Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,590 --> 00:00:06,391
[Laszlo laughs]
2
00:00:06,424 --> 00:00:08,193
Extraordinary.
3
00:00:08,226 --> 00:00:11,129
You will want
to get this on camera. Ha!
4
00:00:11,162 --> 00:00:12,832
Quickly. Gizmo!
5
00:00:12,865 --> 00:00:15,701
Gizmo? Gizmo, get up.
6
00:00:15,735 --> 00:00:18,203
-Yeah? Yeah?
-Where's Nandor?
7
00:00:18,236 --> 00:00:19,839
Um, I think he's, uh, indisposed
8
00:00:19,872 --> 00:00:22,140
at the moment, um,
in his bedroom.
9
00:00:22,173 --> 00:00:25,678
Ha, shaking hands with Rosie
Palmer and her five milkmaids.
10
00:00:25,711 --> 00:00:27,412
-What?
-What? Follow me.
11
00:00:27,445 --> 00:00:29,414
[Guillermo] Laszlo's stillthe only one who knows
12
00:00:29,447 --> 00:00:32,083
I'm half-vampire and he's beendoing experiments to help.
13
00:00:32,117 --> 00:00:34,554
Happy to report that
there's been some progress.
14
00:00:34,587 --> 00:00:37,355
My telekinesis
has gotten better.
15
00:00:40,125 --> 00:00:42,093
[grunts]
16
00:00:42,127 --> 00:00:44,162
Pretty cool, huh?
17
00:00:44,195 --> 00:00:47,432
I have discovered something
wonderful with the frogs
18
00:00:47,465 --> 00:00:49,200
-that I injected
with your blood.
-Wait,
19
00:00:49,234 --> 00:00:50,803
you-you did what with my blood?
20
00:00:53,606 --> 00:00:55,206
-[chuckles]
-Why are they so hairy?
21
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,108
Well, why are you so hairy?
Who cares?
22
00:00:57,142 --> 00:00:59,210
-Now, bon voyage.
-What? No!
23
00:00:59,244 --> 00:01:00,078
Those poor frogs!
24
00:01:01,279 --> 00:01:03,081
[croaking]
25
00:01:06,418 --> 00:01:07,820
[Laszlo]
Shit.
26
00:01:09,922 --> 00:01:12,490
-Come on, little guy,
come on, you can do it.
-Shh!
27
00:01:14,159 --> 00:01:14,894
-Your turn.
-To do what?
28
00:01:14,927 --> 00:01:16,261
I want you
29
00:01:16,294 --> 00:01:17,630
to leap off that balcony.
30
00:01:17,663 --> 00:01:19,130
What?
31
00:01:19,164 --> 00:01:20,600
No, I'll break my legs.
32
00:01:20,633 --> 00:01:22,602
-Bullshit. You saw those frogs.
-Yeah.
33
00:01:22,635 --> 00:01:24,870
They were transformed
by your blood, they flew.
34
00:01:24,904 --> 00:01:26,772
Ipso facto, shithead...
35
00:01:28,306 --> 00:01:29,542
...so can you.
36
00:01:29,575 --> 00:01:31,142
But what if I can't?
37
00:01:31,176 --> 00:01:32,812
Yeah, but what if you can?
38
00:01:32,845 --> 00:01:34,479
What if you can?
39
00:01:34,513 --> 00:01:35,881
[chuckles softly]
40
00:01:35,915 --> 00:01:37,482
-That would be pretty cool.
-It would be
41
00:01:37,516 --> 00:01:39,752
very cool.
Now, I calculate
42
00:01:39,785 --> 00:01:41,754
we have exactly
two minutes before
43
00:01:41,787 --> 00:01:43,923
Nandor finishes
making pearl jam.
44
00:01:43,956 --> 00:01:46,491
-Right.
-So I'll see you at the bottom.
45
00:01:46,525 --> 00:01:48,159
As the actress said
to the bishop. [laughs]
46
00:01:48,193 --> 00:01:49,895
Come on, Guillermo.
47
00:01:49,929 --> 00:01:52,765
I believe in you
and I love you, Guillermo.
48
00:01:52,798 --> 00:01:54,299
Come on, Gizmo, let her rip.
49
00:01:54,332 --> 00:01:56,167
Launch yourself forward,
see what happens.
50
00:01:56,201 --> 00:01:58,504
-We should practice
closer to the floor first.
-No.
51
00:01:58,537 --> 00:01:59,805
No, no, no. You will never fly
52
00:01:59,839 --> 00:02:01,774
unless you need to. Panic is
53
00:02:01,807 --> 00:02:03,274
the secret ingredient.
Now, come on.
54
00:02:05,845 --> 00:02:07,913
[breathing shakily]
55
00:02:07,947 --> 00:02:09,815
Aah--
56
00:02:09,849 --> 00:02:11,784
-[gasps]
-[chuckles]
57
00:02:11,817 --> 00:02:14,452
I'm doing it! [laughs]
58
00:02:14,486 --> 00:02:15,855
-[Nandor] Guillermo?
-Yes, Master--
59
00:02:15,888 --> 00:02:17,823
-[screaming]
-[Laszlo laughing]
60
00:02:17,857 --> 00:02:20,425
-That's how we all learned.
-[Guillermo whimpering]
61
00:02:20,458 --> 00:02:22,595
["You're Dead"
by Norma Tanega playing]
62
00:02:22,628 --> 00:02:24,864
♪ Don't sing if you wantto live long ♪
63
00:02:24,897 --> 00:02:27,600
♪ They have no usefor your song ♪
64
00:02:27,633 --> 00:02:30,268
♪ You're dead, you're dead,you're dead ♪
65
00:02:30,301 --> 00:02:32,838
♪ You're deadand out of this world ♪
66
00:02:34,707 --> 00:02:37,810
♪ Now your hope and compassionis gone ♪
67
00:02:37,843 --> 00:02:40,546
♪ You sold out your dreamto the world ♪
68
00:02:40,579 --> 00:02:42,848
♪ Stay dead, stay dead,stay dead ♪
69
00:02:42,882 --> 00:02:44,817
♪ You're deadand out of this world. ♪
70
00:02:44,850 --> 00:02:46,852
♪
71
00:02:54,860 --> 00:02:57,429
-[Nandor] Oh, shit.
-[Guillermo whimpering]
72
00:02:57,462 --> 00:02:58,898
What is this screaming?
Is someone squeezing a snake?
73
00:02:58,931 --> 00:03:00,700
Oh.
74
00:03:00,733 --> 00:03:03,002
-Fucking hell.
-[Nandor] What happened?
75
00:03:03,035 --> 00:03:04,970
Well, I don't know. I was in
the library. Don't look at me.
76
00:03:05,004 --> 00:03:06,572
Does it hurt?
77
00:03:06,605 --> 00:03:08,641
Because it looks
like it really hurts.
78
00:03:08,674 --> 00:03:10,509
-Hey, boners.
-[Laszlo] What?
79
00:03:10,543 --> 00:03:11,911
Nice shiner, Colin Robinson.
80
00:03:11,944 --> 00:03:14,980
Hey, look at this dude.
81
00:03:15,014 --> 00:03:16,649
[Nadja] Someone's had
an interesting evening.
82
00:03:16,682 --> 00:03:18,349
-Please help me.
-[Colin] Wow.
83
00:03:18,383 --> 00:03:19,852
What happened to dingus' foot?
84
00:03:19,885 --> 00:03:21,319
[Laszlo]
Who gives a fuck?
85
00:03:21,352 --> 00:03:22,722
Tell us what happened
to your blackened eye.
86
00:03:22,755 --> 00:03:24,322
Yes, was it fisticuffs?
87
00:03:24,355 --> 00:03:25,858
[gasps]
Did you get kicked by a donkey?
