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This programme contains strong
language and adult humour
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00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:07,520
BRASS BAND BUILDS
JUDI LAUGHS
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00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:08,680
No way!
4
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:11,200
Er...
5
00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:12,720
Gosh! Where's the hole?
6
00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:16,760
ARDAL GROANS
SOPHIE CRIES OUT
7
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,800
CHRIS TRUMPETS
Are you having a laugh?
8
00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:20,840
GRUNTING
9
00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:25,280
JUDI GASPS
CHRIS CRIES OUT
Ooh!
10
00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:28,080
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
11
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:34,280
Hello!
12
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:38,960
And welcome to another
enchanting new series of Taskmaster.
13
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,400
I'm Greg Davies
and I am still the Taskmaster,
14
00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:43,120
and nothing you can say on Twitter
15
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:45,600
from your horrible little bedroom
will change that.
LAUGHTER
16
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,000
Five newly hatched competitors
17
00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:50,120
are trembling off camera
as we speak.
18
00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:52,880
Nervous little baby birds,
wondering if they've done enough
19
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:56,400
for me to reward them with
a dead mouse from my mighty beak.
20
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,600
LAUGHTER
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00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:02,680
Why would they put themselves
through this stress?
22
00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:04,760
The chance to own my golden head?
23
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:05,840
Perhaps.
24
00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:07,320
The truth is it doesn't matter
25
00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:09,520
because they must all now continue,
26
00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:12,920
due to a legally binding contract
they have signed.
LAUGHTER
27
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:15,480
Let us meet the five
who are legally obliged.
28
00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:16,520
They are...
29
00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:19,240
..Ardal O'Hanlon...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
30
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,800
..Bridget Christie...
31
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,680
..Chris Ramsey...
32
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:26,920
..Judi Love...
33
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,200
..and Sophie Duker!
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00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:36,480
And next to me, the freshly thawed
corpse of an ancient peat bog man.
35
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:40,400
LAUGHTER
It's... HIGH-PITCHED VOICE:
Little Alex Horne!
36
00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:43,640
RAPTUROUS CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
WHISTLING
37
00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,280
LAUGHTER
38
00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:49,360
Right, what's our first prize
category, please, Alex?
39
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:50,440
It is...
40
00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:53,920
Ooohh!
AUDIENCE OOH
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00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,360
The thing that if
you found it in a skip,
42
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,840
you would be most excited by.
LAUGHTER
43
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,520
Five points will go to the thing
the taskmaster, Greg Davies,
44
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,920
thinks one would be most excited
about if you found it in a skip
45
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,600
and at the end, the winner
takes home all five things
46
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:10,360
and walk away with a
skip in their step. OK?
47
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:12,400
LAUGHTER
Ardal, welcome to the show.
48
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:14,600
Oh, thank you.
It's so good to be here.
49
00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:17,280
What did excite you
when you found it in a skip?
50
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:18,760
Oh, erm, a trophy, of course.
51
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,320
Oh. Not a bad trophy. Oh.
52
00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:22,480
No. That's cool. Yeah.
53
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,160
Does it speak of a
fierce ambition in you?
54
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:26,800
Well, we've all been there.
55
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,400
We've all, er, gone
into a trophy shop...
56
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:33,960
CHUCKLING
..and we've bought a trophy
and had it engraved and...
57
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,640
To please father and...Yes.
LAUGHTER
58
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,800
Were you a sporting elite
as a young man?
59
00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:42,840
Not really.
60
00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:46,800
Most of my trophies in my trophy
cabinet are ones I bought.
61
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:50,520
It's early days, Ardal.
62
00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:52,480
I'm going to say
it's around two points.
63
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:55,960
Oh, fantastic. That's my
gut instinct at this stage.
64
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,760
Bridget, what have you brought in?
65
00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:01,040
I, someone's last
will and testament?
66
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:04,200
JUDI:Wow. Wow.SOPHIE:Ooh!
LAUGHTER
67
00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:07,360
She genuinely found this in a skip.
This is what it looks like.
68
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,560
AUDIENCE OOHS AND AHS
JUDI:Whoa...SOPHIE:My God.
69
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:11,040
Oh, man. About 300 years old.
70
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:12,680
Look at Ardal's little face.
71
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:14,880
Well... I think...
LAUGHTER
72
00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:17,760
Your trophy's been
pissed on already.
73
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,480
There was one point over the years
74
00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:21,680
because I found it years ago
where I thought,
75
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:23,880
"Am I going to have
loads of bad luck?"
76
00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:24,920
You know?
77
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,960
LAUGHTER
Because you found the...
78
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:31,520
Because I've got it up in my hallway
and I don't know whose it is.
79
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,760
ARDAL: Did you try and
track the person down?
80
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:35,960
Oh, no.
81
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,640
No, I think it's fair to say
they're not around anymore.
82
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:42,080
Well, I mean, who are
the beneficiaries of the will?
83
00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:43,560
Mary. His beloved wife, Mary, is...
84
00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:46,000
You seem to know a lot about this.
BRIDGET: Oh.
85
00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:48,080
Well, I've read it.
LAUGHTER
86
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:50,040
I'm very excited by your will.
87
00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:51,120
OK. Christopher?
88
00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:56,000
I have brought a '90s style
important businessmen briefcase.
89
00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:58,120
AUDIENCE OOHS AND AHS
WHISTLING
That's exciting.
90
00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:02,240
God, you're all more excited
than I could ever have dreamt.
LAUGHTER
91
00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:03,720
Why are we excited by it?
92
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,800
Because my house was the first
house made on a new estate
93
00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:10,520
and in the skip one day
we found a briefcase.
94
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:11,680
And it was locked.
95
00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:14,680
And it took hours to get inside it.
96
00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:17,120
What was inside it? BRIDGET: Yeah.
What was inside it?
97
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:18,360
I was about to say.
98
00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:21,040
Oh, I'll say it as well.
What was inside it?
LAUGHTER
99
00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:24,480
You'll find out at
the end of the show.Oh!
AUDIENCE OOHS AND AHS
100
00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:27,320
Ooh, he's turned the
excitement up from nought!
101
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:28,520
Yep.
102
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,520
Judi, what have you brought in?
103
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,360
A Now '90s tape.
104
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,800
And, you know, it's got
all the classics on there.
105
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:40,280
You know the '90s music
was the best?
106
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:42,080
Yeah. Look at that. Look at that!
107
00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,040
Take that. I mean, come on.
108
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:45,440
Shabba Ranks!
109
00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:47,480
Mr Lover Lover!Yes...Mm-hmm!
LAUGHTER
110
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,160
Is Shabba Ranks on there
or were you just exclaiming that?
111
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,720
No, Shabba Ranks is on there.
112
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:55,560
I personally think that
they threw it out by accident.
113
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:58,240
You want to show the kids
how times were, you know,
114
00:04:58,280 --> 00:05:00,920
when you wanted to turn it over
and you used to
115
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,360
put your finger in the tape
and wind it back?
116
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,080
These kids don't know
about that now.
117
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:06,920
Write down,
"Judi Love. Incredible bullshitter."
118
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:09,560
Oh, right. Good.
LAUGHTER
119
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,280
Sophie, can you beat
an old cassette tape? Hello.
120
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:15,800
I've brought a multipurpose...
121
00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:18,680
..seating...device.
122
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:21,720
LAUGHTER
123
00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:23,560
Wow. Look at that!
124
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:24,600
Very good.
125
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,240
Look at that. Wow.
126
00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:28,560
When you're, like, a millennial,
127
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:31,480
you don't get your furniture
from shops.
128
00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:33,640
You get it from skipping.
129
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:36,600
It may qualify as theft
within the Theft Act of 1968,
130
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,080
unless you've got permission
from the skip owner.
131
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,400
If something's on the street,
it's yours.
132
00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:42,920
BRIDGET AND JUDI: Yeah. Not really.
133
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,960
Cos I leave my car on the street.
LAUGHTER
134
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,600
Just before the show,
Alex said to me... SOPHIE: Yeah?
135
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:55,240
"Sophie's brought a sofa in
that she's trying to get rid of."
136
00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:58,200
LAUGHTER
That's how I understood it.
137
00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:01,080
Yeah. JUDI: I would never
get rid of my Now 25.
138
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:04,200
LAUGHTER
It's Now 24.
139
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,560
Yeah, that's what I said.
LAUGHTER
140
00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:11,400
APPLAUSE
141
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,960
I'm sorry, I wasn't excited
by Ardal's golf trophy.
142
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,200
One point.
143
00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:20,680
I mean, the truth is my instinct
was to put the awful sofa in
144
00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,720
at two points,
but I think that's because
145
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:25,720
Judi did such a good job
of bullshitting me about the tape.
146
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,960
All them classics!
LAUGHTER
147
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,920
Judi, can you name one more...
Duran Duran!
148
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,120
If you can name
one more track off it,
149
00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:33,840
I'm gonna let you take it. Yes.
150
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:37,120
MC Hammer was on one of those,
Michael Jackson and...
151
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:39,080
B-b-buh! You've had your guess.
152
00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:40,920
No MC Hammer on 24.
153
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:42,160
No, what I'm saying is...
154
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,120
I'm so sorry. Two points for Now 24.
155
00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:47,560
LAUGHTER
AUDIENCE GROANS
APPLAUSE
156
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,720
Great news about your shit sofa.
157
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,440
You've got three
sweet points for it.
158
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:53,480
Yes!
159
00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,200
I'm going to give Chris four points
160
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:58,120
because there's something
rather beautiful about that will.
161
00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,840
Aw. So I'm giving Bridget
five points.
162
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:02,640
Bridget with five points. Very good.
APPLAUSE
163
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:03,680
ARDAL: Well done.
164
00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:05,760
We're off!
165
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,480
What does the first
task involve, Alex?
166
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:08,960
Well, Greg, if they're successful,
167
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,760
it'll involve the
natural enemy of bread -
168
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:12,840
ducks!
169
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,080
ALEX WHISTLES
CHUCKLING
170
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:19,560
EERIE STRINGS PLAY
JAUNTY PIANO CHORDS PLAY
171
00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:26,840
Hello.
172
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,160
Oh, hi, Judi.
173
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:32,840
Can I just say, on the door it says,
"No shoes in the lab."
174
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:37,360
However, you've got me wearing
these heavy duty boots.
175
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,520
Right.
CHUCKLING
176
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,360
Hi. Bridget.
177
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,080
Hi?
178
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:47,360
OK.
179
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:50,960
Erm, so I should, I should
probably look for the task.
180
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,400
Right. That's my first...task.
181
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,440
LAUGHTER
182
00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:58,880
Oh, gosh.Oh, no.
CHUCKLING
183
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,000
So I'll just start over here.
184
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:04,720
There it is. You found it?
185
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,520
I found it straightaway. Good start.
186
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:07,680
It's promising.
187
00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:10,640
Yeah!
188
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:14,480
Oh, God Almighty, give me strength.
189
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,800
LAUGHTER
190
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:20,120
Duck.
191
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,680
Well, this is fun, I love jumping.
192
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:27,240
Ooh! I found out the other day
I've got jumping veins.
193
00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:28,920
Oh, that is good news.
194
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,920
It's probably easier
for tall people, isn't it?
195
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,840
Yeah, I realised I put it up
a bit too high, probably.
196
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,880
BRIDGET GRUNTS
CHUCKLING
197
00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:38,520
Duck.
198
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:43,240
No duck.
199
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:47,280
LAUGHTER
BRIDGET GRUNTS
God!
200
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,240
What's it stuck on there with?!
201
00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:52,000
BRIDGET GRUNTS
LAUGHTER
Oh!
202
00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:56,120
LAUGHTER
203
00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:58,200
Duck?
204
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,680
"Find all ten ducks.
205
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:03,200
"You must stay in the lab.
206
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:04,640
"Fastest wins.
207
00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:07,440
"You have a maximum of 20 minutes.
208
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,520
"Your time started
when you entered the lab."
209
00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:11,000
Yeah, two minutes gone.
210
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,480
You f...
211
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:17,520
LAUGHTER
212
00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:18,600
Fastest...
213
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,520
What does it say?
214
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,800
"Your time started
when you entered the lab?!"
215
00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:25,680
Yeah, you talked about veins
for quite a while.
LAUGHTER
216
00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:28,280
"Your time started
when you entered the lab?"
217
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:30,760
You've found one duck so far.
218
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:32,960
Ducks as in quack quack ducks?
219
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,280
Erm, yes, please.
220
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:37,600
APPLAUSE
221
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:42,920
Chris, you said the word
"duck" an awful lot.
222
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:43,960
Duck, yeah.
223
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,920
He said "duck"
about eight times, didn't he?
224
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,600
Yes, but he has started well.
He's found the first duck.
225
00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:50,800
There's only ten hidden
in quite a small room.
226
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,760
We've given them a
maximum of 20 minutes
227
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,680
because we thought it was
gonna be quite an easy task.
LAUGHTER
228
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,640
Let's have a look at
some duck stuff.
229
00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:00,560
All right. The first person
we're gonna see is a man -
230
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,600
he's an Irish man,
he's Ardal O'HanMAN.
231
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,720
Here we go.
LAUGHTER
232
00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:07,160
I imagine there's a duck in here.
SLOW CELLO PLUCKS
233
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,600
There's a box that says
"duck" on it.
234
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:10,640
OK.
235
00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:14,440
No duck. Ah.
236
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,040
You tricked me.
237
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,480
I haven't found any ducks yet.
238
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,440
How much time have we spent?
Four minutes.
239
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:28,040
Four minutes and no ducks.
LAUGHTER
240
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,160
TAPPING
241
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,400
LAUGHTER
242
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:34,440
No ducks.
243
00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:35,480
That a duck?
244
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,520
Do you think it's a duck?
LAUGHTER
245
00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:38,880
Same general species.
246
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:45,240
OK.
247
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,400
Here, boy.
LAUGHTER
248
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:49,440
SCATTERED APPLAUSE
249
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,480
SUSPENSEFUL STRINGS PLAY
250
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:52,560
Well, then.
251
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,600
Another one of these.
LAUGHTER
252
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,920
So... All right,
these are the ducks?
253
00:10:57,920 --> 00:10:59,920
I can see it, OK? They're not ducks.
254
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,200
Fucking hens.
255
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:03,400
LAUGHTER
256
00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:08,280
SUSPENSEFUL BLUES MUSIC PLAYS
257
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,600
This is literally the best I can do.
LAUGHTER
258
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,000
There's not very many ducks in here.
259
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:23,320
Now, why would you have
asked me to wear heavy boots?
260
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:24,840
Be nice to find one duck.
261
00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:25,920
It would be good.
262
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:33,920
AUDIENCE GASPS
263
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:36,480
AUDIENCE OOHS AND AHS
LAUGHTER
264
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,040
Ooh!
265
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,880
Found a duck!
266
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:41,840
Ha! Yes!
267
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:45,080
I can die happy. I found a duck.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
268
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:47,120
How many minutes left, Alex?
Six minutes left.
269
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,800
Six minutes left.
How many ducks do I need to find?
270
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:51,960
Nine more.Nine more ducks. OK.
LAUGHTER
271
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,760
There wouldn't be one,
like, inside the hen, would there?
272
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,200
Where would a duck shelter in a hen?
273
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:02,480
LAUGHTER
You've got 20 seconds.
274
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:03,600
Oh!
275
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,920
QUACKING
That's a duck.
276
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:08,960
Oh.
277
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,480
WHISTLE BLOWS
You found two ducks.
278
00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,040
Oh. I'll take that.
279
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:15,240
It was looking dodgy there
for a few minutes.
280
00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:18,520
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
281
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,200
Up until the third chicken
you brought out,
282
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:24,720
I was under the impression that
283
00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:26,680
you played a character
in Father Ted.
284
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:29,040
LAUGHTER
285
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:32,920
Well, I thought I did really well.
286
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,840
I mean, I thought I was
really good at looking. I just...
287
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:39,840
LAUGHTER
Yeah, I tell you what, you were
mesmerizing to watch looking.Yeah.
288
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,960
I find you a very
soothing presence to watch. Yeah.
289
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,600
I really enjoyed the task.
290
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:48,000
Like, I would have happily
stayed there for hours.
291
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,040
LAUGHTER
Yeah. Right.
292
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,040
It's the first advert break
of the series
293
00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,040
and you know what that means.
294
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:56,760
Yes, it's time to Google
the cast's ages
295
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,440
and see if you were right.
I'll save you some time.
296
00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:01,120
Chris Ramsey is 56.
297
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:04,400
See you in a bit!
LAUGHTER
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
298
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,360
APPLAUSE
Hello and welcome back!
299
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:15,400
Where were we, Alex?
300
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:16,960
Before the break, the new cast
301
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,680
were tasked to find some
hidden ducks in the lab -
302
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,440
ten hidden ducks, to be precise -
303
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:24,760
and Ardal O'Hanlon kicked off the
new series by finding two of them.
304
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,200
It was a shame. Now it's the turn...
305
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,320
LAUGHTER
..of Sophie and Bridget.
306
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:31,920
There's a duck here.
307
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:33,040
What does it say?
308
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,000
No duck. Ah.
309
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:36,240
OK, that's not a duck.
310
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,880
Erm, can I pull the floor up?
311
00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:41,080
Is that why I've got
these horrible boots on?
312
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:42,320
Do whatever you want, really.
313
00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:44,360
SOPHIE GASPS
A duck! OK, a duck!
314
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:46,800
What does it look like?
It's, like, made of electrical...
315
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:49,960
..wire? Ah. Yeah, I think
you might need to turn that duck on.
316
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,920
How many ducks
have you found so far?
317
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,600
Stop talking to me.
LAUGHTER
318
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:56,560
One duck. Whey! OK, great.
319
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:58,400
What's that there? Is that a duck?
320
00:13:58,440 --> 00:13:59,480
Remember what ducks are?
321
00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:00,720
What did you say, pardon?
322
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,200
Do you remember what ducks are?
323
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:03,720
Are you proud of that?
324
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,520
Are you proud?
LAUGHTER
325
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:07,680
Hang on.
326
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:10,720
Is there something else
that is also called a duck?
327
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:11,960
Like a nail?
328
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,600
LAUGHTER
329
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,800
That's a duck.
Do you think it's a duck?
330
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:18,280
It might think it's a duck.
331
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:19,400
Hm.
332
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:23,560
Oh, you found a duck?
333
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,080
Do I have to kill the chicken?
334
00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:28,400
What do you mean?
335
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,000
CHICKEN RATTLES
336
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,600
LAUGHTER
337
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:37,200
Ah!
SOPHIE GROANS
338
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:38,520
QUIETLY: Yes, OK.
339
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:41,960
Found another one?
340
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,800
QUACKING
341
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:48,040
OK, that's a duck. Yep.
Two ducks. Well done.
342
00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:49,520
There might be some up there.
343
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:52,840
Can you give me a piggyback?
344
00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:53,880
Yes.
345
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,480
Like, I did this a lot
at university. A lot?
346
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,080
Yeah. So...OK. Right.
347
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:00,800
So, like, up. Yeah, I, yes, Ma'am.
348
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:03,320
Ah! Sorry.
LAUGHTER
349
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:04,680
One...two...
350
00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:06,720
..three! You're up.
LAUGHTER
351
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:08,200
Right. Now what? You all right?
352
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:11,120
Yes. There are some letters
up there, though - A, R, D.
353
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,040
Nard? Anard?
354
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,480
Canard!
355
00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:15,960
That's a duck. Yes, correct.
356
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,080
Erm... Er...
LAUGHTER
357
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,440
You're sort of steering me
with your thighs.
358
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,480
Yeah.Hm.
LAUGHTER
359
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,600
Oh, that way, is it?
360
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:26,640
Now it's dark.
361
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,920
Yeah, we're just going to be here...
362
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:31,800
..and wait for a duck to appear.
363
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,080
LAUGHTER
364
00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,520
They might put some in the boots.
365
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,240
BRIDGET INHALES DEEPLY
BRIDGET LAUGHS
No.
366
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:43,880
Nothing in there.
AUDIENCE AWS
367
00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:45,040
It's a duck.
368
00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:46,160
There's a torch.
369
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:47,200
Is that anything?
370
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,040
Where are you, little duckers?
371
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,120
LAUGHTER
What would it be?
372
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,920
You've got 50 seconds.
373
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,400
WHISPERING: Where are you?
374
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:00,080
There's a duck here. Where?
375
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:01,120
On the task.
376
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,480
There's a duck.
377
00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:04,920
BRIDGET GASPS
WHISTLE BLOWS
378
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:08,440
APPLAUSE
379
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:13,320
Pretty sweet haul of ducks. Hm.
380
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:14,360
Pleased with that?
381
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,920
No. No?
382
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:17,280
Less than half the ducks.
383
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:18,920
I think it's a brilliant result.
384
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,560
Sorry, it was,
it was very, very good.
385
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,600
BRIDGET: I was pleased
with the writing one.
386
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:26,560
JUDI: I mean, that was...
That was hard.
387
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:29,480
SOPHIE: It was in French as well.
CHRIS: Really good. I know.
388
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:31,680
What did you do a lot
at university, Sophie?
389
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,880
You said, "I did this
a lot at university"
390
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:36,080
You were getting on
Alex's shoulders at the time.
391
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,280
Yeah, I... A lot of riding
men at parties.
392
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,320
LAUGHTER
393
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:43,240
If you're short, at a concert or
something, you've got to ride...
394
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:45,200
You're speaking to
the wrong person, I think.
395
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,400
Oh, yeah, OK.
But people must have ridden you.
396
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,440
LAUGHTER
397
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:52,320
Not for a while.
LAUGHTER
398
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:53,640
Four ducks each. Nice.
399
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:54,680
Who's next?
400
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:56,880
Now it's time for the
final two duck hunters.
401
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,080
It's the big JC.
402
00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,400
It's Judi and Chris.
403
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:00,880
Here we go.
404
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,040
What are these?
Are these ducks or chickens?
405
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:04,800
What do you reckon, duck or chicken?
406
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:06,120
Oh, God. Judi?
407
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:07,600
Yeah?
408
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:08,960
Is this a box?
409
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,400
Yes.
410
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:11,640
How does it open?
411
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:13,680
Oh.
412
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:16,840
Well, there's not a duck
in there, is there?
413
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:18,120
No, I don't think so.
414
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,520
That's Richard Herring.
415
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:27,040
LAUGHTER
What colour is he?
416
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,080
LAUGHTER
417
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:31,920
Am I hot?
418
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,040
Oh, yes.
LAUGHTER
419
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,520
Take your shirt off.
420
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:37,000
Take your shirt off. Please.
421
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,400
Rub against the wall.
Search the wall.
422
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,640
LAUGHTER
Oh, come...
423
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,240
Feel the wall, feel the wall.
424
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:46,600
Where is the ducks?
425
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:50,520
Turn around.
WHOOPING
426
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:51,560
Goddamn it.
427
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,960
Is there any ducks in your shoes?
Ducks on the bottom of your shoes?
428
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:58,120
Why would there be ducks on my
shoes? I don't know, is there...
429
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,240
Ah! Two ducks!Two ducks.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
430
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,920
One...
431
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:05,440
..two... That's, I'm ducking. Right.
LAUGHTER
432
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:07,160
Will you finish that cup of tea?
433
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:11,000
I feel like there's a duck in it.
Why am I paranoid about ducks?
LAUGHTER
434
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,520
Yes!
435
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:17,000
Yes! OK.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
436
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,720
JUDI LAUGHS
437
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,720
QUACKING
There's a torch.
438
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,400
Am I just going to have
to sweep the whole room?!
439
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,920
Duck! Duck!
APPLAUSE
440
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:32,680
Yes! Here's one.
441
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,080
Aha!
QUACKING
442
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:37,360
You've just found a duck.
443
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:38,760
Ooh!
444
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:40,120
Can you open this, please?
445
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,360
What's in it for me?
446
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,760
What's in it for you is I'm not
going to get pissed off.
447
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:46,280
Can you open this, please?
448
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:47,520
Right, OK.
449
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,000
Is this your tea?
450
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:50,040
Yes.
451
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:53,720
LAUGHTER
452
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,760
APPLAUSE
Honestly, like, where are you from?
453
00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:58,880
West Sussex. No.
454
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,000
LAUGHTER
455
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,560
Is it inside the table?
456
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,560
SQUEAKING
457
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,200
Duck. OK. Found a duck.
458
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,240
CHRIS SQUEALS
Duck! Duck, duck, duck,
459
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:10,640
duck, duck, duck, duck, duck!
460
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:12,280
Two minutes. Ah!
461
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:15,120
Ah... Ooh!
462
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:16,320
Found one!
463
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:17,360
Oh, really?
464
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,440
Yep.
465
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:19,840
That's a stray duck.
466
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:20,960
That's a duck.
467
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,160
Yeah, that's a duck
we didn't know was there.
468
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,440
LAUGHTER
Can I lift the floor?
469
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:27,520
Duck!
470
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:28,640
Duck!
471
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,120
Yes! 30 seconds.
472
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:32,080
This is not a duck on my face?
473
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:35,120
No, I, hm...Is there
a duck on my face?
LAUGHTER
474
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:37,680
One more duck.
475
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:39,040
Oh, my God!
476
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:40,800
This is so frustrating!
477
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,160
Ah!
WHISTLE BLOWS
478
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,920
That was...
479
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:46,000
..horrible.
480
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:48,240
LAUGHTER
481
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:51,600
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
482
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:52,800
JUDI: Brilliant! Well done.
483
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:53,920
Thank you.
484
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,000
BRIDGET: Both amazing.
485
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:57,920
How many ducks did they both get?
486
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:01,960
Well, Judi found a stray duck
that genuinely we'd put on the wall
487
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,480
years ago for another task...
488
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:05,680
LAUGHTER
..which is quite odd,
so she found...
489
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:06,720
Bonus duck?
490
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,280
Yeah. JUDI: Wow. She found six,
491
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:09,880
but didn't find five.
492
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:13,200
LAUGHTER
She also said, "Is there
a duck on my face" for ages.
493
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:16,400
Yeah. Yeah, because you just
kept on looking at me strange.
494
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:19,800
I wish we had a still of the
picture of you under that light.
495
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:20,840
Oh, my God!
496
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,000
Just so we can check if
there was a duck on your face.
497
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:27,520
Was there a duck on my face?!
Well, let's find out in a minute.
498
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,280
LAUGHTER
499
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,320
CHRIS:Brilliant.
Absolutely brilliant.
APPLAUSE
500
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:34,640
BRIDGET: That looks amazing.
501
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:35,720
No duck.
502
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:40,080
Chris altogether found seven ducks.
503
00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:43,120
JUDI:Wow.Congratulations.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
504
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,960
That's very good.
505
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,000
JUDI: Wow.
506
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:47,240
Right, give me some scores.
507
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,280
Yes, all right, then.
508
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,000
Chris won the task with seven ducks.
509
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,080
Judi second with six.
510
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:54,160
Sophie and Bridget both
get three points with four ducks.
511
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,800
Ardal just the one point
after his two ducks.
512
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,400
So Chris Ramsey wins five points!
513
00:20:58,440 --> 00:20:59,440
There it is!
514
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:01,680
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
515
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:02,720
Scoreboard time?
516
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:03,760
Yes. Um, I'm...
517
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:04,800
That's nice.
518
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,000
I'm afraid that Ardal has
minimal points with two.
519
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,880
Chris is in the lead
with nine points at this stage.
520
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,400
GASPING
WHISTLING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
521
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:13,440
Here we go.
522
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,560
Let's have another task, please!
523
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:16,600
Of course.
524
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:19,760
And perhaps as a nod to how we
resolve our frequent little tiffs,
525
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,440
this one involves kissing
and make-up.
526
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:24,480
LAUGHTER
527
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,840
MEXICAN BAND PLAYS
528
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:37,640
Right.
529
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:39,920
I'm in business.
530
00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:42,240
That's more like it.
531
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:43,280
Yeah.
532
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,200
Have you just eaten something?
533
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:47,480
I had some crisps.
534
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:48,920
That'll be it. Yep.
535
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,000
CHUCKLING
536
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:54,800
"Create the best picture
of the Taskmaster,
537
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:56,760
using only lipstick on your lips.
538
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:58,520
"ON your lips?!"
539
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,920
"You have ten minutes
and your picture must fill
540
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:02,360
most of the canvas.
541
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,360
"And your picture must
fill most of the canvas."
542
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:06,760
Are you having a laugh?
543
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,560
LAUGHTER
Your time starts now.
544
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,160
Er, the Taskmaster.
545
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:12,760
He is... He's...
546
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:15,960
..pretty peaky at the best
of times, isn't he?
547
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,240
Can I...
548
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:19,600
I'm gonna go get
a picture of him, innit.
549
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:22,120
Can't remember what
he looks like from memory.
550
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:23,720
Got a picture of him.
551
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,160
That looks nothing like him.
552
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:26,760
Has he got blue eyes?
553
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,680
I think they're blue.
Are they green?
554
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,040
It doesn't matter, does it?
555
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,280
Is that good?
Is that a good thing to do?
556
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:35,400
I think so, yeah.
557
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,120
LAUGHTER
558
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:50,200
Are you using your lips
as a palette?
559
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:51,480
Yeah. Good.
560
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,200
Your eyes go very big
when you put it on.
561
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:56,920
That's, do you not
know about lipstick?
562
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:58,960
No.
LAUGHTER
563
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:01,000
SOPHIE CHUCKLES
LAUGHTER
564
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,080
SOPHIE MOANS
565
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:05,920
LAUGHTER
Mm-mwah!
566
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:12,240
LAUGHTER
567
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,360
PAPER SQUEAKS
568
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:16,840
Oh. Are you blowing out?
569
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:19,800
No. No, that's just the noise
the blue makes.
570
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:21,840
LAUGHTER
571
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:22,920
Christ alive.
572
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:24,040
Um...
573
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:25,200
Ooh!
574
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,400
The lipstick is on your lips,
is it still?
575
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:28,560
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
576
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:29,720
Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah?
577
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,160
LAUGHTER
578
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:35,400
You're quite aggressive with it.
579
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:37,200
There's no other lips I can use?
580
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:38,360
No, no. No, no.
581
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,920
LAUGHTER
582
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:42,960
SOPHIE MOANS
583
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:44,560
MUFFLED: Mm, it looks lovely.
584
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,600
Pardon? MUFFLED: It looks lovely.
585
00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:49,360
Oh, God.
586
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:51,680
This is what he looks like
587
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:54,200
when he goes home,
when he's on his own.
588
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,520
HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: Hello! I'm Greg.
589
00:23:56,560 --> 00:24:00,560
I think I have some, er,
crisps for me to eat.
590
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,600
Eh?
LAUGHTER
591
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,120
I think I'm happy with that.
592
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:08,040
WHISTLE BLOWS
593
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:10,080
Oh.
594
00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:13,120
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
595
00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:15,520
Enjoy that, Sophie?
596
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:16,560
Yeah. Yeah.
597
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:19,480
Yeah, I liked it. Something else
you used to do at university?
598
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,760
I was trying to be precise.
599
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,160
You really got into it.
600
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:25,400
JUDI: Loving up, you done...
601
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,080
The thing that annoyed me the
most about this task was
602
00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:31,240
I was embarrassed at how
out of breath I was at the end.
603
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:32,720
All I'd done was like that.
604
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:34,440
Woodpeckers must be hard as fuck.
605
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,000
LAUGHTER
606
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:41,920
Right. Well, I look forward
to seeing these creations
607
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,440
right after these car adverts.
608
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,480
CHRIS:Oh, good.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
609
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:57,040
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello!
610
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,440
Welcome back to the second
half of the show.
611
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,360
Can I see lots of pictures
of me, please, Little Alex Horne?
612
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:05,000
Yes. You're vain,
but I don't blame you at all.
613
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:06,080
Beautiful.
614
00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:08,280
Let's see Bridget's lipstick pic.
615
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:09,480
Here it is.
616
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:12,520
Ooh! JUDI:That is good.
LAUGHTER
617
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:14,800
SOPHIE: Wow.
She's certainly captured my breasts.
618
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:16,960
LAUGHTER
619
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,960
Well, she said it's a bra
and a little dress,
620
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,080
and you're saying,
"Where's my crisps?
621
00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:23,480
"I hate my job."
622
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:25,640
LAUGHTER
I feel the same.
623
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:27,760
I tried to get the essence of you.
624
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:29,240
I've eaten a lot of crisps.
625
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:31,200
Yeah. I've got big, I got big tits?
626
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,640
LAUGHTER
627
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:37,120
Good start. Who's next?
628
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,360
Next, it's Judi's picture.
629
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,840
LAUGHTER
630
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,440
Even you can't justify this.
631
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:46,760
Let me tell you something.
632
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:50,000
I drawed you, see, on your throne
633
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:51,480
like the King that you are.
634
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:54,160
She did use the whole canvas more
than the other contestants.
635
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,840
This is what I'm saying.
Oh, so we should reward that?
636
00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:58,080
Yes. You could. You could.
637
00:25:58,120 --> 00:26:01,440
What, for drawing a little
Lego figure inside a clown head?
638
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:03,800
LAUGHTER
639
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,120
CHRIS: That's the least
calm he's been!
640
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:12,680
You've ignited a fire in Ardal.
641
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:15,960
If that's what my painting does,
then that is true art.
642
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:17,920
There you go. CHRIS: Oh, my word!
643
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:19,080
That is...
644
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:21,800
..phenomenal bullshit.
645
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:23,840
JUDI LAUGHS
646
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:25,280
This is Chris' picture.
647
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:27,560
AUDIENCE OOHS AND AHS
648
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:28,720
Come on.
649
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,680
I'll put it side by side with
the picture he was using.
650
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:33,920
It's good. He used a good one.
SOPHIE: Wow.
651
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:36,160
APPLAUSE
Aw.
652
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,080
I was not expecting this.
653
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,520
Here are Ardal's lips in action.
654
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,040
Aw, this'll do. He did that.
655
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:44,920
LAUGHTER
Yeah.
656
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:46,680
BRIDGET: That's really good.
Now, earlier, Ardal,
657
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:48,080
you mentioned the word clown.
658
00:26:48,120 --> 00:26:50,200
LAUGHTER
659
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:52,720
One of Britain's great clowns.
660
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:54,560
Yes.
661
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:58,000
The most important thing, the
stuff that, you know, is the aura,
662
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:02,000
which is not, like, painted,
it's just implied.
663
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:03,800
OK.
664
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:05,920
And what do you sense of my aura?
665
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:07,240
Specialness, um...
666
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,280
LAUGHTER
SOPHIE:What do you mean, special?
667
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,600
Blimey. I wasn't
expecting good stuff.
668
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:14,880
Right, well... I hope
Sophie can drag things down.
669
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:16,320
She created this.
670
00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:18,760
LAUGHTER
671
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:22,440
Ah. She used the portrait
behind her as her starting point.
672
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:25,400
I feel like it's like a sort
of Dorian Gray-type picture.
673
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:29,080
So, like, that's the macabre,
hideous version of you.
674
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:31,120
And then here...
LAUGHTER
675
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:32,920
And then here
there's the beautiful man.
676
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,920
Yeah. It doesn't look unlike
my grandmother, so...
677
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:37,960
LAUGHTER
678
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:40,200
I feel sad if...
679
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:42,760
LAUGHTER
Good. Good.
680
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:45,840
I mean, I think it's brilliant,
681
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:48,120
but it doesn't bear any
resemblance to you, so...
682
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:50,000
It should all be about the accuracy.
683
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:52,920
Yeah. So I should forget the
stuff you said about essence?
684
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:55,600
No, but I mean, essence is real.
I mean...
685
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:56,640
LAUGHTER
686
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:00,960
Let's have a look at them
all together before I get
687
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,960
any more mind games.
Here we have five Gregs.
688
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:08,240
Chris, without the actual painting
next to yours. Yeah...
689
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:10,440
You know. Nah.
690
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,240
Bridget, yours looks like a haunted
sex doll.
691
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:16,040
SHRIEKS OF LAUGHTER
692
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:18,960
Why is that a bad thing?
693
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:21,680
Right then, Greg, we need
some points. All right.
694
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:25,200
One point to Judi. OK. For throwing
lipstick against a canvas.
695
00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:28,760
Between Ardal and Sophie for this.
696
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:29,800
What?
697
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,720
You're genuinely shocked.
698
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:37,440
Let's give them three points each.
699
00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:41,000
So it's three points to Ardal
and Sophie. Correct.
700
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:42,520
Four to...? Four to...
701
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:46,160
..the very cross sex doll that
Bridget created and obviously,
702
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:49,600
Chris Ramsey, the only artist in the
room, takes the five.
703
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,640
Let's have another one. Next up is
this...
704
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:11,880
SPAGHETTI WESTERN TYPE THEME PLAYS
705
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:13,840
DOOR CREAKS
706
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:27,760
WHISTLING
707
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:32,840
Oh.
708
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:35,000
SHOWDOWN MUSIC
709
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:48,680
Ready?
710
00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:49,720
I don't know.
711
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:53,200
Phoar!
712
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:54,840
Yeah?
713
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:57,600
"Devise a duel
and have the duel with Alex."
714
00:29:57,640 --> 00:29:59,760
That's you. Line.
715
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:04,400
"You have 20 minutes to devise your
duel and have the duel with Alex."
716
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:06,480
"Most exhilarating duel wins."
717
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:08,960
"Your time starts now."
718
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,880
Do you think you're going to win
the duel? Yeah, probably.
719
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:13,320
I mean, I usually win duels.
720
00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:15,840
LAUGHTER
721
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:17,640
Have you had a duel before?
722
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:19,680
No, I've never duelled anyone.
723
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:22,120
I didn't think I was going
to have to duel you.
724
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,920
Are you good at throwing?
Yeah.
725
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:26,440
No, I don't want that, then.
726
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:29,320
What are you crap at? DIY.
727
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:34,560
Gut instinct tells me that Sophie's
going to be the best at this purely
728
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:36,560
because her, "I've never duelled
anyone.
729
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:39,480
I didn't think I was going
to have to duel you."
730
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:41,880
It sounded like an actual Clint
Eastwood line.
731
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:43,680
I'm sorely tempted to just
crack on. Let's do it.
732
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:44,840
Let's see 'em.
733
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:48,960
Well, first of all, we have "Arduel"
and "Dueldi". Ardal and Judi.
734
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:50,000
Here we go.
735
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,520
DRAMATIC MUSIC
736
00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:59,440
So, Alex, I'm going for a fairly
traditional duel,
737
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:00,920
so to start with...
738
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,280
..I'm going to get the...
739
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:09,000
Do you want a hand?
Yeah, please. Thank you.
740
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:11,200
OK, then.
741
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:16,080
I challenge you to a duel.
742
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:17,440
I accept your challenge.
743
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:19,360
OK, cool.
744
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:23,240
For this exhilarating duel,
you're going to have these
745
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:24,760
roller-skates on.
746
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:28,320
Oh, yeah. I'd say the roller-skates
are size five to eight.
747
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:30,720
And you are size? Size ten.
748
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:31,880
We've all done that.
749
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:34,200
Especially if the shoes are hot.
750
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:37,280
Do you want to choose your weapon?
751
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:40,280
Got bananas or oranges?
752
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:42,080
Ah! Bananas, please.
753
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,680
OK, I want you to wear an eye patch.
754
00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:48,640
I'll be fine. Thank you.
755
00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:49,920
You've got one ball.
756
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:51,720
You have to hit me in the knee
five times.
757
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:54,600
You can't hit anywhere else
on my body.
758
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:57,400
And where are you going
to be hitting me? Free for all.
759
00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:58,880
You're going to hit me anywhere?
760
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:00,320
Yeah. OK.
761
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,760
OK, so just go back to back
five paces.
762
00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:03,840
Yep.
763
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:04,880
One.
764
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:07,640
SPAGHETTI WESTERN THEME PLAYS
765
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:12,360
I'm...I'm ready.
766
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:15,160
Once sec, just fixing my hair.
767
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:18,000
LAUGHTER
768
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:19,040
Marks.
769
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:23,160
Get set.
SHE SLURPS
770
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:25,040
Go.
771
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:26,360
Oh! You can't hit my face.
772
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:29,720
One. All right. Fire!
773
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,080
Oh, yes!
774
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:41,240
Oh, you better go and get your
ball, babe.
775
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:44,480
Oh!
776
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:56,200
Nice.
777
00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:57,640
Get in. Can I give up?
778
00:32:57,680 --> 00:32:58,680
Yeah. Yeah.
779
00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:01,200
Pretty exhilarating, eh?
780
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:02,400
I enjoyed the duel.
781
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:04,120
I want my weapons back, though.
782
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:05,840
That's my lunch.
783
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:08,040
APPLAUSE
784
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:12,960
Exhilarating. Exhilarating.
785
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,080
I enjoyed the formality
of the glove slap.
786
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:17,160
Yes. Albeit with rubber gloves.
Sure.
787
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:20,360
Then, I mean, basically,
we're looking at two grown men
788
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,400
throwing fruit at each other.
789
00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:24,600
Hundreds of years of tradition
790
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:28,640
were clearly there with a slightly
contemporary, fruity twist.
791
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:33,240
Lovely. Yeah. But I liked that
792
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:36,440
it followed a traditional
structure of a duel. OK.
793
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:39,440
I'll note that down. Which brings us
on to Judi.
794
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:43,600
Hmm. Now, my observation is that
you have an incredible knack
795
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,880
of normalising bad behaviour.
796
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:52,280
In that moment, I felt inspired
by you.
797
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:53,520
Oh, here we go.
798
00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:58,680
And I had to, you know, go full
force with what was best
799
00:33:58,720 --> 00:33:59,840
for me. For me.
800
00:33:59,880 --> 00:34:03,160
And then you shot him multiple
times.
801
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:06,600
That's what you're supposed to do.
Whilst guzzling a cocktail, it
seems.
802
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,680
That was for energy purposes.
803
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:12,600
See what I mean?
I almost think it was fair.
804
00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:15,160
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Shameless.
805
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:17,200
Right? Who is next, please?
806
00:34:17,240 --> 00:34:20,360
Two more now, it's time for Bridget
and Chris.
807
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:23,680
DRAMATIC FANFARE
808
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:27,840
Rules are simple-ish.
809
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:29,080
You've got to be on all fours.
810
00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:33,000
You have to throw as many balls as
you can into the other
player's basket.
811
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:34,040
OK.
812
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:36,600
DRAMATIC MUSIC
813
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:52,160
SQUEAKING
814
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:06,480
I've got stuck.
815
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:07,720
WHISTLE BLOWS
816
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:15,080
Ah! He's going to come to close.
817
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:16,120
No! Oh, my God.
818
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:28,320
Oh! Oh!
819
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:30,760
HE GROANS
820
00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:36,600
Yeah!
821
00:35:37,720 --> 00:35:39,480
ROARING
822
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,120
Aaaah!
823
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:46,080
This is it. This is it. This is not
over.
824
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:50,600
Oh! Oh! Oh!
825
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:55,840
Oh, no. Yah.
826
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:57,760
SHOUTING
827
00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:08,480
12, 13, 14.
828
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:10,200
11, 12. No!
829
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:12,800
12.
830
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:14,280
Yes!
831
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:16,080
You just got basketballed.
832
00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:18,360
I got basketballed.
APPLAUSE
833
00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:22,960
It may have been the white vests
that made me think you were going
834
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,000
to kiss at some point.
835
00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:27,360
There's a lot of heavy panting.
836
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:28,600
Now, was it a duel,
837
00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:30,040
that's the question? Yeah!
838
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:32,080
There's two men going at it.
839
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:36,360
So a game of table tennis is now
a duel, all of a sudden. Or,
840
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:39,080
like a game of turtle ball or
whatever they were playing, I mean.
841
00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:42,040
Sorry, was there not enough
groceries involved for you?
842
00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:47,600
Bridget, I feasted my eyes
on your opening look,
843
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:49,000
it was startling. Thank you.
844
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:50,920
I was exhilarated briefly.
845
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,000
Then, when the duel got going,
846
00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:55,800
maybe the exhilaration dropped
off a bit.
847
00:36:55,840 --> 00:37:01,360
Well, there were obviously no horses
or donkeys that I could get.
848
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:05,160
And who hasn't craved to see
a donkey duel? Right.
849
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:09,280
Three quarters of the first episode
has passed us by already,
850
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:10,480
but it's not over yet.
851
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:14,680
Soon someone will take home
an old will and a Now 24 cassette.
852
00:37:14,720 --> 00:37:17,800
We've still got it!
APPLAUSE
853
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:29,520
Hello. Welcome back to the final
part of the show, where there
854
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:33,040
have been several duels taking
place. Yes, I haven't done very well
855
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:35,400
in them so far and my feet
still hurt, but there's
856
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:38,160
one duel left. Will it be the most
exhilarating one?
857
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:40,600
It's me again versus Sophie Duker.
858
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:48,280
Hi, Sophie. Hi.
859
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:51,560
Grab a weapon. These are mine?
Those are yours.
860
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:57,080
Advance.
861
00:37:57,120 --> 00:38:00,240
DRAMATIC MUSIC
862
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:06,480
Ah.
863
00:38:07,720 --> 00:38:08,720
I see.
864
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:14,240
You know why I did that?
865
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:17,520
Because the pen is mightier
than the sword, Alex.
866
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:21,080
And the tongue is mightier
than the pen.
867
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:25,000
All right. I'm not going to hit you
with a sword or tongue. Or a tongue?
868
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:27,160
Or a tongue. I'm going to fight you
with words.
869
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:28,640
There's a lot of ducks.
870
00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:30,240
Yeah, the ducks are our fans.
871
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:31,280
Are they?
872
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:34,440
It's duel time, baby.
873
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:35,720
OK.
874
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:37,560
RAPS: OK, little Alex Horne
875
00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:40,680
I'm going to defeat
you with brains, not brawn.
876
00:38:40,720 --> 00:38:43,840
I'm going to make you wish
you'd never been born,
877
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:46,120
and leave
you feeling so forlorn.
878
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:48,360
RAPS: OK, little Sophie Duker.
879
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:51,440
This is going to go nuclear.
880
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:54,080
How many verses do we have to do?
881
00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:56,960
Will one do or do you want two?
882
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:58,800
OK, I think we need two.
883
00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:01,280
I think that's the minimum
that we have to do.
884
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:04,200
I think we need to do two
verses, at least.
885
00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:08,240
Otherwise, our raps will seem
creased and not that good.
886
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:10,800
My name is little Alex.
887
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:12,040
I'm wearing a cape.
888
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:14,920
There's only so much of
this that you can take.
889
00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:16,320
I don't use cigarettes.
890
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:20,040
I like to vape, so you better read
that word on that tape.
891
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:23,600
Caution, you're trying to caution
me? Well, little Alex Horne
892
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:24,880
you're going to see.
893
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:27,440
This rap is going to
act like a diuretic,
894
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:30,440
because right now
you're being pretty pathetic.
895
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:31,800
That's not very nice.
896
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:33,600
I feel quite bad about this.
Yeah.
897
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:35,960
I don't like threatening you.
898
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:38,280
You, look, you're smiling
a lot. Right.
899
00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:41,800
Instead of doing this, we could
just go on a bender if you choose
900
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:43,480
this duel to surrender.
901
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:46,040
I'd like to surrender and not
do the duel any more
902
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,560
because I can't think of any
more rhymes.
903
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:50,640
Bender? Bender.
904
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:52,520
APPLAUSE
Great.
905
00:39:57,440 --> 00:40:01,280
8 Mile is no longer
the definitive rap chronicle.
906
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:05,600
I think we both, we came to a place
where we realised that violence
907
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:06,680
was not the answer.
908
00:40:06,720 --> 00:40:08,000
It's a modern duel.
909
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:12,320
She set it up as a duel
and she brought it bang up to date.
910
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:16,320
I suppose she did. Yeah.
911
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:17,800
I've never felt older.
912
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:21,360
I'm sure we can all agree.
913
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:23,240
A duel has got to be fair.
914
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:25,400
Well, anyone who forces
your horrible little feet
915
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:27,640
into roller-skates that are too
small...
916
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:32,200
..they're going to take home one
point. Oh. One point for Judi Love.
917
00:40:32,240 --> 00:40:34,400
Oh! OK, one to Judi. Ardal.
918
00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:37,360
It was a beautiful, traditionally
set up duel, but it was not
919
00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:39,160
in any way exciting. Two points.
920
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:42,480
OK. Bridget, three points. Right.
921
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:43,920
It was visually exciting.
922
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:45,800
Full stop, end of critique.
923
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:52,840
Now, this is tough, but the truth is
I felt that Sophie's, I don't know,
924
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:55,880
it was just bringing duel
bang up to date.
925
00:40:57,520 --> 00:40:59,360
All right, there you go.
Four points to Chris.
926
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:01,000
Five points. Well done, Sophie
Duker.
927
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:04,600
Let's have a quick look
at the scores, shall we?
928
00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:07,320
We've got Ardal still at the foot
of the table with seven,
929
00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:11,080
and the outright leader is
still Chris with 18! Whoa!
930
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:17,880
OK, everyone, please make your way
to the stage for the final task
931
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:19,520
of the show!
932
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:21,480
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
933
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:29,040
Hello. You sweet young prince.
934
00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:31,200
Oh, hi.
935
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:33,840
Who's going to read the task for us?
936
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:36,960
Sophia Duker is going to read
the task out. Good luck, Sophie.
937
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,640
Thank you. Good luck with reading.
938
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:42,840
"Count to 13 as a group, each player
taking
939
00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:46,880
"it in turns to say a number. Every
time you say an odd number,
940
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:48,960
"you must also squat."
941
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:50,560
Thanks.
942
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:53,240
"Every time you say
an even number,
943
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:55,040
"you must also jump.
944
00:41:56,640 --> 00:41:58,880
"If you make a mistake, you are out.
945
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:02,080
"If you reach 13 or someone
is eliminated, other rules
946
00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:03,480
"will be introduced.
947
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:05,800
"If the taskmaster thinks
you have hesitated for too long,
948
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:08,200
"you will be eliminated."
949
00:42:08,240 --> 00:42:11,320
If you can make it reasonably
obvious what you're doing and try
950
00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:13,600
not to squat into your jump,
that can happen.
951
00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:18,520
Well, good luck, everyone.
952
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:20,120
Ardal, please start the counting.
953
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:21,720
OK, erm, one.
954
00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:27,840
Ardal, that's lovely.
If you could do it whilst counting,
that would be great.
955
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:32,240
I think it's your turn now, Bridget.
956
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:35,440
So is it... So... Just a number
really. So quicker? Yes. Two.
957
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:37,800
Yeah, but no, do it while...
Yeah, I did.
958
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:39,120
But you were... Two. Right.
959
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:40,200
Lovely.
960
00:42:40,240 --> 00:42:42,320
Three. Four.
961
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:43,520
Five. Six.
962
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:45,720
Seven. Eight.
963
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:46,920
Nine.
964
00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:48,600
Ten. 11.
965
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:50,600
12. 13.
966
00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:53,600
Lovely stuff, OK. Well, everyone
made it through the round.
967
00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:55,560
APPLAUSE
968
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:59,440
OK, so we are still having the same
rules, it's still squat on odds
969
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:02,200
and jump on evens, but now you must
salute multiples of three,
970
00:43:02,240 --> 00:43:05,520
and if you wouldn't mind pronouncing
multiples of four completely wrong.
971
00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:08,280
Oh!
972
00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:10,400
Four, eight? Well, yes, yes.
973
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:11,680
12.
974
00:43:11,720 --> 00:43:13,880
You wouldn't say eight, that
would be pronouncing it correctly.
975
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:15,920
No, I'll say "hango". Yeah, yeah.
976
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:21,400
OK, so, Bridget, please kick us off.
977
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:22,680
One.
978
00:43:22,720 --> 00:43:24,400
Two. Three.
979
00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:25,600
Fa-fa-four.
980
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:27,920
Five.
981
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:31,120
What? Hesitation!
982
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:33,680
APPLAUSE
Oh, my God!
983
00:43:33,720 --> 00:43:35,920
I'm fine.
984
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:39,280
So the rules are now squat on odds,
of course, jump on even, salute
985
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:42,840
on threes, mispronounce multiples
of fours and then all the numbers
986
00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:43,960
must be French.
987
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:45,000
OK!
988
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:46,920
GROANING
All the numbers must be French.
989
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,040
You're going
to have to mispronounce
990
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:50,240
quatre, for example.
991
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:51,920
Off we go, Chris.
992
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:53,480
Un.
993
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:54,720
Deux.
994
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:55,760
Trois!
995
00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:57,800
Aquatre.
996
00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:00,000
MAKES ODD NOISE
997
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:02,640
WHISTLE BLOWS
998
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:04,120
I'm afraid...
999
00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:06,120
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
1000
00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:10,440
It wasn't the French.
1001
00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:12,800
It wasn't French. It was the lack of
the salute.
1002
00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:14,240
Out she goes.
1003
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:16,800
OK, so now you must spin around
when saying any numbers
1004
00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:18,560
that contain the letter T.
Oh, I'm so glad I'm out.
1005
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:20,040
And again, that's in French.
1006
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:22,680
God, I'm stressed and
I'm nothing to do with it.
1007
00:44:22,720 --> 00:44:25,640
OK. One of the worst days of me
life. Yeah, so far.
1008
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:29,240
It's Sophie.
1009
00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:31,120
Unnnnnnn.
1010
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:33,040
Deux. Trois.
1011
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:34,240
HE WHISTLES
1012
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:36,760
I'm afraid there was an
unnecessary spin from Ardal.
1013
00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:39,520
So another rule, of course.
1014
00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:40,920
Oh.
1015
00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:42,360
So it's squat on odds, we know that.
1016
00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:44,480
It's jump on evens. We know that.
Salute on threes.
1017
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:46,280
Mispronounce multiples of four.
1018
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:49,320
All the numbers in French, spin
around if they contain the letter T
1019
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:52,280
in French and then pretend
to be sick after saying any number
1020
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:53,800
containing a single letter E!
1021
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:55,440
OK, ready. Chris.
1022
00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:58,360
Off we go.
Un. Deux.
1023
00:44:58,400 --> 00:44:59,520
SHE RETCHES
1024
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:00,880
Lovely.
1025
00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:01,920
Trois.
1026
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:09,800
Quaaaaaa....
1027
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:15,240
..aaa...
1028
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:21,040
..aaa...
1029
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:22,960
I'm trying to remember the rules.
1030
00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:27,080
Have you finished?
1031
00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:30,240
..aaatre.
APPLAUSE
1032
00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:33,080
PEEP!
I'm afraid you weren't sick
at the end.
1033
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:34,800
Aw! It's a shame.
1034
00:45:34,840 --> 00:45:36,720
SHOUTING AND APPLAUSE
I was sick!
1035
00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:38,880
I think she was meant to be sick
after the number.
1036
00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:40,800
Aw, so it's over. Oh, no.
1037
00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:41,840
Shame.
1038
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:45,440
Why don't you come back down here
1039
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:47,560
and we'll see how that's affected
the final score.
1040
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:49,720
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1041
00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:55,720
More high octane stuff to finish.
1042
00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:57,960
Yes, it definitely made
counting more fun, didn't it?
1043
00:45:58,000 --> 00:45:59,720
Didn't it?
1044
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:03,440
Ardal and Judi share last
or fourth place.
1045
00:46:03,480 --> 00:46:07,520
Sophie nearly got it, but in the end
he amassed a huge 23 points
1046
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:09,160
and the winner of the first episode,
1047
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:11,000
Chris Ramsey.
1048
00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:13,240
APPLAUSE
1049
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:17,040
Chris Ramsey wins.
1050
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:20,600
Please skip up to collect
your skip purse prizes.
1051
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:23,360
CHEERING
1052
00:46:24,440 --> 00:46:27,880
We hope that you'll join us next
week to find out if Judi Love
1053
00:46:27,920 --> 00:46:30,840
can continue to use her gift
of the gab to secure
1054
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:32,760
herself last place.
1055
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:35,960
It's bye for now, but also
it's well done to the first winner
1056
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:39,080
of this series - Chris Ramsey!
1057
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:42,320
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
1058
00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:04,480
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
69717
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