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This programme contains
strong language.
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Taskmaster was recorded
in accordance with all
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social distancing guidelines
in place at the time of filming.
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SHE GIGGLES
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SHE BURBLES LOUDLY
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LOUD STATIC
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Hello, welcome to Taskmaster.
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Let's cut to the chase, shall we?
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You're all here to watch
some credible comedians go to
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incredible lengths to impress me.
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Much like a Roman Emperor,
I've bathed in ass's milk
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and had vigorous sexual liaisons
with my personal assistant.
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I am ready to be entertained.
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Bring on the gladiators!
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Daisy May Cooper!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Johnny Vegas!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Katherine Parkinson!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Mawaan Rizwan!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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And Richard Herring!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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And next to me,
a sort of bearded jellyfish.
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Pretty Woman is his favourite film,
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and he collects teapots
that look like cottages.
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It's little Alex Horne!
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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What's happening?
Well, I've invented an app.
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My first app. Oh, right.
Can I sell it to you? Yes, please.
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Well, you know when you're talking
to someone and they're really
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mean to you, and you feel very sad
inside but you don't want to show it
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because that would be a display
of weakness? Yes?
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You get the app, right,
you get on your iPad,
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and you strap it on your head.
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And then,
they can't see your emotions.
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THEY LAUGH
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Shall we try it out? Look at that.
Yeah, you can talk to me now.
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Once, your wife told me that you
often complain of feeling lonely
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even when you're with people.
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LAUGHTER
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Yeah, it's an early edition.
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Right, then! Let's get started.
Prize Task. Mm!
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Yes, and we're flying high today,
because we've asked them to bring in
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the best thing with wings! Cool.
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Whoever has brought in the best
thing with wings will win the round,
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gain five points,
and almost certainly develop
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a temporary swagger.
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Then at the end of this episode,
the person with the most points
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overall will take home all five
winged things and feel pretty fly.
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OK, then. Johnny,
what's your best thing with wings?
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Chips!
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OK.
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Here are his chips.
What do you mean?
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Wings. Chips.
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So, he's saying they taste nice
with wings. Perfect accompaniment.
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What do you mean, with wings?
No-one just says wings.
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LAUGHTER
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It's the first thing
that came to mind,
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and I honestly couldn't top it.
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I went with instinct,
and it was wings, chips.
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Yeah, I guess Johnny...
Again, you can't just say wings.
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Well, if you have some chicken
wings, what would you want with it?
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Well, I don't like eating chicken
on the bone, it makes me feel sick.
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I know that. And a bit scared.
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Richard. Yes?
Have you got anything better?
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I think I've got something
better than chips.
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I have brought in Histor,
the one-eyed pirate crow
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from the very popular
1990s television show,
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This Morning With Richard Not Judy.
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Oh. Which I did enjoy.
Thank you very much. Yeah.
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Funny how I used to be a fan, innit?
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THEY LAUGH
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Here is...here is Histor.
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There he is.
He's falling apart a little bit.
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That's a genuinely good prize. Yeah.
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I've got to win this episode,
cos I can't let it...
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Oh, really? Is it a treasured thing?
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Yeah, very treasured. Oh, dear.
Katherine?
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I think I didn't realise that,
this round, you were giving points.
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Erm, so I've just been a bit...
This is our eighth episode.
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LAUGHTER
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Erm, OK, I've brought in
a dead wasp.
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Here it is, the dead wasp.
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JOHNNY: I think that's cool.
Yeah, I don't mind it.
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I suppose it sort of represents
nature in a more profound way
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than is immediately obvious.
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Because a dead wasp represents
life and death. So much.
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Does anything eat wasps?
Badgers do. Do they?
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Oh, God, that...
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Another fact about wasps -
if a stray wasp, like,
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flies onto a train, it can find
its way home after a few stops.
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Because it actually looks
for landmarks out the window.
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OK, that's not true.
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There must be some truth in that.
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I was told that...
There's no truth in that!
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There's no truth in it.
They look for landmarks.
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She is telling the truth, yeah,
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wasps can recognise
landmarks and faces.
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They can remember your face.
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Formally apologise.
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RICHARD: How do they know?
"Studies show."
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That's all it says. "Studies show".
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They're from The New Scientist.
It's definitely true. Mawaan?
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All right, you ready for this?
Let's do this, baby.
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What sort of winged thing
have you brought in?
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So, I was thinking of chicken wings.
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But I did my research.
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And I know you don't like
chicken off the bone. I don't.
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So, I was like, "OK, what can I do
related to chicken wings?"
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And I decided to paint
my favourite chicken shop.
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Here it is. Oh, wow.
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It's got a little Greg in it.
He's having some chicken.
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I really like it.
So, it's a genuine chicken shop.
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It was called Perfect Fried Chicken,
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but someone's already
got that name.
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00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:06,080
So, the quickest workaround was
to turn the P into an F. Yeah.
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And to use the well-known word,
"ferfect". Exactly.
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LAUGHTER
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Our series leader is left. Daisy.
Daisy?
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Panty liners. Thank you.
And here it is.
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You see, I have to say I thought of
doing this, and I was too ashamed.
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You should never be ashamed.
You shouldn't.
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I would give me five points,
so you don't come across as
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a sexist pig who's prejudiced
against periods.
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Prejudiced against periods?
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LAUGHTER
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So, what's best and what's worse?
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Well, I want to take home
Richard's glory days trophy. Yeah.
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Five points to Richard Herring!
Five points for Richard.
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APPLAUSE
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I want to take home
Mawaan's beautiful art next.
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Course you do. Yeah.
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Four points to Mawaan Rizwan.
There we go.
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Against all odds,
the next thing I want take home
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is the dead wasp.
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LAUGHTER
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I celebrate your panty liner.
Thanks. I'm with you...
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00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:04,040
..for two points. Right.
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And obviously, I don't want a cold
plate of chips that someone's
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dribbled wing juice on.
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One point to Johnny Vegas.
And we're off.
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APPLAUSE
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All right. Let's get on. Lovely.
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This task involves pouring a lovely
little drink for a lovely big man -
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that's you, Greg Davies!
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Hello, Johnny. Hi, Alex.
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What time is it?
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Does your pocket watch work?
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00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,080
Oh, no, that's just for show, mate.
OK.
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"Fill this cup
so that it overfloweth."
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Is that the cup? That's the cup.
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"The cup must remain atop
the cup pole at all times."
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"Only liquids may touch
the red green."
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00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,120
"Fastest wins."
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00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,400
"Your time starts...now."
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"Overfloweth."
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Yeah, what do you take that to mean?
156
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Er...
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An abundance of liquid?
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It's quite literal, right? Yeah. OK.
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I think what I've been doing wrong
with these tasks is that
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I come not, like, reading into -
it's like a riddle, isn't it?
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Like, you've got...
the answer's in the question. OK.
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Right. Well, I'd like to chastise
Alex for using such florid language.
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What's all this
"overfloweth, atop" business?
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Just have a bit of fun with it. OK.
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Like, Biblical, like,
"the cup runneth over,"
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or like "Kenneth".
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00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:43,960
LAUGHTER
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Would you like to say who's going
to go first? Yeah. OK. Here we go.
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Johnny.
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No, it's going to be Mawaan first.
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LAUGHTER
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That's the longest hose
we've got, Mawaan.
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I feel like this is a fairly
obvious thing to do.
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What are you going to do?
Just going to chuck it.
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00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:12,760
We didn't need that hose pipe.
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Sorry, this is someone's tea,
but I'm low on time,
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so this is the quickest thing.
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Is it overflowing?
179
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,520
No. It's halfway.
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00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:39,800
You didn't mean "overfloweth" in,
like, a metaphorical way?
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00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:41,320
How would that work?
182
00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:42,360
HE EXHALES
183
00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:48,320
HE SHRIEKS
184
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The cupeth overfloweth.
185
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:03,400
I've stopped the clock. Nailed it.
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00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:08,400
Well done, Mawaan.
Well done. Not bad at all.
187
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,200
Still feel like I've missed
the metaphor.
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00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:12,160
I still feel like there's
something going on...
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00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,400
How does a cup overflow
in a metaphorical way?
190
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:18,400
Like, you've got a lot on
right now in your life.
191
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Oh, cos I'm busy?
192
00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:21,440
Yeah. OK.
193
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,600
And how are you going to apply
that to that cup?
194
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:25,600
LAUGHTER
195
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,680
I don't know. But what I'm asking
is, have I got it...did I get it?
196
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,320
Well, I can tell you a few things.
197
00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:33,600
You were by far the slowest -
12 minutes, 38.
198
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,120
I was quite metaphorically
hung over that day.
199
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:39,040
The rule was obviously that only
liquids could touch the red green.
200
00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:40,640
But that was cool, he's...
201
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:43,760
Well, you saw the funnel
just missing it.
202
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,320
Yeah, let's just check.
203
00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:51,760
JOHNNY: Ohh. Yeah.
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
204
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:55,840
Yeah, you touched it.
You're literally disqualified.
205
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,200
Metaphorically,
you're still in with a shout.
206
00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:00,000
LAUGHTER
207
00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:03,560
OK. Do you want to see two measured
and calm individuals? Oh, do I!
208
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,400
Daisy and Johnny?
Yeah, I knew it was them.
209
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:08,080
Here we go.
THEY LAUGH
210
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,320
Right. Yep.
211
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:20,880
Just attach this...
212
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:24,360
Yes! So, the water, the water.
213
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:30,200
I didn't turn it on!
214
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:41,520
Cos it's not plugged in!
215
00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,320
Come on, Alex! I'm running.
216
00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:55,760
Where are you going?
217
00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,520
Alex? Work with me!
218
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:03,880
Ohh!
219
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:08,600
Oh, the wind!
220
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:13,920
Yes!
221
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:22,120
Yes! Yes! Yes!
222
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:30,920
Oh, no! Hang on.
223
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:36,600
Right, then...
224
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:44,680
That's overfloweth.
I've stopped the clock.
225
00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:46,840
That's fucking great,
what I've just done.
226
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,320
Thank you, Daisy. Thanks.
227
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,520
I've stopped the clock.
Did you touch the red green? No.
228
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,160
You saw me straddling,
it looked like I was using
229
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:06,720
one of them loos abroad.
230
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,040
And I took a tumble.
Yeah, I saw that.
231
00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:12,120
I suffered for my craft.
Yeah. A lot happened, Johnny.
232
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,840
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
233
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:19,800
Normally when someone falls over,
there's a reason for it.
234
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:25,400
As far as I can see, you just fell.
235
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:27,680
There were no obstacles.
236
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:29,440
THEY LAUGH
237
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:31,040
I mean, a lot happened in Johnny's.
238
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,440
It only took him
three minutes, 47 seconds.
239
00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,040
He's disqualified, though, isn't he?
240
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,760
It felt like something that wasn't
liquid did touch the red green.
241
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,400
Yeah, a massive hammer.
A massive hammer.
242
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:43,640
Daisy - absolute textbook. Mm.
243
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:47,360
Patient. That is a woman who knows
that wasps recognise faces.
244
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:51,760
That is a woman. She completed it
in six minutes, 55.
245
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:54,640
Is that good?
It's in the lead at the moment.
246
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:55,800
I don't want to be a hater,
247
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,840
but I think Daisy needs to get
disqualified, too. Oh, OK.
248
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:00,880
I'm so sorry. For what?
249
00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,320
Did no-one notice
the thing on the red green?
250
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,640
No. The piece of paper? What?
KATHERINE GASPS
251
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:09,000
I would say, let's investigate
that at the end.
252
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,640
Well, we'll come back to that.
I love making friends.
253
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,000
LAUGHTER
254
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:16,640
Did you see how she reacted
to the hippo drawing?
255
00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:17,920
Yeah, I'm terrified, but I...
256
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,200
Yeah, she's going to fuck you up,
mate.
257
00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:21,880
LAUGHTER
258
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,840
Look at the face. Have a look.
Look at her face..
259
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,000
She's not going to forget yours,
she's like a wasp.
260
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,520
LAUGHTER CONTINUES
261
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:31,440
That's the end of part one, then.
262
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,800
APPLAUSE
263
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,560
Oh, hello!
How very nice to see you again!
264
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,440
Am I right to mention
a cup on a stick, Alex? Yes, siree!
265
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:51,520
They were trying to fill
a cup on top of a stick
266
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:53,280
so much that it overflowed.
267
00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:55,920
But nothing apart from water
could touch the red circle.
268
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,920
So now let's watch
Katherine and Richard
269
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,840
obeying the bloody rules, please!
270
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:04,320
So, where is the liquid?
Where is the liquid? Mm.
271
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:08,560
What sort of liquid do you want?
I need to find some liquid!
272
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,720
Erm... Whee!
273
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,480
SHE GRUNTS
274
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:17,080
Fuck that!
275
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,720
What's that fucking cow there for,
anyway?
276
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,160
I think that's as far as it goes.
277
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,760
Right, here's my brilliant idea!
278
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,440
Oh, hold on. There we go.
279
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:40,400
It seems to be working!
280
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:43,360
I don't think this is going to be
the fastest time, but...
281
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,640
So you're trying to throw the water
up there? It might work. Yeah.
282
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,400
SHE GRUNTS
OK!
283
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,800
How do I know when it's full?
It will overflow, will it?
284
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:53,800
You'll be able to see that
with your eyes.
285
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:56,600
Yeah. Are you surprised
this is working? Yeah!
286
00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,720
I mean,
I'm amazed it hasn't fallen off yet.
287
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,080
Yeah.
288
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,280
It's not allowed to touch
the red green.
289
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,760
I don't think this is going to be
the fastest time.
290
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,760
But, I might achieve the task.
291
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:12,760
Oh, you... I mean...!
292
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:16,160
I should have expected that.
293
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,600
I think that's full.
I'll stop the clock.
294
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,840
Whew! It overfloweth! OK.
295
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,640
Thank you, Richard.
Thank you. Goodbye!
296
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:27,240
Hang on...
297
00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:37,560
Can I touch it? All the information
is on the task, Katherine.
298
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:46,760
I'm just going to check this again.
299
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,960
I can touch it! Oh, for God's sake!
300
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,520
Right, it's overflowing.
I'll stop the clock.
301
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:56,800
Yes!
302
00:15:56,840 --> 00:16:01,800
How do you think you did? I actually
think my method was all right.
303
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:05,880
I enjoyed it. OK, you can go now.
Thanks. Bye! Bye!
304
00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:08,440
APPLAUSE
Very good!
305
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:12,360
I think you've taken away any poise
that you had in the early days
306
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:13,960
of this show!
307
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:17,120
Yeah. I mean, you were instantly
swearing at a cow!
308
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:21,240
What channel is this on?
Channel 4! It's a shame!
309
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,520
Which channel were you hoping for?
Something more obscure!
310
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,160
The whole hoop madness! I mean...
Oh, don't!
311
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,920
One of your more notable
strategies, which is hoping
312
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,400
that water won't make it
through a net!
313
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,360
She did say, actually,
"I should have expected that."
314
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,480
Yeah, I mean, she definitely should!
315
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:44,760
She filled it up in 11 minutes,
49 seconds. Not dreadful! No.
316
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:48,560
Richard... Mm. Very pleased
with himself, wasn't he?!
317
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,320
I think the basket was...
Very proud of his little beaker!
318
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:56,920
Five minutes 37 to make the cup
overfloweth! Wow! Real nice!
319
00:16:56,960 --> 00:17:00,160
But we did analyse Mawaan's
attempt pretty closely
320
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,920
with the foot on the red.
321
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,920
He spotted something in Daisy's,
so we should probably analyse...
322
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,480
We definitely should!
..the footage as well.
323
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:10,640
Only liquids may touch
the red green.
324
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,680
Your time starts now.
325
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,160
GROANING
326
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:25,280
OK. Are you a liquid?
Oh, I'm not allowed on there!
327
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:30,560
Just checking if you're a liquid.
I am 97% liquid! Right.
328
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,160
Shall we just judge it
on who did the best time?
329
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,640
LAUGHTER
330
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:45,440
I mean, I'm...
331
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:48,880
Never in the history
of the whole show
332
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,840
have I felt contempt
for all of them!
333
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:53,720
It's a sad day for everyone here.
334
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:57,000
I think we'll just, er, just
have a couple of moments of silence.
335
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:04,200
GREG TUTS
336
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,880
GREG SIGHS
337
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:14,840
SUPPRESSED GIGGLES
338
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,520
Let's...let's just forget
that ever happened.
339
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,240
Would you like to see
the scoreboard?
340
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,200
Yeah. It hasn't changed a lot
after that round.
341
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:31,680
Well, Richard's got five,
Mawaan's four, Katherine three,
342
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:35,560
Daisy two, and Johnny one.
Good times! All right, guys.
343
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:38,240
Pick yourselves up!
344
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:41,480
I'd like to see some
sort of ensemble task now, please,
345
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,480
to bring us all together!
Well, guess what?
346
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:44,960
I've got one ready for you,
347
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:48,840
and it's a showcase for everyone's
incredible...acting skills!
348
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,520
Hello, Alex. Oh, hello, Johnny.
349
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:11,960
There's something else in there!
A script.
350
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:16,200
Oh, no! No! No? Oh, gosh!
351
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:20,040
Learn your lines!
352
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,440
You have ten minutes to prepare
for each of your parts.
353
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:25,680
Then one take to pull it off.
Best performance wins.
354
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:28,680
Your first ten minutes starts now.
355
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,640
Who are you playing?
Sam and Boss are highlighted.
356
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:36,920
Boss - ruthless
businessperson from South Wales.
357
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:41,480
I don't do a Welsh accent!
Wey aye, man! Did I just do that?!
358
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,440
See you in a bit! Good luck!
359
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,360
Argh! I can't do an Australian
accent either, Alex!
360
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:47,920
I can't wait to hear it!
361
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:53,600
SHE MUTTERS
362
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:57,200
Which parts have you got to learn,
Richard? They're all highlighted!
363
00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:00,920
Sam, Nicky, Ross,
Dr Buckley, Parker.
364
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,560
OK. Good luck! Thank you.
365
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,360
Yes, so they all had to learn
two parts each. Yep.
366
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:12,000
Richard, five parts.
So sorry, Richard.
367
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:15,840
Just a little admin error,
was it? Should be cool.
368
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:18,280
They had ten minutes to learn
each part. Yep.
369
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,240
And obviously
they performed it in isolation,
370
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:23,320
but we've cut them together as if
they were performing as one. Clever!
371
00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:26,200
Very clever. These people
are all professional entertainers,
372
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:31,040
I imagine this is going
to be...quite the watch!
373
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,880
Well, here is the first version
of a very powerful police movie
374
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:35,480
called The Smart Steak.
375
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,800
AUSTRALIAN ACCENT:
All right, here I am.
376
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,320
Let's go, let's do this,
everyone!
377
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:50,520
Here I am! Thanks for coming.
Are you OK? No, I don't feel OK.
378
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:53,280
No, no, no. No. Aghh. No.
379
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:57,800
Would you like a hug?
Uh, no, you big drongo!
380
00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:01,560
I don't want a hug, and if I did
want a hug, it wouldn't be from you!
381
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:04,440
So I'd rather sit in this bathtub.
382
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:10,960
Is that the line?
It's a daggy bathtub.
383
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:14,720
I'd rather sit in this daggy
bathtub! That's fair enough.
384
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:16,480
Yeeeaaah.
385
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:29,880
I've got the handcuffs! Strewth!
You've got to be kidding me!
386
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:32,480
Oh, good to see you, Officer.
Thanks for coming.
387
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,120
Atchoo! Bless you.
388
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:38,200
You call this galah? Galah...
Yes, I did! Gala-a-a-h.
389
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:39,920
With my telephone.
390
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:44,120
And I think you know why I'm
gathering you all here today.
391
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,320
It's not illegal to hide! Not yet.
392
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,360
WELSH ACCENT: Will you guys
keep it down!
393
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:56,640
I've been in... I've...
394
00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:01,360
I've just been in there trying
to seal the deal with the guys
395
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,480
over in the United States!
396
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:06,720
Atchoo! Bless you.
397
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:13,000
Hey! I forgot you lived here.
With me. How you doing? Darling...
398
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:16,160
Darling... Hm?
399
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:17,680
Darling. Darling!
400
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:22,400
How you doing, darling?
Shut up, you...idiot!
401
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:30,600
Now, what's going on? I think
you need to ask Dr Buckley!
402
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:34,160
GEORDIE ACCENT: Ha! I'm here!
I was hiding!
403
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:40,560
That's illegal! Hey,
it's not illegal to hide.
404
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:47,840
Bless you. Atchoo! Bless you.
But it's damn rude!
405
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:49,600
And it's against the law!
406
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:53,160
No, it's not!
407
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:57,520
Alex, I hope you got
all the evidence that
408
00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:00,200
I typed up for you
that you asked for.
409
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:04,240
And here's the £3,000
out of my accooont!
410
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,600
Ya knaw. Because I know it's
all the money I've got,
411
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:10,760
but you said you needed it more,
so I emptied my entire account.
412
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:13,600
I wrapped it up all
dead neat for you. ..Alex.
413
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:17,480
So, I cannae, you know,
I just cannae wait for you now.
414
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:20,160
Will you tell us who
the real murderer is, like?
415
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:23,480
Thank you very much.
HIGH PITCHED: Thank you very much!
416
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,600
I love all this. Like I said,
I've got my handcuffs ready!
417
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:34,160
You lot are a bunch of massive
losers! Don't speak to us like that!
418
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,520
LAUGHS LOUDLY
419
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:39,960
Is everyone OK?
ALL: Yes, we're OK now.
420
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:42,880
That's good.
421
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,560
Except it's not good for everyone,
422
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:48,040
because I can now reveal
that the murderer is...
423
00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:54,240
Premiere there. Right, OK!
424
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:57,800
The only performance that
I was absolutely captivated by
425
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:02,400
was Richard's. Thank you!
Former American footballer, Parker.
426
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,480
Hiding in the bushes.
I made that my own!
427
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,960
Absolutely nailing a mute pervert!
428
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:11,640
It's very important to steal
focus as well.
429
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:13,880
And what happened with
the professional actress
430
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:17,280
Katherine Parkinson and her lines?
431
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:22,200
OK, at the time of filming,
I was preparing for, erm,
432
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:26,360
essentially a monologue on the Royal
Court stage. Oh! In London town.
433
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:30,760
Right. And I just had so many lines
I was learning in the breaks.
434
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:34,360
And I said, "Alex, please don't make
me learn any more lines."
435
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:38,840
Didn't I? Yes. And so I'm afraid
I did just toss it aside.
436
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,280
The awful thing is, though,
437
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:44,720
that very eloquent explanation is
going to be edited out of the show.
438
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:49,720
And all people will see is that. And
then, oh, no more acting for you!
439
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:50,840
Sorry!
440
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:52,240
I mean, all the accents -
441
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,520
Australian, Scottish, Welsh,
Geordie.
442
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,120
Say what you want about Mawaan,
443
00:24:56,160 --> 00:25:00,880
but he knows how to
stay...consistent with an accent!
444
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:04,400
Do you want to hear Mawaan's...?
Yes, I'd love to just test him now!
445
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:08,880
AUSTRALIAN ACCENT: OK? Go for it!
446
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:13,840
I've been to Australia many times,
and it comes and goes, OK?
447
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:18,320
But overall, I'd say it...it
always slips into Brummie!
448
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:21,920
From Australia to Birmingham!
Lovely!
449
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,880
OK, time for some commercials.
Come back soon!
450
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,160
Hello and welcome back for
the third time today!
451
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,200
We're currently in the middle of
a line learning
452
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:40,280
and acting task and it's going OK.
Thanks, guys.
453
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:42,640
Here they are again,
having learnt different lines
454
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,560
apart from Richard who is
still behind a bush.
455
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,160
And keep an eye on Katherine doing
some ad-lib in this part.
456
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:50,080
Here we go. Hm.
457
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,280
Sam?
458
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,080
Sam.
459
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:06,760
Here I am. Thanks for coming.
460
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:08,040
Are you OK?
461
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:10,000
Where have you been? No...
462
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:13,480
I missed you.
Thank you for running me the bath.
463
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,400
Would you like a hug? Yes.
464
00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:21,280
No, no. It's been so long
and I've had such a hard day.
465
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:25,720
Fair enough.
466
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:27,040
Hellooooo!
467
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:37,160
Hey, I'm in the bath. Good to see
you, officer. Thank you for coming.
468
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:40,520
Of course I came. You called me.
I'm here to help!
469
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:47,320
Everybody, chill out.
470
00:26:47,360 --> 00:26:49,560
Everyone, chill the fuck out!
471
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:51,480
Get in the bath.
472
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:52,840
HE SNEEZES
473
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:56,360
Bless you. Yes, I did call her
with my telephone.
474
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,480
Can I have a look?
Is that my phone or your phone?
475
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:01,120
And I think you know why I'm
gathering everyone here today.
476
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:02,840
Oh, it's raining.
477
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:06,680
I do. And I brought my handcuffs,
Alex. I cannae wait.
478
00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:09,200
Will you guys keep it down?
479
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:12,240
I'm trying to seal the deal with
the guys over in the United States,
480
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:13,280
over here.
481
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:18,440
Who's he? Sorry, ma'am.
482
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:20,120
HE SNEEZES
483
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:21,240
Bless you.
484
00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:23,720
It is actually raining.
Shut up, you...
485
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:28,280
..idiot.
486
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:30,120
Now, what's going on?
487
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:33,640
I think you need to ask Dr Buckley.
Dr Buckley! I think...
488
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:38,800
I think you need to ask Dr Buckley.
Here I am, I was hiding.
489
00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:43,440
It's not illegal to hide.
490
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:44,560
HE SNEEZES
491
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:45,640
Bless you.
492
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:47,280
But it's damn rude.
493
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:48,320
Bloody 'ell, yes.
494
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:51,600
No, it's not.
495
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,080
No, stay in the bath, please. OK.
496
00:27:54,120 --> 00:27:55,880
Tell me when to sing.
497
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:59,160
I have all
that evidence for you, Alex.
498
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,800
I've typed it up neatly for you.
499
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,160
Like you asked for. I did. Oh...
500
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:10,040
And I got like £3,000 out of my bank
account. Here it is, look.
501
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:11,920
It's all my money.
502
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:14,600
But you said that you needed
it more than me,
503
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:18,720
so I got it all out
and I wrapped it up.
504
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:23,760
So that you can tell us,
which one of us the murderer is.
505
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:27,560
And that will be the end of the
matter. Thank you, sir. Sorry, sir.
506
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:36,040
I'm loving this, by the way. Did I
tell you I've brought my handcuffs?
507
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:38,720
Aaaa-chooo!
508
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:41,800
Sorry, ma'am.
509
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:44,200
You guys are massive losers. Sorry?
510
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:47,600
Not far off that time.
Is everyone OK?
511
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:49,600
ALL SHOUT AT ONCE
512
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:56,480
That's good. Except it's not good
for everyone because I can now
513
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,320
reveal that the murderer is...
514
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:02,720
Did you prefer that one? I did.
515
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:06,600
I think because I was used to
how awful they are.
516
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:11,360
I mean, Mawaan was
the star of that for me.
517
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:14,080
And I didn't even go to drama
school. Seriously? Yes.
518
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:15,120
Can you believe it?
519
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,280
If I didn't know better
I would say you went to theatre
520
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:19,400
school in South Wales.
521
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:21,240
That's how good it was.
522
00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:24,120
Royal Welsh. Yeah. Absolutely.
That's what people will say.
523
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:29,200
So you decided, for the Geordie
character, to stick with Welsh.
524
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:34,440
It sort of started off sort
of Yorkshire actually,
525
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,200
and then it kind of just...
Yeah.
526
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:38,920
You concentrated on remembering
the lines and she got them.
527
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:40,560
That was a very long speech. Yeah.
528
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:43,320
They both actually got that long
speech. She got that spot-on,
529
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:45,080
unlike Katherine who was just, you
know,
530
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:48,040
tossing things in at random.
We know why.
531
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:51,160
Johnny, pretty good actions,
I thought. Really?
532
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:52,520
Mm. Do you not think?
533
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:57,280
It's a really rock solid, powerful
performance.
534
00:29:57,320 --> 00:29:59,480
Sadly, upstaged by...
535
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,480
..this guy
LAUGHTER
536
00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:04,120
Do you want to see a bit
more of Richard
537
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:06,360
because he did do the other
characters as well?
538
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:07,840
Yeah, I mean, OK.
539
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:09,840
It's time for our very own
540
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:13,160
Eddie Murphy, it's Rick, Rich,
Richie, Dick and Richard Herring.
541
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:14,480
Right.
542
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:17,600
G'day! Here we go.
I'm here. Let's go.
543
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:22,600
Where is everyone? Here I am.
544
00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:23,760
Are you OK?
545
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:24,960
I don't feel OK.
546
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:26,680
No, no, no, no, no. No.
547
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:28,360
Would you like a hug?
548
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:31,040
I don't want a hug from you,
you drongo.
549
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:34,360
No, I don't want a hug and if
I did want a hug, which I don't,
550
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:36,560
it certainly wouldn't be
from a drongo like you.
551
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:41,120
I'd rather sit in that daggy bathtub
than have a hug with a great
552
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:42,720
drongo like you.
553
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:45,440
I'm going to do it, in fact,
that's what I'm going to do.
554
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:48,480
That's fair enough.
555
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:51,880
Hellooooo!
556
00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:58,960
Strewth. Erm,
who let in that great galah?
557
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,400
Good to see you, officer,
thank you for coming.
558
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,280
Of course I came, you asked me.
I am here.
559
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:06,720
Why doesn't everyone chill out?
HE SNEEZES
560
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:08,360
Bless you.
561
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:10,280
You called this galah?
562
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:13,200
Yes, I did, with my telephone. OK.
563
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:15,680
And I think you know why I've
gathered everyone here today.
564
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:18,280
I do. I've got my handcuffs ready,
Alex.
565
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:19,760
I'm very excited.
566
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:21,400
A-choo! Bless you.
567
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:25,840
Will you guys keep it down?
I'm trying to seal the deal in here
568
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:27,840
with the guys
over in the United States.
569
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:31,320
Sorry, ma'am. A-choo!
570
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,920
Bless you. Erm...
571
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:35,240
Ah! I didn't know you were here.
572
00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:38,160
I forgot you were coming here,
darling, my love.
573
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:39,520
Sort of.
574
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:40,560
Shut up, you...
575
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,120
..idiot. Now look, what's going on?
576
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,800
I think you need to ask Dr Buckley.
577
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:48,800
Ha! Here I am.
578
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:50,120
I was hiding all along.
579
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:57,200
But that's illegal. It's not illegal
to hide. A-choo! Bless you, officer.
580
00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:00,360
Aaah, fuck. But it's damn rude.
581
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:05,800
Aye, but it's damn rude. And it's
against the law. No, it's not.
582
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:08,880
I've got all my evidence, hey, Alex,
I've got all my evidence for you.
583
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:10,960
I typed it up neatly like you asked.
584
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:15,760
I got £3,000 out of my bank account
and I brought it here for you.
585
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:17,400
It's all the money
I got in the world
586
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:20,160
but you said you needed it more than
I did so I got it out
587
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:23,800
and I wrapped it up for you
and here it is. And now you can
588
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:27,440
tell us who the murderer is and
that will be the end of the matter.
589
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:29,240
Oh, thank you, sir!
590
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:30,720
Sorry, sir.
591
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,360
Oh, I love all this. Like I said,
I've got my handcuffs.
592
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:34,360
A-choo! Bless you.
593
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:37,760
Thank you.
You guys are massive losers.
594
00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:40,160
Don't remember...
You're a loser, you idiot.
595
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,120
Oh! Hey, don't speak to us
like that.
596
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:46,320
Whoop!
597
00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:47,960
Is everyone OK? ALL: Yes!
598
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,480
We're all OK now.
599
00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:52,320
That's good.
600
00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:54,400
Except it's not good for everyone
601
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:57,680
because I can now reveal
that the murderer is...
602
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:01,880
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
603
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,320
Oh. Tour de force. Thank you.
604
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:15,720
So many lines were bang on as well.
So many. Really impressive.
605
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:19,120
The most impressive thing for me
is that Richard,
606
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:23,000
playing four characters,
all of whom were still
607
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:27,920
overshadowed by a mute character,
608
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:30,120
who appears to be masturbating
in a bush.
609
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:34,800
That's the only kind of part
I actually do get is...
610
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:38,280
With every new part, you appear to
get physically tighter.
611
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:41,720
Every time a new character came in,
you said, "Yehhhhh!"
612
00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:46,720
But this, you've nailed...
613
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:49,040
LAUGHTER
614
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:51,720
You've nailed that, mate.
615
00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:55,040
Yes, I remember back in 2020,
616
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:58,960
I was playing wanking man
in a bush...
617
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:02,480
It was a very challenging role
and people said I don't know
618
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:04,360
whether Herring is up to it.
619
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,800
All right.
Do you want to score them? Yeah.
620
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:15,360
Unfortunately, I feel
sorry for Katherine
621
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:16,960
because she's a fine actress,
622
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,400
but she was blighted by her
successful career
623
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:24,360
and didn't learn enough lines
and Mawaan's accents are insane
624
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:27,560
so I'm going to give both of them
two points. Oh, OK.
625
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:30,440
Two points for these two. I still
enjoyed the performance though.
626
00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:34,760
Daisy, I think that the accent
on the second character may have
627
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:37,560
snatched a point off her so I'm
going to give her three points.
628
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:39,240
Three points to Daisy. That's fair.
629
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:43,960
Four points, I think that Johnny was
consistent in his accent
630
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,800
and of course, you know,
631
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:49,240
the Oscar goes to...
632
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,000
..the Olivier of our times.
633
00:34:57,600 --> 00:34:59,160
Five points to Richard Herring.
634
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,920
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
635
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:06,160
Oh, what's next, little Alex Horne?
636
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:08,800
It's our old friend the coconut.
637
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:10,520
MUSIC PLAYS
638
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:12,760
CLATTERING OF HOOVES
639
00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:14,960
HORSE NEIGHS
640
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:22,080
What's up? Pardon?
641
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:23,960
What's up? Hello, Mawaan.
642
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:26,360
Ahhh! Right.
643
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:29,640
I reckon it is going to
be about opening some coconuts.
644
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:34,360
"Drink one full
tablespoon of coconut water."
645
00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:37,760
"If you use the same coconut water
extraction method as another
646
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:40,280
"contestant, you will both be
disqualified."
647
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:42,560
"Fastest wins."
648
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:45,520
"Your time starts now."
649
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:49,160
So it should be quite unusual,
although that's no guarantee.
650
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:54,400
No-one in that introduction gave me
any confidence whatsoever
651
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:58,320
that they are going to open the
coconut in a remotely original way.
652
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:01,080
OK, well, we're going to see
a few of them together.
653
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:02,960
Here is Daisy, Mawaan and Johnny.
654
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:08,360
If my theory is correct,
every other contestant will be
655
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:12,280
concerned about getting
disqualified,
656
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:18,840
therefore I will use the easiest
of methods,
657
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:21,440
therefore I will win.
658
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:25,200
So the non-obvious
thing would be to...
659
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:29,720
..peel it, all the way
until I get to water?
660
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:33,000
No, that's going to take ages.
661
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:36,400
Right, so I'm guessing
they used either the hammer or that.
662
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:38,360
Erm...
663
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:42,760
People won't use that
664
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:45,720
cos they'll think
everyone is going to use that.
665
00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:47,200
Actually, do you know what?
666
00:36:47,240 --> 00:36:49,760
I feel like everyone, no-one is just
going to smash it open
667
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:51,840
because they'll
be like that is too obvious
668
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:54,680
and someone else has done that
but then no-one will do it.
669
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:06,600
SLURPING
670
00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:10,640
Ah!
671
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:13,680
It be empty.
672
00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:19,320
Oh, it's leaking.
673
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:21,520
It's run out.
674
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:25,080
It's all on the table.
675
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:27,400
What is it? OK. It's all right.
676
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:39,600
I've stopped the clock.
677
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,600
It's fresh.
OK, well thank you. Thanks.
678
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:47,920
Mm, right. So they all basically had
the same idea
679
00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:49,880
and did a really rubbish...
Ah.
680
00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:53,520
But we didn't though, because I used
a screwdriver and a hammer.
681
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:56,200
And the straw. They were slightly
different techniques.
682
00:37:56,240 --> 00:37:57,680
Yeah, and I used a bag.
683
00:37:57,720 --> 00:38:01,160
So these two cats have cancelled
themselves out straight away.
684
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:03,040
Johnny is leading the way
685
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:05,520
and he just blew a hole in it
with a screwdriver.
686
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:08,480
He was quick as well, 57 seconds.
All right.
687
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:11,280
Do you want to see Richard having
a crack? You know I do.
688
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:13,680
"Fastest wins. Your time starts
now."
689
00:38:13,720 --> 00:38:17,720
I'll put on some of these just
in case. Be sensible. Erm...
690
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:19,880
It's a straw isn't it? Good.
691
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:22,360
Please be careful.
692
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:35,160
Have to drink it.
693
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:39,800
I guess someone else might do that
though, eh?
694
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:43,160
My God, it's like watching
a pensioner at a B&B,
695
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:46,040
having his breakfast.
696
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:47,960
HE SMACKS HIS LIPS
697
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:49,640
It's tasty, isn't it? Right.
698
00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:52,080
We're three parts down
so it won't be long before one lucky
699
00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:56,560
winner takes home Daisy's panty
liner and Catherine's dead wasp.
700
00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:58,080
Yeah!
701
00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:00,040
APPLAUSE
702
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:09,720
Hello, and welcome back to Who Wants
To Be A Silly On Air.
703
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:11,800
LAUGHTER
704
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:16,160
We'd nearly finished the coconut
task, hadn't we, Alex?
705
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:17,600
We sure had.
706
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:19,200
They all got into it,
they all drank,
707
00:39:19,240 --> 00:39:23,360
and they all did reasonably well.
One to go. And, thankfully,
708
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:25,480
she didn't have to you not learn any
lines for this one.
709
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:27,880
It's Katherine Parkinson.
710
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:31,040
OK. So that's my tablespoon.
711
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:33,720
We've got something to peel.
712
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,920
That is a straw, so that's good.
713
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:44,000
"Drink one full tablespoon
of coconut water."
714
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:46,480
We have some in the kitchen.
715
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:48,600
It's not breaking any rules, is it?
716
00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:54,160
Amazing.
717
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,800
Took me awhile to open the fridge.
718
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:03,200
But, once I managed it,
this was in there.
719
00:40:03,240 --> 00:40:05,320
So, what was your extraction
technique?
720
00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:09,360
Well, my extraction method was
I went to the fridge.
721
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:11,240
Oh, right, I see.
722
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:13,680
Thank you, Katherine. Thanks.
Goodbye.
723
00:40:13,720 --> 00:40:16,680
APPLAUSE
724
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:20,640
Well, I would say she did the task.
725
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:23,040
The rest of the attempts were
absolutely shameful.
726
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:24,640
At least you gave it some thought,
727
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:27,040
after you rubbed your little
tangerine.
728
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:30,120
Well, these two went out early.
They're out. These two... Zero!
729
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:33,080
..opened it in the same way, but
then extracted it in different ways.
730
00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:34,320
Shaking or sucking.
731
00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:36,160
Yeah, OK.
732
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,840
Richard was the quickest, then
Johnny. Katherine was the slowest,
733
00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:40,920
but seemed to be the only one to
use a different method.
734
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,600
Five points to Katherine,
four points to Richard,
735
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:44,640
three points to Johnny.
736
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:46,680
Katherine wins it on style.
On style.
737
00:40:46,720 --> 00:40:48,320
Very unusual.
738
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:49,680
APPLAUSE
739
00:40:49,720 --> 00:40:51,560
A quick look at the scoring board.
740
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:54,360
The actor is winning the episode.
741
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:56,120
Richard has 14 points.
742
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:57,160
Wow.
743
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:01,680
So deserved. OK, everybody.
744
00:41:01,720 --> 00:41:05,240
Make your way to the stage
for the final task of the show!
745
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:11,320
Hello, there. Hello, Greg.
What's happening?
746
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:13,920
I'd like Richard Herring
to read the task.
747
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:16,600
"Stare at your opponent
without blinking.
748
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:19,760
"You must both be pulling the face
that the taskmaster chooses.
749
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:23,240
"First person to blink, look away or
do the wrong expression loses.
750
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:26,560
"Each team member gets two
points for each team victory."
751
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:27,920
So, it's a team task.
752
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:30,800
But we've changed the teams,
Greg, for this one occasion.
753
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:31,840
Lovely.
754
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:35,680
After the fireworks last time,
we've separated Daisy and Richard.
755
00:41:35,720 --> 00:41:36,960
Oh-ho!
756
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:40,520
And it's now boys versus girls.
Right, got it. Yes!
757
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:42,920
Well, it's a normal staring contest,
except that Greg will give
758
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:46,480
you something to be doing
while staring at each other.
759
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:49,000
So, first up, it's Richard
versus Katherine.
760
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:50,720
What would you like Katherine
to be doing?
761
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:53,800
I'd like Katherine to be staring
whilst pretending
762
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:58,000
that she's angry with some boys
who are making noise outside.
763
00:41:58,040 --> 00:41:59,320
She's got that.
764
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:01,800
Richard, what should he be doing?
765
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:05,920
We all know what Richard's good at.
766
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:08,520
I'm going to push him
to do something different.
767
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:10,640
I would like Richard to imagine
768
00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:13,960
that he's a small girl
lost in the woods. Aw!
769
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:15,800
Angry lady versus small girl.
770
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:19,000
Please start staring on the whistle.
771
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:20,040
Good luck.
772
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:21,080
WHISTLE
773
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:24,880
LAUGHTER
774
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:32,160
He's got gears.
775
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:40,160
I think we both blinked at
the same time.
776
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:41,440
We blinked at the same time.
777
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:44,360
They blinked at the same time.
Unheard of.
778
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:46,520
OK, Greg. We've analysed
the footage. Yes?
779
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:48,480
The winner won by three
frames.
780
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:53,120
She blinked three frames after him.
Yes!
781
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:54,880
Two points to the girls.
782
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:56,480
Well played.
783
00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:00,880
Mawaan, step up to the...
784
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:05,040
Nice to see the actress clawing back
some credibility there. Lovely.
785
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:07,960
Greg, it's Mawaan versus Daisy. OK.
786
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:10,480
What would you like Daisy May
Cooper to be doing?
787
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:12,720
She is...
788
00:43:12,760 --> 00:43:14,320
..a chicken auctioneer...
789
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:16,800
LAUGHTER
790
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:18,440
Who is trying to do her job,
791
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:20,320
despite the fact
she needs to sneeze.
792
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:21,800
Wow, a lot going on there.
793
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:24,560
That's a lot of layers.
What's Mawaan doing?
794
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:29,160
Mawaan is a professor who keeps
having good ideas.
795
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:33,440
OK, a chicken auctioneer versus
a professor.
796
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:35,080
Good luck, teams.
797
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:36,520
Your time starts...
798
00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:37,760
WHISTLE
799
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:57,320
I've just looked at you, I think
I did blink. There was a blink.
800
00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:59,680
There was a blink.
Two points to the boys this time.
801
00:43:59,720 --> 00:44:02,080
I'm sorry.
802
00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:05,960
Just confirm what was happening? Is
trying to stop myself from sneezing.
803
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:08,960
I see, I genuinely didn't know what
you were doing.
804
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:10,920
It's the final bout.
805
00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:13,640
Everyone so far has won two points.
806
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:16,200
Vegas versus Parkinson. Sorry, mate.
807
00:44:16,240 --> 00:44:18,280
Greg, what would
you like Katherine Parkinson to do?
808
00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:22,000
Katherine Parkinson is a teacher who
is trying to maintain
809
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:25,000
discipline whilst realising
the chewing gum
810
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:26,720
she has popped into her mouth
811
00:44:26,760 --> 00:44:29,280
was in fact a small block of soap.
812
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:34,280
So, chewing, disgustedly,
while teaching. That's correct.
813
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:37,440
Johnny Vegas?
He's a frog who needs a sleep.
814
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:41,440
Yes, he is. Easy.
815
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:44,520
Sleepy frog versus chewing teacher.
And...
816
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:45,840
WHISTLE
817
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:54,080
Ribbit.
818
00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:57,840
Ribbit!
WHISTLE
819
00:44:57,880 --> 00:45:00,520
There was a Parkinson blink.
It's two more points to the boys.
820
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:02,640
So, the sleepy frog takes it.
821
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:04,240
APPLAUSE
822
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:07,200
Come back down, we'll add all
that to the final scores.
823
00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:14,440
Welcome. What happened?
824
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:17,200
There was blinking, there was
happiness and there was sadness.
825
00:45:17,240 --> 00:45:19,320
There was.
And the sleepy frog won it.
826
00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:21,840
All the boys got four points,
all the girls got two points.
827
00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:23,840
The series leaderboard is
unbelievable.
828
00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:25,760
They're all in triple
figures, finally.
829
00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:27,760
Daisy's been the lead
since episode three.
830
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:29,640
She is now in second place,
831
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:33,280
one point away from Richard
on 124 points.
832
00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:35,680
Wow. It's exciting.
833
00:45:35,720 --> 00:45:38,960
This episode, I think there can only
be one winner, really. Of course.
834
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:42,280
That winner, with a total of 18
points at the end,
835
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:44,400
was Richard Herring!
836
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:49,560
Richard wins. Please go
and gather your winning wings.
837
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:53,440
So, what have we learned today?
838
00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:55,800
I think Shakespeare put it best
when he said,
839
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:57,200
"If thee were my fool,
840
00:45:57,240 --> 00:45:59,600
"I'd have thee whipped for being
old before thy time."
841
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:00,720
"How's that?"
842
00:46:00,760 --> 00:46:03,720
"Thou should have been
wise before thou wast old."
843
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:07,680
"Oh, let me not be mad.
Not mad, sweet heaven!
844
00:46:07,720 --> 00:46:10,960
"Keep me in temperament that
I may not be mad!"
845
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:13,560
Or as Richard Herring would put it,
846
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:15,000
"HOO!"
847
00:46:16,240 --> 00:46:18,880
That's the end of another show!
Two to go.
848
00:46:18,920 --> 00:46:23,200
But, now, let's see tonight's winner
bask in their glory once more.
849
00:46:23,240 --> 00:46:25,160
It's Richard Herring!
850
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:55,160
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