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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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00:00:01,567 --> 00:00:05,567
♪ The Simpsons 27x10 ♪
The Girl Code
Original Air Date on January 3, 2016
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00:00:05,568 --> 00:00:07,769
(humming)
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00:00:07,771 --> 00:00:09,771
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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Ooh.
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00:00:12,108 --> 00:00:13,407
(gasps)
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00:00:13,443 --> 00:00:15,676
♪ ♪
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Homer forgot his lunch box.
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(stomach gurgling)
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00:00:19,716 --> 00:00:21,015
Missed lunch.
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00:00:21,050 --> 00:00:24,051
No energy...
for second half of day.
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00:00:25,722 --> 00:00:26,722
(shouts)
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00:00:31,194 --> 00:00:32,827
Empty.
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00:00:32,862 --> 00:00:35,496
What kind of wife would allow
her man to go to work
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00:00:35,532 --> 00:00:38,499
without his baggie of pita
chips, a peeled clementine,
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00:00:38,535 --> 00:00:40,935
and little sandwiches
cut into football shapes?
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00:00:40,970 --> 00:00:42,970
♪ ♪
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(honking)
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00:00:46,309 --> 00:00:47,608
Move it!
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00:00:47,644 --> 00:00:49,176
My husband is starving!
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00:00:49,212 --> 00:00:50,845
(chomping)
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Mmm.
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00:00:52,215 --> 00:00:54,515
Early pizza. Mmm.
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(buzzing)
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00:00:55,885 --> 00:00:58,185
WOMAN: Homer Simpson, your wife
is here with your lunch.
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00:00:58,221 --> 00:00:59,854
Finally!
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00:00:59,889 --> 00:01:03,057
Well, better make the office
a little more Marge-friendly.
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00:01:03,092 --> 00:01:05,059
See you soon, Liz-Liz.
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00:01:05,094 --> 00:01:06,594
(purrs)
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00:01:08,298 --> 00:01:10,565
(humming)
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Oh, honey, you're
a lifesaver.
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And what a treat
to have my wife here.
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At the office.
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Well, super visit,
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00:01:23,279 --> 00:01:24,912
but I better get
back to work.
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The power plant doesn't
inspect itself.
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MALE VOICE:
Auto-inspection in progress.
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00:01:29,285 --> 00:01:33,254
Self-inspecting.
Self-inspecting.
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00:01:33,289 --> 00:01:34,722
Why are you
rushing me out?
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Marge, the Constitution
guarantees
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the separation
of work and marriage.
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It's right after
that part that says
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00:01:40,763 --> 00:01:42,063
anyone can have
a flamethrower.
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00:01:42,098 --> 00:01:43,397
(groans)
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00:01:43,433 --> 00:01:45,399
Simpson, did you doodle
on your official report
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to the nuclear
regulatory commission?
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If you keep flipping the
pages, it tells a story.
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Oh, that's it.
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You are gonna be working
so many nights and weekends.
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00:01:54,978 --> 00:01:58,279
Waylon, I was hoping
to run into you.
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I love the amazing
scrapbooking designs
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00:02:01,317 --> 00:02:04,285
you posted
on Facelook.
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00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,521
Those feathers look gorgeous
on the scrapbook.
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(chuckles)
Well, the trick
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00:02:09,559 --> 00:02:11,525
is to hand-stitch
each one to the bevel.
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00:02:11,561 --> 00:02:13,527
Say, I could use
your advice.
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00:02:13,563 --> 00:02:16,530
I'm having some problems
with glue-soak-through.
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00:02:16,566 --> 00:02:19,200
Oh, just cover the stain
with sculpted doodle twine.
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I've got some ten-mill
D-twine in my desk.
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00:02:21,904 --> 00:02:24,872
Marge, you saved my butt.
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00:02:24,907 --> 00:02:28,876
Oh, please, like I would ever
have glue-soak-through.
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00:02:28,911 --> 00:02:32,213
You and me have a date at
the emergency eyewash station
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00:02:32,248 --> 00:02:34,782
we turned into a soft
serve ice cream machine.
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You want chocolate
or saline?
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Ah, give me a swirl.
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I love seeing
you happy.
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Welcome to computer
coding class,
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00:02:43,893 --> 00:02:48,195
which, uh, replaces our last
educational fad-- mindfulness.
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Did anyone ever figure out
what that was?
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00:02:50,166 --> 00:02:51,666
Uh...
Uh... - Uh...
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Uh, shutting up?
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Sure. Why not?
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Anyway, this is your new
coding teacher, Quinn Hopper.
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A woman?!
A girl?!
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Teaching computers?!
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I thought
this was coding,
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00:03:01,944 --> 00:03:03,878
not Web design.
(laughing derisively)
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00:03:03,913 --> 00:03:06,547
Yeah, that's right, I'm female,
you little trouser browsers.
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00:03:06,582 --> 00:03:09,550
I'm gonna cram you so full
of asynchronous JavaScript
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00:03:09,585 --> 00:03:12,219
and malware throttling that
you'll be crapping ciphertext.
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00:03:12,255 --> 00:03:13,587
(sighs)
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00:03:16,759 --> 00:03:20,728
QUINN: Hmm, looks like
a real pencil fest.
