All language subtitles for Natalie Wood - What Remains Behind (2020) 1080p

- I remember it was Sunday
morning after Thanksgiving.

I was 11 years old,

and I had spent the night

at my best friend Tracy's
house.

The clock radio went off
and woke me up,

and I heard a news report say

my mom's body was found
off the coast of Catalina.

The next thing I knew,
my stepdad's driver

was there with our nanny,
Willie Mae.

They had come to pick me up
and take me home.

It had rained,
and the streets were wet,

and I was asking,
"Is Mommy okay?"

But they were
just comforting me,

and they weren't really
telling me what happened.

When I got home,
I got into my mom's bed

and tried to comfort myself.

I said, "Maybe she just has
a broken leg

or something like that."

Then my stepdad came back.

I went down the steps,
and I could tell,

just when I looked
at his face,

that something awful
had happened.

The day my mom died,
my entire world was shattered,

and our family
has never been the same.

Since then, there's been
so much speculation

and focus on how she died

that it's overshadowed
her life's work

and who she was
as a person.

I'm Natasha Gregson Wagner,

and my mom was Natalie Wood.

- Hello, Natalie.
- Oh, hello again.

Please sit down.
- Thank you.

How's the food?

- Best location food
I ever ate.

- Well, I must say,
you certainly seem

to thrive on it.

- Well, I was brought up on it.

I've been eating lunch
on the set

since I was four years old.

- That's correct.
Natalie's a movie veteran.

Been in pictures since 1941.
Is that correct?

- That's right.

My original real name

was Natalia Nikolaevna
Zakharenko.

Zakharenko was always
being mispronounced.

It was very difficult,
so my parents

changed their name to Gurdin,

and then that
got mispronounced a lot,

so when I was five years old

and William Goetz
put me into my first film,

he that that Gurdin
was not a good name,

and at this point,
I was being called Natasha,

which is really a nickname
for Natalia,

so he chose Natalie,
and then he chose Wood

in honor of his friend
Sam Wood, the director.

So that's how I got named.

Oh, daisies
on your coffeepot!

They're my favorite flower.

- With Natalie Wood,

one of the most fascinating
things about her is,

generations of people
watched her grow up,

and so it was congruent

with what was happening
with their own development.

- No, Mom.
We haven't gone too far.

- When you're an adolescent,
you're a very different person

than you were when you were
five years old,

and she certainly was that
but on steroids,

'cause she was a movie star.

- Wish me luck!

I'm gonna make a noise
in the world!

- The business she was in
is a tough business,

and to survive
in that business,

you had to have
a tough side to you,

and so I think she had
to develop that.

But it wasn't comfortable.

What she really wanted to do
was to laugh and have fun

and just be a regular person.

But mainly,
she had a big heart,

and that showed up
in her work.

- You can't pinpoint what it is
that draws you to a character.

You just suddenly say,
"I know her.

I know that I can make her
be real."

- People knew she was smart
and incredibly well-organized,

and in a town
where women were

not always respected,

not in their work
and not socially,

she was an exception.

She knew how it should be lit,

she knew how the sound
should be,

she knew how she should look,

and she sure knew how to give
a great performance.

- I know this may come
as a great big shock

to the both of you,

but underneath
all this hair and skin

is a human girl

with all the regular things
going for me,

and believe it or not,

I don't want to spend
the rest of my life

married to a man
who's doing me a big favor!

Primarily, I'm an actress,
and I think that at the point

when you're a star,

mainly, I was thinking
of the work,

not of the stardom
that follows it.

I've enjoyed the part
where you act,

where the red light goes on
and the camera rolls

and you really can do
your work,

and in the film business,
there are so many other things

that enter
into making it possible

for those moments

where you just are able
to do your craft

without the interference
of a lot of other things.

- I always knew
that she was an actor,

but, you know,
around the house,

my mom didn't wear
a lot of makeup,

and she was very casual,

so I would look at her
and think,

"What is--what's the big deal
about you, lady?"

But then she and my stepdad
would get dressed up,

and they would go out
to dinner or something,

and she was amazing-looking.

But we weren't raised
by someone

who seemed like a movie star
at all.

All she just seemed
was sort of larger than life

but not because
she was famous,

more because she was just her.

- I was seven
when she passed away,

and I feel like my memories
of her

are just ever-evolving.

You know, there's
her beautiful face

and her voice
and her hands

and all those things
that I remember.

But when I try to think
of my mom now,

it's so hard;
like, I will literally

come across a picture,
and I'll just look at it,

and I'll look at it
a little bit more, thinking,

"Is that really my mom?

How is it that she's my mom?"

I just have
this famous mother,

and she's like
this mythology character.

I--you know.

I hope one day,
I'll get to a place

where I can really access
the true feeling

that this was my mother,
that I came from her

and that she was mine

for a short time, you know?

Like, I feel like

it's just been very hard
to hold on to that.

- I have two fathers.

My biological father
is Richard Gregson.

I call him Daddy Gregson.

My stepfather
is Robert Wagner,

who everyone calls RJ,

and I call him
Daddy Wagner.

My mom was the one
that started calling them

Daddy Gregson
and Daddy Wagner

to clarify who was who
in case people got confused.

And then it's just
nicknames that have stuck.

From the age of two,
I was primarily raised

by my Daddy Wagner,

and in all that time,

he treated me
like his own blood.

So, Dad,
I just want to say

that I'm really excited
to talk to you about my mom...

- Yes, I am too.

- And everything
we've been through,

the highs and the lows,

how we've always stayed

connected
through all of it.

- I don't think there's a day

that has ever gone by
in my life that

there hasn't been a moment

that I haven't thought
about Natalie

and how much
she meant to me

in my heart
and in my soul.

We started so young.

To see her evolve
over the years

into the woman that she was

was very special.

- How did you two meet?
I want to hear both versions.

- Well, actually,
when I was ten years old

and RJ was about 18,
I guess,

when you were first
under contract,

I remember walking down
the hallway with my mother,

and I saw him,
and I said to my mother,

"When I grow up,
I wish that I could marry him."

- Did you really?
- I really did.

- Did you really know
that she...

- Well, I didn't know it then.

It sure could've saved me
a lot of trouble,

I'll tell you.

- Could I ask for your
version of when you met?

- When I came
into Natalie's life,

I was sort of
a Happy Jack Squirrel kid,

you know, with nothing
on my mind much but my hair

and...

She sort of resisted me
a bit, actually,

at the beginning, because--
- I did?

- I was--yeah, well,
I was so different

than all the rest of the--
- I don't remember that.

- Well, yes, you did,
and then I finally started

taking you--I remember
I took you out on--

- On my 18th birthday, mm-hmm.
- On your 18th birthday.

I took her out
on her birthday,

July 20, 1956.

I had done a picture

with Spencer Tracy
called "The Mountain,"

and we went to the premiere,
and that sort of started it.

- Everybody knew
about Robert Wagner,

and my dad
had introduced me to RJ

when I was maybe nine

when he did "Prince Valiant,"

which was, at the time,
my favorite movie,

and there he was,
Prince Valiant.

There was
nobody handsomer.

And he was so kind to me.

- On December 6, 1957,
I made a reservation

at a restaurant
in Beverly Hills

called Romanoff's.

Man, I got Natalie down there,

and I opened a bottle
of champagne.

- We had some champagne,

and I suddenly looked
in my glass,

and there was a ring in it,

and I took the ring out
and looked,

and he said, "Look, guys,"
and, "My God, what is this?"

Then he said,
"Look on the inside,"

and it said, "Marry me."

- We got married
in Scottsdale, Arizona,

and I got
a private railroad car.

After the ceremony,
we went to the private car,

and a big train came by
and picked us up,

and off we went to Chicago.

It was pretty exciting.

- Maybe we should stay too.

- Well, I think
you ought to go.

I really think you ought to.

Maybe she'll be better
by the morning.

Here.

- Will you come back
to the apartment?

- Yeah, yeah.
It's 695 Park Avenue.

Yeah, I'll come back.

- I loved working
with RJ and Natalie.

There was something about her

that was
incredibly ingratiating.

She made you feel important,
not her.

Something that's one
of the tricks of life

and success

is to make other people
feel important

when they're around you,
not because you are

an important person.

- While here,
still enjoying the plaudits

for his
"In Love and War" role,

is Robert Wagner

with his lovely wife,
Natalie Wood.

- The studios were always
anxious to get publicity,

and at that time,

the movie magazines
were the thing--

"Photoplay," "Modern Screen"--

and Natalie and I
were one of the hot things

for the magazines,

so they were very much
involved

in our relationship.

- Nat and RJ
were both major stars,

and I didn't feel like one
was outshining the other.

There's a sort of royalty
to that business,

and RJ and Nat
were that royalty.

- So why don't we start
by you telling me

how you and my mom met?

- Oh, okay.

Let's see.
How did we meet?

Well, I met your mother
and Daddy Wagner

the same day,
the same moment,

because I was working
for the director Elia Kazan,

and I was
a production assistant

on "Splendor in the Grass."

There, I had to go
and get your mother

every morning.

Therefore,
we talked an awful lot,

and it was clear to me

that there was trouble
in their marriage.

- Mm.

- I discovered that my mom
had written an article

for "Ladies' Home Journal"
in 1966

that was never published.

It was called

"Public Property,
Private Person."

It was amazing
to read this article.

I found out so many things
about my mom's life

that I didn't know,

especially during
a really challenging time

for her.

- "After two years
of marriage,

"things began to change.

"We were aware
that we had problems,

"but we tried to avoid
the real conflicts.

