All language subtitles for Play.The.Game.2009.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]

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- STEP ONE: RECONNAISSANCE.

FIRST YOU NEED TO IDENTIFY
YOUR TARGET.

- HOW ABOUT HER?

- OH, SHE'S NOT PLANNING
ON TAKING ANYTHING HOME

WITH HER TONIGHT.

- WHAT ABOUT THAT HOTTIE
DOWN THERE?

- NOPE. NOT BUYING.

- THERE. HOW ABOUT THIS GUY?

- MAYBE.

BUT HE LOOKS
LIKE THE TYPE OF GUY

THAT WOULD LOWBALL ME.

- SERVICE MANAGER, LINE THREE.

SERVICE MANAGER,
LINE THREE.

- THERE.

SHE'S THE ONE.

I BET I'LL HAVE HER SOLD
IN LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES.

- COME ON.

- NOT ONLY THAT,

I'M GONNA SELL HER
THE FLAME CAR.

- NO WAY.

- WATCH THIS.

YES, MRS. KENNEDY,
I REALIZE

IT'S THE ONLY ONE
IN THE CITY,

AND THAT IS WHY I'M HOLDING IT
FOR YOU.

YOU ARE GOING TO SINGLE-HANDEDLY
MAKE IT STYLISH

FOR WOMEN TO DRIVE CARS
WITH FLAMES ON THEM.

EXACTLY. MORE CHIC
THAN WOMEN SMOKING CIGARS.

I PROMISE YOU I WILL NOT SELL IT
TO ANYONE ELSE.

YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.
I'LL SEE YOU IN HALF AN HOUR.

ALL RIGHT.

- EXCUSE ME.

CAN YOU TELL ME
ABOUT THIS CAR HERE?

- WOW.

YOU GOT HER DIGITS TOO,
DIDN'T YOU?

- MM-HMM.

- I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT.

- HATE TO ADMIT IT, MAN,
BUT IT'S MY DAD.

THAT'S WHY HE OWNS THE PLACE.

- HEY, YOUR DAD'S GOT
ABOUT A DOZEN

MORE FLAME CARS IN THE BACK.

YOU CARE WHICH COLOR I BRING OUT
NEXT TO THE SHOWROOM?

- YOUR CALL.

- GOOD TO SEE YOU,
MRS. CRANSTON.

DAVID, I MISSED YOU.

- I MISSED YOU TOO.

- DAVID.

I'M SURPRISED YOU REMEMBER
HOW TO FIND THE PLACE.

- WHERE IS HE?

- HE'S IN THE GAME ROOM.

HE'S EXPECTING YOU.

YOU TWO HAVEN'T SPOKEN
IN HOW LONG,

AND YOU THINK I'M JUST GONNA LET
YOU SHOW UP AND SURPRISE HIM?

I HEAR YOU'RE GONNA DRAG
MY HUSBAND OUT AGAIN TONIGHT.

- YUP, JUST GONNA PLAY

A LITTLE POKER AT THE DEALERSHIP
WITH THE BOYS.

THAT'S ON HIS LIST OF APPROVED
ACTIVITIES, ISN'T IT?

- DON'T EVEN TRY AND PLAY ME

LIKE YOU PLAY
YOUR LITTLE BIMBOS, OKAY?

ROB ALREADY CAVED.

I KNOW
ALL ABOUT YOUR PLANS.

- I DON'T KNOW

WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

- HUH, I'M SURE YOU'RE GONNA
FIND QUALITY LADIES AT--

WHAT'S THE NAME
OF THAT CLUB ROB TOLD ME?

I THINK IT WAS IMAGINE.

- IMAGE.

AND WE'RE GOING
TO A NICER CLUB THIS TIME.

- WHY? TO FIND NICER BIMBOS?

- OKAY.

- HE'S MARRIED, DAVID.

STOP DRAGGING HIM
TO THESE THINGS.

HEY, HEY, I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO GET A HOLD OF YOU, DAVID.

I THINK HE HAD A MILD STROKE
ABOUT AN HOUR AGO.

- WHAT? WHAT?

OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD. OH, GRANDPA!

OH, GRANDPA,
GRANDPA.

HEY, GRANDPA, CAN YOUR HEAR ME?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

OH, MY GOD,
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

I'M SO SORRY, GRANDPA.

YOU WERE LIKE A FATHER
TO ME.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

DA--DAVID, YEAH.
GRANDPA, IT'S ME, IT'S DAVID.

I...GOT...YOU.

- I GOT YOU. YES.

OF COURSE YOU'VE GOT ME,
GRANDPA.

I'M RIGHT HERE.

- I GOT YOU!

- YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU DID THAT.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FELL
FOR THAT.

YOU THINK THEY'D JUST LEAVE ME
SITTING OUT HERE

AFTER I JUST HAD A STROKE?

- ALL RIGHT,
THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.

- NO, NO, NO, NO, DON'T GO.

I'M SORRY.
IT WAS A BAD JOKE.

I'M SORRY.

BUT I GOT TO SAY, IT WAS NICE
HAVING THE OLD DAVID BACK

FOR A MOMENT
AND HEAR SUCH NICE THINGS.

- THERE'S NO OLD DAVID.

OKAY, IT'S JUST ME.

- WELL, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

- FINE. YOU?

- OH, MY DENTURES DON'T FIT,

AND I'M GROWING A BUNION.

BUT I AIN'T GOT HEMORRHOIDS.

SO I GUESS I CAN'T COMPLAIN.

IT'S THESE OTHERS WHO ARE SICK.

IT'S DEPRESSING.

I HOPE I DON'T LOOK
LIKE THAT WHEN I'M THEIR AGE.

- YOU'RE 84. YOU ARE THEIR AGE.

- THEY'RE IN THEIR 90S.

HELL, THAT GUY OVER THERE
I THINK'S 150.

HE KNOWS TOO MUCH
ABOUT THE CIVIL WAR.

YOU STILL IN THAT
CRAPPY JOB OF YOURS,

SELLING CARS WITH YOUR DAD?

PLAY SOME CHESS
LIKE THE OLD DAYS?

- DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS?

- SHE WAS MY WIFE, DAVID.

OF COURSE I KNOW.

- IT'S BEEN TWO YEARS,
GRANDPA.

CARRIE TELLS ME
THAT YOU DON'T TALK TO ANYONE,

YOU SIT AROUND SAD
ALL DAY.

YOU CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS.

- I'M LOST WITHOUT HER.

SOMETIMES IT'S HARD
TO GET THROUGH THE DAY.

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

YOU KNOW, LAST WEEK,
I ALMOST TRIED TO END IT.

OFF MYSELF.

- THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

- DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW?

STRAIGHT RAZOR.

I FIGURED, WELL,
IF I'M GONNA GO,

IT'S GOT TO BE DRAMATIC.

A BIG, BLOODY MESS.

- ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH, GRANDPA.

OKAY.
THIS HAS GONE ON FAR TOO LONG.

IT'S TIME

THAT YOU STARTED SOCIALIZING

WITH WOMEN.

- OH, NO,
I'M TOO OLD FOR THAT.

- GRANDMA TOLD ME
YOU PROMISED HER.

- YEAH, I DID.

AND I NEVER BROKE A PROMISE
TO THAT SWEET WOMAN.

AND I TRIED,
BUT I JUST COULDN'T.

- WELL, I PROMISED HER
SOMETHING TOO.

THAT I WOULD HELP YOU
KEEP YOUR PROMISE TO HER

IF YOU COULDN'T.

SO I'M GONNA HELP YOU.

- YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME?

WHO'S GONNA HELP YOU?

NO OFFENSE, DAVID,
BUT YOU NEVER WERE

A REAL RUDOLPH VALENTINO
WITH THE WOMEN.

- ACTUALLY, GRANDPA,
YOU MIGHT FIND THIS

HARD TO BELIEVE,
BUT OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS,

I'VE BECOME
QUITE THE CHICK MAGNET.

- YEAH, THAT IS HARD FOR ME
TO BELIEVE.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?

- OH, I GOT BIG PLANS TONIGHT.

60 MINUTES IS DOING
AN ANDY ROONEY RETROSPECTIVE.

- WELL, YOU CAN RECORD IT

BECAUSE, LIKE IT OR NOT,
WE'RE GOING OUT.

- WE ARE?

- YUP.

IF YOU WANT TO WIN THE GAME
WITH WOMEN,

YOU FIRST HAVE TO LEARN
HOW TO PLAY THE GAME.

I'M GONNA TEACH YOU
EVERY TRICK I'VE GOT.

- SWELL.

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

- WELL, IF YOU WANT
TO MEET WOMEN,

YOU GO WHERE THE WOMEN MEET.

YO, SERGIO.

I NEED TWO DRAFTS

AND A GLASS OF HOT WATER
WITH LEMON.

SO I SAW YOUR WIFE
AT THE HOME TODAY.

LOVELY AS USUAL.

- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

YOU WENT
WITH THE POKER STORY, RIGHT?

- YEAH, AND SHE TOLD ME
YOU CAVED ALREADY.

- WHAT?

PLEASE SAY YOU DIDN'T TELL HER.

YOU KNOW HOW SHE HATES
WHEN I GO ROLLING

FOR HONEYS WITH YOU!

- SHE TOLD ME YOU CAVED ALREADY!

- OH, WHAT?

YOU IDIOT,
I DIDN'T CAVE.

YOU CAVED.

OH, SHE--SHE TOTALLY
PLAYED YOU.

- DAMN IT.

DAMN IT.

THERE YOU GO.

- ALL RIGHT.

- WHAT ARE YOU EXPECTING,
A FLOOD?

COME ON.

THERE YOU GO.

OKAY.

- YOU OKAY THERE?

- HEMORRHOIDS.

NO, I DON'T HAVE HEMORRHOIDS.

I'M AVOIDING THEM.

DID YOU KNOW
THE AVERAGE PERSON EXPERIENCES

OVER THREE GS OF PRESSURE

IN THEIR BUTT
AS THEY SIT DOWN?

- UH, NO. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

- YEAH, THE SLOWER YOU SIT,

THE LESS GS.

THE WAY I DO IT, IT'S LIKE
I'M SITTING ON THE MOON.

- THAT'S FASCINATING, MR. WARD.

YOU'RE FULL
OF INTERESTING FACTOIDS.

- THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL
NEVER LETS ME DOWN.

AND NOT ONLY THAT...

- WHOA!

- I WAS AN APPRENTICE TO HARRY
HOUDINI BACK IN THE DAY.

IT'S TRUE, DAVID.

I WAS IN THE TANK WITH HIM

AT THE SHELTON
FOR HIS LAST SHOW.

HE TAUGHT ME
EVERYTHING HE KNEW.

THE SECRET
TO THE MILK CAN ESCAPE--

- ARE YOU READY TO GET
TO WORK, GRANDPA?

- OH, YES, SIR.
READY AND WAITING.

- OKAY, GOOD.

STEP ONE...

STEP ONE: RECONNAISSANCE.

FIRST YOU NEED
TO IDENTIFY YOUR TARGET.

I GO FOR A NICE-LOOKING,
INTELLIGENT GIRL

WHO I THINK CAN KEEP UP WITH ME
INTELLECTUALLY.

- WHAT ABOUT HER?

- NICE, BUT SHE'S DRINKING
RED WINE,

AND I LIKE THIS SHIRT

WAY TOO MUCH.

ULTIMATELY, I GIVE UP
ON THE NICE GIRL

AND GO FOR THE HOT CHICK.
WHAT?

METAMUCIL?

- OH, FORGIVE ME.
WHERE ARE MY MANNERS?

- OH, THAT'S...

- OH, NO, NO, OKAY.

- COOL.

- THERE.

ALL RIGHT, NOW, STEP TWO:

THE APPROACH.

YOU HAVE TO MEET HER
OR, MORE ACCURATELY,

YOU HAVE HER MEET YOU.

PLANNED SPONTANEITY,
GRANDPA.

THAT'S THE NAME OF THE GAME.

YOU GOT TO HAVE HER THINKING
SHE DISCOVERED YOU.

