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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:06,649 Hey, Peter! Come on, he's calling you! 2 00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,359 Hurry it up. 3 00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:10,111 Did you guys try smelling this herb? 4 00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:14,199 I'm taking some to try out later. It is different. 5 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:17,786 Guys, heads up. This here is... 6 00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:20,747 a Syrian bread. You eat it with hummus and stuff. 7 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:23,333 Everyone breaks their own bread. Come on, now! 8 00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:26,336 Don't sit down. I want to make a toast. Everybody, up! 9 00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:30,924 I'm making a toast! The night is just getting started! 10 00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:35,595 Watch out, world! 11 00:02:25,061 --> 00:02:27,188 What's going on? 12 00:02:30,733 --> 00:02:33,862 Shut up, Thomas. Just go back to sleep. 13 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:37,157 It's like the Wall of Jericho came crashing down my head. 14 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:45,331 What the hell? 15 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:49,794 What is it? 16 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,550 What the hell is going on? 17 00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:59,762 Guess we went a little too hard at last night's farewell party. 18 00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:04,267 We could ask Jesus to do one of those hangover healing tricks. 19 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:05,351 Where is Jesus? 20 00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:07,604 Probably laying around here somewhere. 21 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:12,108 I can't remember a single thing about last night. 22 00:03:12,191 --> 00:03:15,653 I remember we had dinner, and there was bread... 23 00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:17,530 and a shit ton of wine! 24 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:19,908 Guys, I can't find Jesus. 25 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,827 -Did you try the toilet? -Don't go there. There's a tiger in it. 26 00:03:23,077 --> 00:03:24,454 -Say what? -Yeah. 27 00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:26,331 Judas. 28 00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:30,001 Judas! Hey, Judas! 29 00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:33,796 Judas is out cold. 30 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,799 If he's out cold, then we really went hard last night. 31 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,176 -James. -Yes? 32 00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:40,136 -No, the other James. -What's going on? 33 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,347 -Think you know where Jesus is? -I remember him saying... 34 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:45,016 someone here would backstab him or something. 35 00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:50,063 Yeah, he did say that. That was during dinner. 36 00:04:00,531 --> 00:04:03,284 Can you get us some olive oil? Bread with nothing on it is shit. 37 00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:05,954 -Are you splitting the bill? -It's all on him. 38 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:07,330 Also some butter, come on. 39 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:12,377 Can we begin the supper already? The food we brought is getting cold. 40 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:13,836 -The food you brought? What? -Not yet. 41 00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:17,966 First, I would like to say a few words because actually, 42 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,634 this shall be our Last Supper. 43 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:24,764 Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me. 44 00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:29,894 -No way! -Hey, 'sup, guys? Did I miss anything? 45 00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:32,146 Hush, Judas. Jesus is saying someone's betraying him. 46 00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:33,648 Good God! Did he say who? 47 00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:35,733 Not yet. That's when you got here. 48 00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:38,278 Give us a hint. Is he a tall guy? 49 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:42,323 No. The person who'll betray me knows who they are. 50 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,786 -I'm sorry, Jesus! -Easy, there... 51 00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:49,163 Mary Magdalene said she wasn't going to tell you! 52 00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:51,332 -Say what? -It happened way before 53 00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:53,167 your "throw the first stone" spiel! 54 00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:55,044 I didn't even know you. It was just one time! 55 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,171 A friend had gone there before. It was just once! 56 00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:58,881 It's okay, Thomas. 57 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,050 -It was before, and just once... -Three times. 58 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,594 Three times. No biggie. 59 00:05:04,053 --> 00:05:06,639 -Four, at most! -Four is perfectly fine. 60 00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:11,394 It was 37 times! Please, forgive me! 61 00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:14,272 She does stuff that completes me! Roman bonfires and stuff! 62 00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:16,607 -I couldn't resist! -What's a "Roman bonfire"? 63 00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:20,403 And it wasn't just me here who did it! I'm dragging you all down with me! 64 00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:23,573 -Just let him speak. -It wasn't you, Thomas. Relax. 65 00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:26,701 Look, Jesus, if this is about your mother, I was drunk... 66 00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:28,494 Guys, I'm gonna die! 67 00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:30,413 -Oh, my God! -Hang in there! 68 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:31,581 He's choked on something! 69 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,710 Rain your blessings and love over us... 70 00:05:35,793 --> 00:05:37,920 Cut it out, you nutcases! Just wait! 71 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:41,174 -He's back! It's a miracle! -A miracle of God! 72 00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:45,094 Stop kissing me! Always with the kissing! 73 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:48,014 Calm down! See? I'm fine! 74 00:05:48,097 --> 00:05:52,101 I'm saying that soon, I'll be losing my life. 75 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,479 I told you! It's Jesus' habit 76 00:05:54,562 --> 00:06:00,610 of touching beggars and lepers and stuff! 77 00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,487 He hugged Lazarus, for God's sake! 78 00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:05,698 He was literally rotten! Dead for six days! 79 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:08,117 I said, "Heal him from afar, Jesus!" 