"We maintained a superficially
happy relationship

"and hoped that by pretending
there was nothing wrong,

"the problems would go away.

"How do you separate
reality from illusion

"when you have been trapped
in make-believe all your life?

"Marriage requires patience
and work,

"as well as the capacity
to accept another human being,

"flaws and all,
without cloaking him

in a smothering mantle
of perfection."

- With the pressure of being
this wonderful couple

and the marriage starting
to have difficulties in it,

I could feel it unraveling,
and so could she,

and that time,

her career really started
to catch on fire.

It was like striking a match.

And when she did "Splendor"
with Kazan,

I mean, this was
a dream come true for her.

- "Though nothing
can bring back the hour

"of splendor in the grass,

"glory in the flower,

"we will grieve not,

"rather find the strength

in what remains behind."

- And on that picture,
she knew

that she was not
Kazan's first choice,

and she was out to prove

that she was
a serious actress.

- Miss Metcalf,

may I please be e--

The opportunity
to work with Kazan

was just fantastic,

but it was emotionally
a very demanding role,

and it--I don't know.

It had quite an effect
on my life, I think.

- "As RJ and I struggled
to make our marriage work,

"the problems
continued to pile up.

"After finishing work
on 'Splendor in the Grass,'

"I went directly
into 'West Side Story'

"for another solid
and rigorous eight months.

"The rest of the cast
had been rehearsing together

"for a month
while I finished 'Splendor.'

"Now I had to cram
four weeks of rehearsals

"into weekends.

"I was worn out,

"and I didn't have time
to be the kind of wife

"I wanted to be.

"During this hectic period,

"RJ went through an ordeal

"that all performers,
including myself,

"have to face.

"His career hit
a momentary lull.

"Sometimes I waited
for him to complain

"or start a fight,

"but his calm exterior
remained intact.

His coolness
drove me frantic."

- My career was not igniting
like hers was,

but that wasn't really
a very big factor

in the fact
that we separated

and then finally divorced.

It was the pressure on her
and her career

that caused that, and also,

I think that
I might have been able

to handle it
a little bit better.

If I'd have been
a little bit older

and had more experience,

I might have been able

to have worked it out.

- Any rumors
that you've heard--

I mean, I'm here to say

that Warren Beatty,
who was her costar

in "Splendor in the Grass,"

was not the problem at all,

and there definitely
did not develop

a relationship
between them

until long after
"Splendor" had wrapped.

- We were separated,
and Warren, I think,

was very much taken by her,
and why wouldn't he be?

But that was
a very difficult time

because I was so upset

and so disturbed
by everything,

I was ready
to go after him.

I can talk about that
pretty easily now,

but at the time,
it was a little bit difficult,

as you can imagine.

- The relationship between her
and Warren Beatty was hot.

You could almost not look
at them.

Your eyes were gonna burn out.

They were so good-looking.

- I was alone,

I didn't have anybody
in my life,

and I just couldn't stay
in Los Angeles anymore

and be alone,

and I made a decision

to move to Europe.

So I talked to her,

and I said I was going
to Europe.

"Do you feel like you'd want
to come there?"

And she said,
"No, I have other plans,"

and I said, "Okay,"
and I hung up the phone,

and that was it.

- "Neither Warren nor I
was ready

"for a permanent relationship,

"although our romance lasted
approximately two years.

"Our affair was a collision
from start to finish.

"While RJ never did
express hostility,

"Warren couldn't stop,

"and I contributed
my share of fireworks too.

"In fact, we were both
so confused

"that we thought fighting
and hostility

meant real emotional honesty."

After her relationship
with Warren had broken up,

my mom had a string
of relationships,

and during the '60s,

before she married
my Daddy Gregson,

she had a couple
of broken engagements,

one with Arthur Loew Jr.,

who remained
a very close friend of hers,

another with Ladislav Blatnik,

who was known as the shoe king
of Venezuela,

but I think that my mom
was longing

to be taken care of
emotionally,

and I think that's
what she was looking for

during that time.

- I was flattered
that I was, I think,

the only one she ever dated
who was younger than she,

and I was four years younger
than she was.

Didn't bother me.
Didn't bother her.

But it was never
gonna go anywhere.

It was never supposed
to go anywhere.

It was fun
for as long as it lasted,

and it--the friendship lasted
way beyond the dating period.

- "For the first time
in my life,

"I considered, in horror,

"the possibility
that I might join

"that sad parade
of famous movie ladies

"who wind up
desperately lonely

"with nothing more substantial
to sustain them

"than their scrapbooks
and old photos

"and memories of romances
and divorces.

"My ex-husband's first child
had just been born.

"I cried when I heard
the news.

"It wasn't only
from the sense of loss I felt

"for something
we never shared.

It was also happiness
for him."

- My mom's name
was Marion Marshall

when she was
in the picture business,

Marion Donen when she was
married to Stanley Donen,

and she had two boys,

my brothers Josh Donen
and Peter Donen,

who are eight and ten years
older than me.

- I left Los Angeles
and lived in Rome

for three years,

and I saw Marion,

and Marion and I
started going out,

traveling all over Europe
together,

and fell in love
with each other

and got married and came back
to the United States.

She had two sons,
Peter and Josh.

I loved these two boys,

and we had
a wonderful life together,

and I had a daughter with her
called Katie,

and that was a joy in my life.

- Here we are in Wales

at my father
Richard Gregson's house.

My dad has Parkinson's
at this point in his life,

and this might be
one of the last times

we get to speak about my mom.

- I was with her
the night she met your father.

They started seeing
each other, dating,

and it got serious.

- Richard Gregson
was my agent,

and then he became
a producer

from being my agent,

and right from the beginning,
I saw him

as a very, very smart,
elegant guy

and very, very sophisticated,

more so than any of the agents
that I knew in Hollywood.

And I was best man
at their wedding.

- I remember a story
with him saying

that he asked all his wives
to marry him

but they turned him down,

so he then had to wait
for them to ask him.

And eventually,
Natalie asked him

to marry him,
and they'd been together

for three or four years
at that time.

- And they had
a big, big, fancy wedding

at a Russian church,
Russian ceremony,

and it was beautiful.

- How long have you
been married now?

- Five months.
- Five months.

- Five months.
And they said it wouldn't last.

- Don't say that!

- And you've been quoted
as saying

you wouldn't now take a film

that was thousands of miles
apart?

- Not if it meant
being away from Richard,

no, I wouldn't.

- How long have you
been married, Robert?

- 11 years.

- And what advice would you
give this young couple?

- Yes, Redford,
tell us what to do.

- Well, just try to keep track

of how many years
you're married

and, you know, remember
the dates when they come up.

- That's right, 'cause somebody
asked you last week,

and they said, "What day
were you married on?"

and simultaneously,
I said May 30th,

and he said May 31st.

- You don't need to ask
who was wrong, right?

- Yeah.

- There's nothing
quite like finding out

for the very first time

that you're gonna be pregnant

and to go through
that first pregnancy.

There's just nothing ever
quite as miraculous as that.

Ah.
- She didn't "get pregnant."

She got pregnant
because she wanted a baby,

so she was doing
what she wanted

and doing it well,
and then the work,

she put it aside
for a while.

She knew she'd get back to it.

There was nothing
more important to Natalie

than being a mom;
that was really clear.

- I once walked in,
and she was coddling you,

and she just looked up at me
and said,

"Who needs show business
when one has this?"

My God, you were
the spitting image of her,

you know, when you were born
and a child.

It was incredible.

- Before Natasha was born,

she would do
a great deal of things with us.

We'd go out,
we'd go to SeaWorld,

we'd go to Disneyland,

but then
when Natasha was born,

her sole focus, really,
I would say, was on Natasha.

- Richard felt that Natalie
was so involved

and emotionally connected
to Natasha

that there wasn't any room
for him,

so he did something
really stupid

and got thrown out.

- What happened when you
and Mommy got divorced?

- Changed the locks, I think.

- I love the story

about how you
and Mommy reconnected

at your friend
John Foreman's party.

- We saw each other
at this party,

and so the sparks
sort of flew a little bit,

and then I offered
to drive her home,

and I did drive her home
and dropped her off

and said good night
to her, and...

- And then she got
into her house on Bentley

and started to cry,

and then what did you do?

- I drove down the street,
and I stopped,

and I had tears in my eyes
as well.

- Because you guys realized

that you still missed
each other.

- How come you got married
to Bob Wagner again?

- Again?
- I mean, and how does it feel

when you marry your husband
after you divorced him?

And if you don't want
to talk about it, we'll pass.

- Oh, it feels terrific.

I don't mind talking about it.
- Okay.

- I was just fortunate,
you know?

Timing was on our side.

We happened to meet at a time
when we were both free.

The fact that we both had
feelings toward the other one

we didn't keep to ourselves.

I mean, we managed
to convey that.

Because I really had no idea
that RJ

felt something still toward me,
even though I knew that I did,

and he felt the same way
and didn't know if I did.

But luckily, we didn't
keep that to ourselves.

- I came into Natalie's life
through RJ.

RJ married my mother,

and when RJ
and my mother divorced,

I remained very close to RJ,

so when he started
seeing Natalie again,

naturally, that's how I was
introduced to Natalie,

and after college,

Natalie said, "Come and live
in our guest house,"

and I stayed there for years,

and that's when we became
really close.

You know, and it was clear,
seeing them together,

that they loved each other,
but it was more.

It seemed to me that they
should be together.

This seemed right.

- When you and Mommy
got back together,

she was a mom
and you were a dad.

- That's right.
- And you guys had had

ten years between.

