All language subtitles for Kukhnya02.06

"KITCHEN"

Kitchen is a single
well-set mechanism.

Here everything runs precise
and accurate like a clockwork.

That's why the most important
in cook's job is mutual understanding.

Fedya, throw me...

Louis...

fast...

Here is your ladle, Lyova.

Max.

But not everyone is good at it.

Why do you throw me a cloth?

Why do I need salt?

Why are you calling me?

Your duck is burning.

Screw-up №200

If you believe in
the theory of buddhists,

in my previous life
I did lots of bad things.

Most probably I was Hitler.

Otherwise I don't understand,

why do I deserve
the punishment like you?!

Just because of
screw-ups like this,

I still can't join
the elite of our restaurant.

If I managed to get in,

I would be able
to go to sauna with Chef.

Chef, may I go with you?

Chef.

Don't even dream.

They don't take anyone with them.
It's an elite.

We are nothing to them.

And who are you?

No way.

I've been working here
for 3 years already.

Sorry,

but at the moment
your place is taken.

But you knew that every last monday
of the month we come to sauna here.

For so many years already.

Here I am, hanged among
the other guests of honor.

- Above Bondarchuk.
- I understand.

Everything is right,

but your portrait
can not pay deposit.

And the guy came and paid.

Excuse me, would you mind
to give me a hat for steaming?

Such a surprise to see you!

Chicken-butt,
and what are you doing here?

By the way, he has taken your place.

Do you know where
I'll pull this hat now?

Chef, I have a counter-offer.

- Senya.
- Ah?

Pour some more water.

I'll do, Chef.

Shoot, again I screwed it up.
"Screw-up №201"

First of all how would I know

that I needed to pour water
not on Chef, but on the stones?

Secondly how could I know

that water in the bucket is ice-cold?
"Chicken-but! Chicken-butt!"

Oh, come on, relax.

You didn't pour acid on him,
he'll scream a bit and then will stop.

Shoot, I'm a real idiot.

I always screw up in front of Chef.

Don't worry, all of us got used to
screw up in front of him.

- Seriously?
- Of course.

"Fedya"

"Three years ago"
I've been working as a ship-cook,

then in the restaurant in Sydney,
and two last years on cruise ship.

Here is my CV.

A real cook doesn't need any CV's.

You can recognize him by his eyes,
by his hard-working hands.

I saw your potential straight away.
Welcome to our team, son.

Drink...

Smoke...

Thanks, Chef.

Have a seat here.

I'll be back soon.

What the f...k is that ???!!!

Who the hell are you?

Man! Have you got
your wires crossed?

What are you doing here?

- I have an interview here!
- What?

And by the way I've passed it already
Chef has hired me.

Who?!!

"Claude Monet"
Chef

Jellyfish in my mouth!

Chef.

Please, forgive me.
There was a mistake.

I'm ready to make it up to you.

Here is cuban rum and cigars.

The best quality.

I bought it from cubans myself.

Alright.

You are hired.

You will work shifts
two on two off.

But shave off your beard immediately,

cooks are not allowed
to have beard in the kitchen.

And you?

First of all, I'm Chef.

And second of all, this is charisma.

And yours is a rat's tail.

Chef.

May I leave the beard as well?

You know... it brings luck.

During the storm,

it saved my life.

Please, Chef.

Alright, go.

But not even one single hair
can fall down from this beard.

Thanks, Chef.

Fedya, forgive me.

It was a stupid joke.

You also...

forgive me.

Morons!

Freaks!

I hate you!

Why is it happening
on my shift again?

What's wrong with him?

"Spartak" has lost again.
When will they learn to play?

Why am I surrounded
with just cripples?

Some are playing shitty,

the others are cooking shitty.

Sailor!

You say, your beard
brings luck?

You are freaking wrong,
it's not lucky!

Understood?

It's alright, take it easy.

Like this you look even better.

Don't try to make me feel better.

That's it. I'm resigning.

But before, I'll go
and tell this freak everything I think.

Hey, Chef!

Good morning.

Cripple, you are such a cripple.

They hire cripples from the streets,
and I suffer with them

Good morning, Chef.

Hello, I greet...
knife and axe workers.

It's fun here.

Vitya, I need to chit-chat with you.

Here's what...

I have always thought
that alcohol...

will firstly ruin your liver,

but alcohol is smart,

it started from your brain.

Are you growing
a hairy snake on your face?

It's crazy, did he let you
stay after this?

Yes, he said I'm a man.

All of us screwed up in front of chef.