88
00:03:25,891 --> 00:03:27,727
Stop guessing
and stop grabbing me.
89
00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,528
This is the problem.
90
00:03:29,562 --> 00:03:31,463
Take it easy, summer breezy.
91
00:03:31,496 --> 00:03:33,599
[Colin] Every time
I go to drain someone,
92
00:03:33,632 --> 00:03:35,901
they see my black eye
and want to know what happened.
93
00:03:35,935 --> 00:03:38,738
All of a sudden, I'm too...
G-damn interesting
94
00:03:38,771 --> 00:03:39,872
to drain anyone.
95
00:03:39,905 --> 00:03:41,741
-What the fuck?
-[Nandor] Really?
96
00:03:41,774 --> 00:03:43,408
You think you are
too interesting?
97
00:03:43,441 --> 00:03:45,410
I know I am. I mean,
98
00:03:45,443 --> 00:03:47,046
this exact same thing happened
when I came back from Vietnam.
99
00:03:47,079 --> 00:03:49,048
[Nandor]
Whoa.
100
00:03:49,081 --> 00:03:51,884
-You were in 'Nam?
-[Laszlo] Well, thank you
for your service.
101
00:03:51,917 --> 00:03:54,520
Colin Robinson, I had
no idea you were in the Army.
102
00:03:54,553 --> 00:03:56,354
Oh, I-I wasn't in the Army.
103
00:03:56,387 --> 00:03:57,757
About six years ago,
104
00:03:57,790 --> 00:03:59,525
I took a cycling trip
with Backroads.
105
00:03:59,558 --> 00:04:01,560
-[groans]
-On the third day, we found
106
00:04:01,594 --> 00:04:03,394
a dead body. In a tree.
107
00:04:03,428 --> 00:04:04,429
[Nandor]
No kidding?
108
00:04:04,462 --> 00:04:06,766
With an ox's asshole
109
00:04:06,799 --> 00:04:09,400
around its neck like a necklace.
110
00:04:09,434 --> 00:04:11,369
-What?
-How did that happen?
111
00:04:11,402 --> 00:04:13,806
Some poor farmer and his ox
must've stepped
112
00:04:13,839 --> 00:04:15,775
on a decommissioned
land mine and...
113
00:04:15,808 --> 00:04:18,309
blew him up into the tree
and the ox's
114
00:04:18,343 --> 00:04:19,912
asshole must've
landed on his head.
115
00:04:19,945 --> 00:04:21,514
-[Laszlo] Good grief.
-Fascinating.
116
00:04:21,547 --> 00:04:23,414
I wasn't expecting that ending.
117
00:04:23,448 --> 00:04:25,718
[Colin]
See? It's the black eye-- makes
118
00:04:25,751 --> 00:04:27,385
-my stories too interesting.
-Do you think
119
00:04:27,418 --> 00:04:29,655
that your black eye also has
a very interesting story?
120
00:04:29,688 --> 00:04:32,992
Unfortunately, yes,
it's fucking remarkable.
121
00:04:33,025 --> 00:04:34,093
[Laszlo]
But this is Colin Robinson.
122
00:04:34,126 --> 00:04:35,561
I mean, he can't have any more
123
00:04:35,594 --> 00:04:37,462
fascinating stories in him.
124
00:04:37,495 --> 00:04:40,599
Gee, you tell me.
A five-pound frozen block
125
00:04:40,633 --> 00:04:43,569
of shit and piss
fall off a plane, landing
126
00:04:43,602 --> 00:04:46,105
-on a 308 Ferrari
-[Nadja] No way.
127
00:04:46,138 --> 00:04:48,741
and blowing the sideview mirror
right into my kisser.
128
00:04:48,774 --> 00:04:50,543
Well, fuck my old boots.
129
00:04:50,576 --> 00:04:52,410
Son of a bitch!
130
00:04:52,443 --> 00:04:55,014
-Frozen blocks
of pisses and shits?
-[Colin] Yes.
131
00:04:55,047 --> 00:04:56,582
-What will they think of next?
-[Guillermo moaning]
132
00:04:56,615 --> 00:04:58,751
Guillermo, oi...
133
00:04:58,784 --> 00:05:00,853
No, fuck this,
I want to stay here
134
00:05:00,886 --> 00:05:02,822
and listen
to his wonderful stories.
135
00:05:02,855 --> 00:05:05,490
-Yes, me too.
-Guillermo is your familiar.
136
00:05:05,524 --> 00:05:07,492
I just went to get him
new trousers a year ago.
137
00:05:07,526 --> 00:05:08,861
It is your turn.
138
00:05:08,894 --> 00:05:10,830
Fine. Fuck it. Whatever.
139
00:05:10,863 --> 00:05:12,965
Okay, Guillermo,
stop lying around.
140
00:05:12,998 --> 00:05:15,134
Let's get that [speaks Greek]
of yours looked at.
141
00:05:15,167 --> 00:05:17,570
[Laszlo]
Come on, boys, to the lab.
142
00:05:17,603 --> 00:05:19,972
-Tell me more
about this ox's anus.
-[Guillermo] It really hurts.
143
00:05:20,005 --> 00:05:21,774
Okay already,
I said we're going.
144
00:05:21,807 --> 00:05:23,776
Oh! Laszlo, my love,
145
00:05:23,809 --> 00:05:25,476
did you just see a hairy frog?
146
00:05:25,511 --> 00:05:26,979
The only hairy frog
I'm interested in,
147
00:05:27,012 --> 00:05:29,380
my darling,
is the one between your legs.
148
00:05:29,414 --> 00:05:30,583
It's not just a frog.
149
00:05:30,616 --> 00:05:32,651
-It's the whole swamp.
-True.
150
00:05:32,685 --> 00:05:34,385
[laughs]
Come on.
151
00:05:34,419 --> 00:05:35,988
Off you go, my love.
152
00:05:36,021 --> 00:05:37,857
[door opens, closes]
153
00:05:37,890 --> 00:05:39,992
[whistles]
154
00:05:40,025 --> 00:05:42,493
Where are you?
Come on, boy. [whistles]
155
00:05:42,528 --> 00:05:44,530
Come on, boy.
Where the fuck are you,
156
00:05:44,563 --> 00:05:46,065
you fucking frog?
157
00:05:46,098 --> 00:05:48,499
Are either of you
allergic to penicillin?
158
00:05:48,534 --> 00:05:50,069
-No.
-What is that?
159
00:05:50,102 --> 00:05:52,037
Just ragweed
160
00:05:52,071 --> 00:05:53,906
-and chewing gum.
-Chewing gum?
161
00:05:53,939 --> 00:05:56,474
-How unusual.
-That is unusual.
-Guys, guys.
162
00:05:56,508 --> 00:05:57,877
You're literally killing me.
163
00:05:57,910 --> 00:06:00,411
Right, let's crack on.
When I flick this switch,
164
00:06:00,445 --> 00:06:01,747
the lights will flash,
there'll be a horrible noise
165
00:06:01,780 --> 00:06:03,015
and a terrible odor
166
00:06:03,048 --> 00:06:04,750
as I transfer
the life energy from Nandor
167
00:06:04,783 --> 00:06:06,685
into Colin Robinson.
168
00:06:06,719 --> 00:06:08,687
Sorry, Laszlo,
I do have one question.
169
00:06:08,721 --> 00:06:10,656
-[Laszlo] Which is?
-Will it hurt?
170
00:06:10,689 --> 00:06:12,091
Pain like you've never known.
171
00:06:12,124 --> 00:06:14,193
And furthermore, if you're
overdrained, you could die.
172
00:06:14,226 --> 00:06:15,661
Fuck this, I'm out.
173
00:06:15,694 --> 00:06:16,896
-What?
-W-Wait a minute.