So had you both
really grown up?

- I think so.

You know,
when we were younger,

we were very interested
in our careers

and where we could go
with it,

and that became less important
the second time.

I mean, it had more
to do with us

and you and Katie.

- It was pretty exciting
to be a part of that

relationship
and that love affair.

And then they got married
the second time around

on the "Ramblin' Rose,"

and it was just
an incredible day.

It was a small group
of people,

probably about 30 people.

- We got married
in Paradise Cove,

and then we went
from Paradise Cove

over to the Isthmus,

and we spent our honeymoon
in Catalina.

- Clearly, RJ was
the love of her life,

because when they got
back together,

it was like just two parts
of the same whole

coming together again,

and I saw her
in a more complete way.

You know,
she was totally happy.

- Natalie, you tried
natural childbirth

with your second child.

- Well, with my first child,
I did have--

- You tried it?
- I was awake,

and I watched Natasha
being born.

- Mm-hmm.
- And with Courtney,

suddenly, there were
complications,

you know, after about
17 or 18 hours of labor,

and all of a sudden,
the doctor said,

"Oh, no, this is gonna be
an emergency section,"

and he got Courtney out
in two minutes,

saved her life.

- I was born March 9, 1974,

and I think there was a big--

like, a whole thing
in the paper

saying that, like,
I was near death and--

but I was the lovechild.

- I had had Katie
with Marion,

and she had had Natasha
with Richard,

and we had Courtney together,

so we were--we were thrilled.

- Do you know something more
the second time around?

- I know to appreciate him
for what--

- Oh, you're taking
the blame, huh?

You didn't appreciate him
first time around?

- No, no, no.
Not necessarily.

I think we both appreciate
each other more,

and I think we know
each other better as people,

and we're kind of
on the same wavelength.

You know, we like to do
the same things,

and we like
hanging out together.

We like hanging out
with the kids.

- When we got married,
we were living in the Springs.

I had this home
in Palm Springs.

And then we found this house

on Cañon Drive
in Beverly Hills,

and then we bought that
and moved into there.

- When we were all very much
a family in the '70s,

it was you, Mommy,
Courtney, and I,

and Katie came
and lived with us,

and that was our group

with visits
from Josh and Peter,

Sarah, Charlotte,
and Hugo.

- The guest house
was rather filled, wasn't it?

- Yeah, it was always
turning over,

and many, many dogs,

many cats, many birds,
many--

- Lizards.
- Lizards.

- Ducks.

- We had this amazing nanny
named Willie Mae

who lived with us
until she passed away

at the age of 90.

- Great lady.

- I was really attached
to Willie Mae.

I was always much more
attached to Willie Mae,

really, than my mom.

I felt that Natasha
had my mom

and I had Willie Mae.

And then, you know,
we had each other,

but I just--I don't know
what it was about Willie Mae.

I just loved Willie Mae
so much.

- Willie Mae Worthen
was the nanny,

who I adored.

Everybody adored her.

She was this six-foot giant
from down South,

very brusque but loving.

She was part of the family.

And I was Natalie Wood's
personal assistant

for four years.

My office was literally

in the corner
of the master bedroom.

These two were in bed.

It was quite--
it was quite funny, actually,

to be in that situation,
having come from an office.

And Natalie would give
incredible parties,

but the main one each year

would be
the New Year's Eve party.

The guests would come.

There would be
George Segal and his wife.

There would be Gregory Peck,
Jimmy Stewart,

Roddy McDowall.

- I look to my right,

and there I saw,

I swear to God,

Fred Astaire singing
Cole Porter

with a pianist
accompanying him,

and he finished his song,

and everybody burst
into applause.

- Those parties were the best.

You'd be talking
to someone

and turn around, and, ooh,
Sir Laurence Olivier.

Now I have to figure out
what kind of conversation

I can have with him.

And the house was just
so full of love

and happiness,

it made you feel good
to be there.

- So many people
coming and going

in the Cañon Drive house
that were not only famous

but just friends, you know,

really, really great friends.

They had parties
all the time.

You know,
our holidays were huge.

Courtney got as many presents
at Natasha's birthday

as Natasha got
at Courtney's birthday.

- Everything was heaven.

The house was so beautiful
and also welcoming,

and Natalie was so candid,

and the focus was the children,
not the grown-ups.

- I remember the parties.
I remember the laughter.

I remember they were
so in love with each other,

and my mom would always say,

"Oh, RJ, honestly!"

but then she would, like,
break out laughing.

They were just always
laughing.

- That connection
that they had

is what I remember
growing up.

And they were always
buying each other presents,

and my mom
was always concocting

some kind
of an incredible surprise

for my dad
that she would tell us about.

- The most important thing
for me is my family

and my husband, my kids.

That's why we like spending
a lot of time on the boat,

where we really are
just a family

and there aren't a lot
of other things to relate to.

- We got a boat together,
the "Splendour,"

and we spent most weekends

and most vacations
in Catalina.

We spent a lot of time
on that island.

- Natalie never cooked at home,

but she would always
cook breakfast on the boat,

and it was huevos rancheros,

and she enjoyed the boat.

You know, she'd have
the hat on and the outfit.

It was fun for the family,
and it was fun

for RJ and Natalie
to get away as well.

- My parents were very relaxed
on the boat.

They'd bring other friends,
or we'd bring our friends.

We'd go to Catalina.
We'd go to Emerald Bay.

We'd go to the Isthmus.

And it was a really happy time
for us there.

- As we reported earlier,
actress Natalie Wood

was found dead today.

Her body was discovered
fully clothed

in waters
off Santa Catalina Island.

Los Angeles County officials
can only confirm

the 43-year-old Ms. Wood
drowned,

but nothing further
on the circumstances.

David Burrington reports.

- Natalie Wood
and her husband,

actor Robert Wagner,

had sailed to Catalina Island

to spend the holiday weekend
with friends.

Apparently, they had returned
to their yacht,

the "Splendour,"
after dinner,

when Natalie went back out
on the water

in this rubber boat.

Exactly what happened then,
nobody knows,

but her body was found
after dawn this morning

in a small cove
not far from the rubber boat.

- It was on the news,

and I called our mutual friend
Leonard Gershe,

and I said,
"Is Natalie all right?"

And he said, "No.
Nat's..."

Natalie was gone.

- I remember being devastated
by that news

and, having such affection
for her,

hurt by the news.

- The phone rang,

and I pick up the phone...

And RJ screams

into the phone...

"She's gone!"

- My brother Peter Donen
called me--my late brother--

called me about 6:00
in the morning,

and he--I picked up my phone
in my room,

and he said, "Natalie's dead.
She drowned."

And I thought to myself,
"Well, she drowned,

but she'll be back, right?"

I mean, that weird thing
that you think

when you hear
something like that.

- I was walking
along the beach,

and it was early
in the morning,

and I saw my brother

came out onto the beach,

and he came over to me;
he put his arms around me.

He said, "Natalie's died."

And I was just
in a state of shock.

- That was one
of the worst mornings

that we've ever experienced.

So we got in the car
and went over to Cañon,

and already, there was press
out in the street

and cameras
and all of that,

and we were there
before RJ was there.

- Eventually, RJ came home,

and we went downstairs,

and he came in
looking like death.

- I remember Willie Mae
woke me up,

and I could hear
my sister Natasha crying,

and I saw all of these people

in the living room,

and I was walking
down the steps,

and my dad was at the edge
of the steps,

and he said to me, "You know,
you're not gonna see

your mom anymore."

- He said,
"But I want you to know

"that we're going to be
all right.

"We're staying together,

"we're still a family,

and we're gonna get
through this."

It was heavy-duty stuff,

and he just clung on to them

and they on him.

- It's like, the instant
that my mom passed away

is like the air in the balloon
that was our life, you know,

it just--it just--

you know, it just--
the party was over.

- I remember hearing
that my grandma fainted,

but I remember
that I didn't want

to be around my grandma

because she was
too hysterical.

I think I was more
of a private griever,

and my grandma
was so kind of colorful

with her grief,

so I didn't feel safe
around her.

- I remember my grandmother
being really--

I mean, talk about someone
that was checked out.

I mean, she would just faint,
you know.

She was very dramatic too.

I mean, there would be times
where you would hear

that, like, she suddenly
just got frightened

and she ran into a wall

because she wasn't
paying attention.

I mean, she was just--
you know, this was a woman

that was grief-stricken

and whose whole life
revolved around her daughter.

- My mom's parents,
my grandparents,

were Nick and Maria Gurdin.

They spoke with these
thick Russian accents

because they were
both immigrants

who met and married
in San Francisco.

My mom called her parents
Mud and Fad,

short for Mudda and Fadda.

My mom was the middle child
of three girls.

She had an older half sister
named Olga

who was ten years older
than her

and a younger sister, Lana,
who was eight years younger.

- My parents moved
from San Francisco

to Santa Rosa
when I was about two, I think,

and then a movie company
came to Santa Rosa

on location, and they needed
a little girl

to drop an ice cream cone
and cry,

and I think my mama gave me
a little nudge

in the right direction
and said,

"Why don't you go talk
to that nice man,

sing him some of your songs?"

And...

So I did, and he chose me
to drop the ice cream cone,

and then he remembered me
a year later

when he was doing
"Tomorrow is Forever."

His name was Irving Pichel,

and he wrote to my parents
and said

that he would like
to have me come

to Los Angeles
and do a screen test

because he had a part
for a young German girl,

and against
my father's deeper wishes,

my mother and I
traveled down by train,

and I made the screen test,
got the part,

and it seemed a good idea
to move down to Los Angeles,

which we then did,
and my father began working

in the miniature prop
department at the studios,

so we would sometimes
bump into each other.

We were both working.

Shall we go away soon,
Father?

- Go?

- You said maybe
we would leave here.

- I was her first leading man,

and for six or seven takes,

I kept blowing my lines.

Not Natalie.

I think it was
her first picture,

but she was already
a perfect little pro.

- Well, young lady,
what's your name?

- Susan Walker.
What's yours?

- Mine?
Kriss Kringle.

I'm Santa Claus.

Oh, you don't believe that,
do you?

- Mm-mm.

You see, my mother's
Mrs. Walker,

the lady who hired you.
- Oh.

- But I must say,

you're the best-looking one
I've ever seen.

- Really?
- Your beard doesn't have

one of those things
that goes over your ears.

- Well, that's because
it's real,

just like I'm
really Santa Claus.

- What stands out about
Natalie Wood's performance

in "Miracle on 34th Street"
is,

there's no artifice.

She's so watchful
and skeptical

and very sure-seeming
in who she was,

and then in the end,
she had the same dreams

and fantasies
as everybody else,

and I think that's what was
so appealing about it.

- "The reality of Hollywood
was a dash of cold water.

"Instead of glamour,
I found myself immersed

"in work and study.

"By the time I was 12,

"my father suffered the first
of a series of heart attacks.

"For a few years,
he couldn't work at all.

"This meant my acting
was the sole economic support

"of my family,

"and therefore, getting jobs

"became a tremendous
responsibility.

"Sometimes I had nightmares

about the family starving
if I didn't act."

- The story I remember

Natalie telling me
about her mother

was an audition she went to,

and her mother felt
it hadn't gone terribly well,

and on the way
out of the studio,

she said to Natalie,

"Well, that wasn't very good,
was it?

No new shoes for your sister."

Of course,
Natalie was called back

and did get the role,
so presumably,

Lana did get her new shoes.

But there was a lot
of pressure

on young Natalie.

- When she did a film
called "The Green Promise,"

she injured her wrist...

And it never healed properly,

and so her wrist bone
was bigger

on one wrist than the other,

and she felt
self-conscious about it,

so she always wore
a bracelet to cover it up.

- She had a bracelet
she always wore,

and it covered up
a thing on her wrist,

and it always
kind of made me think,

"This is a woman
in total control

but had a flaw
that she was aware of."

Didn't mean anything,
but in a way,

it made me feel a connection
with her vulnerability

and this childhood stardom
that she had had

that she was
childhood star, huge.

- Don't you know that children
should be seen and not heard?

- Not according to Jeremiah.

"Say not I am a child,

"for thou shalt go
to all that I shalt send thee,

and whatsoever I command thee,
thou shalt speak."

- Steven, will you take her
away from here?

- Did you not feel
that you were missing

a lot of the fun
of being a child?

- Well, I wasn't aware of it
at the time, you know?

I mean, I guess
I wasn't aware

that other kids
did other things.

And then
when I was about 12,

I started going
to a regular school

in between jobs,

and I did feel
a bit of a misfit then

during that period,

because I was
so comfortable with adults

and rather uncomfortable
with kids,

having not been around
very many.

- I met Natalie Wood
in junior high.

She was very nice,
very pleasant.

She wasn't, "Ha, look at me.
I'm a movie star,"

not with anyone in the school,

and they didn't treat her
like she was.

But we became fast friends,

and her mother
was very protective

of who she chatted with,
who she went out with,

and I passed
her mother's test.

So that was good.

- Natalie's parents
were very involved with her.

They knew everything
that she did

and where she went
and what she wore,

and they were
helicopter parents, you know?

They were always hovering
around her all the time.

- Natalie's father, Nick,
he was very quiet.

When I met him,

I think he had developed
a heart problem,

and he generally was
a quiet, gentle man,

that I knew.

Didn't have
a lot of dialogue with him,

but with Maria, I did.

She was a strange lady.

She would say, "Don't walk
on that side of the road

"when the sun is shining,

because you'll be struck down."

And lots of little fears.

- My grandma was
incredibly superstitious,

so she filled
my mom's head

with all kinds
of crazy stories.

- I've always been terrified--
still am--of water,

dark water, seawater
or, you know, river water.

- There's this story
that a gypsy told my grandma

that her second daughter
would become world-famous...

- Oh!

- But to beware
of dark water.

- Can you swim?

- A little!

- All right, cut.

- People are fixated
on the fact

that my mom was afraid
of dark water,

I think,
simply because she drowned.

But, you know, as a child,
she was in the pool with us

all the time, and she and I

never talked about her fear
of dark water,

so it never felt
like this big thing.

I mean, who likes dark water?

It's not very enticing.

But my grandma
was so fantastical.

She was so twirling
and swirling with stories

that I don't know what was real
and what wasn't.

- I remember Natalie
was in bed,

studying her script,

and Maria was in one
of the second bedrooms,

and all of a sudden,
she started to tremble,

and her eyes rolled up,

and I dashed
back into the room to Natalie.

I put her on the bed,
and I said, "Natalie,

"your mother, she's ill.

I think she's having
an epileptic fit."

And so Natalie said...

"She'll be all right
in a minute."

Never blinked an eye.

And it was from then I learned

that this was a regular habit
of Maria's to get attention.

- My mom's
very complicated relationship

with my grandma
and being a daughter

of a narcissistic,
controlling,

possessive mother--

I mean, that's played out
in so many of her films.

- On "Gypsy," your mother
actually said to me,

"I don't know
how I'm gonna play

this last scene,"

and I just nearly fell
on the floor, and I said,

"What?"

"You don't know
how to play that scene?

"I mean, just look
at Rosalind Russell in the eye

"and pretend
it's your mother,

"it's Maria Gurdin,

and you got it."

- Mama, look at me now!
I'm a star!

Look!
Look how I live!

Look at my friends.
Look where I'm going.

I'm not staying in burlesque.

I'm moving,
maybe up, maybe down,

but wherever it is,
I'm enjoying it.

I'm having the time of my life

because for the first time,

it is my life,
and I love it.

I love every second of it,

and I'll be damned if you're
gonna take it away from me!

- Her mother was

like a lot of mothers
of successful people.

She was determined

that her daughter
was going to be successful,

I think,
and Natalie was.

- I think she once told me
that she didn't really decide

that that was
what she wanted to do

was be an actress

until Nick Ray
and "Rebel,"

and then it was clear to her

that she was not
just being pushed by her mother

any longer.
- Mm-hmm.

- He looks at me like

I was the ugliest thing
in the world.

He doesn't like my friends.

He doesn't like one thing
about me.

And he called me...

he called me a dirty tramp!

My own father!

- It was a very important film
for me personally

because up until then,
I had worked as a child,

and I had always just done
as I was told.

I was--you know,
"You do this picture next,

and then you do
that picture next,"

and I was
a rather dutiful child.

And when my parents read
the script of "Rebel,"

they said,
"Oh, no, not this one,"

'cause this, you know,
showed parents

in a rather unsympathetic
light,

and yet I read it, and for
the first time in my life,

I said, "Oh, wait a minute.

I have to do this.
I love this."

You know, I love Judy,
and I felt

very much of a connection,
identification with the part,

and I guess I was going
through my first rebellion.

- My mom wanted to make
"Rebel Without a Cause"

because she knew
that it was gonna take her

away from these sort
of good little girl roles

into leading lady roles,

and so she fought really hard
to get that part.

- When I was 15 years old

and doing
"Rebel Without a Cause,"

at that time,

the director and the studios
and so forth

said I was too young,

even though I was
exactly the right age.

They were sort of testing
older girls,

and they also saw me
in pigtails with a pinafore,

because those were
the kind of parts

that I was associated with.

So I tested for it

a number of times,
as a matter of fact.

Well, it's all right now.

You're our baby now.

I think I also got
into a car accident,

and instead of telling them
to call my parents,

I told them to call
the director

because one of the policemen

called me
a juvenile delinquent,

and I said, "Oh, well,
then that must mean

that I have the part."

"Call Nick Ray."

- There's sort of
a famous story

where she went
to the Chateau Marmont

to get together
with Nicholas Ray,

the director
of "Rebel Without a Cause,"

and something intimate went on
with the two of them,

a risky business back then.

She was underage,
and he was older,

right, so that would've been
a problem today.

- I met Nicholas Ray
a couple of times

even before
she was in "Rebel,"

and I knew when we went
to Nicholas Ray's apartment

that I never went upstairs.

And she would tell me
the next day or two

she just thought she was
in love with Nicholas Ray,

and I said,
"Natalie, he's so old."

She's, "Well, you know
I like older men."

I said, "But this
is really old."

- At no time did any
of the gentlemen

who were considered
your bosses--

did they ever ask you
to do something

that might be considered
immoral?

- No.

- Natalie is a product
of the studio system:

getting there on time
in the morning,

working all day long,

knowing all of her lines
all the time.

That was the training
in that system,

and she came out of it
in such a good way.

Not everybody did,

because that system

controlled everything
in your life.

You were just told
what pictures you're gonna do

and what time to report.

- She was owned by the studio,

and she didn't want
to be owned.

She wanted to have control
over the choices.

I mean, if she's gonna spend
three months doing a film,

she wants to believe in it,

so she took on Jack Warner
and told him,

"I'm gonna go on strike

"because I don't like
the roles

that you're choosing for me."

- The suspension lasted
about 18 months,

so that--the punishment was

that if you wouldn't work
for them,

you couldn't work
anywhere else either.

- Right.
- It wasn't that I was

trying to get more money.

That really wasn't it at all.

But what I eventually did get
the right to do

was the right to choose
one picture a year

that, you know,
was my choice.

The first one
that I was able to choose

was "West Side Story."

Tonight is the real beginning
of my life

as a young lady of America.

- With "West Side Story,"
she became iconic,

a great legend.

I remember going
to train stations with Natalie

or going to airports with her,

and there--hundreds of people
would recognize her.

- Madre de Dios,
I will do anything.

Make me die,

only please make it
to be true!

- Today she would never
be cast in that role

because she's not
Puerto Rican.

That was obviously
a different time.

- It's sort of interesting

that Natalie Wood
would not have

one of her iconic roles today,
for sure.

- You didn't get nominated
for an Academy Award

for "West Side Story,"

but there was
a particular reason why.

- Well, I was nominated
for "Splendor in the Grass."

- Right.

- By the age of 25,
my mom had been nominated

for three Oscars.

She was nominated
for Best Supporting Actress

for "Rebel Without a Cause,"

she was nominated
for Best Actress

for "Splendor in the Grass,"

and she was nominated
for Best Actress

for "Love with
the Proper Stranger."

Unfortunately,
she never won,

but I remember, in 1980,

my parents getting dressed up

to go
to the Golden Globe Awards,

and she won.

- Natalie Wood.

- She won a Golden Globe
for the television version

of "From Here to Eternity"
with William Devane.

- This really feels nice.

Thank you very much.

I'm completely surprised.

- She always had the ability

to recognize good material,

and when she did "Splendor"

and after "West Side Story"
was a tremendous hit,

she could start to make
her own decisions

on what she wanted to do

and what was available
for her.

She stepped out there
and took risks.

- I'm a female
past the age of consent.

I was the first woman to edit
the newspaper at my college.

And I shall remain
handcuffed to this door

until I become
the first female reporter

of the "New York Sentinel."
- Over my dead body.

- In "The Great Race,"

even though
it was a comedy,

she still was playing
a character

who was defending women,
believed in women,

but she found out
that she was not

being paid or treated equally

to Tony Curtis
and Jack Lemmon,

so she went to all kinds
of extremes

to make sure
that everything was equal,

down to the length

of the phone cord
in their rooms.

- And she was one
of the few women

that had the power
to do that at that time.

There weren't a lot of women
that did

and who were outspoken enough

and could back it up
with her knowledge,

and everyone
who worked with her knew it.

They all learned from her.

- There's a picture of her

where she's
at the head of the table,

and then there's
her publicist, her agent,

her business manager.

They all work for her.

She's the only woman,

and she's
at the head of the table.

And she wasn't afraid
to be empowered.

- I certainly owe
the beginning

of my career in film to her

'cause I was an actor
on Broadway in the theater,

and so she came to see
a play that I was in,

came backstage to say hello.

I was very flattered,
and then that was that.

Then a while later,
when they were getting her

to do "Inside Daisy Clover,"
my name came up,

but I wasn't known at all
in Hollywood,

and she was the one

that stuck up for me
and said, "I want him."

And there were a lot of people
that tried to resist that,

said,
"Well, he's just not known,

and you're a big star
and he's not," and so forth.

She--"I don't care.
I want to do it with him."

There was a young lady
named Cherry

who used to get swacked
on sweet sherry.

And when they said--

uh, when they said.

What--what...
what--what--help me!

- Um...
- When they said what?

- Um...
- Do you think

it's a sensible drink?

- That's good.

She replied...

Not very.

So once that happened
and we made that film,

then we went into
"This Property Is Condemned,"

which she was desperate
to make.

She's, "Well, I'd like
to stay connected to Bob,"

so she just sort of
carried me along.

- Just because some people
might think I'm beautiful,

that doesn't mean
I'm everybody's property.

- If you really thought
you were beautiful,

you wouldn't be
anybody's property.

You'd be your own girl.

- I am my own girl,
Mr. Legate,

and I certainly don't need
some smart aleck like you

to come along and point out
the error of my ways.

- When I watch her films,
I straddle a fine line

between being caught
in her performance

and then searching for clues
about who she was.

I think many of the movies
that my mom chose

had a cathartic aspect,
"Daisy Clover" especially.

The scene
in the recording booth

where she's supposed
to dub herself

and we can't hear her
'cause we're outside

of the recording booth
but she's screaming...

- That's how she felt
on the inside.

She was screaming
on the inside,

but nobody can hear her
because she was

owned by the studio.

- You have, in "Daisy Clover,"

the really brilliant
crack-up scene.

You have another one
in "Splendor in the Grass"

in the bathtub.

Those scenes must have been
difficult to do.

- I think they're
the kind of scenes

that one does just have to,
you know,

get into a certain mood,

and it's the kind of thing
that you can't do

very many times
over and over again.

No, Mom!
I'm not spoiled!

I'm not spoiled, Mom!
- Deanie...

- I'm just as fresh
and I'm virginal

like the day I was born, Mom!

- Stop it!
Stop it!

- In the time that my mom
came of age,

nervous breakdowns
and mental institutions

and suicide,

that was more
of a taboo thing.

There was a stigma
about all that stuff.

- Deanie, come back here!

- And in
"Splendor in the Grass,"

she tries to commit suicide
in the water,

and then she goes
to a mental institution

for two years.

- She hasn't spoken
a word of sense

since they brought her
in here.

- But in 1964,

three years after "Splendor"
was released,

these themes
were actually reflected

in her real life.

While she was filming
"The Great Race,"

she felt lonely and unhappy

and afraid of never being able
to maintain

a stable
and healthy relationship,

so she took
enough sleeping pills

to kill herself.

When I found out
about all this,

my Daddy Wagner
told me to talk to Mart

because he was spending
the night at her house

when it happened.

- It was an overdose
and a half.

I mean, God almighty,
she was out.

And I was told that,

you know, after they pumped
her stomach, they didn't know

whether she was gonna
pull through or not,

but she did.

- She spent the weekend
in the hospital,

and on Monday morning,

she was back at work
on "The Great Race."

But I don't necessarily look
at that night

as a suicide attempt.

It was really
a cry for help.

After she swallowed the pills,

she banged on Mart's door,

so obviously,
she wanted to live.

- I read that you were
in analysis--

I don't know
if this is correct or not--

eight year--for eight years,
five days a week,

in Freudian analysis.
- Mm-hmm.

- You must have dry-cleaned
your mother and father,

I mean,
during that period of time.

- Well, I sorted out
a few problems.

Dr. Judd,
don't they realize I'm me?

I don't think I could ever
go back home again.

I don't think I could ever
feel the same way

I used to feel about them.

- We didn't talk a lot
about her childhood,

but I knew some things,

and she needed some help,

and she wasn't gonna get that
from her mom,

and it probably went
way back, undoubtedly,

all of it.

So with her own
significant intelligence

and a good therapist,

she was able to make sense
of some pretty severe nonsense

that had come and gone her way.

- How do you know?

- Because I've been
your analyst for three years.

I know what you're capable of,

and I know what you're not
capable of.

- Would you like to bet?

- My reputation in psychiatry

against anything you care
to put up.

- Will this be enough?

I feel I got a great deal
out of analysis,

and I think a lot of people
think that analysis

makes one become introspective,

and I think it does
the opposite.

I think it opens you.

I think it frees you
from being

locked into your own--
worrying about yourself.

- One of
the most wonderful things

that she ever did for me was,
she convinced me

to get into analysis,

and it saved my life,
without question.

- I remember the day
that I saw Barbra Streisand

come to the set
to talk to Natalie

about how to block off time
to see your psychiatrist

during a movie,
'cause stars didn't have that

in their contracts
at that time,

but she did.

There was nothing
out-of-bounds with Natalie.

I felt so comfortable with her.

- Here's a toast to Bob
and Carol and Ted and Alice.

- That's a good--
I'll drink to us.

- Hats and horns.
- Four...

of the grooviest people
I've ever known.

- This movie
was about infidelity

and these encounter groups

where people were looking
into their real me

and all the things that were
spanking new at the time

and very controversial.

- It just seems wrong.

- Oh, it's not.

Look, it's just nice feelings.

It's something that we've
never done before.

It's physical fun.
It's just sex.

- I was not sure of it.

I thought
it might be exploitative

in terms of the sexual aspect
of it,

but Natalie brought
what the film needed:

not only a star

but a quality of intelligence

that an audience
could identify with.

And even the scene

when we're all
in bed together,

I wore two pairs
of jockey shorts,

but Natalie made it
so easy

and so natural.

So that was a great gift
for all of us.

- In 1970, she had just
come off a big success

with "Bob & Carol
& Ted & Alice."

My Daddy Gregson called her
"rich and happy"

because she owned points
in that film,

and so I think she was
in a really good place

at that time.

- At one point,
you had unbelievable power

for a female

when you were
one of the few females

who could get a picture made,

and then you seemed
to opt out of stardom.

Why?

- Oh, gosh, Rona,
I don't know.

I've been acting
since I was five, really,

and I think that I came
to a point in my life

where I felt that I wanted
to live some of my life

without work,

because I'd always been
so absorbed in work.

And I also got married
and wanted to have children,

and I really just enjoyed
being with them.

- After I was born in 1970,

my mom took a break
from acting

for maybe four or five years

because she wanted to be
a stay-at-home mom.

And then slowly, you know,

the acting bug
came back around,

and so she did start to feel
the need to go back to work.

- May I come in?

- Why the hell not?

Better late than never.

- And then when Courtney
and I were getting older,

she wanted to act

with the knowledge
of being a mother.

- All right.

That's little Cassie,
always obedient.

Kiss your mother.
Go to confession.

Change the baby.
Shut your mouth.

- "The Cracker Factory"
was a big television event

of that time,

and it was very unusual
that a big movie star

was going to portray
a character on television

that had so many flaws.

And I played her daughter,

and I remember her
being excited

about playing real struggles
of people's families

and about being real.

- It was a book that I just
thought was wonderful,

and I thought
what made it unusual

is the woman's real wit

and her way of dealing

with the problems
that she had.

And I think it wasn't only
about alcoholism.

I think it was also
about the many pressures

that face a woman,
wife, mother today.

- I would hear discussions
with Natalie and RJ

'cause here they are
in the bed,

and I'm over here at the desk.

RJ was doing "Hart to Hart,"

and Natalie would say,
"Well, I've got the script,

'Meteor' with Sean Connery."

And he'd say, "Well, okay,
I have a break

during this time,"
because their main rule was,

they wouldn't both
be working at the same time,

that somebody would be home
for the children.

- It doesn't look like
you're ready to jump rope.

- Well, I think
I'm gonna watch,

and I'll let the Harts
jump rope today.

But we do jump rope at home,

and the kids
are gonna jump rope,

Courtney, Natasha, Katie.

- I love jump rope.

- Why?
- Because.

- Does it make you feel good?
- Yes.

- Do you recommend it?

- I don't know.

- I think women today
are trying to have it all

in the sense
that we don't just choose

to be one thing
or the other.

We don't just say, "Well,
now we're gonna give up career,

"sacrifice our life,
and be a wife and a mother,

or we're gonna be
a career woman, pursue that."

I mean, I think a lot of us
are trying to do

all of it, you know,

without having, you know,
one suffer.

- I think it was difficult
for her.

She was torn by wanting

to be there
with her children

in a family unit with RJ

and to fulfill
this other side of her

that was her core,

and I think that was
a real growing pressure.

- Marker.

- With your children
growing up,

with your going back
into doing more movies,

how would you like to see
your 40th birthday approached?

- Oh, gosh.

Well, I would like to...work.

I would like to keep working,

not necessarily
at a faster speed,

but I'd like to be able
to do good parts.

I loved working
in "West Side Story,"

but I wouldn't go back.

Today's what counts,

and RainTree helps you
make the most of it.

- She was going through
a transition in age,

which Hollywood was not
very accepting of,

and even now, it's a problem
once you get those crow's-feet,

you know?

Maybe you don't get
the great roles.

- If you're like me, you don't
want to go back in time.

You want to stay ahead of it.

- But she was unsinkable.

She would accept that,
"Yes, I'm now 40,"

which seems like nothing now,

"and I'm gonna work,
and I'm gonna be

a woman my age,
and it's gonna be great."

- Come on, now.
Stop holding things back.

- All right, God damn it.

I'm not sorry
they're getting divorced.

I mean, I am sorry
they're getting divorced.

- She had, like,
two personalities,

both of which
she controlled,

but when she chose
to be a movie star,

she was all made up.

- And, honey...
- Yeah.

- While you're finishing
your hot dog,

think of this.

I'm not wearing anything
underneath my coat.

- You're kidding.

So she was very wise

about how she dispensed
herself,

the commercial side of her.

- My mom had
a great publicist

named George Kirvey,
and he felt,

when she was hitting
her 40s,

that it was time
to revamp her image.

- I was working
for "Look" magazine

and "People" magazine,

and George Kirvey said,

"Maybe, you know, we want
to change Natalie's image

"to some more sensual,
maybe a little sexier,

and more of the '70s time,"
and we did that,

and we
really accomplished that.

It's been written about:
I changed

the whole professional look
of Natalie Wood.

This is my favorite photo
of Natalie Wood.

This is published
all around the world.

And this is the "Anastasia"
poster portrait

that we did for--
you hold it up--

for the Ahmanson Theatre.

- It was an exciting time
for her professionally.

I remember
having conversations

with her and George

about her first
stage appearance

in "Anastasia."

She was petrified
of the stage

but wanted to overcome it.

- During that time that Mommy

was thinking
about "Anastasia,"

you were working really hard.

- Well, we were still doing
"Hart to Hart."

- You were doing
"Hart to Hart."

- I was in Hawaii,
you know, on location

when she was doing
"Brainstorm"

in North Carolina.

- In 1981, when my mom
passed away,

she was in the middle
of filming "Brainstorm,"

starring Christopher Walken
and Louise Fletcher.

She was shooting on location
in North Carolina,

and it was kind of a big deal

because that was
the first time that my mom

and my Daddy Wagner

would be working
at the same time.

- I think I can get it
down to size

and make it look attractive,

maybe something
like stereo headphones.

- I'm not worried about that.
I know you can.

It's Michael.

You're gonna have to work
very closely with him.

Is that a problem?

- No.

That won't be any problem.

- Okay.
- Not for me.

- At first,
I was very intimidated

with the idea of working
with Natalie Wood.

This is
an extremely experienced

and competent actress,

and Chris Walken is kind of
an experimental performer,

and he's so extraordinary.

So I never felt any problem

with trying to make them
fit together as a couple.

From a director's standpoint,

I thought
it was gonna work fine.

But one of the things
that I wanted to comment on

in the context
of this interview

is that there was a love scene
between the two,

a sex scene, actually,

and I found out
in the shooting of that scene

that there was
almost no physical charisma

between them at all,

and so that made me believe,
in retrospect now,

that the suggestion that there
was some love triangle

between Natalie and Christopher
and RJ or something like that,

whatever anybody
would make of it,

is not true.

I just think
it's impossible.

- Based on conversations
I had with Natalie,

she was not having an affair.

That's based on what
she was saying to me.

That's what I believe.

- How do you and your wife
manage to combine

two successful careers
and a good family life?

- She's
a really wonderful lady,

and she rather makes it all
work out.

You know, she really--
it's a very difficult thing

to be a mother and an actress

and have a career
and have a husband

and all of that.

It's difficult
because we haven't really

ever been apart this long.

This is the longest
we've been apart,

and it has been--I find it
very difficult, really,

because, you know,
we've been together so much,

and I think it's difficult
for anybody who's in love

to be...away from the one--

the person that they're
in love with.

- I think it really is
a question

of trying to figure out
how to use your time

the best way...
- Mm-hmm.

- And to be flexible.

Because I think the main thing

is to try to be together
as much as possible

so that everybody--you know,

so that you're
with your kids enough

and with your husband enough
and with yourself enough

and doing
your own thing enough.

- When she went
to North Carolina,

I remember that I would
write her these letters,

and I would cry
as I was writing the letter

'cause I missed her so much,

and then I would draw
around the tear,

and then I would write "tear"
with an arrow...

Because obviously,

she couldn't see the tear
'cause it had dried up.

- Yeah, you did miss her a lot.
- Yeah.

I really missed her,
and I wasn't used

to her being gone,

so when she came back,

we were all really happy
to see her.

- We had wrapped
in North Carolina.

We were done
with the location shooting,

and we were going back to LA

to shoot the interiors
and set stuff back at MGMs

after the Thanksgiving
holiday.

- In 1981, we had Thanksgiving
together as a family

at the house on Cañon Drive.

A house full of people,
as always.

Natalie had returned
from North Carolina

to finish shooting
"Brainstorm" in Los Angeles,

and Daddy had come back
from Hawaii,

where he had been shooting
"Hart to Hart,"

and it was very rainy
and stormy that weekend.

Natalie and Daddy
would go out on the boat

a lot for weekends.

A lot of times,
the kids would go,

but in this case, they were
gonna have an adult weekend,

and I know that Natalie
had asked several people

to join them.

Christopher Walken
was in Los Angeles

to finish "Brainstorm."

He did not live
in Los Angeles.

And so naturally,
she asked him

to go on the boat.

And they asked
several other friends

that just didn't feel
comfortable

and didn't want to go.

- It's pouring with rain
the entire Thanksgiving.

We all were at dinner.

And I thought,
"Well, this is absurd."

I mean, besides trying
to get out of it

because, you know, it was clear

that RJ and Chris
were arguing all the time,

I didn't want
any part of it.

- I remember feeling that
it was a little bit tense,

and I remember staying later
with her

to see if she was okay

after we'd all had dinner,

and she told me
that she was

and that she'd been
under a lot of pressure

in the movie

and would I please come
on the boat,

but it was my son's birthday,

so I said to Natalie,

"I'm not gonna come
on the boat,

so we'll all have dinner
on the Sunday night,"

and that was the last time
I saw her.

- We sat up until all hours
of the night

on the last night, talking,

and she was anxious
about going on the boat

because she felt compromised.

She loved the life she had,

and she loved the work,

and she knew
she couldn't do both fully,

and these two men
actually represented

both sides of that argument.

You know, Chris was--
in her mind,

he was a free spirit,
an artist,

and RJ was a responsible
husband and father.

And I said to her
that I thought it was

important that she go
on the boat,

that it would give her
an opportunity

to work through all of this,

and...silly me.

- I've never forgiven myself
for not going,

because I'm sure
there would've been

a different dynamic somewhere.

- The last time
I saw my mom

was the day
after Thanksgiving

at our house
on Cañon Drive.

It was raining outside,

and I didn't want them
to go on the boat,

so I was hugging her,
and I was telling her,

"I love you, and I don't want
you to go on the boat,"

and she was comforting me
and telling me not to worry

and that everything
would be okay.

So a few hours later,
my parents left on the boat

for Catalina
with Christopher Walken,

who I didn't know very well,

and Dennis Davern,
who my parents hired

to take care
of the "Splendour."

- She'd called me
from Catalina,

and she left two messages
on my machine

saying, had I heard from RJ?

She and RJ
had had an argument

the night before.

The second was,
she had called back

to say everything was fine,
not to worry.

- On the first night,
Mommy had gone

onto Catalina Island
and stayed in a hotel,

right?
- In Avalon.

- In Avalon, right.
- Yeah.

And the reason for that
was because

we couldn't pick up a mooring
inside the harbor,

so we dropped the anchor
outside on the breakwater,

and it was
a very rough night,

and the boat was, you know,
just going up and down,

up and down,

and it was
very uncomfortable.

- So you guys
were kind of arguing.

- Yes,
that got your mother

very nervous,
and so we decided

that she'd go ashore,

and Chris and I stayed
on board the boat

and just took watches
to see

that it was all right
and everything,

and then she came back
on board the next morning,

and we decided
to go from Avalon

down to the Isthmus,

and we were gonna
show Chris that anyway,

'cause that's where
we spent our honeymoon

and all of that.
- Mm-hmm.

- And when we were
at the Isthmus,

we tied up there,
and I went to sleep

'cause I was really tired.

- From the night before.
- From the night before.

- Uh-huh.
- And when I woke up,

Chris and your mother
had gone to shore...

- Mm-hmm.
- To this bar that was there.

I met them.
I got a shore boat.

And, you know,
they had these boats

that came up, picked you up,
and I went and met them,

and we had dinner,
which was pretty nice,

and I remember I had, you know,
a few glasses of vino,

and I was feeling
pretty good, and...

we came back, you know,
to the boat.

I opened up
another bottle of wine

and had a couple more glasses
of wine,

and I sat there
with Chris, and...

we started talking, and...

he started to mention to me
about your mother

and how wonderful she was

and what a great actress
she was

and how he enjoyed
working with her,

and he said, "You know,
I think it's important

that she works,"
and I said,

"I think it's important
if you stay out of her life."

You know, I was
a little teed off about that.

Suddenly, he's telling me

what she should do
and how she should behave.

I got angry at that.

And so your mother
went down below,

our stateroom,
where we st--

our bedroom was down below,

and she went down below
to get ready to go to bed,

and I sat there with Chris,
and I said,

"Why don't you just"--

you know,
"Don't tell her what to do

and, "Stay out of her life,"

and I picked up the bottle
and smashed it on the table,

and, you know, I was really,
you know...

angry at him about it,

and as I look back at it,
unjustifiably so,

you know, but he ducked out,

went out, went up on the top

of the deck,

and I followed him out there,

and I was still saying to him,
you know,

"Just stay out of it, Chris."

You know, "Don't get
involved in it.

It's important.
She's got three children."

Da-da--you know.
- Yeah.

- I mean, I was also a little
high at the time, I might say.

But I calmed down.

You know, I guess
me being out in the air and...

Anyway, I calmed down,

and we went back down below

and talked for a while.

- You and Chris?
- Yeah.

- Uh-huh.
- And he went to his cabin,

which was up on the other part
of the--forward on the boat,

and Dennis--

I had Dennis--you know,
we swept up the glass

off the floor
and cleaned up the salon a bit.

And we talked about leaving
the next day

to go back to the mainland,

and then I went below,
and when I went below,

she wasn't there,

and so I looked around.

I looked in the bathroom,
and she wasn't in the bathroom,

and I went on the aft end
of the boat,

and the dinghy was gone,

and I came back up,
and I said--

I got Dennis and Chris.

I said, you know,
"Natalie's not here.

"She's...she's taken off,

"I guess, on the dinghy.

I better--did any of you
hear it?"

And we--n--see,
nobody heard anything.

- Right.
- I didn't hear anything.

I didn't hear
anything about--you know.

We would have heard it if--
I believe,

if the dinghy had fired up.

- Yes.

- So...

I...called a shore boat

when the guys come out,
'cause I thought

maybe she had gone back
to the restaurant

or back to the Isthmus,

where there were
these little slips

where you could put
your boat in and go in.

- I remember those.

- The dinghy wasn't there,
and she wasn't there,

and I yelled up,
and the guy says,

"Natalie up there?"
"No, she's not here."

I got back,
and the shore boat came back.

I said, "She's not--
she didn't go ashore,

at least to the Isthmus."
- Right.

- So it was then that we called
the shore patrol

and said, "Have you,
you know, seen anything?"

"No, we haven't seen anything."

We called the coast guard.
The coast guard came in.

And then, you know,
we waited for a long--

God, it seemed like forever
to me, and...

- 'Cause they were looking
for her, right?

- Yeah, they were looking
for her,

and this man that I knew

and that your mother knew,
Doug Bombard,

he took care of everything
in Catalina at that time

and had all the moorings,
of which we had one,

and he said, "We found her,"

and I said...

"Is she okay?"
and he said, "She's dead."

And...

everything just went out
from under me.

You know, just--it just--
everything just

went away from me, and...

we were all stunned,
everybody, and...

That night's gone
through my mind so many times,

you can imagine, and...

and I...

You know,
Chris was there with me.

He, by the way,
is a very stand-up guy

and a gentleman,
a true gentleman.

- I remember
that Mart told me

that he picked you
and Chris Walken up

at the helicopter...
- Pad, yeah.

- And you drove to see
Arthur Malin...

- Mm-hmm.
- Your therapist,

because you needed
to talk to him

about how you were gonna
tell Courtney and I.

- He said to me...

"RJ," he said,
"I'll just tell you one thing.

"Don't minimize it.

Just tell them actually
how devastating it is."

And I remember,
I took you in my arms,

and, you know, you were
at the bottom of the stairs.

You remember?

And I said about your mother.

- And then we were
all together.

- And we've been
all together.

- Yeah.

- Thank God.

- Yeah.

- This afternoon,
Natalie Wood was buried

in a private ceremony
in Los Angeles,

attended only by family
and close friends.

- The funeral
was another media storm.

They weren't allowed
into the cemetery,

but they got ladders
to get up on the wall,

and it was not very pleasant,

considering we were trying
to pay our respects

and hold ourselves together.

- There was photographers
everywhere,

taking our picture,

and I was thinking,
"How can they take my picture

"when I just said good-bye
to my mom?

It seems so wrong."

- I remember
your grandmother's

parting shot to me,

the last thing
that she ever said to me

at the funeral.

She came up to me and said,

"If you," meaning me,

"if you had been
on that boat,

my daughter would be alive."

- The day after the funeral,

there was a big, bizarre,
hysterical party at the house.

RJ was in bed upstairs,

and there were
all these movie stars there.

It was really odd.
I mean, to me, it was odd.

It was like Madame Tussauds
brought to life, almost,

and Elizabeth Taylor was there
with the crystal ball,

and Shirley MacLaine
was gonna heal RJ,

and it was just really
completely surreal atmosphere,

I thought.

- I definitely was trying
to be strong

because my Daddy Wagner
was so very fragile.

I was worried
that if I was too upset

that it would be
too much for him

and he would just drop dead.

- He was really suffering,

and he didn't leave
the bed for days,

and then Willie Mae,

who was really part
of the family,

she came up to the bedroom,
and she said,

"RJ, you have to get up

"and get out of this bed
right now.

Your girls think
you're gonna die."

And that was that.

Thank God for Willie Mae,
you know?

- Well, I remember
Willie Mae,

she helped me get up,

and I pulled myself together,
and...

one foot went
in front of the other.

- Slowly.

- Very slowly.

- The press
didn't go away.

It was really horrible.

The children couldn't go out.

They could go
in the back garden,

but they certainly
couldn't go out the front,

and every friend that came up
to pay their respects,

click, click, click,
click, click.

- Most people can't imagine
what that's like,

to live in that kind
of a fishbowl,

and so RJ

didn't want to be at home
at Christmas.

- We then went away
for Christmas to Switzerland

to see his friend
David Niven

and be there and just get away
from the mania

that was going on
around the house

on Cañon Drive at the time.

- And RJ brought the kids,

encouraged by my father

to get out of town,

and found a chalet for RJ

not far
from my father's chalet.

- Soon after that,
my dad wanted us to go

to England to be
with Richard Gregson.

- It was New Year's Eve,
just after the accident.

There were reporters
hanging off the trees,

and RJ was walking
around the garden

with Richard in tears,

but at the same time,
we had a party.

You know, we had fun,
if that sounds odd.

- There was so much activity.

When we were traveling
and stuff,

that seemed rather comforting
to me.

I think it was
finally coming back home

and, like,
going back to school,

that didn't feel right.

- My parents had tried so hard
to give us

this very stabilized
and structured life,

and then when she died,
everything went upside down.

So I think it was a lot
of just surviving for a while.

- When I went to pay
the condolence call

to the Wagner house,

he was broken.

They were all broken.

And I had experienced loss
of my own.

I had lost my ex-husband
in a plane crash.

I knew what loss felt like.

- When Jill came into my life,
I was shattered.

I mean, I was totally empty,

and she had me by my elbow.

She was holding me up,

and I was a lot of weight.

- We did fall in love

but not exactly immediately.

There was such pain

from such a loss,

and it took time.

Fortunately for us,

it evolved into something
quite beautiful.

- You know, in the beginning,
when Daddy Wagner and Jill

started dating,

I would express to him
at times

that it was painful
and I didn't like it

and I didn't feel close
to Jill,

and she and I talked about it
in therapy.

