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Do you sometimes feel like
you're being swallowed by the mist?
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00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:34,028
Driven like our heroin
into a more obscure,
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00:00:34,052 --> 00:00:36,822
silent yet deafening land?
4
00:00:37,978 --> 00:00:43,814
This is a journey of hell, fear,
strange debauchery
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00:00:44,314 --> 00:00:47,540
and guilt that most people call the life.
6
00:00:48,463 --> 00:00:49,689
Can you take it?
7
00:00:50,580 --> 00:00:55,017
Can you deal with your own
ghouls and spectres?
8
00:01:04,111 --> 00:01:07,275
Don't move from your seats or coffins:
9
00:01:08,181 --> 00:01:09,681
in one hour sharp,
10
00:01:10,377 --> 00:01:15,728
your favourite TV host Seth Lamoor
will be gracing your screens.
11
00:01:16,299 --> 00:01:22,743
Joined by guest Oliver Sim
to discuss his first solo release…
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00:01:47,783 --> 00:01:52,822
I should be stronger than this
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00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:57,790
I should have a handle on it
14
00:01:59,517 --> 00:02:03,697
I know all of the tricks
15
00:02:04,885 --> 00:02:06,962
The crudest magic
16
00:02:08,635 --> 00:02:11,525
Yet every step that I get closer
17
00:02:11,549 --> 00:02:14,048
I can watch your eyes notice
18
00:02:14,072 --> 00:02:16,072
As I slip into focus
19
00:02:16,096 --> 00:02:19,814
But somewhere from a distance
20
00:02:19,838 --> 00:02:24,368
Did I fool you into thinking
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00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:35,197
I was a Confident man
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00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:36,971
Confident man
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00:02:36,995 --> 00:02:39,798
Confident confident man
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Somewhere from a distance
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00:04:22,478 --> 00:04:28,243
Did I fool you into thinking?
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Somewhere from a distance
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00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:46,900
Did I fool you into thinking?
28
00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:32,954
Oli you told me about a…
a dark heart.
29
00:05:33,635 --> 00:05:34,675
What is that?
30
00:05:36,416 --> 00:05:38,549
I know it was created from fear.
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00:05:39,471 --> 00:05:43,658
Fear of being different,
fear of being judged.
32
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:45,680
Fear of others…
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If you could visualize this fear,
this inner monster.
34
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:54,760
What would it look like?
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00:05:57,072 --> 00:05:58,923
It takes so many faces.
36
00:05:59,978 --> 00:06:05,220
It can be merely a monstrous child
crying out for help.
37
00:06:06,588 --> 00:06:10,126
Or it can be as big and powerful
as a werewolf.
38
00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:16,298
But most of the time
it's just lost in the mist.
39
00:06:16,806 --> 00:06:20,095
With no goals and sad eyes.
40
00:06:22,103 --> 00:06:25,298
Okay, wow.
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00:06:26,455 --> 00:06:28,135
Talking about your fears,
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how long have you been dealing with them?
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00:06:31,674 --> 00:06:33,603
I think they've always been here.
44
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:37,329
But I had a happy childhood,
loving family.
45
00:06:37,853 --> 00:06:41,087
Can I just say your outfit is in-credible.
46
00:06:42,767 --> 00:06:44,900
I imagine you always had
this kind of taste?
47
00:06:44,924 --> 00:06:46,993
I mean can you describe yourself
as a child?
48
00:06:48,385 --> 00:06:52,861
I think my Mum would describe it
as I wasn't part of the football crowd.
49
00:06:53,534 --> 00:06:56,587
All that meant was I didn't play football
with the other boys.
50
00:06:56,611 --> 00:06:58,611
I was maybe a bit more sensitive.
51
00:06:59,869 --> 00:07:02,978
- But I was definitely a femme kid
- Hey sweetie.
52
00:07:03,002 --> 00:07:04,970
And that is something
I loved about myself,
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00:07:04,994 --> 00:07:06,556
felt like my superpower.
54
00:07:07,072 --> 00:07:09,993
I was obsessed with female rage.
