59,208 --> 00:25:03,333 Two, she's tattooed and pierced and voted for Barack Hussein 542 00:25:03,333 --> 00:25:04,750 Obama. 543 00:25:04,750 --> 00:25:06,542 He wasn't Mexican. 544 00:25:06,542 --> 00:25:08,708 He was from Ecuador. 545 00:25:08,708 --> 00:25:09,708 A Mexican. 546 00:25:09,708 --> 00:25:12,667 Anyway, far worse than that. 547 00:25:12,667 --> 00:25:16,000 I also used my father's electronic setup 548 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:20,083 to eavesdrop on the two of you while I was getting snacks. 549 00:25:20,083 --> 00:25:21,833 OK. 550 00:25:21,833 --> 00:25:26,083 So you'd like to murder me, Blain, 551 00:25:26,083 --> 00:25:28,208 in a particularly bloody way? 552 00:25:28,208 --> 00:25:28,958 I would never. 553 00:25:28,958 --> 00:25:29,750 It's a joke. 554 00:25:29,750 --> 00:25:30,208 It's a joke. 555 00:25:30,208 --> 00:25:30,875 Never. 556 00:25:31,583 --> 00:25:32,625 Oh, fuck. 557 00:25:32,625 --> 00:25:33,208 Oh. 558 00:25:33,208 --> 00:25:34,208 Oh, fuck. 559 00:25:34,208 --> 00:25:36,792 The fucking bitch shot me. 560 00:25:36,792 --> 00:25:38,292 Bridgette. 561 00:25:38,292 --> 00:25:38,958 Bridgette. 562 00:25:40,208 --> 00:25:41,042 Stop. 563 00:25:41,042 --> 00:25:43,958 You help me right now. 564 00:25:43,958 --> 00:25:47,167 I could probably make it. 565 00:25:47,167 --> 00:25:51,292 We could go to Cedars or St. Joseph's. 566 00:25:51,292 --> 00:25:53,625 Oh, please. 567 00:25:53,625 --> 00:25:54,875 Please, help me. 568 00:25:54,875 --> 00:25:55,917 Please. 569 00:25:55,917 --> 00:25:56,875 Are you going to shoot me too? 570 00:25:56,875 --> 00:25:57,875 Oh, it hurts-- 571 00:25:57,875 --> 00:25:59,875 I haven't decided that yet. 572 00:25:59,875 --> 00:26:01,333 Depends. 573 00:26:01,333 --> 00:26:02,250 Please, brother. 574 00:26:02,250 --> 00:26:03,375 Help me, please. 575 00:26:03,375 --> 00:26:04,292 Please? 576 00:26:04,292 --> 00:26:05,208 On what? 577 00:26:05,208 --> 00:26:07,000 My feathers are bloody. 578 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:08,292 Oh, please. 579 00:26:08,292 --> 00:26:10,750 Did you mean it when you said you liked me? 580 00:26:10,750 --> 00:26:11,667 Help me. 581 00:26:11,667 --> 00:26:12,625 Please. 582 00:26:13,375 --> 00:26:15,417 Yes. 583 00:26:15,417 --> 00:26:20,125 Yes, I did, very much so. 584 00:26:20,125 --> 00:26:21,917 There's a light. 585 00:26:21,917 --> 00:26:25,000 Oh, looks like one of those lights outside of a barbershop. 586 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:26,375 What? 587 00:26:26,375 --> 00:26:27,333 Please. 588 00:26:27,333 --> 00:26:29,250 Oh, Jesus, Lord. 589 00:26:29,250 --> 00:26:30,375 Oh. 590 00:26:30,375 --> 00:26:33,000 Even right now. 591 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:35,667 I think I see Gram Gram. 592 00:26:35,667 --> 00:26:38,167 I smell the cinnamon buns she made. 593 00:26:38,167 --> 00:26:39,125 Please. 594 00:26:39,125 --> 00:26:40,125 Oh. 595 00:26:40,125 --> 00:26:41,042 That's not grandma. 596 00:26:41,042 --> 00:26:41,750 That's Satan. 597 00:26:41,750 --> 00:26:43,250 Oh, please. 598 00:26:43,250 --> 00:26:44,292 Oh, goodness. 599 00:26:44,292 --> 00:26:46,167 You're making this very awkward. 600 00:26:46,167 --> 00:26:49,083 I made you a fucking friendship bracelet. 601 00:26:49,083 --> 00:26:50,792 Shut up about the bracelet. 602 00:26:50,792 --> 00:26:54,000 I'm very happy for you both, but I'm fucking dying here. 603 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:54,792 Please. 604 00:26:54,792 --> 00:26:56,125 Not fast enough. 605 00:26:56,750 --> 00:26:57,250 Fuck. 606 00:26:57,250 --> 00:26:58,792 Oh. 607 00:26:58,792 --> 00:27:00,750 Shot again. 608 00:27:04,792 --> 00:27:07,292 Was that second shot really necessary? 609 00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:09,000 I think it was. 610 00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:12,792 Well, he was a racist chicken. 611 00:27:12,792 --> 00:27:14,750 What happens now? 612 00:27:15,792 --> 00:27:16,792 I haven't figured that out yet. 613 00:27:19,875 --> 00:27:22,042 So what happens now? 614 00:27:22,042 --> 00:27:23,292 I haven't figured that out yet. 615 00:27:23,292 --> 00:27:25,958 Look, I'm not sure about any of this. 616 00:27:25,958 --> 00:27:28,375 So we're saying Bridgette is the psycho killer, not Cooper? 617 00:27:28,375 --> 00:27:29,417 Yes. 618 00:27:29,417 --> 00:27:30,833 And she's the one with the plan. 619 00:27:30,833 --> 00:27:32,125 What's the plan? 620 00:27:32,125 --> 00:27:34,250 To steal her father's Picasso and blame it 621 00:27:34,250 --> 00:27:36,500 on Blain and another accomplice. 622 00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:38,333 You know, I actually like this. 623 00:27:38,333 --> 00:27:41,833 It's getting very classical stage mystery/comedy. 624 00:27:41,833 --> 00:27:44,417 You know, like Deathtrap or The Mousetrap. 625 00:27:44,417 --> 00:27:45,333 You're right. 626 00:27:45,333 --> 00:27:46,792 It is. 627 00:27:46,792 --> 00:27:48,417 Oh, fuck. 628 00:27:48,417 --> 00:27:50,125 We should change everything. 629 00:27:50,125 --> 00:27:53,292 We should go back and make it less like those plays 630 00:27:53,292 --> 00:27:54,750 and make it more movie-like. 631 00:27:54,750 --> 00:27:56,333 There you go with that movie thing again. 632 00:27:56,333 --> 00:27:59,167 You do know that The Mousetrap is the most successful, longest 633 00:27:59,167 --> 00:28:00,458 running play in history? 634 00:28:00,458 --> 00:28:02,958 And Deathtrap ran forever and they even 635 00:28:02,958 --> 00:28:06,292 made a movie out of it with Michael Caine and Superman. 636 00:28:06,292 --> 00:28:08,083 Christopher Reeve. 637 00:28:08,083 --> 00:28:09,458 If we can write a play even half as successful as those two, 638 00:28:09,458 --> 00:28:10,292 we'll have a hit. 639 00:28:10,292 --> 00:28:11,917 Think of it. 640 00:28:11,917 --> 00:28:14,083 Small cast, one set, thrills and chills and comedy. 641 00:28:14,083 --> 00:28:15,917 Nobody's writing plays like this anymore. 642 00:28:15,917 --> 00:28:17,292 Yeah, because they're old hat. 643 00:28:17,292 --> 00:28:18,792 No, they're not. 644 00:28:18,792 --> 00:28:20,167 If you can write a good play in that genre, 645 00:28:20,167 --> 00:28:23,000 you can get it produced and make a lot of money. 646 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:24,792 Community theaters love that kind of shit. 647 00:28:24,792 --> 00:28:29,208 What happened to the idea of a surrealistic, avant garde, 648 00:28:29,208 --> 00:28:30,958 mind-bending neo-noir thriller? 649 00:28:30,958 --> 00:28:34,042 Have you ever noticed that the avant garde never changes? 650 00:28:34,042 --> 00:28:35,542 If it's after garde, when was garde? 651 00:28:35,542 --> 00:28:36,500 I must've missed it. 652 00:28:36,500 --> 00:28:37,500 That would be apres garde. 653 00:28:37,500 --> 00:28:38,375 What would be? 654 00:28:38,375 --> 00:28:41,750 Our play, Murdertrap. 655 00:28:41,750 --> 00:28:42,375 Murdertrap? 656 00:28:42,375 --> 00:28:43,458 Yes. 657 00:28:43,458 --> 00:28:44,958 I just came up with it. 658 00:28:44,958 --> 00:28:46,875 Cool title, huh? 659 00:28:46,875 --> 00:28:50,042 Isn't it a little much like Deathtrap or The Mousetrap? 660 00:28:50,042 --> 00:28:51,417 Only in the "trap" part. 661 00:28:51,417 --> 00:28:53,917 Besides it makes a great movie title. 662 00:28:53,917 --> 00:28:55,208 Someday. 663 00:28:55,208 --> 00:28:56,083 Someday. 664 00:28:56,083 --> 00:28:56,917 All right. 665 00:28:56,917 --> 00:28:58,125 You've convinced me. 666 00:28:58,125 --> 00:29:01,000 After it's a huge Broadway success. 667 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:02,208 One thing though. 668 00:29:02,208 --> 00:29:06,292 Don't these characters seem British? 669 00:29:06,292 --> 00:29:07,833 Why do you say that? 670 00:29:07,833 --> 00:29:09,250 Well, I don't know anyone like these people. 671 00:29:09,250 --> 00:29:11,083 Do you any British people like these people? 672 00:29:11,083 --> 00:29:12,875 No. 673 00:29:12,875 --> 00:29:16,292 But I think that it would be classier if they were British. 674 00:29:16,292 --> 00:29:17,333 OK. 675 00:29:17,333 --> 00:29:18,417 Let's make them British again. 676 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,125 Is the painting in the lorry? 677 00:29:30,125 --> 00:29:31,292 Yes. 678 00:29:31,292 --> 00:29:33,083 And thank goodness no one saw me. 679 00:29:33,083 --> 00:29:37,833 This is Fanlee on the Bump, the most exclusive community 680 00:29:37,833 --> 00:29:39,875 off the roundabout to East Sussex. 681 00:29:39,875 --> 00:29:43,542 No one sees anything. 682 00:29:43,542 --> 00:29:44,292 Two lumps? 683 00:29:47,083 --> 00:29:47,708 Thanks, darling. 684 00:29:50,417 --> 00:29:52,875 So what do we do about Blain? 685 00:29:52,875 --> 00:29:55,375 Just leave him there behind the couch. 686 00:29:55,375 --> 00:29:57,875 Remember, we caught him in the midst 687 00:29:57,875 --> 00:30:02,833 of committing grand larceny and justifiably shot him. 688 00:30:02,833 --> 00:30:04,167 Mhm. 689 00:30:04,167 --> 00:30:06,250 Twice. 690 00:30:06,250 --> 00:30:08,125 The gun has a hair trigger. 691 00:30:09,542 --> 00:30:12,208 I think you should say we were being held captive. 692 00:30:12,208 --> 00:30:17,208 There was a struggle and the gun went off quite accidentally. 693 00:30:17,208 --> 00:30:19,250 Twice? 694 00:30:19,250 --> 00:30:20,917 Could be hard to explain. 695 00:30:20,917 --> 00:30:22,208 Not really. 696 00:30:22,208 --> 00:30:25,167 You were fighting for your life. 697 00:30:25,167 --> 00:30:27,167 I was fighting for my life? 698 00:30:27,167 --> 00:30:29,000 Well, the police will never believe 699 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:30,333 that I could've disarmed him. 700 00:30:33,083 --> 00:30:34,417 Yes. 701 00:30:34,417 --> 00:30:37,167 You're quite right. 