80 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:11,913 But no, you just had to hug him, and be "accessible" and "open." 81 00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:15,708 That habit of kissing feet and the ground? That's what you get! 82 00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:16,876 Calm down. Let's take it slow. 83 00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:20,880 I'm trying to say I want you to carry on my word. 84 00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:24,634 -I'm sorry, which word? -My word. 85 00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:26,677 -You say so many words... -All of them! 86 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:29,472 -But which ones shouldn't we carry? -They're all okay. 87 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:32,183 -You want me to write them down? -No, thanks. 88 00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:35,478 -I'd like that... -Let's eat! We'll remember it as we go. 89 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:38,314 -Remember what now? -My words. 90 00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:39,732 -Why? -Because I'm going to die. 91 00:06:39,982 --> 00:06:41,943 -No way! -I just said that! 92 00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:44,153 Sorry, my mind was somewhere else. 93 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,573 Guys? Sorry for interrupting your conversation. 94 00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:50,993 -Do you have salt? That other table... -We can't have anything on the table. 95 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,286 No salt, no straws. 96 00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:53,788 -Sorry. -It's fine. 97 00:06:53,871 --> 00:06:56,499 You're on edge 'cause you're dying, right? Sorry, by the way. 98 00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:59,377 It's fine. And don't touch me. Personal space, much? 99 00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:00,294 Anyway. 100 00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:05,341 So that this moment is forever remembered... 101 00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:09,554 Come here. He's a friend of mine. A bonafide painter. 102 00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:15,226 Good with his hands. He'll paint us a nice picture. 103 00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:16,394 Right, Jair? 104 00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:18,396 Great guy. He is out there. 105 00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:22,817 Come over to this side, you guys. Let's all line up. 106 00:07:23,359 --> 00:07:28,698 Can I ask just one thing? Can I sit here? Just this once? 107 00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,116 Everybody freeze! 108 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,080 Sorry. 109 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,837 -Is this going to take long? -I'm still on the first Apostle. 110 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:43,796 Calm your tits. 111 00:07:48,217 --> 00:07:49,760 Why are we doing this again? 112 00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:52,513 Because my mother wants a memento from me, 113 00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:56,225 and she came with this creepy talk about shrouds, 114 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,728 pretty morbid stuff. Sweaty cloth, or something. 115 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:03,065 So I suggested a nice picture instead, so she'll remember me after I die. 116 00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:05,234 You're going to die? 117 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,778 For God's sake. Don't you hear any thing we say? 118 00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:10,531 We'll write it down later. 119 00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:13,034 It's all blurred now! You guys need to stay still! 120 00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:15,578 Jeez! You guys are like little kids. 121 00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:19,415 How are you going to handle my departure? 122 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,459 By hanging your heads against the wall? 123 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,795 Will I have to come back, fix everything, die again, come back again? 124 00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:27,840 Drop that! No eating! 125 00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:30,384 -Everybody, freeze! -In that same pose? 126 00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:34,722 We'll have a caricature artist later. You'll love him. Great guy. 127 00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:42,522 -Did anyone pay that painter? -I did. 128 00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:44,315 Well, look at the shit job he did! 129 00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:46,776 Fucking asshole, man. 130 00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:49,028 We spent like an hour stuck in that pose. 131 00:08:49,111 --> 00:08:51,489 Thaddaeus sprained his jaw. He might never speak again! 132 00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:53,407 So, when did things go off the rails? 133 00:08:54,992 --> 00:08:56,202 -James? -Yes? 134 00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:57,286 -The other one. -Yeah? 135 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,789 Jesus told us to each bring a dish. Which one did you bring? 136 00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,082 I brought chicken salad. 137 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,376 I brought fish. 138 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,044 I... 139 00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:09,549 Thomas! 140 00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:12,677 I... 141 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,762 I can explain it. 142 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,896 Can we set the food on the table and get this supper started? 143 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,439 God, yes! 144 00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:29,318 Oh, we're missing just one thing. 145 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:30,736 Prayer. 146 00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,698 We don't need to do it. I'm here. It's implicit. 147 00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:37,451 You were the one who taught me we should always say our thanks. 148 00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:40,997 Even with you here, we should direct it towards Him. 149 00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:43,541 Sweet merciful Father... 150 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:46,419 Just focus on the pain... 151 00:09:46,502 --> 00:09:47,878 Fine. Let's do it. Say your grace. 152 00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:50,339 -Can I start? -Sure. 153 00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:54,010 I'm nervous. 154 00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:57,888 -Thank you, O Lord, for... -He loved it. Great job. Let's eat. 155 00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:00,891 Let's get this shit started! 156 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,354 What's that? 157 00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:10,067 This is Jerusalem coke, Galilean hashish... 158 00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:11,694 Wait, what is that? 159 00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:16,365 I've brought some vinaigrette. 160 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,993 Is it dosed with something? 161 00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:20,786 Just bell peppers and onions. 162 00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,038 I thought this was a party! 163 00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:25,750 I asked each person to bring something to eat. 164 00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:30,171 -But you said it was a "supper." -And it is. It is a supper. 