55
00:07:10,916 --> 00:07:17,517
Whether be Ripley in Alien or Carrie
or Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween.
56
00:07:18,010 --> 00:07:21,752
- Women that could be feminine and sexy
- What are you watching?
57
00:07:21,776 --> 00:07:26,322
- But still… powerful and strong.
- I feel like it's me.
58
00:07:26,431 --> 00:07:31,454
All things I wanted to be
but maybe didn't feel like I could be.
59
00:07:32,072 --> 00:07:34,197
Did you feel like you could
share that with anyone?
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00:07:35,126 --> 00:07:40,384
At home yeah.
I lived in a house full of strong women.
61
00:07:40,408 --> 00:07:42,408
My mum, my sister.
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00:07:43,619 --> 00:07:47,931
I could make dance routines
in the living room,
63
00:07:47,955 --> 00:07:51,564
I could be as femme
as I wanted to be at home.
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00:07:51,588 --> 00:07:52,767
It was my castle.
65
00:07:53,533 --> 00:07:58,333
What does your bedroom look like?
Could you describe your childhood bedroom?
66
00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:01,775
My room was equal parts little boy,
67
00:08:01,799 --> 00:08:04,884
equal parts hand-me-downs from my sister.
68
00:08:05,275 --> 00:08:08,478
I used to watch horror VHS's all the time.
69
00:08:09,314 --> 00:08:15,033
But at the same time I had…
this beautiful pink mic that I loved.
70
00:08:15,533 --> 00:08:17,579
I was obsessed with space
71
00:08:18,197 --> 00:08:21,908
so my wallpaper was filled
with stars and planets.
72
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:24,134
I had dinosaurs.
73
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:28,587
I can vividly remember this giant
teddy bear near to my bed.
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00:08:29,119 --> 00:08:31,798
He would protect me
from all my imaginary monsters
75
00:08:31,822 --> 00:08:34,923
I could see from my window
whilst I was trying to sleep.
76
00:08:35,346 --> 00:08:38,246
And this terrifying mask
with feathers on it.
77
00:08:38,900 --> 00:08:42,420
I used it to dress up as the terrors
I watched on my TV.
78
00:08:43,221 --> 00:08:46,884
If you could meet yourself
as a kid right now,
79
00:08:48,260 --> 00:08:49,860
what would you say?
80
00:09:19,212 --> 00:09:21,556
Far too fem
81
00:09:22,181 --> 00:09:23,845
Surrounded by rocks
82
00:09:23,869 --> 00:09:25,869
You're gonna look the gem
83
00:09:26,338 --> 00:09:28,470
You can dress it away
84
00:09:28,978 --> 00:09:30,665
Talk it away
85
00:09:31,219 --> 00:09:32,938
Dull down the flame
86
00:09:33,361 --> 00:09:37,478
But it's all pretend
87
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:46,501
It's all pretend
88
00:09:51,088 --> 00:09:52,533
What would my…
89
00:09:53,213 --> 00:09:57,400
What would my father do?
90
00:09:57,924 --> 00:10:00,033
Do I take a bite
91
00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:02,587
Take a bite of the fruit?
92
00:10:03,392 --> 00:10:07,017
I've heard other people say
93
00:10:07,705 --> 00:10:11,611
It can't be right if it cause you shame
94
00:10:12,885 --> 00:10:15,923
Have I made you proud
95
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:21,376
Take a look at me now
96
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:24,689
If I've got my father's eyes
97
00:10:24,978 --> 00:10:28,236
I've got my mother's smile
98
00:10:29,033 --> 00:10:31,165
Wrong or right
99
00:10:32,017 --> 00:10:35,689
You're standing right in front
of a green light
100
00:10:36,408 --> 00:10:38,290
Just look at his face
101
00:10:38,314 --> 00:10:41,306
What a beautiful face
102
00:10:41,330 --> 00:10:47,564
How it makes you feel inside
103
00:10:59,142 --> 00:11:00,892
Take a bite babe
104
00:11:01,275 --> 00:11:03,079
Take a bite babe
105
00:11:03,603 --> 00:11:05,783
It's an ordinary thing
106
00:11:07,736 --> 00:11:09,611
Take a bite babe
107
00:11:10,088 --> 00:11:12,368
Take a bite babe
108
00:11:12,392 --> 00:11:14,798
It's an ordinary thing
109
00:11:15,346 --> 00:11:18,900
What would my father do?