702 00:30:37,167 --> 00:30:38,417 We'll have to say I shot him. 703 00:30:38,417 --> 00:30:41,875 Oh, well. 704 00:30:41,875 --> 00:30:48,125 Now, how exactly do we explain the chicken suit? 705 00:30:48,125 --> 00:30:49,167 That's easy. 706 00:30:49,167 --> 00:30:50,667 We'll tell the truth. 707 00:30:50,667 --> 00:30:52,958 Blain mistook the date and thought 708 00:30:52,958 --> 00:30:56,208 he was going to be attending a costume party. 709 00:30:56,208 --> 00:30:56,667 All right. 710 00:30:56,667 --> 00:30:58,417 Yeah. 711 00:30:58,417 --> 00:31:00,542 Well, how do we explain me? 712 00:31:00,542 --> 00:31:03,292 You're my neighbor. 713 00:31:03,292 --> 00:31:09,583 Bridgette, I'm not really your neighbor. 714 00:31:09,583 --> 00:31:13,417 But you're David and Nancy's nephew. 715 00:31:13,417 --> 00:31:15,917 Unfortunately, not. 716 00:31:15,917 --> 00:31:18,208 Great nephew? 717 00:31:18,208 --> 00:31:20,375 Not even remotely related. 718 00:31:20,375 --> 00:31:23,000 But you are staying with them, aren't you? 719 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,542 In a manner of speaking, yes. 720 00:31:25,542 --> 00:31:28,542 Whatever do you mean? 721 00:31:28,542 --> 00:31:30,375 I'm afraid I slit both their throats 722 00:31:30,375 --> 00:31:32,167 and buried them in the rose garden. 723 00:31:32,167 --> 00:31:32,708 Oopsie daisy. 724 00:31:32,708 --> 00:31:34,583 And Milo? 725 00:31:34,583 --> 00:31:37,000 Milo is just fine. 726 00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:41,417 What the bloody hell do you take me for? 727 00:31:41,417 --> 00:31:46,708 Possibly my soulmate. 728 00:31:48,625 --> 00:31:50,417 Oh, I was hoping you felt that way. 729 00:31:50,417 --> 00:31:52,583 I felt an immediate attraction towards you the moment 730 00:31:52,583 --> 00:31:54,250 I first laid eyes on you. 731 00:31:54,250 --> 00:31:56,167 And it's only deepened massively in the brief time 732 00:31:56,167 --> 00:31:57,708 I've known you. 733 00:31:57,708 --> 00:32:02,250 You are a complete sociopath without one single redeeming 734 00:32:02,250 --> 00:32:03,583 quality. 735 00:32:03,583 --> 00:32:06,708 I'm afraid that's entirely true. 736 00:32:06,708 --> 00:32:08,250 Kiss me. 737 00:32:08,250 --> 00:32:11,583 Oh, it still hurts. 738 00:32:11,583 --> 00:32:13,583 Oh, it's not happened yet. 739 00:32:13,583 --> 00:32:14,708 I think I did shit-- 740 00:32:21,375 --> 00:32:22,667 Please. 741 00:32:22,667 --> 00:32:25,333 I made you that fucking friendship bracelet. 742 00:32:25,333 --> 00:32:28,292 I gave you my last Livestrong bracelet. 743 00:32:28,292 --> 00:32:30,458 Hold on a tick. 744 00:32:30,458 --> 00:32:31,708 Help me, please. 745 00:32:31,708 --> 00:32:32,583 Please. 746 00:32:32,583 --> 00:32:34,292 We can stop for fro-yo. 747 00:32:34,292 --> 00:32:35,458 I know you love Menchies. 748 00:32:36,333 --> 00:32:41,125 Why don't you just die? 749 00:33:00,458 --> 00:33:02,333 Murder, anyone? 750 00:33:08,083 --> 00:33:10,792 So now, we have two psycho killers in the scene. 751 00:33:10,792 --> 00:33:12,500 Three if you count, Blain. 752 00:33:12,500 --> 00:33:13,667 Isn't that a bit much? 753 00:33:13,667 --> 00:33:14,583 No, no, no. 754 00:33:14,583 --> 00:33:16,208 The more, the merrier. 755 00:33:16,208 --> 00:33:18,833 You can never have too many psycho killers, Clarice. 756 00:33:18,833 --> 00:33:20,250 OK. 757 00:33:20,250 --> 00:33:21,333 But it's getting a little far-fetched. 758 00:33:21,333 --> 00:33:22,625 Well, isn't that the point? 759 00:33:22,625 --> 00:33:25,375 Isn't art supposed to be far-fetched? 760 00:33:25,375 --> 00:33:29,125 You don't plop down a hundred or even $12.50 to go see something 761 00:33:29,125 --> 00:33:30,708 that's fetched. 762 00:33:30,708 --> 00:33:32,417 I don't think that's an actual term. 763 00:33:32,417 --> 00:33:33,458 Why not? 764 00:33:33,458 --> 00:33:35,042 Why are things only far-fetched? 765 00:33:35,042 --> 00:33:37,500 Why can't they be merely-fetched or 3/4-fetched? 766 00:33:37,500 --> 00:33:38,792 I don't know. 767 00:33:38,792 --> 00:33:40,708 The point is, where do we go from here? 768 00:33:40,708 --> 00:33:42,542 We've already thrown out the whole outline. 769 00:33:42,542 --> 00:33:43,542 You know what? 770 00:33:43,542 --> 00:33:44,792 I think that's a good thing. 771 00:33:44,792 --> 00:33:46,375 Let's take this thing as far as we can. 772 00:33:46,375 --> 00:33:49,750 And I am not wild about them being British. 773 00:33:49,750 --> 00:33:50,667 OK. 774 00:33:50,667 --> 00:33:51,875 So make them American. 775 00:33:51,875 --> 00:33:53,625 I'll go back and change lorry to truck 776 00:33:53,625 --> 00:33:56,292 and make the other things in that scene more American later. 777 00:33:56,292 --> 00:33:56,792 All right. 778 00:33:56,792 --> 00:33:57,500 All right. 779 00:33:57,500 --> 00:33:58,125 All right. 780 00:33:58,125 --> 00:33:59,458 Great. 781 00:33:59,458 --> 00:34:00,333 Because I have an idea for what happens next. 782 00:34:00,333 --> 00:34:01,208 Carry on, old chap. 783 00:34:01,208 --> 00:34:02,333 I said not British. 784 00:34:02,333 --> 00:34:03,375 I just wanted to get that out there 785 00:34:03,375 --> 00:34:05,792 before we go all colonial again. 786 00:34:05,792 --> 00:34:07,125 All right. 787 00:34:07,125 --> 00:34:08,583 It's later now. 788 00:34:08,583 --> 00:34:11,458 Cooper, I'm worried someone's going to find the body 789 00:34:11,458 --> 00:34:12,708 and ruin everything. 790 00:34:12,708 --> 00:34:14,375 Don't even worry about it. 791 00:34:14,375 --> 00:34:16,792 Blain fit right in the grave next to David and Nancy. 792 00:34:16,792 --> 00:34:21,083 And he's now perfectly covered by David's prizewinning roses. 793 00:34:21,083 --> 00:34:23,583 Blain's disappearance won't be noticed for a while. 794 00:34:23,583 --> 00:34:26,750 He often disappears for months at a time and only returns 795 00:34:26,750 --> 00:34:28,500 when he runs out of money. 796 00:34:28,500 --> 00:34:33,792 But how ever are we going to explain David and Nancy? 797 00:34:33,792 --> 00:34:35,375 What? 798 00:34:35,375 --> 00:34:36,833 Why do we need to explain anything about them? 799 00:34:36,833 --> 00:34:39,625 What do they have to do with us? 800 00:34:39,625 --> 00:34:40,875 You're right. 801 00:34:40,875 --> 00:34:43,292 I hadn't thought of it like that. 802 00:34:43,292 --> 00:34:45,417 We're in the clear. 803 00:34:45,417 --> 00:34:47,417 Nothing can stop us now. 804 00:34:48,917 --> 00:34:49,833 Hello? 805 00:34:49,833 --> 00:34:51,542 Anybody home? 806 00:34:51,542 --> 00:34:53,125 Who can that be? 807 00:34:53,125 --> 00:34:53,833 I don't know. 808 00:34:53,833 --> 00:34:54,750 It sounds like a woman. 809 00:34:56,208 --> 00:34:58,375 Hello? 810 00:34:58,375 --> 00:34:59,875 Her voice doesn't sound familiar. 811 00:34:59,875 --> 00:35:02,125 I don't want to let her in. 812 00:35:02,125 --> 00:35:04,292 I think you have to. 813 00:35:04,292 --> 00:35:05,708 You can't do anything suspicious. 814 00:35:15,292 --> 00:35:17,875 Hello. 815 00:35:17,875 --> 00:35:19,250 Sup, bitches? 816 00:35:19,250 --> 00:35:20,417 I'm Mary Clemens. 817 00:35:20,417 --> 00:35:21,500 I'm a psychic. 818 00:35:21,500 --> 00:35:22,375 I live next door. 819 00:35:25,167 --> 00:35:26,292 Wait, wait, wait. 820 00:35:26,292 --> 00:35:28,417 We can't have a psychic next door. 821 00:35:28,417 --> 00:35:29,958 That's right out of Deathtrap. 822 00:35:29,958 --> 00:35:31,583 Well, cheese and crackers. 823 00:35:31,583 --> 00:35:32,750 I'll make it different. 824 00:35:32,750 --> 00:35:34,667 Yeah, it got all muddy. 825 00:35:34,667 --> 00:35:36,458 I am Mary Clemens. 826 00:35:36,458 --> 00:35:38,292 I am blind. 827 00:35:41,292 --> 00:35:42,417 Who's there? 828 00:35:42,417 --> 00:35:43,958 A blind woman? 829 00:35:43,958 --> 00:35:45,333 We can't have a blind woman. 830 00:35:45,333 --> 00:35:46,750 That's out of Wait Until Dark. 831 00:35:46,750 --> 00:35:48,625 We can't rip off two successful plays like that. 832 00:35:48,625 --> 00:35:49,458 It's not a rip off. 833 00:35:49,458 --> 00:35:50,917 It's an homage. 834 00:35:50,917 --> 00:35:51,833 An homage? 835 00:35:51,833 --> 00:35:53,250 Yes. 836 00:35:53,250 --> 00:35:55,500 And besides, Deathtrap had a psychic. 837 00:35:55,500 --> 00:35:57,500 And Wait Until Dark had a blind woman. 838 00:35:57,500 --> 00:36:00,375 But neither of those had a blind psychic. 839 00:36:00,375 --> 00:36:00,958 OK. 840 00:36:00,958 --> 00:36:02,500 It's an homage. 841 00:36:02,500 --> 00:36:04,250 But let's make her French and not a psychic. 842 00:36:04,250 --> 00:36:05,292 All right. 843 00:36:05,292 --> 00:36:07,500 I am Marie Clement de la France. 844 00:36:07,500 --> 00:36:10,625 I am blind and I am a medium. 845 00:36:10,625 --> 00:36:11,833 A medium? 846 00:36:11,833 --> 00:36:13,958 You mean a psychic, like in Deathtrap? 847 00:36:13,958 --> 00:36:16,958 No, not at all like that play. 848 00:36:16,958 --> 00:36:18,333 No. 849 00:36:18,333 --> 00:36:19,917 I cannot read mind or see the future. 850 00:36:19,917 --> 00:36:21,250 See, guys? 851 00:36:21,250 --> 00:36:22,375 Shit ain't nothing like Deathtrap. 852 00:36:22,375 --> 00:36:25,375 But I can tell the past. 853 00:36:25,375 --> 00:36:28,833 Also not like The Dead Zone. 854 00:36:28,833 --> 00:36:30,958 Won't you sit down, Ms. Clement? 855 00:36:30,958 --> 00:36:33,000 Merci beaucoup. 856 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:34,042 Oh, um. 857 00:36:34,042 --> 00:36:35,875 It's just to your right. 858 00:36:35,875 --> 00:36:36,542 Oh, no. 859 00:36:36,542 --> 00:36:37,500 Sorry. 860 00:36:37,500 --> 00:36:37,875 Can you help her, please? 861 00:36:37,875 --> 00:36:38,542 Mhm. 862 00:36:38,542 --> 00:36:39,292 Here. 863 00:36:39,292 --> 00:36:40,375 Just-- right. 864 00:36:40,375 --> 00:36:40,792 No. 865 00:36:40,792 --> 00:36:41,417 No. 866 00:36:41,417 --> 00:36:41,875 Oh gosh. 867 00:36:41,875 --> 00:36:42,500 Almost. 