174
00:06:16,929 --> 00:06:18,429
I'm starving.
175
00:06:18,463 --> 00:06:20,032
And you will be fed,
Colin Robinson.
176
00:06:20,065 --> 00:06:22,101
But I think we should revert
to our original plan.
177
00:06:22,134 --> 00:06:24,770
-The original plan? Are you mad?
-[Nandor] I think
it's a pretty good plan.
178
00:06:24,803 --> 00:06:26,572
We cover your black eye
with makeup
179
00:06:26,605 --> 00:06:27,940
and make you boring again.
180
00:06:27,973 --> 00:06:30,109
It does seem a lot simpler.
181
00:06:30,142 --> 00:06:32,177
-Let's do that.
-[Laszlo] All right.
182
00:06:32,211 --> 00:06:34,046
-Cowards.
-[Colin] Makes sense.
183
00:06:34,079 --> 00:06:36,782
Turn your back on science
at your own peril.
184
00:06:36,815 --> 00:06:38,784
-We'll take our chances.
Thank you, Laszlo.
-Yeah.
185
00:06:38,817 --> 00:06:40,719
[Guillermo] [grunts]
Seriously, Nadja,
186
00:06:40,753 --> 00:06:42,721
I don't need urgent care.
I can just sleep it off.
187
00:06:42,755 --> 00:06:44,455
Do you really think
I want to doing this?
188
00:06:44,489 --> 00:06:46,225
If it was up to me, I would have
just packed your ankle
189
00:06:46,258 --> 00:06:48,594
in some mud made from fish piss
190
00:06:48,627 --> 00:06:49,929
and fed you some
pickled pig's ears.
191
00:06:49,962 --> 00:06:52,798
But, no, my husband
thinks a doctor is better.
192
00:06:52,831 --> 00:06:55,100
[imitates Laszlo]
"Trust the science, my darling."
193
00:06:55,134 --> 00:06:56,936
-[spits]
-[Guillermo] I don't knowwhat's going on
194
00:06:56,969 --> 00:06:58,737
with my body right now,
but if a doctor finds out
195
00:06:58,771 --> 00:07:00,940
that I'm almost a vampire,
I'm a dead man.
196
00:07:00,973 --> 00:07:03,075
And if Nadja finds out,
it'll be worse, so--
197
00:07:03,108 --> 00:07:04,977
-[shrieks]
-Stop squirming, Guillermo,
we're very close now.
198
00:07:05,010 --> 00:07:06,979
No, you know what?
I feel a lot better.
199
00:07:07,012 --> 00:07:09,715
The vampire doctor is going
to fix your mangled foot.
200
00:07:09,748 --> 00:07:11,684
What? You said
we were going to urgent care.
201
00:07:11,717 --> 00:07:12,985
Yes, Familiar Urgent Care,
silly.
202
00:07:13,018 --> 00:07:15,654
No. No, Nadja, no!
203
00:07:17,723 --> 00:07:22,227
Oh, just look at all
these people to feed from.
204
00:07:22,261 --> 00:07:24,997
I don't know, I kind of
feel like I want go home
205
00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:27,766
-and take the train
to sleepy town.
-No!
206
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:29,969
It would be a sleep of death.
207
00:07:30,002 --> 00:07:32,104
Just take a look
at all these losers, hmm?
208
00:07:32,137 --> 00:07:33,906
[Colin]
Outdoor diners.
209
00:07:33,939 --> 00:07:35,975
-They do deserve it.
-[Nandor] Yes.
210
00:07:36,008 --> 00:07:37,910
-Great start.
-Uh, excuse me.
211
00:07:37,943 --> 00:07:39,778
Hello.
212
00:07:39,812 --> 00:07:42,114
I notice you have a d...
Oh. Ooh.
213
00:07:42,147 --> 00:07:43,916
-You got this.
-[Colin] Doggie bag.
214
00:07:43,949 --> 00:07:46,986
Interesting story
about how the...
215
00:07:47,019 --> 00:07:49,788
origin of the doggie bag
started.
216
00:07:49,822 --> 00:07:52,992
It was actually a-- Ow!
217
00:07:53,025 --> 00:07:54,727
-[man] Oh, shit!
-[Colin] Son of a bitch!
218
00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,196
World War II, they would
219
00:07:57,229 --> 00:07:59,031
-take food home for their dog
-[woman] Did you see that?
220
00:07:59,064 --> 00:08:01,300
-instead of wasting it.
-[people chattering]
221
00:08:01,333 --> 00:08:02,801
Don't look at me!
222
00:08:02,835 --> 00:08:04,269
This isn't interesting.
223
00:08:04,303 --> 00:08:05,871
What have you done?
224
00:08:05,904 --> 00:08:08,540
Someone ran over my foot,
shithead. It hurt.
225
00:08:08,574 --> 00:08:11,176
-Tell them to go away.
-Nothing interesting here.
Keep moving, please.
226
00:08:11,210 --> 00:08:13,145
Stop filming me!
227
00:08:13,178 --> 00:08:15,047
-Are you okay?
-No, I'm not okay.
-Shoo!
228
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:16,882
He needs privacy.
229
00:08:16,915 --> 00:08:19,051
-It is fine.
-[Colin] Nandor, take me home.
230
00:08:19,084 --> 00:08:20,152
I'm taking you home.
We're gonna go home.
231
00:08:20,185 --> 00:08:22,321
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
Are you okay?
232
00:08:22,354 --> 00:08:24,289
-No!
-[man] What the fuck?
That's the dude from Mad Men.
233
00:08:24,323 --> 00:08:25,758
Oh, for fuck's sake.
234
00:08:25,791 --> 00:08:27,159
[man 2]
Oh, where's your martini, bud?
235
00:08:27,192 --> 00:08:28,894
-Hi.
-[Colin] You got to
be kidding me.
236
00:08:28,927 --> 00:08:30,696
[man 2] Damn, you justgot hit by John Slattery.
237
00:08:30,729 --> 00:08:31,897
-That is crazy.-What the heck happened?
238
00:08:31,930 --> 00:08:33,766
You stepped off the curb
without even looking.
239
00:08:33,799 --> 00:08:35,567
What happened
is you ran over my foot!
240
00:08:35,601 --> 00:08:37,336
We really need to go.
My friend is not well.
241
00:08:37,369 --> 00:08:38,904
Let me drive you
to the hospital. I-I just
242
00:08:38,937 --> 00:08:40,305
played a-a doctor on a season
of The Good Fight.
243
00:08:40,339 --> 00:08:41,640
They love me over there.
244
00:08:41,673 --> 00:08:43,042
That was a really good episode.
245
00:08:43,075 --> 00:08:44,977
It doesn't even
really hurt that much
246
00:08:45,010 --> 00:08:46,645
-anymore.
-Well, I'll-I'll
drive you home, please?
247
00:08:46,678 --> 00:08:48,213
-It's the least I can do.
-You know what?
248
00:08:48,247 --> 00:08:50,082
We will accept
your generous offer.
249
00:08:50,115 --> 00:08:51,583
-Yes, yes.
-What the fuck are you doing?
250
00:08:51,617 --> 00:08:52,918
[man]
Hey, John, over here.
251
00:08:52,951 --> 00:08:54,686
We will be in that car alone
252
00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:56,188
with this gentleman
that owes you a debt.
253
00:08:56,221 --> 00:08:57,923
Which you will collect
254
00:08:57,956 --> 00:08:59,925
by feeding.
255
00:08:59,958 --> 00:09:01,794
-Hmm?
-Yeah.
256
00:09:01,827 --> 00:09:04,596
John Slattery coming to the aidof the guy he just ran over.
257
00:09:04,630 --> 00:09:06,265
-Shotgun left.
-Fuck!