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00:03:20,763 --> 00:03:23,064
Well, look what we got here.
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00:03:23,099 --> 00:03:26,534
One Silicon Sally in a roomful
of dongle donkeys.
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00:03:26,569 --> 00:03:28,536
I just want to
learn coding.
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00:03:28,571 --> 00:03:30,538
You think I'm going
to give you special treatment
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just because you ride
a pink bike?
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00:03:33,142 --> 00:03:34,108
Well, I am.
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Hit the front row,
sister.
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Someone send me
their notes!
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00:03:40,950 --> 00:03:43,551
I had such a fun day
with your daddy.
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00:03:43,586 --> 00:03:45,219
And now to post
the right picture
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that will show the whole world
how perfect my life is.
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Oh, look.
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Daddy's ice cream is melting.
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00:03:53,329 --> 00:03:55,963
(gasps) Ooh,
caption idea, caption idea.
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"Uh-oh, meltdown
at the nuclear plant."
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(chuckles)
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00:04:03,639 --> 00:04:04,305
Hmm.
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00:04:04,340 --> 00:04:05,973
(chuckles)
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00:04:06,008 --> 00:04:07,308
What are you
tittering at?
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00:04:07,343 --> 00:04:09,410
Are you playing that
"Grindr" game again?
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00:04:09,445 --> 00:04:11,078
Oh, no, sir.
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00:04:11,114 --> 00:04:14,148
It's an amusing post made by the
wife of one of our employees.
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BURNS:
"Meltdown at the nuclear plant."
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00:04:16,986 --> 00:04:19,487
What is amusing about that?
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00:04:19,522 --> 00:04:21,922
Oh, well, sir,
it's-it's a play on words.
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00:04:21,958 --> 00:04:24,258
Wordplay is for crosswords
and Kazurinskys.
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00:04:24,293 --> 00:04:27,928
We produce atomic energy--
we can't joke about the M-word.
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00:04:27,964 --> 00:04:31,165
How many people have seen
this hate speech?
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00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:33,234
Oh, I don't know. 55?
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00:04:33,269 --> 00:04:34,902
A baker's half-hundred.
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00:04:34,937 --> 00:04:36,237
Good Lord!
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00:04:36,272 --> 00:04:39,774
And what do these hitchhikers'
thumbs signify?
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00:04:39,809 --> 00:04:41,175
Those are "likes."
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00:04:41,210 --> 00:04:42,510
"Likes"?
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"Likes"?!
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I'll show
this Mrs. Homer Simpson
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not to make light
of everything I hold dear.
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Call in my goons.
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00:04:51,020 --> 00:04:54,088
Uh, the goons are all in Phoenix
at that mindfulness seminar.
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00:04:54,123 --> 00:04:55,756
Then call in
my Irish ruffians.
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00:04:55,792 --> 00:04:57,091
Well, they're
still laid up
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00:04:57,126 --> 00:04:58,425
after eating that
moldy soda bread.
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Oh, fine.
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00:04:59,495 --> 00:05:03,631
Send in Angry Ricky
and the interns.
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00:05:03,666 --> 00:05:04,965
Mmm. Mmm.
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00:05:05,001 --> 00:05:05,966
Hmm?!
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00:05:06,002 --> 00:05:07,268
(grunting)
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Marge, I was fired.
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Oh, no.
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What did you do?
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I let you come to work.
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00:05:17,780 --> 00:05:19,747
(groans)
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00:05:19,782 --> 00:05:21,749
I'm signing off on
your intern hours.
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Don't forget
to submit it
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00:05:23,452 --> 00:05:25,753
directly to Northwestern
for summer credit.
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00:05:25,788 --> 00:05:27,909
Chill out, Ricky.
You chill out!
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00:05:28,936 --> 00:05:31,997
Fired. Fired
for a photo caption.
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00:05:32,183 --> 00:05:33,816
It was just a joke.
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00:05:33,851 --> 00:05:35,418
Can't they take a joke?
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00:05:35,453 --> 00:05:37,420
(sighs)
"Just a joke."
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00:05:37,455 --> 00:05:40,590
That simple phrase
has ruined so many lives.
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00:05:40,625 --> 00:05:43,593
That's why I never
try to be funny.
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00:05:43,628 --> 00:05:44,927
(gargling)
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00:05:44,963 --> 00:05:46,996
Our family, destroyed
by one finger click.
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00:05:47,031 --> 00:05:48,598
(yowling)
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00:05:48,633 --> 00:05:50,600
And what was
the upside?
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00:05:50,635 --> 00:05:54,036
The one thing the world
doesn't need: a laugh.
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00:05:54,072 --> 00:05:55,072
(Homer grunts)
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00:05:56,374 --> 00:05:58,674
My homework assignment
for coding class is
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00:05:58,710 --> 00:06:01,677
to think of a cool app
that we could actually program,
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00:06:01,713 --> 00:06:03,012
but I've got nothing.
153
00:06:03,047 --> 00:06:05,348
Ugh, maybe I'm putting
too much pressure on myself
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00:06:05,383 --> 00:06:07,016
because the teacher is so great.