868 00:36:42,500 --> 00:36:43,000 Almost. 869 00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:43,708 Can you-- 870 00:36:43,708 --> 00:36:44,375 Are you OK? 871 00:36:46,458 --> 00:36:48,333 Sorry. 872 00:36:48,333 --> 00:36:49,375 You're finding it. 873 00:36:49,375 --> 00:36:50,375 Almost. 874 00:36:50,375 --> 00:36:50,875 You just need to do a 180. 875 00:36:50,875 --> 00:36:51,500 OK. 876 00:36:55,917 --> 00:36:57,292 Oh, goodness. 877 00:36:57,292 --> 00:36:57,792 Here. 878 00:36:57,792 --> 00:36:58,417 Take my-- 879 00:36:59,333 --> 00:36:59,750 OK. 880 00:36:59,750 --> 00:37:00,500 Just-- 881 00:37:00,500 --> 00:37:00,875 Here. 882 00:37:00,875 --> 00:37:01,708 OK. 883 00:37:01,708 --> 00:37:03,417 Now, easy does it. 884 00:37:03,417 --> 00:37:03,875 Easy does it. 885 00:37:03,875 --> 00:37:04,500 Voila. 886 00:37:04,500 --> 00:37:04,917 Yay. 887 00:37:04,917 --> 00:37:07,708 Voila. 888 00:37:07,708 --> 00:37:12,875 So you say you have the uncanny ability to see the past? 889 00:37:14,375 --> 00:37:15,875 Indeed I do. 890 00:37:15,875 --> 00:37:19,500 Excuse me, but don't we all have that ability? 891 00:37:19,500 --> 00:37:21,750 Uh, pardon me, but don't we all have that ability? 892 00:37:21,750 --> 00:37:22,917 No. 893 00:37:22,917 --> 00:37:24,667 own past. 894 00:37:24,667 --> 00:37:25,667 Everybody can. 895 00:37:25,667 --> 00:37:27,292 No one care. 896 00:37:27,292 --> 00:37:29,917 But with this power I have, which I did not ask for, 897 00:37:29,917 --> 00:37:32,833 I merely need to be in the presence of a person 898 00:37:32,833 --> 00:37:35,042 and I immediately see their whole life, 899 00:37:35,042 --> 00:37:37,667 like a movie or a play. 900 00:37:37,667 --> 00:37:40,042 Again, not like The Dead Zone. 901 00:37:40,042 --> 00:37:42,542 It is quite formidable. 902 00:37:42,542 --> 00:37:45,667 And you say that's why you've come here this evening? 903 00:37:45,667 --> 00:37:46,375 Oui. 904 00:37:46,375 --> 00:37:47,417 Quite so. 905 00:37:47,417 --> 00:37:49,417 But that is not the only reason. 906 00:37:49,417 --> 00:37:51,708 I have been summoned. 907 00:37:51,708 --> 00:37:52,750 Summoned? 908 00:37:52,750 --> 00:37:54,958 By whom? 909 00:37:54,958 --> 00:37:55,792 The dead. 910 00:38:00,125 --> 00:38:01,625 The lights are flickering, yes? 911 00:38:04,125 --> 00:38:04,875 The dead? 912 00:38:10,333 --> 00:38:12,042 Well, that's just a bit far-fetched. 913 00:38:12,042 --> 00:38:13,792 Wouldn't you say, Ms. Clement? 914 00:38:13,792 --> 00:38:14,458 No. 915 00:38:14,458 --> 00:38:15,333 No. 916 00:38:15,333 --> 00:38:16,083 It's quite fetched. 917 00:38:16,083 --> 00:38:18,500 Is that the correct usage? 918 00:38:18,500 --> 00:38:19,958 My English is not so well. 919 00:38:19,958 --> 00:38:20,625 No. 920 00:38:20,625 --> 00:38:21,625 It's OK. 921 00:38:21,625 --> 00:38:22,958 But let me get this straight. 922 00:38:22,958 --> 00:38:25,958 You're saying you communicate with the dead? 923 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:30,958 Of course. 924 00:38:30,958 --> 00:38:33,458 I am a medium, after all. 925 00:38:33,458 --> 00:38:36,167 But I not only communicate with the departed. 926 00:38:36,167 --> 00:38:37,667 I bring them-- 927 00:38:37,667 --> 00:38:39,500 Fascinating, Ms. Clement. 928 00:38:39,500 --> 00:38:41,875 But what does any of that have to do with me? 929 00:38:41,875 --> 00:38:42,917 I don't even-- 930 00:38:42,917 --> 00:38:44,458 May I have your hand, Bridgette? 931 00:38:46,958 --> 00:38:48,167 How did you know my name? 932 00:38:48,167 --> 00:38:50,375 You're hand. 933 00:38:50,375 --> 00:38:51,083 Oh. 934 00:38:51,083 --> 00:38:53,458 It's here. 935 00:38:55,750 --> 00:38:56,917 What is it? 936 00:38:56,917 --> 00:39:00,458 Ma cher, I see everything clearly. 937 00:39:00,458 --> 00:39:01,958 What do you see? 938 00:39:01,958 --> 00:39:04,000 It is what I do not see. 939 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:05,083 What is that? 940 00:39:05,083 --> 00:39:06,917 I do not see a penis. 941 00:39:06,917 --> 00:39:07,875 Say what? 942 00:39:07,875 --> 00:39:08,750 A penis. 943 00:39:08,750 --> 00:39:10,042 No? 944 00:39:10,042 --> 00:39:12,708 I do not see a penis. 945 00:39:12,708 --> 00:39:14,542 A penis? 946 00:39:14,542 --> 00:39:15,667 What the hell is that? 947 00:39:15,667 --> 00:39:17,125 It's happiness. 948 00:39:17,125 --> 00:39:20,000 It just sounds like "a penis," because she's French. 949 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:24,125 But the audience is going to think she's saying "a penis." 950 00:39:24,125 --> 00:39:26,208 You think so? 951 00:39:26,208 --> 00:39:27,208 A penis. 952 00:39:28,750 --> 00:39:29,708 A penis. 953 00:39:31,083 --> 00:39:32,625 A penis. 954 00:39:32,625 --> 00:39:33,458 Maybe you're right. 955 00:39:33,458 --> 00:39:35,875 I'll add this. 956 00:39:35,875 --> 00:39:40,458 I do not see much happiness in your life. 957 00:39:40,458 --> 00:39:42,667 She's trying to say "happiness." 958 00:39:42,667 --> 00:39:43,542 Oui. 959 00:39:43,542 --> 00:39:44,958 Happiness. 960 00:39:44,958 --> 00:39:46,125 I thought she was saying-- 961 00:39:46,125 --> 00:39:47,542 No. 962 00:39:47,542 --> 00:39:48,917 We know what we thought she was saying. 963 00:39:48,917 --> 00:39:52,125 Bridgette, there is so much sadness in your life. 964 00:39:52,125 --> 00:39:52,958 Your father-- 965 00:39:52,958 --> 00:39:55,750 Please. 966 00:39:55,750 --> 00:39:58,458 I don't want to discuss my father. 967 00:39:58,458 --> 00:40:00,167 There's something really wrong here. 968 00:40:00,167 --> 00:40:01,875 You don't like where the story's going? 969 00:40:01,875 --> 00:40:02,625 No. 970 00:40:02,625 --> 00:40:03,500 It's not that. 971 00:40:03,500 --> 00:40:04,833 It's the characters. 972 00:40:04,833 --> 00:40:05,917 They have no inner lives. 973 00:40:05,917 --> 00:40:07,667 We don't really care about them. 974 00:40:07,667 --> 00:40:09,667 They're just pieces we're moving around on a chessboard. 975 00:40:09,667 --> 00:40:11,000 You're right. 976 00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:13,500 There's nobody to care about in this movie-- 977 00:40:13,500 --> 00:40:14,792 play, play. 978 00:40:14,792 --> 00:40:16,875 We need a moment, a glimpse into the soul, 979 00:40:16,875 --> 00:40:19,208 of one of the characters. 980 00:40:19,208 --> 00:40:20,083 Marie? 981 00:40:20,083 --> 00:40:21,167 Why Marie? 982 00:40:21,167 --> 00:40:22,708 Well, she's interesting. 983 00:40:22,708 --> 00:40:24,500 She's a blind, French, psychic. 984 00:40:24,500 --> 00:40:25,208 That's the problem. 985 00:40:25,208 --> 00:40:27,583 She's too interesting. 986 00:40:27,583 --> 00:40:29,125 Well, Cooper? 987 00:40:29,125 --> 00:40:30,917 We want to keep him sort of enigmatic. 988 00:40:30,917 --> 00:40:31,875 Don't we? 989 00:40:31,875 --> 00:40:32,917 You're right. 990 00:40:32,917 --> 00:40:35,083 That just leave Bridgette. 991 00:40:35,083 --> 00:40:36,833 I think I've got a way to go with her. 992 00:40:36,833 --> 00:40:39,917 Oh, a wise guy, eh? 993 00:40:39,917 --> 00:40:41,958 Well, be my guest. 994 00:40:41,958 --> 00:40:43,583 I think this will do it. 995 00:40:47,958 --> 00:40:50,083 You say you do not want to talk about your life, 996 00:40:50,083 --> 00:40:53,125 but what else have we but our lives? 997 00:40:53,125 --> 00:40:58,208 I don't want to talk about my life, because it's too painful. 998 00:40:58,208 --> 00:41:03,792 You say you do not see much happiness in my life? 999 00:41:03,792 --> 00:41:05,833 That's true. 1000 00:41:05,833 --> 00:41:09,250 Also, no love. 1001 00:41:09,250 --> 00:41:11,958 That's not exactly true. 1002 00:41:11,958 --> 00:41:23,958 I was in love once, with a boy named Eduardo, Eduardo Gomez 1003 00:41:23,958 --> 00:41:27,583 Alfonso de la Guapa. 1004 00:41:27,583 --> 00:41:32,750 My father did everything he could to break us up. 1005 00:41:32,750 --> 00:41:33,292 I'm sorry. 1006 00:41:33,292 --> 00:41:34,125 Why is that? 1007 00:41:42,042 --> 00:41:46,083 Alfonso was dark complected. 1008 00:41:46,083 --> 00:41:50,958 Even in these enlightened times of post-racial America, 1009 00:41:50,958 --> 00:41:55,042 my father was hateful. 1010 00:41:55,042 --> 00:42:02,625 He systematically destroyed our love, had Eduardo deported, 1011 00:42:02,625 --> 00:42:08,000 and forced me to have a late-term abortion. 1012 00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:14,125 Afterward, I hated my father with a passion. 1013 00:42:14,125 --> 00:42:19,625 My mother insisted that my father had acted out of love. 1014 00:42:19,625 --> 00:42:24,250 But I saw no love in his actions. 1015 00:42:24,250 --> 00:42:28,208 I, determined to spend the rest of my life 1016 00:42:28,208 --> 00:42:35,000 defying his authority, flaunting his prejudices, 1017 00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:39,083 I had many public affairs. 1018 00:42:39,083 --> 00:42:45,750 Black men, Brown men, even women. 1019 00:42:45,750 --> 00:42:50,167 You should've seen my father froth at the mouth 1020 00:42:50,167 --> 00:42:55,250 at the idea of his poor sweet little daughter 1021 00:42:55,250 --> 00:42:56,708 becoming a lesbian. 1022 00:42:59,792 --> 00:43:03,208 That was the final straw. 1023 00:43:03,208 --> 00:43:09,167 He threw me out and disinherited me. 1024 00:43:09,167 --> 00:43:11,417 I swore revenge. 1025 00:43:11,417 --> 00:43:17,833 And nothing can stand in my way, no code of morals or ethics 1026 00:43:17,833 --> 00:43:19,625 or laws. 1027 00:43:19,625 --> 00:43:21,917 I'm my own. 1028 00:43:21,917 --> 00:43:26,958 I own me. 1029 00:43:26,958 --> 00:43:27,958 And scene. 1030 00:43:37,958 --> 00:43:39,125 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 1031 00:43:39,125 --> 00:43:40,167 She's a racist? 1032 00:43:40,167 --> 00:43:41,375 No, but her father is. 1033 00:43:41,375 --> 00:43:43,917 And she's trying to get back at him. 1034 00:43:43,917 --> 00:43:46,125 I hate it. 1035 00:43:46,125 --> 00:43:49,667 It is a little overblown with the Judy Garland spot. 1036 00:43:49,667 --> 00:43:51,792 I just don't think we need it. 1037 00:43:51,792 --> 00:43:53,917 I mean, why do we care about her past? 1038 00:43:53,917 --> 00:43:55,125 We know she's a psychopath. 1039 00:43:55,125 --> 00:43:57,167 That's all we need to know about her. 1040 00:43:57,167 --> 00:43:57,792 OK. 1041 00:43:57,792 --> 00:43:58,292 Cut it. 1042 00:43:58,292 --> 00:44:00,958 It's cut. 1043 00:44:00,958 --> 00:44:05,458 Now, let's up the stakes here. 1044 00:44:05,458 --> 00:44:08,000 So you say you were summoned here by dead people? 1045 00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:09,042 Oui. 1046 00:44:09,042 --> 00:44:12,375 But it was very confusion. 1047 00:44:12,375 --> 00:44:16,875 I was summoned by a poulet. 1048 00:44:16,875 --> 00:44:18,875 Oh, no. 1049 00:44:18,875 --> 00:44:21,333 A poulet? 1050 00:44:21,333 --> 00:44:23,333 You mean a chicken? 1051 00:44:23,333 --> 00:44:24,167 Oui. 1052 00:44:24,167 --> 00:44:26,292 But not a chicken. 1053 00:44:26,292 --> 00:44:28,417 It was very, very confusion. 1054 00:44:28,417 --> 00:44:29,333 Yes. 1055 00:44:29,333 --> 00:44:32,167 It is very confusion. 1056 00:44:32,167 --> 00:44:34,750 Could you give us just a moment, please? 1057 00:44:34,750 --> 00:44:36,167 But of course. 1058 00:44:36,167 --> 00:44:37,917 Not a problem. 1059 00:44:37,917 --> 00:44:38,333 Oh. 1060 00:44:41,167 --> 00:44:44,167 I sense you have some champagne. 1061 00:44:44,167 --> 00:44:46,375 Oh, yes. 1062 00:44:46,375 --> 00:44:47,917 Should I-- 1063 00:44:47,917 --> 00:44:48,792 No, no, no. 1064 00:44:48,792 --> 00:44:50,167 It will speak to me. 1065 00:44:50,167 --> 00:44:53,042 I am a medium. 1066 00:44:53,042 --> 00:44:56,708 Bring some spirits back from the dead, including alcohol. 1067 00:45:00,292 --> 00:45:01,917 We have to get rid of her. 1068 00:45:01,917 --> 00:45:03,458 What can she know? 1069 00:45:03,458 --> 00:45:06,083 She knows about the chicken suit. 1070 00:45:06,083 --> 00:45:08,083 I want to find out what else she knows. 1071 00:45:08,083 --> 00:45:12,417 You play a very dangerous game, Bridgette. 1072 00:45:12,417 --> 00:45:15,167 Haven't you figured me out yet? 1073 00:45:15,167 --> 00:45:19,458 Danger is my middle name. 1074 00:45:19,458 --> 00:45:21,208 Sure thing. 1075 00:45:21,208 --> 00:45:23,417 But what about me? 1076 00:45:23,417 --> 00:45:25,208 I don't know your middle name. 1077 00:45:25,208 --> 00:45:26,125 Shirley. 1078 00:45:26,125 --> 00:45:27,083 Shirley? 1079 00:45:27,083 --> 00:45:28,333 William Goldberg III, yes. 1080 00:45:31,125 --> 00:45:32,125 Shirley. 1081 00:45:32,125 --> 00:45:34,208 I'm curious, Ms. Clement. 1082 00:45:34,208 --> 00:45:36,542 No, it's not two. 1083 00:45:36,542 --> 00:45:37,458 Um. 1084 00:45:37,458 --> 00:45:39,375 Marie, please. 1085 00:45:39,375 --> 00:45:41,083 I am not so formal. 1086 00:45:41,083 --> 00:45:43,000 Oui. 1087 00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:44,333 Marie, then. 1088 00:45:44,333 --> 00:45:48,917 How exactly do the dead communicate with you? 1089 00:45:48,917 --> 00:45:50,417 It is very interesting. 1090 00:45:50,417 --> 00:45:52,917 I get a cryptic-- 1091 00:45:52,917 --> 00:45:54,083 is that the word? 1092 00:45:54,083 --> 00:45:56,125 -a cryptic message. 1093 00:45:56,125 --> 00:46:01,833 A word, a phrase, like a text message in my mind. 1094 00:46:01,833 --> 00:46:05,333 So the dead text message you? 1095 00:46:05,333 --> 00:46:08,333 Yes, like a text, but not exactly. 1096 00:46:08,333 --> 00:46:11,292 Then, they tell me where to go and it must have the seance. 1097 00:46:11,292 --> 00:46:12,417 A seance? 1098 00:46:12,417 --> 00:46:13,458 Is that necessary? 1099 00:46:13,458 --> 00:46:14,833 Mademoiselle Bridgette. 1100 00:46:14,833 --> 00:46:15,625 Yes? 1101 00:46:15,625 --> 00:46:17,458 Yes, I am talking to you. 1102 00:46:17,458 --> 00:46:20,167 There is a departed soul who wishes to communicate with you. 1103 00:46:20,167 --> 00:46:23,042 It is tres, tres necessary. 1104 00:46:23,042 --> 00:46:25,500 Well, then, let's have a seance. 1105 00:46:26,958 --> 00:46:28,125 Bridgette. 1106 00:46:28,125 --> 00:46:30,000 What's the worst that can happen? 1107 00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:32,542 Either nothing or some disembodied spirit 1108 00:46:32,542 --> 00:46:35,292 raps on a table? 1109 00:46:35,292 --> 00:46:38,958 I must warn you, I'm not like the other medium. 1110 00:46:38,958 --> 00:46:43,292 Not only can I summon the souls of the departed, I summon-- 1111 00:46:43,292 --> 00:46:44,583 Whatever. 1112 00:46:44,583 --> 00:46:47,417 Sounds like fun. 1113 00:46:47,417 --> 00:46:48,292 Fuck it. 1114 00:46:48,292 --> 00:46:49,042 Let's have some fun. 1115 00:46:50,458 --> 00:46:53,042 I think this is where the intermission should go. 1116 00:46:53,042 --> 00:46:54,250 Intermission? 1117 00:46:54,250 --> 00:46:55,667 What do we need an intermission for? 1118 00:46:55,667 --> 00:46:57,250 Movies don't have intermissions? 1119 00:46:57,250 --> 00:46:58,208 Well, they used to. 1120 00:46:58,208 --> 00:46:59,500 I remember seeing Ben-Hur. 1121 00:46:59,500 --> 00:47:01,125 They had a long intermission. 1122 00:47:01,125 --> 00:47:02,542 Well, yeah. 1123 00:47:02,542 --> 00:47:04,375 For one thing, Ben-Hur was, like, four hours long. 1124 00:47:04,375 --> 00:47:07,958 And for another thing, no movies have intermissions anymore. 1125 00:47:07,958 --> 00:47:09,375 This is not a movie. 1126 00:47:09,375 --> 00:47:11,292 And theatergoers expect an intermission. 1127 00:47:11,292 --> 00:47:12,542 I hate intermissions. 1128 00:47:12,542 --> 00:47:14,417 I mean, why give the audience the chance 1129 00:47:14,417 --> 00:47:17,125 to go out and discuss the play at the halfway point? 1130 00:47:17,125 --> 00:47:19,167 What if someone's like really enjoying the play 1131 00:47:19,167 --> 00:47:20,667 and they overhear somebody else saying, 1132 00:47:20,667 --> 00:47:23,125 gee, this plays sucks, and it changes their attitude 1133 00:47:23,125 --> 00:47:24,000 entirely? 1134 00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:25,208 That never happens. 1135 00:47:25,208 --> 00:47:27,000 Besides maybe the reverse can happen. 1136 00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:29,208 Somebody could think the play sucks, go out in the lobby, 1137 00:47:29,208 --> 00:47:31,500 hear someone else raving about it, and say, 1138 00:47:31,500 --> 00:47:35,292 I must've missed something that guy obviously appreciates. 1139 00:47:35,292 --> 00:47:37,375 Besides, what about the women who have to pee? 1140 00:47:37,375 --> 00:47:39,208 Men have to pee too. 1141 00:47:39,208 --> 00:47:42,083 Have you ever seen the line outside the restroom 1142 00:47:42,083 --> 00:47:43,583 during the intermission of a play? 1143 00:47:43,583 --> 00:47:45,500 The women are lined up from here to Zanzibar. 1144 00:47:45,500 --> 00:47:48,208 The men go in, unzip, pee, and they're out again 1145 00:47:48,208 --> 00:47:49,708 in 10 seconds. 1146 00:47:49,708 --> 00:47:51,917 Nobody ever leaves in the middle of a movie to pee. 1147 00:47:51,917 --> 00:47:53,500 This isn't a movie. 1148 00:47:53,500 --> 00:47:55,125 It's a play. 1149 00:47:55,125 --> 00:47:57,083 Besides, the little black box theaters 1150 00:47:57,083 --> 00:48:00,042 need time to sell their drinks and snacks. 1151 00:48:00,042 --> 00:48:01,250 Oh, yes. 1152 00:48:01,250 --> 00:48:04,958 The old $1 worth of white wine for $8. 1153 00:48:04,958 --> 00:48:06,208 What a value. 1154 00:48:06,208 --> 00:48:07,500 They need to make their money somewhere. 1155 00:48:07,500 --> 00:48:09,500 They're not making it at the box office. 1156 00:48:09,500 --> 00:48:10,375 All right. 1157 00:48:10,375 --> 00:48:11,042 You made your point. 1158 00:48:11,042 --> 00:48:12,125 OK. 1159 00:48:12,125 --> 00:48:14,208 We'll put the intermission here. 1160 00:48:14,208 --> 00:48:17,250 Now, for some reason, I have to pee. 1161 00:48:27,083 --> 00:48:29,167 Ladies and gentlemen, that concludes the first act 1162 00:48:29,167 --> 00:48:30,708 of our performance. 1163 00:48:30,708 --> 00:48:32,708 Please feel free to enjoy some refreshments in the lobby. 1164 00:48:32,708 --> 00:48:34,500 And when the lights flicker, make your way 1165 00:48:34,500 --> 00:48:35,333 back to your seats. 1166 00:48:48,083 --> 00:48:49,500 Ah, fuck it. 1167 00:48:49,500 --> 00:48:51,375 This play is too short for an intermission. 1168 00:48:51,375 --> 00:48:52,375 You're right. 1169 00:48:52,375 --> 00:48:53,250 Let's go right into act two. 1170 00:48:53,250 --> 00:48:54,125 All right. 1171 00:48:54,125 --> 00:48:56,750 OK, ball, you are ready? 1172 00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:15,125 The axis on planets must flip. 1173 00:49:18,208 --> 00:49:19,125 No, no, no. 1174 00:49:19,125 --> 00:49:20,208 Just the tip. 1175 00:49:20,208 --> 00:49:21,375 What does all that mean? 1176 00:49:21,375 --> 00:49:22,708 Shh. 1177 00:49:22,708 --> 00:49:25,333 You must remain silent during the incantation. 1178 00:49:25,333 --> 00:49:28,250 The spirits are very restless tonight. 1179 00:49:28,250 --> 00:49:29,500 Sorry. 1180 00:49:29,500 --> 00:49:31,208 This is my first seance. 1181 00:49:32,583 --> 00:49:34,333 No, no. 1182 00:49:34,333 --> 00:49:36,625 You must not touch the summoning candle. 1183 00:49:36,625 --> 00:49:39,667 It must remain lit for the duration. 1184 00:50:10,500 --> 00:50:13,458 Bridgette? 1185 00:50:13,458 --> 00:50:16,333 Bridgette. 1186 00:50:16,333 --> 00:50:17,458 Oh God. 1187 00:50:17,458 --> 00:50:20,375 That's Nancy Babcock's voice. 1188 00:50:20,375 --> 00:50:21,667 Oh, good Lord. 1189 00:50:21,667 --> 00:50:23,708 I only ever heard her screaming in pain. 1190 00:50:23,708 --> 00:50:24,708 I mean-- 1191 00:50:24,708 --> 00:50:25,542 It doesn't matter. 1192 00:50:28,542 --> 00:50:32,542 Marie has checked out. 1193 00:50:32,542 --> 00:50:34,167 Shit. 1194 00:50:34,167 --> 00:50:40,333 Bridgette, don't you want any more of my cookies? 1195 00:50:40,333 --> 00:50:41,542 No, I don't. 1196 00:50:41,542 --> 00:50:45,208 I never liked your cookies. 1197 00:50:45,208 --> 00:50:46,542 Whore. 1198 00:50:46,542 --> 00:50:52,458 You there, boy, what did I ever do to harm you? 1199 00:50:52,458 --> 00:50:53,583 Nothing, actually. 1200 00:50:53,583 --> 00:50:54,625 Nothing at all. 1201 00:50:54,625 --> 00:50:57,458 Then, why did you send me here? 1202 00:50:57,458 --> 00:51:01,750 It's so cold and damp. 1203 00:51:01,750 --> 00:51:03,667 I'm so sorry. 1204 00:51:03,667 --> 00:51:07,250 You know, if I could do it all over again-- 1205 00:51:07,250 --> 00:51:09,750 Yes? 1206 00:51:09,750 --> 00:51:11,125 I'd still kill you. 1207 00:51:11,125 --> 00:51:13,417 Just being honest. 1208 00:51:13,417 --> 00:51:14,750 I do love that about you. 1209 00:51:18,375 --> 00:51:21,583 Who the fuck ruined my roses? 1210 00:51:21,583 --> 00:51:23,583 David? 1211 00:51:23,583 --> 00:51:27,417 I tended those roses for 30 years. 1212 00:51:27,417 --> 00:51:30,417 And now, I'm fertilizer for them. 1213 00:51:30,417 --> 00:51:31,458 Hey, come on. 1214 00:51:31,458 --> 00:51:32,500 I put a lot of effort into that. 1215 00:51:32,500 --> 00:51:33,708 I was trying to be thoughtful. 1216 00:51:33,708 --> 00:51:34,833 Thoughtful? 1217 00:51:34,833 --> 00:51:37,167 You buried me with that shrew I've 1218 00:51:37,167 --> 00:51:40,417 been stuck with since I was 23. 1219 00:51:40,417 --> 00:51:42,333 Shut up, you old fart. 1220 00:51:42,333 --> 00:51:44,708 Oh, get your fat ass back in the kitchen. 1221 00:51:47,625 --> 00:51:50,542 I always thought of them as a particularly loving couple. 1222 00:51:50,542 --> 00:51:51,667 Yeah. 1223 00:51:51,667 --> 00:51:53,292 They seemed so compatible the way 1224 00:51:53,292 --> 00:51:56,500 they screamed each other's names when they died. 1225 00:51:56,500 --> 00:52:00,167 You just can't tell what goes on behind closed doors. 1226 00:52:00,167 --> 00:52:01,375 It's true. 1227 00:52:01,375 --> 00:52:02,542 Who knows what they're really up to? 1228 00:52:05,458 --> 00:52:07,167 They are gone. 1229 00:52:07,167 --> 00:52:09,875 Of course, I remember nothing. 1230 00:52:09,875 --> 00:52:11,292 Did you get a message? 1231 00:52:11,292 --> 00:52:13,208 Oh, not really. 1232 00:52:13,208 --> 00:52:16,500 Just some old neighbors dropping by. 1233 00:52:16,500 --> 00:52:18,333 That is very strange. 1234 00:52:18,333 --> 00:52:23,458 There was a very powerful and angry spirit which summoned me. 1235 00:52:23,458 --> 00:52:24,417 OK. 1236 00:52:24,417 --> 00:52:25,250 Well, we try again, huh? 1237 00:52:25,250 --> 00:52:25,792 Oh, please. 1238 00:52:25,792 --> 00:52:27,250 No. 1239 00:52:27,250 --> 00:52:28,417 You don't need to go to any more trouble. 1240 00:52:28,417 --> 00:52:30,500 It's been very interesting. 1241 00:52:30,500 --> 00:52:31,958 But enough is enough. 1242 00:52:44,375 --> 00:52:45,875 Milo? 1243 00:52:45,875 --> 00:52:47,708 You said you didn't kill him. 1244 00:52:47,708 --> 00:52:48,333 I know. 1245 00:52:48,333 --> 00:52:49,667 I know. 1246 00:52:49,667 --> 00:52:51,667 He looked so sad without the food and water he-- 1247 00:52:51,667 --> 00:52:54,292 and he also started to eat David's eyeball. 1248 00:52:54,292 --> 00:52:55,875 Oh. 1249 00:52:55,875 --> 00:52:57,208 I know. 1250 00:52:57,208 --> 00:52:58,833 It's like in less than half a day, 1251 00:52:58,833 --> 00:53:00,792 a dog can go from loving the shit out of you 1252 00:53:00,792 --> 00:53:05,500 to eating your eyeball out of your dead corpse. 1253 00:53:09,708 --> 00:53:11,292 Finally. 1254 00:53:11,292 --> 00:53:13,250 I've been trying to reach you guys for 20 minutes. 1255 00:53:13,250 --> 00:53:15,500 But the only thing I'm getting from this French lunatic 1256 00:53:15,500 --> 00:53:16,667 is a busy signal. 1257 00:53:16,667 --> 00:53:18,375 Blain? 1258 00:53:18,375 --> 00:53:19,292 Yes, Blain. 1259 00:53:19,292 --> 00:53:20,250 Who'd you think it was? 1260 00:53:20,250 --> 00:53:21,542 Elvis? 1261 00:53:21,542 --> 00:53:23,833 Do you have any idea how frustrating it is 1262 00:53:23,833 --> 00:53:26,375 to be on hold when you're dead? 1263 00:53:26,375 --> 00:53:29,875 Coop, I am very disappointed in you. 1264 00:53:29,875 --> 00:53:32,000 I didn't know she was going to shoot you. 1265 00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:34,708 You didn't seem to give a fuck that she did. 1266 00:53:34,708 --> 00:53:35,458 Hey. 1267 00:53:35,458 --> 00:53:36,458 You know me. 1268 00:53:36,458 --> 00:53:39,375 I go with the flow. 1269 00:53:39,375 --> 00:53:40,250 Hey. 1270 00:53:40,250 --> 00:53:41,375 You wanted to kill me. 1271 00:53:41,375 --> 00:53:42,375 Remember? 1272 00:53:42,375 --> 00:53:44,542 In a particularly bloody way. 1273 00:53:44,542 --> 00:53:45,958 But I didn't. 1274 00:53:45,958 --> 00:53:47,667 There's a difference between wanting to commit murder 1275 00:53:47,667 --> 00:53:50,417 and murdering someone. 1276 00:53:50,417 --> 00:53:53,375 Apparently, you didn't know that. 1277 00:53:53,375 --> 00:53:55,833 And now, you're going to have to face-- 1278 00:53:55,833 --> 00:53:57,542 -the consequences. 1279 00:53:57,542 --> 00:53:59,917 Consequences. 1280 00:53:59,917 --> 00:54:01,417 What consequences? 1281 00:54:01,417 --> 00:54:03,333 You're just a ghost. 1282 00:54:03,333 --> 00:54:04,542 Am I? 1283 00:54:04,542 --> 00:54:06,292 Marie here's been trying to tell you 1284 00:54:06,292 --> 00:54:08,792 that she isn't just any old French, blind, psychic medium. 1285 00:54:08,792 --> 00:54:09,917 No, no, no. 1286 00:54:09,917 --> 00:54:12,583 She does much, much more than that. 1287 00:54:12,583 --> 00:54:14,417 See that candle over there? 1288 00:54:14,417 --> 00:54:15,750 Yeah. 1289 00:54:15,750 --> 00:54:18,417 That's an ancient Egyptian summoning candle. 1290 00:54:18,417 --> 00:54:21,333 It was used by Isis, not that ISIS, 1291 00:54:21,333 --> 00:54:23,750 to raise Osiris from the dead. 1292 00:54:23,750 --> 00:54:26,458 Not only does Marie summon the soul 1293 00:54:26,458 --> 00:54:28,917 of the departed, she summons-- 1294 00:54:28,917 --> 00:54:30,542 The body. 1295 00:54:39,708 --> 00:54:40,500 Hey. 1296 00:54:40,500 --> 00:54:42,417 I'm back. 1297 00:54:42,417 --> 00:54:43,583 Great to be back. 1298 00:54:43,583 --> 00:54:45,000 I'm just, you know, dead. 1299 00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:47,375 Ah. 1300 00:54:47,375 --> 00:54:50,333 You remember what a really, really bad hangover feels like? 1301 00:54:50,333 --> 00:54:52,000 Yeah, well, this kind of feels like that 1302 00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:56,333 plus the overwhelming desire to eat brains. 1303 00:54:56,333 --> 00:54:58,042 What kind of zombie are you? 1304 00:54:58,042 --> 00:54:59,375 Huh? 1305 00:54:59,375 --> 00:55:01,500 Zombies don't talk. 1306 00:55:01,500 --> 00:55:02,750 What? 1307 00:55:02,750 --> 00:55:04,583 Everything you know about zombies 1308 00:55:04,583 --> 00:55:05,875 you know from the movies. 1309 00:55:05,875 --> 00:55:07,708 That doesn't make them true. 1310 00:55:07,708 --> 00:55:10,750 Those movies don't get anything right. 1311 00:55:10,750 --> 00:55:12,083 What about the brains thing? 1312 00:55:12,083 --> 00:55:13,833 Nah, I made that up. 1313 00:55:13,833 --> 00:55:15,917 I mean, what possible good could eating brains do? 1314 00:55:15,917 --> 00:55:17,875 Really, think about it. 1315 00:55:17,875 --> 00:55:19,375 No. 1316 00:55:19,375 --> 00:55:20,667 I just want to kill you. 1317 00:55:20,667 --> 00:55:23,000 And there's nothing you can do about it. 1318 00:55:25,667 --> 00:55:26,792 Zombie? 1319 00:55:26,792 --> 00:55:27,875 Are you kidding me? 1320 00:55:27,875 --> 00:55:28,667 What? 1321 00:55:28,667 --> 00:55:29,458 Zombies are hot. 1322 00:55:29,458 --> 00:55:30,667 Hot? 1323 00:55:30,667 --> 00:55:32,042 There are five million zombie movies. 1324 00:55:32,042 --> 00:55:34,708 There's The Walking Dead and 28 Days Later 1325 00:55:34,708 --> 00:55:37,958 and Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead and Night 1326 00:55:37,958 --> 00:55:40,667 of the Living Dead and Return of the Living Dead and Dawn 1327 00:55:40,667 --> 00:55:43,167 of the Dead and Day of the Dead and Afternoon of the Dead. 1328 00:55:43,167 --> 00:55:44,083 I missed that one. 1329 00:55:44,083 --> 00:55:45,500 Whatever. 1330 00:55:45,500 --> 00:55:47,417 Zombies are played out, finished, over. 1331 00:55:47,417 --> 00:55:48,833 Hardly. 1332 00:55:48,833 --> 00:55:51,083 That's why they keep making new ones every year. 1333 00:55:51,083 --> 00:55:53,958 It's money in the bank, a zombie movie. 1334 00:55:53,958 --> 00:55:57,583 This, in case I haven't made it sufficiently clear, 1335 00:55:57,583 --> 00:55:59,000 is not a movie. 1336 00:55:59,000 --> 00:56:00,458 It's a play. 1337 00:56:00,458 --> 00:56:01,167 Fine. 1338 00:56:01,167 --> 00:56:02,875 It's a zombie play then. 1339 00:56:02,875 --> 00:56:05,125 There certainly aren't too many of those around. 1340 00:56:05,125 --> 00:56:07,875 That's because theatergoers want something 1341 00:56:07,875 --> 00:56:09,958 more than just the regurgitated pap 1342 00:56:09,958 --> 00:56:13,000 they can get any day of the week at their local multiplex. 1343 00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:15,958 Oh, people who go to the theater. 1344 00:56:15,958 --> 00:56:19,417 You really don't like common people, do you? 1345 00:56:19,417 --> 00:56:20,875 What do you mean by that? 1346 00:56:20,875 --> 00:56:23,542 Well, you've turned your nose up at popular culture, 1347 00:56:23,542 --> 00:56:24,875 as if they're stupid. 