Lyova, have you screw up as well?

Oh, come on,
I'll never believe this.

That's right.

Because Chef has never had
problems with me.

Come on...never?

Should I remind you?

Dear...

get for me some cognac.

What cognac?

The most expensive.

Got it.

Well...

"Sous Chef"

"Two years ago"
I got used to have a regular.

Very rich.

And only I was cooking
for this regular guest.

And he always ordered
the same thing - warm seafood salad.

Thank you.

But there were days,
when I wasn't available,

for some objective reasons,

for example I was sick.

And then Lyova had to cook the dish.

But the guest has never liked
Lyova's salad.

Thank you.

I would like to order
warm seafood salad.

But please, I have a request,

I want your Chef to cook it

and not his assistant.

Last time salad wasn't good.

And Lyova really wanted
to find out my recipe,

why my salad is good
and he's failing it.

Lyova, you have nothing to do?

Chef.

There's Timur,
he delivered the groceries.

- I can do receiving.
- Don't you dare.

Mine is exactly the same.

I don't understand.

Lyova, what are you doing?

Have you devoured
the whole salad?

Chef, I j-just want to understand
w-w-what you add there.

Now you'll find out.

So you want to know
what I add there?

Yes.

Have you noticed
how old our guest is?

Well, yes.

So have you noticed

that every time he comes
with different ladies?

And what do you think about it?

It's probably his co-workers or....

lovers!

He is sleeping with them, Lyova.

And I help him with it.

Do you know how?

I add in his salad viagra.

Horses' dose.

I know him long time,
he complained about it

and I decided to help him,

I advised him magical seafood salad,

that you have eaten.

So it means that I'll...

Yes, Lyova, yes.

Now you'll experience all the beauty
of puberty period again.

Chef, when my salad will be ready?

The guest is getting nervous already.

Tell him that in 7 minutes.

Chef, but what...

what should I do?

Sit here.

And wait for rush
of unforgettable sensations.

Hello.

Chef said to get some ice.

Said you hit yourself.

Ah, yea... I sprained my arm.

I'll help you.

Thanks, thanks, I'll do it myself.

It's alright. I don't mind.

Thanks, but no need.

So, how are you, Lyova?
Did ice help you?

Not really.

We need to talk, Vitya.

Me...

and you need to talk.

In private.

Why are you so pale?

Where did all the blood go?

We need to talk, I'm saying
we need to chit-chat.

Have you started to hire deaf?

Dima, maybe let's talk
in the dining hall, by the table.

I decide myself where
I want to have a conversation.

Is it clear?
Get up and get out.

He won't get up,
I mean he won't get out.

That's what you mean?

Riot?

Alright.

You've been frying mushrooms,
haven't you?

Fly-agarics (toxic, hallucinogenic mushrooms)?
Overdosed?

Tomorrow we'll talk.

And you open Dahl's
Explanatory Dictionary and read

what means word "Subordination".

One month you work without a salary.

And if it's a leap-year,
then 31 days.

I'm done.

That's too much.

Well, Lyova, your curiosity
cost me a lot.

Lyova...

Everyone left.

I cleaned the floors everywhere.

And now I'm leaving.

Ok, Ainura.

See you tomorrow.

When are you going home?

I still have some thing s to do.
I'll... work a bit.

You don't have wife.

If you had a good wife,

you wouldn't work that much.

Well, Lyova, how do you live
with this screw-up?

I would hang myself of shame
most probably.

You h-h-h-h... h-h-had this opportunity,

when you screwed up yourself.

- When did I screw up?
- Should I remind you?

Wait. Dear, repeat the cognac
for us, please.

And now remind it.

"Senya"

"A year ago"

So, Ilya!

Stop laughing!

Kristina, where are you
supposed to be?

Quickly, back to your position
to welcome guests.

Girls, quickly,
quickly to the dining hall.

Make yourself useful.

Good afternoon, we are happy
to see you in our restaurant.

Follow me, please.

I would fry her.

I would fry her too.

But she is out of our league.

We are nothing to her.

Listen, and who are you?

No way!

We actually came to work
here the same time.

Good afternoon, Dmitriy Vladimirovich.

We're happy to see you
in your restaurant.

I'm happy to see you too, Kristina.

Maybe we'll have
a dinner tonight?

Well, actually, I'm at work.

I'll arrange it. It's mine...

So Viktoria, I need a table
for two tonight.

Alright.

And find a replacement
for Kristina this evening.

- But....
- Without any buts...

It's very important for me.
Today I...

it's not important why...

want to propose her.

Yes... to propose her.

Here.

"Very, very, very expensive"

Give me an advice please,

how to get her the ring
in the most beautiful way.

You know Kristina?

She's very romantic.

How?

Dima, just show her
the price tag of the ring,

it'll be the most romantic way.

No, Vitya, no.

I don't want to buy women anymore.

I want it to be beautiful.

Chef.

I run out of vanillin
for eclair cream filling (in broken Russian).

Exactly.

Of course.

Well done, burry.

Get out.

He didn't get it,
but he gave me an idea. Of course.

We have to put the ring in eclair.

You remember
how she likes eclairs.

We'll put the ring in her eclair.
She starts eating...

and surprise! There's a ring!

- Brilliant idea!
- Of course.

Vika... No. Vitya.

The ring is your responsibility.

I'm really asking you, please be careful.

First of all it's expensive,
second of all it's on credit.

- It doesn't matter.
- Don't you worry.

Everything will be alright.

How is it going, Louis?

Where is the ring?

Here, everything is ready, Chef.

Ainura!

I'll deduct it from your pension.

- Where's eclair?
- I didn't take it.

- Senia?
- Yes, Chef.

Did you take an eclair from here?

No.

Senya, did you devour that eclair?

Nno...

I'll pay for it.

And you didn't feel anything?

It was delicious.

The owner is asking
for the dessert. Where is the eclair?

Somewhere here.

This moron devoured it.

Come here.

Where is our dessert?

Just couple of minutes more.

They are still being cooked.

We have been waiting
for 40 minutes already.

During this time man could stuff
an elephant with prunes and bake it.

Right.

I'll hurry them up.

Senya.

Give me this goddamn ring.

Senya!

Chef, don't push me,
I'm working on it.

How is it?

He hasn't still delivered it.

Chef, let me...
get you this ring tomorrow.

I know my body. Around 8 am.

Tomorrow?

You won't even live till tomorrow.

So, Vika, what's happening?

Nothing, why?

Where is my ring?

How do you know
about the ring?

You think, I don't know
that he wants to propose?

I have been working
on this the whole year. Where is my ring?

Vika?

Senya swallowed it.

What did he do?

Yes... And now we're trying...

to take it out.

Kristina, it wasn't on purpose,
it was a mistake.

Devious hog! Give me back my ring, moron,
immediately!

Calm down, calm down,
calm down.

Quiet.

Yes, dear.

I'm coming already.

So, if you don't give me
the ring right now,

I'll tell Dima everything.

Did you understand?

- Did you hear?
- Yes.

Well?

Here, this is expired...

old, stinky milk

pickles,

mushrooms.

It should help.

- Senya, open up.
- No, I won't.

Open up!

I'll not drink it,
I might get poisoned.

It's better to be poisoned
then cut open.

Where? In front of me.

Vitya?

What's happening?
Where's the dessert?

Let's check.

Louis, where is the dessert?

We need to wait just a little bit more.

A little bit.

Where's the ring?

Here is your ring,
safe and sound.

Vitya, what is it?

Why the ring is with this loser?

I've given it to him for safekeeping

- Why?
- It's safer.

Look, how big he is.

And then he has a secret place.

A little nook.

Give me your ring,
I'll hide it in eclair.

It'll take 10 minutes.

Enough, enough.

We'll stay without eclairs now.

Kristina, I decided...

let's forget the dessert.

It doesn't matter.

Let's...

drink to us.

To us, drink it all.

Come on.

By the way, I don't think
that it was a screw-up.

Do you know why?
Because the whole...

universe didn't want
the owner to marry this...

bitch.

Don't try to make excuses.

I'm serious now, by the way.

If my stomach
didn't return the ring back then,

maybe the owner
wouldn't propose her.

And she wouldn't take away
a restaurant from him now.

Here is your bill.

Do you know
how much this cognac is?

Let's split it.

No one will split anything.

How? Why?

We split the bill, only if we go
to the sauna as a team.

And today is a different case.

You invited us.

But here is all my salary.

Great, it will be a lesson to you.

In future, you won't take
what is not yours.

It happens in life,

you strive to join the elite,
turn yourself inside out and in the end....

I didn't understand...

Where is the money?

If you don't pay,
I'm going to call the police.

It happens in life,

you strive to join the elite,
turn yourself inside out ....

Excuse me,

but it's one thousand short.

It happens in life,

you strive to join the elite...

Could you please
think somewhere outside?

There are people waiting.

SUBTITLES : OLGA Y