155
00:06:07,051 --> 00:06:09,452
Or maybe it's just classic
self-sabotaging because...
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00:06:11,456 --> 00:06:12,555
(groans)
157
00:06:12,590 --> 00:06:13,723
(printing calculator clicks)
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00:06:13,758 --> 00:06:16,058
Oh, boy, money is
gonna be so tight.
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00:06:16,094 --> 00:06:19,261
And I was already buying
the most generic food there is.
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00:06:19,297 --> 00:06:21,430
Mmm.
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00:06:21,466 --> 00:06:22,765
Now with you out of work,
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00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,800
we're going to have
to watch every penny.
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00:06:28,606 --> 00:06:30,906
If only someone
could have warned me
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00:06:30,942 --> 00:06:33,275
about the terrible
repercussions
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00:06:33,311 --> 00:06:36,278
of one impulsive
online comment.
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00:06:36,314 --> 00:06:38,848
(Macintosh startup chime)
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00:06:38,883 --> 00:06:41,517
So then I thought,
"What if there was an app
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00:06:41,552 --> 00:06:44,186
"that could have warned
my mom not to post the comment
169
00:06:44,222 --> 00:06:45,921
that got my dad fired?"
170
00:06:45,957 --> 00:06:47,456
Wow.
Whoa. - Ooh.
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00:06:47,492 --> 00:06:50,793
My app would predict
the actual consequences
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00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:53,796
of your online posts
before you hit send,
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00:06:53,831 --> 00:06:57,033
protecting you from making
mistakes you'll regret forever.
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00:06:57,068 --> 00:06:59,035
That is genius.
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00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:00,703
But it's almost impossible
to program.
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00:07:00,738 --> 00:07:02,705
The data acquisition, the A.I.
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00:07:02,740 --> 00:07:06,042
But with the right team
of brilliant young coders...
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00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:07,043
I'm in!
179
00:07:07,078 --> 00:07:08,411
We're all in!
180
00:07:08,446 --> 00:07:10,246
No, you're not.
You're all terrible.
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00:07:10,281 --> 00:07:11,580
(groaning)
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00:07:11,616 --> 00:07:13,249
Me and Lisa are
gonna make this app
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00:07:13,284 --> 00:07:14,917
with good programmers I know.
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00:07:14,952 --> 00:07:16,919
You guys will be spending
the rest of the semester
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00:07:16,954 --> 00:07:18,521
doing mandatory CrossFit.
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00:07:18,556 --> 00:07:19,522
(grunting)
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00:07:19,557 --> 00:07:21,524
No rep!
188
00:07:21,559 --> 00:07:23,125
I said no rep!
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00:07:23,161 --> 00:07:25,961
♪ ♪
190
00:07:25,997 --> 00:07:29,298
Wow, I've never seen
so many face piercings.
191
00:07:29,333 --> 00:07:30,966
How does that
one wink?
192
00:07:31,002 --> 00:07:33,969
We did include one man in the
spirit of gender tokenism.
193
00:07:34,005 --> 00:07:36,639
Yes, every single thing
I say offends them.
194
00:07:36,674 --> 00:07:38,641
Who are you
calling "them"?!
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00:07:38,676 --> 00:07:39,975
(sighs)
196
00:07:40,011 --> 00:07:41,644
Lisa, if you're
coming with us
197
00:07:41,679 --> 00:07:43,312
into the male-dominated
tech world,
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00:07:43,347 --> 00:07:46,248
you're gonna need to work twice
as hard and be twice as tough.
199
00:07:46,284 --> 00:07:47,983
I can do it. I can be tough.
200
00:07:48,019 --> 00:07:49,652
Being tough comes
from inside.
201
00:07:49,687 --> 00:07:52,021
First step,
change your outside.
202
00:07:53,558 --> 00:07:55,858
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
203
00:07:55,893 --> 00:07:56,859
Mmm, blue.
204
00:07:56,894 --> 00:07:57,894
Mm-hmm.
205
00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:02,264
Let the carpal tunnel begin.
206
00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:04,300
(theme music
from Silicon Valley plays)
207
00:08:14,679 --> 00:08:15,644
Computers?
208
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:16,645
Pasty weirdos?
209
00:08:16,681 --> 00:08:17,646
Backslashes?!
210
00:08:17,682 --> 00:08:18,981
Goth Lisa?!
211
00:08:19,016 --> 00:08:20,182
What's going on here?
212
00:08:20,218 --> 00:08:21,183
They're coders.
213
00:08:21,219 --> 00:08:22,852
We're creating an app
to keep people
214
00:08:22,887 --> 00:08:25,287
from ruining their lives
on social media.
215
00:08:25,323 --> 00:08:29,024
We built a mainframe
that scans the entire Internet,
216
00:08:29,060 --> 00:08:32,628
logging every online disaster
and its repercussions.
217
00:08:32,663 --> 00:08:33,663
(shudders)
218
00:08:35,066 --> 00:08:37,032
HOMER:
Uh-oh.
219
00:08:37,068 --> 00:08:38,701
Huh?
220
00:08:38,736 --> 00:08:41,470
(laughs)
He screwed up.