IF SHE KNOWS
YOU'RE PURSUING HER,

IT'S ALL OVER.

- EXCUSE ME.

- OH!

- OH, MY GOD, I AM SO SORRY.

THAT JERKFACE.

- SURE IT'S CHILDISH.

BUT IF YOU FIND A WOMAN
DRINKING CLUB SODA,

THE SHIRT
PRACTICALLY CLEANS ITSELF.

- HERE, LET ME BUY YOU A DRINK.

- ALL RIGHT.

STEP THREE: THE BUILD-UP.

YOU GOT TO GET HER
INTERESTED IN YOU.

AND THAT'S EASY.

YOU JUST SHOW HER
HOW SMART YOU ARE.

- YOU KNOW, I NEVER UNDERSTOOD
WHY THIS SALT THING

TAKES OUT STAINS.

- WELL, SALT
IS ACTUALLY SODIUM CHLORIDE,

AND THE WATER
FROM THE STAIN SUBLIMATES

THE MOLECULE'S IONIC BONDS,

WHICH RELEASES ENERGY
AND CLEANS THE STAIN.

SOMETIMES, YOU GOT
TO MAKE STUFF UP.

BUT IF YOU SAY IT
WITH CONFIDENCE,

IT'S SAFE TO ASSUME
THEY'RE NOT GONNA LOOK IT UP

TO SEE IF YOU'RE RIGHT.

- SERGIO, SERGIO.

- STEP FOUR:
THE FOLLOW-THROUGH.

JUST IN CASE
THINGS DON'T GO WELL THAT NIGHT,

ALWAYS HAVE SOME REASON
TO SEE HER AGAIN.

- DAVID, I ALMOST FORGOT.

YOU WON A SWEET ITEM
FROM THE CHARITY RAFFLE

LAST MONTH.
CONGRATS.

- THANK YOU. THAT'S GREAT.

IT'S DINNER FOR TWO
AT CHARLIE TROTTER'S.

THIS IS MY MOM'S
FAVORITE RESTAURANT.

SHE'LL BE SO EXCITED.

- OH, THAT'S SO SWEET.

- OH, NO, IT EXPIRES
ON SUNDAY,

AND SHE'S OUT OF TOWN
THIS WEEKEND.

THIS SUCKS.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT,

SHE CAN'T USE 'EM,

THERE'S NO USE
LETTING 'EM GO TO WASTE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO?

- SURE, I'D LOVE TO.

- GREAT.

JUST TAKE SOMEBODY
WHO APPRECIATES GOOD FOOD.

- THIS MOVE IS LIKE
THE JEDI MIND TRICK.

"WHY DON'T YOU GO
WITH ME?

THEY'RE YOUR CERTIFICATES."

- WELL, HEY,
THEY'RE YOUR CERTIFICATES.

WHY DON'T YOU GO
WITH ME?

- AND THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP?

STEP FIVE:

THE GROUCHO EFFECT.

GROUCHO MARX ONCE SAID,

"I WOULDN'T BELONG
TO ANY CLUB THAT WOULD HAVE ME

AS A MEMBER."

- WELL, IT WAS VERY NICE
MEETING YOU, SUSAN,

AND I LOOK FORWARD TO DINNER.

- LEAVING SO SOON?

- IF YOU SHOW INTEREST
IN A GIRL TOO SOON,

IF SHE GETS
INTO THE CLUB TOO EASILY,

SHE THINKS
SHE CAN DO BETTER.

YOU KNOW WHAT,
I PROMISED MY GIRLFRIEND

I WOULD TRY
AND STOP BY TONIGHT.

- YOUR GIRLFRIEND?

- BUT IF YOU MAKE HER WORK
TO GET INTO THE CLUB,

SHE THINKS SHE'S LUCKY
TO GET YOU.

- WHY DON'T YOU STAY FOR
JUST ONE MORE GLASS OF WINE?

- YOU KNOW WHAT,
I'D LOVE TO,

BUT I REALLY SHOULDN'T.

IT'S EXTREMELY DIFFICULT

AND A BIT OF A GAMBLE.

BUT IF YOU HAVE PATIENCE

AND PLAY THE GAME RIGHT,

IT PAYS OFF.

- COME ON.

ONE MORE GLASS
ISN'T GONNA KILL YOU, IS IT?

- AND WHEN SHE FILLS
YOUR WINE GLASS

SLIGHTLY MORE THAN HERS,

IT MEANS SHE WANTS
TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU.

THAT'S WHEN YOU KNOW
YOU'VE WON.

- CHEERS.

- GAME OVER.

- WATCHING YOU IN ACTION
LAST NIGHT,

DAVID, WAS AMAZING.

JUST AMAZING.

- ROB GET YOU HOME OKAY?

- FORGET ABOUT ME.

I WANT TO HEAR
WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOU.

- WELL, LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY,
LOOK WHAT I'M WEARING.

IT'S THE SAME CLOTHES
I WORE LAST NIGHT.

- WELL, I'LL BE GLAD TO PAY

FOR SOME NEW CLOTHES
IF THINGS ARE A LITTLE TIGHT.

- NO, I DIDN'T CHANGE CLOTHES
FROM LAST NIGHT.

- TALK ABOUT LAZY.

- THINK, GRANDPA.

THINK.
WHY DIDN'T I CHANGE CLOTHES?

- OHH.

OH, YOU DEVIL, YOU.

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
LISTEN.

STEP ONE:
RECONNAISSANCE.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF WOMAN
YOU WANT TO MEET?

- YEAH, YOUR GRANDMOTHER.

LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING
TO YOU, DAVID.

I'M NOT GONNA WASTE MY TIME
ON JUST ANYBODY.

I HAVE NEEDS, YOU SEE.

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

HOLD ON.

NEEDS?

ARE YOU--

ARE YOU SAYING
THAT YOU CAN STILL...

DO THE WILD THING?

- THE WHAT THING?

- THAT YOU'RE STILL ABLE

TO PERFORM.

- ON STAGE?

- IN BED.

- NO WAY. ARE YOU KIDDING?

THAT THING DIED YEARS
BEFORE YOUR GRANDMOTHER DID.

SHOULD HAVE HAD IT AMPUTATED
FOR ALL THE GOOD IT DOES.

- SO THEN WHAT ARE THESE NEEDS?

- A MAN NEEDS THE REAL MCCOY.

THE ONLY THING
THAT MATTERS.

- BEAUTY? WHAT, BRAINS?

- COMPANIONSHIP.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A COMPANION
IN YOUR LIFE, DAVID?

- SURE, I'VE DATED
LOTS OF GIRLS.

- OH, HORSE FEATHERS.

I MEAN A REAL COMPANION.

- MM, HOW WOULD I KNOW?

- THERE'S ONLY TWO WAYS TO KNOW

SHE'S YOUR REAL COMPANION.

YOU EITHER KNOW IT
WHEN YOU MEET HER,

OR KNOW IT
WHEN YOU LOSE HER.

YOUR COMPANION IS A WOMAN

YOU CARE ABOUT.

A WOMAN YOU COULD CALL
YOUR BEST FRIEND.

A WOMAN YOU COULD TELL ANYTHING
TO DO.

A WOMAN WHOSE HAND
YOU REALLY WANT TO HOLD.

THAT'S THE FIRST TIME
WE HELD HANDS

AS MAN AND WIFE.

WE DIDN'T LET GO

FOR FOUR HOURS
AND 23 MINUTES.

I TIMED IT.

BUT EVENTUALLY NATURE CALLED,

AND I HAD TO LET GO.

YOUR GREAT-GRANDMOTHER
SERVED FRIED CHICKEN

AT THE RECEPTION THAT WENT
THROUGH ME LIKE A RACE CAR.

BUT THE POINT IS, THAT'S WHAT
YOUR GRANDMOTHER WAS TO ME.

THE OLD BEARCAT.

- COMPANION, HUH?

- THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.

AND THAT'S WHAT I NEED.

- OH, SHOOT.

- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

- I'M SO SO--I GOT TO
GET TO WORK, GRANDPA.

DAD'S GONNA KILL ME.

- WELL, ARE YOU COMING BACK
TO HELP ME?

- I ALREADY TAUGHT YOU
EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW

ABOUT MEETING WOMEN.
YOU JUST GOT TO DO IT NOW.

- WELL, WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN,
DAVID?

- SURE.

- WHEN?

- I DON'T KNOW.

SOON.
OKAY?

I'LL SEE YOU SOON.

- I DON'T CARE IF IT'S ON HOLD.
TAKE IT OFF HOLD.

I GOT CASH.
I WANT THIS FLAME CAR TODAY.

PICK UP LINE TWO.

ABBY IN THE LOAN DEPARTMENT.

- SOLD ANOTHER FLAME CAR.

SIGN IT.

- HOW'S THE PROFIT ON THIS ONE?

- 18%.

- DAVID, YOU HAVE THE GIFT.

LIKE THAT THING YOU DO
WITH THE CUSTOMER

WHERE YOU SAY,
"OH, I'M SORRY,

YOU CAN'T HAVE THIS CAR."

I MEAN, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

IT'S LIKE YOU HAVE
A SIXTH SENSE

FOR READING AND CLOSING.

HOW'S YOUR GRANDFATHER?

OH, YOU THINK I'M AN IDIOT.

YOU BUY HIM A PLACE
IN A RETIREMENT COMMUNITY,

THEN HE IGNORES YOU
ALL THIS TIME.

AND YOU COME BACK
WITH AN OLIVE BRANCH?

EVEN YOUR MOTHER,
GOD REST HER SOUL,

SHE WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM.

- ALL RIGHT, THANKS
FOR THE ADVICE, DICK.

- LIKE I'VE TOLD YOU, DAVID,

WHEN IT'S JUST THE TWO OF US
HERE AT WORK,

YOU CAN CALL ME DAD.

- OKAY, DICK.

- OKAY, GOOD-BYE.

SO NOT ONLY DID YOU BLOW THE
POKER NIGHT WITH THE GUYS STORY,

BUT YOUR GRANDFATHER
TOLD CARRIE

ALL THE DETAILS
ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

HEY, LISTEN,
I HAVE

ONLY TWO JOYS IN THIS LIFE.

ONE IS WATCHING YOU
BE THE BACHELOR

THAT I NEVER WAS,

AND THE OTHER IS BEING

THE PRO FOOTBALL QUARTERBACK
THAT I NEVER WAS.

- YOU REALIZE HOW SAD THAT IS?

- CARRIE IS FREAKING OUT.

AND NOW BOTH MY JOYS
ARE AT RISK.

SHE'S NOT GONNA PLAY FOOTBALL
TOMORROW.

- I'M SORRY, MAN.

- NO, NO, NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE.

BECAUSE, AS PUNISHMENT
FOR SCREWING UP,

YOU'RE GONNA SUB FOR HER
IN TOMORROW'S GAME.

- OH, COME ON.

- YES, YOU ARE.

TEAMS THREE AND TEN,

GAME ON!

- OKAY, GUYS, LET'S DO THIS.

JAMES, YOU GOT
A SCOUTING REPORT?

- THE REF CALLED THE WRONG TEAM.

WE'RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED
TO PLAY THESE GUYS.

SO I DON'T HAVE ANY INFO.

- ANYWAY, OKAY, LET'S SEE
WHAT THESE GUYS ARE MADE OF.

JOANIE, DOWN AND OUT.

DAVID, FAKE AND GO LONG.

BREAK.

- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO,
LET'S GO.

- YOU'RE COVERING ME?

NO, I DIDN'T MEAN
ANYTHING SEXIST.

I JUST WANT TO CONFIRM,
YOU'RE COVERING ME.

- YOU KNOW, I BET I'M BETTER

AT THIS GAME THAN YOU ARE.

- I DON'T THINK SO.

- HIKE.

OH!

WHAT IS THAT?

- I THINK SO.

OH, YOUR ELBOW'S BLEEDING.

- OH, IT'S A LITTLE ABRUSION.

- ABRUSION?

- YEAH, YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE
A BRUISE AND AN ABRASION.

IT'S A NEW WORD JUST RELEASED
BY WEBSTER'S LAST WEEK.

- DIDN'T GET THE MEMO.

- YOU WILL.
I'M ON THE COMMITTEE.

- YOU SOUND VERY BRIGHT.

- OH, YEAH, I'M MENSA.

GRADUATED EIGHTH IN MY CLASS.

- REALLY? HUH.

I WAS SEVENTH.

- IF YOU WANT TO MEET WOMEN,

GO WHERE THE WOMEN MEET.

UM, TOP OF THE MORNING
TO YOU, MA'AM.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

- I'M GOOD.

CAN I HELP YOU?

- MY NAME IS JOE.

AND I WAS WONDERING, UH...

I WAS WONDERING
IF YOU'D LIKE

TO HAVE LUNCH,
TALK A BIT...

OH, HOW SWEET.

HOW OLD ARE YOU, JOE?

- UH, I'M 79.

WELL, I'M VERY FLATTERED, JOE.

BUT I'M SORRY.

I DON'T DATE OLDER MEN.

- OLDER MEN...

- WE MIGHT HAVE SOME FUN
FOR A WHILE.

BUT SOONER OR LATER,
YOU WOULD GET SICK,

AND I'LL BE THE ONE
THAT HAS TO TAKE CARE OF YOU

AND EVENTUALLY DECIDE

WHETHER OR NOT TO TAKE YOU
OFF OF LIFE SUPPORT.

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.

I'VE EARNED MY INHERITANCE
ALREADY,

BUT NOW THAT'S TOO MUCH PRESSURE
FOR ME.

NOW IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME,

I'M LATE FOR A GAME
OF MAHJONG.

BYE-BYE.

- YOU'RE COVERING ME?

- SEVENTH IN YOUR CLASS, HUH?

QUICK, WHAT'S THE CAPITAL
OF ZAMBIA?

- LUSAKA.

- RIGHT. WHO'S BOBBY BRADY'S
FIRST KISS WITH?

- MILLICENT.

BUT VERY GOOD QUESTION.

- KING OF ENGLAND, 1630.

- GEORGE THE FIFTH.

- VERY IMPRESSIVE.

- YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
THE ANSWERS

TO THESE QUESTIONS.

- I CERTAINLY DO.

- JAMES THE SECOND
WAS KING IN 1630.

- HIKE!

- I'M OPEN!

- GO, JULIE, GO, GO, GO!

GO, GO, GO!

- GAME OVER.

BLUE TEAM WINS IT.
LET'S MOVE.

- YEAH, NICE PASS.

- NICE. WAY TO SHOW HER
WHO'S BOSS.

SHE'S A FAST ONE,
ISN'T SHE?

NICE RACK TOO.

- INTRIGUING.

OVERTHROW ME?

- WITH PLEASURE.

OOP.
MY BAD.

- HERE YOU GO.

- THANKS.

- THANK YOU. COME AGAIN.

- NEXT TIME, HUH?
I GOT TO GO.

THANK YOU.

- OH, ROSE.
OVER HERE, HONEY.

- OH, THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND.

I'VE GOT TO GO.

- A ROSE FOR ROSE.

- OH.

- ROSE.

LET'S GO.

- THANK YOU.

- HEY, CAN WE PLAY TEAM THREE
TODAY?

- SORRY, BRO, SCHEDULE'S SET.

THIS JOB GETS BETTER AND BETTER
EVERY WEEK.

INGENIOUS PLAN.

I GUESS IT DIDN'T INCLUDE HER
NOT SHOWING UP, DID IT?

SHE AIN'T HERE.

- WE'RE GONNA KILL THEM.

- HEY.

- HEY, I GUESS WE'RE PLAYING
YOU GUYS AGAIN.

I WONDER
HOW THAT HAPPENED, MAN.

- I DON'T KNOW.

TOO BAD YOU GUYS ARE MISSING
THAT SUPERSTAR GIRL

YOU HAD LAST WEEK, HUH?
WHAT WAS HER NAME?

- JULIE LARABEE.

- JULIE LARABEE, THAT'S RIGHT.

HEY, LISTEN, WE NEED A SUB
NEXT WEEK.

DO ANY OF YOU GUYS
HAVE HER NUMBER

OR AN ADDRESS
OR SOMETHING?

- SURE, JUST GET A HOLD OF ME
AFTER THE GAME, ALL RIGHT?

GOOD LUCK, BUDDY.

- 6:00 IN THE MORNING?

- EVERY MORNING LIKE CLOCKWORK.

- THANKS.

- EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.

THE TABLES ARE FILLING,

SO DO YOU MIND
IF THIS GENTLEMAN JOINS YOU?

- HOW NICE.

- AND HOW ARE YOU
THIS FINE EVENING?

- I'M NICE. AND YOU?

- WELL, FANTASTIC
NOW THAT I'VE HAD

THE OPPORTUNITY TO MEET A LADY
AS LOVELY AS YOURSELF.

YOU ARE TOO NICE.

I'M MAXINE.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

- I'M JOE.

AND I'M FROM HYDE PARK,
ORIGINALLY.

- OH, THAT'S NICE.

MY COUSIN MYRNA LIVES
IN ROGERS PARK.

- REALLY?

- IT'S VERY NICE.

YOU KNOW,
YOU ARE VERY NICE-LOOKING.

- THANK YOU.

- I'M MAXINE.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

- I TOLD YOU. IT'S JOE.

- WHERE ARE YOU FROM, JOE?

- HYDE PARK.

- OH, THAT'S NICE.

MY COUSIN MYRNA LIVES
IN ROGERS PARK.

- GOOD MORNING, MA'AM.

- I'M SORRY, DEAR.

I JUST CAN'T DO IT.

I'M JUST TOO OLD.

I KNOW I PROMISED YOU,

AND I'M SORRY.

I'M SO SORRY.

- GRANDPA? GRANDPA?

- HEY. THIS IS MY HOME.

YOU CAN'T JUST BREAK IN HERE,
DAVID.

- ACTUALLY, I OWN THE PLACE,

SO, TECHNICALLY, IT'S MY HOME,

AND WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ME
TO DO

WHEN YOU LEAVE A MESSAGE
ON MY MACHINE SAYING GOOD-BYE?

- I CAN'T DO IT, DAVID.

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

I'M DONE.

- YOU'RE NOT DONE. OKAY?

YOU'RE JUST AFRAID
OF GETTING HURT.

- YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I'M AFRAID

OF GETTING HURT.

GETTING HURT HURTS.

I'D RATHER FEEL LONELY
THAN TO FEEL THIS WAY.

IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT.

- NO, IT IS WORTH IT.

- NO, IT'S NOT. NOT FOR ME.

- YOU JUST NEED TO GET
MORE IN YOUR ELEMENT.

OKAY? DITCH THAT OLD BROWN SUIT
THAT I KNOW YOU'RE WEARING.

GO AND SHOP
FOR SOME NEW CLOTHES.

YOU KNOW,
GET A LITTLE MORE CASUAL.

AND THEN, FIND THE RIGHT PLACE
TO LOOK FOR THE LADIES.

- WILL YOU HELP ME THEN, DAVID?

PLEASE?

- YEAH.

LOOK AT YOU.
GRANDPA, YOU THE MAN.

YOU A PLAYER NOW.

YOU LOOKIN' SICK,
YOU LOOKIN' DOPE.

- WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU
DRESS ME LIKE A DOPE?

- ALL RIGHT, SO YOU SEE
ANYBODY INTERESTING?

- WHAT ABOUT HER?

- ISN'T SHE A BIT, EH,
LARGE FOR YOU?

- NOT THE BRUNETTE,
THE BLOND.

- OH, UH, I THINK
THE BLOND MIGHT BE

A LITTLE ADVANCED
FOR YOU, HEF.

WHY DON'T WE TRY
AND FIND SOMEONE

A BIT MORE YOUR OWN AGE?

HOW ABOUT HER?

- UH...

ANOTHER ROSE FOR ROSE.

- WHY, YOU STOLE THAT ROSE.

YOU COULD GO TO JAIL
FOR THAT.

- WELL, THAT'S A RISK
I'M WILLING TO TAKE.

THAT MEAN YOU WON'T
ACCEPT IT?

- WELL, I JUST WORRY
ABOUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO US

WHEN THE POLICE COME.

- WELL, WE'LL FIGHT 'EM OFF
LIKE BONNIE AND CLYDE.

- BONNIE AND CLYDE?

THAT'S A DEAL.

OH, LISTEN, I NEVER GOT
YOUR NAME WHEN WE FIRST MET.

- IT'S JOE,

AND I'M DELIGHTED
TO MEET YOU AGAIN.

- NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.

- WELL...

PLEASE EXCUSE ME.

HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY.

SHE'S GOT A BOYFRIEND.

- I NOTICED.

THOUGHT I WAS GONNA
HAVE TO STEP IN

AND BREAK UP A FIGHT
FOR A SECOND THERE.

WHEW!

ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
SHAKE IT OFF.

HOW ABOUT HER?

- DOWN AND UP.

AND UP.

- GOOD, GOOD, GOOD. OKAY.

UM, ALL RIGHT, LISTEN.

THE DELT MACHINE'S
NEXT ON HER CIRCUIT,

SO GET OVER THERE
AND DO JUST LIKE WE PLANNED.

- THE WH-WH-WHAT MACHINE?

- UH, NEXT TO
THE RHOMBOID MACHINE.

- WHAT?

- JUST, GO, GO, OVER THERE.

- ALL RIGHT, EDNA,
THAT WAS AWESOME.

- OH, THANKS.

- YOU ROCK.

THERE'S SOMEBODY
ON THE DELT MACHINE,

SO I'M JUST GONNA GRAB
ANOTHER CUP

AND I'LL MEET YOU
AT THE BIKE, OKAY?

- OH, OKAY.

HEY!

- SO SORRY.

- I'M SO SORRY.

YOU'RE--

- IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'LL LIVE.

I'M JOE.

- HEY, JOE, I'M EDNA.

- HOW LATE?

- REALLY LATE.

- ALL RIGHT, WHAT NIGHT
DOES SHE GO?

- DON'T KNOW.

DEPENDS ON WHEN SHE RUNS OUT
OF CLOTHES, I SUPPOSE.

- VERY DIRTY CLOTHES.

BLOODSTAINS.
HEH.

CALL ME.

- YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME,
DAVID.

- WHAT THE--

- I WANT YOU TO GET OUT THERE
AND SELL ME SOME CARS.

- HEY THERE.

- WHAT'S THIS?

- UH, OUR LAUNDRY.

CARRIE FIGURED
YOU MIGHT AS WELL

BE PRODUCTIVE WHILE
YOU'RE STALKING YOUR WOMAN

AT THE LAUNDROMAT.

OH AND, UH, MAKE SURE
YOU WASH CARRIE'S STUFF

ON THE DELICATE CYCLE.

- EXCUSE ME?

EXCUSE ME.

UH, HI THERE.

UM, I THINK YOUR WASH
IS DONE.

- THANKS, JULIE.

- NICE BRA.

- EXCUSE ME?

- YOUR BRA.

I LIKE IT.
IT'S VERY SEXY.

- OH, NO, NO.
THIS--I-I--

- THERE'S NO EXPLANATION
NECESSARY.

I'LL JUST LET MY IMAGINATION
RUN WILD.

- IT'S MY GIRLFRIEND'S.

- I'M SURE IT IS.

- I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK

I WAS THE ONLY
LATE-NIGHT WASHER.

- NO.

YOU KNOW,
THERE'S FEWER PEOPLE.

NO WAITING FOR MACHINES.

- NO ONE FINDS OUT
YOU'RE A CROSS-DRESSER.

- THAT TOO.

I'M DAVID.

- HI, DAVID.
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

- UH, CUSTOM DICTATES

THIS IS WHERE
YOU JUMP IN

AND YOU TELL ME
YOUR NAME.

- BUT SOMEHOW YOU ALREADY
KNOW MY NAME.

WHEN I WOKE YOU UP,
YOU SAID, "THANKS, JULIE."

- JULIE. YEAH, OF COURSE.

NO, I--YEAH.
WHEN I, UM...

YEAH, NO, ACTUALLY NOW,
WE HAVE MET BEFORE.

- REALLY? WHERE?

- I'M A LITTLE HURT
YOU DON'T REMEMBER.

- THAT'S RIGHT.

OH, MY GOD. SILLY.

WE MET
AT VICTORIA'S SECRET

WHEN YOU WERE BUYING
THAT BEAUTIFUL BRA.

- ACTUALLY I BUY MY LINGERIE
MAIL ORDER.

IT'S MORE DISCREET
THAT WAY.

- SMART.

SO WHERE HAVE WE MET?

- FOOTBALL
A COUPLE WEEKS AGO?

- THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU WERE
MR. TRIVIAL PURSUIT,

TRYING TO STUMP ME.

WELL, UM, IT'S NICE
TO MEET YOU, DAVID.

- NICE TO MEET YOU,
JULIE.

- BOXERS OR BRIEFS?

- UM...

- OH, I FORGOT.
IT'S PANTIES.

- BOXER BRIEFS. YOU?

- ACTUALLY, UM, RIGHT NOW,
I'M COMMANDO.

- WOW. IMPRESSIVE.

- I KNOW.

- ALL RIGHT, UM,
ERNIE OR BERT?

- ERNIE.

I NEVER REALLY
HAD A THING

FOR LONG, YELLOW,
OVAL HEADS.

- I SEE, YOU'RE PARTIAL
TO THE SQUASHED,

ORANGE FLAT HEADS.

- UH-HUH, YEAH.

- OH, ME TOO.

SNICKERS OR MILKY WAY?

- OH, NEITHER.

THE CURLY WURLY.

IT'S THE MOST
AMAZING CANDY.

I HAVE TO IMPORT IT FROM...

ENGLAND.

- WOW.

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?

- INTERESTING.

- OKAY.

GUESS IT'S TIME TO
BRING OUT THE BIG GUNS.

- SHOOT.

- TOP OR BOTTOM?

- WELL, YOU WEREN'T KIDDING.

UM, TOP.

YOU?

- BOTTOM.

- HMM.

- YEAH, I ALWAYS, ALWAYS

START BRUSHING MY TEETH
ON THE BOTTOM.

- YOUR TEETH?

- WHAT DID YOU THINK
I WAS TALKING ABOUT?

OH, MY GOSH,
THAT IS TERRIBLE.

WHAT KIND OF GIRL
DO YOU THINK I AM?

- OH, COME ON,
THAT'S NOT FAIR.

- WHO SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT PLAYING FAIR?

I'M GONNA GO
TO THE BATHROOM.

- TOUCHE.

AAH!

AH.

- OH, GOOD,
THE DRYERS ARE DONE.

- OH, PERFECT.

- THAT'S WEIRD.

MY CLOTHES ARE STILL WET.

- WEIRD. MINE TOO.

AH, I HATE THESE MACHINES.

- I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO
RUN 'EM AGAIN.

- OH, WELL.

- I THINK BEING
A GRAPHIC DESIGNER

HELPS ME TO BE
MORE CREATIVE.

- IT SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY COOL,
REWARDING JOB. I'M JEALOUS.

- WELL, I'M SURE BEING A CAR
SALESMAN'S PRETTY REWARDING.

I MEAN, I'M SURE
YOU'VE HELPED A LOT OF PEOPLE

BUY THEIR FIRST CAR

AND GIVEN THEM A HUGE SENSE
OF INDEPENDENCE.

- OH, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT.

- WHY NOT?

- IT'S A BIG GAME.

I READ
PEOPLE'S INSECURITIES,

I MAKE THEM THINK
THEY'RE GETTING

SOMETHING
THEY DON'T DESERVE,

AND THEN I CONVINCE THEM TO
SPEND MORE THAN THEY SHOULD.

- CAN'T YOU JUST SELL THEM
A CAR THEY CAN AFFORD?

- I COULD, AND THEN MY DAD
WOULD FIRE ME.

- AH.

- YEAH.

- WELL, ISN'T THERE
ANY OTHER JOB

YOU'D FIND REWARDING?

- PROBABLY.

I WAS ACTUALLY STUDYING
TO GET MY MASTERS

IN HEALTH CARE
ADMINISTRATION,

AND THEN RIGHT BEFORE
I FINISHED,

MY GRANDMOTHER DIED,

AND MY GRANDPA
SORT OF FELL APART,

SO I HAD TO BUY HIM A CONDO
IN A RETIREMENT COMMUNITY.

- OH, YEAH, I KNOW
HOW THAT IS.

WE HAD TO PUT MY GRANDMA
IN A RETIREMENT COMMUNITY

FOR THE SAME REASON.

SHE JUST COULDN'T TAKE
THE ISOLATION.

- YEAH.

ANYWAY,
TO AFFORD THE MORTGAGE,

I HAD TO GO BACK
TO SELLING CARS WITH MY DAD.

- WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOUR DAD
JUST PAY FOR IT?

- WELL, MY DAD LEFT MY MOM
AND ME WHEN I WAS EIGHT,

RIGHT BEFORE SHE DIED,

SO MY GRANDPA AND HIM DON'T
GET ALONG ALL THAT WELL.

OR AT ALL.

BUT WHEN I NEEDED THE MONEY,

MY DAD REALLY CAME THROUGH
FOR ME WITH THE JOB.

- HOW'D YOUR GRANDFATHER
LIKE THAT?

- WELL, HE GOT ALL UPSET

BECAUSE HE THINKS MY DAD'S
A BAD INFLUENCE ON ME.

HE'S PROBABLY RIGHT.

AND WE STOPPED TALKING
FOR A WHILE.

I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THESE
FOR WEEKS.

THEY'RE, UH,
GIFT CERTIFICATES

TO MY GIRLFRIEND'S
FAVORITE RESTAURANT.

UNBELIEVABLE.

THEY EXPIRE ON SUNDAY AND
SHE'S OUT OF TOWN UNTIL MONDAY.

THAT SUCKS.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

SHE'S NOT GONNA USE THEM.

THERE'S NO USE
LETTING THEM GO TO WASTE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO?

- THAT'S SO NICE OF YOU
TO OFFER.

- JUST MAKE SURE
YOU TAKE SOMEBODY

WHO REALLY APPRECIATES
GOOD FOOD.

- YOU KNOW...

THANKS, DAVID.

IT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU.

WELL, THAT'S IT FOR ME.

WELL, DAVID,
IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU.

AGAIN.

- IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU.

HEY, UH, JULIE...

- YEAH?

- HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

- GOOD NIGHT.

- SO DID YOU COME UP
WITH A REASON TO SEE HER AGAIN?

- I FOUND OUT HER FAVORITE
MOVIE STAR IS RITA HAYWORTH.

I ALREADY TALKED TO THE GIRL
THAT PLANS MOVIE NIGHT.

YOU'RE A GENIUS.

AS SOON AS THE MOVIE ARRIVES,
I'M GONNA CALL EDNA--

- NO! NO, GRANDPA.

YOU HAVE TO WAIT
UNTIL SHE CALLS YOU.

TAKE IT FROM THE GENIUS.

- WELL, IT SOUNDS
LIKE THE GENIUS

JUST STUCK HIS BIG, FAT HEAD
UP HIS ASS.

IN MY DAY,
NO RESPECTABLE WOMAN

WOULD EVER CALL A MAN,
EVER.

- WELL, IT ISN'T YOUR DAY
ANYMORE.

THE RULES OF THE GAME
HAVE CHANGED.

- OH, APPLESAUCE.
YOU'RE ALL WET.

- TRUST ME, GRANDPA,
I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

I FINALLY MET THAT GIRL
THAT I'VE BEEN AFTER.

- DID YOU FIND OUT
HER FAVORITE MOVIE STAR?

THAT ONE WORKS LIKE A CHARM.

- NO, I STOLE HER PANTIES.

- YOU WHAT?

WHAT KIND OF SICKO MOVE
IS THAT?

IS THAT HOW I RAISED YOU?

- IT WAS A FAIR TRADE.

I PLANTED A PAIR OF JEANS
IN HER LAUNDRY.

- OH, SO NOW YOU'RE
WEARING THE PANTIES,

AND SHE'S WEARING
THE PANTS.

OH, GREAT.

- STUPID, DUMB, IDIOT PLAN.

- HOW WERE YOUR STEAKS?

- OH, DELICIOUS, THANKS.
COULD WE PAY WITH THESE?

- OF COURSE.

- ENOUGH ALREADY.

I HAVEN'T LEFT MY DAMN ROOM
IN THREE DAYS.

- HELLO.

- UH, HI, EDNA.
IT'S JOE.

- HELLO, JOE.
I'M GLAD YOU CAUGHT ME.

UM, I WAS JUST
RUNNING OUT THE DOOR

TO THE STORE
FOR SOME MILK.

- WELL, UH,

I-I-I SEE THAT--THAT GILDA
IS PLAYING ON MONDAY,

AND I KNOW THAT RITA HAYWORTH
IS YOUR FAVORITE,

AND I WONDERED IF, UH,
WELL, IT MIGHT BE GOOD

IF, UH, IF YOU WANTED TO,
TO SEE--

SEE THAT TALKIE WITH ME,
IF YOU WANTED TO.

IT'S AT 2:00 ON MONDAY.

- WELL, LET ME CHECK
MY CALENDAR.

WELL, JOE, UM,

I THINK I'M FREE.

- OH!

I'LL SEE YOU THEN.

- OKEY-DOKEY.

- MORNING.

- YOUR PACKAGE IS HERE.

- WELL, HELLO, MR. TRIVIA.

- I, UH, I HAVE SOMETHING
THAT I THINK BELONGS TO YOU.

- WOW, YOU CROSS-DRESSING MEN
JUST CAN'T HELP YOURSELVES,

CAN YOU?

- YEAH, THEY WERE CUTE,
BUT THEY DIDN'T FIT,

SO, UM, HEY,
DID YOU FIND A PAIR

OF MY GIRLFRIEND'S JEANS
IN YOUR LAUNDRY?

- MM-MM, NO.

- YOU DIDN'T?

- MM-MM.

- ARE YOU SURE?

THEY WERE, UH, BLUE

WITH RED FLOWERS ON THEM?

- NO, BUT IF THEY TURN UP,
I'LL LET YOU KNOW.

- DARLING, I JUST GOT A CALL.

I'VE GOT TO GO INTO WORK
TODAY, DOLLFACE.

I'M OFF LIKE
A BRIDE'S NIGHTIE. OH.

- DAVID, UH,
THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND PAUL.

PAUL, THIS IS DAVID.

DAVID IS THE ONLY OTHER
PERSON IN THE CITY

WHO DOES HIS LAUNDRY
AT NIGHT.

- OH, DAVID!

YES, IT'S AN ABSOLUTE PLEASURE
TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.

OH, AND THANKS DEARLY
FOR THE, UH,

LOVELY PREZZIE
OF GIFT CERTIFICATES.

CHARLIE TROTTER'S

HAS AN ABSOLUTELY SCRUMMY
FISH AND CHIPS INDEED.

- GLAD YOU ENJOYED THEM.

- WELL, I'VE GOT TO RUN,
YOU LITTLE MINX.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER TONIGHT

FOR A LITTLE MORE CRAZY
MUSKRAT LOVE?

- OKAY, YEAH.

- MMM!

- UH, WELL,
I GUESS THAT MEANS

YOU'LL HAVE TO
ENTERTAIN ME TODAY.

ARE YOU FREE?

- UM, YEAH.

- ALL RIGHT, COOL.

I'M--I'M JUST
GONNA CHANGE,

AND I'LL BE RIGHT OUT.

- OKAY.

- THANK YOU FOR INVITING ME
TO THE MOVIE, JOE.

I HAD A LOVELY TIME.

- IT'S MY PLEASURE.

I LOVE A GOOD TALKIE.

- OH, ME TOO.

RITA HAYWORTH
WAS WONDERFUL IN THIS.

- YES. YES, SHE WAS.

YOU KNOW...

UH, EDNA,

I, UH,

I-I-I LIKE SPENDING TIME
WITH YOU.

I MEAN, I-I LIKE...

WELL...

YOU.

- OH, JOE,

I LIKE YOU TOO,
VERY MUCH.

- OH.

- UH-HUH.

- WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE,
THERE'S MORE, THERE'S MORE.

NOT--NOT ONLY
DOES SHE HAVE A BOYFRIEND,

BUT HE'S, LIKE,
50 YEARS OLD

WITH GRAY HAIR,
LOUSY TEETH,

NASTY B.O.,
AND A BALD SPOT.

- ARE YOU SERIOUS?

- I'M SERIOUS.

- HA HA HA HA HA.
VERY FUNNY.

ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH.

SO WHAT'S MY STRATEGY?

- AH, BUDDY-BUDDY
ALL THE WAY.

- YEAH.

- WHAT THE HELL
IS BUDDY-BUDDY?

- IF JULIE KNOWS
THAT DAVID WANTS HER,

SHE'S GONNA AVOID HIM

BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T
WANT TO FEEL

LIKE SHE'S CHEATING
ON HER BOYFRIEND.

- BUT AS HER BUDDY,
I'M NOT A THREAT,

SO WE GET TO SPEND
QUALITY TIME TOGETHER

AND BEFORE SHE KNOWS IT,
SHE'S MORE ATTRACTED TO ME

THAN HER BOYFRIEND,

AND THAT IS THE END
OF THE STORY.

UHH!

- NO, IT'S NOT.

DAVID,
YOU NEED TO GROW UP.

DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT GIRLS
KNOW WHEN YOU'RE PLAYING THEM?

DON'T ASK ME HOW,
BUT THEY DO.

THEY KNOW.

AND YOU!

I AM SO FED UP
WITH YOUR CRAP.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DECIDE

IF YOU WANT TO BE
A DIVORCED BACHELOR WITH HIM

OR A HUSBAND TO ME,
ALL RIGHT?

- WHAT ABOUT MAKING THAT
WEDNESDAY NIGHT LAUNDRY GIG

A REGULAR THING?

- WHAT, SO AFTER
A BIG TUESDAY NIGHT

OF WILD MUSKRAT LOVE WITH
HER ANTIQUE BRITISH BOYFRIEND,

I CAN HELP WASH THE EVIDENCE
OUT OF THE SHEETS?

NO, THANK YOU.

- HEMORRHOIDS.

- AH.

- PREVENTING HEMORRHOIDS.

IT LOWERS THE G FORCES
ON YOUR TUSHIE.

JOE TAUGHT ME THAT.

- SO, UM, WHAT HOME
DO YOU GUYS LIVE IN?

- OH, WE'RE IN THE LAKEWOOD
RETIREMENT COMMUNITY.

- ARE YOU SERIOUS?
MY GRANDMA LIVES THERE.

- OH.

- YEAH, I'M--I'M ALWAYS
GOING TO VISIT HER.

- REALLY? I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

- YEAH, HER NAME'S ROSE.

- I KNOW HER.

NOW I SEE WHERE YOU GET
YOUR GOOD LOOKS.

WE'LL ALL HAVE TO
GET TOGETHER SOME TIME.

- THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL.

- UH, DAVID, DID YOU KNOW

THAT JOE
IS A WONDERFUL KISSER.

- UM, NO, EDNA,
I DID NOT KNOW THAT.

- OH, YES.

YOUR GRANDMOTHER
TAUGHT HIM WELL.

I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT
WHAT ELSE SHE TAUGHT HIM.

SO HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO
BEEN DATING?

- OH, NO, WE'RE NOT DATING.

- NO.

DAVID, HE'S--HE'S LIKE
A BROTHER TO ME.

- A BROTHER?

YOU MEAN, LIKE A BROTHER
FROM KENTUCKY, RIGHT?

THAT WAY, YOU GUYS COULD
FOOL AROUND, RIGHT?

- WHY ARE YOU GETTING YOURSELF
ALL WORKED UP

OVER THIS ONE GIRL?

- WHY? I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.

BECAUSE SHE'S--SHE'S CUTE
AND--AND I KIND OF LIKE HER,

AND I'M BLOWING IT!

- WOULD YOU JUST PLEASE
TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL?

TRUST ME ON THIS ONE.

- NO! NO.

WHAT I GOTTA DO
IS TURN THINGS UP A NOTCH.

ROB, ARE YOU INTERESTED
IN, UH,

PLAYING A LITTLE POKER
TONIGHT?

- NO. NO, I CAN'T.

CARRIE AND I ARE
SPENDING SOME, UH,

HUSBAND AND WIFE TIME
TOGETHER...

PLAYING SCRABBLE.

- PLEASE TELL ME SCRABBLE
IS CODE FOR HAVING SEX.

- UH, ACTUALLY,
IT'S JUST SCRABBLE.

- I GOT THE GIRL TO SHOW ANOTHER
RITA HAYWORTH TALKIE TONIGHT.

YOU INTERESTED?

- OH, LET'S JUST HAVE DINNER
INSTEAD, JOE.

IS THAT OKAY?

JOE?

- ROSE.

- JOE. JOE!

- SO NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

- WELL, HELLO AGAIN.

- I MET YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER
THE OTHER DAY.

SHE AND MY GRANDSON
ARE CLOSE FRIENDS.

LIKE BROTHER AND SISTER,
SHE SAID.

- WELL, IF THEY'RE
BROTHER AND SISTER,

THEN THAT SHOULD MAKE US
THEIR GRANDPARENTS.

- I SUPPOSE IT WOULD!

- IMAGINE, ALL THIS TIME
WE'VE HAD THE SAME GRANDKIDS,

AND WE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT.

- IMAGINE THAT.

- JOE, WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE.

- YES, WE'RE LATE TOO, ROSE.

LATE FOR WHAT?

- I-I-I-I'LL SEE YOU
AT THE FAMILY REUNION.

- I'LL BRING
THE POTATO SALAD.

- OKAY.

- YOU'VE BEEN DATING
THREE WEEKS?

HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD ME?

- AH, WE JUST STARTED
GETTING SERIOUS,

AND I'M REALLY INTO HER.

- WELL, I'M SURE
SHE'S INTO YOU TOO.

- I DON'T KNOW. YOU KNOW,
IT'S TOUGH TO TELL.

- WAIT, YOU'VE NEVER
TALKED ABOUT IT?

- OH.

HEY, AMANDA, COME HERE.

- DAVID, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.
SHE COULD BE A MODEL.

- I KNOW.
SHE IS A MODEL. HEY.

HI.

- UH, AMANDA,
THIS IS, UH, JULIE.

OH. MWAH!

IT'S SO NICE TO MEET YOU,
JULIE.

I'VE HEARD SUCH NICE THINGS
ABOUT YOU.

- HOW ARE YOU?

HMM, GOOD.

- GOOD.

I HOPE YOU'RE HUNGRY.

- EDNA'S TIRED OF KISSING ME.

- AW, I'M SORRY, GRANDPA.

I TOLD YOU
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE

LAID IT ALL ON THE TABLE
LIKE THAT.

YOU CAN'T LET THEM KNOW
YOUR TRUE FEELINGS SO SOON.

WHY DOES SHE SAY SHE DOESN'T
WANT TO SEE YOU ANYMORE?

- SHE WANTS TO SEE
MORE OF ME.

- OH. WELL,
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM THEN?

- SHE WANTS TO SEE
ALL OF ME!

SHE WANTS ME
TO PERFORM WITH HER!

- ON STAGE, I HOPE.

- IN BED.

- WELL, DOES SHE KNOW
THAT YOU CAN'T...

YOU KNOW?

- ARE YOU KIDDING?
NO WAY.

SHE ASSUMES
I'M A VIRILE YOUNG MAN.

- ARE YOU SURE
SHE ASSUMES THAT?

- IF SHE FINDS OUT THE TRUTH,

IT'LL GET AROUND THE HOME
IN HOURS.

I'LL BE THE LAUGHINGSTOCK
AND I'LL NEVER FIND ANYBODY.

I JUST WANTED SOME
COMPANIONSHIP.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS IS HAPPENING.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE MY GRANDPA'S
GETTING MORE ACTION THAN I AM.

- MM! I BROKE UP WITH PAUL.

- OH, JUL, I'M SO SORRY. HOW ARE
YOU DOING? WHAT HAPPENED?

- SEEING YOU WITH AMANDA
REALLY AFFECTED ME.

- IT DID?

- YEAH, I JUST--

YOU GUYS SEEMED
SO HAPPY TOGETHER

AND THERE WAS
SO MUCH PASSION.

I GOT A LITTLE JEALOUS.

- YOU DID?

- I REALIZED THERE'S NO PASSION
WITH ME AND PAUL,

AND I REALIZED WHY.

- BECAUSE HE'S 60?

- NO. BECAUSE I THINK
I'M INTERESTED IN SOMEONE ELSE.

- REALLY?

- YEAH. HE'S FUNNY
AND SMART AND CUTE.

BUT HE JUST STARTED
SEEING SOMEONE ELSE,

SO I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO.

- JUST TELL HIM.

- REALLY?

I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S COMPLICATED. THERE'S--

- WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?

JUST BE HONEST
WITH YOUR FEELINGS.

I'M SURE HE LIKES YOU.

- DAVID, YOU ARE
THE MOST AMAZING FRIEND

A WOMAN COULD EVER ASK FOR.

- YEAH.

- YOU'RE SO RIGHT.

I'M GONNA TELL HIM.

AS SOON AS I
WALK INTO WORK TOMORROW,

I'M JUST GONNA TELL HIM.

- WHOA, WORK?

- YEAH, HE WORKS IN
THE MEDIA DEPARTMENT.

- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

SO, UH, OH,
SO HE WORKS WITH YOU?

- WELL, I TOLD YOU
IT WAS COMPLICATED.

DO YOU THINK
I SHOULDN'T DO IT?

- I DON'T KNOW.
WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?

- WHY?

I SAW YOU AT THE BAR

WITH AMANDA
AND THOSE OTHER WOMEN,

YOU LADIES MAN, YOU.

THOSE GIRLS SAID
YOU WERE QUITE THE PLAYER.

- I'M A PLAYER?

- NO, I DON'T MEAN IT
IN A BAD WAY.

THAT'S WHY IT'S PERFECT
WE'RE FRIENDS.

'CAUSE NOW YOU CAN HELP ME
WITH THIS STUFF.

- YEAH.

SHE CALLED ME A PLAYER.

- OOH! SOME NERVE.

- I ACTUALLY THOUGHT
SHE WAS GONNA

BREAK UP WITH THAT OLD FART
TO GO OUT WITH ME.

- SHE'S GOT ISSUES, MAN.

- THIS CALLS FOR ACTION.

- ABOUT TIME.

- IF SHE WANTS A PLAYER,
SHE'S GONNA GET ONE.

I'M GONNA PLAY HER
LIKE A TWO-BIT FIDDLE.

- A WHAT?

- BY NEXT WEEK,
SHE'LL BE MINE.

SHE WON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT HIT HER.

- SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE PLAYER.

- A PLAYER. HA!

I'LL SHOW HER A PLAYER.

- OH, JOE, YOU CAME! OH!

- FOR A BEAUTIFUL LADY.

- OH, THANK YOU. AW.

JUST WONDERFUL.

- WHO KNEW THAT
THERE WAS A WINERY

AN HOUR
OUTSIDE OF THE CITY?

I THOUGHT YOU HAD TO GO
TO NAPA TO GET GOOD WINE.

- YOU DO, BUT IF YOU WANT
EXTRAORDINARILY AVERAGE WINE,

YOU COME HERE.

- THANKS FOR INVITING ME.

I'M SORRY
AMANDA COULDN'T COME.

- I CERTAINLY BROUGHT BACK
ENOUGH WINE FOR HER, DIDN'T I?

- OH, AND DON'T THINK
I DIDN'T SEE

ALL THOSE CANDLES
IN THE TRUNK.

PLANNING A BIG NIGHT,
ARE WE?

- ACTUALLY,
WE'RE HAVING SOME ISSUES.

- WHAT'S WRONG?

- OH, DAMN IT!

- WHAT?

- WE'RE OUT OF GAS.

- OH, NO.

- AND...THAT'S THAT.

- OH, GOD, NOW WHAT ARE WE
GONNA DO?

- UM, EDNA,

I HAVE SOMETHING
I HAVE TO TELL YOU.

- LET ME FRESHEN
YOUR GLASS FIRST.

- EHH...

EDNA, I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO SAY THIS,

BUT I'M NOT AS YOUNG
AS I USED TO BE.

- REALLY, JOE?

YOU LOOK PRETTY SPRY
TO ME.

- NO, NO.

I MEAN,
I'M AN OLDER MAN NOW

THAN I USED TO BE,

AND SOMETIMES THINGS DON'T WORK
LIKE THEY USED TO.

- WELL, JOE, I DON'T--

I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY.

- EDNA, I HAVE TO KNOW
SOMETHING.

ARE YOU TRYING TO
SEDUCE ME?

- WHY, YES, JOE, I AM.

- WELL, THAT'S JUST GRAND,

BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU,

IT MIGHT BE HARD FOR ME
TO SATISFY YOU

IF YOU'VE RAISED
YOUR EXPECTATIONS.

- WELL, JOE, WHY DON'T YOU
LET ME WORRY

ABOUT WHAT'S
GOING TO BE HARD

AND WHAT'S GOING TO BE
RAISED, HMM?

- I GUESS IF WE'RE GONNA GET
STRANDED FOR THREE HOURS

WAITING FOR
ROADSIDE ASSISTANCE,

THIS IS THE PLACE
TO DO IT.

THANK YOU.

- ONE DOWN, FOUR TO GO.

- WHOOPS. AH!

- I'M SORRY. ARE YOU OKAY?

- ARE YOU OKAY?

I'LL BE OUT
IN JUST A MOMENT, JOE.

OH, JOE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- WOW.

- HOW DO YOU FEEL?

- ME?

OH, I FEEL FINE.

I ADMIT,
I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS, BUT I--

- UM, JOE...

- YEAH?

DID I DROP SOMETHING?

IT'S ALIVE!
IT'S ALIVE!

OH, IT'S A MIRACLE!

HALLELUJAH!
PRAISE THE LORD!

QUICK.
QUICK, BEFORE IT'S GONE.

- HOW'S YOUR TOE?

- OH, I THINK I'LL LIVE.

THIS FRIGID TEMPERATURE
IS KEEPING THE SWELLING DOWN.

- HEY, MAYBE IF THE DASHBOARD
CATCHES ON FIRE,

IT'LL HEAT THINGS UP
IN HERE.

- ARE YOU COLD?

- I CAN BARELY FEEL
MY FINGERS.

- COME HERE.

- OOH, THAT FEELS GOOD.

- YOU CALL FOR A JUMP?

- OH, SORRY, BRO.

IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY
ALREADY GOT JUMPED, HUH?

- YEAH, UH, NO.

WE--WE, UH,
RAN OUT OF GAS.

- ARE YOU SURE?

IT SAYS RIGHT HERE
THAT YOU NEED A JUMP.

- NOPE, GAS.

- I DIDN'T BRING MY GAS CAN,
SO I'LL HAVE TO TOW YOU.

GONNA TAKE ABOUT A SECOND
TO HOOK YOU UP, ALL RIGHT?

- WHAT?

- OH, MY. I DON'T HAVE
ANY PROTECTION.

- PROTECTION?

PROTECTION FROM WHAT?

- YOU KNOW, BIRTH CONTROL.

- OH! I DON'T THINK
THAT'LL BE AN ISSUE.

- OH, YOU'RE ON THE PILL?

GOOD THINKING.

- IT LOOKS LIKE THAT LITTLE
BATTERY BUNNY.

IT'S STILL GOING!

- OH, DAVID, STOP.
THAT TICKLES.

- STOP, THAT TICKLES.

OH, OH, OH.

OOH. OH, OH.

OOH, OOH.

EDNA, WHERE--

WHERE--WHERE--

EDNA, WHERE ARE YOU--

WHERE--

EDNA, LOOK OUT,
LOOK OUT.

YOU'RE GETTING CLOSE.

OH, GOD.

OH, GOD.

OH, GOD.

- OH, GOD.
OH, GOD.

OH, GOD!

- WOW.

= BRING HER RIGHT THIS WAY.
HOLD THE ELEVATOR.

- OH, EDNA, I'M SORRY.
SO SORRY.

I'M AN AWFUL MAN.

- OH, NO,
YOU'RE A WONDERFUL MAN.

OTHERWISE, I WOULDN'T BE
LYING HERE LIKE THIS.

- JOE, WHAT HAPPENED
TO EDNA?

- UH...

- GRANDPA, I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

- IT'S NOT ME, IT'S EDNA.

SHE'S FINE. JUST A LITTLE
SHORTNESS OF BREATH.

NOTHING SERIOUS.

- WHAT HAPPENED?

- WHAT HAPPENED?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED.

THAT ANGEL OF A WOMAN
SLIPPED ME A MICKEY.

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD

OF A BLACK MARKET DRUG
CALLED VIAGRA?

- OH, PLEASE, TELL ME YOU--

- THEY'RE THESE
MAGIC PILLS, SEE?

- NO, PLEASE, JUST STOP.

- I COULDN'T HAVE STOPPED
IF I TRIED.

I KEPT GOING AND GOING
AND GOING AND GOING.

ACTUALLY, I THINK
I MIGHT STILL BE GOING.

WHOO-EE,
THOSE PILLS ARE SICK!

- THEY'RE WHAT?

- DAVID, YOU MAY NOT KNOW IT,

BUT YOUR GRANDFATHER
IS A SEX MACHINE,

A REAL "CHICK MAGGOT."

- EH, MAGNET.

GRANDPA, CHICK MAGNET.

- OH, I GUESS THAT WOULD MAKE
MORE SENSE, WOULDN'T IT?

DAVID, HAVE YOU EVER HEARD
OF A WOMAN GIVING A MAN

SOMETHING CALLED A...

SHE PUT HER MOUTH ON--

- OH, YEAH. NO, NO,
I KNOW WHAT IT IS.

- YOUR GRANDMOTHER SURE AS HELL
NEVER DID THAT TO ME.

MY GOODNESS, I FELT LIKE
A DAMN POPSICLE.

SHE EVEN TOOK
HER DENTURES OUT.

AND AFTER THAT,
WE DID THE WILD THING.

- THE WHAT?

- IT WAS JUST LIKE
RIDING A BIKE.

WELL, NOT JUST LIKE
RIDING A BIKE.

DAVID, I DON'T KNOW
IF I EVER TOLD YOU THIS,

BUT YOUR GRANDMOTHER
IS THE ONLY WOMAN

I EVER HAD
SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH.

AND AFTER LAST NIGHT,
I REALIZED,

BLESS HER SOUL,

SHE DIDN'T HAVE A CLUE
IN THE BEDROOM.

BUT THAT EDNA,
SHE'S A REAL PROFESSIONAL.

WHOO-EE!

- ALL RIGHT, GRANDPA,
ENOUGH, ALL RIGHT?

WHAT'S WITH EDNA?

- OH, SHE'S FINE.

HER--HER DAUGHTER'S WITH HER
IN HER ROOM THERE,

TALKING WITH
THE RETIREMENT HOME DIRECTOR.

- THAT'S HER DAUGHTER?

IS HE GONNA EXPLAIN TO HER
WHAT CAUSED ALL THIS?

- OH, I DON'T THINK
HE'D DO THAT.

- HE WHAT?

WHAT KIND OF DIRTY OLD MEN
DO YOU LET INTO THAT PLACE?

- OR MAYBE HE WOULD.

- I ASSURE YOU THAT WE ONLY HAVE
THE HIGHEST OF STANDARDS.

- AS SOON AS SHE'S READY,

I WANT MY MOTHER OUT OF
THAT BROTHEL YOU'RE RUNNING

AND ON A PLANE TO MY HOME

WHERE I CAN
TAKE CARE OF HER MYSELF.

- SWEETIE--

- DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

- LET'S NOT OVERREACT HERE.

- MOTHER, ENOUGH!

DISCUSSION OVER!

AND IN THE MEANTIME,
YOU MAKE SURE

THAT LECHEROUS,
DISGUSTING OLD MAN

STAYS THE HELL AWAY
FROM MY MOTHER!

- JUST LET ME EXPLAIN.

THIS KIND OF THING DOESN'T
HAPPEN AT OUR FACILITY.

- DON'T GO, PLEASE.

- I'M SORRY, JOE.
SHE'S MY DAUGHTER.

IF SHE WANTS ME TO MOVE,
I HAVE TO GO.

- BUT I LOVE YOU, EDNA.

- WHOA THERE, JOE. LET'S NOT
MOVE TOO QUICKLY HERE.

- BUT LAST NIGHT.

- I'LL ALWAYS, ALWAYS
REMEMBER LAST NIGHT,

AND I WILL CHERISH IT
FOREVER.

BUT YOU KNOW,
PEOPLE OUR AGE,

WE--WE HAVE TO LIVE
EVERY SECOND TO THE FULLEST.

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE
FOR EITHER ONE OF US

TO BE TIED DOWN
TO JUST ONE PERSON.

TRUST ME.

YOU DON'T KNOW IT YET,

BUT YOU'RE LIKE
A WILD STALLION

AND YOU MUST RUN FREE.

- OH, I'M SO SORRY,
GRANDPA.

- I FEEL LIKE
I JUST MET HER

AND IT'S OVER ALREADY.

SHE WAS SUCH
A SWEET WOMAN.

JUST BEING WITH HER,
I WASN'T SO LONELY.

AND EVEN WHEN I WASN'T
WITH HER,

KNOWING I WAS GONNA
SEE HER AGAIN SOON,

KNOWING SOMEBODY
WAS THINKING ABOUT ME,

SOMEBODY CARED FOR ME,
MADE IT EASIER

TO GET THROUGH THE DAY.

I CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN,
DAVID.

I CAN'T TAKE THE PAIN.

IT HURTS TOO MUCH, AND IT
DOESN'T GET ANY EASIER.

- I KNOW IT'S HARD RIGHT NOW,
BUT DON'T WORRY, GRANDPA.

THERE'S ANOTHER COMPANION
OUT THERE FOR YOU.

- NO, YOUR GRANDMOTHER
WAS MY FIRST LOVE,

EDNA WAS MY LAST.

NOT A BAD RUN
FOR 84 YEARS.

BUT NOW,
I'M DONE WITH LOVE.

I'M DONE, IT'S OVER,
I'M ENDING IT.

- ALL RIGHT, WILL YOU STOP
TALKING LIKE THAT?

I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU
KILL YOURSELF.

- WHO'S KILLING THEMSELVES?

YOU THINK I WANT TO SPEND
MY REMAINING DAYS

SITTING ON
SOME PARK BENCH,

TALKING ABOUT MY ARTHRITIS
WITH SOME OLD BIDDIE?

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT ABOUT
LOOKING FOR COMPANIONSHIP?

- I JUST GOT A NEW START ON LIFE
WITH THOSE PILLS.

THEY'RE LIKE
BOTTLED ERECTIONS.

ONCE THIS WORD
GETS AROUND THE HOME,

THE BABES ARE GONNA BE
BEGGING FOR ME.

DAVID,
I'M THE MAN NOW.

I'M A PLAYER.
I'M DOPE.

- NO, YOU ARE A DOPE.

YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO CONVINCED ME

THAT I WAS MISSING OUT
ON SOMETHING,

AND NOW THAT I FINALLY
FIND A GIRL

THAT I KIND OF
REALLY LIKE,

AND YOU FLIP OVER
TO THE OTHER SIDE?

- CIRCLE OF LIFE.

I STARTED OUT AS A BABY
SUCKING ON A BREAST,

AND BY GOLLY, THAT'S
THE WAY I WANT TO END UP.

- I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

- DAVID, GRANDPA'S HORNY,

AND HE WANTS TO HAVE
SOME FUN.

- THAT'S--THAT'S
HORSE FEATHERS!

- NO, THAT'S TIGHT.
THAT'S DAMN TIGHT.

SO TELL ME, HOW DID THINGS GO
WITH YOUR YOUNG LADY?

- PERFECT.
I HIT ON ALL SIXES.

- THAT'S MY BOY.

JUST LIKE
YOUR GRANDFATHER.

AND I KNOW EXACTLY HOW
WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE.

BARKEEP, A BARREL
OF VIAGRA FOR ME

AND A CASE OF CONDOMS
FOR MY FRIEND HERE.

- HI.

THANKS.

UM, COME ON IN.
I'M RUNNING LATE FOR WORK.

- SO I, UH,
DIDN'T GET A CHANCE

TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO YOU
THE OTHER NIGHT.

- YEAH, I, UM,
I WALKED HOME.

I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D BE
OFFERING ME A RIDE.

- WHAT? OF COURSE
I WOULD HAVE.

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?

- BECAUSE YOUR CAR
RAN OUT OF GAS?

- YES, IT DID.
GOOD POINT.

I, UH, REALLY ENJOYED MYSELF
THE OTHER NIGHT.

- YEAH, ME TOO.

- YOU WANT TO DO IT AGAIN
SOMETIME?

- SURE.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING
TONIGHT?

- OH, UH, DAVID,

I, UM, I DIDN'T THINK
THAT YOU MEANT RIGHT AWAY.

I JUST MEANT, YOU KNOW,
SOMEDAY.

I JUST DON'T THINK THAT IT WOULD
BE GOOD FOR OUR FRIENDSHIP

IF WE MADE THAT
A REGULAR THING.

DO YOU?

- NO, NO, NO.
NO, OF COURSE.

NO, I DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE IT
A REGULAR THING.

I JUST THOUGHT
YOU MIGHT WANT TO

GO OUT TO DINNER TONIGHT.

- REALLY?

- YEAH, NO, OF COURSE, NO.

THE FRIENDSHIP COMES FIRST.

- OH, I'M SO GLAD
TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT.

I WOULD GO OUT TONIGHT, BUT
GUESS WHO LEFT ME A MESSAGE?

- WHO?

- THE SEXY GUY FROM WORK.

YEAH, HE WANTS TO GO OUT
TONIGHT.

BUT I SHOULD WAIT
TO CALL HIM BACK, RIGHT?

JUST PLAY IT COOL?

- YEAH, OH, TOTALLY, YEAH.
YEAH, OF COURSE.

WHOA, LOOK AT THAT.
I SHOULD GO.

- WELL, DO YOU WANT TO
HAVE LUNCH INSTEAD?

- YEAH, GREAT.

UH, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

- SO I'LL JUST COME BY
YOUR WORK.

- MM-HMM.

SHE'S THE ONE.

- I'M SORRY, DAVID.
THAT SUCKS.

BUT LIKE I SAID, YOU EITHER
KNOW WHEN YOU MEET HER

OR YOU KNOW
WHEN YOU LOSE HER.

- SO, OBVIOUSLY WORD OF YOUR
PROWESS IS OUT ON THE STREET.

- OH, YEAH, MY PHONE
WON'T STOP RINGING.

I'VE MET THREE CHICKS
ALREADY.

- WELL, GRANDPA,
THAT'S THE BEE'S KNEES.

- YEAH, BUT NONE OF THEM REALLY
LIT MY FIRE, YOU KNOW?

- GRANDPA, YOU'RE
A RETIREMENT HOME GIGOLO.

- I'M NO LONGER
A ONE-WOMAN GUY.

I'M A WILD STALLION,
AND RUN FREE I MUST.

- YOU SAID COMPANIONSHIP
IS THE ONLY THING THAT--

- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

WELL, SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO
ABOUT YOUR SITUATION?

- I HAVE NO IDEA.
NO IDEA.

I'M LOST.

- DAVID, MAYBE THIS ISN'T
THE RIGHT GIRL FOR YOU.

I MEAN, MAYBE--MAYBE SHE--

- SHE IS GRANDPA.

SHE IS.

SHE'S MY COMPANION.

SHE'S SPECIAL.

SHE'S DIFFERENT.

- MAYBE THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

IF SHE'S SO DIFFERENT,

MAYBE YOU SHOULD USE
A DIFFERENT STRATEGY

THAN YOU'VE USED BEFORE.

DAVID, IF YOU WANT TO WIN
THE GAME OF LOVE,

MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP
PLAYING GAMES WITH WOMEN.

- HMM.

I HAVE TO GO TO WORK.

- DO YOU HAVE TO LEAVE
ALREADY?

YOU--YOU NEVER GET TO
SPEND TIME HERE ANYMORE.

STAY, PLEASE.

- I'M SORRY, GRANDPA,
I REALLY CAN'T.

THANKS.

I'LL SEE YOU SOON.

- IS THAT A SMOKING JACKET
YOU'RE WEARING?

- OH, YES, INDEEDY.

A FEW OF THE GIRLS PITCHED IN
AND GOT IT FOR ME.

YOU LIKE?

- I DON'T KNOW.

YOU KNOW, AS MUCH AS I HATE
TO ADMIT IT,

UM, EVER SINCE CARRIE,
UH, HOW SHOULD I PUT IT?

UH, UH, PUT MY BALLS
IN A SLING,

UM, LIFE HAS BEEN NICE,
YOU KNOW?

I MEAN,
DON'T GET ME WRONG.

I-I--OF COURSE, I MISS

LIVING THE WILD BACHELOR LIFE
VICARIOUSLY THROUGH YOU,

BUT, UH--AND OF COURSE,
YOU KNOW, I MISS--

I MISS MY BALLS,
YOU KNOW?

BUT, UM, IT'S BEEN,
YOU KNOW,

IT'S BEEN KIND OF FUN.

IN FACT,
YOU'LL LIKE THIS.

THE OTHER NIGHT, CARRIE TOOK ME
OUT TO THE CLUB,

UH, DANCING.

UM, AFTER WE PLAYED--
AFTER WE PLAYED SCRABBLE.

-I'LL TAKE IT, BUT, UH,

WITHOUT THE, UH,
NAVIGATION SYSTEM.

I SAID,
I'LL BUY THE CAR.

- OKAY.

JUST STEP INTO MY OFFICE.

I'LL BE ONE...

HEY.

- HEY, YOU READY FOR LUNCH?

- YEAH, UM, I JUST HAVE
A CUSTOMER IN THE OFFICE,

AND THEN I'M ALL SET.

- ALL RIGHT, COOL.

WELL, I WILL JUST, UH,
BROWSE AROUND

AND PRETEND LIKE
I CAN ACTUALLY AFFORD

SOME OF THESE CARS.

- ALL RIGHT, UH...

UH, UM, YOU KNOW WHAT?

BEFORE WE GO,
I-I-I NEED TO--

I-I GOTTA TALK TO YOU.

- IF IT'S ABOUT
THE OTHER NIGHT--

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,
IT'S, UM...

IT'S, UH,
IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

I HAVEN'T BEEN
COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOU

ABOUT MY FEELINGS.

- DAVID, UM, EXCUSE ME.

THERE IS A CUSTOMER WAITING
FOR YOU IN YOUR OFFICE.

- I'LL BE THERE
IN A MOMENT.

- THEY ARE, UH, READY
TO SIGN CONTRACTS.

- I SAID, IN A MOMENT!

JUST...

SORRY.

UM...

I'M INTERESTED IN YOU...

MORE THAN A FRIEND...

ROMANTICALLY.

I'VE BEEN INTERESTED
IN YOU

SINCE I MET YOU
AT THE FOOTBALL GAME,

AND--AND SINCE
WE'VE BECOME FRIENDS,

WHAT I INITIALLY THOUGHT
WAS GONNA BE A PASSING THING

HAS TURNED INTO MUCH MORE,

AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU

BECAUSE...

I THINK I LOVE YOU.

- I LOVE YOU TOO.

BUT, UH...

NOT IN THE SAME WAY.

- WHY? WE'RE GOOD TOGETHER.

- LOOK, I WOULDN'T BE HONEST
IF I SAID

THAT I HAVEN'T THOUGHT
ABOUT YOU ROMANTICALLY,

BECAUSE I HAVE,

BUT I JUST DON'T THINK
IT WOULD WORK.

- WHY NOT?

- DAVID, I INSIST THAT YOU--

- LET'S TALK OUTSIDE.

HEY!

- YOU LEAVE THAT CUSTOMER
WAITING ONE MORE SECOND,

YOU'RE THROUGH.

- GET YOUR HAND OFF ME!

WHY WON'T IT WORK OUT?

- I-I JUST DON'T THINK
YOU'RE MY TYPE, DAVID.

- WHAT? WHY NOT?

- I'M LOOKING FOR SOMEONE
WHO'S SINCERE

AND UP-FRONT AND OPEN
WITH THEIR FEELINGS,

AND THAT'S NOT YOU.

- I'M BEING PRETTY DAMN OPEN

WITH MY FEELINGS RIGHT NOW,
AREN'T I?

- IT'S BIGGER THAN THAT.

I MEAN, HOW LONG HAVE YOU
FELT THIS WAY?

YOU'VE NEVER EVEN
SAID A WORD,

NEVER EVEN HINTED AT IT.

- FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN MY LIFE,

I HAVE SPILLED
MY GUTS OUT.

I HAVE NEVER DONE THAT
FOR ANYONE.

DOESN'T THAT MEAN
ANYTHING TO YOU?

- FRANKLY, DAVID,
WHAT I THINK IT MEANS

IS YOU'VE TRIED EVERYTHING,
AND NOW YOU'RE DESPERATE.

LOOK, CAN'T WE JUST
GET PAST THIS?

OUR FRIENDSHIP IS--

- I'M NOT INTERESTED
IN A FRIENDSHIP!

OKAY?

I NEVER WAS!

- THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW.

NICE.

SO THAT'S IT, THEN?

GREAT.
THAT'S JUST GREAT.

IT WAS NICE KNOWING YOU,
DAVID.

- I WANT YOU TO GATHER
YOUR STUFF AND GET OUT

AND NOT COME BACK.

- KEEP IT...DAD.

- CHECKMATE.

GAME OVER.

CAN YOU STAY FOR DINNER TONIGHT?
THEY'RE SERVING CHICKEN KIEV.

- I DON'T KNOW.

- I GOT AN ERECTION
THE OTHER NIGHT.

ALL NATURAL, NO VIAGRA.

I KEEP SEEING YOUR FRIEND'S
GRANDMOTHER EVERYWHERE.

THAT ROSE IS TIGHT.

BUT SHE WON'T PAY
ANY ATTENTION TO ME.

I'M SEEING
TWO OTHER LADIES,

BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO GET ROSE
OUT OF MY MIND.

ANY IDEAS, CASANOVA?

- DID YOU TRY THAT BUDDY-BUDDY
THING I TOLD YOU ABOUT?

- EH, LIKE MOST OF YOUR PLANS,

I FIGURE
IT'S A PIECE OF CRAP.

- WELL, TRY IT.

- WELL, WHAT'S EATING YOU,
DAVID?

IS IT YOUR LADY FRIEND?

ARE YOU DOING
AS WELL AS I AM?

- NO.

I'M DOING WORSE.

- HELLO?

- IT'S YOUR DAD.

YOU'VE MISSED
THREE DAMN WEEKS ALREADY,

AND NOW YOU'RE LATE AGAIN.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- YOU'RE LATE FOR YOUR JOB.

ARE YOU COMING IN TODAY
OR NOT?

BECAUSE IF YOU'RE NOT,
I'LL FIRE YOU AGAIN.

- YEAH, I'LL BE THERE
IN AN HOUR.

- MAKE IT 45 MINUTES.

- I TOLD YOU,
AS MUCH AS I'D LOVE TO.

I-I CAN'T.

I'M ALREADY DATING A MAN.

- I'M DATING AROUND TOO.

I JUST WANT TO BE
FRIENDS.

FRIENDS HAVE DINNER TOGETHER
TOO, DON'T THEY?

- I SUPPOSE THEY DO.

- MAYBE YOU ALREADY HAVE
TOO MANY FRIENDS,

BUT EVEN SO,
IN A PLACE LIKE THIS,

WHO KNOWS WHO'S GONNA
CROAK NEXT?

BAD RUN OF LUCK, AND YOU COULD
BE FRIENDLESS IN A WEEK.

- JOE.

- ROADSIDE ASSISTANCE
IS KIND OF EXPENSIVE.

YOU--YOU THINK
WE REALLY NEED IT?

- NOT AT ALL.
I'LL TAKE IT OFF.

OF COURSE, THAT'S ALWAYS WHEN
SOMETHING HAPPENS, ISN'T IT?

AND PROBABLY WHEN YOUR WIFE
IS DRIVING.

- UH, KEEP IT.

I GUESS IT'S WORTH IT.

- OKAY.

I'LL JUST GO GET THIS
APPROVED.

STILL GOT IT.

- A GOOD PROFIT MARGIN
ON THIS ONE?

- I'D SAY SO.

- TAKE NOTE, ROB.

TWO HOURS BACK ON THE LOT,
THE MAN'S ALREADY SOLD A CAR.

I TOLD YOU, DAVID,
YOU WERE BORN FOR THIS.

- COULDN'T AGREE WITH YOU
MORE, DICK.

UNFORTUNATELY, WE HAD TO
MAKE A FEW CHANGES

TO GET THE CONTRACT APPROVED,
BUT I GOT YOU A NEW ONE

WITH WHAT I THINK YOU'LL FIND
ARE MUCH MORE FAVORABLE TERMS.

- BUT YOU CAN'T DO THIS.

- IT'S ALREADY DONE.

SIGNED BY THE MANAGER
RIGHT THERE.

NOW WHEN YOU SIGN IT,
IT BECOMES LEGALLY BINDING.

YOU CAN'T BACK OUT AND,
OF COURSE, NEITHER CAN WE.

- BUT YOU'RE SELLING US A CAR
FOR A DOLLAR?

- UH, THAT'S TRUE,
BUT I'M ALSO THROWING IN

THE ROADSIDE ASSISTANCE
AND THE WARRANTY

AND THE CD PLAYER.

AND OUR CRAPPY
NAVIGATION SYSTEM.

NOW, I COULDN'T GET YOU
FINANCING,

SO YOU'LL HAVE TO
PAY CASH UP FRONT.

IS THAT ACCEPTABLE?

- YEAH.

- GREAT. SIGN RIGHT THERE.

WONDERFUL.

CONGRATULATIONS ON THE NEW CAR.
CONGRATULATIONS.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I HAVE TO RUN.

- WAIT, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

HOW CAN YOU SELL ME A CAR
FOR A DOLLAR?

- VOLUME.

- VOLUME.

MAKES SENSE.

- BRING THIS BACK
WHEN IT'S RIGHT.

- SURE.

- WHAT?

DAVID!

DAVID!

- DAVID, UH,

WOULD YOU MIND IF I SKIPPED
OUR DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT?

- WE'VE HAD DINNER TOGETHER
EVERY NIGHT

FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS.

I THINK I CAN FEND FOR MYSELF
ONE NIGHT.

GOT BIG PLANS?

- THAT BUDDY-BUDDY THING
WORKED.

ROSE AGREED TO HAVE DINNER
WITH ME.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
HOW LUCKY I AM.

- I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.

- STILL THINKING ABOUT JULIE?

- SHE THOUGHT I WAS A PLAYER.

- YOU WERE.

- GREAT. WELL,
THANKS FOR THE HELP.

THAT'S VERY HELPFUL HELP.

- DAVID, YOU GOTTA
ASK YOURSELF,

ARE YOU A PLAYER
OR WERE YOU JUST PLAYING?

'CAUSE IF SHE WASN'T INTERESTED
IN THE MAN YOU WERE,

SHE MIGHT BE INTERESTED
IN THE MAN YOU ARE.

- EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME.

I THINK YOUR WASH IS DONE.

- THANKS, DAVID.

DAVID.

HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M GOOD.

UH, I'M--I'M--
I'M NOT GOOD.

I MISS YOU A LOT.

- I MISS YOU TOO.

- LISTEN, I'VE BEEN DOING
A LOT OF THINKING,

AND I'VE MADE
A LOT OF CHANGES.

- I KNOW. I'VE SEEN YOU
AT THE HOME.

AND I THINK WHAT
YOU'RE DOING IS WONDERFUL

AND SINCERE,
AND I REALLY ADMIRE YOU.

- YOU DO?

YEAH, WELL, ALL THAT STUFF
THAT YOU SAID ABOUT ME BEFORE,

YOU WERE RIGHT,
BUT THAT WAS WHEN

I WAS LOOKING FOR
SOMETHING ELSE.

I WAS--I WAS
LOOKING FOR SOMETHING

THAT WASN'T IMPORTANT,
AND NOW,

I'M LOOKING
FOR A COMPANION,

AND I KNOW THAT THE WAY
TO GO ABOUT THAT

IS TO STOP PLAYING GAMES

AND TO STOP BEING SCARED
OF WHATEVER

AND TO BE UP FRONT
WITH MY FEELINGS.

AND MY FEELINGS ARE
THAT I CARE ABOUT YOU

DEEPLY,

AND I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE.

AND I WANT TO BE
THE TYPE OF PERSON

THAT YOU WOULD BE PROUD
TO BE WITH,

NOT THE TYPE OF PERSON
THAT I WAS,

BUT THE TYPE OF PERSON
THAT I TRULY KNOW I AM.

WHEN I MET YOU,
I WAS LOST,

AND WHEN I FOUND YOU,
I FOUND ME,

AND I WANT YOU TO
GET TO KNOW THAT PERSON.

- I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO
GET TO KNOW THAT PERSON TOO.

HOW ABOUT WE START

WITH AN "I GET
TO KNOW YOU" DINNER?

- OKAY.

- OH, YOU KNOW, I HAVE
THESE GIFT CERTIFICATES

FOR THIS RESTAURANT,
BUT THEY EXPIRE ON SUNDAY.

- OH!

- OH.

- WE LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE
FOR ONE MINUTE.

- ALL RIGHT, COME ON, GRANDPA,
LET'S GO FISHING.

I THINK YOU NEED TO COOL DOWN
A LITTLE BIT.

- IT LESSENS THE G FORCES
ON YOUR DERRIERE.

- SO I'VE HEARD.

- DAVID'S A VERY NICE
YOUNG MAN.

- YEAH.

HIS GRANDPA'S PRETTY CUTE
TOO, HUH, GRANDMA?

- OH, YEAH.

HE'S GOOD
IN THE OLD SACK, TOO.

- GRANDMA! UHH!

- LIFE IS GOOD, DAVID.

WE'VE CAUGHT OURSELVES
TWO BEAUTIFUL BABES

AND HAVE THEM EATING
OUT OF THE PALMS OF OUR HANDS.

AND NOT ONLY
DO I HAVE ROSE,

BUT SHE WANTS TO KEEP
DATING OTHER PEOPLE.

- ARE YOU SURE
THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT?

- YEP, IT'S THE PERFECT
ARRANGEMENT.

- ARE YOU SURE
THAT'S WHAT SHE WANTS?

- OH, YEAH.

- WELL, I GUESS THAT DOES SOUND
LIKE THE PERFECT ARRANGEMENT.

- YEAH.

- YOU KNOW, GRANDPA,
YOU'RE QUITE THE BEE'S KNEES.

- I PREFER CHICK MAGNET.

- YOU KNOW, THE ONLY PROBLEM IS,
HE'S STILL DATING OTHER WOMEN.

HE DOESN'T SEEM TO WANT
A REAL RELATIONSHIP.

- AND YOU DO?

- OH, YES.

- LISTEN, GRANDMA, IF YOU WANT
TO WIN THE GAME OF LOVE,

YOU HAVE TO PLAY THE GAME.

TAKE DAVID AND ME,
FOR EXAMPLE.

REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME
I SPOTTED HIM?

- OH, I REMEMBER.

- STEP ONE: RECONNAISSANCE.

WHEN A GUY
VISITS HIS GRANDFATHER

AT A RETIREMENT HOME,
IT'S A PRETTY GOOD SIGN

HE'S A NICE GUY.

STEP TWO: THE APPROACH.

- HE'S A BIT OF A PLAYER,

BUT DEEP DOWN,
HE'S A GOOD GUY.

IF YOU COULD JUST GET HIM
TO GROW UP.

- YOU HAVE TO MEET HIM OR,
MORE ACCURATELY,

HAVE HIM MEET YOU.

- YOU KNOW, I CAN GET HIM

TO PLAY FOOTBALL
THIS WEEKEND

IF YOU WANT TO
RUN INTO HIM.

- REALLY?

PLANNED SPONTANEITY--

THAT'S THE NAME
OF THE GAME.

STEP THREE: THE BUILD-UP.

GET HIM INTERESTED

BY SHOWING HIM
YOU'RE SMARTER THAN HE IS.

JAMES THE SECOND WAS KING
IN 1630.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THE KING
OF ENGLAND WAS IN 1630,

BUT I DIDN'T THINK
HE WAS ABOUT TO LOOK IT UP.

STEP FOUR:
THE FOLLOW-THROUGH.

HE'LL BE CHASING YOU,

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO
MAKE IT EASY ON HIM.

THERE WAS SOME SORT OF
POETIC JUSTICE IN HIM

DOING
HIS GIRLFRIEND'S LAUNDRY

MONTHS BEFORE I WAS
ACTUALLY HIS GIRLFRIEND.

- IT'S MY GIRLFRIEND'S.

- I'M SURE IT IS.

AND BECAUSE INFORMATION
IS EVERYTHING...

CAN WE PAY WITH THESE?

IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO HAVE
SOMEONE ON THE INSIDE.

AND THE MOST
IMPORTANT STEP,

STEP FIVE:
THE GROUCHO EFFECT.

- YOUR PACKAGE IS HERE.

- THANK YOU.

IT SAYS THAT MEN
WON'T JOIN ANY CLUB

THAT WOULD HAVE THEM
AS A MEMBER.

WHOA, WAIT, HE'S HERE.
I NEED YOU.

- OH, I'M SO SORRY, SWEETIE.

I-I'M RUNNING LATE.
I CAN'T DO IT.

BUT MY UNCLE PAUL'S HERE.
HE USED TO BE AN ACTOR.

UNCLE PAUL.

- UNLIKE WOMEN,
MEN JUST DON'T KNOW

WHEN THEY'VE GOT
SOMETHING GOOD.

- HELLO.

- BUT WHEN YOU MAKE HIM WORK
TO GET IN THE CLUB,

HE THINKS HE'S LUCKY
TO GET YOU.

OKAY, COME WITH ME.

AND BECAUSE MEN
SOMETIMES FEAR COMMITMENT,

THERE'S A STEP SIX:
THE PULL-BACK.

GIVE HIM A VIEW OF WHAT LIFE
WOULD BE LIKE WITHOUT YOU,

AND THAT'S WHEN HE'LL REALIZE
WHAT HE REALLY WANTS.

IN DAVID'S CASE, THERE WAS
NOTHING LIKE A ONE-NIGHT STAND

TO MAKE HIM REALIZE

I WASN'T JUST ANOTHER
ONE-NIGHT STAND.

- SHE'S THE ONE.

- IT'S A BIT OF A GAMBLE,
BUT IF YOU HAVE PATIENCE

AND YOU PLAY THE GAME RIGHT,
IT PAYS OFF.

AND WITH DAVID,
IT PAID OFF.

- WELL, IT SURE PAID OFF
FOR YOU,

BUT I DON'T KNOW.

- HEY, ROSE.

HOW ABOUT WE EAT DINNER
EARLY TONIGHT? I'M HUNGRY.

- OH, SORRY, SWEETIE,

BUT I TOLD MERVIN I WOULD
EAT DINNER WITH HIM TONIGHT.