258
00:09:06,298 --> 00:09:08,600
-John Slattery, please.
-[man] You're a hero, John.
259
00:09:08,634 --> 00:09:10,202
-[man 2] One of the greats.
-[Colin] He's not
one of the greats.
260
00:09:10,235 --> 00:09:12,071
-He's a reckless driver.
-[man] You're a reckless
261
00:09:12,104 --> 00:09:13,205
-walker.
-Peasants, disperse!
262
00:09:13,238 --> 00:09:14,606
-Begone!
-[man] He call us peasants?
263
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,108
-[crowd groans]
-[man] Oh, rude.
264
00:09:17,309 --> 00:09:19,211
[Guillermo] Animal hospital? Why
are we-why are we going here?
265
00:09:19,244 --> 00:09:21,814
Ow! [grunting]
266
00:09:21,847 --> 00:09:24,016
-[whispering] This is for pets.
I'm not a dog.
-Shh! Potato, "potahto."
267
00:09:24,049 --> 00:09:26,618
[normal volume] Um, yes, hello,
um, I've got a broken familiar.
268
00:09:26,652 --> 00:09:29,121
-So, you're gonna want
to go around that corner--
-Yeah, I've been here before.
269
00:09:29,154 --> 00:09:31,890
There is nothing to see here.
270
00:09:31,924 --> 00:09:35,260
It is just a Doberman
with a floppy tail.
271
00:09:36,662 --> 00:09:37,896
-Hold on tight.
-Wait, where are we going?
272
00:09:37,930 --> 00:09:39,231
-Uh, through the wall.
-No, no stop!
273
00:09:39,264 --> 00:09:40,833
-That's a solid wall.
-No, it's not.
274
00:09:40,866 --> 00:09:44,837
No. No! No!
[gasping] Okay.
275
00:09:44,870 --> 00:09:46,872
-That was kind of cool.
-It's just a common cold,
so there's gonna be sneezing
276
00:09:46,905 --> 00:09:49,975
and coughing and that
is gonna be a burden on you,
277
00:09:50,008 --> 00:09:53,645
so I have a recommendation.
And that is put her down.
278
00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:56,148
-Oh, gosh, you really think so?
-[doctor] Even if she recovers
279
00:09:56,181 --> 00:09:58,884
from this cold, she's...
280
00:09:58,917 --> 00:10:00,752
good God, she's, like,
almost 40.
281
00:10:00,786 --> 00:10:02,654
She might squeeze out
a few more good years,
282
00:10:02,688 --> 00:10:04,389
but we're talking
quality of life.
283
00:10:04,423 --> 00:10:06,125
Okay, let's do it.
284
00:10:06,158 --> 00:10:07,893
No, fuck this. I'm out of here.
285
00:10:07,926 --> 00:10:09,761
Oh, calm, down, it'll be okay.
286
00:10:09,795 --> 00:10:11,263
No!
287
00:10:11,296 --> 00:10:13,165
[Nadja]
Got a live one. [laughs]
288
00:10:13,198 --> 00:10:16,001
-Thanks, guys.
-[doctor] Sedate him, Jack.
-No.
289
00:10:16,034 --> 00:10:17,269
-[Nadja] Fantastic.
-[doctor] That's it.
290
00:10:17,302 --> 00:10:18,871
[Nadja] Aw.
291
00:10:18,904 --> 00:10:20,672
Sweet dreams, Guillermo.
292
00:10:20,706 --> 00:10:22,274
-[laughs]
-[doctor] Yeah, perfect.
293
00:10:22,307 --> 00:10:24,810
[John]
You, uh, you okay back there?
294
00:10:24,843 --> 00:10:26,945
You look like shit.
295
00:10:26,979 --> 00:10:29,181
Well, yeah, I mean,
you ran over my foot.
296
00:10:29,214 --> 00:10:32,184
Sorry about all the cell phone
pictures and stuff.
297
00:10:32,217 --> 00:10:33,752
You know, you would
that people in New York
298
00:10:33,785 --> 00:10:35,354
would have seen
a famous actor before.
299
00:10:35,387 --> 00:10:37,289
It is quite all right,
John Slattery.
300
00:10:37,322 --> 00:10:39,458
You have our gratitude.
301
00:10:39,491 --> 00:10:41,460
[whispers] Drain him.
302
00:10:41,493 --> 00:10:43,428
[normal volume]
Do you find it, uh, difficult?
303
00:10:43,462 --> 00:10:45,764
What?
304
00:10:45,797 --> 00:10:47,833
Do you find it difficult
305
00:10:47,866 --> 00:10:49,835
being an older actor?
306
00:10:49,868 --> 00:10:52,037
Having to memorize lines?
307
00:10:52,070 --> 00:10:54,039
Especially
when you've been drinking.
308
00:10:54,072 --> 00:10:56,175
Slattery-- that's
an Irish name, right?
309
00:10:56,208 --> 00:10:58,343
Wait, s-say
that last part again.
310
00:10:58,377 --> 00:11:00,846
What, "Slattery's
an Irish name"?
311
00:11:00,879 --> 00:11:03,949
I mean, I personally
don't mind the Irish.
312
00:11:03,982 --> 00:11:06,919
But I just don't like it when
they try to sound intelligent.
313
00:11:06,952 --> 00:11:09,321
Huh, wow.
314
00:11:09,354 --> 00:11:12,391
I could listen
to you talk for hours.
315
00:11:12,424 --> 00:11:15,060
-Exsqueeze me?
-I mean, not to what you're
saying, but to that accent.
316
00:11:15,093 --> 00:11:17,396
It's just so specific.
Where are you from?
317
00:11:17,429 --> 00:11:19,231
-Well...
-Wait, wait, wait,
don't tell me. Upper Midwest.
318
00:11:19,264 --> 00:11:22,000
For sure. Uh, Wisconsin?
319
00:11:22,034 --> 00:11:23,936
But not eastern Wisconsin,
that would have more of
320
00:11:23,969 --> 00:11:26,071
a Germanic influence to it,
am I right?
321
00:11:26,104 --> 00:11:28,508
Are you, like, prepping
for a role or something?
322
00:11:28,541 --> 00:11:31,076
No, this isn't for a role.
I just love accents.
323
00:11:31,109 --> 00:11:33,011
People are just
walking stories, you know?
324
00:11:33,045 --> 00:11:36,081
In all their fascination
and specificity.
325
00:11:36,114 --> 00:11:37,216
You ever see
the movie Spotlight?
326
00:11:37,249 --> 00:11:40,085
About the Boston Globe reporters
327
00:11:40,118 --> 00:11:43,822
who uncovered the sexual abuse
coverup in the Catholic church?
328
00:11:43,855 --> 00:11:45,958
-Yeah, exactly.
-No.
329
00:11:45,991 --> 00:11:47,960
Oh. Well, in that
I played Ben Bradlee, Jr.
330
00:11:47,993 --> 00:11:49,995
And that character begins
with the accent,
331
00:11:50,028 --> 00:11:52,431
because the real Bradlee
is from Boston.
332
00:11:52,464 --> 00:11:55,100
But he's an upper-crust guy.
333
00:11:55,133 --> 00:11:56,268
[Boston accent]
Not like some jamoke standing
334
00:11:56,301 --> 00:11:58,003
around Kelly's Tavern
335
00:11:58,036 --> 00:12:00,005
in, uh, Revere Beach,
you know what I mean?
336
00:12:00,038 --> 00:12:01,773
-Very good, John Slattery.
-[regular accent] Not bad,
right?
337
00:12:01,807 --> 00:12:03,976
-But I was talking to him.
-Oh.
338
00:12:04,009 --> 00:12:05,978
[John]
You know, it's funny, I had this
babysitter when I was a kid.
339
00:12:06,011 --> 00:12:07,913
She was Irish.