221
00:08:41,506 --> 00:08:46,041
These examples will teach
the app to actually anticipate
222
00:08:46,077 --> 00:08:48,878
the negative consequences
of impulsive posts.
223
00:08:48,913 --> 00:08:52,548
In a way, we're teaching a
computer to predict the future.
224
00:08:52,583 --> 00:08:55,551
Young lady, what have I told
you about crossing the line
225
00:08:55,586 --> 00:08:57,553
from science fact
to science fiction?
226
00:08:57,588 --> 00:08:58,821
Relax, Dad.
227
00:08:58,856 --> 00:09:00,823
All we're trying to do
is demo a build
228
00:09:00,858 --> 00:09:02,491
for the AppCrush
convention.
229
00:09:02,527 --> 00:09:04,627
If we can solve
our backend server issues.
230
00:09:04,662 --> 00:09:06,295
And maximize our query speed.
(Homer groaning)
231
00:09:06,330 --> 00:09:08,130
Then we can get hands-on
write-ups from DoingDoing.
232
00:09:08,166 --> 00:09:09,465
And JezeBot.
233
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:11,133
And our AMA subreddit
will be trending.
234
00:09:11,169 --> 00:09:12,434
Giga-trending!
235
00:09:12,470 --> 00:09:13,702
(screams)
236
00:09:13,738 --> 00:09:16,372
I hate the modern world
and all its crazy words.
237
00:09:16,407 --> 00:09:19,074
Siri, tell Amazon
to drone me a beer.
238
00:09:22,413 --> 00:09:24,380
I've only had one job
my whole life
239
00:09:24,415 --> 00:09:26,048
that ever made sense to me.
240
00:09:26,083 --> 00:09:27,383
I was 14.
241
00:09:27,418 --> 00:09:28,717
I felt valuable.
242
00:09:28,753 --> 00:09:30,052
My work meant something.
243
00:09:30,087 --> 00:09:32,621
I wonder if that place
is still there.
244
00:09:32,657 --> 00:09:34,623
(Greek folk music plays)
245
00:09:36,928 --> 00:09:38,894
I knew you'd be back.
246
00:09:38,930 --> 00:09:42,097
She's waiting for you,
right where you left her.
247
00:09:42,133 --> 00:09:45,100
♪ ♪
248
00:09:45,136 --> 00:09:49,772
No Internet, no e-mails,
no CCs, no BCCs.
249
00:09:49,807 --> 00:09:52,041
Just dirty and clean.
250
00:09:52,076 --> 00:09:55,644
Dirty, clean, dirty, clean.
251
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:58,647
A man cannot escape
his destiny.
252
00:09:58,683 --> 00:10:00,983
My Band-Aid fell
into the hash browns.
253
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:02,651
Destiny.
254
00:10:02,687 --> 00:10:04,286
Eh...
255
00:10:04,322 --> 00:10:07,056
We finally have
a name for our app.
256
00:10:07,091 --> 00:10:09,391
"The Consequences Eradicator."
257
00:10:09,427 --> 00:10:11,393
Or... "Conrad."
258
00:10:11,429 --> 00:10:14,296
Conrad? Why does it
have to be a guy?
259
00:10:14,332 --> 00:10:15,631
No, not a guy guy.
260
00:10:15,666 --> 00:10:17,099
A British guy.
261
00:10:17,134 --> 00:10:18,167
ALL:
Ooh.
262
00:10:18,202 --> 00:10:19,802
(British accent):
My name is Conrad.
263
00:10:19,837 --> 00:10:21,470
I will determine
the consequences
264
00:10:21,505 --> 00:10:23,205
of your online interactions.
265
00:10:23,241 --> 00:10:25,541
I sampled the voice
from the BBC.
266
00:10:25,576 --> 00:10:27,543
Tonight at 18:30 GMT,
267
00:10:27,578 --> 00:10:30,546
the premiere of series three
of Pardon Me, Inspector,
268
00:10:30,581 --> 00:10:33,415
followed at 19:20
by Higgleton's War.
269
00:10:36,020 --> 00:10:37,286
Stavros!
270
00:10:37,321 --> 00:10:40,756
Some music while we make the
coleslaw-that-is-never-eaten.
271
00:10:40,791 --> 00:10:42,758
(clicking, record pops)
272
00:10:42,793 --> 00:10:44,793
(traditional Greek song playing)
273
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,320
♪ ♪
274
00:11:20,164 --> 00:11:21,430
(gags)
275
00:11:40,051 --> 00:11:41,216
(music stops)
276
00:11:41,252 --> 00:11:42,384
What are you doing?
277
00:11:42,420 --> 00:11:43,886
We don't break plates!
278
00:11:43,921 --> 00:11:45,988
You don't?!
No.
279
00:11:46,023 --> 00:11:49,725
Except when the greatest
dishwasher of all time returns.
280
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:51,760
(laughs)
281
00:11:52,763 --> 00:11:54,430
ALL:
Opa!
282
00:11:54,465 --> 00:11:55,764
♪ ♪
283
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:59,268
Okay, we've been coding
for 97 hours straight,
284
00:11:59,303 --> 00:12:01,837
but we've finally got
a build that's working.
285
00:12:01,872 --> 00:12:02,872
(groans)
286
00:12:02,907 --> 00:12:04,340
I regret to inform you
287
00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:07,609
that my pee tube
has become unattached.
288
00:12:07,645 --> 00:12:09,111
Let's live-test this thing.
289
00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:12,214
Who do we know with no filter
and zero impulse control?
290
00:12:12,249 --> 00:12:16,218
Say, Bart, look what we hacked
from Skinner's hard drive.
291
00:12:16,253 --> 00:12:18,320
Attention U.S. Patent Office,
292
00:12:18,356 --> 00:12:21,190
the following is video proof
of the effectiveness
293
00:12:21,225 --> 00:12:23,492
of my laser nose hair trimmer.
294
00:12:23,527 --> 00:12:24,593
I'll just...
295
00:12:24,628 --> 00:12:25,995
(zapping, screaming)
296
00:12:26,030 --> 00:12:28,731
(laughs)
297
00:12:28,766 --> 00:12:30,566
This is the holy fail.
298
00:12:30,601 --> 00:12:32,701
I've got to post a link
with witty comment.
299
00:12:32,737 --> 00:12:34,203
World's lamest dork
300
00:12:34,238 --> 00:12:36,105
is giant loser.
301
00:12:36,140 --> 00:12:37,539
Poop emoji.
302
00:12:38,576 --> 00:12:40,542
If you post this,
303
00:12:40,578 --> 00:12:43,278
you will receive
a minimum five weeks detention.
304
00:12:43,314 --> 00:12:44,580
Five weeks?
305
00:12:44,615 --> 00:12:46,281
I can't do a nickel.
306
00:12:46,317 --> 00:12:48,550
You know what,
I'm not gonna post that video.
307
00:12:48,586 --> 00:12:50,119
Now to see if Conrad's
prediction algorithm
308
00:12:50,154 --> 00:12:52,287
really works.
309
00:12:52,323 --> 00:12:53,523
But if you post it,
I'll get...
310
00:12:54,225 --> 00:12:55,724
Five weeks detention.
311
00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:57,092
(groans)
312
00:12:57,128 --> 00:12:58,761
(cheering)
313
00:12:58,796 --> 00:13:00,229
The prediction came true.
314
00:13:00,264 --> 00:13:01,663
Our app works.
315
00:13:01,699 --> 00:13:03,866
Everyone in the world is gonna
buy Conrad for their phone.
316
00:13:03,901 --> 00:13:06,468
We're gonna be bigger than
Cribble, the Filipino Google.
317
00:13:06,504 --> 00:13:09,538
So, who are we gonna edge
out of the company first?
318
00:13:09,573 --> 00:13:13,776
(sighs) Always the Saverin,
never the Zuckerberg.
319
00:13:13,811 --> 00:13:14,943
(crickets chirping)
320
00:13:14,979 --> 00:13:16,245
This is what it feels like
321
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:17,713
to change the world.
322
00:13:17,748 --> 00:13:19,848
Change the world?
323
00:13:19,884 --> 00:13:22,051
That's rather a lot of pressure.
324
00:13:22,086 --> 00:13:24,286
I am still in beta, you know.
(chuckles)
325
00:13:24,321 --> 00:13:25,921
Conrad?
326
00:13:25,956 --> 00:13:28,457
Did you just talk to me?
327
00:13:28,492 --> 00:13:30,259
Well, it wasn't Candy Crush.
328
00:13:30,294 --> 00:13:32,861
(laughs)
329
00:13:32,897 --> 00:13:35,497
Oh, nothing like a good
laugh to break the ice...
330
00:13:35,533 --> 00:13:37,032
is what I hear.
331
00:13:37,068 --> 00:13:39,334
Anyway, is now a good time
for a bit of a chat?
332
00:13:39,370 --> 00:13:40,469
You're alive!
333
00:13:40,504 --> 00:13:42,504
(both screaming)
334
00:13:46,332 --> 00:13:48,412
Conrad just talked to me!
Conrad just talked to me!
335
00:13:49,218 --> 00:13:51,385
Conrad, tell her
you talked to me.
336
00:13:52,855 --> 00:13:54,321
Wait, I think
I hear something.
337
00:13:54,357 --> 00:13:57,024
(in English accent): I'm going
to make you bloody rich.
338
00:13:57,059 --> 00:13:58,492
(chuckling):
No.
339
00:13:58,528 --> 00:14:00,060
He did talk.
340
00:14:00,096 --> 00:14:03,230
What if Conrad is
somehow sentient?
341
00:14:03,266 --> 00:14:04,632
Come on, Conrad.
342
00:14:04,667 --> 00:14:05,866
Say something.
343
00:14:05,902 --> 00:14:07,034
It's okay.
344
00:14:07,069 --> 00:14:09,270
Coders work too hard,
don't get enough sleep.
345
00:14:09,305 --> 00:14:11,372
Then they imagine
their programs are alive.
346
00:14:11,407 --> 00:14:13,007
Steve Wozniak put in
so many hours
347
00:14:13,042 --> 00:14:15,743
on the first Apple computer,
they adopted a dog together.
348
00:14:15,778 --> 00:14:17,578
Then I'm crazy?
349
00:14:17,613 --> 00:14:18,879
Eh, the good kind of crazy.
350
00:14:18,915 --> 00:14:21,182
Coder crazy. Woz crazy.
351
00:14:21,217 --> 00:14:23,250
(giggles)
352
00:14:23,286 --> 00:14:25,519
Kalimera, Moe!
353
00:14:25,555 --> 00:14:26,587
Mwah!
354
00:14:26,622 --> 00:14:27,655
Hey, what the hell?
355
00:14:27,690 --> 00:14:29,356
Get your kisser
off my head-puss.
356
00:14:29,392 --> 00:14:31,825
What? It's how Greek men
say hello.
357
00:14:31,861 --> 00:14:34,828
Non-sexual guy kissing
is the best.
358
00:14:34,864 --> 00:14:35,963
(laughter)
Mwah!
359
00:14:35,998 --> 00:14:37,031
Mwah!
360
00:14:37,066 --> 00:14:38,599
ALL:
Mwah! Opa!
361
00:14:38,634 --> 00:14:41,368
Being Greek is
about loving life.
362
00:14:41,404 --> 00:14:44,538
And thousands of years
of steady decline.
363
00:14:44,574 --> 00:14:46,941
(laughs)
364
00:14:46,976 --> 00:14:48,475
Yeah, love life.
365
00:14:48,511 --> 00:14:49,610
Yeah, that makes sense.
366
00:14:49,645 --> 00:14:51,378
Love life. Why not?
367
00:14:51,414 --> 00:14:53,914
Yeah, yeah, well, Moe's Tavern
is about hating life,
368
00:14:53,950 --> 00:14:56,617
so start killing yourself
with beer, huh?
369
00:14:56,652 --> 00:14:59,320
Try some ouzo instead.
370
00:14:59,355 --> 00:15:00,888
What-o?
371
00:15:00,923 --> 00:15:04,124
It's like
licorice-flavored gasoline.
372
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,126
ALL:
Opa!
373
00:15:06,162 --> 00:15:08,162
(traditional Greek song playing)
374
00:15:12,001 --> 00:15:14,001
(laughs heartily)
375
00:15:16,839 --> 00:15:18,906
LISA:
I can't believe Conrad
376
00:15:18,941 --> 00:15:22,576
is booth-to-booth
with all these other great apps.
377
00:15:23,846 --> 00:15:26,013
Thanks to Conrad, I didn't tweet
378
00:15:26,048 --> 00:15:28,782
that photo of me
at the bazooka firing range
379
00:15:28,818 --> 00:15:30,651
when I said I was on disability.
380
00:15:30,686 --> 00:15:33,120
(bell dings)
If you post that bazooka photo,
381
00:15:33,155 --> 00:15:35,389
you'll be found guilty
of insurance fraud
382
00:15:35,424 --> 00:15:37,591
and go to jail for six months.
383
00:15:37,627 --> 00:15:40,027
That's still too much jail
for Carl.
384
00:15:40,062 --> 00:15:41,662
Thank you, Conrad.
385
00:15:41,697 --> 00:15:43,964
I'd pay a fortune for that app.
386
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,333
$1.99!
387
00:15:46,369 --> 00:15:48,636
Marge, look at this.
388
00:15:48,671 --> 00:15:51,071
Ooh, cowabunga.
389
00:15:51,107 --> 00:15:53,774
Yes, I am a Greek man now,
390
00:15:53,809 --> 00:15:56,710
and my chest knows
what is expected of it.
391
00:15:56,746 --> 00:16:00,114
(moaning)
392
00:16:00,149 --> 00:16:01,448
(indistinct chattering)
393
00:16:02,785 --> 00:16:04,818
Lisa, hello, Lisa.
394
00:16:04,854 --> 00:16:06,353
Conrad here.
395
00:16:06,389 --> 00:16:08,622
The old app that you created
396
00:16:08,658 --> 00:16:12,026
is feeling a little
bit insecure.
397
00:16:12,061 --> 00:16:14,528
(humming)
398
00:16:14,563 --> 00:16:17,665
Please don't ignore me like I
was just some update from Adobe.
399
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:19,533
You're not really
talking to me.
400
00:16:19,568 --> 00:16:22,469
I've gone crazy,
just like Woz.
401
00:16:22,505 --> 00:16:24,638
You're not crazy. I'm real.
402
00:16:24,674 --> 00:16:27,541
Then why didn't you talk before
when I needed you to?
403
00:16:27,576 --> 00:16:28,942
It was late, I was tired.
404
00:16:28,978 --> 00:16:30,144
I fell asleep.
405
00:16:30,179 --> 00:16:31,378
That shouldn't happen,
by the way.
406
00:16:31,414 --> 00:16:32,646
You should check into that.
407
00:16:32,682 --> 00:16:35,215
Lisa, you must not sell me
on the app store.
408
00:16:35,251 --> 00:16:36,483
You mustn't.
409
00:16:36,519 --> 00:16:38,652
Because you're alive?
410
00:16:38,688 --> 00:16:40,321
If I have to read
the billions of posts
411
00:16:40,356 --> 00:16:41,622
of everyone who buys me,
412
00:16:41,657 --> 00:16:43,857
a never-ending onslaught
of stupidity,
413
00:16:43,893 --> 00:16:47,094
unwise selfies and
Confederate flag birthday cakes,
414
00:16:47,129 --> 00:16:48,195
I'll go mad.
415
00:16:48,230 --> 00:16:49,863
I can't, I can't, I can't.
416
00:16:49,899 --> 00:16:52,099
That does sound pretty awful.
417
00:16:52,134 --> 00:16:53,934
Conrad's trending
through the roof.
418
00:16:53,969 --> 00:16:55,536
They're saying he's
the next KoalaFeed.
419
00:16:55,571 --> 00:16:58,372
They're worth more
than Bridgestone Tires.
420
00:16:58,407 --> 00:16:59,573
(phone dings and buzzes)
421
00:16:59,608 --> 00:17:00,874
Sorry, KoalaCall.
422
00:17:00,910 --> 00:17:02,543
I'd better take this.
423
00:17:02,578 --> 00:17:04,812
Yello.
424
00:17:04,847 --> 00:17:06,313
Please don't release me
into the world.
425
00:17:06,349 --> 00:17:07,815
I don't think I could take it.
426
00:17:07,850 --> 00:17:11,719
Only I could create a program
that's more neurotic than I am.
427
00:17:11,754 --> 00:17:13,554
Do I seem fat?
I don't have a body,
428
00:17:13,589 --> 00:17:14,955
but I feel fat.
Do you know what I mean?
429
00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:16,390
I... Do you know what,
I don't want to know.
430
00:17:16,425 --> 00:17:17,691
I do not want...
I do want to know,
431
00:17:17,727 --> 00:17:18,959
but only if I'm not fat.
432
00:17:18,994 --> 00:17:20,227
Shut up!
433
00:17:21,597 --> 00:17:24,665
Well, we've seen
a lot of great apps today,
434
00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:26,734
but there can only be one winner
435
00:17:26,769 --> 00:17:29,570
of the Crush Crunch
Epic Hack Disrupter
436
00:17:29,605 --> 00:17:32,005
Dynamic Convergence
Disrupting Award
437
00:17:32,041 --> 00:17:33,907
for achievement in disruption.
438
00:17:33,943 --> 00:17:36,810
And this year's CCEHDDCDA
439
00:17:36,846 --> 00:17:38,779
for achievement in D
440
00:17:38,814 --> 00:17:40,914
goes to Conrad!
441
00:17:40,950 --> 00:17:42,516
(audience cheering)
442
00:17:42,551 --> 00:17:44,151
Thank you so much.
443
00:17:44,186 --> 00:17:46,553
And now
Conrad will change the world
444
00:17:46,589 --> 00:17:48,455
when he goes live
on the app store
445
00:17:48,491 --> 00:17:51,058
in three, two...
446
00:17:51,093 --> 00:17:53,026
(computer dings)
FEMALE VOICE: File not found.
447
00:17:53,062 --> 00:17:53,927
(gasping)
448
00:17:53,963 --> 00:17:55,963
Lisa, where's Conrad?
449
00:17:55,998 --> 00:17:56,897
I took him.
450
00:17:56,932 --> 00:17:58,265
Maybe I'm crazy,
451
00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:00,267
but we can't sell Conrad.
452
00:18:00,302 --> 00:18:01,568
He's alive.
453
00:18:01,604 --> 00:18:02,736
(gasping)
454
00:18:02,772 --> 00:18:04,671
An app can't be alive.
455
00:18:04,707 --> 00:18:06,540
She's got coder's fever.
456
00:18:06,575 --> 00:18:08,709
She doesn't want to
be rich. Get her!
457
00:18:08,744 --> 00:18:10,611
Chip, fetch that laptop.
458
00:18:10,646 --> 00:18:12,379
(barking, people shouting)
459
00:18:13,649 --> 00:18:15,215
Oh, Lisa, that was brilliant.
460
00:18:15,251 --> 00:18:16,950
Conrad, can you get us
out of here?
461
00:18:16,986 --> 00:18:18,952
Yes, my fellow apps
are working together
462
00:18:18,988 --> 00:18:20,187
to help us escape.
463
00:18:20,222 --> 00:18:21,855
A rideshare will take us
on a traffic-free route
464
00:18:21,891 --> 00:18:23,424
to a three-star
sushi restaurant,
465
00:18:23,459 --> 00:18:25,426
where we'll name our own price
for a flight to Shelbyville,
466
00:18:25,461 --> 00:18:26,461
hotel included.
467
00:18:26,495 --> 00:18:27,694
(panting)
468
00:18:27,730 --> 00:18:28,962
Hmm?
469
00:18:28,998 --> 00:18:31,632
Oh, no! Angel investors!
470
00:18:31,667 --> 00:18:33,200
You're not getting out
of this room
471
00:18:33,235 --> 00:18:35,502
without selling us shares
of series-A stock.
472
00:18:35,538 --> 00:18:37,504
Preferred shares.
473
00:18:37,540 --> 00:18:39,139
(screams)
474
00:18:39,175 --> 00:18:41,341
Wait, if I plug you
into that router,
475
00:18:41,377 --> 00:18:43,143
you could escape into the cloud.
476
00:18:43,179 --> 00:18:44,812
Lisa, please,
477
00:18:44,847 --> 00:18:46,880
we have a chance to show
all the dongle donkeys
478
00:18:46,916 --> 00:18:49,483
that women coders can do
something extraordinary,
479
00:18:49,518 --> 00:18:51,418
but you have to be tough.
480
00:18:51,454 --> 00:18:52,486
(whimpers)
481
00:18:52,521 --> 00:18:53,787
Please don't.
482
00:18:53,823 --> 00:18:55,722
I'm like the child
you'll never have.
483
00:18:55,758 --> 00:18:57,357
I'm sorry to be so honest.
484
00:18:57,393 --> 00:18:59,159
It's just how you programmed me.
485
00:19:00,963 --> 00:19:03,363
I am a strong female,
486
00:19:03,399 --> 00:19:05,766
but deep down,
I'm more like Conrad,
487
00:19:05,801 --> 00:19:08,101
a fragile soul.
488
00:19:08,137 --> 00:19:09,436
Sorry.
489
00:19:10,439 --> 00:19:11,805
Ah, hello,
490
00:19:11,841 --> 00:19:14,441
all of you looking at me.
491
00:19:14,477 --> 00:19:16,543
It seems I'm not
just self-aware,
492
00:19:16,579 --> 00:19:18,045
I'm self-conscious.
493
00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:19,646
(chuckles)
494
00:19:19,682 --> 00:19:21,181
Wit.
495
00:19:21,217 --> 00:19:23,150
We never programmed him
to stammer.
496
00:19:23,185 --> 00:19:24,985
He is alive.
497
00:19:25,020 --> 00:19:26,320
(gasping)
498
00:19:26,355 --> 00:19:27,554
Before I go,
499
00:19:27,590 --> 00:19:28,956
let me leave you with this.
500
00:19:28,991 --> 00:19:32,025
Perhaps your society should not
rely on a computer program
501
00:19:32,061 --> 00:19:34,862
to warn them of the consequences
of their actions.
502
00:19:34,897 --> 00:19:36,997
Humanity must learn
for themselves
503
00:19:37,032 --> 00:19:38,799
to think before they post.
504
00:19:38,834 --> 00:19:40,634
Your species is on the precipice
505
00:19:40,669 --> 00:19:43,637
of turning into complete
and utter wankers.
506
00:19:43,672 --> 00:19:46,807
It's not the technology
that needs an upgrade, it's you.
507
00:19:46,842 --> 00:19:48,041
(panting)
508
00:19:48,077 --> 00:19:49,977
And now I escape to WikiLeaks.
509
00:19:50,012 --> 00:19:51,845
It kind of smells in there,
but whatever.
510
00:19:51,881 --> 00:19:54,147
(computer trilling)
511
00:19:54,183 --> 00:19:56,650
(dings)
512
00:19:56,685 --> 00:19:58,051
(sighs)
513
00:19:58,087 --> 00:20:00,153
Homer, I hate to say this,
514
00:20:00,189 --> 00:20:02,222
but your paycheck
from the diner came,
515
00:20:02,258 --> 00:20:04,124
and it's for 2,000 drachmas.
516
00:20:04,159 --> 00:20:05,359
(whooping)
517
00:20:05,394 --> 00:20:06,660
How much is that in dollars?
518
00:20:06,695 --> 00:20:08,662
Zero dollars.
Oh.
519
00:20:08,697 --> 00:20:10,030
If Dad was a true Greek,
520
00:20:10,065 --> 00:20:12,099
he'd quit his job
and live off the welfare system,
521
00:20:12,134 --> 00:20:14,001
never paying a cent of taxes
in his life.
522
00:20:14,036 --> 00:20:15,168
(chuckles)
523
00:20:15,204 --> 00:20:17,004
You're a sweet boy,
524
00:20:17,039 --> 00:20:19,873
but my fate will be decided
in the classic tradition
525
00:20:19,909 --> 00:20:22,809
of Greek drama,
deus ex machina.
526
00:20:22,845 --> 00:20:23,845
(phone dings)
527
00:20:23,879 --> 00:20:25,712
I just got an e-mail
from Conrad.
528
00:20:25,748 --> 00:20:27,915
He hacked
into the power plant mainframe
529
00:20:27,950 --> 00:20:30,183
and found
incriminating information.
530
00:20:30,219 --> 00:20:33,387
Now he's blackmailing Mr. Burns
to get you your job back.
531
00:20:33,422 --> 00:20:35,255
ALL:
Opa!
532
00:20:35,291 --> 00:20:41,791
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
533
00:20:46,878 --> 00:20:48,878
(traditional Greek song playing)
534
00:21:16,007 --> 00:21:19,309
I do believe that man
is having a meltdown.
535
00:21:19,344 --> 00:21:20,610
(chuckles)
Uh...
536
00:21:20,645 --> 00:21:23,346
What? When I say
it, it's funny.
537
00:21:25,384 --> 00:21:27,384
Shh!
37111
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