1348 00:56:24,875 --> 00:56:26,917 What's wrong with a little commercial success? 1349 00:56:26,917 --> 00:56:28,042 You've got it all wrong. 1350 00:56:28,042 --> 00:56:29,458 It's not that I dislike people. 1351 00:56:29,458 --> 00:56:30,792 I just want to give them something 1352 00:56:30,792 --> 00:56:32,500 worthwhile, thought-provoking. 1353 00:56:32,500 --> 00:56:33,167 Oh, really? 1354 00:56:33,167 --> 00:56:34,583 12 people at a time? 1355 00:56:34,583 --> 00:56:36,917 With a movie, you can reach millions. 1356 00:56:36,917 --> 00:56:39,500 You can write a movie on your own time. 1357 00:56:39,500 --> 00:56:42,875 We agreed to write a play. 1358 00:56:42,875 --> 00:56:43,667 All right. 1359 00:56:43,667 --> 00:56:45,583 All right. 1360 00:56:45,583 --> 00:56:49,125 I just want to write a play that could be adapted into a movie. 1361 00:56:49,125 --> 00:56:51,458 Besides, this is only the first draft. 1362 00:56:51,458 --> 00:56:55,667 Why don't we play it out to the end and see how we feel then? 1363 00:56:55,667 --> 00:56:57,250 Whatever. 1364 00:56:57,250 --> 00:57:00,667 I just don't want to keep having the same argument with you. 1365 00:57:00,667 --> 00:57:01,667 Now, where are we? 1366 00:57:01,667 --> 00:57:02,083 All right. 1367 00:57:02,083 --> 00:57:03,708 OK. 1368 00:57:03,708 --> 00:57:06,667 What I have is that the David and Nancy zombies come 1369 00:57:06,667 --> 00:57:08,000 crashing back into the room. 1370 00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:08,917 Two more zombies? 1371 00:57:08,917 --> 00:57:09,792 Are you kidding me? 1372 00:57:09,792 --> 00:57:11,000 We can't have that. 1373 00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:12,583 How are you going to get two actors 1374 00:57:12,583 --> 00:57:15,958 to audition for non-speaking zombie roles in a play? 1375 00:57:15,958 --> 00:57:18,125 Well, you know, in a movie, there are 1376 00:57:18,125 --> 00:57:20,208 thousands of extras lining up. 1377 00:57:20,208 --> 00:57:22,125 Again, that's a movie. 1378 00:57:22,125 --> 00:57:23,958 This is a play. 1379 00:57:23,958 --> 00:57:28,542 How then, are we going to explain that Blain comes back 1380 00:57:28,542 --> 00:57:31,583 as a zombie, but David and Nancy don't? 1381 00:57:31,583 --> 00:57:32,208 I don't know. 1382 00:57:32,208 --> 00:57:33,167 This is so stupid. 1383 00:57:34,125 --> 00:57:34,792 All right. 1384 00:57:34,792 --> 00:57:35,792 I've got. 1385 00:57:35,792 --> 00:57:36,625 I think I've got something. 1386 00:57:41,167 --> 00:57:44,042 Brains. 1387 00:57:44,042 --> 00:57:48,000 David and Nancy are staggering across the lawn, very slowly. 1388 00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:49,958 They're going to take at least 20 minutes. 1389 00:57:49,958 --> 00:57:51,917 Oh, they don't look so good. 1390 00:57:51,917 --> 00:57:54,292 Brains. 1391 00:57:54,292 --> 00:57:55,458 Big brains. 1392 00:57:58,250 --> 00:57:59,667 We have to do something. 1393 00:57:59,667 --> 00:58:02,708 Yes, you have to die. 1394 00:58:02,708 --> 00:58:04,167 But don't worry. 1395 00:58:04,167 --> 00:58:06,750 It's not so bad, once you get past the worms eating 1396 00:58:06,750 --> 00:58:08,083 your flesh. 1397 00:58:08,083 --> 00:58:10,875 The medium, this has all happened because of her. 1398 00:58:10,875 --> 00:58:11,917 You're right. 1399 00:58:11,917 --> 00:58:12,958 We have to snap her out of it. 1400 00:58:12,958 --> 00:58:14,542 You fend off Blain while I try. 1401 00:58:14,542 --> 00:58:16,042 Yes. 1402 00:58:16,042 --> 00:58:17,042 Marie. 1403 00:58:17,042 --> 00:58:19,000 Marie, wake up. 1404 00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:22,000 Marie, you have to wake up. 1405 00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:25,167 Bridgette, I miss you. 1406 00:58:25,167 --> 00:58:28,583 Ay, dios mio. 1407 00:58:28,583 --> 00:58:29,792 Eduardo? 1408 00:58:29,792 --> 00:58:31,292 I miss you, cara mia. 1409 00:58:31,292 --> 00:58:32,125 You're dead? 1410 00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:37,208 It's so hot in here. 1411 00:58:37,208 --> 00:58:38,333 Ay, dios mio. 1412 00:58:39,917 --> 00:58:41,333 You're in hell? 1413 00:58:41,333 --> 00:58:43,875 No, in Ecuador. 1414 00:58:43,875 --> 00:58:45,292 Enough with Eduardo. 1415 00:58:45,292 --> 00:58:47,083 She's just connecting with the dearly departed, 1416 00:58:47,083 --> 00:58:48,208 like the dearly deported. 1417 00:58:53,083 --> 00:58:56,917 Happy birthday to you. 1418 00:58:56,917 --> 00:59:02,375 Happy birthday to you. 1419 00:59:02,375 --> 00:59:08,625 Happy birthday, Mr. President. 1420 00:59:08,625 --> 00:59:12,708 Oh, why do I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop? 1421 00:59:12,708 --> 00:59:17,375 Jack, if you don't call me back, I'm going to take all these-- 1422 00:59:17,375 --> 00:59:18,708 -pills. 1423 00:59:18,708 --> 00:59:20,625 Now, she's Marilyn Monroe. 1424 00:59:20,625 --> 00:59:22,875 Is she buried in the rose garden too? 1425 00:59:22,875 --> 00:59:24,042 No. 1426 00:59:24,042 --> 00:59:25,833 She's just a disembodied spirit. 1427 00:59:25,833 --> 00:59:28,667 Haven't you heard that sometimes happens to suicides? 1428 00:59:28,667 --> 00:59:29,833 Keep going. 1429 00:59:29,833 --> 00:59:30,625 What should I do? 1430 00:59:30,625 --> 00:59:31,208 I don't know. 1431 00:59:31,208 --> 00:59:32,417 But do it fast. 1432 00:59:32,417 --> 00:59:34,875 Chicken Boy's wearing me the fuck out. 1433 00:59:34,875 --> 00:59:36,375 I should've been Freddy Krueger. 1434 00:59:36,375 --> 00:59:37,333 No. 1435 00:59:37,333 --> 00:59:38,375 It's a good chicken suit. 1436 00:59:44,875 --> 00:59:45,875 Sacre bleu. 1437 00:59:51,292 --> 00:59:52,000 Shit. 1438 00:59:57,125 --> 01:00:00,250 You haven't seen the last of me. 1439 01:00:00,250 --> 01:00:02,750 I'll be back. 1440 01:00:05,083 --> 01:00:05,792 Fuck you. 1441 01:00:29,875 --> 01:00:38,458 Bridgette, was it really necessary? 1442 01:00:42,750 --> 01:00:45,500 Apparently. 1443 01:00:45,500 --> 01:00:48,375 This is all insane. 1444 01:00:48,375 --> 01:00:49,333 Yes, it is. 1445 01:00:49,333 --> 01:00:52,292 I know. 1446 01:00:52,292 --> 01:00:53,250 But it's over now. 1447 01:01:09,833 --> 01:01:10,708 Seriously? 1448 01:01:10,708 --> 01:01:12,083 Kung Fu and Karate? 1449 01:01:12,083 --> 01:01:14,167 How are we going to do that? 1450 01:01:14,167 --> 01:01:16,458 We'll use stunt doubles, of course. 1451 01:01:16,458 --> 01:01:17,417 It's a movie. 1452 01:01:17,417 --> 01:01:19,292 No one will ever know. 1453 01:01:19,292 --> 01:01:23,333 It's a fucking play. 1454 01:01:54,958 --> 01:01:57,875 I might be some bloody poultry, but you're no match 1455 01:01:57,875 --> 01:02:00,833 for my Kung Fu stylings. 1456 01:02:00,833 --> 01:02:04,333 Let's go then, Kung Pao chicken. 1457 01:02:17,458 --> 01:02:18,958 Let's go, Cooper. 1458 01:02:25,333 --> 01:02:26,917 How is this happening? 1459 01:02:26,917 --> 01:02:28,292 I killed Marie? 1460 01:02:28,292 --> 01:02:30,250 Must be the fact that the candle's still burning. 1461 01:02:30,250 --> 01:02:31,208 You get to the candle. 1462 01:02:31,208 --> 01:02:32,208 I'll handle chicken boy. 1463 01:02:32,208 --> 01:02:32,833 All right? 1464 01:02:32,833 --> 01:02:33,250 OK. 1465 01:03:12,125 --> 01:03:15,375 We can't afford to choreograph any more. 1466 01:03:15,375 --> 01:03:18,000 Blow the fucking candle out. 1467 01:03:29,500 --> 01:03:30,167 Thank you. 1468 01:03:33,208 --> 01:03:35,958 This is awful. 1469 01:03:35,958 --> 01:03:38,167 Kung Fu zombies? 1470 01:03:38,167 --> 01:03:41,625 Hey, that's a great title. 1471 01:03:41,625 --> 01:03:45,000 I can't believe my name is going to be on this. 1472 01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:46,250 Are you kidding me? 1473 01:03:46,250 --> 01:03:48,042 This is great stuff. 1474 01:03:48,042 --> 01:03:49,375 Boy, oh, boy. 1475 01:03:49,375 --> 01:03:51,167 Wait till you read the ending I come up with. 1476 01:03:56,583 --> 01:03:57,500 To us. 1477 01:03:58,125 --> 01:03:58,583 To us. 1478 01:04:02,375 --> 01:04:05,625 It has been quite an evening. 1479 01:04:05,625 --> 01:04:07,958 Yes, it has. 1480 01:04:07,958 --> 01:04:10,167 It's a good thing that bit with the candle worked. 1481 01:04:10,167 --> 01:04:12,500 I was about to be zombied to death. 1482 01:04:12,500 --> 01:04:14,208 That's right. 1483 01:04:14,208 --> 01:04:18,292 I was about to be pecked to death by a zombie chicken. 1484 01:04:18,292 --> 01:04:20,042 Wow. 1485 01:04:20,042 --> 01:04:21,375 I've definitely done enough digging in that rose garden. 1486 01:04:21,375 --> 01:04:22,083 That's for sure. 1487 01:04:22,083 --> 01:04:22,958 Four bodies? 1488 01:04:22,958 --> 01:04:24,542 Yeah, that's enough. 1489 01:04:24,542 --> 01:04:25,917 Thank goodness there's you. 1490 01:04:29,083 --> 01:04:31,250 Yeah. 1491 01:04:31,250 --> 01:04:33,583 You're pretty remarkable. 1492 01:04:33,583 --> 01:04:35,458 As are you. 1493 01:04:35,458 --> 01:04:38,083 We're sort of made for each other. 1494 01:04:38,083 --> 01:04:39,333 I think so. 1495 01:04:45,958 --> 01:04:48,375 I don't think this is what romantic comedy writers would 1496 01:04:48,375 --> 01:04:49,917 call a "meet cute." 1497 01:04:52,333 --> 01:04:54,125 A meet cute? 1498 01:04:54,125 --> 01:04:55,583 Yes. 1499 01:04:55,583 --> 01:04:58,292 You know, when the boy meets the girl in the movie. 1500 01:04:58,292 --> 01:05:01,250 She's having an online romance with him, but doesn't know it. 1501 01:05:01,250 --> 01:05:05,083 Or he's a widow who goes on the radio 1502 01:05:05,083 --> 01:05:06,750 and she falls in love with his voice. 1503 01:05:06,750 --> 01:05:10,958 Or, well, you know. 1504 01:05:10,958 --> 01:05:15,667 I mean, what like a Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan kind of thing? 1505 01:05:15,667 --> 01:05:17,542 Yes, exactly. 1506 01:05:17,542 --> 01:05:18,250 OK. 1507 01:05:18,250 --> 01:05:18,667 For sure. 1508 01:05:18,667 --> 01:05:19,500 OK. 1509 01:05:19,500 --> 01:05:20,208 That shit's crazy. 1510 01:05:20,208 --> 01:05:21,583 Yeah. 1511 01:05:21,583 --> 01:05:23,292 Some people don't even think that a triple murder 1512 01:05:23,292 --> 01:05:25,083 is that romantic. 1513 01:05:25,083 --> 01:05:26,042 I know. 1514 01:05:26,042 --> 01:05:28,042 I guess some people don't. 1515 01:05:28,042 --> 01:05:31,333 That's why we're so right for each other. 1516 01:05:31,333 --> 01:05:33,458 There aren't many people capable of accomplishing 1517 01:05:33,458 --> 01:05:34,583 what we've done together. 1518 01:05:34,583 --> 01:05:37,375 That's damn right. 1519 01:05:42,167 --> 01:05:45,208 That's why I feel so bad. 1520 01:05:47,625 --> 01:05:49,083 Bad? 1521 01:05:49,083 --> 01:05:50,708 Why? 1522 01:05:50,708 --> 01:05:53,208 You might've noticed that it's getting a bit difficult 1523 01:05:53,208 --> 01:05:54,250 to move your extremities. 1524 01:05:56,125 --> 01:05:58,375 I put a little something in your champagne. 1525 01:06:01,458 --> 01:06:03,042 I'm sorry, but I still need someone 1526 01:06:03,042 --> 01:06:04,417 to blame the Picasso on. 1527 01:06:04,417 --> 01:06:07,750 And, well, Blain is buried in the rose garden. 1528 01:06:07,750 --> 01:06:08,333 So-- 1529 01:06:10,750 --> 01:06:14,958 Was it-- was this really necessary? 1530 01:06:17,375 --> 01:06:20,417 I think so. 1531 01:06:20,417 --> 01:06:21,500 I can't feel my body. 1532 01:06:25,667 --> 01:06:29,083 You can still feel your mouth, apparently. 1533 01:06:29,083 --> 01:06:30,417 Psych. 1534 01:06:37,833 --> 01:06:42,250 I don't drink champagne. 1535 01:06:42,250 --> 01:06:43,458 What do you mean? 1536 01:06:43,458 --> 01:06:46,208 I saw you drink it all day. 1537 01:06:46,208 --> 01:06:47,667 You should pay more attention. 1538 01:06:47,667 --> 01:06:50,375 I actually didn't eat or drink a single thing 1539 01:06:50,375 --> 01:06:52,208 since I've been here. 1540 01:06:52,208 --> 01:06:53,667 Thank you. 1541 01:06:53,667 --> 01:06:54,625 Am I? 1542 01:06:54,625 --> 01:06:56,083 I'm good with this. 1543 01:06:56,083 --> 01:06:58,458 To us. 1544 01:06:58,458 --> 01:07:00,083 Well, the police will never believe 1545 01:07:00,083 --> 01:07:02,500 that I could've disarmed him. 1546 01:07:02,500 --> 01:07:04,208 Why is that? 1547 01:07:04,208 --> 01:07:08,875 Because, one second-- 1548 01:07:08,875 --> 01:07:09,458 OK. 1549 01:07:21,625 --> 01:07:28,458 Because I intend to drink now. 1550 01:07:28,458 --> 01:07:30,625 I have no idea what you're saying. 1551 01:07:30,625 --> 01:07:37,208 I said- I intend to drink now. 1552 01:07:37,208 --> 01:07:39,333 There's something really distracting in your mouth. 1553 01:07:39,333 --> 01:07:41,292 I just can't. 1554 01:07:41,292 --> 01:07:44,167 You're killing recalling the fucking moment.. 1555 01:07:44,167 --> 01:07:45,208 Huh? 1556 01:07:45,208 --> 01:07:46,667 Fuck. 1557 01:07:46,667 --> 01:07:48,583 I don't-- 1558 01:07:48,583 --> 01:07:52,458 Because I intend to drink now. 1559 01:07:54,125 --> 01:07:55,250 Oh, you're a vampire. 1560 01:07:55,250 --> 01:07:56,125 Good. 1561 01:07:56,125 --> 01:07:56,750 You picked up on that. 1562 01:07:56,750 --> 01:07:57,667 Yes. 1563 01:07:57,667 --> 01:07:58,583 Finally. 1564 01:07:58,583 --> 01:07:59,750 Thank you. 1565 01:07:59,750 --> 01:08:02,208 I had to put this shit for you to-- 1566 01:08:02,208 --> 01:08:02,750 you get it. 1567 01:08:02,750 --> 01:08:03,417 I'm a vampire. 1568 01:08:03,417 --> 01:08:04,333 Right? 1569 01:08:04,333 --> 01:08:05,375 Yes. 1570 01:08:05,375 --> 01:08:05,792 I can put this in my pocket now. 1571 01:08:05,792 --> 01:08:06,417 Yeah? 1572 01:08:06,417 --> 01:08:07,500 Yeah. 1573 01:08:07,500 --> 01:08:08,625 Sorry. 1574 01:08:08,625 --> 01:08:12,583 Now, I don't know how I missed it. 1575 01:08:12,583 --> 01:08:13,250 Yes. 1576 01:08:13,250 --> 01:08:14,833 Yes. 1577 01:08:14,833 --> 01:08:18,833 Hey, you know how I said I slit the Babcocks' throats earlier? 1578 01:08:18,833 --> 01:08:19,792 Bit their throats. 1579 01:08:19,792 --> 01:08:21,167 Fucking bit those throats. 1580 01:08:21,167 --> 01:08:21,875 You bit them. 1581 01:08:21,875 --> 01:08:23,458 You want to know why? 1582 01:08:23,458 --> 01:08:24,375 You want to know why? 1583 01:08:24,375 --> 01:08:25,500 I do. 1584 01:08:25,500 --> 01:08:26,625 Because that's how I roll, brother. 1585 01:08:26,625 --> 01:08:27,875 That's how I roll. 1586 01:08:27,875 --> 01:08:29,833 I bite throats. 1587 01:08:29,833 --> 01:08:31,708 Well, this is perfect. 1588 01:08:31,708 --> 01:08:34,500 Now, you can turn me into a vampire 1589 01:08:34,500 --> 01:08:38,292 and we can keep killing and killing for all eternity. 1590 01:08:41,542 --> 01:08:43,167 That shit would be dope. 1591 01:08:43,167 --> 01:08:43,583 Mhm. 1592 01:08:51,292 --> 01:09:00,208 But, unfortunately, nah. 1593 01:09:00,208 --> 01:09:02,125 I'm too much of a commitment-phobe. 1594 01:09:04,583 --> 01:09:06,208 Yeah. 1595 01:09:06,208 --> 01:09:07,583 Couldn't have you around like that, not too much, not 1596 01:09:07,583 --> 01:09:08,292 too much. 1597 01:09:08,292 --> 01:09:08,667 Oh, shit. 1598 01:09:08,667 --> 01:09:09,292 No. 1599 01:09:13,333 --> 01:09:14,292 But I'll tell you what. 1600 01:09:17,500 --> 01:09:19,875 I'll keep that summoning candle shit 1601 01:09:19,875 --> 01:09:23,208 and I'll summon you back, from time to time, 1602 01:09:23,208 --> 01:09:26,500 like it's a booty call, like a vamp and chill or some shit. 1603 01:09:26,500 --> 01:09:27,250 Yeah. 1604 01:09:27,250 --> 01:09:27,875 Yeah. 1605 01:09:27,875 --> 01:09:29,333 We could do that. 1606 01:09:29,333 --> 01:09:30,750 We could do that. 1607 01:09:30,750 --> 01:09:32,958 We could. 1608 01:09:32,958 --> 01:09:37,375 So you do care something for me. 1609 01:09:37,375 --> 01:09:41,333 I knew we had a connection. 1610 01:09:45,542 --> 01:09:47,458 What? 1611 01:09:47,458 --> 01:09:52,292 You just so happened to have a wooden fucking stake on you? 1612 01:09:52,292 --> 01:09:55,000 I lied about my last name. 1613 01:09:55,000 --> 01:09:56,750 It isn't Nelson. 1614 01:09:56,750 --> 01:09:58,875 It's Van Helsing. 1615 01:09:58,875 --> 01:10:00,000 Oh, of course. 1616 01:10:00,000 --> 01:10:02,458 My family has been luring vampires 1617 01:10:02,458 --> 01:10:04,667 to their death for centuries. 1618 01:10:04,667 --> 01:10:06,875 Is that really necessary? 1619 01:10:06,875 --> 01:10:07,500 Quite. 1620 01:10:10,833 --> 01:10:11,958 Am I out of blood? 1621 01:10:11,958 --> 01:10:14,667 I might be out of blood. 1622 01:10:14,667 --> 01:10:15,708 You can die now. 1623 01:10:17,875 --> 01:10:18,875 No. 1624 01:10:18,875 --> 01:10:20,417 I've got a little blood left. 1625 01:10:20,417 --> 01:10:22,375 I have to bleed out first. 1626 01:10:22,375 --> 01:10:22,750 Welp. 1627 01:10:25,958 --> 01:10:27,583 It's such a skinny stake. 1628 01:10:27,583 --> 01:10:30,750 What a slow death you've appointed me to. 1629 01:10:30,750 --> 01:10:33,333 It's been fun. 1630 01:10:33,333 --> 01:10:33,833 Yes. 1631 01:10:33,833 --> 01:10:34,750 Thank you. 1632 01:10:34,750 --> 01:10:36,083 At least you say that. 1633 01:10:36,083 --> 01:10:37,375 God, compliment me while I die, why don't you? 1634 01:10:37,375 --> 01:10:38,042 Is it 11:00 already? 1635 01:10:38,042 --> 01:10:40,750 Wow. 1636 01:10:43,542 --> 01:10:45,083 This is the final straw. 1637 01:10:45,083 --> 01:10:46,583 Ghosts I was OK with. 1638 01:10:46,583 --> 01:10:48,625 I even begrudgingly accepted zombies. 1639 01:10:48,625 --> 01:10:52,417 But Kung Fu zombies and Marilyn Monroe and now a vampire? 1640 01:10:52,417 --> 01:10:53,833 And Van Helsing. 1641 01:10:53,833 --> 01:10:55,000 Van Helsing? 1642 01:10:55,000 --> 01:10:56,708 And how many times do you think you 1643 01:10:56,708 --> 01:10:59,292 can shock an audience with a supposedly dead character 1644 01:10:59,292 --> 01:11:01,083 suddenly springing up? 1645 01:11:01,083 --> 01:11:03,000 This is just bad writing. 1646 01:11:03,000 --> 01:11:05,917 This is 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pounds bag. 1647 01:11:05,917 --> 01:11:08,083 I'm for scrapping the whole thing and starting over. 1648 01:11:08,083 --> 01:11:09,708 You don't know what you're talking about. 1649 01:11:09,708 --> 01:11:11,583 You don't know a good thing when you see it. 1650 01:11:11,583 --> 01:11:15,667 This screenplay could be our meal ticket. 1651 01:11:15,667 --> 01:11:17,083 Oh, I see. 1652 01:11:17,083 --> 01:11:19,500 You were just pretending to collaborate on a play. 1653 01:11:19,500 --> 01:11:23,333 This whole time, you were writing your cheap exploitation 1654 01:11:23,333 --> 01:11:24,750 film for the mindless masses. 1655 01:11:24,750 --> 01:11:27,375 You say that like it's a bad thing. 1656 01:11:27,375 --> 01:11:28,583 I'm deleting the whole thing. 1657 01:11:28,583 --> 01:11:30,500 Oh, no you are not, my friend. 1658 01:11:30,500 --> 01:11:31,500 No, no. 1659 01:11:31,500 --> 01:11:32,458 Do not hit that delete key. 1660 01:11:33,042 --> 01:11:33,625 Dammit, Charlie. 1661 01:11:33,625 --> 01:11:34,625 Don't make me do this. 1662 01:11:49,625 --> 01:11:52,583 "Damn it, Charlie. 1663 01:11:52,583 --> 01:11:53,833 Don't make me do this." 1664 01:12:05,500 --> 01:12:07,083 Knock, knock, honey. 1665 01:12:07,083 --> 01:12:09,417 I'm kind of working here. 1666 01:12:09,417 --> 01:12:10,458 Oh. 1667 01:12:10,458 --> 01:12:12,000 Well, I didn't hear any typing. 1668 01:12:12,000 --> 01:12:14,417 So I thought that it was OK. 1669 01:12:14,417 --> 01:12:16,500 Whether you hear me typing or whether you 1670 01:12:16,500 --> 01:12:19,625 don't hear me typing, whatever the fuck you hear-- 1671 01:12:19,625 --> 01:12:21,792 Jack Nicholson in The Shining. 1672 01:12:21,792 --> 01:12:22,500 Very good. 1673 01:12:24,500 --> 01:12:29,500 Well, at least you're not typing "All work and no play 1674 01:12:29,500 --> 01:12:33,750 make George a dull boy." 1675 01:12:33,750 --> 01:12:36,083 Yeah. 1676 01:12:36,083 --> 01:12:37,000 No. 1677 01:12:37,000 --> 01:12:38,667 Thank heaven for that. 1678 01:12:38,667 --> 01:12:41,083 How's the writing going today? 1679 01:12:41,083 --> 01:12:44,000 Well, to be honest, I've been fighting with myself 1680 01:12:44,000 --> 01:12:46,458 the whole day. 1681 01:12:46,458 --> 01:12:51,708 It's that old art versus commerce argument. 1682 01:12:51,708 --> 01:12:52,792 Yeah. 1683 01:12:52,792 --> 01:12:53,583 Yeah. 1684 01:12:53,583 --> 01:12:54,000 Exactly. 1685 01:12:57,667 --> 01:12:58,917 Bridgette? 1686 01:12:58,917 --> 01:13:00,500 Oh, yeah, yeah. 1687 01:13:00,500 --> 01:13:02,417 Are you basing a character on me? 1688 01:13:02,417 --> 01:13:04,875 Just the name. 1689 01:13:04,875 --> 01:13:06,875 So she's nothing like me? 1690 01:13:06,875 --> 01:13:10,000 Unless you're a total sociopath with no redeeming qualities, 1691 01:13:10,000 --> 01:13:10,958 then no. 1692 01:13:10,958 --> 01:13:13,458 She is nothing like you. 1693 01:13:13,458 --> 01:13:14,125 Oh, yes. 1694 01:13:14,125 --> 01:13:17,000 That would be me. 1695 01:13:17,000 --> 01:13:21,250 You know, honey, I was thinking. 1696 01:13:21,250 --> 01:13:25,583 Maybe you should think about getting someone, another writer 1697 01:13:25,583 --> 01:13:26,458 to work with you. 1698 01:13:26,458 --> 01:13:29,458 You mean, collaborate? 1699 01:13:29,458 --> 01:13:31,083 I'm deleting the whole thing. 1700 01:13:31,083 --> 01:13:31,958 Damn it, Charlie. 1701 01:13:31,958 --> 01:13:33,250 Don't make me do this. 1702 01:13:33,250 --> 01:13:36,125 I don't know if that'd work out so well. 1703 01:13:36,125 --> 01:13:39,042 But at least then you wouldn't be, you know, 1704 01:13:39,042 --> 01:13:42,125 spending all your time cooped up down here, all alone, 1705 01:13:42,125 --> 01:13:45,583 in a room, talking to yourself. 1706 01:13:45,583 --> 01:13:46,125 OK. 1707 01:13:46,125 --> 01:13:47,500 You know what? 1708 01:13:47,500 --> 01:13:50,000 I'll consider it for my next project. 1709 01:13:50,000 --> 01:13:50,875 OK. 1710 01:13:50,875 --> 01:13:52,000 It's just a thought. 1711 01:13:52,000 --> 01:13:53,542 I mean, you know I worry about you. 1712 01:13:53,542 --> 01:13:55,083 You don't have to worry about me. 1713 01:13:55,083 --> 01:13:58,208 Actually, I think I've really written something good here 1714 01:13:58,208 --> 01:14:01,125 and has commercial value. 1715 01:14:01,125 --> 01:14:02,250 You've said that before. 1716 01:14:02,250 --> 01:14:02,875 I know. 1717 01:14:02,875 --> 01:14:03,833 I know. 1718 01:14:03,833 --> 01:14:04,875 But this one is different. 1719 01:14:04,875 --> 01:14:09,125 This one has, well, everything. 1720 01:14:09,125 --> 01:14:11,083 Well, I hope so. 1721 01:14:11,083 --> 01:14:13,208 We could use some money. 1722 01:14:13,208 --> 01:14:16,167 I know. 1723 01:14:16,167 --> 01:14:17,667 What about your dad? 1724 01:14:17,667 --> 01:14:19,625 Do you think, like, he'd maybe loan us some 1725 01:14:19,625 --> 01:14:21,625 till I can sell this? 1726 01:14:21,625 --> 01:14:22,708 Oh, boy. 1727 01:14:22,708 --> 01:14:24,500 My father? 1728 01:14:24,500 --> 01:14:25,583 You must be kidding? 1729 01:14:25,583 --> 01:14:28,625 I mean, you know what? 1730 01:14:28,625 --> 01:14:29,500 I know. 1731 01:14:29,500 --> 01:14:31,292 Let's steal his Picasso. 1732 01:14:31,292 --> 01:14:32,583 Oh, now, there's a thought. 1733 01:14:32,583 --> 01:14:34,958 Hmm? 1734 01:14:34,958 --> 01:14:35,792 All right. 1735 01:14:35,792 --> 01:14:36,542 Coming to dinner? 1736 01:14:36,542 --> 01:14:37,167 Yeah. 1737 01:14:37,167 --> 01:14:38,542 In a little bit. 1738 01:14:38,542 --> 01:14:41,083 I just want to put one thing in here 1739 01:14:41,083 --> 01:14:42,875 before it falls out my ears. 1740 01:14:42,875 --> 01:14:46,875 You know, the kids would like to see their father sometime. 1741 01:14:46,875 --> 01:14:51,208 Bridgette, my darling, love of my life, I'll be right up. 1742 01:14:51,208 --> 01:14:53,667 But I'll bash your brains in. 1743 01:14:53,667 --> 01:14:56,083 I'll bash your fucking brains right in. 1744 01:14:56,083 --> 01:14:57,125 That was good. 1745 01:14:57,125 --> 01:14:57,750 That was-- 1746 01:14:57,750 --> 01:14:59,292 Thanks. 1747 01:14:59,292 --> 01:15:00,917 That was good, but I don't think you quite have it exactly. 1748 01:15:00,917 --> 01:15:01,833 All right. 1749 01:15:01,833 --> 01:15:03,583 I'll keep working on it. 1750 01:15:03,583 --> 01:15:05,708 And I got to work on this. 1751 01:15:05,708 --> 01:15:07,042 But I will be right up. 1752 01:15:07,042 --> 01:15:09,167 Tell the kids I'll be up in time for dessert. 1753 01:15:09,167 --> 01:15:10,917 OK? 1754 01:15:10,917 --> 01:15:13,083 I just really need to get this down before I forget it. 1755 01:15:13,083 --> 01:15:13,792 OK. 1756 01:15:13,792 --> 01:15:14,167 All right. 1757 01:15:23,292 --> 01:15:24,708 Love you. 1758 01:15:24,708 --> 01:15:27,083 Love you. 1759 01:15:27,083 --> 01:15:31,792 Kung Fu Zombies, the screenplay. 1760 01:15:32,375 --> 01:15:33,750 We fade in-- 1761 01:16:02,000 --> 01:16:04,750 What the hell just happened? 1762 01:16:04,750 --> 01:16:06,167 Where am? 1763 01:16:06,167 --> 01:16:10,208 What-- why does everything seem so much smaller? 1764 01:16:10,208 --> 01:16:13,000 Am I in a dollhouse version of my house? 1765 01:16:16,708 --> 01:16:22,083 Are those credits rolling by outside my smaller house? 1766 01:16:22,083 --> 01:16:23,625 Whoa. 1767 01:16:23,625 --> 01:16:25,250 How the hell did you get in here? 1768 01:16:25,250 --> 01:16:26,125 All right. 1769 01:16:26,125 --> 01:16:27,417 George, George, relax. 1770 01:16:27,417 --> 01:16:28,750 I know this is a little freaky right now. 1771 01:16:28,750 --> 01:16:29,750 Yeah. 1772 01:16:29,750 --> 01:16:30,625 This is actually a movie. 1773 01:16:30,625 --> 01:16:31,042 What? 1774 01:16:34,417 --> 01:16:37,000 I was writing a movie. 1775 01:16:37,000 --> 01:16:37,917 I know that. 1776 01:16:37,917 --> 01:16:39,333 Not exactly. 1777 01:16:39,333 --> 01:16:43,292 You're actually a character in a movie I directed. 1778 01:16:43,292 --> 01:16:43,958 Hold on. 1779 01:16:43,958 --> 01:16:44,958 Hold on. 1780 01:16:44,958 --> 01:16:46,708 Explain to me what's going on. 1781 01:16:46,708 --> 01:16:48,000 Guys. 1782 01:16:48,000 --> 01:16:49,125 Guys, guys, kill the credits for a second. 1783 01:16:49,125 --> 01:16:49,500 Oh. 1784 01:16:49,500 --> 01:16:50,083 Thank you. 1785 01:16:50,083 --> 01:16:51,125 That's very unsettling. 1786 01:16:51,125 --> 01:16:51,792 Oh. 1787 01:16:51,792 --> 01:16:52,292 Thank you. 1788 01:16:52,292 --> 01:16:53,000 Thank you. 1789 01:16:53,000 --> 01:16:53,917 Thank you. 1790 01:16:53,917 --> 01:16:54,333 That was so unsettling. 1791 01:16:54,333 --> 01:16:54,958 Yeah. 1792 01:16:54,958 --> 01:16:56,708 Yeah. 1793 01:16:56,708 --> 01:16:57,667 You should feel like you got a little bit more breathing 1794 01:16:57,667 --> 01:16:58,208 room, a normal size again. 1795 01:16:58,208 --> 01:16:59,292 Yeah, yeah. 1796 01:16:59,292 --> 01:17:01,458 So what's going on? 1797 01:17:01,458 --> 01:17:02,833 OK. 1798 01:17:02,833 --> 01:17:04,292 So like I was saying, you're actually 1799 01:17:04,292 --> 01:17:07,125 a character that was written by my father for a play 1800 01:17:07,125 --> 01:17:10,458 that he created and then I turned into a movie. 1801 01:17:10,458 --> 01:17:13,917 You're played by an actor named Maurice LeMarche. 1802 01:17:13,917 --> 01:17:16,250 I'm not familiar with his work. 1803 01:17:16,250 --> 01:17:17,833 Voice actor? 1804 01:17:17,833 --> 01:17:18,750 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1805 01:17:18,750 --> 01:17:19,417 Pinky and the Brain. 1806 01:17:19,417 --> 01:17:20,458 Yeah, yeah. 1807 01:17:20,458 --> 01:17:21,042 He was a friend of my father's. 1808 01:17:21,042 --> 01:17:21,667 Oh. 1809 01:17:21,667 --> 01:17:22,375 Yeah. 1810 01:17:22,375 --> 01:17:23,125 Your dad wrote on that? 1811 01:17:23,125 --> 01:17:23,917 Yeah, yeah. 1812 01:17:23,917 --> 01:17:25,083 Yes, yes, yes. 1813 01:17:25,083 --> 01:17:26,750 I liked his episodes particularly. 1814 01:17:26,750 --> 01:17:32,250 So you're saying then that I, George the screenwriter 1815 01:17:32,250 --> 01:17:34,958 and playwright, am not real. 1816 01:17:34,958 --> 01:17:36,375 Well, I mean, are any of us? 1817 01:17:36,375 --> 01:17:38,167 I'm actually not really the director. 1818 01:17:38,167 --> 01:17:40,125 I'm a character named "The Director" 1819 01:17:40,125 --> 01:17:42,958 that the director is actually playing inside of his own movie 1820 01:17:42,958 --> 01:17:44,250 that was written as a play. 1821 01:17:44,250 --> 01:17:46,833 I mean, I was almost really recast 1822 01:17:46,833 --> 01:17:48,708 because I couldn't learn my lines. 1823 01:17:48,708 --> 01:17:50,125 Wow. 1824 01:17:50,125 --> 01:17:51,708 That's got to be a comedown. 1825 01:17:51,708 --> 01:17:52,500 I know. 1826 01:17:52,500 --> 01:17:54,083 I really feel for the actor. 1827 01:17:54,083 --> 01:17:57,750 So are you telling me I'm just words on a page? 1828 01:17:57,750 --> 01:17:59,458 Words on a page. 1829 01:17:59,458 --> 01:18:05,083 So when the movie ends, do I just disappear 1830 01:18:05,083 --> 01:18:07,542 and I'm gone for good? 1831 01:18:07,542 --> 01:18:08,333 No. 1832 01:18:08,333 --> 01:18:09,208 No. 1833 01:18:09,208 --> 01:18:10,208 I'm not saying that. 1834 01:18:10,208 --> 01:18:13,042 Some works, they last forever. 1835 01:18:13,042 --> 01:18:14,417 Nothing's ever really gone for good. 1836 01:18:17,917 --> 01:18:18,333 All right. 1837 01:18:18,333 --> 01:18:19,167 Cut. 1838 01:18:19,167 --> 01:18:19,833 Cut it. 1839 01:18:19,833 --> 01:18:20,208 Cut. 113909

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.