I mean, it was definitely
a process.

- After my mom passed away
and even now,

I feel like I have
this ever-present echo

in my ear that just sounds
like it says...

"That's
Natalie Wood's daughter.

That's
Natalie Wood's daughter."

You know, and I just hear that,

and the only thing
I can think of

that I have to balance
that weird feeling

is my sister Natasha,
you know, and my sister Katie.

I just thank God
we had each other during that

and just in life anyway,

because I'm so, so close
with my sisters.

- Courtney was so young.
She was only seven.

To think that she lost her mom
at that age

is unimaginable,

and I think she wanted

to numb the pain,
she wanted to stop it,

so she struggled with drugs
and alcohol

for a really long time,

and there were times
when I absolutely thought

that I would lose my sister.

- When we as a family

addressed
Courtney's struggles,

we were all able to speak
from our hearts

things, perhaps,
we hadn't vocalized before

of how we felt,

and I believe it brought us
closer as a family.

- The main thing
that sobriety has brought me

is that that is
where I can have

total control of my life.

I thought that the other night.

I thought, "You know what?

"I'm in control of my life now,

and I don't have to worry
about anything."

- When my mom was alive,
she always said

that I wore my heart
on my sleeve,

and I did.

But when she died,

I didn't have a safe place
anymore to be vulnerable,

so I armored myself
to the outside world

with, "I'm fine.
I'm okay.

"I don't need your pity.

I'm just fine,
thank you very much."

But after my mom died,

I found a lot of strength
and clarity

from being in therapy,

and I knew that I wanted
to have a child.

That was really important,

and after my daughter
was born,

I was flooded
with so much happiness

and gratitude,

so I named my daughter Clover,

not necessarily
after the character

that my mom played,
Daisy Clover,

but mostly because clovers
are lucky

and I felt so lucky
to have her.

And having my daughter
has been

the most healing thing
for me.

- There's a development tonight

in one of Hollywood's
most enduring mysteries,

the death of Natalie Wood.

- What do we think
about, recently,

them reopening this case?

- Wood's death was ruled
an accidental drowning,

but in 2011,

Los Angeles
sheriff's detectives

reopened the case

after Dennis Davern
coauthored a book

in which he gave
a very different account

of what happened that night.

- I believe that Robert Wagner
was with her

up until the moment
she went into the water.

- I mean, I know how I feel.

I feel like people just want

to have some kind
of media storm.

- This new information
is substantial enough

for us to want to take
another look at the case.

- Is Robert Wagner a suspect?
- No.

- Oh, the--it's just
so transparent to me.

They can print anything
that they want to print today,

and, you know,
there was the coast guard.

There was the highway patrol,

the police department.

Everybody was on this.

- When it first happened, yes.
- When it first happened.

- Shortly after midnight

of the Sunday morning,

she apparently attempted

to get onto the dinghy,

slipped,
and fell in the water,

unable to return
to the dinghy or the boat.

- Noguchi said there was
no evidence of foul play.

He did indicate, however,

that tests revealed Ms. Wood
was technically drunk

but continually referred
to Wood's condition

as "slightly inebriated."

He nevertheless admitted

that alcohol
might have been one reason

why the actress
was rendered unconscious.

- When the toxicology report
came out after Natalie drowned,

it was clear that there was

a lot of alcohol
in her system.

There was also a Dalmane,

the sleeping pill
that she took.

- The assumption was,
when she went down below,

she could have gone out

to retie the dinghy.

- Well, I remember it used
to drive her crazy,

and she would always say,
"RJ, can you move the dinghy?

- Yeah, 'cause it--
- 'Cause the way the water hit

up against the boat,
it would bang,

and she was
so sensitive to noise.

- Yeah, and when
she went out there, was--

it was a slight mist
that night...

- Mm-hmm.
- And the assumption is that

she went out and slipped

and hit her head

and rolled into the water.
- Mm-hmm.

- But there's
always conjecture

about someone
who's very famous,

and your mother
was a very famous person.

And there's always conjecture,
I think,

you know, that always comes up

but not to this degree.

I mean,
this has really been something

that the media
has taken over.

- We were approached
by a news agency

who wanted to take another look
at the case.

We thought it was
a good idea

to try and go ahead
and do that.

- What's a person of interest?

- Just that.
He's a person of interest

like...he was there with her,

last person with her
before she ends up dead.

- How does it make you feel

when they call you
a person of interest?

- I don't pay very much
attention to it, Natasha,

because they're not
gonna redefine me.

- That's right.

- You know, they're not
gonna redefine me.

I know who I am.

- But it's important to me,
Daddy, that people

think of you
the way I know that you are,

and it bothers me
that anyone would ever think

that you would be involved
in what happened to her,

because you would've given
your life for my mom.

- And that's true.
I would've.

We all would've.
I mean, if there was an--

if we'd have heard anything

or known anything
that was going on

or any kind of disaster
was gonna take place,

we'd have been there.

- Have you ever been back
to Catalina?

- No, I never have gone back
to the island.

I see it once in a while.

You know how sometimes
you can see it,

it's so clear?
- Mm-hmm.

- Or if I'm taking off
from LAX, you know,

they turn to the south,
and you go by the island,

and I look down
at the Isthmus,

and I think of all
of the great times

that we had there

and all of the wonderful
life-giving experiences,

and...you know,
it's just so ironic

that this all happened,

you know, that it came
to an end like that, so...

No, but I never
have been back.

- Do you have any interest
in going back?

- Not particularly, no.

- Do you think
that the real story

of Natalie Wood's death
has actually come out?

- The real story of her death

is that she...

Drowned,

and...nobody knows
how she drowned

or what happened

except...her.

- Even if you have black
and white in the situation,

the tabloid media
will create gray,

so every year
around the anniversary

of Natalie's death,
you'd always start

to see things pop up,

'cause that's when they
can sell the most.

And I've had conversations
with editors.

"Why do you keep running
these awful stories today?"

"Because they still want
to read about it,

so they're still
making us money."

A lot of people
have made money

off of Natalie Wood's death.

- On that level,
they're just barracudas.

They're just feeding
on something

that means nothing to them,

and because this meant
so much to us,

to ever exploit
this situation

would be criminal to do that,

and I know there are people
who want to talk about it,

but they're doing it
for themselves,

and how dare they?

How dare they?

- I think the investigation

was mishandled
from the beginning.

Things were oversimplified
and ignored.

Conspiracy is
a bit far-fetched,

but were things covered up
and overlooked purposefully?

I'm certain they were.

- What I read in the press
and I see on these TV shows

when Lana appears

really upsets me

'cause it hurts RJ,
it hurts the girls,

it hurts the memory of Natalie,

and it makes me
sad and angry.

- Are you suggesting

that he knocked her out
in some way

and threw her
in the water, or--

- It is something like that,
absolutely.

- Natalie was very kind
to Lana,

very respectful
of her situation,

because Natalie was the one
who was the big success

with the parents,

and Natalie took
great care of her.

- Lana became an actress,

I think, because her sister
was a star,

and her name was not Wood,

but her mother changed it
to Lana Wood.

- I don't know;
the whole thing with Lana,

it's just...

I don't even think
she believes what she's saying.

I think she's just angry,
and I can understand that.

I can understand being angry.

I can certainly understand
having misplaced feelings.

I can understand
all of that,

but when I just think
about, like, my dad

having to deal
with any of this stuff,

it's just so hard
to even imagine

when, you know, he experienced,
like, a true nightmare.

I mean, a true nightmare.

- One thing that I've heard
Lana say

is that my stepdad, RJ,

kept her away from us,

but I don't have a memory
of being close to Lana

even before my mom died.

When she would come
to our house on Cañon Drive,

it always felt like she was
more focused on my mom

than Courtney or me,

so I never had that kind
of relationship with her

that my daughter has
with my sisters.

And she's literally accused
my dad of killing my mom

when that's the farthest thing
from the truth.

- Sadly, some of the residue
of the tragedy

will always be there,

because people like drama,
don't they, and tragedy,

and they'll have theories
about it.

And even my friends
sometimes say--

you know, they almost, like,
take you aside and say,

"Okay, you can tell me
what really happened,"

as if you have
some great scoop on it.

- Natalie Wood
falls into the category

of Marilyn Monroe,

Elvis Presley.

They were such icons,

the things about their passing

will always be brought up.

But Natalie is not a headline.

Natalie was a life
well lived.

It was foreshortened,

but she did a lot
in that lifetime

for her children,
for her friends,

for the industry.

She made a difference.

- It's really sad
that she died when she did,

because it'd be really great
to see what she was gonna do

as a woman in her 40s
and 50s

and the kinds of roles
she would take on over time

because she was
always grappling

with what it means
to be a woman

in different stages of life.
- Ah!

- But that's the great thing
about being an actor.

You're always alive.
Those movies still exist.

- Natalie was unique.

She doesn't have
a false moment in her films.

She didn't "act."

She found something in her gut,

in her heart,
and in her intellect,

and she applied all of that.

- I love you, Mother.

- And young women
seeing that now,

supposing you decide to catch
one of these movies,

you'd be struck

by a multidimensional
young woman

unafraid to show
her vulnerabilities,

her passion, her strength,

and her intelligence.

All of that is there.

- Won't you join me
back in the limelight,

little lady of pain?

All she was
ever looking for

was the comfort
of good friends, good people,

and being able to be
a normal human being.

That was her search.

It was so hard
against the reputation

of being a movie star.

And I witnessed her desire,
her reaching out

to try to be
just a regular human being

against the odds
of being treated

like a movie star,

and she did it beautifully.