165 00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:33,215 You know, a "supper." I thought that was just a nickname, 166 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,927 since some people here are married and stuff. So, "Let's eat 'supper'!" 167 00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,679 Did I do the air quotes when I invited you? 168 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,348 Like, "Thomas, let us eat 'supper'?" 169 00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:44,018 No, you didn't. I mean, that would be too on the nose. 170 00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:47,688 -You just said, "Let's have supper." -And that's what we're having. 171 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:52,026 Who does suppers anymore? It's such an old-fashioned thing! 172 00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:54,487 -I do. -We do supper every day at home. 173 00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,947 It's a farewell supper. That's it. 174 00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:00,743 I focused on the "farewell" part. 175 00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:03,454 -Too bad I've already called the girls. -What "girls"? 176 00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:07,375 Is this where there's a "supper" going on? 177 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,710 Look at her. My sexy rogue! 178 00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,212 -I mean... -Come on, spread out! 179 00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:14,715 -What is this, Magdalene? -I thought you'd left. 180 00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:17,927 I told you I was going to leave on Sunday! 181 00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:20,596 -You just had to invite her? -She had the others' contact info. 182 00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:23,724 You gave everything you had to the poor, and I had to pay for our candles. 183 00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:26,727 I can handle myself. Buddha's wife kept waiting for her inheritance 184 00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:30,815 -and that fucked her up good. -But I was going to give you powers... 185 00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:32,900 I'm quite empowered already, love. I don't need no man. 186 00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:36,320 Yeah, so. So glad you came and all, 187 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,572 but this was all a misunderstanding. Grab your friends and... 188 00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:43,577 Well, guys, I can take away the girls, but I can't pay back the money. 189 00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:46,539 -It's okay... -Hold up, guys. 190 00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:51,585 -If it's paid for already... -Exactly! 191 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:53,838 Is this a "supper" or what? 192 00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,882 That's the thing, Maddie. It isn't. 193 00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,510 It's a fucking farewell party! 194 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:06,350 Relax, Jesus. By tomorrow morning, no one will remember a thing. 195 00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:13,941 That's when Jesus started drinking! 196 00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:18,612 -He was so upset. -I mean, how could he not be? 197 00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:21,699 Sorry, but I'm 42. I'm old. I could be someone's great-grandparent. 198 00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:23,325 "Farewell" means something else for me! 199 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,494 But seriously, though, where's Jesus? 200 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:28,205 Judas is still blacked out. 201 00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:31,250 Forget him. He was the only one who didn't like the party. 202 00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:32,668 He's fucking lame. 203 00:12:32,751 --> 00:12:36,630 Hey, wasn't that when Jesus started getting all bummed out? 204 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:46,307 -Why does she do that to me, Judas? -You're too good for her. 205 00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:48,601 Dude, I gave her everything! 206 00:12:48,684 --> 00:12:51,812 Women don't like nice guys. They like assholes! 207 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:53,856 -Where is she? -She's in the room. 208 00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:55,191 Try talking to her, Thomas! 209 00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:59,153 Sure, I'll just wait for Peter to be done trying to convince her. 210 00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:02,156 She is relentless! 211 00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:04,867 -See? -I've talked to her three times! 212 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,619 -I'll try talking to her. -Talk to her! 213 00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:08,370 I'll give her some hard truths! 214 00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,288 -James! -Yes? 215 00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:10,372 -The other James! -Yes? 216 00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:11,749 -Let's convince her together! -Right. 217 00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:14,126 -You know what? You, too, James. -Really? 218 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,504 Those are some good pals! 219 00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:19,215 I'm so praising you guys. You'll go down in history! 220 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:22,259 -Go with them, Judas! -No, I probably shouldn't. 221 00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:24,637 Why not? Why don't you want to go? 222 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,263 There are too many guys there convincing her. 223 00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:30,434 -You can give them a push! -She can't handle another push. 224 00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:32,811 You don't like me. You were never my friend. 225 00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:36,607 -No, I do. I love you, man! -Not my friend! 226 00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:39,485 -You've never rooted for us! -I've always rooted for Jesus. 227 00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:43,072 Have I ever told you that love parable about the man and the donkey? 228 00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:45,032 -Yes. -With the mountain and the pole? 229 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:49,203 -Multiple times. -Once upon a time, 230 00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:51,205 Isaac told the shepherd-- 231 00:13:51,288 --> 00:13:53,290 Would it cost you to go upstairs? 232 00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:57,127 -Actually, yes. Ten gold coins. -Say what? 233 00:13:57,211 --> 00:14:01,632 -God, is it hard to convince her? -I know! She's full of arguments! 234 00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:03,842 Where's that stuff Thomas brought by mistake? 235 00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:04,969 -Over there. -No, don't do it... 236 00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:09,181 Isn't this a farewell party? So I'm kissing my shit goodbye! 237 00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:16,355 Thomas! You know Jesus can't hold his stuff. 238 00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:19,483 And Magdalene wasn't holding punches. 239 00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,360 So, do we have any kind of evidence? 240 00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:24,780 -I can't find Bartholomew, either. -Maybe he's with Jesus. 241 00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:27,908 Wasn't he with Jesus during that fight? 242 00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,368 Fight? 243 00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:31,996 What fight? 244 00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,043 Is this your card? 245 00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:45,968 Listen to this. I've heard just now that the Son of God is leaving! 246 00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:47,011 Yep, he is. 247 00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,513 What a bummer. 248 00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:53,058 But I've got some good news to cheer you guys up! 249 00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:56,312 From today on, I'll be taking that position! 250 00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:58,272 You go, Bartholomew! 251 00:14:58,355 --> 00:14:59,690 She forgot my name. It's Diego. 252 00:14:59,773 --> 00:15:04,945 -Diego! -But from now on, call me Messiah! 253 00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:08,991 Yeah, a 2.0 version of the old one. 254 00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,160 -What's his name again? -Jesus? 255 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,787 The guy who had that thing-- turning water into wine? 256 00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:19,793 Well, look at my hand, guys. It goes up, and up... 257 00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:24,340 a free round of gin and tonics and martinis for everybody! 258 00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:26,133 -Free? -I'll pay you later. 259 00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:27,676 -You do miracles, too? -Yes, I do! 260 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,305 Look, thumb's off, thumb's back. See? It's back already! 261 00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:35,142 -How'd you do that? -Son of God, baby! 262 00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:37,269 That's a cheap trick! 263 00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,313 He just does this with his fingers. 264 00:15:39,563 --> 00:15:43,192 Come here, let me talk to you. Look, I grabbed his nose! 265 00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:44,109 He got his nose! 266 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,528 -It's his nose! -My nose is right here. 267 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:50,074 No, it's only back there now! Breathe, child! 268 00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:53,077 -My nose was already on my face! -Chill, yo! And it wasn't. 269 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:57,665 Focus here, guys. Just standard procedure. 270 00:15:57,748 --> 00:16:00,584 I'll need some offerings from you. 271 00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:03,587 We'll need some food and money for the road... 272 00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:06,131 -Can I get a hallelujah? -Hallelujah! 273 00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:09,843 Don't give money to him! 274 00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:11,637 -He's a fraud! -He said he's the Son of God. 275 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,390 -Thank you! -So we just have to say that? 276 00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:16,558 Then sure, I'm the Son of God! 277 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:17,935 He's the Son of God, too! 278 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:22,523 But he can't pull a coin out of the pretty lady's ear! 279 00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:24,108 What's going on here? 280 00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:27,820 You decided to leave, so Diego and Judas are trying to take your place. 281 00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:28,779 What the hell, Judas? 282 00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:31,991 You got it all wrong! People think this guy is the Son of God now. 283 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:35,285 -They said they're Sons of God! -There's only one Son of God. 284 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,162 See? He recognizes it! Cute, isn't it? 285 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:41,834 Bro, don't even get me started. I've healed lepers. 286 00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:48,590 Wow, he's healed lepers! But can you do this? 287 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,760 I've resurrected people. Can't compare that with the cloth trick. 288 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:56,807 He's resurrected people! Then I'll do him the card one. Pick one! 289 00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:58,934 -There's only one Son of God! -That's true! 290 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,311 -And that's me! -Then we're brothers! 291 00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:04,148 Don't waste your time on him! 292 00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:05,566 -Listen, pal. -What? 293 00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:07,651 -Do you know God? -Of course, I do! 294 00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:10,696 -Then how is He? -Well... He's good-looking! 295 00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:13,907 -What else? -He's strong! 296 00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:16,744 -What about His face? -His face...? 297 00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:20,748 You're asking a lot of questions. It seems like you don't know Him. 298 00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:26,879 Asking me about God's face? Don't you know God, Jesus? 299 00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:30,132 -Don't waste your time on him! -I talk to God all the time! 300 00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:31,800 Do you? 301 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:35,095 -Well, He gave me a chalice. -Is this guy for real? 302 00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:36,930 A Holy Chalice! 303 00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:38,766 The chalice was already here! 304 00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:42,186 -And here's another chalice! -He's multiplied the chalices! 305 00:17:42,519 --> 00:17:44,813 The second chalice was already there! 306 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:48,484 -And they're gone now! Where are they? -They're up in Heaven now! 307 00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:51,570 -You're an ass. -You're the ass! 308 00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:54,573 -You're an ass times two. -You're an ass times infinity. 309 00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:56,658 You're an ass infinity times infinity. 310 00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:59,244 And you're four times more of an ass than that. I won! 311 00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:01,246 -Oh, yeah? -What? 312 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:04,124 -You're a douche. -No, you. Look, it's a David Sling! 313 00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:06,293 Look, it's a miracle! 314 00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:08,921 Miracle? Here comes the Holy Spirit all up in your ass! 315 00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:12,466 Look, it's an apple! Adam, Eve, and... 316 00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:16,720 Let me just take King Solomon's Treasure! 317 00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:23,102 I know what you said. I won't ask "what." 318 00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:26,480 -I didn't say "what"! -Gotcha! 319 00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:27,731 Fucked ya in Egypt, say what? 320 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,818 Ditto with rice on top, say what? 321 00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:32,945 -What a fuckwad! -Dumbass. 322 00:18:33,028 --> 00:18:34,071 You're the dumbass! 323 00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:40,244 -You should turn the other cheek! -I'm turning around on his cheek! 324 00:18:45,999 --> 00:18:48,919 Jesus! You always do that! Want to bring down my tavern? 325 00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:52,714 -What the hell do you think you're doing? -Go back to your stupid tricks! 326 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,508 Diego! 327 00:18:54,591 --> 00:18:56,051 Stupid fucking tricks! 328 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:57,928 Forget this guy. He won't last. 329 00:18:58,011 --> 00:18:59,179 You bet he won't. 330 00:19:00,597 --> 00:19:02,432 Where's the air? Talk about weird! 331 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,476 Bartholomew! 332 00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:06,562 You killed the guy! 333 00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:08,063 You can deal with it, right? 334 00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:09,940 -By burying him? -No, feed him to the tiger. 335 00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:12,025 -What tiger? -The tiger in the bathroom. 336 00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:13,569 There's no tiger in the-- 337 00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:17,489 -There's a tiger in the bathroom. -Take him, then I'll undo the tiger. 338 00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:21,243 Here's the thing, Master. I don't want to overstep my boundaries, 339 00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:22,661 but why don't you make the guy vanish? 340 00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:27,833 Why make a tiger to eat him, and then unmake the tiger? 341 00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:31,253 Listen up, Bart. 342 00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:34,506 This guy in front of you now isn't the New Testament of God, 343 00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:37,676 who's all cute and fun and talks to people over mountains, 344 00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:42,222 and who has 12 pals, like Snow White's seven dwarves. 345 00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:45,017 The God in front of you is the Old Testament's. 346 00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:49,354 The one who throws golden calves off cliffs and kills whoever touches them. 347 00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:51,148 The one who orders Abraham to kill his son. 348 00:19:51,231 --> 00:19:54,860 But you did stop Abraham from killing his-- 349 00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:55,944 No? 350 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,906 You shouldn't believe everything you read. 351 00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:02,576 He did kill him, with great prejudice. Chopped him up with a butter knife. 352 00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,828 But then I gave him a cuter kid to adopt. 353 00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:07,206 -That's true fatherhood. Now go. -My God... 354 00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:11,835 Let's keep the party going with the only Son of God here! 355 00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:19,593 Shit! Jesus killed that guy. And fed him to the tiger. 356 00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:23,555 Hey, guys. What did I miss? 357 00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:24,973 Where the hell were you, Bartholomew? 358 00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:27,351 I was "concealing" a corpse. 359 00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:29,311 -Where's Jesus? -We thought he was with you! 360 00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:31,980 "Concealing a corpse"? But isn't the tiger in the toilet? 361 00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:33,232 He's still there? 362 00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:37,486 When I left to bury Diego, Jesus said he'd solve the tiger thing. 363 00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,655 Where did you "conceal" this corpse? Over at Mesopotamia? 364 00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:42,616 No, in the back. Have you ever dug a grave by yourselves? 365 00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:45,994 Anyway, when did you last see Jesus? 366 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,955 Let me see. When the Romans came in. 367 00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:49,957 Romans? 368 00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:22,489 Jesus is our King! 369 00:21:22,572 --> 00:21:25,742 -Jesus is our King! -Say what? 370 00:21:26,034 --> 00:21:28,620 Jesus is our King! 371 00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:32,416 Put me down! 372 00:21:32,499 --> 00:21:35,043 -Oh, God! -Coming! 373 00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:38,547 -Let me answer it. -No. I'll do it. 374 00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:41,925 I'm just fine! I'll solve this in no time! 375 00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:44,886 Everything will work out fine! 376 00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:47,556 It's the Romans! Everybody, leave through the back. 377 00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:49,558 I love them! I'll talk to them. 378 00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:56,064 Just tidy things up a little. It's all good! 379 00:21:57,691 --> 00:21:58,817 Come on, that won't do! 380 00:22:01,236 --> 00:22:03,822 Guys, chill out! How do I look? Fine? 381 00:22:03,905 --> 00:22:05,490 Well, maybe not "fine," but... 382 00:22:05,574 --> 00:22:06,533 How about my breath? 383 00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:10,078 -You're in no condition to-- -Don't be silly. Guys! 384 00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:11,872 Chillax! 385 00:22:11,955 --> 00:22:13,498 Now, Jesus will... 386 00:22:13,915 --> 00:22:15,334 take the wheel! 387 00:22:16,209 --> 00:22:20,297 Hello, Mr. Roman. Welcome to our humble abode. 388 00:22:22,007 --> 00:22:24,259 I choose God 389 00:22:24,343 --> 00:22:27,387 God is my friend 390 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:31,183 What the fuck is going on here? 391 00:22:31,266 --> 00:22:35,020 We are gathered here to pray, 392 00:22:35,103 --> 00:22:39,775 all with a lot if pomegranate, dates, gluten-free bread, love, 393 00:22:39,983 --> 00:22:41,485 and zero hashish. 394 00:22:42,652 --> 00:22:44,404 We were informed there was a party here. 395 00:22:44,654 --> 00:22:46,656 Here? No way. 396 00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:49,951 A party? In this peaceful environment? 397 00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:53,914 This must be a mistake. Maybe some other tavern is throwing it. 398 00:22:53,997 --> 00:22:55,665 It happens to all of us! 399 00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:59,544 This one time, I tried resurrecting a guy, and it turned out he was just old. 400 00:22:59,628 --> 00:23:00,545 It was here. 401 00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:01,880 Documents, please. 402 00:23:02,589 --> 00:23:05,675 We're good citizens, sir. 403 00:23:07,385 --> 00:23:08,220 Is that wine? 404 00:23:08,303 --> 00:23:11,139 A cup with every meal is good for the heart. 405 00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:13,308 -One only. -Poundme! 406 00:23:13,850 --> 00:23:15,977 -Pardon? -My colleague, Poundme. 407 00:23:16,061 --> 00:23:16,895 Yes? 408 00:23:17,854 --> 00:23:20,857 -Your name's "Pound Me"? -What's so funny about that? 409 00:23:20,941 --> 00:23:22,025 Is his last name "Hard"? 410 00:23:26,321 --> 00:23:27,197 What's the joke? 411 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:30,408 -It reminded us of this joke, you know. -What joke? 412 00:23:30,492 --> 00:23:32,828 Internal joke. You had to be there. 413 00:23:33,453 --> 00:23:37,749 -Now, Poundme! -Use a nickname, for God's sake! 414 00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:39,918 You better respect me! I'm a relative of Biggus Dickus! 415 00:23:40,460 --> 00:23:43,213 -Playtime's over, you bozos! -Hands on the table, now! 416 00:23:43,421 --> 00:23:45,215 Come on! 417 00:23:45,298 --> 00:23:46,925 "Poundme"! 418 00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:49,136 Hands on the table, now! 419 00:23:49,219 --> 00:23:50,345 Look forward, punk! 420 00:23:50,428 --> 00:23:52,848 Come on, dude. Let us off the hook. 421 00:23:52,931 --> 00:23:54,099 Shut up! 422 00:23:54,182 --> 00:23:56,810 -Come on, pal... -"Pal" my ass! I'm not your pal! 423 00:23:58,353 --> 00:24:00,397 -Son of a bitch! -That's abuse of power! 424 00:24:02,023 --> 00:24:04,526 I'm gonna raise my little hand, ya hear? 425 00:24:04,609 --> 00:24:06,903 I'll work my magic! 426 00:24:06,987 --> 00:24:09,197 -What's that over there? -It's nothing. 427 00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:13,827 -It's nothing! -He's just a buddy of ours! 428 00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:16,121 He doesn't look like he's sleeping. 429 00:24:16,204 --> 00:24:20,208 He just had too much to drink and passed out! 430 00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:24,504 He is dead. 431 00:24:24,588 --> 00:24:27,549 Dead? What the hell did you do? 432 00:24:27,632 --> 00:24:30,051 -You're all getting stoned and... -The fuck? 433 00:24:30,385 --> 00:24:33,054 I was taking such a nice nap. What happened? 434 00:24:33,138 --> 00:24:34,973 -See? He's alive. -Forget the drunkard. Poundme. 435 00:24:35,599 --> 00:24:37,475 "Pound Me"? Your name is... 436 00:24:37,559 --> 00:24:39,060 That hurts! 437 00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:40,228 He's the one doing that! 438 00:24:41,354 --> 00:24:44,065 -Messing with my insides... -Are you okay? 439 00:24:44,941 --> 00:24:48,653 I'm not! Just when I'm getting near the light, he brings me back... 440 00:24:48,737 --> 00:24:49,905 There it is! 441 00:24:53,491 --> 00:24:56,661 It is his doing! God, this burns like shit! 442 00:24:56,745 --> 00:24:59,414 Just let me go already, you bastard! 443 00:24:59,497 --> 00:25:02,751 I'm getting there now! Someone pull me... 444 00:25:02,834 --> 00:25:04,336 Legs open, smartass! 445 00:25:04,419 --> 00:25:07,839 -Come on... -Legs, open! 446 00:25:07,923 --> 00:25:12,302 -What are you guys up to? -What's this in your pocket? 447 00:25:12,385 --> 00:25:14,679 Just a loaf of bread I keep there. 448 00:25:15,180 --> 00:25:19,017 Two buns. Three buns. Four buns. 449 00:25:19,100 --> 00:25:21,770 Are you making fun of me, damn it? You want to get it? 450 00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:25,273 Bun it up. All up in my buns. 451 00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:28,109 You messing with me? Want to say that to my fists? 452 00:25:28,193 --> 00:25:30,612 Who do you think you're talking to? 453 00:25:30,820 --> 00:25:33,198 Who the fuck you think you're talking to? 454 00:25:34,032 --> 00:25:35,158 Excuse me? 455 00:25:35,242 --> 00:25:36,243 Do you know who my father is? 456 00:25:36,576 --> 00:25:38,787 Hope it's God, 'cause you're in deep shit. 457 00:25:39,162 --> 00:25:40,497 It's Joseph! 458 00:25:42,666 --> 00:25:45,585 -Joseph the carpenter? -Joseph the carpenter! 459 00:25:46,836 --> 00:25:48,129 You're Joseph the carpenter's son? 460 00:25:49,005 --> 00:25:50,423 How's that for you? 461 00:25:50,507 --> 00:25:51,675 Hey, Poundme. 462 00:25:51,758 --> 00:25:53,760 You know that table in my place? His dad made it! 463 00:25:53,843 --> 00:25:57,264 -And I bet it was with patina. -It was a combo deal. 464 00:25:57,347 --> 00:25:59,891 -He's great with patina. -Best in the land! 465 00:25:59,975 --> 00:26:02,185 I stopped buying from him because he became expensive. 466 00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:03,937 'Course it did! Quality comes with a price. 467 00:26:04,020 --> 00:26:06,356 Bet that table will last 'till your next generation. 468 00:26:06,439 --> 00:26:09,192 I'll abstain from kicking your ass out of respect for Joseph. 469 00:26:09,776 --> 00:26:12,362 -Are we clear? -Yes, we are clear. 470 00:26:12,445 --> 00:26:13,446 Good. 471 00:26:13,530 --> 00:26:17,367 Thank you, sir, but what can we do to settle things on our end 472 00:26:17,450 --> 00:26:20,078 so everyone can go home nice and happy? 473 00:26:20,620 --> 00:26:23,164 Well, that's up to you. 474 00:26:23,248 --> 00:26:25,458 The Legion needs some funds. Hard times and all. 475 00:26:25,542 --> 00:26:28,211 Whatever you need, just say the word. 476 00:26:28,670 --> 00:26:31,506 I don't know. What do you have to offer? 477 00:26:31,589 --> 00:26:34,926 What a coincidence! Our buddy there, the drunk one, 478 00:26:35,010 --> 00:26:37,971 just before he blacked out, he said his dream was to make a donation. 479 00:26:38,054 --> 00:26:39,597 -Right, James? -Yeah! 480 00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:41,099 -The other James. -Yes? 481 00:26:41,182 --> 00:26:43,601 -Wasn't his dream to make a donation? -Which one? 482 00:26:43,685 --> 00:26:47,105 -That bag of coins Diego had... -Oh, yes! 483 00:26:47,188 --> 00:26:50,400 The donation he wanted to make to the Roman Legion! 484 00:26:50,483 --> 00:26:52,277 -Of course! -Now we're talking! 485 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:53,528 Just let me find it. 486 00:26:53,611 --> 00:26:56,448 Altruism's great. Helping thy neighbor and all. 487 00:26:56,531 --> 00:26:58,616 -Here it is! -There we go. 488 00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:01,161 Come on, Poundme! Have a nice one, guys, 489 00:27:01,244 --> 00:27:03,455 -but this smartass is coming with me. -What? Why? 490 00:27:03,538 --> 00:27:06,041 I need something to show to the Legion. 491 00:27:06,124 --> 00:27:09,085 -That's excessive! -Come on, we had a deal! 492 00:27:09,586 --> 00:27:10,920 No! 493 00:27:11,755 --> 00:27:14,924 You can't leave, not before... 494 00:27:15,008 --> 00:27:16,634 -Using our restroom! -Restroom? 495 00:27:16,718 --> 00:27:20,847 It's great stuff. Porcelain walls, just amazing. 496 00:27:20,930 --> 00:27:24,893 There's even ice cubes and lemon in the urinal. It's fun! 497 00:27:24,976 --> 00:27:27,062 Plus, there's not a single decent bathroom 498 00:27:27,145 --> 00:27:29,064 -from here to Jerusalem! -True that! 499 00:27:29,147 --> 00:27:31,399 You'll have to poop in the woods and wipe it with myrrh... 500 00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:34,652 So just use our restroom. It has candy! 501 00:27:34,778 --> 00:27:35,987 Good idea. 502 00:27:36,071 --> 00:27:38,448 Gotta fire some torpedoes. 503 00:27:38,531 --> 00:27:41,409 Bust a grumpy one. 504 00:27:41,493 --> 00:27:43,286 If you need to go, go now, Poundme! 505 00:27:43,370 --> 00:27:45,705 No toilets on the road! 506 00:27:45,789 --> 00:27:49,751 Okay. Fill this bag. It's only got 30 coins. 507 00:27:49,834 --> 00:27:50,794 You betcha! 508 00:27:50,877 --> 00:27:54,089 -Where's the bathroom door? -Right there! 509 00:27:54,172 --> 00:27:55,715 Can't miss it. 510 00:27:55,799 --> 00:27:58,093 -This one? -Yes, that one! 511 00:27:58,176 --> 00:28:01,012 -But shut the door behind you! -Right. 512 00:28:08,311 --> 00:28:11,439 Happy now? Now the tiger's full 513 00:28:11,523 --> 00:28:13,775 and won't eat stupid Diego! 514 00:28:13,858 --> 00:28:17,278 -Bartholomew! Bury that sack of crap. -Aw, man...! 515 00:28:17,362 --> 00:28:18,738 -I'm sorry. -Shut up. 516 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:23,576 Guys! Automatic wine refill! 517 00:28:23,660 --> 00:28:26,037 Whoever chugs it first wins! Let's do it! 518 00:28:26,830 --> 00:28:29,582 Stop! This is the last round, you hear? 519 00:28:29,833 --> 00:28:34,045 -Aw, shit! -How could you lose Jesus? 520 00:28:34,129 --> 00:28:36,423 That's what we're trying to figure out. 521 00:28:36,506 --> 00:28:37,799 -James? -Yes? 522 00:28:37,882 --> 00:28:40,343 Dude, it's never you! Whenever someone says, "James," 523 00:28:40,427 --> 00:28:42,804 it's the other James! No one cares about you! Or likes you! 524 00:28:42,887 --> 00:28:44,639 You're the most uninteresting person here! 525 00:28:44,723 --> 00:28:47,016 "Soraya" would be more evocative of you than "James"! 526 00:28:47,100 --> 00:28:50,061 People say "James"? It's always the other one! 527 00:28:50,145 --> 00:28:52,439 -Don't listen to him. -Thomas is so rude today! 528 00:28:52,522 --> 00:28:54,357 I did mean the smaller James. 529 00:28:54,441 --> 00:28:56,025 See? What is it? 530 00:28:56,109 --> 00:28:58,445 -Get me some water, yeah? -Okay. 531 00:28:58,528 --> 00:29:01,614 Maybe some more Romans came in and took Jesus. 532 00:29:01,698 --> 00:29:03,616 -We would know if they did. -Would we? 533 00:29:03,700 --> 00:29:06,661 And now news from Judas. Wake up, damn it! 534 00:29:06,745 --> 00:29:09,956 When did Judas get drunk? When I left, he was still sober. 535 00:29:10,039 --> 00:29:11,499 Here's your water. 536 00:29:17,213 --> 00:29:19,549 What the fuck? 537 00:29:20,508 --> 00:29:22,552 -Jesus? -No, it's the tavern's owner. 538 00:29:22,969 --> 00:29:24,929 How did he end up hanging from the ceiling? 539 00:29:26,139 --> 00:29:27,891 I'm gonna fucking murder you-- 540 00:29:27,974 --> 00:29:30,560 Easy there! Temper! 541 00:29:30,643 --> 00:29:34,439 I'd be mad, too. By the smell of it, he tried crapping before pissing on us. 542 00:29:34,522 --> 00:29:36,816 -There, speak. -I'ma shove a cactus up your asses! 543 00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:40,945 -Easy, man. -"Easy," my ass! 544 00:29:41,029 --> 00:29:42,197 I was stuck up there for eight hours! 545 00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:45,033 -How did you get up there? -It was that son of a bitch's idea! 546 00:29:45,408 --> 00:29:47,243 -What son of a bitch? -Jesus! 547 00:29:49,162 --> 00:29:51,206 You can't call Jesus a son of a bitch! 548 00:29:51,289 --> 00:29:52,999 -Whose idea? -One of your drunk asses, maybe? 549 00:29:53,333 --> 00:29:55,043 So you're saying we tied you up there? 550 00:29:55,418 --> 00:29:57,378 -It was James's dare. -Me? 551 00:29:57,462 --> 00:29:59,214 No, the other one. He gave Jesus the idea. 552 00:29:59,297 --> 00:30:03,343 -I'm fucking clueless again. -James can't do dares. 553 00:30:03,426 --> 00:30:05,637 You're after Jesus, right? You should. 554 00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,515 After that "spin the bottle," shit got real. 555 00:30:12,101 --> 00:30:16,272 Spin it, and... stop! 556 00:30:16,356 --> 00:30:18,817 Truth or dare? 557 00:30:22,237 --> 00:30:23,988 I dunno. Truth. Why not? 558 00:30:27,534 --> 00:30:30,620 Peter, which Apostle would you screw? 559 00:30:33,790 --> 00:30:36,960 Come on, guys, don't ask that. It's not cool. 560 00:30:37,043 --> 00:30:38,795 Oh, no, now it's getting fun! 561 00:30:38,878 --> 00:30:42,924 He can't answer that. We're all pals here, how could we choose...? 562 00:30:43,007 --> 00:30:46,678 -Thaddaeus. -You go, Thaddaeus! 563 00:30:46,761 --> 00:30:49,055 You're getting some tonight! 564 00:30:51,516 --> 00:30:52,809 Thaddaeus? 565 00:30:52,892 --> 00:30:56,104 Yeah, Thaddaeus. I had to choose, so I chose him. 566 00:30:56,187 --> 00:31:00,024 You had 11 options and you chose Thaddaeus, 567 00:31:00,108 --> 00:31:02,318 the Apostle who hasn't said a thing all night? 568 00:31:02,402 --> 00:31:04,404 A supporting character at best, an extra at worst? 569 00:31:04,487 --> 00:31:07,282 Sorry, but you are. You're just here 'cause Jesus wanted 12. 570 00:31:07,365 --> 00:31:08,950 Hey, Thaddaeus is cool! 571 00:31:09,033 --> 00:31:11,953 Yeah, he's cool, but you know, so is Thomas. 572 00:31:12,036 --> 00:31:14,372 James is cool, too. We all are. Don't you think so? 573 00:31:14,455 --> 00:31:17,041 Come on, man, relax. It's just a game! 574 00:31:17,125 --> 00:31:20,503 Fuck that! If Peter has a fling with Thaddaeus, I want to know why! 575 00:31:20,587 --> 00:31:24,007 Answer it, Peter! You picked "truth," so tell it. 576 00:31:24,090 --> 00:31:26,050 What is going on here? 577 00:31:26,134 --> 00:31:29,053 Well, Jesus, Peter is throwing away four years of... 578 00:31:29,137 --> 00:31:30,346 Hey! Guys! Look at the bottle! 579 00:31:30,430 --> 00:31:33,558 -It's Judas's turn! -Judas! 580 00:31:35,268 --> 00:31:38,771 -Sorry. I was about to leave. -Wait up! What gives? 581 00:31:38,855 --> 00:31:41,608 I'm tired. I have to get up early tomorrow, so... 582 00:31:41,691 --> 00:31:44,694 -Just one last drink! -I didn't even have a first drink. 583 00:31:44,777 --> 00:31:48,489 -You're such a stick in the mud! -No, I just can't handle my alcohol. 584 00:31:48,573 --> 00:31:52,410 You little faggot! Faggot! 585 00:31:52,493 --> 00:31:55,538 -Faggot! -Faggot! 586 00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:58,124 That is not a cool thing to say, Jesus. 587 00:31:58,207 --> 00:32:01,502 -I have a lot to do tomorrow morning. -Have a glass of water at least! 588 00:32:01,586 --> 00:32:02,754 Do that and I'll let you go. 589 00:32:03,212 --> 00:32:06,049 -A glass of water? -Yeah, just to humor us. 590 00:32:06,132 --> 00:32:08,593 Oh, I see. You'll turn it to wine on its way to my stomach. 591 00:32:08,676 --> 00:32:09,802 No, I won't. 592 00:32:10,136 --> 00:32:14,933 -I've seen you do it before. -I'm not going to this time! 593 00:32:15,016 --> 00:32:16,726 -It's just a glass of water? -Yes. 594 00:32:16,809 --> 00:32:18,353 -You won't turn it into wine? -I won't. 595 00:32:18,436 --> 00:32:19,562 Okay, then. 596 00:32:19,979 --> 00:32:23,983 I turned it into absinthe, bitches! 597 00:32:25,026 --> 00:32:27,612 Come on! It's James's turn! 598 00:32:28,947 --> 00:32:31,741 -I'll tell the truth. -It isn't your turn! 599 00:32:31,824 --> 00:32:33,785 -Truth or dare? -Dare. 600 00:32:33,868 --> 00:32:36,663 Playtime's over! I need you out of here now! 601 00:32:36,746 --> 00:32:37,872 The Romans are coming back at any minute. 602 00:32:38,206 --> 00:32:40,959 -Come on, just 30 more minutes. -Two minutes. 603 00:32:41,042 --> 00:32:45,046 People have died here! And look how Judas is! 604 00:32:45,254 --> 00:32:47,924 He's in a coma! And the toilet's clogged with blood! 605 00:32:48,007 --> 00:32:50,218 It's over. Out of here, now! 606 00:32:50,301 --> 00:32:53,262 -Now, Jesus! -Hey, don't you talk to me like this, 607 00:32:53,346 --> 00:32:55,098 or I'm raising my little hand! 608 00:32:55,181 --> 00:32:57,517 -Calm down. -I'll raise my hand... 609 00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:01,521 Easy, Jesus! Bartholomew isn't even back from his first grave digging yet! 610 00:33:01,604 --> 00:33:04,357 You said "dare," right? So here's what we'll do. 611 00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:07,527 I dare you to tie the tavern's owner to the ceiling. 612 00:33:07,610 --> 00:33:09,570 -What? -Or else...? 613 00:33:09,654 --> 00:33:13,366 Or else I'll write in the New Testament that James the Apostle 614 00:33:13,449 --> 00:33:15,743 -was a cocksucker! -That's just being an asshole! 615 00:33:15,827 --> 00:33:16,744 That's it! 616 00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:19,497 -Just specify which James, please. -I'll leave it ambiguous! 617 00:33:19,747 --> 00:33:22,709 People in the future will decide! 618 00:33:23,418 --> 00:33:26,295 Spin the bottle! 619 00:33:35,888 --> 00:33:38,141 It's pointing at me! 620 00:33:39,767 --> 00:33:41,144 Truth or dare? 621 00:33:41,227 --> 00:33:45,690 Ask him what the Devil did to tempt him in the desert. 