110
00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:22,048
Do I take a bite
111
00:11:22,072 --> 00:11:24,853
Take a bite of the fruit?
112
00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:33,509
Have I made you proud
113
00:11:34,158 --> 00:11:38,767
Take a look at me now
114
00:11:38,791 --> 00:11:42,322
If I've got my father's eyes
115
00:11:42,627 --> 00:11:45,822
I've got my mother's smile
116
00:11:48,017 --> 00:11:50,986
Have I made you proud
117
00:11:51,588 --> 00:11:56,197
Take a look at me now
118
00:11:56,221 --> 00:11:59,689
If I've got my father's eyes
119
00:12:00,056 --> 00:12:03,243
I've got my mother's smile
120
00:13:22,525 --> 00:13:24,548
Hey, hey come here.
121
00:13:24,861 --> 00:13:28,650
What a fucking freak!
He looks so weird.
122
00:14:10,486 --> 00:14:11,486
Shit.
123
00:15:25,705 --> 00:15:27,728
I'm ugly
124
00:15:29,056 --> 00:15:31,759
I'm up and down right now
125
00:15:31,783 --> 00:15:33,697
I'm down and bloody
126
00:15:35,736 --> 00:15:40,751
But I don't feel
as though I've been unlucky
127
00:15:42,189 --> 00:15:47,970
I have people in my life
that really love me
128
00:15:51,611 --> 00:15:55,103
Caught my reflection in your eye
129
00:15:55,306 --> 00:15:59,001
Now you've seen me from both sides
130
00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:02,798
Am I hideous?
131
00:16:05,689 --> 00:16:08,517
My tears naturally dry
132
00:16:08,541 --> 00:16:12,134
On exposure to the light
133
00:16:12,158 --> 00:16:16,322
Am I hideous?
134
00:16:31,971 --> 00:16:35,126
Oh, I Hide
135
00:16:35,744 --> 00:16:40,767
Though the company at home can be unkind
136
00:16:42,391 --> 00:16:48,454
Yet I live alone and refuse to go outside
137
00:16:49,056 --> 00:16:52,400
How dare I feel so lonely
138
00:16:52,424 --> 00:16:55,275
When I'm giving all my time
139
00:16:55,299 --> 00:16:58,650
To a man who doesn't know me
140
00:16:58,674 --> 00:17:01,767
Why don't you leave me in the dirt
141
00:17:01,791 --> 00:17:05,353
I've been sick and I'm perverse
142
00:17:05,377 --> 00:17:09,673
Oh, I'm hideous
143
00:17:12,048 --> 00:17:15,376
If I've had you at your worst
144
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,618
It was easy in return
145
00:17:18,642 --> 00:17:22,814
Oh, I'm hideous
146
00:18:30,994 --> 00:18:34,204
Follow my voice
147
00:18:34,463 --> 00:18:38,892
Sweet nature boy
148
00:18:43,158 --> 00:18:46,697
Just to keep you safe
149
00:18:47,713 --> 00:18:53,431
Listen for me
150
00:18:56,947 --> 00:18:57,947
Be brave
151
00:18:58,580 --> 00:18:59,580
Have trust
152
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:06,931
Just be willing to be loved
153
00:19:09,838 --> 00:19:16,377
Radical honesty might set me free
154
00:19:16,401 --> 00:19:20,979
If it makes me hideous
155
00:19:22,822 --> 00:19:26,361
Been living with HIV
156
00:19:27,650 --> 00:19:29,720
Since seventeen
157
00:19:29,829 --> 00:19:34,572
Am I hideous?
11030
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