Her name was Vivian.
340
00:12:07,946 --> 00:12:10,182
But again, sorry for your loss.
341
00:12:10,215 --> 00:12:12,251
She was just a familiar,
but thank you.
342
00:12:12,284 --> 00:12:14,886
It is kind of nice
to think of Cathy
343
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:16,388
on that rainbow bridge,
344
00:12:16,421 --> 00:12:18,290
doing stuff with
her familiar friends.
345
00:12:18,323 --> 00:12:20,993
Having spaghetti or whatever
it is they dream of doing.
346
00:12:21,026 --> 00:12:23,262
Well, they're
in a better place now.
347
00:12:23,295 --> 00:12:25,130
-Yes.
-[mutters] I wish I was.
348
00:12:25,163 --> 00:12:27,567
-I'm looking for a Nadja.
-[normal volume] Oh, yes.
349
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,901
-Please, can we go?
-Well,
350
00:12:29,935 --> 00:12:31,571
Guillermo's ankle
is healing up nicely,
351
00:12:31,604 --> 00:12:34,139
which is very unusual, so...
352
00:12:34,172 --> 00:12:37,042
just to be safe...
I say we put him down.
353
00:12:37,075 --> 00:12:38,410
He could break that ankle again,
354
00:12:38,443 --> 00:12:40,212
he could break
the other ankle or
355
00:12:40,245 --> 00:12:42,080
-he could just bitch a lot.
-Hmm.
356
00:12:42,114 --> 00:12:43,949
Think we're just gonna
take him home.
357
00:12:43,982 --> 00:12:45,884
All right.
Well, that is your choice.
358
00:12:45,917 --> 00:12:47,819
-Yes.
-Oh, there's one more thing.
359
00:12:47,853 --> 00:12:50,322
The results of that blood work
came back and they're very odd,
360
00:12:50,355 --> 00:12:52,824
so I'm just gonna have it
retested, will not take long.
361
00:12:52,858 --> 00:12:55,894
I promise I'm gonna get you
out of here well before sunrise.
362
00:12:55,927 --> 00:12:56,696
[woman screaming in distance]
363
00:12:56,729 --> 00:12:58,297
[Nadja]
Now I'm thinking,
364
00:12:58,330 --> 00:13:00,299
"They're going totest him again?"
365
00:13:00,332 --> 00:13:01,967
What if they find
that Van Helsing muck
366
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,335
in his blood? [spits]
367
00:13:03,368 --> 00:13:04,870
I'm going to have to
get him out of here.
368
00:13:06,071 --> 00:13:07,906
[Colin]
Why are we heading towards
369
00:13:07,939 --> 00:13:09,341
the Verrazzano Bridge?
370
00:13:09,374 --> 00:13:12,177
Uh, are you-are you
taking us to Brooklyn?
371
00:13:12,210 --> 00:13:14,112
[imitating Colin] Are you taking
us to Brooklyn? Are you...
372
00:13:14,146 --> 00:13:15,447
[regular voice]
That-- It's really-- That's
a tough one. It's got kind
373
00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:17,115
of a twang to it.
Say something else.
374
00:13:17,149 --> 00:13:19,051
I don't want to go to Brooklyn.
375
00:13:19,084 --> 00:13:20,852
[John imitates Colin]
I don't want to go to Brooklyn?
376
00:13:20,886 --> 00:13:22,187
[regular voice] There's
a little bit of an uptalk there.
377
00:13:22,220 --> 00:13:23,855
[imitates Colin]
I don't want to go to Brooklyn?
378
00:13:23,889 --> 00:13:24,856
-Can you let us out right h--
-[imitating Colin] Can you
379
00:13:24,890 --> 00:13:26,958
let us out right here, please?
380
00:13:26,992 --> 00:13:27,959
[regular voice]
You also have these interesting
381
00:13:27,993 --> 00:13:29,061
pauses in your speech, but
382
00:13:29,094 --> 00:13:31,963
I can't tell if they're regional
or uniquely you or...
383
00:13:31,997 --> 00:13:33,965
It's just the most
interesting accent
384
00:13:33,999 --> 00:13:35,934
-I've ever heard.
-Okay, fuck this.
385
00:13:35,967 --> 00:13:37,202
[John]
I mean, where are you from?I'm sorry, guys. That's kind of
386
00:13:37,235 --> 00:13:39,204
mean, right? I'm not tryingto make fun of you,
387
00:13:39,237 --> 00:13:40,339
I'm just trying to get itin my head, you know,
388
00:13:40,372 --> 00:13:41,873
it's all about muscle memory.
389
00:13:41,907 --> 00:13:43,275
Guillermo?
390
00:13:43,308 --> 00:13:45,477
Guillermo!
391
00:13:45,511 --> 00:13:47,946
Guillermo, why the hell
are you wearing a dress?
392
00:13:47,979 --> 00:13:50,949
Hey, Nandor, you made it.
Hey, girl.
393
00:13:50,982 --> 00:13:52,217
Get your shit together,
we got to go.
394
00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:54,219
No, I want to lie down.
You know they gave me
395
00:13:54,252 --> 00:13:56,988
some relax and it's making me
feel very medicine.
396
00:13:57,022 --> 00:13:58,890
[speaks Greek]
They are testing your blood
397
00:13:58,924 --> 00:14:00,892
and they're going to find
your Van Helsing germs
398
00:14:00,926 --> 00:14:02,994
and whatever else you've
got going on in there and then
399
00:14:03,028 --> 00:14:04,896
-they're going to kill you,
so let's go!
-That sounds serious.
400
00:14:04,930 --> 00:14:06,365
Can I say something?
401
00:14:06,398 --> 00:14:08,967
-Nadja?
-What?
402
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:11,637
I think you're wonderful
and I love-- Ow!
403
00:14:11,671 --> 00:14:14,674
You're a crazy bitch.
But I love you.
404
00:14:14,707 --> 00:14:16,642
You know who else I love
is Laszlo.
405
00:14:16,676 --> 00:14:18,910
But he's a horny little bitch.
406
00:14:18,944 --> 00:14:20,979
I also love Colin Robinson.
407
00:14:21,012 --> 00:14:22,682
He's, like,
a little boring bitch.
408
00:14:22,715 --> 00:14:23,915
Like, he's like an LBB.
409
00:14:23,949 --> 00:14:27,319
But, you know, the one I love
the most is actually Nandor.
410
00:14:27,352 --> 00:14:29,388
-Because he's, like,
the queen bitch.
-[tapping on glass]
411
00:14:29,421 --> 00:14:30,989
-[Nadja exclaims]
-Is that crazy?
412
00:14:31,022 --> 00:14:32,391
Hey. Who's that bitch?
413
00:14:32,424 --> 00:14:35,327
Wow, you are
such a miracle worker.
414
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,396
He is back to a red, shiny,
415
00:14:37,429 --> 00:14:39,699
fresh apple, so,
think we're gonna get
416
00:14:39,732 --> 00:14:40,533
-the ol' dog home now.
[chuckles]
-Yeah.
417
00:14:40,566 --> 00:14:42,267
I don't think
that's gonna happen.
418
00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:43,268
I have a question for you.
419
00:14:43,301 --> 00:14:45,137
Who turned him?
420
00:14:45,170 --> 00:14:46,672
Who what?
421
00:14:46,706 --> 00:14:48,674
According to his blood,
422
00:14:48,708 --> 00:14:50,409
this familiar has been turned
into a vampire.
423
00:14:50,442 --> 00:14:53,178
Yes, it's early stages,
but he is well on his way.
424
00:14:53,211 --> 00:14:55,280
No, I'm sorry,
there's been a huge mistake.
425
00:14:55,313 --> 00:14:58,016
Are you regretting turning him?