622 00:33:45,773 --> 00:33:49,527 Dare! I'm not falling for that! 623 00:33:49,777 --> 00:33:53,614 -Just spin that bottle again. -Wait, what's the dare? 624 00:33:53,698 --> 00:33:55,825 -Forget it, Jesus. -Why? 625 00:34:00,163 --> 00:34:01,789 Well, you're Jesus. 626 00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:05,918 So what? Did you forget my origins? 627 00:34:06,294 --> 00:34:08,880 We're all birds of a feather, dude! 628 00:34:08,963 --> 00:34:11,966 It's me! Jesus Christ! 629 00:34:12,050 --> 00:34:14,260 JC Superstar! Come on. 630 00:34:14,343 --> 00:34:15,845 -You want to fuck shit up? -I do! 631 00:34:15,928 --> 00:34:19,974 -You're gonna fuck shit up! -I'm all for it! 632 00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:23,561 I dare you! I double dare you... 633 00:34:23,644 --> 00:34:26,981 -to say the alphabet backwards! -What? 634 00:34:28,107 --> 00:34:30,151 -That's hardcore! -It's a hard one. 635 00:34:30,234 --> 00:34:32,945 It is pretty hard. Let me try. 636 00:34:33,529 --> 00:34:36,824 Z, Y, M... 637 00:34:36,908 --> 00:34:39,035 Oops, got it wrong already! 638 00:34:39,118 --> 00:34:40,828 What the hell are you talking about? 639 00:34:40,912 --> 00:34:44,499 Are you scared of daring me to do something? 640 00:34:44,582 --> 00:34:47,085 -Of course not! -No, no. 641 00:34:47,168 --> 00:34:51,172 -I'll dare you again to prove it. -Lay it on me. 642 00:34:51,255 --> 00:34:54,342 I dare you to wash everybody's feet! Especially Simon's! 643 00:34:54,425 --> 00:34:56,469 I just threw up on my foot! 644 00:34:56,552 --> 00:34:57,970 I dare you to that! 645 00:34:58,596 --> 00:35:00,556 -Cut it out! -The fuck? 646 00:35:02,391 --> 00:35:04,393 The fuck is this? What's going on? 647 00:35:04,602 --> 00:35:06,896 I don't even recognize you anymore! 648 00:35:06,979 --> 00:35:10,900 It'll be in the Bible, "Jesus had 12 Apostles who were 12 lame fuckers." 649 00:35:11,192 --> 00:35:14,612 Where are those 12 badass Apostles who'd follow me 650 00:35:14,695 --> 00:35:15,905 and always test me? 651 00:35:16,364 --> 00:35:18,950 Our relationship is getting samey as hell! 652 00:35:19,033 --> 00:35:22,370 It became a boring routine! I say "amen," you say "hallelujah"! 653 00:35:22,453 --> 00:35:28,167 I want you to say, "Fuck 'amen.' I'm all up in this shit!" 654 00:35:28,251 --> 00:35:30,253 Where's the ping-pong? I'm pinging and getting no pong! 655 00:35:30,336 --> 00:35:33,548 I want you to dare me to do crazy shit! 656 00:35:33,631 --> 00:35:35,341 Look at this nail! 657 00:35:35,424 --> 00:35:38,636 -This is so unnecessary. -Jesus, don't. 658 00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:40,304 I want a crazy-ass game! 659 00:35:40,388 --> 00:35:41,389 Eyes closed! 660 00:35:41,472 --> 00:35:44,892 That's dangerous, Jesus! 661 00:35:44,976 --> 00:35:46,811 Call Mary. 662 00:35:47,145 --> 00:35:49,856 That's right, yo! Who else wants to try? 663 00:35:50,940 --> 00:35:53,192 -Come on. -Jesus. 664 00:35:53,276 --> 00:35:54,819 Take the nail, Simon. 665 00:35:54,902 --> 00:35:57,363 Take it! 666 00:35:57,446 --> 00:35:58,906 -Come on. -Let's not... 667 00:35:58,990 --> 00:36:00,992 Now! Nail between the fingers! 668 00:36:01,075 --> 00:36:03,411 And I want it 500 fucking miles an hour! 669 00:36:04,745 --> 00:36:06,664 I said now! 670 00:36:07,248 --> 00:36:11,460 Guess I'll have to ask Thaddaeus to nail Peter, 'cause, boy, can he nail! 671 00:36:11,544 --> 00:36:13,462 Fucking asshole! 672 00:36:13,546 --> 00:36:17,717 You know blood gets me a little nervous... 673 00:36:19,844 --> 00:36:21,846 What have you done, Simon? 674 00:36:22,263 --> 00:36:25,308 Isn't he the big shot? Then big shoot this! 675 00:36:25,808 --> 00:36:28,644 -Help me remove the nail... -No, don't. 676 00:36:28,728 --> 00:36:31,063 Didn't he want something that'd surprise him? 677 00:36:31,147 --> 00:36:34,400 He said we weren't daring, that we had to do something to test him. 678 00:36:34,483 --> 00:36:37,236 Here's the thing. You, get three more nails. 679 00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:39,113 You, get those two beams that fell down. 680 00:36:39,197 --> 00:36:40,781 -I'm lost... -Listen! 681 00:36:40,865 --> 00:36:44,702 We're going to do what we did to the kids in boarding school. 682 00:36:44,785 --> 00:36:47,288 When they drank too much, we'd make them into scarecrows. 683 00:36:47,371 --> 00:36:49,999 Tying them up, so that the next day, 684 00:36:50,082 --> 00:36:52,668 they'd wake up with vultures pecking at their heads! 685 00:36:52,752 --> 00:36:55,171 That's just low blood pressure! 686 00:36:55,254 --> 00:36:57,590 -Isn't that prank kind of extreme? -He'll love it! 687 00:36:57,965 --> 00:37:00,259 Jesus has a sense of humor. He won't get mad. 688 00:37:00,343 --> 00:37:02,428 We'll show him the daring Apostles! 689 00:37:02,511 --> 00:37:05,223 -He can regenerate that wound. -He can, can't he? 690 00:37:05,306 --> 00:37:07,350 Let's just do it. What could go wrong? 691 00:37:08,601 --> 00:37:11,646 What the shit have we done? 692 00:37:12,438 --> 00:37:14,232 He's going to kill us! 693 00:37:14,315 --> 00:37:16,234 Great idea, Thomas! 694 00:37:16,317 --> 00:37:19,779 You agreed to it! It made sense at the time. 695 00:37:20,488 --> 00:37:22,281 And who are those two other guys? 696 00:37:22,531 --> 00:37:25,201 They look like those beggars who sleep in front of the bar. 697 00:37:27,453 --> 00:37:29,789 That crown of thorns, I think it could've done without it. 698 00:37:29,872 --> 00:37:32,667 Too much detail ruins it. 699 00:37:32,875 --> 00:37:35,044 Oh, Magdalene. Hey, you. 700 00:37:35,127 --> 00:37:38,714 -Cheer up. -He changed my life! 701 00:37:39,340 --> 00:37:42,009 He changed ours, too. 702 00:37:42,093 --> 00:37:44,053 You knew Dimas, too? 703 00:37:44,136 --> 00:37:46,555 -Who's Dimas? -The one in the right. 704 00:37:47,306 --> 00:37:50,810 No, we're talking about Jesus. The one in the middle. 705 00:37:50,893 --> 00:37:52,561 Where do you know Dimas from? 706 00:37:52,645 --> 00:37:54,730 He was my first customer! 707 00:37:54,814 --> 00:37:56,816 I am who I am today because of his word of mouth. 708 00:37:57,149 --> 00:37:59,360 My head is killing me! 709 00:37:59,902 --> 00:38:02,613 I've never been this hung over! 710 00:38:02,697 --> 00:38:04,156 What are you...? 711 00:38:04,824 --> 00:38:06,826 What happened here? 712 00:38:07,118 --> 00:38:09,120 Who did this to the Messiah? 713 00:38:09,203 --> 00:38:12,665 -It was... -Actually... 714 00:38:12,748 --> 00:38:13,916 It was you! 715 00:38:15,084 --> 00:38:18,337 -Me? -Happy now, Judas? 716 00:38:18,421 --> 00:38:21,299 -Yeah! -It was you! 717 00:38:21,382 --> 00:38:24,552 -When? -After you chugged that drink! 718 00:38:24,635 --> 00:38:29,015 Oh, God! I don't remember a thing after that drink! 719 00:38:29,098 --> 00:38:31,475 You monster! 720 00:38:31,559 --> 00:38:33,227 -Hold on, there! -"Hold on"? 721 00:38:33,311 --> 00:38:36,856 Our King stands there crucified, by your Judas hands! 722 00:38:36,939 --> 00:38:38,274 How can we "hold on"? 723 00:38:38,357 --> 00:38:39,608 Yeah! 724 00:38:39,692 --> 00:38:41,652 But why would I do that? 725 00:38:42,069 --> 00:38:44,322 -For money! -Damn it, Judas! 726 00:38:44,405 --> 00:38:46,657 He did it for money! 727 00:38:46,741 --> 00:38:48,284 -Traitor! -I'm sorry, my Lord... 728 00:38:48,367 --> 00:38:51,746 -Out of our sight! -Leave! 729 00:38:51,829 --> 00:38:55,166 Get that traitor now! 730 00:38:55,249 --> 00:38:57,043 -Murderer! -Murderer! 731 00:38:57,752 --> 00:39:03,132 Bartholomew, just hide that old corpse for three days until things settle down. 732 00:39:03,966 --> 00:39:04,800 James! 733 00:39:05,885 --> 00:39:08,304 Jesus? You're alive? 734 00:39:08,387 --> 00:39:09,847 Did Judas believe I was dead? 735 00:39:09,930 --> 00:39:12,933 'Course he did! He was just chased off by a mob! 736 00:39:13,017 --> 00:39:15,853 Is that a dare or what? 737 00:39:15,936 --> 00:39:17,730 Judas just got a rope. That don't look good. 738 00:39:17,813 --> 00:39:20,149 -Gotta learn with the master! -He just wants attention! 739 00:39:20,232 --> 00:39:23,986 Now get me down from here. My hernia's acting up. 740 00:39:24,070 --> 00:39:26,697 Good God... 57549

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