Because if you are,
426
00:14:58,049 --> 00:15:00,051
you should have thought
of that before you did it.
427
00:15:00,085 --> 00:15:01,721
-Guillermo?
-Yeah.
428
00:15:01,754 --> 00:15:03,188
-A vampire?
-Yes.
429
00:15:03,221 --> 00:15:04,289
That thing?
430
00:15:04,322 --> 00:15:06,191
That loser is a vampire?
431
00:15:06,224 --> 00:15:08,026
Absolutely not.
432
00:15:08,059 --> 00:15:09,161
Have you seen how lame he is?
433
00:15:09,194 --> 00:15:10,295
Science does not lie.
434
00:15:10,328 --> 00:15:11,731
Now, it must be recent
435
00:15:11,764 --> 00:15:13,231
because he's still transforming.
436
00:15:13,265 --> 00:15:16,168
No one in our house
would do such a thing.
437
00:15:16,201 --> 00:15:18,303
Well, then we have
a very big problem, 'cause
438
00:15:18,336 --> 00:15:19,971
I'm gonna put him down.
439
00:15:20,005 --> 00:15:22,374
Well, you can't
do that because...
440
00:15:22,407 --> 00:15:24,176
He is our familiar!
441
00:15:24,209 --> 00:15:26,612
-You need to let him go.
-Get your hands off of me!
442
00:15:28,113 --> 00:15:29,981
[exhales]
443
00:15:30,015 --> 00:15:32,117
Guillermo? Guillermo?
444
00:15:32,150 --> 00:15:35,120
Guillermo!
445
00:15:35,153 --> 00:15:37,222
Guillermo! Guillermo!
446
00:15:39,257 --> 00:15:41,259
[Nadja]
Guillermo!
447
00:15:41,293 --> 00:15:43,261
Guillermo, snap out of it.
448
00:15:43,295 --> 00:15:45,197
They think you are
a bastard vampire
449
00:15:45,230 --> 00:15:46,331
And they're going to kill you.
450
00:15:46,364 --> 00:15:47,499
-Guillermo?
-[doctor] Come on, girl.
451
00:15:47,533 --> 00:15:49,067
Get out!
452
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:50,670
Guillermo.
453
00:15:50,703 --> 00:15:53,205
Guillermo? Hello?
454
00:15:53,238 --> 00:15:55,608
Sorry. [chuckles] Guillermo?
455
00:15:55,641 --> 00:15:57,677
Guillermo?
456
00:15:57,710 --> 00:15:59,779
Nadja, hi.
457
00:15:59,812 --> 00:16:01,480
What? You work here?
458
00:16:01,514 --> 00:16:03,215
Volunteer, actually.
459
00:16:03,248 --> 00:16:05,350
It's a way of giving back.
460
00:16:05,383 --> 00:16:07,687
I mean, who rescued who, right?
461
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:10,155
-Have you seen Guillermo?
-Guillermo?
462
00:16:10,188 --> 00:16:12,224
Oh, no, no, not here.
463
00:16:12,257 --> 00:16:14,159
This place is just for strays.
464
00:16:14,192 --> 00:16:16,629
-I have a family.
-Hey! Eat your chicken!
465
00:16:16,662 --> 00:16:18,698
-[whispers] He's not
gonna make it.
-I can hear you.
466
00:16:18,731 --> 00:16:20,700
Guillermo! Open!
467
00:16:20,733 --> 00:16:22,635
Guillermo.
468
00:16:22,668 --> 00:16:24,804
[Colin]
Uh, I don't...
think I can make it.
469
00:16:24,837 --> 00:16:27,239
[Nandor]
Of course you're gonna make it.
I know this is difficult,
470
00:16:27,272 --> 00:16:29,441
but you've got
to be strong, okay?
471
00:16:29,474 --> 00:16:33,178
I want you to go in here
and ask to use the toilet.
472
00:16:33,211 --> 00:16:35,815
Then I want you to ask
for a sanitary wipe.
473
00:16:35,848 --> 00:16:38,183
Then I want you to ask
474
00:16:38,216 --> 00:16:40,118
when the last time
they cleaned the toilet.
475
00:16:40,151 --> 00:16:41,086
Then I want you to tell them
476
00:16:41,119 --> 00:16:43,121
you're gonna take
a nice big shit, okay?
477
00:16:43,154 --> 00:16:45,056
It's gonna buy you
a few more hours of energy.
478
00:16:45,090 --> 00:16:48,193
-Whoa! Get the fuck out!
-[Colin] Oh, fuck.
479
00:16:48,226 --> 00:16:50,195
-May I use your toilet?
-Wait a minute, wait a minute.
480
00:16:50,228 --> 00:16:52,565
Yo!
481
00:16:52,598 --> 00:16:54,332
It's my guy from TikTok.
482
00:16:54,366 --> 00:16:56,334
What?
483
00:16:56,368 --> 00:16:58,436
Whoa!
Nobody fucking move.
484
00:17:01,206 --> 00:17:03,074
♪ Jump around... ♪
485
00:17:03,108 --> 00:17:04,309
[Nandor]
Colin Robinson, that's you.
486
00:17:04,342 --> 00:17:06,144
-[Colin] Oh,
for crying out loud.
-Yeah.
487
00:17:06,177 --> 00:17:08,213
[Nandor]
How did they make this
so quick? And the music?
488
00:17:08,246 --> 00:17:09,549
Aah!
489
00:17:09,582 --> 00:17:10,850
[Nandor]
Nice shot.
490
00:17:10,883 --> 00:17:14,085
Thank you so much!
You saved my store!
491
00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:16,187
-He did?
-How clean's your toi...
492
00:17:16,221 --> 00:17:18,223
-It's...
-No!
493
00:17:18,256 --> 00:17:20,225
Colin Robinson!
494
00:17:20,258 --> 00:17:21,861
-Guillermo!
-You can't be back here.
495
00:17:21,894 --> 00:17:23,863
Move!
496
00:17:23,896 --> 00:17:25,865
-Fuck off!
-[screams]
497
00:17:25,898 --> 00:17:28,233
-Guillermo!
-Hey, girl.
498
00:17:28,266 --> 00:17:30,503
Get off him!
Get away!
499
00:17:30,536 --> 00:17:32,705
-He's mine!
-[grunting]
500
00:17:32,738 --> 00:17:34,840
[screaming]
501
00:17:34,874 --> 00:17:37,577
Get off him! Get off!
502
00:17:37,610 --> 00:17:39,879
Shoo! Scram!
503
00:17:39,912 --> 00:17:41,881
[whimpering]
504
00:17:41,914 --> 00:17:43,616
Now, what the fuck, man?
505
00:17:43,649 --> 00:17:45,317
This doctor tells me
you're almost a vampire?
506
00:17:45,350 --> 00:17:47,587
Oops, I have a little secret.
507
00:17:47,620 --> 00:17:50,221
-Focus, Guillermo.
The truth now.
-[groans]
508
00:17:50,255 --> 00:17:52,457
Fine! Okay?
509
00:17:52,490 --> 00:17:55,761
I took my fate into my own
destiny and I had Derek do it.
510
00:17:55,795 --> 00:17:57,630
-[gasps]
-I paid him to do it.
He turned me into a vampire!
511
00:17:57,663 --> 00:17:59,732
Derek?
512
00:17:59,765 --> 00:18:02,902
You could have been turned
by a legendary vampire,
513
00:18:02,935 --> 00:18:06,739
and you gave it away to Derek?
514
00:18:06,772 --> 00:18:09,909
Nandor is going to rip your face
into a new asshole.
515
00:18:09,942 --> 00:18:11,109
Well, it doesn't matter,
does, it, 'cause these guys
516
00:18:11,142 --> 00:18:13,244
-are gonna kill me anyways.
-Oh shut up, you dumb dick.
517
00:18:13,278 --> 00:18:15,615
I'm not gonna let them kill you.
That is Nandor's privilege.
518
00:18:15,648 --> 00:18:17,516
-Now, come on, let's go.
-[door opens]
519
00:18:18,684 --> 00:18:20,620
I told you,
we need to put him down.
520
00:18:20,653 --> 00:18:22,220
That's not going to happen.
521
00:18:22,253 --> 00:18:23,656
He is coming with me,
522
00:18:23,689 --> 00:18:26,826
and his master
will decide how to kill him.
523
00:18:26,859 --> 00:18:29,629
If we release an abomination
like that onto the street,
524
00:18:29,662 --> 00:18:31,429
I'm gonna lose
my medical license.
525
00:18:31,463 --> 00:18:33,498
[snarling]
526
00:18:33,532 --> 00:18:35,433
[Guillermo]
Nadja! Watch out.
527
00:18:35,467 --> 00:18:37,536
-[groaning]
-[grunting]
528
00:18:41,339 --> 00:18:42,307
[Nadja]
Help me, you load.
529
00:18:44,409 --> 00:18:46,244
-Oh, whoa.
-[gasps] Good one, Guillermo!
530
00:18:46,277 --> 00:18:47,412
-Ow.
-Yes!
531
00:18:47,445 --> 00:18:49,314
Nice one.
532
00:18:49,347 --> 00:18:50,850
-Ha!
-Watch out!
533
00:18:50,883 --> 00:18:52,150
[grunting]
534
00:18:53,686 --> 00:18:55,320
[hisses]
535
00:18:55,353 --> 00:18:57,255
[grunting]
536
00:18:57,288 --> 00:18:58,156
[Guillermo]
Don't touch her!
537
00:18:59,692 --> 00:19:00,660
No!
538
00:19:00,693 --> 00:19:02,662
[grunting]
539
00:19:02,695 --> 00:19:04,797
[Nadja]
You're just a glorified vet.
540
00:19:04,830 --> 00:19:06,799
[grunts]
Guillermo!
541
00:19:06,832 --> 00:19:07,800
Nadja!
542
00:19:07,833 --> 00:19:09,702
[grunting]
543
00:19:09,735 --> 00:19:11,971
Get away from her, you bitch!
544
00:19:12,004 --> 00:19:15,608
Oh!
[groans, grunts]
545
00:19:15,641 --> 00:19:18,811
[exhales]
[slurring] Thank you, Girerro.
546
00:19:18,844 --> 00:19:21,947
Oh. I think I might've got a
little bit of poison in my face.
547
00:19:21,981 --> 00:19:23,849
Do I look okay?
548
00:19:23,883 --> 00:19:27,285
-Yeah. You look-- you look fine.
-Good.
549
00:19:27,318 --> 00:19:28,721
Now go and find your clothes
and I'll...
550
00:19:28,754 --> 00:19:30,455
[speaking unintelligibly]
551
00:19:30,488 --> 00:19:31,857
Let's go.
552
00:19:33,025 --> 00:19:36,361
Laszlo! Laszlo!
553
00:19:36,394 --> 00:19:37,963
-What is it, man?
-Help!
554
00:19:37,997 --> 00:19:39,865
Quick, to the laboratory.
555
00:19:42,467 --> 00:19:44,335
-Laszlo, hurry. Please hurry.
-All right.
556
00:19:44,369 --> 00:19:45,871
Now, brace yourself, fellas.
557
00:19:45,905 --> 00:19:47,006
Turning the machine
558
00:19:47,039 --> 00:19:48,941
-on.
-[groaning]
559
00:19:50,943 --> 00:19:52,310
[coughing]
560
00:19:52,343 --> 00:19:53,746
Is it working? Do you feel good?
561
00:19:53,779 --> 00:19:55,346
[coughing]
562
00:19:55,380 --> 00:19:58,450
It hurt at first, but now
I kind of like it.
563
00:19:58,483 --> 00:19:59,384
-Yeah.
-[groaning softly]
564
00:19:59,417 --> 00:20:02,320
What exactly is the
purpose of this machine?
565
00:20:02,353 --> 00:20:04,857
It's just a simple
energy transference device.
566
00:20:04,890 --> 00:20:07,860
I originally built it
to combat situational impotence,
567
00:20:07,893 --> 00:20:10,596
or whiskey dick,
as you might call it.
568
00:20:10,629 --> 00:20:13,733
Oh, that makes sense,
'cause I'm getting a little
569
00:20:13,766 --> 00:20:15,735
tickle in my pickle.
570
00:20:15,768 --> 00:20:17,469
Well, that's an accident,
'cause I removed that aspect.
571
00:20:17,503 --> 00:20:19,337
-Must be the vibrations.
-Could be.
572
00:20:19,370 --> 00:20:21,607
Or could be the smell.
573
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:23,374
I really like
the smell of burning hair.
574
00:20:23,408 --> 00:20:24,476
What about you, Nandor?
575
00:20:24,510 --> 00:20:26,377
How are you finding it?
576
00:20:26,411 --> 00:20:27,813
Oh, fuck.
577
00:20:31,083 --> 00:20:32,350
-[machine buzzing]
-[Laszlo] Shit.
578
00:20:32,383 --> 00:20:34,053
Turning the machine off.
579
00:20:34,086 --> 00:20:35,054
[machine powers down]
580
00:20:35,087 --> 00:20:36,889
Reverse the process, Laszlo.
581
00:20:36,922 --> 00:20:37,990
Well, I can't.
It's too late, isn't it?
582
00:20:38,023 --> 00:20:40,391
-Look at him. Shit.
-[Nadja] [in distance] Laszlo!
583
00:20:40,425 --> 00:20:41,894
-Get fucking downstairs!
-Shit.
584
00:20:41,927 --> 00:20:44,429
Go ahead.
I'll reenergize Nandor myself.
585
00:20:44,462 --> 00:20:45,898
-How?
-[Nadja] Laszlo!
-Well, if I can drain
586
00:20:45,931 --> 00:20:46,966
the energy from people,
587
00:20:46,999 --> 00:20:48,399
I sure as hell
can put it back in them.
588
00:20:48,433 --> 00:20:49,769
-Just go. Trust me.
-[Nadja] Get downstairs!
589
00:20:49,802 --> 00:20:51,537
-Coming, my darling.
-[Nadja] Don't you "darling" me.
590
00:20:51,570 --> 00:20:53,438
[Laszlo]
Would I be wrong
in sensing some...
591
00:20:53,471 --> 00:20:55,908
-[singsongy] Nandor? Hello.
-[Nadja shouting in distance]
592
00:20:55,941 --> 00:20:58,511
It's your boy, Colin Robinson.
593
00:20:58,544 --> 00:21:03,082
But I'm going to tell you
my real name. It's...
594
00:21:03,115 --> 00:21:05,450
Arthur...
595
00:21:05,483 --> 00:21:06,919
Simon...
596
00:21:06,952 --> 00:21:08,386
Santino.
597
00:21:08,419 --> 00:21:10,923
But I-I had to change it
598
00:21:10,956 --> 00:21:13,324
because people would laugh
when they realized
599
00:21:13,358 --> 00:21:16,829
that the initials
spelled out "ass."
600
00:21:16,862 --> 00:21:18,097
[gasps]
601
00:21:18,130 --> 00:21:19,932
[weakly] Ass.
602
00:21:19,965 --> 00:21:22,101
Do you know who it was
that pointed that out to me?
603
00:21:22,134 --> 00:21:23,102
[weakly] No.
604
00:21:23,135 --> 00:21:25,403
It was my ex-boyfriend,
605
00:21:25,436 --> 00:21:27,072
-Davy Crockett.
-[exhales]
606
00:21:27,106 --> 00:21:28,473
At the Alamo.
607
00:21:29,474 --> 00:21:31,442
-Really?
-Yeah.
608
00:21:31,476 --> 00:21:33,344
If-if you don't believe me,
609
00:21:33,378 --> 00:21:37,348
maybe this knife that Jim Bowie
gave me will convince you.
610
00:21:37,382 --> 00:21:38,584
[Nandor]
Ass.
611
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:43,823
-[Laszlo] My darling,
you need to calm down.
-I mean, what the hell?
612
00:21:43,856 --> 00:21:45,958
-[shushing]
-We have a little two-faced
bitch, lying-behind-the-back
613
00:21:45,991 --> 00:21:47,960
vampire in the house
and my husband doesn't think
614
00:21:47,993 --> 00:21:49,427
-I need to know about it?
-Cool it,
615
00:21:49,460 --> 00:21:51,096
my darling.
I'm just trying to find a cure.
616
00:21:51,130 --> 00:21:51,931
All right? Now,
617
00:21:51,964 --> 00:21:53,464
if I can stop
the transformation,
618
00:21:53,498 --> 00:21:55,868
maybe Nandor can turn Gizmo.
619
00:21:55,901 --> 00:21:59,138
-You are a worthless piece
of big, wet skatá, Guillermo.
-Yeah.
620
00:21:59,171 --> 00:22:01,040
When Nandor finds out,
he's going to kill you.
621
00:22:01,073 --> 00:22:02,508
And then he's going
to kill all of us.
622
00:22:02,541 --> 00:22:03,374
-Mm.
-And then he's going
to kill himself.
623
00:22:03,408 --> 00:22:04,210
-Then don't tell him.
-I'm not going
624
00:22:04,243 --> 00:22:05,244
to lie to my housemate
to cover up
625
00:22:05,277 --> 00:22:07,445
-your treachery. [spits]
-[Guillermo] Just give me
626
00:22:07,478 --> 00:22:08,781
a chance to make this up.
When I did this, I didn't--
627
00:22:08,814 --> 00:22:10,716
Finally. Well, well, well.
628
00:22:10,749 --> 00:22:12,450
You've been gone all night.
629
00:22:12,483 --> 00:22:13,152
What, you can't even call?
630
00:22:13,185 --> 00:22:14,787
Sorry.
631
00:22:14,820 --> 00:22:16,021
They tried to put me down.
632
00:22:16,055 --> 00:22:17,488
What? Why?
633
00:22:17,523 --> 00:22:18,791
What did the doctor say?
634
00:22:18,824 --> 00:22:20,159
[Laszlo]
Uh, uh, uh...
635
00:22:20,192 --> 00:22:21,160
[sighs]
636
00:22:21,193 --> 00:22:22,493
Yes?
637
00:22:23,929 --> 00:22:25,531
Guillermo is fine.
638
00:22:25,564 --> 00:22:27,465
Just your average weak-boned,
639
00:22:27,498 --> 00:22:29,068
-broken-foot familiar.
-[Nandor groans]
640
00:22:29,101 --> 00:22:32,004
I guess someone won't be
cutting a rug anytime soon.
641
00:22:32,037 --> 00:22:33,038
[Nandor]
Wait.
642
00:22:34,573 --> 00:22:36,041
Don't move.
643
00:22:37,509 --> 00:22:39,111
[shuddering softly]
644
00:22:41,780 --> 00:22:43,182
-[grunts]
-[croaking softly]
645
00:22:43,215 --> 00:22:44,516
What...
646
00:22:44,550 --> 00:22:46,484
the hell...
647
00:22:46,518 --> 00:22:48,087
is this?
648
00:22:51,123 --> 00:22:52,057
Hmm?
649
00:22:53,225 --> 00:22:54,827
Frog?
650
00:22:54,860 --> 00:22:56,195
[Nandor]
Really? A frog?
651
00:22:56,228 --> 00:22:59,098
A frog that flies and has hair
652
00:22:59,131 --> 00:23:01,399
and looks kind of like you?
653
00:23:02,935 --> 00:23:05,037
Guillermo, do you think
I am an idiot?
654
00:23:05,070 --> 00:23:06,437
[whispers] Say no.
655
00:23:06,471 --> 00:23:07,506
[normal volume] No.
656
00:23:07,539 --> 00:23:08,774
[Nandor]
That's right.
657
00:23:08,807 --> 00:23:10,441
Because this is
658
00:23:10,475 --> 00:23:12,111
precisely what happens
659
00:23:12,144 --> 00:23:14,947
when a little birdy
sneaks into this house,
660
00:23:14,980 --> 00:23:17,583
fucks a mouse,
they have a child that grows up
661
00:23:17,616 --> 00:23:20,119
that then fucks a frog
that looks like you.
662
00:23:20,152 --> 00:23:23,222
[sighs] This is a direct result
of your slacking.
663
00:23:23,255 --> 00:23:26,558
We are not running
a fucking circus here.
664
00:23:26,592 --> 00:23:27,826
-[croaking softly]
-Yeesh.
665
00:23:29,094 --> 00:23:30,963
Give him to me.
666
00:23:30,996 --> 00:23:32,531
You may have fooled him,
667
00:23:32,564 --> 00:23:35,534
'cause he has the IQ
of a Russian toilet,
668
00:23:35,567 --> 00:23:37,536
but I know you're up
to something, aren't you,
669
00:23:37,569 --> 00:23:39,104
you little sneaky Pete?
670
00:23:43,142 --> 00:23:44,543
Okay, Colin,
671
00:23:44,576 --> 00:23:46,211
-if I tell you something--
-[Colin] Psych.
672
00:23:46,245 --> 00:23:47,613
I couldn't give two squirts.
673
00:23:51,917 --> 00:23:53,752
♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
674
00:23:56,255 --> 00:23:58,489
♪ It's in the blood ♪
675
00:24:00,793 --> 00:24:02,828
♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
676
00:24:02,861 --> 00:24:03,963
♪ It's in the blood... ♪
677
00:24:03,996 --> 00:24:05,597
[frog] Gui...
678
00:24:05,631 --> 00:24:08,968
-ller... mo.
-Surely not.
679
00:24:09,001 --> 00:24:10,102
Gui...
680
00:24:10,135 --> 00:24:12,638
ller... mo.
681
00:24:12,671 --> 00:24:13,839
-[croaks]
-[laughs]
682
00:24:13,872 --> 00:24:14,907
Yeah.
683
00:24:14,940 --> 00:24:16,108
Carry on.
684
00:24:16,141 --> 00:24:17,609
♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
685
00:24:18,811 --> 00:24:20,779
♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
686
00:24:20,813 --> 00:24:22,614
♪ It's inthe blood, man ♪
687
00:24:22,648 --> 00:24:24,216
♪ Get it or not ♪
688
00:24:25,684 --> 00:24:26,585
♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
689
00:24:26,618 --> 00:24:29,755
♪ It's inthe blood, man ♪
690
00:24:29,788 --> 00:24:30,756
♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
691
00:24:30,789 --> 00:24:33,058
♪ Tell him or not ♪
692
00:24:43,669 --> 00:24:45,671
-♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
-♪ If you catch the cure ♪
693
00:24:45,704 --> 00:24:48,640
-♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
-♪ If you catch the cure... ♪
694
00:24:48,674 --> 00:24:52,544
-♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
-♪ You can tellwithout knowing ♪
695
00:24:52,578 --> 00:24:54,680
-♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
-♪ If you catch the cure ♪
696
00:24:54,713 --> 00:24:57,683
-♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
-♪ If you catch the cure... ♪
697
00:24:57,716 --> 00:24:59,718
♪ It's in the blood, man. ♪
51896
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof